My husband and I have been married for 2 years and were thinking about getting pregnant next year. The problem is my step son (5m). Anytime we’re intimate, showering, or even changing, he’s trying to watch. We’ve kept the bedroom door locked recently and caught him looking under the door. Even sitting on the couch after work he stands in the corner watching for at least 30 minutes. When we ask him why he shuts down and stops talking or says “I don’t know”. He gets everything he needs and most of what he wants. It’s to the point I’m uncomfortable with him here. I’m also reconsidering having a baby with him around. I’m worried he will hurt him/her or worse. Friends that come over are also uncomfortable with him. I’ve tried talking to my husband about it and he just says “he’s just a kid” or “he’s just curious” but I feel like there’s something more. Am I just anxious or is it a valid concern?

I’ve found myself leaning into the “nacho parenting” approach lately, and I’m curious about others’ experiences. For context, I used to put a lot of effort into supporting my partner by helping enforce structure and rules. But over time, I felt like I was always the bad cop because there wasn’t consistent follow-through from my partner.

Now, I’m tired of being in that role. I’ve stopped reminding my stepson to do things, cleaning up after him, guiding him towards being a functional human, or getting him going with his responsibilities. The most I’ll do now is make him a plate if we’re all eating together.

Has anyone else made a similar shift? If so, did your stepkids notice, and how did it impact them—or your dynamic with them and your partner?

I get so annoyed at how wasteful my husband’s children are. They are both teenagers. He takes them grocery shopping to pick out what they would like. They usually pick out pricey things like ready made salads, Panera ready made soups, various frozen dinners, cooked deli food… then not eat it. My SS heated up the soup, ate a couple of bites and put it in the fridge where it sat until being trashed. Salads go bad because they don’t eat them although they picked it out. My husband told him to eat the salads all weekend last week. SS did not and made something else. Of course DH doesn’t push the issue whereas I would if it were me. This happens often. Every week they are here (50/50). I guess it’s not my problem but seeing how expensive food is now, it kind of irks me. Especially since we struggled growing up and didn’t have the luxury of a variety of ready made food at our fingertips.

I guess this is normal and on occasion, who doesn’t waste food every now and again. But with them it’s excessive.

My SO and i purchased a home together in 2021. We both have daughters in college. They visit occasionally. His youngest lives with us. Shes now 19 and legally blind. Over the past 3 years, I’ve observed and tried to help with her care and developed. I noticed that family members do a lot of things for her and asked my SO why can’t she do them herself. For example cutting her food, preparing her own cereal for breakfast, packing her bag when she was in school, cleaning up behind herself, cleaning her bathroom, laundry, etc. She has no mental disabilities and easily picked up on these chores without needed much assistance. I dedicated time to show her how to do a lot of tasks on her own. SO tended to hover or chime in whenever he was present. I also encourage him to allow her to speak for herself when we are in public settings. For instance, we eat out. We usually talk her through the menu but i felt allowing her to order and engage with the waitress would help her build some confidence. Shes very withdrawn and timid. I also had conversations with her about her future. Her aspirations. I researched potential jobs she could do with her disability and offered encouragement. To be clear. This is not all of my interactions with her. I spent a lot of time and money trying to build a bond with her and her sister outside of my SO. Recently, my SO told me that they told him that I made them feel uncomfortable. The oldest stated she hides in her room because she didn’t know what mood I’d be in. Other than asking her to extend a simple greeting when she comes in the house, i really never had any “issues” to address with her than could possibly make her feel that way. The other one stated that i put restrictions on her. Examples, I asked her to turn the tv and lights off when she leaves her room, asked her not to take long showers (the other two complained about taking cold showers).. shes taken a shower for an hr and claimed its because she was shaving, make an attempt to clean up behind herself when she eats. Her dad allow her to make a mess and he would just clean it up. Also, she mentioned to him one day that I told her to prepare her breakfast in another location in the kitchen. I was in the kitchen cleaning chicken and didn’t want her to sit her food in it. We have a huge kitchen by the way but that made her uncomfortable. It really hurt for them to say this because I went out of my way to be accommodating and supporting and loving to them. When i express how i feel to my SO, he seems to be very dismissive. There have been other incidents that make me want to pack up and go. I feel my contributions to this household are not appreciated. I cook and clean, take care of everyone and this is the thanks i get. I have no ring on my finger. My child is on her own. Like, what am I doing? Oh, forgot to add. His mom called me as well to “address” the concerns of the youngest. She basically chastised me for asking a blind kid to attempt to do anything for herself. Smh.

