I know this is a question more than swinging but figured I'd start with this thread.

What are some specific ideas on things we can do.

• we are newer (2021). Primarily it has been her hotwifing (with us doing MFM before).

• been burnt in past by guys not showing up

• she really liked a guy she was planning on fucking every couple weeks but he had an issue and pulled back and that was a dagger to her soul

We like

• she prefers MFM but sometimes hotwifing
• I love anything that shares her, MFM, hotwife, posting videos, pics. Show her off I say. I'd send her to a gangbang if I could (she's not opposed if I was there)
• love when she did a boudoir shoot once. But it's expensive. She enjoyed it and I definitely did
• I post her on Reddit some (and here)
• I love seeing her doing flashing/risky stuff a lot, and she has done rarely. Hard for her since Desi culture which is always worried about what other many think (i.e. if caught)
• she likes the idea of being watched
• sucky thing is she can't use birth control, and we can only use external control like condoms

Any ideas of specific spicy things we can do and how to make it happen?

Strange question right? My wife (47) and me (51) are still pretty new. We decided to dip our toes in last year.. went to one LS party and several dates and found all of the experiences negative. One of the reasons was the couples didn’t really look like their true selves when we met up. They used old pics or positions that made them look one way. So that kinda threw us off because we appreciate honesty above all else. In addition, when we first met at a local bar the couples never aced like they were attracted to each other.. two of the men were very aggressive and made my wife feel like a piece of meat. We were looking for a vibe .. but they acted like just because we met that they automatically had consent. One of the men followed my wife everywhere she went.. going out for a smoke just to be alone with her and flirt. I went outside with her just so we could talk about how we were feeling and see if we wanted to play.. but dude was relentless. I mean we excused ourselves and it didn’t matter. That was a big no. Which made her feel creeped out. The couple never kissed, held hands, never acted in any way living towards one another. These men barely talked to me.. and I guess expected me to do the same t his wife. Is this normal? Maybe our expectations are off. Is this what you get in the lifestyle? I mean just because we decided to meet up for the first time doesn’t mean you get to fuck my wife. And yes we texted.. the girls talked several days on the phone.. they knew we were new. We definitely want to play but with normal couples who are doing this to supplement their marriage.. to add spice like we do. Not weirdos .. Hell we both could get that on our own if we wanted. Where do you find respectable, respectful couples. Because I’d never do that to another man’s wife and I’d be damned sure I got permission from both of them. If we’re all flirting.. we’re all doing together in front of each other. Then I come here and see so many of you are normal and respectful. I don’t get it. We’re 0 - 5 and are close to giving up.

How prevalent is drug use at the chemistry party in nyc? Is it mainly acceptable use (alcohol, weed, etc) or harder substances (cocaine, mdma)? Trying to understand what vibe to bring to the party.

I’ve been unable to create an account for days on it, getting a 500 error. Has it finally died :(.

Me (F and bi) and my husband played with this couple ( MF and F is bi) a few weeks ago. I was on my period so we didn't do any penetration. I have met the girl separately after that in non sexual settings as well. I only date women solo and play with couples with my partner. This is simply my choice and comfort level. This girl dates men solo and is quite vocal about playing with multiple men at once. She openly told me that she wants to have sex with my partner and her partner wants me. We set up another play date but something has come up and I need to travel. I asked if she and her man would be down for a threesome with my husband with her being the focus. She immediately asked if I would do the same if she was out of town and involve her husband for a threesome. I was honest and said that I don't personally enjoy that dynamic which she always knew but as she dates men solo, expressed an interest in my husband and wants more male group play , so I just thought I'd ask. She didn't quite like that. Was I wrong to suggest that MFM threesome in the first place?

We created the account for us about a month ago and he is not giving me the login when I ask. He said let him take care of it. If I’m going to be apart of it I want the login but he won’t. He said I’m the full focus + but what the hell does that mean. Am I over reacting about this, lacking trust? I don’t understand why he won’t let me login to our account

Last night, we had our first soft swap, and it turned out to be an unforgettable experience. We met a couple and quickly hit it off, sharing great conversation that naturally led to exploring something more. Initially, my wife wasn’t entirely sure about taking that step, but as the evening progressed and the four of us grew more comfortable, the idea started to feel right.

As we sat side by side, both wives getting adventurous, the couple invited us to swap partners. After a moment of consideration, my wife decided to give it a try. We moved to a more private setting, and things quickly heated up. His wife began to explore with me, while my wife took her time with him. I wasn’t expecting her to let loose, but she surprised me in the best way. Watching her fully embrace the moment, even going as far as taking him completely, was both unexpected and incredibly exciting.

