When you think of Desi seafood dishes the main ones are Amritsar fish curry, Mangalorean curry, Bengal fish curry and Goan fish curry. When you compare with Japan there is a greater variety of seafood dishes and makes a larger part of their cuisine. What makes matters worse is that other coastline areas such as Sindh (Pakistan), Balochistan (Pakistan), Gujarat, Maharasthara and South India aren’t known for fish based dishes. On my visits there people stuck to dishes such as idli, sambar, vada, rajma, dal etc. Why do Desis have a preference for animal proteins in a disproportionate manner in our cuisine away over seafood?

The weekly thread is for all issues related to your parents/family. It will be posted every Wednesday at 9 AM BST. All other posts about your parents/family during the week will be removed.

Feel free to vent, ask for advice or moan about your familial woes.

i’m looking to get a cat soon and I’m so excited that I’m already brainstorming names lol I plan on getting a female orange cat and want to find some desi inspired names for her. So far I’ve liked Chai and Maggi (Noodle) lol. I’m sure you guys are much more creative than me! Let me know what your guys’ ideas are!

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I married into a conservative Pakistani family, and am the only one who doesn’t know Urdu at every family event. The elders either don’t speak English or speak very broken English so it’s hard to communicate with them. Most people 60 and under know English but opt to chat chat in Urdu. I always feel in the dark. Our in-laws stayed with us for a few months so I learned a lot of cooking terminology as my MIL was teaching me, but I don’t have a great grasp on the language still. I know the basics “hi, how are you,” and can decipher some phrases based on context but am far from being conversational. It feels like such a huge handicap because I can’t follow along with group conversation and as a result I am generally out of the loop.

Life seems so busy right now. I take care of our toddler and am a full-time student. It’s hard to imagine how I could find time to learn formally Urdu without completely exhausting myself. On top of that, I’m a Muslim revert so I feel like I should prioritize learning how to at least read the Quran and some Arabic basics before I try to learn other languages.

My husband jokes that he likes that I don’t speak Urdu so he has a secret language. I know that even though he is a fluent English speaker he doesn’t feel like he can express his true self unless he’s speaking Urdu. I’m not worried about my relationship with my spouse but it’s been harder to get to know his family.

I’ve been married for 2 years. Does not knowing Urdu make me a worse in-law? How can I compensate? What makes a good cross-cultural in-law?

I'm a 28 year old Indian guy who was diagnosed earlier in the week and with the stigma any Std has in India, I'm slowly watching my dreams of raising a family crumble. It's been hard since I love children and the thought of never having any of my own has been heartbreaking. I was never particularly promiscuous either, only kissed two girls my entire life.

The facts are 50 to 80 percent of the population has oral herpes already and are asymptomatic. And if precautions are taken during cold sore breakouts or with antiviral treatment, it's very possible not to further transmit the virus.

I'm wondering if the stigma is lesser in the US. Would this be a deal breaker for most of you guys?

I feel like this issue resonates a-lot with the cultural obligations as a desi child while also living as an american in an individualistic society.

I (F22) recently moved away from home after graduating uni to live with my older sister (F26) and younger brother (M11). The reason I moved was because I was guilted, like most desi kids, to stay with my siblings and help take care of my brother as he attended a better school out here while my parents stayed back home. I’ve constantly felt an obligation to stay with my family when they ask (like living at home during uni even though I had a full ride). And because of this I have a lot of resentment towards them. But, while I always try to leave and even have the means to, I always stay (not sure if its cause of obligation or cause I’m scared).

Now, I finally have a chance to make my own decision as my older sister matched to a program out of state and my brother is moving back home with my parents. My dad would ideally like me to stay out here where I can rent out the home he owns to roommates (obviously am aware of how much a privilege that is). Or I could move back home with my parents. Or I could move out completely (with the small amount of savings I have). Part of me wants to move out where I’ll obviously struggle a bit, but finally have my own identity. But, another part of me wants to make my family happy and help them (while I could also save money and not have to worry about looking for another job).

One thing I’m constantly struggling with is building a sense of identity and becoming the best version of myself (which I never got the chance to do during uni). And I always assumed staying within the boundaries my family set always limited me. But, would I still be able to do that if I stay out here (not living with family, but still under their support)? Or should I use this opportunity to cut myself loose? Not sure if that made any sense, but let me know if I should explain anything further. Would appreciate any advice out of my sister who just wants best for the family’s interests.

Hi, I’m British born but my mum (who passed when I was a baby) was Bangladeshi. I don’t have much of a relationship with my Bangladeshi family and was raised exclusively by my very white British dad.

I have prom in a couple of months and would love to tribute my mum by wearing a Lehenga Choli and I’d like to feel more connected to that half of myself.

I’m pretty white passing, and I’m scared this may come across as appropriation.

Can I wear a Lehenga Choli to prom since I’m half-Bangladeshi or should I not?

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Just a side note, my p_rents don't spank me anymore, but they used to.

I live in Mexico, I was born and raised here, and a lot of p_rents beat their kids. My p_rents beat me too, all the way until I turned 15. Around the time I turned 15, I just began running off to my friends' house until they apologized. They stopped around that time, and it came up in a conversation that I questioned them. They said that it's okay because their p_rents beat them worse and other p_rents beat their kids. I don't think it's okay, and most of my classmates are pretty solid on the fact that spanking and beating your kids is pretty messed up. I can understand a flick of annoyance or chasing me with the shoe to get me to do something, but I don't get actually hitting/spanking me. Did your p_rents spank you? Is it normal?

