I (51m) met a lady on a Facebook thread on a swinger post. She and I chatted a bit and decided to bring in our spouses. We chatted in group text a bit.. exchanged face pics.. had a great conversation going. They lived a good way away from us so we knew that if either of us were to travel or meet half way we’d have to like one another. I made an effort to get to know the husband.. anytime I engaged in vanilla conversation with him.. he took forever to reply and then it was short. As soon as my wife got in chat.. he immediately stated sending ridiculous sex memes.. and called her sexy and was present in the conversation. That turned my wife off.. she understood that she was nothing more than a piece of meat to this man. He only wanted to talk sex with her.. and not engage in any way with me.

The fact of the matter is.. my wife found him extremely attractive. Would’ve opened her legs for him.. but he killed it with his aggressive attitude. All he had to do is act like a human being and treat both of us like human beings.

Wtf is wrong with people in this LS? Especially the men? Like if this man was single .. dating a single woman.. would he treat her like that? Especially if he wants to get laid? No he wouldn’t. And yet he feels empowered to treat my wife that way just because we’re talking and in the LS. Very strange to me. Dude lost a hot piece of ass because he couldn’t act like an adult. I find this to be pervasive among men in this LS. Where are the adults in the room in this LS?

Hey all just looking for some help.

Not a post about swinging but I figured with the trust and healthy sexual relationships Yall have you could give some input/advice!

My wife (26f) and I (25m) have had a drop in our sexual activities. She has been gaining weight over the last 2 or so years due to hormone levels being all out of whack. I still think she’s the most beautiful woman in the world and I try and compliment her all the time which she accepts.

However, our sex life has rapidly declined (roughly 2-3 times a month now) and she says she doesn’t feel sexy, beautiful or confident. This happens a lot when I try and initiate. And when we do, the lights have to be completely off because she says what I just listed above. As well it only lasts a short while and not that she’s said it but sometimes it feels like she feels bad and just does it to make me happy.

I’m not pushy and I want to let her know that I still love her and find her sexy and beautiful. I also (trying not to be selfish) have needs of my own, and I’ve unfortunately just been taking care of myself and watching porn to get off which I feel bad about.

Basically I’m just asking for help, what do I do to help her feel more confident in herself and try and jumpstart our sex life again?

Thanks in advance

When we meet couples on swinger sites and there is mutual interest, we usually move the chat to Telegram or texting so all 4 members of both couples can participate. More times than we‘d expect, the wife of the other couple is MIA. They don’t chat at all or very rarely contribute. My wife is amazing and participates in chats and flirting, etc. We often wonder if the other wife is really not into swinging but doing it just for her husband. To us this is a huge turn off and we won’t meet with a couple when this happens. We also find that this will happen post meet up. My wife and the other husband will continue to chat and flirt but the other wife checks out. We will usually shut down the chat when that happens as we don’t want the interactions being one sided. We are both attractive and fit with the same sense of humor. Wondering if we’ve just bad luck or if this is common?

Hello All,

I am just looking for idea on where I can do big orgy?

we've started in my appartment, which is like 1 queen bed and 1 big sofa, so good for maybe 3 women and 8 men.

but overtime we are getting more popular, we now do this in a Hotel luxuruy suite, which is nice, but like its 2x queen bed + 1x sofa double, which can take maybe maximum 5 women and 15 men.

I got a list of nearly 40-50 people everytime i organize one that wants to come, i've looked at airbnb, but its like 3000$ for one evening and its like a regular house, there is never enought bed in the same room, etc.

Just looking for idea, I was thinking of maybe trying to rent one of our sexclub for a private night but its a bit tricky, so just looking for idea.

i thought of renting a commercial office and adding like inflatable bed, but it kinda kills the vibe...and women to whom i showed the picture told me they would feel like being trafficked and on the clock xD so I don't want that...

where do you guys attend big orgy? I am not rich and I do not own a house, only an appartment

people have no problem to pay 40$ per couple for the hostel, i think i could charge 100$ per couple, for something bigger

anyway just looking for idea on where I can host big orgy without buying a house!

we are located in Montreal, Canada

EDIT1 : for people that don't know what a gangbang his : "A gang bang is a sexual activity in which one person is the central focus of the sexual activity of several people"

EDIT2 : for people that are poor and don't enjoy going to these event, why are you even replying?

Hi there we're very very new to the LS scene we want to start meeting up with couples and starting conversations and meeting people who are into the lifestyle but it seems like there are very little options here in Mexico we did download 3fun and feeld with very little luck there's literally next to no one on there in this area how would we go about meeting couples who live in this area or are traveling??? Yes I know there is desire and temptation nearby but those get pretty expensive just looking to see if anyone knows about a club or even another app that may be more active.

The header is pretty self explanatory.

