Hi there. It has been two weeks since my husband left that. In that time I feel like I’ve died a million times. I was also arrested two nights ago for DUI and spent the last of my savings retaining a lawyer for that now.

My parents came and got me from Ohio (I have been living in states without a support system for 6 years for my husband’s career). My older brother essentially ordered my dad to come and get me the day after I was arrested, afraid I would attempt suicide.

I just woke up from a dream where you asked me to come home and I was crossing obstacles and climbing barriers to get there. The pain I am in feels unbearable.

I am out of what was our shared home with my family now. So I feel like things will be easier now. I am also in weekly therapy and forced to stay away from alcohol now because of the DUI.

It just hurts so much to have been abandoned like I was garbage. We had no kids, just two cats and I miss my other cat so much.

It’s been a little over a couple of weeks since I decided to break things off with my spouse (I’m 27m and she’s 28f). Of course it was because she’d been dealing with another guy and I’d given her as many chances as I felt like I could give. I don’t have any intentions on reconciling anything and as soon as some other events play out we’re going to live separately. The situation really sucks because we’ve got a 19-month old together, which further complicates things.

The thing is, there’s a lot of things I’ve started to worry about now. For one I’ve been wondering if I’ve been really dealing with this as I should. Sometimes I feel like I should be angrier with her or I should feel more depressed than I do about everything. While I have been feeling both of those things, I’ve just been so uncertain about a lot. As I stated before I’m certain I don’t want to reconcile. But I feel like I won’t ever find anyone that’s right for me now. I’m much older than I was when I met my spouse. Combined with the fact that I have a kid, just makes me feel like it’s just kinda hopeless to expect anything better beyond this point.

I know what I value and know that I won’t be able to find that in my soon-to-be ex. But seeing other people’s experiences with dating combined with my own lack of experience just further plummets my hope. I dreamed of having a family of my own since I was a kid and I felt like I got that. But now it’s lost cause I felt betrayed.

I’m not sure how to process any of this and I’m not sure how I can move on from it. It’s started to affect me in ways that are glaringly obvious. I can’t sleep most nights, I’m not generally in a good mood, I’ve noticed I lost interest in some of my biggest hobbies (and my work ethic outside of my job plummeted). I just kinda feel like I’m going through the motions in life.

The worst part is that I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone I know about this. I’m the only one I know that’s ever been in one relationship. I have friends that have been divorced before but I think my situation is a little more unique to theirs (plus they’re a little older than me).

I’m just really at a loss right now.

Hi all,

My mom is currently going through her second divorce. When she divorced my dad, my dad received sole custody and we moved across the country when I was very young. Needless to say, I never felt like I had a female influence in my life and it was the worst.

As my mom goes through her current divorce, my brother (half technically) is surrounded solely by women; me, my 2 sisters and my mom. I was wondering if anyone had any advice or recommendations on what I could do to make him feel like he has male connections and role models in his life?

For context, he is not interested in sports (I’ve tried) and he has done Boy Scouts but did not enjoy it. He mostly plays video games.

I’m wondering what anyone has done afterwards to process everything. I have been struggling with my ex with all of the incredibly hurtful things he has done, attempts to attack me, remove me from our home, badmouthed me to everyone we know, accused me of horrible things, and has completely painted a horrible picture of me being the “abuser”. I am struggling because I have been kind, amicable, and attempting to keep this as smooth as possible and he has taken every opportunity to cut me down and lash out. How did you process this type of treatment? Did you attempt to correct any of the hurtful information your ex said about you? Did you attempt to reach out to in laws to find some closure?

I feel so angry sometimes. I want to blast him online, send the text messages to his family, show them how he has treated me since he is regularly lying about me to them. He also plays victim to MY family, who thankfully ask me what is going on and I can send them the text messages for proof. I am so hurt by all of this. I understand neither one of us wanted this to happen but to turn so cruel? It doesn’t make sense.

I spent the past month devastated my husband wanted a divorce. Crying every five minutes, physically debilitating depression. It took me by complete surprise. It was like he had a complete personality change.

Now I’m just fucking ENRAGED. He has refused to speak with me face to face since he gave up - didn’t give any real reasons, refused work on it (went to ONE couples counseling where he sat there telling me he was committed to me and loved me - 5 days later he came home dead behind the eyes wanting to end our marriage), immediately blocked me and removed me from our shared accounts and when I told him we need to talk he told me to email him. I spent a third of my life with this man who is now a complete stranger. We didn’t have significant problems, he wouldn’t engage when there was conflict and avoided everything. I’m just so angry that I wasted my life with this person.

Anyway, glad I’ve moved on from sadness because he’s made it really easy to hate now.

I (31M) have been married to my wife (25F) for almost a year now. We’ve been together for nearly five years and living together for three, but I’m starting to wonder if divorce might be the best option.

Our relationship has always had its ups and downs, but we worked through them. During the earlier years, I went through a lot with my failed startups—COVID and other factors killed my business ventures. I worked my ass off, especially when I was running a restaurant and bar, but despite all my effort, the business failed.

To her credit, my wife was incredibly supportive during those times. She helped wherever she could, encouraged me, and even used her family connections to help. For context, she comes from a wealthy family and never really had to worry about money, while I grew up in a comfortable but modest single-parent household.

After my restaurant failed, her family suggested a new business opportunity for me. It was a game-changer. For the first time in my life, I was making good money. Life felt great—we traveled, shopped, and enjoyed our expensive tastes. I felt like I could finally relax a bit.

But after about a year and a half, the economy tanked, and business slowed down. Thankfully, I had saved up around $250k–$300k, but my wife started talking about wanting to get married, have kids, and plan for the future. I wasn’t completely ready for that, but I loved her. She had been supportive and stuck by me during my rough times, so we got engaged and married eight months later.

