Hey everyone, This is Félix. I saw this idea on YouTube from people who support Antinatalism. I wonder if any of you think that people should have to pass a test to learn how to be a parent before they can have a child. I know it's not possible, but I'm curious if any of you have thought about this too.

Have a great weekend!

Best, Félix

Hey fellow babies, This is Félix, I am planning on going no contact this year, it is my goal of the year. I fleed from Macao(a city I hate the most, I got bullied really bad, I will never walk at that land again) to the Netherlands, I am wonder did any of you flee from your family and started the no contact?

Have a nice weekend!

Hugs Félix

Hi, i will try to keep it short but there's just some much I feel like I need to tell before I can get the advice needed.
So I have posted earlier about my APs not accepting my SO which most likely seems to lead that I will have to move on without them. My SO's family are very excited to have me join their family. they really want to sit down with my family and talk but my AM has said that she doesn't even wanna see their faces.  

With my family, I have an elder brother whom I have never been close to he is extremely against it, my mother I also have a superficial relationship with due to completely different mindsets, my dad is okay I just never felt secure with him. My AM and AD are on the verge of divorce started 10-15 years ago and now they barely speak to each other, my AM can be very cold-hearted or at least pretend to be. my younger sister is the only one I'm very close to. 

my SO and I have been together for 2.5 years and both knew pretty fast that we were in it for the long term. 

My mistake which I know was stupid is that I never included my family in my decision. In the beginning, it was because I wanted to be sure and later it was because I knew how much they would be against me. 
When they found out I lied and tried to make the lies so that they would accept our relationship (like how we met and stuff) but with time they found out the truth. But because my APs were lied to all the time they don't trust me nor take me seriously - I don't know what to do about that, I know that it was wrong of me but I also know that if they know from the beginning they would still be very dismissing and keep on encouraging me to end it or keep him in the friendzone.

Anyway, the last time I took up this discussion I told them "I do respect you and appreciate everything you've done for me, but I have decided to continue despite you not agreeing" Here I was told that I don't have respect for them, and that fact that I'm willing to move to a place where no relatives are and that he has no education (he works hard and I have no doubt that together we will grow) nor good looks and that I'm willing to drop my studies to be a housewife (or low-income job) shows how immature I am. 

The thing is I don't mind being a housewife I see something different in it than my AM does and there used to be a time when I dreamt of being home and taking care of my family, but I started studies to avoid making my parents unhappy. Another thing is that I have never been a social type, and here my AM says "So you don't wanna go out with anyone here because you find everyone to be strange but you're ready to stay with his mother, whom you barely know, all day long"

and then my AM continued with if I go on with this I will be boycotted from the family no one will have contact with me and they will even tell my sister she can't have contact with me.  
Honestly, my sister is the only one I'm super worried about because she sometimes tells me the same things I had to go through with my brother and mother - and if she can't vent with me I'm scared that she will isolate herself. (I'm happy with how I am, but I don't think she would be happy like that)

I'm at a point where I have no idea what to tell them, everything I say backfires and I'm tired of the hour-long uncomfortable discussions that lead nowhere. 

My dad was like "You might have a wedding but the joy of a wedding is not going to be there when especially your brother and mother are against it, but if you don't care you can just say "fuck off I will do my own thing" and that's your choice, just know that you won't ever be truly happy if that's your decision"

I want to convince them to at least meet him and his family, but they want to hear me say "If you guys don't accept I will end it" But I can say that because it's not true I am ready to leave them if they do not want to support my decision. Also, we are from an Indian background, so they also want me to ask about his caste, which they don't understand why I never did and never am going to. I told them you could meet them and ask themselves, but they (mostly my mom) said "No why would we ask - we are not going to meet them"

Honestly, at this point, I just need some advice on what I can do and what I can say to my parents, I don't want to bother my SO all the time as he can't do much about it. his family and he are ready to accept me into their home at any time.  

A few weeks ago, my dad sent me a video and I overheard my mom refer to me as her “motherfucking daughter”. She was talking to my dad and clearly sound annoyed.

They were vacationing and I asked my dad how were they doing and he decided to take a video of the two of them. I wanted to ask how they were. Apparently my mom was annoyed and having a bad day so she didn’t want a video or photo taken.

I asked my dad what my mom meant by that or was it a joke. He said she was just in a bad mood and not to think any of it.

I didn’t speak to my mom for two days because I was hurt and I was thinking if I should confront her because I am scared that she will get angry at me.

Dad calls me on day 2 and tells me to message her because she’s crying and telling him that I don’t love her because I’m easily angry at her.

I cleared it up and said I wasn’t angry, I was just hurt and thinking whether I should bring it up as it feels like there was an underlying issue. Why would you refer to your daughter with such harsh words even as a joke or if you’re not in the mood?

Messaged my mom directly to clarify, she apologised but as I was explaining myself she lashes out and says. You’ll never believe me anyway and now she’s ignoring any contact.

I feel confused and I’m being made to feel I’m overreacting and that it’s now an issue about how my mom feels I don’t love her. Rather than her cursing at me, which deeply hurt me.

