i’ve heard stories of virgins who don’t bleed on the wedding night who are then shunned and divorced, this absolutely scares me to death

Given that roughly about 50 percent or less of women bleed…. what do the other 50 percent do? do they prepare a razor blade or scab on their body just in case.

the thought of this genuinely keeps me up at night because i suspect mine was broken when i was younger.

sisters please share your experiences, and do u think it’s worth it going to turkey to repair the hymen just in case???

اَلسَلامُ عَلَيْكُم وَرَحْمَةُ اَللهِ وَبَرَكاتُهُ‎

Note:
The following is from a lesson that i had today.

It’s common for one spouse to encourage the other to reconnect with people they've been hurt by. While it may come from a good place, this can become a problem when we don’t fully understand the depth of what someone has been through.

As the teacher said,

"لا تَقلْ عُدْ لِمَن جَرَحَكَ، فَليْسَ كُلُّ شَيءٍ يُجبَر
بَعضُ الجُروحِ تُشفَى بِالصَّمتِ، وَبَعضُها يُميتُهَا الذِّكرُ."

"Do not say, 'Return to the one who hurt you,' for not everything can be fixed.
Some wounds heal with silence, and some are killed by being remembered."

This poem captures something very important: some wounds can’t be healed by rekindling relationships.
For some, healing comes with silence or distance, not by revisiting the past.

In marriage, it’s essential to recognize that your spouse’s healing process is unique. Pressuring them to fix relationships they’re not ready to mend can prevent healing.

As long as they haven’t cut contact with family, then don’t worry about it too much.
Rebuilding relationships, especially with family, can take time.
The key is to be patient and understanding, allowing your spouse the space to heal on their own terms.

Imagine your spouse has a very traumatic past, perhaps involving betrayal or deep hurt from a close family member.

You might feel the urge to say, "Why don’t you talk to them?"
But what if reopening that door only brings more pain?

It’s important to ask yourself:
Are you truly understanding their pain, or are you rushing them into something they’re not ready for?

Instead, be there for them. Be a light for them. Be someone they can trust and love as they navigate their healing journey. Remind them that you are their support, their companion through the toughest of times.

As Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) says in the Qur'an:

".........هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَكُمْ وَأَنْتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَهُنَّ.........."

"They are clothing for you, and you are clothing for them."
(Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:187)

This verse reminds us that spouses are meant to be each other’s comfort and protection—clothing in both the physical and emotional sense.
Just as clothing shields us, the emotional support you provide for your spouse can help them heal and feel safe from the wounds of the past.

Instead of pushing them to mend relationships they aren’t ready to fix, show them that you are their safe space. Be understanding and patient. Help them feel secure in the love you share, allowing them the time and space to heal at their own pace.

Your spouse’s invisible wounds will require time, patience, and your unwavering support.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight, and sometimes the best way to help is simply by being a steady source of love and trust.

So my husband(29) and I(28) discussed kids prior to being married. He was the one who was excited to have kids right after marriage ( I mean like a month into it) & I was the one who wanted to wait and enjoy the first year without kids.

We basically came to a deal where halfway into the first year, we would discuss & see if we were ready to bring a child into this world. Keep in mind whenever this deal was brought up prior to marriage, he would tease things like “let’s discuss at 3 months, maybe 4 months?” showing how much he wanted kids. I don’t know what happened but there was a shift. When we got to the halfway point, we discussed and saw that all our pre-factors (finances, living situation, mentally ready, etc) were checked off. But all of a sudden I was the one who was ready and excited to have kids and his readiness went down. The conversation basically ended with him saying not yet.

This made me so disappointed. I don’t know how one could be so eager before marriage, talking about it non-stop & then all of sudden put the brakes on. He says he wants kids when I bring up the topic but that we should wait a bit longer. I feel like even though we are both working and have savings, he’s worried about money & having enough. Even though I agree, that’s a real concern, I know children are a blessing & with them rizq will come.

We are almost reaching the 1 year mark & now I just feel sad when I think about kids. Even thinking I’ve been hoodwinked since he talked about kids so much before and now barely brings it up.

I cook and clean for my husband, I don’t go out without his permission. I do his laundry and clean after him. I ask him first in whatever decision I make. I try to respect him as much as I can. What do I get in return, a husband who is comfortable watching women online be it comedy, news, laughing compilations, shorts etc. when he is out, he doesn’t mind interactions with women and doesn’t lower his gaze. As of recently, he has stopped initiating intimacy and when I bring it up, he’s stressed etc. how can I go on trying to be the best housewife I can be with a man like this who expects a traditional Muslim wife?

I (27 f) had an arranged married with my husband (34 M) few weeks ago.

The night of my wedding he changed and went to bed while I taking my makeup etc off. He said he never gets to sleep in. He did that for a few days until we went on a trip. Instead of spending time with me or asking me questions , he wanted to do solo things on the trip. It made me feel really lonely. When I mentioned it to him , he ignored it and just smiled. And kept joking about it.

When we got back from the trip , he goes to work , comes back home and plays video games. I don’t know when he sleeps.

On the weekend he wasn’t around so I checked and he was playing games since the morning. I talked to him and told him how I feel. And he said he doesn’t know what to do and what not to do. He stopped playing video games.

But ever since then he’s been “acting” and it seems like he does or says things that’s not him because he thinks I’ll like it but I don’t.