The wedding wasn’t her dream wedding, but she said she’d rather save the money for our honeymoon. We took a first-class trip to Europe—London, Paris, Rome, Amsterdam—and had the time of our lives (with a few minor arguments about me “not taking her side,” which has always been a thing).

After we got back, she pushed me to find “the next big thing” since our savings wouldn’t last forever with our lifestyle and the idea of having kids. And I’ll be honest: I got lazy. Making money with the last business was so easy that I struggled to figure out my next step. Whenever she asked what I was doing to provide for the family, my answer was always, “I’m working on it,” because I genuinely didn’t know.

A couple of months ago, her family decided to take their company public and wanted her to be the face of it. Her mom was all over her about taking the role, saying, “Since your husband isn’t making money and you want kids soon, you should do this.” The job requires her to travel constantly to another city. Her family promised that if she does this for two years, we’ll be financially set for life. I hated the idea of her being away so much, but she accepted it because she felt like it was the only way forward.

At first, it wasn’t too bad. We texted and called a lot, and I missed her. But then she reconnected with her old college friends—think Crazy Rich Asians levels of wealth. She started hanging out with them, and over time, her tone toward me changed. Suddenly, I was “a deadbeat” and “only made money because of her family connections.” She’d say things like, “You’re 31—you should be doing better by now,” and compare me to her friends’ boyfriends, who are younger and making more money. She also started saying things like, “We didn’t think things through before getting married. We have so many unresolved issues.”

When she came back, the arguments kept happening. I told her I was working on it—I’m studying for a real estate license, learning to code, and even taking a management course to improve my skills. She softened up a bit during her last trip, and we started talking more, but the tension is still there. Now that she’s back, it feels like there’s this wall between us. I’ve been retreating to the study room, focusing on myself and trying to rebuild, but I’m just exhausted from the constant comparisons and criticism.

Lately, I’ve been drinking myself to sleep. Her words have cut deep, and I feel more depressed every day.

To be honest, I don’t want a divorce. I truly love her, and coming from a divorced family myself, I don’t want something like that to happen to me. But I’m starting to feel like I can’t handle much more of this.

When did you have the moment that it's time to walk away?

I'm 33 married for just over a year, no kids etc. The year has been the most depressing and isolating year of my life. Always heard the cliché that marriage is hard work, but this has been something unfathomable.

There are good moments, but the bad moments are just too bad I can't help but feel why I ignored certain red flags while dating thinking things will get better.

Is just over a year of marriage a good attempt? Do I need to give it more time or is it time for me to walk away?

I get anxious thinking about what's next, but I remind myself the first step is to consider whether I want to stay or not. Is it easier for me over her considering I want the divorce?

Our separation was in 2020, divorce final in 2023. I didn't want and tried to fight for us but ultimately divorce was the right call. Holidays are still hard...there were traditions developed and when those are not done it is still a little ping of death that hits you.

I keep going back and fourth on do I plan to leave, Plan to leave later, or plan to stay.

I married a narcissist, it gets worse everyday. I can leave now (1yr old baby) to save baby from having to deal with terrible marriage

I can plan to leave later once baby is a child and can understand life easier.

Or I can plan to stay and try to live my own life with my daughter and avoid the miserable pathetic narcissistic asshole that is the man I once loved.

Last time we talked about divorce he said I can divorce him behind is back but he won’t take part in the conversation.

It breaks my heart to even think this way- but I’m done getting hurt by him. So I need to decide to tough up and stay (accepting a loveless/toxic/abusive marriage) or to plan to leave now or later.

How do I stop myself from reverting back to feeling like “this could work” if/once I decide to leave?

How do you still say I love you when you’re contemplating if that has any validity left to it?

We have been married almost 2 years and I have not enjoyed any of those 2 years. I’m f25 and he’s m30

So in this case I’m the one that asked for a divorce. I wasn’t happy and I finally had enough. I asked for divorce and I feel like someone died. I can’t stop crying and thinking about the life we could have had that I now have to grieve. Because while I still love him it just isn’t enough anymore. Does it ever get easier or stop feeling like you’re making the biggest mistake? It doesn’t help that we had a miscarriage years ago and I keep thinking that maybe if I’d had my baby it would been enough motivation for him to change before it was too late. I’m sad that I’m losing that version of me. Due to life circumstances I don’t have a lot of friends right now and my family is far away so I just feel extra sad. It’s like a wave of grief washed over me and I can’t come up for air.

I didn’t think I would one day post here about such a thing. I’m the kind of person who keep it all inside and don’t share feelings much. Im (34M) with my wife(29F) since 9 years We leave in the US since few years (originally from Europe) Since we arrived we got 2 kids (2 and 4) at the moment . Our relationship was nice at the beginning and I really loved her and still does even if we are really 2 different kind of persons and don’t have much in commun

Over the years we accumulated conflicts mainly about my family not respecting her and me saying nothing about it But also she is driving our relationship and told me I never take the lead and take decisions She feels like she has to handle everything and if we are where we are it’s mainly tranks to her which I admit is true

I hate conflict and always agree that’s a big problem I have

My wife talked a lot about problems we had and I always listened but never really acted properly to fix the situation

Today and specially since a month now she told me she is ready to go back to Europe and started a divorce process. She will leave with the kids and want nothing from me I will be able to see them during vacation

I can clearly feel it’s different from before and her mind is already gone The weird thing is that we still talk about what school for next year for our kids and plan some home little project renovation I guess I’m lost about what to think and what to do at that moment

If she is unhappy I don’t want to try to win her back and push her to stay if nothing change. If she is decided I’m ready to accept the situation even if thinking about my kids gone far away make me cry every time

I’m sad but if she gave up already what can I do I don’t want to fight I want her and the kids happy

I guess writing part of my story is help me a bit evacuating my feeling at the moment and I will be happy to read advice or similar stories that could help me seeing a positive future whatever that is

Thanks for reading me

I am scared I’m going to get rejected. I’m scared I will never like anyone like I did him. Im scared I will love someone like I did him and get shattered. I’m scared I can’t be attracted to a man who will treat me well. I’m scared of opening up and not being “enough” to someone. I’m scared all the good men are taken. I’m scared I won’t get to be a mom like I’ve always dreamed of. I’m scared of being alone. I’m scared of someone coming into my life and destroying the peace I’ve built. I’m scared the only way to keep myself from being battered is to give up on the one thing I want the most.

