Hey everyone,

A few years back, I found myself stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts that felt impossible to break. I'd think things like, "I'm not good enough for this job," or "My friends probably don't really like me." These thoughts weren't just passing feelings—they were constants that affected my mood, relationships, and overall happiness.

After attending over 50 therapy sessions (yes, you read that right!), I stumbled upon Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It was a game-changer. So much so that I decided to pursue an online master's in psychology to dive deeper into understanding how our minds work.

Not All Thoughts Are Facts

One of the core principles of CBT is the idea that our thoughts are not always accurate reflections of reality. This might sound obvious, but when you're in the thick of it, those negative thoughts feel incredibly real and valid. What many people don't know is that our brains have a built-in negativity bias—a survival mechanism from our ancestors that makes us focus more on negative information as a way to protect ourselves from threats.

But in today's world, this bias can do more harm than good, causing unnecessary anxiety and sadness. The good news? Thanks to neuroplasticity, our brains can form new neural pathways. This means we can train our brains to think differently.

Challenging and Reframing Negative Thoughts

So, how do we start questioning these pesky negative thoughts? Here's what's worked for me:

1. Identify the Negative ThoughtFirst, become aware of when you're having a negative thought. This might be easier said than done because these thoughts can be automatic. Keeping a thought journal helped me spot patterns.
2. Examine the EvidenceAsk yourself: What evidence do I have that supports this thought? What evidence contradicts it? Often, you'll find that the evidence against your negative thought is stronger.
3. Reframe the ThoughtReplace the negative thought with a more balanced one. For example, change "I'm terrible at my job" to "I made a mistake, but I can learn from it and improve."
4. Practice RegularlyThis isn't a one-time fix. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes. Over time, positive thinking can become your default mode.

Integrating CBT into Daily Life

Incorporating this practice into daily life doesn't have to be daunting. I found that using certain tools and resources made it easier and even enjoyable.

Resources That Have Helped Me

Books:

• "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by Dr. David D. BurnsThis book offers practical techniques for identifying and combating negative thoughts. It's like a CBT handbook you can refer to anytime.
• "The Power of Now" by Eckhart TolleWhile not strictly about CBT, it emphasizes the importance of being present, which complements the practice of mindfulness in CBT.

Podcasts:

• "The Happiness Lab" with Dr. Laurie SantosExplores the science behind happiness with relatable stories and practical tips.
• "Unlocking Us" with Brené BrownDives deep into human emotions and offers insights that can help in reframing thoughts.

Apps:

• LePal App: In line with the CBT approach of challenging negative thoughts, I've been using LePal, an app created by a close friend of mine from Google. She's a woman in tech who faced severe depression and wanted to help others who might be struggling. The app features a "spirit pet" that makes the journey less lonely. It offers guided journaling where the spirit pet responds to your entries with insights, helping you question and reframe negative thoughts—just like in CBT. The "therapy planet" provides 24/7 support, allowing you to talk about your feelings and work on restructuring your mind. Plus, the weekly letters summarizing your growth really motivate me to keep going.
• "I Am" App: This app sends daily affirmations to help shift your mindset. I love how customizable it is—you can set reminders throughout the day to keep positive messages front and center. The affirmations cover various aspects like self-esteem, stress, and relationships. It's a small addition to my routine, but these uplifting messages make a big difference in maintaining a balanced outlook and reinforcing positive thought patterns.
• Insight Timer: I've found this app more enriching than Headspace or Calm. It offers a vast library of free meditations and talks from teachers worldwide. What sets it apart is the community aspect—you can join live sessions and connect with others on similar journeys. The diversity and depth help me stay present and mindful, which is crucial when catching and challenging negative thoughts. It's been a cornerstone in developing a meditation practice that complements my CBT techniques.

Remember, it's okay to seek help and use the tools available to you. Changing the way you think doesn't happen overnight, but each small step makes a difference. If you've been struggling with negative thoughts, give some of these techniques a try. You've got nothing to lose and so much to gain.

Feel free to share your experiences or resources that have helped you. We're all in this together.

Take care! ❤️

My therapist is a kind, supportive person. I started seeing him last year after a very painful breakup where I was dumped. He has helped me a lot since, but when we (rarely now) discuss my ex and I say I realized he never loved me, my therapist always expresses doubts and says this is me seeing myself unloveable. He is right I often feel that, but based on the interactions both during the relationship and after (where basically he went back to his ex and said he wants no contact of any kind) I do not think this is a case of me thinking the worst about myself. Whenever we have talked about this I feel like I am hitting a wall so I now avoid it. Am I really deceiving myself or is he being unrealistically positive to make me feel good—which does not work in this case?

My therapist got an idea online and I don't know if he's acting appropriately. He's asking me to write up something to help him navigate some technology. Nothing prompted him to ask. He just asked after our last session.

Hi guys. I have my first therapy session in 2 days and I'm not sure what to expect. I have never done therapy before, and the idea of talking about me and my issues sound very uncomfortable. I don't have anything major going on in my life now, I have depression and anxiety, but currently under control. Can anyone provide me an insight of what to expect during a therapy session?

it bothered me that my therapist said “what should we talk about today, my friend”

I know I sound crazy. But I swear “my friend” sounds distant. I’d address someone I talk to at a pub “my friend” or maybe an uber driver. I wouldn’t call someone I’m already familiar with “my friend”. So it just made me feel weird.

