Are there groups or a website or resource that helps connect people together that BOTH avoid porn? I’m tired of being with someone who hides their porn use. I want to meet someone who can control themselves but from what I’ve seen and experienced, almost everyone lies about it so how can I find someone that overcame the addiction or never was addicted in the first place?

Is there any accountability software that allows you to use FanDuel without having to turn the software off?

I use accountable2you and in order to do sports betting you have to turn it off because of the VPN. It also doesn’t allow me to stream spectrum and other sports apps.

Any suggestions?

He was a great podcast (Consider Before Consuming) host. Is he no longer with FTND?

24 year old guy here. Stopped watching porn about 3 weeks ago because of this subreddit, but I'm not sure if I'm doing enough. I have jacked off since stopping porn, three times to fingering myself, which I assumed was fine since it's not porn, once to nude pictures sent to me by someone I was talking to and getting along with, which again seemed fine since they were only pictures and I liked the person even though I hadn't met them in person, and once to a fantasy of my ex and someone they were talking to on tinder a while back sexually dominating me, which I again assumed was fine because it's not porn, although I guess it isn't a normal fantasy so maybe overstimulating? I've also had sex with my ex both of the last two weekends (a few times last weekend, only once before) and scrolled through grindr a fair bit to chat with people (my ex is female but I'm bisexual) so I do see quite sexual pictures of people but I don't pay that much attention to them really, and I've stared at women's asses etc. when out and about (I cut that out for the first week and then kinda forgot about it). What I'm doing feels kinda imprecise and while it's working (I haven't watched porn at all. I have an accountability thing with my friend where we send each other all the reasons we don't wanna watch it in the morning and I'm fairly disgusted with it at this stage so I'm not worried about a relapse) I'm wondering is this actually going to unfuck me up if I keep at it?

Enough with the lies.

I’ll give some background first. I am a now 26 year old man free from the social disease of porn. I was addicted. From the age of 17 to 22 I really struggled with addiction. I know what it feels like to be the one doing the damage. To lie , to cheat and to steal years off of someone’s life. I was weak. Let me tell you how I was the major contributor to the downfall of my longest and most intimate romantic relationship.

We were together for 3 and a half years. We met through a dating app(like most people do in the era). We hit it off straight away, but I lived in the North of England and she in the South (3 and a half hour train ride or 5-6 hour drive). So what did we do ? She bought a one way train ticket to come at see me that same weekend. It was like fireworks. I knew I was falling in love with this person. And I could tell she was too. All that was left was to see if that sexual connection was there. Anxiety ridden when the moment came, I couldn’t get it up. She was really cool about it and we had a really good weekend regardless. I put it down to being exhausted from university and an intense football(soccer for the Americans) schedule. But I should’ve paid more attention to that sign…

We did long distance for a while. Until 3-4months in she moved in with me. We finally got our place together. It was great. We respected each other’s space and communicated well. Sex was good. We were really in love. But a year into our relationship something changed…I changed. She didn’t know about my disgusting morning ritual. Every morning , without fail, I would wake up early while she was still deep in her sleep(or so I thought) and I would take my phone and jerk it to porn. Every. Single. Morning.

Our relationship started to take a hit…she knew something was up. More flashes of ED were showing unless she acted like they did in the porn I was watching. She was beautiful, sexy and warm…I knew that. But for some reason the porn felt more alluring. There were even times I would close my eyes during sex and imagine it was one of the porn stars riding me. It was sick. I was ill. Dependent on it. I was irritable when I wasn’t using it, but a spineless unambitious oaf when I was.

She believed it was her fault and it drove her mad. I did that to her. Consciously , I did that to her. And I did that to everyone around me. I chose to show up as a worse version of myself when they were doing their best. I was despicable. I knew it. At times I would break down , trying to understand what was wrong with me …why wasn’t I making the changes ? I loved her didn’t I?

What I failed to realise was that I had been on a fake it till you make it journey out of the comfort of my own ego for a while. It was a deep rooted baseline that I had set for myself. What I needed in that moment was a purpose greater than myself and to COMMUNICATE to her what was going on. To go through it with her. To lay everything out on the table and realise a relationship was going to take work.

We had a long conversation after breaking up one day where I admitted to her about my addiction. She was sad and hurt that I didn’t let her know as it was happening. I understood. I was lying to her for almost 3 years and to myself for longer.

