My new fp doesn't want to see me for one weekend so she can have some time to herself and I've been on the verge of tears all day lmao. I don't want to be away from her for two weeks and her wanting to makes me sad. She also hasn't been talking to me as much and it's probably bc she's socially drained and busy with work but I can't stop being sad that she's not as interested as she was last week. It's all so ridiculous and exhausting. I thought I was almost entirely recovered from BPD until now lol. I want to ask if I can see her just for a couple hours but I don't want to be too much and also if she said no I'd be even more sad.

i think so long as i can think “you know better” i can have control of myself. but this suppression isn’t healthy. i don’t know what to do with this feeling once i’m away from the situation besides distracting myself one way or another.

i feel like im fucking drowning

i fucked up and im immature and ruined my girlfriends relationship with her friend group

there was one friend in particular that i got angry with a lot because his tone of voice would upset me. he comes off as condescending a lot in both vc and text

today i greatly overreacted to something he said and his responses made me feel like he was dismissing my feelings ("chillax" and "its not that deep")

i got upset and later sent him a message apologizing for overreacting but then explaining why i was so upset

this wasnt the first time. and im really bad with apologies. every time i apologize i subconsciously shift blame onto the other person and i try to excuse my actions and i did it again this time because i brought up how i was mad about how his wording felt dismissive

my girlfriend also didnt react great and said something really hurtful and unrelated to him

he responded back with multiple paragraphs explaining how im extremely immature and he was right. and he blocked me so i cant respond. i want to respond with an apology and ask for time to work on myself and for another chance but i know thats not fair to ask for

i dont know what to do anymore. i try so hard to be a good person and a good friend but i always do something wrong. i never know what the right or wrong course of action is and i dont trust my own instincts. i subconsciously manipulate people and i dont want to but it feels like a survival mechanism

i feel like im stuck. i dont know what to do i cant see a future past this i dont understand how im supposed to move on from this. i cant become a better person no matter how much intry i hurt everyone around me. i just want friends but i dont deserve them

ive been sobbing for like an hour and i just want my girlfriend to hold me and say itll be okay and i feel immature for wanting that becayse im too codependent

im ruining my girlfriends life in so many ways and i just want to kill myself but i cant because i know thatll ruin it even more

im trying really hard to not relapse and sh again because its immature to try and escape my emotions like that and i need to learn to cope better

i just wanna knownthat itll be okay. i want to be happy and be a nice friend and a good person and i want to make people happy and be there for them and i dont know what ill do if i cant do that all because im a shitty fucking person no mayter how much i try to change

For context I’ve been with my gf for three years now the first three months were smooth sailing but after that her true emotions came out.

I’ve done a lot of research and I’m almost certain she has undiagnosed bpd and I’m almost at my wits end with the emotional abuse.

She does all of these bpd stuff I’ve seen. Such victim switching or blaming where after a fight when I’m trying to make amends and apologize for my part in things she never apologize for anything she does

Which leads me to my next point the name calling she calls me a lazy low life bum and say that she dosent love me anymore and she hates being with me and that I’m abusive and I treat her like shit I’m lazy I’m ugly and everytime she does those things I tell her how damaging them are and how much they hurt but everytime she just goes okay well what about all the shit you do? And then she just starts blaming me for every problem we have.

She also can’t take Criticism at all no matter how I do it or say it I could start it off by telling her how much I love her and that it’s not a big deal but no matter what it pisses her off and she just starts going on a tangent on how she goes to school and works all day and she dosent need this shit and that I don’t do anything and I’m lazy I’m a piece of shit I’m not understanding etc.

Another thing is the weird comments about breaking up. When we argue and she fucks uo and says sum hurtful I will call her out and tell her that’s unacceptable and she can’t keep doing that and that I can’t handle it and she’ll almost always just go okay so then break up with me then if you can’t deal with it just break up with me if you have that big of an issue with me.

She does that out of arguments as well when we’re both calm all good I’ll try to bring up issues I’m having with her behavior such as the name calling never taking accountability etc and almost always she just goes okay well you know I have mental health issues so just break up with me then and it’s like I’m not trying to break up I just want her to change.

