So, I’m trying to update my registration for my car since my birthday is in 7 days and apparently I accumulated a balance of $1015.94 is there a way to be on a payment plan? Or what’s going to happen with my vehicle and license? I can’t afford that right now. And I don’t have even close to decent credit so I can’t take out a loan.

I love all things travel. Where in the world would you like to go but life so far has stopped you? I’d like to explore Nicaragua for its vast lakes, volcanoes and stunning colonial architecture. Your go.

global warming, recession, food safety, potential war excalations, and AI takeover. What are there to look forward to as someone nearing 40 with no kids?

America is now entirely a Go And Get Yours (GAGY) economy.  Capitalism and individualism have always been fundamental pillars to the structure of America, but a flash flood of cultural and technological changes has washed away whatever support to that structure things like community, institutionalism, and patriotism used to provide.  The GAGY economy means you and you alone are responsible for Going And Getting Yours.  Nobody will do it for you.  The institutions that used to lift people up closer to getting theirs no longer do: 

• Schools have become gates, not ladders.  These days, if you don’t get through school, it will be exponentially harder to get into positions to GAGY.  But public education does not actually equip students with the technical, social, or critical thinking skills to Get Theirs.  
• No guarantees after degrees.  No matter the undergraduate or graduate degree, no matter the prestige or cost of the school, there are no employers on the other side of graduation focused on ensuring that everyone who obtains a certain degree benefits from it.  
• “Job security” is gone.  When a company thinks you’re not helping them Get Theirs, or the moment the folks in charge thinks they’ll keep more without you, you’re cut loose. 
• You’re assured nothing.  A living wage, meaningful work, housing, food, medical care, transportation, childcare, hobbies, friendship, affection, sex, health, retirement. It is nobody’s job but yours to make sure you have any of it.
• Our "leaders" just Get Theirs. Political, business, or spiritual, they're out to Get Theirs and they support the laws, candidates, and systems that will make it easier for them to Get Theirs and Keep Theirs. To be clear, not all leaders are running a con or blatantly corrupt, but true "public service" is only undertaken when there are political, financial, or reputational benefits to reap.

The winning mindset in the GAGY economy is to see everyone merely as a pocket of spend to unlock, without regard to the consequences.  Folks who run e-commerce brands approach this mindset with mathematical precision, with metrics such as Customer Acquisition Cost (CAC), Return On Ad Spend (ROAS), Lifetime Value (LTV).  There are moral and immoral approaches to GAGY.  Fraud and theft are illegal and harmful methods of unlocking someone’s pocket of spend against their will.  Inventing and licensing a more energy-efficient [thing] could let you “do well while doing good.”  But monetizing your attention and emotions is everywhere.  Simply consume what you are fed in the GAGY economy, and you will be:

• Addicted to your smartphone
• Addicted to sugar and fat
• Addicted to online shopping
• Financially over-leveraged and in debt
• Psychologically insecure from social media
• Subscribed to dozens of subscriptions (digital and delivery) and email newsletters
• The owner of dozens of courses and templates meant to make you into a successful day-trader or drop-shipper or YouTuber or influencer or or writer or consultant or entrepreneur
• Stressed, frustrated, and overwhelmed by all the ideas you haven’t launched, all the things you “should have done” by now, and all the money and progress you you feel you “should have made” by now
• Living alone and feeling isolated

The irony, of course, is that all of these businesses and people making you unhealthy, miserable, and poor are selling you some version of the same story--we will help You Get Yours.  This app, this podcast, this course, this supplement, this car, these clothes will make you someone who Gets Theirs.  All these YouTubers, influencers, and course-peddlers say fundamentally the same thing--I’ll show you how I Got Mine so you can do the same and GAGY.Adjusting your mindset so that you see people, businesses, and institutions as pockets of spend is also the key to GAGY, not just financially, but in every facet of life:

• A job is just a company’s pocket of spend you can unlock for yourself by convincing them that you are the person who will help Them Get Theirs.  
• Starting and growing any business is about offering a product or service that will unlock your customers’ spend by persuading them that what you offer is what they need to Get Theirs.  There are few hard rules or roadmaps in business.  Find the pockets of spend available to you and figure out how to craft your own key to unlock them.  Offering a dog-walking service unlocks a small pocket of spend from each customer you earn.  Brokering the sale of superyachts to billionaires unlocks a huge pocket of spend with each deal.
• Look for the pockets of spend already available that you just haven’t unlocked.  For example, an Uber driver who adds a basket of bottled water and snacks and puts a photo of his family on the dash might unlock consistently larger tips.  
• Skills utilized in relatively low-paying jobs can be leveraged outside those jobs (a social media account for your niche; selling things you create in connection to your job to others doing the same job on sites such as Etsy, Gumroad, TeachersPayTeachers, etc.). 
• With love and friendships, figure out what you need to do to unlock someone else’s attention or affection (e.g., therapy, hygiene, fitness, hobbies, activities, leveling up conversation or emotional skills, etc.). 
• The corollary to “you’re assured nothing” is that nearly everything--happiness, meaning, pleasure, awe--can be got, but you have to Go And Get Yours.

