Hi all, my wedding is next year and I’m planning a bridal shower about 6 months before. I want a bridal shower purely because I don’t have a huge social circle and I wanted a chance to celebrate with the women (family and friends) I’m closest to as my fiance is getting his classic bachelor party (minus strippers lol).

The most anxiety inducing part of the wedding for me is the idea of people spending money and time on me. Like many couples, we live together already and don’t need any typical registry items. I was planning to forgo the registry and if people really want to bring cash to the wedding, that’s awesome, but we definitely don’t expect anything.

Having a bridal shower in addition to the wedding is giving me anxiety as I think people will feel like they need to bring me gifts to the shower as well. A lot of my family doesn’t make a ton of money and I really just want their presence at these events and I feel so guilty about imposing my wedding on them already, let alone another event 6 months before.

Is there a tactful way of saying “please no gifts” at the bridal shower? I considered suggesting a donation to a charity that I’ve supported in the past. Maybe there’s no way of handling it that’s not rude, but I just wanted to get some input. Honestly it’s not that cash wouldn’t be helpful as we save to buy a house, but I don’t love the feeling of guilt that comes along with it. Any suggestions?

any suggestions for a wedding # with the last name Gentile

Recently got engaged and my family threw us a surprise engagement party last month. It was incredible- so many of our family and friends were there (no family friends). It was everyone I would have hoped (80pp). When my fiancé and I wrote our our draft wedding "invite list" it was 160 people... double the amount that were at this party. At the party, I was totally overwhelmed by the amount of people to talk to and thank for coming, as it was so kind. I was asked to take about 1000 photos with guests and I ate one cookie the entire party (didn't have time to eat food due to talking and photos etc). It was BEYOND overwhelming and I didn't even get to soak in the decor, the food, having a moment to chill. It made me really nervous would the actual wedding eventually. Will having a welcome party alleviate some of the attention/ need to talk to every single person/ take a million photos and get pulled from convos on the wedding day itself? It made me realize that all of that going totally made the party fly by and I just wanted a moment to soak it in and not feel like I was being pulled in too many directions.

Hello All,

As you all may be in a similar situation planning your wedding, I thought I would gain some insight from you all. I am having a small wedding of 50 guests. I sent out invitations with the RSVP card, stamped and ready for my guests to easily return it. I am approaching the deadline for return. Only 22 people out of the invites sent have returned their RSVP. I have asked a couple people if they are planning on making it and they say "yes". I politely asked them to fill out the RSVP and drop it in the mail as my mom is the one tracking the guest count. All I get is "Yah, I need to do that, but I'm coming." Though there aren't any guests we don't know personally, I am finding this very rude. Is this normal? Should I have to track people down to turn in their RSVP cards? Should I reach out to them and let them know if we don't get the card we are assuming they are not coming?

Another layer to this is our venue has cancelled all their weddings through December. We have thankfully found a new venue with such short notice. I was waiting for all the RSVPs to let those who were coming know of the change in venue (same town, different address). Needless to say, I have been very put together through this stressful change. I know this is completely a first world problem, but I just do not understand why it is so hard for someone to write their name on a card, mark accept or regret and place it in the mailbox. Has anyone else had this issue? How did you handle it??

As suggested to add: We live in the USA, Southern California. All family and friends are "Westernized", so I do not believe this is a disconnect due to cultural differences.

very early in the planning, and long engagement but I had a question. I plan on hiring someone to make my dress and I don't want it to look brand new white, but antique looking, like on the gray side but not an obvious gray dress if that makes sense. I don't want it to look yellowish or brown because I have a cool skin tone and ivory/beige would look weird on me. I also hate shiny fabrics and am going for a sort of boho style so just wondering what material and color you would look for if you were me. I definitely want lace trimming I don't mind a metalic lace look but other than that, matte fabrics nothing satiny or anything like that.

Discuss anything on your mind with your fellow wedditors. This is an especially great place to ask short (1-2 lines) questions or commonly asked questions instead of making an individual post.

All discounts and deals should be posted here.

Don't forget to check out the latest Monthly Check In thread! The Monthly Check In is great for finding date twins, as well as seeing where others are at in their "To Do" timelines.

