For the past while, I have been eating the same thing everyday, and following the same routine and not talking to ANYONE. It makes time go by so damn fast.

I'm not gonna get into everything I do and eat but its all healthy food and my routine consists of things that make me healthy. (health = never having to rely on others)

It's almost as if I'm dead, it's like Im on auto pilot, I like this.

I really hate breaking the routine, because it brings me back to real life. The only thing that breaks my routine is my family.

I really want to move away from my family and have absolutely no one in my life, follow my routine till I die. A week feels like a day for me. A month feels like 4 days.

I want to move away and cut everyone off, and 100% isolate myself, live in a shitty apartment alone, till I die. Never talk to anyone again.

Dont get me wrong, i love my mother more than anyone else in the world. but she's starting to make me fucking depressed and experience relapses.. she Plans on remarrying to some fucking bastard i dont know. and im suppose to fucking just accept it and go along with it, and go with her and leave the rest of my siblings?
i dont fucking want to, Sure she's one of the people who actually is on my side whenever im in trouble but atleast she should have the audacity to ASK ME FUCKING

I WANT TO DIE i cant i want to die, ive already cut mu inner thigh and left wrist 5 times tonight because i cant fucking handle this shit.. MY FATHER DIED a year ago.. he was my man my Father and i respected and i loved him alot. but Mother disrepsecting that and remarrying to somebody who isnt My father. IT MAKES ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF I WANT TO DIE I CANT I WANT TO DIE I CANT I WANT PEACE.. LET ME DRAW LET ME TRAIN I WANT PEACE.. i cant i cant i want to cut i want to die.. my mother i loved you.. but why betray my love like this?

im shaking.. im bleeding im crying.. and my chest hurts because of my medical condition.. i wanna die

i dont wanna fucking live anymore

Should you or shouldn't you?

And I guess for those who have, what were the pros and cons? Were they understanding? Did they make fun of you even more?

Because I've never told anybody I was depressed. Because A) I didn't know if I was actually depressed or not. I didn't want to call myself depressed, or having depression, IF I didn't have it clinically diagnosed. Because I wasn't sure if it was disrespectful or not to those who have already been clinically diagnosed with it. B) I didn't want them to make fun of me. I get angry easily and I think I'd either try to confront them or get sad and seclude myself and talk to nobody. I feel like when I'm hot, I'm extremely hot. And when I'm cold, I'm too cold. I hate it....

I have since began seeing a clinician and they told me I was clinically diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder.

cannot wait to finally build up the courage to end it already. my soul is so ready for everlasting peace.

missing my son, never a birthday with him, since she kick me out to be homeless like every year after 5 years in a row, always choose to kick me out near our son birthday, long story short, she always has have some one else, fuck this shit and will become a better father figure, this was the last time, still feel like shit but fuck it

I (19) wish I could just lose it, Im tired of being stuck in my mind that's constantly fighting me. I don't want to think about anything, I don't know what I could do about it. A very small part of me wants to live, to get better, be happy but most of me wants to disappear or die I guess. I don't want to think anymore, Im tired of being stuck in this cycle, it always ends with a suicide plan, but I never go through with it. I wish I'd just lose my mind for good.

Just want to complain. Dont want anyone to feel pity or try to help me. Sometimes the best thing to do is complain about your situation and get the feelings out. Ive been single for about 5 years now. I feel like I deserve to have love but it never happens to me. I am upset.

I moved to a new state thinking my surroundings were the issue with my life. It helped a lot, but I realized I’m the issue. It’s up to me if I want to make my life great or find love. Pray I find love and the life I want.

Every Night I Stay Awake and don’t sleep and every night I want to die.

Idk why I’ve always felt so comfortable at night Safer , more relaxed and no people to deal with . It’s Quiet and Beautiful but it’s so bad for me to be awake at night , for some reason at night I also get depressed a lot and just start thinking and thinking about my life and my future And it reminds me that I really don’t want to be here.

Every time I go to school, it's always stressful and I know school can be stressful. It's getting too much my mom is raising me and my sibling by herself , and there is a pressure to succeed in school and have a good job. My mom is all I have I do want to please her I try my best in school I usually get all A's but this year has been hard for me I got A's and B's which made me feel like I'm not good enough.every time I want to take a break from school my mom always talks to me like I'm going to be a failure.I want to give my mom the world but I genuinely want to end my life, things would have been easier if I wasn't born at all, I wish my mom didn't have kids so she could have been happier. My mom is a immigrant.

