've been struggling with what I think is "contingent self-esteem"—basically, my self-worth feels very conditional. If something doesn’t go well, like when I don’t meet my expectations in studying or any or an awkward social interaction, or anything i really want but i dont come up to it, I have an almost automatic reaction. It’s like my body and mind default to feeling bad, unmotivated, and hopeless, and I even start feeling like I want to give up.

I try to talk to myself with self-compassion, but it feels like it barely makes a dent in how I feel. It’s like my positive self-talk doesn’t reach the deeper beliefs or fears causing this reaction, and they seem hard to change. It’s frustrating because it feels like this negative response just “happens” without much thought behind it, and I’m not sure how to break out of it.

How can i identify and change these beliefs?
What should I do when i feel like self compassion/positive talking doesn't change how i feel?
Is there anything to consider i might be doing wrong?

So i have been stuck in a rut for quite some time now. I will explain my situation and thoughts the best i can

1. I used to be a hardcore right wing person, pushing hardcore conspiracy theory levels, mainly during the covid era. I had a wake up call when my dad was sick and have come back to the middle politically (as i used to always be). So now, I am in a friend group chat and all of my friends are mostly at the right wing-far right political spectrum. I get so angry, not that because they have those views, but because i used to be like that, and i feel like its my obligation as a friend to WAKE THEM UP and pull them back to the centre. I am not even a left wing person by any means but these guys are so duped by Xs algorithm, Trump and Musk, its crazy. Its all doomsday stuff also like Canada is falling and depressing things that arent even true. They are all cut from the same cloth, work in trades in small companies (nothing wrong with that) but no other experiences with people from other cultures or any other life experiences. I literally get SO ANGRY when they start posting stuff that just isn't true, or is just pure propaganda, and they think its real life or true. As i already said, i think the reason i get so angry is because i used to be like that. I will literally wake up everyday and think about how they can have those far right views and what can I do to change there views. Its like i want to help them because ive been there. It ruins my day, it affects my family and everything. Its all i think about most of the time. I dont know what to do. How do i get over this? I have the group chat on mute but i cant help but to keep checking it. Any suggestions to help with these thoughts would be great. Like i said, i feel like its my obligation to change their minds because i have been in that sphere before, and snapped out of it.

But like imagine i didn't care what they thought? Everytime i have good spells, im not thinking about the group chat and what they think. But with my current mindset, its been impossible. I will literally be losing my mind mid day when these guys start going off in the group chat about abortion, or immigrants or whatever it is. And i always get warped by into the vortex of trying to wake them up and tell them for example, "all immigrants are not bad" or i will go out of my way to send them legit research or scientific evidence on a subject that totally disputes their claim. Like i said, i actually lean a bit right, but these guys are insane, i just cant shake it. It ruins me everyday.

Is it an OCD thing? Is it depression? Is it part of the self-pity below? I am literally out of options

2. Self-Pity. Me and my wife have 3 kids, 3 under 3, twins were unexpected. My father passed away last year and my mother in-law, back in 2021. We literally have no community and no help. Its really hard. All 3 are in daycare, and both of us work in office. We are very stoic and humble people and dont complain elsewhere, other than at home when things are going haywire. We chose to have kids, but we also didnt choose 1 extra, and one of our parents each to pass away in the last 3 years. The problem i have been dealing with is self-pity, like what did we do to deserve this mess??? Its so hard most days. Also, we have alot friends, who literally complain about everything who have a WAY EASIER situation then we do. They have all of their parents, lots of help, or even no kids. Were not complaining about our kids, its the fact that 90% of our community have zero clue what weve been through and they would basically die in our situation.

Another example is my sister, who lives by herself, and has the nerve to tell me to not get stressed and be more positive, when she will literally stress over the dumbest shit! And says shes busy! It literally drives me insane, mostly all day everyday, in addition to the above. Its all i think about when times are tough, its a revolving merry go-round loop in my head.

I really cant shake the intrusive self pity thoughts, and trying to change peoples minds. It makes me mad and then i take it out on my wife and kids. Any help is greatly appreciated.

