hi, im 30m. I think i have trauma from school times because teachers shout at me and make me feel ashamed in class many times (my math and etc was bad) now i always feel stupid not worthy enough inadequate. Sturggling with low self esteem, depression and anxiety (im on antidepressants still sucks) just curious what can i do to feel better because of this?

sorry for bad english.

Hey, 22M here. For the last two and half years I was trying to improve my appearance and health. I think that the most important factor why I did that was my not existing confidence. To make the story shorter, and get to the main topic, I just started to work out regularly and I just started doing the right things in general (eating properly, not drinking/smoking, grooming/hygiene and all these kind of things).

I must say, that I made quite great progress, but on the other side I started to see things which I could not change just by working out and eating right. Most importantly my teeth. The main issue is that my teeth in the upper part have quite visible gaps between them. The teeth in the lower part are great and there are no gaps. Fortunately I always brushed them and took care of them so they are not that yellow. So there is the thing where I fucked up. When I was a kid/teen (maybe from 11 to 19) I was rarely going to dentist for checkups (mostly caused by trauma) and I was not thinking about that I will regret it now. Because if I had prescribed braces by dentist lets say when I was 14, then the cost of them would be much lower because of the given grant by the state (in my country there is lower cost of the braces until you are 18, then you pay the full price). So when I was 19, I knew that it is too late mostly because I am very broke student and not able to pay the full price for the braces.

So the thing is, when I was talking with some other people about my teeth, they said that they did not even saw that I had the gaps in the upper part of the teeth line but the problem is that I think that they were just trying to cheer me up and not be so sad about it. I just knew my truth because I see them all the time when I look in the mirror and I think that month by month I became much more anxious about them. I think that I became obsessed with that imperfection.

For example, someone would say that everybody have some body features which are not that perfect and you should look also at your good features. So I tried it - I tried to look at things that I like about my appearance and maybe just look at the other side of the coin. But despite of all positive physical things that I like about myself (for example I like my blue eyes or my height) I just still think that great teeth are one of the most important things if we talk about physical attractiveness.

So, that is basically a thing that holds me from getting a girlfriend, go to the club or just smile more and be more accessible to other people. Im stuck in the period of life, where I currently am not very financially stable to get braces but I study a degree which have very great money perspective so I would say that maybe in my 30s there is 100% chance that I would be able to pay for them without problem. But there is the thing that I feel like I am losing my youth because of this type of mindset of not going anywhere because of it and just being very awkward and in the 30s (if I would even live to that age) I think it would be just too late (in terms of my mental state) and I would just have my teeth fixed but like many years lost because of not being visible to people.

Thanks

i hate how i look in pictures and today after ages i took pictures like ones you take when you wear a nice outfit. deleted most of them but felt like a milligram of self esteem boost because of my outfit. still hiding my face in them but at least feel like they’re bearable to look at! To anyone struggling with similar issues, virtual hugs to you!

I am not sure if this is the place to post but I am noticing I haven’t been doing well mentally for the past month or so. I am isolating myself and noticing that every single morning I wake up anxious. I am always concerned about not being happy and good around my friends. I am always participating in negative self talk. This has become so serious that it’s affecting all parts of my life. I am slowly not doing good at work. I am not being a good friend. I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop overthinking of all the times I could have done better or been better. I think about all the instances when I was didn’t carry myself well as I hoped I would. Please help me and give me any tips to stop this negative self talk habit. I want to focus on my work and get better.

https://questionnaire.simplesondage.com/f/s/defendingoneselffromattacksontheself

I 18F have always struggled with my body issues. I don’t know how it begun but I know I’ve hated how I look for a long time, but lately it’s been worse I don’t know what it is ever senses I stared university a few months ago I found myself hating everything about myself. It’s the little things that build up to that my own family made jokes about me growing up, my closet cousin in age flat out calls me ugly when she sees me and my friends always had something to make fun of about my face. There was a point in high school where I joined cheer and my body never looked better, but I would Still look uglier then the rest of the girls that’s when I would look how beautiful they would look with make up and how flawless there skin looked most of the time, I found myself wasting money on a bunch of make up just to cover myself.

