Assalamualaykum,

Here is our Saturday iteration of our bi-weekly megathread dedicated to users who would like to share their viewpoints on marital topics.

Please remember that this thread is not a Free Talk Friday thread and comments must be married related. Any non-marriage related comments will be removed.

Users who comment on this thread to bypass posts that are designated as "[BLANK] Users Only" when they do not meet the post flair requirement will be banned without warning.

We strive to make this thread a quality space to open up about their experiences with marriage and the marriage search.

What's on your mind this week?

I am not a muslim and I'm sorry I'm not that much aware about your culture

My ex is a muslim. I have blocked him everywhere and completely gone no contact except at work and talk to him only for anything related to work and he's in the same team as I am. He tried to stay friends with me(especially after he got engaged but I cut him off and put my distance.

He's not a devout muslim. Like I feel he follows it when it's convenient for him. He's the type to flirt around with women, watches 🌽 and he's had many relationships and he's not a virgin and I've seen him bending his islamic rules as per his convenience. His parents knew about one of his relationships and didn't say anything. He's also a mamma's boy. Like his mom dotes over him and doesn't want any woman stealing him.

And he's a narcissist. Like he appears very charming to people he's not close to but will treat those who are close to him badly. He used to use me as an emotional punching bag whenever something wrong happened. How and why I got into relationship with him is a long story and it was a mistake so please don't judge me for that and I do not want to get into the details.

Now he's marrying a girl his parents chose. I overheard him telling our other teammates that he only saw her photo and that haven't talked to eachother because apparently it's not allowed for muslims for the bride and groom to talk before marriage. I'm not sure if he's telling the truth or not but I think it may be true because he wants to get married somehow. Like he's had this obsession over getting married because he wants someone to fulfill all his needs(his words) or whatever. Knowing him, he might not have bothered talking to her, because he's scared she might sense something is off. He's also scared of how the girl might be but like since she's pretty, educated and conservative, so I don't think he really cares. He's also in contact with his exes and borderline obsessed over the ex before me.

I'm not going to reach out to the girl or him for any reason. But I don't know how the fate of such girls whose families are strictly conservative will be when they end up with such men.

So I just want to know if the girl will be ok? Have you or anyone experienced similar scenarios? I'm hoping the girl stays safe.

Tldr; my narcisstist ex is marrying a girl who hasn't even a spoken to. Will she be fine?

Edit: A lot of comments have told me to reach out to her and warn her.

1. I don't know her name or anything about her. He was also very careful not to even mention her name in front of me and I heard him say that she doesn't even have any socials.
2. All i know from him is that the girl's sister was his classmate from school. I did try to look them up but I never found any profile matching theirs.
3. He's verryyyyy good at keeping appearances

He was also very popular with good grades in school (believable when I checked his fb before blocking him) so I'm sure the sister has a pretty good impression of him. He's even popular at office and has a good impression from everyone and is good at lying and hiding. Most people don't even know his dark secrets. 4) It's also very triggering for me to interact to him casually or even be in his vicinity. Whenever he tries to talk to me he tries to trigger and get a reaction out of me even if it's just work. 5) I'm not sure if she'll believe me or not. And I'm sure if she ever confronted him he would lie and blame it on me saying I'm crazy and obsessed. However if she does need help I'm willing to provide it if she ever reaches out to me. 6) The wedding is also in a different city and none of our teammates can attend it. I don't know if he even gave them a proper invite since I didn't receive any from him.

Assalamu alaikum,

I am an 18 year old girl, and I received a marriage proposal from a good family in the summer. But recently, they sort of "withdrew" the proposal for an unknown reason.

Last summer me and my mother had to go on a business trip to St. Petersburg (Russia) to fix up some documents. I was 16 at the time, and neither I nor my mother really knew how to arrange the documents we needed. Fortunately, we had distant relatives living there, who were well-versed in documents and law. We stayed at a hotel for a couple of days and when we visited them, they welcomed us warmly and even insisted that we stay with them to save costs.

Now, the family consists of Aunt Molly (I will be using fake names) and her (second) husband, and they have 6 kids; 5 girls and 1 boy. The first 3 kids – Maddie (F27), Finn(M25) & Nancy(F21)– are older as they are from her first husband; the girls Nancy and Maddie already have kids of their own. My mother and I stayed at Maddie's apartment (shes divorced) with her 2 kids (5 & 2 yo). The rest of Aunt Molly's girls are 9, 5, 2 yrs old. Its actually kinda funny that Aunt Molly's grandkids are older than her own kids.

