Exactly as I said. I see all these stepparent groups and it’s literally just women who hate their step kids.

I am a stepmom myself, and I love my stepdaughter. I wish she was still in my life, but she chose life of drugs, even her own father who is my son’s father doesn’t know where she is.

But my question is why does his stepmom post all this bullshit pretending to like their step kids playing the victim?

Can’t they just literally say I hate my step kid?

The reason I’m posting this is because my son‘s father’s now ex-wife was so terrible to my son that we have a restraining order against her. So my son’s father has to either stay with me or take our son overnight or the bitch has to move out of the house. For the duration he has his kid.

She’s now in jail because she stabbed my son’s father

But the point is Can’t these stepmother is just admit they hate their step kids?

I (28F) have been with my partner (38M) for 8 months and he has been broken up with the mother of his children for 4 years, and I want to get an understanding of what’s the norm for co-parenting relationships and whether I should be staying under the current circumstances.

On each of his two children’s birthdays, he spends the day with his ex and they do a family ‘event’ together, typically bowling and dinner afterwards - not a party and no extended family involved, just the 4 of them having a day out as a family. Despite having been together for 8 months, he still hasn’t even told her that I exist/we are dating.

For more context, for the last 2 years they have also gone away for a weeks holiday together as a family of 4, despite being supposedly separated. The last time they went my boyfriend and I had been together for about 5 months and I found out pretty short notice before they went that his ex was actually going with them, and honestly I was shocked as I had never heard of separated parents going on holiday together (they went to a Great Wolf Lodge resort type but in the UK). It caused a lot of upset when I found out and the week was horrendous, I was constantly imagining all the typical family moments they’d be having, sitting together on the sofas in the evening watching films and making breakfast together in the morning, it was awful. He’s since said it won’t happen again if im not comfortable with it, but I actually don’t know if I believe him and know that if it weren’t for me, he would absolutely do the same next year. I also know that at ages 8 and 11, his kids will definitely be able to put two and two together and know that once I came on the scene, their family holidays with their separated parents were no more, which I know will cause issues.

They also spend Christmas Day together as a family of 4 at her house each year, having Christmas dinner together etc.

I suppose the reason im posting this is because I feel like he’s almost half in/half out and trying to cling on to the family unit they had, doing so many things together as a family. She also ended things with him and he tried to keep them together, so my gut is telling me all these family outings are his way of trying to keep a piece of that still. This is all fine and he is entitled to do what he wants, but I don’t know if this is something I should be getting involved in and if this situation is conducive to him having a girlfriend? Should I be committing to a lifestyle where (rightly or wrongly) I feel like the second best consolation prize that will do whilst my boyfriend tries to keep the family unit spark alive with someone else.

Am I being unreasonable? I genuinely do not know. What do you think?

My child is having a lot of feelings about my recent marriage and her father’s upcoming marriage. I reached out to my coparent letting him know I would like to have our child see a therapist. In the past he was very resistant to this. He is asking what the issue is, and I would like help with my response to him. I am trying my best to grey rock things with him, as we are high conflict, and I don’t want anything I say to create unnecessary communication. Would it make sense to just say “she is having a lot of feelings. And while I think it’s very healthy she is comfortable talking about them, I think a therapist would benefit her as well.”?

I worry that if I give him more specifics he will bring this up with her, argue with me, and use it against me. Please let me know your thoughts!

We met 4 years ago, been married for 2 years. He was divorced with 3 kids, I was divorced with 2. We make the same $$ but he pays child support so makes less than me and has an extra kid than me to support. It was a whirlwind romance… I was only 1 month out of my 12 year marriage when I started hanging out with now current man. I wasn’t healed but felt like he was healing me. He told me he loved me like 1 month after first meeting me.

We have all the kids 50/50.

Since the honeymoon stage wore off, it’s been difficult.

And it was always worth it though since I felt like I had a deep connection with him. But now I’m starting to see that he actually doesn’t do much for me or consider me or surprise me or romance me. Basically two roommates who live together. Shortly after he married me, we spent my bonus of 100k on his debts so that I could stop working. But 10 months later, I’m having to go back to work but now I don’t even have my bonus. We will be living check to check, paying his ex, and we now have new debts because of his poor decisions. He asked me to allow him to lead and I’ve done just that but I don’t think his leadership was wise.

I feel like living without him would be easier financially and emotionally since we are always fighting about the kids. Blended family is difficult. I do still love him so that’s the hard part but I don’t want to waste another 10 years with a man if it will be difficult and end anyway since he has threatened that multiple times already. But I’ve already been through a divorce and don’t want to put my kids through another one…. But I feel like we would be more financially and emotionally stable. I’m 35, kids are 10 and 8. He doesn’t want to spend time as a family, just does his own thing when his kids aren’t here. He’s very emotional less…. Doesn’t plan things or make things happy/special. And yes I’ve talked with him regarding this. He says he’s busy working, hustling… and that he doesn’t like hanging out with my kids because they give him attitude and act like they don’t want to hang out with him. But now he’s trying to go to college to level up so now I’ll be supporting even more. Since he’ll be even more busier so no I’ll be working and doing most of the cooking and cleaning and kids related stuff while he continues to get paid less than me but leveling himself up. I’m not sure how I feel about all this. I don’t feel good.

