"I am astounded by how many people want to be spectacular in life but also want to be normal. By being normal you are, by definition, aiming for average."

Stop trying to be normal. Fuck the noise. Focus on you.

I am someone who has always struggled with discipline in terms of working out, studying, leveling up skills and what not.

I moved out from my home in August 2022, and got through exam prep for 10 months, then 14 months of college, and my life was getting progressively worse. I've read Atomic Habits, Deep Work and other self-help books, I've tried them for a while, but those worked out for a couple weeks or a month then I'd steer off course. I've been watching a lot of self-improvement content from youtubers like hamza.

Mid-september to mid-october was one of the worst months in my life, in terms of direction and overall life quality. I was feeling as if I was losing control over my life, and my college life would fly by and would put me out there in the competitive world with nothing in my hands. This thought would start to bother over days and weeks, getting me frustrated and restless and just feel terrible in general. The thought that "I should do something to save my life" kept haunting me until I decided: fk it, I'm going home.

As I'm writing this, the friday I left college is 10 days behind. I reached home at 4:30 am on sunday. This rage and thirst for meaning led me to think that I don't need sleep right now, I NEED TO START NOW! I freshened up, did my prayers, had some scrambled eggs, took my shoes, and went for a 5km run. I called it DAY ZERO! I came back home and for the next 2 hours, completed shoulder and back workouts with bodyweight exercises first, then resistance band ones. It was 9 am. I was drenched in sweat. I haven't slept properly for the past 2 nights I was travelling. I could feel my body crashing down. Mh eyes were red, and i had dark eye bags. But something hit me: I've done it. I STARTED! NOW I JUST NEED TO KEEP GOING! I decided I'll rest for a while before going for a swim. To my dismay, the pool was closed because "it was dirty". So in the evening, I decide to do my legs worko- I'm too exhausted. I physically can't do this. I was getting dizzy. So I took a bath. Then I was watching my team's game during the night (I've been following this team for 10 years). I remember feeling sleepy, that's all. I didn't even watch half the game. I fell asleep there. The next day I wake up. The Official DAY ONE! I go again for a 5km run, this time it was slower, because my calves were still pretty sore from the previous day's run, but i complete it. Still went on to do a leg's workout then a cycling session during the night.

So, did I pull through? have i been consistent? Well, I'm writing this on DAY 9, and I'm content to tell you I had an abs session in the morning, arms in the evening, and then a 4km run at night. I've had ups and downs, but I pulled through, and my mind feels clearer and I feel like I can see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Throught these 8 days, I've been documenting my journey, as a way for me to be "loyal". It took me a lot of back and forth and 7 days of overthinking before I decided to finally publish the video of day 0 and 1. But I finally did it and I followed through with videos of the days after that till day 8. I'm feeling like youtube could be the direction I was looking for, but I'm not sure yet.

I've linked down the video on day 7 where I look back and reflect on the journey, if any of you want to follow me along on the journey and support me, just a call, no pressure. If you got any questions, you can ask down here, and I'll reply.

For the moderator: If the link is violating the subreddit's policy, kindly message me, I shall edit it and remove the link, and don't remove this post.

https://youtu.be/ROMwf7qRPs0

A lot of guys think, “I’ll approach her once I feel confident.” But here’s the deal: confidence isn’t just some feeling you can wait for—it’s the result of action. Studies show that acting, even when you don’t feel ready, is one of the best ways to build skill-based competence, which naturally produces confidence. 

This is where the Confidence-Competence Loop (also known as the Conscious Competence Model) becomes a game-changer.

Each action you take, even if it’s imperfect, builds competence. And competence creates confidence. It’s a chicken-or-the-egg dilemma, but we know the answer—competence always comes first. Here’s a breakdown:

1. Unconscious Incompetence: You don’t know what you don’t know. At this stage, you’re unaware of what’s holding you back. For example, if you haven’t tried approaching someone in a meaningful way, you won’t yet recognize the areas where you can improve.
2. Conscious Incompetence: Now you start to see the gaps. Maybe you’ve tried talking to someone new and noticed that it doesn’t go smoothly. This realization can feel uncomfortable, but it’s actually a critical step. Studies show that awareness of skill gaps is a strong motivator for growth.
3. Conscious Competence: This is where practice kicks in. You’re trying new things, working on conversation skills, and taking action despite the discomfort. According to cognitive learning theory, consistent practice—even if it feels forced—strengthens the brain’s neural pathways, making these skills more natural.
4. Unconscious Competence: This is the confidence sweet spot. You’ve practiced enough that these skills now feel automatic. You can approach someone and start a conversation without thinking too hard about it. It flows naturally because you’ve trained your mind and body to handle it.

Research by psychologist Dr. Albert Bandura, a pioneer in self-efficacy theory, supports this: confidence grows through mastery experiences—practicing a skill until it becomes second nature. Bandura found that "successes build a robust belief in one’s personal efficacy," showing how the competence you gain through action ultimately fuels confidence. 

Waiting for confidence to show up before acting is like waiting for an empty glass to fill itself. Every time you act, you’re building that skill bank, and confidence naturally follows.

If you’re ready to dive into how to make this loop work for you, check out my latest video.
👉 The Biggest Lie About Confidence: Your Feelings Don’t Matter, Action Does

Confidence won’t magically arrive. Take action, build competence, and let confidence come as the reward.

How to prioritize action over words. Transition from talker to doer.

One person talks a lot, the other person does a lot. The difference between talkers and doers can make or break your success. How to identify which one you really are? How to change?

Key characteristic

What does it even mean? Where’s the border between doer and talker?

Talker:

• Seeks validation from others: Lots of ideas (often good ones) 0 of them getting into reality.
• Rarely finishes projects: Stars something new every month.
• Avoids risks: Sticks to what’s well-known and safe.
• Knows a lot about topics of interest: Says random fun facts that are nothing more than fun facts.
• Learns by observing others: Waits to take action.
• Tells everyone about their goals: Does nothing to achieve them further.

