For me, it takes a toll on my mental health.

I believe I am asexual, more specifically, aegosexual, but I'm still confused a little bit on what the disconnect means. I'm more aroused by sexual content than actual people and that's all I know lol. I know that I do not want sex, nor do I have the desire for sex. But I love my content lol 🤣🤣

Does anybody else feel disgusted when hearing about sex or listening to a song about sex? I do and I can't help but feel weirded out. Everytime something comes up about sex, I can't deal with it, it makes my stomach turn. Don't get me wrong, I love romance, but I just can't see myself letting someone touch me in a sexual way.

Hello everyone, I hope this is ok to post here but I guess quick warning I will mention sex and such below.

So growing up I never experienced much attraction to others. I was always confused why my dad and brother always stared at woman or would talk so much about them. As I got older and hit puberty I still didn't think anyone was attractive. I decided I was asexual and went on with life. At 17 I got into my first relationship online. Obviously no contact ever happened. I had a few online relationships but all never became physical. I discovered that I liked maturation (I had tried it before but hatted it alot) but all sexual interactions with my partners was rollplay. I am a furry so all my rollplay was never specifically me In the situation. I got into porn and fetish stuff but only really furry stuff and I never saw myself being the one in the situation i assumed i must be a demisexual since i always found my partners attractive.

Fast forward to 2021. I got with my first irl partner. Loved them to death. The first kiss was very weird for me but I got use to it with time. We are married now but Over the last years we have had an amazing relationship but our sex life has suffered greatly. It's always been on my part. My partner is very attracted to me but when I look at them I find them beautiful and adorable but I never feel sexual towards them. Or anyone for that matter. I dropped looking at porn in 2021 hoping it would help our sex life thinking maybe it was a crutch or addiction.

I thought I was a demisexual because I still liked pleasing my partner I just didn't enjoy having sex. Now I'm thinking I might be an aegosexual as I find porn and fictional things very arousing but when it comes to any real life things I don't want it. I'm scared to talk with my wife about it as I'm not 100% that this is the case. I wanted some advice on how I should approach this without hurting them.

For all of my early life I’ve tried being sexual with my peers or basically anyone who approached me its taken me so long to realize that i don’t have to be sexual just because its whats “normal” the only reason I’ve ever done anything sexual related was because others wanted it from me finally finding a label that fits took so long and I’m not completely sure if its accurate but it’ll work for now (aegosexual)

Hey, I don’t know how to write it. But I’m from Paris and I never met someone asexual. Maybe people from France want to talk ? Thanks anyway, have a great day 💫

Basically, from puberty to 20, I thought about sex all the time pretty much every single day. The only thing I was confused about at one point was discovering that I was repulsed by male genitalia, but then I just figured I was a lesbian and moved on with my life.

I’ve also been in a long distance relationship for going on 10 years now, and we ended up meeting in 2023. The sex we had was amazing, and I truly love them so so much. When I went down on them, though, I didn’t enjoy the feeling or the smell, but I didn’t really think much of it because everything was wonderful otherwise.

Fast forward to May of 2024, though, and that’s when it fell apart for me. I went from being my consistently sexual self, to suddenly having a total repulsion towards sex. If I feel aroused, I only think about fictional characters doing foreplay, like it has to be from a complete distance for me. But if I think of anyone real, even my partner, I completely shut down and feel this deep unease about not only sex, but all genitalia in general.

I’ve been this way ever since for the most part. I could count on one hand how many times I’ve actually wanted sex since then. Every other time I feel aroused, I only feel comfortable doing something about it when thinking about erotica or something, but even that can be too much.

Im aware that there are ways to have sex without genitals, but I’m terrified to exist near my partner in that sexual state. I have my own sexual trauma, but my partner is completely fine and never did anything to cause these feelings. I feel so guilty and like a huge part of me is gone. Has anyone experienced something like this?

TLDR: I used to be very sexual until I was suddenly hit in the face with sex and genital repulsion last year, and it never went away

First off, I'm a male and definitely feel 100% attraction to females, and definitely not attracted to males, like 0% not even the slightest, no question about it at all... Don't ask me.

I frequently masterbate, daily, to porn. Maybe I've rewired my brain, but I've tried having sex with a woman on a few occasions, and it was completely different. (Even after abstaining from porn/masterbation for two weeks).

A woman is just so soft in her mouth and down there, and everything is slippery, that it's completely a different experience. I'm used to using my hands more tightly and I do it very fast. (I masterbate with my foreskin covering the head, so no lube needed, not with the hand directly, that would be painful without lube).

So one is slow, slippery and soft, the other is tight, dry and very fast. It is such a different feeling that I have zero interest in sex at all, even though I had an illusion of it before trying sex.

