Recently i got into a small fight with my friend because I couldn't accept her criticizing me for my own actions (shes right i do have a problem that needs to be said) but for some reason i immediately registered it as an attack and it made me hate myself and hate her, it made me react so intensely that i started hurting myself and even started crying out of frustration, i wanna know if anyone here also experiences this, and if possible i wanna know how to handle it better.... I feel horrible i feel like im acting like a manchild and im guilt tripping her.

So a few hours ago I found out my grandad is on life support with a very tiny chance of surviving. The doctor told my mom and dad that even though they don’t know what will happen, it would be best that I come back to ireland for this time cause he might not have much time left. (I’m currently living in Germany.)

I haven’t spoken to my father since 2020 when I left the house for one last time in an emergency after one of his violent episodes that I decided was gonna be the last one I will be there for. Now I’m forced to break no contact with him and it is scaring the shit out of me. I’m not on Xanax anymore so I can’t even take anything to calm down my anxiety. I’m scared I’m going to get a massive panic attack upon meeting. I want to be there for what might be my grandads last moments but I feel like that’s going to be overshadowed by having to see my abuser again.

I’ve been doing so well this year. I’m better than I ever was at managing my anxiety and bpd episodes. I’m scared this will hinder my progress and put me body back into a bad physical state as I also have complex ptsd. At the same time I have to push it all down to be there for my grandad, it is making me feel a bit selfish to even have these concerns but I can’t help my fear.

I guess it would be nice to hear some support from this lovely community and maybe some stories from people that went through the same thing and how they managed their mental health during and after the process. Thank you all for reading x

I just had a BPD rage episode and I feel completely drained and still have some lingering anger. I feel the rage in every inch of my body, and it makes my blood boil. I was shaking, trying not to do something insane and crazy. I don’t know how to cope with anger. Any advice?

(24F) mother of a 2 year old daughter here. I love my daughter so much, and I do believe I am a wonderful mom to her. But I worry about BPD being hereditary, and possibly passing down BPD or BPD traits or behaviors to her. Does anyone else ever worry about their children developing BPD as well?

I really try my best at regulating my moods, and I usually recognize my symptoms before I do anything impulsive. I’m the only parent in her life (the other parent is a danger to her) and I’ve never been in DBT or any other therapy, and manage myself well without it. Before becoming a parent, I had severe BPD and I lived a very alcohol and drug-fueled risk-taking lifestyle. But after becoming a parent, my BPD has become less severe, and I am able to regulate myself better. But I do still worry about the hereditary component of BPD.

I’ve never had a favorite person I’ve dated people and only been in love twice and tbh I really don’t even like people in general lol am I the only one that doesn’t have “fp” I’ve seen tons of post talking about this and vids but it’s just has never been me on one hand I’m kinda glad I don’t have “fp”

Well, I tried to write a nice message to all you soldiers but apparently I didn't use enough letters in my post and it got deleted. So here I'm am trying again.

I try my best when I can to write posts that make anyone here who reads it feel good about their day.

I don't want anything in return. I just want to make your day/evening a little bit more comfortable .

Don't you worry. Life might be hard sometimes but you are a real warrior. Nothing can stop you.

I love you all.

I believe in you.

♥️

I’ve been really sad since yesterday. I used to split and become self destructive if someone ghosts me. I’m trying my best to not do that anymore. But now I just feel so sad and not want to do anything at all. I just want to cry and sleep all day. Rejection sucks but it just sucks when someone ghosts you or you can feel that they don’t respond slower and/or not as much. I’ve been in bed and not wanna move. I just want to be in bed all day. I know I shouldn’t but I don’t know what to do.

I wanted to know what others do to help them when they’re splitting.

