He has been moved out for a few months thankfully, but today a package came from Amazon, so I opened it. Figured I'd just return it tomorrow because no way I'm delivering it or having him come get it. Not falling for breadcrumb bait. And somehow I fell for breadcrumb bait. Damnit. It was three books about surviving narcissistic abuse lolz. I want to ask him if they are a gift. He thinks I'm the narcissist, just crazy.

I know it's not good to desire revenge but sometimes it feels that we are targeted as the bad one while they were the culprit.

They are so excellent manipulators and people think that it's us. They got away and moved on after we are still healing and they don't give a damn shit. This is really unfair and makes me really angry. I thought of many things to do so that I can take revenge but sometimes my conscience came back in others times I thought that let thier karma get to them after all God gives the best punishment.

This thoughts come and go randomly time to time. After all we do have healed but there's a part of us that does want them to feel the same pain we did. Can anyone help me how to overcome this.

Just wanted to share something. I left my narcissist over a month ago, blocked and deleted them, and I’m trying to move on. There are good days and bad ones, some tears, and some moments of happiness (more and more). I reached out here before, and I want to thank you all for your support. ❤️

Ever since I joined college (the place where I live, colleges are literally like highschool) , I've been getting into so many fights with people and it's because I am a weak person and I do whatever my narcissistic mom asks me to. She doesn't like me to compromise with other people. So, she tells me to tell them I won't back down. This has caused such a problem because I have had fights with so many people and now, half of the class won't talk to me. I decided not to tell her anything about my life. Well, she appears pissed. How do I control information without making her mad? Any advice? I feel like crying.

I have been no contact with you for 7 years, and I have blocked you on every social media site I'm on.

You told me while we were together that because we were kinky lesbians, our relationship was superior to those who are straight and those who are vanilla. But looking back, I believe you used BDSM as a smokescreen for abuse, and you were wrong when you said "women can't abuse women"- I am a woman and you abused me so severely, I have CPTSD and am in therapy for my PTSD. You were my first relationship, and I was a young, naive teenager, severely abused at home. I wish I could go back in time and protect myself from the years of hell you inflicted on me. I wish I could have dated an empathetic, safe woman who loved me- not you, a wolf in sheep's clothing who love-bombed me then severely devalued and breadcrumbed me after hooking me in.

When you told me you'd kill yourself if I ever left you, and you'd never forgive me if I did a welfare check, and then you'd ghost me for hours or sometimes even days afterwards... I wish I could have recognized that you were doing was suicide threats as emotional blackmail, I wished I'd been brave enough to call a Professional, instead of living in fear and confusion.

The first time you guilt tripped me when I did not feel up for doing a NSFW activity, I should have left you instead of sobbing in shame. The first time you did score-keeping, the first time you put down my hobbies and interests, the first time you negged me... I should have left.

When you assaulted me and I froze in terror, unable to defend myself... that day, I should have called the police on you. If you assault another girlfriend, my heart aches for her, and I regret not reporting you or filing a restraining order.

When you, after years of telling me you didn't want intimacy... contrasted to how during the first few months of the relationship, you tried to force intimacy on me even if I wasn't in the mood... and in addition to this, telling me we were not allowed to be friends on social media, not even Facebook friends... and you constantly accusing me of cheating on you when I never did... and when you insisted I could only see you once a month, acting annoyed every time I would call or text you, as if I was a burden... I wish I'd had the self love and self respect to recognize you had no love or respect for me and I deserved to be with someone who genuinely wanted me. When you got mono that I didn't give you, because I never had mono, I wished I would've questioned it, combined with the other red flags. I can't prove this but if you cheated on me, looking back, this would not be surprising to me.

When I found out that you had joined a fetish website behind my back, and were private messaging people on there... weather or not you were cheating... I felt completely unlovable and unattractive. You constantly putting down my appearance and telling me I had to be butch, only to put me down when I dressed butch, to please you... messed with my self-image and gender expression. To this day, I feel ugly and unattractive.

When you tried to control how I interact with my body, including my privates, even though I was uncomfortable and scared, but people-pleased out of fear... when you tried to isolate me from friends and everyone else until you were the only one, then acted annoyed that I had no one else to turn to...

