Rules and regulations

Hi,

Two days ago, I asked my boyfriend if he had sex with his cousin because every time she is at a family function it seems very obvious that he is trying to avoid her. Additionally there was a time when she hugged him and said Mmmmm you smell so good! I mentioned this and asked and he got so heated we got into an awful argument and he grabbed me and shook me really hard. Shortly after he told me he was going to take me to my parent’s house and grabbed me off the couch and I screamed at him to let me go. He did this twice. I was unable to sleep in bed with him, so I had to sleep on the couch. The next day, he told me something scary, that made me afraid. He said we were not the same, that we come from two very different families, and his father abandoned him (his cousins have gone to prison for murder). I asked to clarify on what he meant and he left to go smoke his cigarette. When he went into the shower, I grabbed my purse, keys, and phone and ran the hell out of there. I stayed at my parent’s house for the night. The next morning I decided I had maybe acted out, acting crazy, and that it would just be a one time offense. I am sitting in this apartment still wondering what he meant. I feel scared of him and I feel like I don’t even really love him anymore after seeing this side of him. Any advice would be helpful.

You are the love of my life whom I wish I never met. You left a mark on my heart which is more like a stain on my soul that I wish I could remove. How do you sleep at night knowing you murdered your own child?? I’m not even touching base on what you’ve done to me but how can you look your mother in the eye knowing she didn’t raise you to be what you are but you hate women for whatever reason? Just come out as gay already dude your old friends are now my new friends who hug me when they see me because they know the truth now and we know dude just be gay and quit torturing and lying to women. Court records and photos of what you’ve done remain and fortunately im still pretty despite my scarred body which I have to explain but I still get better catches than you that work and have their own houses yes houses not apartments and they’re about your age. I’m gonna become a part of you without being present the same way you’ve become a part of me without being present. Every woman that is worth her salt will see the red flag behind your name. That this boy (you don’t deserve to be called man) is capable of murdering you and don’t even try to get pregnant by him. You’re just to be used as a beard and wallet.

I am friends with Paul. We've been friends for about 6 years. A couple of years into us being mates, he met another guy called Kyle. There was a year or two age difference between them, with Paul being in university, and Kyle (still a legal adult), still in sixth form. Right away there was a huge power imbalance between them. Paul is from a significantly wealthier family than Kyle, and it was very much the case that he was supporting Kyle.

I knew they had a bit of a strange relationship, as I noticed Paul would always talk to Kyle in a weird baby voice, regardless of what was happening, and seemed very comfortable helping himself to Kyle's stuff, eating his food even when he asked him not to etc. He'd always follow it up with "awww sowwy baby I just wanted to eaten it" and stick his bottom lip out or something.

He called me a few days ago in tears saying Kyle had left him seemingly out of nowhere. He explained the situation to me and it didn't seem good even with him downplaying it. A lot of "he said I shouted but I was just raising my voice because I'm passionate". He explained that he'd gotten upset about something unrelated and his partner just stormed out. Today I ran into the person who's house the partner had escaped to, and heard the other side of the story.

I'll try and keep it brief. Paul appears to have smashed his way into the bathroom and forced Kyle to go to some event he didn't want to go to, then spent the time at the event humiliating him by speaking in the baby voice. Kyle went up to present in front of a room full of people (think academic style event) and Paul spent the entire time going "well done baby! You're so bwave and clever!" Paul seems completely oblivious to the baby voice thing being cringe, I genuinely don't believe he's trying to embarrass Kyle, more so infantilises him and thinks what he's doing is cute.

They then came home and Paul made him a dinner so believed Kyle should be in a good mood after that and should forgive him for smashing through a locked door to get to him when he wanted space. He then lost his temper and screamed at Kyle for 45 minutes straight, at which point Kyle packed a bag and left. Paul chased him down the street, grabbed him by the arm and tried to get him back inside.

I have spoken to Paul, haven't mentioned any of this, just let him speak at me, and he genuinely seems to believe that his partner is in the wrong. He's under the impression that he had a panic attack and his partner abandoned him. He also forcibly babies his partner, escorts him to events, pays all his bills etc. Paul claims that Kyle is being manipulative by...having his bills paid for him when he didn't ask? No idea. He's genuinely delusional about the situation and thinks that he and Kyle are going to get married and have kids. He seems to think he HAS to control Kyle, and believes he's doing it out of genuine care for him.

What do I do? I'm the only one of our mates even willing to talk to Paul at the moment. He thinks one girl has manipulated everyone against him and is in complete denial about what he's done to his (now ex but he hasn't seemed to realise it) partner. All of us genuinely want him to get better. They just need to break up so he can get some serious therapy, but he's so stressed out that he won't even see it. Is it shitty of me to even give him a chance? For the record, I really really believe they need to break up and get far away from each other, but he's just so wildly codependent, I don't even know how to bring it up to him. Am I overreacting by thinking this is abuse?

So approximately two months ago, my girlfriend punched me in the face and then drove off in our car. Considering I have been putting up with abuse for a lot less than others, I didn’t know if I should call the police or not, and decided just to go for it. I called the police and they had arrested. The judge left the no contact order and she was back in the house. Keep in mind this is a female female relationship, although it really doesn’t matter.

She does have mental health issues, but I don’t even think that’s an excuse for domestic violence.

