My APs have been living in the USA for decades, but talk as if they hate this country. All their news comes from the motherland and it is all crazy wild conspiracy theories, or just straight up outlandish make-believe. The Covid era was unbearable - just pure unhinged misinformation. However, they would never consider moving back. They are weirdly proud of and disdainful of where they were born, and equally proud of and disdainful of where they are currently.

Growing up like that, I never connected to either culture and ended up feeling ashamed of everything about myself. I felt this intense pressure to live up to being this perfect kid who would behave and speak just like all the other "real" Asian kids on a completely different continent (actually no, not behave like them, but compete with them and be better than those kids. Kids I'd never seen, on a continent I'd never been to) ... but I could never "win" because the education system and everything about where I was born just WASN'T AS GOOD AS BACK HOME. A home, that wasn't mine. Didn't help that I grew up in a town about as diverse as a ream of Amazon Basics copy/printer paper.

Add on all the normal things that APs do, making us feel voiceless and guilty for existing. I got extra guilty points for never quite mastering my parent's native language. Extra credit guilt on top for never being culturally fluent either. Not that they had time to cultivate any of that in me. They were too busy working to survive, so I was supposed to just magically know this stuff. As an American, I was never seen as American. Locals would point blank ask me, "Do you speak English?" (This was a very small town).

I've never been able to connect to my parents on an emotional level. Am I even connected to myself?

Just curious if anyone else had APs like this, and how did it affect how you formed your identity?

I was in the kitchen the other day cooking and my AF asks me why do I have bumps on my face, I explained to him that those are simply pimples and whiteheads. He then started to lecture me that obesity is the cause for pimples and mosquito bites and that I should lose more weight. (FYI, I'm a 22M, 178cm and 180kg. My BMI is somewhere between 25 and 28. I used to be obese back in my teen days, now I'm tracking back a bit to get into proper shape.)

The fact that he KNOWS I'm trying and he KNOWS I'm exercising and he KNOWS I'm slowly trying to get into healthy shape, he just doesn't buy it somehow and still acts like I'm making 0 effort to lose weight. He also comes up with the wildest conspiracy theories as to how obesity causes this and that. He even blamed it for causing me to sneeze and dandruff and to an extent? Covid (WTF???). I'm not entirely sure if this is a form of body shaming or that it's a sorry excuse to give me motivation. Both of which make me absolutely uncomfortable.

So whenever I feel ill, I mostly mask myself that I feel healthy and great out of the anxiety that the same words will just come hurling back at me. Whenever I try to correct my AF that it's not how that works, my AM would suddenly defend him that his words contain "good advice" that we should follow and other guilt-tripping trash that I'm sick of hearing over and over again.

I am 26, Female, South Asian, and recently moved out of my parents house a few months ago. I do not speak to my dad and have not had a relationship with him since I was around 13 because of him being abusive to my mom, siblings and myself.

Recently, I have moved out and finally feel a sense of freedom. A lot of the mental health issues I was struggling from before such as social anxiety, depression, have been much more manageable and going away to a certain extent. I also had a lot of health issues for the time I lived with my parents that were stress induced, which have also began resolving themselves.

However, I am feeling pretty guilty about the whole situation. Even though I do not care to have a relationship with my father (sperm donor at this point), I do deeply care about my mom, despite her never really standing up for herself or my siblings growing up. It's a pretty unique situation because my grandma (fathers mother) also lives with us and she is basically non-verbal and has Alzheimers and needs 24/7 care (bathing, helping her eat, changing her diaper). Since I have left my mom is the only ones expected to do this, all while doing full time jobs herself because my father believes that is not his responsibility. So now my mom is left alone being a full-time caregiver of my grandmother, while working 9 hours a day in a labour intensive workforce. Whenever I call which I try do as much as possible she is sad, depressed and crying. She says that she does not feel like living anymore. She wants me to move back and help with my grandmother and make amends with my abusive father who has not changed btw.

I feel guilty because I do not want to do this. I feel bad for my mother and all she has to go through, but I know moving back would make me feel depressed and not in a good headspace. My father is also very strict where I would not be able to have a social life, friendships, wear certain clothes or go out at certain times past 10 PM despite being a full fledged adult. I have tried to tell my mom that she needs to stand up for herself and tell my father it is not her responsibility to take care of my grandmother and come to a solution where they find a caregiver that can help out or another solution, but she does not listen and continues living like this. My grandmother has been like this for the past 5 years and the Alzheimers is just getting worse.

What do I do and how should I help my mom? I am trying to be empathetic but I feel guilty to the point where I am stressed staying up at night thinking about if my mom is ok. I would appreciate any advice.

