My spouse just found out she has some issues and I don’t know what to do.

My spouse was recently diagnosed with mild depression and ADHD. I am happy that they are getting help. We have been married for seven years. Before we knew what was wrong I thought they were just moody and a night owl but some of that has been cleared up. I honestly was able to mitigate and deal with the emotions and everything else but now we have two small kids and I find myself being drained working full time, taking care of the house and watching our kids when my spouse works. I just don’t know if I can continue on this path without losing my job or losing my spouse. I will always put the kids first. Has anyone dealt with this and how did you handle it. Did you stay and just keep helping them? Did you leave so you could prioritize your health and children? Did you stay and inevitably the relationship ended even though you tried everything? Please help me if you have any experience with this.

Over the past few months I suspected my wife was having an affair. I was not sure, but needed to know. So while I was on business travel, I hid a voice recorder in the living room. Once I returned, I had recorded multiple conversations between her and her best friend talking about the affair she was having. I also had a recording of her and the guy, which included them talking about some sexual encounters and how much they were in love. I found out what I needed to know and confronted her. Of course it is all my fault to why she cheated and she says she is going to press charges against me for recording without consent. I am not planning to try to use the recordings in court against her, I recorded so I could know the truth. My question is if she was to press charges on me for secretly recording her, what should I expect?

11 years together. , married for 7. So caught wife in an affair and I actually was willing to try and work this out. We have 3 kids under 5. it two days after begging me and me agreeing to work this out she suddenly wanted to seperated. So one month later we move into our individual places, 50/50 custody. She still is seeing her affair partner and he turns out to be married, less than 2 years and his wife is 21 weeks pregnant who he has now left. Swears he’s been wanting out of the marriage before he got his wife pregnant…

So i call her up once i can see that she is trying to have a serious relationship with this guy and suggest we meet up and come up with an agreeable boundary of when we should introduce someone we are dating to the kids. She goes off on how I’m trying to pry, I’m being controlling by setting rules, its none of my business and insulting that i don’t think she’s capable of doing what’s best for the kids. Tells me she will do what she thinks is right and I can follow whatever suggestion i would have come up with.

So it’s been 1 month since we moved out and 2 since she had the affair. Yesterday as I pick up my kids I had to try something and showed a picture of my wife’s affair partner with his wife that i got off facebook and ask them if the know anyone in the picture. My 4 year old boy says that’s mommy’s friend Uncle Josh.

So ya, selfish people going to do what’s best for them and screw the kids and their trauma. I told her since she’s no longer willing to co parent then parallel parenting it is but I have great plans on how I am going to choose to raise our kids when they are with me. There things she would and wouldn’t want the kids to learn do to her beliefs and I no longer have to be compromising with things. Man what a piece of work.

I just got engaged and I'm beyond happy. My ex wife continues to be nasty. Co parenting isn't easy with her but we are making it work. I have yet to tell her I'm engaged. I'm expecting drama. How can people at this stage of life thrive on chaos? What what your ex spouse reaction to getting remarried?

The loneliness at night, home alone. I know I’m better off without him, but I really hate feeling so completely alone. Don’t get me wrong, my family and friends have been amazing, super supportive, and I am leaning on them. But now? At night? I just want someone to hold me.

My husband and I have been on the brink of divorce for awhile now. I write this as I sit in a parking lot, crying alone. I just don’t know if trying is going to amount to enough of a change. We’ve done therapy for 5 years. Been married for nearly 10. Got married young. No kids yet although I want a family with children desparately.

I feel like the happiness of our marriage wake and wanes with my moods…. How tolerable am I to accept that he doesn’t really communicate with me? Give me compliments? Ask me about work? Notice my efforts and share appreciation? I want to feel interesting. I feel invisible around him most of the time.

I have this depressing thought that if I were to die tomorrow, he wouldn’t even know who my manager is, who to call to tell them. Or even what department I work in because he asks so little about me.

I’m just seeking comfort of a stranger. I don’t have people to talk to. That’s the sad thing about relationships. No one wants to divulge they’re hurting to those they know. We just have to keep it hidden and face the world with invisible bruises.

Hi, I have decided tonight that I can no longer live the way I’m living with my husband. I’ve basically silent divorced him three years ago, but I can’t stay in this house any longer. It’s not safe or comfortable for my kids and I, and I’ve decided tonight that make a plan and stick to it.

Here’s my thing though, I don’t have family and friends to move in with. Are there resource’s that I can utilize to give me a jump start on getting out of here?

