Will ever a dag come that i won't think about dieing will ever a day colw when I'll not think about how hard it is to be alive how badly i want to end it all ? For me now being at peace has just one meaning to sleep and never wake up again these nights have started haunting me again i can not i just can not sleep like a normal human i hate them all THEM ALL .

I been marry for some time and for most that time I have not been the best husband. My biggest flaw is that since returning from Afghanistan life had become a bit dull of with a lack of sense and purpose I found myself filling the void with relationships outside my marriage. Me and my spouse have been amicable and cordial , but I keep thinking back of this girl that broke all my walls only girls that been willing to open to but the issues is that she is engaged and mentally and emotionally I had hit what I think may be my bottom.

I never thought I was really gonna write this or use this app, but i guess i just need it.

Do you know the feeling, like when ur home and ur so so bored, that you don’t wanna do anything? But bc ur bored, you wanna do something, but then u don’t want to do ANYTHING?? I don’t get it and it’s annoying asf. it’s driving me crazy bc i wanna do something but i don’t wanna do anything. When i feel like this i normally go outside to take a walk, i don’t even want to do that at the moment. it feels like im losing my mind and i don’t get it. i don’t have a reason to feel like this. nothing happend.. but i don’t feel the purpose of living anymore.

can someone explain the fact that im bored and want to do something but i don’t wanna do anything?

don’t think anyone is gonna see this with my 0 followers 🫨

I'm hungry but can't eat. I have relapsed. I have no drive to take care of myself or make progress. Everyone I open myself up to seems to disappear, eventually. I don't know how many more times I can try. I don't know how many more nights I can tolerate while feeling so alone. I will keep going as long as I can.

Hi everyone

I’m confused because I have a family member that is experiencing hallucinations and agitation out of no where.

I raised concerns about that plus other things such as hair loss to the doctor. The doctor keeps reporting memory loss concerns, but memory loss is not an issue in my opinion. The family member’s memory is good and better than some younger kids…shoot even mine.

It’s the hallucination that’s the concern.

The refuse to consider the meds being the causes of that but agreed that the med management is a little messy currently.

I contacted the pharmacist where we picked the meds up at and they review her prescription history on a quick phone call and think it can be a result of low sugar maybe, but says the meds in question wouldn’t cause that.

It confuses me because I looked up the meds in question and they have side effects of what I’m complaining about online.

I’m trying to figure out what to do. My hope was to get the medical team on the same page so we can stop the meds, monitor, test, and analyze from their. That way we can manage the meds a little better and slowly add things back as needed and safely.

I don’t understand why everyone is saying there’s no side effects or not these side effects as the side effects in question pops up on the first page of Google.

What can I do? The medical team didn’t see anything that stands out on the mri but is calling the issue maybe dementia due to a memory loss test that I believe the family member did good in. I was there. It was just calculations that were not good.

I’m going to connect with a neurologist next, but I just don’t want to be quick to call something dementia when it’s might be due to medication.

It’s like they just want to give meds that have similar effects to these other diagnoses or disorders and say that person has X and when it gets worse it’s not due to X but truly secretly due to the meds.

I’m just hoping to connect and learn from others here in hopes with making the next best steps to help with what’s happening.

Meds in question: Mirtazapine Atorvastatin Diabetic medication- one was recently stopped which I thought was the cause of the hallucinations but they started the family memeber on mirtazapine the same week where things got worst.

They assigned more meds in the past but I believe the issue started from one or both of these.

I was married for 5 years now and we have 2 beautiful kids. I found out she have another man since may of last year. I was trying to fix our marriage we talked it out and share our thoughts.

It's so hard to believe her words of love... Her smiles and hugs ... When I know that it's not actually for me...

I plead her to stay and chose me ... I did everything I can to change and improve myself as a man and a father ... But still It was not enough.

I kept asking myself where did it all go side ways... Am I not enough?...

She's turning cold day by day ... I can feel its like I cold breeze in a crypt ...

I miss the days where your smiles are true ... I miss those eyes that shows love and compassion... I miss those hugs that lift me up ... I miss those kiss that melts my heart ... I miss you ... The old you ...

I wish I can turn back time to where were starting living together... Where I can make my mistakes and lacking corrected ... Where the time that you need me and love me ... I just wish...

This is the first time for me to post here. I feel very depressed today i am not interested in doing anything at all even watching movies which I used to like very much. Any advice on how to stop this.

