Bonus points if you had kids with your ex.

How did you navigate custody? Do you regret anything? How did you find a new spouse?

Here’s some context: My husband and I are planning to separate we’re just trying to get our finances in order. We have been married almost 6 years and have a 2 year old child. The main reasons we want to separate: he has a porn addiction, he doesn’t want to put any effort into marriage he just wants to be a dad, and he sees no issues with having a completely loveless marriage where we can’t even sit with eachother without other people present.

I’m just worried about figuring everything out. I’m having trouble imagining what the future looks like.

This person came through family, we had a marriage meeting and we both got along and were happy to move forward.

Although I knew he was very busy with some things as he’s already mentioned to me. I still thought he’d have the time to send a text. We didn’t text much and I didn’t want to look desperate. A month later he told me that he spoke to his family and he’ll be glad to move things to an engagement I accepted, thinking we’ll spend more time together after, but nope.

I understand that he’s busy traveling for work at the moment, but why does it take 3 days for him to text back? We haven’t had an actual conversation until now and I’m starting to get concerned.

He doesn’t sound dismissive or rude at all, it’s just his way of responding and keeping up conversations. We haven’t called yet but I understand it’s because he’s away, but texting? Come on it only takes a minute to text back.

My concern is that I was really interested to get to know him but seems like he’s not interested at all. At this stage both people are supposed to talk but all I’m getting is that he’s very distanced.

salaam,

i've been married for 5 years and we have 3 kids, alhumdulillah.

i feel like ive experienced the highs and lows of marriage in this relatively short span. this past year was definitely the hardest as i think the stress of kids, pregnancies, families, in laws, etc. got to us and i'd say we had some of our worst arguments as a couple.

however, i wanted to relay a tiny but critical piece of advice that has helped us weather the storm, survive to see better days and, inshAllah, turn a corner in our relationship. i almost feel obligated to share because i feel like this can help a lot of situations i read about on here.

we started scheduling a recurring weekly meeting where we give each other a safe space to say anything we want. the key to the entire conversation is the ability to air out our grievances without repercussion, judgment, resentment, interrupting, anger, or arguing. both sides have to agree to this otherwise it's pointless.

it may seem silly because you can talk with your spouse about anything at anytime. however, what i realized through some painful experiences is that just because you can doesn't always mean you should.

there are benefits to holding your your tongue to a time and place where you can collect your thoughts and speak from a place where you have had time to process your emotions more thoroughly. in turn, it also gives your spouse the ability to anticipate what topics might come up based on your interactions, reactions throughout the week and thus theyre not caught offguard and will be in a better space mentally to address the concerns you all have more maturely.

we had tried this earlier in the year and i think it helped but then we stopped regularly "meeting" and it didnt seem like a coincidence that the turbulence in our relationship increased in the absence of our deeper conversations so this time around we agreed to be more consistent with it each and every week.

therefore it only works well if you take the conversations seriously, come prepared (i jot down my feelings throughout the week in an app if im triggered by something so i can remember what i need to discuss and how and why i felt that way when it gets addressed), respect the rules of the meeting, and remain consistent with the schedule.

your marriage is like a business, it's your personal business. corporations schedule regular meetings to ensure they reach their targets and report on the health of their business because they care about being successful. why should we not take the same approach with our marriages to ensure they last? you and your spouse are essentially co-CEOs of your marriage and thus you can treat these conversations as if you were setting a board of directors meeting for your marriage to address any topics that are relevant for your relationship.

also, we use this time to discuss what we have going on in the next week whether its events, work, finances, or appointments/errands that need to be taken care of. aside from all the mundane things, i even use the time to share a collection of reels/memes that i would want to bombard her with throughout the week but instead save for this time. some reels are advice things i find for us and or about the kids for us to discuss. other times its just silly videos to lighten the mood if we did just have a serious discussion.

all i can say is since we have been more disciplined by participating in the weekly meetings i feel like it has steered our marriage back on track alhumdullillah after worrying it was veering off course for the worst. our intimacy, empathy, respect, and communication has improved in a relatively short amount of time by implementing this in our marriage. is it perfect? not by any means but as with any goal in life, incremental and continuous progress is what you should be seeking. it should always be a work in progress since your relationship and your lives are constantly evolving.

it takes both of you to adjust and commit to this idea but if youre willing, inshAllah i hope it can bring benefits to your relationship as well. if youre hitting a rough patch in your relationship (or even if youre not...better to be proactive than reactive) talk to your spouse to gauge how they would feel about doing this on a regular basis.

may Allah swt bless everyones marriages, increase your baraqa, and continue to make your spouses and children the coolness of your eyes inshAllah and ameen.

This is very tame regarding a lot of other posts I see here bit within my own life its quite frankly annoying.

I've found myself to get easily affected by others' behaviours towards me, especially when they are important or long-term relationships I'll have for life (IA) like my in-laws. My husband's sister-in-law came into the family a few years before me, and is an absolute sweetheart in terms of her character - always bettering herself in deen, never lies or gossips, and is super sincere in her efforts towards others.

I think I've always tried really hard to be a good friend to her but I am much younger to her and also now know our characters are just too different. While I've accepted that I don't need to be her best friend to simply be on good terms, lately I've felt that she has intentionally or unintentionally been leaving me out of conversations/a group. It's super subtle, but I've seen it in different aspects in the past year - maybe she's just finding it awkward to get comfortable with me or she's just more adapted to my husband than me (since she's known him longer)?

Whatever it may be, these subtle things include not directly acknowledging me on calls, never replying or acknowledging my texts (pics, replies to her texts) on the gc but being okay doing so for others and my husband's, relating her child more to her husband (eg. "___ missed his uncle, he drew about you, ____ kept trying to call you").

The really hard part of trying to explain this is that it is so so super subtle and only happens when we aren't meeting up in person - we live in separate countries but meet up during the vacation. Moreover, all of them can be also overlooked as overthinking on my part, like her child is obviously more attached to my husband as he's known him from birth compared to me who just came in now.

