Our Purpose

Hello everyone,

We have an important update regarding how requests for assistance should be handled in our community. To ensure the safety and privacy of all individuals seeking help, we are implementing a new rule:

Effective immediately, any requests for assistance must be directed to our official contact methods provided via our website: Operation Safe Escape - Get Help.

Why This Change?

Our goal is to provide the most secure and effective support possible. By directing all assistance requests through our official channels, we can ensure that:

• Privacy and Security: All communications are handled securely, protecting the privacy of those seeking help.
• Proper Handling: Requests are managed by trained professionals who can provide the appropriate support and resources.

How to Get Help:

1. Visit the Official Website: Our client-facing website with multiple contact forms and options. It also offers security tips and guides. https://safeescape.org/get-help/
2. Email Us: Use a secure, encrypted email service like ProtonMail to contact us at help@safeescape.org.
3. Online Contact Form: Fill out our secure online form, which goes directly to our intake team for prompt assistance.

Please Note:

• Discussions of generic topics are welcome and encouraged in our community.
• Requests for assistance related to real-life situations should follow this new rule and be directed to our official contact methods.

For more details and to access these contact methods, please visit: Operation Safe Escape - Get Help.

Thank you for your understanding and cooperation in keeping our community safe and secure.

Stay safe, Mod Team

I don't ever ask for help but I have no choice now. Me and my daughter finally escaped after years of torture. We need help getting to my family's house across the country so we're safe. He has completely closed all cc accounts and I have no cash on me. Me and my daughter slept in the car last night, I have no money for food or gas to keep going. Hes going to win and we will have no choice but to go back if we don't make it to my mom's. If anyone can please help us it would be a blessing.

Pennsylvania is making strides in combating domestic violence with Act 55 of 2022, which mandates domestic violence education in higher education institutions. While this is a crucial step forward, it falls short by not extending these protections and educational requirements to high schools, leaving a significant gap in early intervention. We must ensure that school policies are designed to comprehensively address abuse and foster a safe environment.

Your voice can help change this. No matter where you live, you can make a difference by signing this petition urging state education officials to require all Pennsylvanian high schools to include domestic violence education in their curricula. Together, we can protect our next generation from the cycles of violence and inspire other US states to follow Pennsylvania's lead in making domestic violence education a priority.

Sign the petition below: https://chng.it/P8kVJnJZ7Y

Just make sure no mail is sent to your address nor phone calls. You'll be given a card with money on it. Most places you can make several hundred dollars within the first month. Obviously you'll need a believable cover up for where you are when you go to donate. But one good thing is afaik they are all no appointment necessary you just walk in.

Spyware apps were explained to me as protection from people in other countries doing scams, or people picking vulnerable devices because they're vulnerable.

Rather than targeting a specific individual, who is known to the victim (or some of the people involved are known to the victim)

Is that accurate? If no, does any app work? (I don't have money for apps with cost, but i was told free apps are insecure?)

How secure can spyware detectors be?

I don't know what allows someone to spy. for example is it having wireless data, so devices without that would be safer?

Or what would be needed from an app to be most suited to victims getting vaguely but strongly threatened?

I'm afraid i don't know what questions to ask. I don't know if i feel safe in this subreddit, but i don't feel almost any safety with law enforcement

You can discreetly like voice record/record abuse. Even if it only shows audio that’s perfectly fine.

Try to make them admit/agree with what they’re doing out loud. Or get noises of the abuse/threats on tape. Try to say what they’re doing out loud like “stop hitting me” for example

Try to take photos of injury’s you sustain

If your guardian checks your phone try to post the abuse privately on some sort of app. (Like a private Twitter account, send texts to yourself, friends, an internet stranger, a Google doc, or an app you only download to put the evidence on before deleting it.) Or probably do that even if they don’t just in case

Try to write down detailed accounts on stuff that has happened.

It’s scary but it works. It’s hard to deny solid proof. If you’re scared of what they will think of you after- just know if they’re letting someone hurt you or they are hurting you they aren’t worth your time. No matter how related by blood they are.

