Hi! What should I do? My fiancé doesn’t want to attend the full bridal shower but was planning to come at the end with some convincing lol Originally that was fine, but now people have RSVPed No and we need to pay for x amount no matter what. My mom suggested the men in my and his immediate families come and sit at a table in the back since the meals are already paid for (by my mom). My fiancé is refusing to do this as he doesn’t want to be someone’s “mule”, doesn’t want to be taking pictures, and it’s for girls. I don’t know if I should like literally hire guests to come or just offer to pay my mom for the seats lol I can’t imagine how awkward it would be if there’s a bunch of men there and not my fiancé?? lol but also convincing him to come would be just as bad because I would be worried the whole time that he’s miserable and wouldn’t enjoy myself. Any advice?

So we are planning our wedding less than 40 people basically my family, my aunt and all siblings/cousins & spouses. My FH will only have his parents, he doesn't have any other family. We both don't really have friends but I might invite a few. So already we find it a little weird and lopsided.

Recently we had a get together with basically all the people that would be invited at the wedding. They all left quite soon after the event started (said they had made plans that morning to visit with other people) which was a dissapointment to both myself and my FH as I had been planning this event for a month and was really excited.

Now we're realizing that the vibes just felt off and now feel a little weird about having a real wedding if people are just going to show up and not really stay long and enjoy themselves. (I had asked one person if they would stay late on our wedding day, they already told me they'd be leaving after dinner as they work the next day - - invites haven't gone out yet, and the date hasn't been mentioned, and is next year so that's already odd...) The place we have decided on for a venue is contraversal to my family and they have already made it a big deal that its 1.5 hours out of town and will have to find alternative accommodations on their own if they don't want to camp.

Now we're left here thinking if we should continue with the original wedding plans or if we should just elope. Maybe once we buy a house we can do a formal dinner thing or something. We originally wanted to have a wedding before my grandparents pass, but just the way we feel about the recent event just makes us feel really anxious and that we're going to feel the same icky feeling on/after our wedding day too. We don't want to spend all this money on a wedding day if no one is going to stick around and enjoy it with us.

I've already bought a dress, and a lot of decorations for the event. Should I just be counting my losses...

TL:DR - had an event recently with family, all left super early into the event as they made other plans almost spontaneously after I had the event planned for over a month and was super excited. Now worried our wedding will be the same and now thinking second thoughts about spending a bunch of money for no one to enjoy.

I know I won’t be the first (or last) to ask this, but I’m torn about whether to invite my uncle and aunt to my wedding. My uncle and aunt are both alcoholics and have, almost consistently, ruined either a Thanksgiving or Christmas every year for the past two decades. My uncle in particular is normally the wrongdoer — his drinking fuels his anger, which turns into verbal (and often physical) attacks on family members. The police have been called on at least five separate occasions, and our family sort of grew to accept that the night was going to end in chaos when they were around. It’s become such a problem that two years ago we stopped inviting them to Thanksgiving altogether.

I know this seems like a no brainer, but I’m torn.

When my uncle and aunt are sober, they’re wonderful. My parents were small business owners and my grandmother (who my uncle and aunt live with) watched me and my siblings after school and well into the evening for the large majority of my childhood. My aunt and uncle were a huge part of my upbringing and I love them dearly — when they’re sober. I can’t imagine them not being there on my wedding day. I so badly want to invite them with the caveat that they don’t drink, but I know that alcoholism is a disease and they have no control. It’s especially hard as we’ll have a five hour open bar. I think about my guests — particularly my friends and my colleagues who don’t know them — and I’m petrified at the thought of my uncle verbally or physically assaulting one of them. I just don’t want to deal with anything of the sort at my wedding.

The kicker is that my grandmother (90 years old, to be 92 at the wedding) — who is my entire world — has already skipped Thanksgiving with us to spend it with them after their invitations were revoked. She enables them, which is an entirely separate issue I won’t get into, and I could see her saying she won’t attend my wedding without them. I’m getting married in my hometown completely and utterly because of her as she’s far too old to travel. It was more important to me to have her at my wedding than it was to have the wedding of my dreams elsewhere.

What would you do in this situation?

In-law got married but didn’t have a wedding - they got married at city hall and went to dinner after (we paid for their dinner as a surprise). How much cash should we give as a gift?

My fiance and I are having a very small wedding with only 40 guests. This is only close friends and immediate family. I like my coworkers and we get a long great but I did not plan on inviting them to the wedding. The problem is that my boss just had her wedding and invited everyone. When we were there my coworkers kept making comments implying that they expected an invite to mine. Then after the wedding we were on a group call and people were talking about how work family is just as important as real family. Now I feel almost obligated to invite everyone to the wedding. That would add another 10 guests and up the cost by about 1K. I'm torn between inviting everyone (they are fun) or sticking with my original plan. Help!

