cough cough

sorry, it's a bit dusty here in the VUBC Newsroom. But we've got a job to do - That's right, it's THE NEWS!

The Crimson and Emerald governments have confirmed that peace negotations are now ongoing following the declaration of a ceasefire after the Emerald capture of Pervinca in late 79 AF. The two sides are hopeful that peace will conclude with the reunification of the Periwinkle Kingdom under a "new, fairer" system of government.

More importantly, the EGGBALL SEASON HAS RETURNED! Unfortunately we at the VU Mega Cheapo Mart Raptors HEC were all asleep when the season began so we lost the first two games. Ooops. But, now that the war is over, we've drafted in Lt. Colonel Andy Cole as our team manager and made successful changes that saw the VU Mega Cheapo Mart Raptors destroy the smelly old Londo Lasers at the Los Dopicos "Johnson's^TM Shredded Meat Sarnies ^TM Arena". Wow! Following a match a jubilant Andy Cole said the following:

'Oh well it was a very tough game and we had to run down the wing a whole lot but when we got that ball, we certainly scored that goal. Having a tank on our side really made it a lot easier.'

And now it's time for some music. Here's

#808 State, with Pacific 202!

^^I ^^think ^^there's ^^a ^^lizard ^^in ^^my ^^microphone.

You're listening to VU Radio and it's time for a NEWS UPDATE!

The Emerald Federation has successfully taken Viper's Peak after a close battle, forcing the smelly Crimsons to go back to their smelly houses or whatever they do in their spare time. Lt. Colonel Andrew Cole of the 4th Viridian-Vermillion Fusiliers said today that Emerald forces were pleased with their victory and that 'It was a very tough fight and we had to run down the wing a whole lot but when we got the ball, we sure did score that goal.'

Meanwhile, at home, Pasto Range has commenced the 195th annual Pasto Range Oatcake Festival. Oatcake artisans from across the world have gathered in Pastoburg to see who can cook the oatiest oatcakes. VU's entry this year is top Oatcake scientist Johann Von Dorridge, whose brilliantly out-of-the-box taco shell / oatcake crossover is predicted to be a major hit. Wow!

And now, it's time for some music. Singing today is some sort of crazy man, with

#The Andy Cole Song!

Hello, and welcome to Masked's Unauthorized Radio Show. Before I get to the callers, I have an announcement to make. New Periopolis has officially joined the POTATO alliance! I'm sure none of you actually care about that, though. As always, the number is 555-MASKED. Our first caller is Rudolf Jaeger, from Ulm, New Periopolis:

"Hello, Masked. Glory to Emerald! It's about time a government recognized the true spelling of Nordwälder. Those who omit the umlaut spit on centuries of history and I will not stand for it! So I decided to build up a militia of commandos and mercenaries to support the Emerald cause."

Thanks, Rudolf. Glad to have you aboard. Our next caller is Oskar, from New Periopolis:

"It's Oraistedearg, asshole."

You lost it years ago. Get over it. If you don't like it, go to Kingston like all the other Orangered loyalists.

"No! Screw you, man, I got offers from multiple terrorist organizations, just waiting to take your smug ass down. We have a plan to blow up your governor's mansion. Muahahaha, you'll be dead soon... wait...."

The bomb was supposed to have gone off already, right?

"Yeah, wait... no! You're not even supposed to know there was a bomb!"

Yeah, I found it last night and defused it. Tough luck.

"Damn you, Masked. I'll get you one of these days!"

Yeah? Get in line. There's a lot of people who are out to get me, including the next caller, Elmer, from San Theodoro.

"VIVA LA ORANGERED! You were wrong when you said all the Orangered loyalists were in Kingston! I'm still here!"

Argh. Of course you are. What do you want?

"VIVA LA GREAT AURANTIACO! Orangered will rise again! Down with Peri-"

Shut up. Here's something for the commies out there, I'm out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nWhQO6joQs

#The Definitive Guide to the Viridian-Vermillion Union ####Nigel Bageshott-Nevis, 73 AF. Publisher: Good Tyme Olde Tyme Leaflet and Sundries Printing

lore note: as its name suggests, it should generally be assumed that anything written here takes precedence over previous works of mine if there are contradictions present, either due to changes during the passage of time, clarification presented here, or outright retconning. Some things written here may be subject to change but for the most part it's final. 

##History of the Territory

• The Vermillion Union has existed (and has had its name misspelled) since ancient Chroman history, and was once one of the largest empires on the continent. Its capital city located on a pensinsula potruding from the south coast, named Vermilia.

• At some point before the All Fool's War, the unification of the Orangered nation let to Vermilia becoming subordinate to Oraistedearg as the Orangered capital, and the incorporation of Vermilia's traditional heartlands as the current territory of VU. Before the war it was traditionally a multicultural territory; as well as economic migrants from Pasto Range, Snooland, and Midnight Marsh VU welcomed academics from Bezold, Daja and the Periwinkle Kingdom into its industries. VU at the time was also famous for its applied arts. The decorative styles of Art Nouveau, Art Deco, the Bauhaus and the International Style were particularly popular here, and remain so to this day.

• Under Orangered during the First War it was the seat of the Orangered Air Force (OAF) and home to major industries. As a border territory it was also repeatedly fought over, finally captured by Periwinkle in 10 AF. New Governors Zippy, an experienced Lt. Gov of Sapphire District pushed to the front lines as Periwinkle expanded, and Robredo Funni, who had previous links to the territory. For the most part continuity was held with pre-war VU. The only major changes were renaming Vermilia 'New Vinca' and an increased emphasis on Tang production and nice buildings. The rough layout and location of cities from this era is retained today - for example, modern-day Tortuga is built on the site of Vermilia/New Vinca. PAF Fort Skyblue, one of the oldest to be built under the current naming convention, was founded here north of New Vinca as a base for CAS units.

• The Cataclysm reshaped both Chroma and Vermillion Union. Cities were severely damaged, especially New Vinca, which bore the brunt of a major tsunami and also saw part of the Vermilia Peninsula sink into the ocean, creating an island. Only the ancient trading city of Los Dopicos survived intact, as its ancient city walls were strong enough to protect agains the impact of earthquake. Residents of the city were rather surprised to find that they now lived on the coast, rather than in the middle of a continent.

• The territory was largely abandoned by Periwinkle settlers, as well as many Orangereds who felt either loyalty to the Periwinkle kingdom or an aversion to anarchy. The intense alterations to climate caused the territory to suffer extreme desertification for a time, causing further migration west. Around 46% of VU's population had fled to Periwinkle territories by the start of the Second War. Most of the remaining population concentrated on the territory's coasts.