I feel so turned off that as I start associating what real sex feels like, it's almost like I no longer want to watch porn and masterbate anymore because it reminds me of what real sex feels like and how unenjoyable it has been each time. (Even though before I ever had sex, I'd never be able to go a day or two without pornography/masterbation).

The only enjoyable part of sex, is just making the woman happy via other means, hands, toys etc., but it doesn't sound like a long term stable situation if I'm not able to get hard.

Does it make me asexual that I completely hate the feeling of sex, but I enjoy or used to enjoy masterbation? And not sure what to do about it.

Personality wise, I have always been 100% asocial, introverted, withdrawn, closed, just uninterested in people in general. Just always to myself, I live alone. But it would have been good to enjoy sex at least once in a while if it felt like what I expected, but it wasn't.

I just don't really get it. why people are so obsessed with it. For me, sex is something totally not needed in my life. I can live perfectly without it.

Same as title

I don't know if it's advice I need or maybe just some help understanding this situation from another perspective.

My asexual bestie shows me (demisexual) so much physical affection I'm confused as to what kind of relationship she wants from me. We have a very close relationship that has been platonic for a long time but within the last few of years it feels like things have changed. It's kinda like we are in a weird unspoken qpr.

Please read the rest of the text ________________________

***This is just a block of thoughts so treat each block as a bullet point I guess

Just to give a bit of background: I (23f) have been friends with someone (also 23f) for going on 12 years now. She and I have been very close since we met in middle school.

We finished highschool together and moved away for college together. We have lived together for our entire time at college (undergrad and post grad education). This year will make 6 years of us living together.

We do everything together. Everyone either ask if we are related or in a relationship.

We spend holidays with each other's families.

Neither of us has been in a real relationship besides whatever it is that we are in with each other.

A few years ago she has said (jokingly?) that she could never kiss me. Yet she kisses me all the time. Little pecks on the forehead and cheeks. The other day I closed my eyes and she gave me a quick peck on the lips. We cuddle in bed several times a week.

About a year and a half ago, I told her that I want to marry her when we get a bit older and she said she would like that. Nothing has happened to further this relationship though.

Now, she jokes about wanting to get married "for the tax benefits" and for my aunt's house I'm going to inherit. She jokes about it as "our" house.

Within the past year I've tried to distance myself emotionally just a little because it's starting to hurt me. I fail to keep her away because I love her so much and she won't leave me alone even though she says she doesn't want any type of relationship.

A few months ago I've convinced myself I need to focus on actions and habits of hers that annoy me. I thought this would help me protect myself emotionally. (It's a shit plan I know, but at the time I didn't know what else to do). As you could have guessed this was causing some friction in our relationship, so I've mostly put a stop to it.

I'm demi-pan, though I do have a preference for other women. She has told me that she is asexual and I accept her for who she is, but I cannot keep my heart safe from her when she keeps showing me the level of physical affection that she does.

We have been friends so long, yet we still have issues with communication.

She believes that she might have a touch of the ✨'tism✨ , which may explain why she has a difficult time processing and displaying her emotions. I ask her all the time to communicate her feelings to me.

I believe that she experiences romantic but not sexual feelings. If anything, I do believe she has feelings for other women.

I often tell her how I feel. So much so that she ignores me at times; or sometimes she hears me in the moment but she will not retain anything I am saying. That is something that bothers me. I usually feel like I am forgettable and when it keeps happening it weighs on me.

I am sorry, I feel like I am just venting at this point. I pour my heart into us, but I just don't want it to be for nothing.

I always make sure she is comfortable with anything that we do. I never want to make her uncomfortable.

I used to hate being touched then she would make me hold her hand. Now, I like to hold her hand and she doesn't reciprocate anything of the such.

We both have acts of service that we do for one another and we often gift each other little things.

Lately I try and to be near her and give her physical affection (light touches, soft hugs, hand holding, head resting, etc) but she will not reciprocate anything-so I leave her alone. After I leave her alone for days at a time she will climb all over me for affection. Then the cycle starts over.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to push the relationship in any direction then push her away because of it. I deeply care about her and our relationship- I just don't want to mess anything up.

I don't want to be the one to initiate anything because I don't want to make her uncomfortable. If she ever wants to try something new (like a food or something), it has to be her idea or by her own will. If otherwise, it will give her the ick and she will never try it again. That's just the way she is. I give her all the love and support I can.

I'm okay if our relationship doesn't go to the next step, but I need to know how to tell/show her the extent of my love and admiration in a way that she understands.

I feel like I'm going crazy. This wishy-washy back and forth that she does with my emotions is wearing me down. It makes my depression/anxiety worse at times.