If I leave to a different would I technically be kidnapping my 4 and 6 year old? I’m just so loss. 😭💔

My mind is made up though, I’ve had enough.

Idk where to start, but long story boring. I BELIEVE my STXH, has Sexsomnia.. for those that aren’t familiar, it’s a sleep disorder where the person who has this disorder basically engages or commits sexual acts/assaults with little to no knowledge. I’ve been raped/SA’d more time than I can count in the last 14 years..Always after he has drank to excess.. and if you are somebody who wants to judge and come on here saying it’s not rape bc we are married and poor him, he doesn’t know what he is doing.. kindly, go fuck yourself. Anywho, I told him after the last assault (October 2023) I wanted a divorce and we have been living in the same house, separate living areas since then. Our house is for sale, he has gotten since gotten diagnosed with moderate sleep apnea and given a c-pap, so he thinks he is free and clear and that’s all he needs to do. Meanwhile, he has started to get meaner and meaner in the divorce. I have no family (both parents died in the last few years) his family is loaded and can fight the long fight. I’m tired. I don’t want to do anything to harm my son, but I WANT AND NEED to defend myself and fight for what’s right. What do I do? Get an attorney? Try to work out the divorce on our own?? Keep in mind it’s been over a year separated, and I haven’t pursued more due to trying not to hurt our son in the future in any way possible. But he is not being kind or fair in the divorce so far. I’ve already met with one attorney they suggested civilly suing him for rape. Idk what to do at this point. Do I retain an attorney? Do I continue to try to work the divorce out with him? I’m sooooo tired… he is a wonderful dad, but a terrible husband in some ways.. please tell me what to do.

I do not live in US. Spouse Lives in California.

I am separated for 5 years now. No kids and marriage was 3 years. No assets except for the salary

How's is the divorce process in California ? My ex is not amicable at all I tried offering her amount but she just doesn't want to move on.

If I file divorce in california considering my spouse behaviour how long it can take.

Will it last for 5-6 years? I just want to know if my X is not agreeing how long it can last.

Sorry for the long post.. Ive posted here a few times about my wife deciding one day that she doesnt love me anymore and wants a divorce.. well its been a little over a week and she signed a lease and is leaving the house but she wants me to sign a separation agreement which i wont do. I make more money than she does but i am taking on our mortgage and our credit card debt payments and she wants me to pay child support. Im really struggling because i want to be able to help out with our baby but at the same time i think its unfair since our financial load will be pretty equal yet she makes me feel like the bad person for not wanting to help her be on her own. At which im like this is your decision! Idk im so confused right now and dont know what the right action is to take. Any advice is greatly appreciated

I started posting here a while ago when I was in the first flushes of getting divorced. Fast-forward it’s 14 months later and my ex is in my apartment helping out my son with some homework. We are generally amicable, but not warm.

Anyway, he starts to have a personal meltdown about something bad that started to happen in his life, and he’s just whining about it and overwhelmed with self pity and helplessness. And all of these memories came flooding back about how incompetent he was and how depressing it was to be with him and how unable he was to handle adult life.

But what I really wanted to say was: all I felt was relief. And not ill will, like I hope he gets help and I hope things work out, and I don’t want bad things to happen to him, but I feel so free.

You will feel free too one day, I promise.

Long story short, my husband and I live together in his parent’s house. I can’t do this anymore and have told him I want a divorce. My question is, if I move out to a rental property, can that come back to bite me in the ass later on? We don’t own the house we’re living in and it’s his parent’s place… I just absolutely can’t imagine the nightmare that living here would be during the divorce process.

I want to divorce my husband of 6 years. I tried to talk about it three days ago, but he made me feel guilty about even suggesting it. A year and a half ago, I drew up divorce papers, but I haven't had the courage to do anything with them. I keep thinking that if I leave him, my life will change and that's scary. I have no reason to divorce him other than I just don't want to be with him any more. Am I wrong for wanting to divorce him?

My soon to be ex and I both want me to keep the house. I (was) a stay at home mom and I can’t buy him out. He wants to just walk away from the house so our daughter can stay in her home and not have her life disrupted anymore. Is that even a thing? We’re in indiana. We have a mortgage still but it’s not much compared to the value of the home.