Late 30's. Full time job with benefits, pension. I own my own home with a modest mortgage, 2 paid off cars, healthy investment account.

This is what I wanted. I hated living at home, being a student, broke, not being able to afford anything. I hated having a few hundred in the bank if I was lucky. I wanted to get a better car, I wanted to move into my own place, I wanted a regular job with regular hours.

Now I have all that.

And at night, sometimes I close my eyes and think back to my early 20's, when I could eat whatever I wanted, stay up until 3 AM, went to school for a few classes and did some basic homework and assignments, and had so much freedom and free time. My dad owned his own business, and I'd work for him, and we'd go to job sites in the evening, then he'd make us dinner and we'd eat it in front of the TV while watching Jay Leno or whatever was on. Then I'd screw around on my computer, and go to bed whenever I wanted.

Now I have a job that I am not fond of, a bitch of a commute, work performance evaluations, meetings, all this shit. Home repairs. Watching the stock market do its thing.

Don't get me wrong, I love being a homeowner, I love having some financial breathing room, I love all that. But I also can't help but look back on simpler times so fondly.

Need a friend to talk?

I (25M) just checked my screen time, and it’s honestly shocking. I’m spending over 10 hours a day on my phone, and it’s starting to impact my life in a big way. But what really concerns me is that a lot of that time is spent on porn. I never thought it would become such a big issue, but it’s like I can’t stop myself from going back to it. It’s affecting my productivity, my relationships, and even my mental health.

I know I need to cut down on my screen time, but I’m not sure how to do it without feeling like I’m depriving myself. For those of you who’ve managed to reduce your screen time, especially if porn was involved, how did you do it? What strategies worked for you? I’m looking for any advice or tools that could help me regain control and start using my time more wisely.

Update: I know his advice is common sense for many people who actually have some life experience and/or had parents that raised them responsibly. I am not arguing that he's some rocket scientist or wizard who unlocked hidden mysteries from unseen realms. I'm arguing that the influencers who think his advice is outdated or gross are idiots who give really stupid advice that's wrecking a lot of lives.

*********

Hear me out. I have very mixed feelings about the guy, but I have seen a number of Millennials and Zoomers go from "failing at adulting" with all things financial to genuinely succeeding. It's not rocket science, and is downright basic boring stuff for those of us raised by parents that were good with money, but if you weren't, it works really well.

The basic message in a nutshell is: work hard when you're young, live frugally, get rid of all debt aside from an affordable mortgage (ie where it's a substantial and good thing) and practice deferred gratification.

Compare that with what a lot of his generation taught us: "be overgrown kids in your 20s, screw around until 30, walk into the corner office, shake the CEO's hand and get a living wage with no prior experience, happy ending achievement unlocked."

I see a lot of people going rawwrrrr he's big bad Christian redneck, but his advice works and was literally common sense for thousands of years until the Boomers taught everyone that the post-WWII economy in the USA was totally normal and here to stay.

Also, the easiest way when doing this to stop taking influencers seriously is to remember that a significant swath of people making $250k or more are super deep into "lifestyle creep" and are one financial hiccup away from watching their balance sheet implode like a skyscraper under a controlled demolition. There is nothing to envy with a lot of people who outwardly look super successful. Statistically speaking, their positions are even more precarious than yours.

Looking for kind serious advice or similar experiences here.

I’m basically almost 30 (f) soon and I have an issue with distancing/thinking for myself apart from my parents.

Some things to consider:

1. I’m an only child and also their rainbow baby
2. My dad got in an accident when I was a baby and he is considered disabled now (more so mentally than physically) but he’s fine- can talk, eat etc. just some aspects are different.
3. I’ve never moved out for university/school until I basically got married was the first time leaving the den.

4.evertthing I have is becuase of them (ex. Where I live my parents helped join in to get my place, they always put me first) 5.Our wedding is another example where they lent us money and helped out.

Now my issue is I obviously almost always put family first whenever I can and they’ve both help me become the successful woman I am today and helped me so much financially and set me up. I know right from wrong and I have high emotional intelligence.