HI all, here is a summary of my situation. I am omitting details for brevity, but am happy to provide anymore informaiton.

I’m a 23-year-old male, recently graduated college and back in my hometown, living with my dad, stepmom, and my 5-year-old twin half-brothers. My biological parents separated when I was 8, and my mom, who struggles with drug and alcohol addiction and a slew of undiagnosed mental health issues, lost custody due to her abuse when I was 13. No need to go into crazy detail, but living with my mom was extremely dangerous, which ultimately led to the state getting involved. My sister (21) and I then moved in full-time with our dad, and though we have a good relationship with him, the introduction of his new partner was poorly handled, which I believe has contributed to the uncomfortable dynamic that we have today.

As my dad and step-mom began to build a new life together (engagement, wedding, pregnancy), my sister and I were always the LAST people to find out. It felt that they were tiptopeing around my sister and I while trying to craft their new perfect life around the shambles we were still in.

Meanwhile, our mom’s instability and drug use continues, leaving my sister and I in an even more impossible position. We have an extremely difficult relationship with her where I see her in doses, and I still do not know which version of her I will get.

Living in this blended family has been incredibly challenging. I feel out of place in the house we moved into when I was 17—a home clearly meant for my dad’s “new” family. Every day, I wake up to my 5-year-old half-brothers screaming, their toys are everywhere, etc. But the emotional aspect is even tougher. My younger brothers have a completely different life: they’re growing up with financial security, stability, and two happy parents. We have had a few open and honest conversations as a "blended" family, but I never feel totally understood. It feels like my dad is getting a fresh start with a new family. I love him deeply and know he sacrificed a lot to protect me during my mom’s custody issues, but it’s hard not to feel envious.

Is anyone else in a blended-family situation where younger siblings have a much more stable and privileged life?

My spouse has three kids from her previous marriage. The oldest a 12 year old boy is unable to show remorse, respect anyone other than his bio dad, is lazy and very entitled. 3 of the 4 years we've been together her children showed appreciation, we did activities together ect. Yes there were times that were difficult but we got through them. Recently her oldest was back talking her and normally I stay out of it. However my spouse and I also have a son together who is two and I don't want him growing up in a household where he believes it's okay to disrespect his parents. My spouse was simply asking him to go downstairs because he was being annoying. As I was making dinner with the 2-year-old in my arms I calmly told him to listen to his mom and just go downstairs. He blew up started running his mouth and I had hit my limit I told him I was taking away his PS4 and he said go right ahead so I did and after he had gotten in my face (I was calm to this point) I threw it on the ground and walked away to end the situation. His parents don't see anything wrong with how he behaved nor have they done anything to change his behavior. It is now been 6 months or so and none of my stepchildren talk to me none of them interact with me I have tried and tried they're not even able to say thank you for the simplest things and are stonewalling me. Any advice or suggestions?

I (23f) am currently staying with my dad and his girlfriend along with her daughter and her daughter's boyfriend overseas. I'm civil with them but I've been finding my dad's girlfriend to be overbearing. She's not acting as a SM and I'm already an adult so it's fine. My problem with her isn't the relationship but the way she acts. I get it that parents give their children special treatment but it's BS that she finds every fault she can as I'm temporarily staying with them until the end of month until I move out. Since I was in my adjustment period, the first time I get to live with my dad after more than 10 years, things were kind of new as well. I don't leave out the dishes in the sink, I clean up everything. I've heard her complaining how I was treating her like a maid to clean up after me, from using the kitchen to using the bathroom. My dad knows I'm cleaning everything I use and it's as if no one used the kitchen. I'm not being incompetent nor am I using weaponized incompetence. When she told me how I was so busy with my work and I should hire a maid to clean up after me, it triggered me badly. Again, everything I use, I clean. Every trash I have, I throw it out. She also got mad that I told my mom what happened between us.

I'm not sure if he would even be considered my stepson because his dad and I aren't married yet, but I am at my absolute wits end with my live in partners 16-year-old son. His dad is extremely defensive about any kind of criticism regarding his kid. Which I know is a huge problem in its own.

I have a lot of built-up resentment towards this kid, so I don't even know if the problems I have with him are actual problems, or just me being an evil stepmom. I do think a good majority of the issues stem from my boyfriend. We had a fight a couple weeks ago that to me, felt like it changed everything. The way I look at my "partner" and the way I looks at his son is just full of ick. Long story short, my partner wants to buy his son his first car. I do not agree with it, but I didn't say much. He just saw the looks on my face when he told me about it and it spiraled. His son goes to school but otherwise is completely irresponsible. He cannot operate a microwave. He cannot make a sandwich. His dad cooks or expects me to cook 100% of this kids meals and snacks. Even putting yogurt in a bowl. He cannot remember to lock his electric scooter (he uses to get to and from school) up. He doesn't clean after himself unless he is told.... which is every single day. He has every excuse in the book for why he can't find a job. He thinks life is all about fun and doing what he wants and having his dad take him here and there. I get that must be a huge hassle on his dad, but I just don't feel the kid is ready for a car. BF and I got in a fight about it. He ended up telling me I am jealous of his son. His relationship with his son is ruined because of me. I am miserable and mean. After this... I just have the ick. I don't even want my boyfriend to touch me. Looking at him grosses me out.