My mother is a narcissist and my dad is just cruel and abusive. When I was in graduate school and depressed and didn’t know if I wanted to stay they called the police on me when I was at their house and I needed support. While I was sitting at the kitchen counter crying in disbelief that they would call the police, my mom secretly took out her phone and started video taping me crying so she could send me a video of me crying to “show me what a mess I am”. Just sick and cruel. Of course I was crying that they would call the police on me. The cop took me outside and said he would leave and never give my parents the satisfaction of knowing I ever wanted to even be there with parents how are so awful. Then they emailed me a week later saying I hope I learned my lesson and did I want to hang out for the Fourth of July (???) I didn’t really speak to them again in any real way after that. It took me a long time to realize how abusive they are/were and that even though they’re my parents I don’t owe them anything. They’re constantly trying to punish me even though I’m an adult. They’re also VERY sexist. I financially support myself and haven’t taken money from them in almost a decade. I’m not married but I know when I’m dating somebody they all of a sudden care a lot and are interested. And no matter who I date or marry they will always act like he knows more even though I’m very smart and capable. I’m 37 and have an engineering degree with honors and was accepted at Georgetown on a scholarship for my MBA but they don’t really care. No matter who I marry if it’s a man then he will know more and be more worthy than me and my value will come from him in their eyes. I went to their beach house a few years ago with a key my grandmother gave me because she owns part of it and again they called the police on me. They’re trying to do everything they can to punish me into a relationship it’s gross and sick and controlling and cruel. Yet they want a relationship with me?? They want to hang out. But why??? They don’t care to know me or know who I am or how I feel or show me love or kindness or support. I don’t need anybody in my life who is abusive. They’re also very rich and use their money to control my younger sister. It’s really gross. They are deeply messed up unloving people and I just feel so sad I don’t have kind loving supportive parents who are proud of me and appreciate me. I want to get married and have my own family but I need for my parents to not be involved. I’ve also had to have a lot of therapy to teach myself I’m lovable and worthy of love despite my cruel parents, and that I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to as an adult Including having a relationship with people who are supposed to be loving and kind but are awful. My mom also does these terrible guilt trips where she says the doctor said that the fact that you don’t like me is causing all my heath problems. It’s gross. Love can’t be bought and I just need support knowing I can do this life and make all the money I need and have all the love and kindness and support I need and create my own loving family and life and I don’t need to include my parents if they can’t treat me with respect and be accountable. I just want to know I can find a loving husband (my parents don’t want me to have this without them) and create my own happy family and we can be financially secure and happy and not have ANYTHING to do with my parents and their abuse unless they decide they want apologize or treat me with respect and meet MY terms. I want to find safety and happiness.

Hello, I desperately need tips. I (21-nb ) am trapped in an a emotionally and verbally abusive home. I have multiple mental disorders that make it unbearable to live here.

I have considered my only two escapes being offing myself or going to jail. I am about to snap. I currently am trying to get a job, I will have a second job around may. But at the time I only have 8 dollars to my name. I don’t have any one nearby I can move in with. I understand other people have it worse but I can’t handle this.

My friends online are currently trying help me make a plan but I need tips. This will be the first time being independent. I’m scared but know if I stay any longer-I will not survive. I have considered homeless shelters or car living.

Any tips are helpful. I need to escape.

Has anyone ever noticed multiple recognized devices logged into their Facebook account? I’ve been dealing with cyberstalking over the past year and believe this to be related, but a tech company that is supposed to be helping me say they think it’s just my device because it shows my IP address. I counted 32 simultaneous logins- timestamped all the same- under the “recognized devices” tab in the FB security page. That is just beyond strange. Any feedback is greatly appreciated!

Im a 21m from Kentucky, my girlfriend’s sister is trapped in an physically and mentally unstable and abusive relationship in a small town in eastern Kentucky she has 3 daughters, one with the abuser and two of her own (there father passed away). He takes her phone every single morning to check if she has tried gathering evidence against him therefore she can’t record any of the abuse. He listens in on her phone calls with family and friends so she can’t ask for help and has a tracker on her phone and the car. This has been going on for a little over 3 years and it’s getting worse by the week. The abuser has her and her children on his tax records and takes the money for himself which could be upwards of ten thousand. We are petrified that he is going to end up killing her as he has already threatened her with a firearm once shooting into the air then asking “you want to be with me don’t you”, obviously allowing no room for confrontation. He also does not allow for her to be on birth control as he is trying to impregnate her so she can’t leave. He has raped her countless times and gotten his family to monitor her while he is away for work. We are planning her escape but need help please. The town that they are from is extremely corrupted and there’s no use going to court there. These are the type of people to murder someone and have it covered up by local law enforcement. Our back is against the wall and are running out of options.

I’ve been dealing with cyberstalking for over a year now. I’ve been trying to get help from some organizations, but not having much luck.

Also, in the privacy/security section of Facebook I saw there were 37 logins all at the same time at the exact time that I logged in from my phone. What the F does this mean? Within Facebook, under “where you’re logged in” it only shows my device, but then when I click on 2 factor authentication, then click on logins there, I counted 37 other logins. If anyone has any insight on this I’d greatly appreciate it!!

Although I know I (40m) am done, I want her (40f) to believe all is well. How do I play like she has control, even though I am planning on getting me and the kids separated from her? Preferably getting her out because I work from home and it’s easier to keep the kids (teens) as comfortable as possible. The man always seems to end up out of the house, but can I turn the tables?

