Has anyone ever felt “less than” a mom of multiples? My daughter is 3 and I’ve never really felt this way before, but yesterday met a mom of 3 and was like wow- she must think I’m like not momming as much as her. And I mean, she’d be right! My job mothering 1 has to be easier than 3. Just a weird feeling - had never felt like a “less than” mother before.

Sorry I am kind of venting/this is a lot. Please feel free to skip this post or skim if you don’t want to read. My little one is now 3.

My marriage really suffered past few years. We lived together before getting married, but we were essentially children still. We just worked a lot and ate out all the time. I had moved into his place which was minimally furnished and kept thinking it was fine, we will upgrade when we can afford it later on and we never did. I didn’t notice the red flags on his behavior (stuff like letting dishes pile up- before I moved in I would periodically wash his dishes, he didn’t have any friends and the few from grad school he never texted back and intentionally lost touch, he bought ikea furniture and kept it in his basement in boxes for 7 years and never set it up). When it was us things were easier, we only did one combined load of laundry and since we ate out so much we had minimal kitchen cleaning up. He would clean the only bathroom we had and I vacuumed. Life was much easier. Then he finished school and got a super busy job and became a partner in the company and works lots of odd hours. We live in a high cost of living area so I know the job is important. Life was ok then still even when he worked a lot because we still spent time together. Then I got pregnant and he still focused on me- I remember he would drive me everywhere and we would cuddle and still go out to eat.

Then the baby came and I felt so completely overwhelmed and I was nursing and up all night and obsessively cleaning bottles and we fought so much. He didn’t want to help at night or let me sleep when he came home from work when I was on maternity. He kept saying he needed 5 consecutive hours of sleep for his job and the whole first year was a whirlwind. My parents moved in to help out and that had many of its own challenges- sometimes I would get so mad at them like they would make me feel like my kiddo was theirs and I was her sister and then I would feel guilty because I knew I should appreciate the help. And they are super cultural and didn’t acknowledge any of the post partum struggles and they were burning out too. And the sleep deprivation really pushed my body to the extreme and I got diagnosed with psoriasis and had to start a biologic medication. Then H and I had so many issues and I wanted to go back to work and we ended up having a temporary separation because I got a job out of state, and my parents really burned out helping me then. H would visit us during the separation and the travel was hard on him. He became so mean toward me though blaming me for separation and saying I took his kid away from him (not true when he came and helped move us to the new place during that year). Then I had 2 miscarriages and he didn’t even acknowledge them and I started seeing a therapist. I also started talking to a male coworker just about life and he got jealous. Now we are reconciled and life is much better. We also have a great nanny so that helps a lot too. But he still works a lot and I just can’t do it- can’t put myself through a second kid. I feel I would be the primary parent and I can’t imagine having two and having to coordinate all the appts and drop off and pickup and the mental load is too much. I think H has maybe nondiagnosed adhd, and I feel like it’s so much of a burden on the other partner.

I am so thankful though for our daughter she really made us grow up- we eat healthy because of her, I work out a lot now because I want to be around for her, I love spending time with her and playing with her and seeing the world through her eyes. She’s nurtured my inner child. There are so many moments where she will melt my heart- the other day she found an old happy Mother’s Day balloon and sang I love you mommy happy Mother’s Day to me. 😭 I am so in love with her and so thankful for her. I just want to focus on her. I know she would be a great sister but I can’t do it- I can’t push myself to that extreme again, deal with the sleep deprivation, the rocky marriage, the anxiety and mental load. The lack of time for our own self care. For all those reasons and also with the election results I am one and done. Thanks for listening. This sub has been such a helpful community.

After the outcome of this horrific election, my family and I have decided that it’s time to start building likeminded community. We are OAD in Massachusetts and are very left leaning. If this resonates and you live nearby, we’d love to be friends!

Message me!

