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I love being an INFJ but sometimes I'm too critic on myself, I know I'm not perfect but I'm very good at too many things, and i try to be the better myself but I'm also distracted and clumsy How do I stop thinking like that? And start to trust myself?

Hey, fellow INFJs (and anyone who can relate). I’m at a point where I’m genuinely wondering if it’s worth trying to connect with people deeply anymore. I can have friendships and even do have a few good ones, but they always feel like they’re missing that deeper connection I crave. There’s something unique about wanting that deep, soul-level bond, and it feels like no one I meet is really on that wavelength.

To make things worse, I’ve only ever met one other INFJ, and they weren’t interested in getting to know me. That was a pretty painful hit because I thought, finally, here’s someone who might get it. It’s left me wondering if it’s worth the emotional energy I’m investing, only to keep getting hurt or let down when it doesn’t work out.

Am I just expecting too much? Is it time to just accept that I might not find the connection I’m looking for and start focusing on becoming my own best friend? If anyone else has struggled with this, I’d love to hear your perspective. Thanks for reading.

hi!! 18f here.

after 2 yrs i’ve started getting back into the dating pool. i’ve never really had a problem getting into a relationship, but keeping them is always the hard part for me.

often times i get attached too quickly and too strongly, and the guy leaves because of commitment issues or whatever. it’s not an age thing, because ive gone older, too.

im wondering if anyone has any advice? i feel abandoned and hopeless. im not giving up, but im 4/4 with the “it’s not you, it’s me” this year.

do you think someday someone will see me as good enough to be ready for? does anyone else feel that way?

Got a 3-month break coming up and I'm looking for things to do. I already have a weekly schedule where I'll be reading, maybe work out (at home), and do crafts but I've realised they are all home things (typical XD).

I might join a club at the library twice a week, but I want to do other things too from time to time (say every few weeks or so). Something different, but I'm not sure what. Something outside of the house. (Travel is not an option atm). It doesn't have to be a repetitive activity. Just one-off experiences (preferably not expensive as I am a student) to make the break special and get me outside. Any ideas?

Also if you guys have some fun, crazy things to do at home lmk! I'm always looking for new things to get into!

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I've been on a "deeper thinking" kick lately and want to read some books on these ideas.

If so, what are the reasons?

Hey everyone, I’m seeking some advice or different perspectives on a situation that’s been bothering me lately.I'm an infj but none of my friends are, i love them but sometimes i think they don't understand my thought process no matter how much i try to tell them and so i think i might ask from my other fellow infj, i hope u guys don't judge me

Here’s the context

A few weeks ago, Jake, an acquaintance I wasn’t particularly close to,idk an acquaintance u can say, accidentally sent me a reel on Instagram and then quickly deleted it. I noticed the notification and said, “Haww, you unsent it. I saw it, though.”

Jake replied about three days later, apologizing and explaining that he sent it unintentionally. We continued chatting, and during our that initial conversation, he began sending random reels in between that I responded to sporadically during that initial chat, We had a good discussion and realized we had a lot in common. For some more context I was going through something really bad and could use some company but was indifferent,because i didn't know what i wanted, attention was welcome but jot needed and i have never liked jake at all not even as an acquaintance idk why, just didn't like the vibe, we have been classmates for 2 years. So during this phase i was so dissociated, in pain, indifferent and all i could just talk was about how I'll take revenge from the person who hurt me(i healed later tho, i didn't take revenge). Toward the end of our conversation, he made a remark that’s been stuck in my mind. He said,“You’re among the top members of my sharelist, so posts will keep coming 😁.” "Never mind"

At the time, I casually replied with “Well, at least I topped somewhere, thanks.” I also said, “No problem, I also watch reels usually,” so I didn’t express any discomfort. After it He was sending reels to many people simultaneously including me, reels were random af but everyday and continued for a month,during that month i never once initiated a conversation only replied, i was kind initially and vent my issues to him because he was one of my only listening ears and was sweet to him, we were strictly platonic with me bro zoning him on day 2 and he too called me sis, late tho but still and yeah but issue arised when after 4 weeks of me replying to his reels daily and talking nicely i decided to just like his reels, and for 5 days it was fine but then he said hey where are u busy and i replied nicely to his reels again but i was getting better from my heartache and i was also dealing with my job etc and then after a week i just ignored and kept liking his reels but yeah no reply, he sent me reels for 2 weeks straight and in the end just said thanks for ignoring Silly me etc and i blocked him Our interaction was barely 5 weeks Here’s what’s troubling me now:

1. Implied Expectation: His initial comment" you're among the top members of my sharelist so posts will keep coming, never mind " it felt like it came with an unspoken expectation. It suggested that because I was on his sharelist, I should expect to receive reels regularly, almost as if it was automatic. He didn’t explicitly ask if I was okay with it; instead, it felt like he was telling me this would continue nad asked me to be ok with it

2. Feeling Imposed Upon: The way he casually stated that I’d keep getting reels made me feel like my preferences weren’t considered. I didn’t feel pressured at the time, but looking back, it seems like he was imposing his own habits on me without considering whether I actually wanted to engage in this regular interaction.