I’m still processing that life didn’t stop when we split. The world didn’t end there. How do you keep going? I would love to hear what gets you through.

Ex is threatening to pack up all my things and store them in the garage to “sell the house quicker” when we originally agreed on listing the house a month from now. Of course, we never had that agreement signed as it was just a verbal agreement with the realtor. Is he allowed to do this? Can he pack up all of my things and move them around?

My ex (custodial) has bought my daughter a phone…I did not know about it and none of this was brought to my attention for discussion. She is denying any communication from my daughters cell phone. No where in the court order says specially she is allowed to do that.

What can I do? Have you experienced something similar to this?

Well. I don’t want to go into too many details. But we’ve been “amicably” separated for 5 months with no signs of reconciliation. I am still quite sad, as this is nothing anyone ever plans for, but also trying to look forward to the future.

Our 10th wedding anniversary is in a few months. So, question is: should we finalize the divorce on the wedding anniversary? Is that masochistic or poetic? I haven’t brought it up because I can’t decide & just curious what you folks think.

My divorce is not yet final, but I find myself grieving the loss of financial stability more than the loss of my spouse. It’s really upsetting to me that I can’t give my second child the financial help that I gave my 1st child (first car, college tuition, etc). I know many people have more financial struggles than I do, but I’m really having a hard time with it anyway.

About 2 weeks ago I was caught off guard when my wife asked for space to figure things out. I was initially very confused, and didn't really know what she meant by space, because to me we were doing relatively ok. We'd date, laugh, tell each other everything, had a frequent and exciting bedroom life, ect.

After some deep conversation with her, she informed me that she didn't feel that I am the one for her, and that she has always known that deep down. She also went through several small things that I have been doing that has really been pushing her away. This all hit me like a ton of bricks and I did not process is well at first, (I cried like a baby in front of her) but after a while I reluctantly agreed to give her space. We stopped texting, sleeping in the same bed, no hugging, kissing, sex, ect. And kept conversations minimal.

After about a week I asked her how things were and let her know that I wanted to fight for us and will do whatever it takes. She responded that she would like to proceed with a divorce and that she will reject any attempt of me trying to save the relationship.

This is partly a rant, partly just confusion. I have looked at marriage coaching programs for advice on how to reconcile this but they are all thousands of dollars and we are very very broke. Are there any good resources out there that are affordable? I'm willing to improve myself any way necessary.

Looking back there were very small signs but overall I'm just broken how my best friend can just give up without even attempting to reconcile the relationship

For background my wife and I are both 25.

I’m clearly a terrible wife as I am incapable of making the perfect dish, the home is never spotless, I make no income, and I don’t partake of sexual relations with my husband.

I don’t want a divorce but I know he would be much happier without me in his life. He’s expressed time and time again of how I’m the one messing things up between us. I’ve tried seeing doctors to try to figure out what is wrong with me and get to the bottom of why I am such a failure.

It’s been years and I think I finally found the right doctors in my life but it’s already too late. My husband thinks I’m punishing him and making him suffer because of my inability to be a good wife to him. He loves my personality as I am kind, caring, loving, compassionate and affectionate, however emotions alone are not enough for this marriage to work.

He thinks I just want money out of him. I rarely ever used money on myself. All of my savings went entirely to him and any job money I’ve had was to help pay for food, bills, and his debt.

For when we do get a divorce I don’t want any of his money even if it means I’ll have to live in the streets. I would rather I have to live in the streets than to ever hurt him.

He says he loves me and I tell him that I love him but no one believes each other. He refuses to see a marriage counselor so that’s not an option.

What else can I do? What am I supposed to do?

75 YO male dated for 5 years 2 years into relationship male moved in with female

male started paying entire mortgage of 3k a month and "paid rent" But house was in her name Then they got married. He continued to pay 3k a month for another 3 years.

They then decided to sell the house and they bought a condo together.

But the proceeds from the house went to wife and she purchased her own house in her own name and rented it/was investment property.

Simultaneously they purchased a condo together but each had to put down there own $$ for a down payment and split that mortgage/cost equally

Plot twist:

6 months later she wants a divorce and the husband doesn't have any money really left to hire a lawyer and she's saying he isn't entitled to anything other then the house the bought together they just sell it and split it...

My question: Does the husband have any rights to the marital assets to the house he contributed too during those 6 years half dating/marrier that happened to appreciate 200k

Thank you!

