This is related to my 14-year-old stepson, J. Long story short, my husband has sole custody due to emotional abuse, educational neglect, and some other things. We were later granted a relocation from the Midwest to PA earlier this year. We have not filed to move the case to our new state yet, so I know that would be part of the process.

Anyway, since we moved, J has stayed in pretty regular contact with his mom. Things went well for about a month until she started her new favorite hobby: making promises to string him along and then not coming through. First it was little things like promising him she was going to send him certain gifts, telling him to "keep checking" when he'd ask for updates only for each and every one to get "lost in the mail." But as the promises get grander and more ridiculous, J is getting more upset each time she doesn't come through.

The most recent incident and the reason I'm asking about this now is that she recently offered to give J a chunk of money to buy a car (he is OBSESSED with cars). She was sending him specific cars on marketplace, talking about setting up an account with the money in it for him, etc. and he was sooo excited. But, of course, she started coming up with reasons not to send it ("I don't trust your dad to have access to the money" being the most consistent excuse, which is real rich coming from someone who doesn't pay for ANYTHING for their child). It has gotten so upsetting for J that he hasn't been sleeping well; we even got an email from the school to let us know that he's really stressed/anxious about "the money he's supposed to be getting for a car."

Is there anything legally that we can do to get this behavior to stop or to somehow limit her contact with him to therapeutic or supervised contact? Or should we just let it play out and leave it up to J to decide if/when he has contact with her, even though he doesn't seem to be learning or realizing that her behavior isn't changing?

Located in Tennessee!

Bare with me as this will be very long and windy. BACK STORY: I (25) have been dealing with my brothers (31) 🤬 ups my entire life. He has 3 children (15 f, 10 m, 8 f) all of which he has lost or given away custody. I was 15 when my nephew (10) was born. I slept on the floor for weeks to take care of him at night because his mother and father were to high to do it themselves as well as took care of him during the day because they would just sleep 24/7. Ever since then I have been the one to take care of him anytime they decide they didn’t want to.

Anyways, fast forward to 2020… My brother, my nephews mother and my mother and stepfather were all “partying” while my nephew was in the home. Things got heated and my mother wound up fighting my nephews mother. Things got even more heated and my brother stole my moms vehichle. Within a 3 mile radius he (brother) had crashed said vehicle and flipped it 3 times with my nephew and nephews mother. They all fled the scene but were all caught with an hour of the accident happening.. they immediately pulled my nephew from the parents care and placed him with my mother and stepfather, but they have habits. They’ve always drank, but I wouldn’t have called them “alcoholics” at that time. Over the last few years things have gotten completely out of hand and I do consider them alcoholics at this point in time.

Fast forward to August of 23’ my mother was arrested for public intoxication. She was wandering up and down their road, nothing but a t-shirt and panties on, glass of liquor in her hand, stealing peoples mail and flagging traffic down “looking for her boyfriend”. An officer came along and saw her doing this, so he exited his vehicle and approached her. He asked if she had been drinking or under the influence of anything at all (obviously seeing the glass with liquor in it), she told him no. They ran through the whole sobriety spill and she was handcuffed and placed in the officers vehicle. The officer then went to the home, knocked on the door and my grandmother answered the door. Now my grandmother doesn’t really drink but she is a pill addict and will do anything she can get her hands on especially if it’s free. The officer ask her who all was home and my nephew popped up and she then told him my step dad was in his bedroom. She went and got my stepdad and when he came out of the house he was completely plastered!! Even after being asleep for god knows how long!! 🤬🤬

So, it was a Monday, nephew should’ve been in school. When I ask my grandmother why he wasn’t in school she stated that my mother was worried about the weather and didn’t want to send him to school in storms. Which BLEW my mind, because it was a beautiful sunny day!!

The officers left him in the home since there were other adults there (mainly my grandmother since she “appeared sober”)

Now, for the last several months my spouse and I have been trying to get a plan together and have been talking to people about how to get him out of their care.

They stay drunk all the time unless they know people are coming. They constantly sleep. My stepdad is the only adult in the home working (my grandmother draws ssi and they draw it on my nephew for his adhd) We already have him half of the year if not more. He’s failing every study in school. He hides his homework and lies about it.

Anyways, my mother just got diagnosed with breast cancer today… which takes a toll on our plan to get custody. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place and have no clue what to do. I’m not quite sure what I’m asking for but any and all advice or input is welcome here….

EDIT: both my nephews mother and father have agreed to sign or go to court on our behalf for us to get him out of that situation.

TIA 💕

So to give some background without going into too much my siblings and I have dealt with our fair share of stuff from our mom. She suffers from mental illness (she hasn’t been open with me about her diagnosis but I’ve been told by an older sibling that she’s Bipolar) and can often be irrational and has extreme emotions.

For whatever reason she has been especially hard on my younger sister who’s 14. It’s the same thing we all dealt with growing up but amplified, she is constantly yelled at, berated, name-called, overly monitored (phone taken randomly and searched through), and shamed, to say the least.

