FOMO is short for "Fear of Missing Out" for anyone who hasn't heard of this term before. I've come to realize that, the constant comparison between me and other people' kids by my AM ever since I was a kid has made me developed FOMO, and it's actually so ridiculous, I fear I have made it a habit of my own because my brain constantly compares myself to my friends, whenever someone is going on a vacation in another country that I have never been to, I instantly think: "Oh my god, why haven't I saved up enough money to go there yet?"; "Why haven't my physique looked as good as that one guy yet? Am I falling behind?? Am I a loser?", "Should I be jealous of that one friend who already landed a job that makes him 6 figure?". I know I shouldn't be overthinking so much like this but it's like I have always been taught to compare myself to others and it's something that I should instinctively do to be better but it also exhausts me mentally because I keep constantly thinking about wanting to achieve what other people around me have done. What do you guys think about this? Am I just being stoopid?

Hello all. My gf (30+f) and I (30+m) have been dating more than 5 years, and I finally moved in with her earlier this year. Couldn't be happier living with her. However, my parents (who are korean both 60+, and with whom I moved from Korea to the US with back in the 1990s) refuse to acknowledge her existence.

We have had several fights in the past about her, but they are stuck on the fact that she did not go to a "good" school and that her parents are separated. They have already judged her to be unworthy despite not having met her or even knowing her name (didn't tell them once I realized they were being unreasonable to protect her privacy). My father (the more "reasonable" one) goes on about either 1) that there are plenty of other people i could see, going as far as to suggest that I "could see other people while dating her: or 2) lecturing me about how a marriage is between two families. My mother, meanwhile, just ends up screaming at me about how terrible of a son I am.

Mind you, I have always been the "good son" between my older brother (who is actually an abusive piece of shit) and me. Not that this should matter, but I was so mad to see them be happy and proud of him for marrying a "good korean girl". My gf aside, I am honestly more mad that despite all that I have done and being an adult, they still refuse to respect or have faith in my choices.

Anyways, any advice? I know the general things about how I need to get them to respect my boundaries, don't be afraid to go less contact, don't feel like I owe them anything, etc, but getting these things done is easier said than done. Therapy has been helpful in the past, but not much has changed thus far.

Ideally, I would like for my parents to accept my gf (and more importantly, my choices), but I acknowledge that there is a solid chance I may have to consider becoming more distant with them. I would really rather not have to pursue that option though because I love them etc.

Tldr. Korean parents hate gf and not having faith in my choices. How to move forward?

Hi guys , it's been a long time since I posted any things on reddit. It's because my mother took my electronics away, and today I want to end with this drama. My mother and dad divorced... my dad now have a new kind, they live happily in Beijing now. I am trapped with my mom..., she abuses me everyday. I just can't bear it anymore .. so I decide to reach out to my grandmother. All these years I worked and have about 14k in my bank account, with my father's help , I have an insurance of 7 million yuan . Now in this night I am away , I will fly to China. It's okay , because I have my friends with me. They can help em over, now I booked my airplane ticket. I took my things out. Now I am in the airport.

This is a message to my mother- Mom if you read this post, do not find me. I have enough evidence to sue you, grandma will take care of me. Now deal with your own mess.

I grew up in a similar way with many of the stories written here- the lack of emotional support, the physical absence because their jobs are more important than anything, the suppression of emotions, self-development, and independence, etc. I’m so grateful to have found this group to know that I’m not alone.

But I’m wondering if any of you have gone NC with your APs? I’m currently considering it because I’m reaching a point that I feel too much stress around them and I can’t handle it anymore.

Here is what happened: I moved out of my APs home 6 years ago because my dad was becoming physically aggressive after receiving the news of his mother’s death. I was literally terrified and afraid that he would hurt me physically, so I packed a suitcase and moved to my then bf(now husband)’s apartment. We got married 1 year after and soon I realized the change from having to take care of just 1 family originally to the fact that I would have 3 extra families’ attention (my original family, my in-laws’ family, and my own family with my husband). I’ve been trying my best to jiggle between the 3, but I do prioritize my own first, then my in-laws’, then my APs’ solely because the first 2 are newer, and it takes time and effort(so much effort) to set things up and get to know my in-laws’ family and culture (they’re not Asian. And on top of all these, I’m also learning a 4th language in wish to communicate with them).

Fast-forward to post-Covid, the 3 families could finally meet in person in one place last year. My APs behaved extremely weird and overly-passionate over my in-laws’ visit and the relationship with them in general. I feel extremely uncomfortable and weirded out about it knowing it is not their natural selves and they were obviously trying to perform “the nice parents (that they never were)” in front of others. I feel sick about it and think that since they can’t communicate with each other anyway, one meeting between them would be enough and no need to further develop any relationship whatsoever, and my husband thinks the same way. But my APs are pushy about it, they ask about them often, they want to meet them whenever they visit, but they also never make an effort to travel (which I had offered) and they travel much on their own with those tour groups.