China never experience democracy because ancient Confucian teaching emphasized on hierarchy and the ruler. Traditional Chinese culture views personal freedom as an agent of chaos. Therefore, democracy and personal freedom need to be eliminated. Because hierarchy is so important, Chinese people have to constantly compete and compare with each other. Communist dictatorship is just a symptom of an mental illness that manifested itself in the form of traditional Chinese culture. Despite escaping to America, a lot of Chinese parents still see traditional Chinese culture as superior. They don't value individual freedom and normal relationship with their children. I am sure some of us secretly wished that our white friends can adopt us so we can experience normal family dynamic for us. A lot of Chinese parents will beat their kids just because they are pissed off for no reason. They will say fucked up things like "I beat you, because I care about you. I scold you, because I love you". Chinese dads are the worst too. They are the worst domestic abusers at home, but they act super nice in front of their American friends. They will just everything with "remember we are Chinese at heart and our old teaching forbids you from disobeying me". Then, they bitch at how communism made everyone from China rude and greedy. They think if China can surpass American if the country is ruled by some Confucian based theological state instead of the communist party. They will glaze people like Chiang Kai-Shek for protecting Chinese "sovereignty" while completely ignoring the atrocities he committed against the Taiwanese people.

That's what my dad said when I told him I was going to take a while before I could leave my apartment because the neighbours are fighting and hitting their kid AGAIN.

Context: I'm in uni. I live in the same sketchy apartment building with my dad. Same building, different units on different floors. I reported them already, but I live in Thailand, and nobody, including law enforcement, gives a shit about domestic abuse until someone dies. My whole family is Buddhist and extremely religious, but their logic on that is ridiculous. My mom's side once said it's the girl's fault if she gets raped because she did something bad in her past life, so she deserved to get raped. It's just karma getting to her. I have a complicated relationship with religion because I've been raised by people who have this type of thinking. I honestly don't think they are actual Buddhists because how do you even come to that conclusion?

At first, I thought my dad was going to be different because I never lived with my dad and never saw/spent time with him this much until now. My parents aren't divorced even though they should have been a long time ago since there's basically no love in the relationship.

My dad picked up a package for me, and he was going to leave it in front of my unit, but I was taking a shower when he came to the door, so I said that it would probably get stolen (someone stole his shoes and house keys a month ago), and I'll just go get it from his unit. When I got out of the shower, I could hear my neighbours fighting (crying, screaming, slamming doors, things breaking, them hitting their toddler). I told my dad that I was going in a bit, but I'm going to wait for the fight to die down. This man starts LAUGHING, and he said that "there must be some type of spiritual energy in that room that causes the parents to abuse their kid," like there must be ghosts or something that's causing them to fight and abuse their kid. I thought he misheard me, so I tried explaining that there are actual people living in that unit. I've seen them around multiple times. He said, "Yes, I know, but I meant that there must be something in that unit that's causing them to fight," and he tried explaining further, but I was getting really angry, so I just hung up without saying anything.

I'm really frustrated right now but I also do find it funny because it's really stupid. I looked up spirits causing domestic abuse and the only thing that came up was rehab hotlines for alcoholics lmao.

Can anyone help me think of why he came to that conclusion? lol

for context: i live in canada as a first gen filipino-canadian. i moved out of my parents house to a different province when i was 19, had to come back home at 23 because i was struggling financially with rent and i brought my two dogs and boyfriend over with me.

yesterday, my boyfriend and i got into a car accident. everyone was alright, it was more of a fender bender if anything but it was enough to damage our car beyond repair. insurance came to a decision rather quick, and ended up being our fault. (we were trying to switch lanes into another lane, boyfriend took all the proper precautions but at last minute, a car sped thru the yellow and hit us.) my mom basically lost her shit at my boyfriend and i last night and told him to basically move back to his home province. but on top of that, she spoke about how she’s unhappy that we’re here, bringing up that she’s getting old and pushing 65, and that the only thing that keeps her happy are her friends coming over and due to our dogs being around, she feels like her happiness is no longer there. (which is crazy to me because does your family now make you happy? like seriously gonna mention that in front of me that your friends are your only source of happiness?) she also claims we ruined her garden because of our dogs peeing all over the yard, that her furniture is ruined and that we don’t clean “to her standards” which is everything has to be in order all the time, in the way she wants it. never once in the last 10 months has she mentioned how she wants us to clean but no matter how much we clean up, seems as if it’s never good for her.