My younger sister called me over the summer in tears as my mom screamed at her and asked her to move out (again she is 14). The summer prior she made my younger brother sleep outside for “disrespecting her” in the middle of the night while it was raining. While our brother deals with a lot it’s significantly less than our sister, he’s 16 so has more independence and is off to college in a year.

I have an older sister who lives at home and I know that she feels it’s her responsibility to make sure my younger siblings are okay. I was younger it was always okay for me to not do as much as her, I went away for college and have been able to limit contact with my mom, and getting out of that house was one of the best things I’ve ever done.

Long story short, I am in the process of applying to PhD in my field. It is fairly niche and while I’ve found some stuff in the state we all live in (California) many programs have been in the Pacific Northwest, Canada, and London. My little sister has asked if she could live with me which is what I want more than anything. Living there has taken a toll on her mental health. At the same time, I’m weary of getting the court involved as I’m not sure they’ll be in my favor because of my age.

So my question with our moms permission would I be able to have my sister live with me no problem or would I have to obtain guardianship. How would this differ if I stayed in CA or moved states, or if I were to move out of the United States how would that affect the process?

Anyway I appreciate any advice anyone has to give as there’s a lot to think about here and I want to do what’s best for my sister

That’s pretty much it. My daughter and I left for another state for me to receive medical treatment for my brain tumors , we were together when I left but within a month he met someone else and left me. He filed for 50/50 custody. I wanted to see what other people think. My lawyers said around 3 to start overnights . He won’t like that. I do want to take things slow. She’s slept in the same room as me, in a crib . But same room her entire life . What are your thoughts ? Are there any evidence based standards in practice ? I’m looking to figure out a reasonable step up plan , with the goal of having 50/50. My lawyers said 3 visits per week and overnights after 3- looking for feedback.

ETA- we are in Boston Massachusetts. Her father is back on Oahu ( HI) . He came tin help bring us here (we had a little vacation and saw the ice castles in nh , it was really nice ). Then again in April for 6 days for her bday and early June for 4. No in person visits since but he does FaceTime everyday . We have tickets to return 12/12. I’ve decided if the tumor grew back again I would put a hold on treatment . It’s been too much for my body. I would just need to be careful bc Bertha could paralyze me on the right side: there’s so much more info ; it’s a very complicated case so any questions please ask

When we get back it will be close to one year that they have not lived together, and he has not seen her in a little over 6mos. I want for them to have a strong relationship . Whatever is in her best interest I support so I wanted to see what others think. What type of step up plan would you have for a parent who hadn’t seen their child in a little over 6mps and hasn’t lived with them in a year: she has always slept in the same room as me (we do not co sleep, she’s in a crib , but she’s just inches away ). I want to make sure she has secure attachments and this isn’t disrupted ( so much in our lives has already been disrupted).

My daughters mother recently lost legal rights and custody of our daughter. She was given very limited visitation and allowed 1 phone call per day and no more. Per out judgment is she is found to be violating the orders she will lose her visitation.

The change in custody occurred not a bout a week ago. She is already violating the order by communicating via chats, she has told our daughter over the phone she would get her a cell phone and they could text but to make sure "you delete the texts".

Also, the conversations she is having are so irresponsible and harmful. Telling our daughter that I definitely put a hidden camera in her room, telling her she is going to get her back, telling our daughter that she is allowed to have more visitation that the judgment orders and that "your dad isn't letting it happen."

This is in part why she lost legal rights and custody. There is so much more she has done but I think the fact a mother lost and father was awarded sole legal and full custody speaks to how bad she was for our child's well being and best interest.

I need to bring this to the court. She is not only breaking the orders already but is her conversations are creating mental and emotional strain. She is forcing our daughter to lie.

I cannot record the calls due to two party consent laws. What I know is from calls that were on speaker phone and i was able to hear. I know I can use the chat log from the tablet to show she is breaking the order, but I also really need to bring up the emotionally damaging and abusive calls she is having and am unsure how to go about that.

Thanks!

My ex messaged me today saying her and my oldest wanted to talk to me. When I got there my ex had a clipboard with a schedule on it. Told me that my oldest wanted to spend less nights here. I asked my oldest why? She said I don't know, it's just boring there. I challenged it and asked what she meant. Is it that I don't have a pet yet? Less people? I mentioned how I just moved a few weeks ago.. she said she didn't know. Almost right off the bat my ex said I didn't have anything to do with it.. yeah right.