By the end, we were all thoroughly satisfied, finishing together and sharing a moment that felt both intimate and freeing. Today, my wife keeps expressing how amazed she is by what we shared and even mentioned being open to doing it again.

we are new to this but loving the spice and thrill it’s added to our lives. we started somewhat unintentionally with some close friends, but one caught feelings and the dynamic got ruined. strangers with no strings sounds more enjoyable

we (f30, m33) have enjoyed some exhibition over facetime/zoom, is that a common starting point?

My wife and I will be going to a swingers club for the first time in 2 months (January). We are a chubby couple. We are mostly looking to watch others and play with each other. No swapping. Is there usually a few chubby couples in the clubs?

Hi all, just a quick one, what should we wear in the evenings at Secrets? We will be visiting for the first time in December and I understand that nothing is required during the day but does everyone dress up in the evening and how revealing (or not!) should the ladies dress? TIA!

I spotted an old friend and coworker on Feeld. We’re both looking for group play with our partners. Should I send her a screenshot of her profile with a laugh, or try to mention it in real life, or do nothing? What’s the etiquette?

Planning to spend a couple of weeks in a few months in HK, Taiwan, Philippines.

Not a lot of options on SDC (some expats in HK, nothing elsewhere). We would prefer local couples, not interested in paid help.

We know Malaysia and Singapore have their own sites (swingthat and undertable, respectively). Wondering if anything like that exists for PH/TW/HK.

We're all here because we enjoy our adventures. I know ours might be a little different than the average swinger couples but I appreciate everyone sharing this space with us.

Hi, y'all. Having a bi male is tough. Y'all know it, we know it. We are a MF couple and both enthusiastically bisexual, and have been faced with plenty of the issues that come with it. Bi women are everywhere, bi men are not. I'm not here crying, and I want to acknowledge up front that we would never expect anyone to pursue anything that makes them uncomfortable! This is about fun, and that means for everyone.

That said - I know (and y'all know) that searching as a bi couple with a bi male is tough. Couples (whether or not the F is bi) will mostly cross you out right away. That's okay, I get it. Bi single women are called unicorns for a reason - again we all understand what it takes to find one. The spectrum of single bi men we've found have run the gambit but trend toward either: the kind of guys that say they're bi just because they assume our M is a cuck and that's what they're pursuing, "bi curious" guys who dont really know how they feel or what they're comfortable with (No shade here - we have been here and it's tough. They deserve a safe place to explore but it's not for us), and straight up flakes.

We are in a "small city" in a state that doesn't get many electoral votes. Bi men (especially attractive ones who have their shit together) are rare here. My question for bi MF couples is - do you have any recommendations on resorts/takeovers/tactics to find other bi couples who are both really grounded in their sexuality? It would be so great to find bi couples to have a nice big sweaty free-for-all pile with but it's so hard.

Late 20's couple in the city, curious if SLS in NYC is worth it over Feeld? Been able to meet/talking to a few people from Feeld/Reddit that we're excited about but so much wasted time with fakes/flakes inbetween. Wanted to see if SLS was worth it in the city especially for a younger couple.

We just moved to Spain and started to look for new couples to meet, but few online services we visited had not too much users. We heard that onswingers are popular, but invitation is needed. It's catch 22 like, because you have to know someone to invite you, but you have no opportunity to meet someone... Or maybe there is other way to meet new people?

We have been attending more and more Spartan Races lately.

I am extremely surprised there is not more of a lifestyle scene around these events.

Many events involve lots of traveling and weekend stays in new places with a lot of extremely attractive and energetic people.

Does anyone know of a scene/site/group to connect with other Spartan Swingers, or maybe other OCR events that have a scene?

Hey I'm from Alabama and been wondering if there's any apps or websites that can give actuall success with meeting other couples or people I've tried 3 fun but it's been mostly disappointing any suggestions?

My wife and I have been married for 20 years. For years we talked about playing with others while we have sex and it slowly but surely evolved into a discussion about it outside of the bedroom as well. Working very turned out but any idea of it both very curious about exploring it. We're making plans to visit a sex club after the holidays. We both have very very low expectations about our first visit to a sex club but we have to start somewhere right? We live in eastern Pennsylvania and are looking for recommendations in the area if anyone can help. Thank you!

