Hey guys, My wife and I did two medicated and monitored IUIs which unfortunately failed. For scheduling conflicts we couldn’t do a baseline appointment so we have to do an unmonitored unmedicated one this time. I finally got the clear blue OPK solid smiley face this morning at 10am after it was still blinking at 7am. Looking at the two lines though, the control line is still slightly darker than the second line.. my clinic scheduled my IUI for tomorrow at 10:30am so now I’m worried that might be too early! What are you guys’ thoughts and opinions on this?

TIA!!! I’m very nervous.

Discussions for any topic (treatments, rants, good news, personal stories) besides current pregnancies.

Give us your pee sticks, your cravings, your updates!

We are using a known donor and starting with at home insemination. We had him do STD testing but would really like him to do a sperm analysis.

He is in NYC and we are in VA so there’s travel costs involved.

I’m wondering if anyone could help me figure out how to do a sperm analysis with a lab in NYC without working with a fertility clinic. He asked his doctor but they refused it for some reason?

Alternatively, are the at home tests reliable?

We just tried for the first time and in the 2 week wait but anticipate it being a process so in case it didn’t take I’d like to do that test at least. Thanks!!

Edit: Thanks for your help! We are doing Repro Lab in NYC and it costs $175, no referral needed.

Hi all

Myself and my wxfe are both AFAB and I am planning on TTC with a friends sperm in the next couple of months. This friend is the partner of one of our best friends and we are very close to their family and their kids. We are hoping to be up front with our kids if we manage to conceive about who the donor is but have him just as an uncle in the same way as we are their kids aunts.

We are due to have the conversation to discuss if he is still open to donating sperm and about all the finer details. My question to you is: what sorts of things should we be discussing and wanting to know/ask/make clear?

So far I have:

• discussing the role in the child's life and who knows he is the donor
• how often/how long is he willing to donate sperm if it doesn't work out first try

I got pregnant with my first kid on our second IUI attempt with donor sperm. We’d like to have another kid but unfortunately we only have two vials of sperm left. Has anyone done IVF not for infertility, but to be able to use the same donor?

Pros? Cons? What precautions to take? Has anyone done it before? Etc.

Thank you!

We're using The Sperm Bank of California and hoped to have our vials shipped to us in Pittsburgh, PA so we can store them locally (as opposed to paying $350+ for a single vial to be shipped to us for each insemination cycle).

We were going to use Pittsburgh CryoBank for storage, but just learned that they closed earlier this year. We called around to other facilities (Shady Grove, AHN, etc.) but no one else seems to offer storage for people who aren't undergoing fertility treatments with them, which we don't need at this point.

Is anyone aware of other options in the western PA area?

On the straight pregnancy subreddits, I see a fair number of women angry at their husbands, ostensibly due to hormones or the pressures of pregnancy. Women in the comments then chime in validating their experience. My sister also said she would get unreasonably upset with her boyfriend when she was pregnant.

I'm 12 weeks pregnant today and I don't think I've gotten unreasonably angry at my wife at all? I get grumpy and cranky sometimes but not at her. I've checked in with her too to make sure I'm not being a jerk and she assures me that I'm not.

I just don't understand the difference. My wife has been incredibly lovely and doting. We got pregnant after years of trying so we're both thrilled. I can't see why I would get upset at her during this time.

Are those husbands subtly being jerks, causing the women to get upset? Is this just a fundamental difference between straight and queer relationships?

I'm curious to hear from other queer women to see if your experience is like mine.

I’m on my first round of IUI, and I’m one week into what I thought would be a two week wait. My interpretation of what the clinic told us is that I’ll have a blood test one week after insemination (today) and then another test a week later (Tuesday), with the second test confirming if I’m pregnant or not. However, I’ve just got off the phone from the clinic who have said my test isn’t until two weeks from now - which would put me at a three week wait.

Relevant: I’ve given myself two trigger shots of Ovidrel, and have another two lined up to go, each shot being three days apart. I know that this being in the system can affect pregnancy tests, but I was so sure the clinic originally said that it would be a two week wait still!

Obviously I’ll have a pretty good idea if it’s worked or not between now and the blood test based on whether I get my period or not, but just wondering if others have experienced a similar thing too? I feel like I’ve had the rug pulled out from under me right now.

If anyone in the Ottawa region is looking to start a family without sucess, feel free to reach out.

For context, our first kid was conceived on the second (unmedicated but with trigger shot) IUI. I had all the standard testing beforehand, including HSG/SIS/bloodwork/antral follicle count. Everything came back normal. Before starting TTC for kid #2, they mentioned the HSG/SIS were optional but encouraged. I asked my OB what she thought and she said she I didn't need to do them, so I didn't. We have done two IUIs so far that have been unsuccessful and I am currently in the TWW for IUI #3. They are HEAVILY pushing me towards doing HSG to "clear out the pipes" and I am hesitant for a few reasons, but wanted to see what others have been told when TTC #2. Did they redo all testing? In general I don't have a ton of trust in this clinic - their procedures often contradict what I read online that other clinics do, and they really don't seem to care about my concerns so I don't know whether or not to take their advice. Really, I am worried that they are having me trigger to early, not that I have blocked tubes, especially because I'm pretty sure I had a CP last month, but who knows!