Now I feel anxious about not contacting her for a long period of time because I feel like right now I have to keep my distance because I feel hurt.

I feel like I’m damned if I do anything and not do anything.

How would you approach this situation?

Thank you.

I’ve tried to have a discussion with my parents about the therapy at least twice but it seems they don’t really approve of me doing it since they think I don’t need it due to having a “normal” home life and also that the info won’t be confidential. I still live with my parents for now cause living in my hometown city is expensive as fuck and I don’t have enough saved to make the move. I don’t know why, but it’s kind of unfortunate that this is the situation that I’m in.

So I made the hard choice of going to therapy behind their back. They even did an evaluation and said that I should take meds for anxiety and later the ADHD or just attention deficit. I know I’m doing this for myself since I have things I could work on and some issues or traumas I’m dealing with. Sometimes tho it’s like my mind wants me to stop doing this, but at the same time I’m worried that I’ll dig myself a deeper hole if I did stop.

I feel like I’m getting decent results though I know the work isn’t done yet. I just want to know if people have done this and if so, did you feel that it was worth the trouble? Even if you haven’t, I still want to know if any of ya’ll tried and if it’s working for you in regard to bettering yourself and your mental health.

There’s literally no limit to what these people can do.

I’m Chinese but born and raised in the Philippines.

I (30F) go on a solo trip abroad, and my parents tell me to be careful and don’t meet men.

My brother (27M) is on a solo trip abroad now, and my parents are telling him to go meet women so he can find a gf/wife.

I brought this up with my APs and they went “he won’t lose anything, but you will” 🫥 I also shared this with a Filipino friend and he just agreed too……

(This is on a support flair, it also a rant!)

So I’m not expecting people to give me advice, but you can if you want. For context I (26F) just had a graduation ceremony from my college yesterday and I invited my boyfriend (21M) to attend (because it was free). My boyfriend attended the ceremony but he wanted to give me flowers after the ceremony and congratulate me in person. Also, my friend and classmate wanted me to meet her family as well because she told them about me. However, when the ceremony was completed and I walked out of the venue (with my friend) my AM was already standing there waiting for me. When she saw me with my friend and my friend said that she wanted me to meet her family, my AM immediately said “We have to go home”. My AM then told me that she left the ceremony early, basically right after they announced my name and I walked the stage, because she was worried about her bag that the security guard took (because you’re not allowed to bring purses). That’s why she was already waiting for me. I just feel really bad because my AM just basically took me away, robbing me of social life that night. My boyfriend was heartbroken as well because he really wanted to see me and congratulate me in person.

On the way home, I was basically annoyed at my AM, not only because of what she did but also because I was tired and my feet were hurting (because I was basically standing for an hour/hour and a half during the ceremony). And my AM basically disregarded my tiredness and said “You’re tired? I had to iron your gown and cook breakfast. What did you do? Nothing”.

I really hope she leaves me alone soon, either by moving back to her home country or ☠️….

Tldr; Stayed out later than expected and got yelled at by my mum

When I was starting uni, my friends from high school started excluding me because I had beef with one person in that group. Anyways I was keen to make new friends.

I would usually go to welcome parties for first year students and I would tell my parents that I was out studying and I would be back in a few hours. I would end up going to those parties, drink a lot and go out clubbing. My parents expected me to be back before midnight. Midnight comes and I'm getting lit at the club so my mum calls me. I just straight up don't answer because I'm too drunk to deal with her bullshit.

Eventually I would come home quietly at 3am and my parents would be fast asleep. I wake up the next day and my mum tells me how she's worried sick and couldn't sleep at night. I knew she was full of shit and I didn't process anything she said anyways because I was hungover.

Tldr; Stayed out later than expected and got yelled at by my mum

My mom has been having breathing and lung issues for several months now. Even though my dad has told me snippets of things, I frankly don’t know what’s going on with her.

I don’t know if it’s just my parents but they are very much against telling me anything bad like their health.

Their view is that they as parents don’t want to burden their kids (us) with their pain and suffering. They don’t want that to hurt our happiness and mood.

My dad is trying his best to take care of her and when I try to ask how she is, he’s vague about it. I asked him if he needs help since I only live like 2 hours away I can come help him. He said no he’s the man, the father, and husband. He will put that burden on himself.

It’s frustrating because in my mind I’m like she’s my mother, I have the fucking right to know!! And then he got mad at me one time asking me why I’m so concerned about finding out the details. Why do I need to know and get more anxious??

I will never forget when he asked if I wanted to know so I can know if she’ll die so I can get money from them….yes I have asked money from them many times but apparently asking about her health conditions means I’m waiting for her to die to get money 🙄😒. It doesn’t even make sense since he’s the one that’s the breadwinner and makes like 3-4 times what she makes.

I was once my parent's favorite child because I was the achiever compared to my sister. When I quitted going to med school (I'm a scholar and they didn't spent a penny on my studies) and stopped dreaming to become a doctor because I was burnt out and my mental health is depleting, I could see how they shifted their attention to my sister who isn't an achiever but is on nursing school (they think she'll be more successful because they think nurses abroad can earn a lot of money). Basically, they didn't like me anymore because I didn't have a "future" or their expectations on me has greatly shifted just because I will not become a doctor. They think physicians in the PH make alot of money wherein fact it's the opposite. It felt like their favoritism is only based on how their child will earn in the future. How do I live my life like this? Do I have the worst parents? Should I live on my own?

