Hello! My partner and I recently welcomed our LO 11 months ago on our second IUI through a fertility clinic. We purchased from Fairfax Cryobank and had eyes on our donor’s profile for almost 2 years before we purchased. We loved their profile for various reasons and our LO is perfectly healthy and happy. It made sense to us to use them again..but a few days ago we decided to see if he was in stock and to our shock he is now listed as ‘inactive’.

We reached out to Fairfax and unfortunately they have no sibling vials and said they could see if they’d be willing to donate for a sibling, but the cost is 9k upfront! I am now torn on being one and done, paying 9k for a chance that isn’t guaranteed success (they do refund if he says no, but can’t guarantee the amount of vials), or restarting the entire process with a new donor. Has anyone else experienced this? What choice did you/your family make?

TIA

Pretty much the title. I'm a trans woman who's been trying to schedule sperm banking prior to starting HRT, but the nearest initial consultation is a few months out and I really don't want to have to wait half a year to start. Say I've been on estrogen 3 months and go off for a few weeks, how much of a chance is there of me being able to produce a usable amount of sperm? Similarly after a few years if I go off what are the chances of me still being able to make an appreciable amount? I know there are a lot of variables, but given good research is lacking I thought I'd ask. I know maintaining down there can be to some degree a use it or lose it thing, so if it matters I will be making an effort to keep everything in working order as best I can.

I am 8 post transfer with a 5 day embryo - my appointment with the clinic for blood isn’t until Feb 4.

It’s killing me knowing I could test and have some knowledge (confirmation or disappointment) right now!!

My wife thinks we shouldn’t.

We aren’t on the same page so that’s mean no testing - as I could never do it alone or behind her back.

Just a venting - has anyone else had this happen?

(crossposted to r/IVF )

Hi all,

I often see people posting trying to decide if they have enough embryos for xyz, or trying to decide how many rounds of IUI to try, or wondering (today!) what the likelihood is of 10/10 embryos all being male.  I'm a high school Stats teacher, and a LOT of these questions can be answered if you know how to calculate binomial or geometric distributions, so I thought I’d start with a guide on binomial distributions.  

Binomial Distributions

Consider the scenario of having four PGT tested embryos.  You and your partner have decided that you will transfer all four embryos.  You would like to know the probability of having 0, 1, 2, 3, or 4 kids at the end of your four transfers.   

In order for the binomial distribution formula to work properly, we need to pass the BINS criteria:

Binary: Each trial can be successful or a failure, not in between.  (So, we aren’t getting into the weeds of twins, blighted ovums, etc-- we are just looking at “successful live birth” or “no live birth.”)

Independent: The success or failure of the first trial does not impact the success or failure of the second trial, and so on. 

Number of tries is fixed: We have to know in advance how many tries we are making.  In this case, we are making four tries.

Same chances of success: We are assuming here that all embryos are equally viable.  For running the math on this, I am going to use the first statistic I googled that says women under 35 have a 56.5% chance of success per PGT tested embryo.  You are responsible for choosing your own statistical chance of success that you feel best applies to you.

The formula: 

P(r) = nCr * p^n * (1-p)^n 

Where r = number of successes, n = number of trials, and p= probability of success on each try.

What does this mean?

P(r) refers to the Probability of r successes.  So, if you want to know the chances of exactly 3 successes, you’re looking at P(3).

nCr is a notation that refers to the number of ways that you can have r successes with n trials.  For instance, 4C1 refers to the number of ways you can have 1 success with 4 embryo transfers.  4C1 = 4 because you can have Success-Fail-Fail-Fail, Fail-Success-Fail-Fail, Fail-Fail-Success-Fail, or Fail-Fail-Fail-Success.  4C4 =1 because there is only one way you can have four successes: Success-Success-Success-Success.  I like to use desmos.com/calculator, which allows you to type nCr(4,1) and will tell you the answer is 4.   

P on its own refers to the probability of success on each trial-- in this case we will use 0.565.  (1-P) refers to the probability of failure on each trial.  For this problem, the probability of failure is 1-0.565, or 0.435.

So, the math on this problem!  I will use the desmos notation for nCr.

P(0) 
= nCr(4,0) * 0.565^0 * (0.565)^(4-0)
= 1 * 0.565^0 * 0.435^4 
= 0.0358
There is only one way to have 0 successes and 4 failures (F-F-F-F).  In this scenario, there is a 3.58% chance that this will occur-- so for every 100 people in the original scenario, we expect 3-4 of these people to have the outcome of 0 successes.  