My issue is that I feel so guilty when I do something against their ideas. And it’s not even crazy serious stuff but I can’t help just to feel anxiety ridden. Like I need to still report to them when I decide to change my phone plan, get a new phone, where I plan to go on vacation. And I can’t just do it without feeling guilty for some reason? I do want to see a therapist about this but of course posting on Reddit seems a bit of a quicker rant and hopefully can find some similar people with this problem.

For example my current issue is that we are planning to go to Mexico for a trip but my parents are totally against it for the dangers and what they see online. Meanwhile everyone around me has gone and come back etc just doing their own thing. I’ve hinted to my mom that it’s happening and I’m going to go and she said stuff along the lines of “I guess we shouldn’t try so hard to make sure you’re safe or love you so much”- ok this sounds a bit different in english versus our own language but basically it.

And I know that’s like emotional abuse or conditional love and I’m not afraid to say that it’s unhealthy becuase I am feeling how unhealthy it is. But I just feel so sad and guilty.

For them things are just very black and white. And it’s almost like because I’m married and making my own decisions it’s suddenly like the person I’ve married is bringing me down to make bad decisions and I’m not longer listening to them.

Anyways I just needed to rant this out, it’s been giving me so much anxiety I’ve been having issues with so much gas and feeling like a complete baby. Stuff like this hinders me from actually feeling like an independent woman or a great wife to my husband. I feel so small and incapable and I’m starting to embody it.

My husband on the other hand comes from a totally different family style where they don’t see each other as much. They’ve been independent as kids as early as they can remember. He tries to sympathize with me and sees where I’m coming from but his view is more “Just do it. You’re an adult” which doesn’t really help.

In the mean time I will try to find the right therapist but it’s a lot to handle internally for me right now.

Thanks for reading. It means a lot, again please be kind I’ve been having so many fights internally.

TLDR: I’m almost a 30 year old woman feeling insecure and incapable of being an adult versus a child because of my relationship with my parents. I feel like I owe them every decision of my life even though we have different views on some things.

Im 21 now in university and all through out high school i can count on my hands the amount of times i was invited out / went out with friends. None of the going to a theme park together, bbq at eachothers houses, no parties together, staying out till sunrise, doing mischievous things that would get us in trouble like exploring abandoned places, or even something as simple as all of us going out to eat.

It would make me sick to my stomach everytime my friends would go out, id go online and see pictures of them out together, while id be alone at home, it was over 5 years ago and ive somewhat recovered, im just upset i wasnt like other teenagers.

The companies are both based in Los Angeles county. I am in the middle of seeking legal assistance. However after posting this in r/MSP, I realized I may have poked the hornet's nest after majority of the responses tried to discredit me by attacking my mental state instead of discussing the validity of my claims. I think they are onto me now. So might as well keep going and spread the word of what these 2 companies did to me. Link below for anyone curious: https://www.reddit.com/r/msp/s/mTLWArsBoW

On to the story--

What would you do in my situation? Should I report ABCIT(3rd party provider/MSP) for their unethical/illegal business practices? Where? Any advice is appreciated.

I have evidence of the illegal activities and proof that ABCIT (IT partner) colluded to cover up their crimes by deleting logs of their activities. I have photos, screenshots of conversation, tracking number, etc.

I was forced to resign last year November 1, 2023, after a year of working as a Systems Administrator for CORN(fake name). I experienced both racial discrimination and targeted cyberattacks.

Despite my extensive experience (7yrs + software development degree + consultant for a Fortune 50 for 5 yrs) my manager, Michelle (VP of Tech/IT Director) consistently undermined me, often dismissing my ideas, blocked my work and contribution, solely due to being Filipino. She used microaggression to silence me. For example, she would give me condescending looks whenever I spoke up and openly demeaned me and fellow Filipino teammates. (Note: The company has a headquarter in Manila, Philippines where they outsource a significant amount of job functions).

During this time, I also faced a series of cyberattacks initiated by Omar (mid 20s), my boss' IT manager from ABCIT (ABCIT is an MSP/3rd party IT provider and responsible for CORN's IT and cybersecurity). Omar and my boss had a very close working relationship and she often dumped my work in favor of Omar's despite Omar being at least 5 years my junior with only 2 years experience working in Tech (according to him).

The harassment and cyber attacks began in July 2023, shortly after I reported to management that a critical task, assigned to Omar, had been delayed, causing issues across multiple departments. I only reported that 1 instance of Omar not completing his task/lying about completing it due to the severity of the issues it caused. However, I had noticed that this was a pattern of behavior for Omar.