When the wife and I go out of town she likes to wear her Hotwife necklace, low cut clothing, upside down pineapple, anklets ect….even though we are not going to a lifestyle event. How many others show a little bit of behind the scene while you are out. How risky do you get. She has worn her queen of spade temp tattoo for all to see.

Haha did you see apparently that a brand ambassador John Heald for Carnival Cruise lines that upside down pineapples will be removed from the doors of people cruising with Carnival. 🤪 How else are people going to send out smoke signals of their intentions?? 🫣🤣

So many of your are asking, so here it is:

This is the update from yesterday’s post that want transpired last night:

Original Post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/comments/1h30klw/friends_asking_us_to_come_over_to_go_naked_in_hot/

Update:

So, to recap, our friends (28M and 28F married) invited us (26M and 25F boyfriend/girlfriend) over last night to soak in their hot tub. We have known them for about 5 years and have been over to their place many times. All the hot tub nights have been with swimsuits, but yesterday they invited us over for the night and suggested no swimsuits. After that suggestion, over text, there were a few innuendos and emojis used which my gf and I thought would lead to other things.

My gf and I a while back have actually talked about having sex with others and came close on a vacation once, but nothing came of it. We sort of just let it go and never thought about it much. So when they suggested no swimsuits and the “settle comments”, that sparked our interest and talked about it. Could this be a signal? Do we want to explore it? With our friends? Etc… My girlfriend and I both thought it could be amazing and it would be something we would like to explore with them. We both find them very attractive and sexy.

After my post yesterday, I got tons of comments, replies and chats and I actually read all of them with my girlfriend. My girlfriend’s original response to all this was “let's just go with the flow and see.” I was more like “well, we need to talk about this and make sure this is what we all want.” We came up with what we will and will not do, if it proceeds into something. But we also agreed we should make sure our friends are giving us the “right signal” and ask.

So, when we got to their house and settled in (before we got naked and into the hot tub), we just asked. “Why did you ask us if we wanted to be naked in the hot tub and is there anything else you had in mind?”. We were sort of in shock and they just spelled the beans and were open about it.

To summarize, they said that they have been wanting to explore playing with other couples and thought it would also be amazing to explore with us. They both said they have fantasized about us, did not know how to best tell us and if we did not want to participate in it, they apologized about it.

To wrap it up, I looked at my girlfriend who was smiling and blushing (which I was also) and we looked at them and said “Let’s do it”. We all went to the hot tub, had fun, went into their bedroom and finished off the night.

All we have to say is WOW!. What an amazing and thrilling experience my girlfriend and I had and they had the same experience also. We just got back from lunch with them and all four of us are just so giddy and on cloud nine. We talked quite a bit about last night and the possible future - we believe this just brought our friendship to a whole new level. And the initial excitement has not worn off - my girlfriend and I have not been able to keep our hand off each other!

Anyone have any experience finding playmates in Japan! Traveling soon looking forward to any advise!

My wife is worried of strings being attached if we get into swinging, she thinks even just sexting another girl will leave myself or the other girl hooked & wanting more and she feels the same way if she was to do it with another man. I wanna prove her wrong, and show her how easy it can be to just have fun. Dm me!

Question : How common is swinging ( PIV sex ) without a condom

Background : I was in the LS for years with a previous partner. We always used Protection and did testing and so did everyone else. As a single person, or in the LS I've always been fanatical about protection and testing. Never had a STD and never had any risk risk HPV.

Currently: After about 8 years away from the LS, my current partner ( also has previous LS experiences ), are exploring together and looking for MFM. We see tons of profiles where the male is very obviously not using protection. We pass on those guys when contacted and a few I've outright told that we won't play with people who don't play safe.

Am I old school and out of touch or am I just seeing a weird sample of the LS in my area ?

The day after a meetup, do you find yourself satiated and relieved, insatiable and needing more, or some other feeling?

I met a couple I play with regularly last night after a bit of a break and while I thought it was amazing, I was surprised that it didn't feel like I got it out of my system at all. I've been insatiably horny all day.

I have tried swinging a long time int he past woth am ex. I agreed to ENM with my partner from the start and we started swinging a few years later. He had done polyamory and threesomes, but not much swinging.

We just....don't struggle.

We don't struggle to find solo women for threesomes. We now have a few regular threesome partners who wish we had more time for them. We had to end things with one lady due to lack of time.

We meet lovely, kind, honest and fun couples.

Sure, we've encountered a few weirdos amd limp dicks. We move in fast and don't dwell in it so it never feels like a big deal. We pull the plug fast and without remorse or second guessing.