Doer:

• Has no need to brag: Doers can pull off the craziest success of their lives and talk to you about the weather.
• Not looking for excuses.
• Just does the thing without overanalyzing the consequences.
• Less knowledge than talker; gets further anyway.
• Learns by doing and correcting the course: Takes action as soon as possible.
• Works in silence.

Quit talking about what you will do

Telling others what you will do gives you a quick dopamine hit. You will feel compelled enough to take action. The first is true, the latter not really.

“Tell people about your goals and you’ll be motivated to achieve them!” Sadly, doesn’t work in most cases. In reality, you just tell people around and still don’t follow through + now you feel bad because people perceive you as unaccountable.

You don’t need to tell others if you really intend to act. If you really want to do it, you will. If not, telling around won’t change it.

Nobody cares

People care if you are rich or not, not how you got there. A jacked guy doesn’t wear ridiculously slim long sleeves, a gym newbie does. People don’t care about the process, they care about the event. Everyone person wears an invisible stick note on their head that says “Listen to me, make me feel important”.

Telling about your goals, no matter how big they are, is not impressive. Achieving them is.

Alternative - accountability buddy

An alternative may be getting an accountability buddy - someone responsible that you can compete with. The key word here: responsible. If your homie is the best beer buddy on earth but lacks focus when it comes to any serious things, it won’t work. It also makes things easier if you have the same goals.

Some apps, like Yazio for tracking calories, let you add friends to view each other's step counts and calorie intake. If your goal is to get fit - here you go.

“I don’t have anyone like that.” Then try creating a virtual one yourself. Set an automation to donate for an initiative you hate every time you repeat a bad habit. I don’t know the exact way to do that though, I gave you an idea but you have to figure it out yourself.

How to stop talking and start doing

Talk about your goal and obsess about it within the boundaries of your own mind.

What fuels motivation is not yapping about how great you will be, it’s action. Action fuels motivation and motivation fuels action. It’s like a very big and heavy wheel that spins smoothly once you put in the effort to build momentum. What can stop it is running out of fuel or small stones jamming the axle, but that’s a topic for another post.

Take responsibility

Talking is easier than doing it because there’s no risk. There’s nothing you invest apart from a few motions of your tongue and looking stupid in the future (if anyone will even remember what you said).

Taking responsibility means owning your goals and taking actions needed to reach them, without blaming circumstances, distractions or other people. Follow through when it's uncomfortable or risky. Talking is easier than doing because you choose it to be. There are people that have it in reverse, and no one said you can’t be one of them.

“Problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them.” ― Albert Einstein

Face the music.

Independent, self-assured, centered men don’t care about labels.

Seriously—think of all the truly impressive men you’ve encountered in your life.

The guys who command attention of a room, who can navigate social situations with ease, who give off a vibe that they’re not to be fucked with without saying a word. It’s palpable.

In my experience, those type of men have never referred to themselves as ‘alphas’—they would laugh at the label or at any attempt to appear as such.

Competence is currency as man, and the most powerful men have a quiet self assuredness of their individual abilities.

Conversely, the ones who are the most insecure, and get the least amount of respect from those around them, are concerned about projecting the image of an ‘alpha’. They crave validation.

The obsession with being Alpha is perpetuated by a bunch of pseudo-philosophical, mental masturbation on the Internet—mostly perpetuated by feeble, middle aged dudes hiding behind a persona.

Men with internal power live freely, regardless of the expectations of others. They are who they are, and aren’t concerned with how they’ve perceived.

They also aren’t afraid to be kind (not nice). They aren’t as self-focused, so they like to see others succeed. Often, those who subscribe to alpha male concept, have a false sense of bravado, and try to act domineering. They put others down to preserve an image of power. However, when they are confronted, they almost always fold.

If you thrive to be independent, self-assured, and centered emotionally, things will fall into place.

Worrying about the perception of others and overcompensating by putting on a false front is the behavior of a truly weak man.

Full article on topic: https://holdyourframe.substack.com/p/alpha-male-bullshit

Can failure bring success? Is it OK to have failure? Can failure be a good thing? Yes...

Failure is necessary. Don't think that you can avoid it, almost all successful people have a graveyard of failures behind them. It's common to “waste” days, weeks, months or even years on something that eventually flops, but you learn something along the way, and that snowballs. Eventually, the snowball is so big that it can force gates to success. Failure is the way forward.

“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor”

Mistakes is what builds you

We are afraid to fail, but you should be willing to. Every failure is a step on the stairs that leads to success. Some mistakes will be made along the way and that is the status quo, that is how things work, this is natural and unnatural would be making absolutely no mistakes. Mistakes are inevitable in any journey, and they are not signs of weakness; they are simply the natural bumps along the road, sign of weakness is not learning from them.

The absence of mistakes isn't a badge of honor, it's a sign of stagnation. If you don’t get haters, you are doing something wrong. If you succed in everything you do, you are not doing much. The most successful people in any field have a long trail of failures behind them. They have stumbled, they have fallen, but they've also learned and adapted. At the end of the day people don’t care about how many times you failed, they care if you will fail now.

You learn best on your own mistakes

Ever given someone a great advice but never life applied it to your own life? Ever known something was wrong, but did it anyway? You learn the most from your own experiences, counterintuitively some people won’t learn if they don’t experience something themselves, but those who can leverage the mistakes of others to avoid doing them themselves will be ahead. I’m not talking about eating asbestos, you don’t need to see someone do it to know it’s rather bad for you. I’m talking falling in love with someone that has more red flags than a Chinese military parade. Do you know it’s bad? Yes. Will that stop you? Most likely not. Will you do it again after learning your lesson? No.

You got many holes, and sometimes need something strong to fill them. In this case, only knowing it’s wrong and you will regret it is like putting cotton wool in it, learning your lesson yourself is like cement.

Can I succeed after failing?

Not only you can, but you are more likely to. Every misstep, every setback, is a valuable lesson learned, a stepping stone on the path to mastery. Successful people aren't those who avoid failure; they're the ones who learn from it, adapt, and keep moving forward. The most inspiring stories of success are often full of failures. The worldwide hit series “Squid Game” was rejected countless times before Netflix gave it a chance. Michael Jordan reportedly missed 12,345 shots in his career – but he also made the game-winning ones. Does that make you feel better? It should. Why? You must acknowledge that the place you are in now is temporary, and you don’t see people grinding and failing on your daily doom scroll session, you see the winners celebrating. You see the result, not the path. Process, not event.