He doesn’t put in any effort to get to know me and assumes things . For example , I was on my period and I told him I have really bad cramps, he responded with he has a sister and he knows how periods are and started talking about hygiene. He didn’t ask me if I’m okay or needed anything.

He assumes things about me a lot. When I told him he doesn’t know me , he responded with he knows enough.

He thinks I like joking around so he jokes around even if it’s something serious. I joked about something that I told him is traumatizing for me.

How do I tell him to act like himself and how do I communicate with him?

?

How is a Muslim man in somewhere like the UK meant to provide a roof over his family's head, food, bills all on one salary?

I'm going to use my friends example; earns "above average" salary of around £50,000. Take home is circa £3000 when you consider taxes, student finance, and pension contributions.

He is currently renting a 2 bedroom flat for his wife and 2 kids. It costs him £1600 a month in Outer London. He spends another £200 on council tax,

another £200 on energy bills,

£300 on groceries,

£300 on travel and car (I'm including his commute to work, plus car petrol, insurance),

another £100 on utility bills (no Sky or Netflix) and another

£150 on baby nappies, food, clothes etc.

He then has circa £100 a month left on discretionary spending/emergencies.

He has had to move twice due to his landlord(s) increasing rent and he's been priced out. Can't be good for any form of stability for his kids.

He wants to avoid mortgages and therefore rents privately. Even if he could go the mortgage route, to afford a similar sized place his monthly mortgage repayment will be nearly the same. Plus he'd have to keep more money left over should anything break in his house i.e. Boiler repairs etc. So he prefers renting. Islamic finance options tend to cost more.

His wife can't work because who will look after the kids?

For context or those living outside of the UK; rent in the UK, especially in or around the city is extraordinarily high and it doesn't seem to be letting up. Rent is cheaper outside of the big cities but you're then in a predominantly non Muslim area with very few masajid nearby. No family ties, etc.

No wonder more men are getting married later. I don't blame them for wanting to become established in their careers before they settle down. Because who can afford it?

Jummah Mubarak Everyone!

This is our thread to talk about anything. Please keep in mind that commenting on this thread to bypass posts that are designated as "[BLANK] Users Only" when the post flair requirement is not met is not allowed and will be met with a ban.

How did your week go? What are your weekend plans?

Don't forget to read Surat Al Kahf today!

As a revert to Islam, I'm facing challenges in my marriage. My wife, born in the UK to Indian parents, and I have been experiencing difficulties. She has visited dermatology appointments without discussing them with me first, multiple times. I understand health is important, but these were non-emergency appointments. I feel disrespected that she didn't seek my permission.

Her decision to downplay these incidents and not acknowledge my feelings has created tension. Additionally, she tends to disobey me multiple times, which is concerning.

To make matters worse, she often says hurtful and dismissive things, such as "You're just good for providing food and shelter, nothing else." These comments are not only unkind but also make me feel unvalued and unappreciated.

I'm seeking guidance on how to address these issues constructively. Should I discuss these incidents with her parents, or would that escalate the situation?

Please advise on the best approach.

Hello i post this text earlier this month thinking that my beloved husband was going through a mental breakdown BUT It wasn't he was ghosting me :

https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/s/dJDCMvwBIr

Update:

Hi everyone,

I’m in a very difficult situation and could really use some advice.

My husband, who is a Dutch resident, has completely abandoned me—he refuses to answer my calls, does not support me financially, and has even denied me entry into our marital home in the Netherlands despite me having legal residency there. He refuses to see me or to let me come to our house so for now im staying with my parents house .

What really hurts me is that my husband refused to allow me entry and denied me access to our shared residence. Despite my legal right to reside at this address, he has cut off all communication and left me without a place to stay. WITHOUT ANY EXPLANATION, I asked him to let me know what's happening or why he did this His response was that he need to focus on his new job and he dont know what to do about our relationship . We are legally married and he doesn't want us to talk face to face.

Im really confused i dont know what to do this situation This situation has left me in a vulnerable and unstable position, with no support or protection. Thanks God my parents still take care of me and still welcomed me home alhamdulilah without my parents i have no idea what could be happening to me . He talked about divorced once but now he is refusing to talk about it.. he is treating me so badly , now i dont know am i a divorced person or still married?

I wanna move forward i can't stay in this messed up situation.

Note : I wanna add that my clothes and my belongings are in the house , he refuses to let me in to pick up my clothes and stuff. Im currently in my parents house in an other country with no winter clothing because all of them are in my marital home .

Could you give me some guidance and advice please 🙏 thank

I am the same OP of https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/1idt0av/found_out_that_my_wife_has_been_cheating_on_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button First I am apologizing for writing a very vague post earlier. I have gone through all the comments and I would like to thank you all. I request the mods to allow this post, I am in need of advice. And this not an spam. I will just elaborate in this post a bit and be specific about my problem. Mods please allow this post for a second time.

BACKGROUND:(I typed wrong values and I apologise, I did not prepare the post beforehand) So we have been married for 6 years and have a 2 year old child(ofc not mine). We are now 37m and 34f. To be concise, I got two anynomous messages from someone (I still don't know) on facebook that she is cheating and the baby may not be mine and some anecdotes, before I could ask anything, he/she deleted the account. It was in interval of 5 months. So, it did made me a little insecure. I was going through her WhatsApp for sometimes, and there was this profile that would be on top almost all times but never had any messages. Then I also noticed that many times she has been pushing me to take up the one-two week conferences on other countries. This time I had ordered the dna tests. She was also sexually almost unavailable to me. So things happened, and one day I just came back too early from work intentionally, and saw what I didn't want to. She took a solid 15 minutes to open the door. She was panting, her hair and dress in disarray and the man also looked kind of not composed-I threatened to inform her parents- She confessed-well she wanted me to initiate otherwise it maybe complicated.