Truly the list could go on every single bpd post I’ve seen and all the research I’ve seen it’s like they’re writing about my life.

Will this ever get better will she ever change? I feel like I’m at the point where I love her but I don’t want to be here anymore but it’s so hard do commit to leaving when I love her.

Can anyone give me advice I’m so lost on what to do we we just moved into an apartment with a 1 year lease and it seems things are just getting worse and worse I don’t want to loose her but I don’t know if I can handle this anymore.

Again sorry for the long post and it being all over the place I’m kinda all over the place at the moment so lol.

TLDR undiagnosed gf of three years does every textbook thing I’ve seen in bpd research I’ve done and I’m lost on if I should stay or give up.

Idk, I just need to vent. I vividly remember having BPD emerge as a 12 year old. I get so frustrated with people self-diagnosing themselves with BPD because of recent vague symptoms. It’s a personality disorder. It’s always been with you. Always.

I recall acting with such desperation toward past lovers to gain their pity as a means to empathize with me and therefore not leave me, but only in hindsight am I able to realize how fucking insane it was. In the moment, I saw it as completely appropriate; explaining that I only acted clingy and overbearing because I had a hard year and was really lonely and suicidal. I was only able to see how repulsive it was when I had time to reflect on it. And ultimately, I did it again and again, but with more subtlety. Thinking that I had grown a bit because I was less overbearing, and yet sending the same message. I swear I never realized it in the moment. I’m just so desperate for a fucking hug, to be fucking held, to feel safe even for a few minutes, that the minute I sense rejection (valid or not), I approach it with catastrophe by attempting a shot at extremely off-putting pity.

I mean, at this point, along with having AVPD, I cannot leave my house to meet guys because my legs are littered in self harm scars. I can’t blame ANYONE for running for the hills once they see that; I really can’t. And that’s what hurts the most — that I could have at least hid it well before I decided to mutilate my own body. I just don’t know how to go on. I seldom, SELDOM talk to anyone, let alone see them. I’ve been in IOP’s since a young teenager. I know DBT and CBT skills by heart. I meditate, I recall things I’m grateful for every night, I “cheerlead” myself into having hope, and so much more. It doesn’t change. It doesn’t change — regardless of the years of “evidence-based therapy”. I’m just so tired, dude, I’m so tired. I feel so guilty and nervous knowing that I can only be saved by another person (my ultimate SO), and I know I could treat them so heavenly, but fuck is it hard when everything besides an SO is just a figment of your peripheral vision.

My partner has BPD. She’s very dismissive of her own feelings or just refuses to bring them up completely. It’s tiring having to ask her so many times what I did to upset her. I need to know because my feelings depend on her just as much as hers depend on me. It’s so hard to get through her “wall” (idk how else to describe it). She has also been feeling a lot more low lately. She ignores me most of the time and when she does respond it’s very short/ vague. Even when we hang out she doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything she just wants to lay down. I’m okay with her feeling whatever she needs to but it is draining the life out of me. This is causing me so much stress that my own self destructive behaviours have skyrocketed in the last few months. They are the worst they have been in years. I love her so much and I can’t imagine living without her. It is just so hard to cope with right now. Does anyone know how I could help the both of us in this situation. (Should also mention that she is not able to go to therapy at the moment)

I'm not ok. I'm going through lonely times where I'm either in conflict with myself or I'm too tired to feel anything. I broke up with my bf a couple months ago. He got tired of fighting with me. He treated me like shit in the last couple of weeks, so bad I just couldn't say anything to him anymore cause it would hurt. Any word he said was pain. I tried to fix everything even if he was at fault I was eager to compromise myself. A month later after we completely stop talking he posts that he's on a date with somebody else. I'm glad it happened cause I'm sure if I wouldn't have seen that post I would still beg of him to come back. It's painful cause I know I overreact to things and I'm very emotional. So even if what he did was wrong I can only hate myself for it. I can't bring myself to heal. I started seeing with another guy that's horrible to me. I knew how bad he was but I still pushed on. He is selfish and manipulative and all he cares is about himself. And very proudly tries to show that. I want to put some space but it's impossible as we have to see each other at uni. I've been lonely all my life and I let shitty people come into my life. I was just looking for any escapism I can find. I still am. I had a period where I'd smoke to make myself sick. I stopped cause I managed to do that very well now I got myself with some health issues. I tried drinking too but it makes me relive everything again and again. So it might help me for the moment but I feel like I start from zero the next day. I ended up hurting myself and now I'm left with the shame of people seeing me. Idk how I could take my mind off things rn. I need a friend but it takes time to start a new friendship and bring myself to trust smb. I don't have the energy. I'm seeing a psychiatrist once a month but there's that. Nothing happens, she can't help me or she doesn't find me important enough to be worth the time. So it's just talk where I say the wrong things sometimes and she's a human too she going to judge me wrongly too.