I have been married for 20 years and with my husband since I was 20. My husband asked me for a divorce. We have 2 kids together and for most of the time we get along great. Our marriage hasn't been perfect, I understand that it takes two people to make it work. I suffer from depression that has gotten worse as I have gotten older. Getting the right medication has been a process and sometimes switching meds has been really hard. I'm also an alcoholic. During COVID my drinking went up significantly. I sought treatment and have been sober most of the time since then. I have had two relapses that lasted a week each time. Just letting you know I'm not perfect. I have financial supported my family for the last 16 years. In 2008 my husband was laid off and stayed home for a couple of years to take care of our child. During that time he wanted to pursue his dream and go to get his higher level education. I was very supportive. He choose to go to a school out of town and only be home in the weekend. During his first semester I had a baby. So I took care of the kids during the week and also worked full time. Three years later when he graduated he had a job for about a year then decided he wanted to work on his own. I was supportive of him taking this on, knowing that starting your own business can be difficult. He did this for awhile and recently got a job. I have worked hard for all these years and did very well in my career. I was very focused on taking care of my family that I wanted to succeed. My husband doesn't like to go on dates (his words). He hasn't taken me out in about a year. Before that going out was pretty seldom and initiated by me. I feel pretty lonely sometimes, but I love him and care for him. Over the last year he has made more money than he ever has. As much as I make. I can't help but think that he has wanted to leave me for a while but knew he couldn't afford it even with child support. Now he has a good job and is leaving me. My only dream was to be able to stay home with my kids for a little while, which is over now that they are older. I talked about me starting a job or volunteer opportunity that would be more meaningful to me. I feel like I can finally see that opportunity and now he wants a divorce. I have done so much for him and I feel completely taken advantage of. I'm so angry but would take him back. I'm certain that he wants out. I'm so upset I'm crying through out the day and don't know what to do. How does everyone stay strong during this time?

Thoughts?

I was married for 30 years family then out of the blue she cheated and we divorced . I'm thinking she had a midlife crisis all she would say is she had her reasons . I just wished she divorced me before cheating i could handled it a lot better . The divorce was ugly here's where my life went sideways for me i had to move to apartment and i retired because my health from i only go to the supermarket or to the mall to shop then i come right home. All my friends have moved away and i have no motivation to find a hobby join any clubs , or even take walk Life is just empty and divorce destroyed me .I see a therapist but its not helping so for the last year i just stay in my apartment , when you have done everything as a family for the last 30 yrs and never by yourself it messes with your head .Anybody have been through any of this and what did you do to help yourself ? I just dont what to look at these walls for the rest of my life

How do you all handle getting support from your family, but they're constantly trying to give you legal advice (when I already have a lawyer)? It's exhausting, and I've ended up snapping at them a few times because they seem to think they know the legal system better than you, when they aren't even going through it. I have a damn lawyer already, just stop trying to give me advice/argue with me about what I'm doing. They want to know how I'm doing, and so I tell then, then they try to coach me into what I should and shouldn't be doing legal wise, or tell me "what's your lawyer say? Ask your lawyer".

11 years. She belittled me and made me feel like I wasn't enough for 11 years. She disguised it well, but at the end of the day I always felt like I should have done a little more. We need a bigger house, I need a new car, I would rather go out to eat. You should look for a better paying job, as well as tending to the kids because I'm a stay at home mom and I tend to them all day.

Not long before her filing, I had reached an all time low. According to her, the kids want nothing to do with me, it's my fault they're so "messed up", and I don't deserve to have them call me Dad. And I believed her. I haven't seen them in months because I thought they were in a better place and happier, and all my presence would do is set them back.

As of yesterday I had a meeting with her parents. She's keeping the kids from them because she moved out of town with a controlling a-hole. Supposedly all because he has a good job and good d' game. But they also said that when they did get to see the kids, they would always complain because this guy's teenage kid was a bully, or how my oldest daughter got her phone taken from her because she was trying to talk to them.

All this time, being convinced that my children would be better off without me and just forgetting that I even existed, almost made me surrender my rights. But now the years of depression is turning into anger. I have a will to fight, and a need to keep surviving.

I just needed to vent somewhere. And maybe offer some advice. If you ever feel "less than" in a relationship, it's not worth it.