Does anyone get me? Thoughts? Ik it’s not a big deal.

Basically have emotional neglect from parents in my childhood and I latch onto people and relationships really strongly once I get to know people or form a bond. Sometimes it might be too much... wearing my heart on my sleeve like this. So is it trauma that does this? This is my only explanation for why I am this way.

This is definitely a point of discussion with my t. Curious about other perspectives though.

I think I have a great reletionship with my therapist, I've been seeing them for a few weeks now and I absolutely love her (not romantically ofc)

I have been opening up really easily to her. But I've been struggling to mention this one thing to her.

Ive been having these disturbing thoughts about doing sexual things but I never act on them. They just disturb the shit out of me, they started when my porn addiction got really really bad, and I've been meaning to mention that to her aswell as I'm actively trying to quit porn and it's stressing me out.

Anyway, these thoughts are pretty random, and I'll get them anytime of the day and they just disturb me and I feel like if I keep having these thoughts, it will get worse until I do act on them.

I'm worried about how I mention this without the possibility of making them uncomfortable or even feeling unsafe with me?

I feel like this is animportant detail to mention, these thoughts do NOT include children, the elderly or disabled people.

Today I told my therapist that I cut myself on Saturday. It was after a particularly hard day and I was just feeling very weak. In the past, I've talked about my self-harm thoughts with my therapist but this was the first time I actually did anything. At the end of the session, she told me that as a minor she has to report that I harmed myself to my parents. I feel very strongly that it would do more harm than good to tell. I have no interest in hurting myself further. Is there any way I can convince my therapist to not report? Can I list the reasons why I'm not in danger or anything at all? I understand that they might be legally required to report but I felt OK telling them today because I'm not planning on killing myself or whatever. Please share your thoughts. I don't know what to do.

Edit: (additional details) No matter what happens and what they decide to do, I'll probably continue to have sessions with them. They're the first therapist that has ever done anything substantial for me mentally. Their options for me currently are to 1. help me figure out how to tell my parents. 2. tell them for me. 3. we invite my parents into a session and one of us tells them. While I do feel slightly upset at having my hand forced like I said, I'm worried I'll struggle to find another therapist, and asking my parents to switch me would probably make them wonder why. I don't figure this would change any advice that would be thrown out there, I just thought it would be nice to mention.

Just wondering hypothetically if I were to do something if my t would drop me. Wondering others experiences. I have done it once and he stuck with me but idk about another one.

I’ve been seeing my T for about 5 months now and she’s been absolutely wonderful! But one of my friends is looking at going back to therapy, and since I can’t recommend my T, would it be rude to ask her if she could recommend someone for this friend?

I have already been in a dissociative episode for years, it goes in and out. But the past fewonths, it's gotten really bad. So when I come into these appointments, I tell my therapist. But he ends up making me feel worse by the end of it. He makes me too aware of my body, so now it feels even more so like it's not my own. I'm just watching someone. I'm pretending to be someone I'm not so no one thinks I'm weird. He asks to speak to the different "parts" in my head and tries seperating me from them. And he tells me to put all the memories I don't want to think about and lock them in a box in my mind, and when I'm sad; think of a happy place (ex; the park) and pretend you're there. I feel like he's not taking this at a right approach, and he's seperating myself from the other parts in my head, essentially making my dissociation worse, and the "lock the memories away" ticks me off a bit. I should just be locking everything away and ignore it with "happy place, happy place." Unfortunately though, he is one of the only males in the workplace and I can not speak to women. Should I just deal with him? Is he being unprofessional or is it just a technique that doesn't sit with me right

Near the end of our session, we had this conversation after a misunderstanding. It kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Am I taking this too personally? I'll accept anything i did wrong. Thoughts from clients and therapists much appreciated!

Me: I hate that we're ending like this.

T: Like what?

Me: Like, we're not on the same page. I always thought we were on the same page but lately it doesn't feel that way. It just hurts.

T: Sometimes that happens. I'm sorry that it's happened. That's just life.

Me: It just seems like you don't care at all.

T: What would you like for me to have as some outpouring of showing that, what would that look like to you?

Me: I don't know. You just seem dismissive, like "oh okay sure whatever " I don't know

T: I'm sorry that it comes across as cold. This is just what I have to do. It's what I am. It's what I do. I have people coming up all month. I can't allow a mistake I made to affect me in some harsh way, or I'm not being present for my other clients. That make sense?