My most important question is how do I handle the manipulation and not give myself away, while also not letting my heart get sucked into the cycle?

I can't definitively prove these things are my nex, but weird things have been happening the last two weeks that have me very much on edge and my nex has stated in the past that if he ever wanted to "get even" with someone that he would pay off homeless people to do it.

• 12/06/2023 - A homeless man was waiting in front of my work on this morning. Asked me if I was "the girl with the dog" that he always sees walking. I said yes. He talked to me for a few minutes and then suddenly began yelling at me, and moving closer and closer towards me, saying he was going to burn me alive and get the police to shoot me. I was able to unlock the office door and get inside safely.
• 12/07/2023 - A second, different homeless man saw me while I was out walking my dog on a break. He crossed the street to approach me, spit on me, and began screaming at me that I was a "criminal", "fuck you", and "fuck your dog". I was able to walk away safely, though the man continued to scream while walking in the opposite direction.
• 12/14/2023 - A third, different homeless man saw me while I was out walking my dog on a break. He was around 250 feet away and sitting next to his tent. He saw me, stood up and pointed directly at me, and screamed, "Fuck! Fuck you!" He then began advancing towards me while continuing to scream "Fuck" and "Fuck you". I did not acknowledge or make direct eye contact with him but continued to walk towards town. He followed me for around 6 blocks before I was able to lose him around the grocery store parking lot. This encounter was far more terrifying than the others. The hair on the back of my neck was standing up and everything in me told me I was in grave danger and needed to get away from this man. I was afraid for my life.

I went to the Sheriff's substation today (12/14/2023) after the third incident and let them know I wanted these occurrences documented due to my nex's previous threats of paying off the homeless to get even. I let the officers know it was very concerning considering the timing, that I'd been working in and walking around the community for 3.5 months without issue and these instances seemed to begin almost immediately after the restraining order hearing (11/29/2023). The officers did not recognize my description of the first man, recognized the second man as "George" and did not seem too surprised by his behavior, and recognized the third man as "Rob" but seemed perplexed and stated that Rob was generally docile and any kind of aggression was extremely uncharacteristic of him. The officers stated they would call me and provide me with the report number once it was added into their system.

My work's HR department is also looking into an unusual event that occurred on 12/06/2023. A man called the main phone line of my workplace and requested to be directed to me, stating they had a question to ask me. When told they couldn't be directly forwarded but a message could be given to me, the man left a fake name and refused to leave a call back number stating that I knew who they were and how to find them/get in touch. There is no record of this name in our Electronic Health Records system and I could not find anyone by that name in this county in general on Facebook or through Google. HR is working with IS to see if they can trace the phone number that made the call and match it with any of the numbers I have saved for my nex.

Additionally, earlier tonight I was provided second-hand information from a friend that a friend of theirs mentioned my nex is no longer driving his vehicles and has been driving a new vehicle for a few weeks that I do not know the description of. It is highly possible he is still stalking me in the community and I have not been aware due to him using someone else's vehicle.

As of right now I am terrified to continue going to work and I genuinely have no way of knowing if he's still parking outside my work, following me around town, or even driving by my house since I'm no longer sure what vehicle I should be looking out for.

I was doing so much better, making progress in my healing and moving forward. Today and everything that came with it was a devastating blow. He's not stopping and I don't think he intends to stop until this is finished. I emailed my attorney and let her know everything and asked if there is any way to get the DA to speed up their review of the evidence for the criminal case. She's going to get back to me. I don't know what to do with myself until then.. things are getting more dangerous and unpredictable now that I've been granted the permanent restraining order.

We went to court yesterday for the restraining order hearing. I was a nervous wreck the whole time leading up to the hearing, shaking and anxious. I made sure to drink lots of water and I had my friend on stand-by so I could call or text her when I needed some support.

Once we were let into the courtroom and it was time for us to take the stand, my nex--true to form--spun lie after lie, making himself out to be the victim and me as the aggressor. Up until now he's been treating this like a game, not taking it seriously at all. He let his narcissism get ahead of him and he opted to represent himself at the hearing because he honestly thought he had it in the bag.

He had no idea I had audio recordings of him admitting to doing several of the things he denied in the courtroom. He ended up impeaching himself and made himself look real bad, running his mouth on the stand. The best part was he brought his mom and his aunt with him as "support," so they were both sitting in the courtroom and had to hear his lies called out by his own voice on audio recording! He left the courtroom fuming and his mom and aunt left with very confused looks on their faces.