Getting to the point yesterday, she was in rare form and honestly, I couldn’t deal with it. I tried separating from her and she scratch/slapped me across the face and I fell backwards and hit my head. I had enough of that point and I called the police again. She was arrested again, but for some ungodly reason she made bail. I was sure they would give her bail, but what do I know? I’m in Florida. They seem pretty lenient when it comes to that kind of thing.

I have tried every single shelter in my area and even asked for vouchers for a hotel room for a few days in order for the state to compensate me to relocate. Right now I’m living in my car just so I’m not in the same place as her I really don’t know what to do , any advice is appreciated. I called 211 gave me the same resources that I was already trying to utilize, but I live in a small county with a lot of. Need. I even tried neighboring counties, no luck there

If anyone has this before and could shine some light on some advice or point me in the right direction would be very very grateful. Thank you so much.

I’m sorry for the long rant, I think I just really need someone’s thoughts or advice? I have nobody in my life who I can talk to. We share a child together. Looking back, the entire relationship was unhealthy and I’ve been lied to and manipulated from the beginning. He’s hit me a couple times before and things have gotten out of hand, but I stayed with him out of guilt and fear. Our child is the light of my life and I wouldn’t trade my bubs for anything. Last fall things escalated and he strangled me unconscious and tried keeping me from our child and took my phone so I couldn’t contact anyone for help. After a long and painful dispute I snuck my phone back when he tossed it on the floor trying to lure me back into the house when he went to a different level of the house, and I called the police, and I never wanted to have to call them for anything. He was arrested and bailed out. That was the most terrified I’ve ever been. Bubs wasn’t harmed and is young enough to not remember what he saw, if anything. I couldn’t manage paying the mortgage and stay out of the house while solely providing for our child so I moved back until I had a better plan, my bubs is safe and I’m making sure of that. But I don’t feel safe myself. He’s told me he’d end my life and leave with our child. I’ve walked on eggshells. But I’m much better prepared to leave now and there’s a protection order in place. He’s changed his tune, and now he can’t live without me, he wants us to stay together because he won’t do shared custody, I’ll be keeping him from seeing our child and more nonsense that he’s made up. With how things are going I have decided I want supervised visits between him and our child before I’m ready to share custody, which I was willing to do split custody before all this. He doesn’t see or even attempt to contact his first child. He starts trying to self harm and cry and scream when I say I want to be done, I want a divorce. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him, but I want to be free… but me wanting this all makes me feel guilty, guilty for wanting and planning to leave, he won’t be able to keep the house or certain vehicles without my income and that worries me, I feel bad for just being exhausted and done with being responsible for him. I honestly feel afraid of what can or will happen when I do leave.

Context: My Husband, L, and I live with his brother, T, in a house with/owned by their Grandma H. Me 21, L 21, T 25, GMA H mid 80s.

So, my BIL is being abused by his long term GF. They’ve been dating for about 4-6 years, with a one year breakup where they reunited unfortunately. My husbands family has always been suspicious of GF, just getting an off feeling, with L and I talking in private about suspecting DV. We found out somewhat recently that she’d been indicted for strangulation of a former roommate, which we are fairly sure happened, but the final trial gave an acquittal. This was not surprising to us. A little under a month ago when me, L, and T were carpooling, his GF drove to his work when we were picking him up and exploded in public. Asking him to fight, pushing, throwing a bottle on the ground in front of him. She then followed us in her car for a long time. One way or another, we pulled over and they “talked” for hours. It’s been a while since this happened, and we all figured they’d broken up and have been very relieved. He’d been given materials for the local DV resources, and seemed to have a major breakthrough. His car was totaled recently, so without having a vehicle we were relieved he hadn’t seen her. Then, barely a day after giving him the local resource papers with a note saying that using them is his choice but to know there are people in his corner, he drives to her place right after being loaned SIL’s unused car so he doesn’t need to carpool to work. Turns out they never broke up, and when L asked T if he was feeling okay T backtracked a lot of progress in leaving. /I love them, I can protect myself, it’s not like that anymore, etc/. Where it gets tricky is that it’s not his car he’s using to see her, and SIL doesn’t know about the abuse or that he’s using the car to see GF. GF also intermittently stays the night here, and GMA H doesn’t know anything. We don’t know if we should be reaching out to SIL should taking back the car offer. We have reason to believe he is in immediate danger to his life every time they’re alone together. We also are unsure about informing GMA H should he bring her over again- she’s a dangerous person and it’s ultimately GMA H’s home and she has a right to know who is in her house. She would not allow her in the home if she did… So- do we (without disclosing why) convince SIL to take her car back? Do we tell GMA H about the GF being dangerous if he tried bringing her back here again? She could kiII him. We don’t know what else we could possibly do since interventions and talking to him further aren’t recommended. Please help. (Nobody else in this situation knows what Reddit is)

Some Advice Please.

Hello,

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 8 years.

It started being being violent about 6 months in, I have just put up with it. Because of love (which is stupid I know)

Last year, I phoned the non emergency number out of desperation and frustration.

They told me I needed to speak to the police at the station, I attended this but between the time I phoned and the day I attended. My partner started being lovely to me, so I felt bad and wanted to take it no further.

The copper i met was sound, she explained that in order for no further action to be taken I needed to sign some paperwork to say that it wasn't domestic violence, and no further action needed to be taken.