I believe as men (I say this as we’re the number 1 porn consumer demographic), we should understand that admitting it is a great first step but it has to be followed by consistent daily efforts to trying to become a better version of ourselves. Better yet, exploring who were really are. Once we find out our purpose and who we want to be , we have something to strive for. We all have a role in our society and community , it’s not just about you and your dick. It’s about all of us.

MAKE A CHOICE.

STICK BY IT.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO LOVE.

AND LIVE.

LIVE FOR REAL.

Sorry for the long post but I had to get this off my chest.

I’m sending love all the people that have been victims to this disease or have had to support any loved ones with it.

I’m open to DM’s if anybody wants to discuss it more or even rant lol.

❤️

I (32f) have been married almost nine years and have three young children with my husband. A year and a half ago, I found out he had been regularly watching porn (which he knew I would not be okay with because we discussed it before marriage) throughout the entirety of our marriage/dating/engagement. He went through a recovery program and has been in therapy. I have seen three therapist to try and help me, but none have been good. Our relationship has basically been coexisting co-parents for the past year and a half. At the beginning of the summer he asked how I felt things were going with us. I told him I didn’t think it was realistic to think things would be getting better between us because we weren’t doing anything to make things better (ie marriage counseling or any sort of couples recovery program). He said he would look into options for that and then never did. Fast forward to the end of August and he admits that he recently fantasized about porn he had watched and pleasured himself to that. One of the boundaries I had set is that he had to tell me within 24 hours if anything had happened and he waited 8 days before telling me about it and then lied multiple times within his confession. I guess I’m just not sure where to go from here. I do not want to make our children live two separate lives so I don’t feel like divorce is an option (I am also a SAHM, so divorce would also be extremely difficult financially). But I also don’t feel like I deserve to be married to someone who has lied to me throughout the entirety of our marriage. I have been looking into other options for therapists for myself, but because of my negative experiences in the past, I am hesitant to give up so much time to struggle through finding the right fit in a therapist. I guess I am just look for insight into what other people have done in my situation.

My ex of 18 years is a porn addict. It's why our marriage ended. But I didn't find out until 17 years in. Needless to say, the trauma was intense and ongoing. I've done A LOT of healing on myself in the 7 years since I've been out of that.

I've been dating a guy now for 4 months. It's going very well. Lots of green flags.

We discussed recently boundaries for relationships. He shared what he considers cheating, as did I. I told him porn is a no-go. I consider it cheating and will leave.

He told me he accepted and respected that. He admitted that in his 2 years being single, he had been using it, but said he will not violate that boundary with me. The conversation was very respectful and he said all of the "right" things.

But my trauma is coming up a lot. My ex would say the same but hid it from me for 17 years. I have no way of knowing if this is the same thing all over again. My current boyfriend is incredibly open with his phone, but we all know about incognito and the many ways there are to hide it.

Last night I was very heavily triggered because I went to bed and he told me he was going to go take a shower. But he was in the bathroom a full 15 minutes before he ever got into the shower. I've been triggered ever since and can't calm down.

I don't know if I should talk to him about this. When my ex claimed that he was trying to quit, we had the boundary of no phones in the bathroom which helped a lot with my anxiety. But I don't know if that's a fair ask of a new partner when I have no reason to believe he is using it.

I guess I'm just wondering, if anyone's been in this situation before, how do you learn to trust someone new? Do you talk to them about it? How do you handle any triggers that might come up from previous experiences? Thank you so much for any advice.

I just discovered my husband has been a porn addict for 15 years, and I used to be as well before we got married. I’m wondering if being ready and willing to have sex every day - not feeling like I have to, but really wanting to - will curb the need for him to even desire it? Has anyone here tried this with their partner and has it helped?

Mason Cain has lots of adds on instagram saying his system works, has anyone tried it?

Reddit has lots of temptations, is there another site that has open forum for talking and encouragement?

I have been trying to quit porn for a while, as well as masturbation since I believe it makes me fall into the rabbit hole. I have gone a while without both from time to time and I have felt the benefits in real time. However my mind is not strong enough and I’m working on that. I was wondering if there was anything else besides my own will and strength that is causing me to want porn, whether food, drinks, medication or whatever it might be?

Since it's not hardcore porn, how can someone escalate using only this kind of content to view?

And searching for nudes and/or scandily scad girls?

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMMmctBCJ/

I thought this video showed a different perspective on how toxic porn can be. Make sure to watch till the end. I feel like a lot of people don’t view it this way, I found this really interesting & wanted to share.

