My wife and I have been together for 5 years. We got married 2 years ago. I have 2 kids from a previous relationship. I have my kids 2 days during the week, and every other weekend. They're good kids, and keep to themselves. They're both early teens. Recently my wife had been pushing me to not have my kids those two days of the week.I told her I didn't want to do that, because that's my time, and they like coming over. It would hurt them. She's chosen to take the hands off (nacho) approach, so far there haven't been any issues. We both work, and whenever the kids are around she just pretends that they don't exist. Recently, she's started to get anxious before they come over, and is in a foul mood from the night before they get there until they leave. Once they're gone it's like she flips a switch and is amazing again. I've brought it up to her, and she says things like they don't listen or they're disrespectful, but I'm not seeing that. I may have blinders on, but if I ask them to do something they do it immediately. The younger one may need to be asked twice, but they never talk back or anything crazy. They pretty much just stay in their rooms unless we're going somewhere, and then I always take them. I always cook dinner for them, and take them places if they need it. My wife doesn't have any kids of her own, and we don't want to have kids together. I'm done having kids, and she's never wanted kids. She's never left alone with them and doesn't go anywhere with them. She's free to do whatever she wants and the schedule for when they're coming has never changed. I'm not sure what the issue is, and I'm wondering if anyone here has had a similar thing, and can give me some advice on how to approach the situation. I love my wife and I love my kids, and I just want us to all be harmonious during the small amount of time we all co habitate together.

No context here but is it normal? Have you ever felt that way?

Hi all!

I'm hoping this wonderful community can give me some advice as I move forward in the process of blending as a stepmother.

Right now, we are engaged and still living apart, and getting ready to look for houses in the near future. My relationship with the kids is going really well, and my partner is incredibly supportive to both his children and me as we continue the "blending process", which I know takes years and of course is ever-changing.

My question is, when you were still living apart, how much time did you spend with your partner and their children? The custody split is every other week. My schedule is very different in that I work a second shift type job, so I can maybe get one weekday evening in over there, and then the kids are often at sleepovers or busy on weekends. I do go to 90% of their events (games, plays, etc), so I am happy I can show up to those to be present and supportive.

I know moving in together will be a big shift for everyone, but with distance, work schedules and kids activities/friend time, realistically I can't seem to manage more than one (maybe two) weekday nights a week happen. I'm worried it's not enough leading up to moving in together, but maybe others have also been in this position?

Thank you for any personal stories, advice or understanding you can all provide. :)

My experiences with the stepchildren are extremely positive. I'm looking for a community that is supportive of stepparents and their involvement in their stepchildren's lives. My husband is having serious issues with bio-mom not coparenting and I'm just looking for positive advice and support while helping and supporting him through the hard things most stepparents deal with in silence.

In 2018, my DH went back to court and got 50/50 custody of my SD14. I think (?) the order stated that DH and BM would alternate years claiming SD on their tax returns. We did that for a couple years. My grandmother has been a tax preparer for over 40 years and has helped us with ours since we’ve been married.

In 2020 (?) my grandmother suggested we ask BM to claim SD for the earned income credit (she says SD lived with her 12 months/year, we say 0). And we claim SD as a dependent. This worked out well because both households can receive money back each year for SD, although given BM’s situation (single with 2 kids making ~$36k), she got more credit with the EIC than we did claiming SD as a dependent—think $3000 compared to $2000 credit. We have an official IRS form signed by BM to waive her right to claim SD as a dependent, but it can be revoked.

Anyway, BM called me yesterday to ask if we could go back to alternating years. Based on several things she stated, it seems like she didn’t have enough taxes taken out of her paychecks and her return is less than it usually is because she owed.

Apparently she also talked to her financial advisor who seemed confused why we were splitting SD to begin with.

I don’t think DH will fight her on this. It’s just frustrating because it’s not our fault she didn’t pay in enough taxes. Also frustrating that she wants to throw us under the bus for about $1,100 extra on her return this year.

I half wonder if next year when she doesn’t get to claim SD at all if she will cry to DH or I about going back to the previous arrangement.

