/r/talesfromthephotolab

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A place for minilab techs or darkroom workers to tell stories about their crazy customers and some of the things they've seen.

/r/talesfromthephotolab

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6

Can you use a spreadsheet ?

One Photolab company I worked for had a 'bit' of a problem...theft. But they had no way to prove it...the evidence was there...just not collated. One day the boss came in and remarked on the visual display I'd put in the main window to attract attention from people passing by or waiting at the bus stop that was literally right outside...just a scrolling message generated by a computer on a small tv...it worked.

So boss asked if I could use a spreadsheet...almost magical stuff for a business this size. I said yes. So I was tasked with going through the whole shop finding delivery notes that the 'suspects' had hidden all over the place...and in the WEIRDEST of places...I mean why would you remove the ceiling rose for the room light, roll up a delivery note, and hide it there? Why not just throw it out after you had ripped it up? Not the brightest of people I guess.

So after a couple of months of pulling up carpet, removing electrical sockets etc...looking under the bath ( seriously ) and any and all weird places you could think of I had a stack of delivery notes and other paperwork relating to stock deliveries. Time to get to work.

Everything was entered into a spreadsheet....a Lotus 1-2-3 compatible spreadsheet. All the entries were sorted by date....and then the true picture began to emerge. The stock that was unaccounted for was almost literally everything you would use / sell in the lab. Rolls of 20 inch wide photographic paper....they set up a studio in one room and were doing portrait sessions, the paper was never accounted for and neither were the films they used to take the photographs. Rolls of 4 inch paper ( for 6 x 4 prints ) just seemed to evaporate...they were even selling the rolls of photopaper to other labs and pocketing the money. We only found that out when somebody from one of the other labs phoned us and asked if we had any 'spare' rolls of paper for sale...they sold it at a discount as well !

The chemistry, the paper...even the damn 'puller tape' ! the 'twin checks'...those little metallic numbers you found on your film...they came in rolls of 5000 or so...they even sold those !

Eventually I had gathered as many documents as I could find...and plugged it all into the spreadsheet. Then hit the button to sort them by date etc etc. The result even shocked me and my staff....they had stolen THOUSANDS of pounds of stuff and sold it on !

I called the boss and told him. 'You need to get down here ASAP...if not sooner' !When he turned up a few hours later I showed him what I had found out...even HE was shocked!

He asked if there was anyway of saving the information so he could give it to his accountant. So, since I didn't have a printer, I handed him a copy of everything...on a 5 1/4 inch floppy disc.

The computer ? a Commodore 64.

Boss took everything to his accountant. A day or so later I get a phone call.

Accountant wants to know why I used a Commodore 64...'Becuase that's what I've got'! ( duh ). So boss had to go buy and buy a printer for the Commodore, send it to me ( along with fanfold paper ) so I could print everything out, which was then sent to the accountant ( along with a print out of all the calculations I used ).

I took the firm of accountants 6 WEEKS to copy everything over onto whatever computers they were using , enter all the calculations, check everything and run the spreadsheet which ( surprise surprise !) matched what I had on the C64.

It was a few months later that I found out the result. Five people were prosecuted for theft, embezzlement etc...to the tune of around £6500.00 ( 1988 values ).

By todays values ( 2022 ) that would be around £18,500.00 !

Oh....and I got the printer for free...but nothing else :-/

3 Comments
2022/03/22
20:10 UTC

7

The worst lab I EVER worked at...albeit briefly!

I got a job in a lab in Tottenham Court road ( London ). I needed work at the time...sooo.

When I walked in the first thing that hit me was the stench...no air circulation whatsoever :-/ It was damp and 'musty'...smelled like a swamp.

The second thing was the general filth of the place...and I do mean it was FILTHY...it goes without saying it was also extremely untidy.

The third thing happened when I was watching the owner / Boss printing a film...he wasn't even looking at what he was doing.

Most photo labs at the time used an automatic negative mask...this would advance the film one frame / negative at a time, and lock it temporarily into place while you entered ( manually ) the corrections needed to give a good print. That would be colour corrections in Yellow, Magenta, Cyan, and the density...how light or dark to print the negative at.

But...there's a problem. The boss is printing using a manual mask...OK...auto masks were expensive...I can understand that. The guy was wearing those white cotton gloves ( lint free ) to avoid fingerprints etc...and he was pulling the film through his first two fingers off his left hand...which is quite normal.

BUT...the inside of his two gloved fingers were BLACK with gunge from the film.

At this point I 'should have' just turned and walked out...but...I needed the job, and I figured I could soon get the lab up to spec without to much of a problem...oh how wrong I was !

Now there's only one place that dirt between his fingers could have come from...the film itself. But the film was 'supposed' to be spotlessly clean...but was in fact covered with a thin layer of some sort of grayish 'powder'...'I'm thinking WTF did that come from'?

It was soon clear that there could only be ONE place it could come from...the film processor.