Me: OK

Hello everyone! I’ll try to keep this as short as possible lol but I’ve been in therapy with the same T for years, so obviously it’s completely normal to develop any attachments as she is human, but I did feel for a while now that I was her favorite (in a non narcissistic way) but not long ago she confirmed this and told me I was her favorite, she said she’s supposed to downsize her clientele because she has another position in the building and that basically she’d want to keep just me. She has told me I could call her just to talk to her, there have been times where I’d call outside of session due to depression, one time I felt better after talking for maybe a half an hour or so? But we talked for almost 2 hours, rest of the time just horsing around. She’s even missed meetings just to talk or atleast was late to them, told me she was late before I was like so get off the phone? And she just said she didn’t want to. We’ve shared I love Yous before but only a few times, we’ve shared holiday presents as well. One time I didn’t want to show her my photos from a specific event because I simply hate being on camera, to which she responded with “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” in an oddly sexual tone to which we just laughed off, I’m not exactly uncomfortable or anything but I can’t help but wonder if she’s feeling countertransference towards me or if it’s just in my head or something. TYIA for any reply❤️

So recently I have been super suicidal, to the point where I'm not sure how much longer I can keep going. For context, I'm 18, trans (not out of the closet except to my t and a friend), and in a rural very conservative area, and mix that with the fact that it feels like I have no friends and constant family problems, I just really dont want to be here anymore.

I don't have a plan or anything like that, but I have made two attempts in the past. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like I'm drowning but I have no one I can tell. So I was wondering that if I told my therapist this would she have to send me to a psych ward? Thats like my worse fear and I don't want to go because I know that it will only make things worse.

And what actually would stick?

What to do if you have no concrete evidence?

It’s a bunch of things not just one incident of blurring the lines and not creating a safe space.

Ny name is Duggie. Im currently 19 years old, with a boring office job, no friends and the girl of my dreams as my soon to be wife. It hasnt always been like this. Last summer was probably the craziest and most emotionall thing ive ever been through.

It started out pretty normal, it was me hanging out and going drinking with my friends and having a great time. We were all working at the same resturant and every day after work we met up at the same hill to watch the sunset and eat our dinner (that usually was pb&js or tuna sandwiches). This night tho, we decided to go clubbing instead. We'll call my 3 friends Alex, Josh and Jeff. Alex was the one that loved getting drunk and just having a good time, meanwhile Josh was a bit more introverted. I always knew Josh was having mental issues, but when i asked him if he wanted to talk about it he always said "im fine dont worry". I was the closest to Jeff, he was just a good soul. He liked clubbing, but would rather stay at home.

I lived pretty close to the club, unlike my friends who lived across a big river at the other side of town. So i decided to take a good old walk to my appartment and listen to some music, instead of crashing at one of their places. On my way home i saw 4 police cars speeding by for no apparent reason, and i thought nothing of it. When i got home i instantly fell asleep on my sofa.

I woke up by my phone ringing from an unknown number. I picked up, it was Alex's mom. She said quote on quote: sweetie are you okay? We have to stay strong during these tough periods and just be gratefull you werent in that car with them.

I still couldnt process anything since i was woken up 2 minutes ago. I asked what she meant, and got probably the most life changing response ever. She said "sweetie didnt you hear? The car accident involving alex?" I could hear her hiding tears behind her eyes while saying "Alex and Jeff are gone".

The car had driven off the bridge by unknown reason. This accident made both Alex and Jeff loose their life, and left Josh with major injuries. I was the first one to speak at their funeral the next day.

Me and Josh met up that day, at the same hill. We watched over the sunset, eating our pb&js without saying a word. I could see the pain in his eyes. When we went home i gave him a long warm hug and told him that he was welcome to stay at my place. He humbly declined, and we walked opposite ways.

The next day i woke up as normal, and went to work. When i got to the resturant right during lunch time Josh wasnt there. I thought he stayed at home, just resting and grieving 2 of his best friends deaths. I messaged him multiple times, got left on delivered. I went to the hill later that day, only to find myself sitting alone and crying while eating my pb&j.

After some days of Josh "ignoring me", the police banged on my door and told me the news. Josh had unalived himself. I couldnt even cry anymore. I was completely broken attending my third and last friends funeral.

Therapy really helped me grieve and get over this. My therapist has been great at helping me let my feelings out, and making me appreciate the memories i shared with them. Ive still been to traumatised to start driving again, but hey at least i can cry again.

This story isnt meant to get upvotes, but it's more of a sort of way to spread awareness about both driving recklessly and mental health issues. If you have someone close that might be going through stuff, please offer a helping hand.

Also for those who are/have gone througj stuff please seek therapy. It has helped me so much, and i promise it will do you the same.

Peace, Duggie<3

Six weeks ago I was abruptly terminated by my therapist of six years, a woman to whom I was (am) strongly attached, and she told me, many times, that she felt strongly attached to me. But something happened, she was very angry, and she dumped me. My world was shredded and I was terribly unwell for a month. Eh, I'm still not great, but I'm taking my meds so feeling more stable.

I have bipolar disorder and winter can be a frightening time because there's always at least a degree of depression. And I fear falling into a full-on depressive episode. My intuition tells me to see another therapist. I've been searching, searching for many weeks and finally found a T in my town. I called him and he has returned my call. I am so stuck, so lost, because I do not want to get attached to another therapist. But I'm sitting here trying to call the man; he wants to set up a "fifteen minute phone consultation" to find out why I want therapy.

????