I could list a million things this kid does that piss me off, but just to name a few... I work from home. He comes home from school hungry and unable to make anything for himself and the burden falls on me. He is always leaving messes all over the place. He hardly talks to me or my daughter. I have made multiple attempts to plan activities for us to all bond and enjoy but every single time the only one moping around and not talking is him. I have a box of home decor in my basement that I haven't gotten around to unpacking yet, and he helped himself without asking and put it in his room. He took my daughters decor out of the bathroom and put it in her room without asking. I found some of the gifts I gave him thrown in the trash. He constantly interrupts his dad and me. He gets mad and throws an attitude if daddy doesn't serve him dinner first. He is just a complete bother to me at this point. And after the fight, even more so.

I am so ready to just be done with these 2. I don't ever see myself loving this kid, nor do I have the desire. I cringe when he is around and hide in my room as much as I can. Is this something that can be overcome? We have invested 4 years, so I don't want to just walk away until I know 100% that it's just not going to work.

Edit: His son left dirty dishes on the counter (again) on Monday. Tuesday evening, I had a very respectful talk with my bf and told him I REALLY need their help this week. I'm a Finance Manager, so end of the month is a VERY busy time and on top of it we just laid 2 people off, so I am swamped with their work plus mine! I can't be cleaning up after everyone or working in a dirty house this week. I told him it will stress me out and I don't want to be grumpy with anyone. He 'agreed". Next day, his son left a sink full of dirty dishes. After a very stressful 10-hour day, I walked upstairs to take a nap like a zombie and I told my boyfriend "Hey, I don't know who left that sink of dishes, but I am not going to clean that up. I have no energy. I just cleaned in here and that's not cool". He blew up on me. He said, "saying that's not cool was a disrespectful and unnecessary comment". The fight escalated and he made his son pack his stuff, he packed his stuff and they left.

I’m at a crossroads in my relationship and reaching out for advice. After a year and a half together, I’m facing that “make or break” moment, and could really use some perspective, especially from those who were childless and went on to marry a parent. This sub seems to be a good place to hear the positive side of having a blended family, which I’m hoping to hear, but I need some brutal honesty.

For background, my partner and I have talked seriously about the future: marriage, kids, the whole picture. However, he’s been a parent figure to his ex’s child for the past 8 years, taking on an informal guardianship role that’s been a core part of his life. Basically: he met this woman when she was eight months pregnant, at a very low point in his life. Instead of going to therapy, he decided he was somehow connected to this child and that it would give him the direction he needed. He gradually stepped into a parenting role and they broke up a year later, obviously.

Due to the unorthodox nature of this relationship, there is of course, no legal framework protecting him or the child, which his ex unfortunately had been using to blackmail him for money, favors, and other things before I entered the picture.

She flew into a rage when she learned we were moving in together, even though we had met before, and her child had told her many times that she liked and trusted me. (it is worth noting that she is bipolar and unmedicated.) I learned that this was because my partner was trying to put up boundaries with her and she was beginning to realize he wasn’t at her beck and call anymore.

Over time, we worked together and even involved social workers to set boundaries. Now, she can’t just cut him off, and we’ve established clear financial limits with her. These steps resolved a lot of issues, but there’s still something unresolved for me.

Earlier this year, I experienced a miscarriage, and in that brief moment, I felt a glimpse of what parenthood could be with him. I was excited but also sad, realizing that he’d already experienced so many of the “firsts” of parenting—granted, he came in late, but he still went through many stages. I couldn’t shake the feeling that our special moment of becoming parents wouldn’t feel entirely new to him.

Throughout our relationship, we’ve also had to organize our lives around his role as a father figure. While I expected some of this, it’s a continual reminder of how our life together will look if we stay in it. I love him, but I’m struggling with what a blended family would mean for me. Here are my concerns:

• I don’t want to compromise on where I live just because we have to be near his child’s school.
• I’m hesitant to buy a home with him since our budget is tied up in extra costs related to his child, who is only with us part-time.
• I don’t want to have to coordinate everything with his ex, like family vacations or decisions about our time as a couple.
• I don’t want to enter parenthood with someone who’s already gone through it and might be less engaged because of his responsibilities with his ex’s child.
• My biggest fear is that if we do have a child, I’ll end up shouldering more of the childcare because his attention will be split.

So, here’s what I’m wondering, especially from anyone formerly childless: Was it as challenging as you expected? Were there any unexpected benefits? Am I potentially overthinking this? Did you develop any resentment?