I just needed to vent and see if anyone can chime in with some helpful advice?

I’m going to try and make this story as short as I can. My spouse (52F) and myself (42F) have been together for 20 years. We both have children from our previously relationship my son (23M) her son (25M). Short story is my spouses son dislikes the day lights out of me - as he became an adult I told her I could not live with him any longer because of disrespectful and cruel he was to me (never in front of her). He would tell her I’m mean to him treating him like a slave by asking him to do simple tasks around the house like wash the dishes or pickup the kitchen or help keep the bathroom clean. And we would get into outrageous fights because she felt I shouldn’t be asking him to do anything - she never had my back when it came to him and he knew this. Her son has never had or understands the energy it takes to maintain a relationship because he has never had a relationship ever. His best friend and relationship is his mom. She believes she should always be his priority and number one before anyone and anything (I find it unhealthy) I’ve tried to have conversations about letting him grow and explore but she is resistant to advice. Well finally I got to the conversation of future retirement and well she included him in these plans. I don’t want to live my old age with her single, socially awkward, impulsive liar of a child. The story does go deeper though bc there is a history of 20 years but it’s a very very long story. Am I the awful spouse for not wanting to include him in my retirement plans? How do you other families deal with the adult children and the topic of retirement? She says I’m trying to take her away from her child and her only son (25M). Should I just plan my own retirement? I love my spouse very very much. But what sacrifices would you make when you are at retirement age? Ask me any questions to understand more about the dynamics bc the history and story is so long.

My husband has three adult children who have moved out and I have four minor children who live with us in his home. We are busy with our jobs and raising my four kids. My ex only has them on weekends so it's very busy. His kids need things all of the time as money babysitters etc... now in Feb we have tons of birthdays so his kids are asking if we can do it at our place. Our place is big where there s aren't and likely their places aren't clean either but wr are so busy. Work has been crazy busy. It always is tbh but esp lately. How do we balance raising my kids and being torn in so many ways when it comes to his adult kids who are almost 30 and they are still needy. It's becoming too hard and I have to focus on mine. I have one graduating in a couple of months and that's crazy busy.

My husband and I are very attracted to each other and madly are In love. But he doesn’t like my kids. I have 2 and he has 3. Mine are 9 and 10 his are 8,10,12. We r married for 2 years, together 4. We have been talking about calling it. He feels my kids and I deserve someone who loves my kids. We have been dealing with family issues since day 1. Lots of past hurts and I think everyone is holding on to past resentments and everything and everyone is a trigger to everyone. It seems like it would be such a relief to separate. Each parent could do whatever and the kids all would prob be better off to be honest. I just feel bad that my kids and husband can’t get along. I mean I have a high conflict ex that is actively trying to alienate so that definitely puts the pressure and issues on this situation. My husband saying his health is in jeopardy due to all the stress. Just sucks because this would be my 2nd divorce and makes me feel like I’m the issue at this point. It’s embarrassing and also I feel like my kids r going to be impacted. But I feel like they’re impacted by staying… they probably can pick up on my husbands desire to associate with them.

28 Male here. I’m an adult now and over the course of the last 4 months I’ve started the healing process of the mental abuse my step mom has done to me.

I’m going to type out the booked mark points in my life that led to this point in my life. I’m hoping to get advice, clarity, opinions anything really would be appreciated.

My dad met my step mom she has 3 wonderful girls that I would call my sisters. Good relationships with them.

Age 6 she comes into my life. She really set the boundary when they bought a new house together. Within 3 weeks of her moved in. I remember playing with toys my rockem sockem toy I got for Christmas. She came into my room and said way out in left field. “I don’t want you or your brother in our lives I’m marrying your dad for my daughters and that’s it.”

Through out my childhood whenever I did something that was bad or whatever I would get screamed at by her. She would always tell me that her daughters would be successful and that I would end up being a garbage man if I never did good in school. There was a big fight between her and my dad that she hated the idea that I was in hockey and spending me and dad time doing sports. It got so overwhelming that I just stopped didn’t care for it anymore. (I played hockey well before she came into my life.)