I might need to see a therapist, but maybe other step parents can relate. I get anxious EVERY Friday knowing SS is coming over. It’s like I’ve worked all week, I’m exhausted…finally made it to the weekend…but then here’s some extra responsibility until Sunday night.

We used to have one weekend off where he’d stay home with mom, but now it’s every single weekend…so it’s not like I have a weekend off to look forward to. He’s not a bad kid at all…but the extra responsibility after a long week of work really brings me down. Especially because he doesn’t go home til like 10/11pm on Sunday. His dad works on Saturdays so he’s home with me the entire day. I have no clue how to get over this

Just curious. Resentment is a strong and maybe not the best word, but sums up the general sense.

I have been with my partner for just over 18 months. I'm in my late twenties, he's in his mid-late thirties.

He has an almost 4 year old most weekends.

I've struggled with jealousy really badly all the way through - towards various exes for various reasons. I've owned this and have been working on it.

I'm struggling with thinking about the future though. I'm at the point where my friends are getting married and settling down, having children etc, and making their own families. And I feel this kind of resentment almost at my partner for having 'done this' before me. He split with BM before the child was born, so it could be much, much worse (it wasn't a happy family situation - far from it) but I'm still carrying this feeling around with me of trying to fit into someone else's 'family' while wanting my own and watching everyone else around me getting theirs.

I'd like my own child, but I'm so scared with how my partner will be. He's a great dad in many ways, and a 'bad' one in others. He does his fair share of guilty parenting (BM is neglectful and he tries to compensate for this but over does it), but this has improved since I've been in the picture a bit more and we've spoken about the impacts of this on both the child and me.

I'm worried an ours baby, rather than connecting us all together, would potentially push me to feel like even more of an outsider - I'm worried about favouritism, bad habits being passed over from their half-sibling, the list goes on.

I'm worried that my partner will just be wracked with guilt the whole time. He has one child growing up in poverty in a neglectful situation (BM was arrested several years ago) that he's not yet been able to win primary custody of (very complicated) despite momentous efforts and money spent, and would then be having a second growing up in an extremely affluent area, given every chance in life.

I just really dread everything, but I'm known for catastrophising and expecting the worst. It's just been really hard.

I have been with DH for 10 years, we have SD16 and SS15 full-time.

I have never had a motherly relationship with SKs, but I have always helped DH with the them as far as school, responsibilities, and behavioral issues.

I did start NACHOing recently because I got tired of being the enforcer. First, I stopped enforcing and simply informed DH when I noticed something. This lead to a lot of arguments (they’re just kids, so they shouldn’t be held responsible for basic hygiene, keeping bedrooms clean, getting to school on time and doing school work, etc.) so I just stopped saying anything to him about SKs.

Every couple weeks, DH will finally notice that the SKs rooms are basically garbage dumps filled with trash and smelling up the house. Last night, I heard him tell SD that I’m right about 90% of the things I get on them about. He said that he always defends them to me, but that I’m right most of the time 😂 I wasn’t in the room with them during this conversation, but I overheard some of it from upstairs.

Honestly, I haven’t been more attracted to DH in the past few years than I was last night 🤣

I’ve officially decided to move out of my spouses home. I’m closing this chapter for good. Once all of my items are out of his place I don’t want to keep in contact, mainly because he’s abusive and abusers have a way of trying to either trap their victims or pulled them back into dysfunction. We brought a dog together and I put majority of the money towards it, I have taken him to the groom and vet multiple times, I’ve trained him as well. I’m conflicted on whether to take the dog or leave him. My spouse’s daughter was excited to have the dog (she’s 11yrs old) but she barely plays with him, feed him or engage with him. She’s stated multiple times “He’s annoying” (talking about the dog, when he barks). She has experienced lots of trauma and I don’t want to add to her trauma by taking the dog with me, even though she has always wanted a dog but now that she has one doesn’t care for him. I am looking for advice on what to do.

Edit: My ex wants to keep the dog but his work schedule doesn’t fit caring for the dog, he leaves the house at 7a.m. & most times doesn’t come home until 7pm or 8pm (6 days a week). I will be working 2-9pm therefore I can spend mornings with him and weekends. (not sure if this info is useful)

I guess this is just a rant but I’d also love some advice because the guilt is killing me. (I say “step” child because her dad and I are not married)

I have a toddler and my significant other has a 6 year old daughter. I knew this going into things and it’s one of the things that attracted me to him. I liked the idea of being with someone that understood what it’s like to be a parent and the first few times I met his daughter she seemed really sweet.