Everytime I try to talk about our feelings she gets aggravated and gives up on the conversation in a huff.

I would like for some kind of change to happen to our relationship. But if it makes her decide to leave after all this time, I guess I would rather keep hurting than lose her.

I often tell her how much I love her and she says it back.

        _________________________

I guess I'm just wondering how to go about telling her how I feel in a way she understands. I know she has love for me and she cares for me, but I feel that we love differently.

If possible I need help understanding her love from a perspective similar to hers.

Finally, I do apologize for the longer post.

I just typed as it came to me so it might not make sense at first. If you have any questions just ask

P. D.: I did post this in another page, but I'm for some reason freaking out and would like answers or opinions asap. I'm losing my freaking mind

I (25M) have been going through a depressive episode, and for some reason, one of the things I've come to terms, is that I might be asexual(?). I don´t know if this is the case, and I don´t even know if it's really asexuality or if it´s just.... lack of experience?

I´ve never had sex before, and to be honest, I don´t find any interest in doing so. Every time I have this idea of having sex for myself, I freak out, and find it disgusting, weird, and uncomfortable to be honest, or when people make comments about me having sex (mostly my relatives).

I watch porn and enjoy it, and jerk off to it, but for some reason, the idea of becoming intimate with someone is not something I'd enjoy doing. Still, I don't know if it´s just me not having any experience as I've also been quite lonely for all my life and the fact I don´t have a partner is the reason I don't like it. But, I just hate the idea of having intimate relationships. I feel it'll hurt, it'll be uncomfortable and weird, and honestly, I don't see the appeal of doing it myself.

I want to have kids someday, my kids, but I'm afraid I don't want to have sex, and I don't know when I will find a partner. What would she think? Will I be cheated? Will I be a bad partner?

Also, I think I might be bisexual, and that's something that I've been checking for a bit now, but still for some reason unsure. Now that I've looked through the past, I've fallen in love or got enamored with some men in my life; not as much as I've fallen in love with women, but still, would that count? I watch gay porn most of the time (I don't want to give details, but is mostly related to men strongly), and that is what gets me aroused, but if I had the chance to get a boyfriend or get a girlfriend, I'd much rather have a girlfriend, a wife. I'd like to have an opposite-sex partner certainly, more than I'd like to have a same-sex partner. Does this mean I am bisexual?

Furthermore, does me masturbating and watching porn mean I probably ain't asexual? What does asexuality mean? I've tried looking for definitions but is all so confusing.

Any opinions would be great because I feel so confused

I wanted to come on here to see if anyone feels the same way I do. I am asexual, I am agender don’t drugs (unless prescribed by a doctor), and I don’t drink alcohol.

The asexualness, no drugs, and no alcohol is something I will not budge on when looking for a relationship. Does anyone else feel the same way I do about these things or am I just a crazy person with overtly high expectations of others?

Would love to hear other’s thoughts

EDIT: When I say Ace I mean like… No sex. And who does not have sex.

So this post might be long, because stuff involving me, sex and attraction is kind of all over the place for me.

Ok so for context, I hardly ever look at just people based off of their looks and think “wow I really want to sleep with this person.” I do however get thoughts of like “oh they’re cute”, (not to have sex with), or I can appreciate their looks and find them conventionally attractive/know they are to the masses. However I do have a high libido and sex drive. So this is where my confusion comes and it gets tricky. I have participated in hookups/one night stands before mostly for the feeling of having sex/I enjoy having sex/or to build an emotional connection with someone I wanted to pursue more. Majority of the time unless I was already dating this person, I would engage in hookups while I was drunk, as my inhibitions seem to lower and I’m more likely to consider attraction. But while I am in the act of hooking up with them I don’t think “omg they’re so hot,” I mostly think “I enjoy the feelings I get from doing this with someone.” When I had decided to engage in hooking up with someone in the past I do usually only pick people who are conventionally attractive, but when I seek these people out it’s mostly because I was seeking something emotional first, and not really because I saw them and was like “omg I need to have sex with them.” Sex just kind of happened as I was trying to form an attachment and like the feeling of sex.

Now with masturbation. I am utterly disgusted by porn, (I do have some SA trauma with that though) and think it’s gross that people watch it. When I have seen it I never get turned on by it, unless it had involved a scenario with a romantic partner in some way. Here is another part I’m confused on.

So my partner and I have kind of explored our sexual kinks over the past two years. Anyways I found out that the idea of threesomes sounds appealing with someone else and my partner but I think it’s more for the fetish of it. Because when I do masturbate/or I talk about threesomes with my partner or doing things with another person, I don’t really get off on the idea of me doing stuff without them being in the room in these fantasies or at least in the picture in some way. The idea of just having sex with a random person without my partner being there doesn’t do anything for me.

