I was diagnosed with BP2 two years ago and it always felt like I was trying to force myself into that box, even if I didn't want to admit it (I wanted to be bipolar, cause it means I can eventually fix things with meds... even if mood stabilisers have either done nothing or destabilised me)

I suspected I had borderline in the past, but ultimately chalked it up to being in a toxic relationship and severely depressed where I was constantly in survival mode that brought out the absolute worst in me.

But now I'm considering it again and looking at my past and present symptoms and I feel I might be misdiagnosed. My "episodes" were either triggered by med changes, or relationship problems.

I feel like I could just be being silly since I don't have trauma, but I still want to talk to my therapist about it. I'm anxious about it though and I want to have a plan, how should I go about it?

Does anyone else have family and friends who don’t understand their BPD? My Dad’s family thinks I just need to see a therapist and nothing else. I think I need support from them as well to get better, and some understanding. They act like they never do anything wrong in regard to me and like I should be able to just stop my rages when they say to. I don’t think they want to understand. It makes me sad.

Me and my partner got together in 2021. He was 23 I was 21. Our relationship was really unstable at first, he has BPD as well and he was really quite intense at first with massive up and down emotions. This was my first relationship ever and the first time I ever felt like anyone loved me (including family etc) so I believed I just have to stick by him because we are soulmates and our love is so special and powerful. He cheated on me a lot, would go from hating me to loving me, once or twice got in a massive rage and attacked me physically. It got to the point where I became suicidal and horribly depressed within the relationship but no matter what I felt like I loved him so much. We ended up breaking up and got back together in 2023, he had changed a lot. He stopped cheating and became more caring. It was obvious he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. But I noticed I had changed. I was constantly paranoid he was cheating, constantly on edge and irritated. I broke up with him in July 2024 because I was just so h happy, however I did it during an argument and later realised I only did it so that he would beg for me to stay and show me that he actually cared. It was a rough breakup for both of us. Fast forward to now. He wants us to be friends, we hang out, he cooks me breakfast, dinner etc, we talk every day, he cuddles me and we occasionally have sex. However, he makes it perfectly clear he doesn’t love me anymore. He doesn’t care who I move on with or about ever getting back together. It’s not the same for me. I love him I feel like I’m drowning without him. I think about him all the time. I need him. I know he’s been having sex with other women and the idea of that has been driving me to a massive spiral where I genuinely considered taking my own life. I can’t comprehend how he just doesn’t love me anymore. I don’t know what to do. I can’t carry on like this. I would do anything absolutely anytime to have him back and to love me again. But at the same time I know I wasn’t happy and that he didn’t treat me well when we were together but for some reason I just can’t make that fact matter to my own brain. The idea of him just moving on makes me fly into a massive rage and depressive episode. I can’t move on at all, I’ve tried. I feel like I can’t go on anymore and if we can’t be together and if he doesn’t want me is there any point of me carrying on I started therapy after our breakup and I’ve been diagnosed with BPD as well

Im currently sitting on the bathroom floor, disheveld and sobbing, banging my head against the wall.

I was looking through my fiance's phone while he slept and came across discord messages between him and a femboy porn addict. They were exchanging pornagraphic fanart and discussing their turn ons. At one point in the dms my fiance even made a point to mention me and our sexual life (something im very insecure and private about)

I woke him up and showed him the messages and he started shaking and explaining he's a chronic porn addict and "wanted somebody as backup incase we dont work out"

the messages go as far as the first month we started dating.

i cant even process this. He says he wants to get better. he deleted his discord account and all his porn and has been holding me for the past 4 hours reassuring me hes going to do better. i still love him but im so...mad

when we first started dating i made him promise to never cheat on me. thats the number one thing i never wanted him to do. Hell, i even told him to beat me id he wanted to and id still love him.

what do i do. i want to forgive him and watch him get better so dont suggest we break up but. im so dizzy right now. i cant believe this is my reality. im going to hurt myself. goodbye.

kind of a win, i got into an argument with bf and found myself RAGING as per usual. Well i had an option to make a drink or use the anger to go to the gym. I literally convinced my angry ass brain to channel it into something positive. And it worked. I actually went. I even started my workout with my depressing ass music too, still worked. I'm really overweight and have been needing to make this a habit. Have i cracked the code?

Hi all, I have no sense of self, currently I'm in a vicious cycle of I want to be loved but I don't let anyone. Now I experience this with 6 man. Its my record.