P(1) = nCr(4,1)
=nCr(4,1) * 0.565^1 * (1-0.565)^(4-3)
=4*0.565^1 * 0.435^3
=0.186
There are 4 ways to have 1 success and 3 failures (S-F-F-F, F-S-F-F, F-F-S-F, F-F-F-S). For every 100 people in the original scenario, we expect about 18-19 of these people to have 1 success. 

P(2) = nCr(4,2)
=nCr(4,1) * 0.565^2 * (1-0.565)^(4-2)
=4*0.565^2 * 0.435^2
=0.242
There are 6 ways to have 2 successes and 2 failures (S-S-F-F, S-F-S-F, S-F-F-S, F-S-S-F, F-S-F-S, F-F-S-S).  For every 100 people in the original scenario, we expect about 24-25 of these people to have 2 successes.  

P(3) = nCr(4,3) 
=nCr(4,1) * 0.565^3 * (1-0.565)^(4-3)
=4*0.565^3 * 0.435^1
=0.314
There are 4 ways to have 3 successes and 1 failure (F-S-S-S, S-F-S-S, S-S-F-S, S-S-S-F).  For every 100 people in the original scenario, we expect about 31-32 people to have 3 successes.  

P(4) = nCr(4,4) 
=nCr(4,4) * 0.565^4 * (1-0.565)^(4-4)
=1*0.565^4 * 0.435^0
=0.102
There is only 1 way to have 4 successes (S-S-S-S).  For every 100 people in the original scenario, we expect about 10-11 people to have 4 successes.  

If you want these answers faster, no formulas, you might like this applet: https://stapplet.com/binom.html For this problem, you would input n=4 (for four trials) and p = 0.565 (for the probability of success) and you can see a bar graph right away with the statistics calculated above.  

So, that’s your guide to binomial distributions!  Keep in mind that binomial distributions are a little different than geometric distributions, in which you only keep going until you have enough successes (i.e. you just want to know how long to keep going to get ONE live birth.)  If there is interest, I will plan to do a post on geometric distributions soon.  

Of course, with all of this, I have to give the caveat that IF IT HAPPENS TO YOU, then that is your experience, 100%.  Some will be lucky, and some will be unlucky-- that’s how the statistics roll.  If you’re in the bad luck boat… you can at least use this post to have the math to tell people how very unlucky you are….?  I am sorry I can’t do more than that.  

Please don't hesitate to ask questions on this post or let me know if you have any requests I might be able to help with! And to everyone, may the odds be ever in your favor.

Had my first IUI today. Total sperm count was 30 million but total motile sperm was only 4.2 million. Is this too low? My doctor said it was ok but everything I am finding online says it's low.

Edit: it was washed donor sperm that had been frozen

I just need a place to vent about this really quick because I’m sad, angry, impatient, and a bit impulsive. Hoping that a quick rant will settle the feelings.

I (30F) have started my TTC journey. In December I did my first home ICI with a known donor. I’ve wanted and waited to start trying for soooo long (over 12 years) now. The emotions over the first ICI was extremely intense! I’m so happy to be finally really trying.

The first did not take, so patiently waiting until my LH is high again. Waiting for peak to do the second round. It’s high today… I can probably do it tomorrow… but my donor can’t meet. And although I am beyond grateful for him. I appreciate him even doing this in the first place. I’m crushed.

Like I mentioned, this is just a rant, I just wanna get this stuff off my chest. But it doesn’t help that my younger cousin (23) and my god sister (21) are both pregnant right now. My godsister sent me her ultrasound pictures today. 🥹 And I don’t know if I am happy or sad. (Nah, I’m happy! But you know what I mean.)

I just feel like the next however many weeks until I ovulate again, is gonna be torture. Okay, rant over. Thanks for anyone who read through it. 🥹 Wishing everyone buckets of baby dust this cycle.

I feel like this is a stupid question, but… is it possible to put out a call for / send a direct request for a sperm donation anonymously? Like, if I want to get sperm from a distant-ish cousin anonymously? I’d love to have a genetic tie to the child I have with my partner, if possible, but my dad and brothers are garbage people and I don’t want them feeling weird about their relationship with my kid.

Hey y'all! My wife and I are doing our first round of IUI this month. I am 24F no known fertility issues. My AMH is 7.4 with a high AFC. We are doing a medicated cycle with letrozole and trigger shot with progesterone suppositories after the IUI using frozen donor sperm. Does anyone in a similar boat have quick success stories or any helpful info? Its hard to find any stats for someone in a similar circumstance so I'm just looking for any advice to make this as successful as possible. Thank you!