So while the boss is dealing with a customer I checked the film processor over. there were no films going through it at that point, so I removed the film hopper ( perspex box on top that collects the films after they've been processed ), then opened up the lid.

The first thing I saw was that there were no filters in place, these remove all sediment or other foreign 'stuff' from the chemistry...no filters means that anything suspended in the chemistry would likely end up attached to the film itself...VERY likely.

The next thing I did was to lift up the developer rack...it was clean ( that surprised me given what I'd seen so far ) the timing marks on the gears were all aligned as well ( second surprise ), so I replaced it and moved onto the bleach / fix rack...that to was fine...but then...THEN I moved onto the wash / rinse rack.

I lifted it up...looked it up and down then replaced it, closed the lid and replaced the film hopper. Boss had been keeping an eye on me the whole time.

Then he asked 'What's wrong'.

Me: 'Nothing'...I think he picked up on my tone though.

B: 'Come on...something's wrong...what is it'? M: 'You really don't want to know'.

B: 'Just tell me'.

M: 'OK...you asked for it...just remember that'. ( I'd already figured I wasn't going to be there very much longer anyway ). 'OK...first of all you've got no filters for the chemistry'.

B: 'Oh we don't need those!...we use clean water directly from the mains supply'.

ME: 'Really? ever wondered why you've got that black stuff on your gloves'?

B: 'Well no actually...it's just what happens in photo-labs'.

Me : 'Umm...no...it DOESN'T...not unless there's something seriously wrong...let me take a guess and say that your print times are really long'?

B : 'Well...yeah...but that happens in photo-labs as well'.

Me: 'No...it doesn't...unless, as I already said, there's something seriously wrong'.

B: 'OK...since your so good at this why YOU tell me what's wrong'.

Now I've figured out that I'm gone from here ASAP...so I've got nothing to lose.

M: 'OK...you asked for it, the reason the print times are so long is because you've got dirt all over the film...the films are COVERED in it, the dirt comes from the film processor...that's what the filters are SUPPOSED to remove...but you've got bigger problems...that machine is going to break down totally...with a burnt out drive motor...and probably with the next 3 months...maybe less'.

He laughed at me. B: 'There's no WAY you could possibly know that'!

M: 'No? look at this then'.

I opened up the film processor again and lifted the last rack out...when he saw what I was holding he almost screamed.

B: 'WTF is THAT'???!!!

Me: 'THAT is algae'.

There were long strand of algae hanging from the rack...from top to bottom. It was like an unkempt fish pond...and that stench that hit me when I first walked in? that was the Algae being baked.

That stuff on the films? That was the dried on and baked on Algae. Where the films were being pulled through the tank it was being dragged through the algae...some of it would stick to the film...and then the film would go through the drying stage...and whatever had stuck to the film, would now be BAKED ONTO IT.

This is bad...obviously. It affects print time, it affects the colour balance, it AFFECTS EVERYTHING.

B: 'Where the hell did it come from'!

M: 'The water...it's a natural thing...it does no harm when you drink it...but the conditions in the processor encourage growth, no filters means the spores were not removed to begin with...how long have you been open here'?

B: 'About 8 months'. M: 'When was he last time you dropped the chemistry in the wash tank, poured in a couple of bottles of bleach and topped it up with water'?

B: 'Never'.

'What? Did you go through any training before deciding to open a photo lab...or did you just decide to 'wing it'?

He looked at me with an expression I can only describe as desperate...'Can you fix it'?

Me: 'I “could”...but it's going to cost a fair bit to put right'.

B: 'But ...you CAN fix it'?

Me : 'As I just said...I “could”...but it's going to cost...if you can afford to do it and IF my salary covers the cost of the extra work then yes I can fix it'.

B: Well I'm already paying you! I'm not paying you extra to do your job'.

Me: The job you hired me for has changed, it's not what you want me to do now...sorry but it's obvious to me that your in the wrong business...I'm out'.

And with that I turned and walked out.

A few months later I was in the same area and decided to go past the photo lab ...just to see what sort of condition it was in...I needn't have bothered...it was closed up and the property was for sale.

0 Comments
2020/03/13
22:07 UTC

8

'I Only EVER use a Hasselblad !'

Working in photolabs means you get to meet all kinds of people...some good...some not so.

A guy came into the lab I was working in at the time ( Victoria in London ) and asked if we could process and print a film in an hour...that's despite the rather large sign that was hanging from the ceiling directly over my head stating in lurid red letters that we did...said sign was about FOUR FEET wide and a good two feet high...I HATED that sign...because even though most people would be able to walk under it without even touching it...I'm 6 ft 2 1/2 inches tall...and it was about 2 inches to low for me...which meant that every single time I stood at he counter...I'd knock the damn thing with my head.