Trouble is....it's gone back to being a living nightmare.

I really don't know where to go with this, I feel if I went to the police they wouldn't believe me.

And my partner says if I leave, they'll report me to the police for DV which is just insane.

I'm not in any immediate danger, I am escaping in a few days hopefully!

Can anyone give me some useful advice, in case it blows up.

Thanks,

I have two really young kids and need to handle this delicately. I am afraid that my husband is intentionally provoking me and then recording my reactions to build a case to take my kids away from me (he let it slip that he was doing something like that while drunk, and I’ve noticed that he loudly says I did things that I didn’t do near our google homes / nest cameras). He repeatedly provokes me with verbal assaults / threats / bullying and physical provocations such as pushing / shoving - he keeps going until I react and then loudly starts describing my reaction. When I try to verbalize what he did, he gaslights me completely and pretends I’m making it up.

He attacked me today - he pushed my face into the bed and pinned my body down while screaming “you cuntass bitch, I want you to die”. I screamed and could hear my scream echoing on the baby monitor but there wasn’t anything recorded unfortunately. When I confronted him and described the physical behavior, he immediately loudly started calling me a delusional psycho and claimed that he didn’t do a thing.

I am terrified, for my kids and for myself. Please someone help me think through how to get through this intelligently so that I at least have evidence to be able to take action. Is there a discreet way I can record or something like that? He’s far too calculated for me to pull out my phone to record or anything along those lines.

Hey ladies I am married and I have a dilemma. My husband assaulted me last summer by physically dragging out of the house and slamming the door on my shin multiple times. His story is I "fell". Well my prior to us getting married and my moving in he has always had surveillance cameras around the house. The assault was caught on video. The morning after the assault he denies it and says there is no proof. This started as a verbal argument, I got this feeling so I started recording on my phone before he was assaulting me. After the assault he takes my phone and says that he will not have something that he pays for (my phone) used against him. He tried to delete the video on the footage captured by his own surveillance cameras, but gods graces allowed me to get it and I didn't even have access to the account. He had a hard time coming to terms with his own system working against him.

At first I didn't go to the police because I thought he would apologize or something but no. He told me I made him did it. Blaming everything on anything. So I was like wtf... Never have been assaulted by a partner I filed a report.

Fast forward to now, I'm assuming he didn't get a plea deal because there is a trial date set. I got a protection order on the day of his arraignment and he wants to fight that too or have me quash it

I want to testify but I feel guilty because I want justice. I want a conviction. He of course wants me to not cooperate with the prosecutor. I can't tell him how I really feel. And how I really feel is: you did this. I tried to give you grace, and you basically laughed in my face. So now I need you to be held accountable to the upmost degree. We have a 2 yr old daughter. And he is always making threats to take her away, kick me out. I'm a stay at home mom. He's a bully This man is 29 years older than me. I don't know what to do

1. do domestic batterers have a low IQ? Is there some form of severe intellectual maturity stunt?
2. or is he super smart and it’s all part of the act? I feel like I’m living with a sadistic child.

Is he really all-knowing? Or has he just put that in my head?

TW// domestic abuse

hi my father is abusive but not to me physically only to my mother i’m 14 and i’ve been wanting to get him convicted for his crimes for almost my entire life however every time i try to my siblings tell me that it most likely won’t work and if i did it the repercussions if it didn’t work would be worse than what we live with now for both us and our mother but i’ve been collecting frequent evidence (him threatening, broken doors, my moms bruises) so would that be enough to get him convicted and save my mom. is there anyone i could trust that wouldn’t tell my parents like a school counselor. no one in this house is willing to try to save us but i’m not gonna live my childhood like this any longer if i can help it. often times i’ve heard police officers don’t believe domestic abuse (the cops have been called to our house multiple times and my dad’s manipulated them into believing nothing was wrong and they went away without checking on my mom) and if that’s true i want to give up on this dream so i can prepare myself for the future i’m lost and i want to save my mom because she deserves so much more than this hell she lives in every day.

I need a push to call the cops and end this endless cycle once and for all. someone help me be strong

he is saying he is going to kill me and I full on believe him. he is terrifying he was screaming at me to take him for smokes so I did as we were driving he ripped his sweater and shirt and was screaming names at me. another car stopped and asked me if inwas okay which of course I said yes with tears in my eyes. we got the smokes then he had me drop him off downtown so I did.

I don't want him to Come back here tonight when I'm sleeping. he has a key I don't want to call the cops because like most of us it's hard. but I need it to end I need a push.

this is my first time posting on reddit and I am currently 16 and female and I was with my ex boyfriend (14 at the time but is 16 currently) from ages 13-14 for around 7 months and throughout them months I was physically abused such as biting kicking punching strangling and also a heap loads of manipulation. He grew up in care and with not the best childhood which at the time I used as an excuse. I do not have any pictures of bruises etc but a while ago I wrote into my notes quite a few occasions written in detail I also would be able to get screenshots of old messages where he admits to abuse. I did end up getting pregnant by him and I had my beautiful baby at 14 which I will never ever regret him and we have strictly no contact with my ex and I previously had a social worker and she was aware of the abuse as I did tell her but she shrugged it off and just told me not to speak to him. This made me doubt whether it was abuse and it wasn't that serious maybe it was because of my age? I have frequent nightmares and I'm not sure if this is a form of ptsd but if I'm in any simular situation to when I was with him I panic alot even if its just my son playing on me and he lays on my face or something silly I panic and I flinch incredibly easy now aswell. Sorry for the ramble but pretty much my question is what is the odds of me taking legal action actually working and going through I read that domestic violence cases don't do to well in court with just old screenshots and detailed descriptions being used as evidence and if needed my mum could be a witness to a time he bit my cheek and I had a massive bite mark and maybe teachers at my old school since I had to tell them it was my dog. Again sorry this is poorly written I've never posted on here but I want some advice on what to do and if I should take it further and if it would be affective. I am also so sorry if this breaks any of the rules I would never mean to.