I (F22) recently met someone from Hinge, we're both the same age. They were very open about having bpd (which didn't bother me of course) and were just coming out of a depressive episode plus some other stuff. They recently just went radio silent, to be honest, and l'd like insight on how I should proceed. As well as just insight for the future when dealing with other potential interests who have bpd. That's the TLDR of it, as there are a bunch of details that aren't exactly important too.

We were supposed to meet for something but they never confirmed they were going or have responded to anything l've sent after either. That's neither here nor there minus irritation and frustration but it's the lack of communication since then that l'm hyper-fixated on. They have anxiety and were just really vulnerable in general when we messaged I guess so I didn't mind emotionally supporting them tbh, as I relate too. They got sort of playfully frustrated when I didn't respond to their initial messages ( as I was busy) I inferred it would be better to text them often so they know they have my attention... which I realize now can be overwhelming : (. They seemed very genuine too which is also why I'm confused, introduced me to a friend of theirs they thought I would get along with, showed me stuff, asked me questions, and even confirmed they wanted me to be there at this event.

I know that sometimes pushing people away when getting overwhelmed is a part of bpd. I still think it's inconsiderate to not communicate about not being able to go or not thinking l'd understand them needing space (as I absolutely would understand). Given how much I do like them, l'd prefer to keep them in my network even if it leads to nowhere.They don't owe me answers and I may have crashed out a bit in continuing to message them looking for closure. I'm working on giving them space, I feel like I've been played/led on in some way but that could be me being overly pessimistic and I don't want this situation to happen again tbh. I don't think they're gonna get back to me either, and maybe I misread how interested they were.

Is there anything I could do so they know I'm there for them if it is a case of them shutting down on all fronts basically?

I unfollowed them during my own spiral and they saw I guess and unfollowed me after that. 'Can't have shit in Detroit.

Bit of background that I think is relevant: Spring of this year, I was in a long term relationship but deeply unhappy, depressed for a few months and feeling trapped. In one of my impulsive spirals, I ended up hooking up with a friend of a few years. It ended my relationship at the time, and kicked off an exciting summer with everything I had been craving for so long. The friend was someone i hadn't ever been extremely close with but was always drawn to, and we ended up bonding, realized how incredibly similar we were and became attached at the hip. We kept our relationship quiet for a few months due to complications with our social circle and our exes, so we were sneaking around, hanging out 24/7 (i ended up staying at his house one night in may and then just didn't leave lmao). We started dating in June, and its been really good since. He is patient and understanding and genuinely everything I want in a partner, we live together, have a dog together, I went to his family's thanksgiving, etc. Now we've had a few months of just working and coming home (im 21 he's 23, both of us aren't in school due to financial reasons). Recently, with a mix of the new relationship excitement wearing off and winter kicking in, as well as being truly settled into the life i've been building for the last two years, i'm bored as hell. Im so happy, but i cannot escape that empty pit in my stomach that makes me feel miserable. i have a bunch of creative hobbies (painting, crocheting, etc) but paired with adhd i'm burnt out of all of them and prone to losing motivation halfway through. im happy doing nothing when im with him, but when hes busy or working I sit here and have no clue what to do, I feel bored and depressed and uninspired, I end up spiraling because I realize i really don't have a life outside of boyfriend and work (i work a minimum wage food service job so that feels awfully pointless too). I take naps to avoid the empty feeling but it keeps coming back and now im at a point where i cant keep myself busy for more than five minutes without feeling like im being consumed by some endless void. idk what to do to fix it, i cant keep going like this because i know itll end in either a severe depressive episode or a string of impulsive stupid decisions.