Now I have a better handle how I do my make up but u can’t even go to the grocery store without wearing any or some concealer. Lately the hate on my body has been worse to a point my own boyfriend does not wanna be around me when I’m talking so negative about myself, none of my clothes feel right on me either they are to tight or feel horrible on my skin or they highlight my stomach disgustingly. I have a chubby body time and I’ve been crazy to exercise but it’s hard with how I handle university and how unmotivated I feel, eating becomes hard when I’m around so many pretty girls all the time. I feel alone like I can’t open up about this nobody wants to hear about it because it hurts them to hear me say stuff like this, but everyday it gets hard not to stop eating. If anyone ever experienced something like me does it get better? I’m so lost right now.

I asked her how to deal with mom bc she was making me mad bc she thinks badly of me and she said when you think badly about yourself ppl will think badly about you even your mom, my sister was like oh just dont be insecure she is right its your fault 😄 Omg 😄 Being insecure is saying you are average by the way😄, now I understand why ppl say society, god forbid you are realistic and see facts, just live in a lie like all of us😄

to me being attractive means I look good in photos and ppl approach me and compliment me and I look like a stereotypical attractive person and clothes and makeup and different hairstyles look good on me, if I am not any of that then being attractive loses its meaning what is the point of it 😐

does it come for lying to yourself like everyone is saying lie until it becomes your reality

I went to complain to my sister that my mom always think of me badly and she was like bc its you fault fix your self esteem😐, and I told her all the reasons why I felt that way and she dismissed it by mentioning one good thing that I should focus on 😐and she was like you make your own reality and energy and shit😐 like facts don’t matter lie to yourself and dismiss everything, worst of all she judged the fuck out of me

My hairstyle looks like shit, yet I feel it’s weird to completely change your whole hairstyle all of a sudden.

My skin looks like shit, especially around my nose where it’s full of small holes with some weird stuff that won’t go away.

My lips look like shit, because they are constantly dry and chapped.

My face looks like shit, I have a horrible double chin despite being skinny fat.

My body looks like shit, because I am skinny fat with barely any muscle.

I hate my voice, listening to it in videos makes me cringe.

My fashion sense is shit, I constantly feel like everyone else around me dresses better and more fashionable than me. Despite trying to up my fashion, I still despise what I see in the mirror.

My social media presence is shit. Not enough followers to be accepted in this society.

What even is the point?

I'm 35. this is gonna b all over the place but How can I get with women if I get anxiety around people and have only one friend I see once a month.

Also women think I'm cute because of my fun small size. A girl at Walmart asked how do I get a girlfriend looking the way I do which u can imagine pissed me the f&$# off. I get carded at bars people say I look 20 years old. if I dated a women my age it would look like she is dating her little brother. If I mentioned to people that I'm attracted to a 20 year old people think I'm creepy because they are young but in my head I'm thinking who else will date me at this point. It pisses me off.

I've been living isolated so long conversation feel like a different language. 10 years living like a hermit because my self esteem got so low I developed mental problems. Been single for a decade now. I'm 5'4" and have a baby face and can't grow a beard. Clothes do not fit me because of my size which makes me more depressed. I'm skinny and short. If I want clothes that fit i would have to have everything custom taylored. Am I screwed? I don't love myself because I'm lonely and just want to b loved. The only thing I have going for me is I don't have to worry about money atm. But money feels meaningless when u can't form connections.

I started working on myself:

Ive been working out, eating healthy, doing ice baths, did jujitsu for a year Ive been doing social exposure, doing therapy, and although I've made a lot of progress I still can't form connections with people because my vibe sux. I get anxiety. Self hate and then depressed to where I just end up going home and feel defeated. I have a problem with masterbation more then i would like to which is once a day. I feel so lonely. I just want love from others and myself and stop hating myself. People get uncomfortable around me because I get so uncomfortable then I continue hating myself. It's a vicious circle. I feel defeated so often i don't understand how people communicate and relate. I truly feel retarted at this point. Sorry to use the r word. I don't know what to do anymore life truly sux. Hell is on earth and we are all damned.... Feels like it doesn't matter how much I do I still can't form relationships.

