Particularly, dads who hate their wife. My parents had an arranged marriage. My father never liked my mom. He never spoke to her, yelling/hissing/raising voice is common. He has never purchased her a gift in my lifetime.

If she asks him something, usually he doesn't respond. My mom is uneducated, dad is educated. However my mom always tokd us we must respect our father and do everything/anything for him. I remember as a kid, we weren't allowed to make noise when he was home.

This has been my entire life experience.

Im almost 30. Now, even if i hear him sneeze loudly, i start shaking from anxiety.

You would think i would be used to it because its all i have ever seen, but im not.

Im not looking for a solution though. Just wondering if anyone has the same life, and how are things going.

Assalamualikum, I am a revert since 2020. I live in Autlán de Navarro, Jalisco in Mexico and when I learned about Islam I was in a very bad marriage/relationship and was constantly put down because by my then partner. When I decided to became Muslim I told him we should married so we would be Halal. Mind you I had asked we marry for the whole 10 years of our relationship but we would never have the means or time. But when I decided it was marriage so our 2 kids had a stable family his reply was I will marry a beautiful lady not you. Your not worth it. So I left. For the next 4 years I was the sole provider for my kids he would say if I wanted to be single and have my kids with me I would have to do it alone. Last year I lost my job and we talked and I ask he be responsible because for the last 4 years I had given all to my kids and had no savings. They are now teens 12 and 14 and they need my attention and me to be their to prevent any disaster like drugs or pregnancies. But he my ex wants to constantly visit the kids and only ends up trying to talk to me about sex or that sort of things. He is a non beliver and when I tell him no ends up always leaving and insulting my religion and calling me crazy. I have no one to rely on financially. And he knows this and tries to manipulate me and saying things like if you need money call your Muslim terrorists friends, be wife never 700 so you get money, or I will pay for sex, and I can no longer fight. It's exhausting to always defend my right to receive child support from him he gives the equivalent of 50 dollars and he feels it's so much. Today he texted and said he would come visit the kids and I said no. I told him I'm tired of his attitude and of his degrading behavior I told him if he wants to see his kids they can go visit him that I don't want to see him and he got so angry. He said he does not have any responsibility to give money so I can work or do whatever I want to make money and that he has better things to do. I have looked everywhere but all works are haram or not easy to get to so i cannot go and come back home on bus I would have to move and pay rent which now I don't pay rent because I live in a relatives house free of charge. I only pay the bills. So what do I do? It is stressful for me and it hurts because I have tried to work Halal and be also involved in my childrens lives. The last job I had was 12 hours a day and 7 days a week no day off no holiday and no medical insurance. I was not available to witness many events in my kids life. And I did cry when I lost that job I had to practically beg my ex to step up. I cannot beg anymore and the law here do not do anything to help only a slap in the hand at most. So can anyone tell me how I not loose hope? I know maybe many have it worse but I cannot seem to see a brighter tomorrow. Thanks in advance.

As salaam alaikum. I come from a typical Indian Muslim family and I recently got married and I had clearly told my wife that we’ll be living with my parents as I can’t afford the expenses of two homes. I expected my parents to be very accommodating towards my wife and I had set clear boundaries and expectations to which they had agreed but they aren’t fulfilling their end of the deal. How do I have the tough conversation of moving out? I love them but I can’t bear to see what they are becoming and I can’t be unjust towards to wife. She has her flaws but I’ve come to realize that neither of them are going to change and therefore want to move out. Any good guidance would be helpful. Jazakallahu khair!!

I hope someone can offer me some pearls of wisdom or advice that I can take with me to a difficult conversation that I will be having soon, inshallah.

To keep a long story short, one of my siblings is no contact with my mom as my mom was abusive in our childhood. She can still be difficult but I love her.

My sibling is having a child soon and I want to know how to break the news to my mom and comfort her. My mom will want to see her grandchild and talk to my sibling and visit them but my sibling wont allow it, and I won’t pressure them to do so. How can I navigate this conversation to help my mom understand that and not try to see them against their will? She will probably be hurt and angry that it was kept a secret for so long to begin with as well. How can I say this kindly and explain to my mom why it was a secret?

She is receptive to Islamic advice, but as she is of course aware that breaking ties of kinship is haram, she doesn’t see the sense in what has occurred and wont accept it as is.

Thank you so much for reading

May Allah grant us the best in this dunya and Akhirah.