Hi, i will try to keep it short but there's just some much I feel like I need to tell before I can get the advice needed.
So I have posted earlier about my APs not accepting my SO which most likely seems to lead that I will have to move on without them. My SO's family are very excited to have me join their family. they really want to sit down with my family and talk but my AM has said that she doesn't even wanna see their faces.  

With my family, I have an elder brother whom I have never been close to he is extremely against it, my mother I also have a superficial relationship with due to completely different mindsets, my dad is okay I just never felt secure with him. My AM and AD are on the verge of divorce started 10-15 years ago and now they barely speak to each other, my AM can be very cold-hearted or at least pretend to be. my younger sister is the only one I'm very close to. 

my SO and I have been together for 2.5 years and both knew pretty fast that we were in it for the long term. 

My mistake which I know was stupid is that I never included my family in my decision. In the beginning, it was because I wanted to be sure and later it was because I knew how much they would be against me. 
When they found out I lied and tried to make the lies so that they would accept our relationship (like how we met and stuff) but with time they found out the truth. But because my APs were lied to all the time they don't trust me nor take me seriously - I don't know what to do about that, I know that it was wrong of me but I also know that if they know from the beginning they would still be very dismissing and keep on encouraging me to end it or keep him in the friendzone.

Anyway, the last time I took up this discussion I told them "I do respect you and appreciate everything you've done for me, but I have decided to continue despite you not agreeing" Here I was told that I don't have respect for them, and that fact that I'm willing to move to a place where no relatives are and that he has no education (he works hard and I have no doubt that together we will grow) nor good looks and that I'm willing to drop my studies to be a housewife (or low-income job) shows how immature I am. 

The thing is I don't mind being a housewife I see something different in it than my AM does and there used to be a time when I dreamt of being home and taking care of my family, but I started studies to avoid making my parents unhappy. Another thing is that I have never been a social type, and here my AM says "So you don't wanna go out with anyone here because you find everyone to be strange but you're ready to stay with his mother, whom you barely know, all day long"

and then my AM continued with if I go on with this I will be boycotted from the family no one will have contact with me and they will even tell my sister she can't have contact with me.  
Honestly, my sister is the only one I'm super worried about because she sometimes tells me the same things I had to go through with my brother and mother - and if she can't vent with me I'm scared that she will isolate herself. (I'm happy with how I am, but I don't think she would be happy like that)

I'm at a point where I have no idea what to tell them, everything I say backfires and I'm tired of the hour-long uncomfortable discussions that lead nowhere. 

My dad was like "You might have a wedding but the joy of a wedding is not going to be there when especially your brother and mother are against it, but if you don't care you can just say "fuck off I will do my own thing" and that's your choice, just know that you won't ever be truly happy if that's your decision"

I want to convince them to at least meet him and his family, but they want to hear me say "If you guys don't accept I will end it" But I can say that because it's not true I am ready to leave them if they do not want to support my decision. Also, we are from an Indian background, so they also want me to ask about his caste, which they don't understand why I never did and never am going to. I told them you could meet them and ask themselves, but they (mostly my mom) said "No why would we ask - we are not going to meet them"

Honestly, at this point, I just need some advice on what I can do and what I can say to my parents, I don't want to bother my SO all the time as he can't do much about it. his family and he are ready to accept me into their home at any time.  

I(19f) am indian and i have strict parents . our family is also very enmeshed where I literally have nobody to talk to or spend time with except my parents since I cant go out of the house for any reason whatsoever . i hate it but its fine .

Now comes the bigger problem , MY PARENTS REFUSE TO LET ME HAVE A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP !!! for context- [everything we do is dictated by my parents].

If I want to sleep early some day and wake up early - I cant do that because my dad watches tv loudly in the room and the noises comes to my room , im not allowed to close the door so I simply cant sleep until they switch off the tv and sleep .

and I cant wake up early because I don't have a phone to put alarms in , also my parents get angry if I make the slightest noise in the morning- like working out or drinking water or anything.

now take the opposite scenario- I try to sleep at 2-3 am nowadays since thats the only time its queit enough to be able to study peacefully, but then I require sleep till 9-10 at least in the morning , which my parents and my brother wont let happen , they keep waking me up starting from 6 am to 10 am multiple times, asking me to go sleep somewhere else , or get up and study , or not get in the way of my mum cleaning etc .

this makes me tired all through the day and then I fall asleep in the afternoon to cover my lack of sleep , which makes my family angrier because why am I being lazy and not studying. i know they care about me but they just don't understand the concept of indivudality- for them its like- if they do something on a certain time I have to do it that very time too , and it feels like a prison

genuine question how do I handle this ???