Long story but going to shorten it, had a fight with my husband this morning everything boiled down to but he thinks I'm cheating on him again, which I'm not, but the main thing that gets me is that in the middle of the conversation he stopped to say that he didn't do anything wrong 3 years ago He didn't do anything around 8 months ago and he's never done anything wrong now so this is all my fault and everything the divorce and everything will all be on me. All I did 8 months ago was bring up the fact that he has disconnected from the family and been on his phone 24/7 and really just stopped being a part of the family so I wanted him to be involved I wanted him to go to doctor's appointment with his kid I wanted him to do some things with us. Have an opinion on a movie that we watch having opinion on anything want to go out. But me bringing that up 8 months ago is an issue and ever since then it's all been my fault so I'm just laughing because tonight we're having a talk and this is probably going to be the divorce talk the big final talk. And I can't stop laughing about how he just put everything on me again. He told me that the reason this is all happening is that I turned 30 and I just want to be a kid again and I want to do all these silly little kid things. But I just want to go out with my friends and have fun and do yoga and go to dinners and be social a little. The last few years we have been very recluse and very dormant. So I get his agitation in my new wanting to be social but I should be able to make the choice of wanting to be out and about. I don't know it's just crazy so embracing myself for the big talk tonight. Our daughter will be home unfortunately, nothing we can do there about that she doesn't have any friends she can go over to their houses or anything. Any advice on how to handle The way he's going to put everything on me?

I just want to vent a little bit. I asked for a divorce over 4 months ago. It started amicably but turned very nasty and we eventually got lawyers involved, which I think was an excellent idea even though it's gotten expensive. The thing that is eating away at me is that part of our settlement agreement is that we are both allowed to stay in the house until it sells, and we haven't even put it on the market yet. Our realtor is coming next week for an initial walkthrough, but I'm so scared it's going to be another 2-3 months until I can finally be out on my own. It is horrible living here with him. We go back and forth between silent treatment for days, and screaming fights. I stay at a friend's house 3-4 nights a week just to get away, but the nights I'm at home are miserable.

We finally agreed on terms today and I will be going in to sign papers this week. Not sure if he will drag his feet about signing. I wanted the divorce, he didn't. Does anyone know how long it takes after signing before I'm officially divorced? I live in Alabama if that matters.

My husband (56 M) and I (55F) have been married for 10 years. When we initially met, we were both going through a lot of stress / grief and bonded over it. As time has progressed, my instincts have been lighting up over the years that something is not right.

We do not have sex. If we do, it’s only if I’m drunk, or occasionally if the pressure of not having sex is looming over us and it feels like something we need to do, like a box to check. I’ve confronted him and asked him directly if he has extra marital relationships, with men or women, and he says he doesn’t. However, he takes the dogs on long walks - usually 1-2 hours, and takes his phone. And last year, we had a huge fight and he left and stayed the night in a really sleazy motel and showered before he came home.

My rational brain keeps saying I need to pack my shit and leave and start over. But there is another part that can’t believe he would lie to me. He has been a very supportive friend - it’s hard for me to believe he would lie to me.

I also know that I’m afraid of being alone. But being humiliated and lied to is much worse. I just don’t know if I can trust my instincts. In the past, my instincts had me attracted to men who were just straight up self involved assholes who did not prioritize me.

If anyone has any insights to share, I’d love to hear them. I haven’t been able to talk with anyone about this.

Next month it'll be two years since my husband left me out of the blue while I was at a dental cleaning. I was blindsided. In 11 years of marriage, we had never had any discussions about divorce, separation, martial counseling, etc. He had been secretly loathing his marriage to me and bottling it up for years. He summarized his departure in an email and for a week he blocked my phone number. For the following year we had very limited logistical interactions almost entirely through texts. I never got to say my peace, I never got to ask questions -- mostly out of fear that he would renege on some things we agreed upon. Within 2 months of leaving, he already found a new girlfriend. Less than a year after getting together with her, they were engaged and now they're married. I don't know how to move past the hurt and betrayal I feel. They just bought a nice home together in city that's a vast improvement from where he lived with me. She makes more money than I do. My career has taken a huge hit due to changes in my industry and I took on a job that's considered one of the worst jobs in the country for ones mental health. I know life isn't fair and I know my situation could be worse. I just get so bummed out that it appears that his life is rapidly improving while I'm getting my teeth kicked in.

Sorry for my english, french is my first language. It’s a big text, i wanted to put as much details and it’s a complicated situation.