For years, I struggled with dating while constantly comparing myself to my 3 white friends who were my main wingmen. They seemed to be succeeding effortlessly, getting dates and making connections while I felt like I was always falling short. And we had all started at the same time, but like a couple of months in, I felt like I was being left in the dust by their progress and the immediate, positive reactions from women they'd get.

Every time I saw them with women, I couldn’t help but wonder, What am I doing wrong? This constant comparison nearly ruined my confidence and my dating life.

I was putting in the work—going out four to six nights a week, practicing my approaches, racking up hundreds of interactions—but every small win felt like it wasn’t enough compared to their success. It was exhausting, and each time I compared myself to them, I felt more discouraged. I started to internalize the belief that my race, my height, and my appearance as an Asian guy were holding me back. That’s when I realized I was stuck in a toxic loop of comparison.

But here’s the breakthrough I had: Everyone has their own unique journey.

My white friends weren’t necessarily “better” at dating—they were playing the game on a different difficulty level due to societal perceptions. Once I stopped measuring my progress against theirs and started focusing on my own growth and improvements, everything began to change for me.

It wasn’t easy, but the moment I shifted my mindset and began to focus on my own journey instead of feeling inadequate compared to others, I started seeing real results. I embraced my uniqueness, worked on my self-confidence, and let go of the idea that I had to match anyone else's progress to feel successful.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re not measuring up, or if comparison is holding you back in dating (or life), I want to share my story and how I overcame this mindset. My latest video dives deep into the struggles I faced and how I finally let go of comparison to transform my dating life.

You can check out the full video here: https://youtu.be/dmqMBKtYOrI

5 common habits that harm your productivity and how to fix them. No unnecessary words.

The quality of your life is a reflection of your ability to focus. This article has a simple form of: Bad habit → tips to fix it.

1. Small distractions

“The secret to success in almost all fields is large, uninterrupted blocks of focused time.” ― Ryan Holiday

The foundation of productivity is focus. And focus is like the surface of water, even a small pebble can disrupt it. Create your environment to serve you, not the other way around.

That means:

1. Identify your distractions (phone in most cases). Track what you do for one day. Note down every activity and the time you spend on it. Have you ever tracked calories? It’s surprising how much (or little) you eat when the numbers are here. The same case may be with time. Also, put a screen time widget on the home screen of your phone.
2. Reduce. Why not eliminate? It will result in failure. Most of us can’t just switch behaviors like a… switch. Declutter your digital space, keep only the notifications you absolutely need, focus mode, phone in a different room. The end goal is to shift your mindset so you're so focused on your goal that you won’t even want to reach for your phone. But if you struggle with focus, these steps will help.
3. Keep track in real-time. Create a simple Excel sheet. I have one where I record each work session. It automatically sums up my total time and gives me a nice, satisfying visual graph. We like numbers, and what we like even more is seeing numbers growing.

2. Wondering around

“If a man knows not which port he sails, no wind is favorable.” ― Seneca

This is directly tied to the first habit, if wondering around is the vehicle, small distractions are the fuel.

I start right after I do this, and that, and that, and... it's already evening.

The simplest way to avoid wasting time is to create a plan and a schedule. Every idiot can do that though, the hard part is sticking to it.

How to make it easier for yourself:

• Plan for realistic circumstances, not for dreams.
• Eat the frog - the most important task, the one that moves your life forward the most, first.
• Adjust - if your initial system of planning and doing doesn’t work, change it. It will change during your journey anyway as you progress and realize new things.
• Set time blocks for specific tasks. Set an intention in your mind too: for this time I will focus absolutely and only on the task before me.
• Your breaks should generate obligations. Don’t start something you know you won’t be able to finish during a break.
• Don’t think, start. Just sit down and start doing the most important thing of the day.

Stop Horsin’ around, or you end up like BoJack.

3. Too much theory, not enough practice

“Knowledge without practice is useless. Practice without knowledge is dangerous.” ― Confucius

You need balance. Reading books is useless if you don’t intend to take lessons from them. Listening to podcasts is useless if you don’t implement what you learn.

Real learning often happens through doing. Actually, real learning can’t happen without doing (not including some rare cases maybe). A strong foundation of knowledge is valuable, sure. There comes a point though, where accumulating more information becomes counterproductive. As with many things in life - the key is balance. The most successful people are rarely those who wait for the perfect preparation. They are those who took action and figured things out along the way. This is also usually the faster way.

Knowledge without action is like a fancy car with no gas – it goes nowhere.

4. Multitasking

“Multitasking is the ability to screw everything up simultaneously.” — Jeremy Clarkson

It gives you the illusion of faster progress, it’s slower in reality. Switching between tasks is not like flipping a light switch, more like turning a big ship. Your attention lags behind and needs time to catch up.

Focus on one thing at a time.

5. Scrolling first thing after waking up

“Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it.” ― Mark Manson

Last but not least, the easiest way to ruin your day. What I’ve found works best is to prevent this from happening instead of fighting it. If you have a slow morning, it’s veeery tempting to check your notifications, and that’s where it all starts.

Grab your phone first thing after opening your eyes. Check Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, watch some “fast food essay” on YouTube. Eat a big, heavy, sugary meal. Now about 2 hours passed, great! You can now start your day and do… nothing, your brain will run like a rusty engine and your attention span will be short like a soap bubble's life. How do I start my day then?

Bonus

Don't work when you're too tired, just go to sleep, the quality of what you do will be shitty and full of stupid mistakes that will have to be fixed tomorrow.

Marilyn Monroe famously said, “If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do any anything.”

And this is a message that is reinforced over and over again to guys. When women talk about guys they like, they often mention how funny he is. They seemingly always mention how a sense of humor is the most important trait to them.

A lot of guys see this, and they think “Well, I have to make her laugh for her to like me.” This is a misconception that a lot of Nice Guys make. They lean into the role of the clown, someone whose primary objective is to make her laugh, and hope her attraction will follow.