So anyways, we lived with Maddie for over a month, and me and her and the kids got along really well. Her apartment is like a 10 min walk to Aunt Molly's flat, so we visited them for dinner often. I came to absolutely adore the girls and Aunt Molly; and they loved me too. I cooked, did chores, and even taught one of the girls how to read in Arabic (they were especially happy abt this bcs none of them can read in Arabic). Aunt Molly was very generous and helped my mother every single step of the way; my mother wouldn't have been able to finalise them without her. On Eid Al Adha they gave me and my mother expensive gifts, and repeatedly expressed how happy they are to have devout Muslims living with them. We returned home to Uzbekistan and I really missed them all.

Then this summer, my mother told me Aunt Molly would be visiting us to ask for my hand in marriage. Turns out, Finn came to like me and asked his mother to make a proposal. I have never properly looked Finn in the face nor had a one-on-one conversation with him, but from what I know, he is a med student and a pretty decent guy. he treats his parents, siblings, and nephews very well.

So Aunt Molly came with her toddlers, husband, and Maddie with her kids(Finn didn't come), and lavish gifts. My dad and Aunt Molly's husband hit off pretty well, they even wanted to sleep in the same room so they could continue talking lol. However, my parents didn't give them a definitive answer.

So then Aunt Molly went as far as to travel to Kyrgyzstan where most of my extended family lives, and visit BOTH grandparents to ask again. At this point, my parents and grandma told them that they don't plan to marry me off this soon (bcs of college), to which Aunt Molly assured they would wait for me as long as it takes, and support me in my education.

Personally, I was always afraid of ending up with bad in-laws and husband, but Aunt Molly and her family are absolutely amazing. They are financially well-off too. The girls adored me, and I also loved them. If Finn and I were to be compatible, I was set on accepting the proposal.

But just this week, Aunt Molly called my mother and said they "wouldn't mind" if we didn't accept their proposal. She also said they're planning to have Finn married this year. My mother is distraught by this turn of events, and she's blaming me saying that I must have done or said something that "repelled" them. I am baffled. Why would a family that was asking for my hand so fervently suddenly turn away?

EDIT: My mom regularly keeps in touch with Aunt M regarding documents and stuff, but I don't communicate with her or Maddie or anyone from their family.

Assalamalaikum everyone. I have been married to a narcissist for the last 4.5 Years and we have a 1 year old son together. He never involves himself in taking care of the baby, neither the household chores and doesn't even provide financially for us. I work full time and take care of almost all the expenses as well as everything at home. He verbally and emotionally abuses me, calls me a bad mother and wife and also assassinates my character by saying I'm having extra marital affairs. I have an auto immune disorder and he says that I deserve it because im such a bad person. After all this, he expects me to sleep with him almost every night. I am tired, sleepless because of the baby and my 40 km commute to and fro work. (He refuses to shift the house as his office is just 800 meters from our home, also this house is his mother's so she takes minimal rent from us). He keeps saying I will be answerable to Allah for not meeting his needs. I have started declining his demands because I simply cannot take all of the load. This ofcourse has led to multiple fights and more abuses from his side. Even after Many requests he doesn't take care of the baby for even 1 night so that I could get some decent sleep. I also went for most of my pregnancy scans alone. I haven't stepped out of house except for work, I rarely meet my parents even though they are in the same city. I haven't done anything for myself in years. Meanwhile his weekly cricket sessions, movies and gatherings with friends remain unchanged.

I have given up now. He doesn't believe in marriage counseling or anger management sessions. But he says that I need to see a doctor because I don't feel like doing it with him. My parents also intervened but he doesn't find anything wrong in what he did.

I'm looking for advices on dealing with this situation.

I was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition in my late teens. I believe it was triggered by stress and possibly a COVID vaccine variant. The important thing to note is that it is not hereditary, though there is genetic predisposition to it. It’s a very rare condition. For me, it causes ulcers in my mouth, which, if left untreated, could spread to other parts of my body. Right now, the ulcers appear as 1-2 blisters in my mouth, and I typically take steroids for a short time(around 2 months) or get IV immunotherapy (twice a year) to clear them up.

For people who do have an illness, how do you cope with this? My parents have been talking about marriage, and I’m unsure of what to think anymore. I can’t help but feel uncertain about marriage because of my condition. What if I pass it on to my children and they end up with the same diagnosis? I’m struggling with this.