I feel like bpd has affected my friendships the most. I can't explain to my friends how the smallest of things can trigger me and when I do, they either brush it off or they keep forgetting. And I can't confront them too strongly about it bc I feel like I'm being too much, too unreasonable. The things they say to me gets my self image problem even worse. I don't know how to deal with this either. The solution everyone gives me is that I should just be more confident and have more self esteem. And I WISH it was that easy. I wish I could be everything I'm not. But I'm not and I feel like it's affecting my friendships a lot. I keep clinging to close relationships but friendships, whenever I split, I lose some. at this point, I only have one friend left and he makes me feel like shit every time I start to feel better

Edit: advice is okay

I’m struggling a lot with my relationship, and it’s primarily due to how I act. During the day, I’m nervous to make a mistake, and then when I do make a mistake, I don’t know how to own that and change. I’m always apologizing, but I struggle with actually making the changes. I feel so bad each time that I make a mistake with my boyfriend. He’s been wanting us to break up because of how I am in the relationship, but I’m so scared of ending it because 1 I want to be with him, 2 we’ve been together for 10 years, and 3 because obviously I’m afraid of being alone and starting over. We have such a life together, it would be so much work to break up and he’s the only thing I really care about. I’m not sure what to do. All I want is to be better and have us be in an okay place again.

I miss him so much but he told me he doesn't want to be spoken to today because idk and I know he is probably talking on that pseudo omegle site with some girl but i am missing him and i was looking for him on that site but no one is him and i just am so sad he is not talking to me i wanna visit him soon i love him though

Im just so scared and at a loss. This is a long one so please bare with me

My partner/caretaker(25m) of 6 years is finally leaving me.(23f) The hardest part is that honestly? No one is at fault. He did mostly mistreat me for most of our relationship(nuance there that’s hard to explain in just a post) and all it did was exacerbate my already sick brain(i mean sick in the literal way, not insulting myself) and already toxic tendencies. So then after years of it, I had a true genuine break and I’ve gotten physically with him. I can’t work/havent had any money to my name in 3 years so it took me a very long time to have the means to get help. Once it got physical I immediately sought every resource I had already tried before. And this time, it worked. I got on Medicaid, i got approved for a link card to finally help financially, ive been actively working with my therapist and psychiatrist and open about my abusive tendencies when I split/have episodes, and my partner had already given up. He had made my mental health worse, and right when I was able to do everything I can to get better, he’s had too much. And I can’t even hate him for it or blame him. I can blame him for his actions towards me/what he’s done to me in the past. But this? There’s no bad guy here. No black and white. I was doing everything right/everything I can, he simply doesn’t have it in him anymore. No “ifs”, “ands”, or “buts”.

But, with all that being said, i am just now in the process of it all, and there’s more wrong with me medically/mentally. So far all im officially diagnosed with is bpd, my psychiatrist believes i have ocpd but wants to see me more before a definitive diagnosis is made, and im getting a referral from my PCP to see a neuropsychologist for a neuro psych-eval(more in depth and clinical than a regular psych-eval) to get tested for brain damage, autism, and ADHD. In one way or another, I am disabled and he WAS my only option in life. I do not have the means to make money or be self sufficient, i applied for public housing but the only public housing options in my town are the literal parts you have to doge bullets at(not being dramatic or joking in the slightest). My family have always been unkind people and the only person that WANTS to help me genuinely does not have the means to(my sister).

Please if anyone has been in something similar to this please please help me figure out what to do. Im scared and genuinely alone, I wish i could say this was black and white thinking I wish I could say im just pushing others away. I was trying to do everything I could, taking all the right steps, and my entire life still fell apart. How am I supposed to keep living this life, when I tried to make it better and the universe punched me in the gut?

23,M. Diagnosed 3 years ago with BPD and Multiple Sclerosis. Last relationship ended around the same period of time. I used to be kind and emotional, a lot happened in the last 4 years and now I am trying to be normal again. The only time I feel something it is nostalgia, a general sense of suffering and sometimes moments of desperation and rage. I feel like everything else is numb, I cannot truly feel love, excitement, passion anymore. I feel like part of me died forever. I don't even have suicidal toughts anymore but I literally cannot imagine being alive 5 years from now. I feel detachted from everything and everyone and everytime I try to feel anything I feel like I am lying to myself. I often find myself thinking about what life could've been if I was healthy, if people treated me differently, if my BPD remained quiet. I think I just had bad luck and there is really nothing more to it. I could've been in control of my life. It could've been a good, satisfying life. I also still think about someone that will never return, and even if she miracously did things are so broken and ugly it would not even be a good story anymore. There was a beutiful place with a forest and a lake and I never told her I wanted to go camping with her in that place. I never had sex like a normal 23 years old guy because Multiple Sclerosis fucked up my nervous system. I will never experience sex normally anyway because I was severely psychotic during this 3 years and something happened. My family is broken as well, everything is broken, distorted, wrong. Everything good I have ever seen in my life died long ago. I died too, I don't know who I am anymore. And I don't even care most of the time. I honestly think there is nothing for me in life. I want to get better but, realistically, the good life is over. I am just existing and I don't know what to do or think.