We started on apps and now people almost exclusively via private parties that friends host or referrals. The most challenging part is the scheduling and making time with busy careers.

I know some people struggle. But I thought it would be nice to hear a boring and happy success story. It's just not always that hard. Even though it seems that way in this sub.

We have a lot of posts on here about how people got into the swinger scene, but for anyone taking a break from it, or who totally swore off swinging (though there are probably not too ex-swingers that never plan to play again on this reddit) what caused you to want to take a breather?

We've been swinging for a year. Its been a blast! We havent had any really negative experiences, there have been a few moments requiring readjustment conversations, but its been pretty much all fun. We've never been closer. I wanted to give it a year and see what I thought. I've learned a lot about myself, my hubby, and so much about sex I never could have imagined would have applied to me, i never saw myself as that sexual previously, but I have been voracious since we started.

All that being said, swinging is kinda losing it's luster. I dont really know how not to do it fulltime. It takes up a lot of my headspace, and everythime we have an open evening not called for family or friends, we want to be at an event or on a date. Which requires quite a bit of coordination and keeping in touch with people even on non date days. I feel a little overwhelmed by all threads we get daily messages on.

The lack of 4 way connections has been frustrating, but weve kinda figured out a work around by dating singles, but that comes with it's own set of problems. The single males are notoriously unreliable about showing up, and my favorite one is always kinda a dick afterwards, and thats tainting all my fun memories with him. The single women have all been lovely, but other than one of them, i worry they want more of a relationship than is actually on the table, and then i worry we are kinda using them, which i would never want to do.

I think ive been feeling more annoyance about things when I think about swinging than the absolute dopamine overload I used to have, and i think maybe that indicates we should take a break.

To us a break would look like maybe doing one event a month, and maybe a date or two a month. I'm not ready to just stop the whole thing, but I would like it taking up less room in my head.

So how about anyone else? Have you taken a break and come back, or stopped altogether? I would love to hear the why's and how it all worked out in the long run.

So many people online so much deception. Is swinging easier in less sex restricted countries? Swinging is easier in cities but is that just because of a more dense population? Has the Internet made swinging easier or harder? Are there any cultures, tribes or nations that swinging is main stream (past or present).

I keep my conversations online with other swingers very brief just to set up a meet in person. That helps filter out people who don't have any intention of meeting. Alot of non meet ups still push through that and set up dates. It's very befuddling. What do they get out of the interaction? I don't send pics I don't sexy talk I don't discuss anything other then the meet up because everything should be talked about in person. I believe this is the best way not only to not waste time but I don't think talking online yields much information about someone.

As relative newbies in the LS, we have only had a few same-room swap experiences at the club. Two couples we swung a few times with invited us to join them for a 3-couple getaway last night. They’re much more experienced, and were very kind to guide my wife and me gently into different-room swap. We were nervously excited to try this. We booked an AirBnB an hour north of the city for this.

Without going into much details, the night went more or less like this. Each woman was in a room, and we guys took our turns to rotate between rooms with the other two wives (we initially wanted to put in a twist where the guys don’t know who their wife is with at a given time, but that turned out to have needed more than 6 people). As usual, we agreed on our boundaries, as couples and as a group, and stuck to a planned schedule as much as we could to avoid overlaps, etc.

The major thing both my wife and I felt was the hottest was the element of mystery (as I mentioned here in anticipation) — I knew my wife was getting very dirty with another man, and I had no idea what they were doing. Similarly, the dude in the next room could only guess what his wife was up to with me. More importantly, inside the room, you only focus on one person (and they on you); there was no pressure to “compete” with anyone else, or having to divide your attention, or worry about someone being left out. That came with its own enhanced pleasure.

Also, wife and I felt it really great to connect with each other after everything was over and I went into her room. I mean, it was just insanely erotic to see her lying on the bed, tired but looking so very upbeat. We talked about how everything felt, what we exactly did with the other folks, etc. We are both curious to know how your first experiences were, and how it felt doing different-room for the first time.

I am really thankful to my wife for being a partner on this journey, and the LS friends for so graciously letting us experience and enjoy these aspects of our sexual side.

I am M (27) and my gf F (25). I had been involved with the swinger lifestyle before we met but haven’t done anything since. I want to start swinging with her and other couples. It has always been a huge turn on for me having threesomes/foursomes. What’s holding me back about bringing it up to her is I’m nervous about seeing her get fucked by another man. While it is hypocritical cause I would be fucking another girl, I just don’t know if I am ready for that. Anyone have similar thoughts or experiences?