PRESNT SITUATION: I am at my sister's martial house on pretext of taking care of her and her child since she is not well and her husband is out of state for a month. Till now no one knows of this except 3 of us. She has been looking for second chance and begging me not to inform anyone else. So we had a conversation on phone the last midnight and I asked her about everything since beginning and what she wants to do.

Our contract had some kind of mahr that had to be payed if I wanted to divorce her, so we agreed that she won't ask for that and I wouldn't say anything and we will call it off on incompatibility. As for the child, some problems are there, in birth certificate I am her father and as for what she wants is to abandon her to a child service centre. The reason is she has some operations left that would cost about 14lac, till now 30% of that has been done.

Kinndly don't judge me. I think I would like to keep her. I am very very sure I don't have any grudge against her or her existence. And I don't see myself getting married anyways. So since she isn't my biological child can anyone elaborate on Islamic rules for such thing and do I count as her mahram? I feel like I can only hold onto her and I have thought about it logically. I don't see any purpose in living anyways so I think if I keep her as a goal then I would still have some will to live.

Another issue is I can't make out a very good excuse to cover up everything. My parents and sister would definitely dig up everything so what to do.

So my questions are -

Should I keep the child? If I do what are things that I should be aware of legally and islamically?

what can be a good excuse to parents and relatives?

Thank you all

Background:I'm a 34F , married for 11 years Alhuumdillah with two kids, 2 and 6 with a 40M husband. We got married when we were in our 20's. We've both been working the whole time from home, when we moved to North America (it's been 8 years)with the exception of maternity leave that I took while having the kids.

His mum lives with us(I had major issues in the beginning, but she learned and I put up boundaries and we're doing better) for the past 9 years and will continue to do so. She's very active Mashallah, helps take care of the house a lot and the kids as well. She is a lady that I've truly come to rely on and from her two kids, she relies on me. We had a very toxic start, where she was the classic mil, but alhuumdillah thanks to my answered duas she's not the woman she was when I got married.

I grew in in North America and him on Pakistan. We got married and he came over to live here. We were each others hell and heaven but now have grown so apathetic towards each other.

For the past 11 years we've had fights on the same issues, rinse and repeat.

I'm exhausted and am honestly starting to entertain the idea of some sort of separation. I absolutely don't want to because he's such a loving dad and the rock in their lives. And when I'm not angry or upset with him, he's pretty okay to be around. But that's getting less and less an the feeling is mutual.

Please tell me people who have been married to same or longer this is not the end. I don't want to disgruntled, apathetic, unloving oldies. I've always been the default repairer of the relationship, the one to bring it back to the right course and get us back to loving and communicating. I can't seem to do it anymore. And I can't live without repair. But he's good to go with sweeping it under the rug and not telling about it.

I don't know why I made a list. More like a short story. But here it is. Help me to see the big picture. As a next part I'll make a pro and cons list for myself.

Pros:

• always knows that his job is to be the financial provider, caretaker of the family, says that I don't have to work, can quit when I want (but in reality we do, because he can't run the house on his salary, and is jobless at the moment)

• he's really nice, gentle, always has my back when I'm in trouble, is so loving. He comforts me when I'm sad, gives me hugs and cuddles. He will cook mr the odd breakfast, let's me sleep in on the weekends (but my kids for not lol), will get me coffee now and then. He makes me feel safe, protected from the harms of the world.

-he goes out of his way towards my family and my cousins. Literally hits it out of the ballpark, he's amazing and that really warms my heart.

-never tells me that I can't have a certain thing, buy a certain thing (I grew up in a financiallu tight household and do not buy expensive things). I do not own anything designer, clothes, bags, shoes etc. I live like a normal person, sooooo there's no danger of me overspending.

-speaks to me kindly and politely, always calls me by my pet names, is always touching, hugging and patting me lol

• never hits me or is physically abusive, never swears at me, never full out yells at me when we're having a fight

-takes care of all the manly tasks at home: car maintenance, home repairs, garage upkeep, mowing lawn, shoveling snow, keeping track of finances an paying the bills. But people, you don't noy do any of these tasks everyday!! These tasks are not invisible tasks!

• is an amazing dad. He loves them fiercely, cultivates a relationship with them, and knows his little people. He sends the older one to school on the morning (while I sleep with the younger one), packs the school lunch when he's dropping her, will pick her up from the bus stop. I have busy mornings so he often gets the little one dressed, nappy changed, feeds him breakfast while my mil , his mom gets ready to take care of him. He will more then 50 percent of the time sleep with the little one (wakes up a lot) as well so I can sleep on my own or with the older one (gets night terrors). He will also get them ready for bed, give them a bath, bedtime story and pj's and put them to sleep while I clean up the kitchen. When they were young he was always game to do diaper changes.