I’m wondering if I’m blowing this out of proportion. Was his remark inconsiderate, or am I reading too much into it? Should he have explicitly asked if I was okay with receiving reels before making that comment? Any insights would be appreciated.

There used to be one mbti chat on reddit but it's gone now. It's a mixed bag but it was interesting to jump in the conversation here and there. Anyone recommend a friendly MBTI server or group

As in, they mention it once in passing conversation, and then they’re always so surprised when you make a reference to it, because you remembered.

It happens to me all the time and I find it so strange. I’m wondering if it’s an INFJ thing

Do you think this is true? To what degree? Why or why not?

Is it normal for INFJs to wake up every morning and unconsciously gather around what others are feeling? Idk if this is some past trauma thing or if most of the INFJs relate to this. Whenever I wake up, I seem to be detecting the situation and understand what others are feeling. It's not that strong during the day and evening, but right when I wake up, the need to understand what others are feeling becomes intense. It is as if, I have to start my day knowing everyone is feeling good, which is why I doubt whether it's trauma or normal behaviour of an INFJ. Do you relate to this? Is it the Fe working or is it a me problem?

Someone who can be a hero and a villian, someone who can be extroverted and introverted, someone who can be childish and mature, someone who either cry or make people cry.

Sorry, I was trying to build suspense but forgot about people getting offend, anyway, How close are you to this image of perfection, how does it manifest in school/college/work etc.

I was fortunate to meet my forever person. We got each other, loved each other, had each other’s back, I kept telling them that they were my gift—and it’s true.

They passed away last year. I’ve spent the past year putting on the “I’m okay” face for people around me, but it’s terrible when everyone goes home at the end of the day to their families and partners, and it’s just me now.

What’s worse is that I’m coming to the realization that this is the future. I’m trying to get out and meet people. I have and they are nice, but I come away feeling more lonely.

Am I expecting too much, too soon?

If so, when?

Hi female INFJs do you enjoy quotes and what quotes about life resonate to how you see life?

Do you look at each person’s eyes in their profile pics to determine if they are good or not? I feel like I can tell a lot about them by just looking at their picture, but especially by looking in their eyes. Not so much a good fit, but if they are a good or bad person.

Im 16, and I’d much rather and love spend all day with people I know and trust than be alone.—they energize me, and I feel comfortable, confident, and extroverted. For example With friends and family, I’m outgoing, relaxed, and enjoy joking around without hesitation. But when it comes to strangers or people I’m not close to, especially those older or higher-status, I feel shy and drained. Oddly, I’m very confident around those I perceive as younger or less experienced, even if I don’t know them well or at all let ssay 10 year olds

In short, I thrive socially with familiar people or people i dont feel thretend by lower status but feel awkward or shy with strangers or authority figures.

Here are some exmaples

With friends, I’m super extroverted and confident. I don’t hold back, and I love joking around with them.

• It’s the same with family—around my siblings or parents, I feel totally at ease.
• But with neighbors or people I don’t know well (like new classmates or friends of friends), I feel shy and insecure.
• With classmates I know but who aren’t close friends, I’m still pretty outgoing and comfortable.
• Strangely, I’m confident around people I see as younger or less experienced, like little kids. I don’t hold back and even enjoy their company.
• On the flip side, around older or higher-status people, I feel insecure and tend to get shy.

So, what would you say—am I extroverted but socially anxious? Am I an ambivert or an introvert? What the heck am I, and how do I manage to be extroverted around some people but not others?

-my Description might be slighty exaggerated but sill is true-

Ps: I would prefer to be able to be with everyone the same way I am with the people I know well – extroverted and relaxed. I really enjoy being around people in general.

I came to the conclusion that i behave like this because im sacred of making i bad impression with people i dont know or am scared of not being liked respected...wich is why im only my real and authentic self with people i know well or am not scared of so i guess its a form of social anxiety afterall

I remember liking a few people romantically just because they liked me but later I would realise that I never really liked them rather I was only experiencing and feeling their emotions or energy so are my fellow infjs able to distinguish that? I have also seen how many other personality types resent us for not having our own emotions but depending on others to feel certain stuff , almost like we are neutral (coz Fi isn’t strong) and that often appears as manipulative and fake to others. I have also known people who said that infjs do not have a concrete answer to what they want and what they are looking for, In my case I have concrete answers to most questions but then there are certain things to which I don’t coz I think I get stuck in Ni-Ti loop trying to see all sides/perspectives to a given situation in order to form a balanced opinion. I hope I make sense over here. Please write your thoughts , I would love to read them . ☺️

Full disclosure: I don’t ever remember joining this sub. I think Reddit made an executive decision for me, but it’s definitely felt like a good fit, which is why I think here might be the right place for this! So:

Any folks here fans of podcasts (of any sort, does not need to be MBTI related or anything)?