There are countless memories of your psychological abuse that play in my head, years after all this happened. After 7 years of no contact, I feel like I'm still trapped in your web of cruelty.

Every time I see a girl that looks like you, I feel terrified. I haven't dated since our relationship. I haven't even made friends. I am living a life of isolation and fear, 7 years later. I feel my innocence is gone, replaced with cynicism, pessimism and fear. I question if I ever want to be in a relationship, ever again, after the nightmare you put me through for 4 years.

But... I am in trauma informed therapy, working on trying to reduce your power over me. I am learning how to love myself, so I won't be taken advantage of again. You know what? I almost feel sorry for you- you will never know love, kindness or empathy, because you are devoid of those qualities. I cannot imagine how empty and cruel of a creature you are. I would rather be myself, and live with CPTSD, than to be you, for even one day.

- Your former victim, who is trying to move from victim to survivor

hi ive talked it all thru therapy previously and followed advice i was given in general by the ones who cared to help and listen. i have ignored him trying to message and attempt's to reach out ive done my best to ignore fake accusations and rumors hes spread around (he's done many of those and dragged someone he knew into it once) i got a private number now for a while and havent had random calls and texts from fake numbers he's made , he has love bombed to no end, ive had to take social media breaks previously twice and make new accounts with more privacy, he has tried dragging my name to thing's Hes done, he has taken a social media i had long ago ( he admitted it was him after being confronted. it was days after an argument we had once when he was getting extremely possessive and nosey over me 24/7 and what was i doing ) he has blackmailed me at different times wanting to drag in someone I knew and doing so with somebody i no longer talk to ( that reason) he claimed to have showed up at my old home address looking to see if i was still there ( i was told by someone he went to it) when i did live at that old address there were 2 random occasions of the porch chair being moved with food sitting on it in my driveway and flowers sitting on top another time (im glad i haven't lived there in 3 years) none of my friends ever did anything like that i asked around all said no . thx for reading this far its not a long vent. ive just moved on from everything and doing my best i can with my. if i get anything im going to keep ignoring it as ive done best and keep a very far distance away from him i have other things im wanting to achieve/focus with and he's never not one

To this day I struggle internally whether they are really a narcissist or not. Without a diagnosis it’s difficult no matter how many boxes they check. And it also feels personal like they’ve only inflicted this degree of damage to me only, not past partners. I feel he’s treated the women he cheated on me with way better. We speak on and off to this day but it’s always arguing about who’s wrong or right. Last night we had a heated discussion and he said to me “I have no empathy” talking about himself and I was stunned for a second. He back pedaled and tried to restate it but it’s been stuck in my head…and my brain keeps saying “is he really a narcissist?” I just wanted to share this with you guys because this is still a struggle for me

For clarity: “I have no empathy” hes saying he doesn’t have empathy himself.

My ex who is an admitted narc love bombed me. Saying he will get meds, go to therapy and go to church. We had a great weekend. He listened to Denzel, Washington speeches about religion. Cried, acted normal. He’s added gps bc I don’t trust him. Today it showed him on a side walk for over two hours. Told me he was in a meeting for three hours. I sent him a photo screenshot and said, looks like you were outside since 430. He said ok… ignored me for the rest of the night. I know my gut feeling. Please help me know my gut to stay away.

Last time I went to court with mine was Aug 9th and from that time I only saw my kids on September 13/14 I’ve noticed the pattern of the stuff she agreed to do she doesn’t do it like 5 weeks of no picking up calls of me trying to talk to the kids. She will go weeks (3 weeks) of not using the parenting app but as soon as I sent a message in regards letting her know I’m filling paperwork she will just look at it and never respond.

I wish the court date wasn’t so far out but I’m really curious how she’s going to spin all this as well of not allowing me to see the kids all of October even driving 83 miles 1 way when she can’t even make the 19 mile drive. I feel like no one else has gone through this type of situation before ☹️

This was two weeks ago but I had to confront one of them.. well two of you put the guy in the mix.. So long long time ago (they are the godparents) I told them about my narc ex and all that.. seemed well but after the divorce came mainly the wife started to side with my narc ex and still kinda does.. meanwhile her husband just agrees with her in order not to make waves. Anyways I went to a baby shower and she showed up while she did speak when I said high she made a face.

