So I come from an abusive single mother household, and my husband's family took me in and cared for me for about 10 years. I never knew what to gift her. But I am now living out on my own, and she loved me as if I were her own daughter even before my husband and I got married. What is something that would be of great emotional that would make a really good thank you present that I could give her? She housed, fed, and brought me clothes from goodwill all the time. She was always thinking of me, and I wanted to return that kindness.

I love her very much, but sadly, my husband and I are separated without hope of getting back together. So this will have to be a final goodbye and thank you gift. I really want to buy her something that says I love and appreciate you. What would be a good thank you to her?

Anyone experienced being a target of theft when in Europe?

I have a very Vietnamese name. It's a common name in Vietnam but not the US. I always spell out my first and last name when I need to give it out, and most people don't know how to pronounce it. Today I was at the store for a pick up; the worker was Vietnamese and immediately typed in my name before I even had a chance to spell it. I'm used to being treated differently but it felt really nice to experience having a "normal" name for a few seconds. Made me realize I've been neglecting to spend more time with my own people.

Funny thing is, it's easy to say and spell if you know it, it's just uncommon.

I’m stuck as the intermediary between my parents and some neighbors regarding a dispute. I understand how important the issue is but at the same time it feels like my parents are too hardheaded and is making things worst.

The neighbors have trees bordering our property, close enough to the house that insurance mentioned it in their inspection report. We’re worried about the roots affecting the foundation and the branches are already reaching over. We talked to the neighbors in person earlier and my parents keep having me call them to try and discuss it further. If I’m fucking tired of calling, I’m 100% sure the neighbors are tired of me calling. I’m also not quite sure the law is completely on our side and my parents may have misunderstood insurance about the neighbors responsibility (everything I found online says the opposite).

This feels like just another thing that I have to solve for my parents because they don’t speak English and I’m in way over my head. Everything I can find online says I’m in over my head and to just get legal advice. My dad always feels like he’s always cleaning up after bullshit when I was growing up. I feel like I’m doing that shit with them now. /endrant

If tagged wrong or not allowed feel free to remove the post.

I'm interested in learning how it was growing up in a culture outside of East Asia as an Asian

Recently took the big step of admitting to my family that I have a substance abuse issue and entering an intensive outpatient program for addiction. Despite being in NYC, I’m not seeing a ton of other Asians in the recovery spaces I’m in and I wish I could talk to more people about the cultural elements of the addiction/recovery process.

Would anyone in this community want to chat or share their experience with addiction/recovery as an Asian American? I’d love to expand my network or just hear others’ stories! Hope you’re all doing well.

Hey fellow AMs as a a Chinese 1.5 gen myself here in Toronto Canada I can hardly find 1.5 gens in real life to connect with. They all seem to be either 2nd gen (or what is known here as CBC) or first gen (came here during high school or as adults). We do seem to be a rarity among the Asian community.

Me (25F) Filipino born, raised, currently living + never left Florida and I feel I am pretty behind in life. My dreams to live in a big metro with a sizeable Asian population is already thrown in the trash due to me finding a job instate unfortunately. I want to leave FL badly for a multitude of reasons and I know I could thrive somewhere else. I grew up in a disgusting small town with no Asians and I got racially bullied by low income broken family kids and the school system never did shit. My only exposure to Asian culture was being around this family friend group but they were toxic whitewashed Asians if not they lived further from my family. I loathe the fact that my cousins from Toronto grew up in a diverse area with so much benefits and rubs it in my damn face. I look at different areas to move to but I get bs from people around me like “Chicago is the most dangerous city in the world and has no Asians” and “you’re gonna regret living in Cali” and “Texas is so conservative and hates women”. Then again I have always lived in small towns and I 100% know small towns breed small brains. I am uncomfortable how many people I know my age are having kids and buying houses but it’s a pressure that I’m currently fighting off. Sure right now I make 70k in a low cost of living area (still a small town) but I don’t feel satisfied by any means. What is holding me back for now is that I’m just finding the right time to get a car and get 2-3 years of work experience under my belt. I’m really unhappy and I hate myself :(

Calling all /r/AsianAmerican lurkers, long-time members, and new folks! This is our weekly community chat thread for casual and light-hearted topics.

​

• If you’ve subbed recently, please introduce yourself!
• Where do you live and do you think it’s a good area/city for AAPI?
• Where are you thinking of traveling to?
• What are your weekend plans?
• What’s something you liked eating/cooking recently?
• Show us your pets and plants!
• Survey/research requests are to be posted here once approved by the mod team.

I saw the first three episodes and cry my heart out. All the scenes reminded me of my parents' journey to America, how they preserve in the face of struggle, accomplish the American dream, and create a community with the other adults at the time. I see most of the characters as neither bad or good. Just human beings. The South Vietnamese Veterans in Eden Center think the show is brainwashing and Communist brainwashing. Sad really. My parents didn't want to watch it because it bring back unhappy memories and sad times. The Captain played by Hoa Xuande isn't a good guy or bad guy. Just a human being with his own choices which is starting to break him down.

my parents and i moved to the US when i was 8 and we’ve been reliant on relatives for housing while my dad earns enough for us three to live off of. neither of them speak English. my parents are divorced and i live with my mom before college. i have a full ride scholarship in college. my mom works part time for a minimum wage job. she’s really caring (sometimes almost codependent) towards me but im worried about a recent conversation we had.

she asked me if, after grad school, id send her $2k a month as an allowance. based on my projected salary after grad school, this would be 1/3 of what i bring home. i don’t know if I’m comfortable with this because it’s a lot and i want to be able to live comfortably after all my hard work in school. this isn’t a good comparison but it makes me feel suffocated like im tied down to a responsibility (like a child) that i didn’t want. i don’t want to feel like a retirement plan.

what would you guys do in this situation? it’s very hard because my mom is very sweet towards me and she’s not able to get a well paying enough job due to language barriers i don’t know if she’d get retirement funds either. she would also tell me how she feels like a burden and considered to move back to our home country.