The judge granted me the full five years without hesitation and even made a comment to my nex about how he feigned "no memory" of putting his hands on me and of the threats he made against my life. The judge saw right through his bullshit act. I felt so vindicated. All my work in fighting him, and yesterday I was finally seen.

The criminal case is still under review with the DA, but all the lies he spewed on record yesterday can be used as evidence at that trial once the ball gets rolling.

What if I divorce him and he wants partial custody of our kids? We’re leaving because we’re not safe. If he gets any custody where he’s allowed to have them alone or overnight they are in danger. That’s why I haven’t left yet is because then at least I’m always with them. Idk how to ensure that leaving isn’t going to put them in danger.

Tips on leaving an abuse situation when you're sleep deprived, old, crippled, poor?

How do you get out of a situation with no means/resources to do so?

My ex is verbally abusive and a rapist. He denies it and I have confirmed that it is with a lawyer and a police officer as I wasn’t sure how to classify it.

I know that I am sick and don’t have a long life to live. I decided to still protect him when I was asked to speak to the crown judge. He had asked me to help him to take it off. He threatened that I will go down with him if I do not help. He still to this day will yell at me, even if I go to the mall with my son and he accuses me of sleeping around, giving him some STD, falsely saying that I have “other men”, gaslights me and tells me that I am abusive to my son just coz I tell my son to turn his phone to go to bed as he has as school tomorrow. He accused me of leaving my son when clearly I did not and my son even will testify to this that I do not ever leave to go have “sex in my car with other men.” I have gotten checked yearly and he has told me that he has probably caught something from me. I have never touched another man nor have any intentions of doing so. He has caused a lot of disturbance in my home, where police officers showed up at my home 4x. He refuses to leave even though I have asked him multiple times to do so and have yelled it out so neighbours have heard me say this. I have even written a letter to my landlord advising that I have repeatedly asked him even if the lease is solely under my name. He has broken my 85” TV and says he will fix it but its been 2 months now and will say things like he will work on it, then say things like take me to small claims court as he has no intentions of replacing it.

He will get angry if I turn off my internet. He will break things. He even broke my work monitor at one point. It has become very abusive living here where I just want out immediately. There are days I have to call a shelter to find a place to sleep for the night just because I cannot sleep comfortably in my home. If I stay in my son’s room, he says that I am being “sexual”. If I stay in the living room, he will make so much disturbance and chaos til I am in the bedroom. He is to the point, just evil. I cannot even look at him without seeing the devil. I am scared. I am terrified.

I have found a place to stay about 1.5 hr away but my son refuses to come with me as his school is down the street and he does not want to leave his friends. I don’t find this place my home or want to be reminded of this place anymore. I want to be so far away as possible to just not remember and move on with my life. But my son is being difficult about this. I cannot get my ex to leave at all. I don’t know how else to make him leave. I don’t want him in my life at all.

I thought he would become better but he really will not change. He has terrorized my life completely. He has ruined my home. He has ruined my life. I have become so depressed, anxious and suffer from severe anxiety. I have nightmares where the person next to me is the devil. I feel like he has been possessed in some way as I no longer recognize him. I just want to leave and don’t know how to without my son. My son is adamant about staying here.

Tips on leaving a marriage "silently"? • narcissistic behaviors -in therapy (but you know when the narcissism is so bad that it doesn't even work) -prescribed meds (generic Prozac) •physically abuse when "triggered" -all physical abuse was done after an argument with such a miniscule proportion of importance as I remember NONE of them -trashed entire house in front of his mother -prescribed meds for this & refuses to take them because they make him feel like a zombie •masters degree in audacity & adultery -usually 3/4 a year not including his bm

We have a child together who's a month older than the marriage itself. I just need tips on how to escape this with a plan before I rush it & end up sucked back into the vortex.

I spoke with the officer who served my abuser with the DVRO and I asked him if any guns and ammunition were confiscated from the home, explaining that despite none of the guns being in [ex husband]'s name, he keeps a pistol with ammunition under his bed and a rifle behind his bedroom door. I also explained that he has access to dozens of his step-father's guns in the home and that there is an unlimited supply of ammunition because they make their own.

I mentioned to the officer that part of the DVRO was due to [ex husband] making direct and detailed threats to kill me and exactly how and where he would dispose of my body, and that I was very anxious and worried he still has access to lethal weapons in his residence.

The officer informed me that because none of the guns are in [ex husband]'s name, they are all still in the home where [ex husband] is residing and that they will not make any effort to remove them.

Is there ANYTHING I can do about this situation? I am terrified he is going to kill me. I have cardboard covering all the windows of my house, I stay away from home as much as possible, and when I am home I use my phone flashlight to move around without turning on any house lights. My workplace is located less than a mile from his house and I have been avoiding going as much as possible for fear that he catch me getting in or out of my vehicle.