I (25F) asked for a divorce in May due to infidelity. He (25M) never returned the papers and never consulted a lawyer, so we had to go to court on June 6. He was not there, so the judge made a temporary ruling. This ruling stated that I have full custody of our child, he has to pay child support, and there are other details that are not as important. We had to return to court on September 12. He was present but came without a lawyer. He claimed he tried to find one but couldn't. The judge gave him some time and rescheduled the court date for October 31. I don’t know what’s going to happen. If he doesn't show up, I’ll receive the divorce by default. However, he told me he plans to be there without a lawyer and will ask for joint custody. I know he has no chance of succeeding, as he needs to file a request days before the trial and he didn’t. We don’t live in the same city, and he has seen our child three times since June. He has never paid child support and he’s not working because he doesn’t have legal status in Canada, so he has no income. I have a bunch of emails from him saying that he wants to give up all his rights on our child. He is very unstable; every week he sends me emails where he changes his mind. One week he wants custody, the next he doesn’t want to see the child, and then he’s sorry about everything, only to be mean to me shortly after. Even though I have full custody, he can still see our child. I have never stopped him from visiting; I’m the one who always asks if he wants to see our kid. He’s only one now, so he don’t remember his dad. Multiple times he was supposed to come see him, but he ghosted me. It didn’t affect my child because he was to young but, one day, he will understand and I don’t want him to be hurt.

We got married so he could obtain his PR. Thank God I filed for divorce before submitting the papers. Since then, he has been very hostile and will do anything to ruin my life. He wastes my time because we all know what the conclusion will be. I know there’s a chance that the judge might reschedule again. I know there’s no chance for him to get custody. I’m just scared it will take months or years before I get my divorce and can be free again.

I just want to hear from people who have had a similar experience. I want to know how long this process usually takes. I’m tired of this; it takes so much energy out of me.

I found an audio recording device in our bedroom sat afternoon, and then the same one in the living room where I work(I work from home) today. He did try and throw in my face that he is dating his affair partner but I truly don’t care and it was a calm conversation. So I’m not sure why he’s recording me. Not to mention in California it’s illegal to record a conversation without both parties knowing. I truly don’t know what he expects to get out of all this. I can’t wait to move out and away from him, we’re just waiting for the house to sell. But I may move sooner because I’m afraid that if audio doesn’t get him what he wants to hear then video will be next. I just can’t understand why he won’t leave me alone. He asked for divorce I am not fighting him for anything, 50/50 custody etc and I’m not even going to ask for alimony… he has a “girlfriend” according to him and is soooo happy so what is his problem. Why are u worried about me when u have someone else? Why do this??? Any ideas, especially from a man, as to why he would do this would be greatly appreciated. I’m contemplating telling his best friend what he’s doing to see if his friend can maybe get through to him without telling him that I know what he’s doing, but I’m afraid the friend will just rat me out.

Ex & I are divorcing. We live in different countries (he's in the US). I have no contact with him & don't have his current address. How can he be served divorce papers?

My mom is getting divorced after 29 years of marriage in California. She's worked for the government at the same job for nearly her whole life. My dad has pretty much always made twice as much as her in the private sector (until the past 3 years).

Her lawyer is telling her she should get a financial advisor who specializes in divorce to help evaluate strategic settlement options. This advisor is asking for a hefty $1500 retainer with a $300 hourly fee. We want to know if this is worth it as the lawyer is saying alimony is unlikely (she wants to keep the house and her pension). She currently has an accountant but these fees are really adding up. I'm no finance nor legal expert but the fact that she (who worked fulled time and raised 3 kids) is being told she wont receive alimony is confusing to me. Any help/advice or recs would be great.

I’m not in love with them anymore, and I accept that it’s over. But today I just want to crawl into a hole. I’ve never dealt with loneliness well, and my only hobby locally isn’t running today so I can’t keep busy. Does it make me a bitch that I’m ok with just lying in bed for the rest of the day?

What do you guys do on anniversaries and holidays?

Wife decided she no longer wanted to try working on our marriage. She said nothing changed for her with her need to be solely independent . Im honestly terrified of being alone. She was tied to almost every part of my life. I have barely any friends, she was my best friend, the person I laughed with and spent time with. I feel like I’m loosing grip. How do I manage this stuff?

The house we bought together, everything in it is ours.

How do you handle this? How do I deal with knowing I’ll be lonely each night for so long? This feeling is insane and I applaud those who have made it through.. it’s like my whole life has vanished. I loved her dearly.

I am separated from my husband and it doesn't appear a reconciliation is possible. He stopped wearing his wedding ring but insists I wear mine, (unless I want pervs hitting on me). That's what he says. I feel if I take it off that will be the end. What should I do?