My wife and I are happily full swap and very much enjoy couples. However, I love to watch her and she is thrilled to be watched. Our best experiences are when we play with a couples that also enjoy watching and being watched. What my wife really wants is the solo wife experience were she gets 2-4 men not counting me..just the center of attention thing. The problem is that we’ve had no luck with single men ..it’s just not easy for us..weird 11th hour excuses of flake out and disappear after months of chat. We are going to Desire next month and we have a little experience under our belts..I feel like I can just ask and try to put something together for her..happens all the time, right? But what’s the deal and etiquette regarding men in a couple? Any thoughts? I’m certainly not against playing with wives but maybe they can come later in the night? Anyone with experience in this?

Hi Reddit,

I have another question, but this time I will write it out like a civilized member of the community. My wife and I are relatively new to the community, but have been around for about 6 months.

We met a couple a few weeks ago, we liked the couple but it was not a 4-way match. We think they are funny, she is really sexy and they have a super slutty vibe, which I love :).

We are now talking with another couple, they are cute, and have great personalities, that remind us of the other couple. They are also newer to the lifestyle. We haven't met them yet, but we think they'd be a good match for the couple we weren't into a few weeks ago. I want to introduce them but feel weird about doing that...

How should my wife and I approach this? Just stay out of it? I want to help people make connections if I can, but I don't know how us swingers do it. Guide me oh great ones of swinging past, present, and future!

Thanks!

For the dozenth time ever, today i had the beginnings of a good first time chat, got sidetracked by life (yuck), and stopped responding to messages. Was very interested, which happens with about 1 of 100 single male applicants, and then the dreaded message hit…

“no longer interested?”

Now that I’ve read those words, yes, I am no longer interested lol. It even says in my bio “busy working parent and sometimes can take awhile to respond to messages”.

If you or someone you know is friends with a single male that has reading comprehension issues 😂 please tell them to stop doing this

Hi everyone, a couple recently reached out to me and mentioned they are into the “Hotwife/cuckhold” (they have it in their bio but I don’t really understand what that is) scenario. They mentioned that I am attractive and tall and would love for me to play with them. However, I have an average sized penis and was wondering what to do? For reference, I am Indian American and they keep mentioning that they want to do race play(couple is white). I did provide an image of my penis and they loved it. Not sure what to expect so just asking for advice? I had some recent bad interactions online regarding threesomes and therefore I made sure to have a casual meet up next week but I’m slightly nervous. I have never met up with a married couple before. Any advice is appreciated!

We are looking for the best swinger clubs and parties to attend. Bonus for nudity, sex playrooms, glory holes, and looking for places we can video somewhere even if not public areas. Wife is bi as well so looking for everything.

Also any trans bars or places to pick one up as a couple?

Thanks for any information, we are looking to have a great time!

It's been a minute since we did any hardcore hunting on the apps, and its been more difficult this time. I think its because when we started we were coming in fresh and pretty naive with no expectations, but now we have high expectations and are noticing red flags sooner.

When I used to see things about discretion, I just thought "of course, no one wants to broadcast that we are swingers" but now after several dates and conversations with guys that had a profile requesting discretion I'm thinking we are supposed to understand this is code for cheating. So far everyone asking for discretion we have had an ongoing conversation with eventually made it clear they have a significant other at home they don't want to know.

Am i reading that correctly? Do swingers ever ask for "discrection" on their online profiles, or is that such a no brainer it would be like stating "breathing required?"

We just left Desire RM and it’s not what it used to be, so we are looking to explore more domestically. Looking for suggestions on LS friendly couples only resorts. We tried Rooftop, and it wasn’t our scene.

I have a fantasy of my wife having sex with another man, and she has a fantasy of me having sex with another woman. We dirty talk about this during sex all the time. But as soon as we cum, we’re immediately disturbed by the idea. All the emotions come at one time, jealousy, anger, etc. do people in the lifestyle feel this way? Do you guys think that this could be a sign that it’s just not for us and we should just stick to the fantasy?

What's the oldest and youngest couples you have been with? And does big age difference matter to you

He sends me workout pics, we’ve seen each other naked, and I really want to blow him. He says he wants to fuck my girlfriend and his girlfriend wants to fuck me. Everyone is down.

Seems like MA is a little tougher to find ppl in when just starting out

Mid to late 20’s, engaged, getting married and on the same page of wanting to just have fun and explore, pretty serious about trying new things and we’ve had many talks with great communication. We just wanna experience things we weren’t able to as singles, but now can with the added backbone of a great relationship.

Looking for advice on if we should just make an account on a site like SLS, try casual dating apps, post on here, etc.

Going to an actual club seems like a big jump for us just starting out with talking to others, not sure where to even begin with that either lol

Yeah basically looking for some guidance from any young couples in the New England area on starting this process to meet and get together w other people/couples

My wife and I are still in the curiosity phase but I’m further along than she is. We have very open conversations about what things might be like if were to actually get into the LS. We sometimes look at pictures of swinger couples and talk about whether or not we’d be into them. I say “yes” to a wide variety of women, because I’m a guy, I’m honest, and part of the entire reason to swing is to get with a variety of sexy people.