I know she's of a good heart and is the same with me irl which is why I'm asking for advice on how to ignore such thoughts and feelings as I don't want to be so emotional about irrelevant and unimportant things in my life. I want to ignore these petty things rather than waste my feelings, but it's difficult for a sensitive overthinker like me (lol).

I have no muslim friends and my mother and father are not much help. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM DOING. I’m from the England if that matters.

I have matched with a few nice girls on one of the apps. I have no idea what to do. One girl I was just making small talk and I made her laugh a few times. I kept making surface level small talk and she unmatched me as she felt it wasnt going anywhere and wanted a man who would know how to lead in this process. As all I did was make small talk lol so fair enough, I wish her well.

Now I’m trying to progress with a new girl I matched on Friday. I made a little small talk, made her laugh a bit. Now asked for her number and will call her this on Tuesday.

1. Can someone break down how it usually works? Like step by step?

Lets say I call her: we talk about what we both have been doing recently? Hobbies etc. Make her laugh.

Then what? I’m 29 and the girls I match expect me to lead here. In life and everything I would happily. But here I have no idea what i’m doing.

TLDR; narcissist parents have no input with my marriage search, how am I supposed to get married if they don’t care?

my parents won’t do anything for me in regards to marriage. they don’t want to meet any potentials, and they refuse to look for potentials themselves. i made it easier for them by finding a potential myself. I made it clear to the potential that I will not pursue him in a haram manner so I tried to involve my parents immediately. My dad reluctantly met him but he doesn’t like him because he’s a different ethnicity and my dad has control issues and doesn’t want another male to be part of the family.

My dad always rants about how ‘oil and water don’t mix.’ how marriages from different countries never work, and how village and lineage is important to determine if someone is good or not. My potential is a revert and the last time we were on the way to meet him, my dad said that the potential will most likely have s€x with me and throw me on the side of the streets and I’ll be damaged goods cause he does not come from a Muslim family. He said it’ll be shameful for me to come back to the house once he divorces me and everyone will gossip so I’m not allowed back ( why are you making these hypothetical situations).

My dad has tried to put the potential off when we met, by acting really rude and standoffish, (his body language was so embarrassingly rude, he was acting like a kid who didn’t get what he wanted) and giving him clauses that are different for him to carry out. My potential is a revert, and my dad was asking him to bring his friends family to the next meet (even though they have their own son to think about, and they opened a new business so they are very busy) as a way to delay the marriage. My dad said he will not meet the potential alone and he has to bring his friends family so that we can discuss the mehr and nikkah date etc. My potential was looking a bit nervous at this, he was saying he doesn’t know when he will be able to get a hold of his friends parents since they’re very busy and my dad was like ‘no rush!!! Actually its preferable to take longer’

At home he goes on long rants about how life is hard and marrying to different people is not easy and it is not worth it- rather, you should marry people from the same city back home. Rather than telling the potential he is not interested, my dad was being weird when we met so that the potential calls things off instead.

And my mum, she has a bad marriage with my dad where he does not fulfil the Islamic obligations of a husband, (he’s an abusive dad too but that’s a whole other story) and she has indirectly told me before that she will never be happy if my future husband is a good man, because it just reminds her that her husband was not. Both times the potential came to see us, he bought me and my mum flowers and my mum was happy to receive them but then she told me privately that it’s the first time she got flowers and it’s from her potential son in law , not her own husband. she was mad the whole day and complaining about how she is stuck with her husband (my dad) and it’s not fair that she didn’t get to choose her partner, how she’s being punished every day etc. So she doesn’t like having any input because it just reminds her of her own marriage.

My parents refuse to have any real contribution to this marriage talk or any marriage talk- they think chaperoning me to the meeting is enough. They don’t care if he has good or bad traits, they don’t know what to ask him, they’re not interesting in knowing anything about him, they just don’t care. They only know things about him because I had those conversations about marriage with my potential. They never bother to vet out for themselves if he is a good husband for me and a good son in law for them. They are so passive.

I have an older sister and they don’t look for her either. There’s been many potentials (same ethnicity as us) that have reached out to my parents and my parents just ghost them. When my dad was angry that he was driving to meet my potential, he was talking about how they should be looking for my older sister. But still, they aired all of them- the longest ghosting has been almost 8 months. My parents are in no rush to get any of us married. They don’t even bother responding to the potentials to tell them they’re not interested.

Me and my sister, we try to find matches for ourselves but what’s the point if our Parents are so inadequate in helping out. Today, my mother said if my future husband is abusive or controlling, (context: he wants me to wear a niqab and me and him are in two minds about this but I was thinking shall I just take the leap and wear it) she’ll get a glimpse of what her life is like. I asked her why doesn’t she give her perspective on the potential since I might have rose tinted specs on and she just said who cares, you like him anyway. Is it bad to want SOME input?

I don’t even know if it’s worth telling this potential I’m serious and want to get married to him cause my parents are never serious, and it’s not like I can work alone. Me and my potential live far from each other and we only met 3 times- my parents love that we barely meet cause then the matter is put at the back of their minds. I don’t know what to do anymore Am I supposed to just tell him we can’t get married cause my parents aren’t interested… but I fear this would be my response to every potential that ever comes by, since my parents don’t want to deal with marriage

Trying to get married soon. What do the parents discuss between themselvess? What kind of questions do they have the right for asking? Do the parents talk to the whole family or just between the parents? How does it work?! Please reply from experience

I've seen alot of negativity on this subreddit so I wanted to spread something nice, to share how I fell for my husband. We have been married for 2 years and I can fully say, I'm in love with him, so so much.

So the first month of marraige we didn't really do anything intimate. We were both arranged married and we were abit cold for the first month. I don't know why but I was considering divorce. I have no idea why that crossed my mind as this was my first ever relationship.

Around the middle of the second month I fell ill with a fever. It was bad but not like really bad. He came back from work and I was in bed all sluggish. He came in looked at me and walked out of the house 🤣. I felt pretty sad and lonely bc I thought he abandoned me.

30 minutes later he returned with supplies. He gave me medicine, made me food, washed the dishes, and did all the chores.