Hi guys! What do we think of having a box of fleece lined slipper socks w grips at the wedding, instead of flats or flip flops? We’re getting married in December (soon!). or is it not worth it to provide this at all? Wedding is Black Tie.

We are looking for a venue that is unique for a micro-wedding reception on the South Shore of Boston. Less than 50 people total; but would like something that is really different and fun. Any suggestions?

I recently decided to have my wedding in Europe (or maybe Asia). I'm from the Bay Area and almost put down a deposit at a Napa Valley hotel, but ultimately decided that I could get so much more value if I had my wedding overseas. This means my guests would have to cover their own flights. I'm hoping to make things more financially convenient for them as I know traveling is a lot for me to ask.

Do you think I should offer to pay for their accommodations (1 or 2 nights) or should I not ask for gifts? Thanks so much for your thoughts!

My fiance and I booked the caterer for our wedding. We paid our first deposit with our credit card but we were somehow charged twice. The catering company says we may have selected milestone payments but we checked and there is nowhere to set that up in the link we received. The payment was processed through Stripe. The caterer said she processed the refund and it was taken out of her escrow account but it has now been 17 business days. Our bank had no way to see if a refund was processed through their end. Our caterer said she could refund us via venmo or check instead but we paid with a credit card so we would really prefer if it were just refunded so it doesn't look like we made 2 very large charges (because we didn't). We also don't want to do a charge back because she is still our caterer and we will eventually be paying her that second amount (if this is not a huge scam) and we don't want to have any type of negative relationship with the caterer of our wedding. What should we do?

We are planning a June wedding in Kona on the big island. My wedding planner just warned me that it’s going to be VERY HOT AND HUMID and to try to make it earlier (Like May or late April). But when I spoke to the local receptionist at the venue, she told me really there wont be much difference at this time. Can anyone advise?

Hi everyone! I thought I'd share my wedding day budget breakdown, because these were very helpful for me as we were planning our wedding, which just happened this past Saturday, in Washington, DC. 

A few general comments

• Yes, it's crazy how expensive weddings can get, and at first, we got a lot of sticker shock from the prices and estimates we received. But even though the final cost was about 50% more than we had set out to spend, we made sure we would still be able to comfortably afford it (and we are lucky to be in a privileged position to do so) without going into debt or disrupting our daily expenses or savings plans. That being said, coming out on the other end, I think every single penny we spent was worth it, because our wedding day went perfectly, and we can't imagine doing it any differently. 
• We made a conscious decision to keep details as simple as possible, whether that meant minimal decor or a straightforward timeline with no extra games or activities. This not only helped keep costs down but it also minimized the things we had to stress over. 
• Our wedding started at noon, as dictated by the church's availability, with the reception ending at 6 PM. At first, we thought that might be awkward timing, but it ended up working out really well, as most of our guest were locally based, so they were able to get home at a reasonable hour, and we still had the evening to enjoy our first few hours as a married couple. We're also a bit older (mid-30s), as are our guests, so we weren't interested in throwing a rager of a party. Some of our friends organized their own after parties. As a bonus, we also had really beautiful lighting for photos at the church, which we wouldn't have had if the wedding had started later in the afternoon.
• We somehow ended up booking our wedding day during one of the busiest weekends in DC. This did make traffic a bit heavier, but we also locked down our hotel room block early and ensured our out-of-town guests all had their flights and accommodations confirmed as early as possible. 
• Our wedding ceremony and reception were in a popular part of the city that is well connected, so we didn't arrange separate transportation. The two venues were also less than a 10-minute walk apart. The one minor regret/stress I had was parking, because neither venue offered their own parking for our guests who were driving in. But we warned our guests well in advance and recommended several nearby parking garage or rideshare options; luckily, only a few guests had mobility issues that we made separate arrangements for. 