When I try to talk nothing comes to my head because I'm not interested in talking and don't care and I'm not interested in what other people are thinking. It sounds self absorbed but I don't know how to fix that that's me being true to myself. The other part of it is I'm insecure about looking stupid and sounding stupid so I get self conscious and insecure and then depressed so then i don't feel like talking more. The only thing I've been able to do is repeat robotic like phrases that I use to get through acting friendly and buying things from the store.

I don't know what to do guys. I feel mentally fu&$ed up. Maybe I need Jesus lol idk anymore at this point.

you know when you are insecure and ppl think you just have low self esteem and you should not feel it and all the reasons for it is not that big deal and not real and you are just being dramatic, now everything I was ever worried and insecure about bit me in the ass now that I am looking for a job, it was all real, ppl don’t know shit, even if you said that they will say um its your fault you created it🤓

26 F, I’m very self conscious about everything. I can’t stand to have attention on myself especially regarding physical appearance. It’s gotten to the point that I feel like anyone who has a compliment is just saying it out of courtesy or as a prank. I don’t like taking pictures or even looking at them , I avoid looking at myself in the mirror. It’s a physical and mental discomfort when I’m asked to take a picture and no it’s not any better with selfies. I actually try to build that relationship with my appearance to have some sort of grip on this fear. Somedays it is manageable with coping mechanisms other days.. it eats away at me so slowly invading everything. I do like certain things about myself but as a whole it doesn’t feel right.. does it ever get easier?

I have graduated with first class honors. I was always an exceptional student in university. My professors were always impressed by me, but none of that has ever made me feel like i have achieved something. in fact, i have always despised myself and those so called achievements. I never saw meaning in anything i did or even in my potential. I just can't feel like i'm good enough. I know why, but why can't i shake off this feeling of incompetence and extreme self contempt?

I literally have a chance to get into oxford uni for postgrad but i feel like i'm not good enough.. idk..

I’ve been really down lately because a lot of clothes are just no longer fitting me. I’ve gained a decent amount of weight (like 50 pounds in the last two years), but working out can be difficult because I have an autoimmune condition where my muscles and joints just constantly HURT. And food is just a difficult thing for me too. A lot of the time I have no energy to cook, so I either get take out or don’t eat. I just needed to vent because im just so frustrated with myself.

I am in such a pickle. A month or so ago one of my friends told he he has feelings for me and wants to date.

I literally cannot say no to people without feeling like I'm hurting them and doing something awful. When I first read his request, I very clearly thought "nope." But the idea of rejecting him was so scary that my mind changed the no into a yes and I told him sure we can date, and told myself I'll give him one chance and if I still don't feel anything after one date I'll break up with him. Well we have been dating for like a month now and I don't know what to do. Whenever I think about telling him i don't want to date anymore, it's just too hard and my thoughts get muddled and I immediately switch over to something else. I just don't know what to even say or how to approach follow up questions

IT GETS WORSE: I am also in a situationship with another man. The guy I'm dating (and don't know how to reject) knows im polyamorous. I told him as soon as he asked to date, hoping it would make him lose interest. He said it doesn't bother him. The situationship guy has no idea the other guy exists, and we never discussed exclusivity plus he flirts with other women online where I can see. So I don't feel too bad for him comparatively. And I don't think he cares about hurting my feelings.

People say that talking and putting up boundaries gets easier with time. But it never does. Each time it just gets worse. And I'm attracted to confident people who always say what's on their mind (opposites attract) which usually means the reply to me saying my feelings is hurtful and brash and makes me wish I never spoke up. I don't know why I always am attracted to people like this but I'm 29 and have tried everything and don't have hope for myself being happy. I'm waiting to just live out my life and die and not have to worry about this stuff. But I'm an attractive woman and can't seem to stay away from sex/romance so I'm always in a situation of some sort. It's an addiction.