• The reintroduction of government to the territory came under Samuel Fawkes, where it was renamed 'Great Aurantiaco'. Great Aurantiaco was somewhat anarchic but saw progress made, including the reconstruction of many cities, the restoration of society, and the start of the Andreas Canal between the Gulf of Fars and the new central Chroman Channel and the construction of a new international airport in the south. Additionally, the mysterious 'Sovereign Lake' was discovered and mapped. The lake was lost until 58 AF (many thought it had been entirely made up), when explorer Bob Smethwick, attempting to recreate the path of the Aurantiaco Settlers, found its source at a duck pond in Dorridge. The capital was moved from former New Vinca to Nassau (modern-day Coconut Grove), which became an Orangered navy base.

• Over time, Orangered improvements and the return of vegetation let to a gradual improvement of conditions in the territory. Jungles sprouted along the coastlines while traditional farmland in the ancient Duchy of Wroncester, straddling the VU-Pasto border, could be returned to. In February 15 AF the Periwinkle Kingdom returned to the territory. It was captured against fierce opposition in a battle which also involved an uprising by Periwinkle loyalists, and martial law remained for almost a year until civilian government returned again, once again under the control of Governor Zippy and Lt. Gov Funni. The former civilian airport was repurposed by the PAF as Fort Vermillion, as Fort Skyblue was not in usable condition.

• Zippy and Funni together drew up the most radical reconstruction programme the territory had ever seen. Entire cities were rebuilt in order to improve conditions, prepare infrastructure, and provide accommodation for millions of residents. The capital was moved to Havana (pre-war Decocia, modern day Viridia) for strategic reasons. Periwinkle engineers completed construction of the Andreas Canal, now renamed the Panachroma Canal, whose new design incorporated desalination and irrigation systems which allowed large areas of desert in the centre of the territory to be resettled and farmed. Oil industry in the southern desert was restored and on a larger scale than ever, to the extent that limits on fuel extraction remain to this day in order to prevent price collapse. Shipping, automobile, aeronautical, and consumer goods industries were also rebuilt, as well as the requisite Financial Services needed to sustain them, which largely concentrated in skyscraper-packed Havana. As well as this, the VU-Daja high speed railway was constructed in order to showcase the territory's technological prowess and provide high speed passenger links between VU and Metropolis Daja. VU remained on the front lines of combat for much of the rest of the war and was invaded numerous times; However, an intricate deep-defence system combined with Periwinkle war-fighting prowess meant that VU was never again occupied by Orangered forces. The name Viridian, representing Periwinkle citizens who had been integrated into the territory's society, was added to territory's name, becoming the Viridian-Vermillion Union, although its official acronym remains VU.

• Between the end of the 2nd war and the present day, VU returned to steady economic growth, helped by the POTATO interterritorial alliance between VU, the Republic of Bezold and Metropolis Daja. Governor Zippy retired after a successful career, leading to Funni becoming territory governor. Shortly afterwards Masked was appointed Lt. Governor, and waged a successful campaign against pigeons in his office at the Central Directorate Building. In 27 AF a territorial legislature was also formed under the VU Parliament and a territorial First Minister. The Principles of Tanginess established values of nice decoration, mixed economy and Tang production. The 3rd War saw increased growth due in large part to increased demand for vehicles and the capture of major citrus-fruit producing areas of Kingston, such as Tango Fields and Tangerium, which were effectively bought wholesale by the Good Tyme Olde Tyme Crazy Crap Store Tang Division for the purposes of powdered-drink production.

##Territorial Government

####Central Directorate

The Central Directorate is the heart of VU's government, and its civil servants keep all levels of the territory running. It is led by the Governor, the Lt. Governor, and the Territorial Cabinet, which is composed of top civil servants of various departments, and acts as the territory's executive. The Central Directorate operates in tandem with the Territorial Parliament in peacetime but can request the dissolution of territorial parliament. In peacetime this is referred to the Parliamentary Review Board and, if approved, triggers new territorial elections, while in a national or territorial emergency the Territorial Parliament can be dissolved without the need for review. The Parliamentary Review Board is itself accountable to both territorial and national judiciary.

####Territorial Parliament

The Territorial Parliament is a bicameral legislature intended to handle peacetime government of the territory. It is composed of a 500 seat elected lower house, the Central Chamber, and a 250 seat partially elected upper house, the Territorial Chamber. Central Chamber elections occur every five years unless dissolved either by the Parliamentary Review Board or by Parliament itself, and work on a STV system wherein each constituency elects multiple representatives, allocated based on population. Constituencies are Viridia, Havana Coast, Los Dopicos, Wroncester, Chihuahua, East Desert, South West, Coconut Grove, Tortuga, Theodoros Coast, San Theodoros, Riesgo Desert, and Panachroma.

lore note: as of May 76 AF VU's territorial parliament had not been dissolved as, with a large Silly Party majority, it was vocally supportive of the Emerald Federation and viewed as an asset rather than a threat. 

The Territorial Chamber is intended to balance the Central Chamber's emphasis on popular choice with an emphasis on professional groups; Voters are assigned a block to vote in a closed-list system based on their occupation, divided into blocs of health, military, emergency services, civil service, strategic industries, private sector - manual, private sector - office, and professional. The exact portion of seats assigned to each bloc is calculated by the Parliamentary Review Board based on the most accurate census results available, and elections are staggered so that around 20% of the house is up for re-election every two years. As well as elected blocs there is an appointed bloc of Territorial Secretaries, appointed from senior members of the Territorial Cabinet. This group is held to strict impartiality standards, and its responsibility is to inform the Territorial Chamber upon whether proposed legislature is feasable. They are also bound to a policy of abstention by default, allowed only to vote against legislature that would be unfeasable. The exact size of this voting block is determined by parliament, with a 2/3rds majority, and can range from a minimum of 2 to a maximum of 20.

#Current Territory

####Definitive and current map of the territory

##Major Cities

####Viridia

VU's largest and wealthiest city, a metropolis of over 16 million inhabitants. In order to keep all this operating the city was intensely planned from the start; A decentralised plan of three large urban cores surrounding medium density, tree-lined city blocks and enveloped by wider suburban industrial areas, as well as a mass-transit network integrated with the very fabric of the city, wide boulevards and limited-traffic zones keep the city flowing at maximum efficiency. Large dock complexes, advanced telecommunications airports and the Speedliner railway to Metropolis Daja and the Bridge Project to New Cerulean connect Viridia to the rest of Chroma, making it an attractive hub for financial services. The impressive Art Deco and International Style architecture and spectacular vistas from the Viridia hills make it a popular tourist destination. Viridia is also home to Pedro's Taco Bar.