Now for the breakdown (prices rounded):

Total number of guests: 95 people (100 invited)

Total overall costs: About $55.5K

Catering: $26,000. By far our most expensive vendor. This included three passed hors d'oeuvres for cocktail hour; three appetizers and three entrees served family style; open bar with two signature cocktails, wines, beers, non-alcoholic drinks; all rentals (including tables, chairs, linens, plates, flatware, etc.); staffing; cleaning/garbage removal; and admin fee. This was, believe it or not, one of the more affordable options on our reception venue's approved caterers list, but it was also one of our favourite restaurant groups in the city. It was a million times worth it, because the food was literally perfection, and our guests enjoyed a menu that was different from the "standard" wedding fare. Many of them said it was the best wedding food they've ever had.

Church reservation: $2,300. This is a well known, historic church in the city. It was my dream church to be married in, so I had no qualms about the cost. It also included the wedding ceremony music (organist and cantor).

Reception venue: $7,000. Among the venues we toured, this was pretty middle of the way in terms of pricing. This included use of the space (including outdoor patio) for 8 hours (including 4 hours total for set up and clean up, so 4 hours of actual programming) as well as some accessory furniture that we could use. We also just fell in love with the aesthetic at first sight.

Day of Coordinator: $2,000. 1000% worth it. This actually covered six weeks of support/service from the DOC, as well as an assistant on the day of. They took over vendor relations starting six weeks out from the wedding, put together our timeline, joined the final logistical meetings with other vendors, and were stuck to us by the hip on the day of to make sure we had everything we needed. I'm very organized and have planned several events in the past, but I'd still recommend a DOC if you want to be able to actually enjoy your wedding! In terms of pricing, I think our DOC ended up being on the more affordable side, but the quality of their work and service was at a premium level. 

Photographer: $6,000. Among the ones we were looking at, our photographer was probably on the slightly more expensive side. But they are extremely talented and we loved their portfolio. We also didn't hire a videographer, because we prefer photos (I like the romanticism of capturing a moment in time), and we were willing to pay a premium for photography, since that's the main thing that lasts after the wedding. Our friends and DOC ended up capturing some key moments on video anyway. This included 7 hours of coverage (though our photographer and the second shooter actually ended up shooting an extra hour at no extra cost), engagement photos (which we love), and digital photos. 

Florist: $800. We only ordered personal florals (i.e., bouquets, boutonnieres, and corsages) as our family did the floral centerpieces for the reception. It wasn't easy finding a florist who didn't have a minimum spend of several thousands of dollars, which usually necessitates decor florals, but our florist was just starting her own studio so she offered a la carte options, which was perfect for us! The flowers she prepared were absolutely beautiful.

Cake: $1,000. We set out initially for a smaller cake, but we wanted to hit the delivery minimum so that we wouldn't have to stress about driving a fragile cake to our venue. We ended up with stunning (and delicious!) custom designed three-tier cake that was also the dessert for our meal. Several guests mentioned how wedding cake is usually not very good, but they absolutely loved ours.

DJ: $1,100. Covered four hours of service, so basically our main wedding reception. This was perfect -- we used a Spotify playlist for our cocktail hour, to save on time/cost/logistical complexity. The DJ company had an app that we could use to upload our playlists and fill in all the day-of details, so the process was very smooth. The DJ also served as our MC.

Make-up artist: $1,300. Included make up for bride, bridesmaids, and mothers, travel to our getting ready spot, as well as make up trial, all covered by us. Our MUA was on the slightly more expensive side, but we found her based on recommendations, and I was picky about our MUA as I've had bad make-up experiences in the past. She was fully worth every penny -- everyone was extremely pleased with their make up (my mom talked about it all weekend) and I cried all day, yet the make-up didn't budge! 

Hair: $800. We also covered hair for everyone who got their make up done. The hairstylist was a reference from our MUA, because they work well together. She did a wonderful job, and I think she will be my regular hairstylist going forward!

Rehearsal dinner: $2,400. This included the cost of food and drinks + booking the private room at one of our favourite restaurants for about 35 guests. We got rave reviews about the food, and there was some leftover because we had over-ordered.

Rings: $2,000. For both wedding bands. Doesn't include my engagement ring.