im not staying here off the hook, either. i help her with bills every month when she’s struggling and my boyfriend also helps her with bills as well. what i don’t understand is why she is making both of us feel that way. i tried to explain to her that my boyfriend didn’t grow up the way i did. i had the privilege of having two parents around and my boyfriends upbringing was significantly different. he suffers from trauma and he grew up in the care system, thus he requires more reassurance, things my mom never gave my siblings and i when we needed it, but she does NOT understand at all. it is frustrating talking to a brick wall. she even blames him for not being able to find a job, though i’ve explained endlessly that we have a job scarcity in the specific province i live in and across canada right now. my boyfriend has been applying and looking for jobs for the past year but she again, always needs to find someone to blame and blames it on him for not trying hard enough cuz i already have a job (i was lucky enough to have people within so i found a job quickly) and meanwhile, my boyfriend, who has had to start fresh, unlearning his toxic behaviours has unfortunately been a victim of my mom’s behaviours. i feel so guilty because i promised his mom that i’d take care of him. she has triggered his trauma by saying basically she doesn’t even want us here anymore, and i just can’t live with that. my boyfriend is one of the things that make me happy here in my hometown and if it weren’t for him, i’d rather not be here at all. wherever he goes, i go. i moved here for him, for us, for the dogs because i didn’t want us to struggle anymore. i don’t even care at this point. his family took care of me when my family didn’t.

my dad in all this has been the best. he’s been my rock and he’s been the one to bring me down back to reality and tell me not to listen to what my mom says. he’s been doing that my entire life and i’m thinking that when my boyfriend and i move out of this place that i cut her off, but that runs the risk of cutting my dad off too. i love my dad so much. i wish i didn’t have to think about things like this, but it is so draining to deal with my mom and explain things over and over again just for her not to listen. i don’t know what to do and why she has put us in this situation. it all started because of a car accident and she started bringing up how she’s behind on bills without even acknowledging how we help her every month with bills. i’ve sacrificed most of my paycheque to help her with bills because i felt bad for living under this roof without doing anything. she continues to make us feel bad for things we can’t control. i can’t control the fact she got the car fixed up and we just so happened to get into a car accident. it’s like just cuz we weren’t hurt seriously that mentally we’re doing okay. i’m not. it was my first car accident that is fresh and it’s kinda freaking me out still. like i feel adrenaline still rushing through my body and i couldn’t sleep at all last night. i can’t control that she’s behind on bills and i help her every month. i had to sacrifice half my paycheque and here she is spending on amazon getting things SHE wants. i can’t ever get what i want without getting glared at for spending my money.

she could’ve communicated all of this to us so last minute, which you could tell she’s been building it up. she could’ve communicated to us but it seems like she let it build up and explode on us. she could’ve communicated that long time ago, remind us that we need to clean, just communicated period. it feels like i can’t control anything right now and that my boyfriend and i are a standstill. we can’t even do much right now because i still have a job here, my boyfriend doesn’t and has been tirelessly looking for one and the conditions for driving are definitely not safe for us to drive 12 hours over to the next province (where my boyfriends family is) she has put a bunch of unnecessary stress on my boyfriend and i thinking she still has a say in my life. my boyfriends family/siblings don’t even have space in any of their homes so they probably would not be able to accommodate two dogs and two humans. i regret moving back home. if i knew this was going to happen, i would’ve stayed where i was and continued to struggle. sometimes i wish that the car accident we got into was worse. i wish i got hurt. that way, she would actually show that she cares. i feel so done and i don’t know what to do. it is draining dealing with a mom like that where she is anxious about everything and so particular with how she wants the house. this doesn’t even feel like my childhood home anymore. i don’t even want to be here.

I am an Indian(M18) whose parents are... let's say less than ideal. They have a dual personality(?), one that portrays them as the absolute best people to ever exist and that they could do no wrong, and one that I see.

Is it common that they care more about what other people think rather than what issue I'm facing? I was trying to explain to them about an issue I was having about academics, and they escalated it to shouting, but blame me for "bringing them a bad name in the neighborhood". I'm so confused, why is their reputation more important that a problem I'm facing?

It's not like I'm not doing well, I'm consistently at the top of my class, and rarely bother them about academics, but recently I've been facing some issues (regarding my inability to focus in the last few weeks, and not able to plan the exams I want to write) that I tried to communicate with them, but they behave like I'm an ungrateful brat who has done nothing right ever. My Mom cooks up false stories about me, and tells them to my dad who doesn't a spine, and believes her and gets heated at me.

I'm in a very crucial point in my life, I'm giving National Level Exams that will decide the University I'll get into, and they're arguing with me non-stop about random shit ever since I mentioned my faltering focus. They tell me, "Oh I've spent all my money on you, I've built you a big nice house, Why are you doing this?", but I've literally never caused them problems.