Mere is tough time me mere sath koi nhi he I always crave for a hand on my head jo mere dar ko shlae or yeh ehsas dilae ki m apni iss ldai me akele nhi hu. But support Krna to dur ki bat he, jb me apne bikhre hue tukdo ko samet kar bhut himmat krke jodne ki koshish krty hu, wo ek pathar se use Tod dety he, me roty hu phir uthty hu khush rhne ki koshish krty hu or ho nhi paty, phir tukdo ko jodty hu, khud ko sambhalne ki koshish krty hu, kai bar sambhal lety hu but bhut bar nhi sambhal baty, mere tough time m mujhe pta chala kon mera he or kon nhiz or realize hua ki yha koi b nhi he , me akele hu , yeh mere hi ldai he mujhe hi ldni he, mera support krne koi b nhi aega.

That's the thing, I want to commit suicide, I cat myself today again, I don't want to continue living this sheet anymore.

I don't have the enough willpower to do it, and when I have it, I have nothing near to do it or I will end at hospital because I'm with people.

So. I don't know what to say really but. I don't have friends and I feel really bad about that and I know that's my fault but...I really don't know what to do with it. My life is so sad because I don't have friends. I want to go out and hang out with people but I don't have anyone I can hang out with. And see other people have their best friends, talk with each other , it's just really hard. I wish i have friends. The problem is that many people are just weird to me. I feel like connection isn't going well with them. That sounds weird but it's really hard for me to feel comfortable when I'm talikng to people.

Turned 26 yesterday. It was nice for the most part, just wishing I had some sort of friends or social interaction. I just wish I could have a group of physical friends to hang out with or vent to... I do have a best friend but she loves 1000 miles away. I feel guilty for being that far but ..idk

I don't have much family to talk to, I don't know anyone in the town I live in besides my partner... It just sucks

Sometimes I don't know how to feel what is the point of anything

It’s been a while since him and I have “officially” stopped talking. I celebrated my 20th a week ago and all I could think about was him wishing me. We did exchange happy birthdays this year but I didn’t expect him to. It was weird I had a huge breakdown about it and I just miss him sm. Life has been so weird and I feel like if I tell him things it’ll make it so much more easier but I can’t. I have self respect right? I don’t know… I started a fight with a close friend of mine for no reason. I hate hearing my parents speak and more over I hate hearing my elder brother speak. I just want to stay alone? I just need to be alone and I can’t do that cus my house is restrictive. I’m supposed to be at home all the time. Work for them. I feel like a maid and I feel like a burden and I hate to feel this way specially cus I have no one to talk to about it.

I stopped doing research and projects, and now I got like 10 of them to do. Imagine working hard at the first place and then just stopping at the middle. I don't care about my health, my academics, and my life anymore. I lost the energy to care about something, I'm just taking space in this world now.

Recently I have been having a lot of time to think and I am just full of regret man. So let me share some of my life story with you. I was born of course like any of you looking at this text and I was well brought up as a kid. I grew up with a Mexican Father and a white mother. I never went to Pre-K and to be honest I went to a primarily white school from 1st to 5th grade. I was a wholesome sweet kid (The quiet type) who was very thoughtful and had no idea of how messed up the world was. 6th grade I changed to a primarily black school and I acted the same way. Nice, wholesome, and thoughtful and all people would do is make fun of me, push me, and make fun of me to the point that I had literal years running through my eyes. All they would do is bully me. It got kind of weird because to fit in I would bully others which wasn't right at all. I still didn't fit in after that but I wanted to and that's why I did it. Still didn't excuse my actions.

As far as school I was an A B student till middle school. I never tried and still to this day do not know how to convert fractions to decimals and bits and pieces of math that I should've learned. There is still time to learn them. I just need to make the effort to do so.

The reason for that was that I never tried in school because I wanted to “fit in” and not try. Instead, I would just watch how others did things to the point that I would do exactly what they did. The mask type and that's how I made friends. I understood every subject perfectly except math. Now it's a pain because science has equations too. Not that hard but I'll get to that soon.