For someone who has a spouse with an illness, was it a concern for you? Were you worried about the future, especially the impact on your kids? How did it play out in the long-term?

Also a general question to everyone, How early in the early meeting stage should I disclose this to a potential? My parents think I shouldn’t bring it up since I only need treatment once a year now, and the ulcers are pretty much non-invasive to my life.

Assalamu alaykum. My husband has a lot going on in his personal life and now he’s shutting everyone out including me and his family. Yesterday he argued with me and cursed at me and he’s been sleeping outside for the last two nights. When I asked him if he’s coming home tonight, he said he wants to be alone and will not come home. He has been severely depressed for over a month and I don’t know what to do. I’m doing my best to be patient but I feel like my world is falling apart. Can someone ease advise me on what to do.

Marriage is one of the most beautiful and significant relationships in Islam, described as a partnership filled with love, mercy, and mutual support. The Quran and Hadith offer profound guidance on how to cultivate a harmonious and fulfilling marriage:

From the Quran: “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21)

This verse emphasizes that a spouse is a source of peace, love, and mercy, highlighting the importance of nurturing these qualities in marriage.

From the Hadith: The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “The best among you are those who are best to their wives.” (Tirmidhi)

This hadith underscores that kindness and good treatment are fundamental in creating a strong marital bond. Treating one’s spouse with respect, compassion, and understanding is a path to success in both the relationship and in the eyes of Allah.

By following these teachings, we can foster stronger, more loving relationships that align with the essence of our faith. Let’s share and practice these reminders to build marriages that reflect the beauty of Islamic values. 🤲✨

Hi made quite a few posts and I’m stuck in a loveless forced marriage i tried leaving but my family disowned me so I went back to him

How do I love him or like or stand to be around him physically.

After reading the hygiene post and the "does it hurt" post, I realized I understand nothing about women. However, it motivated me to 'prepare' my apartment so that when she moves in, she feels at home and welcome, if that makes any sense!

Sisters, what are some things to buy or prepare that would make you feel welcome when moving into your husband's apartment?

ٱلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ

I (almost 25, M) have been under pressure from my parents to marry someone from back home (Bangladesh). I agreed to compromise. I would marry a girl from back home if I found her attractive and for her to be somewhat knowledgeable in English. My ethnic tongue isn’t as good as my siblings and I feel communication will be a massive obstacle. I enjoy banter and clear communication. I find things to be nearly impossible or not as effective when I am speaking my ethnic tongue.

We already have tickets booked for January. There is one prospect we have lined up but I am not 100% sure if I feel attracted to her. We had two video conversations and it’s hard for me to talk about anything. I get that it may have been nervousness from both of us but I am not confident in my conversational Bangla skills.

I have decided to leave no stone unturned here in the US before that trip; explore every option. I brought up the idea of speaking to my teacher/local scholar to see if he has any connections to sisters who want to get married. The only downside is my mom refuses to go do any background checks on the girls I’m looking for here; but I’m going to call her bluff. I think she’ll come around if the prospects are good on the surface.

Are there any other options I could look to explore? Please make dua for me and may Allah ﷺ bless you all.

جزاك اللهُ خيراً‎

Salamou alaykoum

I was wondering what was a physical insecurity you had before marriage and how your spouse responded to it, whether it was a positive response or a negative one?

My fiancé and I are planning our wedding, but there’s a lot to consider with timing. Here’s our situation:

I’m currently a student and can’t start working until May 2025. We’re looking at a wedding a few months after that, but here’s the dilemma:

If we go ahead with the wedding in October 2025, I’d quit my job after a few months, and we’d likely have enough to cover the wedding costs but not a lot leftover for a home down payment. This means we’d have to rent for a year or so and hope we get some wedding gifts to put toward a down payment.

Pros of waiting until spring 2026: We’d have a lot more saved, especially since we’d both be living with our families, so no big expenses. This gives us more time to plan and more cushion for our future. I’d also get a longer work period under my belt.

Cons: We’ve been in a long-distance relationship for years, and culturally/religiously, we can’t live together until we’re married. We know this isn’t the way to take things and it’s haram to date. But it’s also difficult to marry before dating. We’re really ready to start our life together, and waiting feels tough.

So, do we go for a October 2025 wedding and a tighter start, or wait until spring 2026 to be more financially prepared? Newlyweds or anyone with financial advice—would love your thoughts!