Hi, when I was a small child I was sexually abused twice. Once by my own dad and again by a babysitter. After my parents broke up I got dragged around the country and I developed a porn addiction. I was hooked on it for most of my life. My issues surrounding my trauma were ignored. Now I am in therapy staying with family. I have been clean from porn since November 2023 and I am doing 90 days of nofap which began feb 5th and ends may 5th.

Hello fighters. I wanted to bring up an issue with Kindle Unlimited. They have a flawed categorizing structure for Japanese comics (Manga). That means a simple search of these books produces a mix of explicit comics and kids stuff. I wrote an article trying to put this in the light. I am trying to discourage people away from the platform because it is a huge trap for comic book lovers and kids who are just looking for online books to read. Here is the link to my article: https://michaelpmordenga.blogspot.com/2023/12/kindle-unlimited-is-reckless-dumpster.html

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One thing almost no one talks about when it comes to porn addiction is 1) Attachment and 2) You are in a Relationship with Porn (Mistress)

I am defining attachment as a mental, emotional, physical and spiritual bond to porn that creates dependency to alleviate emotional distress. As I dive into these four levels, you may find new awareness in your mind on how to detach from porn and break free.

Many don't realize you are in a relationship with porn (let's call it your mistress so you have something “tangible” to hold onto in your mind). Really, you are in a relationship with everything. You are in relationship with the screen you are reading this on, the words that you are reading, and me through the connection of thought transfer. Seeing through the lens of relationships allows you to see the strings (or attachments) that are holding it together. There are four main strings - and there are many offshoots of these strings that creates a web. I am going to keep it simple, its best to use these main strings to populate the “web” associated”

You can use a paper (journal) to write down the thoughts to bring awareness to how you are attached to these four strings.

String 1: Mental Attachment: Your thoughts are attached to the mistress. Write down all the thoughts that attached to porn (This can be visual imagery, reasons for use, thinking about moments in which you have been triggered)

String 2: Emotional Attachment: Your emotions are attached to the mistress (Common emotions range from desire, love, guilt, shame, anger) When you feel these emotions, what thoughts pop up? Essentially what are you saying about yourself?

String 3: Physical Attachment: Your body is attached to biochemicals released prior, during and after use (cortisol, dopamine, oxytocin) These chemicals are released when you are triggered, surfing porn, masterbating to porn, and how you feel about yourself after)

String 4: Moral Attachment: You have morals (or values) that are at odds with your porn use. These are typically built by a religious belief system, or society that has been influenced by religion. Because your morality is based on judgment of right or wrong (good or bad) You have deemed porn use to be bad and so you experienced guilt - I did a bad thing and shame - I am a bad person. (FYI I am not against religion nor judging it, this is just stating observable truth)

By using these strings as grounding, you can start to see how you are attached to the “mistress” and the relationship you have built. From there you can work to detach the strings. This is a simple overview. I am willing to dive deeper on these topics if requested. If you choose to do this, it will help you tremendously.

One of the most valuable lessons I learned from my mentor that helped me heal from porn addiction is that I have always and will always have free will choice. We were born with free will choice. The challenging part is that we are not aware that we have a choice when we are young. So we agree to take on the belief systems of our parents, teachers, religious figureheads and other outside sources of information to tell us who we are.

When I “awakened” to the realization that porn was a problem in my life, I felt like I didn't have a choice. Like my body was just on autopilot and I had no control over the urges. Essentially, I felt like porn was more powerful than me and I was being forced to watch it. Once we opened up my mind into my subconscious I started to see the choices that I had and was making that would trigger me to want to watch porn.

Once we found the triggers, we went even deeper into my emotions that were causing the triggers. It was really wild to be able to see inside of me that was always there, I was just blind to it. The words we use direct our subconscious mind and emotional state, and this is where. The word trigger, just as pulling the trigger of a gun, implies that there is no time between the trigger and firing the bullet, except for YOU are the one pulling the trigger, so you have the choice not to.

This is where the term relapse comes in. Think about that word and how you feel in your body. You most likely feel fear - fear of not wanting to relapse. And that fear will ultimately win at some point. Another thing I learned is that what you control you fear becoming out of control, so control is not sustainable, but making a conscious choice is (free will). So relapse also implies that you had no “control” of choice in the relapse. That you were somehow “forced” to relapse - feeling forced by your body and subconscious triggers.

But again, this is not true, so you feel so much pain and out of control again, as if porn is more powerful than you. The truth is you CHOSE to watch porn again and taking responsibility for that choice gives you the best opportunity to choose differently the next time. As long as I stay conscious of my free will choice - which is the cause to take action (effect) - and stay in integrity to my personal commitments, having a “relapse” is a thing of the past, and in truth it's not real at all. It’s simply a choice you are making.