I’m in a bind with everything going on right now I’m scared to fly. So I’m wondering should I do frozen sperm bank or tyb shipped what would be best?

Current success story. My partner (31F) and I (28NB) have been family planning for 3 years. Finances, timing, and other external forces kept us patiently waiting for our version of “the right time”, and we finally tried at home with 2 frozen sperm vials the first week of January. I can’t believe it still but we did conceive on the first try! I am now sitting just over 5 weeks pregnant and my labs and home tests have been progressing in a “normal” way and I am just in disbelief!

I wanted to make a post to provide a space for any queer couples tcc to reach out to me with any questions! I know I’m early on but as of right now, pregnant is pregnant. And finding any ICI success stories with frozen donor sperm were scarce when I was looking. I’m here for our community it trying times 🩷

edit to put quotations around the word normal, since there is no blueprint

Hi! Hoping to do our first IUI cycle this month. Based on at home ovulation strips my wife typically gets a positive around day 16. Well on day 13 we went into the clinic and my wife had 4 follicles all measuring only 10mm and then smaller ones they didn’t measure. This seems really small for where she is at in her cycle so I’m concerned they may cancel it due to them not being big enough/having a mature egg. Her blood levels did not indicate she was approaching ovulation. We are going back on Saturday (day 16) for a recheck. Any similar experiences or did you have follicles that grew a lot in a few days?

I am 10 DPO today, I’ve been spotting since 8DPO. I am so beyond confused on how to feel right now. It’s too early for my period to start, and I’m pretty regular, and don’t ever spot before my cycle. It’s very very light, and only when I wipe (I’ve been wearing pads and there’s absolutely nothing on them, I’m always a HEAVY flow kind of gal) Is this implantation? Or should I count myself out of this cycle??

Hey all, this is partly a question/ partly a rant but my wife & I are trying to conceive in the most cost-effective way possible. *This is specifically about donor sperm process, not any of the legal costs associated because we have factored that in.

We had gone to a fertility clinic in our area (Chicago, IL, USA) and discussed wanting to possibly do at-home insemination with a known-donor friend (gay, single, healthy, *FREE*) after they tested our fertility and egg counts. They have been great, but definitely are NOT too supportive of our at-home idea. Instead, they said said we should do it all with them, and quoted us over $5,000 for sperm testing, genetic and infectious disease screening, and more. It feels like they haven't been listening to us AT ALL & we feel blindsided by this estimated cost. How does anyone afford this?! One of the huge reasons we wanted to go through a known-donor is specifically because he said we wouldn't have to compensate him for his sperm (but would cover other things like travel, etc).

We definitely were not expecting that estimate to be so high, given that our own egg testing was significantly lower. Does this price seem high to anyone else?? What are our other options? We've been so overwhelmed with researching this stuff & are just feeling frustrated.

I know a lot of us are older parents so I thought I'd share something. I'm 37 and my wife is 36 and we're really just getting started trying to have a kid and our age/what that means for both our pregnancy and parenting journey has been stressing us both out a lot. But yesterday I was talking to a new friend who had her daughter at 37 and she told me something I needed to hear.

She said she keeps a note of things her daughter says that make her happy and that her daughter told her she thought having older parents was better because her friends' younger parents panic about things a lot, but her parents don't sweat the small stuff as much.

I also got married older and hearing this made me think about how glad I was that the people at our wedding were like — the most solid fucking cool group of people. Like true, true friends in a way that they wouldn't have been in my 20s because I didn't know myself well enough to choose the very best people to surround myself with.

Would I start younger if I could go back in time? Probably. But this little silver lining meant a lot to hear, so I thought I'd share.

Based on ovulation strips, my wife typically gets a positive test on day 16 of her cycle, every month. We are planning to do an unmedicated IUI this cycle at a clinic for the first time. She is on cycle day 13 and has 4 follicles all measuring only 10mm and all her blood levels show she hasn’t surged and are on par for follicular phase. Clinic is having us come back in 3 days to re-check. Just a bit confused as we assumed they’d be larger by now if she were to ovulate around same time this cycle? Clinic didn’t seem concerned but this seems like she would ovulate late.

My partner (F26) and I (F27) are struggling with the idea of IVF. We’re both bisexual. My partner is auDHD with possibly some OCD, but she’s never been diagnosed. She is struggling really bad with sensory issues involving having a stranger’s DNA used to make her pregnant and have a baby. She is worried about not having an emotional connection to the father of her kids and/or not personally knowing who the person is that we’re going to take sperm from. She feels like this will be something she will struggle with when she is pregnant pretty badly. She says she wishes so badly it could be my DNA. She’s not keen on the idea of having someone we know be the donor either as she’s worried that would be awkward.