TL;DR Talking to people gets progressively harder each time so I'm letting it all spiral while I await death

Massive thanks to anyone willing to read all of this, I appreciate anyone willing to listen. Im Male and I’m 21, I don’t really feel comfortable talking to anyone personal about this so I’ll just put it in here. This year has been the worst year of my life, whether it be my lack of confidence in literally anything I do or my car accident that was due to my negligence, or my inability to find a job for the past couple of months, I have been trying to pick up the pieces and just feel like I’m falling short every time. I’m losing my motivation to even try at all. I have really poor social skills, especially when it comes to women and I often feel as if I have to be a yes man and put on this facade of myself in order to keep people around. I’m a really really nice guy and I hate that about myself 👎🏾 I yearn for approval any chance I can get it, and any rejection will send me into a void that is nigh impossible to get out of especially in my current circumstance. I lost 150 pounds over the course of 2 years which is cool I guess but I’m still a fairly fat guy and my body still just looks bad, I’m definitely a conventionally unattractive guy, my acne is really bad as well which makes me seem dirty even though I clean myself daily and I’m really adamant about cleanliness. In my group of friends I feel like a burden, I also feel as if these guys don’t even like being around me, they just hang with me out of pity. I just want to be happy man ☹️. I want to live a fulfilling life and find my motivation again, I want to feel confident even when others look down on me, I want a place to feel accepted. I want to feel like a man and be assertive when it comes to things I do and don’t like, not letting people take advantage of me. I want to instill some discipline into myself to get through my scheduled daily routines. But yet here I am yet again just rambling at 4 in the morning about my wants and desires only for the misery to linger on………….maybe one day.

https://questionnaire.simplesondage.com/f/s/defendingoneselffromattacksontheself

A little voice in my head goes "You got lucky, this won't last. You'll fail again and things will come crashing down"

What's this called?

I’m a 2nd year PhD student in physics, and I’m feeling really lost right now. I’ve sacrificed so much to get here, including time with my father, who I lost a few months ago. I keep wondering if all of this was worth it.

For the past few years, I’ve been battling this overwhelming sense that I don’t belong in this field. I thought my passion for physics would be my driving force, but I didn’t fully consider my struggles with depression, anxiety, and crippling low self-esteem. Just yesterday, I reached out to a professor who’s been a mentor to me, sharing that I’ve finally started finding some motivation and making progress in my research. But just today, I had a meltdown and ended up crying for hours, feeling completely overwhelmed.

Whenever I’m around my peers, I feel like they’re judging me. I get the vibe that they look down on my work and question my intellect. It’s hard to shake this feeling. I try to avoid them as much as I can, but that only works until I can’t. I keep asking myself if this perception is all in my head or if they really do see me as inferior. If it’s not just in my head, then what does that say about me?

Every day feels like an uphill battle to find motivation. I genuinely love physics and want to study it, but my anxiety and low self-esteem make it so difficult to engage fully. When I hit a rough patch, I feel dysfunctional, and I know I’m judged for being “weak.”

I’m at a crossroads about whether I should leave academia. The thought of stepping away for mental health reasons feels like admitting defeat, also leaving might not resolve my issues either. I’m just trying to figure out how to “live” with all of this.

Has anyone else felt this way? How do you cope with these feelings in academia? Any advice would mean a lot.

TW: I used to have an eating disorder. I don't anymore, or at least I don't act on it. But any attempts to diet or "be healthy" just end up leading me back down that path and if i go, I go hardcore and might not come back from it- if you know what I mean. So I'm just overweight, and it feels like I'm stuck there and because of my weight, I can't feel good in anything I wear.

I have health issues unrelated to weight, but because of them I can't wear shapewear. I don't look good in jeans, and the style I am obsessed with (original scene/emo) doesn't do not-jeans lol. Plus, not only am I overweight, but I'm also a large person in general (about 6'0") and built wide.