I noticed it looked like she took a side picture of me on her phone I do know from a friend they very much keep in contact even though the husband says they don’t want to get involved. What normally happens when they find out the problem is the narcissist?

I think I might be in the market for a little advice from some Internet strangers. So I'll give a bit of backstory and then my questions.

Backstory: I was raised in a covert narcissist home. N-mom was moderately physically disabled, e-dad did what e-dads do... the bidding of n-mom so they don't get fed to the alligator. e-mom was Munchausen by proxy as well. I grew up in poverty, food assistance, free and reduced lunch, WIC, etc. I was raised for the most part by my grandma, and when I was there, I didn't have any behavior issues, or anything. But at home, I was obviously a real problem, at least to them.

Now I'm in my 50's, and N-mom is getting older and having more health issues. She's been grooming my cousins and extended family for years for this moment and they all believe her dumb victim stories. I've gone basically no contact. And here is where I needs some advice and help.

Questions: How do you deal with aging narc parents? I mean, if I stay no contact she's just sitting there saying, "see I told you so" to all of the people that will be left alive after she is finally gone. And if I jump in and play the "dutiful son" then I drag me and my entire family through hell... extended hell. Not just family holiday hell where you can get over it by March, but ongoing forever bs, and she will still sit there and tell everybody what a lousy person I am.

So, my gut instinct is to just stay away, and not engage at all. People can believe what they want , and I can protect my sanity, and the sanity of my people. But, maybe that's a mistake. Maybe I'm making a critical error somewhere and I just can't see it. What do you think? Advice welcome.

Hi everyone. I have really been feeling bad because of something that my old piano teacher said to me after I had lightly criticized him. I have talked to a therapist about the piano teacher and they said that this teacher sounds like they have narcissistic traits. The piano teacher insulted me after I stopped taking lessons from him but what he said really hurt. I have been staying in bed all day for a few days because I feel so bad due to the insult. The insult was that in middle school people were disrespecting me behind my back. The teacher also taught at the school as a music teacher so he would supposedly know if people were talking behind my back. Do you think this teacher could be lying if he really has narcissistic traits and how will I get over this insult? What do you guys think? Should I just ignore the insult that he said to me?

Hey,

I hope this will be a welcome change of dynamics.

Saturday all I wanted was to go to a Halloween party.

Wear a costume, make up - stuff that happened when we were married.

I reached out to friends. None of them was doing anything or knew of anything in our multiple loops friend circles.

We were together 23 years, married 18.

He left March of 2020 - yep, covid divorce 🤬💩🤡

I tried a friend group tied to a podcast I love. Nope.

Last minute, OkCupid guy says let's meet. Yay! (I'm looking for fun, not L-O-V-E currently).

We missed one reservation at out local beer garden, pub, music venue.

I didn't know who was playing music.

I assumed ex or 'his friends' would be at a house party.

I look great and I KNOW it. I'm 58, fluffy & curvy (chubby/fat 😉).

Date hasn't pinged to say he arrived.

Always be bold. Go in order a drink.

I'm about to turn for the door - there's ex & his AP.

I saw them. I don't think they saw me. Phew².

I got in, sit in bar. Realize his friend crew is there.

None of them directly flying monkey-ed. But chose to believe him and avoid me.

Bummer for them.

My date walks in. Hotter than expected. Great everything.

Gives me a warm long hug, a bunch of lovely compliments... the crew sees 🤗💃

A few minutes later someone specific walks by. I sat, "Hey Bob, how are you!?" All happy, at ease, w Hot Guy already holding my hand.

I introduce them. Hot guy couldn't have done better if I'd scripted him 🤣

So, NO, Trash Panda (his nickname 😈) nEx, I'm not sitting at home while you party w 'Our friends'. Lol, I'm definitely not a lonely old lady. & unlike you, he's a smart, Super Fun, accomplished adult.

It's not easy to get here.

I'm not out of the woods. This friend group stuff is uncomfortable, confusing, leads to such awful inner critical intrusive thoughts and a horde of anxiety weasels and more time alone that I'd like and I now know unrelenting socialization is key for my recovery.

New realizations about the depth and caliber of his abuse and manipulations - i realized last month that when we reached the best part of our sex life. He immediately turned it off without telling me he was turning it off and just blaming me for smelling bad or any number of things as to why he didn't want to have sex. We literally had the most mind blowing sex of our lives and our relationship and he saw me happy and he saw how good it was for me, and he turned the spigot off as quickly as he could and never let it flow again.

