I was thinking about celebrating recently and realized I don't really do it. Whether it is for something like a birthday, finally getting a car, or passing a test, I don't feel like I pay much attention.

I want to show myself more gratitude and pride in my accomplishments.

What ways do you celebrate for yourself?

Feeling lost

As the title states, I’m feeling lost in life. I’m (28M) searching for some sort of purpose in life, and I have no idea what it is that I’m good at. I went to university and graduated with a degree in Business Computing, I’ve worked in IT for the past 6 years and feel like I’ve learned very little as I find it hard to absorb information and don’t know if it interests me anymore. Problem is that I have no idea what I’m good at.

My self esteem is on the floor right now, I’m short which has always been a massive insecurity to me, I find it hard to be confident in myself as I’m constantly comparing myself to others that are taller, better looking etc. I’ve tried therapy for around 3 years which helped me for a while, but eventually I spiralled again.

I needed to vent about this as I don’t know where to start addressing this situation and at the moment every day is getting more difficult to me. I’m not where I wanted to be in my career and I’m unhappy within myself and how I look, I don’t feel like I’m good at anything and for some reason I feel less than other people because I’m short, I know comparison is the thief of joy but I’m finding it hard to switch that off. It’s gotten to the point where I have social anxiety because I don’t have enough belief in myself to hold a conversation without fear that the other person is judging me.

Hi.

TW: negative. Rant. Might drain you :/

It feels weird sharing things as a stranger and a part of me is scared to have some comments that will make me feel even worse but I still want to give this a shot.

I am in my early 20's and for as lkng as I remember I have had negative self esteem & self love. I am in therapy and have anxiety disorder (on meds too :--)) doing a bit better in terms of other things but my habit of comparing, being jealous and insecure just doesnt leave me.

It is a constant topic with my therapist but with things happening, it always takes a back seat.

I feel like I am below average in every area of my life

• career
• looks
• behaviour
• sustaining relationships?

Sometimes I feel like a people pleaser and sometimes, a cold bitch.

And I end up OBSESSING over some people in my life (close or mutuals) to just rant and complaint to myself that how come someone has it all, and I have none.

I have tried practising gratitude but I feel so much of dissatisfaction with every word I say, every eye on the mirror and every action I do. Like the critic in me is overrrrrr critical.

I am curious does it get any better for people like me? Would I ever feel days with zero comparison or jealousy? I feel so bad being jealous and complaining too but jus the inner fight. :/

#ThanksForReading.

If you've ever struggled to love yourself, you should think of the person youre mutually in love with. or your friend/family member who you love so much. or someone who has verbally praised you, and has expressed how proud you make them, OR YOUR PET!!!!

they love you so much, they are so proud of you and they see the good in you. They see the world as a better place because you are in it.

how could you NOT love yourself when you are one of the people that makes your loved ones feel so happy and grateful to be in your presence.

you are an extension of life's beauty, in many eyes. i hope this realization helped someone as much as it just helped me.

synn xx

I apologise in advance for my English, it's not my first language . Me and my (probably ex, idk) girlfriend are taking a break to reflect on our relationship and see whether it's worth it or not. Basically it's just me waiting for her to find an answer, which is really stressful, cause I want to continue having a relationship with her. Recently I realised that I'm not okay with who I am, Infact I hate myself for every mistake I've done and for every time I hurt her. I believe that im a horrible person and I deserve what I'm experiencing rn (anxiety, constant sadness, no motivation to do anything etc etc). I was always really insecure about myself. It started off with my looks, then it continued with my intelligence and now I'm doubting that I'm a good person. I find it near impossible to start forgiving myself for every mistake I've ever made, even the small ones. I feel like I owe everyone an apology. Im an ambitious person but I don't think I'll ever reach my goals if I go down this path. I'll start therapy this week. (Again, sorry for my English.) Any advice?

I've recently set a standard for how I like to be treated. Basically I had a disagreement with my partner, where she felt I had done something wrong, I didn't think I had, naturally. Now I asked multiple times for an explanation as to what I had done, but was giving nothing. Just treated poorly. I had no way of fixing, adjusting my behaviour or addressing it. I was left feeling awful and really confused.

So eventually I asked she stop contacting me unless to discuss it maturly and apologise.

I see this as me setting a standard. Communicate with me or leave me alone. I don't want to play guessing games or feel like crap for an issue that could be resolved.

Am I being too harsh.

To be happy or at least content in life. Do I just need to let go of the past, ignore what other people think of me and cut out any toxic relationships ? That seems to be the goal right ?

Pretty much what the title says. I have a handful of self love/self care habits that I'm able to easily do most if not all of them Monday-Friday and I don't beat myself up about it if I am not able to get everything done. I've been trying to stick with just showing up for myself instead of perfectionism which is something difficult for me because I grew up in an OCD household. Once Saturday and Sunday begin, it's like I completely forget and I do absolutely NOTHING for myself. Maybe go outside for a bit but I stay cooped up in my room, staring at a screen, blinds down rotting in my room doing nothing. Even when I bring out my list on the weekends I don't have the strive to even get a couple of things done and once Monday hits I get a surge to do it and it continues until Saturday comes around again. Have I conditioned myself to only look out for me on weekdays? How do I make it so that I can take are of myself daily?