Assalamualaikum. I know that respecting your parents is a must in Islam, but it’s becoming very difficult for me. My parents think everything bad happens because of me. This morning, my brother was talking back to my mom and he refused to study, she later came to tell me it’s my fault that he is like this and that I’m “teaching” him how to be disrespectful just because I’m older. My parents also say that I’m not good at anything when it comes to school and they never see the efforts I make. Each time I study, they don’t acknowledge it. And when I get a bad grade, suddenly I never studied in my life according to them. My father can’t speak to me without yelling and calling me names. Even when I ask a simple question, he either says “you always know nothing” or simply acts like he doesn’t want to speak to me. And my sister never wants to talk to me, we never did any “sisterly” things like sharing clothes because she thinks I’m “dirty”. When I make mistakes, I acknowledge them and apologize. But no one in my family has ever apologized to me. I don’t understand why they hate me and I just want to get away from them but it’s not possible and it’s not allowed in Islam.

I got forced married to someone who I didn't want to marry because I like someone else is it permissible for me to go back to the person I love as my parents knew everything and yet they abused me blackmailed me, To the person I got married he knows as well that I didn't want to marry him and yet he married me and he now abuses me there is no peace in this relationship he forced me in physical contact without my consent he treats me like maniac and says what ever I say is always right and u as a wife should not say no to it. after giving multiple chances I cant stay with this kind of man in this case should I go back to the person I love? ibecause of all this am physically and mentally not in good form I always stay sick because of all this. is it permissible in Islam for me to go through all this and stay in this marriage where there is no peace no understanding

I was forced to resign from my job yesterday, and I’m struggling with how to handle the situation. I’m a 25-year-old female who worked at a company in Baghdad, Iraq, where the manager constantly yelled at and disrespected employees. Most of my colleagues were male, and they didn’t seem to mind, but it deeply affected me. I reported the issue to HR, hoping for help, but instead, it backfired. The manager started hating me after that and made my work life unbearable. It got to the point where I had to start looking for another job.

When he found out, he spoke to HR, and they decided I was a “risk” to the company. They gave me an ultimatum: sign my resignation or be fired for being unsafe to work with. I was scared and cornered. In that room, there were seven men—my manager, the section head, a legal employee, and four HR officers. They all laughed while I cried, and I didn’t even get my final paycheck.

I’ve tried to reach out to people inside the company, but they’re scared to help me, worried about losing their jobs. I feel so lost. I haven’t found another job yet, and I’m terrified about how I’ll manage my finances, especially since I’m the one who pays for my family’s bills.

What’s making this even harder is that I can’t bring myself to tell my family. I’m overwhelmed and feel like I’m carrying this heavy burden alone. My hands are shaking, and I can’t believe everything has fallen apart quickly. I feel hopeless and don’t know how to move forward. how i tell my parents? i have a medical bill by the end of the month i do some interviews for now but finding a job in Baghdad may take a long time and lots of connections which I don't have.

Excerpt from Ahmed Hussein’s speeches and notes.

When one disregards the commandments of Allah, Allah removes peace from that individual’s life.

Allah says:

“As for the one who turns away from My Reminder will certainly have a miserable life…” (20:124)

If Allah has decreed difficulty for someone, nothing can bring ease. One should reflect on where problems come from. Allah hasn’t stipulated that difficulties will only come from this avenue or specific form.

Allah says:

“To Allah belong the soldiers of the heavens and the earth…” (48:4)

Allah can use any soldier of His to subdue someone. Allah can use the land if it shook everything will be destroyed. It’s not just grand creations but what we may deem insignificant are also soldiers of Allah. Allah had sent lice for Pharaoh. How small are lice?

“So we plagued them with floods, locusts, lice, frogs…” (7:133)

Just like the grand and minute creations are the army of Allah.

My spouse and children are also the army of Allah. Ask that husband whose wife is disobedient, how he is doing. Ask that wife whose husband is not responsible, how she is doing.

Our children are also the army of Allah. From when the wife is expecting, we start praying for an obedient child. We go to a scholar to suggest a good name. We make so many preparations for the child’s upbringing and education. According to our reasoning, we have given a good name, made supplications, and provided a good upbringing this child should have become a saint. Then what happened? How many children are disobedient? These outcomes are for us to reflect on.

When looking for a spouse, we reject so many individuals in the process. We take great pride in our selection. Not this one, no not this one, that’s not going to work, this individual is missing this, finally agree to someone. Despite being selective, after marriage how does that spouse turn out? Sometimes the wife is a major problem. Sometimes the husband is a major problem. These are things to reflect on.

We learn from this despite all the planning and precautions one takes, the ‘results’ are not within one’s control. Its results are in control of its creator. This is why Allah says:

“Unquestionably, all creation and command belong to Him”. (7:54)

Hiya, I need some advice and would really appreciate your input. Can someone tell me if I was verbally abusive to my sister? And what should I do now? This is going to be long, but I want to make sure I explain everything clearly.