My gf of a few months, who I work with actually, and I recently got into an argument. Yes, I am the asshole in this one because in the argument, I was skeptical about her actual interest in the relationship due to behaviors like attention seeking, ignoring me at times, and she appeared to lack effort even though she told me I love you. I never really felt satisfied with our communication either. Anyway, during the argument I kept pushing her for answers I wanted rather than accepting the answers because they were so vague but more likely truthful. I was selfish af too because it turns out her grandpa is passing/passed away. She didn't tell me this even though the day before I ASKED if everything was okay after she texted me about "family issues". Regardless, I overreacted to little behaviors and I've acknowledged the way I was and plan to fix it and already have started. I care about myself too. She's ghosted me now for technically 5 days now but 2 days after the argument I texted her and we had a brief chat about how she was doing. I sent her another sincere apology a little later to which she didn't reply but I told her in it I assume we are broken up. I fucked up again cuz why would I say that when her grandpa died a couple days ago. I went so wrong and really just feel so guilty I was insensitive and selfish. I waited 2 more days, and then gave one short last check up and apology and let he know I was there for her. The acceptance has finally settled in it's over and i'm just skeptical about how she's gonna treat me at work, because we are all around each other all day. She also has some of my clothes I need back lol but she can't even text me. Y'all go ahead and give opinions or criticize me, I need to accept I might never be forgiven because I genuinely care about this girl as a person, she's real cool.

I’m ruminating on this phrase a family member said to me just two years ago. It was 2 years ago and it still kinda hurts sadly. While I wholeheartedly agree with this sentiment, and I do think they meant well for the most part. I did take it as a personal attack to be honest. A personal failure if you will and I should clarify for more context what lead this to even be discussed.

The topic of discussion was my troublesome childhood which consisted of: losing a loved one (my grandma) when I was only 5 years old and I remember those days very vividly 20+ years later, eventually being raised by an alcoholic who was emotionally unavailable at times, who also was a single parent at times, and also was unable to properly care for me at times which led me to be passed around to other familial caretakers in the meantime. My upbringing was definitely traumatic & unstable and I’d like to think I compensated with years of treatment, seeking specialists & researching psychology just to get a better sense of my brain and how it operates.

Basically, my family member in question had said to me that they acknowledged how chaotic and difficult my home life was when I was a child, and had they known any better they should’ve intervened and been my caretaker temporarily and had said “maybe you would’ve had a better head on your shoulders.” and I try to decode that as: maybe, If you didn’t live in such a traumatic environment, you’d have a better chance at navigating life. that’s how I really want to interpret it in a positive way.

But my sick brain doesn’t want to agree. I pondered and brooded about it for hours that day and days later. Pretty sure I sobbed about it to my partner, and I told them while i understood that my relative was saying that with good intentions but it honestly made me feel horrible about myself. It was the wording that felt rather harsh and insulting but again, I’m overly sensitive and I take things personal rather seriously and that’s another thing I’ve been trying to work on. My partner agreed that the wording probably wasn’t the most appropriate or kind but they know how I get with criticism, nonetheless I hate that a simple response sent me in distress because I know that wasn’t their intent. But my brain just went crazy with all the self loathing thoughts, reminding me again to think about how much of a burden I am, I think it was a trigger related to rejection because that was definitely a constant theme I ran into growing up.

Sorry if the flair is wrong, I didn’t see “Fictional Representation” one there. Anyway, if you have seen this French Canadian drama, would you say that the two main characters (Francis and Marie) have BPD? Curious what real people with BPD think.