They treat me like a trophy to show off and boost their pride in front of others, but as soon as I face issues, I'm the problem?

Idk how to word everything I'm feeling but yeah... I need advice, I need to deal with this for 4-5 months until I move for Uni.

Where we live, we have a national exam for middle schoolers. It’s a big thing and determines what high school and junior college you end up in. It’s a fucked up system. I was 12 and feeling really stressed out and burnt out about it and cried every night because of it. I tried to tell my parents that it was stressing me out and that I needed support from them during that time. They would tell me that I was being dramatic and that everyone else was fine so i should be to. I ended up having to go to counselling after breaking down multiple times in class and waited a couple weeks until i told them. When i finally told them, my dad came into my room and started scolding me for being weak and that the counsellor was probably acting the same way to her own kids. That really hurt me and I still remember it. I hated how it felt like they were trying to cut off every way i could get support while also being absent in that area. I don’t know how to move on and still feel angry and sad. They also sent me to an abusive tutor who would cane her students and bring in religion even when the lesson didn’t call for it. How do i move on?

i just want to rant, there's too many examples but here are some of the strangest

I became vegetarian when I was 15 - I went to a high school that had a farm, I became attached to the animals and was exposed to what actually happens on farms which helped me realise that i was not morally comfortable with eating meat. My parents just couldn't understand how their obedient daughter was no longer listening to them when they tried to force me to keep eating meat. they refused to try to understand my perspective and instead started convincing themselves i must've been indoctrinated by a cult. they would sneak meat into my food and yell at me until i ate meat. they eventually accepted it a few years later but the initial years were so difficult for me. Ironically my mum is also vegetarian now

when I was 18 I accidentally dropped my phone at university and the screen cracked. when my parents found out, they came up with this theory that i must've had a huge fight with a specific friend they disliked who must've smashed my phone. i told them over and over that i just dropped it but they didn't believe me. they kept telling me they are sure this friend smashed my phone and that i must be covering for him. i think they wanted to think my friend did it to validate their disapproval of him, bc it was a male friend and once i went to a party at his house where i drank alcohol (legal drinking age in my country is 18 btw).

I'm currently 24. I like getting eyelash extensions done regularly. Whenever I do them my mum freaks out and spends hours berating me on how ugly I look with fake lashes as she likes a natural look. she is now ranting about how i must have developed a plastic surgery addiction even though she knows obviously eyelash extensions is not plastic surgery. she is also coming up with wild theories about how the lash tech must be literally forcing me to keep coming back like threatening or bullying me somehow.

My parents rly think it is more plausible that i was indoctrinated by a vegetarian cult and literally being forced to get lash extensions instead of accepting that i made my own decisions that differ from theirs but are still quite harmless.

i feel so gaslit, idk if that's the right word but my parents say their theories over and over again in such a loud commanding voice with confidence like they think the more they repeat it to me the more i'll have to agree. they are always trying to force me to 'admit' their 'theory' is the 'truth'

Some loose thoughts. With alot of the posts here, main topics are about becoming an individual, moving out, not letting parents rob your earned income, dating who you want and more basic ideas of your dignity to your body and privacy. This idea of basic (legally or constitutionally protected) rights as an individual, woman, child, etc is has almost no applied tradition in Asian culture, like publically or within the family.

So just having a look, the only full democracies in Asia are Taiwan, South Korea, Mongolia and Japan.

The first two got that status in the MID 90s.This is incredibly young, when compared to democracy in the UK, US, Europe.

So y'all families who emigrated for economic reasons to the West, basically still want to run the domestic home as a dictatorship. That's what they know. They will continue applying that culture even when their home country's laws might have changed.

So you wanting to move out, have basic personal freedom over the age of 18 will be seen emotionally and practically as overthrowing a dictatorship. Filial piety is just one pillar of oppression to keep you in line.

Filipino here. Had a fight with my parents because I left our family gc and my mom told me that dad won't be giving me allowance anymore and that he won't be paying for my tuition. I honestly hate mom too for tolerating his behavior. I don't know what to do and I can't focus studying while I'm in nursing school. I fought with them coz what they did to me trigger me into such things. I don't know what's the solution. I don't want to talk to my dad either (he is in abroad) coz I might get triggered again. Should I just let time pass?

Being the good kid doesn’t take you anywhere. I was always a good kid, stayed home, never went out or caused trouble. Now in my early 20s constantly arguing with my parents because I started going out more and coming home around 11-midnight which apparently is considered “too late”. According to them 10pm is the curfew. I can’t even go out in peace. I am followed everywhere I go; gym, work, hangouts with friends, etc. Spam called if it’s past 9pm. Accused of doing things that don’t even pop up in the back of my mind 😂

I really need to get out. Saving up money so I can get my own place ASAP.

