hey reddit,

trying to get this post out there to seek advice, vent, and possibly hear from people in similar situations and how they are doing.

this is a long story, so i will try and keep it as brief and coherent as possible. i (22F) just graduated college with a degree in nursing, i already have a job lined up and will be making way more money than my current position. i currently live with my mother (52F) who is recently divorced from my father (53M) of almost 25 years. he was cheating on my mom and i was unfortunately the one who caught him and the one who had to break it to my mom because he was too much of a coward to do it. they just divorced in december of 2023, and my mom is already dating someone else (who she as been dating since june of 2023… so, while not as bad as my father, still cheated). my dad moved out and now my mom and i are living in the family house, a house she cannot afford. she is jobless, she is unmotivated, and she will not seek medical or other interventional help that she needs to help her work through her issues.

i have always felt to have been the adult in the relationship of my mother and i. i work, i paid my way through school, i clean, i take care of the house (she did traveling contract jobs for a bit), i pay for myself, but ended up starting to pay bills that she could not cover. that is expected, i do not just expect to live rent free in the house and not do anything productive. i do not mind helping out and doing what needs to be done, but it has reached a point where i feel like i am the only one actively trying to stay on top of things. she has undiagnosed depression and probably a lot of other things that she is untreated for, but she turns to alcohol (something she abused while i was growing up, she got better but now that everything is in flames, she is turning back to drinking despite my protests and concerns).

i was abused growing up. my mom had her demons and dad was never home, but other than that it was a typical childhood. i was fed, i had clothes, i went to school, i got toys for christmas, etc. my main point in all this build up is that i am ready to move out. i am going to sit for my NCLEX soon and i have some money set aside so i can live in an apartment. i have not told anyone that i plan on moving out soon except my therapist and my close friend. the guilt comes from a conversation i had with my uncle who is closely related with my mom’s antics and is caught up in all the drama. he told me that i should just stick it out for one more year so i can save up money and not rush into anything i may regret. that i am living at the house rent free (compared to other renting prices) and that the grass is not always greener. i agree with him on some fronts, rent is comparatively cheap and i am not being abused in my current living situation. plus my mom is struggling, i do not want to seem like i am fleeing the nest.

but my mental health is crap, i get to watch my mom keep making bad decisions while pretending nothing is wrong and that she has everything under control. i get mad every time i see her, even when she has not done anything. i am not equipped to handle much more of her problems while juggling mine. my therapist agrees that i should move out, but my uncle and friend are telling me that life is not that bad and i have it good right now.

i am confused and wondering what the crap i should do.

thanks:)

Title says it all.

From the outside I look successful. I have a well paying and stable career. I have a wonderful family. I look great for my age. I have a wonderful child. But I feel so alone and lonely.

S/O of 12 years left me in January. Honestly I take my own share of the blame.. a relationship takes 2 people. He left me because he found an interest in someone else during our relationship, but we made mistakes a long the way. I have a child but he’s so independent now that he does his own thing. I live in LA where I just can’t find genuine friends. I just feel like everyone is so fake and they have bad intentions.

Anyone else in their 40s feel alone and lonely even though they have people around them?

So, i’m currently at university in the US, living in my sorority house with over 20 other girls. I honestly can’t stand cooking at the house, we have 2 of every appliance that would be in a normal kitchen to (somewhat) advocate for the amount of people, but it’s still always a complete mess with dishes everywhere and not much room for everyone to store fresh ingredients. I just can’t bring myself to cook much, and it doesn’t help that I have quite a busy schedule during the week and don’t have much time to cook anyways.

I eat out constantly, and for finals week, i’ve been especially bad and have been getting Doordash for almost every meal (2-3 times a day). I am lucky to have a 509 plan for school and can use money from it on food, but it is still extremely expensive to eat out as often as I do and definitely not sustainable. Money on food has been majorly cutting into my school funds.

I also feel like I am insanely unhealthy. I am slightly on the bigger side and already have high cholesterol, based on the last time I got my blood checked. I try to get slightly healthier takeout such as açai bowls for breakfast and not complete junk, but there are only so many places I can go and it doesn’t help that I have ARFID as well which eliminates most of the healthier options. As if restaurant food is ever truly healthy, though.