Edit: another factor is my school loans. I have a very very very huge amount with a very high interest. I will be basically paying my entire income towards it. So staying home for another 7-8 months would also help me put money towards that.

i (21,f) was approached 2 years ago by a man at university for marriage. after finding out more about the guy, i thought he was marriage material in terms of dean, akhlaq etc. i know it’s haram, but i really fell in love with him. we have tried to keep it as halal as possible, nothing more than exchanging texts about university etc. but he has told his parents about me and they are on board with him marrying me. i told my parents about this, they are very against me marrying a student. for context, i graduated my bachelors and am doing a masters. i have an offer for a paid phd next year. i have savings and i am very comfortable.

he is a dental student with a year left until he graduates and starts working. he also has a job on the side as a web developer. my parents are convinced that because he is a student, he is unserious about marriage. also, because his parents have poorer jobs than my parents, they deem this to be another factor as to why he’s unserious.

the man has a great reputation amongst the muslims my age. he is kind, charitable and hard working. i want to convince my parents that he is the right guy for me, but i’m so scared of speaking up to them. i don’t know what to do. i don’t want conflict, i want it to be easy and not stressful for my parents. do i let this guy go? i don’t know what to do. i’ve prayed istikhara and i only ever see this man do good and honourable deeds. i have done an extensive background check. he ticks every box. how do i speak to my parents without causing a fight. i live in a very rural area in the uk, there are no imams or anything, no muslim community at all that i can direct them to. it has to come from me i believe. any help would be appreciated

I'm a F in my early 30's and recently divorced (irrevocable). Is it permissable to go to the gym during my iddah period? I don't talk to anyone there but find it very necessary for my mental/physical health.

I spoke to an imam who said it's debatable. Just wondering if anyone has any other insight or experience on this matter.

Assalamualaikum.

Me and my partner are both (24) soon to be married.

In last few weeks he became really disrespectful towards me. He started telling me that he will always treat me like a stranger to him as he will never confide in me about his problems, he said he will rather talk to his family instead of me - all of this happened when I confronted him about a matter he was hiding from me. It really hurt and I can't stop thinking about it. In the last few months he started dissing my cooking and my cleaning (even tho I have everything in order and everyone told me how well I cook), and started to compare me with his mom and telling me how I will never be as good as her in anything. And most recent thing - HE started adding (not accepting friend requests) his female coworkers on social media. I told him that is not alright with me as we are supposed to be married soon. But he ignores me, tells me that he can do whatever he wants and then starts an argument of all the things that I should improve even tho I am not doing anything that could be disrespectful towards him. He is very unloving, cold and distant and always on his phone. When I ask him to spend some time with me he yells that we are always togehter and usually then goes spend the day with his mom.

I am really in doubts if we should even get married due to everything. How can I start a family with someone who is disrespectful towards me, always puts me down and treats me worse than a trash on the floor?

Please help me with your advice. I am torn about what should I do. I make duaa and pray every day.

I am young and I don't want to make a life changing decision that will make my life worse instead of better...

Salaam everyone I’m 22 (F) and my potential husband to be is 25 (M) To provide some further context we have been speaking for around a considerable amount of time ( a year ). I understand wholeheartedly that this is a long time however certain things are holding me back and I need clarity once and for all.

When we initially got to know each other. There were many similarities which immediately drew us in however of course there have been teething problems which have led to us bickering. Initially he told me he did not want to move out which I was okay with, partially because I was 21, had just graduated and incredibly naive. Fast forward to a year later, having had some experiences with his family and also gaining a deeper understanding as to how the dynamics in his family work. I am incredibly apprehensive to this living situation.

Within his family there going to be 11 people including myself which consist of his parents, grandmother, two brothers, two sister in laws and a sister of his own. He also has a baby nephew.

To cut a long story short. All financial responsibilities get passed down to my husband to be. The other two brothers do not really take on these responsibilities as they are married and focus on their own lives whereas my husband to be refuses to say no. He chooses to suffer and in turn make me suffer if that means everyone around him is fine. Another thing is that everyone has differing standards to which they are held to. What is okay for one son to do, is not acceptable for another. They micromanage his life to an extent where his sister in laws will call and ask him to do their little errands which I don’t understand as they all drive and have access to their own cars? Furthermore, no one offers this courtesy to him in any way shape or form. It is always him giving and them receiving.

He has passed comments such as his sister in laws not helping out his mum and when I ask well what does your sister do? (She is just around 10 months younger than me) he gets very defensive and starts to say she will get married and leave one day? It goes over his head that his sister has a right to help her mother before any fingers are pointed to the daughter in laws?