Anyway...'Yes Sir we can do that for you'. He then proceeds to go into a long dissertation about how he NEEDS it in an hour, that the quality HAS to be the very best available, that he's a PROFESSIONAL photographer, about how his PAYING CUSTOMERS demand the best, which is why he ONLY EVER USES A HASSELBLAD CAMERA...and so on and so on...for the next twenty minutes or so he bends my ear about him using his HASSELBLAD!

'Sir...do you or do you not want this film processed?...because if you do we've already spent around twenty minutes discussing it...and the way we're going we'll be here until closing time...which means we have PRECISELY ( looks at watch ) one hour and five minutes before we close and to get it done in time for you'.

He put his hand into his pocket and pulled out the film... I should mention at this point he's standing around four feet away from the counter...he reaches forward...but for me to take the film from him I'd need to lean so far over the counter I'd probably tip it over...uhuh...not doing that.

So we stand there for the next 10 minutes or so with him switching the film from one hand to the other as his arm gets tired from holding it out. 'Sir...if you think for one second that I'm going to lean over this counter to take that film you are seriously mistaken'.

THEN he starts in asking if we do PROFESSIONAL finishing and do we have insurance since he's a PROFESSIONAL...for all of the next TWENTY FIVE minutes

(I bet you can see where this is going ).

Then...THEN...he opens his hand and shows me the film...it's a 110 cassette.

'Sir...did you say you only ever use a Hasselblad?' Him...with a smirk 'Yes...that's all I EVER use'!

It's now 5 minutes to closing.

'Well...SIR...I know for a FACT that Hasselblad cameras don't take 110 film...AND...since we have run out of the insurance certificates...and we're closing in 5 minutes...I'd suggest taking your PROFESSIONAL work to a lab that can cater to your needs...goodbye Sir'.

Apparently he phoned our H/O the next morning to complain...tough luck pal...I beat you to it and warned them you might.

2 Comments
2020/03/13
04:09 UTC

6

A tripod mounted, belt fed, machine gun !

After being made redundant from the job I loved, I ended up working at an even smaller photolab just out side of Orpington in Kent ( UK ).

One day a guy came in with a couple of films for a 1 hour service...'no problem Sir'...famous last words :-/

So I process the films and start printing them, and this is where it starts to get 'interesting'.

I'm looking at the negatives ( yeah...the days of FILM ) and 'reading' the negatives...this is where you work out what the subject is, the lighting, work out any colour corrections and if you need to lighten or darken the final print (density corrections)...and all in about 2 seconds...and no...I'm not kidding!

And you do that for every single negative!

So...I'm going through the negatives...and I'm thinking. 'This isn't good'...and I'm not talking about the exposure, composition, lighting etc...I'm talking about the subject matter.

There's Huge NAZI flags on the wall...there's FIREARMS...of all sorts...AND...there's a tripod mounted, belt fed machine gun, WW II era ( with the ammunition belt in place ) and with the bloody barrel sticking out of a window !

Oh Craaap !

So I have a word with the shop manager, he say's 'you are F****** kidding me' ! I show him the prints...'call it in'! I call the police.

Within a few minutes a guy strolls in and up to the counter, he leans forward slightly and gives a little jerk of his head for me to come over...then he flips open a little leather case and show's me his I.D. he's a cop. I show him the prints and he turns a little bit pale. 'OK...whens the guy due back'. I looked up at the wall clock...'in about 10 minutes or so'. 'Uhuh...would it be OK for me to wait behind the counter'? 'Sure '.

So he came behind the counter...the pharmacist found him a spare white 'lab' jacket ( as a disguise lol ) and he's pretending to be busy in the lab, then about 10 -15 minutes later the guy turns up for his films.

I give the cop the nod...and we both approach the customer. THEN...5 police cars, including ARV's ( armed response vehicles ) come roaring up to the front of the shop, and a bunch of armed cops swarm in...the guy just looks slightly startled.

He's hustled off...and that was the last I heard of him...until the following week when 2 police officers come in...and tell me the whole thing was 100% LEGIT !

Turned out the guy was a registered 'antique' firearms dealer...that basically means all the firearms had been deactivated...but he got a right royal bollocking for sticking the muzzle of his 'prize possession' ( said machine gun ) out of the window...which unbeknownst to me at the time...was pointing directly at a school!

The guy actually came back in and apologized to me...saying that he'd never had a problem before, but that he was glad that somebody was 'on the ball enough' to call it in...he turned into one of our best customers !

0 Comments
2020/03/05
10:25 UTC

2

Help Wanted!

As far as aesthetics go, I'd like to keep this sub pretty close to default, but logo and arrow suggestions are welcome. I was thinking a vertical strip of 3 negatives with an upvote arrow in the top one, the number in the middle, and the downvote arrow in the bottom one. Unfortunately, I can't art, so I'll leave it to the kindness of reddit to hopefully turn up something good some time in the future.

I'm also looking for a few mods. Experience moderating a small subreddit is preferred, send us mod mail if you're interested!

0 Comments
2013/12/09
05:24 UTC

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