Cons:

-Does not pray and make no efforts to improve. Has all the knowledge in the world Islamically but won't implement. Has always been this way. I have always not been practicing either. But I always tried every single day to better myself, pray one prayer, and acknowledge that I have to do better, strive for better. I have not given up on my faith. I want to be the best Muslim and have finally gotten to a place alhuumdillah where I'm reading Quran 3 days a week, and praying Salah 3-4 times of the day. I know all prayers are mandatory and I'm making and trying my best to do that. But he doesn't even care. Tells me to pray and expects me to pray and tells me not to nag him

-Does not help me with invisible home chores because he believes it's a women's job. Does help maybe 4 times a month. He does not help with : cooking ( may make the occasional pizza every 2 weeks, may make baked chicken once a month), vacuuming, cleaning washrooms (both times that I was pregnant and had serious pain, not once after asking him multiple times did he clean the washrooms!!!) tidying clothes/ toys, doing laundry, folding laundry, putting away laundry, loading the dishwasher (to this day he won't put his plate in), unloading the dishwasher, mopping absolutely not, deep cleaning of the house (absolutely not)

-Watches porn regularly and tells me this is normal and to accept it (in the beginning even wanted me to watch with him!!) Masturbates 5 timed a week because I'm unavailable. He wants me to be available at 10, 11 Am in the morning, while I'm working (which I have, but it gets pretty stressful, ghusl, make it in time for duhr, and my meetings) and then at 2 Am at night when I'm sleeping. I've asked him playfully to be intimate during normal business hours, but he takes that as refusal and my fault as to why he's masturbating.

-Wants me to be feminine in these ways: He thinks being feminine means that I look pretty all the time (I wfh, have a two year old kid at home and take care of the home), wear lots of jewelry while doing the above tasks, smell good, talk in a low tone, not "argue" ( I call it having a conversation)just say yes sir, not have disagreements, be always ready for sex (but he doesn't have to be is he feels like it)

• have always been unhappy with my appearance, and has always told me to loose weight. My son just turned two, and he expects me to whip beck in shape like the celebrities. While he's seriously overweight, had a huge potbelly that is causing him sleep issues.

• he used to make love before. But now his idea is that he'll lie in bed naked and expect me to perform regardless the state in on and feeling. He gets upset if I ask him to reschedule, or tell him I'm tried and tell me they I'm difficult 30 something women and that he should get a second wife, and that he's better off masturbating to the women on the Internet because they smile, look beautiful, and do whatever you want them to.

• thinks I'm the default parent and I should always take care of the kids. He has learned though. He separated his bedroom when the kids were born, didn't not help at all with night changes, feedings etc. I am responsible to aways take care of the kids (feed them, cloth them, educate them, be on charge of their healthcare needs, social needs, etc).

• if I'm taking care of the kids and ask him to take care of xyz house needs, he will not do it. Everything will be waiting for me when I get back with kids

• Will not be a masculine leader of the house.

• When I tell him that I will do all of the above but I'm too mentally tired after work (I WFH) he calls it an excuse and tells me I'm a bad planner, lazy, and should not rely on him for help. He says my earning an contributing a 100 percent to the household expenses ( I have no savings and he doesn't either) of my income is an expectation (he does to as well).

• when I bring up the statement that a husband has to take care of the family and his wife's needs and the wife takes care of the family homemaking needs and husbands needs, he responds: a husband only has to provide the basic necessities of life and that's it, food, clothing, shelter.

• he's addicted to his phone. Watches reels all the time and does not cultivate any hobbies.

When he finally does a hobby he spends an exorbitant amount of cash and then doesn't follow through on the hobby

• he will not take the kids to the park. It's my job or his mom's job. He would rather put them on the telly, on their tablets rather than do an activity with them

• he always has his phone on the table. He needs to watch while he eats, and will get in a fight with me if I tell him to put away his phone and eat with us like a family.

• he calls me crazy and when I had 3 miscarriages in a row, he abandoned me emotionally and told me to check into a mental health institution because I was sad, depressed, weepy for about 8 months (duration of all 3 miscarriages combined). Time and time again he calls me crazy, makes me doubt myself, gaslights me (even called himself that once), laughs that girls at his uni called him a chauvinistic pig ( we did not go to uni together).

• I have low self esteem issues, anxiety (diagnosed now) and depression (due to childhood trauma, abusive household, sexual abuse). He is not patient and neither does not want to understand or do anything they would make me feel better, because it inconveniences him.

• will absolutely not go to any kind of therapy, but recommends I go because I need all the help I can get

This is not an exhaustive list. But he's shut down on me and won't talk to me. And I don't want to talk to family and friends because I want to keep my affairs private.

I feel so alone, isolated and abandoned.

Hello, I've been married for 8 years with my husband. He recently started a job that takes almost 100% of his energy so I am on my own for a bit. I support him with food, care, health - everything a wife supposed to do but I feel angry all the time. I cant talk nice to him no matter how hard i try. He is a very soft spoken guy and rarely gets irritated but I cant seem to be sweet to him. Please advise how to calm my anger and practice more compassion and sweetness towards him. Thanks

I don’t want to go back to my husband in a Gulf country. I’m Arab but not from the Gulf, and I had an arranged marriage with someone from there married for 7 months now and I hated it. We lived with his family in a large house. We had our own apartment, but we were expected to have lunch and dinner with his family every day. Although I had a kitchen in my apartment, I couldn’t cook in it because of the smell. If I wanted to cook, I had to use the outdoor kitchen. I do enjoy cooking, but after I got married, things were different. I need my own space and time to cook, to familiarize myself with the ingredients, and to take my time. In his family’s house, cooking meant preparing meals for over 10 people since his brother and wife also lived there.