It isn’t a case where it is just living with my in laws. My mother in law and father in law have already stated to him to marry someone who will look after them. To not marry someone like his brothers. Ps, his sister in laws live their own life. No one says a thing to them because their husbands do not allow anyone to meddle in their matters. I would feel a lot less nervous about this marriage had my husband to be had an attitude like that. His attitude is of the nature where everyone walks all over him and that will be what is expected of me too. Furthermore, his brother has already passed comments already in context to the colour of my hair (it is blonde) and we come from a Pakistani community. He has also stated that he has heard (from a third person, an unknown source to myself) that I am ‘not the type to stay home and would make him move out’ he also stated I’m the ‘type to cause fights’. To clarify, his wife does not even live within the family home, she predominantly lives at her mother’s house with their son and they intend to move out together when they have the funds to do so.

It isn’t just his emotional lack of awareness with me. It’s financially too. How can he afford to have a wife and children when he is constantly picking up everyone else’s responsibilities around him for example him saying to me we can get married should I not expect a ring (1500-2000 GBP) however the next day he informed me that he had put down a deposit for a property as his father had said so. This only added to my sheer frustration as we had a conversation about buying a property only 12 hours before and I had said there is no need to get your self entangled in such matters especially when you are not going to live there?

When addressing any concerns with him. He gets extremely defensive and then angry and simply states he isn’t moving out end of. He then tells me that if I want to leave him then I am able to do so. He says this knowing I have a mindset where I am consumed tremendously by my surroundings and I am quite sensitive, such a matter has had me in a state of extreme anxiety because I am so put off however our families know of eachother and I can’t stand to think of the humiliation I will face for walking away.

He is not kind with his words and swears however I understand that I too get angry and say a lot back to him in anger. A fact which he refuses to acknowledge though is that my words are a reaction to his anger and words. He has compared me to his exes multiple times even wishing that he married them, picking a promise on Allah swt that he would go meet up with some women or message them.

Typing this out does not even feel real however this is the current state I am in and I feel so helpless I do not know what to do. He always acts as if he loves me so much and would do anything for me but I am slowly starting to realise that this is not unconditional love for him. I am just a means to an end and he only loves me if I fit the narrative for him. Because otherwise he is willing to block me and leave me.

He has stated to me that he can’t leave his parents as who would look after them. In response to this I have told him that we can go daily, I will cook clean do whatever it is required for them. Although, they are not handi capped in any way and are more than capable to do so. However out of love, I am willing to do everything and more. So long as I have my own space. I have even said I do not mind living on the same road, next door. I have also said it does not have to be immediately it may be after 3/4 years after we have children because there is another baby on the way too (my sister in law to be is expecting)

However there is no compromise whatsoever. He is adamant he won’t move out and that’s final. I feel such guilt and such sadness that it is hurting my heart as I can’t bear the thought of speaking to another male.

FYI - I have recently been diagnosed with some health conditions due to which I really truly feel the need I have the right to some privacy. Regardless of this fact, he refuses to move out.

What do I do? Any advice would be much appreciated. Jazakallah Khair ❤️

Jummah Mubarak Everyone!

This is our thread to talk about anything. Please keep in mind that commenting on this thread to bypass posts that are designated as "[BLANK] Users Only" when the post flair requirement is not met is not allowed and will be met with a ban.

How did your week go? What are your weekend plans?

Don't forget to read Surat Al Kahf today!

I’m due to have baby soon InshaAllah. My In-laws and I are not in touch and they no longer are in touch with my husband( their son) When we told them we were expecting they gave it a thumbs up and some of his siblings didn’t respond. My husband doesn’t want to share any good news with them anymore. Nothing at all especially related to the baby. He doesn’t even want to tell them when the baby is born. I understand my husband’s logic he says “they don’t care about their own child(himself) you think they’ll care about my child?”

Islamically to protect the wellbeing of my our own mental health and prevent our child from being treated differently or poorly compared to his cousins can we not share that he’s born and not let them meet my baby?

Context- In-laws falsely accused me of being barren and advised my husband to divorce me. They were so convinced I cannot have children and it’s why I got divorced the first time(not true) they have even hinted the child is not my husband’s so accusing me of cheating. They told him I was going to steal his money and house. And that my parents are in on the whole scheme and we plan to steal from them.

So a lot of people i know from my environment got married early around 20-23 Especially since they happen to be my cousins and friends.