This time, I intentionally stayed silent during my in-laws’ last visit, I only briefly told my APs from when to when they would be here and that’s it. But my parents haven’t stopped asking about it. Even after they have left, my mom would message me even more frequently now to ask how was their visit? If they were well? Then after 3 weeks of silence, she started imposing anxiety in her messages saying if they were sick during the visit and if anything is wrong with me and all the usual trash talking we can imagine.

I feel that it’s crossing a fine line here that, first, my husband’s family and my own are, in one way or the other, none of their business(which they’ll probably never agree). Second, I’ve had enough anxiety growing up because of how they would comment on me, never acknowledged my feelings and needs of emotional support; and now, I still need to take their feelings/bahaviors in(mostly negative) just because they’re emotionally immature and thinking that we, as their children, are responsible to their feelings instead of behaving like a full-ass grown-up that would take responsibility of their own acts.

But I’m scared of what would happen if I go completely NC. You know, the dramatic move that they could just come knocking on my door; the calls that I’d probably receive from them or other relatives; the fear that I would live with every day because they’d still live with the mindset to “look for me” to “hunt me down” to have control over me. I basically feel trapped and controlled by them even knowing that I’m independent now, I have my own life now, and I’m not their by-product. But I still more than often that I have no choice.

Thanks a lot for your time reading my post.

22F South-Asian dating 22M Australian. We’ve been dating for 3.5 years and i currently live with my parents. He wants to propose/ get married in the next 3-4 years but the topic just brings me soooo much anxiety because i don’t know how i would even bring this topic up to my parents (my family avoids talking about marriage). Since i live with my parents I see my bf like once a week and when i do see him, my mum just yells at me and says you don’t need to see him and that she hates him. I still want to maintain a good relationship with my parents because besides this one thing we have a good relationship and the city I live in our community is huge so leaving with a fight is not a good idea. My question is, when your partner and you decided to get married how did your disapproving parents about marriage?

For those unfamiliar, Black Friday is an annual American event which features discounts on items. It happens on the Friday after Thanksgiving. But only during a limited time, typically a few hours. What transpires can best be described as a gross spectacle of retail excess.

Maddened shoppers stampede into stores and fight each other/the staff to buy cheap stuff. Most of these things aren't even that deeply discounted and consist of teasers, or limited quantity items, to entice shoppers to buy other items while in the store.

AD has been a devout pilgrim of Black Friday for years, decades even, barely missing a year. Even in his 80s, he continues to make every effort to attend, proudly displaying his useless hoard of obsolete TVs, radios, computers, and other electronics in the closets gathering dust.

Unfortunately, AD also has full blown Type 1 Diabetes and needs regular injections of insulin to regulate his blood sugar levels. He usually carries candy in his pockets to provide this essential boost.

But this year he either took too many or too little. He went into a medical shock and almost went to the hospital. Afterwards, he was able to recover by eating store candy before buying it at the cash register. But blamed me for not being there to support him. AM is also upset because I didn't accompany them Into the stores.

He didn’t know I knew he had an affair for 10 years. He didn’t know my mother took her rage and humiliation on my younger sister and I because of his infidelity. I’m 32F and he always complains to me, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles that I don’t call him, I don’t talk to him much and I don’t care for him. He now wants to be this lovey dovey family after he’s been absent my entire childhood, he’s been physically and emotionally abusive to my mom and my mom was physically and emotionally abusive to us. Think mom calling us names such as whre, btch and whatnot everyday.

This morning I woke up and dad sent me two reels about how people should respect their parents, love them and care for them. Up till this moment, I’ve never talked to my dad about why I don’t want to be close to him. I ranted a couple times to my mom about how she treated us when we were children. My dad had a stroke and has heart problems, so I didn’t want to stress him.

But those two reels were the straw that broke the camel’s back. I just sent him walls of texts detailing how he was absent, how he was an enabler and how I knew he had an affair and in a way, we were victims of his infidelity etc., everything that hurt me. And he’s been radio silent for the last hour. He thinks and complains that I was a bad daughter that doesn’t care about her parents. I hope now he knows why I’m the way I am. I just hope he doesn’t have another stroke, because if he does, I’ll be stuck in the hospital helping him pee and poo.

But my God, I feel relieved. I now feel justified that I try to distance myself from them to protect my peace because that home, that environment was hell on earth.

I promised to update everyone, so here's a 2 month catchup!

Context- I ran away 2 months ago with nothing on me but my purse which had my bank cards and identity. I had 10k saved up before I ran. I left my phone at home and took my secret 2nd phone with me with a new number. I didn't leave a note and told them I'm going for a walk and then I never returned. I took an Uber instead to the airport and took a flight out of the state from New Mexico to Wyoming.