Btw if anyone is wondering this is my list I use:

• Affirmations
• Brush teeth (not self care just general hygiene I had really bad depression for years I know I'm gross)
• Celebrate the little things in life
• Check in with myself list of questions 3-4x a day
• Get outside
• Journal
• Meditate
• Pray
• Read
• Listen to a self care/self love youtube video/podcast
• Skincare
• Spend time with my dog
• Stretch
• Listen to subliminals
• Supplements
• Call a loved one

On average on weekdays I do 13/16 of these every day and on weekends 0/16.

April 9, 2021

I stood at the bathroom sink. I saw myself in the mirror: face swollen from my weight gain, blackness under my eyes from lack of sleep, unplucked eyebrows, and acne on my cheeks from the lack of self-care I've given myself. I hate it. I hate myself. My body begins to tremble as I have a pill bottle of hydrocodone. “Do it. Just do it,” repeats in my mind over and over again. I closed my eyes and counted to ten. The feeling of never being good enough filled my mind. I unscrew the pill bottle, shove each pill into my mouth, and chug a bottle of Snapple Sweet Tea. Immediate relief came to me, but sudden regret. I press my back against the wall and slowly fall to the ground. Tucking my knees to my chin, I begin to sob. “What did I do?”

Waking up in the hospital and realizing I was still alive was a feeling I will not forget. Please recognize that you matter, and you most definitely matter to me. I understand reaching out is hard, but you can do it. I believe in you.

When I’m by myself, I love myself, I think I’m funny and intelligent, I love the way I look. But when it comes to being around other people, I feel like I can’t accept myself at all. I turn into this awkward mess of a person and everything I thought I loved about myself fades away.

It’s especially hard because I’m trying to date after “working” on myself for four years, and I think the time I spent alone did more harm than good. I feel like I am a person who will never fit into anyone else’s life. There is always someone better looking, someone smarter, someone with more money, someone more interesting, someone who can actually get words out of their mouth, the list goes on and on. This doesn’t mean I want to deny myself a chance at finding love, but it makes it a hell of a lot harder.

I thought I was ready because I finally started focusing on myself, I thought I started loving and accepting myself but I was so wrong and I don’t know what to do now. Starting to date again has just reopened all these old wounds I thought were healed. I want to do nothing but cry my eyes out. What am I supposed to do?

If you're going through the self love journey, I'd really recommend this YouTube video.It gave me a new perspective on self live and compassion .

https://youtu.be/rTFN8t9SXiQ?si=B5liRjQ0w8Gn1QvC

But realized it’s my birth month and my goal has been self care. I took vacation from work. I’ve jerked off 4 times. Been on my phone. Healing my inner child. Never got to relax as a kid bc was trying to avoid my mom’s temper.

I find that I always want everyone to like me. When I am around other people, I feel like I have to watch the way my voice sounds or the comments that I make. I feel very uncomfortable opening myself up to people because I have been bullied a lot as a kid and even as adult , even though I am well into adulthood.

I am just so tired. I am tired of feeling like I have to adapt to other people's criticisms. I am tired of trying to get other people's validation because it hurts when I don't get it...especially if it's people close to me.

I just don't know how to get over this.

I have a problem.

After a recent breakup, I’ve been trying to gain a sense of love and worth for myself through ME and not others. But I noticed that when I get attention from guys, my mood gets better. For example, I was feeling sad about the breakup with my ex but as soon as a guy started talking to me, my mood shifted and I felt a lot better, bc I felt wanted. It was like a blanket of cloud just got lifted from my brain. And I stopped thinking about my ex. Well kinda, bc I know it will come back.

I don’t like the fact that my mood instantly gets better when I receive attention from others. I want to get over my ex and work on my self worth by working on myself through intrinsic validation not external. Although I’m not seeking external validation, when I get it I get very happy. I wish I could give myself that happiness on my own. I try and sometimes it works but most times it doesn’t. Not this instantly or not for this long.

When I get attention from other guys I temporarily forget about my ex. So is that a good thing? Or is that a distraction? Is that how I let go? I feel like it’s cheating and taking the easy way out and not solving the root cause of my problem. Will I heal and forget my ex properly if I enjoy these types of attention?

It’s not even a flirty attention. It’s just him wanting to play video games with me.

The weird thing is, I’m not worried about not being able to find another guy in the future. Idk why but I am confident that I can find another guy if I want to but I’m not confident in being able to get over my ex. I’m also not worried about being alone. I don’t get lonely easily so I don’t mind being single in the future as long as I can get over my ex. So idk why I’m having such a hard time letting go of my ex.

I’m so attached to him and I’m struggling to detach. Maybe it’s because he treated me like how I wanted my mom to treat me when I grew up. Because as weird as it sounds, I felt a motherly love from him during our relationship. Maybe he showed me love that I didn’t give myself. I know I’ll always care for him and hope the best for him but it also pains me when I think about him potentially being with another girl. I find myself thinking bad thoughts and hoping he won’t be happy with a new girl but then at the end of the day it would absolutely crush me if he wasn’t happy and was suffering so I take those thoughts back and just cry.