So, I'm (F28) the youngest of five siblings. I’ve been married for nearly three years, and I live in a different town from my family, who all live close to each other. Before I got married, I was involved in every family event and gathering. But since I got married, my family seems to plan activities without including me or expects me not to attend.

A few weeks ago, my sister (F40) called to invite me to our cousin’s house, which is four hours away, for the following weekend. I told her I’d check with my husband and let her know. When I spoke to my husband, he was excited about the trip and started looking up hotels near my cousin's place.

But then, three days later, my sister messages the group chat saying they’ve decided to leave that day instead and will stay overnight. My mom called me to let me know they all planned this the night before at 11 PM. I was shocked and hurt. Why wasn’t I told? How could they all just decide to go and not include me? I felt so unwanted and neglected.

I called my other sister (F38), who wasn’t going because of other commitments, and explained how hurt I was. She suggested I talk to our older sister about it. So I did, and here's the text exchange we had:

Me: "Please don't share this with mum. I don't want her to overthink things and not have a good time. I am so upset. I don't know what I have done wrong? I thought we were going to P********* next weekend. We were looking at hotels, and my husband was super excited to explore P*********. I understand it was a sudden plan, but why was I not invited? How can you guys invite me and then uninvite me? I am so embarrassed in front of my husband."

Sister: "No, that's not the case at all. When I asked you, you didn't say for sure. I thought it's a long drive, your hubby not well. You can still come."

Me: "I never said no. I said I need to ask him, and he was all for it. He is driving, and we take turns."

Sister: "Okay, come. We did a last-minute plan literally at 12."

Me: "No, it's okay, it's too late now. I understand that I was only told for formalities and assumed I can't make it."

Sister: "No, that's not fair. Allah can see my intentions. You never said yes for sure. You can't put that on me. I honestly remember you said…"

Me: "Allah can see everyone's thought process. The fact is that my husband is unwell, so you guys thought we can't come. But he drove back from London, not me. I didn't say no; I said I have to speak to him. Then we didn't get around to talking about it. He even said he'd rather stay at a hotel and was looking for hotels for next week. Things like this make me feel so unwanted. Before I got married, I was always included. Now I feel like an outsider."

Sister: "With family, there are no formalities. There's no need for invites. You are the one making yourself an outsider. You have really made me feel like sh*t today."

Me: "I wasn't even told about today, lol. How am I meant to just rock up? That's alright, I made myself an outsider 🤦‍♀️ What have I done? Spoke how I feel?"

After that, she ignored me. She went to my cousin's house with my parents, other siblings, and their partners. Then she told everyone that I was verbally abusive and rude to her.

When she came back, she stopped talking to me. She wouldn't respond to any texts or calls. I told my parents about the situation, and they said I need to make an effort even though she’s the one ignoring me.

Eventually, my mom realized I hadn’t done anything wrong and that my sister was blowing the situation out of proportion. My mom tried talking to her, but my sister refused to discuss it, saying I was disrespectful to her, shes an older sister and my texts were out of line. When my mom mentioned that she had just come back from Umrah and should know better than to stay mad at family for so long (it’s been two weeks), my sister started screaming at her, accusing her of questioning her faith.

My mom was devastated, but my sister said she would never come to my parents’ house again and that we were all dead to her. To make peace, my parents went to her house, sorted things out, and eventually got her to come back to their place. Now, everyone is together at my parents’ house, happy and content – except me. My sister still refuses to communicate with me.

I’m at a loss. Was I in the wrong? Were my texts abusive? And what do I do now? Any advice is appreciated. Thank you for reading.

Many years ago I watched Lupe Fiasco, a famous rapper, say something in an interview that I still think about to this day.

The interviewer talked about how the long history of suffering endured by black people in America inspired many artistic achievements.

He mentioned hip hop and jazz among other things and how black people were able to turn their suffering into something positive and create all this wonderful art.

I think the point he was trying to make was despite all their suffering, at least something positive came out of it.

But Lupe had a different view:

He said, and I’m paraphrasing…

Would you prefer to keep all the pain and anguish of slavery, lynchings, segregation and racism and get to have hip hop and jazz and all the great artists, literature, movies, leaders and speeches we produced…

Or would you rather we had none of these achievements but never had to suffer and lose so many of our people**?**

Think about that for a moment…

I know I do. A lot.

I think about what the suffering of Muslims inspires us to “produce”.

Like noisy protests. Arguments on social media. Blaming of Arab leaders.

But the one I think about the most is our sharing of images of dead Muslims. Their bodies mutilated and torn apart. Crying mothers. starving children.

All that suffering.

Shared by their fellow Muslims.

Think back to what the interviewer was saying. Is sharing all this suffering leading to something? What are we doing with it?

What consolation prize are we expecting to get out of it?

Because I don’t see it.

I don’t want it.