Just because those guns aren't in his name doesn't mean they aren't in his possession and I know for a fact that two of them are kept in his bedroom and he keeps a third pistol in his truck.

I have filed for a protective order and got granted protective order for myself and my children. I Fled Texas where the protective order is set but im worried he is going to send people to k!ll me. I wanted to see what I can do to get help?! The DA office wont pick up my case and I have been calling every day! I know he has people in his family helping him and I know people are talking about our situation on FB because people I know that know him keep popping up on my suggestions. I am terrified. I know he took out a life insurance policy and had a plan to k!ll me and move in the woman he was cheating on me with the entire time. He wanted to get out of paying alimony and child support. He came up with this plan with his aunt who a medical worker. He told me that she was capable of making sure I never working anywhere in Texas again. All he has to say is the word. I am wondering if thats why my case hasnt been picked up with a DA yet either. Any help would be appreciated.

Hello, I (19f) am trying to find a place to live with my mom and younger brother in an attempt to escape my abusive step mom. Places in my area are pretty expensive right now (think central florida 2-3k for a 3 bedroom) which is a bit above my mom and I's price range. I've made a gofundme but haven't gotten much traction and have already been rejected from 2 apartment complexs even though we explained the situation and made enough to support it.

For more insight on my situation, my step mom is not physically abusive to me (yet) but was to one of my younger brothers to the point he was relocated to live with our father across the state. She is however verbally and very heavily mentally abusive. She made me and possibly also my mother even though she doesn't speak of it attempt suicide with her actions. (no i am not currently suicidal i promise i am okay i have seen past it and i just want to get out)

She is narcissistic, manipulative, and we believe she may have some sort of bpd or bipolar disorder. She talks down to you to the point you believe everything that is happening is your fault. Another country could drop a bomb and she would somehow make me feel like I caused it. She makes you feel so incompetent and that you are causing her pain, if she does something wrong she speaks in a way that makes her guiltless and flips it on you. From ages 12-18 she looked through my phone, every single word I typed every sight I opened everything. She would create evidence that I did something, said something, looked at something I shouldn't just to get me in trouble so she could take my phone away and get me to do her house chores. Now mind you, typically grown adults can handle theirs own things, no not this one. I have washed, dried, and folded this womans underwear, i have picked up trash she threw at her feet while sitting down, I've picked up this womans toenail clippings, all while getting yelled at that I was an ungrateful cunt. All the while she lied about me to her family members so they would hate me and berate me, her own mother called me a selfish whore. When I turned 16 she yelled at me to get a job, but when I applied for a job I wasn't allowed to accept an offer because she needed me to do her chores and raise the boys. (my mom worked incredibly long work hours and she obviously didn't want to parent) I should mention she has an ex in whom had 2 kids and after speaking to the kids they experienced the same kind of abuse but worse because they were with her longer. I know if we stay here longer she will get physical with the abuse.

Sorry for the long post this is the first time I've ever gotten all this out there. If you have advice that can help I would really appreciate it. I'm going to comment the gofundme my mom made in the comments if you're interested but I am mostly looking for affordable housing and help.

My fiancée has been physically abuse to me for years, the most recent incident was only a couple days ago, is it too late for me to go file a police report? He’s threatened to kill me multiple times and I’m starting to believe him I want to go report but I’m scared. Please advice

I have tried to leave my husband on many occassions.. but he stalks me. He calls and texts my phone nonstop, shows up at my house at all hours and tries to peek through the windows to see if I'm home, he has his kid call me and leave messages crying, or sometimes he will show up with her at my door and have her hold gifts to give to me. He sends random packages and flowers to my house. He does drive-bys to see if any strange vehicles are parked in my driveway, and has loosened the lugnuts on my friends tires when he was here helping with a renovation issue. He has his mom show up at my house and cry at my door, begging me to forgive him and take him back again. And has also, on occassion, paid homeless people to sleep in front of my door. He writes me letters promising change and even showing me steps he's done to "rectify" the situation. Last time he even showed up and left a fucking puppy on my doorstep, knowing I had been talking about wanting to get another dog before my current dog needs full time end of life care. He weaseled his way back in by offering to help buy things for the puppy and watch the puppy so I could get sleep (potty training stage I had to be up every 2 hours all through the night). I was physically exhausted and so emotionally worn down that it worked. And of course it's been months now of being back in the same cycle of abuse.