Now another thing with masturbation, since I’m porn repulsed for the most part, I only really get off/find my partners nudes attractive. Now I have looked at and masturbated to pictures of a specific guy or girl that we do not know (as me and my partner are both bi), but when I masturbate to this third party person I only really get turned on by the fact that my partner would be involved. And I usually only masturbate to these specific people if I’m with my partner as a connection thing. But to clarify I don’t really seek out to have sex others/find it appealing without my partner who I am emotionally attached with being there, and even the people we have picked for these imaginary scenarios are only attractive to me now because it involves my partner. It’s almost as if my sexual attraction/kink only revolve around the person I have an emotional attachment with (that being my current partner, and partners I have had in the past).

When I have had periods where I wasn’t emotionally connected to anyone, and I masturbated I usually would never look at anything and go off of the feeling. With the exception of reading Fanfictions/AO3 of some of my favorite ships from tv shows or animated series I like. Otherwise I would not have a desire to look at anyone and picture myself having sex with a specific person, just thinking about the act itself. But when it comes to tv show characters/animated characters I have developed sexual attraction towards these characters mostly based upon their personalities in the show. I however am not really attracted to the actors in real life and don’t imagine myself with these real life people, once they’re out of character. Those are only the really big exceptions of people I have imagined other than my romantic partners of me having sex with. And they’re usually anime characters, maybe because they’re not a real person.

Now with sexual attraction towards my romantic partners. When I had first got with my current boyfriend, he was a coworker, that I on a drunk work social had initiated the conversation of sex with. Not really for his looks but just because I knew him well, and was horny to actually do the act. Anyways it wasn’t until we had been intimate a few more times and got to know eachother that I found him like super sexy to the point where I just wanted to have sex with him right now. Like it was not “oh he’s cute” anymore it was like “omg he’s so hot.” And now I literally think my partner is the sexiest person ever and don’t think anyone else can get me aroused like that, unless they were in a threesome with my partner in some way.

And the weird thing is, I do identify with being bi now, but my whole life I never knew I was. I literally never had sexual attraction towards girls and it wasn’t until my partner brought up a threesome with a girl as a fantasy did I realize I do in fact find girls attractive, but I realize I have a very picky specific type. Like there are only two celebrity girls I found attractive enough to want to insert them into this threesome scenario, and prior to me and my partner meeting when I saw these women before I only thought “oh they’re pretty” but I didn’t real any sexual attraction towards them until my partner was involved. Now I know I’m bi because me and my partner had a threesome with a women and I enjoyed it, and enjoy masturbating with my partner to those two specific celebrities. I do find them sexually attractive now, but they both play movie characters I really like, so that could be partly it too.

I’m sorry this is so long but I’m so confused if I’m Demi or not, because I have heard so much that people who are demisexual don’t engage in hookups or threesomes. That’s why I’m not sure if I’m Demi or just picky. If you read this far thank you, and I hope you can help me get some insight.

Overall Context: Basically in summary I experience physical attraction to people based off their looks, but am not like dying to have sex with them or really think about wanting that unless it’s my partner or fictional character. But I will still engage in the act of sex with physically attractive people just, because I like the feeling and would rather do it with them than someone who I would think is physically ugly. But I’m not like dying to do it beforehand, it’s more just to fulfill a horny urge, or to potentially elevate the relationship/connection/add emotional bonding to a connection that is budding. Then once I know someone well then I think they’re the hottest person in the word and only fixate on them, and sexual acts involving them.

Thanks!

I’m (22NB) not really sure that what I’ve want is a romantic relationship? ofc I want that type of close bond, but to be honest, I feel like there’s a certain pressure of possessiveness that allows hold their partner to and it’s just….normal???!!! Like I don’t know….it gets to a point where I have to keep editing parts of my life to make someone happy…..I’m gonna become miserable in time no matter how much I love the person. Of course I love that type of bond, but not at the point of someone feeling insecure because a friend hugged me or bc I simp for an idol or fictional character.😭like that’s just very bizarre to me???? I know everyone isn’t like that, but it’s so so normal for someone to chip at yourself in the name of love and I just …don’t want to do that. And I don’t think I’m a bad person for wanting someone to accept all of me. I can’t even begin to imagine asking my partner to change how they are for my sake?? And yet that’s something so normalized? why can’t you accept me as I am, why would you date someone if you know you want to change them??