The moment my oldest and I got to my car she blurts out that it's because I'm a bitch who locked her tablet (she lied and didn't do the cleaning she said and was rude so I locked it). I asked so you are punishing me for disciplining you? Yes exactly, also you can't be a cheapskate and you will have to pay mom more support... I hate to even discuss these things but i couldn't let that go and said well I already pay her over $1000 a month and she lives in this house twice the size she never worked a single day for. What shocked me was that a not quite 12 year old would even think about the money implications of it, let alone having it at the front of her mind. Should be the last thing they consider. It's awfully suspicious and leads me to believe there was definitely some coaxing at the very least on this. Anyways I also messaged her mom telling me her reasoning and saying you should try not to encourage this. Someday you'll be disciplining her and what do you think will happen? It blows me away even more because I thought if anything at some point my daughter would want to stay with me more. It was less than a year ago that they were on vacation and her mom slapped her across the face in public. Hey if they've really come that far in a short period of time great... But I have my worries

So my wife has a cousin who has been struggling with drugs her entire life, she has 3 children, ages 10,12 and 16. Recently she has gone back to drugs (heroin, fentanyl etc.) she's in and out of rehab and has given up custody of her children to her father who is about 70ish years old, we thought that the kids were all set and would be taken care of indefinitely, he is now saying that he is too old to be taking care of 3 kids and is planning on giving up custody of them after the school year in June, they are wonderful kids despite everything that has happened but now they are at the mercy of my wife's family to find a home, most people in the family have children and families of their own but we are newly married and pretty sure my wife is unable to get pregnant so we are able to take them in and take care of them all until they are older and can take care of themselves.

I guess my question is what are the steps we should take in the next 6 months to figure out how to get custody of them before they have to go into foster care or something like that, what kind of legal help will we need? We think that they won't have a problem letting us take them considering they will be going into the system anyways if nobody steps up. what are the requirements? Is there some sort of financial help we can get to help take care of them? This is all taking place in New York state (not NYC)

Hello all, this may be a little long.

Me (24f) and my ex-husband( 32m) recently closed on our divorce and it was finalized in September of this year. I have full physical custody of the kids (2&4). And we split legal custody. The reason being is because my ex-husband is a drug addict but he has been clean for around eight months now due to him being in rehab so I felt comfortable enough agreeing to give 50/50 legal custody with an open visitation.

We have never had any issues regarding the children up until this week. On Halloween, he was allowed to leave his rehab to take the kids trick-or-treating and he ended up not returning because he is dating a girl who struggles with alcohol addiction and they were broken up but because she relapsed severely he wanted to help her. He ended up bringing her around the boys for about a week with her binge drinking the entire time (which I was unaware of until the last day when she hugged me and I smelt it on her) she ended up checking herself into rehab and has been sober for about two weeks now.

I rent a property from his mother and they are staying in the trailer outside of my house currently. I was very uncomfortable with everything as he has stated that she thought he was cheating and she doesn’t like that we have a good relationship bc it seems like we just want to “play house”. Since they moved into the trailer my ex has crossed many boundaries I have for the kids one of the most serious is I was explaining to them that the oldest has an extreme milk allergy and will puke and have gastro issues if he eats milk products and while I was explaining the father grabbed an ice cream made with dairy and gave it to him as I was saying he couldn’t have that. The girlfriend has tried coming along to parent teacher conferences and doctors appointments and I had to have a conversation stating I don’t think it’s appropriate yet were he got mad at me. The same day he wanted to take the kids out around 7:30 last minute to go to dinner so I explained it was too late for last minute plans as the eldest had school the next day he proceeded to yell at me and said I’m keeping the kids away from him and he can take the legal route I told him if that’s what he wants that’s fine.

Now four days later things have progressed and I ended up telling him I feel it would be appropriate to build a relationship with his sons first and then slowly introduce his girlfriend as I feel the situation was burning hot way too quickly ( my ex husband hasn’t been consistent in our eldest child’s life for 3 years and he’s only been around my second child 7 or 8 times bc he unfortunately chose his addiction) he told me that his girlfriend has a right to be around the boys and I’m not allowed to determine if she can or not. I don’t have a problem with her slowly being introduced into the boys life I’m just struggling because they both struggle with addiction and they’ve both lied about their relapses before.

Today as I was washing dishes my eldest son told me I want to live with you mommy and I was confused so I asked him to come over to tell me what he said again and then I asked “why are you saying that who said you wouldn’t live with me” and he said “my daddy told me” and he’s now said that to me three times today alone and he’s never said something like that to me before. I told my ex about it and my ex said that it seems odd that I would say I’m uncomfortable with his girlfriend being around and then our oldest telling me that so I’m lying. he has continued to text me all day concerning setting up a time to visit with the kids I told him my son had a low grade fever and he asked for proof because I’m lying about everything. I sent him proof and told him I feel it would be appropriate to modify out custody agreement because this is getting out of hand as he’s only been out of rehab for three weeks and we’ve already had so many problems and he told me that he feels he should be able to bring his girlfriend around and due to my mental health issues I can’t see the situation clearly (I am diagnosed ocd, panic disorder and PPD but I’ve been medicated for two years now). I want to ask does it seem im being unreasonable regarding being uncomfortable around the girlfriend and what are important things to add to a custody modification. I don’t want to struggle with custody and I have always wanted my kids father to be around so this whole situation is hard to navigate right now. Thank you for the help!

