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I can't choose my favorites (music, series, books, foods, etc.). Does anyone else feel like this?

Edit: I thought it was mostly Ne thing ( more options to choose from)

I always put them first, it’s like they become my muse. No one else is attractive any more, I cannot imagine laying in bed with any one else but my person. I love them in a way that musicians love their instruments, it becomes almost suffocating if I dont feel like they feel as deeply and intensely as me.

Every song I listen to, every art I create, every paragraph, all start to revolve 80% around them. I see them everywhere, I think of them even when I see the littlest thing. What must I do with so much love inside of me?

Then they become a part of my hypotheticals I play out in my minds. I see many ways we could enjoy the rest of our lives, together, as well as apart. Down to when they die. I fear they will die before me, for my heart will be too broken if I were to attend their funeral and live out the rest of my days without them.

And then there is this fear of abandonment, what if they wake up and stop loving me? It’s funny but this fear is deeply rooted in my heart. I am scared of them falling out of love with me, what if I’m nothing but a boring person. What if I talk too much? Think too much?

I want to open up my whole heart to my forever person, but what if nothing lasts forever and nothing is truly mine?:(

Ever catch yourself trying to do it? Obviously, not on purpose/consciously. But it still happens sometimes. At least for me.

Do you understand what I’m saying (or no)? Do you slap yourself on the wrist for trying? Something makes me want to when I catch it.

Someone can know me for two minutes and I can not have spoken a word and they will treat me like a wise old sage. In my younger life I thought this was a positive thing, but I ended up in one sided relationships and drained.

I have yet to find a way to tell people nicely that I don't want to talk about their problems.

Today a coworker sat down by me and told me his girlfriend is attracted to other guys. What? I panicked and said "I don't want to hear about it"

Is this was people call boundary setting?

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I’m not talking about being accused of being a people pleaser or Nice Guy. Those are people who do good only because they want something in return. It’s manipulative and wrong.

But I’m talking about people accusing you of being “too nice,” i.e. taking people’s feelings into account. I find it to be a painful criticism. I’m not sure why so I’m sharing here hoping for insight.

I offered a woman at work a promotion to become my assistant. She was flattered but I could sense inner conflict. I had a long conversation with her after giving her a day. She started crying and revealed she had just started doing things she had been training for and didn’t want to give up those responsibilities. I gave her the weekend to make a decision.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I could just restructure her responsibilities for me to allow her to perform the tasks she didn’t want to give up. Today she started to decline my offer, but I brought up the option of restructuring. It turns out she was happy to leave her old supervisor as long as she didn’t have to give up those functions.

I respected her because she was passionate about doing something she felt was important. I also wanted her choice to work for me to be free and voluntary, and I told her up front she was free to reject the offer. Why would I want someone to work for me out of fear she couldn’t say no?

I updated our personnel manager and he said I was “too nice.” He didn’t like that she cried and implied it was manipulation. I told him she cried when she initially refused my offer because she acknowledged it was a good opportunity but didn’t want to give up duties she valued personally. She never asked me to restructure the position as a concession, but I did so myself. He said, essentially, it was improper for her to show any hesitation at my offer and I should not give her the promotion.

It hit me in the gut when he said I was too nice. I guess the way I handled the situation reflected my personal values, so the criticism was of who I am fundamentally as a person. I wanted her to make a free choice. I told him I didn’t want to “bully” her but he said that’s not a concept he recognizes when a supervisor deals with a subordinate.

It hit deep because I feel conflicted and out of place as an INFJ male. I could sense her conflict and needed her to feel comfortable with her decision. But when I handle a situation with sensitivity it’s taken as weakness. Does anyone else struggle with this or have any advice?

I pop in here from time to time and see burnout discussed somewhat frequently, and was wondering how healthy INFJs manage themselves to keep good energy levels and feeling healthy. After school, I took a very standard "office job" that was mostly transactional and didn't involve much interaction besides some negotiations and collaborations. I felt bored in this environment and switched to a job with much more interaction, although it is unfortunately often adversarial in nature. As a result, I have been fighting off burnout to varying degrees for over two years.

This winter was particularly bad where I would spend my free time mostly alone in order to recharge, but then felt bad about being a hermit and my friends missed me. One constant I have noticed is that I tend to hyperfocus on my tasks at hand, and will ignore social things or things I deem to not be a priority to survive. On days I try to be responsive and multitask on "little things" I will honestly feel like my system is overloaded and I end up on autopilot and feeling very dull. Does anyone know this feeling, and have ways they manage their day to keep their spark going? I work out each day and go outside when possible, but often feel like my days fly by and it is hard being present while dealing with daily stressors.

Hi! I am someone desperately seeking career help/advice from any lovely humans who may be able to help :)

I am interested in the following careers but have no idea which to pursue/how to get there. I have an undergraduate degree and dont know where to go from here …

1. psychologist or neuropsychologist (PhD)
2. psychiatrist (MD)
3. entrepreneur of some startup having to do with psych/mental health
4. working at non profit for mental health or something similar

Open to hearing other options or literally ANY advice of what to do/how to proceed

My main criteria for my career: I have to feel like im doing something to better humans or the world with my career but i want something that is relatively high paying and has room to grow in

Thank you in advance!!