What do I tell him? I'm reluctant to start out with, "Well, see, my adored former therapist abandoned me, really fucked me over..." You know what I mean? Any ideas?

There are many times where I want to talk/hang out with people, nothing happens, even when I engage with them, still nothing. On the other end, when I want to be alone. Suddenly, they strike up a conversation/hangout with me.

I notice this pattern a while ago, so l'm trying to overcome the primarily decision. Where I make the decision, without making the decision. Even if do this privately on myself, where I'm gonna "drop it all" I already failed.

I don't know if anyone else goes through this, or if this makes any sense. If so, do you have advice to overcome this conundrum?

In 2 years my therapist has never emailed me wanting to check in. We’ve emailed back and forth before, but’s she’s never asked for a check in. I must have raised a little concern over what I said last week.

What do I say? “I’m surviving”? I don’t know how honest I should be. Like I don’t want to worry her, but I’m all over the place feeling wise.

My T will be speaking to my doctor about plans I'd made to hurt myself (seriously harm but not kill myself). Can anyone comment on what happens next? (It's the UK)

I (28F) am getting mixed messages from my therapist. In sessions, she has reassured me that I am normal and not a freak and that my feelings are normal when I talk about being perceived as weird and not being able to genuinely connect with other people. I don’t understand how that is possible if I meet the four d’s of diagnosis for abnormal psychological behavior (deviance, distress, dysfunction, and danger). I fear I am beyond the bell curve. I do not feel like therapy has helped me. I have a tendency to leave more confused and impaired than before.

I explained to my therapist that I feel like I’m going crazy everyday and that I feel overwhelmed to the point where I feel like I cannot continue to function. I’ve explained that I feel like I have experienced psychological decompensation/disintegration due to repeated traumatic events (child abuse, maternal enmeshment/emotional incest, intimate partner violence/ domestic violence, police negligence, witnessing violations of ethical principles by a therapist, etc).

For a little over a year, I have experienced nocturnal panic attacks almost daily between 3am and 4am and there are days where I feel like I cannot speak anymore after being around people at work. I’ve also started to experience vasovagal syncope and I’ve previously been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, and phase of life problems.

I’ve explained that since childhood, I’ve experienced a combination of symptoms consistent with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Complex PTSD, Schizoid Personality Disorder, Schizotypal Personality Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder (although I do not experience fear of abandonment or impulsivity), and Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (as I also have Polycystic Ovaries and Endometriosis), but have not yet received any of them as diagnoses.

As I’ve become more distressed, my symptoms have increased. I am still unsure what is going on with me and I am worried that if it is not addressed properly or in a timely manner that I could become actively suicidal. I know it takes time to diagnose and treat these conditions, but it feels helpless not having any answers or anything to work towards as it continues to worsen. I don’t believe that I am only being impacted by anxiety and depression.

When I first started therapy at 18, I went because my next door neighbor encouraged me and I felt distressed about not feeling passionate about anything. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with my life. I felt like I didn't have any friends. I felt engulfed by my family. I struggled with feeling asexual/aromantic.

Over the past 10 years I have not come any closer to answering any of these questions or figuring any of these things out for myself despite them being constant underlying issues in my life. I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I still don’t have any friends like I’m supposed to. I still feel suffocated by those around me. I still don’t know if I’m asexual or gay or straight. I can’t seem to experience strong attraction or enjoy sexual activity enough to make a decision.

I have been in three long term relationships, one of them being marriage because it was the first person that pursued me and I thought it was what I was supposed to do; it’s also what I believed my parents and peers expected of me. I felt like it took a lot of effort for them to take me seriously and understand me. It also felt like it took a lot of effort to be able to leave the relationships as I felt guilted/manipulated into staying and felt like a bad person for wanting to be my own person and needing space at times after feeling overwhelmed with their presence. Expectations and responsibilities (chores, finances, etc) also seemed to shift dramatically after being in the relationships for a while. At times it felt like the expectations were unfair and I had to give more to the relationship than I was comfortable with or capable of. For example, I had to continue to have sex with one of my partners even though it caused me excruciating pain from ovarian cysts because he would not remain faithful if his needs were not met, despite choosing to commit to a monogamous relationship.

Additionally, mindfulness practices have stopped helping. Eating better, moving more, journaling, meditation, and getting better sleep has not improved any of my symptoms. And when I have attempted to set boundaries, I have not been able to uphold them.

I’ve also responded poorly to medication (Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Hydroxyzine, and Prazosin) and the medication that is supposed to be the best option for me (Vraylar) based on genetic testing is not covered by my insurance and I cannot afford to pay out of pocket. Unfortunately, I’ve also accumulated credit card debt trying to cover medical bills, therapy at several different counseling practices that my insurance won’t cover, and expenses (delivery services) for extended periods of time that I did not feel safe or comfortable leaving my house.

In the last 10 years, I’ve become more socially isolated and hateful towards humans. It is so painful interacting with people. Despite going to college and earning a bachelor’s in psychology and a master’s in information technology, I feel so stupid and I don’t understand why I keep failing. I haven’t had a steady job since graduation and I have had to move back home with my parents several times. I feel like my intelligence has decreased over the past decade. I feel less competent and capable than I did before I began therapy. I honestly feel like I peaked in the fourth grade and I’ve been struggling ever since. Or maybe I started having issues with self-awareness?