Left my household after graduating from school, hardly ever visit parents. And my mother, never. She is the epitome of a toxic parent, toxic Asian parent is a small umbrella to encapsulate her true personality. She is the original inspiration of all Kseries vamps, and she is badder than all of them. My AF and AM are separated, and she lives with her sister and her sister's family. Also because no one else in my extended family wants to live with her or allow her in their household. She is regarded in my extended family as poison, she instigates fights everywhere she goes. Whatever she touches, she burns. She draws pleasure out of it. Extremely extremely money minded, narcissistic and manipulative. Playing cruel mind games is her forte, and she is a consummate actress, she can cry and lie and make up stories and excuses on cue, I am talking thick thick crocodile tears. Meryl Streep has nothing on her. I have often been stunned into silence by her displays of very convincing performances. Not even exaggerating. People (family friends, neighbours, most relatives) are generally scared of her and stay away from her, she is entirely unpredictable, will say the most foulest thing you can imagine in front of anyone to anyone, not even her husband and kids and parents are spared. Truly sadistic, her mood shifts on a dime. She has often proclaimed in front of multiple witnesses that she has NEVER done anything wrong, and whatever the issue be (it's almost always her), it's NEVER her fault, only the other person's. She uses her money (gained from many immoral methods) as currency to make people favor her by loaning it (on interest) and then she likes to control them. This isn't even enough context but it's enough for this post. Yesterday my sister in law (who HAD to give an ultimatum to my brother that he had to choose between her and his mother, so now they live separately) told me that my 'sainted' mother came to her house recently. I had visited my father myself recently and had to prepone return because he is also an immature narcissist, just not as talented as my mother. I decided that I could either spend my hard earned free time getting humiliated for no reason or I could play with my cats at my flat, so I came back after seeing my sister in law. My mother visited her and asked her - "Why didn't you tell me that my daughter had come to visit? How she must have missed me...." I haven't seen her in years, and whenever I visit hometown, I make a point of staying away from her. I stay at my father's place, never her's and tell him to keep it under radar. Sometimes she will come to my father's place unannounced when she hears about my visit, and when she does, I generally leave the next day. There is a hell lot of trauma there and I know her almost inside and out. No one knows her better than me. I am her daughter. Which is why I don't even speak to her when she is around, don't interact in any way. Don't greet her, don't look at her, ignore her like she is a ghost. Not exaggerating. it's the only way to deal with her. I don't react to anything she says, and she used to say a lot but she doesn't anymore, I don't let her touch me, I always keep her at a distance. I never even refer to her in front of anyone, I know she can and will use anything as her weapon. She is a master at it. So she fought with my sister in law when she heard i had left and she didn't tell her. She said - "my daughter must have missed me". She kept pestering my sister in law to divulge information about me, and she wouldn't give any. So my sainted mother resorted to talking shit about me, without missing a beat. That I expect. A long time ago, in my college learnt naivete, I patiently and with great risk to myself, had suggested consulting a psychologist to her. I won't go into details what happened next, but I haven't been to her house since. At this point of time, I won't be surprised if something bad happens to her. She has made a lot of enemies. I am on my way to recovery, and I am getting better and better, since I understand my parents better and better. But my mother is something else. If she wasn't my mother, and if I saw her in some movie, I would really appreciate the layers, complexity and versatility of her character. She isn't even your typical Asian traditional mother, I mean she is on the surface because that's a very convenient facade, but she has broken all norms of an ideal traditional mother. Adultery (multiple times), child abuse, emotional physical violence, lie, deceit, doublespeak, conmanship, what have you. I don't think she would break the law, because she is aware of the consequences and she likes her luxuries. But she is capable of it, she has no moral compass. None. I strongly suspect she has some kind of personality disorder, but I would never make the mistake of bringing anything up in this regard ever again.

Recently, I realized he does this to somebody who is younger and to females only. I am 21+ btw, but I think he will do this to me no matter what age. If the person arguing with him is male, he will just angrily argue without being physical. If it is like with me, for example, I disagree with him in an argument, sometimes I can sense it escalating cause he starts sounding angry, then he will chase me and grab me and hit me.

Sometimes I think if I should listen to my siblings and just dont disagree with him...

Hello guys! I (M18) don’t know how many of you have also experienced this as well, but does anyone’s dad just not care about an argument UNTIL the child starts fighting back? It might sound confusing but I’ll give a brief story (sorry if I yap a lot).

My mom is a horrific human being and always likes to call me out for no reason at all. I’m waiting until fall so I can move to college to officially cut off contact permanently, but until then I’m stuck in the same house as her. I don’t speak with her that much anymore because a week ago, she got into an argument with my dad and then she somehow brought me into it and started saying stuff like how I was destined to be a failure since birth, and how I was diagnosed with autism since birth but they never told me - I don’t see how autism is a probably, really - so I just avoided her as much as I could and treated her coldly. My dad never steps into the argument and if I even RAISE my voice a little bit he yells at me for not controlling my emotions.

