Feeling disconnected from some of my non-recovery friends. Really wanting to make more friends in recovery to gain that possibility of feeling more understood and in community. I talk ab recovery w my non-recovery friends and they quickly change the subject. I have a few opportunities lined up to meet folks in recovery spaces. Just feeling sad and lonely. Any tips / advice? I do work on myself but I also live alone and I’m not currently working outside of school so feeling like I need a better support system. Please help.

I know I was down bad because I added "cigs" so I must have needed to bum cigs. I have no idea who this is. Almost 5 years. If I can do it, anyone can. Keep pushing.

At 46 grateful days I’ve started to remember how My lifestyle truly faded from my own hands so quickly and so violently I’ve been unable to share this with another God Fearing Soul. Can’t even put into words how regretful and ashamed I should be for the rest of my life, let alone today. This minute. Many details shall forever remain unspoken by myself.

Im not gonna lie i really want to leave, I dont think its necessarily because i want to use again its just im so fucking bored and unhappy here. Like i know its for the best that i stay but honestly all i rly want rn is to go home. Idk im just really not liking this at all im tired of being watched over and shit like there’s chill people in this facility and the staff is really nice but I just hate being here. Im probably not making alot of sense i just really needed to get my thoughts out in words

Title sums it up pretty well.

Way back before I started drinking heavy I was a basket case of mental health issues. Psych ward visits one to two times a year, three to four anti-depressants a night, been in therapy since I was 13.

When I lost my little brother five years ago just ten days before I turned 21 (in the US here) my decline into alcoholism pretty much wrote itself.

I'm almost 90 days sobre but I'd be lying if I said I haven't been tempted to go down the path of "fuck it". Thank God I've been down the road of "Well quitting drinking isn't gonna fix everything so might as well just lay in bed in a drunken stupor all day" enough times to know it truly does just make everything worse.

I just really need to have faith that all this other shit that rattles around in my brain is gonna get better to have the strength to keep on the sobriety wagon, but now that I'm over that initial bliss that comes with getting sobre it's just hard to have that faith. Especially when I'm constantly reminded that everything that was wrong with me before I started drinking like a fish is still very much wrong with me.

I know drinking again is just going to make it worse, but I just am finding it harder and harder to have the hope that I'll be able to fix this shit sobre either.

I'm really grateful for my sobriety. I really mean that but today is kind of a slow day & I'd like some people to connect with. I'm willing to listen , give suggestions or just talk! Feel free to reach out !

Today I choose to surender, I drop my arms and armour and wait for your direction. Take my will and any life, guide me in my recovery and show me how to live . Please grant me strength to conduct my day with honesty, open mindedness and willingness. Love compassion, empathy , patients and tolerance to all living creatures including myself. Look out for my family and all addicts around the world .

I know taking benzos is a big no-no in the world of recovery and of course in the NA/AA community. Now, wut about if u are still actively in the process of weening off of them? They would still be in my system and I def do not get in the least bit fucked up from them anymore.. it’s been a WHILE! I could only assume this is ok, like it has to be?! Thanks ahead! Oh yea, been on them for years and years! So this weening process is gonna be slow and steady.

Many people think that recovery is simply a matter of not using drugs. We consider a relapse a sign of complete failure, and long periods of abstinence a sign of complete success. Myself in the recovery prices have found that this perception is to simplistic. After being in recovery a relapse maybe the jarring experience that maybe it’s time to add something new to our recovery.

I was a bar worker for many years in and out of sobriety, and I am curious what you are doing on Halloween. Do you go to a party, or stay home?

My sister has been sober for about 2 years after attending 8 weeks in rehab. She was a major alcoholic who probably would have died if she hadn’t gone to rehab when she did. Because of that, she has pretty severe memory issues that are impacting her work and just overall life. Even when we talk to her about it, she will often forget and honestly I’m not sure she’s even really capable of understanding that she has this issue. She is about to get fired from her 4th job since being sober and her memory issues play a big part in why. She currently has insurance but that will be gone if/when this job lets her good. She’s 34, beautiful, friendly, and has so much going for her but I don’t think she’s capable of working in the same roles she was prior to all this.