Title. Got dumped because I told my partner I would prioritize her before my parents. She told me I'm ungrateful, that loving me would have no future. I live in Vietnam so everyone has the opposite mindset...

I moved to live with my mom. I just need to because I am going back to school for a more practical stable job.

It's been extremely hard since I'm introducing my two cats to my mom's cat. As someone who worked for a cat adoption site, I have a very good experience with cat behaviors. I know so well that my mom's cat has territorial aggression. My mom is the kind that spoiled her cat so much and rewards its bad behavior.

I told my mom that my cats require gradual introduction as these two require scent familiarity. My mom doesn't believe me and thinks that cats act like people where they'll talk and figure it all out. As unhinged as that sounds, I tried to explain to her that cats aren't human children. Despite that we treat them as our children, they are still animals and rely on instinct. Cats hate change and are territorial.

She doesn't listen to me and thinks I'm on my own as she's busy.

So I've been introducing the cats together on my own without her help and it's starting to frsutrate me. The problem mostly is how terrible my mom rewards her cats awful behavior. Whenever, she hisses or growls at my cat my mom uses a baby voice to say her cat is not wrong. In fact, her cat is so obese it can barely walk because she overfeeds her cat. The vet already told my mom that her cat lived in the streets and has to compete with others. That in the wild, she eats whatever she can because she don't know when she's gonna eat again. But now she's an indoor cat, she still carries the overeating behavior, it's affecting her weight.

My mom really just won't listen and it's really frustrating me. I told my mom, "with her cat's behavior like that, with her being obese and has hard time walking. I fear she will die due to health issues. That sometimes I want to you to realize how much neglect you did to her if she ever passes away." She sees my words as a threat that she thinks I'll hurt her cat.

I might think her cat is so spoiled but I would never hurt an animal at all. I'm just trying to say that she's always so stubborn and thinks that she knows more than me because she's my mom. But not realizing what I did for a living at the same time, it's making all the process of introduction much more difficult.

Days passed, I let one of my cat and my mom's cat have an eye to eye contact. Her cat instigated the fight and attacked my cat. I don't know what exactly happened but I know my mom's cat cornered mines in my own room. My mom's cat is limping and accussed me that I hurt her cat.

Like first of all! Her cat is wearing a really heavy dress, second of all she's really overweight that she probably couldn't jump somewhere and hurt herself. I also can't chase them, I'm not a cat to have the same speed as them to be able to see what the heck happened. They bolts through my room!

My mom learned her lesson that cats will not figure it out, but still rewarded her cat's bad behavior.

I am sooooo frustrated because with this American economy where all jobs nowadays are extremely saturated, I just want a career, with health insurance that covers my physical disability, and afford a living. I just don't wanna live with my mom anymore.

Also her parenting style of lacking structure triggered me. As a child, my mom wasn't present to my life. She's so busy being the popular friend of her co-workers. She's always out of the house. I lacked structure yet my mom was extremely strict to me growing up (ot was a long story but her "proud as a stage mom" caused me a job and work connecrions). And the love and care I got from my mom was so conditional. Her cat was so much similar. She neglects it but gives it all it wants without knowing what it also need. And her love for it was conditional.

Her cat scratches her, she goes in a silent treatment to her cat. As if her cat understands her behavior. Same thing when I was 4. She does the same thing, as if I understood then how complex adult human emotions were.

All I'm saying. My mom can be a bit of an idiot sometimes and a narcissist, and its frustrating me.

And she has superiority complex, without realizing she barely did anything to be a good mother.

But I have no choice, the industry I was working in doesn't pay enough and not enough for my physical disability. I have no choice but to start my life all over again. With the current political climate of my country, removing all welfare aids. I doubt I can live in a section 8, or have food stamps, or even medicaid. Oddly in the state I live in, medicare doesn't cover me.

My mom's job covers kids with physical disability so I'm just trying to kiss ass while hating her at her back, to survive. I have no one but my own cats. And that is even hard with her own cat.

It absolutely sucks being anxious whenever an opportunity to do something on your own arises. You will always be looking for permission, for someone else to take responsibility, to catch you if you fall. The term for it is learned helplessness. There will never be a time where everything automatically just "clicks" as an adult. You need to gradually push to get there. While you are young, don't do anything illegal or dangerous, but you need to be comfortable taking calculated risks and making mistakes. You will never feel alive if everything you do requires your parents approval and permission. You will be miserable. It's crippling.