Part of me thinks I should step away and let him find someone who’s more comfortable with his situation, which I’ve told him many times. But he insists I’m the only one he wants to be with, and I’m trying to keep an open mind. Any advice would be appreciated.

I am freaking a bit. I am newly married and I am starting to realize that I feel worse when I talk to my husband about stressful situations with my coparent. My husband has a bad relationship with his ex, so I think maybe I am expecting to much from him when I need him to listen to my experiences with my ex without judgement. It seems he is triggered and can’t help but take the dads side/play devil’s advocate. I just so badly want him to be a calming space to go to when I am so emotional over an interaction/message from my ex. Last night I told my husband that I didn’t feel good whenever to talked to him about coparenting issues. I told him I needed him to just listen with empathy and not judgement. He got super mad and said “what’s the difference between judgement and having an opinion? You expect me to just sit there and not have any opinion?!” I don’t know how to respond to that. I just know that when I tell him my ex makes me feel like I am doing everything wrong and am causing all the issues in his life, I don’t need my husband saying “why do you think that’s what he’s doing? It doesn’t sound like he says anything that bad. Is it really just an eye roll and tone that cause you to think that?” Should I just not talk to my husband about my coparent? Please help!

For the past year, I've been in many arguments with my mom and physical confrontations with my stepdad. After a fight we had yesterday, my mom and I decided it was time for me to get the ball rolling and move out. Are there any group homes for people under 60 with disabilities?

Advice on moving in together?

• my partner and I have been together for 2 years this October and have known each other for many more years prior
• my kids 9.5 F and 7M
• 5/5/2/2 schedule (my country's version of court orders and not flexible, other parent is very rigid but not high conflict anymore)
• his kids 8M and 6M
• 7/7 schedule (amicable and flexible)
• so we have days where it is only us, us and his kids, us and my kids and us all together
• kids all met around 16 months ago and mostly get along well
• we've had around 5 sleepovers, many day trips, or casual get togethers
• sleepovers are still hectic chaos because it is relatively new
• we've been discussing a timeline for moving in together
• initially we wanted to wait another 12 month lease which would put us at 3.5 years together and lots more sleepovers and activities with all of us
• then my unit was sold and I have to vacate by February
• the rental market is atrocious and I am struggling immensely
• should be we move up our timeline? Ideally I would find another rental but it's looking bleak
• my only concern would be how it would affect the kids
• his 2 are both adhd (very hyperactive when not medicated) but super flexible and we don't envisage any issues with them struggling with the change and move
• his 6 can be a handful and riles the other kids up
• my 7 yo has difficulties regulating and can get aggressive I can see his 6yo and my 7yo butting heads heaps causing a lot of stress
• it would be most appropriate for my 9.5 to have her own room as she is the oldest by 1.5 years and the only girl
• so perhaps the three boys sharing would be something they fight about?
• it may be possible to trial it for a week or two at his house but would be quite difficult for me logistically
• he is a phenomenal partner and we would love to live together but the kids come first
• does anyone have any advice or things you wish you knew before blending?

Hi, uhm, I'm not a step parent, but I have a stepfather. As it says in the title, I'm looking for some advice and/or opinions

I am a minor. My biological father passed away 2 years ago from fatty liver disease. Before and after, my mom wasn't very present. Wasn't there physically and emotionally before he passed. Wasn't there emotionally, but was most of the time physically. I hold a little bit of a grudge over her for that. She essentially neglected me and had someone who had no right to do so, take over parenting basically. Well, that someone ended up doing something bad. We don't talk to her. Back in May of this year, my mom met her future husband (it'll be official May 2025). I didn't have much of a problem with him aside from him making inappropriate jokes and sexualizing my mother over the phone while I was in the room. Me and my mom moved 1 hour and 40 minutes away from the town I've lived in all of my life to his house August 1st. Since then, I have been yelled at for the smallest things. I have been yelled at for expressing my feelings and defending myself. I have learned to be scared. The future husband of my mom has rubbed "You're the kid. We're the adults." Into my head since the day I moved in. I get that, but it's always used when I feel negatively about something or something is not fair. He has controlling behaviors. One of them happen to be food. I already don't have a good relationship with food, but I have definitely gotten better. He has that gosh dang controlling behavior hanged over mine and my mom's head. My mom won't do anything about it and is almost completely blind, while I'm not. I'm not blind to it at all. I'm not blind to it because it's causing me to feel bad about myself or scared that I'll get yelled at for eating something. Thing is, my mom isn't doing anything at all. The title "Mom" doesn't really suit her anymore. She'll say she's the parent, not him, and then when there's an actual need for that mindset, it's gone. She's indifferent. I've tried to explain to her that it is way to early for him to even be thinking about taking on a parental role or punisher role. Not only is it way too soon, but I'm very uncomfortable. I feel like he should be more focused on trying to build a healthy relationship with me than jumping into the parental/punisher role so soon. I've already made my decision to cut at least him off when I move out. That is how uncomfortable I am. He's very traditional and stuck in his ways. The minute I show the slightest bit of distress around him, he either shuts down and starts yelling or shuts down and becomes completely indifferent (more than usual). It depends if I'm showing an anger version of distress or a sad version of distress. Gosh, I don't know what to do at all anymore. I can't directly explain how things make me feel to him without him breaking out the "You're the kid. We're the adults." card. Or being in fear that he'll shut down. I feel like I'm just nothing besides a burden. I've found myself constantly asking my mom if she still loves me or cares for me. I find myself constantly asking her if I'm in trouble. Even if I'm just expressing my feelings. What do I do?? I know this isn't a healthy dynamic, but I can't do anything to change it by myself. I so badly want to get myself emancipated, but I would literally be grounded till the end of time if they found out. I don't even have the resources or help to. It's not a possibility. I'm just so tired of feeling how I have been. I need help, please. Any advice or input from other step parents would help.