Let’s talk about mental health. Well, I’m high-functioning autistic, ADHD, mood disorder, and panic disorder. I got out of the ER three times because of panicking because I thought I was having a “heart attack” which to this day I still regret. Made me feel like a waste of money. It was an adverse reaction to a medication

I can type very well some people say and it’s ironic because the reason I can type so much is because I was online A LOT. After all, I felt like they could understand me so much better than IRL. I didn’t have to be this mask person.

Everything I’ve made money off. 3D modeling, making thumbnails, making games, guitar, and more have been because I have taught myself. I always thought I was better self-taught. But that won’t pan out when I’m 20 😭 I wouldn’t even begin to know what percent chance I would have to even make a good salary.

I’m homeschooled because of my panic disorder and my friends joke about it. I go to bed every night just wondering. Wanting to do better in life.

I try my best every day.

Let’s talk about my social life. My social life is non-existent besides school ofc when I did go in person. But for the most part, I only saw my friends in the summer of 2024/this summer which was nice. But I couldn’t act myself.

I always have aches and things I complain about. Things that don’t feel right in my body and I’m told it’s “anxiety” and I’ve gone to multiple specialists. They all said the same thing.

Any thoughts guys?

I have big plans and I’m not thinking about giving up anytime soon. I was brought into the world for. Reason…..

F19, I’ve been feeling very insecure ever since going to college. Recently, it got to the point where I stopped eating regularly, and if I did it was solely vegetables and chicken. I realized that it was making me extremely unwell. Now that I started eating normally again, I gained a significant amount of weight to the point where I likely went up 2 pants sizes and I feel disgusted with my body. Every time I see my body I want to throw up and cry. The thought of just how huge I feel makes me want to die. As I sit in my chair writing this I want to crawl out of my skin. I feel so disgusting, gross, and ugly.

It has been certain since I was 18 that I have wasted my life, and now I wish I could go back and tell him he has so much time things will work out you don't need to look into the final endless void of death.

Yet, as assuredly as I could say that to my younger self, I continue to say it to my present self. Depression has given a false clarity that nothing I do in life will matter, anxiety would instead have told me that things in life may not matter. Maybe they work hand and hand, anxiety says things in life may not matter you may die alone and without anyone shedding a tear, hour legacy going out with your life, and depression telling me not to even try, and that it is already true.

I need to start living, but even as I know that I need to change this behavior to avoid my future self looking back to these days and saying "you fucking wasted it, your nothing". Unfortunately, I lack the energy needed for that drastic change. I'm so tired, I'm exhausted. I just want it to end.

I’m depressed, I’m constantly on the verge of crying, and I just want something to go right for a change.

Holidays are coming, our income is negative, burning through our savings, constantly having to tell our kids they can’t have something or do things because we can’t afford it, can’t find another job because I’m either not qualified enough or I’m over educated for the position (same for my husband), we have crippling debt, and am just in a constant state of stress.

I’ve been trying for a couple of weeks to muster up the energy and motivation to do basic cleaning and just can’t. I’m having surgery in less than a week and know I really won’t be able to do anything for a while, so I really should get it done but I just can bring myself to do it.

I love the holidays, especially Halloween, and couldn’t find it in me to do much. The spark for celebrating holidays is just not there. This year it seems more like a dread knowing there’s these social expectations that I just can’t bring myself to even care about.

I feel like a lost soul that simply just exists with no purpose…

I work at a corporation, in I.T. About a year ago, my plant was downsized. So because of that, I go weeks without work. I offer assistance to other members of my team, constantly ask my boss and his boss for work. I am becoming so depressed because I feel useless. My dad also works in I.T, at the same place. He tells me everyone raves about me. Yet, I literally do nothing. I don’t know what else to do.