I might be gone for only a couple of hours, but nonetheless, it’s still running away. I’ll have to run and avoid dealing with multiple phone calls all because I don’t want to be a bridesmaid.

Within my culture, having a bridesmaid is very important and it must be a young woman.

There’s nothing wrong with being one. I simply just don’t want to be one.

Problem is that saying no is a lot more difficult with my culture compared to refusing to be a bridesmaid in for example a Christian wedding. It doesn’t help that my parents don’t respect my choices, so they won’t back me in my refusal.

My parents volunteered the duty of a bridesmaid without consulting me. I’m not sure right now if I’ll be visited tomorrow by the people who need the bridesmaid for the wedding.

However, if they really are visiting, I have my purse ready with everything I need to run away.

I know it’s ridiculous, but I don’t have much of a say in this.

I’ll be ridiculed by everyone for running for such a stupid reason. I’ll be ridiculed and called an idiot for not wanting to be a bridesmaid.

It’s frustrating. A no is a no, but not one of them will understand that. Words do not work with these people. Taking action such as running away works better.

It doesn’t have to be this stupid. If people just accepted that I refused to be a bridesmaid then it really wouldn’t have to get to this point of stupidity, but here I am.

If my parents had just been kind and thought about what I would want first, I wouldn’t be here thinking about running and they wouldn’t have to deal with the embarrassment that they’ve created.

Well anyway, I’m not even 100% sure if the elders will actually visit me tomorrow, but I’m getting myself mentally ready to run away. Better to be careful than be sorry…

My friend and I were chatting yesterday. Soon she’s getting a divorce from her husband, who’s an Asian guy. One of things that eventually triggered the divorce was that he’s always putting his own mother (her mother-in-law) over her. She always felt like she’s never a priority in his life.

What’s so interesting is that my dad (who has no backbone lol and a pussy) is the exact same way! He’s sooo scared of his mother and he often prioritizes his own mother over his family, and yes, even his own children. My mom divorced him for the same reason.

Anecdotally, my Asian friends appear to have this issue more than my non-Asian friends. There’s always tension between the couple where the guy has the tendency to prioritize his own biological family over their own. Again, just anecdotally (I like gossips and drama [when it doesn’t involve me] so I know.)

I’m not sure if this is due to narcissistic Asian parenting and culture, where they always talk about the stupid filial petty or whatever. They like to blindly glorify so-called “family values” as a way to assert control.

Or, maybe this is universal? Thoughts?

Edit: thanks for all the replies so far. I read all of them. My friend and I chatted more, and we realized that, in the West, the idea of core family is your own children and your spouse. Other relatives are just outsiders - or simply extended family; But in the East, your spouse will become subordinate to the husband’s family. And now the spouse will also need to be “serving” the in-laws. She told me that her soon-to-be ex-husband has always been raised that way.

I truly am confused. I think in Asian culture, supposingly AP and relatives share personal medical details, and this is the culture of caring? AP weighing in for you, or in my case, decide for you when you are a 25+ years old adult, is support you morally and caring?

For me, I dont even want to tell my medical condition to AP at all, because they are shit in making medical decisions. They also ask me to get "permission" from my shitty doctor aunt who loves controlling people (not to mention she gave me bad medical advice when I was a kid that led to permanent damage and said nothing). I really want to know what a healthy AP looks like on this process

I want to spend lny with my dad as hes getting older but my mom say MUST GO TO THAT SEXIST N RUDE OLD LADY MONEY STEALER FAMILY SIDE OF HER then when I say we use to spend it with my dad every year she say U DONT THINK ABOUT ME bitxh idfx

My AM and I have been repairing our relationship. Full disclosure, I bare the brunt of the emotional legwork to do so as my AM is no longer in her best cognitive state due to age and a prior TBI. We are doing this on my terms and I don't welcome any comments saying "just cut her off" because that isn't happening.

My mother has always been disorganized and not true to her word most of my life, I have ADHD and I don't doubt she does too as well as a TBI from an accident she had as a child. I understand now that this was the reason for all of that chaos, but I'm still trying to heal from this. Often, she'd make grand promises that never fell through, tell me one thing then do something contrary, make plans that never go accordingly and completely forget about our discussions.

We went on vacation together recently. She made promises and plans that didn't go through, refused to take her medications, kept losing things, including her phone and my breaking point was her planning a dinner and deviating completely from what was discussed. (Time, place, reservation etc). I ended up blowing up on her over the phone and saying some really blunt things about being an adult, common sense and chewing her out in general.