I have court ordered mediation coming up and I’ve had trouble deciding how to come to a new custody arrangement. Coparent is currently on a step parenting plan consisting of 2 days a week. 50/50 was our previous arrangement but I took him back to court due to him being absent in our child’s life for 2 years straight only visiting her when he felt like it. We have not had the step up parenting plan for long as it was solidified in April. My coparent has prompted a court date for 50/50 custody with a request to lift a protection order the court put in place restricting his current girlfriend from having any contact with our daughter. I’m sure it’s child support motivated. The court placed this protection order in 2021 due to domestic violence. My daughter is 7 and despite this protection order being placed it is constantly violated. My coparent lives in a small home and when my daughter goes to sleep at night he brings the girlfriend over and allows her to be there and they have physical fights. He’s constantly on the phone with her around our child and allows her to speak to my daughter on the phone. When my daughter walks out into a room the girlfriend will run and hide under clothing piles/ blankets. When I try to describe this relationship, I mean extreme toxicity. My coparent will constantly try to tell my daughter bad things about me and will place my daughter with other people on his parenting time whom at times neither I nor my daughter know. This is because the girlfriend has nowhere to go. Most recently he placed our daughter with the violent girlfriend’s sister and her children for most of his parenting time and they allowed my daughter to have telephone contact with the girlfriend while she was there. I have reported every incident in any way I can. On father’s request for custody change, he didn’t show to mediation but did come to the hearing. The court saw all of the documents and I spoke emotionally as a mother at how devastating this is on our child and my coparent just does what he wants and listens to no one. The court saw reason for concern and will be interviewing our daughter while also telling my coparent to stop or he will loose custody all together and they will make a permanent protection order. Even after this hearing, he is still not listening. By placing our daughter with the girlfriend’s sister, I feel this is the last straw for me and I need to be proactive here. Does this seem reasonable to ask for supervised visitation at this point? How will it work requesting this in mediation and then having it adopted at the future court date if it’s suggested since he’s currently on 2 day overnights. Any help is appreciated.

If I want to file for full custody and child support what is the process like? And how much money would it cost to do this?

My ex and I have two children together. When we first separated he would see them on the weekends but that slowly faded. I've asked him repeatedly when and where he would like to see the boys, but it's always a new excuse on why he can't see them. He said he doesn't have enough money, not enough gas, moving into a new apartment, and is just busy and he can't. The last time he has seen them was four months ago. He used to send a 100 dollars a week but that slowly faded too. Now he doesn't send any money at all. The last time he sent money was 8 months ago and the was 25 dollars.

Not going to beat around the bush, but l'm in a situation where l've been the sole provider for my son, his mother has done nothing for him and has only used his name for food stamps and other benefits, she has also been claiming him on her taxes since he was born and has never contributed a dime to his wellbeing. I love my son and have provided for him, with clothes, food, school, activities, insurance, and after-school care. She has been a pain at every turn it's like she wants me to depend on her, her or her family doesn't know his health history or even his size. I can't deal with them for 18 years or the rest of my life, they screw with my mental health and the person I thought myself to be, she's an addict and l often wish she just over does it which is a terrible thing to feel but I wish she would just leave us alone. She has 3 other kids that she never has and I would hate to subject my son to that experience but l'm at the end of my rope here just being honest. I signed an acknowledgment of paternity but he is not biologically mine, I'm hating myself for wanting out this way but I know no court will grant me full custody with us not being related. Her mom is a Sargent and they have used the police to kidnap him in the past for 2 weeks, that was the worst time of my life and I can't do that again. I know you all may see me as a bad guy but what is the best way to do this? Please help.

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years as of November 1st. His ex wife, and mother to his kids, have been apart since 2016. They have had a fine relationship and custody since separating. I believe this is mostly because my boyfriend is extremely non-confrontational and unless it were to affect the kids health, he lets her basically get away with murder. Since 2016 she has been with 4 different men, with zero gap in relationships, meaning she has gone directly from one relationship into the next with no time between. Likely cheating, but this is unconfirmed, until now. She has either moved her and her kids into the guys house or moved the guy into her house. This time, about a month ago, her boyfriend found evidence on her phone that she had been cheating with someone named Chris. We supported the kids through being upset at the loss of her partner and him leaving the household in the last couple weeks. Now comes Saturday, November 23rd, today is November 26, we are slapped in the face that her friend “Crystal” who she has been spending a ton of time with in the last 3-4 months, a point on contention with the ex-boyfriend, is actually the Chris she cheated with. Not only does she already have him around the kids, but she has had the kids lying to their father and me about “Crystal”.

I am out of my mind pissed that she would yet again expose her kids, 11f and 15m, to ANOTHER man, but to ask them to lie to us about it because she knows how it looks?! My heart is broken.

Am I nuts for being this upset? I am ready to cut all ties to her and have her only converse with my boyfriend, but also I think this is grounds to request a change in custody/visitation. Right now they have 50/50 and have no problems with custody. Is this worth rocking that boat!?