EDIT: I am currently doing it while having dinner. Group chat going off about covid vaccines and trudeau. I literally stopped my dinner to start arguing with them and have smoke coming out of my ears. Is this more of an overthinking thing? Cognitive distortions? Insecurities?

Hi everyone,

So yeah just curious if anyone has recovered even partially from major depression and social anxiety, and if so how they did it?

I’ve been dealing with these fears and feelings for more than a decade now and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better,

It’s not getting worse, but it’s not getting better, I’m like in no man’s land for the past 8 years

Life is slipping away and I’m getting older and I don’t really know if I’ll ever be able to recover from these feelings,

But yeah has anyone recovered from these illnesses and if so how?

Thank you

I’m dealing with a frustrating issue that I’m hoping to get some advice on. I’ve noticed that whenever I don’t perform as well as I want to in any situation, I instantly feel a wave of bad emotions—like I’m demotivated, brain fogged, and just overall down on myself. This feeling hits hard, and it’s tough to shake off. I know that setbacks are part of growth, but in the moment, it’s like I can’t see past my “failure.” Instead, I end up feeling like I’m just not good enough, which makes it harder to try again or stay positive.

Here are some examples of situations where this happens:

• During Study or Practice: If I’m slow to solve a question or make a mistake, I feel like I’m never going to improve. It’s almost like my brain goes blank, and any motivation I had to keep studying just drains out.
• Social Interactions: If I’m in a conversation and don’t come up with something creative to say, or if I accidentally say something awkward, I feel embarrassed and shut down mentally. This also leads to more overthinking, where I get stuck replaying the moment in my head.
• Tasks That Require Focus or Creativity: Sometimes, I’ll have moments where I’m just not as focused or productive as I want to be. I find myself distracted or unable to fully focus on a task, which makes me feel like I’m wasting time or that I’ll never be able to do the things I want to achieve.
• General Goals and Expectations: When I have an idea of who I want to be or how I want to act, but I don’t meet that expectation in the moment, I feel an intense sense of disappointment. It’s like I can’t accept that these small “failures” are okay, even though logically, I know they’re just part of the learning process.

These moments don’t just affect my motivation—they actually make me feel foggy, unfocused, and almost like I’m stuck in a negative mental loop. It’s been hard to move past this feeling, and I’m realizing that I’ve developed a habit of instantly feeling down on myself any time I don’t perform perfectly.

I know a lot of people struggle with this to some extent, but for me, it feels like it’s taking a serious toll on my progress and my confidence. If anyone has advice, insights, or techniques that could help me break out of this cycle, I’d really appreciate it. Specifically, I’m interested in any tips on:

1. How to quickly bounce back from these negative feelings so I can stay focused and motivated in the moment.

2. Ways to reduce the impact of these thoughts and not get so caught up in them.

3. Mindset shifts that can help me see these “failures” as normal and maybe even helpful.

I also want to understand why i experience such symptoms?

Thank you for reading, and thanks in advance for any advice you might have!

.

I’d like to become a certified CBT therapist. I’m willing to put the work in and I’m not afraid of long programs. Which programs are the best? Are there things to know and things to avoid when choosing a program?

I started with a new therapist a few months ago, and it's been going really well. She identified in our 2nd session that I was experienced agoraphobia, and I believe she's spot on.

I've been doing thought records and working through an exposure hierarchy. It's been tough, but I've had some rewarding 'wins' and see myself making progress.

My problem is, I'm a naturally very introverted person. On one hand, I'm trying to give myself as many exposure opportunities as possible. On the other hand, I'm totally emotionally and socially exhausted. I'm worried that if I slow down, or start saying 'no' to potential exposure (social) opportunities, I'm going to reinforce the negative thought patterns I've been trying to challenge (those negative thoughts being that being in public is unsafe and I'll embarass myself horribly).

I'm seeking some advice for how I can balance things in a healthy way. Thanks for any help!

One of my core beliefs is that the world is not a safe place. My therapist wants me to change this through CBT but that just doesn't seem to help because I don't think this core belief is false. Online it's also constantly put among beliefs that need to be changed, again mostly through CBT. But I really don't see how this belief is false, have they seen the world we live in?