I’m 11 and I took a family trip to go see my grandparents across the country. I can’t remember what triggered it but I confronted her telling me about how she didn’t want me in her life in front of my family. My dad pulled me aside in the garage and wanted to know if it was true or not. I said yes he then began repeating the question 6 or 8 times before I sarcastically said no I made it all up. She turns the corner and got mad and defensive. Calling me a liar. That night my dad drove me and two of my step sisters and a cousin of mine to a movie theatre in town. When we got back she polished off two bottles of wine passed out. I turned to my dad and said if that’s not a sign of guilt idk what is.

14 my dad and step mom get married. During it all she turns to me and comes right up to my face and points in my face says “don’t you screw this up for me.”

As teenager from that point I was always angry, scared and scarred from her. I hated her with a passion. But when I was an adult I didn’t care anymore. I let it all go. Because I just wanted my dad to be happy. I began to try and have a relationship with her. Trusting her.

Fast forward to a year ago. I stayed at my dads place and I am just starting out in my career. I’m struggling with roommates, sleep daily life things. I approached her talked about my career and how I’m feel like I’m in rut. I suck and I wanted to be better she was insightful. Really thought she could be finally more accepting of me. Month later I need a place to crash I did night shift 6 hours away I asked my dad and he said of course. I just didn’t know when they told me we might be done tomorrow or in 2 days I gave him a heads up. Anyway I make it down there I walk in with my own food. The first thing I said was “can I help with anything.” She told me if I could take some tubs downstairs for her I did it. That night I couldn’t sleep I was up. 6 am roles around I made my father coffee he asked if I wanted to come to work with him. I said no I just want to sleep. I woke up at 11 and I over hear a conversation with my step mom and my oldest step sister. She spent 45 mins ragging on me. Digging up all the stuff that I did was wrong and my habits and almost everything. She then began talking my career and saying stuff like I’m not going to do good not gunna make it in my career choice. I was furious I was angry. I walked up the stairs as soon as the conversation was over. She had the dumbest jaw dropping look on her face she was surprise. Took my clothes didn’t say a word to her and I drove off. I tried killing myself that day. I hated who I was and wondered my I wasn’t good enough in this world. She tried everything to apologize over text. I wasn’t buying it didn’t respond. She later texted me I’ll send the screenshot. I called her a c*** my step sister was very mad at me that I called her that. To the point were she hates me now. But like I ignored her I did everything to avoid talking to her without right saying stop talking to me. 3 days go by and my dad says I want you to drive out here and let’s all talk about this I tell him no it’s not up to me to make the effort to fix this. You guys know where I am and I want a 1 on 1 conversation with her without him there. Really has nothing to do with him. He didn’t like that. Anywho year has gone by my one step sister doesn’t answer my calls. My step mom has made no effort to fix it. After Christmas I called my dad told him I’m disappointed in his choice of women. If a year can go by without a real way to resolve this then I need to let go. I began to tell me dad that I don’t want to talk to him anymore no updates no banter. It’s not forever I just need to let go of what I’m carrying. Honestly for the real first time I felt a lot better in my life felt less depressed. Anyway I want to hear what you guys think of this? What should I do from here? Do I have a relationship with my dad? Or do I let go.

(Can’t send screen shots but I’ll copy and past)

Your dad is divorcing me for you👍

Sounds like you put yourself in that situation

Lol yes your life circumstances are my fault

Nope your right on that but you didn’t have to be a c*** about it

You chose to talk sh** about me. You chose to say what you said.

You chose to show up without the common courtesy of a heads up like an adult, and you were in my basement, i deserve to know I’m not alone in my own home, you were in the kitchen at 6 am, why didn’t you let me know you were here? I was walking around naked, as Im entitled to in my own home, You’re right, i shouldn’t have said those things in such harsh ways vut you shouldn’t have been eavesdropping in my basement.