**Update for a little extra background. I am the first person whom my boyfriend has dated and met the kids since he was with their mom. Also, when we first met, we were very friendly. Again, because she and my boyfriend had, and for the most part have, a decent co parent relationship. I even threw her birthday party last year, bought her birthday and Christmas gifts and we have spent most every holiday around each other for the last two years. But as I’ve seen how she parents and more so the choices she makes for herself and her children, I am starting to distance myself. I in no way attempt to control their parenting or schedules. These are just my silent musings in the situation.

Hi All, this is my first time posting (so please forgive any errors. My nephew (10M) lives with her biological father and her stepmother, along with my nephew's stepbrother (10F) and half sister (6M). Dad has full custody (my sister is not in the picture). We recently found out that stepmom has filed for divorce from bio dad. They are currently splitting parenting time with all three kids, however it is not a stable environment and there is a new significant other for one of the parents. Dad does not do much parenting and stepmom has done everything for the kids. Stepmom has no custodial rights to my nephew. Prior to his dad getting full custody, my mom had temporary custody and served as a foster parent to my nephew for over a year. After we pulled my nephew from my sister's care. My nephew has been with his father/stepmom for about two years. My mother is now wanting to get a lawyer and see about getting some form of custody over my nephew to give him more stability and a safer place at home. My nephew has already been through so much. My mom broached the subject to the dad, and he was not interested in having my mom take on the care of my nephew again. My concern is that the courts will not see the need to change things for my nephew, he has a roof over his head, he is fed, goes to school, and has extra curricular activities. I don't know if my mom getting a lawyer and trying for custody will get anywhere, as she doesn't have any different rights to my nephew than the stepmom does.

Anyone navigate something similar with a step parent who provides the majority of care in a home that is splitting and is not a healthy place for a child? →

I just gave birth to my son 4 weeks ago. My ex cheated on me while I was 6 months pregnant and then again at 9 months pregnant so I left. I went to my parents house and he called and threatened that he was going to kill himself and ruin all of our lives. He said if I called the cops he would have a shoot out with them. We called the cops and luckily he never showed up. I contacted his ex wife and she said he almost strangled her to death while she was pregnant and abused her the whole time. She took him to court and he got supervised visits with his daughter because he didn’t want to have to pay child support and settled. My ex has a record of DUI and he has drinking problems. I have a history of depression and have been to the mental hospital three times. It has been years since I’ve had any issues and I have proof of therapy and taking antidepressants. He threatened that the court will take away my son because of this. His ex wife and sister will both testify against him as well as my entire family if it comes to that. Will the courts give him full custody? What are the chances they give him 50/50? He is not a safe person and I am extremely fearful for the future of my son. Edit to add he thinks hitting children with belts is acceptable and forcing them to take freezing showers as punishment is okay.

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I would say sometimes I feel like an idiot. I thought the court process would be faster. So when my alcoholic ex left me and then weeks later proceeded to tell me he would quit drinking for the kids (after he said he had no problem) and he wanted 50/50, I said we could work together, setup a 50/50 schedule, and filed to get the testing court ordered. I discussed many of my concerns with him in text as I really didn't trust him. Our relationship was abusive, but if he was seeking help I didn't want to have him walk out and the kids lose their dad. That was 10 months ago. He missed lots of time and hasn't been overly involved along with a number of other concerning issues all while continuing to push for 50/50. At our temporary hearing 6 months in my lawyer said this schedule could remain for a long time, so I asked to switch from 50/50 to 75/25 and retain primary placement which was granted largely due to him agreeing he skipped lots of time as only 2 issues were brought up (many more). My lawyer asked if we should try mediation or skip to guardian, I attempted mediation as I thought maybe my ex would just let me keep the kids most the time since he skipped seeing them so much. He didn't.

So here we are 10 months from when he left. A guardian has been assigned after mediation terminated. I'm still waiting on drug and alcohol testing. Does the guardian notify you if this will be requested? I have text of him admitting he had to quit drinking and problems with drugs impacting our kids. He is now telling our 8 year old he just quit drinking to be healthy this past week while she saw him drinking a few weeks earlier. I don't believe him. Even in mediation he said his therapist could provide a note that he has no concerns about sobriety or drug use for my ex which only made me think he hasn't even attempted to get help. When he first left he told me he didn't have any issues, I was his only issue and a new woman would fix all his problems. He was drinking a bottle of vodka a day with diabetes, high blood pressure, liver failure, and presumably alcohol induced congestive heart failure while yelling constantly at me and his 3 kids while only working part time calling in all the time. I'm not sure you would even consider him a functional alcoholic. Nothing he has done really demonstrates he has been focused on sobriety and quitting drugs since he left me though. His new partner was one of his drinking buddies and even was drinking in front of him when she met our adult daughter his first week of sobriety.

Did your guardian provide report well in advance of court? Our next hearing is months away. I asked the guardian to reduce his time due to him skipping visits and moving further away. I also ask everything is contingent on being clean and full sobriety as he hits our kids more when he doesn't have a drink. I'm just frustrated. Everyone tells me not to worry, but I do and it doesn't help one or both of our kids consistently gets physically sick or cries about having to see their dad. I feel stupid I ever even tried to keep their dad in their life, but my lawyer says his actions since he left and my willingness to try to be reasonable and work with him does help me.

