Calling toddler parents! Feel free to brag, complain, ask for advice, or anything in between here.

It’s impactful to me seeing someone as adored as Sofia Vergara standing confidently by her OAD stance by choice (for years now). She is proud of her son and doesn’t put anyone down. She might be one of my celebrity role models who is OAD by choice. Refreshing to see that just because you have tonnes of money doesn’t equate to having multiple kids. Do you have a public person that is OAD that keeps you motivated?

It stings. I’m not able to have another. I’m grieving my dream of being a Mother of two and also not having a second pregnancy/childbirth experience. Anyone else in the same boat? How do you cope

So my husband and I have one 5 year old son. We're one and done for many reasons. I usually don't worry about many of the common dilemmas people have about being one and done. I generally believe bringing another human being into the world to take care of someone else or make things easier for another person is creepy and antiquated. However, lately I've come to a realization about my son's future that scares me.

I have three siblings, my husband has two. None of our siblings have children, and are unlikely to ever have children. This would make him the only child of his generation in both of our immediate families. All three of my siblings are unmarried and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if they remain unmarried for the rest of their lives. One of my husband's sisters is married and lives out of state, the other is unmarried and lives near us.

My concern is what will happen when myself, my husband, and our siblings have all become elderly. It's hard enough trying to plan ahead and make sure that there is a plan in place for his dad and I, so our son doesn't have too much of a burden when we are older. But there is a good chance he will be the next of kin for most of his aunts and uncles, as well. And he'll have not just the financial burden, but also the mental and emotional burden associated with caregiving for multiple people. It's easy enough to say "He'll have no obligation to take care of anyone", but if I'm successful in raising a compassionate person as I am trying to, he's not going to just leave his relatives to die alone. What on earth can I do about this, other than talk to my siblings, who make little to no money, about preparing for their retirement? It just makes me so anxious thinking about it. I would never want to bear this kind of burden myself so I'd certainly never want to do it to my child. It's the only thing that has ever given me pause and made me think maybe I should have another child, so my son doesn't have to do this alone.

Anyone else in a similar situation?

Hi everyone- so love reading the posts on this group. Most likely OAD with my 18 month old son for many reasons and fairly at peace . But I wanted to hear stories specifically from those who have boys. So much advice from adult onlies and those is on cultivating strong friendships to prevent loneliness. For those with grade school age kids can you share what your son’s friendships look like? I am not trying to be gendered in my approach but grew up with a sister and feel like I don’t know s much about male friendships. Hoping to teach my son to be comfortable with feelings, a good listener, compassionate and vulnerable if need be so he can build strong relationships. I also live in New England and am a bit introverted so trying to think of doing something like taking another kid on a vacation feels like a pretty big personal stretch for me. But I want to grow in this way. What she did you all start doing that- preteen? Thanks!

Just wanted to share that if you’re looking for an animated film representing a beautiful triangle family check out spellbound on netflix!

Post general chat conversation here! This will post weekly on Sundays going forward but can be more frequent if we find it necessary.

Also feel free to join us any day of the week on the One and Done Discord:

https://discord.gg/v4k6hrMMQu

I don't want another baby. I know that. There are so many reasons why I cannot/should not have another. But I find myself crying because my only is growing up so fast. And he's FOUR. Like come on 😂. What am I gonna do when he goes to kindergarten? To college!?

Does anyone else feel this way? If I could go back in time and get his newborn snuggles again 😭😭😭 He is the world's sweetest and loveliest kid (though I suppose I am biased). I enjoy every second with him. How do I stop feeling so sad? 💔

I am OAD not by choice as my wife only wants one. I respect her decision and her reasons why and I am working on coming to peace with this reality and seeing all the positives of being OAD (side note: reading the experiences of folks here has been really useful and reassuring for this — thank you all).