He then came back, and I heard the door creak and I pretended to be asleep. I barley opened my eyelid enough for me to see and I saw him peeping through the door. Omg that was so so cute. He tip toed in and sat on a chair and grabbed my hand and placed it on his forehead. You won't belive what he did next. I could hear youtube videos about how to cure a fever 😭😭😭. He watched alot of videos but he gave up. He just sat by me and held me hand and fell asleep on the chair. And that's how I fell for him.

Salam,

I currently reside in the UK, and my potential spouse is from the UAE, though she is also an international student in Canada. We have been getting to know each other solely for the purpose of nikkah, and it has been 5 months so far. I come from a single-parent household and have already shared details about her with my mother. However, since my potential grew up in the UAE, it’s not common in her cultural environment to discuss potential matches with parents unless it’s directly regarding nikkah(which we have confirmed recently as we both are happy to move forward)

But since i recently graduated but haven’t secured a full-time position yet and have a student loan from the uni yet to pay but i believe it should be sorted out according to the full time position i get in the future and not concerned over it but my potential thinks this might be something her parents would raise concerns as.I am currently looking into entry-level jobs, but her father may view this as a disadvantage, as he values accomplishments in a groom, which is understandable from his perspective. This has made her hesitant to bring up our situation with her parents, as she worries it could create an obstacle in the process as her dad is old school desi.

In terms of compatibility, we align well in terms of deen, life goals, and future aspirations. However, we haven’t yet discussed details like mahr, pre-nups, medical tests, or meet-ups, as we want to focus on ensuring our families are on the same page first. Both of us are fully committed to this process.

We haven’t engaged in video calls, as we want to avoid unnecessary haram interactions. Instead, we have exchanged photos and are content with this arrangement. She has mentioned that one of the reasons she hasn’t informed her parents about us is because they would likely want to arrange a meeting as soon as possible to assess me in person(a positive concern for me since it would rise up my fund requirements to do so)This would require travel and would also mark the first time we meet face-to-face. She’s worried that if, after meeting, I were to find an issue with physical attractiveness (which is an important factor in marriage), it could reflect poorly on her in front of her parents. For example, they might see her communicating with a guy about marriage whilst she’s a international student and the potential proposal (me) traveled all the way from the UK, and it didn’t work out might let her parents look down on her.

That said, if everything goes smoothly and her father does not raise any concerns that are unjustified from a deen perspective, what would be the appropriate next steps to take in this process? (i want to get married asap but due to the full time which i don’t consider as a huge burden but my potential does and thus she is not able to speak to her parents)

JazakAllah khair for your guidance.

Salam, I want to know if I was in the wrong or not.

My in-laws (FIL, MIL, BIL) are visiting me and my husband. We had some plans made to go out as a family, and before that my MIL cooked some food for us to eat for dinner. We came back after a long day, and it was time to eat. Me, my husband, and my FIL all went to the kitchen and filled our own plates and got ourselves a glass of water, while my MIL was doing something else. My BIL stayed in one of the rooms on his phone, aware we all went to go get food and it was time to eat.

We finished filling up our plates and I sat at the dining table while my husband and FIL sat on the couch. My BIL walks in and sits next to them, and still hasn't gotten food yet.

We started to eat and I was finishing up when my MIL came to me and told me, "Go warm up food for your BIL and get him a glass of water as well. He doesn't have his plate made."

I ignored her. I got up to get water for myself and sat back down on my phone. It isn't the first time she's asked me to serve her other sons so I chose to ignore this time. She came again and said, I told you something, go warm up his food. Now, everyone had our attention and my husband was looking over. I gave him a really bad glare as he didn't speak up nor initiated for his grown adult brother to get up and make a plate for himself like everyone else did.

I decided to get up and warm it up to not cause issues but noted I had to have a talk with my husband later.

before bed, my husband himself asked why I was glaring and I said why wouldn't I? Not sure why his mom keeps asking me to serve her sons. He said what's so wrong about getting up to warm up food for my brother.

I said he sat there like a limbless child and even walked from the bedroom to the living room, watched everyone eat, but did not even bother plating his own food? That does not seem right. I told my husband that I have no duty to even make sure he has water to drink because his brother does not do a THING for me. His brother always wants me to drive him everywhere when my husband is at work and expects me to pay for everything if we decide to get smth to eat or do.

His brother once stayed with us for a month, and I had work full-time during that time and I noticed he would rather starve himself than make himself some lunch when I was not home. He would literally only eat if I came home from work (at 7pm) and cooked food or if my husband cooked food. Never helped with any preparations and sat down on the dinner table when me and my husband served.

He told this to his mom, "They come home late from work and I don't have anything to eat until 9pm," to which my MIL scolded me and said to cook something for him in the morning before I go to work. I said that's not my job and I won't be doing that. I was not going to let this go on any longer so I finally spoke out but my husband thinks im being dramatic.

Assalaamu alaykum.

I was recently diagnosed with bilateral PCOS and bicornuate uterus. I have a regular period, but what triggered me to consult a doctor is the acne i keep on having on my jawline and the weight im gaining for years now, plus im having a lot of trouble losing weight. Having the bico uterus was a surprise to me though. The doctor said it was congenital, alhamdulillah alaa kulli hal. Fyi, bico uterus is when u have a heart shape uterus instead of a pear one. So if a baby is to exist there, he or she would have a very tight space. No wonder having bico uterus is prone to miscarriages.

I’m still single, turning 30 yrs old. The reason behind is complex, a story for another time. I’ve been reading about pcos and i know a lot of women who has it too. But pcos with the bico uterus just pulls me down coz I feel like my chance of bearing children is extremely low now.

I can’t help but somehow lose a sense of my self-worth. Yes as a Muslim i know my purpose of creation isn’t simply to get married and create my own family, but to worship Allah alone and avoid polytheism. But remembering how the Prophet Muhammad advised men to marry fertile women saddens me, coz i might really be missing out on this. I no longer have any fruitful thing to offer for any man who wishes to marry me. And even if there is a man who is willing to accept me even with this biological deficiency, I should prepare myself of being in a polygynous marriage as a man will always wish to have kids. I actually do too for myself.