7 yrs ago after our 2nd separation she agreed to go for counseling. It helped as we learned not to fight in front of the kids, even ourselves but I noticed it did not help grow the love. Have the feeling she is doing the bare minimum to "get along" I noticed early but I was told don't expect too much at first, then the kids were younger, they can provide a distraction. What did I notice, rather than talk about something calmly, answer is let's just leave this as it won't get us anywhere. Spontaneous goofiness, like a song she likes is playing I playfully come up let's dance.. shuts it down. Other day I tried to hug, she leans away, if I try I'm met with I don't have time for this. Can't remember last time I got a peck on the cheek. I get her a present, I do get a thank you.. that's just it thank you no warmth. Thank you it's nice. Bedroom, gotten so many rejections and finally (I notice that time of the month when she wants) it's once she's done it's over. One time the next day I made a fuss ( yesterday I wasn't done etc), that night she agreed, but it was hurry up, don't touch this, don't touch that, I can't move this, don't have energy for this, manage it... Now just stopped asking, even wanting. Kids are older youngest is 15 and the silence is even more deafening. I have brought up these issues many times in past 7yrs, I notice she seems content with the "bare minimum " we don't fught!!

I wish I could say this to your face. I wish I could make you feel the way you make me feel. But I am trying to be a good person for the sake of our children. You are a liar and a cheater. You dangle hope in front of me like a carrot. You are a selfish person who can’t take responsibility for your actions and blame it on me or your mental illness. But I am the bad one. I think you only care about what I can provide for you because you are scared to get a job and take care of yourself. I have worked my ass off to make sure you and the boys were comfortable. I worked 2-3 jobs sometimes. While you made excuses as to why you couldn’t work. I have begged you to get help cried in your arms. And you treat me like shit. You are jealous that I will find someone but I have always been loyal. I never once looked at another person like that. You have made up stories to your “friend” so I would be the villain. You take and take and give little in return. Oh I clean the apartment or I am raising our sons. When I help around the house and with the day to day when I am not working. I have cut myself off from friends and family. I know I am not completely blameless but I tried so muah and you push me off to the side so you can play Xbox with the “boys”. God I am so sick of your shit.

Sorry I had to get it out.

After months of delay, had our preliminary hearing last week and I’m feeling shook. I’ve been out of the work force for almost a decade (left a PhD humanities program to support wife’s architectural career). We’re still in the same house for the moment—wife makes 100k and after months and close to 70 job applications, I finally am starting a job that pays 35k. At the hearing the judge acted like I was a loser or malingerer because I didn’t get a job that pays more. “Your honor, I’m not happy about it either” I wanted to yell.

I was hoping that the judge would see that I’m going to need a year or two of rehabilitative spousal support while I try to get on my feet and restart a career that I can actually support myself with. I’m really doubting that’s going to happen and can’t help but feel if our genders were reversed I wouldn’t be looked at like this.

My wife is refusing to negotiate anything, say she wants full custody of the kids and I am terrified that in my current financial state she’ll be able to convince the judge to let her have full custody.

I homeschooled my two girls and their whole lives I’ve been there for them around the clock—diapers, meals, clothes, appointments, play groups, play dates, kissed booboos and snuggles back to sleep at 2am—and now if my wife gets her way I’ll see them every 14 days. It’s almost traumatizing to think that the very thing that most qualifies me to get a good chunk of custody—being a great parent at the expense of a career—now may be the very thing that takes them out of my life. I can’t stand it!

I’ve already borrowed 20k I dearly can’t afford for lawyers and we haven’t even gone to trial. On top of that, my wife has made false abuse allegations to try to throw me out of the house and, I think, to try to make sure she gets the kids and doesn’t have to pay what the monied spouse would typically be expected to give a stay a home parent of a decade. The family court has so far not bought her story, but we’re not concluded there yet and I’m pretty sure she’s lining up her family to corroborate her lies. On top of that, it’s so mortifying to sit in a court house and be accused of terrible things.

Long story short, I’m alone for this holiday for the first time, wondering if it’s a preview of the rest of my life. Good riddance to the wife, but my kids are the center of my world. I’m left wondering if I’m now going to be a nothing but a footnote to their lives and terrified I’m about to be destitute, bereft of my kids, and left with nothing but a unjustly shattered reputation.

Anybody been in this kind of spot? You got any happy endings or at least advice to share? Love to all of you in your struggles.

Alright, I've been meaning to sit down and write (type) out all my thoughts on this, so here we go:

So I had been married with this girl I had met in college that I absolutely fell for... Out of the many reasons I was attracted to her was that one of the first things we had done when we first started hanging out was talk about our 'deal breakers'. We basically laid out all the skeletons in our closet just to be up front with one another about our selves and whether those skeletons would be a deal breaker for our relationship with one another just to get it all out in the air. She told me all about her past with men and I with women. We also talked about our personal lives, like the fact that she had a strong family history of autoimmune diseases and I talked about the fact that I had been diagnosed with bipolar type I; etc. ...

Fast forward to last year; we had moved to another state and created a little life for ourselves. Well, unfortunately I was not in a stable mind set unfortunately due to some medication changes I was undergoing with my bipolar stuff. We had both been stressed about different things going on in life and we had an argument about something stupid that I can't even remember. And then for some reason things just continued to escalate. ... then the holidays were upon us and Thanksgiving was coming up. My family came and her Dad came to our house to celebrate, and we had also invited one of my friends I had made through music open mic nights who was from Brazil, since he had no where to celebrate with and never had a 'true' Thanksgiving meal.

We had a good time, he came over with an orchid for my wife and a nice bottle of whiskey for me; which I thought was a really nice gesture. Then after Thanksgiving I just so happened to keep noticing that my ex was texting him, which was fine with me since she had other guy friends and we were all friends together.

Then I hit a manic episode and another stupid fight ended up happening (again still don't remember what caused it) but I do remember calling her all sorts of ugly names that I still feel horrible about. Later that night she stormed out the bedroom dressed up like she was going out on a date. I had a secret sense about this, but I had asked her if she was going out with my friend that she had been texting so much. She paused for a solid few seconds and then admitted that she was. I was so angry at her for going behind my back like this to go out with him, and she yelled back that he was the only one of her friends that was available that night to go out and she needed to be away from me. This was the first and only time I had used the find my iPhone tracker on her to find out that she was at a nice restaurant with him, stayed passed closing and had hung out in the parking lot for about an hour or so after. She came back and I tried to ask wtf happened, she stormed up stairs and didn't want to talk, which after me arguing with her we didn't...