I left my ex, and I’ve tried to leave him a few times , and each time he’s very angry, and he verbally insults me..

This is a throwaway account because I don't want this on my main. Prior post to  gives a little more detail. I'm using the same names from the prior post for clarity in case anyone reads the other one. This is so much worse than just DV, so if you can't handle it, please stop reading now.

This whole situation is the worst kind of sick and disturbing, and I can't make myself be ok with putting what I know in anyone else's head, so I won't be going into detail here. I asked the CPS workers and the cops for informed consent before I told them anything, and I've even told my therapist that I won't share all of it with her without informed consent. If I hadn't actually experienced the situation, I'd think it was just a really, really sick and twisted made-up story, but unfortunately, it's real and completely true.

Strap in. This is a long one.

So, I've been friends with "Jess" for the better part of 10 years. She has been with "Erik" for the last 5, him living with her for the last 4. Jess has two boys, now ages 13M and 10M, with her ex-husband "Keith". There is an uninvolved housemate that co-owns the house with Jess named "Anna". Anna comes into this story later.

Keith and Erik were childhood friends apparently, but Keith cut contact with him sometime after high school. Erik connected with Jess after moving back to our state about 7 years ago, but he was dating another girl at the time. Keith is highly unhappy with Erik being around because he knows the kind of person Erik is, but hasn't been able to do anything about it.

Short explanation of Jess: Jess is a helper. She'd give anyone the shirt off her back and go broke making sure that others were cared for if she could. She is a bleeding-heart martyr who thinks she can rescue and save the world. She has also been a victim of lots of different kinds of trauma, so I believe that's why things are the way they are.

Also, an important side note here: Jess's boys are both autistic and didn't do well in public school, so they are being "unschooled" and aside from visitations at their dad's every weekend and OT appointments, they don't leave the house. They have no escape from being around Erik. And Jess's house is out in the country, so there is no outside exposure for socialization for the boys when they are there.

Jess started off helping out Erik and his ex, but when that relationship went downhill, they hooked up. I met Erik before they got together, but wasn't close enough to know much about him until he started dating Jess. When I met him, he was working and seemed to be a bit off/odd to me, but for the most part, was a functioning adult.

He has since been diagnosed as Autistic and also claims to have severe DID from loads of trauma he says he went through over the course of his life, which he refuses to talk to his therapist about (The DID part anyway, and a good portion of the "trauma" as well honestly). He refuses meds for pretty much everything and claims that he has been involuntarily committed to different facilities growing up by his father where he states he was given electroshock therapy against his will. Jess has to convince him to even go to the regular doctor, and he refused to see a psychiatrist for anything beyond the Autism diagnosis. (Please note: I believe that DID is real and horrible for the people that actually have it, but I believe it is another thing that Erik uses to manipulate Jess.)

He is now on disability and does absolutely nothing beyond playing WoW, sleeping, and having "episodes". He won't shower without Jess, or eat unless she makes or brings him food. He basically sits around all day, every day, drinking and taking gummies, and has turned Jess's house into a war zone because everything "triggers" him. He doesn't do any chores or contribute anything financially to the household.

He is "easily triggered" by basically anything, but it's disingenuous because he uses these "episodes" to manipulate Jess and other people (mainly me) into feeling bad for him or being afraid of him. His outbursts regularly upset Jess's boys and they are terrified of him, but she can't/won't see it. He threatens to "unalive" himself randomly because he knows it sends Jess into a panic, and he does all of this to keep her so unstable that she can't think critically. Jess doesn't even work anymore because he has her convinced that he's not stable enough to be left alone, and that she's too unstable to handle the extra stress and doesn't have time.

He does do "therapy" sessions, but they are mainly just him monologuing at the therapist for an hour and it goes nowhere. I know this because I've been over to their house during these and he's allowed me to sit in. His therapist/everyone else can barely get a word in edgewise when he gets started. He has also monologued at me for hours on multiple occasions.

I have been trying to carefully talk sense into Jess since I figured out the kind of person Erik really is, but it has been to no avail. He has her so snowballed that she can't/won't see what's even going on. Erik is the kind of predator that usually ends up being "dealt with" in prisons. The kind of dirtbag that we, as a society, have no fix for, other than locking them up. (Side note: I'm not sure what terminology I can use here, so I'm censoring/using creative language as much as I can.)