Stationery: $1,000. All through online vendors (Minted and VistaPrint). We used Minted for our save-the-dates and invitations, because we liked their designs the best (and the paper/stock choices felt premium) but VistaPrint for our signage and day-of paper (e.g., programs, menus, etc.) because they were the most cost effective. Good customer service experience on both fronts, and overall we were pleased with the quality.

Wedding insurance: $500. This was required by our wedding venue, but we may have gotten it even if it wasn't, as I tend to be risk averse.

Parking permit for church: $55. To reserve four parking spots in front of the church, which we got through the city government.

Random decor/accessories: $85. We kept the decor relatively minimal because between the flowers, the beautiful venue, and the rentals, the reception already looked pretty full (and our church was beautiful without any additions). Mostly on Amazon. 

Day of breakfast catering: $150. We got bagels, fruits, and coffee for everyone getting ready at our place on the day of from a local bagel shop. More expensive than the supermarket, but it was convenient to have everything ready to serve and easy to pick up.

Post-wedding preservation: $1000. This includes dry cleaning and preserving my wedding dress and preserving my bouquet (I found a local flower artist who will dry out my bouquet and arrange the flowers in a floating glass frame as a keepsake). 

Dress: $0. I was very, very lucky that my aunt, who owns a bridal dress shop, gifted me my wedding dress. Of course, the cost savings were welcome, but more importantly, it was wonderful having someone who knows me and my style very well and whom I trust help me find the perfect dress. I'm extremely grateful to her. 

Wedding favours: $0. My mom made a few hundred beautiful, natural soaps for our guests (she's been making soaps for a while). We made sure to have our relative pass them around during the reception to make sure all of our guests got their favours, because we noticed a couple guests who left early didn't notice them.

I think that's everything! I haven't included costs for our honeymoon (which we're taking next year) or the personal beauty I did in the days leading up to the wedding (hair, nails, facial, etc.) because those are services I would have gotten normally anyway. But really, it was the perfect day, and it all seemed completely worth it at the end.

My non-local wedding (13 hr drive, 2 hr plane ride) is in 6 weeks. I am a dress size 2. I found my dream dress 9 months ago in a size 14. Since August, I have been led to believe it was receiving extensive alterations, to be ready by next week. Today, I just found out it is still untouched.

After searching FAR and wide, I found my dream wedding dress (that is no longer made by the designer since 2020) at a small, local, one-woman owned bridal shop. Her name is Francesca and she has owned the shop for 40 years. Her seamstress friend, Kylie, has been her business partner and worked out of her shop for 38 years. Yes, I questioned if I’m crazy trying to make a size 14 into a 2. BUT, Kylie the seamstress has has HUNDREDS of raving, 5-star reviews saying how talented, experienced and uniquely skilled she is with her one-of-a-kind, impossible-to-do, wedding dress alterations. In February 2024, Kylie sees me in the dress and KNOWS she can make it work. She gives me an itemized list of each detailed alteration and each time-consuming skill that each part of the dress requires. I pay for my dress in full to Francesca, and receive an alterations estimate from Kylie.

In August 2024, I arrive for my first “pinning”. Kylie, the talented seamstress, starts to work her magic. I am required to pay for the alterations in full (they all line up with her original estimate). I leave my dress with them at the shop. It has been there for TWO AND A HALF MONTHS. They schedule me for my second-to-last, but maybe last, fitting for 6 days from now.

Tonight, I receive a phone from the bridal shop owner, Francesca: “Hello, Kylie and I no longer work together. But, don’t worry! I have a new seamstress. When can you come in for her to re-pin you in your dress? We can probably still have it ready for your original appointment in 6 days!” Me: (in dissociative shock) “Why would she have to re-pin my dress?” Francesca: “Well, because your dress has not been touched yet. But, if you make it in this Friday, we can probably still have it altered for you by your appointment in 6 days!”

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?!?

Edit:

here’a the dress

My planner let me know today that she won’t be able to be at our rehearsal that is the day before the wedding. Our wedding is next Friday.

She reached out to everyone in her network and doesn’t have someone who can cover in her place.

She offered to have an outline typed up so a friend/family can lead rehearsal… or do it the morning of the wedding.

None are ideal…

I reached out to our officiant who is also a coordinator but they’re unavailable.