They crush our spirits.

They oppress us.

They compress us into something like a diamond ...a chunk of useless carbon until the experts recognize them.

If you're struggling please go to my profile and read my comments and posts.

The map of what I'm doing on my journey is there.

I hope ya'll find a gem there for yourself.

You deserve it.

I just opened up to 3 friends of mine whose friendships were most affected by my past relationship with the narcissist. It’s been a year, and it’s taken me a long time to finally confront it. I am so ashamed of this, so it’s taken me a while to open up. It came about because my friend is having a Halloween party this weekend and I don’t feel up to it and was honest with her saying I don’t feel up to it. She asked why, and I opened up about how saying no to plans is so difficult for me because I had to come up with so many excuses and lie and pretend for so long in the past and I’m finally trying to get back to a place where I’m honest with the people I care about and am okay with putting myself first. I feel really guilty even saying anything. I feel like an idiot for opening up, afraid it won’t be received with good intentions. But this is a huge step for me, and I just need some support from people who understand.

My ex-husband is someone I need to deal with sometimes to talk about our tween children. But when I email he never replies. He's not responded in well over two years. Stupidly I attracted someone exactly the same and I'm now trying to shake off a break up with him, where he - low and behold - stonewalled me out of the relationship.

I just want to know if anyone has any advice for not allowing the stonewalling to get to them so badly? I seem to turn into an aggressive ball of rage over it. I need to cut the cord with these people and not allow it to get to me so much! It makes me so frustrated, emotional, and I can end up crying. I'm sure I have PTSD from both of them.

I've tried some 'cutting the cord meditations' but honestly it just made me more depressed... not sure what else to do. Maybe with time they will just go away forever and I can move on in peace with my life.

I was in a relationship with a narc for almost 2 years. We met at work. He’s a clinical psychologist… thought he could help me become a more healed person… early on he wanted to know all the pain or trauma I’ve had in my life, which I thought I could share with him given his professional background…. When I tell you this man used every bit of sensitive sacred information I shared with him against me to degrade me, dismiss me, invalidate me and try to isolate me from my family…. It was horrific… our last fight was provoked by him complaining about how I stopped sharing information with him about my son, my mother, essentially my family… who he absolutely hates… when I did concede and told him about some fears I had about going home for thanksgiving…. He screamed “what damn near 50 year old still has daddy issues”… he also stated my entire family uses me and I have no boundaries with them and of course he’s the only person who truly cares about me….that was the final blow…. He is a monster. He will never change. He’s deliberately tried to isolate me from my family for at least a year… He is a dangerous person. This recent blowup happened this week. I haven’t left the house in two days… yesterday I slept almost 12 hours…. Post breakup do you all feel that you need more rest than usual? Is this normal? Am I going through some sort of depression? Will I regain my vitality and desire to leave the house?

I was devalued and left by by nex in an instant second. I was hurt and really in a lot of pain the other thing that was pouring salt on my wound was that she immediately started posting images and videos of the other guy having fun with him kissing him and also she got engaged in 2 months to him. This really affected me a lot.

I want to ask others how did you remove this thing from your mind and how did you handle your pain as I know it's immense. We are broken here without any support and they are having best times in thier life. Really there's no justice in this world.

Tonight the narc was purposefully instigating to try and tick me off.

I could be minding my own business doing something I enjoy and he’ll come on and shit all over what I’m doing.

I called him out on his behavior telling him he was acting like a “hateful little bitch and that nobody was trying to talk to him”.

He’s always complaining how I’m always “angry” but he likes it. He likes to trigger me on purpose so he can call me “crazy.”

But it’s getting so old. He’s full of shit.

Does anyone else feel like their narc partner really hates their guts?

I hate that I’m swearing but he seriously is such a massive piece of shit. Unapologetically and overtly so to me.

This is good though. It’s allowing me to detach and see him for the huge fucking waste of space he is.

He’s probably cheating and he’s boring and fake.

I don’t even care if someone steals his stupid ass away. They’d be doing me a favor.

I am trying very hard to just focus on myself. I want to close him out and just focus on me.

