I want to preface this by saying I am a type 4 (469 tri-type), so all of this is probably on brand for me, but honestly Enneagram as a whole has just been a whole spiral of anxiety, shame, and guilt for me and I just wish it would stop. I understand that Enneagram is supposed to make us feel bad - holding up a mirror to our worst traits and having to come to grips with it and improve. I also know that other type 4's often feel this way especially because we tend to be more sensitive, but even after doing the hard part of accepting my flaws and decide to work on them, I still feel immesnse shame when I fail.

For instance one common type 4 pitfall is wallowing in self-pity and over-identifying with our negative emotional states (probably like what I'm doing right now), and so I told myself I would try to do better, but sometimes I still find myself doing this indulging in my negative traits, and it's like some voice will come and say, "Ugh, look there you are doing it again! Wow you're really such a failure!"

Before getting into an Enneagram, while I was very hyper-critical of my flaws I at the very least thought of myself as a good person, but the fact that when I look at my descriptions and this is how most people perceive me I just want to withdraw and never talk to anyone. I honestly think type 4 is just a bad type, period.

I would say the Enneagram is best for people who are already in a healthy state, and people can look at their negative traits and see what to avoid. But for people who already negative state it just reads as a condemnation to me. I think mbti does a better job of balancing the positive and the negative but Enneagram is just too much for me and so I'm just stepping away from it entirely.

Hey guys ^_^! So I'm getting back into enneagrams and I realised I'm not actually a 5w4. I was pretty unhealthy and stressed and closed myself off from others. Now I'm trying to work on my mental health and re-did the enneagram tests. After reading up on it with a clearer mind and looking back on my life, it makes sense that E6 fits me like a glove.

I've always been kinda social but at the same time anxious. I secretly love being around some people and can carry conversations with meaning. But at the same time I seek deep connections with others and lowkey hate small talk. I want to be more confident and connect with my community more. My perceived type is INFJ but some say a 7 wing is too social for introverted types. Does this combo sound plausible?

If 8s are made fun of for a real reason, that feels more vulnerable. If they know they're being misunderstood it's easier for them to handle disrespect.

Whereas for 1s, they can handle disrespect if it's because of accurately understanding the 1. But if the disrespect is due to misunderstanding the 1, that really unnerves them.

I thought this was an interesting distinction and a great way to tell the types apart in a snap - since otherwise they're extremely similar and can be nebulous to type externally.

Do you think this is accurate?

I’m a 5 (39F) married to a 3 (41M). I’m fairly certain he has been going thru a midlife crisis for the past two years (triggered by work stress and a paycut).

He has admitted to me and to our kids that he isn’t being that dad he wants to be. He is seldom home and when he is he is in front of a screen (TV, computer or phone). He has almost no meaningful interaction with our kids.

I will add that he has been an athlete his whole life, is physically fit, knowledgeable about sports etc. we have great kids 10 & 13. He won’t throw a ball or go to the nearby part with them.

It feels like such a waste to chose to be this kind of dad when he could be doing meaningful things w our boys.

Is there anything I can do to help him show up as his best self?

It feels like he only shows his best side at work, where he is always “winning” and feels an ego boost.

At home he is soo checked out. Even though he pretty much assumes zero responsibilities inside the home. My point is when he gets home he doesn’t contribute to household tasks NOR to meaningful interaction with our kids.

I truly don’t know what to do. Do I simply bite my tongue and pray he will come to his senses? It seems like he hates being asked to do anything, he very much fits the rebel profile of not being accountable to others and not to himself, especially outside of work.

my ex... he's an isfp, 925.

So he broke up with me two months ago and i was wondering if someone can help me understand him and decide if I should text him or not...

He liked me at first but my instability and insecurity scared him away but he suggested we should be friends instead. he was a bit of an ass near the end and he's apologized over text a few days after breaking up but since then i havent heard from him... i just dont know how he feels. It might be he's just happy im out of his life (bc i cried a lot and was probably annoying) or maybe he thinks i dont want to see him. But i miss him and i have things to say.

we're in our late 20s.

I'm scared of how I don't care about anything. I'm scared that I only value my comfort and that I only need money to survive and nothing else. I even understand why I'm scared of it. Because in the end it all comes down to money. At least for me. And in order to earn more money you need to be a master of your craft. But I don't care about being a master. I just want money and it scares me. It scares me that I just want to survive.