Unfortunately the only time I feel alive is when men lust for me and I do everything to please them. Then I feel like they got what they wanted from me, and I feel empty, Split and the guilt and shame is eating me alive. Also I'm abandoned again. Does anyone experience this or do you have any advice? Therapy is doing nothing for me

I live in the U.S. as a queer, trans, disabled person. I’m terrified every day and my family is too poor to move somewhere else, so I’m stuck. I rely on FAFSA for my college education and most of my tuition is covered by federal grants. I also rely on Medicaid for my bi-weekly medical appointments for my chronic illnesses. Soon, I won’t be able to finish my degree and I won’t be able to get medical care because my family and I can’t afford private insurance. It’s also hard for me to get and keep a job because of my physical and mental health and I thought of going on disability but the government will likely take that away too. Being homeless, sick, and having bpd in general makes me feel like living isn’t worth it anymore. Also, ICE is now detaining documented, law abiding, U.S. citizens for no apparent reason and they’re in my area. I’m scared they will take my FP (even though they’re fully documented, but they’re targeting POC the most, they’re also now taking white people too, so now I have a chance of being detained too but not as much as my FP) and I will lose them forever. I wake up and feel this enormous sense of dread and I can’t get anything done. I’ve wanted to die since I was 7 and I tried to many times. Now, my urges are stronger than ever and I don’t have anywhere to go. I also can’t get my passport renewed because I have an X as my gender marker. I don’t know what to do and I’m scared.

I have always wanted to be a parent. For years, I told myself I wouldn’t have a child for fear of traumatizing them, but years of therapy made me believe that I don’t have to repeat the cycles. So I let myself hope…

Like all of you, I didn’t just wake up one morning with BPD. I am a result of repeated emotional abandonment and various abuses. And like many of you, my desire for anyone to love me after all of that trauma means I’ve made terrible decisions in partners, often resulting in, you guessed it, more trauma. So here I am, 5 months pregnant and alone. The man who was “so different” actually wasn’t that different after all. He just wasn’t explosive, and I mistook cold detachment for emotional maturity.

I knew that having a child as someone with BPD was going to be a challenge. I knew. But now I’m doing it without any support. My heart is already breaking for the ways I am failing my baby.

TW: SH

I get really bad episodes where I’m hyperventilating, dissociated and if it gets bag enough I SH via hitting, punching, scratching myself. They can last for hours if I can’t ground myself.

However, I only get these really bad ones when I’m with my partner. They dont happen around my family, friends or colleagues. Just my partner. He has to deal with them and try and ground me, and has to watch me hurt myself, and I feel horrible about it.

The worst part is, I’m aware they’re happening but it’s almost like I’m stuck? Trapped? In my head I’m screaming at myself to stop it, but I can’t. It’s like my brain and body are separate to me? It’s scary, and I always feel so guilty and ashamed afterwards.

It makes me feel like I’m just doing it for attention, or I’m manipulating him, or something. But I’m not deliberately doing it. I want to never have them again but I can’t stop them and it’s terrifying when they happen.

Why do they only happen with my partner? It isn’t a toxic relationship, and he loves me and always assures me he isn’t mad at me or will leave me due to my episodes. But I just want them to stop. I feel like I’m just an abusive girlfriend and I’m just a stereotype.

My biggest fear is the facade I put on slipping and people seeing the rage/anxiety behind the mask. I've been in therapy for years, and this is still a problem. No one understands why I'm so tired when my job isn't physically exhausting. My job is mentally taxing, always having to be on, and socializing just takes everything I've got.

I celebrate canceled plans. I dislike people, but I love my husband, children and grandchildren.

My furry buddies have my back, the love for them is different 🐾🐶🐱🐱

I don't talk in absolutes, so when people disagree with me and use the words "always" and "never." I call them out on their shit.

But I'm the problem...

I was discussing with my therapist about going scorched earth when I feel I've been treated badly, unfairly, or however you want to put it (whether real or perceived), still working on this. I'd blow up/burn the bridge so fast that I'd burn myself in the process,(reactive).

As for other symptoms, I have a real sense of who I am (whether people like me or not) I've just come to realise I'm very, very eclectic and march to the beat of my own drum.

Take me or leave me...