If they take on this frame, they neglect other attractive characteristics, such as maintaining a masculine, protective energy. This is difficult to maintain when you’re focused on being the affable clown.

Guys will often feel the need to be overly self-deprecating, or attempt to constantly make humorous observations, rattle off jokes endlessly.

A sense of humor and whimsical attitude IS an important component of an attractive personality, but it’s not the primary ingredient. Demonstrate your humor through light teasing, though your wit and observation, not by constantly cracking jokes—especially about yourself.

Demonstrated wit is far more attractive than simply being funny.

If you have a fun, goofy personality, don’t hide who you are, but bring some balance.

Women want a man who can make them laugh, but they also want a man who can make them feel safe, who demonstrates social competency and status, not someone who hides in a humorous persona.

Important: Also take cause and effect into consideration. If a woman is attracted or has feelings for a guy, his positive qualities will be amplified. He will seem funnier than he really is to her, or she might think he’s better in bed. Something to think about.

Full article: https://holdyourframe.substack.com/p/stop-clowning-yourself

I've been getting some good vibes on replies I've given on living your best life during your 20s (which I can thankfully tick off).

So, I decided to spill the beans on how I lived out my 20s so that it may be able to help some folks who might be struggling with what to do and how to go about it.

1/ Travel and/or live-work abroad

If you can, save money and travel.

I was fortunate enough to backpack through Asia, Europe, and the Americas during my early 20s, then worked and lived in the US for close to 10 years.

Exploring new places regardless of how close or far is one of the best experiences you will ever have. Period.

Travel brings a lot of rewards and challenges with it - learning new languages, appreciating (and even tolerating) other cultures/religions, and opening your eyes to a world very different from yours.

Living abroad is another step up but not for everyone. However, if you ever get an opportunity to do so, give it a try. You will gain so much life experience in a short period of time.

2/ Network & Build Connections

Networking in your 20s is underrated.

But, networking makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm not a natural extrovert. This was a tough one for me.

I found the best way is to attend events and gatherings that align with your interests i.e. sports, anime, etc. I tend to avoid generic mixers, but that's just me.

Introduce yourself to others and find ways to collaborate. Even if nothing comes out of it, at least you'll have built a connection.

Some of the best relationships I now have are a result of randomly meeting people at parties, events, and overseas during my travels, some of whom have now become close friends.

3/ Have Adventures

This is the decade when you start building memories as an adult - make it count.

Adventures isn't just about traveling (although it does play a big part), it's also about the people you spend it with and the moments you share with each other.

Going camping/hiking, running your first marathon, having a first date, going out on the town with your best friends, attending a music festival, etc. are all adventures.

It is your moral duty to have fun and have as many adventures as possible.

4/ Invest in your health

Your 20s go by fast.

Sometimes your health can take a back seat to everything else that's going on in your life.

Building good habits and routines around your health is a long term investment that will pay dividends into the future.

Go to the gym, lift weights, run, cycle, swim etc. I'm a big fan of living a hybrid lifestyle of both strength training and endurance.

Regular fitness and exercise are the single best things you can do for your physical and mental health.

Doing this as early as possible builds strong habits that can take you into your later years.

5/ Invest in your financial future

Learn to invest for the long term.

It's so easy to splurge and spend when you're young, which you definitely should.

BUT, it's also about being responsible for your financial future.

Save a portion of your income and put it in a few buckets:

• A rainy-day fund
• Your retirement fund (401k or otherwise)
• A high-yield savings account with a reasonable APY
• Invest in stocks and equities (ETFs and Index funds)
• Invest in real estate if you have the funds

Any remaining funds are yours to enjoy.

I was very carefree in my early 20s but really buckled down when I hit 25. The earlier the better.

You won't have as much money as you want to spend (now) but you certainly know that it's being invested in assets that will earn income and appreciate in the long-term.

NOTE: This is not investing or financial advice!

6/ Avoid stupidity

Reminder to self - don't get into trouble or injure yourself!

When you're young, you'll be surrounded by people encouraging you to do stupid sh*t.

It's easy to be peer-pressured.

It's up to you to say no if it can affect you and your future.

Avoid getting a criminal record.

Avoid injuring yourself to the extent that it affects your long-term health.

Avoid taking extremely high risks without a backup plan.

Avoid making friends with the wrong people which can trickle into the above.

Live out your best 20s but ensure you're there at the end of it so you can head into your 30s unscathed.

7/ Surround yourself with the right people

You're going to meet a lot of people along the way.

Some of them will become lifelong connections, but others will be questionable.

Choose your people carefully.

Avoid those who make you feel uncomfortable, put you down, want to take advantage of you, and convince you to do things you don't want to do.

Build out your friend detector so you know the right people to hang out with.

8/ Find someone you care about

Hit the dating circuit.

The happiest people I know were able to find a partner they cared about and with whom they could share experiences.

It might take a while to find the right person, but you'll never know unless you go out there and mingle.

Even if you don't end up together forever, you'll at least be grateful for all the times you spent with each other and those memories and experiences still count.

Some people prefer to be a lone wolf, but it's so much better with someone by your side.

9/ Level up your skills

It's your duty to develop useful skills.

Explore different areas and find what sticks.

University/college can only do so much.

• Start a business.
• Learn how to code.
• Learn how to write.
• Learn how to sell.
• Learn how to market yourself
• Learn how to communicate

Skilling up will put you ahead of 99% of your peers.

This makes it easier to find a job, build a business, build relationships with others, and set you up for long-term success.

10/ Move out of your parent's home

It's easy to stay comfortable at home. I get it - Mom's free delicious food, free laundry service, free accommodation, etc.

This is a mistake.

Move out and find your own place once you have the financial capacity to do so.

It's going to be hard at first, but you'll eventually find that it provides you with so much freedom and liberation.

It means you now have responsibilities.

You will learn a lot from living without the safety net of your parents.

All of this will make you stronger and more resilient.

--

Ultimately, if you can follow any of the above tips, there's no doubt that you will have no regrets.