I’d rather there was no suffering than be consoled decades later by some worldly achievements inspired by that suffering.

Is this phenomenon of mass sharing images of Muslim suffering an attempt at (consciously or unconsciously) documenting these incidents to inspire future achievements?

Obviously not.

Because no one thinks like that.

No one thinks “hey this is bad now but in a few decades we’ll use this to inspire art” or whatever else you value.

And I know it sounds crazy to even mention this but what other purpose could it conceivably serve?

And please don’t tell me it’s about raising awareness. The only thing it should raise is our acute awareness of the indifference so many hold towards Muslim suffering.

Yes, there are proper channels through which to document and report these events.

Think back to the suffering of black people in America. It was by and large documented by journalists, historians and civil rights organisations.

But in our case, it goes beyond the proper channels.

I’m talking about mass sharing via social media apps and corrupt news media.

Human beings were never meant to consume so much information and at such speed…

Observe how much of the discourse around the black struggle has today been taken over and perverted by critical race theory, BLM and the like.

People call it democratisation of information. I think it’s polluting the discourse.

A similar thing is happening with Muslims.

Muslim suffering isn’t solely being documented through the proper channels.

We are sharing these images over and over again with strangers on the internet—at the mercy of algorithms, bots and inhumane trolls—and it’s doing way more harm than good.

You wouldn’t do this with anything else

The example I always use is this:

Imagine you have diabetes…

You know you need to make lifestyle changes. You even know precisely what to do.

Instead, you insist on posting every day about the fact you have diabetes. And you argue about it with strangers on the internet.

Until one day your eyes begin to rot. And your foot needs to be removed.

But instead of getting surgery you insist on “raising awareness” by posting graphic images of your injuries.

And whenever someone suggests you take practical action you get mad at them for not applauding the fantastic journalism you’re providing by raising awareness for your social media followers.

It’s the same with Muslim suffering.

Yes, it is being documented. Now let’s follow that with some practical work.

And there is a far worse place than the algorithms, bots and trolls for the images of Muslim suffering to land:

The eyes of other Muslims.

We need to remember a concept:

A drop of benefit does not outweigh an ocean of harm.

The harm?

What do you think brainwashing is? How is it done?

Do you know one of the sinister methods of brainwashing is desensitisation?

Viewing graphic images of violence, pain and death over and over again. People are literally tortured this way.

Serial killers become depraved this way…

Soldiers are turned into mindless murderers this way…

Muslims are desensitised this way.

The painful tragedy in our case is we are the ones doing the sharing.

Seeing the images the first time makes you react. That energy may not have been directed towards a practical action.

Then another image. No action.

And another.

Over time, we became accustomed to seeing Muslims suffer.

And I think this is by design.

What’s the point of it all?

I always wonder what the underlying intention is behind sharing these images.

As I’ve already mentioned, I don’t accept it’s for raising awareness. I’ve even suggested it’s a coping mechanism or a cover for our inaction.

I think the point Lupe made about preferring his people had never suffered in the first place is a profound one…

Especially when I don’t see us producing anywhere near enough solutions as a result of seeing our people suffering.

Notice I said solutions. I’m not even talking about artistic achievements.

In 50 years, are we going to talk about how the genocide in Gaza led to some worldly achievements so we can at least be proud of that?

Because I don’t want them.

I don’t even expect to see any.

I would feel ashamed.

I think everyone reading this knows such “achievements” are neither forthcoming nor needed.

In 50 years, I want to be able to say Muslims took decisive action to end their suffering. Not Muslims were really good at mass sharing images of their suffering but nothing much beyond that.

Why do we keep sharing these images?

I want to know what you think… PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT!

P.S. I repeat:

Don’t tell me it’s about raising awareness.

Your Instagram story isn’t raising awareness about anything we don’t already know or to anyone who is outside your follower count.

The people who need to know already know. In fact, most of them are either complacent or complicit in the genocide.

It’s not a lack of awareness.

It’s a lack of appropriate action despite an oversupply of awareness.

Beds to me were for years a place in madrasah where I was trapped and molested and suffocated with the sheets and pillows.

Took me decades to actually sleep in one really and I still hate them. I hate beds. Always gonna be a suffocating rape trap to me. I can't really sleep in our bed long .

Didn't change after marriage, wife didn't help that either though but yeh. Anyone else trauma-hate beds even afte rmarriage?

I saw thus today via Qalby app. Feels like it's worth sharing, especially in the era where going no contact is the common advice.