Im intending to disclose my condition for those who wish to marry me coz i feel like not doing so is deceit.

Im sharing this here because i somewhat need any words of encouragement or advice. I know there are still pcos and bico uterus women out there who are still able to bear children, but the small chance and the risk involve pulls me back into hoping that it could happen. I might just end up brokenhearted, a burden for my future husband, and pitiful for everyone else. A waste of a woman.

I appreciate whatever you guys can tell me. Jazaakumullahu khayran.

Assalamu Alaikum! My name is Usama Bin Waheed, and I’ve been an online Quran teacher for several years now. Teaching the Quran has been more than just a job for me—it’s a mission to connect hearts with Allah’s message. My journey started with a single student, and little did I know, that very first session would become a story I’d cherish forever.

A Special Beginning When I first started, I eagerly waited for my first student. Days felt like weeks, and when I finally got the message, I couldn’t contain my excitement. The session was scheduled for 6 PM, and I was counting down the minutes.

When my student joined the call, his mother shared something that left me both awed and apprehensive. She told me her son was born with congenital deafness. At age six, after a successful surgery, he could hear for the first time. Now at seven, she was determined to give him Quranic education, but every teacher she approached turned her away.

“They didn’t have the patience to teach him,” she explained, her voice filled with hope. I felt a deep responsibility in that moment.

A Journey of Perseverance and Patience From the very first session, I knew this wouldn’t be easy. He struggled to focus on my voice, so I adapted. I used visual aids, moving my lips deliberately on camera, and even wrote notes in English with different colors to highlight tajweed rules. For instance, I’d use one color for bold sounds and another for light ones.

I celebrated every little milestone—even his mistakes—because they meant he was trying. Slowly but surely, he began to grasp the basics. What started as teaching the Arabic alphabet turned into word-by-word Quranic learning.

Days turned into months, and his progress amazed me. With consistent effort and Allah’s help, yesterday, he completed his Quran recitation.

The Unbelievable Moment When I shared this achievement with his mother, her reaction was unforgettable: “UNBELIEVABLE. No, you’re kidding!” she exclaimed.

I assured her it was true and praised her son’s intelligence and dedication. When she heard his recitation, tears filled her eyes. She was astonished by his fluency and the beautiful sound of his voice. “This is nothing short of a miracle,” she said, repeatedly thanking me and making heartfelt duas.

A Message From My Heart to Yours

This experience taught me so much about resilience, patience, and the power of Allah’s guidance. I share this story to remind my Muslim brothers and sisters: this life is temporary, but the Quran is eternal. It’s our compass, our light, and our ultimate source of guidance.

No matter your age, background, or challenges, it’s never too late to start your Quranic journey. Take that first step today, trust in Allah, and you’ll find the way.

May Allah guide us all and make the Quran a light in our lives. Ameen.

Salam everyone I want to ask something if anyone have neen through the similar situation I 29M being engaged to 25F 1 year ago it was all arranged by family She lives in USA meanwhile i live in Australia but we are both from Pakistan so the concering thing is that when we got engaged i texted her amd asked her if she is comfortable if we talk before marriage she responded okay now everytime i text her she replies me very late like after 3 or 4 days and her replies are ver cold snd rude sometimes and sometimes she don't even bother to reply I confronted this to her and she again didn't replied i talk to her sister she said that she take tome to mingle with someone

Her family is really sweet and keep calling regularly in a week and telling me that they are very happy with this marriage and all

But i don't know if fiance is happy or not now i am also loosing interest in her which is what i don't want because i really like her !

I need some advice because I’m on the verge of giving up. My husband (24) has never been romantic not before we got married and definitely not now. When we were getting to know each other he said he’d start being romantic after we were married but here we are a year in and nothing has changed. I’ve never gotten flowers, a thoughtful note, a surprise or even just a cute little date night planned by him.

Every time I try to bring it up he gets angry and tells me it’s pathetic that I want meaningless things like flowers (because they die anyway) or gifts. But that’s not the point. It’s not about the flowers themselves it’s about the thought. It’s about feeling appreciated and knowing he put in effort to make me feel special and appreciated in a thoughtful way.

We’re in our early 20s and this is supposed to be the most exciting time in our lives. Instead we’re living like a couple who’s been married for 45 years. Honestly, even couples that age probably have more fun than us. Something simple like him cooking dinner with candles setup would mean so much to me.

But he also tries to gaslight me by saying that I knew he was a boring guy before we got married so I should just deal with it. It’s so frustrating because he promised he’d make an effort but now it feels like he’s using that as an excuse to avoid trying at all.

He says I should just tell him what to do but that completely takes away the whole concept of it. The excitement the surprise the idea that he wanted to do something thoughtful for me on his own it’s all gone when I have to spell it out for him.

Meanwhile, I go out of my way for him all the time. For birthdays, holidays or just in everyday life I try to show how much I care and it feels like I get nothing back. He says cuddling is his way of showing love but I don’t feel like that’s enough.

Even our weekends frustrate me. He always leaves it up to me to decide what we should do and it’s exhausting. I plan everything including our one holiday together where I booked the flights the hotel the activities all of it. If I don’t plan something we just sit at home glued to our phones doing absolutely nothing. No date nights, no movie nights, no games nothing!!!!!

The thing is he still expects intimacy. But honestly, I don’t feel like being intimate with someone who doesn’t even try to make me happy. I feel like he doesn’t deserve it when he puts zero effort into making me feel loved or special.

I can’t see a future for myself living like this. I don’t know if I’m overreacting but this is not the life I envisioned and if things do not change I’ll be packing my back and going back home.