I’m a 7/3 with 8/1 sister and a brother who refuses to take a test or identify himself because he thinks it’s stupid. My sister and I get very frustrated with each other but each get along really well with our brother.

I actually don’t know what I was. We definitely had popular people, I was not one of those. Not a cheerleader either. Maybe one of the nobodies or outsiders, honesty. I had “friends” but these friendships didn’t last post high school (not necessarily that I fell out with all of them or something, they just… didn’t last.) I wasn’t “attractive,” had been bullied in middle school because of it and kept to myself more. I actually did want to fit in though. In middle school - if middle school tropes existed - I’d have been the nerd. Oh, and I’m a 6.

8w7 nearly ending a relationship with a 2 who has worn a mask for 6 years that made me think "he's the best human I know" even through all the times he's been a terrible partner...to now realizing I've been at the receiving end of his actions not matching his words, insidious manipulation, all variations of lies - the ones where you lie to yourself except, lie to not lose the affection of another, being devalued after he knew I had my love and loyalty, him gaslighting me about his betrayal, moving heaven and earth because of his want to be with me primarily because how I make him feel and what I bring to his life rather than genuine empathy, love and care for me as a person. All my 8 alarms go blaring at this deception. Even if it's a healthy two how do we know they'll not go to this unhealthy extreme? Given a choice I'd pick the more in the face unhealthiness of other types over insidious guilt tripping deception

I've generally seen the two terms used interchangeably but I've also seen people preferring one over the other. If there's a distinction between trifix and tritype for you then what are the differences as you see them?

im 853 and i hate my e5 tritype because It's analyzing stuff way too much, and it gets me into a rabbit hole of knowledge. It's so draining, I wish I could just take it easy.

I used to think it was some kind of "chemistry" (not necessarily romantic), but I've realized this attraction sometimes happens before I even interact with them. It's kinda weird and fascinating at the same time. Also exciting and exhausting lol

People say that 6+4 combo is a pretty hard one to have but mine is combined with inferior Ne to make it even more horrifying. It is like I am living life in HELL mode.

Basically, I become hypervigilant about every single detail which could be associated with great danger or disaster for the future, that includes my past experiences. I just stop learning and understanding things deeply or doing logical analysis, I just generate a million of negative unrealistic off-the-wall possibilities and react to them emotionally. I can't even enjoy the moment because I am so focused on the future threats or stuck in the past.

My 4 fix wants to be unique and extraordinary but my pervasive 6 tendencies stop me from realizing my potential by throwing me off guard with all the threats which are lurking around, and my inferior Ne turns it into a glitch fest by making me go wild with the possibilities. At best, they turn into creative inspirations such as ideas for liminal spaces or helping me study medical concepts. At worst, I become totally stuck in the past, thinking that my life is effectively ruined by a bunch of grave mistakes I have done years ago and now I have to pay the price. Everything just starts reminding me of the mistakes I have done in the past. Or I become afraid of making a small mistake which could effectively ruin my life.

If only I was a type 9, 1 or 2 instead of a 6, then I could just enjoy the moment more or be able to focus on what is essential and help people instead of being hypervigilant with all sorts of threats. If only I wasn't an Si-dom who saw every single detail no matter how disturbing and immediately relate them to a possible disaster.

Can someone explain to me the difference between the 2? I'm certain that I identify as a sp/so-6w5 64x, but I'm not sure about my gut fix. I feel like I can relate to both descriptions, although I've heard that 641s usually have a more "black and white" way of thinking, while 649s tend to be more open-minded and tend to prioritize peace over being right. I would consider myself a bit more open minded but I’d also say I can be argumentative at times if I strongly believe that someone is wrong.

I have 2 questionnaires but they’re kind of long if anyone else if willing to read into it 😭

☪️ Wiki 17 Question Questionnaire -> https://docs.google.com/document/d/1K-O5Co5Ffex6wh_pct4dJLV9nGKOUhCJQa8W8kyBm4M/edit

☪️ Questionnaire #2 -> https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AVbjmGteB6uGH7O-K8FXqeGMuYGX4WESsr3wbRCc1OY/edit

So basically, if I do every tests, my 4 always scores higher than my 3 but here's the thing: I don't seek approval from the general public, I consider them as boring people, much like how some of them might've seen me as "that weird person" who does things that I like. But among my hobby circles, my thirst for approval and being a famous figure among people who have interests innit is really clear, I'd employ any method to earn it, and I like being seen as the "more competent" person among people of that same interests. But I don't really do that for my own job, getting stable income to maintain said hobby of mine is enough for me. So yup, kinda confused if this is a SP4 trait or SX/SO3 trait.