Now- I am in transitional housing with a women's shelter. I have a full time job. I am applying to studio apartments near me so I can finally have my own place. I bought my new car from Facebook marketplace about 2 weeks after because I didn't want to spend more money on Uber. It costed me about 5k which led me to have 5k for other things... Keep in mind I had bought nothing with me but the clothes on my back. I got a lot of free clothing from donations and I made a request on Facebook marketplace as well to help with clothing and a lot of lovely women helped me. I also emailed colleges around me to see if I can go through their lost and found. I started working as a teacher and made about 2.5k a month after taxes and healthcare. Its not much but it's honest work. I applied to go back to med school and got accepted to finish my 3rd year in the fall. I'm gonna quit work and take out loans then. It's rough out here without any family or friends and building yourself up from the ground starting with nothing but the freedom is much worth it. I would definitely run away if presented with the change again. I would say I wouldnt run away unless you had no other choice, like the abuse is severe. My case was pretty bad as my mom was beating me every other day for no reason. If you're just mad over curfew rules and nothing else, I wouldn't do this. It's still stress but a different kind. I hardly get to rest as after I'm done with work I still have other things to do and other errands because I am starting with nothing. Overall my experience with running away so far is an 8/10. I took off 2 points for financial stress and emotional stress for missing family and material items. I miss my makeup collection and my wardrobe most of all but once I'm a doctor I know I can have a better one. It will just take me a couple years

for my workplace, it's a huge cheap japanese department store and so the staff roster is also pretty big, It consists of MOSTLY 2nd generation and 1st generation immigrants, which for me is the norm(statistically). It wasn't till I was working with this particular person. He's always been the most consistent, experienced and communicative employee at the place. If he got trained for it he'd make a great manager and pretty young too. Great guy, he hangs out with us when me and my workmates go on break a nd is quite down to earth.

Overall the way he conducts himself isn't the same as my peers in the sense that he's actually quite genuine in his attitudes and interests towards the job and especially with how well adjusted he is, I've never seen him stressed or agitated, which in this job is quite common as it can get chaotic at times. It's like he was raised by the right sort of parents and it definitely reflects that in the way he conducts himself as well as his role at my workplace.

While we were working i asked about him about his background, as i was pretty impressed with how well adjusted he is and how he has so much composure all while on the job. And after a bit of talking, he said that one his parents moved to Australia from China really early on in their lives and the other was already born there which got me thinking. Honestly, it all makes sense.

He was born with Parents who were used to the western way of thinking and western sensibilities. It only makes sense that with him being 3rd generation that he turned out to be quite mentally sound and stable. Contrast that with my 2nd generation peers who have a lot of deep seeded trauma and issues relating to their upbringing and are still dealing with it to this day. I feel like it further drives the point that Asian parenting does not work at all work in the west and only creates stunted people (im one of them). Where as the western way of thinking encourages individual thought and freedom and has benefitted him, plain to see.

Tell me I'm not the only one who feels incapable of getting emotionally close to anyone. In 2nd year of uni and deep down it hurts knowing I still have made no friends to talk to irl, hang out, go on holidays, laugh or even cry with. I feel better this year as in less tears. I'm trying not to question or judge myself but I feel abnormal when I compare.

Could talk about this forever so will try omitt most of what I wanna say cos I'd be writing a novel. Didn't realise childhood has such a big impact til I googled while writing this. Will copy it in comments.

Emotional, physical abuse, bullying, controlling rules such as no hanging out with friends, no attending birthday parties, no music. Through all these controlling rules, from all the tears, abuse and being dismissed I learnt to hide myself, my emotions and stay sheltered in my room. With everything forbidden, I learnt to survive emotionally on my own by not trusting people, being emotionally reserved, staying in my room doing nothing all day besides scrolling and sucked into social media, news etc.

I hung out with friends outside of school like 10 times by sneaking out. Never felt close to my parents growing up. Don't think I even understand the concept of closeness nor what love is. Never felt it growing up.

Feel there's no solution besides accepting life alone so here I am feeling a level of despair but also some comfort knowing I'm emotionally stronger than last year and I feel less alone at uni than I did living at home.

I gave birth 3 months ago. My mom came to stay with me to help take care of the baby for 3 months.

Since she’s been here with me, I have felt supported maybe 2 weeks. Rest of the time, I’m either taking care of the baby, or the house, or my mom. She is used to having servants take care of everything back home, and has told me almost every week that I should get housemaids and cooks to come to the house every other day (I’m in US where labor is ridiculously expensive).

And there is toxic trait she has of calling me a fool, stupid, dumb in front of my baby, and then laughing and telling me that the baby won’t understand. This coming from a parent who can’t login to a simple email account to check her mail and will call me from 10000miles away to help her login.

She gets sick often and will self medicate on all kinds of shit, and never try out anything natural that I tell her to try. Even if the side effects from her meds mean she needs more meds to recover.

I’m striving with every fiber of my being to never ever become that person.

Whenever I'm trying to go to sleep I always remember all the traumatising things I've been through. Here's one that happened 2 years ago that still traumatises me.

I was 20 or 21 at the time I can't quite remember but I came home early from university (for once usually I'd stay as long as possible so I don't have to come home). It was a nice day out so my AM decided she would walk to my younger sisters (12/13ish I think she was) school to pick her up instead of driving. It's a 25/30 minute walk / 10/15 minute drive away depending on traffic.

Whist my AM was walking there it started raining so she rang me and asked me to drive there and pick my sister up so she doesn't have to wait in the rain and she would meet us there. Because of the traffic / school rush she ended up getting to my sister before me. I parked the car about 2/3 meters away from where my AM usually parks when she picks up my sister because someone was already parked in that spot.