I'm wondering if there's anyone else in a similar situation, or anyone who can offer advise on what to do.
My husband and I (39 and 37 respectively) have one daughter who is just about to turn 3. We're struggling to find the right way to celebrate her birthday, cause we don't have any friends (the few we have) with kids her age (they're either older or too young). We're both very introverted and find it hard to make friends, and we've not really found other families with kids her age that we've made connections with.
If we are to have a party, it will likely have very few people, and likely no kids her age. She recently joined playgroup but we've not really connected with any of the parents so far.
Wondering if there are other ways to celebrate, that can still make her special.
I'm also worried how this will affect her? Will she remember not having big parties when she was young? Are we causing long-term harm due to our own inability to make friends and be social? How have other OAD by choice parents navigated this? Does it get easier when she can tell us which friends to invite, what party to have, etc?

Hello!

I really would like to talk to someone about this and I thought maybe someone here would understand. This is my story: 2020 trying for a baby, had a missed miscarriage 2021 got pregnant, had a daughter -she just turned 3 2024 pregnant again

The thing is, we are very sure we only want one kid. My daughter is pretty easy, we are happy - I dont wanna change this. The thing is it would be hard money wise and also we would have to find a bigger place to live (which is very hard where we live) but honestly its mostly that I just dont wanna look after 2 kids. Im sure it can be wonderful and it would be managable but.. we just dont want to. Even thinking passed the newborn stage. Having a 3 and 6 year old is still harder than having just one 6 year old. I like my holidays, I like my me time.. its just so much easier with one.

the thing is tho.. it feels so weird to get rid of this baby (I know its not a baby yet but I have no issue calling it this way). the miscarriage was devastating. I got a D&C and you are in hospital and hear newborns cry non stop. And then we tried so hard (like I did it all, ovulation tests, meassure my temp, sex 4 days in a row no matter what) and it took a while and it was also in Covid times so I had waaay too much time to think and it was horrible. When I finally got pregnant, I was so scared of losing her. Like I couldnt enjoy it till like week 24 or so. Also my husband wasnt there for the c section cause we both had covid.

And now this time we were just idiots who didnt use a condom cause i got the weeks wrong.. (god I hated these people where it just happened).

The thing is I will go in for an abortion next week. And Im like excited to see if the baby is as big as it should be and if it has a heartbeat. Even tho then I will have an abortion.. its weird.

I wish I would want another one. Im not sad for not having the second child.. Im sad Im gonna lose my pregnancy, if that makes sense. I think I could maybe be a bit more relaxed this time around and I loved being pregnant (if it would be a nice easy one again). So yeah.. just wonder if anyone else went through something like this. I feel like all the trouble I have with this abortion just comes from my miscarriage.

Hi All

Came across this story in “Dinosaur Dinosaur say Good Night and other bedtime rhymes”. I would like to print out and use as decor but I’m wondering if there are more stories, poems, pictures, etc. portraying a family of 3 anyone came across so far.

TIA

That actually sometimes you can be much worse off when you have a sibling because you may have deep love and loyalty to someone endlessly toxic if you grew up with them.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/NBfYructXA

I’m new to toddler germs and don’t really have any point of comparison so wondered if anyone had experienced similar and if so, what was it?

10 days ago, 2yo had 2 days of diarrhoea. Seemed to clear up, then 5 days ago she had a 40° fever. She vomited just mucus and bile the day after, then has been up and down, tired, low appetite since. She was then sick last night, went to the doctor and they examined her throat which made her gag and vomit, and then a couple hours later she was violently sick in the car. She’s very bunged up, no diarrhoea now, no coughing, has a sore throat but not tonsillitis… it seems like both a cold and a stomach bug? Any similar experiences? Think we’ll be next 🥲

Does anyone else feel a rush of relief when others announce a pregnancy or discuss becoming pregnant again? I think, 'Good for you, but I'm glad that's not me.'

I also pity first-time parents, as they have no idea what they're getting into. Being one and done is perfect for me, partly due to my low threshold for overstimulation. Not to mention the Hyperemesis Gravidarum, post partum preeclampsia & weight gain, sleepless newborn nights, pumping, then the formula prices, oh and toddlerhood… I could go on. Lol.

Idk. What do you feel when you hear/see pregnancy announcements?

First time poster and not a native speaker so please excuse my mistakes.