Husband puts his family over us

My husband and I have been married 7 years and have a kid together. Few years ago we moved to the US for a better life together after the economic condition in our country worsened. My husband earns bare minimum and my visa status does not allow me to work. We’ve been barely managing things. My kid and I don’t have health insurance, we wear clothes donated to us on free sites, and my husband basically just pays for rent and groceries. He does not give me any money to spend on myself because he keeps reminding me of our finances . He, however, sends whatever amount is remaining after rent and groceries to his family back home - parents and siblings. He has older brothers who live in the US and earn a good amount and can shoulder this responsibility alone as we are struggling currently. But my husband says he cannot live with knowing he is not supporting his family. This has led to multiple arguments. He whines over 10 dollars spent extra on groceries but easily spends 40 bucks a week to go see his brothers in another city. His brothers and their wives don’t make me feel welcome in their homes either.

Our marriage is on the verge of breaking because he cannot stand it if I say anything against his family even though it is true. We have no “love” remaining and all these arguments have built too much resentment in my heart towards him. He wants sex every third day on the clock, but I’m not attracted to him after all that is going on. All we do is argue. All the arguments are related to his family.

Am I overreacting? How can I save this marriage for the sake of my child?

Assalamalaikum , I have been supporting many families from Gaza for more than a month now. We have verified properly through WhatsApp voice notes/ instagram live and Palestinian ID's. Me, my sister and our whole network of friends/ family are involved in this. I would urge all muslims to support Gaza families as they are in DESPERATE need right now. Having interacted with them personally on an every day basis, i cannot help but cry to allah to ease their pain and their suffering. I believe as muslims if are earning a stable monthly salary. We should donate a part of it to these verified families. The only thing helping my pain right now is this. Through the donations we gather through our social media, through our circle and family, they are able to buy food, clean water and medicine on an every day basis. (Some Gazans are currently eating leaves because of the famine in the North) There is no feeling like seeing these families get even a little bit of support through us. They are such wonderful human beings and give us so much duas for these little donations it makes me tear up.😭💔 Please consider adopting one family or consider donating to verified ones monthly-part of your salaries. Be the hope and the beam of light for them in this time that is unimaginable for us, subhanallah 🤍🇵🇸

Hi I just want to let all of this out of my system, it's been eating me for solid 16 or 17 years.

I think I am from a relatively dysfunctional household, no one talks about feelings or anything, and I feel like love is conditional.

I was touched by my elder brother around 15 or 16 or 17 years ago I don't remember what was my age but I remember it happening clearly, we were playing hide and seek the four of us in our double store house, and my mom was sleeping downstairs, we were upstairs, my small sister was the seeker he grabbed me there and carried me to his bed and touched me down there for minutes, I became wet but I was confused about what's happening why is it happening. He was always weird he would constantly beat us, and break our toys, I remember telling him to stop beating or I will tell dad what he has done.

I absolutely hate myself, my thoughts, my mind, it's like all my mind can think about is bad stuff, I always have these bad thoughts in my mind that I don't mean for example sometimes I think that my small brother is ugly but I don't mean it because he is the cutest guy ever, then I sometimes consider my mom so annoying but i love her, sometimes I kind of challenge Allah, i absolutely hate this thought because it scares me the most. I am always sad and even if I am happy sometimes I feel like it's fake, because I always think about sad things, I am constantly feeling guilty, I have survival guilt, and then there is the guilt because I can't do anything for Palestine, and or the millions of kids around the world who are hurt.

I have never had peace, as far as I can remember my brain has been filled with weird thoughts, I hate myself so much, I don't want to have kids because what if they get this from me, they'll be miserable.

I am not the most religious person but I do pray, and I believe in Allah 100% he is the most beautiful thing that I have in my life, however it's been 3 months since I haven't prayed, but I want to go back to prayers.

I love my family and home, I just wish that we talked about how we feel to eachother, my little sister cares just about herself, my elder brother about himself, and my dad is also depressed, my mom is very tired with life and all the emotional abuse from my dad in the past. My grandma has her set of demons that she fights, I am really worried about my small brother because I don't want him to be depressed and I don't know how to protect him, he is 18, I just want him to have good memories of his life and just overall happiness.

We have many happy times alhmadulillah, we celebrate EID, we go to picnics sometimes, we do family activities together, but I think in the back of our mind we are just in a fight with something. I am very greatful to Allah about the things he has given us, the luxurious life and alhmadulillah a family, I just wish my family saw alk this and takes it in and really sees that life is very short and everyone dies.

I am just so tired I don't know what to do, all these years my parents have put my brother above us and I am supposed to respect and obey him, and also do his works for him like give him tea and wash his clothes and stuff, and he just never does anything for me, he is so attentive and kind to other women, but his house hold women just doesn't receive any kindness or help.

I am really hurt, I was also kind of used by a guy I was in a long distance relationship with, he emotionally neglected me, and softened the walls I had built, I wanted to marry him but he is the same as many men who just doesnt care about my feelings, he blamed me for what my brother did to me.