I have been trying to find resources for help either diagnosing her cognitive issues or treatment for memory problems but am having a hard time finding resources. Does anyone know of a place that helps? She doesn’t have a lot of money to spend but she desperately needs help. Thanks in advance.

I relapsed on mdma and some coke..This is totally different now ..i didn't feel happy at all only anxiety and stress..I don't want to use daily as i used to.. only in partys..My life isn't great i don't have friends or someone to love me..i only hurt my self..no way i am going back to my sponsor he fucked me up

Happy Halloween Everyone !! 8 Months !!

I have 21 years sober. I've been sober through many world events and seen outside issues make their way into meetings, which the chair will usually politely educate the member about outside issues. This seems to happen mostly with people newer to the meetings.

Tonight, I went to my homegroup. I'm having a ton of stress in my life right now, and admit I am not as spiritually fit as I have been at times. But as I walk in, there are 3 members (who have been around A WHILE) wearing full political billboards -and NOT intended as a Halloween costume. I have been quietly offended by the increasing politcal garb for a couple months, but tonight was the last straw. That was the tipping point which triggered a full blown panic attack.

I normally interact, share and am acti e in the meeting, but tonight I sat through the whole meeting super quiet (I introvert when I panic), wondering if i was having a true heart attack. My pulse was racing, i was neauseated, felt short of breath, and kept having pains in my neck and numbness in my left arm. Like ALL the symptoms. But i sat quietly, reading along with the the Big Book on my phone and trying to self-talk myself down. One lady even randomly came and sat next to me, and asked if I was ok.

I've been home a couple hours now and have mostly calmed down. But I'm still upset that it's being allowed. There are HIGH emotions on all sides, and it interfered with me being able to hear the message of AA tonight. This is EXACTLY why "outside issues" are an thing. They are things that get in the way of the singleness of purpose for a meeting.

Ugh.... pretty sure I'll drop a note in the 7th tradition basket, but right now I needed to vent.

So thanks for being here so I could spill my guts. And with that, I'll take ☝️Mo2️⃣4️⃣.

I was at the pumpkin patch with my son today and during one of the games he was playing I got a HUGE whiff of my doc - her name is Crystal. I haven’t had cravings or intrusive thoughts in quite a while, but today, when I got a whiff of that chemical smell in the air, it totally brought me back. I was almost in a trance for a moment. Then a moment of cravings hit…then the guilt for even thinking about it. Then all the guilt from me being in active addiction & the times I failed as a mother.

It was horrible & took me a moment to snap back into reality. My son is 10 and I’ve been clean since 06.24.2019 (5years) but he’s been thru a lot with me. I’ve been really struggling lately with my mental health (depression specifically) and my life has almost spiraled again even without doing drugs. My depression has gotten so bad. I’ve been unemployed on & off for the past 2 years, I’m overwhelmed by everything, I can’t get out of bed most days, and I stopped my schooling. In a total loser rn & I’m not even doing drugs.

It’s brought me back to my old days where I had to fight to survive everyday. Luckily now, I have help from my parents. Otherwise, idk what I’d do. But it’s still hard being 30 years old and having to scrape change together to get something to eat.

Idk what I came here to do, other than vent & tell on myself. But I know there’s somebody out there going thru something familiar, I just feel so alone. I used to be active in AA & NA but i haven’t been in so long & im such an introvert I don’t feel like explaining to everybody where ive been. I also feel guilty because i do smoke weed (which im trying to quit).

I’m just really struggling & felt so horrible for feeling the way i did today. Thats all.

Thanks for reading.