Does anyone have any suggestions on ways that I can spend less, eat healthier, not take up too much fridge space, and not have to cook too much (at least with pots and pans?) I’m committed to live here for one more semester, and I can’t keep living like this. Things like cereal and yogurt would be good, but I need more than just breakfast.

I (24m) am baffled by why I don't have the energy I used to 6 years ago. For context I was getting to school no later than 6 am for morning workouts and would get off my part time job by 7 then study for a couple of hours. This was about 15 hours of non-stop workouts, study, and work (not trying to brag this is just a baseline for what I was able to do). College was a lot easier since I qualified for a work study program but I don't understand why I can barely do 8 hours of work and a 1 hour workout session after what I was able to do as a teenager. I love my job but I am exhausted by the time I finish. I was on ADHD medicine (Vyvanse, pretty much legal meth would not recommend) so maybe that was why I was able to do it? Is anybody else going through this as well?

Kind of a random question but I always stumble around dating profiles of like relatively short women (5’4 and below). And alot of them say in their bio “only men 6ft and up.” And I’m like why? You’re 5’4 lol.

it just seems like some people fall into grace somewhere cushy after not taking school seriously and some end up struggling after grinding for whatever degree they thought was wise… is there any rhyme and reason to it all? anyone else feel that way and why?

About a year ago I finally “scored” a real work from home job and when I was hired the position was 7am to 3:30 am and that was awesome. About two months later I got bamboozled and they switched my shit to 5AM- so now im waking up at 4:40.

I actually don’t mind the new 5 am to 1:30 shift but the problem is that I am sooooo exhausted by the time im off shift that most days just become a wash- no motivation, lethargy/no energy, some days naps that last too long- all my energy is wasted sitting on my butt for the first 8 hours of my day.

I feel depressed too but im not sure what came first the chicken or the egg so im wondering if the depression is contributing.

The worst part is that I can’t fall asleep before 10 so that doesnt give me many hours of sleep - almost 7- isnt the average 8 hours? Shouldn’t my 7 be enough to sustain me throughout the whole day without feeling like a zombie? Also, I should add that Ive been doing this shift for over a year- i figured I would be used to it by now- thinking about quitting since they won’t let me switch shifts- turns out being a reliable employee can bite you in the butt lol

Anyway, any help or advice? Thanks

Like for most jobs, filling out credit card information, applications and many other things…

As an adult we usually have more money and power to reap the fruits of labour. But how do we stop ourselves from being completely irresponsible with out resources? I will get a new toy at Christmas. Then summer will roll along and I'll start thinking,new camp set up would be nice, new cooler, new... Garbage, I know a few weeks after buying this crap it'll be collecting dust in storage. But work slows down I get a few days off and want to find leisure things. Right now I have a thing I want and I have been putting it off. But this week's paycheck might just be financing another bad decision :/

Looking for an older persons perspective. Am I wrong for considering breaking up with my bf that refuses to work?

So I’ve been with my boyfriend off and on for about 3 years. I graduated college in 2022, and he graduated in 2021. He was an athlete so he had eligibility to pay up until 2022. So he’s been out of college since 2022 as well. I’ve since started my graduate program and will have my doctorate by may of 2026. My boyfriend has never had a job. Ever. He still lives with his parents, and he has no interest in working at all. I asked him this past December why is he so opposed to working and he just said it didn’t want to work for anyone but doesn’t really know what he wants to do either. I told him that I hope he figures it out before 2026, because if otherwise I’d have to breakup with him. I know it’s harsh but at that point, we’d be 26, and 27. And he’d still not have a job. He got really mad about that which I understood but again, you should want to support yourself. I’ve just been waiting around the past few months to see if he’d even consider doing anything, and nothing. Fast forward to May, he still doesn’t have a job and is still doing the same things we were doing when we were in college. We had plans to move in together this month but I called it off since he’s still unemployed . He calls me bougie and stuck up because I feel this way. He wants to start a clothing company, but has put forth no effort at all.

His parents don’t make him work, clean or really anything. What should I do? I love him alot I don’t want to be controlling but I really have goals and things that I’d like out of life and I don’t see that happening without a partner that has the same mindset as me.