Ok, so I posted on type me Tuesday for some direction on finding my gut fix. And some people had suggested that I was not sure of my core type was…not sure where they necessarily got that from other than “anti-Katherine Fauvre”. I believe in trifixation (not necessarily Katherine Fauvre’s Tritype system). So does anyone have thoughts on this concept of trifixation?

I've come to the consensus with myself that I'm a 3w4. On the internet I can clearly be seen as a 3, I have all the characteristics but in real life it just seems difficult (?) I know I have the potential to be the center of attention and secretly I long for it (I can even imagine it for hours) but in practice I just can't do it. It's a mixture of not wanting to be seen and dealing with the discomfort and also the feeling that people aren't interesting enough to see the best side I can bring out with my social persona. What do you think? Also i really, reeeeally afraid of fail, i don't want to be on power because this means that one day I might fail, I know that when I'm really focused on something I overload myself to the extreme in order to achieve it.

I'm not exactly an enneagram "rookie" but I haven't looked too deep into the subtypes either until recently. So since I assume there are people on this sub who have read more and know more about the enneagram subtypes than I do, I wanted to check on my understanding of the SX6 subtype and see how correctly I've grasped it as I believe it may be a misunderstood subtype.

So to start it off, I think that the SX6's counterphobia isn't exactly about defeating their fears as much as it is about defeating their uncertainty. Because like Batman said; "Fear is a tool" and I think this pretty much is the basis of the SX6 subtype. They do not try to eliminate their fears, because the doubt of the SX6 is what keeps them alive and going, and it's also what makes them crave autonomy. They cannot trust any external source, the only thing that they can trust is their fear, their doubts. What the SX6 cannot tolerate is uncertainty "Is this guy out to get me?" "Will getting into this situation get me hurt?" The SX6 does not want to think of the what if's, because in a way there might be a fear of potential consequences in their heads. So when this uncertainty reaches a boiling point only then will they act on impulse. Im saying only then because I think the SX6 is a very rational type that won't act on their impulses under usual circumstances again, due to the fear of the potential outcomes. The way that they'd usually eliminate their uncertainty is gradually, and more methodically, after all, the SX6 is still within the head triad also known as the "intellectual triad" for a reason.

If anything then I think that the SX6 actively tries to ward off any potential threats rather than defeating them and their fears by putting on this persona. Now usually the most common example for this would be the SX6 acting aggressive, trying to fight fire with fire but as I've seen this is a very extreme example and not even the norm. Of course, the SX6's persona may be aggressive, but it can also be cold, calm and aloof piercing the potential threat with their "tough guy" stare, doing everything for their body language to spell out; "DON'T TOUCH ME!" In fact, I'm even starting to think that they might act like a typical "Mr. Nice guy" (that is more associated with SP6) under the condition that this persona grants them autonomy and wards off the threat. Now that is not to say that the SX6 cannot be group focused, after all the E6 is known for their loyalty. But in the SX6's case I think this said "group" would first need to pass a test to see how reliable and trustworthy they are.

The SX6 might even be childishly moral. Why? Because the SX6 is a contrarian thinker, being able to see both pros and cons in everything including themselves. And since the E6's defense mechanism is projection, they project their cons onto the external world and people, and view themselves from their positive lense thinking that they might be one of the only truly moral people out there. When in reality, they're capable of the same levels of "evil" that they think that the world around them is capable of. But I think the SX6 is still quite aware of that, this is why they may even fear themselves, their own negative potential of being able to be just as bad as anyone out there.

So to end it here, how correct is my understanding?

What’s the difference?

I've given this phenomenon thought, and I have some theories I wanted to share for discussion. My overall conclusion, though, is that is natural and normal for this to happen. Which, to me, means it's perfectly acceptable to give grace to attachment types when they mistype as hexads. Anyway here are my four theories.