I’d really like to find some good podcasts to listen to but really don’t know where to start. Will say that I am not interested in anything having to do with true crime, serial killers, or just generally dark vibes. I’m definitely more on the NPR side of the spectrum.

Thanks for any suggestions!

I’m trying to understand something odd I’ve discovered about some people I know.

I’ll describe them and hopefully others here and familiar with these types of people and might know a good word or other means to describe them.

These people:

1. Are friendly but only in very formal ways. Will shake your hand and maybe give a quick hug (if they know you well enough.)

2. Unless you meet a certain undefined criteria they will not include you in social events and activities, unless you are given a helper role as if to give value to you being at the event besides just being yourself and showing up.

3. Will not talk to you one on one about your problems or ask how you are. If they do bring up your life it is most likely to bring up faults they perceive, rather than trying to understand or emphasise with your situation.

4. Quick to set rules and boundaries which others must follow, but will not adhere to the same rules if given them by others (for example they require people to RSVP and be invited to an event, but will invite themselves to events even if told they’re not invited.)

5. Seems very nice upon initially meeting them, but after the novelty has worn off they are much more scrutinising in their judgement and actions.

6. Basically have one set of rules that others must follow, but allow some to not follow the same rules for an unspecified reason.

7. Typically quite boring people, repeat themselves a lot.

There’s probably more things I’m forgetting. Just would appreciate some INFJ insight.

Lately I’ve been feeling like so many people are full of it and I’m always noticing the negative side of often well-liked people that others seem to miss or ignore. I’m talking specifically manipulation, backbiting and starting drama. The thing is no one does critical thinking to assess the motives for why one person or group might ALWAYS be starting drama or fault-finding. In fact, a lot of people seem to enjoy it.

I’m kind of tired of being a human bullshit detector and other people not realizing or, worse, just putting up with toxic behavior. It really irks me on a deeper level than most people I talk to and idk why. I don’t want to seem so negative and judgy but knowing how this behavior has destroyed groups and harmed people’s reputations and relationships (including my own) really bugs me. I just keep noticing negativity I guess.

I wonder if I take this stuff too seriously and personally. I spend a lot of time alone as a result and probably internalize a lot of this based on my own past experiences.

How can I learn to coexist with these types of people since they’re in almost every work or social setting?

Emotionally...mentally. Just being there to say "You can do it...I believe in you." Only to have the same people that you need to hear it from the most, the people that tell you that they "love" you, only are able to say "well...if you weren't so isolated and shut off all the time..."

Yeah it's my fault...it was always my fault...I get it.

But I will succeed. I owe it to myself. And I'll sit alone at the table after my victory. Because when I look in the mirror, I see the only person that was ever truly there for me when I needed him most.

Just in a bad space right now...needed to get that out.

I'm a being of utter lack of self confidence and uhhh I feel I can be myself around here so myself I will be unless there's an INFJ presenting as a random INTJ or ISTJ in here. I'm exhaustingly validation seeking, from the people I love that is, not from random people. I don't even have a social media platform besides reddit. I have an ENTJ partner. Guess what I'm doing! Obviously...seeking validation. Definitely not telling him so but constantly expecting it. And obviously wearing my heart on my goddamn palm if not sleeve. One little handshake and it gets agitated kind of sensitive currently. What do I do? I know I'm loved from other gestures he's made at other times, but my love language is different from his. I value words. I don't trust in the permanence of feelings. He's not a man of words. Way more action-based. Anyone have any idea what one should do hear? (Preferably do not talk of compatibility....this is wrong of me and I'm looking to better myself in this field.) Fellow way more self confident and less validation seeking INFJs....help. Please.

I know this might not be the most appropriate place to ask for help, but it’s where I often come to seek solace and guidance. There’s something about this community that makes me feel understood and supported, which is why I find myself reaching out here from time and time again.

Has anyone ever had to move on from silently loving and caring for a close friend, especially when you see them almost every day?

My story:

Earlier this year, I met a girl when we both started working at the same company. She joined a few months after I did (I know, workplace romances can be tricky, but just bear with me!). I found her really cute, which sparked my interest to get to know her better and approached her. Although we work in different departments now, we initially shared the same one, and during those first few months, we often collaborated on projects and participated in activities together. As a result, we quickly became close friends, and I genuinely enjoy her company.