I’ve generally noticed that the process of getting married early is generally difficult or easy depending on your mothers efforts.

I believe this, because mothers with a more positive mindset of early marriage would usually put the effort to help out their sons out, (not necessarily financially), but to actually negotiate and communicate with the other family.

However my own mother doesn’t even try to do that, instead she just adds layers of complexity that isn’t even there.

For example I have a friend from school who happens to also be my neighbor, he got married around the age of 20.

And at one time he happens to be in the neighborhood with his wife and my mother just makes a condescending comment about his age that they both look like children, and it does not fit them to be married at this time…

Now I completely understand that sometimes people may not have the ability to actually get married because of the circumstances they go through. And that’s pretty valid.

But there are also other times where mothers don’t actually have a good reason to deny you of marriage and they just restrict you to their own demands and expectations.

My wife and I are 22. She was a close family friend who I’ve known my whole life. I pretty much knew I’d get married to her since I was 20. We still maintained boundaries until we started the Nikkah process. Now after two months of marriage, we’re already facing a big problem.

I married her because I knew she was kind, prays, and beautiful. When we got married, she did confess she had a crush on me for a long time which I found cute. Our marriage has been a slow burn where we’ve started to feel comfortable with each other and we’ve started to build a good frienship. I’ve started to trust her with my feelings and thoughts because she is a great girl. I really enjoy her company and think I made the right decision to marry her.

Around two weeks ago my wife got me a jumper she thought I’d like which I hugged her for. She said that I always buy her stuff so it’s her turn. It was a sweet moment and my wife went onto how much she loves me. I definitely love my wife reflecting on it but in the moment I froze. I hadn’t realised it or thought about it and she realised it on my face. My explaining made no impact and my wife was crying. She said she’ll be stuck with someone who after all this time still doesnt love her. She said if after two months I don’t love her, I never will because it’s plenty of time. She said frankly I should’ve loved her or told her on our wedding night.

It really hurt my feelings when she called me a monster for being intimate with her when I didn’t love her. Now she’s away visiting family but isn’t talking me stating how upset she is with me. I’ve tried everything but she says she doesn’t believe me, and I’ll only say I love her to make her feel better.

What shall I do because it’s our first big fight.

is falling in love with your spouse that important? I'm just asking out of curiosity as I'm single like I can understand its important in love marriages but in arranged marriages, aren't two strangers made to marry and live by their parents. and then they be like: I'm divorceing my husband coz he don't love me. Seriously? if there was "love" then wouldn't it be called a love marriage instead and not arranged marriage? tho I'm a man and cañ easily fall in love, but what about women?

Has any women here been divorced late 20s (28/29)? How did life work out for you after? Did you remarry? How did you find looking for a new spouse, was people not interested because of divorce title?

I’m genuinely curious after seeing so many similar posts.

When you think back to your first child, was it something you truly wanted, or did you go along with it because your husband was eager to start a family?

https://www.youtube.com/live/M8KVVi2ze1M?si=mcpwmwEITxaTLUhT

Asalamu alaikum brothers and sisters

Today our local masjid Friday khutbah was on the topic of Divorce - its reasons and treatment. And I want everyone he is going to marry or is married or divorced, to listen to it.

Been seeing posts on this sub for over a month, and I can now see a lot of people who posted here will get some info/help from this khutbah.

Also for the English speaker, I am thinking of translating the khutbah, but only if someone wants it, so please comment if you want it translated.

Salam walaykum, I’m curious to know of those (preferably from a woman’s perspective) how being arab and married into a Pakistani family is? Obviously the cultures are very different and traditions are different ect. Did you find yourself having to try and blend in to ‘act’ more Pakistani? Did they have any rules or anything that you were surprised by that was expected of you after marriage? Did you find yourself losing your own culture slightly and having to adapt to theirs or made fun of for not doing things the same way as them? Any type of experience or advice is welcome below I’m just curious how difficult it is as I know some families are quite head strong in their own culture and some things are non negotiable for one or the other party. Was it an easy marriage/experience although cultures and traditions are completely different, this includes marriage process, wedding, raising kids ect. Jzk

A young man of 28 died a few weeks ago and a Sheikh gave a talk in the masjid and said the following which I found profound and deep.

There a 2 weighty pains that are the most difficult to carry.

1. The pain a parent feels after the lost of a child, especially a young child.

2. The pain a pious women carries after she is divorced for no valid reason whatsoever.

The 2nd one is relevant here, I just found it to be deep.