Last post link: https://www.reddit.com/r/RelationshipIndia/comments/1gsbxnz/comment/m03t4rf/?context=3

Update: Its been a month and still wrapping my head around the truth. She confessed that she slept with 5 guys before marriage. Tamil girl doing like this so shocking. She had a boyfriend and she cheated on him which she says she didn't even realize she was doing that. Her impulse control is so out of it that she feels that even confessing was out of impulse. She says after a month she understands the depth of the hurt she caused in the family. She didn't even consider the consequences of her confession. She says imagine a serial killer confessing. She helped contact the affair partner's wife. Apparently, that guy is a master manipulator and doing this with 4 other girls too which my wife got to know now. She felt so used. He knew exactly were to press her and get he needed. The irony is AP's wife felt bad for mine although she doesn't know her whole history. My therapist and hers think she has borderline/bipolar personality disorder which she is getting diagnosed for. People with this order sometimes disassociate with reality it seems. I feel like this guy when he took her virginity manipulated her brain to the extent that its ok for her to sleep around like he was doing. Will know more soon. I know everyone suggested divorce and kicking her out. I want to do that as well. And i might be seen codependant for saying this but living through this confession and her actions through it and also the life we built in this 12 years its no that easy to just walk off. More about kids than me. Involving aging parents in this is not a smart choice either. I don't want to let this go off either. Will have to come to amicable solution. She is putting effort and talking to AP's wife made me realize that what my wife said is true. She is actively pushing me away. She says illness or not she made those choices and that makes her evil. I know its unrealistic to hear a person who was capable of doing much evil is suddenly good. She seems to be suffering more than me. Its like finally reality hits and the shame and guilt is too much to take. She hit her rock bottom in life. I have lot of mixed feelings. Divorce and throwing out is easier said than done. Even with all the lying she has given me some good memories and affection. And i believe it takes a lot of guts to confess this much especially being a girl. Although it doesn't absolve the crime. Thinking to take a few months to come a amicable solution. She is still a mother to my kids. I don't want to throw her out at the weakest point of her life. Its not about love and being weak. Its about being human. Looking for support and advice from married couples only. She really seems to want to change. Can people like this change? Is this all driven by personality disoder?

I didn't believe he loved me... I didn't believe how much he cared... I didn't believe him when he told me 'you are what I want'... I didn't believe he planned our future... I didn't believe he missed me... I didn't believe he wanted to marry me.

And I lost him, because I didn't believe him.

CW: mentions of sex, self-harm, suicidal tendencies

apologies if i'm incoherent at times — not in the greatest state of mind rn.

to provide some context, my FP and i used to be dating, but he recently broke up with me as he realized sex was something he wanted in a relationship and i'm asexual. this alone was a lot to handle, but i (somehow) managed to push through and we stayed friends.

but recently, we were playing truth or dare, and he confessed that he'd recently started dating two other boys. i thought i was over him, but this tore me apart. i started self-harming again and tried to kms in the shower, but the blade was too dull. in summary, i was NOT coping well, and so a friend suggested i cut contact with him.

so i did. i confessed i wasn't over him, and that i wasn't a healthy or good person for him to be around. he understood, and we unfriended each other on social media and haven't talked since.

i thought i'd feel better, but i don't. i don't feel like i can function without him. i feel sick and cold, i keep crying and all i wanna do is bleed until i can barely think anymore. i'm in a waiting list for therapy but i'll need to wait months, and i don't thijk i can last that long i just wanna die i cant do it without him

i just don't know what to do. i dont think i cab live like this i feel like such a monster and i hate myself so so much

kind of the antidepressant/mood stabilizer dilemma i’m always finding myself in every 6-8 months.

i stop them because i hate feeling the apathetic artificial nothingness but when i get off and i get my emotions back, the lows are so incredibly low but so are the highs (though i haven’t had much of the latter as of recent). i still get that empty feeling but its nowhere near as bad as it is on medication where i’m practically a husk of a person.

i’m also severely chronically ill so the added side effects ontop of my ongoing pain is like a game of tetris but with how much my body can cram onto me.

i know it varies from person to person. just wanting to see what y’all think

Some time ago i was in a toxic relationship with my now ex bf. First three months were amazing but things went downhill as time progressed. He started to ignore me, beg me for nudes even and even go as far as telling me that if i love him ill send them, even after i said i wasnt comfortable doing so (i sent them anyways bc i didnt want him to leave me), only gave me attention when he was horny and other horrible shit. After some time of this happening without progress he broke up.