We now live together and things have changed. We get her every other weekend. I feel absolutely horrible, but I don’t like her. She’s very rude, especially to my little one. She will take his toys away and then throw a tantrum if she’s asked to give them back and play with something else (great example is his bike. A tiny push bike meant for small toddlers. She insists on riding it through the house even though she’s 3x too big for it and seems to do it just to torture him). I go out of my way to make her feel included but she doesn’t want to do anything if it involves my son. If we go to a store or an activity we have to separate (her and my s/o and me and my son) because she gets so worked up over him. She’ll tell me often how he’s a brat, how annoying he is, etc. he’s just excited to play with her.

On top of the issues with my son, she just acts out in general at our house. She refuses to eat anything I make, even if it’s something I did especially for her because she’s picky. She refuses to bathe or even change her clothes. Then when she goes back to her mother she tells her we didn’t feed her, didn’t bathe her, had no clothes for her, etc. none of it’s true, she just refuses all of those things. She also uses this insanely annoying baby voice and talks over me any time I try talking to her dad or if I’m talking to my son.

If we’re not out spending insane amounts of money on her she’s not happy. Her dad has to take her to the park 3 or 4 times a day just to get some separation because her tantrums get too intense in the house. She’ll scream and run upstairs and slam her door, tell us she hates us, tell my s/o he’s an awful dad (he’s not, he’s an amazing dad). I dread the weekends we have her because I know what it’s going to be. It also takes a lot out of me because I’m her transportation. Her and her mother live two hours away from us and the court decided mom didn’t have to help with transportation. My s/o doesn’t drive so every other Friday I have to leave work and drive two hours there and two hours home to get her. Sunday I have to do it again.

This causes a lot of tension between me and my s/o because he’s taken my son on as his own (my son doesn’t have an involved bio dad) and feels I should be doing the same for his daughter. I get his point, but I just cannot get past this feeling. I understand it’s probably hard for her to share the attention with my son, but her mother has three other children so it’s not like she’s ever been an only child.

Editing to add this: Part of why I haven’t said no to getting her is it’s not gone well when I’ve tried this before. He has his permit so when I say I don’t want to get her he’ll threaten to take the car himself. The problem here is I’m co owner of his car and it’s on my insurance. If something happened I’d be screwed because insurance isn’t going to cover him since he’s not even a licensed driver. I know I should get out of the relationship, but I can’t afford our rent on my own and don’t have anywhere else to go. Our lease ends in June, I really just have to make it work for now, somehow.

What's the hardest part of nachoing when u have a SK whose 10yrs older than an ours baby. Does this not create confusion with the younger child if there are boundaries set for one and not the other? How do u deal with the frustration when it comes to teaching and correcting behaviors that you don't want the younger to pick up(yes there's day care, and other influences but in the home u try to set the best path)

No I don’t want to spend my whole Saturday at a kids baseball team pizza party that we were told about last minute when it’s not even our weekend. But of course, SO says it’s SS(12)’s dream to be a baseball player so we have to go. It’s not his dream. He doesn’t put in effort, complains about practice, and is an average player playing in a park rec team. He’s not going pro.

This is the same excuse he gave me last weekend. My parents were visiting from out of state and he literally took SS and left my family’s Christmas celebration to go see a team he might play for, while the only reason we were doing Christmas with my family is because SO refuses to do on and off years of Christmas for SS. BM gets Christmas Day and SO gets Christmas Eve. Which means if I want to be with my family on Christmas I have to go alone.

Fuck baseball. It shouldn’t be more important than Christmas with my family or the tiny amount of kid free time I have with my partner.

Hey! Step mom of 11 year old girl she lives fully with us ! Her dad is so emotionally attached to her to where he doesn’t care to discipline her just so she doesn’t be sad ! And she feels it and knows it and manipulates him accordingly. Iv had a lot of hardship know im not a priority in my husband life its always stepdaughter is a red line and a lot of things happened lately where it made me feel that there is no happy future not for me not for any kids i bring . Its hard to feel that way while i love him so much i just feel i need to love myself enough to let go. I know he loves me just his love towards his daughter is much important for him . And i can’t blame him . What should i do ?

I’ve had a tough time transitioning to being a FT stepmom. It’s all over my post history, but the main factors are: 1. SD11 came to live with us suddenly, BM is HC, alienating and an addict; 2. We live in a remote area so it can be difficult for SO&I to have alone time; 3. SD was kept from her dad for a long time and is very clingy with him in a way that starts to feel like she’s being territorial with me over him; 4. I have been the sole bread winner for months, and I expect to be through the winter months. 4. I have a chronic health condition and work from home, full-time — meaning one or both of them are under my feet daily now, whereas before I had the house to myself during the week.