I really feel like I have not been able to do well outside of a structured educational setting. I have attempted to get certifications related to my career field independently, but I have failed multiple attempts and cannot afford to take the exams again. However, I am able to do well during job interviews because I follow a precise social script, but once I get into a job, I am not able to perform well. I usually have to leave jobs after 3-6 months because my anxiety gets worse the longer I’m in a position. I think it’s important to note that I get the same feelings with any type of relationship with those that have pursued me; the longer it lasts, the worse I feel. Fake it until you make it has not worked for me.

I feel lost because I’ve been told by parents, teachers, career coaches, therapists, classmates/peers, academic advisors, doctors, etc. that I would figure it all out and be happy at different milestones.. I’ve been told that I would find a passion, find a job that makes me happy, and make friends when I graduated high school, when I graduated college, when I moved out of my parents house, when I got my first real job out of college, etc.; the list goes on.

I’ve even taken exploratory career courses. I’ve taken personality and career inventories and assessments. I’ve spent hours researching jobs online. I’ve completed internships, volunteered, job shadowed, and attended networking events, with no avail. I haven’t found anything that I enjoy or anything or anyone I feel connected with.

The only reason I went to college is because it’s what I was supposed to do; it was the social expectation. I also figured that college would set me up for a good future and give me the opportunity to explore these things that I was supposed to figure out. I even graduated magna cum laude and made the dean's list most semesters, but I still don’t feel any closer to feeling like I have a purpose and I don’t feel like my education was valuable or worthwhile.

Making friends has been just as bad. I am able to make friends by following instructions/ using a social script, but I am unable to maintain close genuine relationships. The friends that I have made and relationships that I have been in have not been my choice: they’ve happened because I’ve been pursued or “adopted” by people who have taken an interest in me and seemed to appreciate me. I’ve been told by several of these people that they think I’m interesting because I’m hard to read, seem funny/weird/quirky in a good way, or seem innocent and shy.

Unfortunately, most of these people in my life have proven to be untrustworthy and often relied heavily on toxic relationship dynamics and social credit/debt to take advantage of myself and others.

I would prefer not to have any relationships at all, but I understand that is not realistic because I still need to work and access goods and services. However, I’m not sure how to properly reject these people who feel close to me and get away from them as they often will threaten to hurt themselves or me for not wanting to engage with them, spend time with them, talk to them as much as they want, or do what they want.

I feel like I’m not taken seriously by these people until the situation has escalated to an extreme. No matter how calm or clear I communicate my needs for boundaries, privacy, and time alone, and personal preferences, I am not taken seriously until I am in extreme distress and have to force them away physically or cut off all contact all together. I do not feel like I am given the space to be my own person when these people attach to me. It feels like they are trying to control me. It’s like they’re offended that I’d rather spend time alone than with them. I’ve noticed that caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, and marijuana help make superficial connections easier to tolerate at times.

And while these people start out interested in me, it feels like they start to treat me poorly anytime I focus on my own needs and wellbeing, especially if my needs are different than their needs. It makes me feel insane. Most of the time, I’m perceived as a pretty go with the flow type person; I tend to be pretty passive and reserved and content in situations as long as everyone is doing their best, respecting others, being mindful of how their actions will impact others, following rules, and operating with integrity - doing what they are supposed to do. I also don’t feel the need to control everything and I believe that people should be self-sufficient. I also think that people can ask for help when they need it and I am usually okay with providing assistance if I am able. For those reasons, I rarely speak up or present myself as an assertive person. I usually pick up slack as needed and mind my business.

However, I’m afraid that when I am assertive around these people that perceive me as being mostly passive and agreeable with their actions, thoughts, feelings, desires, they might not know how to react to me. It seems like they are offended and hurt that I have challenged them, pointed out harmful/illegal/unfair behavior, or wanted something different for myself than what they wanted for me. At times it feels like they see me as something they can pick up and play with when they get bored. Other times it seems like they only view me as an extension of themselves.

However, I feel like I might come off abrasive and confusing in my confrontations because I take the time to observe and analyze situations before I speak up as I don’t want to make hurtful assumptions or wrong accusations. I also make sure that I provide accurate information with enough context to be meaningful when I assert myself, giving sound rationale and credible sources for my point of view. I also make sure to acknowledge the consequences for each scenario and present acceptable solutions as well. I’ve used the compliment sandwich method for boundary setting and giving feedback without success. I’ve made sure not to use any derogatory or rude language. I’ve followed the directions of the worksheets/homework that I received at therapy that focus on healthy communication, but I’ve been told that I am intimidating and people often tell me that I would be a good lawyer.

Additionally, I think I might make them feel stupid because they have told me that the information that I provide isn’t common knowledge. However, this doesn’t make sense because I am educating them and providing access to knowledge that will be helpful to them going forward. I am also trying to make sure that everyone is on the same page and fill that gap of knowledge, but I don’t know what I could change about my communication. It probably doesn’t help that I’m monotone and have flat affect. I would probably be less misunderstood if I could sound the way I do in my head when I vocalize my thoughts and feelings to others, but I haven’t been able to do it no matter how much I’ve practiced.