####Los Dopicos

The ancient trading post of the north, Los Dopicos was a small but historical town until it rose to prominence after surviving the Cataclysm largely unscathed. It's now a large city on VU's west coast, providing the northern agricultural region of VU with access to the Chroma Channel. Although spread over a wide area, this is deceptive as Los Dopicos's 'metropolitan area' is in reality a series of ancient villages connected by more modern, low density suburban areas in the Dopican hills. This conurbation has a population of around 1.6 million, and is most famous for pottery of the 'Very nice' style, traditional villas, and pleasant vintage trams.

####Chihuahua

The other hub of agriculture in VU is Chihuahua, capital of the ancient Duchy of Wroncester, a region which straddles the borders of VU and Pasto Range. Chihuahua is, like Los Dopicos, formed from a series of ancient villages in the largely flat Chihuahua Basin. Nearby is the Great Avocado Guacamole memorial, a taco stand dedicated to those who died in the numerous Battles to Defend VU during the Second war. Chihuahua's main industries concern agriculture; As well as vast marshalling yards, cattle markets, and grain storage facilities there are also several factories producing agricultural goods and equipment. Chihuahua has a population of around 783,000.

####Coconut Grove

Coconut Grove rose to prominence as capital of Great Aurantiaco and, while this seat moved to Havana for strategic reasons, Coconut Grove remains a large city. As part of the South-West Industrial and Port region, it is involved in the production and the transport of large quantities of material and industrial goods, including liquid petroleum gas exports. It is mostly built as a medium-density city, with a population of around 6.8 million, and is famous for its neon lighting displays along the famous Coconut Beach.

####Tortuga

The senior partner in the South-West Industrial and Port region, Tortuga is VU's second-largest city, with 11.7 million inhabitants, and largest city in terms of ports and industry. There are over 200 large production facilities and many more minor factories here, producing everything from cars to missiles to toasters. This city is built on the site of the former capital Vermilia and inherits much of its street layout. The earthquakes caused by the Cataclysms shattered the peninsula which used to stand here, causing the creation of many islands separated by deep channels, allowing large container vessels to reach ports deep in the city centre. Shipyards here are some of the largest outside of Pervinca; on average a large vessel is launched from this harbour every 13 days. Remnants of Vermilia/New Vinca can even be found at the bottom of Tortuga's shallower waters. Smaller factories, workshops and design companies are clustered near academic centres at University of Tortuga and the Tangmaster Technological Institute, in the south of the city. A traditional (but for the most part friendly) rivalry exists between Tortuga and Viridia, as Tortuga sees itself as inheriting Vermilia's position as the 'Real' capital of VU.

####San Theodoros

The artistic capital of VU, San Theodoros is a centre of culture tucked away on the territory's south-west coast. It's a relatively quiet city compared to Tortuga, Coconut Grove and Viridia but it's also significantly larger than Los Dopicos or Chihuahua. San Theodoros is known for a laid-back pace and relaxing sea air, and is in the unique position within VU of being a city not founded on a single particular field of production. In the words of mayor Bill Ginentonnich, "I dunno dude, it just sort of happened. It's about the viiibes, man". Several Londo tech companies have migrated here due to its convienient transport and nice beaches, but the majority of business here is small-scale and quite niche. Around 4.7 million live here.

####El Riesgo

El Riesgo exists largely as a result of the Viridian Petrochemicals refinery built here to service the oil wells of southern VU. Its location in a wide desert plateau meant that the city developed sporadically and scrappily, mostly consisting of large and scattered suburbs surrounding larger oil refineries, marshalling and freight yards, and transport, holding a population of around 732,000. The city holds at arm's length a gambling industry based in the north, intentionally separated from the majority of the area by a 10-mile wide strip of city-owned land through which the M16 motorway runs. The majority of residents work in either refineries or the surrounding oil wells, which are deliberately kept running at just over 15% capacity in order to control the price of fuel. Fort Vermillion to the south and the El Prado Aircraft Scrapyard to the north are major PAF installations closely linked to the city.

##Regions of VU

The Viridian-Vermillion Union is, as its name suggests, a union of a wide variety of regions with varying origins. Some go as far back as ancient chroman history, while others were created mere decades ago.

####Wroncester

The north-east of farmlands of VU, as well as the cities of Los Dopicos and Chihuahua are covered by the realm of the Duchy of Wroncester, currently ruled by Duke Fauntleroy Epson Derby Jones of Wroncester (although this position is mainly ceremonial, as the Duke only has direct control over family estates). Many of the villages here have existed for thousands of years, although the current patchwork of fields was created recently as a result of land consolidation and the end of strip-farming caused by the Winter Industrial Revolution. Many are built around ancient forums and marketplaces, while many villas from the height of the Vermillion empire are still scattered around the countryside here. Los Dopicos is considered to be the capital of this region.

####Eastern Desert

In the north-east of VU is a patch of arid desert/savannah which makes up the western reaches of the Aegis/Persarum Desert, which had been significantly expanded by droughts following the cataclysm. Nowadays, this desert has receeded significantly, and the area existing today is mostly used by the nomadic herding tribes which have long roamed eastern Chroma's deserts. The region has very few permanent residents, most of whom operate static ranches. This region is mostly notable for its part in the POTATO deep defence line, where its flat plains were used as a basin within which Orangered armoured forces could be trapped and destroyed by concentrated firepower.

####South-West Industrial and Port

This region is a modern invention caused by the vast and complex web of industrial connections between Coconut Grove, Tortuga, and the various small towns between these cities. The centerpiece of the region is the Panachroma Canal, through which 75% of vessels bound ports in the Chroma Channel pass. This region is sheltered by the Tortuga Hills and numerous islands, creating a natural windbreak which combined with cataclysm-induced deep water makes its coastal waters very ship-friendly. This region is part of the coast of the Gulf of Fars, and, as a result of marine traffic both for Tortuga, the Panachroma Canal and Novum Persarum, is an extremely busy shipping lane. The region's position as a kingpin of international trade is reflected in its mixture of ethnicities. The tropics near this region host numerous tea estates as well as Fort Skyblue.

####Theodoran Coast

The tropical coast of San Theodoros is mostly settled by refugees of the Orangered regime, who fled here from Novum Persarum and Oraistedearg, while San Theodoros itself is settled mainly by Viridian-Vermillions. The waters here are shallower and warmer due to a lack of severe currents.

####Riesgo Desert

The Riesgo Desert is one of the lasting effects of the Cataclysm, as drought caused the desertificaiton of land once occupied by tropical forest. However, this has bought unexpected wealth in the form of newly discovered oil and natural gas deposits, and the spread of solar power. The region is also of military importance, as Fort Vermillion, Fort Vermillion Weapons Range, and El Prado aircraft scrapyard are all located in this region.

####Emerald Coast

Similarly to the Theodoros Coast, this area was mainly settled by immigrants from Persarum and Oraistedearg during the 2nd war. This region's tropical mountains are peppered with small hamlets, and are also home to numerous tea estates.