(Using censored words to avoid that annoying automod filter)

I know how stupid I am for asking, but after getting some brutally honest feedback from my father about my need to diet and exercise, I found myself revisiting the old temptation to try yoga, which seems more enjoyable than the alternatives. I do not, on the other hand, want to shit all over desi culture and make an embarrassing spectacle of myself. So... should I avoid?

I have posted this on the india subreddit too.

sorry if this is not the right subreddit. But I thought there may other people outside of India who want to support a child in India.

I am living in the U.K. and am looking to :

sponsor a girl child’s education in India

i do not want to support a big ngo where my money will go to pay admin costs and I don’t want to support a religious ngo.

any recs?

What’s your view on fellow brownies that grew up in the same state or country as you, but they follow a Iskcon or Hare Krishna lifestyle?

I think majority of the festivals happens on March 23-24, I was wondering if there are anymore this week

This is not a post about religion nor a critique of Islam, its more about whether the ABCD Muslim community underwent social change in the post 9/11 era.

I notice Muslims tend to be a bit more suspicious of media, government and institutions where I live and wonder how much it has to do with the post 9/11 era. This includes people I went to school with in Australia. They had a strong streak of anti Americanism and believed the media was out to defame and genocide Muslims, most believed 9/11 was a conspiracy and the CIA and Israel is behind everything. They were mainly Pakistani and Afghani friends but they had grown up in Australia their whole life. I think 9/11 and the War on Terror in Iraq and Afghanistan played a role in this openness to conspiracies and siege mentality.

This is not a dig at ABCD Muslims I just think they seem to be the most distrustful of governments and the media. I see the same thing with older generation Hindus who distrust the BBC, CNN, NYT. Vice did a documentary on conspiracies towards Covid vaccines and public health that gained traction in the UK Sikh community. Part of me is also conflicted to whether being prone to conspiracies is a Desi thing or just the age we live in of social media and a general sense of distrust.

Facing various difficulties....needed your opinions. Pls do recommend what to do?

There are some individuals I have across who want to know everything about your life. One is poking me always to give him advice for their children's future education even though I was not successful myself in my goals.....I still tried to inspire the best I could. But the calls, and questioning just don't stop. What to do? (They know what to do ....but still pokes and interrogates me all the time. And when I tried to talk to their kids, they are told to shut up and not share any information with me - this happened in front of me).

How to deal with such people? Are all Indians from all regions like this? What am I doing wrong?

Pls do help....

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yi1pc9Y6kEI

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Great documentary about Southhall, UK. I love hearing these harrowing stories.

My relatives back in India always talk about how 80% of NASA is Indians, or like 50% of CEOs in the US are Indians, or like 80% of doctors in America are Indians, etc. It seems like a lot of misinformation. The selected sample of Indians in the US are doing well, for sure, but people take pride in the exaggerated numbers. Why do you think this is?

Just looking to hear from people who are successfully living with their spouse’s parents and what their experiences are like. i.e. family dynamics, compromises, struggles etc.

Also curious to know how that first conversation went when this topic was discussed.

Just for context, my mom is pakka pakka desi, we're south indian and she of course is very jovial but doesn't at all enjoy any obscenity, slang langauge, swearing etc etc.

She's been through surgery recently and has really gotten very low over the past few weeks. She seems to be slipping into depression which really scares me. She has all these negative thoughts and I'm worried as I'm mostly away from 10am-6pm due to work and I don't get holidays as often, and we're just the two of us. I'm trying my best to find things like yoga classes, dance classes etc for her to keep working on something and at least keep these thoughts away. I've tried therapy but it didn't help her. She's very hestitance and resistant to it.

If you could help me with some light, sweet and wholesome and PG 13 AF podcasts she may enjoy, I'd be very grateful, again she isn't too much into spirituality, or anything romance related so if you could avoid those too, I'd be grateful. I know podcasts that I listen to but she wouldn't enjoy them, I've tried before.

Awaiting all your wonderful inputs! Thanks a ton :)

Hey guys,

Happy Sunday! My wife and I (early 30s professionals) moved with our family to PG County (near Alexandria). We are second-gen South Indians, and we'd love to get to know other Indian folks in the DMV area. We're fun and always up for adventure. We're frequently in DC, so distance isn't much of a problem on our end.

Thanks in advance! Have a great weekend :-)

Looking for some guidance or to learn from others who have gone through this process. I am trying to visit India this December (2024) with my family. My parents are both of Indian origin. My spouse is of Pakistani origin but never held Pakistani citizenship and has not visited Pakistan in over 10 years. My children also have Pakistani origin due to their grandparents but they have never been to Pakistan.

I’ve done a lot of research (looked through all the threads on Reddit I can find) and it seems that our best shot at getting visas is by obtaining an OCI card and then applying for X-2 entry visas for my spouse and kids.

Here are my questions:

1. Will I have any issues getting an OCI card given my spouse’s Pakistani heritage?
2. It looks like many people are currently getting OCI applications processed in 4-6 weeks. Is that a realistic timeline to expect as someone who is applying based on her parents’ prior Indian citizenship?
3. Is an X-2 visa the right visa to apply for my spouse and children?
4. Should I seek out an agent or lawyer to assist? I read that India will no longer accept visa applications from third party agents for individuals with Pakistani origin (it looks like this was a very recent change).

Thank you in advance! I am really really really hoping I can make this work as this is a massive family trip with my entire extended family.