I've seen ppl ask if stepparents love their stepkids as their own in different communities so I was curious as to the response I'd get asking this here.

My FIL and MIL just got divorced so things are still pretty fresh. It didn’t end amicably and both are dating again, so there are new partners in the picture.

My MIL is planning Thanksgiving but it will be at my house due to her remodeling hers. My husband (her son) asked if FIL was coming/invited. So I told him to figure out if everyone is comfortable enough to celebrate together or if FIL will be planning his own Thanksgiving meal. I told my husband I’m fine with it either way, but it’s FILs responsibility to plan his own if he doesn’t want to come to holidays MIL plans for “her side”

I (34F) am currently engaged to my partner (31M) of 6.5 years. I have 2 children (15 and 10) and he has 1 (6). We were friends since my youngest was an infant. I was married and it was a really bad relationship. He had a 2-3 month fling that resulted in his child. My kids father is no longer in the picure and my partner has been the only father my youngest has really known. My partner plans to adopt my kids after the wedding next year. We don't plan on having any other children.

When our relationship began to progress beyond friendship, his child's mom was still pregnant but had completely ghosted him and was trying to pass the child off as her ex husband's. It was a long journey and a lot of effort on both our parts (I did a ton of research and investigating), but eventually, when his child was about 1 year old, he was able to meet the baby and eventually work towards 50/50 custody.

My partner and I were very communicative early in our relationship. We understood eachothers expectations & wanted to make sure we were compatible. We agreed that (to the best of our ability) the children will be treated equally and we will do our best to ensure that they all feel like they belong. My partner and I both come from stepfamilies and have both felt the frustration and pain that can come with being outcasted. I think, within our home, we've been very successful at this.

Prior to his child joining the family, my partner's family was very welcoming of my children. They were the only grandchildren and were treated as such. We were invited to everything, they were given gifts during Christmas and birthdays, they were included in their family reunion, his family would ask about them (how they're doing, where they're at...), etc. After he was granted 50/50, his family's focus shifted to his bio child. Which I can understand the excitement & joy so I don't fault them for that. But I can't help but feel like my kids were treated as placeholders and that makes me really sad.

Now, many years later, and it's been a struggle to feel like we aren't outsiders. For example, my youngest bio kid had a birthday party recently and only my partner's mom showed up. We hosted it in our town (where all his family lives) and gave an advanced notice. Most of them didn't even respond to the invite or wish my child a happy birthday. My stepchild's birthday comes around and we had some other things happening so unfortunately we were a bit late with the invites. The party is hosted out of town. So less notice and farther away, and yet most of his family will be attending. At the family Christmas gathering, his grandmother got only his bio child a gift, leaving my children out completely. They're constantly asking about his bio child and my bio children feel like an after thought. There's many other examples but I'll just leave it at that. I think it doesn't help that we are different ethnicities as well so my kids very obviously stand out at his family functions.

Anyway, I recognize that I have no control over extended family and I don't want to create conflict. I know they will never love my kids the same, even after marriage and adoption, and I can't really expect them too. I think it's just hard to see his family dote on one kid and the others are just on the sidelines. I think it's especially hard because they're dad (and dad's family) aren't around so their circle is so much smaller. And they used to be doted on and now they're not. It's hard to ignore that.

I feel like, at some point, I'll need to stop prioritizing his family functions because it's hard to not build resentment.

I think I just needed to vent because I don't think there's any real solution other than to figure out how to cope with it.

Edit: sorry if the title was a bit misleading. This post was triggered by birthday dynamics and turned into a deeper issue. I don't know how to change the title.

I have heard about the nacho parenting style for step parents in a blended family situation where they don’t feel the dynamics work with their step kids.

There seems to be a lot of support for it from the step parents side of things.

Any experience with this and the possible issues is created within the adult relationship or the emotional well being of the kids.? (Resentment or hurt feelings)

Hello friends! My name is Mandy Durward, and I am a doctoral student at National University. I am conducting an online survey to examine outcomes stepmothers experience because they became stepmothers. In order to participate, you must be over the age of 18 and in a heterosexual or lesbian relationship, and your partner has at least one child. The participants must have been in this relationship for at least two years, and stepmothers who were previously in a relationship but are not currently may reflect on their past relationship.