Fast-forward to the present, and we’re attending the wedding of my brother, and basically my parents tried to guilt trip me into going to the dholki - which is like a thing in Pakistani weddings - but I refused because I was extremely sick, and also my brother literally told me before hand he didn’t want me to go. The next day (today), my mom started yelling at me for not going to the dholki and that I was inconsiderate, and this led to a full blown argument between her and I which my dad just stayed out of and I let a “FUCK OFF” slip from my lips and he suddenly gets involved and yells at me to stop using that kind of language. Like what the absolute fuck? I storm back to my room and my dad frequently tries to tell me that I should learn from my mistakes while letting that fucking woman play the victim like she usually does and here I am, writing about my experience on Reddit.

Anyways, like I said before, I want to cut off contact from them once I move but the thing is, I’m scared if I fully do it, they would stop paying tuition for uni and I don’t know what to do from there. I just wanted to let this out as I want to leave so bad but even three months feels like a long time. Sorry if my writing is terrible, by the way.

I just want to vent. Anyone AP changed and become nicer when they got older. I don’t have a normal parent daughter relationship with my AM. At the moment I’m trying to keep LC. But she’s texting me and candidly telling me she’s mentally tired from work and talking to me like a friend. I just feel super weird with her vulnerability…

I feel like a bad person because i am not use to that. I always give very simple response to text and I never and will never be comfortable to show vulnerability or tell her (for example, telling her what I am up to and if I am feeling stressed etc).

Honestly this is just a vent. But anyone AP became more candid and vulnerable with them and how did that feel?

I don’t expect anyone to read this garbage lol, just needed to vent.

I accidentally popped the bumper slightly of my APs car while slowly backing out in a tight parking lot. Other car was completely unscathed, but my ADs car now has a misaligned bumper. My AD already doubts my ability to drive bc I’m a female and I’m dreading his reaction once he sees the car. My father always attributes any minor mistake in other drivers to them being female without even seeing who they are.

I got in a car crash a couple months ago (was not my fault, other driver ran a red light) however, my AD banned me from driving for like 2 months because somehow he gaslit himself into thinking it was my fault. He haphazardly installed an extremely overpriced and malfunctional dashcam. He doesn’t even know what a dashcam is, nor does he realize it doesn’t work when he drives lol.

If that’s how he reacted to a crash that wasn’t even my fault, idek what to expect with this one. This is probably just gonna reinforce his stupid gender bias and justify banning me from driving completely. meanwhile my AD doesn’t bat an eye at my brothers who frequently scratch up the car. Each time my AD saw a new scratch on the car, he absolutely lost it at me. But when my brothers confirmed that it was in fact them, suddenly my AD didnt care and didnt mind getting the car fixed up. Crazy how my brothers just fess up bc they know they won’t get yelled at or banned from driving

Unnecessary update: im now banned from operating an automobile

I’m in a serious relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years but my mom absolutely hates him for no reason, or at least none that she really tells me of. A little back story: my mom and I have had a pretty good relationship until my brother passed away. Since his passing she has become extremely codependent on me and basically has been sheltering me out of fear which i understand, however this has lead me to keep my own life from her and not really tell her much about myself, my mental health, etc. When i first introduced my mom to my boyfriend i thought it went well. However shortly after, she began to become extremely vocal about how she doesn’t like him when he’s not around. I would always ask her what specifically she didn’t like and if there was something specific where I could see a reason to why i would tell my boyfriend a heads up and just be more mindful however mind you none of these reasons were about anything extremely serious or disrespectful. It would just be little things like asking if she wanted to snack with us or etc. Ultimately it got to a point where she would be the first to bring him up and tell me to break up with him which made me really upset and uncomfortable (also leading to several verbally abusive arguments). I’ve tried so hard to set boundaries and just tell her i wish she would be happy that i’m in a happy relationship but nothing has worked. I’ve just been lying to her and tell her i’m going to work when i would go see my boyfriend to avoid conflict between her and i. I genuinely feel terrible about lying to her but i also just need to live my own life to feel sane at this point. I’m so tired of hiding him from her so i decided to tell her that i’m going out to go see him and her first response was when are you guys going to break up. Honestly this made me really upset and even regret even being honest with her. My boyfriend has been so patient and understanding of my mom and my struggles with her also with my mental health which he has helped me so much with. I wish she could just see how he genuinely makes me happy and cares for me because i really do feel so upset and helpless over this.

It's a long story. I don't know how to start talking about it. I'm sooooo tired of explaining long sentences. It's just really pointless. I will always be wrong anyway.

I'm 18F, Msian Indian and start college in July. I'm also the eldest daughter. My parents enforced a sleep schedule for me since I entered highschool and I think it's kinda dumb.

They want me to be asleep by 11:30pm -midnight,,, but most kids my age literally stay up late to play games and I'm really jealous of that. I'm a highschool graduate and had this strict curfew and my APs promised after I graduate I could sleep whenever I wanted and have some freedom to myself but literally none if that is even true. During my senior year, I was FORCED to stay awake past 2-3an to study for my graduation exams so they couldn't say anything as long as I was putting in the work. Now I want to unwind cause I feel at night it's more peaceful and I can escape my APs interfering my gaming session in day but apparently that's not allowed ????