I want to find a way to get away and stay away. I don't want to hurt all the time or be so stressed that even the most basic self-care becomes a herculean task. I want my life back. My issues are this: he is very charming and well-known in the community. He has friends in law enforcement and is also friends with the fire chief. He has friends in the local courthouse, and knows several of the judges and attorneys, and even one of the local board representatives. This is a very small town and getting anything taken seriously is all about connections and who you know. His family has been here since the 1800s and I have no family at all. He has access to dozens of guns and an endles supply of amo, as his dad is a doomsday prepper and he is currently living with his parents. I own my home so I can't just pick up and move. And even if I change my number, he still knows where I live and where I work and will continue to be able to find me. I feel like there's no escape and no hope, but I don't want to live like this anymore.

If any of you have navigated something remotely similar and found a way to successfully, safely leave the situation please let me know how you did it. All the resources I have found online and received through the National DV Hotline (a resource given to me yesterday by some kind internet strangers) have been very basic, vague, and generally unhelpful when my situation is extremely complex.

I apologize if this doesn't fit here. I know many people define domestic abuse as only between domestic partners, so please feel free to take this down if it's inappropriate to the sub.

I'm (27 FTM) living in the United States (Massachusetts) with abusive parents. I don't have the financial means to leave.

I have a lot of money saved, but have relatively little income. In my area, you need to prove income of 3x monthly rent to get a lease. I make USD 36k annually, and rent in my area is 1500 for a studio or one bedroom. Mortgage will cost a bit less, but I think still more than I can afford.

I'm pretty isolated, so I don't know how I would go about getting roommate for an apartment, and I'm pretty wary of living with others due to trauma.

I wouldn't be opposed to living elsewhere in the country with a lower cost of living, but I don't have the money to spend on travel for interviews. I also have to be mindful of moving somewhere that is accepting of my gender identity.

I believe there are waitlists for homeless shelters in my area, and I'm not sure what they would do with me since most shelters are gender segregated and I am trans. Shelters for queer youth do not help those as old as I am.

I've reached out to some domestic violence non profits in the past, but they have not been able to help me because I am not leaving an abusive partner.

So how do I get housing?

I'm willing to take any and all advice.

I’m trying to build up my credit score from nothing. I had hospital bills from over 15/20 yrs ago so not sure if that’s still counted against me. But anyway I’m in a crappy financial situation because I have no job, no permit(lost it last yr before it needed renewed.) or driver’s license, no car. I have been financially dependent on my bf for 10 yrs now. I have one child with him. Is there anyway to transfer money from like prepaid cards to chime account For free?

Hello, how do I escape from my boyfriend when he has private pictures and videos of me and threatened to leak them and kill me if I try to break up with him and report him.

P.s. I was referred her from another post that I have asking if there is any way for me to kind of hack into his phone and laptop like the scene from bloud hounds episode 7 of a kdrama i'm watching. I want to do this because, although I have evidence of everything he has done and threatened to do, I can't/dont want to report him to the police while he has those pictures and videos as he can easily leak them and my life is ruined, not to mention that my countries legal system is fucked up as simple cases take upwards to 7 months regardless of type and difficulty of the case (unless you're extremely rich)

For context:

I've been in a relationhip with my boyfriend for 1 and a half years and have known each other since we were children, in recent times he has become toxic and abusive. I want to leave him as he has been verbally an physically abusive for some time but I cant because he threatened to release my private photos and our personal videos to everyone we knew and wreck both our lives. He threatened to kill himself, to kill me and my mother wont believe me because "its not like him" "He can't do that". His and my parents have known each other for so long, he has practically been family to us and i have basically been married off to him by my dad.

I dont know who to turn to about this, I dont want my photos and videos to spread and I dont have anyone that could help me. So is there any way to access his phone while he is asleep like the one in "blood hounds"?? I urgently need help,I am living by myself due to college and he always comes to my dorm/condo unit as he was given a key by my parents. Is there a way to accesss his phone and maybe laptop like in the series i mentioned so I can delete the photos and videos? and possibly even delete our convos from social medias (to remove my photos and videos there). If I try and guess his password he'd know I tried snooping and im scare of what else he'd do to me.

Please anyone help me. I dont want my life to end, finishing college means everything to my parents, but I dont know if i can with everything thats going on.

Please help...

How to escape when I own the home

I (27f) want the escape my narcissistic abuser boyfriend (28). I own the house and we have a 2 year old. How do I go about getting him out? I keep telling him that I don't want to be together and I want him to leave but he refuses and then continues to behave as though we're in a relationship. I'm terrified of his rage so I feel like I have no choice but to play along.

Here are some complications to getting him out:

*childcare. I work 24 hours on, 48 hours off. Our son goes to daycare during weekdays but what if he and his mom refuse to watch him when I'm at work outside of daycare hours? I don't have family nearby.

*We're both firefighters in our small town and work closely with the local police. He's good friends with them.