I dated my ex for around 4 years and looking back I suspect she had been cheating on me and I was too in love with her, too afraid to leave her, and my mind was so jumbled, I didn’t see what I believe were subtle warning signs she was likely cheating.

I thought our relationship was lesbian BDSM (we were both girls) but this was my first relationship and looking back I believe she was abusive and using BDSM as a smokescreen. She used to say that lesbian relationships were superior and girls couldn’t abuse girls and I believed her. We dated from teenagehood-early adulthood. We lived really close together but she only wanted to see me around once a month and I was really lonely all the time. But when I texted or called even if I was having a panic attack, she often acted annoyed like I was a nuisance and talking to me was a chore. My girlfriend constantly told me she’d kill herself if I ever left her, assaulted me months before the break up happened, constantly accused me of cheating when I never did, I felt like I couldn’t have friends when I was dating her and ended up isolated and profoundly lonely, she frequently guilt-tripped me and put me down… but there are some incidents in specific running through my head today.

For the first few months we were together, she wanted us to watch porn, masturbate each other and do some BDSM stuff like her tying me up and spanking and whipping me. One day, she told me she felt like self-harming and I talked her out of it, and we saw each other later that day. She wanted to watch porn that night and I told her I didn’t feel up for it that night. She said to me, “I have done so many things for you, why can’t you just do this one thing for me?” I sobbed when she said this to me and vividly remember how terrible I felt.

After the first few months, she and I almost never kissed, and she (literally) never wanted us to do anything intimate. She said it was because she was abused when she was younger and I just had to be patient with her, so I felt terrible that I wanted us to be intimate and like there was something wrong with me. But it was confusing that the first few months we dated, she insisted we do all those things, guilt tripping me if I wasn’t in the mood, to suddenly never-wanting-us-to-do-anything for literally the rest of the relationship. I ended up feeling undesirable and ugly (she implied she thought I wasn’t physically attractive, and she worked as a part time model, she insisted she was femme and told me I had to be butch, but I don’t think she actually liked butch women).

My girlfriend also told me that as a requirement (not a preference, a requirement) to have sex with her, I had to shave my privates. I felt really scared and really didn’t want to, but I felt like I had no choice, and I shaved it all off. I hated it. My skin hurt, it was irritating and itchy, I didn’t feel like myself… but I did it. I never asked or demanded she do anything with her body hair… but I noticed that she sometimes didn’t shave her legs when I saw her legs. When I considered my bare, irritated privates and contrasted that with her not shaving her legs, her legs not being irritated, her having full choice on her body while I felt like I didn't have a choice with mine... I felt like I wanted to cry.

Even though she never even looked at my privates after telling me that shaving was a requirement for us to have sex, I kept shaving for years, the entire time I was with her, in case she ever did want to see my privates, to prove to her that I was meeting the requirements for having sex, to show to her that I was a good girlfriend and a good submissive and doing what she wanted even though I was uncomfortable and unhappy. That was my mentality at the time, I convinced myself this made me a good girlfriend, a good submissive… it feels like my body autonomy, my comfort, was a sacrifice to her. It hurt so badly, but I thought this was just BDSM, and I was confused and felt guilty at how upset I was over this stuff with shaving, but I thought feeling upset meant I wasn't a real submissive so I'd beat myself up over feeling bad about the stuff with shaving and tell myself I was over-sensitive.

Looking back, part of me feels hurt that I did this to my body, that I met the requirement... for an act that never happened... but part of me is relieved that I didn't give her my virginity.

My girlfriend didn’t want us to be friends on social media. She said it was because she had an abusive father in another state (she was no contact with, her mom and stepdad were no contact too) but she claimed she didn’t want her abusive bio dad to ever find her on social media and see that we were friends because she wanted to protect me from him. Looking back, I question this story of hers, but I believed her at the time. But I felt sad and hurt I couldn’t even send her a friend request on Facebook and that online we had to hide that we even knew each other- it wasn’t just that we couldn’t say we were in a romantic relationship, she did not even want our facebook status to simply be friends on Facebook, even though she had other facebook friends.