You would have lived your best life priming yourself for your 30s and beyond.

Hope this has been helpful.

If you like this, give me a follow, and share it with others who need a bit of guidance.

Gentlemen, I appear to be growing rather stout. I go to the gym but may the lord forgive me I eat far too much. So, here's my plan: I'm going to post my weight-trend graph from my phone here every Monday. 1kg down every week for 17 weeks until I'm at my absolute physical peak. (72kg, 189cm.) If I succeed, it will be an encouragement to weak, fallible men everywhere!

Also, I'm going to give up all internet after 10pm and read, write in my journal and study an ancient and obscure language until I sleep. So, I've made a calendar note to update you all on my progress next week.

This is a 17 week programme and will finish on 3 February 2025. If anyone else has any 17-week challenges they want to work on, feel free to write them below or get in touch.

As you were, gents.

This might be an unpopular thought, but spending all your willpower resisting watching porn is making things harder for yourself in the long run.

I realised it’s like managing a paycheck. You only have so much money each month, we save X money for Rent, Y money for bills and Z money for food, because we understand once the money is spent we can't get it back.

But with willpower, we believe we can be superheroes and tap into an unlimited supply - resisting urges, suppressing negative emotion, going to the gym, cooking healthy meals, all at once. But willpower is finite, just like money. If you spend it all resisting urges, there’s none left for positive changes that make your life better.

I’ve been watching p*rn since I was about 11, and over time, it escalated - from bras, to lingerie, to naked girls, to 2 hardcore videos on separate screens. Vulnerability is the opposite of shame and I made sure absolutely no one knew the extent of my problem. I tried to rely on willpower for years, every time I’d get the urge, I’d fight it, but it would always come back stronger. It became a tiring, endless cycle. I made progress, cutting down how much I watched, but eventually, I hit a wall - I was stuck.

Until I had an idea to change strategies, instead of spending all my willpower on resisting the urge, why not accept it when it happens and use my willpower on positive things? So, when I got the urge, I let it happen without beating myself up. And weirdly enough, it gave me some peace it was immediately noticeable that the emotional pull had weakened. The urges still came, but without that heavy emotional drag that kept me stuck, so refraining was way, way easier.

Don’t waste all your energy fighting something when you could be building good habits instead. Focus your willpower on things that improve your life - going to the gym, learning new skills, or eating better.

The key to a fulfilling life is not just avoiding bad habits but actively pursuing the good ones.

Why I stopped resisting watching p*rn - YouTube

Grab your phone first thing after opening your eyes. Check Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, watch some “fast food essay” on YouTube. Eat a big, heavy, sugary meal. Now about 2 hours passed, great! You can now start your day and do… nothing, your brain will run like a rusty engine and your attention span will be short like a soap bubble's life. How do I start my day then?

Morning routine for focus and maximum productivity

Get up! That’s the hardest part. Why? You want to wake up a little bit earlier, so there’s nobody up yet to interrupt you.

What should wake you up isn't your phone (which should be in a different room), but a regular alarm clock. If you don't have one, it's probably one of the best price-to-efficacy productivity tools you can get.

Eat, shower, brush your teeth – whatever gets your morning routine rolling. With one rule, though - don’t do anything stimulating. Don’t watch YouTube while eating, don’t scroll brainless content. Ideally, leave your phone entirely untouched for the first hour or two after waking up.

If you don’t have a to-do list (or basically just plan what you’re going to do) make one. You got a few tasks. Now, ask yourself - “If I was allowed to do only one thing today, which would it be?”, mark that one on your list.

And here's the game-changer: do the most important thing of the day first. I like to work in 90 minutes blocks of time. In that case - I would sit for 90 minutes and just try to do the tasks with full focus. If a task seems too hard - break it down into parts you understand. If a task takes longer - plan in detail the steps you will have to take to finish it, and just do as much as you can today.

The first 1-1.5 hours (or however much time you can dedicate) of your day: only you and your work, no multitasking, no distractions, full focus.

I find that way of doing things way easier than doing them later in the day or after doing something much more enjoyable and dopamine-rich.

How to start the day energized

But all that will fail if you wake up feeling like a pile of crap.

If you want to go more in detail about your sleep, I got an article about it.

Now I will just give you a few quick tips.

• Get some sunlight: You are not a vampire. As soon as you wake up, go outside and get some sunlight. This helps regulate your body's natural sleep-wake cycle, making it easier to feel energized throughout the day, and wakes you up.
• Drink some water: Start your day with a glass of water (or two!) to rehydrate your body after a night's sleep. This simple step will improve your focus and overall well-being.
• Fuel Your Body Wisely: Skip the sugary cereals. Opt for protein and complex carbohydrates. Avoid sugary options that might lead to a later crash. Fasting is not a bad idea too.
• Sleep in a cold and dark room: Aim for a cool room 20-15°C (around 60–67 degrees Fahrenheit) and minimize light exposure.
• And last but not least: Get enough sleep! No way around that.

I credit Jordan Peterson for helping me put clear categories on my life and forcing me to identify the deficiencies therein.

I took his recommendations and turned them into what I call "The Peterson Test": a list of areas that men cannot afford to ignore.

It's as simple as asking yourself these questions and answering them yes/no:

• Do you have a physically healthy/attractive body?
• Do you have quality friends and family?
• Do you have quality Intimate relationship(s)?
• Do you have a profession/vocation plan that you're seeing upward progression in?
• Do you have a curious mind (and actively engage in wonderment)?  
• Do you make effective use of downtime? 
• Do you have oppressive vices (drugs, gambling, promiscuity, etc.)?
• Do you have a community with interest partners to engage with?

If you answer 'no' to any of these, you know where to start improving.

Look at any able-bodied and sound minded man who is failing at life and you will see one or more 'no's in their test results.

Each of these areas directly attribute to your overall life, and while you may be able to "get by" with some no's on this list, just like with walls of a house - too many missing means the roof will cave in.

The beauty of this is everything on that list is 100% within your control (excluding mitigating circumstances).

These are the things that create passion and purpose. These are the anchors of a good life that will lead you where you are supposed to be.