I am currently in a sorta healthy (were working on it) relationship with an amazing partner, but i sometimes miss being treated like.. a sex object i assume? Like absolute shit? Maybe its bc i dont feel like i deserve being treated good but idk. Does anyone here relate to that or am i alone on this one?

39M. Extremely successful despite it all.

Blew up the best parts of my life in the last week. No longer engaged as of a week ago. Diagnosed yesterday. Moving to Denver alone with two cats, leaving her the house and dog and furniture and basically everything in a buyout… yeah, I don’t know how this goes.

I’m into working out, gaming, just a normal fucking dude with emotional/manic issues and occasionally strange takes on things. I was even our HOA president for two years and, no joke, everyone loved me for not fucking with them and just building cool shit.

Am I even doing this right? What do I do? What should I expect? I’m spinning a little here. Halp.

my best friend of 8 years, hid the fact they got back with an ex. they kept all of that a secret for 3 months. and i split, i cant think of them in any positive way and i just want to block them on everything.

its been a month, and even now i keep avoiding them and being sad. they clearly want to repair the friendship, but i dont know if thats possible for me. i hold gruges so deeply, and im really struggling to just forgive them. on one hand ive gotten so depressed over feeling like ive lost a friend, and on the other im so angry that they lied to me. they keep trying to act normal in our messages, but theyre upset that im being weird.

im just not sure how to cope, how do i even forgive? move on? continue being their friend? any advice would be nice.

We're in different countries. she's in a very abusive situation in a rural area and she's closeted from her family. distractions and coping mechanisms don't work anymore, she just wants to die. I was extremely sick today and I struggled with supporting her and she yelled that I deserved to suffer if she died because I didn't do enough for her. I asked what I could do for her and she said she didn't know.

I love her but I'm at the end of my rope. I don't want to leave her to die. But I don't want to be on the other end of a call or discord chat while she's killing herself either. resources have all failed. previous plans to get her out have failed. me and her other friend don't have the financial or physical means to get her out of her abusive home. she doesn't want to live with strangers or appeal. she probably wouldn't qualify for emergency housing in her country. she needs to leave but she's stuck there and she can't work or even leave her room. and now she doesn't even have coping mechanisms anymore so she spends her day waiting for me or her other friend to come online to tell us she wants to die and how much she resents us for failing her, or how she's a burden who needs to disappear. I don't want to institutionalize her either and she would never forgive or trust me for it.

I don't know what to do. I love her so much and I wish she could see how amazing she is, how beautiful she is. but I'm struggling myself and I can't study or function properly, and I dread spending hours trying to talk her down from suicidal thoughts and being alternatively yelled at or told I'd be better off without her. I can't abandon her to die alone either. Please help

It's tragic how this illness ate up my brain and now I'm an empty husk who only has the rest of the year to live. If you've found a way to work through This good for you truly, me tho I will not continue to cope for the rest of my life.

i’m not looking for advice or how to fix anything, just need to scream into the void and i felt safe enough to do so here. note i am autistic as well as having bpd. idk if it matters but i am non-binary.

the subject of this post is my boyfriend. it’s important to know he is polyamorous and i’m not, he also has another partner that i am not involved with. for sake of anonymity, my boyfriend’s name is alex and his partner’s name is oliver. we’ve had conversations around my own comfort and boundaries as well as his when we started dating, and i have expressed i’m okay with his orientation, so we’re all good in that department.

anyway, here’s the actual problem. i sent alex a funny instagram reel that said some stupid shit like “if we found $100m and we shared what would you do with your $30,” and he replied saying “i’d find a new boyfriend” (joking obviously). i fired back saying “me or oliver? i sure hope you’re not talking about me lol” and he didn’t really reassure me, he just said “actually…” and left it off with that.

i feel gutted and shattered to say the least. it’s a stupid ass joke, i know. but what really bothers me is we’ve known each other since 2022 (we met in university) and have been best friends before i decided to ask him out. he met oliver this year on a dating app.

i should add they’ve been dating for a couple months before me and alex started dating.