On top of that, there were restrictions on groceries. If I wanted something for my apartment that they already had in the main house, they’d discourage me from buying it. If I bought it anyway, they’d act like I was wasting my husband’s money. It didn’t happen with everything, but often enough to be frustrating.

At first, I didn’t mind the family dynamic. I had never experienced being around a big family where everyone gathers twice a day, including the father. However, I barely spent any time with my husband. He never stayed in our apartment. He was always in the main living room (in the family house) and would ask me to join him there. It wasn’t quality time with him as everyone like his sister were there and he has many sisters and only one brother, who was usually at work so I had no excuse not to sit with them, but when I didn’t, I was stuck alone in our apartment, bored with no life so I would anyway even if I didn’t enjoy it and would obviously just be with my husband in our apartment. I hardly saw my husband—just brief interactions throughout the day and maybe ten minutes together before he went to sleep.

There was no chance of working, and starting a business is fine with my husband but it’s hard. I don’t know how things worked there, and I wasn’t allowed to go out much. I was entirely dependent on him on everything no freedom for my own and I hated that. No smart woman wants to be fully dependent on a man, but I don’t see any other options in that situation. I don’t have a car, and he wouldn’t take me anywhere—not even to the supermarket unless I begged for weeks. Forget going to the mall or going out for fun. Yes, he planned a few dinner dates, but they were rare—maybe fewer than ten times the whole time I was there.

It was suffocating. I didn’t mind his immediate family—his sisters, parents—but they have a large extended family, and gatherings were constant. I had to sit with them whenever they visited. I’m not a social person at all, and I always felt awkward, waiting for the time to pass. I had no choice because it would have been seen as extremely rude if I didn’t join them. In Arab culture, it’s like having guests in your home; you must greet and sit with them. In the UK, it’s different. You don’t have to socialize if you don’t want to, but over there, it was a rigid system. Every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, they’d plan dinner at someone’s house without fail. Saturdays were usually at his grandmother’s house, and I had to go at least every other week.

I’m dreading going back to that life—having to sit with his family constantly, having no control over my life or freedom. I had to eat what they ate and when they ate. It’s not that I wasn’t allowed to eat out, but it wasn’t the norm. Some people might relate to this if they’ve experienced something similar, but to others, it might sound insane. People live different lives with different traditions and expectations.

These gatherings were frequent, and you always had to look perfectly put together. It was exhausting. Especially now Ramadan is coming up, there will be even more gatherings, and they planned these events months in advance, getting custom-tailored outfits. They have activities where they’d rate each other’s outfits, and the best one won a prize. I suppose that’s fun for some women, but for me, it was draining. I don’t want to plan outfits months in advance and sit through gatherings, awkwardly waiting for the time to pass.

Once, I really didn’t want to attend a cousin’s post-honeymoon party (yes, they have such parties), so I pretended to be sick two days beforehand to avoid suspicion. That’s how hard it was to get out of events. Even my husband would judge me if I simply told him I didn’t want to go. That’s one of the reasons I’m not eager to return. If he were more caring and understanding, maybe I could handle it. But being completely isolated, with all these expectations and no life of my own, is not something I want to go back to. It’s like I’m going back to perform as the constant circus 🤡

Here in the UK, I have freedom. I’ve been here for two months, applied for government help, and started my business. I think my business has real potential. I have control over my life here. I can go to Tesco, buy the groceries I want with my own money, and no one can tell me what to buy. I can cook whenever and whatever I want, without a set schedule. I can go out—shopping, window shopping, whatever—whenever I feel like it. I work and earn money on my own terms.

But I’m pregnant, and I don’t want to live alone forever. Unfortunately, my husband coming to the UK isn’t an option for him, at least not now or anytime soon.

Assalamualaikum MuslimFam,

InshaAllah, I’m about to get married soon, and Alhamdulillah, everything is going well between me and my future wife. Both families are involved, and everyone is happy with the match. Me and my fiancée are compatible, and we usually talk on the phone when we're free from work.

However, there’s a problem with her older sister. She’s staying with her family right now because her husband went abroad for work. The issue is that she keeps moral policing fiancée, asking why I’m calling my fiancée so often and questioning whether I have a job to do. On top of that, she has said some negative things about my mother (who she only met once), and it seems like she’s constantly filling my fiancée’s mind with doubts. My future mother-in-law has already told fiancée's sister to stop discussing about me or my family, but this sister keeps going.

During my initial visit to fiancée's home, her husband was teasing me while my fiancée and I were talking, which I found disrespectful. Later that night, he even suggested we delay the nikah, claiming that I might not be “mentally stable” or something. My fiancée was crying over phone after this conversation that night, which broke my heart. And just after visit to fiancée's home, her sister's MIL has even brought up another proposal for my fiancée.

I’m in a difficult position because I’m not married yet, so I feel like I can’t confront her directly. I can’t be there to address everything happening, and I’m feeling helpless. How should I handle this situation, and what’s the best way to deal with this difficult sister-in-law?