She ended up apologizing fully and taking responsibility- Something she's seldom ever done throughout our whole relationship. Something I truly wasn't expecting to hear back as a response. Immediately I felt guilty and think about everything she's ever done for me and overall just felt really bad about blowing up like that. The thing is, I know I'm 100% valid in feeling the way that I do, but so often I fall back on this pattern where I get upset with my AM and then end up feeling bad for her.... Has anyone experienced this or have any advice to offer?

We were driving out of town late at night, and halfway we parked at a lot across the diner to get some takeouts. My parents went out of the car to order the takeouts, but I stayed in the car because I was in my pyjamas and didn't wanna go out like that. Not long after they left, a group of boys snooped near our car and when they noticed that I was a girl and I was alone, one started prying around and about, and another went behind the car. I had locked the door once my parents were out, but I decided to move into the driver's seat just in case they actually start doing something. And if you were wondering, the distance to the diner was too far for my parents to hear if I ever honked, so the only alternative that I can do is to drive away. Fortunately, those boys went away but I was still paranoid. Just because they were out of my sight does not mean I am out of theirs.

Once my parents came back and got inside the car (I had to move away from the driver's seat because my dad drove us), I told him to lock the door, and my tone was clear that it was serious. Then he proceeded to ask why, and again, I told him to just lock the door. We proceeded to debate for a good half-minute before I decided to tell him about the boys, and he waited patiently until he was done arranging the food and drinks on the compartment between the seat until he actually did what I told him to do. And it's not like there were that too many things on his hands that he couldn't lock the door. The way it just frustrated me so much as to why they can't just do a simple action without having to question the reason (and it's not like I tell them to do ridiculous things).

And this isn't even the first time this happened. At another time, I was first to notice we were stalked at a mall and I tried to take them away from the route and to somewhere safe so the stalker would either lose us or wouldn't dare to pursue further, and despite after I pointed out the stalker, they wouldn't move. And another time, I was also first to notice a group of girls about to mug us as we wait for the train on the platform, and I encouraged him to just take another carriage, he wouldn't budge until my mom literally dragged him with us. When we were travelling abroad to the country where I study, I told them not to speak to strangers because the area was known for pickpockets, and I left them for barely a minute to ask an officer for an event's schedule, and when I came back they were talking (that's right) with a stranger. I tried to take over the conversation that the guy was having with my parents and deviate the answers so he wouldn't know much about us, but they just ran their mouth and tell him where I went to uni, what I'm studying, how long they were staying, etc. It's like they think they're the only ones that know best for everything when it isn't always the case.

You know how expectations can be. Ge said he had to have a family and so he did. He doesn't like us though, he keeps saying so. Aleays remining us how happy he was alone, how inexpensive that live was. He was the one who wanted yo relocate to a different country but he doesn't like us being here.

And when he said shit like this again, I asked him why. Why stay and complain and fight. Every fuxking day. I didn't yell, I asked. He got mad and said why I stay with him. And I started sobbing- I ahev never cried in front of him before.

He is really mad. My mum agrees with me but she is emotionally distant. She lectured me about fighting with my dad. She said being stupid is in his nature and tyat I shouldn't try and change him lol.

I don't know what to do anymore. I have to stay here for another 5 years. I have a younger sibling to take care of aswell.

We've all been there. They for example refuse to take us to the doctor or if they do refuse to do timely follow ups using every excuse that they can come up with. From the weather to co pays to losing face etc until they have no choice. It isn't until they realize how serious the situation is that they take seriously. If problem gets fixed they keep doing the same thing because hey the problem got fixed but sooner or later it bites them, and we pay the price and the cost is too high. All the I'm sorrys and guilt in the world don't mean a thing it is too later.

I am a college student, about to graduate and go out of state for graduate school. I have lived on campus all 4 years, basically went through undergraduate for free (through scholarships and working on campus) but still feel like I'm stuck. Recently, I think I've identified this issue as my ability to live when I'm with my parents versus alone.

Some context: I feel like my parents have never really tried to understand me as a person, this could also be explained through a large age gap from when I was born. They would financially support my interests from a young age such as taking art lessons (which I am grateful for), but at the same time would constantly critique my abilities and always encourage me to monetize hobbies instead of just enjoying it. For example, I expressed my love for learning ASL and their first reaction was that I should "make tiktok videos covering songs and monetize them" which is problematic in itself regarding deaf culture and how I'm not qualified (which I did express but that suggestion was brought up multiple times after). While I understand that they want me to be "successful" and "good" at everything I do (or else its a quote "waste of money"), I have slowly become apathetic to telling them about my interests if they are going to keep giving me life advice as responses.