She’s much more into the idea of swinging for the group sex aspect, particularly MFM play, which simply needs another person involved. She keeps saying she only would want to get with a second guy who basically looks like me.

But I kinda call BS here. For context, I’m average height, short hair, no beard, kind of a dad bod. I know there are certain things about me where she genuinely would be turned off by the opposite – but I know the celebrities she fantasizes about. They often talk, have long hair, beards, and a muscular build.

I assume one or more of the following is going on:

1. She wants to avoid making me feeling jealous, although I’ve talked all about compersion, and how I WANT her to have the experience of a variety of men. For some reason, she’s uncomfortable with the idea of me NOT being jealous.

2. She is insecure about my finding other types of women attractive and is saying what she wants ME to say, but I refuse to be dishonest about what I’d like to get out of swinging, because I know complete honesty is the only way swinging works. I do emphasize that she’s the only one I love and how awesome it is that she’s the one I’d get to go home with every night.

3. She’s being dishonest with herself (not intentionally) and still not letting go of the whole “monogamy as repressive social construct” idea. She doesn’t mean to lie, but the social meme of nonmonogamy being wrong is still too entrenched. Deep down, she really does want to have sex with a variety of guys but sort of instinctively sticks to the “party line” that your husband should be the only person you’re sexually attracted to.

I’m really curious to hear from women who might have struggled a bit to get through this phase. I’m sure my wife is not the only one. Did you tell your husband something similar? What finally made you OK with acknowledging otherwise? Were you even conscious about possibly being dishonest about not wanting to be with other types of men, or did it truly feel at the time like it was true?

I'm not embarrassed or ashamed. I'm so blunt about it, but I'd like to know how to present the information without being crass. I do not care to play with those that aren't already carries themselves, but Positive Singles is a well that has run dry... Btw, I'm a solo 37/f, would love to date ENM men and have a real relationship. Not into poly. For now that isn't happening (fresh out of a break up) so I'm in research mode... and running on no sleep so please delete if I'm breaking rules...

We wanted to do something kinky for our anniversary in November. How are the pool temperatures and guest capacity at Sea Mountain Inn during November? Are there enough visitors to maintain the resort’s vibrant atmosphere, and are any special events scheduled to enhance the experience in cooler weather?

Hi,

We have a profile on SDC, we bought the lifetime membership 10 years ago or so.

But SDC has become more of a porn site than a swingers site. The site is crowded with single men thinking every couple is dying to have sex with them, and the site very smartly uses the photos and clips the paying members uploaded as content for their pornsite.

Does anyone have any experience with alternative sites? One that also has Central European (Austria, Czechia etc.) profiles on it?

My wife and I recently moved to Southern California (LA\OC) from Europe, where we were active in the swinger and sex-positive scene. We've found that the swinger clubs here seem more focused on socializing than the intense, kinky experiences we enjoyed overseas. We're looking for:

• Dark rooms (More of consensual non-consent (CNC) play, i.e. touches in the dark rooms without waiting for "hell yes" beforehand)
• Gloryholes
• Less emphasis on socializing, more on sexual exploration

Our experiences so far: We've visited a few local swinger clubs, but they feel tamer and more social than what we're used to. While pleasant, they lack the edgier atmosphere we're seeking.

What we're seeking: We're hoping to find venues or events in SoCal (LA\OC) that offer a more intense, European-style experience. Places that embrace:

• Dark rooms
• More anonymous encounters
• Specific kink-friendly spaces
• Less conversation, more action

Questions for the community:

1. Are there any clubs or events in SoCal that cater to this style of play?
2. How does the kink scene intersect with the swinger scene here?
3. Are there any underground or private events we should know about?

We'd appreciate any insights, recommendations, or advice from those familiar with the local scene. Thanks in advance for your help!

Besides Reddit, where else could my wife feel comfortable sharing her face photos? We’ve chatted with some couples here but she isn’t ok sharing her face just yet, understandable but also including the DM’s. Seeking some advice. TIA in DFW, TX area if that makes a difference.

I assume most of the men on here aren't turned off by the pussy pics, but maybe I'm wrong. I bet this works different for swingers than for singles, because a lot of the time the husbands are the ones that are doing the lions share of the online matching. Im wondering if the female part of the coupke is attracted to the faceless porn, or if its mostly husbands responding to those posts.

I get the guys with huge cocks wanting to brag, there are definitely size queens out there, but i just don't get the close up vag pics.

I recently realized there are some r4r local swingers subs and ive been perusing those. But it's almost all just sex pics, or close up graphic pussy pics with cum dripping out. Pics like that are totally not my match. All the apps we are on don't allow those for the profile stuff, so maybe thats why I'm not used to it.

How do the other couples on feel about trying to message peeps on the subs with just a bunch of porn photos? I think it's a bummer cause lots of them have rocking bods i would love to hop on, but the graphic sex so quick just doesn't do it for me.

Can you please mention if you are male or female in your response? I might be way off on if women like all the nudes straightaway.

Wife and I have been speaking about starting a podcast. Looking for names and also good topics to talk about.