I am a f(20) married to a m(20). We are both muslim. We fell in love at 17 years old, got married at 18, and has been married for 2 years, soon going 3. This whole time we have been having a long distance relationship. (America and europe, 7 hour time gap) Throughout this time we’ve had our ups and downs but the relationship does not feel the same way it used to feel before. We were both super in love and had arguments and disagreements here and there but we became really good at communicating and we would always work things out. However the past 1-2 years our communication has been off. We’ve been feeling really distant but we have both been trying. We’ve only met twice in real life throughout this whole relationship. First time only for 10 days, second time (this summer) for 2 months.

HOWEVER, when I came back to my country this summer, my life became busy, super busy. Working 4 days a week for 8 hours and studying full time. And this is something I want for myself to save up for my future and spend on the lifestyle I wish. He hasn’t been feeling loved for 3 months because I barely have time to call anymore. He tells me to take less shifts. And I’ve completely lost feelings and I just see a lot of things differently now. I feel too young to deal with the stress of keeping a long distance marriage going, because whenever I call him I have to sacrifice my alone time, and this time is much needed since I’m an introvert and get drained throughout my days. I’ve tried to communicate this so many times but he would never understand. We also recently had a discussion where we realized none of us can see each other living in each other countries in the future. And this is a conversation he has been trying to avoid a lot of times throughout the conversation. He got shocked that I didn’t want to move to America, and he has always given me an impression that he wants to move to my country, so the conversation just left both of us super confused. However he is super in love and I am not anymore, I just want to focus on myself, my own happiness, have a lot of time for my self and I really want to use my 20’s to grow as I feel like I’ve been investing so much time in a relationship and not in myself. He told me for a couple of days ago he wanted a divorce because he was tired of me never having time for him anymore, and I agreed because I felt really drained. However he changed his mind and wouldn’t let go at all the morning after. We agreed to keep trying and to see if things changes. However, I’ve never felt this out of love before. I barely think about him anymore. It’s super confusing because this is someone I’ve been in love with since I was 17. I’ve been wanting to really focus on myself because I feel like I put a lot of things to the side throughout this relationship. I’m starting to wonder if I got married too young. My parents always warned me but I was too in love to not.

I’m so sorry if this is super messy and not structured at all, but I would appreciate any form of advice as I don’t know if I should keep trying because I can’t stand breaking him or following my feelings that are telling me to focus on my own happiness.

Assalamualaikum,

Alhamdulillah, I'm getting married to my cousin, a single child. She is kind, good-hearted person and while I do not have deeply emotional feelings for her yet, I believe understanding will help us build a strong foundation.

But I need guidance on important matter concerning her family. Her father works in law enforcement and has bad reputation for corruption, which tbh doesn’t come as a surprise considering his personality. Recently, while I was at his office and he was out for a while, one of his close colleagues casually mentioned that he engages in daily corruption, sets targets and has accumulated wealth far beyond what others in his position typically can have. He even seemed to think I was lucky to be marrying her daughter and congratulated me in a way that felt unsettling.

This wealth will likely be passed on to my future wife. I can’t help but feel concerned about what that means for us. I want to ensure that my family and future children are provided for in a way that is halal and blessed, not haram.

I don’t want my future children to be raised with wealth that could potentially be haram. Is it halal for them to benefit from this wealth or should I take a firm stance to avoid it? At the same time, I am not well off and can only afford a normal lifestyle. If we use this wealth, our situation would change completely and it would bring significant ease to our lives—but is it worth it if it compromises our deen?

My parents have advised me not to raise this issue directly with her father, as we are not particularly close. But I'm torn about whether I should discuss this matter with her and possibly request her to distance herself from such wealth, as I want to ensure our future is built on halal means.

I want to make this decision in a way that pleases Allah (SWT) and ensures barakah in our lives. Any Islamic rulings or advice related to this situation would be greatly appreciated.

JazakAllah

Assalamu Alaikum everyone,

I hope you’re all doing well. I’m writing this because I’m in need of advice and support during a very difficult time.

I am the youngest among my siblings, but I got married before my older sister and brother. This was Allah’s will, and I trust in His plans. However, as we live in a society where people constantly interfere in others’ lives, things have become very challenging for my family and especially for my sister.

In our faith, we understand that Allah has written different timelines for everyone—some receive blessings early, others later, and both are tests. I got married early, but I have not yet been blessed with children. This, too, is Allah’s choice, and I accept that. However, society doesn’t.

Unfortunately, my sister, who is now 24, has been bearing the brunt of constant judgment from our relatives. People keep questioning when we will celebrate her wedding, when they’ll “eat the food of her wedding,” and other hurtful comments. These remarks have taken a toll on her mental health. She is now struggling with severe anxiety and psychological distress. Despite seeking help from multiple psychologists, neurologists, and psychiatrists—who have all confirmed that she is perfectly fine—society’s cruel remarks have deeply affected her.

My mother passed away, and my younger siblings and father are also distressed about the situation. We are all desperate to see my sister happy and settled with someone who will cherish and support her. However, finding a suitable proposal within our caste has been extremely difficult, as my family prefers not to consider options outside our community.

Tomorrow is her birthday, and she is experiencing severe anxiety attacks. She has been unable to attend university due to the mental toll. She is a beautiful, educated young woman, but society’s unkindness has broken her spirit.

I’m exhausted, tense, and unsure of what to do. I want the best for my sister because she has a right to enjoy her life and find happiness. If anyone has any advice, solutions, or knows of a good Muslim proposal, please reach out. I am also open to any tasbeeh or dua suggestions that could ease her pain and guide us toward a better path.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. May Allah ease everyone’s difficulties and grant us all patience and understanding.

29M married to 29F

I wont write down entire journey, I'll try to simplify what happened before and what's happening now. And what I need your opinions on.

I got married last year December. I absolutely absolutely adored my wife and she is the most beautiful woman in world regardless how I feel about her. There is no match to her beauty. In addition to which she keeps her appearance extremely modest and preserves herself which is another reason I respect her alot.

Unfortunately right after marriage there came alot of arguments and during first 2 months I would always understand her and agree with her to ensure she feels supportive. Sadly it didn't matter. Regardless of me apologising for things that were not even my doing but came along with the marriage things didn't change. I would still be apologising and understanding and acknowledging her after month of marriage.