Also relevant is that we are moving to a new state soon so if timing works out we MIGHT get one more shot if this IUI didn't work, but maybe we will just be moving on to a new clinic in a new state and I have no idea what they will say.

Hello! My wife and I are using a directed donor through Fairfax Cryobank. While the people at the location we use are super nice, it’s kind of been a nightmare every step of the way. Getting authorization for our doctor’s office (and then we switched offices so had to do it all again) and getting the okay from the offices about release after quarantine or whatever has just been headache after headache.

To get to the point, we were initially using a midwife who did at home inseminations so they signed off on a (now expired, apparently) home delivery agreement for us. But, we live in a state where home insemination is legal and fine so I don’t really understand why we have to get permission from a medical professional for unwashed vials to come to our home…is anyone else working with Fairfax and have dealt with this? Or anyone dealing with other sperm banks who aren’t making them jump through hoops for home delivery?

We are now working with a large OB’s office for medicated IUI and it’s irritating to get them to sign and return stuff, so I’d love not to have to go to them for this damn form. But also they are closed weekends (why) and so we couldn’t do an IUI last month. My wife and I would be thrilled to have a backup ICI option this month, just in case, so would love to hear if anyone has gotten around this.

Thanks!

Hi everyone!

My wife and I are beginning our pregnancy journey with a known donor. He's very sweet and very studious, and has asked if there's any literature or any books he can read on how to be a good known donor for our kid. Things he should expect, others' experiences as donors, etc. Does anybody know of any resources we could point him towards? Most of the info on donorship I've found has only covered the medical basics, or has been directed at the family, not the donor. Thanks!

I’ve asked this on IVF subreddit a while ago but I’m still torn about it.

My partner and I have 4 embryos on ice (thank god), they aren’t tested as I was 28 at the time and it was advised not too.

3 are good quality one is okay quality .

We want two full siblings.

Now I’m torn, do we pay £1,400 to purchase the LAST vial from the donor as a back up security in case we have one live birth and none left for a sibling? OR start saving for transfer in the future and don’t purchase the vial ?

I can get the vial on credit card but others have been saying it’s a waste. But I’m paranoid and wondering if 4 will lead to 2 live births. I hope the odds are in our favour.

What is your opinion on it? What would you do? Save and pray? Or Pay and save later :) We want to try next year

Thanks

Update 1# - hi everyone! I wished I had come on here originally as IVF subreddit kinda said No. and to save money , however it has been playing on my mind. Now here is where if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be comes in - I haven’t got my credit card yet haha, I’ve sent off for it - if the vial is still there when it comes it’s meant to Be, if not I either have to hope he donates again OR it’s left up to fates hands. 🙌 I’ll let you know what happens in regards to getting it. I can pay off my credit card no problem however I just didn’t have the big money straight away. My partner doesn’t know but what she doesn’t know won’t k*ll her 🙈 and who knows if I get the vial and we need it she may thank me? But like others have said if we don’t use it I can get some extra money back 😇. I forgot to mention I have low AMH as well so I think if we do need to use the vial 🧪 I’m hoping my eggs are still okay 👍 if so hard.

Hi! I am searching for community surrounding queer IVF journeys. Both my partner & I live in Cali, & are in the early stage of being pregnant (yay!). She is 6.5 weeks with my embryo. We fell into reciprocal IVF, not the initial plan… she is 40 now, however when we started the process she was 38. She did a couple rounds of IVF, without a successful embryo. Decision was basically made that I (34) would retrieve & she would carry (she has always wanted to carry). It’s been a HELLUVA journey, but we are happy we finally got to this point. I would love to contribute whatever knowledge may be useful to anyone also on the journey of creating a family is a LGBTQ household. I would also love any advice & to create a community with like minded families looking to connect as well. We are not really “online” people, but it’s obviously really hard to find couples in our area who have similar experiences. We are located in NorCal, so anyone who is local, we would love to grab a mocktail & chat! Thank you for taking the time to hear my rant, & best of luck to everyone on this difficult, yet incredible journey!

Hi all,

I wanted to post about this since I can’t imagine I’m the only person with U.S. federal employee health benefits (FEHB) having issues with IUI and IVF. As some folks may know, FEHB plans offered by OPM just started covering fertility treatments for queer folks and single folks (prior to 2024, the definition of infertility was only medically-caused infertility and not inclusive of queer folks or single folks). We are covered under Blue Cross Blue Shield FEHB basic plan and started doing IUI in February this year which is supposed to be covered at 70% for preferred providers (that is, we pay 30%). The basic plan doesn’t cover IVF at all (you’d have to get “standard” which is the highest tier and most expensive plan) but I imagine the issues we had would apply to IVF as well.