I'm a male, I live alone. I don't have friends, and a lover. I was in a relationship for 3 years, and it ended horribly. It's really hard for me to leave without a lover, I want to feel love again and I want to be happy again. I want to have a lover even though I'm just worthless and just a loser. I became even more depressed when I lost her, the only person who cares and understands me. I think I'll never be in a relationship anymore. I don't find my hobbies fun anymore, I can't stop thinking about her and being depressed. Everyone hates me and they don't understand me, I wish they'd just leave me alone than yell at me and make fun of me. I hate myself too, for being so pathetic. I get angry easily, I hate my life. I don't have any motivation to make my life better, she was my motivation but I lost her. I'm just stuck here without doing anything than watch tiktok that I don't even like to do. I just spend my time like that now. I wish I'd just die.

I'm really tired of everything right now, I cry myself to sleep every night alone in bed I got no one my family sucks I don't have any friends I can't bring myself to talk to coworkers I feel unworthy of love and it's all because of my stupid small penis I hate how society is nowadays I hate how men and women portray themselves, I hate the lack of love I don't receive, I can't go out I'm too insecure I don't want to waste anyone's time, I feel like I don't belong nobody ever cares about the things I enjoy I try and accommodate other people best I can I don't care about my happiness anymore I'll never be happy, the longer I live the more I want to die, I've been talking with a therapist and that doesn't seem to be helping, I'm lost I have no place in this world.

I (19f) don't know what to do or say anymore, I've been feeling angry and sad for like a decade and it's just getting worse. Life scares me more than suicide, I have no fear of dying anymore. Sometimes things don't even feel real, all this shit just happens but I'm not really there. I wish I wasn't. I'm not happy, I don't even know what my laugh sounds like. My life is worthless, I'm simply not good enough. This life is not worth living. I hope there's nothing else on the other side, I want to be completely erased.

Being unattractive has made me so depressed. I feel like they’re times i generally get judged for the most stupidest things. I don’t think my family loves me as much as they say they do. It’s getting harder and harder for me to live on this earth. I don’t know if I want to anymore. Sadly enough being a female in this world and being unattractive sucks. It’s the worse feeling in the world.

How do you do it?

I want to go and join a team. But I’m not sure I can, I’m still low I’m still anxious… but I know I want to. I know it will help. Getting out getting fresh air all the things we’re told we need. But I’ve just started a new job where things are more regular. I’ve just started showering as a habit (I know you guys will know) I’ve just started drying my hair ffs. Is this too much too soon? Have any of you guys pushed through the fear and fog and not regretted it?

I feel like tommorows the day I am going to end it and all I am leaving behind are these stupid bulletpoints of why I did it:

(If) I Moved On

If I end up at the end of a rope, face to face with a train, or lying still with an assortment of pill bottles, I want to leave some thoughts of mine behind that I couldn't bring myself to say while I was alive.

I Was Gay

I have considered myself to be interested in men for the past 5 years now starting in grade 9 where I thought I was bisexual until a year later I realised I am not interested in women sexually or romantically.

I Was A Furry:

I got myself a [removed] fursona called [removed] because I got to learn about the community through others I hung out with who were also in this community.

I Lost Faith in Christianity

I tried my hardest to keep my faith despite believing I was gay but every time I would attend a Family Sunday church service, it just felt like being told “Your way of life is wrong” and I couldn't see a world where I can be who I am while believing in those principles.

I Masked The Depression Signs

I knew how I was feeling and I knew I needed help but I just couldn’t find a way to get it properly from a professional without letting my family find out. The feelings of pain and despair only exist because I can’t see a world where I am able to be who I want to be without breaking my family as I feared them finding out anything of the above would condemn me.

To Those Who Knew

I am so, so sorry I wasn’t able to hold out for you. There were people put there who I vented to about my struggles or just were aware of these “shortcomings” of mine and told me they were there for me. You are part of the reason I even got this far in life and many times before this point. Even those who had no clue but were just kind and part of my life helped push down the sadness for even just a bit and to that I thank you for your efforts and I am sorry I have to leave you this way

Why I Did It

Like said prior, I cannot see myself in a world where I am able to keep my family and my own ideals of life together.

I fear losing my family as they see me for who I am and reject me for the parts of my life I hid from them

I fear going to Hell as I lived with the concept of God and Heaven for all my life it has almost been ingrained into my life as a constant hex on my mental health

I fear living the rest of my life alone as my constant social anxiety prevents me from forming meaningful relationships that are not based on a structured environment that others are also obligated to attend.