She joined a fetish website without telling me, I think it was fetlife, I found out about this shortly before the break up. She was direct messaging people on there. I didn’t look at her messages... but something about this didn’t feel right. Especially because I once got a text from someone at school when I was with her, and she yanked my phone out of my hand and scrolled through my texts and said “I’m just making sure you are not cheating on me”. This felt hurtful and upsetting because I never grabbed her phone and made accusations when she got a text!

At one point, early in the relationship, she got mono. I know mono can be passed many different ways, but my family teased me over my girlfriend having "the kissing disease", and I felt upset. I didn’t give her mono. In fact, I've never had mono. It’s possible she got it in a completely innocent manner, but looking back… it’s possible she got mono because she was cheating on me, even early on.

TL;DR:

I heavily suspect my ex was cheating on me, even though I never snooped and I don’t have solid proof. All these memories flooded me this morning, and I think they could be indicators she likely cheated on me. But at the time… I never questioned she was cheating, because I was convinced that because I wasn’t cheating, that must mean she was faithful too.

I hate that I altered my body hair for her even though it was painful, itchy and uncomfortable. I hate that I made myself Butch because she insisted I “had” to be Butch. I hate that I loved her. I hate everything about my relationship with her. I’m glad I’m no contact- she never deserved my love and loyalty. My body, my heart, my autonomy, is mine now.

It hurts !

I'm a 42 year old woman. My mother died 2 years ago and last year I realized she was a covert narcissist all my life , not only that but I was the scapegoat child(and I'm an infj personality and recently been diagnosed ADHD and I'm on the spectrum)any questions but it is really quite hard to find a platform to ask some really hard questions. For instance all my life I was told how I was "unhappy and difficult and was constantly ingesting stuff I shouldn't, like a entire bottle of children's gravol. My question is Could a covert narcissist mom "accidentally leave a toddler unattended " with a bottle of Gravol or worse yet feed it to said child for sympathy because she was feeling bored or something?

I’ve had a narcissist in my life for so long that now I can easily disarm them. I let it be known that I know my worth. They know their words can’t hurt me like they used.

The thing I am seeing is that I say things that are so cruel. I have no remorse and I don’t feel bad one but. I’m not the same person who I was. Although I quite empathetic and I would feel so deeply.. I thought that’s what made me beautiful. Now I have lost that part of me and I’m somewhat disgusted with who I’ve become. I will say, I am very kind to those who deserve but not if I am being bullied.

My question is can a narcissist turn another person into one?

As a fellow cluster b with narc tendencies (that I’ve worked hard to heal in the last five years) I knew what I was getting myself into.

It lasted 4.5 months. The highs were high, the shared fantasy was beautiful, but the deception, abuse, and triangulation was more than I can handle. I have mostly an earned secure attachment style but my disorganized fearful avoidant was fully triggered with this man.

It’s sad because I figured, hey, we’re both messed up - maybe we can be honest about who we are and step into the light together. He even suggested we do couples counseling, which we did, even though I felt it was a major red flag and a means to keep me around for longer/look past his bs.

He crossed another boundary for the last time on Monday, took zero accountability, and I dumped his ass Friday evening.

Am I sad?

Absolutely heartbroken.

Do I miss him?

Yes, I miss my friend, my lover, and our shared fantasy of a present and future where things are good.

But the fact is I was miserable, on edge, physically, mentally & emotionally drained, and frankly (this is the narc in me) I’m too kind, hot, successful, and smart to allow his lack of consideration and awareness to bring me down.

If a narc actually wants to change you will notice a genuine and consistent effort (not days or weeks — months and years) and you will FEEL it in your body and mind that things have truly changed for the better. If they are acting, you’ll know it deep down.

If you smell bs, and you’ve been smelling it for months or years & nothing has changed - leave if you can. I know it’s hard, this is my second narc, the first I dated was for four years and I was so naive and devastated after the discard I fell into a 2-year depression.

Second time around, I know better.

Save yourself the heartache.

Put yourself first.

I promise you will eventually be fine (stronger & better than ever) if you make healing a priority. 💛

I’m still processing what happened. Let me start by saying he’s an amazing guy. I love him. He was really trying. We both were.

He got mad so often and so explosively. I gave him a codified list on how to heal and regulate rage and dysregulated emotions and a website on cultivating compassion.

We broke up because we were fighting every 2 weeks or so. He just kept coming at me and I was losing my patience. He got mad at me for asking hypotheticals like “if I were a gay man and you were a gay man would you still love me?”