I don’t think that’s something I want to do in the name of love. In fact I don’t think that IS love. There’s just too many politics about who you are and aren’t supposed to be and I just…..am not gonna do that for anyone, and I feel more easily accepted in friendships, yk? I do want to date, but not in the way people just have that pressure for you to be their absolute everything. I would like a partner that just lets me be myself without having to chip at myself to make them feel like the most important person to me (and I’m also not a big fan of ranking how much I love all the people in my life, so I’d rather love everyone than have to treat someone as the most important in my life) Tbh that’s scary as fuck😭 so what do you think? Do you think a QPR is better? Bc it would be love for me, but not in an allo way. I would still say they’re my partner, but I’m beginning to doubt if romance is what I want, since I’m already very accepted and loved by my friends! I do want a Family and relationship someday, but I don’t want someone that feels so greedy towards me and thinks that’s normal ( I will say I find myself attracted to women and no men, so a lesbian orientation wise) I’m open to all questions! :D

Hi! I’m here to figure out if I’m Ace, or something else. I’ve recently accepted that I’m not bisexual, I am a lesbian and I was repulsed by sex with men and found it to be a chore. Sexuality is figured out but could I be ace? I feel romantic towards women, I love to kiss and cuddle but I don’t feel the desire for sex, I don’t want to have sex, or have something sexual performed on me. Is there another term for someone that likes physical intimacy that isn’t sex, and loves romance?

So, I’m new here, i’m not sure if I am asexual because I do want a relationship and although I don’t have a high libido like there is something there but I’ve never really connected with anyone ever in romantic way, I’ve gone through the motions of flings and stuff but it’s never lasted long as I just didn’t enjoy it. I’ve had people who have liked me and I’ve liked people, but it’s never been mutual and I’ve never been in a full relationship. As I get older, coworkers and family keep asking me about being in a relationship, and it’s really starting to me feel like some weird anomaly. i’ve never felt connected to someone in that way, if I did I would definitely pursue it but I haven’t and I find that very strange because when I look around I see people get into relationships quite easily and I just don’t understand how.

I’m starting to think now that it’s just not possible for me because I’ve just never felt that way and I’ve never met anyone in my life where I’ve been like yet this is my person and I want to settle down with them. I feel like I’m missing something that everyone else seems to understand like I want it and people seem to think that I’m choosing to not be in a relationship but that’s not the case. It’s that I’ve just never felt like I’ve met a person that I’ve wanted that with yet but I really don’t think it’s gonna happen and I don’t know if that’s just who I am, that I can’t feel true attraction and emotional connection to others in a relationship way. I’d appreciate any advice anyone has, feeling really lonely with this.

Well, it's basically what the title says. My younger sister doesn't believe that asexuality is a thing, basically she just says that I'm a straight who needs to feel special. If there are any methods to help me get her to see my point of view, though I'm not sure they would work any way. I made my peace with my parents not getting it, but her not understanding hurts on an another deeper level, she's my most beloved person in this world, I just wish she would be as understanding of me as I am of her. (She has never had any relationships, but I still believe her when she says she's bi). Has anyone else been through a similar situation? Do you have any advice?

I’ve (m34) been with my girlfriend (f32) for about a year and a half. It started long distance, we met in person but lived in different places, but we’ve been in person for about six months.

We care about each other deeply, are kind to each other and patient with each other. Our sex life has been a source for contention for the entire time living together though. I experience psychological ED. This happened to me in a past relationship. My previous girlfriend was volatile and took her anger over my issue out on me. However, even before it got to that point I had struggled with ED.

It’s gotten to the point now where I question my desire for a sexual relationship and whether what I experience is sexual attraction or just a form of aesthetic attraction. Both women are beautiful in my eyes. However, I’ve received similar feedback in that they don’t feel I am attracted to them.

Before these relationships, porn was my exclusive way of getting sexual gratification. Maybe it’s unhealthy but my experience with that was not full of stress and the guilt that comes from disappointing your partner.

Physical sex feels more like an obligation to make my partners happy than a carnal desire I feel I must have. I’m confused and wondering if I could be on the asexual spectrum. It’s difficult to understand if I just don’t want sex because most of my experiences with it have been so negative or if it’s just not my thing. I’ve had some positive experiences I have enjoyed and felt good after.

I love my girlfriend and she loves me back but I’m wondering if it’s fair to hold onto her when we are so different with our desires for sex. She has expressed that she needs that to have a fulfilling relationship. I, on the other hand, would be satisfied with intercourse being only an occasional occurrence.

I feel guilty for not understanding myself fully before getting involved in a serious relationship. I have stated that I would like to have an active sex life but I’ve never produced that. Again, it leaves me wondering if there’s something off. If I could wave a wand and know I was functionally able to have sex whenever I wanted and feel the passion I would. But in reality, that has never seemed to have manifested for me.

Please help. I am open to any advice, questions and points of view.

Hi all!