Hello!

I am new here and I feel called to share a bit of my story and what I learned along the way.

I started watching porn when I was 14 years old (36 now). If some of ya’ll are old enough to remember, this is when we moved from dial up AOL to high-speed broadband internet. And with that, the birth of the internet porn industry. I didn't have any parental issues - my upbringing was privileged and I was deeply loved. I was simply a 14 year old, horny boy, curious about sex and tired of trying to catch a boob on cinemax fuzzies lol.

Little did I know it would turn into a 16 year addiction where I experienced hell on Earth. By the time I was in my early 20’s in college I was watching masterbating to porn 3-4 times a day. This is when it became a big problem for me, but I wasn't aware that porn was the cause. I experienced some of the harshest symptoms of porn addiction.

• Debilitating social anxiety
• Performance anxiety and Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED)...in my 20’s no less.
• Brain fog and Insomnia
• Escalated to abusing marijuana (smoked all day everyday to numb out)
• Constantly lied about my use and my “success”

I had a 5 year relationship coming out of college (should have ended after 2) that was disconnected, dysfunctional and co-dependant. I met my wife when I was 26 and we got married when I was 28. I hid my porn use out of shame and even escalated to catfishing women and Craigslist to meet at hotels and said things I would never say in “real life”- never physically cheated, but boy did I feel like a cheater.

I experienced PIED with my wife (who was absolutely gorgeous) - got to the point where viagra and cialis didnt work for me anymore. I was in so much denial that porn was the cause of my symptoms, I spent over $5000 on prp shots in my penis and liquid injectable medication to stimulate an erection. Even considered getting the pump implant - was pricing them out.

Now, although my wife didn't “know” she knew. I could say I was fine and deny I had a problem but she knew. Eventually she caught me surfing porn and confronted me about it. Another example of my deep denial is I lied to her 3 times, which my porn searches on my phone directly in my face. Even the threat of leaving me wouldn't bring out the truth…until it did.

After finally breaking down and admitting I had a problem, she stuck around for a few months but ultimately decided to divorce me. She didn't leave me because of the porn btw, she left because I lied, controlled and manipulated her so much that she couldn't trust me anymore. Once she left I truly began my healing to quit porn for good and release the shame, guilt and regret I felt.

Now there’s more to the story, but for the sake of giving value to you, here are some of the most important things I learned from my journey to healing and living as my true self.

• Hiding, denying, lying, and trying keep the porn use alive and prevent you from being fully seen, heard and loved.
• Human beings are the most transparent beings on the planet (especially men) - You can hide nothing, even if you think you can
• Transparency is your key to personal freedom
• Looking at the parts of you that your avoid out of fear is more courageous than dying on a sword in battle (It is the mark of a true warrior)
• Integrity, responsibility, and honesty will provide direction, drive and accountability to be your true self and achieve your goals
• Grace, compassion and forgiveness will free you from shame, guilt and regret

These are just a few of many. If you have any questions, feel free to drop them below in the comments. I am an open book and do not shy away from any question of conversation.

I’m sorry if this is inappropriate to ask here- but does anyone have any advice on how to find a partner who is a part of/at least agrees with FTND? Its the most important thing in a relationship to me, but I feel like meeting guys who are also actually anti-porn is nearly impossible.

Also trying to set the boundary and introduce the idea to guys who do watch porn doesn’t seem to work, because they just lie and keep doing it anyway. Not to shame them or anything, but I just mean the general population who has zero intentions of trying to understand where we’re coming from with this.

I don’t want to put myself through dating people who don’t respect these boundaries anymore, and am hoping there’s some chance of meeting someone with the same values but I’m quickly losing hope.

I’m already firm and open with this being my dealbreaker when I date, so I’m not afraid of bringing it up and having the conversation. But have yet to meet a single guy who is okay with it and doesn’t think I’m some crazy person lol. Is there anything more I can do?

Hello! We are looking for more members to join our porn-free community on Discord. It's a great group to find support during those rough days, as well as a place to have meaningful discussions or just to hang out and chat. There are always people around if you need support. We also have occasional group meetings and hope to have more in the future.