Later the next day we had the argument about last night and then she ended up taking me to the hospital practically just to get rid of me, however it was probably the right move since I needed to up some of my meds I had been put on. After I had gotten out of the hospital I immediately had apologized for the stuff I had said and just wanted to make up and move on. She seemed to accept the apology which I was happy with and thought everything was fine again. I had gotten my meds straight and we went into the new year of 2024... that's when shit hit the fan.

We had kissed as the ball dropped and were hopefully optimistic about the future. She had previously gotten word that she had finally gotten accepted for a new job she applied for which we were ecstatic about, especially because she had a bad previous year of having to drop out of her Ph.D. program due to an autoimmune condition she had just gotten diagnosed with (she had multiple things going on). She had a tough year because she sat at the house all day and was exhausted all the time during 'flairs' and was trying out all sorts of meds to help with nausea, etc. So this new job thing was seeming like we were on the right track for a great new year even though I had taken off work while I was still trying to manage my medications myself.

She then told me that she was going to stay at a friends house that was way closer to her job location just to see her friend and wanted to be close to make sure she got to work on time her first day. I told her ok, and then she told me that she had invited my parents to the house to help with me and to help manage my medications... which I thought was weird, but said ok and she was out the door. It was especially weird since my parents were supposed to be going to a funeral of someone that was in the family... I just wasn't going because of my predicament of leveling out on meds. Anyways, one day led to another day, then I get a phone call from her saying that she doesn't think it's going to work out any more and wants a divorce.

I was absolutely shook. I was crying, trying to apologize about what had happened in the past and wanted to try to make it work through counseling. She didn't want any part of it. Apparently the things I had told her had "broke" her and completely shattered her love for me. It was so hard for me to comprehend because we were seriously like best friends for almost 10 years (we had been married for almost 5 years). I was so heart broken, but at least I had my parents there to help me process what had just happened.

About a week or so goes by and I notice on social media she had posted a story of her and my friend out at a hockey game with one another. My heart sunk, I had messaged her later and she confirmed that she was going out with him. After furiously asking her how she could do this to me, she said it was fine since we were separated now (which I knew was bull shit). I still wanted to be friends with her and not lose her as a person which we tried, but we just couldn't make it work. She wanted to go through a mutual lawyer and to do things in a friendly way, which I had agreed to... but I had hired a lawyer for divorce advice. He had recommended me laying out a separation agreement contract, having both of us sign and he'll bring it to court if she reads it and agrees to the conditions.

Well when she got the letter from my lawyer she was absolutely furious that I had gone to another lawyer for advice, which I thought was confusing as hell because it seemed we were both on our own. She was mad at me because she wasn't financially stable enough on her own side to afford a lawyer on her own. I told her she can take all the time she needed to read over the contract to make sure she agreed to everything, but she absolutely hated me for it. Well, we ended up doing the divorce that ways anyway.

Fast forward to now... about two weeks ago one of my coworkers who still happens to be friends with her on social media saw that she had been in Vegas with my ex friend and had gotten married now and told me about it. It has only been 10 months since she had initially split up with me, 4 months since we had finalized the divorce. It brought up all the initial raw feelings of being betrayed...

So, I feel like I'm the root cause of the divorce because I had gone into a manic episode and called her all sorts of bad names. The guilt comes in waves at times and then sometimes I know I'm in the right with all this, even though my manic episode was just a fucked up accident. I just don't know anymore...

I know that he will do something impossible again.

He gets aggressive with those stupid monologues when he blames me for everything that gets wrong with his life and all universe as well. He wouldn't let me rest after work. He wouldn't leave me alone when I am tired. He is offensive and unkind. He doesn't help me much around house and with kids. I am often tired and miserable. He doesn't really carry his financial responsibility. Not all of it. I do more for us and our 2 children.

I know that if I will not follow with divorce this time, I will regret it. I don't want to be called Nazi or greedy c*t, when I carry most family experiences. He is unfair. I don't love him, and he doesn't love or respect me.

He is so horrible and offensive, that I even beat him up before, and went to jail 😔

Hi, posting here on behalf of a friend to get some perspective from those with experience in divorce and reconciliation.

She’s been dating a man for about five months who separated from his wife earlier in the year. They share two young kids and had been married since high schools (in their 30s now). Their separation was triggered by infidelity on his part but per his account he tried to make amends including offering to leave his job, which is his life’s passion and keeps him away from home for long periods of time. Ultimately they agreed to initiate divorce after he returned from a four month long work trip. After his wife began seeing someone else he decided to get back out there and met my friend.

During this time, he and my friend built a strong connection, talked daily, and went on two long trips together. Feelings developed on both ends and by all accounts felt genuine. My friend noted that he never spoke ill of his wife and only mentioned once that things had been really difficult for him at home due to the way she had been treating him (understandably I imagine after infidelity).

However, after he returned from a work trip, his ex-wife unexpectedly expressed wanting to reconcile. He told my friend this has left him feeling anxious and moments between them have already reminded him of how bad things were before they separated, but his kids are the motivation for any possible reconciliation. He mentioned that he wanted to prioritize a positive environment for them during the holidays regardless.

He’s been honest with my friend about developing real feelings for her and assured her (unprompted) that their relationship wasn’t just a distraction. He’s asked for time to navigate this situation over the holiday season and promised to keep her updated because he doesn’t want to string her along. He expressed skepticism regarding reconciliation - saying that if that if his wife continues to treat him poorly, he knows he can’t stay. He was confident that he can still be a good dad outside the marriage. He mentioned wanting to reach out to her in the early new year once things had settled.