The last fight we had he disagreed with how I handled my niece misbehaving. He left that night in Uber (he was always doing that, hanging up on me, leaving in an Uber, telling me to take an Uber home, etc, because he couldn’t control his temper). The next day we tried to talk it out. He confronted me on not setting good enough boundaries with my niece. He said I let her walk all over me and I had no self respect. I said you can have your opinions but the problem is that they’re coming from judgement and not love. The problem is your respect for me is really variable and respect for your partner should be consistent. He said he’s judgemental and his respect is variable and he’s ok with it. I also said if anyone walks all over me it’s you for the past 10 months. He didn’t like that.

The irony is he broke up with me for not setting boundaries or having enough self respect, but like if I had healthy boundaries I would’ve broken up with him the first time he screamed at me and kicked me out of the car. And maybe I don’t have enough self respect or need healthier boundaries, but the truth is I felt compassion for him and I was trying to help him. I did what I could to confront him kindly and correct the problems in his processing.

My therapist said he’s projecting because he subconsciously knows that he’s been treating me poorly. My other friend dated a narcissist and the same thing happened—her partner would get mad at her for not standing up for herself with other people, but meanwhile she was getting steamrolled by her partner who really couldn’t tolerate anyone who was able to confront her.

It’s been a couple of days. I have a bit of of BPD so I asked him to call it a break because I couldn’t handle a break up, but I don’t see us getting better. I can’t handle him constantly finding reasons that I’m the problem and starting fights and I can’t handle the constant leaving or kicking me out or hanging up and I can’t handle the variable respect. He says I love people, the good and the bad, all rolled into a ball, I love the whole thing, but he has a system of scales. How do you convince someone they’re loving wrong? That respect should be consistent? That they’re abusive and need help?

I feel sad because we said we were gonna stay friends but I’m realizing that processing the relationship is gonna take me to some dark places. I want to love him whole and move past this but reflecting on the past 6 months or so I’m just kind experiencing some anger and resentment and sadness. I’m understanding that this was abusive and that even though I tried to help I really couldn’t. And I want to find a way to look at him with kindness and love or find a way to think of the relationship as just a lack of compatibility but it feels really rough.

Anyway he’s a good guy. I know I’m lucky and lot what goes on with people is a lot worse. He tried like hell to hear me but they just struggle with self awareness he would go in and out of it. It’s just too hard for him to look at it.

Anyway. Thanks for listening

Just trying to get a general sense of what everyone has gone through, and it seems like he played victim because I finally got tired of his lies, manipulation and just utter bullshit. Never been more confused in a relationship in my life. So one minute he’s crying saying he doesn’t want this and “if you really loved me you’d stick around through the good and bad times” and the next he’s cold, detached, and nasty. Blocked me on ig, deleted our entire ig DM but has been adding songs to our joined playlist all day. I blocked his number last night and I’m guessing he doesn’t like that…

How did yours act when you finally had the guts to leave?

Boyfriend (ex now) had the nerve to call me a narcissist. . . Here’s a sneak peak at what he has said and done to me

“I treat you fine”

You cause me so much grief

You’re crazy and you know it you have a diagnosed mood disorder

You’re the reason why I drink

You’re a fucking brat

You’re demeaning

Your bipolar is showing

Went on an 8 day bender (alcohol)

Kicked me out and my dog and cat out at 3 AM then proceeded to make a scene in front of the house , where he slammed my car door as hard as he could almost hurting my dog

Tells me I have no empathy ..

acted like he was going to strangle me

Made me give him a blow job 1 week after my endometriosis surgery. - insisted I was fine and could have sex after week 2. You’re not supposed to have sex for at least 4-6 weeks after surgery. Repeatedly called me stupid after I opened up to him about a childhood issue I had with my dad calling me stupid.

Stole money from me, stole money from my dad. Who bought him a $350 AC unit.

These are just some little things that feel good to type out. We’ve been split since July. He got a new gf on my birthday <3

Dug his knees into my jacked up back and pushed me up against the wall.

Screams at me during arguments.

Men have hurt me and betrayed me my whole life. I have so much love to give. It really breaks my heart things are this way. And comment will be appreciated. I’m just so lost and so low.