Since my last meltdown post a couple weeks ago, I’ve been spending weekdays with my parents — I have a second home office at their place. And this week I got the place to myself while they were out of town.

I feel like a new woman. Well-rested, somewhat caught up on work, being able to have a kitchen and bathroom and television to myself has been bliss. I actually don’t dread going home for the holidays now to be with them. Which has got me thinking…

Two years ago SO and I purchased a small fixer-upper (I’m being generous) nextdoor to where we live. It was VERY cheap on a tax auction and we were worried about a new owner decreasing our property values since the two homes are so close together. Our plan was to fix it up as a seasonal rental and space for friends and family to stay when they visit. We’ve made some progress in the major updates it needed, but it also hasn’t been a top priority .

Is it crazy that I want to finish fixing it up and basically move in there asap?It’s honestly the only solution I’ve thought of that actually feels it might work for me, even tho I know SO will hate it. I know many commentators have told me to leave my SO, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable, I get where you guys are coming from. But I am just not ready for something like that. Perhaps it’s stubborn foolishness, I don’t know.

I feel like if I could have the house next door as my space, I would be better able to offer SO and SD the patience they need to make progress with their therapists, I could still be available and an active member of the family (better than running off to my parents or the middle of the woods every time I need a break?) while not being stuck in what at times feels like an unhealthy environment for me mentally. I would have space to manage my physical health in a way I feel I’ve lost since SD moved in. I mean it’s not like I’d be sleeping there at night even. It would just be a space to have my office and things, my own bathroom and refrigerator…like a she-shed, only it’s a full blown house.

Am I insane? The two houses basically share a yard, it’s no further removed from our main property than a granny flat might be. I am scared to bring this up to my SO bc I know he will see it as me removing myself from the family, rather than trying to find a way for us to function more cohesively while preserving my mental/physical/professional health. I’m at a loss for how to broach the subject. Let me know if you think I’m nuts or, if not, any advice for how to frame this to my partner (and potentially SD).

And thanks to anyone and everyone who reads my long-ass posts. This forum is the only place I really feel I have to turn sometimes and I’m grateful for everyone — even the folks I don’t always disagree with. Ya’ll have saved me time and again.

I'm 37F currently living apart from my partner 35M and his son 9M with Down Syndrome. His son's mother has been in prison his entire life - so he's never met her that he can remember. They had no contact until the last 6 months when she's made contact and been calling and talking to him on the phone. I've had no contact with her (which is fine by me) but she has been making more direct contact with my SO, discussing custody when she's released next April. They plan to go to 50/50, 3 days on, 4 days off, 4 days on, 3 days off. I'm not thrilled about this arrangement, because it's ... well, stupid. It's a lot of exchanging for what? Wouldn't 1 week on/1 week off be EASIER on your disabled child who struggles with big changes, etc? That's not the point of my post, but all to say, there is custody being discussed, which would be so helpful. Having a disabled child as a single parent full time is a nightmare. Full stop. And he's not even my kid.

My biggest concern here is the relationships themselves. She hasn't had any chance to be HC because she's been in prison. So far, she's being really sweet, saying she just wants a relationship with her son, doesn't want to mess things up for he and I (she is aware of me), etc.

As it is, I moved out of my SO's house because I couldn't STAND living with his child. His child is developmentally delayed and after 2 years of living with a toddler in a much larger body, I couldn't do it. I don't enjoy children to begin with, and I've really REALLY struggled with staying in this situation at all, because this child will never grow up and isn't being taught any boundaries or life skills to take care of himself.

Up until just a couple months ago, the decision was staunchly that he would never let his kid go with his mom because she was in prison for drinking/manslaughter, etc, she did drugs, etc. She's obviously been clean for years now since she's been in prison. She says she wants to stay clean and have all 3 of her kids back together with her (the other two are with two other men). I DESPERATELY need her to keep her shit together and take her kid. If there isn't some change in the full time custody for my SO, I can't stay. He knows this. I've made it clear I won't sacrifice the rest of my life to be a caretaker to his disabled child. As it is, I've known him for 3 years and we've barely hung on at all, because I can't take the whole never having any free time, or even a date night, let alone a vacation. I'd rather be alone than give those things up for the rest of my life to care for someone else's kid.