I started expressing that let's move onwards witj lige and layer adding bit of perspective of why this could have happened.

Long story short she acknowledged that from the beginning of marriage she had started resenting me for marrying her and ruining her life. I had made sure that we had separated residence and all sustenance is added and everything financial and emotional is taken care of.

After a while I just broke down and became unresponsive and this is where things went haywire. She started throwing things in home, would tell me that I'm abusive if I'm leaving the room during argument (I just wanted to have moment of not listening that I'm abusive and by being emotionally unavailable I'm playing my role in making her mentally disabled like how her mother became later in her marriage)

TLDR: i have been in therapy for few months now and my mental health was drained up. last month I had filed for divorce and before that we were separated for 2 months.

When she got the divorce notification she asked me if I can delay it (won't tell reason as it would project her as bad but for your opinion I want to not go in detail of this.)

I obviously did not wanted to be the person who ruined this girls life so instead I told her thst I'm not only going tk revoke the divorce application but also give this marriage a chance.

Even though I did not feel any love or emotional connection I still wanted tk make sure k if tomorrow Allah asks me that why you gave up without trying that would just make me regret all decisions. So I wanted to give this a try once again.

Now she is at her home with her family and I'm at mine with my family. Her family never got involved in anything (once again she gives a reason and I can't tell). So we met last month over a weekend and we went to some place nice had great food and had great long drive with simple conversations as I avoid talking about things that could trigger anything between us and I believe she is doing the same.

I occasionally send her surprise food at her home and some times send her gifts via online purchase. So she would feel that she matters as she told me that she had such an abusive childhood with her sister and mother always abusing her and her mother being mentally challenged would tell her elder daughter to beat her up for stuff.

Now the problem is I ABSOLUTELY ABSOLUTELY HATE HER. Anything I think of or try to be intimate with her it just makes me feel weird as during marriage she would constantly express that she was not satisfied with intimate part (No there was nothing wrong with my end, I would be intimate with her 3 to 6 times a day and even tk make sure I satisfy her needs I would be for playing for 30 minutes before having actual intercorse for which I also stated using delay products and such so I could give her atleast 30,40 minutes of constant intercorse. That's why intimacy with her just feels like a job and I just do it so thst her need for intimacy is met.

Even if I get texts from her I JUST HATE IT. I hate seeing her messages and I hate talking to her or interacting to her and everything. But at the same time I don't want to give up on this relationship.

I have never been nor I am yet abusive in anyway. At most I told her "Please for gods sake please stop talking I can't take this anymore please stop blaming me and stop telling me how abusive I am."

What do I do. It's our 1st year anniversary soon and I want to give her everything she needs to feel good and happy. I can not bring the conversation of divorce up until march 2025 (this is related to her request for delaying it).

Why do I feel like the worst person for wanted to give up on this marriage and even more when pretending to be lovey dovey all the time and never bringing in any of my such feelings.

There is just tooo much that I have not said here but assume that this is merely 0.5% of what the marriage was. What should I do to either not hate her or else to completely give up on this marriage without feeling guilty.

Salam,so I met this girl and we started talking and she’s a convert ,so after we met and talked for months ,I told her the idea of us getting engaged so to keep it halal and etc,but everytime I bring up the idea of us getting engaged she be saying inshallah instead of actually wanting one or telling me that she’s taking her time ,I told her I’m serious about her,I do wanna get engaged b it she’s very slow on engagement,also I’m 23 and my parent are pressuring me to get engaged and I do wanna get engaged but idk what to do since she’s taking her time ,she’s interested in me but idk why she’s taking so long

Just a back story. I have been married few years. Since day 1 my MIL and SIL have always made comments about me. My husband would defend their behaviour. They would say stuff when he wasn’t there and if I expressed my concerns he would say don’t worry they don’t mean it, they do respect you. I always had a gut feeling they had something against me. I made soooo much effort with them but they were affecting my mental health and the imaam at the mosque advised I distant myself from the MIL and SIL. I have never stopped my husband from seeing them. Recently my husband was secretive with his phone so I checked the messages between his mum and him and since day 1 she has been manipulating him and coercing him that I do not deserve anything, that I am ungrateful, that I don’t make an effort, that I am controlling and for him not to give in to my demands. I literally the most chilled out wife. He didn’t defend me on those messages. I can’t believe this whole time his mum has been speaking negatively of me and he has always forced me to go spend time with them even after the imaam said not to and even after he knows everything his mum says about me. Him and his mum both know I’ve seen the messages and their biggest concern was how and when I saw those messages rather than feeling any remorse. I’m stuck on what to do. What does Islam say about interfering in laws?

This is for the brothers, do you ever feel bored of your wife for no reason (not being on bad terms), just loss of excitement and not knowing what to speak about? Basically just bored. If you have caught yourself feeling like this towards your wife how do you try to mend this slight feeling of disconnect? And how would you prefer your wife to act when things become like this, would you want her to act more affectionate or would you prefer her to pull back a bit. This feeling of boredom is very natural for most marriages at some point but shouldn’t be permanent so I want to know what the men think and how they think you can get the excitement back if your husband is slightly bored in the marriage. (This is not for those men who dislike their wives, it’s for the men who love their wives but feel the way I’ve explained above).

I’ve been married for about ten months. At the beginning it was great, us getting to know each other more, learning what we like and dislike, enjoying each other’s company etc. A couple of months in is when I began to see things I didn’t like, interactions with the opposite sex and his excuse was “in the west, you have to be social and not dry, that’s how society is, if you’re not people will think you’re weird” paraphrased. I understand there is no escaping interaction but to enjoy and go out of your way to be really nice and giggling is too much. He also mentioned he’s a people person, an example he gave me was when he’s on the tube, people give him eye contact and he smiles. He checked women out regularly and denied it. I constantly brought it up with him and he was adamant that he didn’t.

When it comes to social media, we don’t use it and I made it clear that I don’t want my husband to be on those Fitnah platforms, he agreed. Now any free time he has, he’s on YouTube - I understand that he catches up on news but most times he will scroll endlessly on YouTube shorts. I’ve seen him watch movie clips, videos with women etc and he knows I’m against that and he himself said he was too. When I ask him, he again denies it.