Our wedding is on 03/21/2025, and today, I called the wedding & reception venue to pay our balance in full. They tell me I owe significantly more than my contract stated. Long story short, they never had me sign a contract for the reception--just the ceremony. They said they emailed it to me, but I can't find it. The next issue is, if the original contract is just for the ceremony, they overcharged me by $1,500 and are just now realizing it AFTER they tried to get me to sign a new contract, and I refused. THEN when they send me the contract for the third time, I say I will consult an attorney first. They called me saying they'll refund me $2,250 (keeping what my original deposit should have been).

At this point, because it's a destination wedding and it's obvious the wedding venue does not know what is going on or keep an accurate record of anything, I'm seriously contemplating saying forget it and canceling with all my vendors. I reread all my contracts, and if I cancel, I'll be out a little over $3k.

What should I do???

TL;DR, the wedding venue has messed up my contract several times, and now I don't know if I should find a new venue or cancel everything due to it being a destination wedding.

Edit: spelling and punctuation

My fiancée’s best friend (let’s call him Jack) and his sister dated and broke up a few years ago. It wasn’t a very long relationship, but it did end up being very intense and ended badly. Jack and my fiancée were best friends before he started dating his sister and my fiancée told them not to do date bc he could see where it would lead to, so he has always said he would not stop being close to either of them if they broke up. The sister went on to get married to someone else, but her and Jack are still not on speaking terms. We want them both in the wedding party along with the sister’s new husband (my fiancée was on of his groomsmen and I was her bridesmaid), but we don’t know how to handle putting these three all in a group together. We are having mixed gender parties and they are free to float between the bride and groom’s suites and won’t be stuck with each other, but they will still have to be together for a good amount of time, especially if we do a wedding party trip. What do we do?

I keep seeing all these posts about dress codes, 'is this appropriate for a formal wedding' questions in the wedding attire sub, and I have to admit I'm rather taken aback. I've actually never been to a wedding that was formal/semi-formal -- fancier than just just typical nice church or business attire. I have never been to any wedding that even had a particular dress code, much less a required color palette. At my own recent wedding, my only specification on attire was dressy casual, no jeans; that's the norm in my experience. But maybe I'm just out of touch? I've spent most of my life in smaller towns in lower middle class life where a fancy dress party would be a luxury that is largely out of reach. I would feel snobby and demanding if I tried to throw a formal wedding.

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Has anyone preserved their bouquet after the wedding? If so how? We got married on Friday and I have a few dead flowers on mine but most are alive! I was looking into pressed floral but there’s so many mixed reviews 😵‍💫

My close friend is getting married in April. She’s very excited and is having us order dresses from an online place (Azazie). She understandably wants us to order dresses soon.

What would you guys do? I have no idea what my size will be in five months.

I got my bangs cut too short 26 days before my wedding, I have been freaking out and extremely upset with myself for making the mistake of getting it cut….

Our event coordinator is encouraging us to do a money dance game. Not the one where you pin cash on the couple, but what their couples have done is a "do not play list" with their hated songs but you can "buy" the song through their venmo and force the couple to come out and boogie to it. They have prices on each song and they said they've seen couples get a ton of money from it (like 20-50 bucks per song to force them out there) and people like to pick on the couple and do it. But guests love having fun with the couple with dancing then the couple gets extra cash in return. The cash is nice but doing it moreso for more interactive dancing games. We are 22 and 24 so we have a lot of friends and family friends who would likely get a kick out of it.

Has anyone seen this or know any templates for setting this up? Instead of "hated" songs, I think we are gonna do those goofy, funny songs that everyone knows like and put "make the couple dance":

• YMCA
• Gangnam Style
• What Does the Fox Say
• Staying Alive
• Rasputin
• Buddy Holly
• Shut Up and Dance

Any other ideas for songs? Or for developing this out? Thoughts?

How would you feel about this? A childhood friend and her fiance had RSVPed to our wedding as a yes right when we sent out invitations (August). Our wedding is November 16th. At this point, we have created almost everything for our wedding other than the seating chart board. My childhood “friend” went into The Knot where I had guests RSVP and put this update. What do you think?

…should we just Venmo is back for them next week? 😂 I would feel bad giving them less than they gave us and giving them more seems pointed.

We both don’t have registries and are just doing home funds.

I am going to be asked to be a personal attendant for one of my friends, but we started off being friends by association because my boyfriend was friends with her since highschool. So because of that, she has known who her bridesmaids were going to be for a long time. I always knew that and was more than happy! I also just knew we aren’t THAT close so I wasn’t expecting anything but was excited to be a guest! But one of the bridesmaids has told me she is going to ask me to be her “personal attendant” I am honored that she is thinking of me and wanting to include me but I just can’t help but feel like it is a pity role because she wants to include me since all of the other girls in our friend group has a role. I also and just financially in a tougher position so again, I felt good knowing I was just going to be a guest. So now I’m wondering what a personal attendant has to to? Because I thought that is what bridesmaids are for?