The fights we've had over his child's lack of boundaries, and his refusal to spend any time teaching him anything have been intense. I hate having someone standing outside my bedroom door, heaving breathing, especially while SO is trying to have sex with me or I'm changing my clothes. I hate having the living room 100% dedicated to the TV for kiddo all day long.... until bed time. I want to use the living room in the house I pay for, too! And not just listen to loud, obnoxious, gross noises the entire time! I hate being second best to a kid who isn't even aware of the sacrifices everyone is making for them. I hate it. I hate being the LAST IN LINE, every time. And I'm allowed to hate that! No one else likes being the last to be thought of, why should I be okay with it just because my SO has a kid??

Anyway, all this to say, I'm not only concerned about the future of Kiddo's custody, but the HC that COULD come with that. They dont want to involve the courts, etc, but I fear she's going to go after him for child support, even though she's paid him none for the last 9 years. He also prefers to talk to her on the phone when I'm not around - red flag to me. He WAS talking to her on the phone the other day in front of me briefly and she asked him to send some photos of the kiddo, and maybe a letter. He said, "my handwriting is really bad, so maybe just the pictures." and she laughed and said, "Yeah, I remember!" and I just.... didn't like that. Since this is the first time there's been any obvious contact between them since I've been around, I'm taken aback by how much that little comment bothered me.

Part of me wonders if they'd ever get back together when she's out of prison, to make both of their lives easier, but he says he hates her for what she's done to both of their lives, and just wants her to help take care of her kid so he can get a break. I believe that, but I am DREADING what I believe will end up being HC in some way. I can't stand going to court or being dragged into any of this shit - I don't want to be kiddo's stepmom, I've been clear about that, too. If the circumstances were different, maybe, but for a child that struggles to understand social situations and relationships, I'd rather not add in anything confusing. Due to my hesitation to be close with him up to this point, it's allowed him to be eager and excited to meet his real mom, vs. confusing him with him thinking I'm his mom.

I also know this means I'll probably have to meet her. SO wanted me to go down to the prison with them to see her for the first time for christmas before she gets out, but I feel their first meeting should probably be without me. I appreciate him inviting me, so that I'm not suspicious of anything else, but I don't think it's my place. I don't know. This is one big jumbled mess, and I just would like any outside perspectives, please.

tldr; So's ex-wife and BM has been in prison basically since their kid was born. Kid has down syndrome. She's getting out of prison in April and starting to be integrated back into our lives and conversations. I'm not sure where that leaves me, or what I should be expecting in this situation.

I'm curious to who became a SP when they didn't have kids yet. They thought they would be on the same page as their SO for parenting. But realized after when you and SO had the baby you had some difference on parenting.

But also when it comes to discipline. DH doesn't really give corresponding punishments with the "crime". So that is something to talk about with DH. I realize idk how he would punish SK when they were younger.

We read stories every night to the littles. Last night my SO said 5yr old doesn't get a story for hiding plastic knifes. (The kind you use for cook outs.) In his bedroom. He was told he couldn't have them and his alot and got caught. Idk if I agree with that specific "punishment" for said "crime"

When DH and I met we were more experimental with substances. That stopped when I became a mother for both of us. So now I feel like I'm noticing more than when I was more into partying. We've been sober 6 years now.

Did you guys feel like you noticed different in parenting after having ours babies? Or maybe you got guys also got clean maybe started noticing you have a bit of differences in parenting?

Some times I get on here to validate my own feelings which I'm usually always successful in doing. Other times I'm searching for hope that this. ould work....THAT I can't find lol.

I tend to be the more routine based, neater, parent who gets the kids (mine, ours and husbands) to shower, sit down to eat, not eat junk all day, tidy up, get laundry done, get them dressed and ready in the morning etc etc. The problem is, when I'm picking clothes and dirty dishes off the stepkids' unmade beds for the fourth time in a day, I get irritated and frustrated as all hell. How do I take a step back?

Having an issue that you just want a quick vent about and not an entire post? This is the place! This daily post is not very active, but it's a great place for a quick vent .

Last night my partner said, "Wow, you really don't like the way I parent [KID NAME] at all, do you?" He didn't say it in an accusing way, just kinda sad. And I felt terrible. The truth is, he's a good dad in a tough situation. And yes, he contributed to that situation, but his kid is in middle school, and many of those choices were a long time ago. I realized I have been passing a lot of judgment, and that's honestly not how I want to live my life.