Whenever I bring something up, I’m either negative, complaining, there’s always something I’m picking on, I’m always questioning him - to be honest, it’s gotten worse because I don’t trust him at all and he’s made me feel that all these issues are in my head and they’re not. At one point I really questioned if what I’ve seen is true and that is not right. Whenever he has an issue or he’s upset, I try to understand and work on it but it seems as if he can never do wrong. I’m working on my approach to things but I can’t ignore what I see anymore. It’s killing me. I wear niqab and this past month, I’ve contemplated taking it off, thinking about threading my eyebrows etc May Allah ﷻ forgive me. I would never go down that road but I’ve been made to feel inferior to the women he checks out.

Please don’t suggest divorce. BarakAllahu feekum

Salam all,

I am 26+1 (F) single middle eastern living in the West and I live with my parents. My parents have made everything in my life so difficult, from social freedom, to being controlling, to marriage! All these aspects are interlinked and I’ll detail everything below:

Social Freedom: I graduated from university and went straight into working in my field Alhamdulilah. I also have a side job where I work occasionally but only on the weekends. I had a great routine up until the past month. My parents refrained me from going to the gym, they’ve made me cease my weekend job, they’ve prevented me from seeing my friends and even prevented me from seeing my close cousins whom are of my age. So basically I’m on house arrest.

Now all of this stems from 1 thing - a whole marriage issue they have with the guy I’m interested in.

My father tried to force me to get engaged to another guy recently, but I kept standing my ground and saying NO! My parents are quite narcissistic and are champions at manipulating and gaslighting me and even abuse their status as a parent in Islam. They would use the usual “look how much we did for you”.. “we gave you so much freedom”.. “you backstabbed us”.. “if you don’t take the man we want, you will never marry anyone else”.. “you’re getting old”.. “Allah will never forgive you for not doing as we tell you”.. “Do you know the status of parents?”..

Marriage: Now, I met a guy whom I like and we want to get engaged, however he is a revert and also is of a different race and my parents said no. They were also being very racist and made derogatory remarks about him and they didn’t care when I’d tell them that this is HARAM. My father has always been controlling and I’m so fed up, because I’m ready to get married but he’s making it extremely difficult. I also feel like I am wasting so much time given I’m not so young anymore! I’ve been telling them about this guy for over a year and half, and I’ve always stood my ground and rejected other potentials.

Controlling: As I mentioned, my parents are narcissistic and very toxic. They only care about their convenience, to the point where they tried to make me change my work from home days to suit their schedule??? They’ve made me give up everything I loved doing and it’s ruining everything in my life. I feel like I’ve fallen into severe depression Wallahi. They want to control my life, they treat me like a child! They want me to marry whoever they want, not even caring about my feelings or if I’m comfortable. They’ve always forced other potentials onto me when I wasn’t interested at all. And they’d emotionally blackmail me so hard to try and get me to say yes. I was always so motivated going to the gym. I’d go 3x a week, but they don’t let me go anymore. My friends don’t bother to invite me anywhere anymore because they now know the circumstances - which is so embarrassing given my mature age??? My parents have caused fitna between my close cousins and I. This happened because my parents pestered them to tell them everything about me and the guy that I am interested in. (My cousins knew about him and they even turned on me and told them little details which was soooo unnecessary). Now we don’t speak anymore and we were literally tied to the hip - that’s how CLOSE we were. And now my parents want me to make amends with them but I cannot find the courage to forgive them?

My life now: Well, I still work my 9-5 Alhamdulilah. But what used to be coming home from my 9-5 and getting ready to go to the gym, has turned into coming home and sitting in my room on my phone and being lazy. My Saturdays went from waking up early to go to my side job, then seeing my cousins or friends in the evening, to - waking up midday, making breakfast for everyone, cleaning up after everyone, then being lazy on the devices all day til it’s time to sleep. It’s so boring. Sundays used to be me going gym early, grocery shopping, going to the mall, maybe see a friend or two for coffee. And now.. I wake up superrrr late and just sit in my room all day til it’s time to sleep again. EVERYDAY FEELS THE SAME. AND I NOW HATE MY WEEKENDS BECAUSE IM STUCK AT HOME! I barely leave the house unless it’s to go to my 9-5. I need permission to go get groceries, to go get beauty treatments and even to go to the damn doctors????????

And my parents still complain. “You sit in your room all day, you don’t sit with us”.. WELL YEAH BECAUSE YOU HAVE ISOLATED ME!

I have had enough. I am so ready to get married and start my life but they won’t give the guy that I like a chance. Wallahi everything in my life has been destroyed because of them. I really feel like I’m at the brink of spiralling. My relationship with my parents is sour and awkward. We barely talk, and if we talk it always ends in a silly unwarranted argument. My mother makes snarky comments and says silly things to try provoke me and when I talk back, I get yelled at ???? Some comments she’ll throw at me is “stay sitting in that room”.. “you’re never getting married”.. “you did this to yourself”..

Wallahi I’m so depressed and I cry whenever I remember how my life used to be. I miss my social life, I miss the gym, I miss my weekend work friends , I miss THE FRESH AIR OF REASONABLE FREEDOM! Yet my parents don’t care. I’ve even consulted an Imam about this but he hasn’t said much re. the controlling aspect..

I keep praying and making Duaa.

Any advice?

Your hopeless sister.. :’(

This marks the fourth and probably the last time I will ever speak directly about this issue to him. We are married two years and since we got married I was not too satisfied with how frequent we became physically intimate (I mean actual action, cuddling and whatever is all fine). It was fine the first maybe month or less then after that with work and whatever he just became too tired and LAZY.

I hinted before so I don’t put him on the spot and he knows and he just ignores it. I look after myself and make sure I’m always clean, smell good and try my best to look good even when I’ve started a full time job. I try my best.