Our server is slowly growing and we would love to have more of you join. If you're interested you can comment below or send me a DM and I will send you a link!

i have no idea what to think or do, i feel incredibly betrayed and feel as though my bf's promise to me that he would stop watching it is just one to get me to hop off his back. when we first started dating, i asked him about whether or not he watches porn and i set my boundary telling him that i will not be with him if he watches it. a few months later, he completely lied to me about it. i had a gut feeling so i asked him if he has looked at porn and he said no. i snooped through his phone and i found it on his reddit account. i felt so betrayed. i confronted him about it and he told me that he didnt jerk off to it and that he was just shocked it was there which i found to be absolute bs because it seemed to be looked at for a few days in a row rather than all at once. i made it clear that i dont want anything sexual/any sort of pornography on his phone. i asked him to delete reddit, he did for a while and then redownloaded it. i asked him to avoid sexual scenes in movies and he called me crazy bc its "just a movie," well so were all the fucking porn videos he watched. he has made no attempt to make me feel safe in the relationship. he hasn't helped me heal from his mistake yet he is the reason why i act this way. he assures me that he had stopped watching it when i asked him to, yet he doesnt avoid things that would trigger someone to watch porn. before i came into his life, he had been watching it on a daily basis for nearly a decade. obviously im incredibly uncomfortable because i know the studies that have been linked to men viewing women as objects due to porn usage and i know exactly the kind of "movies" that are popular on there and as a woman, i feel incredibly uncomfortable and disrespected and i dont want to be intimate with him at all at this point. i want to believe that he had stopped but there is nothing indicating that he has. he has no issues being in places where i would feel uncomfortable, has even told me that if he had to pee in a bathroom plastered with pornography, he would go in there despite me feeling incredibly uncomfortable instead of going to another bathroom, and he has also said that he will go into a strip club or places of that nature if he had to eat or go to the bathroom. he outwardly said that he will disrespect my boundaries bc hes more important. im in shock. i guess what im trying to ask is do you all feel as though he isnt watching porn? he has been honest about the fact that he will disrespect my boundaries but he has not been honest about porn and i dont know what to think or do

I am glad I never got into any violent pornography and that my tastes are very vanilla compared to others. In fact I find the more ethical a site is the more I am addicted to it. However I recently listened to Fight the new Drug podcast on Girlsdoporn and one of the former victims talked about how the "ethical" porn studio was actually doing sex trafficking.

So are feminist porn sites that much better? Even if the performers are treated well, were they in the past? Are they doing "ethical porn" now because it is better than what they did before and they have no way out of the industry anyways?

In my journey of quitting porn how do I rationalize avoiding these sites. It is very easy to avoid pornhub because you know it is shady but many are not as obvious.

Just wondering if anyone more technologically minded would be willing to do this. Love educating myself on the dangers of porn and find myself opening up reddit unconsciously every now and then throughout my day.

Would love to be reminded of FTND articles and give them a read thanks to the notifications on reddit. Bit of a random request tbh, but worth the shot.

Does FTND do in-person meetings or classes like AA does? I’ve tried looking but haven’t found a clear answer.

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r/PornFreeRelationships subreddit has been reinstated but it's purpose has changed.

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In the past, this subreddit ran similar to that of antipornography. Today, this subreddit will now be a community for both partners and addicts that are in true recovery and seeking sobriety, healing and reconciliation. We kindly ask that participating addicts have a minimum of 3 months sobriety and recovery work before attempting to participate.

We have seen it mentioned over a million times that other addiction support subreddits like ours, though great for those just finding out, can be a very negative and discouraging place for couples who are on the right track and looking for others in similar situations as them. We have also heard that other communities for reconciliation aren't topic focused around porn & sex addiction, leaving many feeling like an outcast or afraid to even post. That is where the r/PornFreeRelationships sub comes in to bridge that gap!

Recovery for both the partner & addict can be scary as it comes with a whole different set of fears, hopes and triumphs. Couples that have been in true recovery are on a totally different journey than those just now getting started and they too need a place to discuss their new reality and feel heard without the added projection of others pain of just finding out.

Not everyone has the financial status to afford every bit of professional help available. Some people live in places where help is scarce or unheard of. Due to this unfortunate reality, discrediting another users recovery or recovery plan will not be tolerated in the r/PornFreeRelationships subreddit.

We celebrate all recovery, no matter how you got there!

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IMPORTANT: (This subreddit will start out as a restricted sub. You will have to request and be added as an approved user in order to post and comment. This is to deter any incoming trolls and bad faith users)

Extra Important:

If you find yourself unable to join the subreddit, request approval, post or comment once gaining approval, you may have been banned by the previous moderators. Please let us know so we can fix that for you.