I (30m) moved into a new apartment from my parents home. I can’t afford much due to the rent increases in my state. I had plans to move out during COVID when the prices were cheaper but everywhere increased. I found this place which gave me a great price but it is very rundown. I can look past the building aspect, I understand for the price I know what I’m getting… it’s a starter apartment however there are a lot of issues now with mold, the water, and other smells that I cannot get rid of which are seeping into my skin and clothes. It’s starting to impact my physical and mental health.

Just can’t live here and be in a stable environment. I spoke with my family and I’m paying too much to try to remedy this place. I was going to move back home and try to find somewhere new.

Is this a good or bad idea? I feel like a loser moving back in but I feel like this place is going to make me sick which I’m already expeirenceing.

Hey guys. I recently turned 21 and have tried going to a few bars. Issue is, I don’t drink much to begin and I also don’t know any drinks or shot names. I like mixed drinks and I know of a fee things I like, like chiltons, moscow mules, and scooby snack shots, but i honestly never know what/how to order. Especially if they ask “what vodka” “what tequila” in my drinks😭 i know theres like “standard” drinks that most bars serve but I haven’t tried any of them.

I guess what I’m asking is, what are the “standard” or drinks and shots. I’d love to feel like an adult and just march up to the bar and order a drink without sounding completely lost haha

Is it ever wise and if so, how should one approach it? I dated this guy several years ago, but our relationship never really took off before it ended. We were both young and lacked maturity at the time, and I initiated the breakup. Although it wasn't a dramatic or contentious split, we didn't part on the best of terms and didn't communicate or fight for it afterward. However, something brought us back together at a recent work-related event. Despite my expectations of maybe ignoring eachother, he greeted me warmly at the end of the event, reigniting my interest. With six years having passed since our last encounter, I can't shake the thought of exploring what could be between us and haven’t stopped thinking about him. I'll be seeing him again at another work event in a few days and while I'm curious, I'm cautious about being too forward or risking rejection, especially in a professional setting and of course don’t want to make it awkward for going forward.

How can I discreetly gauge his interest and potentially rekindle what we once had? Given our infrequent interactions, I feel the sooner, the better to understand my feelings before it's too late. It seems like this encounter in a few days might be one of the few chances I get. I’m ok with it not being anything but I just want to want to know because life is too short and also the sooner I know the sooner I can put whatever thoughts or feelings this is to rest. Regardless, subtlety is key, especially with colleagues around. Any advice on navigating this situation would be greatly appreciated.

(Without having gone to college, needing a place to stay immediately, and no support systems) ?

Hi! I’m a college student about to finish my second year. Last year I lived in the dorms and this year I’ve been living an in apartment (with a roommate). I pay my own rent + student fees + groceries, I work a part time job while getting my degree. One problem I’m attempting to tackle at the moment is grocery shopping. I live in the Midwest and normally go to a store like Aldi (a bargain store) when shopping purely for food, and apparently, I am terrible at it. I’m in the store, I pick out ingredients for several meals, including chicken and ground beef, and I always buy a couple cans of vegetables, and then “essentials” like bread, milk, eggs. I usually buy lunch meat, cheese, sometimes some cans of soup. And a lot of pasta(more pasta than I need, really, because it always looks delicious). I look at my cart at the end and I’m like, “wow! I should be set for two or three weeks!” And then I get home, and I put it all away, and about a week later I feel like I have nothing else fresh left to eat, and then eventually I’m eating the cans of soup and things, and then I’m out of food.

I just feel like, when I lived at home, my mom did not have to go grocery shopping as often as I do. I try to avoid unsubstantial snacks and stuff, but I just feel like I’m never buying enough ingredients for specific meals or substantial snacks to have for smaller meals like breakfast or lunch. Granted, I’m out of the house pretty often for class, so sometimes I just eat out or whatever, but I still feel like one grocery trip NEVER holds me over for as long as it should.

Does anybody have any advice for making one grocery trip last longer? Any specific items or recipes that keep you from having to go get more food, like, every week?? I honestly wouldn’t mind just going more often, but I don’t have my own car, so I’m at the mercy of when my roommate needs to go to the store, and apparently she eats almost nothing.

Any and all advice appreciated!! Thanks!