Our plan denied all the three IUIs we did and continued to deny appeals submitted by our clinic stating that the code (Z3189) was not covered by our plan. We were baffled and understandably upset as the clinic and Blue Cross were quite unhelpful. We ended up reaching out to our local congresswoman’s office and they contacted Blue Cross who explained that the claims were being automatically denied by their system due to the Z3189 being a non-covered code. It seems that we were getting a different code as a queer couple doing IUI.

The issue was resolved as our claims were finally approved and we have a note in our file alerting Blue Cross that our claims needed to be manually processed. However, I just wanted to share this story in case others have run into similar issues. Don’t give up and reach out to your local reps! It’s so messed up we have to do that but alas.

I know if varies, but out of curioisity, how many IUIs did it take for you to get pregnant? I’ve seen anywhere from 1-6

CW: loss, finance, mental health

—

Hi folks - curious whether any other non-carrying friends are feeling uncharacteristically overprotective of their pregnant partner?

Background: We had an early loss on our second IUI attempt, and success with our fourth. I’m diagnosed & medicated for ADHD & GAD.

My wife (36f) is current 10w with our first, and while I’ve (34f) always been a fairly “protective” person, I feel almost “on edge” about everything these days.

I feel like I’m reading ingredients and/or googling things I’m not sure about on the daily, out of concern that I inadvertently do something “wrong.” I’m nervous about her travelling for work, even though everything is all clear with the doctor. I’m scared to even leave the house to go to the office or out with friends for a few hours. I’m anxious about our upcoming test results (NIPT/NACE) and what will show on our next ultrasound. Even reading other subreddits about how other people are treating their pregnant or postnatal spouse are making me angry.

I just wish I had a magic mirror that told me everything will be okay so I can relax!!

We’ve put over $30k into this TTC journey, (and I 100% recognize our privilege that we’ve been able to do so) and I also can’t help but feel like I’m “protecting our investment” as much as protecting my family & that makes me feel a bit guilty, so maybe I’m trying to over compensate?

Just needed a space to get some of these thoughts off my chest and a bit curious whether anyone else can relate?

CW: miscarriage

I’m not sure this us the right place to ask this question but I figure it has to do with IUI and fertility clinics but please remove if I’m violating any post guidelines.

So I had an early miscarriage at 5w+ 2d and I went into my normal OBGYN for all blood work they tested my beta hcg levels over the span of 48 hours and confirmed they were dropping. I called to inform my fertility clinic and they suggested I come in so they can do blood work and I inquired as to what blood work and they were pretty vague and just said my beta hcg levels. The thing is my insurance does not cover any fertility treatments or bloodwork and I’d rather save my budget to go towards the actual IUI procedure, so I declined and offered to send in my blood work results from my OBGYN and I’m waiting for a response from the clinic.

I’m just worried that declining the blood work might affect me scheduling any follow up IUI procedures. Does anyone has any experience with doing post miscarriage bloodwork and if it’s anything different than what I can request at my normal OBGYN and just send over. Any guidance or advice is appreciated :)

Hi. I hope this is an okay post but I could use some advice. My wife (cis) and I (trans man) want to have a baby. Our first instinct was that we should go to a fertility clinic for IVF or IUI. But the more I read into things, the more I wonder if we're overthinking it.

There are no obvious reasons (besides my lack of equipment) that my wife would not be able to concieve. No major medical conditions, no PCOS, no endometriosis. A fairly normal, regular cycle. Her mom had four healthy kids, no miscarriages, and no one in her family has any fertility issues. She hasn't been tested for anything, lots of people don't get tested before trying to concieve, either, right?

Should we try home ICI first? Or just go to the clinic like we originally planned? I would love to hear some advice and perspectives.

Discussions for any topic (treatments, rants, good news, personal stories) besides current pregnancies.

Give us your pee sticks, your cravings, your updates!

Hi all! Going in for my first IUI next month and I feel like the anticipation and curiosity of if it will work is bringing up a lot of questions I hadn’t thought of before.

One of which is regarding reported births. I know birth reporting with sperm banks doesn’t tell the full story (if any story at all). And every body / sperm and egg combo is different. But it just hit me recently that we didn’t really consider if the donor we chose had reported births, which he doesn’t . We were looking for a Black donor which was slim pickings to begin with so we didn’t really look through what else you could filter for.

We have ten vials and generally are happy with our donor so no turning back at this point unless we run into any issues and need to swap him out. But I was curious if reported births, or lack thereof, affected your decision on choosing a donor?