I don’t love the idea of family or friend leading it, because none of us have much wedding experience. I’m sure we could figure it out, but I feel like I’ll end up taking the lead which I don’t really want.

I’m wondering if it’s worth trying to post on a local Facebook page to see if someone with wedding experience could lead for us instead. Unfortunately we’d probably have to pay, but I’m willing if it means a professional will be there.

Do you think this is necessary or just have friend lead for us?

My fiancée and I are trying to come up a mock budget as we are just starting to look at venues. We are looking in Northern Virginia/DC area. We are looking at hopefully 150 or less guests, does anyone have a rough idea how much we should be looking to pay for the chair and linen rentals?

The venues so far have had the tables, and chairs for indoors, but say we need to rent the linens and chairs for the outdoor ceremony.

Thank you!

For those of you who have attended, had, or will have a wedding on a Sunday evening, what is your take on doing a farewell breakfast or brunch the next day?

It is not a holiday weekend and I have some family from out of town, but I think even a bunch of more local people (venue is an hour away from where we live) are planning on taking Monday off and staying at the hotel. I’ve always enjoyed going to the brunch the day after, I just can’t remember if any of these were on Mondays.

Also not sure this is even in the budget tbh, but I’m working on the wedding website and drink I have to put together the schedule of events and it got me thinking. Would it be totally inappropriate to post that we will plan to be at the hotel lounge from x time to x time if people want to stop by and say goodbye without feeding people?

Hi! Need to make some add-ons quick last minute by...tonight! We will have about 130 adults with three bartenders total. At cocktail hour, I want to add on some passed cocktails just to eliminate a big wait for drinks... with this guest count/bar tender number how many do you think would suffice? 50... 60?

Thank you!

How do you decide who to and not to invite without feelings getting hurt? We have multiple friend groups (and group chats lol) and we of course want the people that are most important and closest to us at the wedding, but that's not always everyone in the group chat.

And then on top of that there's all of the plus ones. I'm trying to keep those restricted to people in long term relationships and/or living situations.

How do you handle plus ones for your friends that are casually dating (particularly one that only dates idiots if we're being honest), and what's the most polite way to say "I love you but sorry, not enough to pay $$$ for you to have a seat at the table."

My bf and I are in our late 20s and have been in a committed relationship for about 3 years now. There has been lots of talk recently about our future together and possibly getting married soon.

I am dreading the possibility of having a physical wedding. My palms are sweating as I am typing this. I am extremely introverted. I can interact with people and mask my nervousness pretty well but I HATE it and it’s extremely exhausting. I don’t do well in group settings. At work, I come off as really shy and quiet and as a result people try not to talk to me - which is great. I only have 2 close friends that I am comfortable with that know I am an introvert but doesn’t know the extent of. I enjoy going out but prefer doing things as long as there is little to no socializing with other people.

I met my bfs huge family (aunts, uncles, cousins and their SOs. My bf met my parents and my sibling (I don’t have relatives).

I have been to 4 weddings; I was a bridesmaid for my sister, and a guest for the others. I hated the attention being in the bridal party and I hated small talk with other guests at the table. I can’t imagine myself as a sweaty bride being the center of attention and kissing my husband comfortably in front of everyone or going around to every table and socializing and just being myself. I don’t like the idea of having to cater to my guests and the mental and financial stress of having a wedding. I’m in the US and planning for a wedding is overwhelming and not something I am interested in doing. I’d be happy just using that money and going on more extravagant trips and having experiences I would actually enjoy.

The bf obviously has expressed that he would want to have some sort of ceremony and that his mom would more than happy to pay for most, if not all, for a wedding. He is very close to his mom and his mom is very close to the rest of the family. I would hate to take away from his day but I also want to be happy.

What would be a good middle ground where we would not be sacrificing too much on both sides?

So I’m in a wedding this year (the MOH) and I’ve just been told that we won’t be having hair and make up for the bridal party, but the bride will be having a lady from her church do hers (she wouldn’t be able to accommodate the rest of us due to child care). Am I wrong for thinking that’s a bit weird? I am a make up girly and love doing make up and can do it but that being said, some of the other girls can’t… I fear that not everyone will look the same calibre in pictures.