Everyone loves to see the ladies in their skimpy outfits or sexy underwear, but as a guy, I like to wear outfits for my wife when we’re home alone.

We have been with each other since we were 15 & 16 and are now in a phase of our relationship (53 & 54) where we’re starting to get an interest in LS and thought that it would be best to attend a club night first.

So my question is; do guys that go to the clubs dress up for the ladies too or do they just not bother?

EDIT: There seems to be some ambiguity and confusion (my bad). When I say “dressed up”what I actually meant was a sex outfit. Not a suit etc.

We travel a lot, and while most countries use sites (every one has its own! we even started a blog to keep track and collect new ones https://lustywanderers.com/list-of-swinger-websites-and-apps/ ), some places seem to use Twitter for that (Taiwan, apparently, but we also heard it's popular in Chile).
We have very little interest in social media, and absolutely no clue how to use twitter to connect with people.
Any advice would be appreciated!

We M45 F48 are visiting Sydney in May, at this stage don’t get in until Sunday. Has anyone been to OSS on Sundays? Is it busy, do they open many sundays?

Hate to be another "we're new and clueless" post, but searching around I haven't found quite the right answer. We're a couple (44M/37F) looking to start in the lifestyle but due to our jobs don't feel comfortable starting in our local community. We like getaways with just the two of us for 3 or 4 days and get the chance for them a couple times a year while we have family watch the kids. We'd love to find a place with a LS club or something to visit that would be good for a first experience, ideally in a place that's nice to visit in March anyhow (sorry, frigid north!) to plan a plausibly vanilla trip around.

It looks like a trip to Florida might be the ticket, I read someone had enjoyed a stay at Margaritaville and visited Rooftop. Also on our travel bucket list is Austin, and Colette could be a good stop. We're more the speakeasy lounge rather than the dance club type, if that helps steer any suggestions.

Where would you want to dip your toe in the water?

Hi I’m a single male in Chicago and I just turned 18 I think might want to try out the swinger LS anyone know of some good clubs or places for swingers meets in Chicago?

Hello all. I need some advice I never thought I would need to ask for. First some background. I have been into alternative relationship styles including swinging since I turned 18, 18 years ago. I am currently single. There is a couple that I have been friends with for almost 16 years. I have always had a passing thought about their relationship style every now and then and wondered if they were swingers. This comes from past conversations, a few decorations around their home that are common with swinger imagery, and an odd comfortability with showing me the wife's boudoir photo sets. I only had speculations but didn't want to say anything for fear of seeming rude or offensive. Maybe they were trying to "hint" something at me whenever they knew I was single. Earlier this month they took a vacation to the Dominican Republic for an adults only vacation. When the wife started posting photos on Facebook of the resort, the name was Breathless. A resort I have on my bucket list for specifically for swinging. I was discussing this with a mutual friend, a 3rd party, when she told me that the couple, is in fact, swingers. When asked how she knew, she said they asked if she or her and her then boyfriend or just her boyfriend would like to join them in their bedroom. I'm floored. I thought out of everyone in my friend group, I was the only one into this lifestyle.

So here's where I need the advice. What's the best way to tell them that I'm also into the lifestyle? These aren't the type of friends I might see in passing every once in awhile. I usually have dinner at their house once a week or two weeks. Or hangout at their house every couple of weeks. Next week, I'm supposed to go to their home to help butcher some sides of beef. Surely I don't just come out and say, "so and so said you're both swingers. Is that true?" That seems really rude. Should I allude to what I've seen and heard up until now and hope they tell me on their own? Maybe I should add onto that and tell them I'm a swinger myself? When I think about telling or asking them and what reaction I may get is stressing me out. Has anyone here gone through a similar situation that could offer some advice? I'd be happy to talk to anyone in personal messages as well.

My wife (39F) and I (38M) visited Club69 in Rome during our trip, and this was our first time ever stepping into a swinger club. Since we’re completely new to the lifestyle, our perspective might be different from more experienced visitors. So, if you’re also a first-timer or just curious about what to expect, hopefully, this review helps.

We arrived at the club around 11 PM, rang the bell, and were welcomed inside by the receptionist. The entrance fee was €100, which included two alcoholic drinks. Soft drinks and light snacks (chips, nuts, cookies) were available for free. There’s a coatroom and changing area, but I didn’t notice any lockers. However, no one asked us to hand over our phones, so I kept mine in my pocket the whole time.

Atmosphere & Crowd The club itself is beautifully designed, with a sexy and inviting ambiance. The music was at a perfect volume—loud enough to create a vibe but not so overpowering that we had to shout to talk. The staff was friendly and spoke some English, which helped since we don’t speak Italian.

When we arrived, there was just one other couple and three single men. Things were very slow at first, but by around 12:30 AM, more people started arriving. The crowd was mostly attractive, well-dressed, and added to the overall seductive energy of the place. By 1 AM, the atmosphere had definitely heated up—couples were kissing, touching, and starting to explore.