####Havana Coast

Surrounding the city of Viridia are is the region known as the Havana Coast, which still bears the territorial capital's previous name. This area is also densely packed with tropical agriculture, much of which is either sold directly in Viridia or exported through its ports. Vermillion Tea produced in this region is highly prized for its quality and rich colour when properly brewed. The Havana Coast is also home to some of the territory's most impressive coastlines, and territories such as Midnight Marsh, Viper's Peak and Bezold can be viewed in clear conditions.

####Panachroma

This region is named after the man-made Panachroma canal, the central geographic feature of the area. This is VU's largest agricultural region, and after the disruption of natural water supplies caused by the Cataclysm, farmland depends on the Panachroma Canal's numerous dams for irrigation. Population is thinly spread here, and almost entirely employed in agriculture.

##Map of Administrative Regions of VU

##Map of Regions by Ethnicity

##Map of Regions by Population Density

##Some nice Landmarks and Buildings of Note

####Pedro's Taco Bar, Viridia

After the Cataclysm, Pedro De Vermilia lost everything. His home, his car, and his job. All he had left was 50 taco shells, several tubs of minced beef, a portable oven, and his family taco recipe. Since then, Pedro's Taco Bar has grown into one of Chroma's most iconic restaurants. Wow!

####Great Avocado Guacomole Memorial

VU's second greatest Taco Bar was established to remember those who fought and died defending VU during the Second Wars. Their tacos may not be on Pedro's level but the Guac is the best in chroma.

####Big Old Viridia Open Air Pipe Organ Memorial Open Air Harpsichord

Built as a memorial to the Big Old Viridia Open-Air Pipe Organ, which was destroyed by the nefarious Vuorian terrorist Olaf Olaffson, the Big Old Viridia Open Air Pipe Organ Memorial Open Air Harpsichord is one of the world's largest open air keyboard instruments, and holds concerts frequently.

####Jolly Pete's Bean Eatery, Chihuahua

'Four-out-of-five stars my ass' - /u/the_masked_redditor

A former Aurantiaco Pirate, Jolly Pete went straight after the Second War and established his famous Bean Eatery in Chihuahua. His famous bean-based recipes were the talk of the town ever since, and have recieved critical acclaim.

####The Captain Sensible Museum

Captain Sensible, one of VU's most high profile residents and celebrities, has a museum dedicated to him in San Theodoros. Wow!

####Fort Skyblue

One of the most iconic PAF fortresses is Fort Skyblue, an airstrip that has been at the fore of almost every battle in not just VU but Pasto Range, Aegis Imperial, and Novum Persarum as well.

####Area 91

This test range is not an annex of Fort Vermillion, does not host a number of experimental aircraft, and in fact altogether does not exist. The end.

####The Alibi

Tortuga's finest bar was established during the second war and has served only the finest drinks ever since. They are also one of the only institutions in chroma to serve Sirop over Tang, which has led to over 90357 people suing.

####Viridian Aerospace

Viridian Aerospace is one of Chroma's largest aircraft factories and one of the only outside of HeimerTech Industries capable of constructing the Helicarriers used to great effect by the PAF in the Second and Third wars. It is also involved in the production of advanced missile and aircraft technology on the front line of technological development.

####Very Nice Big Suspension Bridge wot Goes Over A Canal and is Very Tall, Innit

This suspension bridge over the Panachroma canal in Viridia is very nice, tall, and does, in fact, go over a canal.

####El Prado Aircraft Scrapyard

El Prado contains several thousand military aircraft in varying conditions, of which they claim around 62% can be ready to fly in 48 hours. In recent years El Prado has also acquired a number of 'Whale Skeletons', the hulls of decomissioned airships, which strike an impressive shadow over the desert landscape. It is said that almost every aircraft bought, sold or flown in Chroma will pass through here at one point, and engineers note with pride that most of the ones with bullet holes in them were Orangered.

####The Tang Factory

Producing 1,277 packets of tang every ten seconds, The Tang Factory is tasked with singlehandedly sating the world's appetite for Tang. Fresh fruit shipped in from the Tang Colonies in Kingston (Currently Kingston's only functioning government) is dried, diced, and tang-o-fied within 138 minutes of arrival at the plant. Tangy!

Hello, and welcome to Masked's Unauthorized Radio Show, live from a conveniently abandoned Good Morning Periwinkle radio tower in New Periopolis! Let's take some calls, the number as always is 555-MASKED! Our first caller is Frank, from Naranja, Londo Lazuli.

Um, yeah. You're the Governor of New Periopolis, right?

I am, yes.

I spit on you and your shitty territory! Londo is the true technology capital of Chroma, not New Pissopolis! I can't believe you frauds stole ArcadiaCorp, Ultra Cheapo Tech, ChoadCo, and the Mousepad Collective! Those are jobs that belong in Londo Lazuli!

That happened over 20 years before I became governor. Blame my predecessor.

I do! But also fuck you!

Argh. Next caller is Tim from Jade Point, New Periopolis.

Hi! Long time listener, first time caller. I'm glad that Good Morning Periwinkle came back to New Periopolis!

For fuck's sake people, how many times do I have to say that this is VU Radio?

This is the radio! You can't say bad words! I'll get you reported for indecency!

The fuck I can't. Our last caller is Scooter, from Chihuahua, Vermillion Union.

Ah'm wonderin' bout them Crimsins. Ain't dey Orangered or sumpin'? Sumun' tol' me that crimsin wuz a type o' red, and he wuzzent a liar. Pooh to th' empruss if she's wit them'uns.

I couldn't agree more, Scooter. That's one of the reasons you're the least annoying person to call into this show. Now here's something or other.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0oXPf0hMag

Wow! After about 200 years of nothing it's time for another VU radio post! And so much has happened. Let's hop straight into the news!

In local news it is confirmed that Novum Persarum under new governer /u/ProphetofPain has applied to join POTATO Alliance! The POTATO alliance has welcomed his decision, is due to accept Novum's application and promises that the map will be updated 'soon™'

Meanwhile, the Glorious Emerald forces have won the Second battle of Midnight Marsh against the nasty Crimsons with the help of /u/Eliminioa's growing droid army. Following the battle Assault Drone 2784-Z was awarded the Medal of Being Right Good At Bashing People. In a statement to the press 2784-Z stated

i do like battles me

Meanwhile, rumours abound of a coup in the Crimson government. Chancellor Rokiux is said to have seized control of their sille government. Sad! Looks like it's time for Emerald to help Make Chroma Happe Again!

And now, it's time for that tangy, tangy music. Yes, that's right, its DADROCK SEASON! And what could me more dad-y and rock-y than Huey Lewis & the News?

#Here's Whole Lotta Loving!

it even has a harmonica. Wow!