Jess has somehow rationalized all of it to herself, and is so deluded by her own legitimately traumatic past that she somehow believes that having him in her home around her kids isn't dangerous. He has admitted to doing/wanting to do some very foul things and showed me videos and photos that he keeps on a backup phone (without getting my consent based on the content of said things) that I can't get out of my head now. I held all of it in and tried to just be there for Jess and the boys to try to shield them from him as much as I could, but about 2 weeks ago, Anna finally lost it at Erik and I knew I needed to act.

I talked to the spiritual leaders at our church and another friend of Jess's that's known her longer. Apparently, I was the only one who has ever been out to Jess's house since Erik moved in, so I was the only one who had the real scoop as to what was going on. Erik's messed up idea was to convince me to join their relationship and leave my fiancé because he, Jess, and I are all polyamorous, which I believe is why he told me and showed me things he did. Everyone else suspected that things weren't right, but couldn't pinpoint why and had no real knowledge of how bad it really was.

Everyone advised that I wait until I'd spoken to Anna to give her a heads up that I would be reporting because an investigation could jeopardize her WFH computer-based job, and she is the main breadwinner supporting the whole household. So, I contacted Anna, and she came to my house for lunch and I told her as much as I could without actually giving details that would definitely trigger her. Anna didn't know about most of the really disturbing stuff, and was pretty horrified that Jess had let that kind of person into their home around the kids.

I spoke to my own therapist the next day, without revealing Erik's name at the time because I was afraid of him coming after me, and let her know that I would be reporting his name once I was informed that Anna had things covered for herself. I knew that my therapist would still make a report to CPS, but I had to take the risk because I needed advice, and I was suffering from a mental breakdown over the whole thing. Two days later, I spoke to CPS and then went to Jess's local law enforcement office and made an 8 page detailed report to them as well.

I will testify against him if it goes to court, but I knew that as soon as I did all that, I was losing Jess. She refuses to see that he is the problem. So, I am the villain now, along with other former friends and some of her family who have attempted to report in the past. Those past reports went nowhere because it was speculation, and no one actually had first-hand knowledge, except me. Jess is aware enough of how wrong everything is that she has kept almost everyone else at arm's length.

I sent her an email after everything went down (aka CPS and cops showing up to make her hand the boys over to Keith to be taken in for forensic interviews and to stay with their dad until the case is closed) and she had unfriended me on FB. I explained that I did it because I love her and her boys, and that I know that she thinks I betrayed her. I laid it all out for her, every technique he's used to manipulate her, and all the disgusting things he's confessed to me, even though I know she isn't at a place where she can accept the facts. I told her that no matter what, I will always love her and the boys, and that I hope she can take off the blinders and get some real help.

Even though I miss her and all of this hurts so much, I know I did the right thing for her, the boys, and for myself. I couldn't continue to keep his/her secrets because it has caused me so much trauma. I can only imagine the trauma her boys have gone through, and how she is going to feel about herself once the blinders do come off and she confronts reality.

I never thought I'd ever have to do this to anyone. I wish there had been a different option, some other choice, some way to rescue them from him, but my hands were tied. There really aren't any organizations out there that do extractions because it borders on kidnapping, which is highly illegal. DV organizations rely on the victims to get themselves out to safety because of this.

I didn't take having to report something like this lightly. I have been tortured by having to decide between the safety of Jess and the boys, or losing her as my best friend and blowing things up for her kids. I guess, take this as a warning. No one who gets close enough to be able to report gets out unscathed.

I met him 8 years ago when I was still in my early 20s and had no support (perfect candidate) Since then, I can't think of anything he hasn't done - whether we were together or not. He has humiliated me by purposefully screaming at me publicly and has dragged me out cars, abused me, smeared my name on social sites and to anyone who listens, purposely puts me in situations for me to lose everything including my sanity. He has come to previous workplaces screaming and cussing me out, etc so I can lose my employment. Would leave me bruised and talk for hours about how awful I am and all the ways I need to change. If I need help with anything (car issues, etc) he will either help (at a price) or purposely not to have me lose opportunities, etc. I've asked for police help multiple times but to no avail.

Fast forward to today- my car is in the shop and I have zero family nor support here. I work in the morning and also have to bring the baby to daycare and back all in an uber temporarily. So around 7am, my son was still asleep and I had to drop off important documents by today no later. (No excuse whatsoever) but I decided to see if I can run to the Mail Drop off that's about 7mins away and back in enough time before he wakes up and we start our day. My son must've just woken up right after when his dad called him. He has been waiting for any opportunity to prove to the world how bad of a person and mother I am. He lives 5 mins away and immediately went to my leasing office and called the police. I begged and begged him and even screenshotted when I left and the uber time and all he kept saying is "Your done" "I'm taking our son away from you" the sherrifs ended up coming and arresting me and I now have a CPS case open on top of a court date with a possible misdemeanor. All the times this man had abused me I'm the one who keeps suffering. I am far from perfect, but the lengths he goes to have me suffer after all the times I've stayed quiet and loved him unconditionally leaves me sick. I'm ready to give up.

I only speak for myself.

Therapy recommendations are about as unhelpful as “thoughts and prayers.” Sometimes even worse than “thoughts and prayers.”

I’m rediscovering that solitude isn’t a burden. Which removes the outstanding reason I’ve continued with therapy as long as I have. Which was having one person to speak about DV related difficulties without annoying my limited social network or getting annoyed with nonsensical responses from said social network.

Cons of Therapy:

• Does not help with concrete issues if you can already function in daily life.