So are negative beliefs always distorted?

Hi wondering if anyone could recommend me some online websites for some virtual sessions with a psychologist? I’m looking for someone who specialises in attachment styles specifically anxious attachment and cognitive behavioural therapy and helping me breakdown this habit and attachment style. I’m based in Australia Btw.

I’ve always been the quiet, shy kid, but lately, the loneliness has become overwhelming. Even at school, I feel disconnected, unsure who to talk to or how to fit in. I've been on meds for depression and OCD, and while things are getting better, I still find myself stuck on weekends with no one to hang out with and no one reaching out. Online, it’s the same story—I’m always the one reaching out, only to be met with short replies or excuses. I just want genuine friends, people I can feel close to. Why does it feel so impossible?

I often feel alone, especially at school, where I struggle to find people to hang out with or even understand how to connect with them. Socializing feels unpredictable and confusing to me. I've been on medication for depression and OCD because, for a while, I'd come home feeling isolated, unable to connect with anyone, and would release my frustration by damaging things around the house. It was a constant cycle until I finally saw a doctor, and thankfully, things are slowly improving—I feel more emotionally stable now.

But still, on weekends, I find myself stuck at home, wishing things would change. I know that change has to start with me because no one else will do it for me. I've always been the quiet, shy kid, even though I'm fine with public speaking. Casual conversation, though, often feels unnatural or forced, so it’s been easier to stay to myself.

This loneliness sometimes feels overwhelming, and even online, I’m often the one initiating conversations. People rarely reach out to me first, and it feels like most interactions end after just one exchange. When I’m interested in someone, I’ll make an effort to initiate again with them, but I can sense they're not as interested. I’ll ask if they want to chat or hang out, and usually, they find an excuse or give short, dismissive replies that makes it clear they’d rather not.

It hurts because I genuinely want to connect, to have friends I enjoy spending time with, both online and offline. Is that really too much to ask for? I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me. Why does it feel like I'm destined to be alone? All I want is a real connection, some actual friends, atleast online.

I often feel alone most of the time. Especially in school. Idk who to hangout with nor what to say/do with em. It's so dynamic and I don't understand it. I'm currently taking medications for depression and ocd, cz I used to come back home from school feeling all alone and unable to talk to anyone or make any friends (actual friends), so I used to destroy household property and lash out in anger. That happened constantly, thats why i had to check the doc. Thank god it slowly started going away now and I've became more emotionally stable. I dont have anyone to hangout with in the weekends and am just left stuck at home to my own devices, wondering when will this ever change. Ik the change must come from me cz no one else is gonna do it for me. I've been a shy, quiet kid my whole life even tho I was good at public speaking, I always didn't know what to chat about with others irl and it often felt forced or out of my way/nature, so it was easier to just keep to myself. I often feel suicidal cz of this and even online, am the one whose always initiating the interaction while the other side isn't reciprocating it. They won't initiate with me at all. I can't maintain friendships and often our interaction just ends after one convo. If im interested in the person, I'll initiate back with them again, even tho I clearly sense they're not that into me as I am into them. I often ask them if they wanna chat or hangout, but usually they just delay or dismiss me by some excuse. Even when i open a convo about smth, their responses are dry and in a way to escape from me. That hurts, cz I wanna be close to that person but they aren't reciprocating it and want me away. I'm doing nothing wrong. I just want someone to enjoy hanging out with, a close friend, or a bunch of friends i genuinly enjoy my time with. Is that so hard to ask for?!?! Why am I like that?! Whats wrong with me?! Am I just destined to be alone?! And can I plz have actual friendships atleast online ig?

MORPHEÚS, the emerging Digital Journal of Psychology from Marist University of Querétaro, invites cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) researchers and clinicians to contribute to its forthcoming issue, titled Evolutions and Transformations: Studies in Human Development. MORPHEÚS aims to create a focused, interdisciplinary platform where empirical research and practical insights in psychology can contribute to a richer understanding of human development across the lifespan.