My AM rang me and asked where I was and I literally told her my exact location and she kept shouting down the phone "WHERE" "WHERE" and I repeated myself 5x and she definitely heard me. She does this daft thing where she will talk to other people around her whilst she's on the fucking phone. After that she started saying "COME THIS WAY" "COME HERE". Like what the fuck does she mean by that how am I meant to know which way she's talking about and where 'here' is. This whole time whilst she's shouting down the phone at me I was speaking politely and in a normal tone and then when she said 'come this way' I said 'which way is this way' and she went off saying I'm talking rudely in a tone LIKE WHAT?. Since she couldn't hear me I raised my voice a little and said my exact location again and she went OFFFFF she started screaming down the phone saying how dare I speak to her like that. I literally said nothing wrong she's the one that couldn't hear me.

She then found where I was and she had the scariest face on. She was giving me the dirtiest look ever my stomach sank I knew what was coming. She came to the car opened the passenger door and started shouting at me like I was a child. Im a literal grown woman.

You know what was worse she started shouting at me in English on purpose because there were people around. Keep in mind she usually speaks in our native language despite knowing English. All these school kids, their parents and my literal old school teachers were staring. It was so fucking embarrassing. I kept saying to her please stop shouting lower your voice and get in the car but she she purposefully got louder and stood with the door open because she knew I was embarrassed. She started screaming horrible things in English so everyone understood, every name under the sun. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE" "DO YOU THINK YOU ARE BIGGER THAN ME" "HOW DARE YOU SHOUT AT ME YOU STUPID COW" "YOU ARE AN IDIOT YOU DISGUSTING COW". So much more.

You can imagine the stares from people.

I was so embarrassed I can't even explain the feeling all these school kids staring at me. She kept going on this lasted like 15/20 minutes. In the end she slammed the door and said 'watch what I do to you when we get home'. She never got in the car she ended up walking home. The whole drive home I felt sick I was bawling my eyes out.

I got home and I was bawling I've never cried so bad before. She's done nastier things to me before she's even physically abused me but that moment really got to me. I told my dad what happened and he never usually says anything but this time even he was like why would she do that infront of so many people.

She got home and she was shouting sooooo loud oh my god my dad was like why would you do that and then she started twisting it and making the story completely different.

After that she gave me silent treatment for days. She expected me to beg for forgiveness and because I didn't say anything to her whilst she was giving me silent treatment she then went off saying how horrible I am because I've not apologised to her.

Has anyone else's AM purposefully embarrassed them in public?

This is one of the most annoying arguments my parents make because it limits what I wanna do with my life.

Basically my parents say the reason why they want me to be a doctor is because it’s a job that guarantees stability and that the economy is bad now so it would be hard for me to do any other career. And if the economy is bad again, at least doctors are never out of a job.

They also complain that all my cousins and relatives are trying to be doctors so why can’t I?

They say they care about “my future” and “everything we do is for your future” and a bunch of other stuff related to it which is why they want me to finish med school.

But the problem is, it’s the only future they want to guarantee and I begged them incessantly for a different career in the hopes that their narrow minded view might bend to something more appealing and they never give me the option for one. Feels like a financial prison I have to wait just to escape.

As of now, I can only apply for MBA programs for next fall and job hunting is shit atm.

Right now I am just biding my time for a better future even if that means waiting a little longer for it

Reading stories in this subreddit reminds me of my own home life. I'm 20, dropped out of a t5 engineering school, kicked out from home by my asian parents, taking antidepressants, and just relying on god to save me. My girlfriend of 1 year, who is white since I promised myself that I would never to marry an asian (call me stupid all you want but that's how mentally ill I am), always wanted a baby, talked about it to the point where she was going to commit suicide if we weren't going to conceive one. Fast forward to today, she's pregnant with our beautiful baby boy, we're both happy, but I've been anxious and been having second thoughts on if I'm going to be a decent enough parent or not. I feel like I'm going to end up being a horrible father to him. He wont even be able to meet his own grandparents. I'm not planning on telling any of my family members that there will be a new member of the family. I want to dedicate everything in my life for him, but I feel like at the end, I'm just going to end up on here, failing as a father.

My mom does shit that makes me angry, she makes stupid decisions and asks me to fix it all the time. She also constantly talks shit about people and gossip about her coworkers, relatives and she’s been talking shit about me to my sister. I’m sick and tired of her toxic fake bitch-like behaviour. I’m 23 and she’s 47 this is a home not a fucking high school, she’s more fake than my high school friends. As a mother she has never supported me, she also physically and emotionally abused me the list can go on tbh. She constantly tells me that no men will like me and that I’m not gonna have a good life because I’m “disrespectful” towards my parents. When I call her out for always making me do shit for her she says “what did I give birth to you for?”. She favours my younger sister because she is nicer to my mom than me but like my sister never had to suffer abuse from her. My mom also has no friends.

I’m her oldest daughter and it’s like she hates me and I hate her too. How do I deal with her bitch like behaviours because she loves to talk shit about me to my sister.