But I also feel that if I changed my communication, then I would not be accurate. It would feel negligent and enabling of harm. Without the social script for healthy conflict resolution, I don’t know how I could effectively resolve a problem. I’m not going to do the wrong thing just because it makes others feel uncomfortable to not get their way in the relationship or be held accountable or corrected for doing something wrong or harmful.

Some things that I have confronted people about include cheating/infidelity, insurance fraud, financial abuse, sexual abuse, pedophilia, emotional abuse, manipulation, illegal hard drug use, racism, triangulation, partner poaching, drunk driving, theft, verbal abuse and threats, catfishing/scamming, hypocrisy/double standards, reckless driving, and violations of ethical principles of psychology.

Ultimately, I feel like nearly all aspects of my life have dramatically worsened, despite making consistent effort to heal and grow. For the last few years, I have not been able to feel any positive emotions, but rather a cycle of dread, despair, and rage.I feel like I don’t know how to communicate to people. I feel consistently misunderstood. I don’t feel like what I’m experiencing is normal and I don’t know what to do at this point.

I don’t want advice about any of the conditions or medications that I listed. I don’t want advice on how to proceed with treatment.

It really feels like I have not been making progress, but rather regressing as I’ve grown older. Can therapy make people worse off? Does therapy just not work for some people?

Can a psychoanalyst therapist help me make sense of a reoccurring dream? Or is dream psychology considered unrealisable.

My wife and I are both private practitioners seeing different populations (me mostly men, her mostly women, among other differences). This morning over coffee she mentioned that one of her clients has a husband seeking a male therapist. Based on his goals, it sounds like I could be a good fit, but we're looking for some other opinions on if this feels too weird/icky to even consider. If we do go forward with the referral, obviously we would disclose our relationship to both members of the couple and establish that we would only consult as much or as little (or not at all) as would be comfortable for each client.

Typing this out now, I'm feeling less and less confident that it could make ethical sense, but I do think there is something to be said for "hey I know this T, I know his work, and he has openings", so maybe the good outweighs the bad, here.

Thoughts??

I feel embarrassed that I haven’t broached the subject yet. It didn’t feel important for a long time. Then I realized that my past experience is probably making it difficult to drop my “walls” with the current therapist. Former bad therapist groomed me, then briefly stalked me. I never reported it to anyone. I just moved far away and blocked him on everything. Never heard from him again, and there was never any actual abuse. Should I bother to mention it now? Don’t want current therapist to feel like I suspect him of grooming me too.

my therapist asked if I shoplift. if I tell her the truth will she tell my parents? I'm 15

I've been seeing a therapist for about 10 months now. I found the sessions fairly helpful the first few months but lately have been feeling manipulated/taken advantage of. I do have some trust issues so I'm having a hard time figuring out if this is in my head/actually a problem.

My biggest issue is that she talks a fair bit about herself. Then, when we get to me, she still keeps talking about what I'm doing wrong and how to deal with my problems, but with little input from me. There are times when I've gone in wanting to talk about something specific and we don't get to that at all because she's taken the session in a different direction and dominated it. If she doesn't have another session immediately after mine, she will keep talking/finally ask questions even as I try to leave, then charges me for an extended session. I have health insurance that covers all the sessions, which is fairly unusual, and I feel like she's taking advantage of that.

She also dismisses my issues/progress when they don't make sense to her. I have financial anxiety but because I make decent money, she glosses over it and doesn't want to address it. When I share that I'm handling some things better that I had problems with earlier, she tells me I'm not... which feels like a ploy to convince me I need to keep seeing her.

Is this normal? Am I making a bigger deal of things in my head than they are?

Hi: Our 26-yr old son died 18 months ago after battling melanoma for three years. I'm his Dad and was there for every moment of it. The last six months were unthinkable: two brain surgeries, two back surgeries, spinal fusion, a stroke, loss of cognition (my son died not knowing who I am) .... not to mention two weeks of hospice in our bedroom, and then he died. I saw every fucking bit of it.

I feel stuck in therapy. The memories simply will. not. stop. Yet each time I bring them up with my therapist she redirects the conversation to "how I survived". She's a great therapist, fully trained in trauma. I care for her and she for me.

But I know full fucking well how I survived - by wearing imaginary armor for the last 1,400 days. I survived because I'm a father and fathers show up, no matter what. I survived by going into my closet and crying so hard I'd make my nose bleed. I survived because I loved our son more than myself.

But I feel as if I'm not "allowed" to share the details of the last weeks in therapy, so they keep staying inside and hurting me. I get it. Trauma therapy is about the strengths we used to survive (if you call my experience now surviving). I want my therapist to simply know what it was like, to know what I saw and felt. To get these memories out of me and have them witnessed by another.

She seems to misunderstand that I am not surviving, I am losing.

Please, I need advice.

Post-note - thank you for the supportive comments and support. I have therapy in about 90 minutes and I'll make this topic the first thing.