What We Loved vs. What Bothered Us As first-timers, we took things slow, wandering around and checking out the playrooms. The design and layout were great—intimate, stylish, and inviting. By this point, there were around 15-16 couples, which seemed like a good number for the space.

However, one thing really threw us off—the number of single men. I counted at least eight, which felt excessive given the size of the crowd. Most of them weren’t engaging with couples but rather aimlessly roaming from room to room, hovering uncomfortably close to people who were kissing or touching, including us. They weren’t aggressive, but their presence felt intrusive, making both us and other couples uncomfortable.

At one point, we entered a room intending to parallel play with others, but these same men kept following, standing way too close, and watching from just inches away. It completely disrupted the mood, and we noticed other couples also stopping or leaving. After a while, we had enough and decided to call it a night earlier than planned.

Final Thoughts
While my wife—who was initially hesitant about LS—actually enjoyed the overall concept, this particular experience left her feeling uneasy. Now we’re unsure if we’d visit another club in the future.

For those with more experience in the scene, is this type of situation normal? Are we just not ready for this environment, or was this a case of too many single men spoiling the vibe? If you’ve been in a similar scenario, how would you have handled it?

Would love to hear other perspectives!

I hope it's okay to share something a bit personal here. My husband and I have been together for over a decade, and our relationship has always been strong, loving, and full of trust. Recently, we’ve been having open and honest conversations about exploring new experiences together to spice things up and deepen our connection. After a lot of discussion, we’ve both expressed interest in trying soft swinging and same-room sex with another couple.

For us, this isn’t about fixing anything in our relationship—it’s about exploring new dimensions of intimacy and pleasure together. We’re both excited about the idea of sharing this experience as a team, but we’re also aware that it’s a big step. We want to make sure we approach this thoughtfully and respectfully, both for ourselves and for anyone we might connect with.

That’s where I’m hoping to get some advice from this community. We’re new to this lifestyle and would love to hear from others who have been in a similar situation.

We are in our mid 40s. Thanks

My girlfriend and I are not in the lifestyle but are curious. I am looking to spend 5 nights or so at a lifestyle all inclusive somewhere in the Caribbean area (Mexico, Central America, Jamaica, etc etc).

But we are definitely a big bougie so we want a high end place. I am 35 she is 27 and would prefer to be around a younger crowd.

Any reccomendations are much appreciated. So far it seems like Maya Rivieria Pearl is the best option, but I'm very open.

My gf and I are considering sea mountain sometime soon. I’m anticipating in April and it’ll be our first time doing something like this. We’ve had a soft swap previously but nothing beyond that. We’ve done our research on sea mountain, the vibe, etc. We are fairly excited to dip our toes in deeper and just looking for tips or advice we may not have seen elsewhere.

Thank you all in advance!

I want to know what the term is for, say, a bull but he’s in a relationship. I’ve only been in the lifestyle for less than a year but I absolutely love it! Recently I learned about hotwives and bulls. I really like the idea of being a bull for a hotwife but I learned today that a bull is a single man and I’m in a very happy relationship with my gf. If I’m gonna go looking for this and put myself out there then I don’t want to use the wrong word and give the wrong idea. Any help is appreciated!

So my wife and I are just getting into this and really are more going to see what the lifestyle is like. We are going to attend the event they are hosting on 2/8 and just wanted to see if anyone had any experience there or had any insight on what to expect.

My wife and I both plan on just drinking and watching depending on where the mood takes us. I'd just love any information yall would be willing to give.

Hi everyone. My wife and I (26,28) are about to visit milan in March. Has anyone went to a club and had a positive expirience? All I can read about the top names in the area (e.g. Cappricio / Harem ) that many google reviews are bought by the owners, and between te five stars reviews you can actually find quite convincing bad and pricy for nothing expiriences. If any personal reccomendations from the last coe of years can be made, we will be very thankful. We understood some places have been better 6-7 years ago and went bad over new managments, and others (like the Fashion Club) are permanently closed.

I would recommend to create a profile on established lifestyle dating sites, and not on Reddit. But if you don’t have $20 per month to create a paid profile, here are a few statistics and recommendations coming from studying r/texasswingers for a week.

This is a well curated subreddit by diligent mods, including yours truly, so all the prostitutes, all the OF content creators, a lot of the fakes have been eliminated from the sub and excluded from this study. The sub has about 160,000 followers. I looked at ads at least three days old, to give time to Redditors to see them. After 3 days, not much happens.

1. FM4F: couples looking for a unicorn. If they post good pics of both, they get about 40 upvotes, and 3 messages on average, none from women (the messages are from couples, men who want to meet, or Redditors giving them a compliment)

2. FM4M with pics: 80 to 120 upvotes, 15 to 30 messages. That seems to work.

3: FM4FM, no pics: 5 upvotes, 2 messages.