I feel lethargic and tired despite all the naps I take because I’m constantly trying to reframe my thoughts so that I’m not putting myself down, or I’m consoling myself that it’s okay to feel the way I do. It takes a lot of my mental energy.

I am seeing improvement in other aspects of my life though. Like I am more confident at my workplace, I have better communication by being more authentic, i am able to set healthier boundaries, and overall, I care less about what other people think.

But not my ex.

Anyways, I’m just writing here because I want a therapist but can’t afford it so maybe someone can tell me something lol

I struggled with self love all my life and I’m only just starting to tap into actual self love. I wanted to share what used to hold me back.

First of all, not believing that I deserve love was making it impossible to ever start loving myself. I didn’t believe anyone, including myself, could ever love me. Because I felt ashamed of who I was, what I looked like, what I did, just everything about me. I always looked away from myself.

So my first approach to loving myself was improving myself, but these things are not equal. I worked out, I read a lot of books on how to be a better person and it did make me feel better, but I still didn’t magically love myself. Because really, all of that was a distraction from the truth that I felt undeserving of it. That doesn’t mean that you should stop improving yourself. But your mindset has to change from “I will love myself if I did this” to “I will do this because I love myself”. Because you are deserving of all the good effects that come into your life from working out or improving yourself in any other way, you are doing this good thing for yourself. You take care of yourself.

Second of all, it is important to differentiate self love from the effects of inferiority complex. This may sound silly at first, but trying to cope with an inferiority complex can actually give you that toxic kind of confidence that makes you try forcing yourself to believe that you are actually better and superior to others. This is because effectively attacking an inferiority complex is so difficult. It’s hard work and unconsciously people might make the decision that if they feel inferior to everyone, the obvious solution must be to instead feel superior to everyone. The truth is that this is not a place of self love at all. Instead of believing that you deserve everything for yourself because you are you, you will have really negative thoughts about others to make you feel better in the short term. In the long run, this will not get you to love yourself at all. It’s important to cultivate a positive, abundant safety net of self-love to put a stop to this.

Lastly, accepting your past is important. Whatever it is you feel ashamed of, to let it go you must accept that this is how things were at that time. Your past is what brought you here, and simply you trying to love yourself today shows you came very far and I’m proud of you for that. You should be too. This is not an easy journey. You have to give your past self some credit because at that time, you didn’t know what you know now. You did everything to get through as best as you can, and you are here now. No matter what you went through, you are here and that’s what matters.

Another thing that held me back was believing that if someone else could love me, I could love myself too. But waiting around or looking for that kind of love from an empty place inside does not work. The relationship is not going to last and might even be unhealthy to you or them. You probably heard this before, but it’s truly important to love yourself before you try loving someone else. And even having people love you will not change anything unless you are ready to receive that love. I had made so many friends in the past and even some relationships that lasted a little but I was never ready to believe that they truly loved and cared for me, because if not even I did those things for myself, how could they?

I hope you can all get some inspiration from these things, it’s important to acknowledge these struggles first in order to be ready to receive that self love in the first place. Good luck 🫶

I don’t know how. I recognize that I have admirable qualities and people seem to like me but I just don’t know how to love myself. I don’t like looking at myself, my self talk is atrocious. What’s a practical approach to loving myself?

I’ve been dealing with a lot on my mind for the past couple of years because of all these intrusive thoughts in my mind. These are all related to the fact that

I don’t have a girlfriend and there is literally nobody who has even found me to be interesting.

I’ve done a lot of bad and cringy things that I can’t move on from and I feel hurt when I look back on all these horrible things that I’ve done as a person

I’ve never experienced romance such as cuddling or my first kiss or anything like that

My parents are probably disappointed that I can’t find a better job because I am not good at anything and that I find no job to be interesting to me (I’ve had the same part time job since I graduated HS) and that I don’t have my drivers license because they do not understand that driving gives me a lot of anxiety. My associates degree (liberal arts) is practically useless as well.

I am not doing great financially

People have told me that I should start trying self love, therapy and all that bullshit when I don’t think it will help me at all. What’s there to love when I am just riddled with flaws? Not even I can love myself. I wish I could reset my life to where I don’t have to be in the state I’m in right now. I can’t even take a compliment without almost getting angry or upset.

my nose is atrocious, but im stuck with it for the rest of my life (rhinoplasty will not be an option ..) how do i cope with this self-hatred from it ? i hate being sad about my appearance, but its hard not to let it get to me

I literally can't take selfies without feeling insecure and I can't go out in leggings without feeling like I'm being judged and I can't wear my favorite pair of jeans without being cat called for no reason and I started just not like myself that much anymore and I want to know if there's just a way to start liking myself again cuz I haven't felt good in a long while it's really starting to make me feel awful mentally, and it doesn't help when you don't have anyone to understand your struggle