I have been following this page for some months, my only is 13mo now. While many posts felt comforting, I am still feeling selfish for choosing not to give LO any siblings for a couple of reasons.

1/ My husband and I agreed on 2 kids before marriage, and he still feels like he would miss out on the other gender or getting to know another little person - although he agrees we both need to wholeheartedly decide we want a second.

2/ My baby is always seeking interaction with other kids when we're out. I mainly WFH so no daycare either...

3/ Many posts here mention being OAD because of fertility/financial issues. This is not the case for us. For me, I was sick during my entire pregnancy. Had to take medication just to keep some water down, actually lost quite some weight... This scares me to go through this again while caring for a toddler. Besides that, I had to have a c-section and had a lot of issues breastfeeding resulting in exclusive pumping. I still feel somewhat traumatized from it all and that has some consequences in my marriage.

4/ The 'real' reason is I am scared. Scared that 2 will overwhelm me even more than 1. I love my LO with all my heart and would do anything for my baby. But I am so tired. So anxious. I had my first depression when I was 10 yo and worked very hard to be off meds and completely okay before getting pregnant. I am still med-free and mostly okay, but I am too afraid to risk another episode.

I am posting this because I seek validation. I am a people pleaser, but people don't get why we don't just have 2 kids like everyone else. Why are these things that I mention seen as 'not good enough reason'? Or is it all in my own head that I am not good enough. I feel like I'm letting down my husband and my baby...

Just doing some thinking. I was with a friend the other day and her boy is an only and the same age as my son. I was telling her how much I hated the toddler years and couldn’t see myself doing it all again. Does anyone else feel similar?? Like I hated the toddler years !!!! I became a version of myself I just didn’t like. Always tired, pissy, negative.

Mom, Mama, and baby ❤️

Welp, it happened - my best friend is pregnant with her 2nd. I’m feeling ALL of the emotions, and I don’t know what to do with them?

We both have 4 year olds that I thought would grow up together and it would be just them. I know she always thought about having a 2nd, so was definitely not strictly OAD. I guess I was wishful thinking but that feels so selfish to think that way. It’s not my life, I know.

I just don’t know anyone else now (personally) who is OAD. It’s kind of isolating. I’m also super jealous she has a village - her parents are very involved (and esstatic of about a new baby) and will watch the kids whenever wherever. Maybe if we had that we could do it too? I don’t know. My husband reminds me of everything we went through during the newborn stage and how we’ll have lots of disposable income soon once we’re done paying for daycare/preschool. And also the freedom we now have with our kid becoming so chill & independent.

Blah I don’t know. I agree with it all, and I am still OAD but damn, I feel so sad now.

My heart goes out to all of the women in America and the girls and daughters. I am so sorry this your reality right now, and I really hope it is reversed pronto. Imagine America turning around and forcing men to get vasectomies or denying men’s rights to a vasectomy? I’m in Australia and it looks like QLD is copying America… In Australia Abortion has been accessible in WA since 1998, and in SA since 2021. It is accessible in other states and territories, these were interesting to point out given the timeline from first to last.

Hi everyone, I think my husband and I are firmly in the OAD camp for good. We had a very traumatic birth and PPD for both of us and were OAD from the very start. We wavered back and forth for a bit, for a time even talking with our son (now 5) about adding a baby to the family. I regret talking about this with him now because we have settled back into the idea of being a triangle family, but I think he’s still holding onto the idea of a baby. We’re so happy with our son and with our family the way it is. But our son said today that he really wants a brother or sister. My heart breaks when I hear this. What do you tell your onlies if they ask for a sibling? Thanks in advance, this community has been greatly helpful and supportive for us <3.

I live in a major US city with tons of OAD families. My own family has never judged me (although I do highly suspect at least a few family members of looking down/ feeling superior based on family size but that’s another story).

Today I got “the” comments in a big way from a lady I work with about once a week. She knows I have one daughter and always asks about her. The first time we met and chatted about families, her comment to this was “oh… maybe you’ll have a son one day”. I ignored this , understanding there’s a cultural aspect behind that too. I choose to believe it’s intended as a general “wish you well” type of statement.