As we all know, shit's fucked in the US right now. While I am pleasantly single and only live with women, I find myself wondering if I should try to get an IUD soon. I'm waffling on this for a few reasons.

1. I don't like penetration anyway

2. Not sure I'm ever going to date anyone who can get me pregnant ever again

3. I've been single for three years

4. When I have dated, people have largely respected my desire to not have penetrative sex, and those that didn't simply broke up with me instead of trying to assault me

5. The first time I tried an IUD, it fell out of me after two years

6. Getting it installed wasn't horrifically painful for me, just uncomfortable, but the periods were something else. Not eager to go back to that

7. I don't like how hormonal birth control effects me

8. Getting my tubes tied seems like a very invasive surgery and the idea of doing that makes me anxious

9. I don't go out much in my day-to-day life or talk to many people, limiting my chances of assault

But I don't know, it feels like I should do something more to protect myself from pregnancy. But all the birth control options honestly suck.

I'm 29f and I believe I am a part of the asexual community in some way. I used to have the desire of wanting a relationship and sex and I used to dream of being married and having kids, but now I don't feel this way. I'm stuck with my own thoughts concerning my sexuality....or lack of and it's killing me inside. I want to know whats going on without me questioning myself so much. I'm still learning and researching about asexuality for myself because I feel this is where I belong. The only thing is my mother.

I know my mother wants grandkids and yes, I have 2 other sisters who could give her that and yes, I could even do IVF on my own, but .....I'm not into needles lol....Anyways, I'm afraid she's going to be upset with me if I tell her I'm asexual because she knows for me, that would mean no sex. I also feel as if she's not going to take me seriously because of how much I used to talk about sex, and the only reason I did that was because I thought I needed to and....I wanted to fit in I guess. But now, I want to be true to myself and I want to stop acting like I think everyone is cute lol 🤣🤣

My girlfriend (MTF she/her) doesn't believe I (FTM he/him) am asexual. I only realized I'm ace and not aceflux recently (she said she believed when I told her I was aceflux). For context we are polyam and I have a QPR partner and I range from sex repulsed (sometimes kissing repulsed too) to sex favorable and I'm sex positive. If I was always sex favorable I think I would understand more. But sometimes I don't even like being touched. Anyone else ever deal with this or just have some advice on what I should do?

Title pretty much says it all. I (24F) want to marry one day I don’t want to be single all my life. But I’ve avoided dating because of being asexual and worried someone won’t understand. How do I tell a partner that I probably won’t ever feel sexually attracted to them? I’ve broken up with people because of this though I never told them the specific reason (I was young like 15-18 years old and immature I know) just that I wanted to break up. But now that I’m older and want to date more seriously how do I tell someone I’m asexual and how soon is too soon?

Ive always felt ( and still feel, i think ) that i was apart of the ace community. I never usually use the word ‘’ ace ‘’ for myself cuz i have doubts, and still keep questioning myself. To the point where it became very stressful ( ik, very unhealthy way to cope )

So, there is a reason why i keep on doubting.

1. So this has happened right after i found out what asexual is. I started having sexual thoughts, that makes me feel very… uncomfortable.

And its starting to get Even more frequent. And wont leave me alone. Like, everytime i see someone pretty or nice looking, i would say ‘’ wow theyre so beautiful! ‘’ or things like that. But then these thoughts would pop out of nowhere. And i would go ‘’ WOAHH, WHAT WAS THAT! ‘’ and would Ask sooo many questions. Like ‘’ is it sexual attraction? Do i wanna have sex with them? Did i like the thought? ‘’ And yet the answer would always end up with ‘’ no ‘’. But then still keep on questioning cuz what if im just denying all of it?!! Like, what if im supressing something, and i wont Even admit?! And would turn into a whole cycle, and became very distracting. And sometimes, these same exact thoughts would sometimes say things like ‘’ you DO desire sex, you DO want it, you just dont want to admit it’’ And is becoming hard to believe myself. Idk what these thoughts are but i can only describe it as…..not enjoyable. And Idk why, cuz usually people love thoughts like this. So why do i have these thoughts? Am i supressing them? Idk

2. I have a very strong sensual attraction, which is a PAIN. Why?

Because Idk if it is actually sensual attraction. And is very hard to tell is if its sexual attraction or sensual. I love cuddles, kisses, nuzzles, all non-sexual things. I also have cuteness aggresion, so i would have the urge to SQUEEZE SOMEONES FACE. And would just love squeezing someboy with my arms or something like that. But then again, these thoughts happen, and it kinda ruins the enjoyment i had. Its like a cockroach, you use bug spray and wont go away. Especially when ppl now tell me that things like this leads to sex. Which started these thoughts too, so anytime i would see two ppl holding hands or cuddle i would find it cute, until these thoughts keeps inserting…. Vivid images in my head, or say things like ‘’ they did things in the bed ‘’. Like, NO BRAIN, i dont wanna know that. And still, Even though they did, i still dont wanna think abt it. Its weird for me and i dont like it. And now, Idk if i just SOMEHOW convinced myself that i dont feel sexual attraction to the point where i just thought i was ace…. Its a nightmare

3. Im also sex-repulsed, and you maybe asking ‘’ why ‘’. IDK, i just somehow developped it, without a cause. And becomes VERY WORSE when those thoughts come cuz it NEVER. STOPS. So it just makes everything worse. Nos Im asking myself if i somehow forced myself to hate sex.