I recently moved to the Bay Area in California where a lot of Asian Americans live. I see a lot of them gravitating towards EDM artists like Dabin, ODESZA, Jai Wolf, Joji, Porter Robinson, Illenium, and others. Illenium is the artist that keeps coming up in TikToks satirizing stereotypical Asian-Americans. I only started listening to EDM again recently, but most of my favorite artists (who'll be performing at EDC next week) sound pretty different from the above names, whom I still enjoy but not as much.

I've also hardly been to any festivals or raves. I've seen a few EDM shows, but most of the crowds were white with not much of those stereotypical "Asian rave squads".

Sorry if this sounds like a dumb question, I'm just trying to better connect to the local community and enjoy some new music. I understand each individual has different taste, but I couldn't help but notice people on TikTok pointing out certain artists and "ABGs".

also, which one of the bigger, more mainstream artists are the most popular with Asian-Americans?

I posted recently about a the first feature film I'm making called Ann Arbor and I was invited to a University of Michigan AAPI filmmaker panel to celebrate AAPI Heritage Month to share about our journeys into cinema, latest projects, and how we infuse our identities into our work! The Zoom panel also features heavy hitters like Richard Lui, Anna Wong (niece of Anna May Wong, the first Asian American actress) and others!

Event: Lights, Camera, Identity: AAPI Filmmakers Spotlight
Time: Tomorrow, May 9th at 4:30pm PST/7:30pm PST.
Register here: https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZMsf--tqD8iHNAYdqdzKJa46uZjc6pqzEBm#/registration

Hope to see some of you there!

My parents speak Tagalog. I understand ~50% but my little brother doesn't understand at all. We were never taught, but our ages/upbringing contribute to our different levels of comprehension.

When we're all together, my mom tends to speak about my brother to my dad in Tagalog. I feel bad for my brother sitting there while they talk about him, knowing I can understand but he can't. The conversation usually isn't anything they wouldn't want him to hear and it would only be helpful for him to know what they're saying.

EX: My brother asks if he should take a job's health insurance or stay on my dad's plan until he ages out. My mom tells my dad in Tagalog that he should stay on the plan until he ages out. It would only be helpful for my brother to hear her opinion, but he can't understand.

Knowing English is my parents' second language, it feels wrong of me to ask that she put in the extra mental work to translate her thoughts. But it also feels wrong that my brother sits there, not knowing she's talking about him right in front of him.

I know it's not my battle to fight, but my mom gets defensive very easily and my brother doesn't like to rile her up. We're close and we agree that I can mediate their relationship because it's been contentious for a few years.

Basically, I want my family to communicate more mindfully, but I don't want to be insensitive to the experience of a bilingual person. Any advice either way?

Edit: Obviously, if my parents are clearly having a private discussion meant only for them, I'll be able to tell and I wouldn't expect her to speak English. They know I can understand some, so it's inevitable I overhear their conversations.

Help what should I do? I’ve noticed recently when putting my hair up in whatever way that I’m getting progressively less thick hair in the front and I’m starting to worry, I’m 20, I’m a student and I work part time.

Aside from the official government sources, which would obviously be pro-China (why criticize yourself?), I think the foreigners who are pro-China tend to fall into these categories:

• business people (they must have invested in China or have engaged with China professionally in some way, and they would rely on a strong China to make back their own investment)
• fun travelers (they just want to find delicious eats and have fun)
• Marxist-Leninist ideologues (they tend to be western social critics who are very critical of western society and will look for examples to support their own ideology)
• western political dissenters (these people are fed with some aspect of western politics in some way)

Foreigners who are anti-China tend to fall into these categories:

• politicians (they have to know what the people want to hear and represent the people, so that they can get elected or re-elected; they have to make the people happy, make corporations happy.)
• business/political/tech/military rivals (they want dominance in these areas)
• people who are negatively impacted by the outsourcing of manufacturing jobs because their own country's capitalists want cheap labor
• people who have to make click-bait for a living
• Chinese political dissenters (the enemy of the enemy is friend)

I start this off by prefacing I am talking more about East Asians, but as a whole this is something that has been going on.

I am just so extremely confused and quite frankly annoyed at the recent influx of comparisons of Asians with White people. It’s quite puzzling. I see these videos and discussion stating that “we are the same as white people” or that we “desire to be white” or that because of our proximity to white people we are “just as bad or have it easy.

I don’t understand why us as a community and our struggles have been just brushed away because of the fact we are a more “palatable race”. I don’t understand why certain people can’t talk about their own struggles without bringing us into the equation and erasing our identities. I grew up in a predominantly white suburbs, I am no where near white, I don’t want to be white, and I am certainly do not worship white people.

It often feels like our historical struggles and the nuance behind our racial identity has been stripped. It feels since we became mainstream people seem to just forget the history. They also fail to acknowledge the fetishization our community continuously to go through.

To note, this isn’t ignoring the fact our community, as all minority communities do, struggle with internalized racism. However, this trend of gross generalization without nuance brushes pass the struggles the community goes through.

This is especially true as this conversation also tend to leave out South and South-East Asians who make up for a great number of the community. Who also tend to take a heavy hit and face a lot of normalized racism.

I don’t know, maybe it’s my own experience growing up distinctively Asian in a White area that it rubs me the wrong way. We are such a large and multifaceted community that it’s just so weird to deduce us down to white adjacent or white wannabes.

I just wanted to also know everybody’s thoughts on this matter, because it feels like this topics been around for a bit.