I feel weird lately, I’ve been trying to search for a meaning in my life or something.

I feel like I’m missing a key piece to figure out to view my life in a better light, or something to understand and stop my suffering.

Sometimes I feel like I’m juste stupid and an idiot that wants to find meanings that’s not there but yet that sensation of being incomplete lingers.

Does anyone feel like that ?

Like feeling their something missing but you don’t know what.

My FP is my best friend and they’re the best in the world and I love them. But lately they have been stressed (the reason they gave) and stopped messaging me. They moved some of the stuff they normal message me about to the discord server of our friend group. This made me realise that the day they choose they could stop messaging me.

Or if they got a partner, they’re not very good at managing messages, we both have ADHD. So our message time would go way down bc they’d have the partner taking most of their messages. I’m the only one they dm right individually, and we’ve been everyday for months, except for the recent complete drop off.

How do I prevent this from happening?? They’re not into me romantically or sexually and I don’t think they’d want a QPR either. I’m fundamentally worthless anyways. The problem is I want to support them the best I can so that means encouraging them to talk to crushes, if that comes up, they haven’t had any lately but still. I don’t want to be manipulative or interfere. Am I just going to lose them one day??? I wish I was their type and we could just be together but I’m not im ugly and overbearing.

How do I prepare for the fact that one day we won’t be able to be best friends tv way we are right now??

Yesterday, I reached out to a friend if they would like to play a game together and reconnect. I haven’t spoken with him for a week and a half as I was focusing on my life. He responds with “oh you’re alive haha” but didn’t answer my question. I replied that I was taking a break from my computer and focused on getting out. I didn’t hear a reply so the next day I sent him this message: “Heyy, I didn’t hear an answer from you last night and I felt left out in the cold lol. Is everything okay? I wanted to reconnect with you lol”. Was this too much? I just thought it was weird he didn’t answer my question as I don’t want to make assumptions. Normally I would feel a little insecure and distance myself; focusing on taking care of myself. I decided to be vulnerable and reach out; sharing my thoughts and feelings as I needed clarity. What are your guys’ thoughts on this? Was it too much? Possible better way to go about this? I’m currently working on forming new friendships in my life and growing them.

When I feel possibly rejected or ignored, I really get dysregulated. I start feeling insecure where I’m not quite on the ground. I worry this friend may be disappointed with me for not reaching out to him since I last spoke with him and he may be passive aggressive. I asked for clarity as I’m still getting to know him but I’m not feeling secure in this dynamic. I really dislike the feeling of being abandoned or not cared for. Normally I pull back and focus on myself; going into avoidant mode or act out.

It’s always been a challenge for me to connect with others I’ve always felt like an outcast in this world. Just for once I would like to know what it like to be able to share common interests with people I’ve been alone for so long I don’t even know how to make conversation feeling like there’s no one to relates to me is a curse I wish things were different I wish I were different but then I guess I wouldn’t be myself anymore.

Hii, I could really use some advice. How do y'all cope with the feeling of emptiness when you're alone, or when you're not around your friends/ fp? Anytime I gain a new friend I get so obssesed with them for the first stages of our relationships that I feel so sad/ empty/ bored when I'm not with them. It makes me so depressed that I'm actually unable to do stuff like study or do my home chores. How do y'all deal with it? Thx a lot <3

I am looking for YouTube channels, books, or scientific articles on the topic of BPD because my psychologist recommended that I read something about it and connect with other (diagnosed) individuals. I enjoy watching videos from Dr. Tracy Marks, Marsha Linehan, and Doctor Ramani on YouTube. I know all the main symptoms and understand what borderline is, but I would like to gain deeper knowledge to develop a greater understanding of my condition.