The survey is anonymous and has 104 questions. It is estimated it will take 30-45 minutes to complete, and will ask questions about how you are feeling, questions related to burnout, and demographic questions related to being a stepmother.

Follow this link if you wish to participate in this voluntary research:

Stepmother Survey (google.com)

Feel free to share this link with others! Thank you.

I’ve been with my partner for nearly 3 years and we are now engaged. I am really on struggle street with HCBM.

In the past, she nearly committed suicide in front of SS. She’s been diagnosed with BPD and has said horrible things to SS-including the statement that he is the reason she’s so sick and suffering.

We’ve spoken to the lawyers about how to keep her out of our lives as we feel this is best for SS-the damage that she’s causing is tremendous. We’ve been told that’s simply not an option and that the courts won’t allow it.

My relationship with SS has been challenging and upon reflection, for me, I am just so exhausted from cleaning up the mess she makes. I know it’s not his fault and thankfully I am realising I do want a healthy relationship with him. He also wants a relationship with me so that’s a plus.

I just don’t know how to deal with the overwhelming anger, disgust and pain she is causing all of us. My partner has full parental responsibility and SS is with us 100% of the time but we are told we need to allow for visits.

She literally pays for nothing too.

Can anyone who has been in this situation provide advice how to deal? I get so overwhelmed and find myself shutting down to everyone and everything.

Hi! I(F30) am married to my husband (M37). He had two children prior to us getting married a 14 year old girl and a 8 year old boy. We have one child together a 2 year old boy. Currently, we have a week on and off schedule for the two older children.

From the time the youngest child was about five months old, our older son has hit him and tried to smother him with pillows. I thought that it may be a cry for more attention or help, so I suggested to my husband that he should set aside some alone time with his son and have a special hobby/activity that only they do together. However, that did not stop the physical attacks. So we decided to have family meetings to come up with rules together so everyone is on the same page. For some time that seemed to work, but after a few months the physical attacks were back. I spoke with the bio mom about this, but she said it was boys being boys and she knows it is my first child but I needed to loosen up a bit.

Just yesterday the 8 year old pushed the two year old, resulting in a bloody nose. I told my husband that I think we need a separation until he can get a grasp on the situation since the physical attacks are becoming more frequent and aggressive (I.e. kicking, punching, biting, spitting, tripping). He said that I am being selfish and not honoring my vows. I love my family and would love to stay together, but I don’t know how to navigate this behavior if both parents aren’t on board. Both children deserve a space that is space and right now it is not. I have suggested therapy but since they have joint legal and physical custody she has to agree.

Am I being selfish?

So I’ve (M34) been in a relationship with my gf (F38) for a year, we both have a pair of boys, hers 12 & 8, mine 4 & 2. In recent months we had light discussion about blending and moving in one day. We do hang out with our kids fairly often. Background on her, her ex-husband is your typical deadbeat dad so she’s raised the kids on her own, they see him every other weekend. With that she’s very proud of the job she’s done, her oldest is an honor student, and the 8 year old is also a very good kid, also great in school. Having said that he does have some issues with being aggressive with the older brother like punching and hitting him, as younger brothers do. But she babies this kid A LOT. Think of a way a mom would be with their 3 or 4 year old, she’s like that with him and he’s almost 9. I don’t really say much about it, bc that’s her deal for now. He’s even gone as far as punching me in the stomach, with full force, which I had a talk with him in the moment, she however didn’t step in or deal with him in any way when that happened, which I felt was wrong.

Fast forward to this weekend, her cousin took the kids to Disneyland last week and I was over at her place, her cousin dropped them off, but she explained that he had to pay this kid $20 to stop punching his older brother. They laughed about it, but in my head I thought this is an ongoing issue, sounds like he’s being rewarded for bad behavior. I didn’t say anything then, but this weekend came and her and I were in the car and she brought it up, and I just simply said, “if it was one of my kids I personally wouldn’t have let him keep the $20, it’s almost an award for hitting his brother isn’t it?” I didn’t say it in a any rude tone, it was in a simple conversational manner, and she took it very personally and went off on me about how good a mom she is and how good her kids are despite doing it alone. I explained that I’m not disagreeing with her handling of anything, I’ve never said anything about her parenting, ever, I said how I would handle my kids, and I acknowledged that our parenting styles are different. She kept going on being very defensive, then went to take shots at me and my upbringing that I’ve shared with her, saying it’s not my place to talk about her parenting. Im like, if we are to be a blended family one day, under one roof, our parenting styles have to be cohesive, we have to express opinions to better understand each other. I apologized that my comment came off as rude, even though it really wasn’t. But I did say I would not apologize for having an opinion. I’m an open door when it comes to that, I’ve asked her opinion on how I handle things with my kids and my ex-wife and she’s always come forward with her advice. I don’t always take it, but it’s valuable nonetheless. She’s also offered opinions without my asking, which honestly isn’t any problem for me. I feel when it comes to something as sensitive as parenting, it’s good to hear things from an outside perspective. But she is a closed door with that. I apparently have no place to offer up any opinion or advice to her situation. She claims I’m attacking her as a parent over this one comment. I thinks that’s completely uncalled for. I have never said anything to her about doing anything wrong by her kids, I’ve literally kept my distance from that, in part because of her attitude on the subject. She’s very prideful, and extremely defensive. Am I in the wrong here? This woman refuses to talk to me now. It’s getting ridiculous.