alex is one of my favorite people. he takes care of me, he’s protective, he does so much for me that i am so grateful for. but because of one stupid little joke, i feel heartbroken (kind of dramatic typing it out lol). i don’t really want to talk right now, i left him on read everywhere. i understand this isn’t healthy communication, but i’m not in the right mind to say anything to him right now.

i told him countless times that him having another partner wasn’t going to bother me, but now it really really does. i feel selfish, i don’t want him to have to pick and choose, but i feel incredibly devalued. i struggle with my own insecurity, so knowing i’m not going to be my partner’s first choice makes me upset and a little resentful, to be honest. i’m so sad. when i told my mom i was dating alex, she told me that “i wasn’t raised to share” and “don’t come crying when he breaks your heart” (i can’t really tell if this was a joke or not to be completely real with you).

yeah. sorry. i feel ridiculous. i feel like shit. if anyone read to the end, thank you. i just feel so hopeless.

edit: i was talking to a friend when i realized i left out a detail. we were going home together last week, and we were talking about the election (i won’t go in depth), and i had said “hey do you want to go to the courthouse for no particular reason.” alex said “oliver would be so pissed if i didn’t marry him if we’ve been dating for longer.” i had thought nothing of this reply, i think i was in pure shock he would say that, so the insta reel was essentially my breaking point. so sorry for leaving this out, it slipped my mind completely.

I have been best friends with this girl for more than a year now. We’ve spent our significant adults moments together and been there for each other through hard times. Lately, now that she’s got a boyfriend, I feel that our dynamic is off, that somehow my importance has decreased because she has to create space for him. And that’s completely okay, it’s just that I can tell that my time, my energy and my space isn’t being valued to the point that if I get worked up about it, I am being accused of being jealous of either her of her boyfriend. I feel so many negative things when I see them together, not jealousy, not hatred but just excluded. And when I was confronted by her, I couldn’t articulate how I felt, I still can’t. It’s just the amount of emotional labor that I actually do, somehow that is warranted by the “best friend agreement” and that it’s a given, but I think it’s emotionally affecting me to the point that if I see her do something I wouldn’t, I get pissed off. I wouldn’t prioritize my boyfriend or even make my best friend feel like she isn’t prioritized. It’s just emotionally dampening for me to the point I’m not even able to get my point across because all I feel is anxious and negative and it’s because of the personal decisions she’s making in her life, that have nothing to do with me. I’m not able to be there for me without separating my feelings from it and I feel like there’s some level of trauma bonding here. Can someone try to make sense of what I just said?

I feel like no one understands me. I’m struggling so hard rn and don’t have anyone to talk to. My boyfriend is great but he doesn’t understand and just isn’t receptive to much of anything I tell him. He’s always just like “you need to be more positive” blah blah.

I feel like I’m drowning and I just wish I had friends or people to talk to but I feel so freaking alone. I don’t know what to do.

i’m wondering if continuing to pursue treatment is even worth it for me. i was learning all about DBT and actually starting to apply it. the med change was working. i started to trust and opened up more.

then i felt belittled by a staff member i actually really liked and it fell to pieces. i broke the rules and they discharged me. now i want to give up. my emotional dysregulation is too extreme even for a DBT partial. i know the skills. i just have so much trouble applying them in real-time.

no one knows how to help me. i think that place was my best chance and i blew it. i was trying so hard and it just wasn’t good enough.

I'm sorry if this isn't allowed but thought better to try. I have lost contact with my friend who I used to talk to on snapchat and thought that just maybe she uses this group and might see this. I know she has been struggling with BPD and I don't know of any other way I'll be able to contact her. I don't want to give any of her personal details but hopefully she can see this.

To anyone else reading this I wish you an amazing day, and to anyone struggling know that there are people out there who care about you and wish they could do more to help.