• Does not resolve misery caused by unsolvable problems (if you’re like me and not into reality-denying fantasy).

• Costs $$$$. Still owe money after insurance.

• Relies on “therapeutic alliance” but “why am I not getting better if I get along well with my therapist?” See prior points.

• When attempting to address legal remedies available to survivors, will act as though endorsing restraining orders is a novel solution. No way? I’ve never heard of those before /s (I’ve thought about pursuing a paralegal credential for how much legal literature I’ve consumed since 2022)

What I have found helpful is Psychiatry for the following reasons:

• Solves physical problems that arise from PTSD. Sleep? = fixed after a few drug trials. SI? = fixed after a few dose trials. Anger/irritation issues? = mostly fixed after a few drug trials.

• Clear, measurable goals without CBT/whatever-T BS. I either sleep better or I don’t. I road rage less or I don’t. There’s no trying to narrate away why sharing a child with an abuser after near homicide and numerous r*pes shouldn’t be the horror that it is.

• All of my psychiatry appointments have been fully covered by insurance. So I have money to spend on my child, bills, or things that make me feel less miserable.

I think therapy is primarily useful for those that need positive human interaction and who need guided help on decoupling from “trauma bonds.” It’s just not for me after two years with two therapists I respected. I am not open to finding a third therapist to repeat non-progress with.

Opinions are welcome. For what it’s worth I’ve tried and failed with EMDR. Experts generally agree it’s exposure therapy with woo added to make it seem more than it is.

Hope it helps the survivors that feel they’re spinning their wheels in therapy. Things aren’t always fixed with therapy. Especially if you’re still in ongoing danger.

I am having trouble admitting my bf is abusive so many people tell me he is but I am in denial. AAAaaaa. This hurts a LOT.He has horrible anger issues and yells really loud if he gets mad and sometimes breaks stuff. I do not know what to do. Any suggestions?

I recently left my bf (30) after he put me against a wall by my throat and locked me into my own house. This was maybe the 8th time he has physically attacked me (this was the most minor time) when he felt rejected but because I was never hospitalised or had bruises on my face.. I feel it’s not that bad.. I know that’s so messed up and I have been told to report him and to get help from helplines.. but I just think I’m not that “battered” please tell me I’m not the only one… I feel so confused and just messed up…

So i found out today that he pled guilty. I honestly didnt think he would unequivocally plead guilty, especially since half of what i said was a “she said, he said” situation. (I know he didnt have a lawyer when he got arrested) One of the things he pled guilty to was holding a knife to my throat, which i had no evidence for, but he pled guilty and i don’t know what to feel. Is this him trying to take ownership or just another tactic to try to use against me if he tries to come back in the future? I have a few months until sentencing comes but im just in a sate of both being grateful of him pleading guilty and feeling horrible cause even though I know I wasn’t the reason his life was ruined, it feels like i could’ve been more merciful in a way?

Long story short, I was in a bad relationship for seven years (18 to 25) with a man who was a good bit older than me. It started like a whirlwind and it was my first relationship and first everything, I loved him so much. It was controlling before it became violent, which only started when we moved abroad together (I didn’t have my family or friends when living away). Took a very long time to leave but I did. I buried my feelings and tried to stay busy all the time. Fast forward ten years and I’ve started therapy. However, I feel like a fraud because I got out and who am I to complain about what happened. I’m struggling to accept that I should be in therapy considering the amount of time that passed and the fact that I’m no longer in the relationship.

Is it strange to feel like a fraud about going to therapy? Is it strange to still feel the effects of that relationship so many years after? I feel like I’m lucky to have left as I thought for a long time that the only way out was the end of me. Now I feel like who I am to feel like I need help, when others are in harder situations than me.

Sorry for the long post, my head is spinning with thoughts.