I’m not even going to give you the satisfaction. You’re just labeling me as a creep? That’s pretty low for you. Why don’t you call me a snake like you did with my uncle? Runs in the family 👍🏼

Dad knew I was coming called him when I was up in GP and mentioned that I might stop by.

My partner and I are relatively new to navigating life as a blended family, and I’m looking for advice on what feels like the uphill battle of seeking equity within our very different financial circumstances. I have three kids (12, 10, and 7) and full custody of them. They see their dad weekly for short visits and occasional weekends. I work as a teacher and juggle two jobs to make ends meet. My partner has one child (8) and shares 50/50 custody with their ex. Financially, my partner is well-off and currently unemployed by choice, as they can afford to be.

My partner is extremely generous—he treats us all to trips, experiences, and helps out whenever I or the kids need something. But despite his generosity, we’re realizing that our different financial situations inevitably create moments that feel inequitable, especially as we think about the kids’ futures.

For example, my partner’s child has had an investment account set up since birth, which they’ll receive access to after high school. My children don’t have anything like that, and it’s unlikely I’ll be able to provide something similar for them. This has me worrying: Is it unrealistic to hope that by the time this happens, my children will understand the nuances of a blended family and not feel resentment? My partner is also trying to figure out where his financial responsibility ends when it comes to the kids. What is fair to ask of him, and what should he be mindful of when it comes to the different needs of our kids, especially with his own child having such different financial advantages? How do we prepare all the kids emotionally for these differences as they grow up? When and how do we talk openly with them about financial realities, blended family dynamics, and the fact that life isn’t always “equal”? Should we address this proactively or wait until they’re older?

If you’ve been through anything similar or have advice or lived experience to offer, I would love to pick your brain. Thank you in advance :)

This is our weekend with my 7 year old twins and his 12 year old son to be here with us. I’m feeling under the weather with a cold and his son isn’t feeling great either, so neither of us wanted to go to the local YMCA to go swimming. My 7 year old twins really had their heart set on going, so my partner brought them swimming while I stayed home with his 12 year old son.

My children’s biological father wouldn’t have done that. He maybe brought our kids out by himself 5 times total.

It just feels so good to be with someone who loves me like this. I would have brought them to the pool while sick if he hadn’t done this, and he also drove one of my 17 year old twins to work on the way to the pool. ❤️. He’s a keeper. Such a keeper.

My bf and I have been dating for 6 months. I started seeing his 7 years old son 2 months ago. Since then the three of us hang out almost every weekend. On weekdays the son stays at my bf’s ex-wife’s home.

My bf has been divorced for 5 years and I was the first woman he introduced to his son. It’s also my first time meeting a kid as a potential stepmom so I’d like to understand more.

I’m blessed and glad that the son is very accepting. We three get along very well. While the son has been sleeping with his father/ my bf, he also started asking me to sleep with him and would hug me occasionally as we sleep. I feel truly amazed by how sweet he is to me.

For my understanding, may I know why he/ kids likes sleeping with adults? Usually how long will it last? Appreciate your sharing of experience and perhaps from a kid’s perspective too.

Would it be weird if I were to buy my stepdaughters other siblings on her mom’s side valentines gifts? I know this might be strange but I really enjoy gift giving. We invite each other’s kids over for birthday parties but not Christmas so I wasn’t sure how weird it would be to put together small gifts bags for each of her siblings? We don’t have my stepdaughter this year on valentines so I thought I could do something. Her mom also doesn’t really celebrate Valentine’s Day. Didn’t really know where to post this

I don’t know where else to post this and I’m looking for some advice. I’m in a relationship with the most amazing guy. Here’s the kicker: I find his 5YO daughter (I’ve been in her life for about 3 yrs)absolutely annoying. She requires a lot. Regardless of what we do or how we try to accommodate her somehow the day ends stressful because she has had several tantrums that suck the life out of everything. It is a big adjustment for me to consider blending families and co-parenting with him when I feel like this. Most times his daughter gets along well with my kid who’s close in age but it is just non-stop whining and crying over everything.

For the first time I’m wondering if this just might be a relationship dealbreaker. Do I just suck it up, keep pushing and hoping it gets better? Would you continue in the relationship if you felt like this? How do I even bring this up to him?