I still come back to a fear that admittedly may be selfish, but still something that I think about. What if something happens to my wife and/or daughter and there’s no one there to help me at the end of my life? I have been blessed to have 2 grandparents still alive in their nineties, and as they approach end of life they are surrounded by multiple grown children and lots of grandchildren. I can’t help but imagine what life would look like for me, and worry about a world where I have no one to be with me. And it’s this image that keeps me thinking about more kids. I feel like I need someone to talk some sense in me that I shouldn’t be worrying (or even catastrophizing) about this.

So here’s my question to the group. Do other OAD parents ever worry that only having one kid could lead to being more lonely in old age? Why or why not?

Thank you all for your thoughts — appreciate this space and this group.

EDIT: thank you for the thoughtful responses everyone. I really appreciate it.

I like that we are one and done. My wife had really bad preeclampsia, which was terrifying and we can’t afford the daycare costs of two kids. My wife was also essentially a one and only, as her half brothers are 18 years older than her. She said she felt loved and cared for being the only object of her parent’s attention, where I was a middle child and did not. The thing I do feel sad about, that’s out of our control, is my daughter not having cousins. Well, her half brother has a son but he’s already in college and we don’t really speak to him that often, in fact I’ve never met him. Both of my brothers don’t have kids. My wife’s cousins have kids, but they’re all I think in middle school for the youngest besides one, who is about 7 while my daughter is 3.5, so not that close in age. I didn’t feel that close to my cousins, but is this something I should even feel sad about? I know I shouldn’t worry about things that are out of my control, but I feel like my daughter is missing out and I hate that for her. For people who grew up without cousins and were an only child, did you feel lonely at family gatherings? I always play with her at family functions instead of visiting with family to offset this, she’s a better conversationalist and more fun anyways. Thanks for reading.

Hello ladies :)

Lately I've been reflecting on my life and to what extent I felt lonely as an only child. I recently discussed it with another only child I know, and we both came to the conclusion that we didn't feel lonely as we were both encouraged to spend time with our friends a lot.

If we went on vacation in our own country, I was always allowed to choose a friend to take with us. Sometimes even 3 different friends, each 2-3 days. Being able to play with a friend of choice after school as well, it's almost as you can choose your own brother or sister instead of hanging out because you're 'biologically forced' to.

I was pretty shy though so if it were up to me, I'd mostly play videogames on my own, but my mom encouraged me to go outside and play with the kids from our street almost daily for a few hours. One of them is still my best friend 22 years later and she reminds me often how I am family. She gave birth to a son a few months ago and calls me his aunt and it truly feels like it. My guy best friend (who I also met in elementary) also tells me how I will still have him as family when my parents pass away.

He and I still have dinner with my parents about once or twice a month, he helps with things around the house sometimes and in a way they see him as their son. He sometimes says how he tells my parents more than his own parents because they don't talk/ask as much questions as mine do. So you can have a special bond too with the long time friends of your children if you make an effort from early on to get to know them a bit.

The thing I find interesting is that both of those friends (actually almost all of my friends) who have siblings don't have a particular good bond with them. They're okay with talking to each other on birthdays and such, but they don't seem really close as going out with them for fun. So I think they're happy too to not only have siblings by blood, but also siblings by choice :)

The other only child I talked to also happens to be one of the most social and funniest people I know! I thought he might have come from a big family but he didn't. He was just very loved and encouraged to connect with his friends.

So encouragement to make friends (choose their own little brothers or sisters) and enabling them to play with them after school or during vacation might help a lot!

Title is obviously a joke, but thanksgiving has really made me realize that I don't want my daughter (3.5) to have a sibling... I want her to have a cousin.

Technically, she has 2, but their mom refuses to come to family gatherings and they live an hour away, so we don't see them unless they invite us to a birthday party.

It just makes me sad that she won't have any kids to play with at thanksgiving or Christmas (not sad enough to have another, but still sad 😅). I have one brother who is married but they're still a couple years off from having kids and live 1.5 hours away. The rest of my siblings will likely be child-free (at least for a while). Any other cousin-less families? How do you keep your only from feeling lonely at holidays?