I came into the picture two years ago and helped his kid get on a schedule and have more of a routine (he used to struggle with that). I grew into being the strict one, paying attention to bedtime, getting him to go shower, etc. I think objectively it's best for him, but it's not best for me. I'm going to prioritize myself and my partnership and stop.

I don't want to be biting my tongue all the time, I think I have to genuinely take a step back/Nacho. Get busy with my own stuff when SK is around. Celebrate the things I do think my partner is doing right.

I also think I have to stop venting about stuff and reading other vents because it gets me all stirred up.

I chose to be with someone with a kid and it was a naive choice at the time, but I'm here now, and I love my partner. So I'm going to shift my mindset here.

Posting for accountability and support. <3

Not sure if this is the right place to get advice, but here it goes. My boyfriend has a 10 year old son. He is emotionally immature for his age. He has also been bathing with his younger sisters at his mother's house. When we found out last year about this we freaked out. I felt majorly uncomfortable around him knowing this information. Even to the point of feeling sick. We fought with his mom and got this to stop. Last weekend, not even a year later from the bathing issue ending, he got the sex talk. He is supose to visit this weekend and I don't want to be anywhere around him. He knows what a girls parts look like intimately because of the bathing. Now he knows what sex is. My mind is going to some really dark places with what could be going through his mind, or happening at his mom's. I really don't want him in my home. What do I do? Please offer advice. Am I being crazy? Side note: I was sexualy abused when I was young. I think this could be causing some of my feelings if this is not a normal reaction or feeling. There is a reason I never wanted kids. Why did I get with someone who has a kid? Help?

How many of you have 50/50 custody while your SO is paying a big chunk in CS and the ex is living off the CS? And how are you going?

My partner was in abusive relationship with a woman for 6 years. She was a lying drug addict who stole everything from him. They had a daughter together after lying going off the pill. She abandoned them after two years. He ended up homeless trying to bail her out of jail. That woman's mother is as equally awful.

She's suing my partner who's been an amazing single father for custody. While her daughter is jailed for drug trafficking.

Her demands are ridiculous. She wants to make all medical decisions. Control how and where he takes his daughter on vacation. Visitation time. She's also asking for child support.

Right now, he has his daughter every weekend and often whole weeks if she wants to see her dad. As grandma is also keeping the drug addict other daughter and half sister of my partner's daughter. And his daughter likes to spend time with her half sister.

My partner has court today and he's very stressed out.

I actively listen. I tell him I'm here for him no matter what. Money is tight for him at the moment due to his work. I took him out on a date yesterday and I paid for him. I hug him tighter than usual.

I don't know how else to support him. I feel so useless sometimes.

I (40) has been with my fiance (38) for over 7 years. She has three daughters. Only one of her kids lives with us. I can't stand two of her three kids. When her youngest daughter comes to town to visit, I dread it. Her 10 year old is the definition of an entitled brat. She whines and cries when she doesn't get her way. When I do get on her for being an asshat, she calls her dad to "tell" on me. I get excited when she goes back home.

Her middle child that lives with us her dad has never been around. I've stepped in and become her dad and she disrespectful to me on a daily basis.

I've talked to about my concerns and she justifies their behavior. I tried to get to know them at the beginning of our relationship but they have been nothing but disrespectful. I've reached apathy with them. I love my fiance. It's like society makes you feel bad for not liking your SO kids. I don't know how long I can take this. Is there a way I can talk to my fiance about my feelings without her getting so angry and defensive?

I feel as though I should've read this subreddit before I popped the question to my wife. I got caught up in emotion and well...

I've always been a free spirit, loner type. I dig a wide range of things from art, to sports, to music. Never saw myself wanting to get married after a bad relationship in my 20s with an ex who I thought we would be together for life, but she turned to drugs.

I've always did enough to take care of myself and my pets. The idea of being domesticated gave me anxiety. Some called me being a commitmentphobe, I felt there wasn't anyone I wanted to attach myself to.

Then in 2012 my dad passed away. He was a ladies man, handsome, always dressed nice, had fly cars, did his thing. My mom could never tie him down. By the end of his life his partying and his ways caught up with him. He was alone in a low income nursing home, none of the pretty ladies in his life were by his side. It resonated with me, I didn't want to end up like him. I started to take who I dated serious, and I upped my game to being a more stable partner. I was looking for someone who could ground me.

About 8 years later I met my now wife. I didn't want kids and if my partner had kids, they had to be adult, and on their own. She had the same requirements, I am childless.

I put in a lot of work for a substantial relationship. I got rid of my black book, deleted anyone I had relations with off of social media.