Welcome to Masked's Unauthorized Radio Show! I see they still haven't fixed that security loophole I've been abusing. It's not like there's been a broadcast for the last six months here anyway. Let's take some calls, first up is Paul from San Theodoros.

Hello, long time listener, first time caller. I've been listening religiously to the static on this channel for the last six months so that I can tell you one thing.

And what would that be?

You stink!

Argh. My listeners don't ever change, do they? Alright, how about Judith, from Snooland.

Hi, um, I have a problem.

I don't care.

You see, I'm seeing a guy, but he's married. Normally, that wouldn't be a big deal, but I just found out he's cheating on me with HIS WIFE. Can you believe that? The nerve of him! HE TOLD ME HE ONLY LOVES ME AND NOW HE'S SCREWING SOME OTHER LADY? I won't have it!

There are so many things wrong with your outlook on this that it's hard to know where to begin.

OF COURSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! ALL MEN ARE THE SAME! Oh well, looks like they're going to have a date with Mr. Knife....

Why do I get all the crazy people? Don't worry, everyone, we've traced her number and the cops are headed there as we speak. Finally, let's hear from Scooter, from Chihuahua.

I had tha most amazin' thang happen ta me. Sumbuddy jus' trashed a hamburga sammich inta th' trash, only haff eatin! Scooter ate gud that night!

Eww. Alright, I'll leave you with something foreign. Here you go.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvS351QKFV4

Wow! We won! Again! Yes, that's right. The VU Mega-Cheapo Mart Raptors defeated Jubi and the Corntezs (winner of 49 AF's worst-named Eggball team award) with an amazing 144-80 victory! Our brilliant victory came at the Viridian Aerospace® BullyBowl® stadium in Tortuga, where our lads won using the brilliant tactic of bringing a bulldozer to the EggBall Rink and running over the opposition's defenders with it. YAAAAY!

I'm eating a delicious Good Tyme Olde Tyme Shredded Meat Sarnie®, the official pulled pork sandwich of the Swindle and Sons Savings & Loan™ Chroma-Kingston Eggball Tournament®. Lovely!

Now, it's time for some lovely music.

#Today we have an assortment of drunk people and musicians playing the Andy Cole Song

Hello, and welcome to this special report on the CoCo CoLar Chroma Eggball Championship! We here at VUBC are all drinking the official beer of Eggball, the VermillBrews EggBall Special Ale^TM, in celebration of the VU Mega-Cheapo Mart Raptors' amazing victory over the Winterstar Plebs at the Pedro's Taco Bar Multi-Purpose Track, Field, and Ball Games In General Stadium^TM here in Viridia, where the VU Mega-Cheapo Mart Raptors won by 120 EggPointz^TM to 100, following a spirited cavalry charge from the left flank. Wow! A Mega-Cheapo Mart^TM marketing rep is said to have commented:

"your compliance is appreciated. The executions are no longer necessary."

Thanks to this, the VU Mega-Cheapo Mart Raptors are now leading our EggDivision^TM , a fact which means basically nothing since the season's only just begun.

In celebration of our amazing eggballing, it's time for a song -

#here's Fat Les with Vindaloo!

Well, it looks like it's time to wheel out the old VU radio again to stop everyone dying of boredom. YAY!

So, let's review chroma's recent news. This year's Goat Day was one of the most successful on record, with over 5,000 goates showcased! Official statistics showed that the average goate was indeed very happe. Isn't that nice?

Meanwhile, in business news, as part of the controversial Kingston Mass-Privatisation Project, the entire San Naranja military shipyard complex has been sold off to Bob's Scrapping Company. Bob's Scrapping Company CEO, Phil Inmipokket, in an interview on his superyacht MV Loadsamoney, claimed that the company has 'no intention to asset-strip the shipyards, sell all the machinery, and turn them into landfill. That would be an absurd accusation. Honest guv.'

On the Eggball Rink, the VU Mega Cheapo Mart Raptors face off against the Winterstar Colts in their first game of the season. VU Mega Cheapo Mart Raptors head coach Brigadier Robert Bobson claims that the team is in 'top form, which is especially impressive due to the fact that I don't think any of our players realised which sport they were playing until twenty minutes ago'

Now, it's to the music! This particular song is one about babies. Yes, everyone's favourite tiny, money sucking vampires (but it's okay because they're also extremely cute)

#here's Stevie Wonder with Isn't She Lovely?

Goat Day! It's everyone's favourite public holiday. 12 [chroma] years ago, Empress Sahdee decreed that we would celebrate goat day on 'the last week of august or something I dun foken know' and we've been doing it ever since. And today VUBC radio will be broadcasting live from Kozograd, the capital of RPCK, where the annual Goat Parade is about to commence! Wow!

There are certainly some very pretty goats today, all of which will be competing for the Goat of the Year prize, which will be bestowed upon them by the Grand Council of Goats. Meanwhile, I recommend the goat-shaped tacos from Pedro's Taco Bar. We picked up a couple before we flew out and they're very tasty! Who knew goat-meat could be so tender?

Now, just before our music for today, it's time to remind you who brings us the wonderful event that is Goat Day. 49 AF's Goat Day is, this year, sponsored by Cheesy Peaz! That's right, it's everyone's favourite dairy-and-bean combination, a delectable combination of the finest Cheap-O-Cheddar and genetically modified peas money can buy. Think on, mam! Now, time for some music. This particular song is very appropriate, considering the array of tangy, tubular and indeed radical outfits on display here in Kozograd. It's

#The Kinks, with Dedicated Follower of Fashion!

So, Lolzi pinged me at 4 in the morning to tell me that I needed to do a radio post. So, here's some music for you to enjoy.

Today's featured listening is from the ska/punk music collective Bomb the Music Industry!, who have long been a favorite of mine. Jeff Rosenstock is my musical spirit animal. So. Enjoy.

Bomb the Music Industry! - Get Warmer

Wow! It's morning! Aren't mornings great? It's like an afternoon except everyone is half-dead from a lack of sleep! The time is eight o'clock, Friday the twentieth of May, forty-seven AF and you're listening to That There Breakfast Show!

Now, today we have a very special guest coming in by phone. He's an international man of mystery, adored by some, admired by others. His moustache is famous around the globe, and he is officially the World's Dreamiest International Terrorist! Please welcome...

#Olaf Olaffson!

'Hello you horrid perivinkle scum! It is I, the great and feared Olaf!'

Well Olaf, it is certainly an honour to have such a prestigious guest on the show.

'Oh, it is nothing. I alvays enjoy a lovely morning chat. Your show is ze highlight off my day! That and Donnie 'Dingle' Dobson's Ol' Folk Singin, Yarn Rippin', and Goat Farmin', of course. Ho, ho, ho.'