I know I'm in charge of my decisions and what I make of my life. I know I can create my own happiness and such. The problem is I've been a horrible person to my wife and yet she still wants me around. She gets mad when I talk about suicide and gets mad when I talk about divorce. I'm not trying to hurt her, she's even said she knows its unintentional(I have toxic family traits I'm trying to break the cycle of). So what the hell am I supposed to do when any improvement I make doesn't amount to anything and I end up hurting her unintentionally over and over. Like let me either kill myself or let's divorce because I'm a toxic partner. I'm not cut out to be in a relationship, I never was and never will be. What gives?

I’m writing this to you because I want you to know everything I haven’t told you I figured it’s time, and no I’m not telling you this out of pity I’m telling you it out of I’m tired of keeping it to myself. I grew up in a trailer park and When I was little my mom used to always get drunk and get in fights and start issues, constantly asking people to take her to the store for more beer, my dad never taught me how to do anything. Most of my childhood was arguments fights and drama. Today I was upstairs getting water and they said “I dont understand you, why you turned out to the such a depressed sad fuck” then I turned and responded did you just skip past my childhood and ignore how you two were or what? Honestly my mentality is broken I always always tried making everyone happy and I still get treated like shit, my mom who you love so much? Keeps telling me I’m an idiot for relying on a fairytale relationship because he will never come meet up with me and if he does he will realize that you aren’t worth it anyway. I wanna be here for you but it all just hurts existing here hurts so much. I wanna better myself but I’m stuck I’m sorry for how I am. Idk what to do and it just hurts more and more trying to fix how fucked up I am

i don’t wanna be constantly negative and ruin everything but it just makes me actually feel sad lying to other people about my future and what i want and what i wanna do when i KNOW it’s not happening anymore

especially as you’re saying it you think to yourself how none of what you say is true

My Saturn return has been complete shit. Nothing is going in my favor I am feeling very alone&quite frankly $u!€!d4l. I need some form of guidance of how to go about this with my chart. I’m at my wits end.

Since last year I have been in a chronical of bad events, from getting in a toxic relationship where i lost myself, self worth and self identity. I have gained weight and have bad acne and really depressed. I got laid off, then hit by a car, sprained my ankle, told by my ex I’m a lack of air and space when i was at my lowest and he broke up with me via email. I lost friends, i am working a part time job where I thought I was doing well but have a manager who sabotaged my chance to get a promotion, that i studied and practiced extremely hard in. Been rejected from multiple jobs from the degree i got and am in huge debt, oh and on top of that I have roommates that have me walking on eggshells. I may have to move back with my mom because I am just so low. I feel like anytime i want to have a purpose for something , it goes down the drain, i try to pursue and push though but nothing has been aligning so I’m at a point of thinking why should i even be here and why am i continuously feeding something that will just get me back to where i am. I am constantly being left behind because I’m told i don’t have a drive when little do people know I’m trying my hardest but it’s not good enough.

I’m ready to give up, i need help. I don’t know where to go what to learn or what to do? I am in such a low place right now

i think one of the sources of comfort i’ve found during my depressive episodes is music. to quote a tv show “music can reach parts of the brain that words don’t.”

this is so true. when i’m listening to music it feels like i’m in an alternate dimension. a better world. a different life. sure, my life is still shit when the song is over, but those three minutes of comfort, relatable moments, and peace i get from the songs on any of my playlists, (sad or happy), give me some sense of reassurance.

My life hasn't come together well at all. I don't have a girlfriend, who would live me? I don't have children. I'm not even using my business degree. I have done nothing my whole life. And these ideas keep coming to my head, these ideas they torture me. I try to ignore them like anxiety but it won't go away today. I can't escape this pattern, I was doing so well and now I'm at where I was this time last year. Depressed and wanted to sleep. I hate this. Why won't it leave me. I need to be mentally strong. I need to stop thinking this way. No one needs to know. I need to keep my facade up. Fuck.

i've been ranting here for quite some time now and if you've seen my past posts, you've probably noticed that im getting worse. ill just get straight to the point cause im bad at transitioning- (fuck my life)

i genuinely cant describe how i feel anymore. it's sadness, it's loneliness, it's melancholicness, it's disatisfaction, it's self hatred... it's just so many things but also not at the same time. maybe this feeling has just become a part of who i am and ive become attached to being this way and kinda wanna stay this way...

i probably have depression or bipolar disorder (not a doctor, cant confirm).