Much Love ❤️

so i have a little bit of a story to tell, last tuesday night i had a split and tried ending my life by taking abunch of i prescribed antidepressants. while in hospital they took some bloods and found out i was pregnant. Ever since I have found out I have been nothing but motivated to keep my baby and my partner is happy for me and staying with me through it. I finally feel like i have a purpose to stay and this baby is my everything. I have stopped smoking weed, cut out caffeine and started taking folic acid vitamins. I did do some research on my prescription medication though and my anti depressant i take is not pregnancy safe, i need to make an appointment to get this reviewed but knowing its not pregnancy safe has made me feel a little bit hesitant to take them. my partner thinks i shouldnt miss them and just talk to my doctor about this because i really dont want to have a miscarriage due to me trying to keep up the treatment of my own problems. i dont really know where i was going and what i was wanting to achieve with this post but please help me with a positive mindset, tell me what to expect if youve had a baby while on antidepressants/mood stabilisation medication.

hey guys! dated fp for three years, he broke up w me because of my toxic behavior (i didnt know i had bpd back then!) and spent a year trying to be friends or whatever like that. it sucks, my life is like hell and i actually dont like him anymore at all, not even as a friend. he doesnt. i dont feel like he even treats me as a person anymore after what we went through together, but i have difficulty leaving him cause of all the bpd reasons, us sharing friends, stuff like that. yall got any tips or just general advice?

That's it. I don't think I was meant to be born. I'm late 20s living with my parents with a couple hundred dollars to my name can't afford anything can't keep up with my friends can't relate to anyone around me trauma from childhood and adulthood completely unseen and misunderstood.

In eating disorder relapse mainly because I can't afford food anymore and I don't want to ask my parents for anything. Don't have a job can't imagine working but want to die living in this house but I'll want to die working and I can't do anything. Wake up depressed go back to sleep every time I wake up constantly sucking on my vape even though it makes me sick because I can't afford weed anymore and I need something even if that something does literally nothing good. Barely can shower or brush my teeth. Debilitating chronic back pain that prevents me from doing the few things I might actually enjoy.

Only have minor qualifications in a career field that makes me want to throw up at the thought of going back to but have no direction or qualifications to do anything else. Divorced while all my friends are getting married. My dog only ever wants to be with my mom and loves her so much more than me which triggers my rejection/abandonment wound every single day constantly.

Suffocated with trauma/secrets I can never share and cptsd/BPD symptoms every second of my life, completely frozen feel like I've faded into the background and am already dead. Completely alone in all of it. Won't kill myself because for some reason I don't want my loved ones to be in pain even when they turn a blind eye to mine. Angry and resentful at everyone without them knowing I have any negative feelings towards them at all. Just want to be put out of my misery

hello everyone, was told by a mental health professional earlier this year that i should look into the possibility that i have 'high-functioning bpd'. bit worried that im gonna go to the gp and get fobbed off or have nothing really happen so was just wondering if you guys thought there is actually any merit in getting a bpd diagnosis

My boyfriend came over this morning to hangout. I made him breakfast and we were hanging out in my room I was cleaning up a bit and I just asked him to put a bed sheet on my bed for me, he gave me a bit of attitude but he did it An hour ish later he told me he was bored so I tried to suggest a bunch of things to do and he just kept saying no to all of them and then told me he was going home because he wanted time alone, I was a little bit upset and I told him I didn’t want him to leave and he raised his voice at me and was mad and I still don’t even understand why He left and he sent me this long message about how he’s always with me and he’s tired of me asking him to do things and he was really mad in the text. I said I was sorry and I was just feeling lonely.. and I got no response so I sent like 20 more messages asking him to just call me or text me or respond to me in some way and I called a bunch of times and he only answered me 4 hours later. The whole time I waited I cried He’s done this before where he just ignores me when I’m mad and he knows that I start freaking out and he promised me last time he wouldn’t ignore me again but I feel like we are right back where we were I want to get mad. I want to block him. I want to ask him what the fuck is wrong with him. I am so upset and so angry and I want to flip on him But I know I can’t I know it’s wrong and he doesn’t deserve that and he needs time alone I hate getting in arguments with him. I want to crash out and I want to say mean things and I want to argue and I want to break up because I’m so tired of being ignored. But I know I’ll regret it so I just sit and cry until he finally messages me again

I (24F) am attached to someone (25M) i met online. We dont have a relationship because he thinks it’s not sound to be in a relationship before we meet. I understand him but I am ready to literally get married to him. Thats how much I like him. Today he said he had things to do for a couple hours and he didnt explain what it was. I am losing my mind thinking about every crazy scenario. I cant be harsh on him because i am so scared to lose him. I have to bury my feelings and reactions and it’s making me go crazy. What do I even do in this situation?

Ex girlfriend and I broke up right before Christmas last year, and it was a nasty breakup. I made an attempt and spent the holidays in the ward.

We had been living together 1.5 years after uhauling at 6 weeks.

I moved into my own place after I was discharged, and after a few weeks no contact I reached out to her to get more of my stuff back.

We were surprisingly calm and civil, and while making small talk I mentioned that I’d been craving my favourite supper that she’d make for us all the time.