(optional background info) My partner and I of 3 years each have a 7 year old daughter. Unfortunately for everyone, not least their daughter, his ex wife has been consistently difficult and unreasonable since they split (cutting contact, false allegations, you name it), finally now there is a court order in place and things have been a little better provided they communicate at an absolute minimum.

(the point) his ex is very religious and more recently has decided they do not celebrate Halloween. Halloween is a *huge * event at our house and this year she'll be with us. We were aware of the potential for conflict so he tentatively raised it with his daughter to find out how she was feeling and what she would want to participate in, if any of it. She is a very emotionally mature and pragmatic kid and after thinking about it she said the only thing she doesn't want to do is go rock or treating but she'd love to help set up, and give sweets out, etc. Without prompting or encouraging she asked me to buy her a Halloween costume and has been talking about it nonstop. We started decorating this weekend and she was more enthusiastic than any of us, asking to help and asking to do the activities, excitedly discussing it... wanting to do a spooky movie night... everything. honestly it was super cute and 100% led by her. since then she's gone back home and my partner received a message saying "[our daughter] has asked me to tell you she doesn't wish to be involved in any of the Halloween celebrations. As you know, she has always hated Halloween"

Obviously we don't want to put her in any more of a difficult position than she's already in, and certainly she won't be forced to participate in anything she doesn't feel comfortable with, but has anyone else had issues like this? religious differences between houses? the other biological parent being deliberately manipulative ? I feel absolutely terrible for her, and also puts a dampener on things for us, and for my daughter who has also been excited to celebrate with her. i don't know how to explain it to her.

I like to post the same questions in multiple threads to get varying opinions and I find this one and stepparents often gets people typing with real anger and spiciness. Why do you think that is? When you type that way is it because it triggers something from your childhood? Do you consider yourself and injustice warrior? Do you think that kind of communication is most effective for persuading people in a certain direction? I’m genuinely curious. I feel I usually comment pretty neutrally, even when I disagree with something.

So HCBM married a man she met online in Nigeria last year. Went to visit him and we just kept SD 10 for a whole month instead of week on week off like usual.

My baby is due next month and I want to send SD to her mom's house for the first month. My rationale is:

HCBM has less reason to harass me/us if kid is with her

My partner and I can focus primarily on our baby. SD gets to make up recently missed time with her mom

I don't have to worried about being presentable (covering up to breastfeed, wearing unnecessary clothing etc) while I recover

I get to insure only people l'm 100% comfortable around are around me

In my therapy session today we concluded that I perceive SD10 as an extension of HCBM and she represents chaos in my home. I don't want that around me for the first month of baby's life.

What are the thoughts here? Any suggestions on creative ways to have the convo?

My partner and I purchased our home together. I paid for the deposit and stamp duty . And I have always paid for the mortgage and he pays for the bills . He is currently paying for our Reno but it doesn’t amount to the deposit I put down on the house . I understand the laws here in Australia that if we part ways it’s 50/50 . But what happens when we die . If one of us stays alive vice versa . What happens to assets when we both past that we bought in the relationship ? I have 7 kids he has 3 (2 he has no relationship with ) . I say equal shares of assets but the children that he hasn’t had a relationship with for 14 yrs only gets a minimum $2000 for example . But he saying half to his son and the other half to my family . Does that sound right ? I really need advice please help !!!

Every year Step dad, BM, DH and I take SD to a restaurant of her choice for her birthday. Her birthday is coming up and I just casually wondered who is supposed to pay.

In the past, DH always pays for SD. On occasion when step dad couldn’t come, DH would also pay for BM.

Not really looking for advice…just curious what others think?

Last night BM had to come by at 10:30 at night to drop something off for SS12. SS12 let her in the house and instead of dropping it off and leaving, or even having SD14 come down to say hi to her, she marched right up into SD’s room and proceeded to hang out and talk to her for 20 minutes. SS room is right next to SD and he and I were in his room reading together as we do every Sunday, and having her walking into my home unexpectedly in the middle of the night when I’m washed up and ready for bed infuriated me. DH and BM’s rules for the houses are generally that they don’t come into the other persons home unless the other invites them in. They’ve admittedly left some gray area and I think it’s because neither wants to be told they don’t have freedom to see their kids in situations like this. However, BM doesn’t have someone in her home the way I’m in DH’s home. It felt extremely violating to just have her walk in like that. I expressed this to DH and he lashed out at me saying he can’t deal with this right now and that he obviously doesn’t want her in the house either but if he brings it up to her it’ll start a war. I already swallow my anger a ton when she comes into the house other times - like every time she drops them off on the weekend and comes in and lingers and goes to their rooms etc, but I try to be reasonable in the fact that at least those times it’s pre-planned so I have a warning. My goal isn’t to always keep her from seeing the kids at all times when they’re with us, but damn am I wrong I want some peace in knowing she can’t come into the house on a Sunday night after 10pm?