I’m running into money troubles, I talked with my dietitian a bit about this (because I couldn’t focus on anything else) I didn’t start my car for a month and the battery died the hood was also broken, my grandma got it taken to AAA the cost is a little under $900

Im a balloon artist and I had to order balloons it said it wouldn’t be here till after my balloon event. So I speed ordered balloons then forgot a similar very important balloon so I had to order again, I spent over $200 on these balloons my event pays $200 technically more money in my account than now so I guess that’s good

I don’t know how to return them initial balloons I ordered that also arrived today so I emailed them, they were around $90

So the balloons put me under what I need for my car I have almost $800

I also have a hot topic return that should be about $90 but no one will take me to the damn store

I also have almost $400 on an old work card but it expired and I won’t get a new card for 7-10 days

I also have some money on gift cards which I recently found out you can take out at ATMS but that’s near $50

My friend might be able to help with the gift cards and return if I go with her after classes tomorrow but I also have to premake balloon animals and get pictures since they’re different balloons than previous years

My dietitian said I could probably say I won’t be in town till after the 8th and pick it up then(the 8th is a family birthday party partially for me and one family member gives me at least $100 I also get paid next Thursday) or ask for a payment plan but I’m terrified of them getting angry or saying no or charge me more

I’m also a trans man who doesn’t pass and is pre transition (I have short hair and bind and wear some mens clothes) my grandmother who told me she had some ideas to help asked me to shave my legs for a year and then she’d pay for the whole thing. I know that sounds like a good deal but my dietitian said it’s manipulation. And it would make me want to die if I did that.

I also have to make 3 cakes from scratch one on the day of a birthday and two for the party but I have to buy the ingredients

I can’t afford any food and I have an eating disorder which I’m recovering from so I feel like I have to starve myself

I also didn’t finish buying Christmas presents, I mean technically I have clay and could make ornaments but idk if one of the people sets up a tree, 7/8 of them most likely want gift cards and I usually spend $25 a person so that’s $200 idk maybe I’ll get the work card before then and I can take the money out put it in my acc and buy presents but I guess I have to just starve myself???

If I have extra financial aid next semester they give it back to me so that could help?

I’ve been looking for a second job for months but no place will hire me and idk why.

My mother said she won’t pay my car insurance after this month when she knows I can’t afford it

And my dad did help he gave me $150 but that went buh-bye for the balloons

No one else helped

I’m going to kill myself if I can’t afford all this and don’t get a second job.

I don’t know what to do

Edit my dietitian is covered at 100%, I had to cancel my appointment w my ed therapist tomorrow, and my DID therapist who I seriously need I see twice a week and pay at the end of the month so I’m just hoping for a miracle

me and my best friend have a special connection, i appreciate a lot of stuff about her and still I often REALLY want to ghost her There are often some stuff she does even small stuff as small as not seeing a message I just don’t want to see don’t want to know don’t want to hear about her ever. and I want to ghost her or just fight with her. Does it happen to anyone? I don’t know how to unsee it once such feeling passes in my mind and it feels weird bc we are talking normally but inside of me i get the rage and i also can’t blow up because of every small thing

Hello! So i’m at a pretty weird point in my life where I need to start thinking about a career that would benefit me. I do not have a college education (though i would like to get one, i need to have a job for when i decide to go back). i currently do online work & though i enjoy the remote aspect of it, the pay is just not what it used to be & i’m struggling financially.

I was wondering what jobs yall suggest for someone with bpd? I am genuinely dreading going physically back to work but i know i have no choice. I prefer to stay far away from food service and retail because i did that for 10 years and was miserable lol open to any suggestions as i truly am anxious about it all around.

So I have an exam tomorrow morning and I’ve became so stressed out the closer it’s gets to the day. I’ve took this exam twice and I hope that I can pass it this time. For some reason I have this strong desire in me that after this test no matter what the score is.. I want to be as real as possible and make new changes and stick with it. Meaning not be clingy to anyone and seek for them to make me feel calm, I want to feel free and this mean’s separating myself from my significant other and a friend. It’s so scary to me but I just want to be in control of my emotions and make my own decisions. I want to be able to deal with what I’m feeling and hopefully not feel like I’m self destructing. I want to be able to handle and move forward without feeling like I need to wheel someone back into my life who’s been making me feel toxic. Am I wrong ? I’m unsure how I’m going to go about this to tell my significant other that I want him to move out and move forward in life without me.