I know that if it were me, I would want someone to feel enthusiastic about my child. I just don’t feel that way. To avoid the inevitable comments, I am kind, nice and loving to his daughter but I am forcing it. Are all stepparents just forcing it with their bonus kids? Will I eventually get there?

Try to keep this short. Wife and i been together for 7 yrs. We have to beautiful kids together . And she has a son with previous late husband. I have a daughter with my ex.

 My step son Ethan was raised by his grandparents, and was spoiled rottin,  never hearing the word no.  Got what ever he wanted. Could so no wrong, and if he did both grandparents would cover it up 

  About yr and half ago I get a call from my daughter, stating  that she wanted to stay with her mom full time, (Had 50/50) custody. And only wanted to see me on weekends. I asked why and would tell me over the phone, so I went and met up with here near her mom place.

Note I worked down in the city and my wife and her parents watched her well I was gone.

Back to the story, I go and meet up with to find, they where throwing a ball at each other and when she dinged him off the head with it, he went and cried o to his grandma, and I don't know why, but when my daughter was confronted about it lied, he got upset went got a pellet gun, craddeled it his arms and said " want to try that again" the grandma was there, defuse the situation, and that was it.

So anyways my daughter went and told her mom what happened, and Instead of letting my wife and I deal with it, maybe put them in couceling, or have a family meeting, she called the police ook me court for full custody, children aid was involved, made my life a living he'll.

It got so bad, with my ex wife and her unruly demends I said keep her, I have not seen my daughter in 5 months.  Also worth saying from the grandma and Ethan heard 4 different story's of what happened, and my daughters story has changed.

By this time I moved out of the house my wife and parents co own, and been staying in my trailer at my parents place trying to get us as a family back.

We both love each othe still, There is still love there. We have 2 kids together. And been happily together fir 7 yrs.

But every time I think of going back to that house, think of what happened. How I be living under her parents thumb, like kids living in there parents basement. There all about curb appeal and ahit off the grass, it's do as I say not as I do.

Love to take the family on a trip, but then I start to think, and then that would mean that little prick has to come to. If I go back there will always be that little bit of family that's not there. If I do back I feel like if my daughter drives by she'll feel abandoned and that I picked Mt new family over her, when everything that has happened is because of her mom.

My dad has said who is a smart man, and I take his advice when he shares it said, don't take what Ethan did in hate and angry but treat him as a victim, because if he didn't do what he did, my ex would have just dou d some eale to use as a weapon. And play her game.

So what do I do, just walk away, Go back just liat

I am 30 years old. I recently discovered my stepchild has zero vaccines. I have no children, but I would like to have children in the near future. I have concerns about my stepchild being around my babies before they are fully immunized. There was never any custody battle between my husband and the mother of his child. My husband is very worried about “rocking the boat” and causing any issues that would start a battle. We get him 50/50 every other week. I have a wonderful relationship with my 7 yr old stepchild. I also would love to have children of my own. What would you do?

My partner (51M) and I (45F) live together and we have a wonderful relationship. He’s a very good man. I’m also fairly close with his ex-wife. The two of them have a great coparenting relationship and have respect and care for one another, which I admire and wish I had with my ex, but my ex was abusive and is a generally toxic person. But anyway, they have a 12 year old son with some significant challenges and disabilities. He’s so much better than he was a year ago, but that’s how she and I bonded and became so close. I also have children with disabilities, and we sort of established this completely safe judgement free relationship where we can tell each other anything. I just love her.