I don't know what to do or what to think...I've been with him for 9 years. I feel like the relationship was kind of forced on me from the beginning. We met in a plasma center donating, we were in beds next to each other. I wasn't in a great place I was coming off a bad relationship where we cheated on each other then the guy left me and married the girl he cheated with me on but I digress. Anyways I was sleeping around with people so I exchanged info with who is now my current partner. We flirted online, sent pictures all the usual stuff. He left his sons mom and needed help one night I had to pick him up from the psych ward at a local hospital because they wouldn't take him. I dropped him off at his friend's place and kept in touch helping him out because I felt bad for him, he had no place to go, no car, no money, nothing. Anyways I set him up to stay with a friend of mine for a bit so he wasn't on the street. I told my female friends who were always thirsty to leave him alone, laid claim to him so he could get his shit together before getting into a relationship. Apparently that was the first mistake I made. That I guess made him decide that I was his girlfriend and we were in a relationship though all I was really trying to do was help him. We had our first fight when I gave him my phone to make a phone call and he went thru it and found texts from men I was screwing around with. Said I was cheating on him when I never thought we were in a relationship. Still brings that up when we fight. After that we started seeing each other, I'd let him use my car to get around and do things. I helped him buy formula and diapers for his infant son. I did a lot to help out when I was working my job, living at home and trying to raise my own son after my divorce. I felt like crap and was trying to get myself together but was having a shit time doing it. I eventually moved out of my parents house and camped with him for two months then we moved into his dad's house in the fall. We had fights he get mad at me, call me names, make me feel like like crap. He and I went to a friend's house for a party once. We stayed drinking a lot and then he had to lay down his male friends offered to keep me compony while he recovered, I went with them and kept drinking, I blacked out and woke up later on the couch with my boyfriend. Later it comes out from his friends that they fucked me while I was drunk and had it on tape. He got pissed needless to say threatened to leave me, made me feel like I was garbage. I was very upset thought about leaving. Didn't because I thought things might be different. I told him I didn't sleep with his buddies because I didn't remember doing it. I feel like that was a rare if it did happen because I want conscious to give consent. Anyways here we are nine years down the road. We fight, call each other names, I've packed my things and left only for him to follow me and then go back. This lady one was one of the worst, I say that because now we have a child together. He's thrown the kids paternity in my face saying that it isn't his because I screwed one of his friends that night all because I changed my clothes to something I could sleep in. I didn't, I know for a fact that our child is his but doesn't stop him from calling them a bastard and me a whore. I got fed up last night, he got angry because he says I never listen to him and use my head. Where it started was his vape pen because it was laid down rather than stood up. He laid into me all day about that then my dehydrator because I plugged it in to a power bar that had nothing on it but it's on a fragile breaker in our apartment. He was a jerk all day into the night. About 2am he threatened to kill my pet rabbit if I didn't go clean the litter box for our cats. I was putting the baby down for bed, feeding her and trying to keep her relaxed but he insisted I just do it "fuck that baby" were his words. I put her down and went and did it and took it out. I slammed some doors the some things because I was sick of him being an asshole. He smacked me and I went at him too. I bit him, scratched him, anything could to defend myself and prove a point. He punched me after a warning and I took elbows and a lot of things, he's a golden gloves boxer and mma fighter. Anyways I slapped him with the cat scoop a few times anything else I can't think of. Anyways I've got a shiner that he wants me to cover so people don't know what happened, I don't really care if people ask or see I took the hits like a man and am kind of proud of the mark. I still feel like shit and am heavily contemplating leaving with my child, my pet rabbit and whatever I can carry for us. Only issue is I don't have a car, I never have money though I work, he's in control of the finances, carries my cards in his wallet. This latest time too he kept telling me that he wanted to kill me, kill himself, that I was destroying him, but I kept thinking you know what about me and what this is doing to me and our kid who is here and a baby. I want to leave but can't do it on my own without help I'm tired of feeling crazy like I'm the cause of all the problems like he says or if it's all him. Anyways any advice? Comments, questions? I'm open to them. I feel like I'm in the right for leaving but this doesn't really just affect him, me and baby. We also have two cats, my bun bun, and four sugar gliders, plus his nine year old son. It's not the animals or kids fault but they will be affected by my leaving. Is this the right decision or am I over reacting please any insight would be helpful. Anyone to talk or out with. Please I don't want to be here but feel like I have no choice.

Can anyone please help me! I need to get out tonight and have zero money or gas until payday which is Friday . If anyone could help me with $10 for gas to make it to the shelter I will pay you back plus tip Thursday or Friday . I got told I am only leaving in a body bag and I need to get out asap while he is at work

I want to go home. I’m lonely, have postpartum depression, and just my baby and I. Yes, I left a bad situation. He wants me to come home and has gotten into therapy but I know I shouldn’t.

trauma bonds are the worst, been with this 'man' for 11 years and have 2 little boys together, everything escalated when i was pregnant with #1 and then exponentially after he was born (like within 48hrs of baby's birth by emergency c-section he was putting his hand on my mouth in the maternity room bc the baby was crying and i was whimpering "please dont cry" bc i knew it would upset abuser to hear baby cry. how fucked up). we separated for a bit after #2 was born and have been off and on ever since. ive had years being called every name in the book, everything is my fault, im too loud, i laugh too loud, im not funny but people laugh bc they feel bad for me, im a failure at being a mom, partner, daughter, friend, coworker, student etc. he shoved me when i was pregnant with #2 and also dragged me across the floor by my arms while i was pregnant (but he says it was ok bc there was a bed behind me when he shoved me). he also has shoved my kids, i have recordings of them saying that... when they were 5 and 3. he is always threatening to spank them. he was arrested on 4/6 for assaulting me and has convinced everyone that it was my fault, that he was acting in self-defense bc he was scared of me (he is 5'11' 180lbs i am 5'4" 165 pounds. no way dude) bc i wouldnt let go of his wrist (he had my phone and wouldnt let go: i cant let him have my phone bc of all the messages to DV help lines, as well as friends and other men who have been supportive). he beat me and whacked my wrist with a glass bottle and a month later my wrist still hurts. he has court on 5/6 and his charges are disorderly conduct and 3rd degree assault (misdemeanors) and 2 felonies for 2 counts of ROI to minors. he has a prior for threatening me from 2 years ago which was dismissed bc he did 6 bullshit family violence classes. dont they know that shit doesnt work??!! he has a defense atty and is trying to convince me to write a letter for him. idk what to do. i hate him but i hate being away from my babies. he intimidated me into signing a parental custody agreement where i look like the bad parent bc of past alcohol abuse and now he is the primary residence and i have to ask to see my kids (i dont have a lawyer, he does)

Hey, folks. I'm a police officer working for a large city and recently came across a family with a difficult situation:

Dad is parolee and ex-felon, unemployed, with 3 kids with mom. He's been arrested for misdemeanor and felony spousal assault multiple times. On the last ocasion, Dad stole Moms phone and prevented her from calling. This prompted Daughter to call from her personal cell, in hiding. All of the DV has happened when the shared kids are present.