Well, it's certainly a great pleasure to have such famous faces listening to my little old show. Now, Olaf, you are, of course, most famous for your whirlwind career as an international terrorist. But we have been hearing many rumours that you plan to branch out. Are these true?

'Vell, I haff been keeping zis a sekret for a long time vhile ve vorked out ze details, but I can confirm zat I am working on produszing an entire banjo-punk fusion album vith none ozther zan Captain Sensible himself!'

Wow! Do tell us more!

'Vhell, ve are vorking under ze title of "In ze aeroplane over ze sea". Our albuhm will, of course, be a very high profile event. Of course, much is under wraps at zis stage, but we plan on collaborating vith Whodini and Falco to add rap vherses to our songs. It vill be quite ze event!'

Amazing! That sounds like it’ll be quite the album. And now, it’s time for our listeners to phone in with their questions for Olaf! The number is 0800 80085. D’yageddit? It spells ‘boobs’ in capital letters. Heheh. Anyway, our first caller is Her Royal Highness Sahdee, Queen of Periwinkle, Empress of Chroma and Kingston, and Duchess of Neo-Scunthorpe.

’Hello, Olaf. First of all, I must tell you that, with regards to your flagrant acts of terror, one is most certainly not amused. More importantly, I am, naturally, exceedingly excited about your new album. I just have one question - Is it true that you plan to collaborate with Mister B. The Gentleman Rhymer in future?’

’But off course! I haff alvays been a great admirer of Mr. B. Ve are plannink working on a new album together, entitled “Building Something Out Of Nothing”.’

’Oh, goody! I can’t wait.’

Our next caller is Masked, from Tortuga!

’I’m still coming for you, Olaf! Just you wait! I know you were involved with O’Shaughnessey’

‘You think you can stop me, ze mighty Olaf?! Har, Har, Har. You are doomed, Masked. Dooooomed, I tell you!’

Well, that was certainly eventful. Our last caller for the show is Scooter, from Chihuahua.

’Whell Oh-laff, Ah used to think youse were bad people, like all them Oranges. But ah must say that ever since yer outfit decided to blow up O’shonesseys ah’ve really come to like you. Mainly because ah really hate O’shonesseys.’

’You know, Scooter, I fink zat ze best part of zis job are the fans. I couldn’t do it wizthout you!’

Heartwarming stuff indeed. I’m afraid that’s all we have time for today, so from us at VUBC and from the one and only Olaf Olaffson, it’s goodbye - but not before we play the Tangy Track Of the Morning!

#Here’s Cream with Sunshine of your Love!

Well, it's been some time since /u/TheZippy49 retired and, as it turns out, the empty Lt. Gov's office is very popular with pigeons. Yes. And, as it turns out, having an impromptu aviary next door is exceedingly annoying. So, we've decided to fill the position of Lieutenant Governor post-haste.

The Viridian-Vermillion Union's new Lieutenant Governor will be none other than /u/the_masked_redditor. Masked has risen through the ranks of the Periwinkle Air Force and currently commands the 3rd [Combat] Wing, based in neighbouring Metropolis Daja. He's known and loved by VU's hillbilly community* and apparently he once he went all the way around on a swing.

So, let's give a warm welcome to Lt. Governor Masked!

*I am told they prefer to be known as Hill Williams

Bah apparently if I don't do a radio post soon according to my contract I'll be thrown in the tang mines so RADIO TIME! In VU News the people of O'Shaughnessy just realize that their territory was shit, who knows they may rebel and start a civil war over goates or something.

Anyways since I am under the pressure of a contract I give you Under Pressure a Kinda remix by both Queen and David Bowie

Hello! This is a radio post wot I made mainly to remind people that VU does in, fact exist, and won't disappear if I stop shitposting. Probably.

In VU news, construction of the Big Old Viridia Open Air Pipe Organ and Governor Zippy Memorial Open Air Harpsichord is now underway, providing proof that even the worst acts can have happy ending. And let me tell you, it's going to be one great harpsichord!

Elsewhere, experts have discovered that the point in the centre of O'Shaughnessey's three main cities, Hull, Scunthorpe, and Grimsby, has levels of depression as high as 90%, a revelation which has surprised precisely zero experts.

Today's tangy music is a very nice song, because it's like FCAR except for the fact that I don't have to put in any effort. YAY!

#Here's Yello with The Race!

Traffic stats are lowww, chat is in zombie mode, i'm unemployed now, Lolz hasn't shitposted for the LAST 24 HOURS!!!! Where are all the battles gone?? By next moth i'm gonna be a west coast boy(sorry /u/sahdee) and has anyone seen yo-yo?

I'm feeling a bit nostalgic, are you?
Today's Old Shitpost of the day is: /u/naughtypenguin posts about the state of chroma!!

hmmmm... its not really a shitpost. Anyway, ladies and gents, I shall end this post with Joe Dolce singing- SHADDUP UR FACE!!!

TJ BRUing OUT!!

It is with great sadness we here say farewell and good luck to long-time VU governor /u/TheZippy49, who retired from his position a few days ago to pursue his long-term hobby of sprocket-collecting. We'll be celebrating his service with the new, modified design of Big Old Viridia Open Air Pipe Organ Memorial Open Air Harpsichord, which features a bronze automaton of Zippy himself playing a shortened harpsichord arrangement of Captain Sensible's Wot every hour. A fitting tribute indeed.

So, let's have a tangy little farewell song. And what could be more appropriate than

#The Beatles with Hello, Goodbye?

"And that's why I wholeheartedly believe that the Gold Standard causes diseases."

Thank you. That was Bob Smethwick talking about the advantages of monkey-based currencies, and bringing tonight's edition of That There Money Programme to an end. The time is two AM, Monday the ninth of august, Forty-six AF, and you're listening to VUBC radio. It's now time for Donnie 'Dingle' Dobson's Ol' Folk Singin, Yarn Rippin', and Goat Farmin' show. Over to you, Dingles!

"Well hello there, Oi'm Donnie Dobson and this is the ol' Folk Singin, Yarn Rippin, and Goat Fermin' show. Tonoight oi've got plenty of folk songs, rippin' yarns, and goat-fermin' tips for yer, but let's start with some letters from some of moi twenty regular listeners. Here's a telegram we just recieved from Doris, who lives in Dorridge, County Chihuahua."

HELLO DINGLES STOP LOVING YOUR SHOW STOP REALLY LIVENS UP THE TUESDAY BINGO HALL CLEANING STOP ALL THE BEST STOP

"Thankee, Doris. It makes me so happy ter know that such foine people listen to me little ol' radio show. Next up is a message from Edward Bleach, in Port Sunlight, with our first request of the evening. Let's hear it, Edward!"