So all that being said, she is having a really hard time. She’s a professional woman who is highly educated and successful. She makes more money than her ex and I combined- and I admire her for that. But she is in a relationship with a real scumbag. The first time I met him I heard him making comments about my ass under his breath. He didn’t think I could hear him, or maybe he did- but I heard him and didn’t say anything but was disgusted. He’s an alcoholic. He treats her like crap. He emotionally abuses her- she has showed me the screenshots of the texts. He picks fights with her and then takes off to go God knows where and then goes no contact so she has no idea where he is. I know the games he is playing because my ex did that to me for years. It makes me confused because I don’t know how she went from my amazing partner who really is a WONDERFUL man (she has nothing bad to say about him at all ever) to that. He isn’t attractive. He doesn’t work. Last month he took 600 bucks from her and blew it at a casino and he did it again last night. He stole $500 bucks and blew it at a casino. She told me not to tell her ex, but I am not keeping a secret like that from him. I left the messages open so he could see it so I wasn’t exactly telling him but I also wasn’t keeping secrets from him. I felt like he should know what kind of a man is around their son and like if I hid this from him then I would be complicit.

She feels like she can’t do better and is afraid to be alone. The thing is, she is forgetting that their son is a different kid than he was 2 years ago. His behavior is so much better, we changed the custody arrangement so that she would have more free time which would make her a more attractive prospect. She has her own medical practice now, which she didn’t have before. She’s amazing and her life is better.

She is upset that her partner treats her badly, but she keeps on making excuses for him. My partner is livid and doesn’t want this guy around their son. I’m concerned about the entire situation and worry for her a lot.

I don’t think he is a danger to their son, but he has a lot of challenges that make it hard to parent him. He can be exhausting. She doesn’t need a grown man exhausting her!

So while it’s not our place to make decisions for her and it’s none of our business- kind of- I mean it’s definitely not my place to get involved since he isn’t technically my child, I do adore him and care about him, but anyway what can we do? Is there anything we can do? My partner said he thought maybe we should try to get full custody of him if she refuses to kick him out on the basis of him (the boyfriend)being an alcoholic and him emotionally abusing the child’s mother, which in turn emotionally abuses him because he sees his mom being treated badly and it brings her down which makes it harder for her to be her best as a mother. I feel like that could blow up the whole good dynamic we have going on here. Are we overreacting to the whole thing? I just don’t know what to think.

I am 30 years old and my mother has passed a number of years ago. My dad married a great woman two years ago, who was also the first woman he really dated seriously since the passing of my mom. My relationship with her started very slow, basically I hated her even though never met her. Now years later I really like her. We've all vacationed as families together, I stay with them all the time. They stay with my little family. We refer to my son and her daughters child as step-cousins.

I've always just called her my dads wife when talking to others because of a list of reasons but I feel fine now referring to her as a step mother to others (definitely still just going to call her by her name in person though lol).

But is that weird or alright given that I'm an adult and she entered our lives when I was in my mid twenties?

I’m posting to see if anyone has a similar experience and to see what you may have done to help the situation? I have two step children 11M, 9F and a bio kid 6M. The 11 and 9 yr old have been ruthless from the start of the relationship. At first it seemed like normal sibling arguments/fighting. It wasn’t too concerning. Then it seemed to be straight up bullying coming from the two of them. They will team up together to make fun of the 6 yr old, or cheat in games, they’ve gone as far as lying about him hitting them to get him in trouble when I’ve witnessed them all outside just speaking back and forth. It seems the more comfortable these two get, the more ruthless they become. It’s gotten to a point where they are now saying disrespectful things to me and laugh it off when I tell them what they are doing is inappropriate and disrespectful. Their dad allows me to correct them and also backs me when I do, so I’m not sure why they do not listen or stop with the garbage behavior. I’d want to give the benefit of the doubt and say it’s from going back and forth between households, but that’s been happening for years on both sides. My 6yr old is no saint for sure, he has started giving an attitude just as a regular response when speaking with them now, but it is corrected each time. And honestly, part of me understands why he is frustrated enough to have an attitude when he being picked on nonstop. Any and all advice, comments or even just similar stories to not feel alone are appreciated

Hello all,

I’d love to know if anyone’s been through what I’m experiencing and has any wise words to share.

My fiancé (44m) and I (47m) have been living together for about nine months and we’re getting married in the three. My two daughters, 17 and 13, are with us 100%, and we have his sons, 5 and 9, one night every week and every other weekend. Everybody gets along amazingly well and has from the very beginning. We’ve been together over two years and introduced them almost two years ago.