*He's abusive in every way except hitting me. He's drawn his fist back several times and threatened to hit me, but I doubt I could get an emergency protective order for that.

*he works part time and couldn't afford to live on his own or pay his bills himself. I'm the breadwinner. Could I really do that to him? It feels icky.

*he had partial custody of his 8 year old. I love that boy likes he's my own and the thought of abandoning him really sucks.

*There's a good chance that he can completely ruin my reputation and my future career by making things up. He's well known among the local first responders.

*we've been together for 5 years. This is emotion difficult for me and he's extremely manipulative. I'm worried he'll manipulate me into letting him stay, like he always does.

Throwaway account because I don't want my head chopped off if the abuser finds out I posted this. Also TW for abuse, self harm, suicide, police, and bruises (I'm not sure what other kinds of tw to put up so if you want me to add more please let me know, I kindly appreciate it) (also, first post ever on Reddit so apologies if I do something wrong)

Now I know what you're thinking, why would I ever be the asshole in this situation? Well, a lot of people close to me are saying that I am and to keep my nose out of it while others are telling me to call the police. Let me give you some context.

Me (NB19) and my recently figured out girlfriend (MTF21) have been dating for a year and then some. Back when I first started dating her, she was a guy. For the sake of this post, I'll call her Cyan since it's her favorite color. Me and Cyan's relationship was going well until I met her mother, we'll call her Karen (since she is one) (F40s). Karen and Cyan are mother and "son", since she said herself that she'll never see her as her daughter. And no, Cyan's dad isn't in the picture but they do pay child support (and I can kinda see why he left, I wouldn't want to be married to Karen either.)

Karen is....a lot, in a bad way. One minute, she would complain to Cyan that the chores aren't done and then complains about Cyan not being able to pick up something that she needed at that exact moment. From what I have seen, she barely does any work around the house and Cyan does it all, even though she pays the majority of rent. The house isn't even that dirty, it looks more like a prison cell more than anything with barely anything in it. Yes, she's one of those moms who screams at you when you leave one thing out. Due to this, Cyan and Karen get into a lot of arguments and Karen has sometimes kicked out Cyan on multiple occasions. She also controls a lot of Cyans financed because Karen thinks that Cyan "spends too much money", even though all they do is buy snacks for us, gas for their car, and the occasional date for both of us.. I just thought it was just normal bickering between a perfectionist mom and a chill child, until she started kicking out her own child. It's gotten so bad that Cyan doesn't even know if her mother really loves her. Anyways, back to my side of the story.

At first, she seemed a bit off when I came over but I just ignored it and chalked it up to maybe she didn't like me for some stupid reason. However, once I told her who my mom was, she really started to act....hostile. For context, my mom is a lawyer and from what my girlfriend said, Karen's mom tried to get her to help with a divorce between her and Karen's dad but she was too overloaded with other cases at the time. Karen's parents are still together to this day and I feel like thats one of the reasons why she's never liked my family, especially my mom.

Anyways, after I told her who my mom was, she started acting really hostile towards me. This went on for a couple months until my families car broke down and we started asking for rides while we saved up money for a new car. We did ask other people for rides and such, but the most common person to give us rides was my girlfriend, Cyan. We've been getting rides from her for a few months now until all of this drama happened.

Now, here's where we get into the actual story. A few weeks ago, Karen forced Cyan to stop taking their medications because she thought it was affecting with their ADHD (tbh I think she stopped taking her bipolar meds too, but I'm not entirely certain) and replaced it with weed. Fast forward a couple weeks and my girlfriend ends up in the hospital for having harmful thoughts. Karen then decides that me and my family are the issue and she wants us to stop talking about our personal lives to Cyan, due to the stress of dealing with her and realizing that my girlfriend is in the hospital because of her, I finally snapped and told her how I really thought about her. At the end, I sent it and realized my mistake and tried to type out a apology before she called me a r*tard, blamed me for making Cyan think that she's trans, and told me that my family are disgusting pigs and that my mother fucked me up (plus she called my mom a crackwhore, which is completely untrue since she absolutely hates Crack due to experiencing multiple people using it and hurting her in her life).

After this argument, she basically falsely imprisoned Cyan, took away her car keys and phone, and isolated her from everyone to the point of making her lose her job. Due to not hearing from them in two days, I got worried and went over there last Tuesday to get my stuff and to check up on Cyan and them since they haven't responded to any of my texts. Cyan let me in, and....omg she's never looked this bad. Her hair was a mess, she didn't have her glasses on, and overall looked very disheveled. She hugged me very tightly and told me it was fine for me to get my stuff. Halfway through gathering my things, Karen came out of her room and demanded to know what was going on. I told her that I was gathering my things and then I would leave and she proceeded to tell me to get out of her house and tried to steal my backpack, claiming it was hers when it was a gift and gifts are technically my property, I told her to get off me and to just get my stuff and she went ballistic. Telling me that I ruined her and her "sons" life, that I made "him" suicidal and delusional due to "hanging out too much with "him" " and that I need to leave or she'll call the police. I told her that I got permission from her "son", WHO IS A 21 YEAR OLD ADULT AND PAYS HALF THE RENT, and that if she wants to take it up with her "son" then that's fine by me.