So instead of facing all these fears I will hide behind death, so that I don’t have to see the potential looks of disgust or betrayal as well as the looks of pain from those who cared

If I could I would have just ceased to exist because then I wouldn’t be able to have hurt anyone in the process

I loved her . She was my world . Our relationship was nice , cute . Yes we had problems from time to time . But they were human , I was never really upset . Just sad , when she started to change . She was just .. she did horrible things and I don't know why but I only want some kind of contact . We stayed 4 months friends after breakup. I felt better , just to see her grow . And now it still feels like this endless void

I have a lot of big things too.

But right now I’m bummed about not being able to change my username instead of this godforsaken assigned name. I can’t find my bottle of lubricant. O can’t find my coupon which gives me 10% off for a year. I barely had it for a few days. Why does this always happen to me? Why don’t things just stay where I put them?!

Accounts belonging to me and my friends were and permbanned with appeals denied because I guess Reddit thinks we are the same person? Made a new account the next day but it knew. I wish Elon would have bought Reddit instead. Not sure if he’d fix that or make it worse. If I bought it that’s what I would do. I know how important ban evasion is but at this point it’s doing more harm than good.

Fridge is stuck at 50°F (10°C)

I can’t do the dishes. I can’t clean my room. I haven’t bathed in months. But you’d never know it. My muscles are so weak. I can’t top my boyfriends. I must always bottom. I’m getting older. I hate it!! no…. I’ve wasted years following my parents strict rules.. I didn’t get to have any fun.. make friends. I have now and yet I still feel so alone. Stresseating then not eating anything at all. I’m never hungry. I’m always defecating.

I live with a boyfriend and together we make less than 20000$ a year. No one has hired us. I never feel relaxed or rested after sleeping. I need to sleep! I need to dream! For a long long time! I can’t breathe here!

I can’t fucking afford a therapist!!!!!

I was in a 3 years relationship. She's the only person who cared about me, and the only person who truly loved me and I have no friends to make me feel better. A week later I lost her, I still love her but she doesn't feel that way anymore. It made me so depressed and being worthless again. I don't have any energy to do a thing I like anymore. I only watch tiktok and that's it but it doesn't entertain me, I can't even sleep well without crying and hugging the pillow I always pretend it's her. I can't stop thinking about her, and whenever I do, I get stomach pain. I don't know how to move on. A lot of people always say that I should love myself and just do what I have to do as a person. But I don't love myself and instead, I hate myself for being so worthless, talentless, and so pathetic. I'm so weak as a guy and I don't like it, I don't like the way I look and speak. I always feel nervous when there's a lot of strangers around me, I always think what they think about me. So I can't love myself even just a tiny bit, I only loved myself when she still loves me. And I can't focus on doing what I need to do for my future because she's my motivation and I just lost her. I don't know what to do in this state, I didn't even know how did I even survive swallowing 17 sleeping pills, and I think I should do more next time. I want to die, but I'm too scared to even jump off a bridge or get hit by a car, that's why I've thought of using sleeping pills, so I can die slowly as I hug my pillow. Plus, I have financial problems so I don't know if I should buy a lot of sleeping pills again, I'm broke. Sometimes I think that maybe I'm in a coma and I'm just dreaming right now. I can't take this feeling off of my chest, I even feel the sharp pain in my stomach right now.

I thought that i was different, that im not meant to live a normal life.

Every aspect of my life is far from normal and i always knew that i wont fit into social norms.

I was okay with it, even though i tried hard to fight it for a long time, i accepted that my life was going to be a chain of depressive incidents that led me to live my life alone and never reach my true potential.

Im smart, like really smart. Its a curse that comes with a lot of pain and agony. Though ive managed to stay ahed of my fellow mates, i envy them. I envy them for their innocence, ignorance and lack of awareness into an extent that threatened their illusion of happiness.

I want you. I crave you. I want you to make me feel normal again, to give me happiness and make me forget reality from time to time. I need you, because without some sort of normality in my life im going insane. Every day i stray away from societal norms and order. I've awakened more than i should have and i need you to undo me. I cannot live this life with the constant itch that my intellect imposes on me.

I know i sound selfish, i always thought you deserved more than me, better than me, someone who could give you happines not pain. Im sorry that i need you. Pity me and hold my hand.