JazakAllah khair for your advice!

hello! my aqd (ketb kitab/nikkah) is really soon, and in my culture the girl has to get a gift for a guy.

i don’t know him that well to be honest we don’t talk, i just know that he is genuinely a very kind hearted person and is good with his deen (mashallah)

i have gotten him a cologne set as my friend suggested, but it feels very impersonal. what is something that guys like? other then the most basic gift of cologne, what is something a man in his mid twenties would genuinely want?

jazakallah kheir

I'm in a really messed up mental state right now. So please be kind and honest. My husband and I are what l'd say a couple of who have had to grow throughout out marriage (3 plus years). We were good but initially I had problems with his lack of boundairies with his female "friends". Prior to getting married I was told and shown they're family friends and entire family close since childhood. Same school etc. I didn't think much of it since his parents knew too. Long story short many of these girls esp after we got married starting acting possesive of my husband and I kid you not the mental idiocy I had to go through to explain to him as apparently his family didn't care/ bother about such intermixing. Thank Allah my husband FINALLY got sense and the don't mix with thrse people. I have never been a mistrustful or doubtful (to those I love) person but after this event I decided to nev e naive or stupid again. My husband's workplace has many if not more women who l've met and about who he tells me about. So I'm forced to be ok ig. But I do make it a point now to know about everything and I have clearly told him this. I do the same. Though l've always kept my distance from men though my uni and school were predominantly fillied with guys and now work too. I always keep my distance and just do work. I don't even go for the team dinners or so which is actually required for networking. I just run home to my husband and tell him every detail. Now he has gone for a work trip - which he usually has to go for on a maybe monthly basis id say. Normally he tells me and I kinda know his team who he usually goes with. I have also told him multiple times before to tell me everything clearly.

Today I asked him who he has been having his ldinners etc with and turns out it's 2-3 women and just him this entire time. He said it very causally. He has been telling me food is bad etc and I did ask him to send photos cheerfully. He was usually just calling me up whenever he could but why won't he tell me when he knows I feel best when I know what's happening ? And now he says I didn't ask? If I remember right yes but even if I didnt isn't it common sense to tell me ?

He's very different from me he doesn't see this as a big deal maybe but I tell him everything. He told me it was for work and he "thought I knew". Which I didn't and this isn't normal either.

My words really hurt my husband so due to previous experiences I mentioned I will speak later and hung up. He is ofc disturbed but I have no choice otherwise I have severe anger issues and would sprout such harsh words even if I don't believe in it.

I just wanna run away. I'm also dome eplaining why things are wrong always to him regarding women it's not like I'm jealous or insecure I just didnt imagine to be such a wife. After all I am 4 years younger to him he should know better? Im not some motherly saint. I just wanna be a human who doesn't always have to be the bigger person. And since I live such a life he will never experience how I feel. He is possessive of how I dress, people.always tell him how "lucky" he is to have someone who looks like me. I really feel ugly inside now. Being in this position is really.messing up mind. I won't do this but I feel like posting pics on insta (which he doesn't like). I just feel so exhausted.

Started the divorce process, husband is prolonging it. I am so over it. I am so unhappy in this marriage, had to get hospitalized because I hit my breaking point, scars over my body. he needs to start providing for me and fulfilling his duties. I am so disgusted of his work ethics, laziness, everything about him.

may Allah make this test easy for me, and I get my divorce soon.

Just told my wife she puts me off but she said her behaviour is normal. My wife is the obsessive type which I don’t mind but she’s said some alarming things recently.

She’s jealous of me hugging my own sister and has asked me not to. I come from an affectionate family and my sister is my best friend. She gets jealous if I take my sister out (she’s two years younger) and that she should be there at all times. I take my wife on holiday and regular date nights which is why her behaviour confuses me. It also confuses me because if I spent all my time with my sister and not her I’d understand. But I hardly spend time with my sister or even text/call her because we both lead busy lives.

If that wasn’t bad enough, she got jealous of my niece who’s four because I call her affectionate names. I’ve been married for six months, and I’ve called my niece my baby and princess since she’s been born. When I call my niece these names, she’s asked me not to as I should only call her baby or princess. She looks uncomfortable when I give my sister and niece affection too.

My wife has mentioned it a few times and every time I look at her with confusion and a little disgust. I questioned if her brain functions properly and now she isn’t talking to me. Is this normal behaviour?? I sometimes think this a joke being played on me because surely someone can’t have these screws loose in their head. What shall I do guys? Apart from this I’m happy with her.

Salam,

I (26F) have been speaking to a potential since last month but we had known each other for years. You can say that we were friends first. He asked me if we could get to know each other for marriage and I agreed and gave things a chance. We first agreed that a proposal would happen sometime in 6 months or more but since the start of this month, my potential would keep talking about not only moving up the engagement but the nikah. I was stunned but I asked why he thought it was a good idea. He simply said he just wants us to get married quickly as he is happy with me and felt like the time was right. I’m happy with him but don’t feel like it’s the best idea to marry so quickly and I want to get to know him a little bit more. I told him that as well. Fast forward to today, he sends me a message telling me that he has already told his father about me and his father told him to ask me for my dad’s number so they can get to talking. I thought it was odd because usually it should be the potential that asks for the father’s number, not the potentials father.