4. I sometimes laugh at sex jokes.

YES, IK ASEXUALS CAN LAUGH AT SEX JOKES. I laugh at some of them too. I also act like a flirty maniac, so its like very confusing for me. Like, everytime i laugh at one, BOOM, these thoughts come back!! And then says things like ‘’ you have urges to have sex’’ or ‘’ you are supressing urges ‘’. Like brain, pls stop, Idk why im like this. Idk if i just forced myself to not feel sexual attraction without noticing it. Idk what i feel!

So like, everytime i mind my business, these thoughts come back, again, and again, and again. NON. STOP. So now im asking this question, am i supressing feelings? There was like someone suggesting it was that, maybe it is. I asked my therapist the same thing, but she only says that im not supressing anything, but im not sure if its true. Idk why these thoughts come up, or why it does. The weird things that i feel asexual, but i also feel like im lying, and Idk why. So im asking you guys if im supressing anything, and if it ever happened to anybody, i would like to know. Thank you!

So i usually get platonic crushes. Anytime when i see someone who caughts my eyes i’ll just think ‘’ huh, they look like to talk to’’ or ‘’ i’d like to hang out with this person one day’’. Now Idk anymore cuz i have the worlds most BOTHERING, STINKIEST INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS. And they go ‘’ you wanna see them naked ‘’ or ‘’ does it mean you wanna do the BOOMBAYA’’….. ……….. ………NO I DON’T WANNA DO THAT. NOW IDK IF IM FAKING ASEXUALITY,I HAVE BEEN GOING CRAZY FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS BC OF THIS. HOW CAN I KNOW IF ITS SEXUAL ATTRACTION?!!! IDKKKK Im just having a nice day and then these weird thoughts go ‘’ you want boombaya with this person, that person yadayadayadahfjsvxjsnbx’’ I hate these thoughts. I NEVER enjoyed them, i never got the enjoyment of it. Theyre VERY annoying, and the worst part is that its making me have an IDENTITY CRISIS. I even have these HORRENDOUS VOICES in my head that keeps telling me im just trying to convince my asexuality or that i’m just faking it bc im repressing something. LIKE BRAIN IDK IF IM REPRESSING SOMETHING OR IF I GENUINELY DON’T FEEL IT. Im also sex-repulsed so it make EVERYTHING WORSE. GUYS, I NEED HELP! ARE THESE INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS OR SEXUAL ATTRACTION? Im going crazy rn….. I think i need therapy-

Hello everyone - I posted this a few weeks ago on the sub but am posting again to see if I can find a couple more people to participate!

My name is Emma and I’m in my fourth year of my undergraduate studies at a small school in Canada - I’m currently working on completing an independent study on the topic of asexuality. I’m doing this research partly because I’m ace myself, but also because I would love to advocate for more ace representation and normalization, and I hope to do this by researching the various experiences of being asexual! 

I’m making this post to see if anyone would be interested in participating in this research! Anybody who is currently an undergraduate student at a North American school, is 18 or older, and identifies as being ace is welcome to participate. Participation involves a one-on-one interview conducted through Microsoft Team. Questions will center around your personal and social experiences of being asexual, as we hope to spread awareness as to what this is like.  

Please DM me if you’re interested - I would love to hear from anyone who has any questions or is interested in being involved in the research.  

I just choose this on one of my games.

TLDR: in a long term relationship, we both come from trauma, we both thought her lack of desire was to do with that but looks more like asexuality, don't want to split up, any advice ?

Hey everyone! I (39M) have been in a relationship with my partner (41F) for 10 years now. We have two beautiful children (8 and 3) and a relatively comfortable life - I work full time, she has been a stay at home mum but is now looking to get back to work.

When we first met, we bonded very quickly over our shared traumas (we both had very nasty childhoods and have had pretty brutal problems with mental health), moved in and got pregnant way too quickly and spent the first few years of parenthood kind of on fire, screaming at each other, falling out - we were still very much unresolved people I think! But through a lot of hard work and co-operation and love we were able to help each other through all that. I'm very proud of us for staying together and working it out - we're both a very long way from perfect but we've helped each other become better people. We love each other so much.