I saw that maybe it’s unfair that I’m hinting to him and I should be direct. I grew the courage to finally bring it up to him and obviously he took it the wrong way and became offended then lastly said fine I’ll work on it. Then after a while it’s the same and I bring it up 2 more times, no different just false promises after being attacked. Yesterday, after almost a month of nothing (which is the first time it lasts this long and yes I did make a move which went half way then nothing was finished) I brought it up last night. I get he’s been very busy and tired with work especially this week but I just can’t handle this anymore. I’ve just become so bored and there’s no right or wrong way to bring it up. Every time I brought it up he says “you’re selfish, you should be patient with me it’s just been hectic lately.” Like I have been patient I’ve just decided to finally be direct. Then he says you can see you talking about it doesn’t make a difference maybe you’re bad at communicating and you should try a different way. He said to me that sometimes it’s because he’s either 1) too tired (very understandable) or 2) just not feeling it (fine) or 3) he’s in the mood but too lazy. He’s said this to me before too. And I can see it numerous times where I can clearly see he’s excited and we literally alone with nothing else to do and he just ignores it purposely like why? Isn’t that selfish

Like??! This is the fourth time I put my ego aside and put myself in a vulnerable position to speak about this issue and this is how I’m addressed every single time. This time he also after attacking me and feeling sensitive he says I’ll work on it.

My issue is that it’s not as frequent as it should be and it’s not exciting it’s usually just something quick before his shift and sometimes it just isn’t fun. My other issue is it’s the same old one action every time and I would like to try out different things (halal). He literally attacked me and said I should be more shy and how am I so confident and not shy to say something like this and be so open about it i was so confused I said aren’t we halal like I’m usually shy but I can take it anymore I have to speak up

Please help me what do I do I’m just so sick of this. I’ve suggested he goes to see a doctor to check maybe there’s an issue and he took offence. He’s been saying he’ll hit the gym for two years straight coz apparently it helps and nothing just talk even when he’s had opportunities to go.

I feel insecure now and I feel like I’m seen as so desperate. I was already not too confident to do some things and now I feel even worse since he says I should be more shy when I said I want to try new things. I just don’t think this is how my marriage should be especially when we are still young. I don’t want to imagine how it would be when we have kids or get older. I also stressed this is something important for me.

What else can I do now that I’ve finally brought it up for the last time? I can’t deal with the idea that I’m young, no kids and my intimate life is boring me out.

Also my husband does find me attractive I can see that in other actions it’s actually doing the action that doesn’t feel as frequent as I want it and it not being that exciting most of the time.

Once I tried to bring it up one thing I wanted to do explore in the bed but i said it in a different way and he shamed it and it just put me off. Wasn’t even anything bad sometimes I feel like he’s too closed or shy or something to talk about this stuff yet other times he’s sexual without leading to anything it’s frustrating

Last summer, I (20M) was talking to a potential partner (20F). Things didn’t work out because my parents weren’t onboard with the idea due to all that tribalism stuff. We agreed to wait until the upcoming summer to revisit the situation, with the understanding that if either of us changed our minds before then, we’d let each other know. That was last summer.

A month after we went no-contact, with the plan to wait until the next year, she reached out to say she had changed her mind. She felt it wouldn’t work due to the potential harm it might cause to my relationship with my parents. She said it was too complicated to deal with, especially at a young age, and that it wasn’t worth the trouble.

Fast forward to now and I'm kind of happy that it didn't work out then. There were a lot of things about me that I needed clarity on. However, I still find myself wondering if I should have given it a real chance. My main reason for considering it is that I don’t want to live with regrets or the "what ifs." If I don’t try, I feel like I’ll always be questioning what could have been.

I’m torn. On one hand, I don’t want to complicate things further or cause unnecessary drama, but on the other hand, I feel like I need to know that I gave it a real shot. If my parents say no again, I’ll have done everything I can. If my parents say yes and she says no, at least I’ll know I tried. I need an ending that I can accept, however maybe its already over and I can't accept it?

So, my question is: is it worth potentially going through the complications and mess to give it another try, or should I just move on and accept that it wasn’t meant to be?

I discovered recently that my husband is on bumble through his email while he was on a solo trip. He got a paypal confirmation email saying that the payment for bumble view was confirmed. And then I looked for more emails and apparently he has made 7 purchases on bumble since January. 6 of them is while he was on vacation by himself in UK and Morocco. I don’t have the energy to explain everything in details but long story short, he swears he didn’t do anything and he wasn’t planning on doing anything either. He still hasn’t got me a proper reason for why he did it but couple days ago he kind of indirectly told me it was because of me. He swore that he just downloads it and barely chat with anyone before he deletes the app. He said that all in all he has probably been on the app for 30 min max and that every time he downloads it he just uses it for probably 5 minutes before he deletes it.

We have been married for less than 6 months so I’m scared that since his eyes are wondering already now then what will happen later when we get kids, I will get old and not being able to take care of myself being busy with the kids etc.

I wanted a divorce but now I’m not sure. I have never seen him cry like this or ever cry in front of me and since he swears that nothing happened and that he will do anything to win me back I kind of want to give him a second chance. But this is only if he requests data from bumble and I can read the conversations between him and the women. So now I’m waiting for bumble to send him the data so I can go through the messages but the issue is that I will only be able to get the data from the last time he downloaded the app so I still won’t know the whole truth.

I feel so empty and I’m afraid that I can never trust him again. What should I do?

Assalamualaykum,

Here is our Saturday iteration of our bi-weekly megathread dedicated to users who would like to share their viewpoints on marital topics.

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We strive to make this thread a quality space to open up about their experiences with marriage and the marriage search.

What's on your mind this week?

If my husband and I were trying for a baby and went through medical tests, and the doctor called while my husband was at work to say that I am fine but my husband has a low sperm count, could I lie and say the issue is with me instead? I’m asking because I have concerns about his character and behavior. I believe that if I told him the problem lies with me, he would verbally abuse me and then divorce me. However, if I told him the truth—that he has fertility issues—I think he would refuse to divorce me and force me to remain in a childless marriage. What should I do in such a situation? Islamically, would it be wrong?