Now for the problem: I never realized that I had an issue accepting help before this relationship. I’ve had some health issues over the last seven months, and I’m in an especially bad phase at the moment (continuous migraine for 10 days).

My partner has totally picked up the slack and I’m so grateful for it. I tell him all the time, of course, but I struggle with feeling like I don’t like putting all of this on him. It would be one thing if my kids were his, but they’re not. He doesn’t show signs of having a problem with it and tells me that he doesn’t and that he loves me and loves my girls and it’s all OK. I even asked if he wants to delay getting married to see if I get better, because I would totally understand if this isn’t what he wanted to sign up for. He definitely does not want to wait and says it’s not even question for him.

I have a wonderful and hands-on relationship with his boys, but there’s just no comparison and effort since my girls are here all the time. Not to mention that when I’m not feeling well, I’m not as involved with them either.

I would love to hear from people who’ve been either on the giving or the receiving end of such a hopefully temporary imbalance and can say something to make me feel better about it. I would also love to do something extra special to show my gratitude, but I haven’t come up with anything yet. As I said, I do tell him all the time and he knows I’m grateful I would just love to balance things out somehow.

Maybe I should try some mantras: “Things don’t have to be balanced in every moment in a relationship.” “He loves me and loves being here for me.” “It’s okay to just take for a while.”

The thing is, I know these things in my head, but being so heavily on the receiving end for so long is still difficult for me.

I’d love to hear your thoughts…

I’ve been casually dating a man (38M) for several months, and things have been going well in a lot of ways. However, we recently had a conversation about the future, and he shared that he doesn’t want to blend our families. He has teenagers, and I have school-age kids, and while he’s open to marriage one day, he still wants to keep our lives with our kids completely separate.

He says this is because he’s very protective and private when it comes to his kids. He doesn’t want to disrupt their lives or routines, and he feels strongly about maintaining a separation between his family life and our relationship. I understand wanting to protect your kids, but I find it hard to imagine being in a long-term, serious relationship where our families never come together.

For me, part of being in a committed relationship would mean building a sense of connection and unity between us and our kids. I really like him, and we’ve been compatible in so many other ways, but this difference in perspective is making me question if we’re truly aligned for the future.

Has anyone been in a similar situation where one partner wanted to keep families separate? Did it work out, or was it a dealbreaker? Any advice or insight would be appreciated.

Our oldest (teenager from husbands first marriage) has started to publish very sweet post on her social media with her two younger siblings (between ages 2-6 from our marriage).

Although I wasn’t thrilled with my daughters on social media, I didn’t want to make a big deal. We have a very peaceful, loving, and open home. Plus her post are all very sweet, her hugging my daughter while on vacation or all three of them hanging out. Absolutely nothing inappropriate and not all the time- just when we are doing fun outings as a family. Her account is also private.

I also have a social media account, but I do not show photos of their face. I am concerned of someone taking my daughter’s face and using some AI tool for nefarious purposes or have a stranger see them and attempt to make contact (yes, I know these are not common).

In this situation I ask what would I do if the oldest was biologically ours and I am pretty sure I would have asked her not to post anything with her siblings. However, I also do not want to create a barrier or separation between her siblings and she may not understand my justification because she is just a teenager.

Moms- how would you handle this situation?

Also, my husband doesn’t think it is a big deal and an occasional picture of our kids on her social media is fine. I think he likes seeing the girls together and it is a testament to how well we have bonded as a family (which I agree, but still feel uneasy).

So this is a little confusing but I'm not sure what else to do or who to talk to. 6 years ago I got with a woman who had 2 young kids 3 and 5. I eventually got married to her and had a son of our own. Well one of the daughters got diagnosed with autism and as she got older it became more and more apparent that she would need constant care, and therapy. Her dad accused her mom of cheating and abandoned her, even though she is a spitting image of her bio dad. I Adopted her when I was legally allowed to. After lots of counseling we ended up divorcing, and I had 50/50 of my son and my adopted daughter. Well mom lost custody, and is now incarcerated. My adopted daughter and son have not been able to see there older sister since then it's been 6 months. I try calling the bio dad, asking to just meet in a public place, he just ignores my calls or messages. It's really really hard on my daughter, my son is equally having a rough time. I'm not for sure where else to go or even how to explain it to them.