They emphasize on health quite alot and especially because I have GENETIC black circles btw which they still believe comes from sleep. I'm just super mad cause they force me to sleep early when they clearly stated I can stay up as long as I please after I finished my grad exams

It's unfair cause my younger brother (16M) gets more leniency than I do. He gets to stay up late until like 4am, school night or weekend and my parents don't bat an eye whatsoever. It really sucks cause I just want to vibe at night and talk to my online friends but noooooo my parents blow a fuse if I'm up at midnight while my brother gets to sleep late. so bs smfh

Sorry if its confusing. I wish they weren't scammers and uphold what they said and let me stay up and overall let me be independent (cause they treat me like a goddamn baby)

I don’t understand my parents and their way of thinking most of the time. They become unreasonable and it’s hard to talk to them. I’ll give a most recent example for instance:

My dad has been voicing his interest in buying a house this year. He doesn’t want competition when buying a home so he doesn’t ever want to be in a bidding war. That’s understandable but every home he wants to look at is under the market value…. Of course they will always have a bidding war because everyone else wants that home too. I tried to explain that to him but he simply doesn’t see it that way. He continues to show me homes that are under value and wants to buy them. He also refused to accept the fact that realtors want you to work with them so they want you to sign a contract that says you’ll be buying a house from them and only them for the year because they want commission. He doesn’t like that. It’s just part of the business of real estate and I tried explaining that to him but once again, he thinks I’m being argumentative.

How do you deal with your parents when they are unwilling to listen and always reaching out for help??

Does anyone else have an experience like this?

I used to sulk a lot as a kid over not getting to have or do things that other kids did. My diet consisted of the same 3-4 foods and it wasn't uncommon to have to skip dinner because my parents didnt want to cook. While kids got video games for christmas, I got socks and pencil crayons. When I did get something nice like a barbie doll, my parents would prohibit me from taking it out of the box because it would decrease it's resale value and it would sit on a shelf like an ornament. My parents would never let me go places with my friends on account of it being costly (even if it was just the convenience store). My mom in particular would get angry at me for not wearing whatever clothes she bought for me (without ever asking me what I was comfortable with wearing) because she'd feel like I was wasting her money. On top of that, my parents worked pretty late (I'd literally be picked up from school at 7pm), which solidified in my mind as a kid that they were probably working really really hard so we could get by. Other kids thought we were poor.

But on the other hand, there were definitely things I got to do that a lot of other kids didn't. We had annual family vacations, I took piano lessons, I went to a Montessori school for kindergarten (started going to a normal public school afterwards) which I know must have been costly, and the clothes my parents did buy for me were superficially fancy (they made a huge deal about going to school fully dressed up because "looks matter" despite the fact that I was deeply uncomfortable in all the short skirts and see-through shirts they put me in. my classmates who wore jeans were more weirded out than impressed. I say "superficially fancy" because they in reality were cheap clothes that were dressed up a little.). I found out later as an adult that my parents used to funnel money into tons of different investments, so we did have money. We definitely had money, it just wasn't often used for the benefit of me or my sisters.

My parents themselves grew up poor (I know this for a fact), so I think that a lot of their unfair treatment towards me was inherently justified to them because they too had to grow up that way. The money they did meaningfully spend on me being something in the name of keeping up appearances or something that could beef a college application checks out for the whole mentality APs have about their kids being accessories/investments.

I (19F) commute to university, so I live at home with parents. My mom is a typical helicopter mom. She controls my curfew (10 pm) and who I hang out with. If I'm hanging out with certain people, it gets shortened and I can't hang out with them too frequently. My boyfriend came over recently from out of state. I felt the need to lie to her, because knowing her tendencies, it would turn into a huge fight about him distracting me from finals. So i lied about when he was coming. But now, she's been asking everyone around me about him to see if he had arrived the same date that I told her. I know that lying's wrong, but my god, if I don't, I literally would not have a social life at all. She makes such a fit about me going out when I only go out maybe 5 times a semester which is not healthy, I know. Everytime I go out, I have to update her constantly and if she thinks I'm lying, starts to interrogate me and everyone that knows me. Is this normal?

I {21F} come from a Pakistani Muslim family who are Sayeds. I’m living in the UK for more context. I have made other posts on this subreddit but I just can’t help but feel I’m the wrong one and I’m the one that’s truly brainwashed into thinking my family are the bad guys. I don’t know what to do, I am truly scared to live my life on my own terms, it really makes my body shake up and my heart beat so much faster. I find myself worrying so much about losing the one thing I grew up with, but deep down I know I can’t live like this and even saying that makes me feel ashamed and guilty.