My SO has 2 kids, the eldest (30) lives out of state, currently in post graduate school. The younger (28) still lives at home. When I met my wife, she said when he's done with school he's out. It took him 4 years to get an AA, he basically was too busy playing videogames to do his coursework. He decided after receiving his AA he didn't want to do anymore schooling. Time to pack up right?

Wrong.

The pandemic happened, and went away.

Move out?

No, the rental market is too high.

Then it's inflation.

All the while he wasn't doing anything with himself. It took him 18 months to look for, not find, look for a FT job. Nothing he went to school for. He had family try to put him on with people in the industry he went to school for, and he makes excuses that he couldn't get the day off from his PT fast food job.

He keeps me up at all hours of the night playing video games and being loud. I've complained to my wife and to him numerous times that he's waking me up, when I have a physically demanding job.

He's been working as a security guard. My wife has told him to join the police force or become a fire fighter. He comes out with excuses. We've told him that he needs to seriously consider joining law enforcement, the service, or something that will be a career. We get the eye roll and that he wants to make being a security guard work.

It's been 2 years since we gave him a toothless ultimatum. I try to discuss this with my wife and I just get a blank look back. All I want to know is what is the plan? What goals are you helping your son make and holding him too? Blank stare. She tells me it's real difficult in the world now.

No joke! I'm not working in the industry I was in when we met. I was an office jockey, now I work manual labor, 10 to 12 hours a day, 6 days a week to make ends meet. Meanwhile this kid hasn't worked a minute of OT in his life, stays in his room when he comes home from work and plays video games.

He supposed to be saving up. How much does he have? Nobody knows.

We've sent him job links. He's said he couldn't figure out how to apply...but he can beat Zelda in a week.

He orders Uber Eats almost everyday, for the most asinine orders like a $5 shake from McDonald's. He barely pays rent. He has a meltdown if you ask him to do something. He's hung up on me twice, when he didn't like the answer I gave him, and lied by saying he couldn't hear me on the line. Most people say I can't hear you you're breaking up. Not him.

My wife and I are barely intimate. We always have to be quiet because he's in his room. The sex is just functional.

On top of this, my wife let it slip out that her other child wants to move back to the city we live in after they are done with their PhD!!!

I am going to lose it!

I have no personal space for any of the creative hobbies I have, It would be nice to have a room to set up a studio for myself and working my art. I could make money doing so. She's even asked why I don't create anymore? I'm likewith what space?

I'm not happy anymore. I feel like an accessory more than I feel like a husband who has needs. I am really having trouble dealing with someone that can't set boundaries it only with their kids, but their family.

I don't feel .marriage counseling will change anything, she doesn't believe she enabling her son. I moved into her house, so despite things being "ours" through marriage I feel like a guest and have so going on 5 years.

I should've waited to see her son move out before I proposed.

Hi, please delete if this is not the appropriate forum.

I am a mom of 5 kids, no multiples ranging in age from 20-12. Five years ago, my husband married me. He is the best person, stepdad, husband, friend, and partner I can imagine.

There are a few other things that made him stepping in for these guys so amazing- I am seriously and permanently chronically ill; and I was coming off of a horrible divorce. (Seriously, the man is a saint, I do not deserve how wonderful he is.)

Saying the words, thank you and I appreciate you are nice, but they don’t seem to go far enough to express how much I see every thing he does and appreciate it (even if he is making me nutty at the time).

What could your partner do for you that would express their love and appreciation?

Thanks!!!

So my SO (41M) and I (34F) are expecting. This is my first. His second. SS(M15) still doesn’t know and I’m 15 weeks along. My SO talked with BM about her new bf and I guess she’s so in love with this guy that he now feels comfortable enough for SS to know. This is just one thing that bugs me. Everyone else knows. Anyway, my main question and need advice on is we talked where he will be a SAHD since daycare is pretty much almost equal to his salary and his job sucks where one day he could be on nights and the next on days and it changes on the drop of the hat. If he stayed with that job, I will basically be the main caregiver but my job is super demanding. I have days I work 12+ hours, but I get paid very well. I will be taking 8 weeks maternity leave and my job will be paying me for it.

He mentioned since he now will have more time, he is hoping we could get 50-50 custody instead of every other weekend with SS. My issue is that I would be financially responsible for SS and this worries me because my SO tries to do a lot on weekends his son is here and things that cost money that I usually pay for. SO said that he wouldn’t do that anymore and the baby and our finances will come first. But on the other hand, I grew up with 3 younger brothers. Boys as teenagers eat so much. And I would be paying more on groceries and then of course the baby things and stuff. I’m just stressed out about this and maybe overthinking. I don’t know. I’m still trying to do a pros and cons list on this but I can’t see any pros besides my SO getting to see his son more.