A good mother should show support and talk through problems with their daughter and I never got that, all I got was “no men will like you” “I thought u were smart” “That’s what u have to accept because you’re the oldest” “you’re not gonna make it in life because you disrespect your parents”

Edit: well although she does all those things to me sometimes she shows she cares about me by ordering me my favourite food and giving me fruits. Idk if that justify the pain I also have to endure. I want to move out and cut contact but thinking about the things she’s done for me I feel guilty in a sense.

I am currently on a trip with my non-indian boyfriend for thanksgiving and I hate that I can’t share this with my parents. I had to lie that I am traveling for work. They just don’t like the fact that I might possibly be sharing a bed with him. They have met him once but don’t approve of him because he is non-indian and his culture is extremely different.

I am 31 years old and still can’t go anywhere without them having control of every fucking thing. As an only child, I HAVE to VIDEO call them every day! I love them and I am ok calling them but it becomes so exhausting to hide my background on FT just so they don’t know where I am at. Or I have to make sure they don’t hear any noises while I am talking to them. On this specific trip, I only talked to them for a few mins as I had so much to do. Today, on my last day of trip, my mom started questioning as to why have I not been calling as much, why am I not VIDEO calling, why am I taking a late night flight and wasting time when I could be home earlier.

I AM TIRED OF ALL THE QUESTIONING, HAVING TO LIE FOR LITTLE THINGS. I am so done. I feel exhausted. I don’t feel like talking to them, but the fact that their only child needs a break would kill them. I feel so stuck. Indian parents need to stop being so toxic and controlling. It is suffocating!

I have thoughts of deleting my Asian parents, it feels like once I do that, my problems will finally be over. Do any of you guys feel the same way? Even if I moved out, I feel their control over me and I hate it, especially when applying for jobs and living in the real world.

I am currently on a trip with my (non-indian) boyfriend for thanksgiving and I hate that I can’t share this with my parents. I had to lie that I am traveling for work. They just don’t like the fact that I might possibly be sharing a bed with him. They have met him once but just don’t approve of him because he is non-indian and his culture is different than ours, meaning they think he’d abandon me.

I am 31 years old and still can’t go anywhere without them having control of every fucking thing. As an only child, I HAVE to VIDEO call them every day! I love them and I am ok calling them but it becomes so exhausting to hide my background on FT just so they don’t know where I am at. Or I have to make sure they don’t hear any noises while I am talking to them. On this specific trip, I only talked to them for a few mins as I had so much to do. Today, on my last day of trip, my mom started questioning as to why have I not been calling as much, why am I not VIDEO calling, why am I taking a late night flight and wasting time when I could be home earlier.

I AM TIRED OF ALL THE QUESTIONING, HAVING TO LIE FOR LITTLE THINGS. I am so done. I feel exhausted. I don’t feel like talking to them, but the fact that their only child needs a break would kill them. I feel so stuck. Indian parents need to stop being so toxic and controlling. It is suffocating!

Anyone had similar experiences?

Like many people here, I worked hard majority of my life, got good grades, went to a top undergrad college, and landed a good career as a management consultant for one of the major firms. I recently graduated from a top MBA program and returned to my consulting firm, who sponsored my entire MBA tuition (my parents didn't have to pay a dime on my MBA, since I covered housing and all my other expenses from doing side hustles during school).

I'm also the oldest out of 3 siblings and my other two siblings have various issues/ traumas currently. My sister has a history of mental health issues and she's more focused now on landing a husband in college (she's only 23 for context) & living a simple life. Meanwhile, my youngest brother is doing very well for himself at an ivy league undergrad, but he doesn't communicate with my parents at all, so they always ask me to text him and find out how he's doing, get details about his new girlfriend, etc.

My parents also ask me to look out for my two younger siblings, but my relationship with them has been kind of strained since high school. I do what I can to help them with their careers, case interview prepping, etc. I turned 28 in May and now when I come back home, my parents all say how proud they are of me and how I turned out the "best" out of all of us.

Recently when I came back home, my parents say that "while they are proud of me, I shouldn't be living frivolously in NYC, when I could move back to our hometown, buy a house and start a family." They told me I need to have a "plan for my life" since I'm almost 30 years old. They've also started telling me how I should get my PhD and become a professor one day, even though that was never my passion. I JUST got my MBA which you didn't pay for - isn't that enough??

All of this has brought me so much anxiety that I dread coming home for the holidays knowing the speech that they would give me. I'm obviously capable enough to get into a top MBA program and accomplish everything else - when are they going to treat me like my own person capable of making my own mistakes and decisions? On top of that, they're pressuring me to break up with my boyfriend because he isn't as successful as me. I just want to scream sometimes.

tl;dr after all my accomplishments in life, it still seems it's never enough for my AP

I know there’s lots of stuff on here that’s really serious / sad / scary but is anyone else’s mom obsessed with deals to the point where it makes no sense.