Do I book my own HMU? That means it cuts back how much time I’ll get to spend in the morning with the bride and being the MOH is that a no no on my part? Hair and make up was just not something I wanted to worry about day of. Mixed feelings and a little put off by the whole situation 😒

Edit: since finding out no hair and make up is being done, Ive had girls reach out to have me help with their make up. I wasn’t asked before hand to help by the bride and I feel blindsided. On top of that, the bride also texted me saying she “put me on eyelash duty for the girls”… again I wasn’t even consulted on this 😣 I want my attention to be focused on the bride but I have a hard time saying no to things 😩 #peoplepleasersexpress

Dress is from Etsy shop called EtnoSoul. I just fell in love when i saw it, so took a risk and order it. But it was worth it! I love it ❤️

I’m not entirely sure what I am looking to gain from this post, maybe advice or people who have gone through something similar. I am getting married at the beginning of June, and my fiancé’s mom was just diagnosed with terminal cancer. We are completely heartbroken, and the wedding adds a whole other layer of stress to the situation- wondering whether she will make it that long, if she will be feeling well enough to go, etc. She just started treatment, but we don’t yet know how she will respond/how much more time she will have.

For the first couple weeks after finding out, my fiance and I were pretty set on just cancelling the wedding and counting our losses as far as deposits go. It just doesn’t even feel right to be planning this with so much unknown, and the possibility of having a wedding without her is just unfathomable. However, since a treatment plan was put in place, her doctor has been pretty optimistic that she will be feeling good still next summer. My MIL is also insisting that we not change anything regarding the wedding, so we decided to move forward with planning and just sent save the dates out.

I just can’t help but be anxious about the whole situation still. There is so much unknown, and I feel so horrible with both my parents and my fiancé’s parents continuing to put money into this (and my parents were sort of pushing us to cancel it or at least scale it way back to save money). Not to mention that now his parents have hospital bills piling up but they still insist on paying for part of the wedding. My main worry is that her prognosis could change at any time and she could go downhill unexpectedly and we may have to cancel the wedding anyway. And then at the same time, I feel so selfish being so worried about the wedding when my MIL is what is most important. I’m just not sure how to navigate this and I guess am looking for anyone who can relate or share some advice on what they would do in this situation 💔

My fiancé and I are getting married in Fall of 2025 and we are having a very untraditional wedding. We are doing a private ceremony in September with just our parents, and then celebrating with all of our family and friends in October. The celebration in October is similar to your typical wedding reception, except we are doing no parent dances, no bouquet toss, no grand entrance, etc.

We have many reason for why we decided to do our wedding this way, but mainly we just didn’t really resonate with the traditional wedding style. Nothing about our relationship has been “traditional”, so why have a traditional wedding?

Although we don’t want to do a lot of the traditional wedding activities, we still don’t want our guests to be bored. We plan on doing a first dance, cake cutting, and of course lots of eating. But are there any other activities that you guys did at your weddings or that you can think of that are untraditional fun wedding activities/games that keep guests entertained?

Also a second question, do you guys think it’s weird to do speeches when we’re not having a wedding party? (Aka no best man or maid of honor) Who would we have do them?

I was thinking about doing musical chairs instead of tossing the bouquet for a couple of reasons.

1. I have never been a fan of the bouquet and garder belt toss
2. The venue has industrial beams and I'm worried it will get caught (because I'm clumsy)
3. I'm theory, it sounds fun

What do you think? Pros? Cons?

Thanks babes!

Hi guys,

My fiance and I are struggling to figure out the kids situation for our wedding. My fiance has a ton of younger cousins. We originally were going to do 16+ but then ran into some trouble with inviting one sibling but not the other. We realized this could quickly snowball, and now we are thinking of having a hard cut-off of 18+ instead. However, I want my two nieces (10 & 11 yo) and my nephew (2 yo) to be our flower girls/junior bridesmaids and ring bearer. Do you think this is problematic? I'm nervous people will get upset with us for not having kids allowed but my nieces and nephews will be there.