A little background:

- Just went to court to change parenting time
- Both myself and the coparent (mom) represented ourselves
- Coparent agreed that child should be with me most of the time during the school year, with her getting an overnight midweek and every other weekend
- All was agreed upon except for child support. Even though I am the custodial parent, our difference in income made it to where support I pay would go up. The judge did not modify the amount of support, so I still pay noncustodial parent support as I have been.
- Coparent was working full time up until two weeks before court. Court honored her testimony that she did not work full time. I asked the court to take her husband's income into consideration as he pays for all of the household bills, and coparent testified that he wasn't working full time. Court took that testimony since I could not prove their income (which is where having a lawyer would have been great).

Court was less than a month ago. Since then:
- Coparent has raised her rates on her Care.com profile immediately after the court hearing; the profile she claimed she wasn't actively using for supplemental income outside of her regular job.
- Our daughter told me that her step-dad yells at her during their one-on-one transports to school. I addressed this with coparent and we have agreed that step-dad is not to transport our daughter anywhere anymore. I would like to have this specified in the order if possible.
- Daughter has a half sister from mom that has just been diagnosed with ASD after court. The half sister is constantly throwing tantrums, and has been kicking and punching daughter.
- Our daughter has started therapy because of step-dad and half-sibling.
- Coparent is not using her minimized parenting time since the hearing, dropping our daughter off early or having an excuse to not use it at all.
- Daughter says coparent has an appointment for tattoos. Her court testimony was "We barely have enough to make ends meet, and that's why he should still pay me child support. My husband doesn't work full time and neither do I." - This is frivolous but shows that things were misrepresented by her.

--

Does anyone have experience with motions to reconsider? Our order from less than a month ago isn't final (still says pending) and due to all of these things that have happened since court, it appears that coparent misrepresented her income, and withheld information about our daughter's home life when she visits them (angry step-dad, half sibling that has special needs and is aggressive). Consistency in home life was the reason we changed parenting time, but I feel that given the additional information that was withheld, our daughter might be better off being here full time, and a judge might want to look into finances from both sides.

Any experiential anecdotes would be great.

Has anyone had any success attempting to limit the number of house guests another parent has? For background, mother was custodial and now after two mental health episodes, is non custodial. For the past 4+ years, custody has went back and forth (father always receiving more time) before we got to the point of father filing for emergency custody, being custodial, switching school districts, etc. Father has custody for about 70% of the time currently. Mother is pushing for 50/50. Mother has boyfriend/fiancé who has been around for about 2 years. They just had a baby a little over a month ago (conceived during manic episode during loss of custody). The baby brought with it enough concerns about mother's mental health, stability, and the ability to work in any capacity while taking care of 3 kids (my husband's two and now this baby). Now, the kids tell us when they go visit their mom, their aunt is staying there. Aunt is mom's sister who is a known meth user (or was the last time my husband was around her). We thought she was just coming to visit from out of state to see the baby, but it has been 6 weeks and she is still here. I've been with the kids' father for 5 years. Since I have been around, their mother has had her mother, her father, her grandma, her sister, and her boyfriend all move in at one point or another. There are people constantly in and out of the kids lives. Mother has been slowly working back from supervised parenting time to losing the supervision piece of visits, longer visits, etc, but now we are adding more house guests during a time when we have added a baby. Our biggest concern is the stability for the kids and their mother's mental state. She has been off with the baby, unable to pay for any of the kids' expenses that should be split, is behind on child support, but is taking care of her sister who we assume isn't working. She consistently makes choices that help everyone around her but still doesn't recognize that she is the one herself that needs help. She will overextend herself to the point that it impacts her own mental health which has only been somewhat stable for 6 months at best. Because she is still pushing for 50/50, we have a settlement conference scheduled for Jan/Feb and a hearing in March. Is anything like this something that can be brought up? Everything I've read is more about opposite sex sleepovers and less of this running a halfway house kind of thing like we continue to see. Current sleeping situation we are told is it's a 3/2 house with mom/bf in one room, daughter in 1 room, baby in nursery, son in basement in not a bedroom, and aunt on the couch. I really wish she would focus on her own little family and creating a routine and schedule with the 2 kids she already had but there's always something or someone that continues to take the focus off of them.

And does it have any bearing in family court? Just the facts:

- we use OFW
- he takes 9+ days to read questions in messages, and then usually doesn't respond
- the messages I write are always about the child (illness, daycare stuff, medication, etc)
- I write about 4 msgs/month
- when he DOES reply he lets his girlfriend handle communication. So the only messages in app for the past year from his side are "John says that x y z".
- our daughter is 3 years old

It's annoying but beyond that I am tired of him just straight up refusing to be communicative.

He has stated he'll petition for more time. Does complete refusal to communicate with other parent have any impact at all on time increase? Also, do judges care that parents outsource communication to dating partners?