I started dating this guy who is everything ever dreamed a partner would be. He’s intelligent, witty, fun, generous, calm and has the kindest heart. It was only five weeks but he’s one of the best people I’ve ever known.

I have a pattern of frequent breakups I now realize is splitting and way more tools to manage negative emotion but it is too late and he doesn’t want to try again. He said if I did it again that was it.

Split 1: He was sick from flu shot and missed John mulaney show Split 2: He picked up girl best friend from airport and didn’t answer phone/come back at 1:30am Split 3: Hung up with me to talk to his mom for 2 hrs at 12pm, I thought she was schizophrenic Split 4 (final): last Sunday he went to a Halloween party and he stopped answering his phone. Our rule is calling each other before bed every night when we are apart. He misses it sometimes when his phone dies (it’s only able to be wireless charged and he forgets to bring it, also he hates phones). He had told me if I ever broke up again that was it and I did it over text while I was drunk and upset.

Other problems: doesn’t like text, being apart feels like 18 hrs of activation/4 of relief. My central nervous system is rekt

On Thursday he wrote/read a letter saying he couldn’t continue with a romantic relationship. The summary is

1. His need for alone time and freedom are at odds with my triggers of abandonment
2. The instability created by my frequent breakups every time something doesn't work out my way makes him wary to open up more
3. His inability to let his guard down then fuels my triggers and restarts the cycle
4. He can’t get past the fear and trauma of his divorce to make a commitment and he’s working on that in therapy
5. Scared to share friends and just didn’t introduce me bc of his ex taking friend group

He wants to stay in a smaller town and I like big cities but I don’t feel like that’s one for the list because I want a quieter life

When I was in my wise mind and adult self, it was a very positive relationship. I took him to a capitals game, bought him food, planned fun dates like drunk Shakespeare and told him how wonderful he was and how lucky I was to have someone in my life at all. Then it would just flip and I’d become a different person during a split and he wouldn’t understand how we just had a great day and then that happened. My exes before him had similar experiences and I’ve had splitting episodes my whole life before knowing what this was.

Do I love him? Is this loss aversion? Do I want him back because he’s the best person I’ve ever known or am I seeking approval now that he’s pulling away? Am I trying to escape abandonment or is something else at play?

I think I love him and my wise mind self wants a future with the happy parts of what we had. Is it still possible given my poor treatment? Is it worth trying to be friends someday? I can’t imagine wanting to be in his life while he moves on to someone else and I think being friends would be trying to get him back but also don’t want to lose such a special human. Is there any way to get back together and build something healthy?

If I knew a month ago what I knew now, I would’ve done it all differently but he doesn’t want to try again. Will he ever come around? I think I know the answer but it just feels really unfair I felt like BPD and LTR broke the love of my life.

I will never take anyone for granted again and I’ll know how to split in ways that don’t break a relationship. I have DBT therapist appointments scheduled. Open to any advice for anything at all but I want him back so badly

having BPD is so beyond exhausting. having people who don’t understand you is so beyond exhausting. having nobody to comfort you when you need it the most is so beyond exhausting. feeling like you can’t control your rage is so beyond exhausting. i’m. exhausted.

I'm new to learning about BPD. I have been diagnosed and I'm trying to understand myself sometimes. Does anyone's brain degrade themselves into not believing what other people say about you. For example if my boyfriend says "they love my body." My brain just goes off and I overthink everything to the point where I question if it's true or not /believe or not. I'm constantly questioning and degrading myself to the point where it's hard for me to actually believe what others say sometimes.

Sorry for the little rant. I'm genuinely curious. My bdp is silent for the most part and I cannot stop a single thought that goes through my head.