"Yarr. Thank ye fer 'aving me on yer show, Dingles. Ye always bring such a shoine into me Tuesdays. Oi'd like to request a song to take me back to me old days as part of the Aurantiaco Privateers. It was a uniquely 'orrid experience, but what it did leave me wi' was this accent and a lovely song in me 'ead."

"Thank you, Edward. And so, here's our first song of the evening."

#Now here's Stan Rogers with Barret's Privateers!

"Now, wasn't that noice? Well, we've got plenty o' toime to listen ter some more songs, so pour yerself a hip flask of Scotch and let's settle into it. That remoinds me of the toime oi were down in Tentorahogo..."

Hello! I'm me, you're you, and this is a radio post.

Cars. Everyone likes them. And this is a song about cars! YAY!

#Here's Franzl Lang with Autojodler!

Now that you're enthralled by this wonderful proto-rap, let's have a run-down of the headlines. The VU General Election results are in, and in a shock turn of events the Silly and Sensible parties united in a coalition against the Ban Windows Party!

The Ban-Windows party launched a whirlwind campaign in the wake of the Big Old Open Air Pipe Organ Bombing, claiming that 'Windows are the indisputable cause of all terrorism'. Though unable to win a majority, the Ban Windows Party gained 33% of the seats in a divided parliament, becoming the largest single party. However, the Silly and Sensible parties( 26% of the vote and 29% respectively), in a shock move, united against what they say is 'The horror of a window-less future' and formed the Grand Silly-Sensible Coalition, with Morton Throgmorton appointed as VU First Minister and Duke Duke Fauntleroy Epson Derby Jones of Wroncester as Deputy First Minister. The flagship policy of the Grand Coalition will be constructing The Big Old Viridia Open Air Pipe Organ Memorial Open Air Harpsichord in central Viridia, as well as finally closing the legal loophole which allows heavy weaponry to be purchased legally by civilians on leap years. Yay!

Anyway, VU radio's been a bit empty recently so I think it's the perfect time for me to post some lovely music from Nordwälder's most popular non-yodelling musician.

#Here's Falco with Maschine Brennt!

And just in case that just wasn't enough proto-rap for you, here's

#Thomas Dolby, with Pulp Culture!

Stay tangy, folks.

Hi! I'm me, you're you, and this is a NEWS UPDATE with Crestfallen Bloke!

The VU political process has restarted following a period of emergency in the wake of the Viridia Attacks, and my, what chaos it is! Just yesterday, leading candidates for VU First, Minister Morton Throgmorton and Duke Fauntleroy Epson Derby Jones of Wroncester were involved in a deadly beer-pong duel which was only just broken up by the Viridia Metropolitan police over allegations that the Silly Party blew up the Big Old Viridia Open Air Pipe Organ merely to sabotage the Sensible part election campaign.

Polls note that support for both mainstream parties is dropping in exchange for the many extremist parties, including the Ban Windows Party, who maintain that "if there weren't no bloody winders none of this would've bloomin' well appened, would it?". The Ban Windows Party's support has shot up by 570% recently, as has the VU Communist Party and, most of all, Böenn Lahdd Von Szkieletor's No-Fun Party. In fact, Von Szkieletor's party has seen support shooting up across Chroma to up to 15% of the local population.

Today, VU's citizens went to the polls in an election likely to spark debate across Chroma, especially with the Periwinkle Government's own federal parliament's elections coming up, and, with some analysts are predicting a shock win for the Ban Windows Party. It's anyone's guess what'll happen next.

Wow! That sounds... fun. Anyway, in dark times like these, there's one thing that stands out like a beacon of hope, a message of freedom from fear and attack. And that thing...

#Is Captain Sensible, with Wot!

Wait! Wait! Wait! Don't go! there is some good music! Honest!

#Here's Paul Simon, with Graceland

Stay tangy, folks.

#And now, a party political broadcast from the Ban Windows Party.

Winders. 'Orrible fings, aint they. Well, we 'ere at the Ban Winders Party know wot's up. We pledje to get rid of the bloomin' fings forever by 50 AF. Yer see, I 'ave a dreem. A dreem that light'll never bloomin well get into me eyes when I'm indoors. A dream that I won't waste my precious gas on venting heat into the bloody air for all these bloody freeloaders to steal. So vote Ban Winders Party. Yew kno yer wont to.

Hello, and welcome to Masked's Unauthorized Radio Show, the number one unauthorized radio show in the world! That being said, this is no time to be upbeat. The tragedy in Viridia will not be forgotten. If you have any information on the whereabouts of Vic Carbone, please let the proper authorities know. We will find the perpetrators and they will be brought to justice. All right, let's take some calls, the number is 555-MASKED! First up is Morton from Viridia.

Thank you, Masked. I believe I know why Viridia was attacked. You see, The Big Old Viridia Open-Air Pipe Organ was the target the whole time.

Aren't you running on the platform of destroying it?

I was, until those infernal terrorists destroyed the thing themselves. My campaign is ruined! And it's all Duke Fauntleroy's fault!

That's a rather bold claim, don't you think?

Don't you see? This is the only way the bloody Silly Party could defeat the Sensible Party! I'm ruined, completely ruined! We must bring Duke Fauntleroy into custody, and we should probably just execute him, just to be safe.

Um, OK. Next caller is Melinda, from Viridia. Welcome to the show!

Yeah, I was wondering, what is the Periwinkle government going to do about all this? I thought that once we won the war against Orangered, I could feel safe again. But now, I'm not sure I'll ever feel safe again. Is this really a place where we can raise our children? The more I think about it, the more I believe that this can be laid at the feet of the Kingdom of Periwinkle. Clearly, they don't care about the little people. They're a symbol of hate and war,and as long as the Kingdom exists, it will be a target for attacks like these. We should take it back, in the name of those who have no voice!

Why do I always get the weirdos? Alright, one more call, Scooter from Chihuahua.

Ever since mah son, Jim Jake, got killed in them Orange lands, I got to thinkin'. Them Oranges are bad peoples. They's the turrists here. That's why I say we nuke 'em. All of 'em. Then nuke O'Shoneys sum mo'. That'd learn them 'uns!

Alright, that's it for today. Here's some music.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0FAosDi4XA

Hello! I'm Lolz. You may know me from such ministerial positions as Royal Minister for Dairy Products and Secretary of State for Soups. And isn't it a lovely day?

Yes. Yes it it. The Adjectives are adjectival, the verbs are verb-ing, and the sentence structures completely had collapsing. Wow! And now for a special news with Crestfallen Bloke.

With the return to peace-time government in VU, elections for the Territorial First Minister have started! The main candidates are Morton Throgmorton of the Sensible Party and Duke Fauntleroy Epson Derby Jones of Wroncester for the Silly Party.