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt uncontrollable rage, 

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt uncontrollable rage, which then led you to raise your voice at someone? Did you ever regret it afterwards, and wish you had handled the situation differently?Read this article to see how you can deal with these situations!

https://muslimgap.com/having-trouble-with-uncontrollable-rage/

Salah as a daily discipline is the perfect way to train ourselves to go from reactive zombies to proactive warriors.

• Reactive salah: You pray because you have to. You don’t put much thought into it. You’re just going through the motions. Each salah is similar to the last or worse—hardly any improvement. You pray late and do the bare minimum required.
• Proactive salah: You pray because you want to. You think about the meaning of every part of the salah. You take your time to perfect each movement and put your mind into it. Your salah improves over time. You pray on time and try to do as much as you can each salah.

Making a solid, detailed intention for each salah is much like goal setting. You clarify why you are doing it, why you need it, why you must do it. Check out this wonderful advice from Asim Khan which I’ve shared before but deserves repeating.

We often rush our salah because we anticipate finishing and what we’ll do once it’s over. This is classic reactive behaviour. This has several detrimental effects including:

• We make mistakes in the salah
• Our minds drift to other things
• We miss Sunnah prayers because we turned our minds to doing other things

Not having something to keep us in the salah and in “prayer mode” after the salah is much like any goal we set where we don’t keep the discipline to complete tasks. Remedy this by committing to doing Sunnah acts after the salah is complete:

• Make istighfar 3 times
• Recite Ayah al Kursi
• Recite Surah al Ikhlas 3 times
• Say Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar 33 times
• More du`as can be found in Hisnul Muslim.

Thinking about the meanings of the surahs you recite, glorifying Allah, prayers for the Prophet and supplications in the salah is similar to clarifying your goals. Daily repetition can lull you into performing automatic motions without much thought. Seek clarity for every aspect of your salah:

• Ask yourself why you say what you say in each part of the salah
• memorise the meanings and what they mean to you
  • How you’re in need of something
  • How you feel in the moment
  • Are you proud of something you did before
  • Are you regretful for something
  • Are you thankful for something
  • Are you in need of something
• Build up your knowledge of surahs so you can recite what’s most meaningful for you in the moment
• Learn as many variations of adhkar and du`as in the salah as you can from the Sunnah. Hisnul Muslim is a great source for this.

Seeking forgiveness and asking for blessings requires a great deal of heartfelt thought… yet because we become reactive, even these become a mindless part of our salah. Imagine asking Allah for forgiveness but you’re not thinking about the sins you need forgiveness for. Always be mindful of why you’re making a particular du`a. Being an active goal setter will give you an endless list of things to ask from Allah.

If you want the simplest tip to improve your salah, it’s this: take your time. Recite slowly and with deep thought. prolong your bowing and prostration. Especially the prostration—make as much du`a as you can in the prostration. Spend time on salah like it’s important to you and it will become important. Just like any goal.

Building strong habits has a lot to do with improving your environment and the conditions for the habit. For example, you should dedicate time for learning all the ins and outs of wudhu. Perform a perfect wudhu, without wasting water, thinking about all the sins being washed away. Be proactive about the conditions for salah for a proactive salah.

Goals should follow goals. Tasks should follow tasks. This is how you develop your full potential over the long term. It’s the same with salah. A proactive salah isn’t just about the one you’re currently praying... It’s a cohesive series of thoughts and actions linking multiple prayers, du`as and adhkar across the salah time and throughout the day. What you do in one salah can be linked to what you do in the next. Here’s a scenario to demonstrate how to be proactive in salah by linking them together:

Amina is in debt. How can she perform salah proactively to help her get out of debt? The first thing she does is learn the du`as for getting out of debt. She stands for salah and thinks about her Creator, all the bounties He blesses her with and how dependant she is on Him. During her salah she recites surahs about giving charity because she wants to be able to help people by getting out of debt. She lengthens her prostrations with lots of supplications for relieving debt. After ending with salams, she immediately starts her adhkar. In particular, she makes a lot of istighfar. She thinks about how she got in debt in the first place as she seeks forgiveness over and over again. She repeats this in every salah…thinking deeply about her debt as she makes istighfar, supplicating in the salah. The istighfar she did in the previous salah weighs heavy on her mind during the next.

What to write this week to be proactive in salah:

• Have you been proactive or reactive in your salah? Why?
• Why do you need salah at this specific point in your life?
• What are you thankful for?
• What are you in need of?
• How can salah help you?
• What detailed intention can you keep in mind for when you start salah?
• What specific du`as do you need to make?
• Which surahs are particularly relevant to you this week?
• Which Sunnah du`as do you need to learn?
• What are things you need to seek forgiveness for?