I didn't even know a swinger's group existed on Reddit. I only became aware of it awhile ago after someone reommended it to me. So have many people on here actually met with other people? And how do you see pictures of them? Do you just private message them and politely request a selfie after talking to them for awhile?

We were considering attending Sea Mountain this week. We were just wondering if anyone knew what it would be like on weekdays. And is preregistration a requirement?

Let’s just say that you and your wife have a unique situation. She likes to fuck other guys you like to watch her but also you start to get a little curious about what it’s like to fuck other women. So you take to SDC you create an entire profile. Your profile is dedicated to the pursuit of mostly men to fuck your wife while you watch you then see a beautiful woman on another profile and you’re super interested in her. Then you reach out you send a message you say I find you very attractive. You’re a great looking couple. Would love to get to know you better. the couple reads through your profile and politely says y’all are pretty, but I don’t think that we’re a match because you’re mostly just looking for single dudes or soft swap. You then write a compelling message back saying I haven’t updated my profile but you’re actually looking for full swap. We’re a full swap couple that’s what we’re in for. That’s what we want, so the couple that you responded back to will give you a chance. You take to a messaging app your wife, barely messages back, but things are kind of good. The other couple is flirty. They are a full swap couple they are looking to go on a date. They are looking to full swap like they said in the messages that led you to telegram. Finally, you decide to go on a date, but what you don’t decide to do is to tell the other couple that your wife is possessive and jealous and doesn’t want you to have sex with other women but you’re desire to enter the swinging world has taken over your mind and you think that she’ll just go along with it once she sees how happy you are with this other couple. The issue is that’s not what happens you go on an awkward date where your wife is hanging onto you not really engaging and standoffish to the other couple. You are engaging the other wife, she’s a swinger, she’s putting out the vibe, but your too busy to notice your wife and the other guy are not clicking, mostly because she is trying to keep your attention and distract you from the other couple. You don’t notice or care, and you keep plowing ahead. The other dude is becoming more quiet but still polite…. The swingers suggest a dance club, hoping to loosen stuff up a little, but really the other dude just wants to dance with his own wife and enjoy the rest of the night since they spent $100 on a Lyft and your lack of communication with your wife is making a really uncomfortable situation for your wife and the other dude. Maybe you don’t notice but at this point, you don’t care, walking into the club you grab the swinger wife and kiss her, behind the swinger husbands back… fuck you don’t swing… talk to your wife before you pull two ppl into a situation, don’t try to change ppl minds with lies and misinformation, hoping in the moment your wife will change her mind. We are all actual people and lies, misinformation, deception, are messed up and unacceptable. We are open, if we are asked a question we are honest and open, especially when it has any effect on the other couple. Dude talk to your wife, but honestly, don’t put another couple in this dynamic again.

Edit: wrong flare, I’m not a single male, just the male in a couple. Written on a phone by a dyslexic sorry

Banks I dmkxjensb

Hello wonderful people:) We are visiting Malta next week anand will be staying for a full week. Any clubclubs, parties or swinging scenes? I tried to search the feed but got no information. We would appreciate any leads if possible.

Thank you

Anyone have experience meeting people in the subreddit r/swingersr4r?

Recently poked around on there and I’ll admit it looks too good to be true. Are the couples real in there? I know some are just content creators/onlyfans - but are the majority real?

Have any of you found play partners from here? Love to hear real experiences!

Mid 30 couple looking for best swinger club in Vegas and why?

We've heard that there was a swinger convention in Las Vegas but can't find info on it. Was it a one off, or a pre-covid thing? We'd love to go to one in Vegas or elsewhere. Can anyone point us in the right direction? Thanks!

My husband and I [31F] just attended a swinger club last weekend that had an early Halloween party. I went as Poison Ivy from the DC universe or Harley Quinn’s female lover! It was a hue outfit. Super classy yet distinguishably slutty. I received a ton of compliments on it all night long. I absolutely love Halloween and dressing up and being an adult swinger for Halloween is truly the greatest thing ever. Being able to dress provocatively and having a fun night out with other people dressed the same way makes me feel so open and free. My husband and I are planning on going to two other clubs for Halloween events. We need ideas!! Solo or group whatever you guys can think of would be appreciated!

We are going to the big bear one later this month. Ive never been to one hosted by them. They say they vet the couples and I'm hoping the attendees are more physically attractive than we have seen at the private events and at swinger clubs.

Does anyone have any feedback on if this group actaully gets hotter members?

...are decent single guys.

For all the crap that single guys get, it is worth mentioning that there are some who are genuinely nice people. But it is a search. My wife and I did have such a guy friend. He was a bi male like myself, very respectful, and always a pleasure to play with. Alas, he had to return to Europe to take care of his mother who was having health issues, so my wife and I were back to looking.

It's not easy to find a decent, polite bi guy. I'd say they're almost as rare as single women. But after nearly nine months of looking and many false starts, I think our search paid off. We met a guy we'd talked to online, and he was genuinely nice in person, exactly who he said he was. Once we'd had a little something to eat and drink, we went back to our place and had an awesome three-way. We plan on doing it again.

So for those single guys out there...there are couples looking. But you have to be genuine and not creepy. That will get you a long way.