My partner and I recently moved in together and we both have kids. Our 5 year old girls ( one his, one mine) have taken this new arrangement and decided to wear ALL the clothes. I'm talking multiple outfits a day that are getting dirty and having to be washed by the end of the week. Most interestingly, my partner's daughter has taken the opportunity to wear all of my daughter's clothes. She will get up in the night after my daughter goes to sleep, and she will put on another few outfits. We've tried talking to them about putting away their clothes after they do their little fashion shows, giving consequences for throwing all the laundry on the floor (making them pick it up, sort through it, and help put away), and now we are at the point where we are about to remove all the clothes from the room and issuing them their clothing when they get ready for the day and when they go to get ready for bed. It's been maddening. Especially because my partner's daughter will look me straight in the face when I remind her that she's supposed to ask if she wants to borrow my daughter's clothes. The sharing of clothes wouldn't be such a big deal, but they are two different sizes, so she stretches out my daughter's clothes, and her clothes are too big on my daughter. I've done calm, gentle reminders. I've also done more stern and direct conversations.

I don't want to be the wicked "step-mom" about coming down hard on the clothing situation, but I'm exhausted with all the excess laundry, and the squabbles that arise from wearing each other's clothes without asking. I've been out of work for a bit, so every penny matters, and when I see clothes being destroyed and treated like garbage, it upsets me. His daughter is especially hard on clothes and wears them out in record time. Not sure how, but it happens.I know that says more about me than them that I'm having some type of feelings about this, and they aren't calculated enough to be doing it to be intentionally naughty and piss me off. I just can barely keep up with the rest of the household laundry. We are a family of 7...

What would/have you done? Do we remove the clothes and have them earn the privilege to have autonomy over their clothing? AITA for even having an issue with this, especially with the other girl trashing my kid's clothes? My boyfriend is less bothered, but he backs me up with the girls in terms of addressing the situation. I'm at a loss about what to do and it came to a head this morning when I looked in the closet, and the side that my daughter's clothes were hanging on was almost completely empty when there was probably 2 weeks worth of clothes (multiple seasons). I want to emphasize, the issue isn't so much with the idea of sharing clothes, it's that there is damage and drama coming from doing so. In a perfect world, they'd be the same size and we would just have one set of clothes they share. We're not there yet though. For my daughter, her clothes have been a source of preserving and exercising some of her individuality during a time when there has been a lot of change and disruption in her environment. We left our home she had been in since birth to move in, so part of me feels this need to protect that for her. I'm sure this is another issue I'll hack out in therapy next week, but I wanted to see how other parents who may have had similar issues worked through it.

My partner and I have been thinking about what combining households might look like and on what timelines. We both have two kids with no ability for more. Mine are a girl, 13.5, and a boy, 10. Theirs are two girls, 10 and 7. I have mine 50/50 and they have theirs 80% of the time.

For a variety of reasons, remodeling an existing house makes more sense for us to combine. Budget and remodel timeline (we would probably get it framed, but then we do the finishing work nights/weekends) have this 2-3 years out. Or right when my daughter is about 16. Does it really make sense to pour a bunch of time and money in to a room for her when she would leave in 2 years. Versus not combining houses at that time and just waiting. Supposing we wait, then both their oldest and my youngest will be within 3 years of moving out, so we're right back to the same conceptual problem.

I am hesitant to disrupt a then-high schooler's lifestyle. My partner lives in the country and I live in the city; it is a quick drive for me on my off-weeks, but them not being able to walk to friends would not be nice. And spending a bunch of money just for them to leave the house doesn't seem smart either. But maybe there are other ways to think about this that I'm missing?

Would you bite the bullet and remodel sooner? Somewhere in the middle? Or just wait until almost everyone moves on to college to combine?