I didn’t reply to the message until later of course since I was busy and the potential basically accused me of ignoring his texts. I’m not ready to hand over my father’s number unless and only my potential talks to my father. I feel a little weirded out that his dad wants to talk to my dad first instead of my potential talking to my dad. Ever since I had gotten that message, I’ve been feeling a sense of unease. What made things worse was that my potential said once I send him my fathers number, he will come to my city on Valentine’s Day to get married. I have told him at least three times throughout this month I am not ready to get married but it would fall on deaf ears. I thought he would understand and stick to our original plan. Now I have this severe sense of unease, I’m anxious and I just can’t get rid of this weird feeling. I am not ready to get married in February. I have a wonderful job and wanted to continue working. I feel like just calling things off but I don’t want to do that as that might not be fair on him. We both like each other and want to be together but I just don’t wanna get married so quickly.

What do you think we should do?

I am the guy who posted this post a few weeks ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/s/XOGtqCn4NY

To continue with this new Part, Part 2:

My wife last week started crying after telling me that her parents overseas are going through economic challenges and that she found a job to help them financially. The weird thing is that this job is in a different state and it’s supposed to pay her cash “under the table” until she gets her green card. There are multiple suspicious elements in her story that I want other’s opinions on:

1. she asked me not to text about this at all and only discuss it in person so there is no evidence of it

2. her and I share a bank account but I don’t see any transactions for a flight ticket or a hotel ticket, she said the company is paying for those or that the amount they are paying her should cover the cost of the trip. I suspect that’s not true because the total cost for those would be no less than $1500 to $2000.

3. she left on Monday mid day and her flight arrived end of day Monday so there is no way she worked on Monday. She said she would come back Thursday (Today) evening so there is no way she worked today whether, or maybe she worked a partial day. That would leave her work days to be Tuesday, Wednesday and let’s say all of Thursday. What job would pay a person under the table in cash more than $2000 by working 3 days only. This is so off to me.

4. as her sponsor and her husband first 🤣 I asked her of the name of the company and where will she be staying, she refused to answer both and made me feel like I am controlling for asking such a normal question lol. I am literally responsible for her and she is doing that.

5. she was supposed to come back today (Thursday) but when I texted her to ask what time she is landing so I can pick her up she said she changed the ticket to Sunday so that she can see some of her friends during the weekend. I called her after that because she never texted or call me since she left and she didn’t answer the call.

I am severely confused, manipulated, feeling used and disrespected. I talked to a lawyer to get my marriage annulled and I have an appointment tomorrow to discuss that. Am I over thinking or am I being fair? No one should be treated like this, especially since it’s the first few weeks of marriage. I feel severely depressed, anxious, stressed and I feel as if I ruined my life.

There is one moral/ethical dilemma here. I am helping her file for the green card and we already submitted all of our papers. She comes from a rough economical background from overseas and I don’t want to ruin her life or her potential success here in the United States, however, it’s not fair to also live with someone that basically doesn’t love or respect me so I don’t know what to do. If I divorce her or annul the marriage that will ruin her entire process here in the United States, if I don’t divorce her then I continue to live this misery and I would basically ruin my life more.

I can’t believe I still care about her wellbeing while she never even cares about me.

May Allah bless you for reading this and for the advice but I really need help!

Assalamulaikum,

not sure if this is the correct subredditbut want to ask anyway

I have been married for 2 years now, my parents are asking me to show them my bank accounts to check where I am spending my money. i.e how much I am spending on my wife and siblings etc. I have tried explaining to them that this is a private matter now since I am married and they could have checked before my marriage and I also give my parents money for their use even though they have refused... I think its my responsibility against them... because of this they are getting angry and accusing me of disobedience. I have explained to them that after marriage my finances are my private matter now and they cannot look into this any more

I have refused to share my back account statements with them and they have asked me to leave the house and say that it's their right to check If I can not obey them then I can leave.

I tried letting them know that there may be an expenditure that are private to me and my wife but they are very much forcing saying that its been a way of things since generations to give all money to parents and all that.. I said that not the way, and said if you need money I can support them (I already do. give them $200 monthly to spend but at the same time buy them anything they want without any questions asked)

my question is can parents check my bank account? please advise.

edit...

they want to cut contacts and said I will get my share of the will according to shariah....

i’m 19 and my friend, who’s also 19 is getting married soon, in christian/ white?? weddings you’re kind of supposed to give expensive gifts to the newly wed couple, but i’m not sure if you’re supposed to do it in muslim weddings too. I’m 19, have no job and live with my parents, there’s no way i can afford an expensive gift lol. pls help

I have found a potential husband for myself however my parents are not happy as they only want their kids to marry into a family which they know of already. They are not willing to get to know his family. Are they in the wrong?

Assalamu alaykum,

I am writing this because I am struggling deeply and am in need of guidance on how to heal and move forward without compromising my faith.

There was someone in my life whom I trusted deeply, someone I believed was on the same journey of seeking Allah’s pleasure. We shared conversations about deen, growth, and staying true to our moral principles. I truly thought we were helping each other become better, more conscious of Allah. But over time, I realized that while I was holding onto my moral compass, this person was making choices that contradicted everything we once spoke about.

I distanced myself, not out of anger, but because I refused to compromise my values. I never wanted to be part of anything displeasing to Allah, and I thought this person would understand. I thought they would respect my boundaries and make the same effort to protect our intentions. But instead, they replaced me. They continued down a path I could not follow, making choices that hurt me, not just personally, but spiritually.

The most painful part is that I wasn’t just someone who passed through their life—I was loyal, sincere, and genuinely cared about their well-being. I never betrayed their trust, never sought anything from them except goodness. And yet, I was discarded like I meant nothing.