I just can't find anything that fits, anything that fits WELL and anything that looks good with the clothes I want to wear. I go to the mall and everyone else finds cute clothes and I can't even find a jacket because nowhere has over 2x, and I'm a 3x minimum. And that's just to have something long enough!! Even at my skinniest, which was abnormally skinny, my wrists are too thick to wear the bracelets everyone else my age was wearing.

Ugh. I'm just so depressed. I feel like I look like a hunchback, jiggly and inhuman monster and every attempt I make to feel confident crumbles the second I see my reflection when I'm out having a good time. Like a jarring "oh yeah, that's what people are seeing" and my day is ruined. It hasn't been this bad in a long time. Ugh.

Im looking for some low self-esteem courses or active helping-groups, somewhere that can guild me to get over my problem, would like to do it online and affordable for students. Plus any anxiety course if you guys have. Thanks so much

I hope this can help people out there who are in the situation I was, so I’m posting it here.

I always thought fashion was dumb: a waste of money, a marketing ploy, and just plain too polluting.

I always thought I didn’t “deserve” to buy clothes I liked because I was 5-7 kgs more than I would have liked, and “nice clothes wouldn’t look good on me anyway right now”.

Well, in the past few months I have invested more time (and money) in outfits, and the difference is night and day. I feel way better about myself, speak more easily to ppl, and I think I even stand/walk better — confidently rather than hunched on myself. Before, I wanted to hide, and now I don’t care if ppl see me -- or I’m even proud cause I actually look pretty nice!

From other factors, I lost those 5 kgs too, and that has been nice as well, especially in fitting rooms.

I still try to shop sustainably though, a lot of it second hand, but buying some things new has honestly been really nice. I choose quality rather than quantity, and still buy only things I really like.

Who’d have guessed playing around with outfits was actually fun? (Besides, well, the whole world except me, lol.)

Intellectually, I knew very well it could play a part, but actually experiencing it for myself has been eye-opening. Just how much was I hiding because of my looks? I thought my personality was “the whole problem” (too shy and awkward), and don’t get me wrong, I still am shy and awkward sometimes, but it turns out I was also not confident in how I was dressed and that affected my interactions a lot as well.

Don’t want to ramble so much so I’ll stop here, but I definitely hope this can be your sign if you’re thinking like I was before!

I feel like I have tp be the most dominant and aggressive man in the room. If another man interrupts me or dominates me I feel like I'm weak and I have to get back at them. It feels like a constant dance and battle for power. If I ever lose, I feel like it's a flashback from childhood so I just want to keep fighting for dominance cause I know if I lose enough times it's over and I have to win. At work I notice this especially. Is this normal? Is this healthy? If it isn't, how do I fix it? Lemme know your thoughts.

Idk why but I m18 feel just odd I derealised from my uni friends and realised how odd weird I am I just can’t understand myself idk who I really am I just go with what people say I feel like I wanna cry and just kms because to think I can’t even just feel normal is weird I got no confidence no social skills and I can’t even talk to people normally I asked some questions that seemed normal but everyone made it like it was crazy except with some closer friends than normal friends and saying they don’t wanna go far but it wasn’t that deep honestly sometimes I’d wanna just relive another life because of just how I can’t talk to women people and just be normal but i guess everyone’s definition of “normal” is different