So amongst many relapses, I boiled it down to a need to feel alive. I had an abusive relationship that involved drugs and involved sobriety and also a near death experience, and i stayed hooked on him, despite him trying to kill me. I left, did my own sober thing, fell into alcohol binges, and usually ended up in a risky situation not too far along fucking with that fire. Then relapsed on fentanyl and got really caught up in that, and couldn’t understand why I was doing any of this, or what the main thread was, because my emotional stability varied throughout these times. Getting close to death, assures that you are aware you’re alive. This is a very risky habit I’ve made, but it’s genuinely how I feel. In active addiction, I dealt with this a lot, and was in lots of unstable living situations, living out of a backpack, and straight up homeless and that period in my life was full of vitality in my mind. Nothing was certain, everything was there to be enjoyed as it came, because anything could change in an instant. I lived like I was dying, and that felt alive. How do I approach this in recovery? I hit the gym which helps soo much, but i find myself falling into alcohol, for the chaos and adventure and I can’t part with this piece of me that needs to live kind of on the edge, I guess i just want different ways to achieve that feeling. I’ve felt alive from other less dangerous things, but it’s a different type of feeling, a “this is what i live for” not “this is what feeling alive is”. I likely have to retrain my mind to feel satisfied by new things, but I know adrenaline is a huge reason I ended up on meth for so long and I have bipolar disorder, so mania is definitely its own addiction in a way.

For all those who have gone to treatment. What activities or program constructs benefited you or that you enjoyed? I am an addiction support worker and my program is trying to come up with more things that are helpful for our clients while they are beginning their recovery journey at our facility. I’m talking things to do outside of group work and recovery material. We have the usual things like colouring, painting, art, daily walking hour. But after weeks at treatment these things become repetitive and boring.

Anyone experience activities outside the usual that they enjoyed during recovery?

I would also love to hear your experience in recovery in general and what aspects helped you stick with your goals and what type of support was less helpful than intended.

Thanks for reading and I really hope to hear from anyone’s experiences!

As me and my ex do other things with our lives i have and still am struggling to be without her, but we split on OK terms. i have nothing but love for her. I don't care if she thinks high or low of me cuz it don't matter nor do i have the right to say anything about her feelings towards me. I just wish her the best and i hope she can achieve her dreams.

I have been working towards my mental health issues, but i still struggle and i have my moments, but i do make it out after fighting. My best friend God bless his soul has been a massive support. I have come to the realization that although i will never meet another like her I'm glad someone like her exists and I'm glad to have known her and gotten close with her. She finds another who can treat her well and take care of her.

My maturity was really revealed during our relationship. In my earlier posts i said i was an arrogant little bastard without a care in the world. She really changes that. Not by correcting it but by existing and me realizing that people aren't like me. People have feeling and waht to feel safe. Me on the other hand i could really give a fuck about anything. I use to say shit about whatever i would want without a thought or consequences. and when the time came for consequences i would stand my ground and dig my heels deeper and deeper. I kinda miss that fire and ego i had. It was lots of fun doing and saying whatever i wanted to.

She helped me get out of my old mindset of being an asshole and being emotional mature. I always was as ive seen and been through hell and back, but then i was at a stage where i did not give a SINGULAR FUCK. She was a massive help there, but i think that mentality is coming back. Not 100% but i have noticed that my ego is coming back up again. Idk, but i wanted to say that im doing well, but i still have a lot of stuff to fix.

Its goofy and i don't know what to do, but fuck it we ball.

I talked with my neighbor (while sober) and got some really good advice. With all the advice you guys have given me as well I have decided I will start treatment. Thank you to everyone who aided me last night, I was in a dark place and you guys saved me.