Living at school and alone has been a blessing as I've started to really discover myself. I feel like I am sociable, outgoing, dependable, capable, and all of these other things on my own. But the moment I move home for breaks or try to discuss things with my parents over the phone I am obedient, tight lipped, and stressed out. I feel like I have very little autonomy at home and all my daily decisions (such as wanting to go to a store that is "out of the way" driving wise) are critiqued or "wrong". I am happy that I will be moving out of state for school, but also have guilt for leaving my parents behind.

Does anyone else feel like this?

I am so tired of living in anxiety, lying and lying over and over, always on my toes of how to justify, being judged by friends people of being such a coward, having the pressure of being the ideal kid.

I just want to unalive myself. I hate confrontation. I hate arguing. I want to live my life the way I want freely. No obligations nothing Probably I wish I would be born in American family, kick me out at 18. Because this is suffocating and this is hell.

I really really want to die. I have seen people who live through such parents. They have no personality, cannot take stand or fight for themselves, never see outside world their entire life. I don't want to be like that

I don't know what else to say

Oh bad. Oh so bad. The misogyny I grew up in is so bad.

I grew up in a city near Shanghai, a relative so called. “progressive and inclusive”area of China.

God it was bad as hell. By the statistics people are aborting female babies. They keep giving birth wanting a son.

The second child of a family is 2:1 likely to be a boy. You can imagine how many females are aborted in the uterus.

Fucking crazy.

Rape culture, boys’ mom. They don’t give a fuck. Men being dismissive and condescending toward girls since a young age. “Women shut up”. Sexual offenders in school, school trying to shut up the victims than address the problem. Government not giving a fuck. They only want the birth rate back.

Geez. The incel culture is going crazy.

Hi all,

I just joined this community and wanted to reach out to see if anyone else has to deal with this with one or both of their parents & I am ALL ears for any recommendations on how to draw boundaries.

Every single time lately, when I come home (and I live in another state), I find my mom using me as her therapist. Yesterday, she got all spun up & pissed off because the day before, my brother said it was cool to swing by, but when we called the day of to double-check, he wasn't answering. No biggie right?

However, the path she chose.....The lack of picking up the phone clearly triggered her (or something??) and then off she went ranting to me about him and my sister in law about her other frustrations with them and somehow about my uncle and aunt-in-law, how the family is falling apart ....and then by the end of it, her voice is louder, faster and she's fuming and crying. (Note: He literally called back within the hour because he was on a work call about the RTO in the Federal Govt.).

What feels fucked up is then she turns on a dime and goes "thank you" to me for listening and proceeds to act as if NOTHING just happened & then is showering me with gifts. I literally feel used as her emotional dumping ground. At least this time, I told her "I'm not doing this any more and you should seek a therapist to talk to. That's not my job." Next time, I'm going to just get up and leave the room...disengage.

Like i want to call the police if she decide to remove or steal my stuff she calls ma namuk or disrectpectful for doing that bahasa indonesia here Like https://whyp.it/tracks/252483/whatsapp-ptt-2025-01-30-at-124727?token=XxXmb

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Hi I'm 19 female, and currently my dad is threatening to kick me out and stop paying for my university because I ran away from home for one night. My dad has always been abusive and very violent when he is drunk I try to tell the police or anyone but my dad just brush it off as she is just mentally crazy. I told some of my new friends about him thinking I would be called crazy again but instead they were worried for me and cared for me which was nice. Anyway my mum was in hospital and normally she would protect me from getting beat up so badly but since she wasn't here anymore and I was alone with him for the whole day and night I was terrified, my dad is the type of person that would use anything to beat me up, beer bottle, hammer you name it. So I told my friends this and saying my goodbyes because I was scared he would actually kill me (he has done so before) and they all refused to let me go home and offered to let me stay over. I was scared and nervous about it but I still accept it because it was better than home at least. While in my friends house I saw what a real family was, what it meant to be loved and cared for and I wished I could have stayed forever but I needed to go back for my mum. And now I'm back home my dad giving me the silent treatment and threw half of my stuff in the bin (probably around $10000 worth). And now my mum is blaming me for being rude and disrespectful and that I should apologise to my dad for leaving him alone. Was I in the wrong here?

i'm a vietnamese student turning 20 this year and my mom locks me out when i don't come home on time. which i think is so unreasonable because im an adult and she started controlling me when i got my license. i dont remember agreeing this and she's saying i did. then she threatens to take away necessities when she doesn't get what she wants or if i don't agree with her. she says i'm putting the family in danger or makes up fake scenarios to possibly threaten and manipulate me. i want no more of this without moving out what do i do. i don't have the i set boundaries both nicely and firmly but she took it defensively and my dad just enables it.