My daughter started elementary school this Fall. For ten weeks she's gone to the bus stop (close to her mother's house) and I always meet her there to see her off. This includes days I drop her off as part of my custody time.

Normally I walk towards them on the public sidewalk and converse with my daughter as we continue walking. Her mother never raised a fuss, until now.

Late last week I was doing the same when her mother suddenly snapped at me, in front of our child, to wait at the bus stop and she wants "her custody time". Not trying to start a fight in front of our child, and the other families that wait at the bus stop 50 yards away, I oblige. Later that morning I get a message to "observe the custody schedule." Our court schedule says nothing about bus stops (need to be updated), and I do not go on her property when meeting them for the walk to the bus.

The day after that, and including this week, her mother has driven her to school instead of letting her ride the bus (which my child LOVES to do). Her mother does not inform me in advance (she is not obligated to) and I show up no matter what.

I should also note that I've filed a modification of custody request as well and it has definitely made her become more strict in custody flexibility.

My question is if this worth logging to bring up with my lawyer if it keeps happening? Technically it's her time with our child on days she has custody, so I don't know if this can be considered parental alienation but it's definitely altering our child's expected routine.

Context: TLDR 1 year w/ father included SA, r*pe, emotional abuse and (mild, no closed fists?) Physical abuse

Father is an odd combination of a very good manipulator, but also low intelligence or common sense [IE he keeps lying in documents about things I can just prove with my own documents]

So essentially the case is not a healthy one, he says he's asking for shared custody but he only sees her once a year and he didn't start doing that until I got engaged and baby was already 4 years old, prior to that he'd only seen her once since she was 6 months old.

Now to my question: Our final hearing is coming up in December, and my attorney advised me that I should tell the baby. Shes 8 years old now, attorney said that she should know and that the judge is going to ask her questions.

So we told her, leaving out any comments on father or the history, just plainly explaining that this is what he asked for on paper and we couldn't tell her why because we don't know, and that a judge might want to ask her stuff like how she feels about it.

But I really don't think we should have. I mean, all of this could have come to pass without her ever needing to know about it, there was no reason for her to stress over it, and I feel horrible. Shes come to terms over it but she's confused, and I can't answer her questions because I can't lie to her about it, but I also can't tell her the truth because I don't actually know the truthful answers to what fathers motives are.

Did we mess up..? Will it be a big deal? Does anyone have personal experience with the courts wanting little children to know? I'm so worried about it, I really regret following that advice

Father hasn’t seen son in over two years. No official custody order but I’ve been told by lawyer if it went to court I would have sole custody and he would likely be granted a step up visitation order with sobriety requirements. He hasn’t sent any support except for the occasional $100 now and then. Occasional Christmas and birthday gifts. He pops up yesterday saying “he will be in town this weekend” and wants to see his kid. It doesn’t really benefit his son, he has no idea who his dad is. He’s four. This could be very confusing. I also don’t want to see him but that doesn’t matter. Does it look poorly if I don’t comply? He’s not sober and that has always been my requirement. Further, does it look poorly that I allow him to see his son even though he is not sober? If he wants to be involved then fine. But it’s ALL or nothing. This doesn’t feel like much effort.

Thoughts? What would you do?

Going to court and hoping for 50/50. Is it likely if mother is a SAHM and I work? Right now I work 4 days a week and have my child 2.5 days. I filed for more time, mother filed for a move away but pulled out because she couldn’t afford eval. Now my lawyer wants to go off CCRC recommendation of 50/50 that suggested 2 weeks on 2 weeks off and ask for week on week off instead, but last time judge mentioned how if I’m working it doesn’t make sense for child to be in my custody if mother is home and available to have her. I’m thinking it’d be better to ask for a 50/50 schedule where I have my child from when I get off work Saturday til I go in on Wednesday morning. I don’t want to screw my chances of 50/50 by my lawyer pushing for week on week off, when I have to work throughout the week. Any advice helps.

My question is regarding my coparent and I have joint custody(joint decision making) and he is primary only in respect to his address determines our child’s school if we don’t agree. Our child just turned four and I have tried to get him to agree to a pre-k type program after her speech pathologist recommended it. When I bring it up he refuses to address it. Completely ignores me. My child has been coming home lately talking about going to school. I have reached out 3 times now asking him why she keeps saying this. He won’t respond. I understand if he puts her in a program on his time that’s his choice and not much I can do if I don’t like it. I’m not trying to stop her from going. I just want to know where and want to meet the teachers etc. What do I do?

Hey guys I live in Kentucky. I have lived here for a long time and I’m not the main parent to the children we have 50/50 decision making but the other parent is the one that keeps them for the most of the time. I get every other weekend and holidays. I want to move. To a different state I don’t want to take the children ( I do but I know that’s an unrealistic expectation) I just want proper visitation with them when I do leave. Can the other parent deny me to move out of state? Like if I go through the courts how likely is it that the court tells me I have to stay in Kentucky or lose rights to my children? I have been in an abusive relationship for the last few years of my life it was so bad and I have to face that man more than I would like to we live in a very rural area. I want to be apart of my kids life but I want out of this state I hate it here I’m depressed and I’m just not happy at all. The love by here sucks everyone is on drugs there’s no jobs that pay over $16 an hour. Anyways. How likely is it that the court will tell me that I can’t leave? Is that even a thing? Will I still get some type of visitation?