This issue seeks submissions that examine human development through a CBT lens, covering the broad spectrum of this concept—from foundational cognitive and emotional growth to complex behaviors in academic, clinical, and workplace settings. We encourage research that explores the role of CBT in fostering skills for emotional regulation, decision-making, social behavior, and mental health resilience. Additionally, contributions may address how CBT-based approaches can be applied to promote learning, enhance well-being, and support adaptive change across diverse environments and life stages.

Submissions are open from October 1, 2024, to February 28, 2025. Publishing with MORPHEÚS offers CBT professionals the opportunity to engage with an interdisciplinary audience and contribute to the journal’s commitment to a comprehensive understanding of human development. For submission guidelines and further details, please visit our official website or contact us at revista.psicologia@umq.maristas.edu.mx or editorial@umq.maristas.edu.mx.

I don't want to go because I feel anxious and depressed. According to the CBT, should I go?

Hello I’m 22F and I am just wanting some advice because I’m feeling stuck. For years and years I’ve written down things I want to do, and (sometimes) have worked on them a bit. I want to get in shape, want to work on my book, want to get into sewing (and have had a sewing machine sitting in my room for 3 years). I’ve always been very bad with time management (being late, procrastinating, etc). I feel like I plan and plan but I never do things that WANT to do or, at least feel like I do. I’ve struggled with depression/anxiety/low self esteem majority of my life but I go to work regularly and hang out with people when I can - and most times I still feel pretty good about myself. I’ve thought about adhd, ocd, but I don’t know if it’s just me? If anyone has had similar experiences or has gotten themselves out of the funk, advice would be much appreciated.

ALSO if anyone knows any affordable online therapy, please drop them below! thanks in advance!!

Hi. How do you Fix a broken heart after being rejected by a guy you fell hard for? How do you deal with the idea he is seeing someone else, and you are not good enough? Any scientifically proven ways to get over that and as fast as possible? I cant take it anymore.

idk how else to put this.. we’ve all done embarrassing things. but sometimes they can’t get out of my head for some reason. i’m randomly reminded of that one time i had an awkward encounter in public. or even worse when my overall actions in the past

Looking for an OCD therapist that works in the Philadelphia, PA area, or can telemedicine from out of state. Looking to explore ICBT. Thanks.

Hi, Do you know any CBT protocol for type 2 diabetes?

Can you tell as about the before and after? What changed and how do you feel now?

Anyone doing any kind of therapy for fear of heights using virtual reality googles? Thanks!

I’ve really grown to hate myself a lot this year and cry / compare myself all the time, I feel like I’m never going to be someone worth value and I’ll never fit the expectations of others or my family’s I don’t know how to stop this thinking.

I've been trying to work through some on line sources to help with what I assume to be anxiety, grief and depression. I've become stuck on the difference between BWG thinking and reframing. All of the sources provide examples but they seem to be very basic and don't really apply to what I consider to be 'real world' conditions for someone on the other side of adolescence. For instance, an example I've come across is "My friend didn't call me back right away; therefore, he hates me." Likewise the definitions seem to have a fair bit of overlap. Is there a difference or are they essentially the same thing?

I seem to grasp the idea of Black and White but am bogged down with determine what the Gray would be in specific circumstances. I was hoping that someone could explain what the difference is (if any) and maybe provide a couple of nuanced examples illustrating the difference.

Thanks in advance

I'm a therapist, but I utilize methods from this family of treatment methods to treat my own distress as well, and have a mostly CBT-oriented therapist of my own I'd considered myself until pretty recently more ACT in my theoretical orientation, but I've got to be honest with myself: CBT makes more sense to me intellectually and logically, and identifying distortions and directly challenging and reframing thoughts is proving life-changing in my own life. It is relieving significant distress and long-standing patterns of unrealistic negative thinking that has hindered me, whereas with ACT I mainly felt frustrated that I never got relief from my distress.

Before I became a therapist, I had an ACT therapist who I asked "what's the point of valued living if I'm just still going to have the same distressing thoughts and emotions?" And ACT has really never provided me a plausible answer to this, despite reading multiple books for both clinicians and clients by Hayes, Harris, Wilson, etc. I know about all the ACT answers to this question, but none of them have ever been convincing to me.