i get that failure is a part of life... but i keep making mistakes... a lot of mistakes that cost time, money, and most importantly my sanity. ive done nothing but regret for the past months and ive actually started to drink more water to compensate for the tears that keep pouring down my face when no one's around.

i just don't know what's wrong with me. what do i want? why do i feel this way? why do i feel sad all the time despite having almost everything i need/want and support from my parents? why doesn't everything add up? why? i dont even know or remember why i ended up like this. all I know is that im 14 and have been like this for four years.

i dont give a fuck if the truth will destroy me. i want answers, i want my actions to make sense, i want to be worth something. i dont care if the truth reveals that im supposed to be like this. i'd rather know than wonder and regret and cry.

people think im living a good life, but deep inside I just wanna be loved. I just want someone I can say goodnight to without being made fun of by the homies, and I know I have friends but like I want someone close that I can say anything to... I know this doesn't sound like it belongs here but I needed to vent, I have been crying for the last like 1-2 hours

I am a 21 year old female and I currently go to college and I am studying digital design. I also currently work at a retail store and have been working there since February 2024. After I quit my job before this one, I was without a job since November 2023. I was depressed and I would stay home often because I don’t really have any friends, I’m not in any clubs in my college(although I would to join one) and most times, I like to stay in my room and do my own thing. I thought that if I get a job, I would feel better in some way. It worked for a few months, the excitement of a new job and making sure I leave a good impression with everyone. But now, I just feel tired and empty and angry. I don’t know why and I can’t talk to anyone about it because I really don’t have anyone. If I say anything, it’ll come out as me being spoiled or ungrateful for everything I have. Money is not the problem, I just want to stop chasing after some sort of happiness. I also don’t want to be the lazy daughter or the bad example older sibling. I’m just so tired and I feel like I’m not allowed a break. This is just a rant from someone who wants to feel a little bit less lonely.

Failing school + I want to disappear

So…..idk how to start this. Well I guess, I should start with… imma fail gym 😍. Meaning I won’t graduate 😝 but my gpa is a 5.01 cuz the semester grades haven’t gone in 🥲. I really wanna graduate (duh) but I haven’t done my hours for gym. I just can’t— I hate my body so so so much…but like I still eat whatever the heck I want and then I feel bad about it cuz I CAN LITERALLY SEE MYSELF BECOMING FATTER as I eat more junk food. My mom comments on my knees a LOT. So, atp I just want to like ummmmmm have nice knees I guess? But like I don’t want to go to the gym because my dad wants me to wear shorts or atleast joggers. But, shorts show my knees and joggers I have trauma since I was bullied and I always wore jogger back then so now I can’t wear joggers without melting down. Also, my chest area is kinda heavy and I’m short…so it looks really weird if I’m not wearing a really tight bra. AND I HUST CANT STAND PEOPLE LOOKING AT ME IN GYM 🥲. I feel like they’re judging me, my knees, my height, my obesity, the cuts on my arm (oh yeah, I have depression ✌️), and my lopsided face. I clean of cutting for weeks until just now…I used pencils 🥲 so I’m pretty sure I won’t be trusted with anything anymoreeeee. But anyone have suggestion on non cutting methods, besides rubber bands because I feel like people just know that ur suicidal if you have a rubber band on ur wrist 🙃. Sorry for my excessive totally off topic emojis. I guess it’s my way of expressing humor and I use humor to mask the pain. Also I feel like a total piece of shit cuz my dad’s paying for a therapist and like I’m still not comfortable completely opening up to her even though it’s been 4 months…I just don’t like someone pitying me or giving me reallllllyyyy obvious solutions to my problems. Communication problems? Communicate ✌️ well actually she’s not a bad therapist…just maybe that therapy isn’t for me.

25M broken the only reason I'm still here is because my two cats I called it quit with my ex for no fucking reason aside for being petty its been months and I still miss her and regret the shits I did never hurt her feelings never cheated just dump shits I'm stumped I'm tired I'm exhausted with life

There are people who are living happy lives (overall) and life is working out as planned for them. I don’t understand why I have to struggle and suffer for nothing. There is nothing that is worth staying for anymore. I would rather go somewhere else where I can have the things I want and that is not in this life. It’s crazy that people who enjoy life overall are so hell bent on forcing those who don’t to continue as well. I don’t want to accept an average or below average life like most people. I can’t stand my family and I have come to hate everything about my life and what it’s become. I wish I had left this world so much sooner in life. I regret living as long as I did. There are people who have it much better than me that leave sooner.

