Our 4yo playing transformers. He says:
"This decepticon's name is Fuckit"
I say:
"No, that is an adult's word"
And he says:
"Oh, sorry I forgot, ok then, his name is Filteryourself"

Which is exactly what I say to my husband when he accidentally drops that decepticon's first name

Talking about our days at dinner, my 3 year old says "We go to Games today!" Husband: No, we went to Gabe's. 3: Games H: No, Gabe's. Buh, buh, Ga-buh-s 3: Games butt!

So, after a 3 year hiatus, my daughter told me to ask Santa to ask our Elf (Candycane) to come visit us this year, as she’s no longer scared of it. So every night the past 2 weeks, as many parents diligently do this time of year, I looked for creative and fun places to put Candycane, for my kids to find with delight the next morning.

Today, on her way out the door to school, my daughter nonchalantly comments to me “mom, you forgot to cut the tags off Candycane”

My 4yo and 2yo daughters are watching frozen for (what I'm assuming) the first time. When they got to the part where Elsa starts freezing everything my 4yo cheers "yay! She's taking over!" And then both my 4yo and 2yo started chanting "she's taking over!" For the whole scene. It's a good time.

Not my child, but one of his kindergarten classmates. I was helping him spend his remaining dollar at the school book fair and suggested a bookmark. He held it in his hand and really thought about it for several seconds, then said he wasn’t sure he should get a bookmark, because none of his books at home have a bookmark holder. ❤️

We are changing after going for a swim. I get my suit off just as my daughter turns and looks at my crotch. She wrinkles her nose and loudly states “Mommy you have a dirty penis.” I died. And also couldn’t stop laughing.

I will miss this age. 🥹🤣🤦‍♀️

We have a Victorian home. I was putting plastic over the windows and said this one definitely needs it because it's not square. Kiddo runs into the living room looks at the window and says, "Oh, because it's rectangles." I'm glad kiddo has it figured out.

Women's bathroom at a museum. 4yo - who is as soft-spoken as a jackhammer and has the attention span of dust - just finished peeing and now it's my turn.

4yo: I'M JUST GONNA OPEN THIS TO SEE WHAT'S OUT THERE.

Me: No let's keep it closed right now.

4yo: WHY

Me: Because I'm going potty and would like some privacy.

4yo: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Me: ...going potty.

4yo: WHAT'S THAT?

Me: It's a tampon.

4yo: WHAT'S IT FOR

Woman in next stall: stifles a laugh

Me: Remember how I told you I have my period?

4yo (alarmed): WHY DOES IT GO IN YOUR BUTT??

Woman in next stall: snorts, tries to cover it by flushing

Me: That's... not where it goes. I'll explain later, let's go.

4yo: OKAY! sprints out of stall WHERE'S THE SOAP

...etc.

Could've been worse; he occasionally asks me where my penis is. (It's like he expects me to one day be like, "Oh actually it's right over here" despite many many conversations about how bodies work.) Anyway I love that it made the day of the woman next to us, I would've been dying laughing too!

(Edits: formatting, can't get the spacing right for some reason)

My three year old granddaughter and I were discussing what to get her other grandma for Christmas. We tossed around several suggestions to one another, and she suggested Skittles, bananas, or "wubber" bands. I told her those were all wonderful suggestions, but let's try to think of something that she needs. Then little Summer said "I know! A box of soft white things!" Of course I didn't know what that was so I asked her to tell me the name of them or what they're called. But she didn't know what they were called. After a bit of grilling by me and discovering that her grandma loves to wear them and she kept them on top of the potty, I realized Summer wanted to give her grandma a box of Poise.

Went to the hygienist for a cleaning and check up. He mentions I had put a mint cookie in his lunch and did not eat it because mint is gross after she listed out all the toothpaste flavors. They get to the floss part and she says "I have to tell you, I'm really sorry because I know you hate mint, but that's the only flavor floss I have." "It's ok, my teeth don't have taste buds. I won't be able to taste it silly!"

My 4 year old is on a sandwich kick- would have one for every meal if I let him. He’s started to ask for them and name off the ingredients while I make them- always in the same order: Ham, cheese, bread, and Bananaise! (Mayonnaise). Please nobody correct him!

My kids are all young adults now, but when they were growing up, they said some of the absolute cutest things. One of the best was from my oldest: my dad had brought him to the convenience store on the corner for some “realies” (aka Twinkies, but that’s not even the cutest thing), and after making the purchase, my dad couldn’t find him. Strange for a small gas station, so when he finally found him talking with a guy at the back of the store, it was one of those “don’t do that to me” situations. But what my-then-2yo son said was hilarious: He says, “Poppy, can’t you see I’m having a confirmation here!?” We still laugh about and use that kidism to this day and my son is now 25 and married.

Me (40M) - when we get home, you need to eat before the doctors at 1. Kid (5M)- what?! I'm not going to eat fast, old man! Me- say what, now? Kid - I'm gonna say it twice, I'm not gonna eat fast, old man!