This is something that is a serious concern as it jeopardizes our future and relationship. Ever since she was young, she has wanted to be pregnant and we’ve talked about her carrying our kids, but with this concern, she’s struggling to either accept it for what it is, decide a different route to having kids, or potentially ending our relationship so she can have kids in the future in a way that wouldn’t make her physically and mentally uncomfortable.

I really need advice from others who have had similar concerns. Any anecdotes you can share or your thoughts, maybe solutions, would mean the world. Please no negativity about my partner or our relationship. We suspect she is level 2 or 3 autistic so sensory concerns are big deals for her.

Thank you in advance.

Hi it's me again, feeding my delusions!

Not necessarily looking for opinions on whether I'm pregnant or not, just journaling how I've felt since my insemination!

Since 6dpo I've had on and off backaches and nausea.

8dpo I had some mild cramping and twinges of light pain in my pelvic area.

Today at 10dpo I have some nausea but ravenous hunger and my boobs are sore on and off. Tested last night and this morning with FRER. the dye seemed to fixate in the test area, as if it was going to be positive, for a few seconds before washing away. I have no idea what that means. Looks negative now but it really got my hopes up!

Just had blood drawn for a beta because I have zero patience. This is my first TWW and it's been really anxiety inducing. I'll have my results in 24 hours.

I see so many posts on Reddit and on various TTC forums where people test positive at like 8 or 9dpo. I don't understand! Is it genuine or did they miscalculate ovulation? Either way it's disappointing to be getting questionable negatives at 10dpo when others get such early positives. I hope I'm not out just yet.

Last part of this post was a bit of a rant, lol. If you read the whole thing, thank you!

I am so stressed at the state of the country as a queer person and afraid about what is going to happen next. I'm in the middle of an egg retrieval cycle and am waking up in the middle of the night and having trouble sleeping. And now I'm stressed that being stressed is going to negatively affect the retrieval. How are we supposed to function like this? :(

CW: ongoing successful pregnancy

I am 34 weeks pregnant with my first child and just wanted to share a small piece of my story in case anyone else (regardless of identity) can relate.

I am a queer, pregnant, masculine non binary person married to my amazing wife who happens to be a very feminine cis woman. Throughout my pregnancy when we've shared that we are expecting, many people have automatically assumed my wife is carrying because of how she looks. Or, they have asked why I'm carrying instead of her. It's been really eye opening, sometimes lonely, and sometimes empowering to show people that pregnancy doesn't look one particular way or have to do with one particular kind of identity. I don't find pregnancy to be at all "feminine" or masculine, but just a very particular human experience that is unique, beautiful, strange and everything in between. But at the end of the day, statistically most pregnant people are straight women, and the resources and conversations available out there reflect and reinforce that, and that has been lonely sometimes for both me and my wife. I also think many of the stereotypes that get re-enforced and perpetuated about pregnant women and people are harmful and alienating to the straight community, too.

I have been part of r/pregnant since I conceived, and all I can really conclude about pregnancy at this point that there is no universal experience, it seems, other than the physical act of carrying a child and needing a particular reproductive system to do so.

Some people have fairly uneventful pregnancies. Some people people absolutely hate being pregnant, and admitting that has allowed others to do the same. Some people people feel super connected to their unborn babies. Some people don't at all. Some people have planned pregnancies. Some people have pregnancies they do not want. Some people went through years of fertility treatment. Some people got pregnant on the first try.

Me? I am a pregnant person who can't wait to the tiny human who feels like a pinball machine inside my body, and who is also scared shitless to be a parent. I am a pregnant person who has eaten an obscene amount of Taco Bell in my second and third trimester. I am a pregnant person who never took a lamazze class with my wife like I wanted because every one in my area is marketed to "moms and dads". I am a pregnant person who sometimes thinks about having a kid "what on earth was I thinking?" I am a pregnant person with an incredible, supportive wife who I know is going to be a great mom. I am a pregnant person who used an embryo donor to conceive. I am a pregnant person who has never met someone else going through pregnancy who looks and identifies as masculine, queer, and non binary. Maybe through this post I might be that person for someone else.

No matter who you are, I sincerely wish you a pregnancy that affirms your authentic self.

I have an extra ART vial of Donor 6142 from TSBC. DM if you have questions.

So my partner and I have found a known donor on a online group and he’s sent us an agreement which we are going to have it looked over by a lawyer, but it looks pretty good so far. Would it be weird if I were to use this agreement that he has sent me with a different known donor if he doesn’t end up working out? I don’t know why but i almost feeling weird and guilty that I’m using this agreement that someone else has paid to get written up.