confession//: i often think abt death, like dying. im not necessarily suicidal but i do want to die....

my entire life has been shitty. from tbe age of three most of the expierences i have w my egg donor are awful. i have horrible mommy issues n theyve transferred into my adult life (im almost 23) my dad is pretty much the same thing, except weve grown a little relationship. the first time i ever self harmed i was 14, not long after my mom sent me to a mental hospital almost 3 hrs away, across state borders. there i was a guinea pig for medications, i have to watch everyones family come n visit while i sat there alone. i tried to kill myself for the first time when i was 15, i was extremely unhappy w my home life n just myself tbh, my mom sent me away again. since the first time in the hospital ive been diagnosed w depression, add, bpd, anorexia n bipolar. i have a very hard time processing my emotions, let alone trying to express them. but one thing ik for sure though is that i feel like no one truly cares abt me. i dont really talk to any of my family, i dont have any friends. it genuinely feels like im alone n i dont know how to fix it. i try to get into relatonships but every guys just uses me for sex n fucks w my brain. its so hard to accept that i was here to give love n not receive it. i am going to die alone. whole heartdly, completely alone. n idk if thats what i want. i really just dont know anything anymore. i long to die but i just cant bring myself to do it. like if a bus was coming at me i wouldnt move out of the way type shit,

ik this was all over the place but moral of the story, i want to die. i want to kill myself, i think abt it alot honestly, what it would be like to not worry abt anything, but i have a niece now n just as much as i want to die, i want to watch her grow up. if you believe in God please pray for me to just get a little guidance n peace.

Hi this is my first post on reddit / I've posted this on i think 1 more subreddit for help. - sorry if it's badly written or poorly explained, I just need somewhere to say this where my irls won't recognize me or whatever.

I've been going through a huge situation, and atp i don't know what to do. About 3-4ish weeks ago, the person I thought to be my best friends were talking shit about me and calling me weird and told me no wonder I got bullied in the past. I've been bullied ever since 9yrs old, and it's caused me to become super depressed and do other bad things. I cried a lot over that and then the next day or two my gf broke up with me. It's freaking terrible, I liked her a lot and after that situation with my "best friends" it really broke me. I've been having constant depressive episodes and haven't felt like me. I'll have a temporary distraction for an hour or two then I'll go back to being miserable. I don't really know what to do anymore. I have no motivation to do anything and it's making me feel shitty. I can't even get ready for school and I've been feeling guilty for the actions I've done in the past.

Any advice is helpful, thank you all for listening.

Really hate family and can’t wait to be free of them permanently. I’m tired of the psychological torture, the bullying and unhappiness they have constantly put on my life. Any time I tried to deviate from them they made sure to let me know no one would want me and I would have problems having anyone else in my life. Any time things would go wrong with a friendship or relationship they see it as proof that I’m unlovable and problematic, and say I’m lucky to have them. I’m constantly manipulated into compliance and submission. Everyone sees this as normal. Please when can I be free, when? They’ve mentally and emotionally deteriorated me to the point of no return. I’ve lost myself completely. The toxicity and their influence on me has ruined my life and any opportunities I could have had.

I have a constant stomach ache, I feel weak and in pain. I haven't slept in 48 hours, I've been drinking can of Monster after can of Monster because of my caffeine addiction, even though I know very well that I already have heart health problems. I feel toxic around everyone but every night I imagine what it would be like to love a girl.

I just want to kill myself

I know people take Lexapro at night to avoid the fatigue effects… but doesn’t that make it so you miss the peak of the medication working?

The peak of Lexapro is approx 5 hours after taking it. That peak is happening in the middle of the night… so by taking it at night I am successfully avoiding the fatigue but also missing the maximum strength it could give me?

Just wondering because I have been taking it at night but eventually want to switch back to morning when the fatigue wears off because ok days it’s worked in the morning I’ve had very great experiences but just had okay experiences with taking it at night and I think it’s for this very reason

Let me know your thoughts…

The marriage is basically over and telling myself I have my child to live for barely helps the only person I had to talk to my s/o now no one I felt at my ever lowest and “it’s not that serious” and a smirk but any time I mention others there’s all this concern behind it and I feel like nothing voices that too and it’s all a joke it feels like one of those you shouldn’t have got married so young things always had others say it I feel so stupid and I want to give up not even for Mother’s Day anything felt special I’m tired left and right I miss being happy

I don’t want to be here any longer. The one thing I love is thousands of miles away, my family. My grandma, my uncles, I love them dearly. I hate my mom. My dad passed away. I met someone, and he disappeared too. I don’t want people to miss me, I want them to forget me. I want to disappear. For good

Depression is killing me today. I can't think and everything is annoying. Seems there's nothing I enjoy. Love of my life doesn't want to give me another chance even though I'm so good to her. Job is annoying and I've done it for 30 damn years. All my relationships are a mess. I have maybe a couple friends. I just want to give up. I'm tired of this bullshit.