She said that she’d love to make it for me again, and invited me to come over for supper a few days later.

It was as good as I remembered, and we had enough leftovers that she invited me back the next night to finish it off.

That weekend we spent all day Saturday together thrifting and antiquing like we used to.

We spent a couple more evenings together for supper this week, and she mentioned that she was planning to pick up some psychedelics and asked if I wanted her to grab me anything. Asked her to grab me some LSD.

We made plans to hang out Saturday (last night) and do a tab each.

I grabbed us some pizza for supper and headed over to her place.

We ate the pizza, did a tab each, put a movie on, and cuddled up together on the couch.

After the movie we got to talking, and both agreed that we’re way happier separate, but neither of us have any plans to date anyone else. We’re both happy continuing on how we have been these past few weeks.

We already have so many things planned together in the coming weeks.

I spent last night with her, and we fell asleep in each other’s arms like we used to.

I woke up to her making breakfast for us. We ate, hung out for a bit, then I headed back to my place.

We’re already planning on meeting up Tuesday evening to have supper together again, and agreed that we need to make sleepovers a regular occurrence.

There’s been an entirely new spark between us these past couple weeks that definitely wasn’t there near the end of out relationship, and even if we’re never an official couple again, neither of us could be happier that we still have each other in our lives.

We still hug, kiss, cuddle, and say “I love you” often.

Gah damn I love her…

What the title says.

When I was in high school I was being blackmailed and repeatedly gang raped. The people did a lot of things to me, like putting bugs in my vagina and cutting part of my labia off. At the same time I was also being groomed by a man 5 years older than me. He blamed me for what happened to me and said that I cheated on him.

I now work part time as a cashier. They give me inconsistent hours and insist on making me work opening shifts the day after closing shifts. I’m so burnt out, depressed, and suicidal, but my manager keeps taking advantage of me and my anxiety while my parents say it’s my fault for not having a positive enough attitude and for being unable to handle stress. I feel even more depressed than I did back then.

I constantly think about killing myself. It’s now less “Will I do it?” and more “When will I do it?”

Also Idk if this is the right place to post this but most other subreddits like depression and suicide watch just automatically delete my posts.

Yeah... I most of the time talk to audiences in my head, sometimes just to myself but very often to groups of people or classes. I feel like I recently saw it mentioned in one sub but can't remember which. Do you guys experience that as well? I have OCD and AvPD besides BPD, maybe its a product of a combination...

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now, but as of late I've been getting really sick of her and this relationship. I don't want to break up, I haven't lost feelings, I just can't seem to stop getting pissed off by her for literally no reason. I have also been splitting a lot as of late, mostly because of her and it confuses me as to why any of this is happening as it is my first time in a long term relationship.

Anyone else have this absolute self hate making you want to be another person? Like when I relate to a tv-character, I instantly start acting like them, trying to look like them etc. just because I don't think I, myself, am special or good enough. Like I get jealous of other people and try to copy them in the way they behave and most often this leads to me being very impulsive or making dumb choices. It's so painful not knowing who I am or what I want

It fucking snowed like a foot deep on the only fucking day I was gonna go. It won't happen tomorrow! Today's the date! Why does this ALWAYS FUCKING. HAPEPEN TONME. I won't get this chance for so long!!! It was supposed to be this day!!!! I never go out!!! I hate rhis world im screaming in n y FUCKING HOUSE I WANT TO FUCKING KILL MYSWLF I HATE THIS DISSAPPPOT8TNMENTIM

So I started a new job two weeks ago (I quit my last one after three months), they promised me it would be a remote job but on the first day they switched up and required me to be on site for a month as a “test” this didn’t sit well with me since it’s a two hour commute for me everyday now. I haven’t been able to sleep and I’ve split twice in two weeks, I’ve just bawled my eyes out due to stress and I have nightmares every night. Should I sit out the next two weeks and wait for the remote part? I want to quit already…they told us there’s a software monitoring our every click on the laptop when we’re remote as well and it’s all too overwhelming for me…I’m not sure if it’s my bpd or the company being shitty, all of this is making me feel useless and like I can’t fit in anywhere I go

Edit: i am seeking advice!!

I found out my FP is moving to a completely different state across the country. A sense of relief has washed over me. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I finally feel like I can let him go. I know I'll never see him again and it's a bitter-sweet feeling. The man that has consumed my mind and destroyed my soul since I was 15 years old is finally gone. I've made so many steps to move forward and heal but I feel like this has been a huge push towards recovering! I have felt joy for the first time in 5 years since I let him into my life.