This is a place where people get jobs guaranteed for life. As a result they work the bare minimum , and things that can be done in a week , get done in two months. Should you do the same as everybody else and be a sloppy worker, Or do your best regardless what others do? Remember that if you do your best you'll most likely get asked by your boss to do more work since you get things done really quick with no mistakes. So , the way I see it , it is unfair to yourself to be an honest worker in an environment that practically punishes good work. What do you think ?

I was panicking so bad about not being able to find a place for when I transfer this upcoming fall, and the literal perfect apartment fell right into my lap today. It's super, super affordable (less than $500!!!!!), and I'm only responsible for electric/sewage/water! I'm not even responsible for the rest if one of my roommates dips on me, which was so nice to hear. It has a ton of free amenities, too! Only thing it doesn't come with is washer/dryer, but they have a mat on site.

I just got the lease today, and have until sunday to sign it. I want to sign it right now, but I'm just so nervous! I know this is the deal of a lifetime, but this is my first time signing a document like this so my nerves are going haywire. I'm excited though!

I'm going on 23 and have never lived outside of family before. Moved out of my parents briefly to stay with another family at one point, but I've always been with family AND local. I've never moved out of my rinky dink town. This new place is about an hour or so away. Far enough to feel like a new world, but close enough to my family if something happens, which I feel like is nice?

Idk, I'm just so nervous. I want to sign so bad but my feet are also so cold they're getting frostbite!

Any advice, stuff I should know? I actually did read through the lease in its entirety, and nothing seems odd. It seems pretty fair.

I thought we were still pretending we don't have emotions and bury our problems as deep as possible.

More and more I'm seeking people talking about their therapist, working on themselves, etc.

Is therapy the new rental companionship service?

I am moving out (again), but by myself this time. I've always had roomates or a partner who always happened to have mostly all the pans, plates etc.

I've been going to a few different stores and amazon and pricing everything to compare and made a spreadsheet. I'm going to take whatever random stuff my parents give me, but I need quite a bit of stuff still.

Where have you all gotten most of your stuff for an apartment/house? Mostly focused on kitchen and bath essentials vs decor right now. I don't want to buy like cheap plastic plates, but I'm not looking to spend too much money.

I was thinking about buying some stuff at Costco because their return policy is SO lenient. It'd be a higher up front cost because (i'm assuming) higher quality. Or I could get a few things at different stores based on the spreadsheet.

Any input is appreciated!!

I currently work at a factory and have for the past three years. I work nights and they are 12 hour shifts. I make good money compared to most family and friends, and I have a stable life at the moment.

However, I am becoming very unhappy with this job. I dread coming into work every night. I grew up wanting to be a Veterinarian more than anything, however, compared to my factory job there is no where near as much money to be made. I love animals, but I am someone who tends to put finances over my passions.

I don’t want to be unhappy my whole life, and eventually factory work will tear my body down. I only am doing as well as I am now because I’m still pretty young. 21 years old.

I haven’t wanted to go to college since I decided being a veterinarian wouldn’t make me enough money. And to be honest I’m not super passionate about anything else. I’m a quick learner though.

If anyone has any job suggestions, or life path suggestions, let me know please! Thanks

Edit to add: I only have to work three nights a week with this job currently, and get paid weekly. Which is why it’s so hard for me to want to quit this job I have now. I can’t find anywhere else that pays this much and will only work me three days a week.

I watch my mom go to the store every day after she gets off work, and I don’t think I would want to do that. I feel like it’s easier to plan your meals ahead of time and go at least once or twice a week.

My father who I want nothing to do with left me, my mom, and the siblings I grew up with years and years ago. I just learned he had one kid with his new wife. He just reached out to me- he seems to be in his late teens. About 17 or 18. Maybe 19. I’m 26. Copy pasting what they messaged me on Facebook:

“Hi sister. My name is (backspaced his name) and I’m your younger brother. I have reached out to your other siblings as well. I know that your family is no contact with our father and I understand why. However I’ve been longing for getting to know the rest of my siblings. I’ve been debating reaching out for a few years now. I want to reiterate that you owe our dad nothing, and in the same breath you owe me nothing either. I am just hoping that we could meet or at the least chat. Have a good day”

I (22F) finally decided to not return to my emotionally and mentally abusive household.