Title says it all. Just curious if we have similar tastes as INFJs :)

Clingy people in real life are pretty rare, at least for me, so this is about an online friendship. I recently reconnected with an old online friend, but the problem is... they’re too clingy, and it’s starting to exhaust me. As an introvert, being fully present in conversations with people I care about requires effort and energy. This is why I tend to distance myself at times (respectfully), even from my closest friends (who do the same because we’re all adults with responsibilities—they’re introverts too, etc., etc.).

However, this friend is different. They’re highly social, so they’re the complete opposite of an introvert, but they genuinely enjoy texting me—which I do as well. That said, I simply cannot maintain this level of interaction every single day. As INFJs, we’re all aware of our tendency to prioritize others, so I’ve been subtly hinting that I’m "tired," "drained," "not feeling social," or "in need of time to recharge," yet they don’t seem to grasp it. I don’t want to be blunt and say I don’t feel like socializing with them at the moment, especially since they’re very sensitive, so I end up going out of my way to keep engaging in conversation 😭

How do I put an end to this? I can’t keep allowing people to disregard my boundaries. I fail to respect myself. I just want to reach that level of emotional maturity where I can confidently say, "No, I need space." Does anyone else struggle with this? Do extroverts ever experience something similar, or is this mainly a challenge for less social people?

Has anyone here experience with a romantic relationship with an INTJ? How would this matchup turn out (on paper)?

I really want to make life easier for my friends, I can't think of a better place to ask for advice on how to do so. Any perspective is appreciated! :)

Mine is My Ideal by Chet Baker.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DG_rX_Nm0Ubo&ved=2ahUKEwjUlqPrk6iLAxWXGTQIHcqZOzEQ78AJegQIGRAB&usg=AOvVaw3F1O_T6BUzkIZsuE0htFEj

Please give it a listen its so good!!! Made me think of infjs 🫵😼

Whats yours??

In all instances of problem solving I have always been the one presenting the most ideal solution. But now, the more I go ahead, the more I find the world trying to crush my spirit with their practical cynicism.

During academic debate, professors tell me my proposals are infeasible, bosses laugh at me nudging me to just focus on what gets the money, partners leave me citing the complications of a relationship and feelings that can never really be ever properly expressed.

I used to believe the best thing you can do for someone struggling is to fix their problem- but apparently that's not possible? Friends and family seldom offer solutions only a momentary (yet comforting no doubt) ear and move on. I'm having a hard time accepting this properly.

I find myself having lost hope for a lot of things because it's scary- all expectations always end up for something ideal and that sadly is unattainable. I have stopped seeking help the way I used, I have stopped believing in a self sacrificing divine hope because that's just dumb until I really really delude myself into it.

But then again, if we all fall for this who will be working towards making things better ever? Do we all just have to submit to the mundane? Is life just a reminder of how what we really truly want is impossible to ever attain?

When or how do you draw the line on being logical and rational when it comes to having a meaningful life.

Example: from choosing the "right" partner(hurting someone in the past, someone else hurting you), the "right" career, life-changing choices, any family-related instances (your caretaker being the reason as to why you are the way you are today)

Yes, regret will always be present and it allows us to make better choices.

I guess it's more of a curiosity of has anything happened in the past that has either shaped you to be logical/rational OR that has made you draw the line of stopping yourself from being too logical/rational.

I'd like to hear how people's lives go through these experiences.

Stole this from the intj group because I thought it would be interesting to hear infj answers too!

Edit: I meant TOUGH!!!

I'm 5w4 and I feel like I'm too harsh for feelers. Though maybe it's my background rather then Enneagram?

Would like to hear about your experience

UEdit: I apologize for the misspelling, unfortunately cannot edit the name of the post

Is it okay if someone treats me well but doesn't extend the same kindness to others? Like, they’re good to me but speak negatively about people I or that person barely know. It doesn't sit right with me—I don’t feel comfortable around someone who judges others so easily....

I really feel irritated talking to this person...

What can an INFJ do to strengthen our shadow functions (Ne-Fi-Te-Si)? I admire people that have a strong Ne and Te for how they seem to be able to affect the world around them. Are there certain cognitive exercise to practice those functions?

I personally can’t stand either one. Me and loud don’t get along. I don’t get why some people scream when they talk, especially when the person next to them can hear them just fine.

Hey INFJs, I’m an ENFP guy who met an INFJ girl about a month ago thought she was interesting. I made up some intricate (admittedly silly) way of getting her number and started talking. Got initially annoyed with the 2 day time period between texts but when I learned about the INFJ text thing I was okay with it. At one point though I did just send a long text and asked her out. She replied pretty quickly saying she was interested in getting to know me too. We set up a time. Month goes by (holidays and family), I had to reschedule our first date that I planned out (walking around and food) and she downgraded me to a coffee date the second time (I joke about the downgrade, maybe that was just better for her).