So we are not poor, they just bought a new house that is nicer & bigger than the one we had before, but my mom is obsessed with finding good deals. She loves to go shopping & buys us stuff but it has to like have some sort of discount or lower price. She will even buy us stuff we didn’t want or ask for but she thought it was a good deal (basically wasting money). Even things like fast food, she will buy the biggest size of something & have me & my sister share it because it’s a “better deal” than buying 2 of the regular or small sized things. By better deal its like saving a dollar on a slurpee from 711 or blizzard from dairy queen.

I know we can afford these things because she buys them for us a lot and if we could’t afford it she wouldnt. They also like using things like instacart & food delivery which is more expensive than going to stores yourself. She gets emails from them saying that she gets 15 dollars off and will think it’s a good deal and then will do a instacart order even though its cheaper to go to store yourself. Like how does she not see they are tricking her? She’s not stupid about other stuff but a discount makes her dumb. and my dad just agrees with her that it’s a good deal even though it’s not like they are spending more money for same thing.

We get bubble tea a lot (one of the few things me & my sister actually get our own of) but when a new bubble tea place opened they had this deal where it was buy 2 get 2 free and since it was first day opening the lineup was outside the door so we had to wait outside in very hot weather to the point we were sweating for like more than half an hour to just get 2 free bubble teas.

We don’t live in America, so black Friday isn’t a holiday but stores here still do sales for it and my parents actually took day off work to go do black friday shopping like they do every year. so like they didnt get paid for day and instead went to shop deals

I'm not a morning person but my APs force me to wake up at 7 am in the morning everyday. The rest of the day I'm groggy and dying for a nap but the moment I go lie down, even if I'm just using my phone in bed, my AM storms in and drags me up by force. She threatens to force me to sleep earlier but I already go to bed at 10:30 everyday and that simply isnt the problem. How can I get some sleep in during the day? Im 28 btw.

I’m 21, and my family life has been toxic for years. Here’s everything that’s been happening:

When I was in 10th grade, my parents became very controlling. They doubted me in everything, didn’t let me talk to boys, and refused to give me a phone. I was always a good student, but they constantly restricted me. Once, I asked to participate in a dance fest. My mom refused, saying it would distract me. When I cried and insisted, my dad told me, “Go ahead and commit suicide; we’ll be sad for two days and move on.” My mom just stood there and said nothing. That incident left me broken and depressed.

In 11th grade, I had a fight with my mom and accidentally said something wrong. She told my dad, and he dragged me out of the house by my hair, broke my glasses, and cursed me. My mom again did nothing. After that, I decided to leave home as soon as I could.

I moved out for college with my boyfriend, who had been my only emotional support. Over time, I tried to forgive my parents, especially my dad, and rebuild our relationship. Things seemed better, but yesterday everything fell apart.

My mom works a lot—teaching, cooking, taking tuitions—because my dad doesn’t help. When I suggested she spend money on maintaining basic things at home, she got defensive, said I don’t help her, and told my dad about the argument. He started cursing me, saying I’m a disgrace, I don’t respect him, and I’m only here because of his money. He withdrew everything from my bank account, said I wouldn’t even earn 10k on my own, and challenged me to pay him back. He even pushed my mom when she tried to stop him.

When I tried talking to my mom afterward, she invalidated my feelings, saying I should tolerate my dad because “he’s like that” and blamed me for not being “grateful enough.” My grandparents told me I shouldn’t argue with my dad because he’s my father and I should respect him no matter what.

I feel trapped. No matter what I do, my feelings are dismissed, and I’m always blamed. I’m scared, emotionally drained, and don’t know how to move forward.

If you’ve been in a similar situation or have advice, please help. I’m desperate for a way out of this cycle.

They don't let me close the door to my room or sit there by myself. When most of the family is in the living room, I need to be there too and that's a rule. I'm not allowed to wear headphones to block the noise out since some Indian singer recently went deaf and warned against them. Sometimes, I'm watching TV and they just sit there speaking at the top of their lungs. The house goes quiet, and I'm able to listen fine for a while but one of my parents will suddenly chime in with a random comment and the house becomes loud again. However, when their shows play, the house is dead silent. This annoys me to no end.

Hello, I'm 25F, met this boy 28M 2 years ago. We both were surfing dating apps and found each other. At first we clicked it off, and instead of thinking Any casuals, we fell in love and got serious.

It took 1 year for us to be sure for each other as we both were exploring, understanding, supporting and working in this relationship together. This April, my parents forced me for my "mangal pooja" and after that, they just started sending my bio data everywhere in our casts.

They always motivated me, they are very cool and open minded, always supported me for my choices. And this time, I told them about my relationship. At first my father was all normal and chill. But 2 weeks later he just screamed at me for even considering a relationship all by myself, he refused my choice, told me I'm not good enough, and even said that he'll die because of me (he's a heart patient and got heart attacks 3 times in his life time). I got panic attack that time, so he never mentioned about marriage in front of me.

It's been months till that time, and now he's just finding a partner for me all by himself, gives me silent treatment, pretend that we are on same page. Even travel here and there to meet a boy in our caste. He even doesn't let me go to meet any friends, always force me to attend a marriage function.