This week will be my wife and I’s first IUI after I delivered our daughter stillborn. It took me 6 IUI’s to get pregnant with our daughter, only 1 was medicated. We did these at home with a midwife. My wife will be doing it at a clinic due to limited sperm available. First one will be non-medicated. Please wish us luck and any success stories ❤️

I am currently 9DPO on my 6th cycle TTC.. Started spotting yesterday and still today. I’m cramping and confused… I’m day 22 of my cycle and not predicted to started until next Monday. I don’t want to get excited thinking it’s implantation, but I usually don’t ever spot before a period. Especially almost a week before. Could I just be starting SUPER early??? If so, how am I supposed to have time to have the TWW if I start a week early…

My wife (30) and I (25) are planning to try for a baby this year. If all goes well I will be carrying, and my gay best friend will be the donor. I asked and he enthusiastically agreed. Anyone who has done similarly, have you drawn up paperwork for them or anything like that? Paid for std testing, etc? We're planning to do at home first a few times before involving doctors.

I’m 10 DPO and I’ve noticed over the last day or two that I’m in a great mood lol I should be knee deep in PMS as my period is due in 4 days, but instead of being down and out I’m cheery and not tired at all. I feel like I could run a marathon. 😅

I really try not to symptom spot.. and I know this doesn’t particularly mean I am or am not pregnant. But I’m just curious if this happens to anyone else in either pregnant or non pregnant cycles.

I’ve also been cramping since last night which is a little unusual but could just be a PMS symptom I haven’t paid attention to before. I typically cramp the day AF shows up. Never earlier.

Thanks for participating in my delulu. 🤣

Hi folks. So I came of my HRT so I could do some fertility preservation, I produced 2 samples, from the first sample 4 straws were frozen with a post thaw progressive motile concentration of 3.1million/mL. Second sample 5 straws were frozen with a post thaw progressive motile count of 1.5million/ml. I am 38 and my partner is the same age. I have already had a child 6 years ago, and definitely would only ever consider adding one more.

Upon having a chat with my Dr, she seemed to say that those 9 vials would be sufficient to do 9 cycles with a possibility of creating multiple embryos for each cycle to then implant and freeze.

Though she did not want to give a definite answer if 9 is enough, I know there are no assurances in IVF so they are careful on the advice they give out.

Question is this - can someone who has done this before confirm if the 9 straws including their quality be MORE than sufficient to have another child, or should I seriously consider completing the third freeze for another 3-6 straws to bring me to a total hopefully of around 12 total stored?

Thanks team!

Hi all, long time lurker, first time poster. My wife (31F, lesbian, GP) and I (31F, lesbian, NGP) are starting the IUI process with her initial work up at our fertility clinic next month. The massive amount of information out there and the whole process seems overwhelming. For those who have been in our shoes, what is one thing you wish you knew about the TTC process? Anything you found unexpected? Thank you and baby dust to you all ✨

Hi All,

Has anyone here been successful in requesting early access to Super, to fund both IVF and Donor Sperm? If so, what did this entail and how long did the process take, please?

Thank you in advance 😊

Hi everyone,

I’m in a bit of a bind and looking for some advice. I recently had my fourth Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) procedure, and my claim was denied by United Health Care. The prior three FET's I paid for out of pocket, due to being on another insurance plan that did not provide coverage. My wife and I, a same -sex couple, switched to United Health Care because her employer offered it and the plan covered fertility coverage up to $100,000 a lifetime.

They said the embryo transfer and assisted embryo hatching aren’t eligible for coverage because these are "unproven procedures" — which, according to them, are those that are not recognized as safe and effective for the diagnosis or treatment of a specified condition and aren't backed by clinical evidence published in peer-reviewed medical literature. My HSG indicated tubal abnormalities and my doctor advised IVF as my best option for pregnancy.

Has anyone had a similar experience with United Health Care? Or have any tips on how to appeal or navigate this?

If anyone has successfully challenged a claim like this or has any advice on how to move forward, I would really appreciate the help! As yall know fertility challenges + insurance woes can take so much out of you.

Thank you so much!

We don’t have enough vials for a sibling but thankfully someone in our Facebook donor group has offered us their extra vials. The vials are stored at their fertility clinic (no longer at the sperm bank) under their name. My clinic won’t accept the vials unless ownership is transferred to my name, and their clinic doesn’t offer ownership transfer services - they told us to “talk to a lawyer.” Has anyone been in this situation and how did you handle it?