Do not be mistaken, this will take self-discipline and sacrifice but think of it this way:

When you're 92 in your deathbed thinking back on your well-lived life, you won't feel regret.

You need to learn how to do hard things even when you don't feel like it.

Not something you would like to hear, huh? But hard things won’t wait for you. When you don’t feel like pushing towards goals, someone else does. And in a few years, only what’s visible will matter - success.

Do what you feel is a terrible advice.

A few minutes - enough to ruin your life forever. Unprotected sex, urge to say yes to a weird drug, to try a new gambling site. Small acts, huge consequences.

You unarguably don’t do those things because you want to build a bright future for yourself. You do it because you want it at the moment, you feel an urge. Those urges come from nature. Getting under the influence of them sets you closer to an animal than an aware, thinking human being.

Things you feel like doing now probably aren’t the things that will serve you 10 years from now. You know what you should do, and you feel what you want to do. The latter is usually not good for you. If you don’t plan suicide before getting old, spend now on doing things you should be doing.

“The first and best victory is to conquer self. To be conquered by self is, of all things, the most shameful and vile.” ― Plato

How to find discipline when motivation is lacking?

In the long run, it’s everything about discipline. Is that bad? Only if you think it is. Discipline is a skill, and a skill can be learned.

First thing first - don’t make things harder for yourself:

• Start for 5 minutes: One of the simplest tricks in the book. Just start for 5 minutes. It’s easier to finish a task than start it from 0. We don’t like unclosed things wandering around mind.

Lay a good foundation before building

• Put your thoughts on paper: I know I have said it over and over again, but thoughts on paper tend to magically become clearer. Write about your goal - doing hard things when you don’t feel like it in this case - and identify all obstacles along the way. Make mind maps, draw, anything that helps you. Do it until you don’t have anything more to transfer from your mind to paper.
• Plan: The previous step was to remove the fog, this one is to select a path. Make a realistic plan. One realistic thing that you can do to be better next time you find yourself in that situation. One thing that can prevent it finding yourself in this situation in the first place.

Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. — Jim Rohn

Decompress.

You are not a machine. Rest is a part of productivity too. You need time for work and rest, and that time should be well scheduled, engraved in your head, and done in the same hours.

Just logging my self-improvement journey, hopefully someone else can find it helpful:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDb8CUNrtik

How to practice good digital hygiene in today's world.

In today's world, where we are constantly connected through our devices, it's easy to feel like they control us rather than the other way around. Let’s change that.

This article focuses primarily on mobile devices.

What is the meaning of online hygiene?

Quality of your feeds, how much time you spend online, who you follow (therefore information you consume), whether your desktop is filled with projects named “afesfesgsdf final 2”, how much effort you take to make important accounts secure. Basically - all habits related to using the devices.

Just like we take care of our physical spaces to feel healthy and comfortable, online hygiene is about keeping digital environment clean and balanced.

Good digital hygiene practices

Few simple tips you can implement in your daily life.

Grayscale mode.

Grayscale mode might seem like a strange setting, but it offers some benefits. The main one is - your phone is just less visually appealing. Your brain likes colors. Black and white icons = less tempting icons. I set this setting to turn on automatically after 20:00/8 p.m. But if you spend too much time on your phone, it won't be a bad idea to leave it on all day. Of course, it won't cure phone addiction, but it's a simple and easy-to-implement way to help yourself.

Screen time widget

Ever wondered where all the hours of the day seem to vanish? Screen time widget can help you solve that mystery. This is like a window into your digital habits, revealing exactly how much time you spend on different apps.

Great tool for taking control of your digital life back. Remember though, just putting it on your home screen won’t do anything. You have to take action.

Get an alarm clock

Scheduled a productive day the day before. The morning - you hit snooze a few times. Eventually, you wake up, grab your phone, check notifications and start scrolling. Not the best start to a day.

The solution is stupidly simple - buy a dedicated alarm clock. The idea is to keep your phone out of your bedroom. It could be the sleep game-changer you never knew you needed.

Leave your phone somewhere

Consider a digital detox during the day. If your phone isn't essential, let your loved ones know you'll be unreachable and suggest alternative ways to contact you in case of urgency, like work email or a designated messaging app on another device. The key is to create a physical barrier. Instead of silencing it nearby, stash your phone somewhere that requires a dedicated effort to retrieve, like your car or a downstairs drawer.

Clear your feed

Go through the accounts you follow and unfollow all of them that you know are bad for you. No more to say here, just do it.

Passwords safety

If you created an account giving a junk e-mail address just to get a promo code, no need to do that. But, any account you care about should have:

• Strong Password: That means a new one, 14+ characters (including numbers, upper and lowercase letters, and symbols).
• 2-step verification if available
• Make sure you have a backup way to access your account if you forget your password.

Passwords manager

Forgotten passwords, password resets, the constant struggle to remember that complex code you created for a random online store – it's enough to drive anyone crazy.

If you are anything like me, you may find yourself watching yet another business idea video or reading yet another productivity book, looking for that one perfect hidden trick that will change your life and make everything fall into place.

That's not the way to go.

Let’s start with getting understanding of what it even means. If you already know or got it after the intro, go to the next section.

If you feel like you never have enough and your YouTube watch later playlist is 1000+ videos long, you might want to read that.

As the name says - it’s looking for something that will finally “click” and satisfy you. Being constantly distracted by something new, exciting, or seemingly better. It's the trap of flitting from one opportunity to another, never truly focusing on or completing anything.

How to overcome shiny object syndrome?

The biggest struggle here is acknowledging that you won’t see results for a while and still doing what you have to do anyway. We want something that will bring immediate results, but unfortunately, most things worth doing in life take time to gain momentum.

If you started a new YouTube channel, a new online business, weightlifting, a new newsletter. All the while, keep in mind that it will take some time before you see results and that's the default, it's just part of the process, and you have to go through it to see the real gold.

That’s not an opinion, but a fact. If you don’t have that already engraved in your mind, you need a mindset shift. Giving things up can be very tempting, but once you've done something and seen real results, it's easier to do another, similar thing.

Perception of time

Chasing shiny object has to do with the perception of time.