I don't want to abandoned this relationship, because I was single for 6 years and improved myself alot as I'm commitment phobic and extremist. This guy always supported me for everything, and we both mold into our best selves. He doesn't want to hurt my father nor me for any kind of choice. He's just working really hard in his better career for me to take stand for us.

My hopes are really getting down, as my father is very stubborn and not even wants to talk to me. I can't always talk about my father with him, nor I can see my father making a major life choice for me. I've been very very frustrated and restless. What do i do?

Hi everyone,

I’m 25, and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost three years. We’ve decided to get engaged and move in together next year. My previous relationship ended after eight months on a very bad note because I ended it due to abuse from my ex. My parents wanted me to stay with my ex because they liked him.

I started dating my current boyfriend right after that breakup. At first, my parents weren’t okay with it, but they eventually accepted him. Now that we’ve decided to officially move in together, I wanted to introduce him to my parents formally. However, because of my past experiences, I was very anxious and had a lot of negative thoughts about it.

When I told my parents about my plan today, my dad said it wasn’t necessary and told me to check with my mom. When I asked my mom, she was okay with it, but when I mentioned that dad said it wasn’t necessary, she stopped talking about it. Later, when I asked again in front of both of them, neither of them gave me a clear response.

For context, my boyfriend is Muslim, but I’m agnostic, and he’s an atheist, so religion doesn’t matter to us. I don’t know if it matters to them, though, since my sister married a Hindu, and they were fine with that. My boyfriend and I have decided not to rely on my parents for anything because I’ve had bad experiences in the past when my parents got too involved with my sister’s life.

I feel hurt that my dad doesn’t think meeting my boyfriend is necessary. It’s even harder because my sisters have been dating their partners for five years and haven’t introduced them to my parents. Even my brother-in-law doesn’t talk to them.

Any kind words or advice would be appreciated.

I am done with all this shit. Tired of parents who can't regulate their emotions properly, tired of feeling perpetually guilty.

I feel I am not good enough. My mother explains that she is inclined to passionately express her emotions, and she probably believes she is doing it for the sake of her mental health. Well, at the expense of everyone else's.

She yells and yells and yells and yells. She once said she would like for me to be assertive and respond. Respond with...what? Every situation she gets rageful, SHE is the victim. SHE is the one suffering. SHE is the one being mistreated. I am the antagonist, I am the villain in her perspective. I am the catalyst for her emotional turmoil. At this point kick me out of the house. Apparently I am a Princess, I am lazy. It is like I don't wash the dishes 24/7 or fold the clothes. When I TRY to make an effort, she still gets angry. Like, what the fuck?

Every time she compares me to my father, it is almost a shameful comparison. Over the years, she has constantly berated him for everything. She has even censured his family. Subconsciously, he is a representation of everything I am not supposed to be. Yet, I am a carbon copy. I am my father's daughter. I do not take pride in it. I just feel shame.

My parents should have divorced a long time ago. My parents should not have been parents. All I am left with now is a void of agony and self-deprecation.

I make my debut (turn 18) next year. I'm going to try and move out. Somehow. I could try to reside in my (imminent) university's residential buildings.

Because this is utter bullshit. FUCKING BULLSHIT.

The only person I'd really keep in contact with is my little sister. She holds a special place in my heart, and I would do anything for her.

I want to rebuild my life. My identity. Unfortunately, the more I envisage it, the more my parents are scribbled out of the picture.

When he was leaving my house my mom basically told him that he looked heavier. It made my boyfriend pretty sad, and I'm wondering what to do about this situation. I've confronted her about it but she says that she's only speaking the truth. But why? I know she knows that what she said could be hurtful. It's not the first time she's made snide remarks about my boyfriend, and I am honestly tired of how gossip-y and manipulative she is. I am waiting to become financially independent from my parents because I'm tired of hanging around with them out of guilt. My dad (not asian) is super religious which isn't good because I'm atheist and my mom hides behind this mask of being a generous person when in reality all the kindness she does is her tallying up points to use against you. I feel for my boyfriend and I want to go low contact asap in order to prevent the hurt she caused me going towards him just because she's "close" to him now. I know she's not 100% bad, but she just can't help herself from hurting others. It's unfortunate that it's the holiday season too which means more time with family!

I literally hate them with every ounce of my blood why? Because they failed to give my three siblings and I a good life as a child that they never had they always blame us for the misfortune that happens in there life but the fact is that my they didn't even bother to work they always reason that no one will take care of my younger brother which is completely bullshit I literally hate them also whenever there's a school recess I didn't even bother eating at recess why? Because we are fucking broke the allowance they give me is only for 3 Days and yet they always expect me to budget my allowance for 1 week that mean I can only buy school supplies also when we are having a school contribution I can't pay right away because we are broke asf and because of that my class treasurer is sometimes mad at me because they also have a deadline plus they don't want me to attend Christmas party because they have no money 🙁

Tldr;The reason why I hate them is because they didn't give us proper life so when we grow up as an adult we will always have a regret that we didn't have proper childhood

For context I’m low contact with my AM and I live outside of my family home, but I regularly go back to the family home to walk the family dogs.