It has been 8 years of tension and things crossed the line this week. My father confiscated a package I had received because the sender had put the wrong surname on the parcel. My dad demanded I open it in front of him, and took my passport from me. I had ordered sweets and brownies infused with CBD oil to help my depression (I explained this to him). When I asked why he had done this, he stated my cousin used to order illegal things to the home under false names 2 years ago. He then demanded I take time off work so he could put his name on my birth certificate (he disowned me before I was born so my mother left it blank. For context, my mother passed 8 years ago). I simply wanted to know why he was so uptight about getting it done and said I couldn't just randomly take time off work without notice. He started yelling at me for talking back and it became a full blown argument.

I will admit I laughed during the argument out of frustration. But he reacted to this by bringing up my dead mother. He called her a witch that had installed "witchcraft" in me causing me to question him. And after some more back and forth he said: ' you may not have killed her, but you left her for dead'. My dad knows that I blame myself for her death as she passed when I was 14 from a stroke and I blamed it on the stress she had from being a single mother.

My dad's sister, who rarely visits, was also present. After we stopped talking, she started following me to my room, accusing me of hiding things and cursing her family. She flew into a rage after I complained that I couldn't even eat in peace anymore to my cousin (her son, 24M, who's also in the house). She screamed in my face, she was borderline about to slap me before her son stepped in. She screamed that I thought I was better than them. She said I was a burden to my father. She said (and I'll never forget this): 'I'm going to break you. I'm going to break you'. And told me to leave if I cannot respect the laws of the house.

Monday morning before work, she flew into another rage when she heard me talking to my cousin. She banned her son from talking to me and me from talking to her or we'd 'see her fury'. Furthermore, she accused me of using black magic on the family and said she too could use spiritual warfare on me. She said she'd run me out of this house, that my father was her brother before he was my dad. She blamed me for her son's misfortune (he'd been arrested for making bombs and selling drugs before i ever met my dad?) and said she knew how to 'deal with me'.

I left that morning and never looked back. Now I'm looking for a place of my own and I was discussing moving out with a family friend. She kept going on and on about how it's better to live with family, that moving out is not the best, how scary and expensive it is. Keep in mind she doesn't know the full details of the situation. She doesn't know my dad too well. It's made me feel awful. I have horrid anxiety and depression and I'm going through the most unstable, uncomfortable period of my life. Work, house hunting, filing a report for the verbal harassment. I even witnessed a stabbing at the police station. I feel like no matter what I choose, I'm doomed. I just couldn't stand walking on eggshells anymore. I'm already going through unaliving myself therapy because of a severe breakdown I suffered because of my dad. Am I doing the right thing?

TDLR: My father brought up my dead mother in his verbal abuse, his sister said she'd 'break me'. I'm terrified to move but I have no choice

Maybe I'm overthinking it but I've noticed most of my friends are a couple years younger than me. Well the closest mates anyway.

Maybe it's a coincidence but I wanted to know if anyone else has friends that are a few years younger than them and how they feel about it ?

I feel very much equal to them and not like a big sister or anything but I'm wondering why I don't have close friendships with people exactly my age or older.

I've befriended a few people in their 30s but they haven't been the right crowd for me, a little messy with party drugs etc or unreliable and I'm pursuing more wholesome friendships atp.

BTW I do have a few friends in my 30s but they're not close mates.

Would love to hear from others in a similar boat :)

Alr so explain to me how for an apt asking $1500 they want someone/ppl making 4x times the amount . THEN they are asking for First month, Last Month, + a deposit which usually matches the rent price which brings us to roughly $4500 prior to move in.

Obviously some do save up for months/years to FINALLY move in

however, I want to know if any1 else has a quicker/easier way

AITA for rejecting my bf who is watching a movie with his female student? I'm baffled and felt like id be a third wheel in this. He felt like im jealous but im just disgusted To clarify: he invited me to watch a movie which he also streams for his student. Shes underage and he teaches applied math. I joined for a second in their online room just to hear her say hello. Felt disgusted and left the room. Weird as hell. He's in his mid 20s

Right now I have a bill for around $600. With insurance, it came out to be around $300. If I don’t pay, does the “under $500 and it won’t go on your credit” apply? Or not because the original bill was over $500?