I realized the reason I always choose relationships with people that take advantage of me is because the only time I was shown love and praise in childhood was when I was being useful. So I seek people who “need” me and my help. Seems pretty obvious but it took me 28 years to figure that out so posting in case it helps someone else.

I’ve felt this way for actual years. YEARS. It’s just got to a point where I can’t cope with it anymore.

Was diagnosed with BPD. I live in a country with public mental health care. The provider I was seeing said they didn’t deal with BPD, so had to let me go. I was not referred anywhere else. When I go to my GP (who everything kind of has to go through in the UK), the only thing they can do is refer me back to the provider who doesn’t deal with BPD. All my GP is willing to do is prescribe sertraline (Zoloft for any Americans reading) but I’m seriously concerned that will just exacerbate the completely crazy highs that I have, so I’m holding off. Not to mention that sertraline/Zoloft can cause a brief increase in suicidality (studies show you generally see an increase in motivation before you see an increase in mood - not a good combination) as the medication kicks in - I live alone and I’m SO impulsive that it just doesn’t seem safe. I don’t want it to seem like I’m placing barriers, I just have serious concerns about the one and only thing I’m being offered to manage my symptoms. So as of right now, I am living with unmedicated, unmanaged borderline personality disorder with no end in sight. It feels like I am fucking dying. It’s like my brain is just completely shutting down. I am walking on egg shells around the world for fear of a trigger that will result in either a suicidal low or a crazy euphoric high. I don’t have a life anymore. This disorder is my life and I am at a point of not being able to cope. I do not want to live if this is all there is to it now.

I lost my FP again today and just don't know what to. I'm currently in a mental hospital but I just got transferred from a hospital where I know the staff and they know me to a hospital where I know no one and have trust issues because ive been assaulted by staff in mental hospitals in the past so I don't want to open up to them here as i dont know or trust them. I lost them originally like 3 years ago and that was my fault while I was in a mental hospital that time too. I felt scared at the time that they were leaving and reacted. I've never forgiven myself for that and would never want to do that again. I've always been sorry for what I did.

They started talking to me again last year on another admission (I'm in and out of hospitals at the moment as there are a lot of other things going on that I'm struggling with unrelated to this sub) saying that when I was well in like a years time I'd be able to get back to playing games with them and talking to them again. After that we were messaging a bit talking about random stuff like we both had just got back into the gym again etc. Then after a while during this admission he changed and brought up what happened 3 years ago saying I wasn't nice and went back on what he said and that he'd only support me. At one point a bit after that I asked for support and he ignored me and eventually blocked me a day or so later. After that at Christmas time he unblocked me and said merry Christmas which I said merry Christmas back. I tried talking to them like normal after that and just since then has ghosted me. Today was the day they blocked me again. Idk what to do, I feel like shit especially with everything else going on. I've been punishing myself by not eating for a while and just really want to give up on everything as it all feels too much. I just miss them so much and felt happy at the time when they got back in contact with me and were talking to me, i felt like there was something to look forward to with everything else going on. I tried my best to keep my bpd in check this time but I've just fallen apart at the moment. Idk what to do. I just feel like I need a hug rn

I don't know if this is just me or everyone else with BPD. I don't know anyone else but I think we're just deeply misunderstood people. I don't think we're inherently bad or hurtful. I think we're people who are desperately in need of love. To the point we'll become the villain to find it. I also think when we do find people who genuinely love us for who we are, we are insanely talented and amazing people. Better than most sometimes. I think we're people who love deeply and loudly. If managed with proper therapy, I'm starting to think all the pwBPD will just blossom into these beautiful individuals and with mind-blowing strength (because come on you're having BPD and functioning everyday normally???). I think at the end of the day, all we need is kindness and unconditional support. Maybe I'm euphoric guys so don't take me the wrong way! I just feel like us having the most painful disorder and still making through this hell and even come to some part of being normal? God we must be strong ass people. I'm proud of myself and everyone else in this platform. It's great to see people, so many many people talk about their struggles and find some way to get better through other's support. It's truly a sight to see☺️

Hi today I got really sad on myself , I don’t feel great at anything everyone around me has a set goal or talent . And I’m in complete limbo I feel inadequate and sometimes I wish I had a great talent like everyone else

Today i’ve wanted to kms 3 separate occasions. I don’t understand this bullshit man why are emotions just fucking me, I hate this shit i’m in therapy and on an antidepressant yet i still want to rip my own flesh to absolute shreds. I just have headaches because of my own frustration and pain i can’t do this bullshit for the rest of my life it’s inhumane

As a young male even tryna speak about this with people is pointless because nobody actually understands or takes it seriously