But today? Today she was on fire with the comments. Let me say up front that the woman can talk. She runs her mouth non stop anyway, like the type of person who can narrate their every movement. Today she got it in her head to tell me to have another and then respond to my non-response “you can’t have one” and even “it’s NOT good to have just one”. This was in front of a group, btw.

For some reason, it really didn’t phase me. Maybe because the colleague next to me giggled when i said “one and fun”. Maybe because this person talks SO much that her words just didn’t carry weight. Maybe it’s because I’ve actually somewhat matured in my (redacted) years and have internalized that the opinions of barely an acquaintance mean literally nothing to my life and i don’t have to please everyone who crosses my path?!?

Whatever the reason, it felt like a victory. She made her comments and I shrugged them off and everyone moved on and got back to work. The only reason I’m even posting about it is in the hope it is an inspiring story to people who have to deal with these comments more often or who fear getting them.

I am ready to cry, I nearly had an entire break down this morning.

I tell people I am OAD because my daughter is a Type 1 Diabetic, she nearly died at 10 months old from going into DKA. She had to be flight for lifed and hospitalized for a few days. It was very traumatic.

But besides constantly managing her sugars, poking her with needles, and more never ending care that comes from not having a functioning pancreas, I’m actually one and done because I’m a full time working Mom.

My heart breaks. I have to wake her up too early, (after being awake all night from severe lows or highs in her sugars), I have to miss amazing days with her, where everything is new exciting. I am angry that my MIL just has her watch TV nearly ALL day, after not allowing her kids (my husband and his siblings) to watch it more than an hour. I talked to her, and nothing changed. I’m upset I had to go back to work when she was 2 months and 2 days and my MIL ignored and crossed so many boundaries. I didn’t think I would have even have to ask a person to ask before feeding certain foods, trying spoons and etc. before I, as her Mom, could. But I was wrong.

And now that I have a toddler, I have even more judgment coming my way and people telling me that SHE is more my baby girl’s Mom than I AM because she watches her 8 hours a day (I come see her on my 45 min lunch).

I’m just so upset. I don’t understand why the world forces Mothers to be away from their babies. I worked in Daycare, too, so that was never an option (besides the horrid price it is, I could never afford it)

Now my husband wants me to at least be “open” to another one. But I just can’t. Legitimately.

If we did, and I got to stay home with the baby “next time around” as he says, it would just deeper hurt me. I would have even more of a visual of what I lost, what feels to be stolen from me.

Also, I am genuinely terrified another baby would have T1D, too. But I’m just over this. I want to cry. It’s blizzarding here and I had to take her out and drive her and I don’t know. Maybe I sound like a frantic and dramatic privileged person, as I recognize not many people have grandparent who want to be involved, I just wish boundaries were respected and maintained.

Thanks for reading, I really appreciate the support. Much love ❤️

I had really bad health anxiety with my son from the moment I was pregnant. I was always googling symptoms and hyper fixating on one disorder or another. It was a terrible time. The health anxiety has started to lift now that he’s two and doing ok. Sometimes intrusive thoughts and worries creep in but largely I feel happy again. My anxiety is the main issue why I’m not having another child. My husband is on the same page and says no way can I go through that again. My son also needs me well. However, I’m still grieving the thought of me being a Mom of two, something I always (thought) I wanted. I feel conflicted and slightly unfulfilled daily. I’m 36 and had trouble conceiving my son. I’ve also since lost one tube to a spontaneous ectopic pregnancy. The time left to have another is passing and being oad feels so final. Anyone relate?

We have our beautiful only after a long struggle with infertility and ended up getting IVF to have our girl. We only want one and are very certain of that fact, however, I've been struggling with some difficult feelings recently because our clinic has asked if we wanted to continue having our remaining eggs in cryostorage. As we are one and done, we no longer need them and are happy enough to donate them for research, but it still feels.....weird. We struggled for so long and it was an incredibly difficult journey, it feels bittersweet to be letting go of them as it's confirmation that we are done, even though that's both what we want and are very certain in our decision.