Edit: Everyone says get help, but when you are heartbroken, and most the rest of life seems sad without the one person you fell in love with. What does therapy do for you? I've been in therapy 10 months. Meds just make me want to end it all. I have lightening strike syndrome depression which is known to be hard to treat, and narcolepsy which you have to fight to get the meds you need. I'm tired of fighting.

This past week I turned 18 and a half years old. For the past year I basically wasted a year of my life. Just for some background info, I ended up not going away to college because I freaked out about being away from home. I came back and commuted to a local college for the semester. I started regretting coming home so I wanted to go back to the college that was far away. The college said that I would be guaranteed a spot if I took no more than one semester of classes at a different school. So I decided to not take any classes for the second semester. I wasn’t motivated at all anyway. My first semester I barely passed and would skip classes very frequently.

So for the last 5 months I haven’t been doing anything at all. I wasn’t motivated to get a job, and for the most part the only people I would talk to are my family. I don’t have any dreams or goals in life, and I’m scared to get older. I feel like I wasted my entire teenage years. I don’t care if I can get better, I will never get back the time I lost. I should’ve been involved more in high school. The only thing I would do is theatre and the rest of the year I would just go to school and come back home. I should’ve been involved more, step out of my comfort zone, and push myself but instead I retreated. I never even had my first kiss yet. I have a younger brother who is a freshman and he has done more in his first year of high school than I did in 4. My self esteem isn’t great either. I see people my age and think they look way older than me. I can’t accept that fact that I grew up like all of the other people my age.

I never got over my high school crush even though she rejected me almost 2 years ago. There have been times where I thought I was over her but I would never move on completely. Recently I’ve been getting more dreams about her even after all this time. I understand this is an obsession, but it’s not something I want to fix. I’m selfish for thinking I still have a chance with her, there should be no possibility in my mind but there is. Maybe I’m trying to cling to the past because the present is so terrible.

My OCD has been terrible. I don’t have many compulsions but the obsessions I do have make me feel like a monster. I’ve had POCD (fears about being a pedophile), as well as so much guilt for what I did in the past. I spoke to my therapist about some of these things and he said there’s nothing to be guilty about. This reassured me but it won’t stop me from thinking about other things that make me hate myself.

I have no care about anything. I don’t care about a future, I don’t care about getting better, and I don’t care about myself. I wasted what could’ve been the best years of my life. I know I’m still young but who cares, I don’t want to keep living.

I don’t know if I’m suicidal because I don’t think I will ever have the strength to do such a thing. However, if there was an easy way to off myself with the least pain possible I would do it. The worst part is I don’t even care about what I would put my family through. I just want to be done with everything.

so i think i just got over a depressive episode. i’m glad that it’s over, but im so scared im gonna fall back into that dark hole again. i just want the sun to keep shining on me but based off of my past it seems like a storm will most likely be approaching soon.

Before me and my girlfriend broke up, while we were drifting apart I had a sense of completely lack of motivation to do anything. It's been a month and a few weeks now and it's progressively gotten worse, I've had thoughts of self harm and have completely fell behind in school with this week being my last to finish everything (I'm a freshman). I get that I'm younger but I've completely lost all hope in myself and everything else on this godforsaken planet. I'm tired of life, I'm honestly just tired of everything. I haven't hardly been able to sleep for weeks and I'm typing this to get it off my mind. I wish this could all stop, I wish I was just happy with myself, I wish I could be enough for people and not the lousy fucking slob I am now. My dad told me tonight that he can't help me and he wish he could understand. I play games to escape this hell that I'm living but I've lost all my creativity, imagination, motivation and, happiness. All I do is play games mindless now, I'm not having any fun or enjoyment. I just fucking hate myself, I'm disgusting, I'm not attractive, I'm not smart, all my friends are just fucking leaving me, I'm done with life.