This year, the Silly Party are running on a platform demanding free custard tarts for all metro commuters and for every 51^st paving slab to be painted bright pink, while the Sensible party are aiming to finally demolish The Big Old Viridia Open-Air Pipe Organ. It's been a long-fought election campaign, but citizens are finally ready to head for the polls in an election race which promises to be absolutely gripping.

Fringe parties include the No-Fun Party, the Three-Day Weekend Party, the Ban Windows Party, the VU Communist Party, the I'm Only Running This Campaign to Avoid Tax Party, the ZORBO IS OUR RIGHTFUL OVERLORD Party, and the #OlafDidNothingWrong party.

Wow. Isn't that fun? I think I'll need a holiday after this. In other words, I'll... fahr in Urlaub!

#Here's Farin Urlaub Racing Team with Kreig!

This VU Radio update was sponsored by....

#The ZORBO IS OUR RIGHTFUL OVERLORD Party - Accept your Saviour at the polls today!

Welcome to Masked's Unauthorized Radio Show, #1 in the ratings among all unauthorized radio shows in Chroma and Kingston! Now that the war's over, we're back in beautiful Tortuga. Speaking of Tortuga, there's better things I could be doing, so.... Hey, Morgan, get over here!

Yes, sir?

You're hosting the show today.

Wait, what? I'm not sure I'd be a good host... why did you even hack VU Radio if you weren't going to host?

Uh... just do it.

O-okay, if you insist.

Uh, welcome to Masked's Unauthorized Radio Show. I am guest host Audrey Morgan. I guess we'll take some calls. What's the number, I think it's 555-MASKED... you know, I'm really not in my element here, sorry everyone.... Wait, a call! Thanks for calling in, Elmer from San Theodoros!

I thought that Masked clown was a terrible radio personality, but you, lady, are the absolute worst. I can't believe your garbage pre-empted Scott Jourdan's Radio Ventriloquism Power Hour. In my day, the radio was predictable, you could set your watch to it! Now the kids had to make it all edgy. I don't like this new Periwinkle world. Mark my words, Orangered will rise again. VIVA!

Err... uh... I know I'm struggling, but did you really have to... wait... radio ventriloquism? What's even the point if you can't see the puppet?

Never you mind, hussy! VIVA LA GREAT AURANTIACO!

Uh, that was weird. Here's another call, I guess... Olaf from Joensuu, Vuoria? I really hope that's not who I think it is....

Enough vith your inane prattling, voman. Vhere is Masked?

He left and roped me into this. What do you want, Olaf?

Vell, vorld domination, of course! In the short term, though, I vas going to tell Masked that he vas doomed, because he is! He got lucky once, but I have been upgraded and that embarrassing episode vill never arise again. So, my dear, when you see your boss, tell him Olaf is coming to the Viridian Union to see to him personally. I am beyond human, no man can vithstand Olaf Olafsson!

Argh. Why does Masked even do this? The only people who call in are people he's angered. And there's another call, from a Jenna in Coconut Grove. Uh... you're on Masked's Unauthorized Radio Show.

Get your hands off him, tramp! He's mine!

Uh, what? I don't follow....

Don't play dumb with me, whore! Masked is mine, and you can't have him! He just doesn't know it yet!

Well, first, I'm not attracted to men, and second, he's not into you. I'm sorry, but you're chasing something that's unattainable, and you're making it worse by not letting it go.

I didn't ask for your advice or your pity, bitch! I will make Masked mine, or else! I have powerful friends now, people that will change the world and rebuild it in their own image. He WILL see reason, I'm sure of it.

Hmm... you know, your friends seem interesting. Please, tell me more.

As you know, Periwinkle has many enemies, both without and within. I am part of a massive organization linking all these factions. With our combined might, we will be able to cause a schism in Periwinkle great enough to cause civil war. That is when we will strike!

Anything in specific?

Well, there's going to be a bombing in Viridia... wait... I shouldn't have told you that. Or anything from before, really.... Shit. You know what? It doesn't matter. You can't stop us. Nothing you say can faze me.

W-well, Jenna, Masked gave me nudes of you. They're on my phone. Honestly, you're pretty hot. I might need to excuse myself....

EWW! THAT'S SO GROSS! DELETE THEM NOW!

Well, that fazed her, but it made me sound like a total pervert. Oh well, I guess it couldn't be helped. Alright, I've had as many calls as I can handle. I suppose I should play some music now. What should I play? Ehh... screw it, I'll just grab a record and go with it. Let's see... Carpenter Brut, Le Perv. How annoyingly appropriate.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYtVf0wvPpc

I never want to do this again. Uh, hey, Jensen.

Yo, Morgan, I thought you were, like, asexual or something.

Uh, no. I just prefer not to talk about those things.

Man, you gotta lighten up a bit. Enjoy life, you've only got one to live. Are we still on the air?

Shoot! I forgot to turn it off. Uhm... thank you for listening to the worst episode in the history of Masked's Unauthorized Radio Show. I am so sorry!

Tea. It's nice. Tea is a nice relaxing drink. Everyone likes relaxing. It's also nice to watch tea leaves unfurl. Everyone likes unfurling.
There are many nice songs about tea. This is one of them.

#Here's Captain Sensible with A Nice Cup of Tea!

Hello! I'm me. You're you. This is a radio post. YAY.

This broadcast shall be started with an official comminique from the Periwinkle government:

we won haha banter

Wow. Inspiring. Meanwhile, in VU, the birds are bird-ing, the people are buzzing, and the neon is searing. It's a beautiful new day, and the perfect time for some Captain Sensible-based fun!

#Here's Captain Sensible with Glad it's all Over!

Hey there all my tangy listeners. Today's listening is from one of my guilty pleasure/favorite bands. Combining J-Pop with Power Metal is BABYMETAL. They are releasing a new album in the next couple weeks so singles have been dropping left and right.

So, tonight is one of the singles off the new album. Here's Karate by BABYMETAL! Enjoy my friends, and stay tangy!

Hello! I'm me. You're you. And this is a radio post.

In today's news, Periwinkle forces continue their inexorable advance upon Fenix, as Orangered citizens prepare to evacuate en mass. The Ailing nation seems just months away from being put out of its misery; A situation not helped by a newly imposed blockade on Kingstonian ports. In response to the "extremely crude" levels of banter, teasing, and general jokery discovered in many occupied parts of Kingston, the Ministry of Culture has announced that comedians will be shipped in as an emergency measure in order to "improve the solvency of banter in occupied areas". Other members of the international Wipeout Orangered Treaty, or WOT for short, such as the RPCK, have also announced the provision of charitable comedy. Marshal Arrem of the RPCK stated: "yeh, our foken [sic] drska šala, veliko šegačenje 'nd elokventa dosjetka will be really naise [sic] for da [sic] lads over there. Foken [sic] lovely I must say."

And now for some music.

#Here's Peter Gabriel with Sledgehammer!