I don't know, it just difficult to come to terms with. Has anyone else had a similar experience?

Last year we flew back to our home country, so our family can spend time with our then 6 month old daughter. Flying during holidays was very stressful, we had to change twice and on our way all picked up c*vid (not sure if it's allowed in here). So we ended up basically isolating for 10 days at my MILs house and had to rebook flight back ($$$), because we were too sick to fly as planned originally.

This year I'm kinda thinking it would be fun to stay at home. We've been plagued by daycare germs and I just think it would be awesome to spend a week at home, healthy and doing fun stuff with our daughter 🎄

How do you spend your holidays? My husband and I are introverts and I think we'll be just fine spending Christmas this year as a trio 🥰

Post funny things your kid has said this week here!

My daughter will be turning 13 and volunteered at the elementary health fair. She needs volunteer hours for NJHS. Instead of doing as little as possible, she went out of her way to help and ended up wearing a mushroom costume and being a mascot for one of the booths.

The woman told me that she’s been the best volunteer she ever had and complimented me on my parenting and was surprised she was an only child. Honestly I don’t do much at all but support her. She’s an old soul.

My daughter told me that the woman thought she was in HS. She’s in 7th grade.

I am surprised I got the only child comment. Though I’ve always gotten how mature she is and that it must be due to my parenting - which maybe but it’s totally her personality.

Rather than days or potentially weeks of posts.

I am seriously considering a bilateral salpingectomy, but have no idea where to start. My only will be 2 next month and I want my choice to be one and done permanent. Where do I start? Do I just make an appointment with my gyno to get a referral or can I find a doctor nearby myself? I've looked through all old posts here and checked my insurance website for any kind of info but of course couldn't find any without calling (which I'm not in the headspace to do today).

Yes, my husband already got a vasectomy, but I want to exercise my rights.

We have a daughter. Now more than ever I feel that our daughter and her rights are my sole priority. I will work hard and save to give her as much money and resources as possible. Her financial well-being and ability to choose where and how she wants to live are my main concern. All this election did was reaffirm what I already knew, money = power (and choice).

Hello! So my husband and I are OAD and my 6 week pp appointment is on Friday. What is everyone else doing for birth control? Especially while breast feeding?

I want to avoid hormonal options, the copper IUD with condoms or bisalp seem like the most effective choices…

Before pregnancy I’ve tried pills, hormonal IUD, copper IUD, and the last 2 years before my baby I used natural cycles. I’ve never tried the arm implant. I really liked natural cycles but feel like it’s not effective enough for me now that I’ve had my baby (not wanting to risk an oops!)

It’s funny, I never got pregnant before using any of these methods until I chose to get pregnant, but now that I’ve had my baby and know I’m OAD I am more worried about accidentally getting pregnant than I ever have been.

Bisalp seems better and more effective than vasectomy but still something about the permanency of either of those gives me pause? I’m not a fence sitter; permanent choices just irk me. I don’t even have tattoos.

I really don’t know what to choose and am curious about other peoples experiences. What did you choose to do? Are you happy with your choice?

Update: decided to go with the copper IUD for now and got it placed today. My doctor is on board for a bisalp for the future and I have a consultation scheduled for that in 6 months. Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts and experiences!

Hi all,

We are OAD with a 9 month old daughter. My husband got his vasectomy done in September. I want to also get myself sterilized. I just don't feel safe.

How do I talk to my OB about this? I don't want her to think I am making a knee jerk reaction and say no because of the election.

UPDATE: I have an appointment scheduled to talk about birth control like one redditor suggested. I also found the list that another mentioned, and my doctor is already on there!!!! Thank you guys for helping me figure out how to get the ball rolling.

We've been on the fence, weighing both options- our finances, our energy levels, how much support we have, my physical health. I've been dreaming about a little sister for my son to play with and feel protective of, and now the last thing I want to do is bring a little girl into this country. I know there's no guarantee that it would be a girl, but now I don't feel like I can take that chance anymore. This knocked the wind out of us, and I think this is finalized our one and done decision.

It's easier to leave with one child than it is with two.