I need help! Is this just me? To preface this, I want to say that I was in an abusive relationship. I was deeply in love with this person. He was my FP and I would do anything for him. I got out, but recently I have met someone who has the potential being my favorite person. There are so many things I want, and we talk about so many hypothetical situations that usually pertain to dating. Sometimes I feel the deepest connection to him and other times I feel emptiness, it makes me question what my real emotions are. I know I care for him, and I know I am attached to him, but sometimes I just can’t feel that it’s there but I know it is. Is this normal? How do you cope with this? I’m one that speaks my own thoughts and I don’t want me to say this to him and it hurt him. It makes me question my own reality and if what I feel is real. I take things very slow, the slower they are the deeper it is. I’m trying to let things play out and hope for the best but I just don’t know anymore. The way I am bothers me. I hate feeling like this! this may be too emotional to post here, but I want to know if I’m the only one that feels this. It’s not a splitting, it’s more indifference. It’s just empty.

Hey all, I’ve done some serious thinking since my last post. I don’t know if I can be with someone that doesn’t reciprocate my love. I don’t know what else to do besides to cut him off before I get hurt. I love him so much , but I don’t want to get hurt by lack of reciprocated feelings. Something I’ve learned with BPD(in my experience) is the ability to shut off emotions, and cut people off. I cut people off to avoid getting hurt. I’m trying to make sense, but it’s hard to explain it all.

I’m working through the emotions of losing my FP. I’m trying to play a video game, but I feel the excitement of the video game is ramping up my emotions.

Does this happen to anyone else?

My boyfriend has been out of town for 2 (going on 3) weeks and i’ve felt extremely disconnected from him. like sometimes when we facetime he feels like a complete stranger to me, and idk why (we’ve been dating over a year). i’ve tried explaining this to him but he got offended by it. my therapist said to try to explain my attachment style to him better, but i’m not sure how. does anyone have a way of explaining bpd attachment in a good way or any ways to help feel connected when they aren’t physically there? thank you in advance!!

For context, I'm a young gay man who is 18. What I always hear when I say the phrase from the title is that I'm too young and I will probably find someone later on life — which I don't deny, I hope it happens, but what until then? I'll have to keep hurting and scarring until someone enters my life and I'll probably push them away after being so hurt in my search for love.

I was never the chosen one not even as a child or later in high school. Because I was obese and Asian, no one looked at me and I felt like an outcast. I grew up, lost weight, started to take care of myself, but even so, I realized people started to come to me in university full of second intentions. I LOVE the validation, I just don't like being seen as a piece of meat, that makes me split and treat someone as cold as an iceberg with their pushy flirting. I like interactions that lead to constructing love, because I had horrible experiences splitting on people before knowing them better.

This year there were three ruined relationships. Then, this guy came in on-line. We'll call him Arthur. Arthur was a great sunshine to my life (even at a long distance) and I never had any experience with people like him before. He sent lovely long messages praising me, poems, gifts, and that kept going for seven months. I felt like our playful mutual flirting was a green light for him feeling something for me the way I was. I wasn't having that full-blown adoration, splitting, then veneration again. With him, I found a safe place, finally, after the storm. Even when he would disappear, I wouldn't split (which is a feat), because I knew would always come back. We had trust. And that made me dream.

But then, seven months later, Arthur ghosts me for almost one month. Says he's busy with life and so. Then, one day, I open a social media app that I followed him to see he posted there. But not only that. A picture with an alleged GIRLFRIEND.

And he didn't told me any of that beforehand. Which, of course is his right, but I don't think he noticed his emotional responsibility to it. My BPD made me have so many expectations for him, I dreamt of kids, of a wedding, of a life together, and during these seven months, I stayed commited, I stopped giving attention to people who would flirt with me (which was always unrequited) and started studying and working only to be able to see him personally. We didn't had anything beyond a colorful relationship, but damn it, I dreamt of us every day and now I am devastaed. He was also my favorite person, sometimes, the only thing that made me not want to disappear from this world because of my BPD.

I always live for the people I love. And now he's not in my life anymore. He didn't send anything after the ghosting or the post. Needless to say, after I saw it, I had one of the worst breakdowns of my short life until now. My eardrums started to buzz, screamed, broke objects and mobilia around my apartment, cried until my head hurt. And until now, I'm feeling the void again. I'm so sad, sometimes I just want to cry out of nowhere. Once again the cycles are happening, the same ones that were present before my medication started to take effect. Anger, crying, void, happiness, forgetting... then all of that again.