Hi everyone,

I’m currently working on my Master’s in Counselling and Psychotherapy and am conducting a research study on clients’ lived perceptions and experiences of Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT). This study has gained ethical approval from the Irish College of Humanities and Applied Sciences.

The insights gained from this research could help improve best practices and training programs for therapists, ensuring CFT is delivered in the most effective way possible. Additionally, it could help identify strategies to overcome challenges to cultivating self-compassion.

Study Details:

• Interviews will be conducted online.
• Participants will remain anonymous.

To Qualify:

1. Be 18 years or older.
2. Have completed at least 8 sessions of Compassion Focused Therapy.
3. Speak English.
4. Have internet access.

If you meet these criteria and would like to share your experiences, please email me at: 20205309@ichas.ie.

I’d also deeply appreciate it if you could share this post with others or display the flyer in relevant spaces to help spread the word.

Thank you for your time and support! 💛

I have some kind of thinking disorder, have so for many, many years, in fact I believe to have this since my childhood. The way I think, act, behave is drastically different from the norm. The anxieties I have are not normal. The obsessions I have are not normal. Anything I think about is not normal. I know this because my parents constantly told me I thought, behaved, acted abnormally. People in school told me the same. Everyone told me the same throughout my entire life. I know this from observing other people, and seeing they act entirely differently from me.

Instead of helping me, my evil, narcissistic parents forced me to put a mask on. They knew I was autistic, yet they forced me to behave normally. Otherwise, they would scream at me for hours until I would obey. So, in my entire childhood I was told I should act normal, while at the same time being told I am not normal. This alone leaves some mental scars. Even worse, my evil father is a doctor and was responsible for my health throughout my entire childhood. The levels of messed up ness are endless. The only thing missing is home schooling, which I did not have thank God. Otherwise I would have never figured that my parents are evil, and I have a problem.

My entire life, up to this point, is the result of me having to mask my autism, ADHD or whatever mental illness I have. And I know, for a guaranteed fact, that I have a fundamental thinking disorder (see introduction). No one needs to tell me I am normal because I know, I am not, because whenever I try being normal, it fails. Yet, I am here, an independent person living by their self and going to an renowned university.

There is a problem however: The house of cards is slowly but steadily collapsing. It was only obvious to happen eventually, because my mental problems are so severe it takes one small relapse from masking and it collapses a bit. It got worse and worse over time up to the point where I did not believe my own thoughts anymore. Obviously, I went to a psychiatrist, and several therapists for some initial meetings.

There is a problem, though. They don't take me seriously, because my life is too well. The fact that I am living by myself, go to university, pass my exams, appear entirely normal on the outside throws them off. I can see it in their face, the way they reply. It's a feeling of surprise, disbelief. "How is this person telling me about paranoia, derealization, anxiety disorders, panic attacks, eating disorders, severe compulsions while being a successful student?". They can't understand how I can manage to hold a successful life while being the most messed up person on the inside. And, thus, they *all* conclude that my problem is not that serious. I should just seek out more friends, hobbies, sports, meditation and so on.

There is a reason I am going to uni, successfully. Because it *actually makes me happy*! Period. I like learning, have always been an ambitious person, exploring everything. And, I have never considered my mental health to be an obstacle in pursing the things I love. I will do *everything* for achieving my goals, achieving what makes me happy. And my mental illness is hindering me in pursuing what makes me happy. I am not depressed. But my mind, the way I think is a gigantic obstacle because my mind is producing nothing but nonsense up to the point where I think everyone hates me, wants to hurt me or whatever bogus.

And this is a problem. It feels like most (anectodally) clients of psychiatrists, therapists are people who don't have their *entire* life under control. Who feel like they have no purpose in life, nothing makes them happy, everyone hates them (and believe so. I don't believe so). Who lie in bed, and have no energy to stand up, clean, wash their dishes, go to work/uni/school. Who see no point in life, even, maybe.

The more I do things I like, the more suicidal I get, because when I do things I like doing, I ignore my mind. And my mind does not like that. So it continues to bombard me with irrational thoughts, anxieties, fears, compulsions, until the worst, vile, most disgusting one, appears: "Jump of that building if you don't listen to what I say". And that's when I am forced to listen to my anxieties, obsessions, because my mind will inadvertently lead me to that point.

I am not telling therapists, psychiatrists that I am suicidal because I factually *am not*. I am not depressed, otherwise I would not go to uni daily and actually *like* what I am learning there, like interacting with people there. The problem is I have some thinking disorder which leads to 100% of my thoughts being irrational nonsense. Which is kind of bizarre; on the one hand I can solve hard Math problems with ease, on the other hand I am close to insanity.

I am going to therapy because I know, it is bad, and it can go from bad to worse. And I don't to go there, I don't want to lay in bed all day and see no point in life just because my brain is telling me bogus fears. So, I am there, talking with the therapist, talking about how I am a successful uni student on the verge of clinical insanity. And they don't understand how that's possible; how someone is willing to self sacrifice themselves so much to do what they like doing. To which I reply: The alternative is worse. The alternative, going back to my abusers, my parents is worse. This masking is a problem because if I don't mask, I will go insane. But my masking prevents therapists/psychiatrists to take me seriously, despite telling them if I don't mask I will go insane, they don't take me seriously. So I'm there like "Okay. Mmh. Yeah sure, but I have a problem, that's why I am here, otherwise I would not be here".