A few days ago, I was having a heated argument with my mother, and lashed out at her for not letting me do what I want and how she always blamed me for people doing bad to me growing up. How she used to hit me when I got a question wrong at an Islamic school, how she used to chase me with a clothing rails pole, when my cousin had an argument with a distant relative but I was the one to blame because I was there, so I always ended up locking myself in the bathroom to protect myself. To eventually me growing up and actually defending myself back and then getting comments like “you hit your mother” “she brought you into this world” “heaven lies under her feet”

One thing I have realised with her is if I talk calmly with her and explain to her what she did impacted me, she will somehow start shouting and turn the whole situation onto me including using “emotional blackmail” as my therapist used to say. So in this argument, I started to raise my voice at her, and I can’t explain it the way her comments were actually winding me up more actually made me start swearing at her. She would shout “are you crazy ? When did I say that ? Who said that” some part of me just says she’s angry so she was saying all of this, but another part of me is being fed up of being treated like a child at the age of 21. I have to tell her who I’m going with, where I’m going, why I’m going. If it’s late she’ll say “it’s too late are you dumb to go out now”

So during this argument, eventually my father came downstairs angry and approached me raising his hand “what’s wrong with you, I will hit you” so I was already having a mental breakdown and shouted at him “can’t you hear how she’s shouting at me and wha she’s saying” to that he grabbed hold of my arm and started to hit me, so I just kicked him off and got up and punched him in his chest. He was a little shook at the fact I actually attacked back so he started mutter and swear to himself “I have shit as a daughter” “why don’t you get lost” etc to that I responded “you’re so quick to hit women but the time I got sexually assaulted at the age of 5, you did nothing to the guy that did it” he then proceeded to call me a liar and said “you lie about what you do, about who you’re with about where you do, you lie about everything” and then to that I said “maybe if you were the parents I needed you to be, I wouldn’t have to lie, you all just use your health condition to make me feel bad and blackmail me into doing something YOU want, maybe thats the reason you have health conditions in the first place because of how you treat your daughter” in that moment I let exactly like my mother and how that was stuff she would repeat to me using someone to blame something.

After I said that he got more angry and came back downstairs to beat me up again, to that my mom rushed to stop him and said “are you stupid she’s a young child so he went back upstairs muttering more stuff.

After he went, my mother started blaming me “look how you’re shouting and swearing what did you expect him to do” then I said he had no right to touch me regardless of what I am saying. Then she said it’s my fault he hit me etc etc. and that I don’t care about my parents and how I want them dead. Which is true apart of me wants them dead.

So then I started to cry and he came back downstairs and started joking around saying “you’re my daughter” to that I told him “get lost, no man that hits his wife when he’s angry and now attacks his own daughter is a father of mine” so then I went back upstairs and closed my door and then he tried coming inside then I closed the door on his face

I was in complete shock after and was crying to myself for hours , I felt like a monster and that my parents deserve a better child. Then after my mom came in and wanted to sleep with me, she literally treats me like a little child. So I said to her “I don’t want nothing to do with you” so she left after repeatedly asking me to let her sleep there

In the morning, she came into my room and said “let me kiss your forehead” and I was half asleep saying no to her and she kissed my head anyway and said sorry. But everytime either of them say sorry nothing ever changes.

I feel so lost and sad. I feel so guilty and ashamed. I’m so scared. I hate myself

I can’t help but feel my therapist is brainwashing me into thinking my family is wrong for treating me this way because as they all said “you should go to a therapist that uses Islam to help you as the NHS one will confuse you and make you think you’re family is the problem” I’ve even explaining to my mother that what she does is emotional blackmail to her response being “your therapist is the one taking you to the wrong path”

my parents (50f and 50m) are both mentally unwell in different ways but of course will never admit it bc every mentally ill person is insane and belongs in a mental hospital (they both act worse than any mental hospital patient). My mum is a major depressed narcissist and impulsive as HELL to the point she stabs herself or burns herself when things dont go her way, and all she has ever done is waste her time judging and comparing herself to others' social media life. She thinks every woman here lives the dream life and that she's the only one that ''cooks and cleans''. My father is a good person but he is not a masculine figure, doesn't take anything seriously and just follows my mothers orders and talks shit about her to me and my brother behind her back.

My brother tried to talk to him and all he says is laughs and says ''you're so stupid''. When he sees my mum is wrong he just laughs and says what should I do. Everything is a joke to him, and I can see my brother turning into that too because he constantly laughs at being degraded. Also, they both have this victim complex of ''leave me alone I'm tired'' CONSTANTLY, which my brother also has developed.

I'm not gonna talk about me (I was raised the same way but I got raised in Europe which is why I turned out slightly different), but my little brother was raised by a phone. My mum wouldn't let him outside and still doesn't. Anytime he goes outside she yells at him to come back inside because ''she has enough clothes to wash''. As a result, my brother is basically an incel. She sits and calls his classmates whores and judges every single one of them and he has got this image too. So imagine a mum like that accompanied by the internet full of Andrew Tate and speed.

The worst part? They both have taught him NOTHING, in fact NO BASIC THINGS THAT A 3 YEAR OLD SHOULD KNOW, they teach him wrong. He FARTS while we are eating and all they do is laugh at him like it's funny? She doesn't let him shower alone and showers him, anytime he says NO she drags him into it. Going to the toilet consists of taking ALL of his clothes off in the living room and then walking to the bathroom naked with the door open and a phone.

now this is what has changed, bc they were NOT like this when I was younger. I got called out for biting my nails let alone farting (and yes, the farting is an issue they refuse to look at.)