Edit: She was not 100% uninvited. We were made aware the she was coming over to drop something off for SS and SS went and opened the door to let her in.

Edit #2: Should I be the one to say something to her? Part of me does feel like I have a right to defend myself to her. But another part of me feels like it’s technically his house (I’m typically there Friday - Sunday or Monday, and at my own place during the week) so he ultimately needs to be the one to enforce the boundary.

My bf (33years) and I (30yo)were together for almost 3years and he knew my son(6yo) for 1year. They grew a bond and my son told him that he wish my bf was his dad. My son admired him and I always allowed my bf to have a say and feel involved truly treated him as an equal.. but I don’t think it was enough (my son’s bio dad isn’t in the picture arrested for child abuse and rights terminated) I know kids can be difficult but I have never had a problem being bad cop im very on top of my son’s behavior.. however we broke up because my ex bf has a lot of fear and anxiety and went online to learn he couldn’t find anyone happy and so many sad stories he was so stressed the last few days before he ended it..I told him that’s not everyone’s experience I am a step child but I look at my “step” dad as MY DAD I love him soooo much and he treats the same as my siblings (the other two that are his) my dad is the greatest man in the world.. my ex just became so anxious he lost sleep and getting eye twitches telling me he doesn’t even know if he wants kids and being a step parent is considered a thankless job..this is heartbreaking loosing my best friend and accept that there will probably be no one out there happy to be with us.. I don’t want to make a person miserable ..my bf told me his too young to be getting involved in this and most people that should get involved either should also have kids or be in there 40s..we both cried and love each other a lot but I can’t make him stay..he needs to figure out what he wants in life

TLDR; My stepmom hates me because she says I’m selfish and don’t contribute to the family. Is that a valid reason for treating me poorly?

I (18f) live with my dad (46m), almost stepmom (40f), and her 3 daughters (13, 15, 18). I have one bio brother (14). I used to live with my dad on weekdays and go to school in that area and see my mom on weekends. But recently (past 6 months to a year) my relationship with my stepmom has straight up just gone downhill drastically. We used to be fine. But she started coming over more and eventually moved in, and she was always very indifferent towards me and increasingly annoyed with me. She’s always trying to get me to pick something up or clean something. And I’ll admit i can be very absentminded, I have ADHD and tend to forget about things a lot but I always do my best to get what I need to get done. But she always seemed frustrated with me. And she’s only ever nice to me if I’m cleaning or doing some kind of chore. She treats my brother better than she treats me. Especially now she hardly talks to me. Eventually it got to be too much and I (reluctantly) made the decision to switch schools and live with my mom during the week and dad on weekends. My brother didn’t want to be separated from me so him and I both live with my mom now. I’ve asked him what he thinks about everything but he’s very non confrontational and doesn’t like to get involved. I made this decision with the help of my therapist, as he said I was starting to show signs of depression. I never wanted to move schools especially my senior year, having to meet all new people etc etc, but I did what I thought was best for my mental health. Now here’s the part where I might be guilty. My dad and I were hanging out this weekend and we get into a conversation about stepmom. He tells me the reason she doesn’t like me is because I don’t pull my weight around the house and I neglect my chores. At first I told him that that’s stupid. She’s twice my age and that’s not a valid reason to make me feel the way she does. Then he proceeds to tell me I am selfish, and that everyone (stepmom and her daughters) all agree that I get special treatment. This kinda broke me. I thought, how can you just be okay with the person you are marrying hating your daughter? And he told me it was my fault that our relationship is strained because I don’t contribute to the family. I’m not sure what to think. I love my dad, but I don’t feel like he cares about my feelings right now. And if I really am selfish then I have a lot to reevaluate. Do I just suck it up and give in to her demands? Or do I stand my ground?

Edit: 1) I forgot to mention my brother in og post 2) didn’t mention depression in og post

Two weeks just me, my partner, and their two kids at the house (normally all of us plus my 2 kids 100% of the time). My kids chore these weeks would have been take out trash (as needed) and wipe down kitchen counters daily.

We didn't actually talk about it ahead of time, so after my kid is back my partner shares they are irritated at me because they feel they and their kids had to empty the trash.

My partner feels since it's my kid and thus my responsibility to make sure I tell my kids to get their chores done (as it's my partners responsibility to make sure their kids get their chores done), than it has been my responsibility to do the chores or be otherwise responsible for delegating it or discussing it.

I'll acknowledge there's a bit of tension underlying the whole chore thing mostly because it's something that I've asked for and been responsible for implementing. So, I definitely took a hands off approach these two weeks thinking my partner is here and in charge of their kids so I'll just step back. That's stepping back from saying anything about their undone chores (they were on dishwasher loading and unloading and their were piles of dishes the entire two weeks) and I also stepped back from being meticulously on top of the trash emptying (I did it a few times but apparently not enough according to my partner).

AITA?