Sex has never been easy for us. Early on she found it painful, and I was a virgin who didn't really know what he was doing, and struggled with delayed ejaculation. Though we had some pleasant times in bed together early on, the pregnancy kind of put a stop to all that. In the following 8 years to the present, we have struggled with sex a lot. In particular, she's struggled to summon any feelings of sexual desire towards me - so sex was only ever for my benefit, and basically only involved her doing stuff to me, never involving her pleasure. She loves me and wants me to be happy and enjoys pleasing me - but this ended up making sex very infrequent and entirely at her discretion in terms of what we did. I have never wanted her to feel uncomfortable or bad about herself so have been kind of waiting for things to improve, and have tried to do my bit as a parent and partner to make sure she has the space to consider it. But this has often meant many months can go by without any kind of sexual connection. This is how it's been for several years. Our experiences of trauma have meant we are very considerate of stuff like this. We had both assumed that her lack of sexual desire was as a result of trauma, and that this might be one day resolved - but now it seems we had that wrong.

Last night we had a bad argument. My feeling was that I am being denied a fundamental human need for some kind of sexual life and that i loved her and wasn't going to leave her but I only have one life and feel like I'm missing out on something fundamental. She broke down in tears, told me that loves me, enjoys physical intimacy (kisses and cuddles) but thinks she might be asexual, and gave me permission to leave her without any guilt.

I don't want to leave her. I'm not going to. We've been through too much both together and apart. But I also want a sexual life of some kind which isn't limited to the one or two acts she's been willing to do as a last resort. She's willing to be physical, but it's only ever going to be for my benefit. Does anyone have any advice on how best to navigate this? I'm in it for the long haul with her!

(sorry didn't mean this to go so long, haven't ever really spoken about this so sorta came out in a rush). TIA.

Update: It went well. So much better than I expected.

Thanks for your support. I really needed it. I wrote down everything I felt and thought she should know and gave it to her to read. And she took the news so well and I can't believe my luck honestly. I feel so relieved.

I started crying when I wrote that because it kept making me feel like I lied about such a big thing and she'll see me for the manipulator I am.

Instead she validated me so much. She made sure I knew whenever I feel uncomfortable I can talk to her. It feels like a heavy weight was lifted offy shoulder. I'm so lucky to have her in my life ❤️

She also gifted me a cup as coming out present 😄😄

Thank you to this community that helped me understand so many things about myself. I'll forever be grateful to you all and also the ones who supported here on this post. Thanks ❤️

Original Post:

What the title says. I'm so anxious but also kinda hopeful. This is making me crazy. (I put NSFW just in case) Guess I'm looking for some support.

I never truly understood if I'm asexual because I never actually had very good sexual encounters even when I was having consensual sex.

So I thought it'll probably be good when I'm with someone I really like and I will probably enjoy it. Turns out nope. I'm still indifferent to sex and don't actively enjoy it. I'm still finding certain things gross like I always did and having someone respect and care for me didn't change that. Sometimes I DO like kissing on lips but that's more like smaller ones. Not always intimate ones. Too much intimate kissing makes me focus more on I am how grossed out by it. Similarly some touches I can handle better than others. Sometimes I even like those touches and some I'm indifferent to.

However like an idiot I led her to believe that I'm overly sexually active. But I'm not. I was just doing whatever I thought she wanted thanks to lifetime of training by my past abusers. All my life since childhood I was taught I must give in to other's desires no matter what I actually want, my desires and comfort doesn't matter at all if I can make the other person happy. Because then my suffering will be less. It's become ingrained in me.

So now even when there's no abuse I still do it. I try to manipulate situations into my favor by pleasing the other person. And ended up basically lying to my girlfriend that I like everything she does. I don't even know how I explain all these to her.

The relationship is pretty new so I guess if she leaves I won't be that devastated (can't be sure). But this is also the first relationship where I feel actually respected and cared for. I really didn't want to do anything to mess it up, but turns out I still already did mess it up.

Now I have to navigate through this to untangle it this mess. But I don't know how to 🥺

I'm so bad at communication somehow I always end up saying the wrong things and I fear I might chicken out at the last minute and not tell her which I really don't want to.

I sometimes feel so hopeful because she is wonderful and handles everything I tell so well so probably she won't take it bad rather understand that this is me opening up to her and being vulnerable.

But then I'm also anxious that she will think of me as a liar and be disgusted by me that I manipulated her like that. Cause how much lying can a person take?

Just wanted this to get off my chest. And in case today evening everything goes to shit again I'll come here to cry lol 😆