My masking is the result of the entire life I have been living up to this point. Not masking means disregarding the entire 21 previous years of my life, and leaving with: Nothing. I can't just do that. If I don't mask I am a drastically, drastically different person. I would not be here, I would not live the life I am currently living. But my parents forced me to mask until they disgusted me away so much I had to move out. But if I mask, therapists/psychiatrists don't understand me. They see only "Successful student in a hard subject at an renowned university" and conclude from there that it can't be that bad. Yes. Because the alternative is worse.

In the past, I used to voice my feelings by destruction, malicious compliance, trolling (online and in real life), criminal behaviour, addictions, creepy behaviour. While being an A grade high school student who seems to have their life together on the outside. It got the attention, but no help. So I thought: Okay: Let's talk with some therapist and psychiatrist knowing I have a fundamental thinking disorder. This also does not seem to work because I can mask pretty damn well. Despite me telling the way I think, behave, act is 100 standard deviations away to the left, they only pick up "Has been an A grade student throughout their entire life" and conclude it can't be that bad.

Society expects me to be a normal person. Okay. I'll comply. I can see why that is a good thing. So I look for help. But I get no help because of my masking. It's an endless cycle because: If I don't mask, I will be an annoyance for society and I can't prevent it. And people told me multiple times "Seek therapy and take your meds". Okay, let's seek therapy and take my meds. But then therapists tell me "You are an A grade student. Clearly, it can't be that bad. Get your life together". This is not the solution.

I know there is a solution. I know I have a mental thinking disorder which is way, way off from society's norms. And I know it's my masking which is the problem. But how am I supposed to express my feelings, emotions, problems to a therapists in order to be understood? I don't want to come across as utterly helpless, as if I did not know a solution to anything like a baby, because I am not. My problem is something else, which is why I am here. But expressing the "something else" is not enough to be understood, and the cycle of frustration continues.

In the past I tried to work from my anxieties, thoughts in a top to bottom approach. Like a stereotypical Computer Science student would do. Start with the broad problem categories, and work your way down. The advantage of this approach is that it gives a quick, broad overview of my problem areas. But this problem does not seem to impress therapists/psychiatrists as it's too generic. They don't know me, they probably get people telling them "I have anxiety, obsessions, racing thoughts" on a daily basis; they can't get a grasp off of it.

Maybe, I need to start in a top to bottom approach, also a common Computer Science paradigm. Start with the most horrible, life inhibiting, disturbing mental problems you have and describe them in the most detailed way possible. I can think of one, which I never dared say anyone, but of which I know someone would tell me "Okay. You have a problem. Please stop with what you are doing". Maybe, maybe this is a better approach. Maybe this can help bypass the masking problems I have when I describe only one specific problem in a very detailed way, describing how it inhibits me, describing how it hurts me, and other people and how it is a problem. One problem at a time.

You need to understand, I want help. And I know you can only get help for stating the thing you want help with. And I know you can only get help if you accept the help. My father is a doctor, he used to tell me countless stories of people going to him, being desperate for help and then not accepting help. Lose lose situation for my father, and the patient.

Let's phrase it like this: When I meet a therapist for the first time, I want them to take me seriously, that is by "shocking" them as much as possible. Not as "shocking" them in a literal way. But in a way as describing my most severe problems I need help with in the most apt way possible. First impression counts. I realised, if I am not taken seriously on the first impression, I never will. I know psychology very well, despite being autistic, and from first hand experience. So, how do I give a therapist on a first meeting the most "shock" value so that they understand the severity of my problems (which are severe) regarding anxiety disorder, paranoia, really, really severe OCD which led to criminal behaviour, derealization?

In the past, I tried to appear as sane while talking about my insanity. The mask. This goddamn mask. This does not work. Maybe I need to embrace the insanity while talking about my insanity, be more theatrical? I am autistic, very cold, emotionless. Maybe I need to put in more emotion in what I am saying, how my problems really, really affect me? More genuity?

Hi all,

I recently posted a thread in regards to attending therapy as an abuser. (https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/s/4uNXKeXCIu)

I just wanted to provide an update, as well as ask for advice.

Following my post, I both had a session with my therapist where I divulged I was abusive, as well as had a session with a psychologist.

I'm a bit uncertain, as both were very supportive and understanding, and it feels like it undid all the work I've done the past few years to recognize the harm I've done.

In the case of the psychologist we're moving forward with a BPD assessment, and with my therapist we're exploring childhood trauma.

I just wanted to ask Reddit's advice as commenters mentioned therapy being uncomfortable. Neither my therapist nor the psychologist dug for details in regards to the abuse, and now I'm quite concerned I've unintentionally downplayed or minimized the impact I had. Since I'm unfamiliar with therapy, I just wanted to seek your advice of whether this is a natural course of events, or in my next sessions should I restress that I've caused harm.

Thank you!