Finally went to the court

I finally went to the court to file for custody and child support after 3 years. My ex didn’t want to deal with a mediator and didn’t pay me anything for 2 years. This past year, he’s been giving me 150/week for 2 kids. This weekend, he hit the nail in the coffin where he expressed how he has zero interest in ever coparenting the kids together what so ever because his girlfriend does not want him having any sort of interactions with me and that he doesn’t want to spend any sort of time with me if he has an option. He also mentioned that I should just give him full custody because I’m always having a hard time (yes I’m emotionally still sad about my family being broken up, an idea of him but not him). He also said “F with me and find out” as he mentioned about moving out of state. He mentions that there are so many people that coparent the kids that has zero interactions with each other and that we should be that which really made me sad because I have zero family around. He always told me that I would have to pay him child support since I make more (barely) and that I have more savings than him. He works so hard but I don’t think he has any savings and he mentioned that he will commit suicide if he ever has to pay child support which I think and hope is just gaslighting. I went to court, filed the paper works last week as my hand shaked and was full of sadness because I know this is it.

My question is, do I have to hire a lawyer? The state will provide one as well. I have them 4 days a week, they’re on my insurance, I put them in school, extra curricular activities which I pay for etc. I think my proofs and paper works will be pretty straight forward but I could see him (or his gf) hiring a lawyer to fight as much as possible although I think my proofs are pretty straight forward. I called some lawyers and their fees are so much. I went to family court and filing paper works were so easy that I can’t imagine paying for a lawyer for every little situation.

Any advice appreciated.

So I made a post about this not too long ago and this past weekend went just as I thought it would (drove over an hour away) to pick up my kids and she never showed up but she logged into the parenting app but didn't go to read the messages, meanwhile she didn't check all the missed facetime calls on Wed as per the written agreement.

It seems this is stemming from me moving on (I'm engaged to my fiancee) and once she found out that's when shit it the fan.. because none of this never used to be a problem she would text and show up (albeit) sometimes had me waiting 30 min.. Now since Aug.. I've only saw my children for 2 days in September.. and it seems to be only for her convenience. I just hate (I had to change the court date because of training at work but they pushed it out to the second week of December.. I'm just waiting for the date and see how this gets handled... Will they do make up time? The last time was just a total mess with the court and her.. parallel parenting it's going to be an issue because everything she said in writing she refused to do.. before she made excuses.. now she says nothing.

I can file more more contempt paperwork before the time expires before the court date, I just have a feeling this is the the first time courts have had to deal with stuff like this but I can't find much on searching how those types of things played out in court. I even asked about after school activities and doctors appointments I can see on my insurance of claims paid out for my children.. However during mediation she was more so focused on me and wanting to know 2 weeks in advance when I was going away so she can get a heads up. It made me really wonder why 2 weeks? And the fact that shes not communicating now what difference does it make?

My sons (4 years old) plans to take a vacation week starting on December 20th through December 26th. Since it runs through Xmas, our son does come to my home to spend time with me, starting at 12pm on Xmas day until 7pm the next day (the 26th). Does the time when my son is with me and not his mom during the holiday, but during her vacation, get made up?

In our custody order, if there is a conflict between holidays, events, vacations, etc, holiday schedule is priority, vacation coming second and so forth. So I would say no his mom does not get any make up time when he’s with me during her vacation since it’s my time on Xmas, but it seems it’s a gray area possibly? Figured to ask for advise if anyone knows how this works, but I would assume no make up time is required until either one of us adds this stipulation into our CO.

Filed for an emergency pickup after ex took child out of state. At the hearing the judge reserved jurisdiction. Then in his order denying my motion one of the reasons he stated was a i failed to meet uccjea requirements for the court to assume jurisdiction. This was all based on me being the working parent and her the stay at home parent in which he stated i was not a parent nor had physical custody despite living together for the last 2 years. Her attorney is now trying to get it dismissed based on a lack of jurisdiction. Under uccj the home state though is the state where the child resided 6 month prior to the action. im pro se so I'll be filing a response pointing out the contradiction and listing the uccj requirements for home state that I did meet. Has anyone else dealt with this before it is all one but contradiction that makes me sense to me.

I[14, almost 15 in a few days] am currently at my abusive mothers house, and my bio dad may be flying out to Illinois[where I live] to get an order of protection because the DCFS worker said that would be one of the first steps to getting custody back of me, what happens to me when he does? Would I already be with him or would he have to pick me up after filing it? And how am I going to get past my mom? Do they make sure shes not near me when he picks me up?

[Repost because it got taken down by auto mod for not following title format]