If you aren't familiar with this show, it's a live stage version of Paw Patrol and they wear these full-body puppets and sing and dance.

My daughter turned this on and for the next 30-40 minutes, my wife and I were dying laughing at the things she was saying. She is definitely not a fan of re-imagining a classic show from her childhood.

• "Ryder does NOT look like that OR sound like that!"

• A new puppet came on stage: "Oh no. No No No No No...he doesn't look like that!"

• "That's not a real chicken!"

• "This just gets worser and worser and worser..."

• "Why does this just keep going on?!" She then proceeded to fast-forward through the rest of it, presumably so it wouldn't show up under 'continue watching'.

• "I'm going to have nightmares about this for weeks!"

• An hour later, she was laying in bed and literally ranting about it out loud to herself. "It made NO sense! And it was freaking me out!"

To be fair, it was pretty disturbing.

This happened more than a year ago, but we still say it and laugh about it often. His tone … he was so shocked, surprised.

Four-year-old: I love you one billion!

Me: I love you too!

Four-year-old: You only love me TWO?!?!

Our 3 year old is in a phase of playing with his junk... he stretched out his balls and said "flying squirrel penis!" And, well, he wasn't wrong 🤣

My 2.5 year old: I want to go to store and buy a nipple…. I want to eat it.

Me: We don’t eat nipples.

Kid: I want to put cream on it…. I want to hold it.

Daughter: “hey daddy, grandmas going to buy me Nikes bc Nike is my favorite brand!”

Husband: “you have a favorite brand? what kind of shoes do you have now?”

Daughter: “broken ones”

**we bought her shoes at the beginning of school year and they are already worn pretty good. they aren’t broken but they are fraying

My three year old, while break-dancing in the kitchen to pancake robot, ran into the fridge and smashed her nose. Crying, she ran over to me and said “that’s not a great place for the fridge.”

I’m still dying.

Kids are playing "the floor is lava." They made up some fun variant. All I know is my 3YO walked across the lava to me and when I turned to ask him how he can walk on lava he said, "Dad, I'm on Spicy Mode!"

Then he turned and ran back to his game.

I have no idea what Spicy Mode is. Sounds fun.

Playing video games and my six year old cuddles up with me, kisses me on the cheek and whispers in my ear "You're dead and you'll never make it to the end of life.". Should I be worried?

My six year old boy does gymnastics, so he’s a gymnast. And he plays cello, so he’s a cellist. We were playing in the backyard and his baby sister loved the soccer ball. He goes, “Baby really loves the soccer ball! I bet she’s going to be a soccerist!”

I was doing my best to explain the differences between the presidential candidates to my five year old son and we got to the topic of immigration and Trump's promise of mass deportations, describing deportation as something that happens when some people have to leave their homes and move away. After considering this briefly, he declared that he would be voting for Trump because he 'Liked his rules better.' Upon further discussion, it was clarified that what he meant by this was that he was excited at the prospect of Trump deporting his three year old sister. To Atlanta.

Was looking through a photo album with my 6 year old grandson and came across this across a photo of my grandfather. He recognized him, as I had shown him photos of my gramps before. My grand son said “are you said that your papaw died?” (He passed several years before grandson was born) I nodded in reply and said “yes I miss him every day” my grandson said “don’t be sad, we always come back. Don’t you remember when I was an old man? I got sick and died too. They planted me in the ground, everybody cried and they put flowers on me. Just like the flowers I grew back, I’m not old anymore. I’m just a boy named, Noah here with you now.”

That was enough photos for that day.

Her little face smilling, telling everyone “ Die!” “Die” 😂😂😂😂 any tips on how to help her say it correctly?

Edit: apparently only 9 days later and she’s saying Bye correctly. I miss it already 🥺

Laser beams. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles apparently shoot out of the sewer like laser beams.

4yo can do the whole rap but inquires about "radical dudes" and "pizza king", somehow harder to explain than lesbians vs laser beams lol.

The good guys win and the bad guys lose!

I was jokingly asking my nephew where he keeps his cute, where he keeps his happy ect. Then I asked "Where do you keep your silly?" And he answered "Uhh, well, I keep my silly in my head, and my heart, and my hands." And that's how I wanna live. Keep your silly in your head, and your heart, and your hands, my friend.

Me: "What?"

K: "His name is Donald Trump"

Me: "Who told you that?"

K: "My friends"

I teach her its called President and that hes kind of like her Principal but to the whole country instead of just the school.

I was on FaceTime with my nephew when she said it. He heard it too. I wish she was wrong but at barely 2 I guess she could even tell.. My nephew works long shifts in a sketchy neighborhood so we talk often so he can feel safe. We were just sitting there not saying anything and she just came out and said it. Damn. 🤣😅

Daughter: mommy, can we watch ghost pasta pls?

ETA: she was referring to Ghostbusters lol