4. FM4FM, pics: 60 to 200 upvotes, 10 to 30 messages.

5. M4FM: 1 upvote, 1 message

6. F4FM: the real ones are very rare. 50 upvotes, 25 messages.

Conclusion: Reddit is for couples looking for couples and single men, with good pictures, and better if you display face pics (that gets the most responses). Also, most couples are in their 20s. There is hardly anyone above 40. So old folks, go to clubs or use swingers websites, and single people, you are wasting your time.

I’ll be in Paris in just a few weeks and would like to visit a libertine club. I’m looking at Taken currently.

31, F and single but only English speaking. This is a very new territory for me but one I’m so interested in. Any advice?

I see a lot of posts on here about men who wanted to swing and had to convince their female SO to start. I’m in the opposite position; I (F) have dabbled in the LS before and I love it and I want more of it. I’m in a different relationship now, he knows my past experiences, and I’ve very gently brought it up before with a “have you ever thought of swinging?” To which I get a one word “no.”. Are there any women on here who have persuaded their husbands, or men who were reluctant but are now involved? How did you get brought in?

Edit: I get that the title maybe be misleading- but I’m not here trying to “trick” my husband into the LS. He has never said “no he would never do it”, he has said “no he’s never thought about it”. My title should have been “introducing a man without triggering typical male insecurities”. I know if the roles were reversed in my head I would think “you want to F*** other girls?!” I want to hear experiences from men who got over that. Some of yall are so sensitive.

It's easier to find one other person to vibe with versus having four all vibe. And it is kinda fun to be the center of attention.

Do other couples mix it up? And any rough number on how much if one vs the other?

Wife uses different account for swinging. She put a post out and our old friends husband applied. Face dong and all. They are on facebook still together. The wife is not a swinger nor was he.

She was so kind and good to us as a friend it feels a bit fucked if I don’t say something to her about it. He’s lied about his age and name

Should I say anything or just leave it be ugh I hate he put me in this position. If they have an agreement of him seeking sex elsewhere there would be no issues.

So I don’t care about drama etc my only concern is her safety of getting std’s etc. he’s already admitted to not using condoms and been with other couples. It’s not just a morale matter here it’s about her. I couldn’t care less about him at this point.

Just curious! My wife and I have a great sex life, but someone I know brought up swinging recently, so, naturaIly, I started to think about it a bit more. Me and my wife were sort of always on the same page with "I can never imagine you sleeping with someone else". But I think I can. I have never really given it serious thought until now, but I seem unbothered by the idea. It's hot to have my wife pleasured and it's hot that I trust her so much that I know sex is just sex. I'm typically much more laid back and open than my wife, however. Either way, I'll have a conversation with her, of course, but my curiosity has gotten the better of me here!

Any examples of an opinion switch on swinging?

Le Mask is now daytime too (on Fridays). The Candles has daytime nearly throughout. Has anyone enough information to compare the vibes between day and night in these clubs? I imagine the daytime to be a lot of French bosses and their secretaries.

Not sure if this is the right group for this question but how do couples go about finding unicorns? I’m new to the lifestyle in general and ultimately I want to find a couple to build a friendship with but have fun with;) tried the Reddit thing but In the real world other than going to clubs where do couples find unicorns?

Me(25) wife(22) are going to Dallas in March and have always wanted to go to either club. Can anyone help us out on information about both clubs? Do you have to fill out an application before going? Is it an ALL CASH place or do they take card? How are the crowds? ANY information would be really helpful!

Have you ever been to this hotel , it a kinda like a meet up hotel that a lot of swingers go to. It’s not officially a swinger hotel but it gets a lot of attention.

My wife and I 42 started TRT. Ever since our sex drive has exploded. Things we didn't really enjoy before are now fucking delicious. Anal. Deep throat ,facials, threesomes etc. gosh this is a lonely place when all your friends have 0 to no sex lives with their spouse... Most couples don't even desire each other anymore.

How do you cope. It's hard not to get excited and want to share your incredible adventures with your friends.

Even my wife she is having the time of her life. Can't talk to any of the women...

Does this get lonely at times???

A few years back my girlfriend and I(45m) were invited into a small swinging group of friends. We went to quite a few parties and I had a blast. Definitiely solidified my preferred lifestyle. When my girlfriend and I broke up however, they uninvited me from the group but kept her around.

Since then, I've really want to get back into swinging but it seems impossible to find a partner willing to do the same. Every time I hear about a swinging event or group it always seems to have the same prohibitive rule "No single males". I just moved to the Phoenix area and it seems to have somewhat of a swinger culture around but I just really don't know how to break in.