I now struggle with deep feelings of hurt and confusion. Why do people betray those who only wished them well? Why does someone who speaks about Islam choose actions that contradict it? How do I move forward without bitterness when I was left carrying all the pain while they moved on easily? I do not want to lose myself or my connection to Allah because of someone else’s actions. But I feel overwhelmed, like I am gasping for air, like I am losing my sense of self. I understand that people are imperfect, that we are all tested differently, but my heart is struggling to let go.

Are there any specific verses, du’as, books or anything that can help me navigate this pain? How do I ensure that my healing is rooted in faith and not in resentment? How do I cleanse my heart of this burden and trust that Allah’s plan is better, even when it hurts?

I appreciate any advice you can offer. May Allah bless you for your time and grant you wisdom and barakah in all that you do.

Jazakum Allahu khayran.

My husband and I both 26, got married over a year ago. A few months into marriage, I found out he had been cheating on me using dating apps, massage parlours etc. the works really. I caught him, he apologised and then did it again a few months later. Since then he’s begged me to stay, given me all his socials, gives me his phone to check etc etc. more than that though, he’s praying again trying to return to Allah, and I do believe he’s trying to be a better man for himself. He wakes up for fajar even when I don’t. We’re in a good place now, but I still wonder on days like today when I’m triggered, is it ever enough? Can Allah change people like this? Or am I just gonna have a children a few years down the lane and find out he’s cheating again? I can’t talk to anyone about this in our families, and I think this is the only platform where people will understand the power of religion so I thought I’d ask. I feel confident some days cus I truly believe Allah can change hearts, as I was once someone who was involved in alcohol but Allah showed me the way out of that. So am I being stupid for thinking he’ll walk down that same road?

Assalamu alaykum, about 2 years ago I reverted to Islam. I’ve been a hijabi for 1 year. I recently married the love of my life, Ive known him since a few months before I reverted from Christianity. Alhamdulillah we’ve finally begun our life together after working through some issues with my family and we’re very happy. He’s a good Muslim and a wonderful husband. I genuinely couldn’t ask for more.

Theres just one thing I’ve been struggling with. I wanna be a niqabi SO BAD. Ive worn my hijab well since the very beginning, not a strand of hair showing, no neck, etc. I know it can improve, there’s always room for improvement but anyways. Point is, modesty hasn’t been a massive challenge for me since I started as I have 0 religious trauma and no weird external pressure making it hard for me. I thank Allah every day for that, and this strength has made me want to take things a step further.

I’ve been telling my husband since even before we were married that I kinda wanted to wear the niqab. I don’t know that I would wear the kind that covers my forehead and eyebrows too, just half niqab. He said he doesn’t like it, and wouldn’t feel comfortable with me making that change. Since we got married, my interest in it has increased, so I poked at it a bit more because obviously I wanna know why. The clearest answer I’ve gotten is “knowing how protective I feel of you, it would be hard for me to let you go anywhere like that”, which I guess means he’s worried I may become victim of a hate crime or something. I understand where he’s coming from, but it still really frustrates me. In my city there are plenty of women who are niqabis and I’ve never heard any negative stories from them.

My husband loves that I am a hijabi and helps me out with it (telling me if it’s slipping in public, etc) as he should. He protects me and cares for me. No part of me believes he doesn’t care about me being modest, so I believe his reasoning. The thing is, I get uncomfortable advances from men very often in hijab, and I feel like this may help things a bit. He knows that these things happen because I used to tell him, but in the last little while hes been telling me that he doesn’t wanna know anymore because it upsets him. Since I dont tell him anymore, I don’t think he fully understands the extent of it.

We went skiing the other day and I tied one of my jersey hijabs like a niqab that so I can protect my face from the cold. It was the first time I wore anything that covered my face in public aside from a covid mask, and it felt so nice and safe. He caught on to what I was thinking right away and reminded me of his feelings towards it. At this point I’ve brought it up so much that it upsets him and he doesn’t wanna hear about it.

I know I should listen to him and I’m not gonna go behind his back obviously. Ik I can be a bit annoying when I am adamant about something. Im being stubborn because this means a lot to me and it’s hard to just let it go. He’s not open to a debate, he just shuts it down. I just wanna know if I should keep trying to convince him or drop this whole thing. I wanna know if there’s another angle I may not be considering. Any input is appreciated.

Assalamualaikum everyone,

My husband (29) has been working as an uber driver abroad since 5 years. We got married one year ago. It was an arranged marriage. I am expecting alhmdulillah. Since he couldn’t afford the expenses, I moved back to my home country and have been living with my parents. He sends money whenever I need and is trying to save for the delivery.

He also got a security guard license recently but he is unable to find jobs in it. He has done Bachelors in Electrical Engineering (home country) and Masters in Software Engineering (abroad)

The issue

He is not tech savvy, hence he doesn’t know how to create a resume or cover letter. I am on strict bed rest. Even then, I helped him create 3 resumes and of course they were not up-to the mark because I made them on Canva and I couldn’t properly do it while lying down.

My brother in law is trying to help him get a job in his previous company but he needs a strong resume. I tried asking people in my contacts but no one has replied.

Can non-tech savvy people not learn how to create resumes? I don’t know if I am being mean here but I just wish he tried harder and not depend on anyone.