When I uncovered that ABCIT was covering up a virus under the guise of a "Microsoft error," my company and HR unexpectedly threw me under the bus. They gaslighted me and lied to all my peers about the virus. This caused me to spiral and lash out at my manager in Teams, leading to my being put on administrative leave on October 20, 2023. The spiral continued through the evening and ended with a severe mental breakdown driven by paranoia. I sent wildly inappropriate messages to my boss during the breakdown. I thought someone from ABCIT was illegally accessing my laptop when I saw the mouse moved. It turned out I wasn’t being paranoid and in fact ABCIT was accessing my laptop, but it was to remove all my accesses and to deactivate my laptop in preparation for firing me. I only realized this after I received an email to my personal email from ABCIT instructing me to return all my equipment. Feeling guilty and ashamed for my action, I sent an emotional text to my manager to apologize for my behavior and another text say goodbye.

On November 1, 2023- the investigation for my HR case was concluded. The CHRO called me and said they have decided to part ways with me and allow me to resign. I said I didn't want to resign, I thought I was getting fired. I tried to convince her to let me stay. Nothing worked. She implied that i'll get fired if I didn’t resign so resigning was the best outcome for me because I it will come with 3-months severance. When I asked about my HR case, she gaslighted me by saying there was no virus, it was a Microsoft error. I didn’t know what to believe anymore. I felt completely defeated and didn't want to argue anymore. I gave up and thanked her for the update.

Since then, i've experiences multiple instances of cyber attacks: My confidential info (credit cards, passwords) was leaked twice in the Darkweb (via Google report), fraudent transactions from Paypal Japan, I get a new type scam every other month, login attempt notifications, new signups to shady websites, etc. Ultimately, I feel like the biggest damage to me is psychological. It's been a year now and I still feel paralyze that I can't even submit applications. I lost my apartment which caused me to sink deeper into depression.

L

As of writing, I'm about to turn 17 (in nine days). And honestly it is overwhelming to see this sudden transition of having your free trial of life expire.

Guessing it is also due to my sheltered, pampered and confusing childhood. But the general idea is that there's this sharp sense of being under prepared to tackle this thing called "Life Premium+". Unlike the outgoing subscription of "Life Lite" (a.k.a. childhood - middle school years), every choice has REALLY has a price.

I know that this is such a normal thing people around coming-of-age will feel. It is just that, this subject is very difficult to relay unto the IRL sphere. As for now, I'll let this crisis be at play for a while and...do the best capable to not royally fuck it up

Where my fellow 07'ers at? How's grasping adulthood feel now? I do have faith that at least some of us here can adapt and utilize it for whatever is better for each individual. Thank you.

Before I start the story, the situation was a false alarm, the person in the car is okay! Thank goodness!

I went in to work (I never do) and it was during when all the headmasters/bosses were in the very quiet office and also the work gossiper was. Basically ANYWHERE ELSE would’ve been fine to do this.

I received a text saying someone I know was trapped in their car due to a dangerous situation. My dumbass picks up the phone to get someone to notice the text asap thinking this is the last time I’ll hear their voice and I say “I’ll leave right now” really loud, and other alarming things, while never making the reason obivious on why im on the phone. I also say “I’m at work, bye I got to go” whispering on the phone call because there’s not much I can do from where I am and saying other alarming things.

One of the headmasters got concerned(mind you I was in the ONE part of the building where all of the sensitive information is) and she made it obvious by coming in and just standing there shuffling the papers looking over my shoulder. There was no reason to walk in there and she started cleaning the two papers there (no reason to) and makes conversation but just stands behind me. Then she and the office gossip walk by the(open) door when they leave STARING and I walk out to everyone looking at me weird. I thought it was too personal to just bring up and tell everyone so I awkwardly do my job in a half disassociated state and leave.

I don’t go everyday because there’s no reason to do, so the one time I do go I pull this shit. They never question you at this place they just assume and fire you, it bleeds into your personal life as well since everyone know everything and everyone about each other, but me. they will(could) find a reason, even if I do everything the best I can, I take pride in doing the right thing. I do nothing wrong but there are always loopholes.

It didn’t hit me I could go to the empty far damn bathroom and talk there. Worst part is the work gossip was there to tell the other 30+ employees when he sees them.

How do I even fix this? If I do go back tomorrow there’s truly no reason and even more people will be in the office

Not to mention I gave a coworker a compliment (on their work ethic) the day before because I was helping them and they probably thought I was flirting because I have a very cheery demeanor and they ignored me.