I was tired on the date and felt like I wasn’t the most upbeat. She asked me some serious questions about my previous marriage and stuff, I did my best to Not be nervous but I was *shrug* At the end of the date she showed me pictures of her best friends new baby, we saw a cool rainbow outside, I asked if she would be down to play tennis and she reluctantly said yes. We hugged and left with a decent smile. I felt like the date was not super great mostly because of how tired I was. I fumbled through some questions and said some things I shouldn’t have (No red flags, just not portraying myself the best). Coffee date was about 1 hour and 15 minutes before she said she should probably go because she had some things to get done at home.

I text her that night and said I had a good time and wanted to try and set something up again if she was free. No reply as per usual, then I gave her a call 2 days later. She quickly replied with “Hey, sorry Im out with some friends right now. I really enjoyed our time too! It was cool to get to know you as well. :) I’ve thought about it after our time together and I think it might be best if we just hang as friends. It’s nothing about you at all. It’s just preferences and vibes on my part. But I think you’re v cool and I hope you find what you are looking for v v soon.“ I replied with a “if that’s how you feel that’s okay. I atleast wanted to say that I didn’t think the date went all that well. I was really tired and was hoping to do something more active together. But if you want to remain acquaintances then I’ll respect that.” She comes back with “No no you were fine! I think I’m just practicing trusting my gut on these things. But again I think your v cool and would love to remain as friends.” I was kinda snarky back and said “I hope your gut is really really smart! I’m mostly joking but I legit get it. Ive had that happen where I didn’t feel it anymore and it was hard to continue. So no stress.” She ‘hearted’ the ’so no stress’ text. ~fin

So clearly a rejection. That was about 5 days ago. I’m just kind of upset that it was only 1 hour to get to talk to me, and that it was a setting I don’t thrive in. Coffee dates for an ENFP are brutal initially. I like to be in experiences and share them with people. That’s way more my style, something to break up the conversation. That being said, the conversation kept going, there wasn’t too crazy of awkward silences or anything.

Question to you all is: is it for sure over over? If we were to hang out as friends and she were to actually enjoy being around me (like an INTJ and ENFP would typically do) as opposed to being on a first date, could something romantic be revisited? Of course assuming that there wasn’t some other deal breaker that is not an INJF thing. Thoughts? Appreciate y’all!

Feels like time is passing so quickly and I'll never have the positive impact I have always dreamed up.

Has anyone faced this?

I know my Enneagram type is 7 so/sx with a 6-wing. I read about MBTI and looked at cognitive functions, and I typed myself as INFJ. I would like to know what you think about this.

I‘ve just met a guy ENFJ and he seems to want to take the things further, but idk if I can trust him for a relationship, taking in mind I‘ve never had one. It could be my anxiety but I cannot stop thinking that he just wants something casual.

I’m an INFJ male in his early 20’s and so far I’ve dated an INFP, ISTP, and ENFP, . Those didn’t really work out well cause the INFP was a little too overbearing and needed constant attention, and also it was my fault too for not setting boundaries earlier. The ISTP was the one I felt most compatible with, she was chill funny, had my same hobbies health crazy etc. but she didn’t really want to date me anymore because I was too boring and she decided to get an ESTP boyfriend later. Or she saw me more as an equal. ENFP moved way too fast for me and just wanted to go go go and same thing just wanted to jump into a relationship quickly. When I wanted to take things slow. I’m currently talking to an INTP and she’s really chill and more “logical” which I kind of like in girls. What has been the most compatible type with y’all?

30m, INFJ.

Throughout my 20’s I “acted like the typical male” (ambitious, strong, didn’t show my emotions except for a select few close to me, money focussed etc..).

However this year I completely burned out at work at my corporate job due to all the acting I have to do to fit in, and ended up on mental health leave.

While on leave, all I can think about is ripping up my life and moving somewhere new to restart my life more authentically (and maybe work somewhere where empathy, care for others and deep/slow thinking is valued).

I completely realize that this could be a mental health issue and nothing to do with being an INFJ, but I have always felt out of place in the corporate world and learning I’m an INFJ has brought some insight as to why this may be.

So, out of curiosity, have any other people ever gone through something like this? What did you do and what was the result?

My last ex got married. He never tried for our relationship, wrote him a two page heartfelt letter and got no response. Couldnt ever comfort me, had no compassion. Wouldn't give a dollar to a homeless person. Yet he is absolutely thriving, him and wife super fit and healthy, hiking with dogs their dogs, own their own businesses etc. All my ex's are now married. I've been single for 8 years, desperately lonely and now have slowly progressing terminal illness (ALS). I know it sounds like I'm a negative person and probably brought it on myself but I'm not. I spread kindness where I can, I'm compassionate and empathetic and just love the simple things. I get so much joy out of just feeding birds or rescuing snails if they get stuck with no water. I don't settle in love i guess. Ive done some mean sh*t in my life I just don't know what I did to deserve such loneliness and unhappiness. Please help my heart today 😞💔