If you are guilty of this - you focus on the present you. We want to be you in the future.

Take a pen and paper and write down all the cool things you have ahead of you, waiting if you focus on just one long-term thing. Visualize in detail, think about what it will look like when you finally achieve it. Place the piece of paper in a prominent place.

Think of it like this: When you're hungry, a of chocolate is incredibly tempting. But, if you take a moment to remember your fitness goals, how many calories you ate today, the fact that eating that will ruin it, that immediate craving loses its power. Or does it? If not, you need to put future self as a new default.

Time will pass anyway, it's up to you how you use it.

How to be more focused and in tune with your brain.

I packed this article with everything I know about focus - its maintenance and improvement. As always - no unnecessary talk, just pure useful value.

First things first

Obviously, you can’t stay focused for long if you don’t get good sleep regularly (caffeine is not a substitute for sleeping well). Sleep deprivation is detrimental not only to concentration but to the entire body. There is no way around it.

It’s also optimal (but optional) to get:

• Sunlight early in the morning (10 minutes, double if it is cloudy).
• Cold shower or immersion (30 sec to 3 minutes, if shower, avoid cold water on head).
• Caffeine (early in the morning).
• L-Tyrosine supplements (early in the morning, 500 mg - 1 gr,). More about supplements later.
• Exercise: anything will give you everything.
• Reduce smartphone usage = max 2h/day.
• Be well hydrated.
• Meditate (3-17min. Choose an “anchor” to focus on. If you lose focus, imagine cutting a ribbon as the end of distracting thought).
• White noise or
• 40Hz Binaural beats before work. Here’s a warmup for you (there's a link in the original post)

Find your focus indicator

The idea is to give your brain a visual representation of entering “work mode”. What I do is put the figurine on my desk and tap it 2 times on its head every time I am about to work. This is a kind of signal that the focus block just started.

My sessions are 90 min each. If I really need to take a break (toilet or anything unpredictable) I tap once and turn the figurine around. I also stop the timer. As you can see - the idea here is to enter “deep work mode” whenever the figurine is looking at me. I treat it as my personal discipline guardian. The thing is that no one will know if you are cheating. That's why you also need willpower. But we will talk more about this in the rest of the article.

It would be best to have a separate computer in a separate room. An office, just for work. But that's a comfort that many can't afford. In that case, a separate browser just for work is not a bad idea either. Something on the desk as a “guardian” and a separate browser (template or whatever you work on) to give work a different feeling is a good combo.

It won’t work instantly, but as you keep doing it, your brain will connect the dots. This Pavlov’s dog-like idea may seem

There are two major layers of success, but one is very rarely talked about.

There is a process which is all hard work and nothing interesting. It’s the daily grind, doing the same boring things every day for years, sacrificing doing fun things for hustling your goal.

Then there's the event, the Instagram-worthy moment. It's the sleek new car, the dream vacation photo, the celebratory tweet announcing a successful business exit. These are the visible peaks that get all the attention, the final product of a grueling, unseen journey.

But what lies beneath the surface? The countless hours of invisible effort, the blood, sweat, and tears poured into the process. The late nights spent grinding, the sacrifices made, the relentless pursuit that led to this singular moment of public validation.

The event is the applause at the end of the play, but the invisible process is the entire performance – the rehearsals, the stumbles, the unwavering dedication that brought the curtain up.

The way to success is a marathon, not a sprint. It's a long, often grueling process filled with hard work, dedication, and sacrifice.

Let's face it, the process isn't sexy. It's the countless hours spent doing the most boring things imaginable - tables in Excel, calls you don’t want to have, turn based combat known as e-mails tickets and many others activities that no sane man would like to do for fun. The early mornings and late nights pushing towards your goals, and the unwavering commitment even when the path feels monotonous.

Everyone posts events, nobody is posting process. Why? Because it’s just boring.

You can have all kinds of productivity tools, know all discipline tips and tricks, and still get nothing done. Why is that?

How does your identity change?

Day by day. I will just quote a piece from the last post: “You might have heard the saying: "Nothing changes from day to day, but everything is different when I look back." Sad, isn't it? But, it works for good things, too.”

Your identity is the choices you are making. What you choose to eat, where you choose to go, what you decide to do with your time, when to stop and start something.

Think about it – if you want to become a marathoner but currently spend most evenings glued to the couch, there's a disconnect. To achieve that goal, you have to become someone who prioritizes exercise and healthy habits.

The tricky thing is that your goals don't have to match your identity, in fact, they rarely do. Your goals are often what a person who is not you would achieve, so you have to sacrifice current "you" to achieve them.

First, ask yourself

Does a person like me choose to skip workout to watch mid show? You may not like the answer because the person you want to be and the person you are are far apart.

Does a person like me do such things? Grab a pen and paper and write down everything you do every day. Your habits, good and bad. Your hobbies, how you spend free time, what you choose during the day. One rule - be honest.

Then, ask yourself:

Would the person I want to be do the same things? What would that person choose? Once again, write everything down. Use the list from the previous step and compare them.

Notice I said “the” person, not “a” person. This is because achieving your goals requires a clear vision of who you want to become. To solidify this vision, create an avatar of that person. Write down everything you can imagine – habits, routines, decisions, behavior, achievements. The more specific you are, the better.

Make decisions like you are already who you want to be

Let’s say you want to be, who doesn’t, a successful and fit person. What would they choose for lunch? A nourishing meal with lean protein and fresh vegetables to keep their mind sharp and body energized throughout the day? Or a heavy, sugary meal that might lead to a crash later? If you make enough good choices, choices that the "ideal you" would choose, you will eventually become that person.

To achieve your goals, you need to become a person who can achieve them. Make decisions that person would make.

Nothing will help you if you won’t help yourself

One person puts the phone in the car to stay focused and then reaches for it anyway. The other person keeps the phone in sight and runs errands anyways.

You probably don’t need any extra tools to do what you have to do. The key is simply to just do it. It really is that straightforward. I know it’s easier said than done, but I got no trick around that.

Incidentally, this Nike slogan may be the best one ever.