This is the abbreviated version- and of course there’s three sides to every story. We’ve read a lot of posts and think that a lot of the feedback will be about how she probably shouldn’t have gotten involved to begin with but that ship has sailed. Just curious to hear yalls perspectives on all the dynamics here.

Divorce is settled. Ex wife lives in apartment, pays child support.

Ex-husband and new girlfriend now purchase a million dollar home...

Inequity is pretty obvious.

Any options for renegotiating child support?

Divorced in April after 14 years together. Coparenting three young children, pretty tense most of the time but we try to get along and demonstrate to them that mom and dad can be in the same space. Shared birthday parties, trick or treating, etc. He's got the kids tomorrow and I'm going over there for the meal, to see the children and have dinner with them. I'll leave immediately after as I don't want to stay long and he usually isn't kind to me when I'm around. My divorce was for the best- my ex husband is emotionally abusive, deep in alcoholism, and had an emotional affair. I'm happier and healthier, and I know my children will have a better future now because of my divorce. But tonight, alone in my empty house, it hurts more than I thought it would. Hugs to all going through it.

I've (33M) been with my wife (41F) for over 7 years, married for just over two of those. I'm going to go a bit into detail just because it feels like everything has accelerated super fast and the detail is really fresh in my mind.

I thought everything was going well, and we'd made some fairly bold moves together. When we lost our dog last year, we decided to go travelling. We'd always wanted to go travelling together and now was our chance really... we sold our house, quit our jobs, sold a lot of our belongings and headed to South America (we're from the UK). That all went really smoothly and happened really fast!

We did loads of amazing stuff together and I feel like the trip was amazing. But about 5 months in, we had what I'd say was a pretty minor argument (we'd previously arranged to meet another couple for drinks, she felt tired and unwell, I only really wanted to go with her or not at all but she wanted me to go). It was silly, but it seemed to bring a few things to the surface. She said she felt when she was unwell I didn't look after her well enough/ could get frustrated with her, and that on the trip she sometimes felt unsettled. She then said she just couldn't do it anymore.

Then next day was just her saying I'm so sorry, I'm hormonal, I'm tired, we are together all the time on the trip, just kind of like, forget about it, we're having an amazing time etc. Her mum has been ill and she's a long way away, and that was upsetting her too. Two things - one was just we could go home, which I'd have been happy with and we could deal with some of the issues including her mum. Another was to just try and talk a bit more about what she'd raised, and that maybe we could have space to work on our relationship together and I could raise things too. This seemed like a decent idea.

We started doing a couple of podcasts about maintaining connection, little frustrations in relationships etc. I thought that was going pretty well - and she had a flare up (a lot of back and neck pain) a month or so later, and I thought it was a pretty good chance based on how I'd made her feel earlier in the trip to try and build on some of the learning - so I was trying extra hard I guess to make her comfortable, take all the decisions away from her she didn't want to have to make while feeling poorly, cook really nice food etc. I thought it had gone pretty well and she did thank me an awful lot, but I also felt a bit hurt because she said I wasn't hugging her enough (but it was delivered in a bit of a... you're still not doing this all right for me way rather than a, please can you do this way).

Regardless, we carried on travelling and had some more amazing experiences so I thought it was going pretty well. I raised that it would be good if we could have sex a little more (it was maybe like once every two weeks, but because we had unlimited time really travelling, that would be something that would help me maintain connection too and I thought maybe a bit of give and take would be nice)! It was met positively but it was still always me initiating and didn't really get much better... but I liked that we were talking about stuff.

Hilariously I then got sinusitis with bad headaches and was quite ill for a couple of weeks until I got antibiotics. I felt a lot of pressure to do things and she was saying she was bored etc... I still had a good time but it felt a bit weird based on how it had gone with her being ill! This was a bit frustrating, and I'm not sure she appreciated me saying I just felt a bit uncomfortable with running around everywhere.

A couple of days later we moved location and there was then a bit of a bonus in that she did a bit of a sex treasure hunt on my birthday, sending pictures etc.. and for the rest of the week I think we were having a really good time even though I was still feeling fairly terrible. She was looking at our plans for when we got back and places we might rent, she booked tickets for us both for a festival for September 2025 which we always go to together. I thought we were doing pretty well and she seemed happy.

Then exactly seven days after my birthday, we'd had a slightly stressful flight experience (staff on strike, very slow through airport, not sure we were going to make flight). I was stressed albeit not with her, and still not feeling particularly good. We eventually got on our flight to Buenos Aires, landed and got to our apartment, and stuck netflix on to have a little rest. The WiFi cut out, she hugged me and said I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be with you anymore and want to go home. Within 15 mins she booked flights for both of us home in seven days. We'd planned to be travelling for another two months or so.

But then she still wanted to do stuff together... Like go out for dinner, go to attractions etc, which we did every day- I found it confusing... but it was good? And it felt like we'd had a bit of a spark/good time really. I felt better having been ill and knackered for a while. And maybe four days or so after that, she kept saying she'd made a mistake, she was keen on counselling which I'd floated straight after she'd said she didn't want to be together anymore and I thought maybe we'd work it out, or at least try to!

We flew together, left each other at the train station and travelled to our respective parents, both in floods of tears. I then found it weird as she has just been sending me memes on Instagram, just normal chat, stuff about her mum, what her plans were etc as if nothing has happened. Because of that I asked if we could have a call just because I didn't really understand exactly where I stood yet and if we were planning on seeing each other again. The call we had was a lot of small talk - I was desperately trying to get it on to what she was thinking. We eventually got there and I said I was still keen to persevere but wanted to understand a bit better if we had counselling what we'd be fixing. Was it me being frustrated, how I make her feel when she's ill? She didn't really answer. To start with her point was... I can't trust myself to not do this again having ended our relationship twice / you can't trust me, so we should end it. She then said "I love you... but I think I love you as a best friend and that's not enough now".