I don’t need to be out in public ffs.

If this is the wrong sub I’ll gladly repost

I’ve been feeling really lifeless and alone lately. I want a real friend so bad…. I wish I can go back to the old days and undo some mistakes. Maybe I will be more mature and try to make more friends. Then I will be happy now, having people to go out with. I guess I will never have a genuine friend until I die :( I’m all alone, while everyone have friends they can hang out with.

So I am a 24M that currently still lives with his parents in his hometown. I started a new job a few months ago that pays pretty well for my age $74k a year. This makes it possible for me to be able to move out and survive on my own if I wanted.

After taxes and 401k, my take home is a bit over 4000 per month. My biggest expenses at the moment are student loans and car (~600 per month). I have a little over $10k saved at the moment.

My commute at the moment to work is 45+ minutes which I know could be worse, but sometimes feels like quite the hike. So I would move into a place much closer.

The main caveat to this is that none of my friends are ready to move at the moment and I want to move ASAP, so I’d be moving into a place myself (which I kind of prefer anyways). But, obviously, this will cost me more money.

The reason I want to move ASAP, besides the commute, is that I just crave independence. My parents are great and very supportive, so it has nothing to do with them, it’s more of a me issue. I’ve never had any real responsibility in my life so far (trust me, I am very grateful and lucky), so I honestly really want more.

So my question is, is this kind of a selfish and foolish reason to move out? There’s nothing really forcing me besides my own desires. My hometown is pretty quiet and not much to do, and I would move to a place with a lot more people my age and fun things to do. I’ve been fortunate enough to have had a kind of sheltered, boring life so I really want to move on and have new experiences.

My rent will likely be over $1.5k/month because I live in an expensive area, so it’s quite the chunk of change. Am I suddenly gonna have much more responsibly and realize I f’d up and had it way better before?

my big break never happened. every area of my life has some hard blocks on it, from friendships to schooling to finding a job with my degree. the things that come easy for others have been unattainable for me. when my ex dumped me he said "i'm not spending my 20's in my bedroom like you!" and that quote has stuck with me the past two years as I barely survive friendlessness, job loss, and lack of direction and community. every year has been worse than the last.

At work I'm very proactive and diligent with deadlines and progressing my career, but in my social and personal life I'm very reactive, if plans aren't made that include me then I have no plans...

I'd like to change that because I realize this is a luxury that I don't want to lose, but i can forsee it slipping away.

I used to have a ton of hobbies but I feel so burnt out at the end of my day, when I look over at my guitar for example I haven't picked it up in months... all I'll do is grind the odd video game or fall asleep watching a movie.

I'm very boring.

My therapist mentioned that i need to find hobbies that allow me to recharge and budget my time to facilitate the life i want to lead. But I feel so damn exhausted all the time. I know what to do, just make a calendar and add some events to it. But holy fuck that's easier said than done.

Anyone have any advice to get over this? Strategies that have worked for them? I think I should set a day aside where I budget out events for the week/month but sometimes the day of the event i just want to stay in.

Thanks in advance and sorry for rambling.

There are many different views of childhood. Life allows us a perspective as we age. We, whom were once children, then "young adults", then functioning adults, and parents. We surrender our innocence without our permission, and conform to an expected outcome. Some are able to cling to a sense of "childish wonder" through hobbies and artistic pursuits, but we are only staving off the inevitable realization that we are in fact, old. Adulthood is the sly thief of childhood. While we are resisting the years, the crushing weight of life sneaks in and burdens us with the bills, the taxes, the responsibilities of "adulthood". Stop. Take a moment to sit down with a child, or a puppy, and drink deeply of the innocence that comes from play. Forget for a moment about the bills, the aches, the responsibility, and encourage a child to be...a child. RJ Burriola m59

EDIT: I translated it wrong, I meant teasing and being passive aggressive

I (25M) frequently get made fun of by my coworkers and I usually just stay quiet, make a small remark like "huh" or "yeah", or ignore them entirely. I'm pretty reserved and shy with people I'm not comfortable with and maybe I have anxiety but idk. I've been here for over a year.

Today I realized that being quiet does not work. They enjoy it because of the fact that I never fight back and it's getting under my skin because I feel so mad.

However I could never respond in any way because I know that when I'm emotional and I open my mouth I will either cry or say things that make it worse. Especially when people make fun of you there's usually a lot of people hounding at you.

And I can't leave my job. I have been applying for a year and you can count the amount of interviews I got with one hand.

I don't know how I should respond. Been like this since forever. I let people walk all over me.

How can I learn to stand up for myself?