So I've been in a bit of a rut for the past year. I have just been at home passively consuming social media, TV shows, gaming and that kind of stuff. I haven't gotten a job, no real life friends, nothing really going on in my life. A few weeks ago the boredom overcame me so I decided to start a self-improvement quest. I decided to document my progress on YouTube and this is my first update.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQ5i3x0NxWY

It still needs some work, I will provide more visual content in the future. But let me know your thoughts and feedback. I will be making these kind of updates every other week.

There’s a trap that many people fall into. The trap of planning too much, which eventually leads to doing nothing to very little. If your to-do list is never clear, this post is for you.

Feeling of falling behind kills your progress. Trying to do too much often leads to doing less.

What is the best way to plan?

Planning for realistic progress isn't about one giant leap over an abyss, it's about building a strong bridge, brick by brick.

First thing first, ask yourself - what you want to achieve with this plan, what’s the end result?

Make your goals:

• Specific: Vague goals like "get healthy" or "be more productive" lack the clarity, therefore you don’t really know what actions to take. Instead, break down your aspirations into smaller, actionable steps. For example: "go for a 30-minute walk three times a week - Monday, Thursday, Saturday." or "avoid checking social media 2 hours after waking up." are specific and achievable. It’s good to add specific time to your plan and declare that you will do that.
• Prioritize: Not all tasks are created equal. Identify the high-impact activities that move you closer to your goals and focus on them first. You know, 80/20 rule.

Slow progress is still progress

And it’s often the only real progress. You might have heard the saying: "Nothing changes from day to day, but everything is different when I look back." Sad, isn't it? But, it works for good things, too.

Small wins add up to significant achievements. I like how the book better “Slight Edge” by Jeff Olson illustrates this concept. The book Is like Atomic Habit’s Dad.

Things take time, and that’s ok. Take a step back to go 2 steps further.

How to make yourself follow your own advice.

Others' problems are always easy to solve but yours never are. Why’s that? What is actually stopping you from thinking of your problems as someone else's? Let’s talk about it.

Wide vs narrow picture

Narrow.

That refers to the problems of others. Only the tip of the iceberg is visible. From that point of view, the problem seems easy and the solution seems obvious. The pain seems more bearable too. You are aware that the situation the person is in sucks, but you see it from a distance, and that gives perspective and clarity.

Distance makes it easier to analyze others’ situations objectively. It removes the “fog” that otherwise can make things harder to see.
Giving advice to others, you operate from a place of emotional detachment - that’s why advice is actually good. If the advice itself is good and works on others, it has only one reason to not work well on you - succumbing to the fog.

Wide.

That refers to your own problems. Those are much bigger than anyone else. Aren’t they? Your problems are covered with the fog. The fog of your emotions, past experiences, and, most important, future consequences.

You will suffer the consequences, so you pay much more attention to the problem, it concerns you. But that is a trap. You search for a key to free from it but sometimes doors are just open.

Disconnect from your emotions and your ego. Look narrowly at your problems, it solves them.

"We suffer more in imagination than in reality." ― Seneca

I am a freshman in highschool and want to become the best I possibly can and a huge part of this is becoming smarter and as smart as possible I have good reference points as well my father and uncle are real life super geniuses and I have a friend that's also extremely smart, I would like to reach this insane level of intelligence and skill I would like people opinions or recommendations on practices or books to read ect. Anything I can get to get to that level of intelligence

-1 what books to read for a well rounded but deep level of knowledge and crystalized intelligence

-2 how to train or practice intelligence in fluid intelligence like math chess or general problem solving skills or critical thinking

-3 general side skills to do like writing or playing an instrument or chess or languages ect. any outside or related thing I can do

-4 what are pieces of information people usually are unaware of when trying to improve, like you need sleep when trying to become smart

-5 I won't b too specific on what I want I'm willing to accept anything as long as you know for sure it will be able to make me smarter to the extent I explained previously

I'd also like books on whatever subjects like history or even down to specifics like the first part of classical antiquity for random example or gneash random things like zoology or astronomy (not astrology to clarify)

And if anyone has any advice or steps to tale they got from mentoring someone or having a mentor themselves stuff like that I'd be open to get a general guide to a wide deep knowledge and intelligence

In social media today - all the content is how to be successful, how to be a jacked, how to be a millionaire... its fantasy.

In reality, I was addicted to gaming (10+ hours/day cycling through games after I eventually got bored), addicted to drugs (smoking all day, every single day just to deal with the boredom and dread) and deeply unhappy.

So if you're like me and life keeps giving you failure after failure showing you that the jacked, crypto bro lifestyle isn't for you then you'll understand where I'm coming from when I say, not only will I not be that stuff, I don't want to be that stuff and I'm honestly content with that.

I want a stable job so I don't have to worry about money, I want to like who I am, and I want to be proud of my body and the choices I make.

I'm average, I'm NORMAL.

The content around being average is always so negative, I saw videos of "Life as an average guy" with a doomer cartoon with rope around it's neck - I used to relate to this and now I actually do not. My experience, being average is nice, it's true.

Over time, I stopped hiding from what I already kinda knew was true anyway and I started to listen to some of the messages that life was giving me.

Once I accepted who I was - a regular person with slightly above average goals, I was no longer paralysed - The goals I was setting didn't NEED to be huge, they were realistic targets I could actually achieve. That transition from seeming confident but feeling insecure to seeming uncertain but feeling honest was life-changing, I don't think I used to realise how much better the 2nd option is.

It made it so much easier to take small steps forward - steps I could be proud of. In my opinion confidence = being able to be proud of what you do, it's easier when stuff goes well but so much harder when it doesn't and allowing yourself to be average is what helps with the failures.

I made a video explaining this in more detail, but wanted to share the story here as a post too. Hopefully someone relates to it.

I'm going to be 20 end of this month, and still look so young with chubby cheeks and overall baby face. Hardly any facial hair, but why? I'm tall 183 cm so went through stages of puberty. But it's big curse man, as people won't take you seriously, you want to put petrol, you get ID? But petrol is 16+& I act like it don't effect me, but it does.. supposed to be a man but just kid