It was a weird line - not in keeping with anything she'd said at any other point, but seemed quite final. She said it was up to her when I wanted to speak again. We haven't - although she sent a meme of a parrot eating pizza on instagram the next day and "thinking of you" on whatsapp. Which I've just ignored... I feel a bit confused and hurt by that!

I still really love her and it has been very sudden and confusing. I felt like it made sense there was someone else or something because of how quickly it had changed, essentially twice! But we've basically been together just us for nine months and not been hanging out with people so it seemed unlikely! She hasn't said the word divorce once, but I mean, it's obviously implied. I feel like we have never got to the root of the problem or haven't really tried, and it doesn't really feel like a marriage breaking up (like a school relationship almost)! But also, if she's done it twice sometimes actions speak louder than words?

I just wondered if anyone had any thoughts or similar experiences. She hasn't told people what's happening yet (and doesn't want to ) apart from her closest friend, and we have a lot of mutual friends so that's weird. I've told all my closer ones and anyone I might bump into on the basis I'm back in my hometown, and had said I'd be back later. I think it has just been generally very odd and I'm losing my mind a bit, and don't understand it.

Hi everyone, i just got divorced 3 months ago.lets break it down so you guys will understand well.

we've been married for 6 years and I know her 10 years. we weren't ready for marriage because i was willing to study more and improve my situation but she insisted me to marry her, which i did. i wasn't having a good work, but i own i house, we struggled because i was young (26 yo). in this age i won't encourage anyone to get married becuase it is the time when you have secure your future, anyway.like every couple, arguing, husband and wife...you probably know. i didn't want to have children unless i got an official job. she refused and asked me to have a baby and then we will see.

i know when im writing this, im giving myself the chance to lie, because i will gove my part of the story. BUT believe i swear i have no benefit lying on this.

she wasn't perfect, so do i. but i wasn't that bad when things got rough. for example. i finally got a official job in ministry of health, and they send me 1600km away from my home, she went with me, but she stayed 2 months and she told me she can't stay in that town becuse its ugly and there is nowhere to have fun. and also her mom asked her to come back and let me suffer by myself there doing everything (cooking, cleaning, washing, staying alone...). i asked her to come back but she didn't want and told me she will wait until i come back because her mom wants her to get a work ( because her mom got an issue thinking everyone is trying to attack them, hidding in basemeny sometimes if they hear something and i understand it. but she think her daughter will never ever get anything from me unless she got a job. )

i stayed almost 3 years in that town... she come to visit me once a year but not in the town, she asks me to take her fot a travel to see beautiful cities... and i did.

So after all of that, i finally comes back to my home city, to my house, to my parents.. she starts arguing with me because she wants babies ( i don't blame her) but i was having a condition. if she let go the work. then let's do it. but she did want ( i didn't force her to leave her job). her job was a cashier. if she has to work in morning she has to wake up at 6am, and will back home at 5pm.( she wakes up before me, never prepared breakfast).

i go to work. i come back before her, i cook the lunch, and i will stay and wait for her to come from work and we eat together. she go to sleep and wakes up to tell me if i can bring something from outside to eat. but i don't want to. i want to eat her cooking, i want to feel her feeding me.

well. i never complained to be honest to anyone. including myself, finally after a period of time. she decided to initiate a divorce against me, she thought she is right and what she did is good. well i got surprised to be honest. i never thought i will go to any court in mylife. she told the judges that i never spend a dollar on her, never bring anything to the table, and she want to give her what she deserve of money.

the court ended after a month of come and go. the judges decided to give her a divorce. but she didn't get anything, only a paper of divorce with 0 dollars, because all things she said was a lie and im the one who was suffering.

right after the divorce she called me and told me how sorry she is, and she wasn't aware of what she was doing and didn't believe herself. (for me, that was a red line. i was honest with her, i don't leave the house (i game a lot), i never drink, smoke, cheat, never put hands on her, never lie to her (small lies i did). i wasn't perfect but i was the best of me.

before the court she took all my things from my house, she did take all my stuff, i come to my house to see its empty. but the law here won't charge stealing between hasband and wife.

so she took all of that, she wasn't nice with me most of the time ( she was good with me from time to time) but her mom always push her to do bad things. she isn't that bad, but at the same time. someone took you to the court and try the best to put you down, i didn't want her to come back. i was angry. still..

now the question comes ( sorry for taking all this time to put the question). the first month after the divorce i was good, i did felt bad from time to time. but i was not bad, second month i was good. and i get over it and i think i moved on. but this month ( third one) seems to brings me back to the beginning. i feel like i just break up, questioning my decision (of not letting her back when she asked me after the divorxe ) questioning myself if why she did that to me, why this is happening to me, suddenly my mind start to protect me (maybe) by thinking only with good memories and what we would be if she didn't do that,this...

is it normal to feel this way. i know this feeling going to leave, maybe next month mybe this month maybe after 6 months. but is it normal to think like even if she was evil with me to think of her and said to myself what would i bother myseld starting again while i already got used to someone to probably doing something with her won't do with another one (getting comfortable,like being naked, have weird things in sex, the way to talk..). it feels like you will never find someone that you can confortable with.

is this feeling normal ?