On the last call, dad openly told the teenage daughter that he never wanted her, and that he only cared for the boy, and not at all for the girl(s).

I felt for the girl, who was (naturally) VERY impacted by this. She's about 16 years old, hispanic, and doesn't attend a very good school.

Are there any books you can recommend? This will be an 'out of pocket' expense, since we don't have a per-diem for these things. I know there isn't much I can say, but I made my best to let her know that this behavior isn't right, should not be tolerated in her own relationships when she's older, that she has worth, that she is intelligent, and that she did the right thing.

Let me know, please. I'll probably be back to the house, soon.

We are currently working with a local shelter to talk about our options.

My mom has been financially abused for years, she is old now and we are preparing our leave.

If her name is on the bank account that she shares with my dad, the woman told us she can just go to the bank and take out the money.

I have not been in the US for years so I don't remember how bank accounts work here. If we were to call the police to escort us to the shelter, then have the shelter drive us to the bank, if she just showed up with her driver's license, would that be enough information to withdraw the money? What information is needed to withdraw money? Her name is on the account.

( Respectful answers only. I will report those who answer disrespectfully. )

I'm going to be honest I don't know if my case is actually abuse but I've always questioned if it is. My father wasn't at home until I was around 7 or 8 because he was in college at the time. He was also in the military so he has suffered a lot with ptsd. Anyways, my father is an extremely loud and angry man. He's the kind of guy to get in your face when he's angry and he'll warn you to stop talking before it gets physical. Usually it doesn't get physical, but sometimes it does. The most recent time he warned me to stop or he was gonna slap me and I responded by saying "okay," I'm not gonna lie, with a tone that could be construed as rude. If im being honest I don't remember exactly what happened after that but it did get physical. He started hitting me and I started screaming "get your fucking hands off me" until he raised a fist then I stopped trying to protect myself and cowered and that's when he stopped. I was hysterically crying afterwards and he starts mocking my cries and screaming at me to stop crying and he said "you deserved that shit because you're a fucking bitch. oh wow look at me im such a victim." after that he and my mom left and now my father and I haven't spoke in 3 months. I'm turning 18 in September but if im being honest I don't know if I'm being overdramatic or not and I really just need advice.

I am not sure if this is the right place to find the information I’m looking for but I’m hoping someone can point me in the right direction. My best friend 29F has been in an intimate relationship with a guy for 9 months. She was in a really vulnerable place in life when she met him and thought she had found “the one”. Within weeks, emotional abuse occurred and the behavior became physically in the following months. He deals with substance abuse, alcoholism and some severe mental health issues. They at one point did live together while the physical abuse was happening but she was not ready to seek help. She is now not living with him but continues to be drawn in by his manipulation and the abuse is becoming more and more intense. I fear for her safety. She is ready to stop and cut ties with him but having a difficult time.

I was in a DV situation for many years of my life and turned to a local DV shelter to help me navigate leaving and recovering. She has asked for their information but since she does not currently live with him they will not provide her with therapy services. She cannot afford therapy on her own and we both agree it could be life saving for her. My question is, are there resources for people in abusive situations who are not residing with their abuser? How can I help guide her in the right direction?

Need advice. The situation is kind of tricky. My mom and dad are currently going through divorce im an adult and still live at home. My dad is a rapant cheater. He hasn't been phsyically violent but he does like to yell and break stuff. Especially when he doesn't get his way much like a toddler. He hasn't been as aggresive in his later years mostly because we stopped challanging him. My sister is the only one that will still talk back to him. He seems to accept this though and only gets mad at her if she does it too much. Then he will yell "fuck you" or something else similar. He never hit her though. Honestly i really fucking hate him for talking to my sister like that. Lately hes been getting scammed by a catfish and he was "investing" in cryptocurency. He thought this online woman was helping him make lots of money and he told us he was going to leave. My mom got tired of his bullshit and filed for divorce, and had the papers served on valentines day. My dad was intially shocked and later they got into an argument where my dad yelled at her "you ruined my fucking life!". Its been months of lawyer bullshit and my loser ass father moping around. Just a couple days ago my dad finally figuered out it was a scam and he had basically lost all of his life insurance money he pulled out and put into the scammers crypto account. Around $50,000 dollars. My mom helped locked my account and my sisters and then lock her own account to save what money was left before he wasted it too. (We already knew it was a scam before he did).

Hes acting weird lately. We he has always been weird but yesterday he was watching a documentery on chris watts, and he kept saying out loud, "oh chris watts the guy who killed his wife and children.". Not in a disgusted way either.

During this documentary it talks about him doing pushups with his kid on his back.

My dads looks at me coldy and asks if i wanted to try that now. I said no. He looks upset and asks why. I said i just dont want to. He then just says oh, while still looking upset.

Seeing this makes me wonder if he is thinking about killing us.

Im thinking abouy having someone fake being a hitman and texting my dad to see what he would do.

Any adivce would be appreciated.

Sorry for bad grammer my phone is on 1% and im trying to type it out fast.