If you found this beneficial, you can find many more practical guides like this one here.

Disrespectful Wife?!!! What should I do to solve this issue?

"And We have enjoined on man [to be good] to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), 'Show gratitude to Me and to your parents: to Me is (your final) goal'." [Quran 31:14]

Read my answer below!

https://muslimgap.com/disrespectful-wife

A marriage between a man and woman will not be successful when there is mistrust and negative assumptions to begin with.

Some men callously spread information about women causing fearmongering and hatred towards them.

Some women callously spread information about men causing fearmongering and hatred towards them.

If there is criticism, it’s done so in an unjust manner. This causes suspicion and resentment towards the opposite gender.

Creating division among the Muslims is the work of the devil.

Causing hatred towards another group of Muslims whether it is men or women is among the major sins.

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet; said, “A slave (of Allah) may utter a word which pleases Allah without giving it much importance, and because of that Allah will raise him to degrees (of reward): a slave (of Allah) may utter a word (carelessly) which displeases Allah without thinking of its gravity and because of that he will be thrown into the Hell-Fire.”
(Bukhari 6478)

Scholar Yusuf Kandhlawi (rah) alluding to the above saying of the Prophet (saw)  commented:

“There is a hadith that can be summed up by saying that on the day of judgment, a person will be brought out who will be punished even though he/she has performed prayers, paid zakat, kept fasting, performed pilgrimage, and participated in calling people to Allah. The reason will be that some of his/her statements have caused a rift among the Muslims. He/she will be told to undergo punishment for this statement that harmed the Muslims.

There will be another, who will have fewer prayers, fasting, and pilgrimage in his balance but he/she will be well rewarded. He/she will wonder what action has caused this blessing. They will be told that he/she made a statement on such an occasion that prevented an imminent rift among the Muslims thereby helping to unify rather than divide the community—all this reward for that one statement.

The most frequent source of the formation and disruption of community is the ‘tongue’. The tongue unites the hearts but it also breaks them apart. One wrong word spoken by a tongue can lead to quarrels and conflicts. One right word may unite and join hearts. One must therefore have a firm hold on one’s tongue. That is possible only if one is always mindful that Allah sees one at every place and every time, and listens to every word that we speak”.

Sh. Ibn ʿUthaymeen Raḥimahullāh said:

“A woman raising her voice at her husband is from EVIL MANNERS, that is because her husband is her GUARDIAN and LEADER so it is befitting for her to RESPECT him and address him POLITELY, as this would help to keep HARMONY and LOVE ALIVE between them.”

● [فتاوى نور على الدرب ، الشريط رقم ٣١٢]

Sh. ʿAbdur-Razzāq al-Badr Hafiẓahullāh said:

“From the GREATEST forms of kindness towards parents (Birr al-Wālidayn) is to make DŪʿĀ for (Allāh's) Mercy and Forgiveness upon them — be they alive or dead — with the condition that they are or were Muslims..”

‎● [فقه الأدعية والأذكار ٢/٢٤٠]

Know that this life is not a place of absolute happiness or joy. There are highs and lows but Allah will never test you with more than you can handle. In His wisdom and justice He tries people according to their levels so know that your trial is according to your level.

Also know that the brightness of day follows the darkness of night. So in your moment of darkness have glad tidings of the light which will follow and bear patiently with whatever comes your way.

Some days it will seem like your back is against the wall and you can't go on, but don't you see how the bird flies for miles until it eventually reaches it's food? The towering tree doesn't grow tall overnight - it sends its roots far and wide and then begins the slow, painful climb skywards. Likewise, your rise to the heights of jannah won't be easy but keep going until you reach your goal.

Yes, the road is long. Yes, the nights are dark and lonely but know that whoever has Allah, then he has the ultimate protector and to Allah belong the treasures of the heavens and the earth - He gives them to whoever He wills.

So I advise my own soul and then yours - keep your eye on the goal and keep moving towards it. The seas of life will get rocky and there will be storms, but in the morning perhaps there will be perfect stillness with no waves at all?

With hardship comes ease, with trials come rewards and with patience comes Jannah.

Source: MuslimMarriageTips (Telegram)

As the title suggests I believe my mother is praying against me with regard to job opportunities. I am a management consultant with good experiences and projects under my belt.

I thought it was a coincidence at first, but the more times I tell my mother about a job opportunity that would take me out of the country, I suddenly won’t even make it past the interview stage.

However when I don’t tell her, I make it as far as an offer stage and then they don’t make a good offer so I decline.