My yap story

So, the title says it all. I hate myself. I can't exactly pinpoint when or what triggered this, but this feeling definitely began somewhere in high school, and I think it was because of how my classmates treated me. For whatever reason, as I reached high school, I was suddenly labelled as "uncool" and "weird." People would make fun of me, no one wanted to truly be my friend, and I was stuck in a circle of fake friends that would purposely exclude me from things, throw subtle insults at me, and overall just ostracize me for their own enjoyment. I was really, really lonely. And on top of that, I developed really bad anxiety and depression. I'm not sure if this was from my situation, or my hormones. I ended up being alone all the time, crying in the library, eating lunch in the bathroom and so on. I've now graduated college with not a single friend made, because now I just don't know how to make friends. When I talk to people, I always have this thought in the back of my mind that they don't want me to be talking to them and that I'm being a nuisance. Either that or, when I think of making friends, I always tell myself it isn't worth it because they're always going to find someone they would rather hang out with, and eventually ditch me for them. That's pretty much what I've noticed in all my previous friendships, which is why I feel really hesitant to even try. Same goes for dating. Every time I've liked someone, they've always chosen someone else over me and made me feel like I would never be anyone's first choice. I don't think I'm ugly or have a bad personality or anything, but honestly because of this I just don't see why anyone would choose to like me out of all the other people they could like. Now I'm out of school, unconfident and lonely as ever. In my job, I'm constantly feeling like I'm not good enough, and that everyone there is better than me. These thoughts and feelings eat me up alive and exhaust me. My lack of confidence is killing me slowly, I feel. I don't believe in myself when it comes to anything, and I noticed that it makes me self sabotage. For example, I recently took the LSAT and completely bombed it. Not because I didn't have the knowledge or skills, but because I told myself I was dumb and bad at the LSAT, and I suppose, made that come true. When I'm able to somehow tune out my thoughts, I do a whole lot better than I had done on the test that day. But it's not easy. Most of the time my thoughts of self-hatred destroy me, and I can't find a way to consistently keep them from affecting my life

I (m46) have a FWB (f37) who met a guy online and ended up breaking away the friendship for a week. That weekend he came over and they drank and she gave him a partial blowjob and and he ate her out. She didn't want sex due to her period but was drunk enough to let him lick her a bit. The next day she found out he's married by her calling my friend. She ended up messaging me saying she missed me and I admitted I missed her and we hung out a couple times since then but it seems she's getting distant again with less calls and they are shorter as well. She reached out to him to help her with something at the house as it's what he does for a living and says she doesn't want to be there when he is and that her son will be there. Originally she said she wanted nothing to do with him and blocked him, now she messaged him about the house and now she said he is sending her gifs and shit.

I am the one that doesn't want an "official" relationship for personal reasons so I know I have no RIGHT to be jealous but it still kills me when she mentions him as she also admitted he has an amazing dick and that's my major confidence issue. I try to not show it bothers me as I don't want to not be her friend or show that it bothers me but this shit is killing me to hear about or know.

Just had to vent this, even tho probably no one will see it.

I see myself as an incredibly unattractive and bland looking individual. I am a large person, and I don’t feel like I have any physical qualities that are attractive. Because of this I have difficulty with confidence for intimate matters, and have stopped for that from having sexual intimacy. Are there ways and resources that someone has used to get out of this mental state, and conquered self-love?

Hey, this is kind of my first time making a post here and i have been receiving help for this but i kind of want advice from some more people to see what kind of works if that makes sense. Anyways this is kind of the gist of what happened. I was talking with this girl last semester and trying to get to know her a little better and i did have romantic interest in her as well until i found out she had a boyfriend. I still wanted to get to know her more as a friend and things kind of fell apart and i made some stupid mistakes in my approaches that came off the wrong way. I did apologize for my mistakes to her and we did keep in touch over the summer loosely. At the beginning of the semester i found out from a friend of mine that she had been telling people that i have been stalking her (i dont know if she mentioned me by name to people other than my friend) and this kind of broke me. I should state that i have handled the situation with campus police (i made them aware of the situation) and no i did not stalk this person. Ever since then my confidence has been practically nonexistent which is not fun at all especially since i wanted to get back out in the dating game this semester. I now have this constant thought in the back of my mind that i am perceived as a creepy weird guy and im not sure how best to handle it. I am a big guy with a beard so i feel like im already perceived as a threat just from my appearance and that makes me feel so hurt. Idk, i feel like im kinda rambling at this point so i hope you all kind of get the general idea of the situation and can offer some advice. Thanks.

Edits: phrasing