1. First one is simplest. Attachment types are built to attach. Unconsciously, they value attaching. But people doubt themselves and their worthiness. So when they see descriptions of people who refuse to attach/adapt, refuse to give ground, and insist upon their own point of view (rejection and frustration), the attachment individual feels that their guilt in not attaching or adapting well enough has been exposed. They think other people are the ones doing adaptation well. The successful attachment is happening some place else. They, the individual misidentify as hexad, know they don’t adapt well enough. So they mistype. Like, they assume everyone is trying to adapt all the time — but somewhere, other people are doing it correctly. The erroneous idea that it’s possible to do it completely and correctly at all is, after all, implicit in the structure of being an attachment type. And they "know" it’s not them. So they can’t be attachment.

2. To some extent, identifying as a hexad type that you are not can in fact help an attachment type grow. Since one of the problems all three attachment types face is not knowing their own heart/mind/instincts, identifying as a hexad type allows them to both remind themselves they do have a heart/mind/instincts and gives them an excuse to prioritize it. The 6 mistyping as 5, for example, can now say, “I do know what the truth is. I always have. Life took me away from my true 5ness, but I’ve been reminded of it now.” The 6 then emulates some of 5’s confidence in its own thoughts, and shifts away from the 6’s self doubt while obviously not actually becoming a 5 and losing that 6 adaptability. In certain respects this can be a helpful way to find a happy medium on a specific set of traits, especially since the 6’s belief that this is a true reclaiming of self imbues the process with the power of the placebo. Now, obviously, this is not anywhere near as good as identifying your real type and working on it, but it’s an interesting process that I think takes place.

3. Descriptions of hexad types are descriptions of problematic things that are. Too much action, too much self absorption, too much giving. Descriptions of attachment types are, in a way, descriptions of things that are not. The missing body, the missing head, the missing heart. It’s harder to describe or identify an absence. Attachment is clear, it’s transparent. Hexad is opaque, it’s solid. (Tho neither is a good thing.) So if you’re an attachment type with a hexad fix and you look inside, you will more easily see that which is opaque. The transparent swirling water and wind around the 7-fix or whatever will be invisible to you, and you’ll mistype as 7.

4. For this one, you have to posit with me that type is genetic and inborn, and that it arose as an evolutionary group selection mechanism (as in, these types, in the commonality mix we observe, tend to create stable and functional human communities relative to other possible types and type mixes). And for type 9 specifically, I think their evolutionary purpose in the human group is twofold. One, to carry out the group agenda without complaint (positive outlook, giving away their action). But then, why would they be withdrawn? Why wouldn’t they be compliant? I think the answer is in their second purpose: To substitute for another type the group might be missing. They’re withdrawn because that means they’re always looking inside for what else they are besides a 9, so that if the group needs them to play that role, they’re ready. So a 9 mistyping as their fixes is what is supposed to happen, in a way.

Now, I’m not saying we shouldn’t suggest to people that they might have it wrong if they ask. But I am saying it’s natural and it’s fine — and what’s more, I think it’s temporary. All of the above is stuff people will probably work through as they learn the system. I think most people who really want to help themselves will pretty quickly see the deeper value in identifying the swirling wind and water of their true core, to combat its very swirliness. Long-term, fighting the swirliness is different from fighting the black immovable monolith of a hexad personality. It's just that I think most people who give a shit will get there.

You’ll also notice: Nowhere did I write that they mistype because they think hexad types are cooler. I think that process is exaggerated. And anyone who does do that? They were never serious anyway. There's nothing anyone can do to guide someone like that.

Thanks for reading. I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts on my theories.

Hello, Knight here. I am a five on the enneagram, and I think I probably have it rather badly. I hoard stuff, find it difficult to connect to people, and will spend hours just thinking. Any advice to help fix these problems?

So I asked my partner who is a sp7 and he says he is fascinated by the emotion of pure sadness. In movies, songs etc. Also to see it on other people.

I feel the same but I feel like I also like to beautify it inside myself. Like that I feel like I have control over the emotion. When I feel bad I like to pull it out of me with songs and movies and such. The feeling just feels like it makes life aesthetic? I feel like this is a trait in 7s often missed bc of the stereotype that we are always happy and optimistic. But we experience sadness too and I love to make something beautiful out of negativity.

Alyosha: 9w1 so/sp

Ivan: 5 so/sp

Dmitri: 7w8 sp/sx

Fyodor: 3w2 so/sp

Grushenka: 3w2 so/sx

Katerina ivanovna: 1w2 sp/so

Smerdyakov: 6w5 so/sx

Just my opinion. Feel free to add more