Edit: Just to mention, the every other weekend has been the arrangement since SS was 6.

Second edit: he doesn’t have to pay child support.

I am absolutely exhausted by this child.

Love my SS. Sick of dealing with the drama.

I am ready to take every electronic in my home and throw it away. My SS is 5. Absolutely addicted to screens. Yes. I am raising an IPad kid.

Ashamed to say it, but I can tell you right now… My Husband? Me? We did not do this lol.

He has had a TV in his room since he literally came out of the womb. When we bought our house? We didn’t buy the TV for his room. His Grandma did. Her excuse? “He’s gotta have a TV!”

I cringe just thinking about it. My husband pretty much did not limit screens when I came into his life, and of course BM does not care. She has unlimited screens at her house 24/7. They can get taken away, but I feel like this kid just melts his brain daily.

When I came around, we got a schedule! Kids thrive on schedules right? No screens after 7pm and he allowed unlimited TV. Unless he acts up of course. You should see the break down when the remote gets put up..

Husband and I have really got a good schedule for the screens. When he arrives, he can watch TV. You follow the rules and you get to keep it. Simple enough. No tablet for longer than 1-2 hours during the day. He also gets to play a computer game for a couple hours before he goes to moms.

I think it’s all fair, but I see how much he hates being here because I force him to be a 5 year old and actually play with trucks or legos. And then we all sit here and go “damn why does he keep acting up? why are we always fighting and arguing?”.

Anyways y’all. Anybody else got a screen kid?🙃

Last summer my step kid (7) wanted to do a summer activity. He had done it the summer prior and he was so psyched to do it again. He asked over and over when it started and who was in the class and what days it was... Then he went to his mom's for her week, and DH let her know when the class was we wanted to sign him up for and she came back saying "he won't like it." So when SS finally came back for our week right off the bat he said it was stupid and he didn't want to go, a waste of money. We spent the whole week encouraging him that what he wants is important too, and it doesn't matter what mom or dad think. Of course he got signed up, did 2 classes over the summer, and had an absolute blast... This winter I want to sign him up for another sport he wanted. He's asked over and over to play and I missed the summer league but I'm ready to sign him up for a winter one... And what do you know? DH texts BM about signing him up, and she says "you're gonna force him to do that too? He hates the sport." Like wtf... Do you even know your child? He always wants to play... And I just know when SS comes back next week it's gonna be the same thing all over again. I really don't understand why this woman wants to keep her child from learning and doing things he loves...

Hi, new on here so forgive errors in abbreviations. Been in relationship with BF for 5 years. He has 12F daughter - 50/50 split over 2 weeks between us and BM (that constant movement is bad enough!)

SD is always on her tech - ipads at both houses, mobile and a TV at BM's. BM has no rules with regards to tech and she's always on it. At ours, it's always a snack and then she is on it pretty much until bed.

In August I saved and spent a LOT of money to take SD and BF to a destination wedding. I didn't even get a thank you out of her until her dad mentioned it. She was a nightmare out there and barely got involved with anyone. I get it, new environment but she didn't even try the food. Just on her phone!! But since we've come back, I've really been questioning my relationship.

I've spoken to BF about this and he agrees but also avoids conflict. At BM's she does what she wants. Him and I both have stressful jobs but I am also studying, have an energetic dog that needs walking and right now, am typing this at midnight because I can't sleep, am worrying about work and worrying about whether this relationship is the right thing.

I'm sorry to moan on here but I don't know anyone else in my situation. Should mention I love kids but never saw them in my own future but then fell in love with a man who has one. Also she's not a bad kid but she doesn't exercise, move, contribute and I know that's down to mixed parenting. I don't tell her to do stuff because that's not my place but should I? Basic household tasks and stuff? Is that reasonable?

I have two step children who are 16 and 18. When I first moved in 8 years ago, it was wonderful. We had such fun together. But over the years, their Mom has interceded and spread negativity towards their Dad and I. It has been four years of me feeling like I am an outsider, I am not considered or acknowledged, and I want to leave. I have two grown children of my own. I miss being around my own children who love me. My youngest is in the military and the oldest lives an hour away. I am so very depressed. I get angry and spiteful. It's not good and I need to be strong and leave for my sanity. I feel selfish feeling this way and I don't want to go thru another divorce, but I don't see anything changing.