I'm a bluey hater i proudly admit it i prefer my son watch barney over this stupid annoying show. Besides little bear what other shows should my almost 2 year old watch

Basically the title. I’m so beyond sad that I’m OAD, but I am. Like I feel like I could cry everyday. I have all my daughters baby clothes saved and I know I need to give them away, but I can’t seem to do it.

I feel like I’m wasting my daughter’s toddlerhood wishing I was pregnant again or grieving the second baby I will never have. I hate it and I just want to be able to enjoy my time with my daughter.

I wanted a big family, like 4-5 kids, but life isn’t working out that way for me. I don’t know how to cope

After a routine appointment, it has become apparent that having a second pregnancy might become more dangerous than I thought. Think 1 in 2 chance of preeclampsia, premature birth, my health declining post partum, etc.

I have one child who is 12 months, and she is perfect - sleeps well, very happy, funny, bright.

I am an only, and have memories of begging for a sibling as a child, but also of being deeply lonely - my Dad was often off to work before I was awake, and sometimes not home until I was asleep, and my Mum stayed at home, but was so busy doing housework, she didn’t have the time to play with me much. I was also bullied at primary school, so didn’t have any friends until I was about 12.

I cannot imagine life with two children, because I don’t know what it looks like, but I know I wanted two children. I enjoyed my pregnancy, I love my daughter, and I loved the little baby phase. I feel so robbed of having that experience all over again, and although it isn’t set in stone, it feels like it is probably going to go that way.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is, how do you get over the idea of having two children when it’s been snatched out of your hands?

My husband and I are recently OAD not by choice and it’s definitely been a difficult pill to swallow. We’re doing our best to cope but it still hurts like a MF when someone brings up our daughter needing a sibling. Since Tuesday, my dentist (he was the worst), my nana, and my uncle’s husband have all made comments about “when number 2 comes…” I’ve tried to brush off the comments in the moment and move on in conversation but none of them caught the hint and they all doubled down.

For those of you OAD not by choice, how do you respond? Do you get real? Are you blunt?

I reported my husband for DV five days ago and haven’t seen him since. My child and I are safe right now, and I’m taking care of documents and such that we will need so I can hopefully gain sole custody.

I think I feel better for having clarity around this being the end of the relationship, and getting to start fresh with just my child and I. I feel like it will be easier to be a single parent than live with someone abusive. But I still feel sad to lose our “triangle family,” let alone the possibility for more than one child together. No one would be in an abusive relationship if it started of bad and scary, and I’m feel sad thinking back to the better times.

I’d love to hear stories of your two-person families! Any stories of how life got better after leaving an unsafe partner, or overcoming other odds to thrive as a parent-child family?

I love my child so much and I’m hopeful that I will raise them well (he’s only 2 right now), and hope to return to my home city to be near to the support of family and friends.

All my life I have always wanted to be a mom. I am a mom, I love being a mom, but I don’t want more kids. I feel relief, confusion, and worry all at the same time. I have never ever imagined a life in which my life wasn’t devoted to children, and honestly I feel scared to let go of this part of myself and pursue other career goals and dreams of mine that are available to me now. Does anyone else feel similarly?

Just dropped today. Not only will it make you cry (well they always do for me anyway haha) but it also features a family of 3!! I always get so excited when this happens. Happy Thanksgiving to our triangle families. :)

For those of you who are OAD by choice, I’m interested in knowing more about your decision journey.

After having a baby fever at 4 months pp (though I knew I just couldn’t have another for real at the time), now that my daughter is about to turn 1 I am seriously considering being OAD.

So, I’m interested…

How long did it take for you to be “certain” you were OAD? Were you always OAD or did you think you’d have more and then realized later that OAD fit you best?

Post funny things your kid has said this week here!

It's been a week since my husband got his vasectomy! Our daughter is just perfect. She's almost 2 and is sweet, smart, and such a great toddler. But we know we only want one so we had his vasectomy done through the VA. I was worried we'd have "buyers remorse" after the vasectomy but all either of us feel is sweet, sweet relief.