However, there are things I love about ACT. I particularly think it can be useful if the "first line defense" of combating irrational negative thinking head on doesn't work for some reason, and I've found this to be true for myself. For some thoughts, even knowing the specific distortions and reframing them doesn't ease the distress, so it seems ACT could help cope in these situations. But a number of experts (though oddly not most clinicians I've met in the real world) view them as totally incompatible.

Why can't I primarily use CBT, both for myself and in my therapy work, but draw from ACT when it's useful? In these days where most people have an integrative theoretical orientation anyway, is that really such a big deal?

Like I was taking out my bag today and instantly I start to feel what if I dropped something, now I forgot to take a photo of the area and now I'm stressing out, even though I went back 4 hours later to check and now my brain's killing me.

What do I do? I'm wondering what if someone picked it up, should I request a cctv footage just to confirm, what should I do? I clearly remember the materials I had in my bag, but I'm wondering what if I dropped a receipt or something and then my brain's making waves about what if I had written something on the receipt etc etc etc.

I have had three sessions so far (including the intake session with diagnosis of severe GAD and a panic disorder). Last week's and today's session have left me feeling worse when I leave them, because I don't feel I'm getting it. I know I should be challenged on my past behaviors and thinking.

An example from today's session that left me completely frustrated and emotional: I celebrated a win of being able to go to a store that had previously caused panic due to the potential of running into a toxic ex. The therapist had asked if in the past I could have avoided that panic by maybe going to a different store, which of course I agreed. But in that same turn, he essentially shot down the win, as small and probably as unnecessary as it was... but if I was able to have assessed that all to begin with, I wouldn't need therapy and medication...

Instead of then exploring that avenue of how to avoid it in the future, he seemed fixated on the same past action, which I had already agreed I could have gone to a different store instead of causing myself the extra panic. I started getting frustrated, because instead of moving forward on how I could identify and change that behavior for future actions, he seemed to just keep telling me I could have gone to a different store.

Am I missing something in CBT? I understand the process of identifying the previous behavior, but he never seemed to provide anything more than just identifying it. At one point he even said I should talk to him like I'm talking to a therapist and not my dad, which both confused and frustrated me even more (mainly because I would not even be discussing these issues with my dad).

He says that I’m bringing everything from my past and that I’m not letting it go and it’s affecting our relationship and affecting my happiness

Last meeting in my group therapy class with less than 10 of us, our teacher made us all share our life stories and issues. Next meeting he wants each of us to report some slides and do a simulation on our assigned therapy theory. My assigned one is CBT. I already have my slides but Idk what to do for the short simulation. Any ideas?

Basically title. I act like I'm not depressed. I go to work, do well in college, exercise everyday, and do one of my hobbies for at least one hour a day even when I don't feel like it. But none of it is helping. In fact, I've actively gotten worse and am teetering on the edge between passively and actively suicidal. Even my therapist is kind of at a loss.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What helped you?

Hey everyone!

I'm 24. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety and Depression back in 2020 by my therapist. It was hell on Earth for me, but with time I managed to lower down the anxiety and some limiting beliefs by accepting them and let myself feel them, thus being aware of it. It has cleared my mind to some extent. However, I didn't commit fully to therapy and nowadays I started taking weekly free online psychological accompainment provided by the government since I'm still looking for a job as a student. The process is going slowly, very slowly, but this time I want to commit fully to this.

I was wondering if any of you have any book recommendations that I could use as an accompainment with my online sessions, as to keep making constant and consistent progress. My therapist has not yet delegated any exercises for my case, she's just making observations on my thoughts and what I've done so far. My main goals are to be more sociable, learn to trust people again as I have severe mistrust for others, and be able to change limiting beliefs which I noticed that I acquired through my environment (I live with a mentally unstable and dominant mother who belittle me and everyone around telling me that I'm no good, that I'm a good for nothing, and who's been overprotective as well throughout my childhood and adolescence.)

Feel free to ask any questions about my upbringing or particular case if you want to share more specific material with me :)