BPDs with more experience, any advices? Roasts? I'm open for everything. I'm really hopeless about love and don't know what to do because I can't imagine a future with it since it hurts me repeatedly...

Thank you for the attention until now.

Hello! I've (28 F) recently separated from my husband (33 M) with BPD. He has been promising therapy for years but never went through with it and as a result, we now live seperately. The idea is to try and become better people on our own, in our own time and come back together in the future to see if we are more compatible, but I'm not sure how to support him from afar. (He is not the only one at fault for the seperation, I noticed my own unhealthy behaviors but DID and still am seeing a therapist for my part. I am codependent)

We have been separated for a month and for the first 2 weeks we didnt talk at all. Now we don't talk often but we started seeing each other about once a week to just do crafts together or have dinner.. I keep the hangouts very light and don't ask about his mental health journey because i don't want him to feel as if I'm pressuring him. He did tell me on his own that he still isn't speaking to a therapist but is opening up a lot more to his old AA sponsor who is now one of his best friends.

Will these little hangouts enable him again? I worry that I'm starting the enabling journey again and I don't want him to think "she's still here, so I just need to wait this out" but i don't want him to feel as if I don't love him, so I'm at a cross road.

He has confirmed in the past that me not actually leaving the relationship when I said I would, did enforce his idea that he could just do whatever and deal with the "consequences" after, since he would never actually lose me. (I know ultimatums are bad now, I've been going to therapy for 2 years so far and don't give ultimatums anymore. Also, his compulsions are with buying things and not with cheating)

Just wondering if anyone has any issues with not knowing what their real thoughts or feelings are when it comes to a particular person or event that’s happened to you? I jump so quickly between thinking I was wrong in a situation or I was severely wronged in that same situation and then somewhere in between as well. It’s really hard to figure out which version is real because my thoughts and feelings towards it change so often. Does anyone have any advice?

So i, a bpd diagnosed with a diagnosed autistic/adhd spectrum person. We've been in a relationship for years but started to live together the last 5. Because of my bpd, sometimes I get triggered by his behaviors, when I express myself when I talk about what I love and just all the stuff that's good for me, a part of me fears that his reaction will take all the joy from anything I'm saying or doing. He puts these faces or boredom, raises his eyebrow down looks the other way with no comments, doesn't add to what im speaking about and overall feels like straight up Rejection.I know this may sound like im exaggerating but the pain I feel when this happens is unbearable at times. There's moments when I can ignore, but it's almost every day. I frear being myself. He said that he recognized that he lacks empathy and he's very cold, but that he wants to change... it's been so long and I keep feeling the same. We had an honest conversation where I told him "if this is who you are, I'm no one to change that" "I don't wanna be the person responsible for your change" these things you do willingly. I'd hate to feel like part of him resents me for needing what is considered "normal support and care" idk it's heartbreaking. Plus when my menstrual cycle comes up my feelings are way more sensitive. I've tried to include him in things like stardust (am ap when your partner can see the fluctuating hormones, I've searched about autism and adhd. Tried my best to give him space and ve calm, when we have disagreements he's quick to defend when it's not about that. It's about how your actions "good intentions or bad" are affecting me, I calmly try to explain but it's like I'm speaking another language. It's hell. Really. Currently I have no one in my life that can help. No family or friends who I trust enough to speak to. Been to a few Therapist and still can't find peace. Started medication these last 5 months and they've helped a bit. It's just this relationship has me so hopless, he's a good person so what's going on? I'm just so lost rn. I'm sorry in advance for all the typos. I'm very emotional rn.

Hello, I’m a 23 year old female who was misdiagnosed with bipolar, I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder by my psychiatrist. I have yet to find a therapist who would be willing to help me in the area. Now for my question: What are some ways to help you when you’re about to split? Specifically your partner, my sweet partner is at his widths end with my outbursts. I say the most hurtful- rude things that I don’t mean. I don’t know how to end the cycle, I feel physically pain when I hold back my awful words. It’s much more complex, I’m just shooken up at the moment and am looking for some recommendations to ground ones self during a split. Thank you