We have our first ultrasound scheduled for the 24th and I will be exactly 6 weeks along. I called my OB and they scheduled me for May 29th which seems so far away. Will the fertility clinic do more ultrasounds after this one? That seems like an awfully long time to wait, I’ll be almost 12 weeks by then.

Hello!

My partner and I (36y/o) have just tried our very first insemination using fresh sperm from our known donor.

While enduring the TWW I ended up getting my period a whole week early. This is very out of the norm for me, my cycle is typically steadfast at 28 days.

I am sad this one didn’t take and also realistic that it will take some time, but mostly I’m just confused why my cycle was thrown off so much and a little concerned it will effect future attempts.

I am probably overthinking this, as we do. Hoping for insight, is this normal? Has anyone else had this happen? Whyyyyy???

Good day it's my first time experience the IUI with sperm donor and it was failed. I never take any madication before the procedure only glutathione and vitamin E. My doctor never tell me any problem like PCOS or Endo.5 days before my procedure my doctor prescribe letrozone and after procedure 14 days for progesterone no shot including as doctor stated due of my hcg. then I stop any medication after the blood test result was negative. My concern is I would like to proceed for my IUI next 2 month . I would like to know any benefit of inositol - nyo inositol and D-chiro inositol ? this is help for people without PCOS? Does acupuncture help for fertility? what food and supplement I can take to enhance my egg quality. Thank you.

Hi! I have a pretty specific time-sensitive question around timing the trigger shot with natural LH surge that I am hoping someone might know the answer to! I am 38yo, with possible PCOS (PCOS-level follicles, but no other symptoms, normal periods and ovulation). My partner and I have already tried one unsuccessful at-home IUI with frozen sperm (our friend who is an NP did the IUI). This time around, to up our chances as much as possible we decided to do medication and monitoring with a fertility clinic but do the actual IUI at home again, because we think we have the timing down now (using BBT, OPKs, and a speculum to monitor my cervix every month during ovulation) and can time it better at home than the clinic would.

The fertility clinic started me on Letrozole on CD1. I followed the instructions and took it CD1 but the next day after doing some research, I called back to ask if I wasn't supposed to start it later- everything online says to start Letrozole CD3 to 5. The nurse told me to stay off the internet and that everything would be fine and to take it as prescribed. So I took the Letrozole as prescribed days 1-5 of my period and went in today on CD10 for an ultrasound. My follicles were 20mm and 23mm. The doctor told me that they were ready to go and I should trigger tonight (Wednesday) and inseminate Friday. He said I "could wait til Thursday to trigger and inseminate Saturday but he didn't recommend as my follicles were ready NOW."

I had planned to time the trigger shot with my natural LH surge, as I have read this has the highest success rates. It's only CD10 and I'm not expecting my natural LH surge until tomorrow at least or even Friday (the OPKs are coming back super light still). My question is: should we follow our original plan and wait until I get the natural LH surge to trigger OR did the Letrozole ripen my follicles early and we have to act now before the follicles get too big or burst?

Any input is much appreciated! Thank you in advance!!

I was having a conversation with a single-mother-by-choice friend who is in the process of picking a donor. My wife and I already have embryos from donor sperm, but the conversation with my friend (as she was sending me screenshots of donor profiles as if I was helping her to judge potential dates on Tinder) brought up some weird feelings for me--doubts about the donor we used to make our existing frozen embryos.

The doubts are about superficial things. For example, my friend and I are both short. My wife and I chose a tall-end-of-average donor. My friend is leaning towards donors who are 6'4"+ so her kids will have a better chance of being tall. Her #1 contender donor is a male model with tons of pictures showcasing his good looks. Our donor is extremely average looks-wise. My friend said she favored one of the donors she was looking at over another because he had a smaller nose and her nose is big so her kids will have more balanced features. I didn't even consider things like how the donor's features will look mixed with mine. I started looking at our donor's photos again and noticed that the donor and I both have big noses. Why didn't I even consider the fact that together we might create Cyrano de Bergerac????

It could just be the hormones, but now I'm terrified that we have doomed our kids to be stumpy uggos who will forever resent the fact that we didn't find them a male model with a PhD for their donor. Of course, I'll find our kids beautiful no matter what, but the world won't feel the same way. Am I crazy?

My questions are:

1. Has anyone else dealt with these kinds of donor second thoughts?
2. If so, how did you handle those feelings?
3. Did you ever entertain the idea of switching donors? (It would be certifiably insane for me to switch donors at this point in the game.)
4. If you had regrets but still ended up having kids from the donor, did the regrets and doubts go away? If so, when did the doubts go away?
5. If you have a baby conceived with the help of a donor, how often do you think about your donor choice now that the baby is here?

Has anyone shipped samples between US clinics before? What service did you use? Looking to send two semen samples from California to Vermont