I had a recent interview that I know in my heart I did well and by all measures should have at least got me into the next interview stage, I told my mother that it is an out of country job and that I’d be planning on moving there and inshallah bringing her with me ( From UK to Malaysia) and then I get a phone call from my mother the next day that I shouldn’t be looking for jobs out of the UK, and that she prayed that “if the job is good for me then may Allah grant it”. But I know my mother and I know she actively wants me to stay in the UK and most probably prayed that I don’t get the job.

Am I being crazy about this? This is not the first time she was against me going abroad for work and previously guilt tripped me into rejecting a really good job opportunity in Sweden as it would be too far.

I’d like people to know that I’m not her only child, she has two daughters who she allows to travel anywhere guilt free. But for me it’s always added with guilt.

I think I went off on a tangent. I’m really frustrated and not sure what to do or even if I’m valid in the way that I’m thinking.

I am well aware I haven’t done well at all in this situation, and that I’m also in the wrong. But I can’t bring myself to do anything else.

I haven’t spoken to my dad in 9 months after we had a huge argument. I’ve posted here before about this but essentially last Ramadan my dad was leaving to visit our home country and told me and all my siblings that he wouldn’t be able to pay the rent while he left and that we would have to help our mom pay. My older brothers have their own lives to deal with, one has two daughters, and the other is engaged preparing for his wedding. I’m 21 working part time, but a full time student, and my younger brothers don’t work yet. At the time we thought it was understandable because our father is much older now. But he left and actually secretly got married behind our mother back. After he came back things were awkward but ultimately we said nothing to him.

I have my opinions about it, but he is his own person and it’s permissible so what can I say?

Last October he sat me down again and said he was going to travel again and would be leaving the rent to me and my siblings again. This set me off. I am the only girl in my family, and a full time student. In what world does it make sense that I could even afford to help out with rent or should I have to? As my father he is responsible for my wellbeing, how could he shamelessly ask me to pay rent? Not just as Muslims but also our culture, he is the head of the home and he should be providing. Beyond that I knew it wasn’t that he absolutely couldn’t provide it was that he know had another family to provide for so he would have to stop providing for us to provide for them. As is their right to be provided for, but if you knew you couldn’t afford to provide for both families why marry another wife on the first place?

We argued a lot that day, and I mentioned his new marriage. He had bought a brand new flat screen tv and tons of clothes and makeup for his new wife but had the nerve to sit and tell me that because he had decided to marry outside of his means we have to pay the price. Since then he left the country for about 4 months and came back. We’ve been living in the same house but I still haven’t said a word to him and I don’t intend to.

I look at him and just feel disgust. How a man could do that to his family, his wife and his children. This is the same man who told my older brother when he weds his fiancé she wouldn’t be able to stay in the family home. And even refused to help him with the engagement because he was busy arranging his own with his new wife. Not to mention at the time he was leaving last October we were being sued for eviction and had multiple court dates and no idea where we would end up if the court granted eviction. How could you leave your family when they’re at risk for being evicted? What kind of “man” does that?

I know I’m also in the wrong for escalating our argument, and as a Muslim I should be more understanding to my parent, but why is he as the parent okay with talking to me and all my family the way he has? Why is he as the head of the home okay with neglecting his duties? I can’t even get into detail of the emotional abuse he has inflicted on us all. Part of this is also my pride, I definitely do also feel a bit prideful and stubborn, I don’t want to apologize or anything. And my mother has been putting a lot of pressure on me to apologize. But beyond the fact that I’m a Muslim, I genuinely don’t see any reason I should have to? I’ve spent my whole life as the perfect daughter I’ve never risen my voice never complained, don’t everything the right way. But that’s never been enough for my dad. So I feel like at this point I should just speak my mind no matter how it makes anyone feel.

I’m really ranting, and I know even though deep down inside I don’t think I did anything wrong, I should apologize. I just can’t bring myself to do it.

UPDATE

I just came home to my mom telling me they had an argument over this situation, and he’s packed all his things and left. He’s leaving my mom, and I don’t know what else to say. He is not a man he is beyond a coward.

We come from and live in a very close knit community and have a very strict traditional culture. Word will get around and people will say my mom pushed him out of the home because he married a second wife. People will blame my mom, and shun her, and he obviously knows this. He will slander her name like the coward he is.

I care for my mother, so I’m going to attempt to talk to him, ask for forgiveness, and try to fix things, but I’m not sure how this will play out with him. Nonetheless he is a spineless coward, and a sad excuse of a man, if I can even call him that. I’m not even sad, but rather angry that he would stoop so low. This is his way of punishing us by using our toxic community as punishment. Make dua for my mother please, as things are hardest on her right now. I will never forgive him for this.

Salaam,

In college I used to write for AL Talib (UCLA's Muslim Newsletter), and I recently launched my own website to spread the beauty of Islam! Tt would be great if you can visit and subscribe my site. 😊 If you feel it is beneficial, please share!

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