thank you

Ok I am trying to write this as clearly as possible but my brain is still recovering from the trauma and I am very mentally disoriented. It all started last year, I'm an E8 in the military and bring in all the money. My (soon-to-be-ex-husband) husband had gone on a spending spree causing me a lot of financial strain. In order to catch up on bills and pay down debts I took a deployment to a combat zone (it's a lot of extra money and it is all non-taxable). As soon as I left things got weird... He knew I would be super busy and that my hours were all over the place, but he would call demanding we talk. It would be 3am back home and 12pm where I was and if I didn't answer for him he would wake the neighbors up have them text me it was an emergency and I needed to call him right away. He sent me packages of things I purposefully left at home and would yell at me for being ungrateful. He was screaming at me for not telling him about my day and what I was doing, I couldn't tell him about that stuff or talk about our mission! It esculated fairly quickly to where he was telling my son that I did't love him and I didn't want to talk to him. He wouldn't let me talk to him and when I was on the phone he would listen in and take the phone away responding to things I was asking my son. He started calling my command back home saying I was acting crazy that I must have severe PTSD that the military is ruining me. He somehow got numbers to the Pentagon, other overseas bases saying I needed a mental eval, calling any public official he could get ahold of. It got so bad that my unit was going to call Child Protective Services on him so I had to get my son out of the house. He was causing operational issues overseas as it became my full time job to deesculate him and my staff taking phone calls from people he contacted and having to explain things. It got to the point where I had to get sent home. I let him know I was coming home and for some reason that triggered him. He started calling the Red Cross saying I was threatening to kill myself and I had EMS in my tent every night. I seriously started to doubt my own mental stability! I was worried I was losing it! Because here is this man I love and trusted telling me there is something wrong and he has all this proof I am messed up. He would send me the "proof" and it would basically be a picture of our living room. I was so confused about what was going on. It took me 4 days to get home and in those 4 days he absolutely DESTROYED our home. While in route home he finally agreed to go to the hospital and was treated for psychosis. He went into a mental health treatment center for 3 months and made great progress. I chose to stay with him. But the effects of his treatment started to wear off and he slowly slipped back into the psychopath he was when I was overseas. He wasn't giving me space, he was starting to damage the house again, breaking all the doors so I had no privacy, puting tracking devices on my vehicle and staying up late rummaging through my stuff looking for proof I was cheating on him. He would come to me with nonsense saying it was proof! Like my daily planner that had an hour of PT in it everyday, he was so sure I was taking "personal time" instead of physical training. It escalated to violence, I filed for an Order of Protection and a Divorce in the same day. Then the stalking started! He was sneaking into the house, turning off the power to lure me away from my son. He was basically living in the woods behind my house and watching me until I got curtains. Then I caught him living in my storage room. He had family who he was saying with but he needed to be close to me and torment me. Calling me non stop, sneaking into the house to try to catch me alone, connecting to the Bluetooth speakers blasting music, Breaking in and stealing things, he took my entire underwear drawer! The police were no help on multiple occasions, I filed many violations of the OP but he has only been charged with 2 counts. I seriously sent my son out of state to go live with my sister because I was afraid my son would wake up to a crime scene. I went into hiding staying at lodging on base because it was the only place I felt safe, but my dogs weren't allowed, they went to a facility and I was worried he would find them. It was insanely expensive! He would trigger the alarm so I would have to go check on the house or damage something and the neighbors would call me. My sister came to pick my son up and stayed at my house for a few days. He knows her car but he created this storyline where I met a guy overseas and I planned all this so I could divorce him and go be with my new man. He thought my sister's car was my "new boyfriends" car, slashed her tires and shattered the windshield before breaking into the house to murder my new boyfriend. If my sister, son and if the neighbors hadn't heard the commotion came over and held him at gunpoint until the police came. I am pretty sure he would have killed me. Part of me wishes he wasn't so cooperative with my neighbor and would have gotten shot because the danger would be over. He was finally arrested and the DA says he will do everything in his power to ensure he stays behind bars. He is still calling me from the jail and the DA told me if he does not plead out it could take up to 2 years to get to trial. The police downgraded all his charges I'm concerned he might only be in Jail for the minimal amount of time which is 6 years meaning he will only serve 3 years. It's sad because my son loves our town and where we live but I don't think it will be safe to stay here. He could ask for bond and his release at any time and the DA told me it is always a possibility. I can't sell my house due to the pending divorce so I'm stuck here until that's final. I'm seriously scared every month when he has a court date and asks for release. It's absolutely triggering at divorce hearings because they bring him up from the jail, he's in shackles and stripes. Has anyone ever gone through this? I ask because the first 6 years of our marriage was absolute bliss. Our marriage only fell apart the last year. He was a wonderful husband, very thoughtful, caring, sweet and when I was sick he took care of me. We had it all but something switched in him before I deployed, it is like there are two people living inside him, and they fight with eachother. Not like multiple personality but he would compliment me and say loving things to me then flip to how awful of a person I am. I didn't want this! I wanted to stay married, I wanted my husband! He is where he is because of his choices! It sucks because he was my other half, the only man I saw myself with and now I don't think I could ever be in A relationship again. Because I obviously missed all the warning signs in him. All of the literature I've read about the warning signs of psychotic, narcissistic men were completely absent until that last year. He didn't fit the description of a narcissistic, a psychopath or a sociopath until that last year. Is it possible he love bombed me for the 8 years we were together? 6 of those years being married? I just don't understand, I don't even see my husband anymore when I see him, I see a monster. The duality of both personas, Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde, its confusing, how could someone who loves me do this to me? I guess I'm looking for someone who may have gone through it, it is very isolating and embarrassing because he ran a smear campaign on me. I dont know what people think of me... I know everyone at work, my son's school and in town has talked about it and seen the things he said about me on social media. I just really want out of this town and to put this entire mistake of a marriage behind me and move on!
I know that was long, thanks for sticking with me if you read it all.