I don’t want to come off as ungrateful, I haven’t expressed this thought to anyone in my life. I want the bride to focus on herself and be excited for the wedding and I want her to know I’m so excited and happy for her and am willing to do anything.

We have some very close friends and their daughter just got engaged. We consider each other's kids like nieces/nephews. We have taken family vacations together, etc.

We want to be generous in our wedding gift but not expect the same back for our kids when they get married.

We would like to pay for their honeymoon up to a value of $10-20,000 (flights, hotels, meals, etc). We do not want to be involved in any planning or expect anything in return. We know they enjoy traveling and given they are starting their careers, finances are tight.

My questions are:

1. Do we get permission from our friends (the parents) before telling their daughter about our gift?

2. Can we ask them to keep this private? We would prefer not to have anyone else know outside of their family.

They are a great couple and we are really happy for them!

I have five weddings next year, and unfortunately, I have two two weekends in a row in February and two two weekends in a row in October. The fifth is the outlier in May.

I have a boyfriend so naturally I have to give a gift that covers both of us, and I really can’t afford to keep giving $300 every month anymore. I’m honored to be invited to all of these special days but it’s becoming too much for me to afford. I live alone outside of NYC so my rent is a big chunk of what I make.

I have a very average salary and haven’t been able to save a dime for myself since May because I was in a wedding this year and it completely put me out. I’ve been trying desperately to get a better paying job all year but nothing has worked out so far.

My best friend of 10+ years is the one getting married in May, so I obviously plan to give her the highest amount from us. But for the others, would giving $200 for us both be okay? They’re all still good friends, but I don’t wanna have to live off my credit card again all of next year.

Hello I am getting married in little over a year. I am a very emotional person I get teary eyed just thinking about the beautiful day. I know I will cry but I still want to wear Makeup. This is my first marriage and it will be my only one so I want to look and feel special. Please help this bride to be out. Any and all advice is welcome, Thank you!

Small gift I can get thats unique. Not looking for gift cards/ money as the bride is a close friend who doesn't like that as a gift. But not sure what to get bc there is no registry

My fiancé loves the sandals idea of a wedding and has a particular date in mind - bless him. He’s stoked. We went to two properties and loved the brand new one. I finally had the yes moment.

BUT, I’m not entirely sold yet - I worked in high end hotels and the sandals theme is very gimmicky. Great for us, but I’m unsure of the guests and don’t want to lack the accommodations. The process of charging guests in full 6 month prior in a group contract is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. That gives our guest 1 month to pay and right before the holidays?! We are shortening our list to not be in the contract, which is leaving us to have a second wedding celebration, which I’m excited for. But the whole process or lack of communication with the department, is making me nervous to ask family and friends to travel across the country to come. We finally hired a group coordinator outside the organization who is terrific.

Anyway - any sandals weddings stories?! As a guest?! What did you think?! Did anyone have weird feelings prior? What was your experience? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Hello—I am seeking song suggestions!

For our wedding, I thought I would engage my Colombian heritage for the mother-son dance and do a bachata, since my mother and I both know the style and I think it would be a nice homage to my culture.

The issue I am running into is finding some bachata song that fits into the vibe of mother-son dance for a variety of reasons. Does anyone have any good suggestions for a mother-son bachata dance?

My dad is sick and in a wheelchair and can't come to my wedding in Florida. My friends husband is willing to walk me, but he doesn't really want to because we're really not friends and we barely ever talk. Instead of forcing it, I tried to find someone else to do it, and was even willing to pay, but no one seems to want to do it anymore than he does. I feel like a loser. Especially because most of my family doesn't have the money to come, so I will only have less than a handful of them there. I moved here for school so my core friends are back home and they'll be there, but most of my friends here are new and not willing to make the drive to my fiances town and stay overnight for me. My fiance has a huge family and friend circle and people love him. I'm so embarrassed that I don't have a father figure to stand in for my formerly abusive and currently sick father. I feel space growing between me and my partner because of the resentment I have for him having a healthier and more financially stable family, so while I'm praying through this and I know that these feelings are my fault and completely unfair to him, l still have them. I joined a 12-step program for people from dysfunctional families and have been working with therapists since I got here and experienced extreme change, but I still don't have enough friends to match the lifetime of health and stability that he's been able to experience by having a different life than I did. I feel guilt and disappointment for feeling resentful of healthy relationships and financial stability. My family is on public assistance and in so much debt, and my new friends love me dearly, but it just hasn't been lor enough for me to feel like I can expect so much them.

Hi, I have a good friend of 5+ years I met at work. I don’t talk to her on a regular basis, but still consider her a good friend. She’s having a wedding in the Boston area. How much is the norm to give as a monetary gift from me and my husband? I haven’t been to a wedding since 2017 and that was my husbands brother and I was broke AF back then. I am financially stable for what this economy is. Thanks in advance!

Any recommendations for a 50 person destination wedding in Cabo? Not looking for a beach wedding but maybe one with the ocean in the background or a garden vibe. Budget is $40k