So I’ve finished walking the dogs and AM asks me to clean the bathroom floor, which is one of the chores I would do when I live in the family home. As I’m doing it, I can hear her bitching about how I’m so useless and I make the floor messy by dropping my hair everywhere.

A little bit after I’ve finished I’m about to go back to mine when she walks into the bathroom to complain that I didn’t clean the bathroom properly and uses a cloth to prove that there were still a few hairs left. She demands me to help her with ‘properly’ cleaning the bathroom and I start to feel lightheaded and dizzy. As I’m cleaning, she continues to complain and talk about how useless I am while I remain silent.

Keeping in mind that this is Australia, so it is also hot weather, but I think this is my first anxiety attack.

Once the floor was finished I hurriedly grabbed my backpack and started to leave but the dizziness and light headed was got worse, especially when my mum started to walk towards me.

I eventually managed to get to my car where I am now sitting in a Hungry Jacks car park and typing this up. Has anyone else had an anxiety attack like this before? How did you manage?

Growing up, I had a close relationship with my mom and would tell her almost everything. I'm not sure when the dynamic shifted, but after graduating college and moving to NYC, I began sharing less frequently. As many know, in Asian households, there weren't many "I love you's" or much emotional sharing. My mom helped me a lot with homework growing up, but she and my dad would also yell at me for not being near the top of the class, often comparing me to my peers.

 Shortly after I moved to NYC, my sister, with whom I had a semi-close relationship as kids but drifted apart from in high school, had a mental health breakdown. This event also caused my younger brother, who witnessed the breakdown and my dad yelling at my sister, to become more emotionally distant from the family. My sister was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and experienced frequent mood swings afterward. I was just starting my career in NY, so I only heard about this anecdotally from my mom. Like most Asian parents, whenever I visited for the holidays, they would dismiss it or joke about my sister's "breakdown."

At 23, I began dating my first boyfriend - we're still together after just over 5 years. My parents seemed okay when I first started dating him. A couple of months in, COVID happened, and we had hour-long TV marathons over FaceTime during our 4-5 months of long-distance dating (he provided a lot of emotional support during this time and made me feel less lonely and isolated). I didn't expect to be with him this long, and we've had our fair share of challenges and fights. I often expressed wanting to explore dating other people. My boyfriend's career ambition was also a point of contention, as he switched jobs 3-4 times during our relationship.

Despite these challenges, he has been a constant source of emotional support. He was there for me when I was passed up for promotions, supported me through my MBA application process, and agreed to move with me for my two-year MBA program. He's been there for me during any challenges or breakdowns I've faced during my studies. As our relationship grew more serious, my mom began asking about marriage. Initially, she said, "I don't want to pressure you to pick a boyfriend" and "whoever you pick, we will support." But soon after, she'd say, "He isn't good enough for you" and "You'll be struggling financially if you end up with him long-term." For context, my mom was the primary breadwinner in our household and often complained about how our dad wasn't "smart" or "hardworking" enough to give her an easier life. She doesn't want me to end up like her.

Because of this, I always downplayed the seriousness of our relationship. I'd say things like, "I'm just staying with him until I get into MBA," which then became "until I graduate from MBA." Before I knew it, 5 years had passed, and I just graduated from my MBA program this year. Now, at 28, I'm facing immense pressure from my mom to break up with him. She's abandoned her earlier supportive stance and now constantly bashes him, saying "he's trash" and "he'll never give me happiness."

Even at my MBA graduation, she complained that my boyfriend didn't treat us to a nice dinner to celebrate (he had to return home to help with something). She interpreted his limited time with them as a sign that he doesn't view me as a long-term partner. My mom also speaks negatively about his family's rural Asian background and lack of college education.

I recently came home for Thanksgiving, and my mom accused me of never sharing anything with them and becoming closed off. But how can I open up when just a couple of weeks ago, she bombarded my WeChat with messages about guys I should date and how my current boyfriend isn't good enough? Meanwhile, I've been struggling mentally with being back at work after my MBA, and my boyfriend has been emotionally supporting me. When I mentioned this to my mom over the phone, she scoffed and questioned what HE could possibly be doing to help.

Also, she always compares me to my 2 siblings and express how I became the most successful and the most "normal." My brother now doesn't really speak to our family and my relationship with my two siblings have become pretty strained. So my mom also pressures me to help my brother and sister out with their career, internships, etc. I just feel so much pressure on me to be this "perfect child", but at the same time, I feel I'm disappointing her because I haven't broken up with my boyfriend (yet). I do feel empathy and I understand how much she and my dad have sacrificed and helped us all these years, but I just can't open myself up and communicate what I've been feeling all this time.

Over these past few months, I've been seriously contemplating the future of my relationship, but I want to do it on my own terms - without the pressure of marriage or kids looming. Every time I visit, my mom brings up grandchildren. I understand I'm 28 and I do want kids someday, but this pressure is overwhelming. I'm at a loss for what to do and how to begin opening up to her. I find comfort in seeing similar stories on Reddit, but I would love to hear any other thoughts.

tl;dr asian mom doesn't approve of my boyfriend and she wants me to open up to her, but I can't