Food, with food she literally SUPPORTS UNHEALTHY EATING?? I have taught him to eat avocados, drink milk, and eat cereal all of which we took slow so that it can be his choice and it isn't something he despises. She sees this and comes back home with 4 different soda drinks every day and a bag of chips. Just to anger me. To add on, my parents are both short and if the kid doesn't get enough nutrition his height could turn out to be 5ft2-5ft5. its like they just want him to have everything in the wrongest way possible. he has freedom in every unhealthy habit but no freedom if its a healthy habit.

Thankfully for the sleeping, she would make him stay up with him until 3 am on school nights. I fixed that. He also still cosleeps with them because she doesn't let him sleep alone and he has to be sleeping with either my mum or my dad.

Oral hygiene is somehow an issue now? Whenever I tell him to brush his teeth they both snap at me telling me to leave him alone and do whatever he wants? Why raise a son if you're not gonna nurture him.

They did the same things to me but I grew up in Europe so I got a grip of it when I was younger, I still faced the consequences. I'm 4ft10 as an adult because I was growth hormone deficient and they still fed me junk despite being two doctors.

I want to get him out of this place because it's already affecting him, he went to the market yesterday and his friends were playing outside with scooters and bikes yet he is stuck at home getting praised for how ''intelligent he is on the phone''. Well yes, because he has been on it since he was 3. They did the exact same thing to me, I was praised for being ''gifted'' and got thrown into life with zero street smarts or conversational skills.

My father says he is fine with taking us both to the UK and we live there alone, but that she could call the police on him. My mum is also really impulsive, the other day I pushed her a little about the showering thing with my brother and the night ended in her draining gasoline on her and me and holding a lighter saying she will burn the house down. So that is also a possibility.

I'm at a loss here, I don't know what to do. I know she will go insane if I take him with me but this is not the way to live. At least I'm a girl, he is a boy. I've seen the result of this type of parenting for boys and it turns out horrible. She's breaking his confidence and decision making day by day, he has zero independence and whenever u push him too much he starts saying ''leave me alone I want to rest'' despite his whole day being on a phone or playing video games. (which she also limits him playing with others because it's ''too loud'')

Please help me. What do I do in this situation? I'm not gonna leave him here because I turned out suicidal and they don't care. He is gonna be the exact same, constantly degraded for the way I turned out even though it was a result of THEIR parenting.

It's gotten to the point when I tell him he needs to brush his teeth or eat his breakfast he considers it ''giving him jobs and not letting him rest.'' and to ''not make him angry''

Am I really overreacting

Let’s share our experiences so others can know. I’ll start:

• When my AP said “you lack the basic life skills to survive on your own”, what they meant was I didn’t adhere to their strict definition of obedience and neat-ness. I didn’t fold my beddings or put my things away like I was in the military. I have lived and survived for decades on my own since leaving their home and I survived just fine. In fact I am probably the most self-sufficient and survivable person I know (thanks to being parentified at such a young age).

• When my AP said “you are lazy and lack discipline” what they meant was I wasn’t interested in the paths they chose for me. When I finally found a career path I was passionate about, I really get into the grind. No one who works with me now would say I don’t work hard.

• When my AP said “you’re fat, short, and ugly and you’re embarrassing me” what they meant was they gave me bad genes and none of it was my fault. I’m 5’8” and 165lbs so not that fat or short. And even if I were - so what? I can’t change who I am. I can only exercise and eat healthy. Regardless, I shouldn’t live my life worrying about what other people think.

• When my AP said “you waste money” what they really meant was they are poor and I was suffering the consequences. I don’t fault them for being poor. I fault them for making me feel bad about their life choices, and instilling a perpetual sense of financial insecurity in me. I don’t make a whole lot of money. But I make enough to live comfortably and that should be all that I could strive for.

Every criticism that comes out of APs’ mouths are just projection. It says nothing about us, only their own insecurities. We didn’t choose to be who or how we are. We can only make the most of what they gave me. So when they gave us shit for not living up to their expectations, remember that none of this is our fault - the fault lies squarely with them.

Hi, this is Félix. I have mental illness, so perhaps this question is biased. Still, I’m curious. If you were being physically abused by your parent and you moved away from the them would you still somehow dream about it (and feel scared) or suddenly feel like, “Oh, damn, I’m so scared this will happen again”? (I’m planning on going no contact soon.)

Kind regards, Félix

I moved to a different city for my masters 3 years ago and now that I’m done with my schooling my mom is expecting me to move back home. As Asian children in this group, I’m sure you all understand why I don’t want to. But how do I tell her that?

I can't write in red pen it means I killed someone, i can't shake my legs it brings bad luck, the mole I got 10 years ago as a kid because i got hurt means good luck (she saw it on facebook), I can't do this because of bad luck, I can't write with 3 fingers because it means bad luck, I wear my beat up air forces, so I will get bad luck, I don't fold my clothes in a certain way so I'm going to fail my next test, I don't eat all my food because I genuinely can't or else i'll gag but since i did I'm going to hell WHAT IS WITH THIS SUPERSTITION AND NAGGING I JUST WANT TO MOVE OUT.