After this, We got into another argument and she pushed me and I almost lost her balance because of that. At this point, 911 was on call due to Karem falsely calling them and telling them that I broke in and was stealing their stuff. She kept pushing me and telling me to get out to the point where she hurt both of my upper arms. I started pushing back out of self defense until she pushed me into a wall. She kept pushing me into the wall to the point where I had to scream  at the top of my lungs for her to get off me. I finally pushed her and Cyan got in the middle of us to stop fighting, we moved into the living room and continued arguing with Cyan in the middle of it all until the police arrived on the scene.

 The police officers separated us and one of the officers took me into a secluded area to get my side of the story. I complied and showed them not just evidence that I tried to contact Karen and Cyan, that there could be abuse going on. Afterwards, with police supervison, I collected the rest of my property in that room, asked Cyan if we still wanted to be together, they said yes but they needed some time and told me that I needed to apologize to her mom about everything. I gathered my stuff and left. Even now, I still have property in Cyans car that needs to be accounted for, and I am currently  unsure if any of it will be thrown away. The police did nothing about the abusive situation.

A couple days ago, I walked all the way up to their apartment to give a letter to both Cyan and Karen as a way of apologizing and letting them know that I won't come back until all of this is solved. Once I got there, I knocked on the door and Amy immediately opened it and started calling the cops. I tried to explain the situation to her, that I'm sorry for everything I did, and since it was getting dark and I had no ride that I just needed to stay one more night. She basically told me to get off her property even though where I was standing was technically public space, she took my letter and threw it over the balcony, she started to record me and tried to play the victim saying I was here to steal her stuff again, and she told me that she'll never let me see her "son" For as long as she lives (which, judging by how she looks, is probably not long.). The police came again, they gave the letter to Cyan and warned me that I am not allowed to Cyan's house until I get permission, otherwise I could be arrested. During these two events, Cyan was defending me and was trying to tell everyone that I did nothing wrong, but was gaslight by not just Karen but also Karen's mother that she is too mentally unstable to think for herself and that they're thinking of getting a Conservatorship or sending her into a home due to being "too mentally unstable and delusional" and even saying that the therapist agrees that I'm the problem even though theyve never seen me in my life and the only information they know about me is straight from Karen's mouth.. Anyways, I complied and asked for for ride home since it's too dark to walk back. A police officer drove me back to my home and explained that it's going to be alright and that this will blow over soon.

Due to these two major events, plus another event that involved accidentally eating too many edibles and Karen deciding to stalk down Cyan and my mom and yelling in front of a camera and a manager that her "son" gave me too many edibles instead of calling a ambulance, I'm suffering from extreme trauma and flashbacks to all three of these events and they're causing major negative damage to my life. I can't eat or drink properly otherwise I would throw up, I can't sleep properly due to worrying about my girlfriends safety and having nightmares about her, and I can't even talk to my friends since she's manipulated them to think that I'm crazy, that Cyan was better off if she never knew me, and that I need mental help (which I definitely need now because of her but I was fine beforehand). I wouldn't be surprised if I somehow end up in the hospital because of her. I believe she's also violating suicide watch guidelines by keeping a unlocked gun in the house where Cyan can get it but, like I said before, I'm not entirelysure since I was never allowed in her room. I'm not sure when or if I'll ever see Cyan again and I feel hopeless, but my mutual friend and their mom agree that I'm not the one in the wrong and that Karen has completely lost her marbles.

I believe that's all I have for right now, I'll give updates when I can. If you want more info, comment down below unless it's personal then DM me. I've been thinking of starting a petition to raise enough money and awareness to get Cyan their own place and maybe a restraining order if her mom is that lethal about it. She's never wanted her to have her own place, in fact she's basically wanted to keep Cyan there for the rest of her life.

Either way, thank you for reading this super long story, and now I would like to hear everyone's advice on the matter.

Can I move out if I have no job and scared to go to a shelter for saftey reasons and I don’t want to get sexually assaulted. Is it possible to leave and live somewhere? I don’t have a job. I have some money saved and that could use but that will only get me so far before that ends. I don’t have a car. What do I do? I really need to start figuring out a way of leaving my toxic family situation behind it’s hurting my life greatly.