She’s beautiful, smart, sweet, and has an old soul. Her eyes (the first thing i noticed about her) are these very sad but really beautiful. While she can be a bit of a people pleaser—something she admits she dislikes—she often goes out of her way to do things that make her uncomfortable. I totally understand that; I used to be a big people pleaser myself when I was younger. Though I’ve grown out of it somewhat, I still recognize that urge.

We often share our observations and perspectives on life, and we resonate deeply with each other—it’s like we’re two peas in a pod. We even shared details of our personal life which we admitted we don't easily share with just anyone. It feels surreal to have met someone so similar to me (she's an INFJ too if that matters). It’s like looking into a mirror.

We often turn to each other for advice and love discussing a wide range of topics. While I have other close friends at work, I find myself seeking her input the most because I truly appreciate her depth. I value her insights and am always curious to learn more about her—whether it’s something small or significant, important or niche. It means a lot to me that she turns to me for advice, and I try to express my appreciation, though I sometimes wonder if she truly realizes it.

As the days pass, I find myself developing stronger feelings for her and genuinely caring about her well-being, even though I can’t be too forward about it. I often find myself navigating external factors at work to make things easier for her (though I’m not sure if that makes sense), and I prefer to keep those efforts to myself instead of letting her know.

I appreciate everything about her, from her strengths to her weaknesses. I’ve come to admire not just her strengths, but her vulnerabilities as well. I believe we complement each other beautifully and foster each other’s growth, something we often recognize together.

I feel a rush of excitement whenever I see her texts or receive a call from her, and I always look forward to the times we hang out together.

The thing is, I don’t usually develop feelings for someone easily. I’ve met many people both at home and abroad, but I can honestly say I’ve never met anyone who resonates with me quite like she does. Maybe this is one of the reasons why I feel so attached to her.

It’s not that I lack the courage to ask her out, but the fact is, she’s currently in a relationship. Don’t get me wrong—I’ve never tried to cross any boundaries that might make her uncomfortable (at least, I think I haven’t). We’re still very close friends, so I believe I’ve done a good job of respecting that.

She has truly been a great friend (and I hope I’m a good friend to her as well), but I feel guilty for developing these feelings.

It’s so painful that I almost accepted a job offer much farther away. In the end, I turned it down because of my current family circumstances, but I thought leaving for another job would be the best way to create distance and gradually disappear from her life. I know that sounds selfish, but I don’t think I can remain friends with someone I’m so infatuated with.

Now that I’ve turned down the job offer, I’m stuck at my current job for a while, so cutting off contact isn’t an option. She’s very sharp and perceptive, and I know she’d notice any distance between us. She doesn’t have many friends at work and has been going through a tough time recently—and she likely will for the next few months. I want to be there for her during these difficult times, not just the good ones.

She’s such a gentle soul, and I can’t stand the idea of her facing these tough times alone. I want to be there for her, just as she has been there for me. I don’t want to abandon her when she needs support the most.

I was thinking of being there for her until things settle down at work and she’s made some new friends. At that point, I plan to slowly distance myself and likely pursue another job early next year, once my family issues have been resolved and things have stabilized.

I also intend to let her know how I feel, and I’m confident it won’t make things awkward between us. I just feel a strong need to express myself, and honestly, the outcome doesn’t matter to me—whether it's good or bad. I believe sharing my feelings will help me move on.

Am I a bad person? I know my plans might seem selfish, but I’m not sure how much longer I can handle this. I’ve had many days where my thoughts feel jumbled, and my actions don’t make sense. I’ve never felt this lost before, and I hope you guys can help me gain some clarity.

I'm curious how many other INFJ's are under eighteen. I've been wondering if there is getting to be less of us with each new generation. my guess is yes, as I think we are stomping out traits like compassion and such.

Hey fellow INFJs,

I'm tired of being told "You speak very less" or "You're so quiet" by friends, family, and even strangers. As if being introverted and thoughtful is a crime.

Do you guys face this too? How do you respond to these comments? Do you feel like you need to justify your nature or can you just shrug it off?

I'm looking for some advice and solidarity here. Share your experiences!

Just as the title says. I know the descriptions in books etc. about what our type looks like when in a better place. Anyone care to share their life and/or journey from unhealthy to…better? 😊

My sister is absolutely convinced I’m an INFJ but I’m leaning towards INTJ. The problem is that every time i search up the differences between the two, i have a foot in both doors. I love group projects in school or work settings, but I also love my alone time and much prefer to be at home with my hobbies than outside socialising. I’m not necessarily awkward and can definitely get along with new people, but I’m not a social butterfly by any means. I am not a social chameleon, I’m myself at all times and people can either take or leave it. I have a very strong sense of self identity, i’m confident in my moral compass always and I believe that following my instinct is the logical choice. From what I’ve read most of those are applicable to either INTJ or INFJ. Any help?

I’ve always been very sensitive and others infj I met are also sensitive people