This ain’t really one and done specific but what are we doing with all the artwork, crafts, worksheets, handwriting samples, etc that come home with little kids? I’ve got a kindergartener, it’s not even Christmas, and I’m drowning in paper. I thought I’d keep it all in an organized binder and instead right now I have 1/2 a kitchen counter covered in a mound of stuff. What are we doing with all this?

I have a question that I'd like to ask those who are OAD and also an only child themselves, and I hope I'm allowed to post here. My question is:

If you had a happy and fulfilling childhood as an only, what specific things do you think your parents did to help make it so? What will you be doing the same or differently with your own child?

For some context, I am a 36f only child with a 15 month old son and was a "lonely only" growing up.

I was talking to a family friend yesterday who has 4 children. They are drowning with their finances. With Christmas around the corner we were discussing presents and he said he put his wife on a very strict budget He then said “well I have 4 children so we have to budget and can’t get them everything they want but with one you get to spoil them” It made me laugh internally because I have only got my daughter 1 present for Christmas and we also donated toys and clothes The venom this was spat at me was hilarious It’s not the first time this person has made comments about my decision to be OAD but it’s always a comment after he has explained how much they are struggling with finances or time. As well as being so completely exhausted with life

I wonder if people think they will guilt you into a decision to have more and then you can join them in the misery

Looking for ideas to store photos/videos. Thanks to iPhone/icloud, I find myself in a slight pickle with storage space. Wondering what you’re doing for storing photos & videos off of your phone??? I don’t want to lose any of my photos/videos.

Hello everyone!

A couple of days ago I posted about my decision of getting my tubes tied/removed during my upcoming c-section and got a lot of support from you. But, guess what? Here where I live, I need "permission" from the government in a way. I would have to sign a document and then have it notarized 60 days before the surgery to make sure I have been 100% informed about the surgery and the outcome. Only after the 60 days I'd be approved to have the procedure done, and that is regardless if it's paid out of pocket, through insurance or the public health system. Up until 2022, the spouse's permission was also needed 🙀

Can you believe this? Is this the common practice and I was just too misinformed? How does it work where you live?

I'm mad at myself for not doing my research prior and now I'll have to wait until I fully recover from the c-section to even consider doing it 😫

Hi, didn’t know where to put this so I stuck it in general discussion flair.

I’m in a really weird position and would love some input, likely not even from people who have been in this position but more of a “What would you do?” post:

My wife and I (both 27F) initially wanted two kids, but after our first round of IVF only giving us one embryo, our now daughter, we started to consider only having one. The cost and insane stress of doing IVF from the beginning again just sounded kind of awful. 😅 We were both feeling totally split and unsure. Well, the traumatic birth of our daughter resulted in an emergency hysterectomy so my wife can no longer have kids (I also can’t carry medically). So essentially it made up our mind for us that we are one and done. Which is totally fine since we were so conflicted anyway, it was nice to have the decision made for us. Lastly, the newborn stage just about killed me. I did it alone at home since wife was in the ICU and my mental health tanked to a place where I was almost hospitalized but I refused it because I had to be there to take care of my baby.

Here’s the kicker- we have one vial of donor sperm left. The donor that created our daughter. He was the PERFECT donor. For some reason we can’t bring ourselves to discard it. But also it’s very expensive to store.

We have made the decision that we are one and done, but just have some kind of weird internal conflict about letting go of it. Like what if we won the lottery one day and could afford a surrogate? (Not going to happen.) Maybe we would want a second kid by then? (Probably not. Like 99% sure we wouldn’t.) Do I just not want my daughter’s DNA discarded so I’m tryin to justify it? Idk.

Help me reason through this please. What would you do? Just pay the storage fee until she’s a teenager and we haven’t won the lottery so it was never even considered? 🥴🤣 Feels like such a waste of money for a decision that we’ve already made. Ugh. Help!!