Had a altercation today. Usually this would trigger me to wallow in self pity and drink/ take pills. But today I knew that would hurt me even more. I cried and am sitting with my feelings, and instead of hurting myself I’m trying to nurture myself learn and move forward. I’m pleased with how far I’m coming in this journey. Feeling happy with myself for caring. Butgahh it sucks when people totally discard your feelings. Happy Wednesday all 🩵

Sober a long time. So I did something to my back and I don't know what, but it is excruciating. Can barely walk, can barely sit, can barely lay down. Called my PCP, and she wants to prescribe me muscle relaxants, to hold me over until I can get to an orthopedic. Never taken them, and I'm super cautious, hesitant. Anyone have any experience taking muscle relaxers while in recovery?

Success stories? I’m trying to quit alcohol. I’ve done it in the past, loved it. But every time I get stressed or bored I’m back at it. Anyone who stopped on their own and has gone a long time, how did you do it?

My boyfriend and I are 9 and 10 months clean from heroin and was meth until about a week ago. We slipped up on that. He has always had a bad reaction with meth jerks and uncontrollable legs movements and sitting still since an 8 month stent in jail. Before going to jail he was like me and other than loss of appetite and difficulty sleeping while using I have no problems. I used to think it was the combination or heroin and meth together that caused this problem but we now know that’s not the case. We now know what a mistake we’ve made and I just want him to get some rest and sleep this off but he literally cannot be still. His legs have the urge to move nonstop and arms and chest just jerk uncontrollably. I told him after this wears off we are tossing what’s left and I’m not going to touch it ever again. I think him not being able to do it is a test of my love for him and my devotion to my own recovery and support of his. He got his job back after we left treatment making 30+ an hour. We are doing so well and he can’t mess this up. We’ve worked too hard to get our lives back. I know the awful mistake we made but we are addicts. Progress not perfection is what a mentor in treatment taught me and that’s all I’ve been able to say in my head today. I’m disappointed in myself but I just have to remember that we are in a hell of a better place then we were a year ago. So if anyone can help and give me some advice to relieve his misery or at least reduce it please please please comment or message me.

(im a couple hours clean now thank you to everyone in the comments this will continue to be part of my recovery) I didn’t have many to begin with, but the ones I did have died or have cut me off for valid reasons. My family gives me the cold shoulder also for good reason.

I have been a bad person and am paying for it, im tired of being a bad person. I don’t want to steal anymore. I don’t want to lie anymore. I don’t want to be myself anymore. I want to change, completely.

I know that quitting is the first step, but I’m completely alone or at least I feel that way.

I don’t even know what I want out of this post, I tried finding someone to vent to but couldn’t so ig thats why I’m here.

A few questions for those who have deleted most of their social media:

1. How did you cope at first after deleting it? Did it take a few tries to permanently get rid of it?
2. What are some strategies to stay off of it?
3. How has deleting it impacted your mental health?
4. Should I deactivate or just delete?

I’ve tried deleting Instagram several times, but keep getting an extreme urge to go back that’s tough to get over. I know I want to but making changes to help your recovery is so tough 😭

Edit: every app except reddit

Spent the day wandering the LA County Arboretum -- trying to be present, connecting with my Higher Power, disconnecting from the rest of the world. Stumbled upon a sign with a Chinese proverb on it -- it said "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now."

I have been stuck viewing the catastrophic explosion of my life and the resulting opportunity for REAL recovery as simply too late to be valuable. Life is ruined anyway, right? But today, this proverb reminded me that this moment... is a great time for recovery. When the tree grows, it won't matter when it was planted. It'll be just as beautiful...and just as alive.

Hope that means something to someone today. It meant a lot to me.

Recovering barhead alcoholic dumbass here!

In our third episode our ADHD really shines. We discuss the technicalities and information about street heroin, girls insulting you by complimenting you

Tw: discussions about using and using behavior, cussing, and really solid entertainment from recovering addicts

Follow us and we hope our stories distract you from whatever ur dealing with. Things are good and we love you. We hope to motivate beginners and show them you can be happy and ridiculous clean.

Message me if you ever need to talk. Love yall and thank yall.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4gmsI993VeYnAarXF0IdZ3?si=wein04o7S-iBrtmpn7mk1g&t=1431