Thanks to some good Redditors in here I received good advice and had a journey of a million miles. (It was across my bathroom.)
This is the story, and I hope it helps someone else.

Existence is a beautiful thing.

BACKSTORY
46, happily married for 24 years. 3 great kids, nice house. No reason to be sad really.

Smoked a little weed over the years, but only bought once.
Drank so much that I bought the AA book. Went to groups online (Covid), but was able to gain control. Drink some still, but it's not a need.

Somehow happiness was gone from my life. There's a lot here, but I was so unhappy. I've got it pretty good. But still I contemplated a bunch of really, REALLY bad things over the past few years.

2024
In January I decided to give mushrooms a try after watching some vids and reading a Paul Stamets' book. Hell, Neil Brennan's personal experiences on mushrooms/DMT were a factor.
I made an ultimatum. Either life got worth living or I was done.

Started taking no more than 0.5g to microdose.
Made me feel better. Suddenly didn't need my anti-depressants.
I'm not going into what I was on exactly, but a bit of psilocybin was better than Lexapro, Wellbutrin, or Pristiq.

But I didn't start all this to just feel moderately okay at best.
I wanted to meet god or something. I didn't know.

So I took larger amounts. ......nothing
Got some advice to take 10 days off. After a week I was back to pure misery, but I made it 11 days.

2 May 2024 at 12:36 AM
Couldn't think of a good time to try again, so fuck it.
Ate up all 8 grams of the best mushrooms I have grown and dried.

45 minutes later.....aaaaand nothing. Guess I'll go pee.
Okay. Things are a bit woozy.
This is fun, but I'm basically drunk. Maybe I'll turn on some color videos on YouTube.
The rug is wavy. Color vids are neat, but boring.
Look at laptop at the text on Reddit is floating like layers. I can read everything, but it's stereoscopic like those hidden images from the 90s.

I'm really tired and relaxed.
This was fun, but I'm going to bed.

*Get to bedroom and all lights are off.*
Darkness is ....pixelated? That's neat. Shadows are a bit scary. HAHA...I need a shower.

*Get to bathroom 5 minutes later (it was 5 feet further)*
I had read something about not looking in a mirror while on shrooms. Not sure why. I just laughed at myself.

Noticed a pattern in the bathroom floor. "Has that always been there?" I thought.
No. Not it was not always there.
The grid patter in my linoleum floor separated from the white background, and below the white was a pattern of shapes straight out of Mexican/Aztec/Mayan heritage. Sorry to be simple, but if you have played the recent Legend of Zelda games I got those vibes too. And it was moving or waving. I stared for a time. It was like a new layer of what was always there had opened up to me.

Then I noticed a towel on the floor. It was moving like it wanted to be a snake. It was just a towel, but it was fun to watch. I could barely control my laughter.
Next the dots and specks of paint or dirt began to lift away. I could stare and see them all in a various layers. So I stared for what seemed like a long time, but I also knew it was just a few minutes.

I didn't want to move. I was a bit scared, but I also didn't want to ruin it. Could that towel on the floor become a snake and attack? No. I laughed some more, and very slowly undressed for the shower while watching things move.

Not sure why, but I wanted to turn off the lights. At the same time I was scared of what I might see. My mind was going to spiders, darkness, Gohma (Legend of Zelda again), but I turned off the lights. It was so dark, but I reached into it.
Nothing to fear, but whatever I would touch I would recognize and enjoy. The lights through the bathroom glass block window sparkled. Nothing special but beautiful.

Finally got undressed, and I immediately understood the appeal of nudist hippie communes. I don't want to live in one, but I get it now. Fully get it.

Got in the shower, and experienced full bliss. Damn I never felt so good.
Bliss was up, normal was down. I started saying "I understand now. I understand how good it existence can be." This went on for a time.

I decided to sit down. I collapsed. LOL.
It was cold, but the shower control was so far. (It wasn't.)
I started to reflect on every moment in my life. Every moment was there and could be connected in any way I wanted.
Thought that I should tell a friend about this. So I did. At every vacation we been on together all at once. I could see all my life's moments spread out, and I could connect them how I wanted.

Decided to wash my hair. Suds feel awesome. Went on a journey of experiences based on the smell of the various shampoo bottles in the shower. This sounds silly, but I found one that smelled like all the youth experiences of being at the pool. Then one that was my wife. Then one that was nothing.
So I put a lot of stuff I didn't care about into that bottle and set it down. I felt relieved in some ways.

Then I was exhausted and a bit sick. Felt like throwing up. Started thinking about how far I had mentally 'journeyed' from my living room to the shower. I'd open the shower door accidentally, get hit with cold air, close it, and start a new mental trip. I was so tired, and wanted it to end. But every trip was worth it.

I had some dark, cold thoughts. The water was now cold, but I remember some bad moments from only 4-5 years old. This was good too though.

Drank some shower water. Eyes burned from shampoo dripping in my eyes.

OH SHIT I'M BLOCKING THE DRAIN! I'VE FLOODED THE BATHROOM!
No I hadn't. I had only been sitting in one uncomfortable position for a minute. Then I'd move. I took so much concentration to do anything.

Finally got myself up, and got into bed about 4:30-ish in the morning.
Laid there so still just staring at things for what seemed like forever still having deep mental journeys to and from everywhere. I could observe every moment.

My wife woke up to read on her phone. I was thirsty, but couldn't or wouldn't ask for her water. Then I wouldn't be thirsty for a time. I noticed the subtlest changes.

Took forever for the sun to begin to light the day, a process that always seemed so quick.
Finally wife's alarm went off. I asked for some water, and I began to talk about this.

Hours later I noticed the carpet was still a bit wavy.

The times since have been easy to enjoy.

Hi all, I’ve been doing some research and was wanting to start microdosing. Can anyone recommend an online supplier? Thanks!

I have been doing 1gm tea bag every couple days? Is this bad? Would it be bad to do 1gm every day??

Hi, Ive done a lot of research about using psilocybin and prepared as much as I can. I'm doing 1g, have a safe person with me, and will be creating as safe and comfortable a space as I can for myself but I still have some questions

1. I've read that you should "surrender to the experience" but I'm just wondering what exactly that means?
2. What should I do when I'm tripping? Is it best to just stay in one place and experience it or are there things that are worth doing?
3. Any general advice for a first time user? I'm excited but a little nervous so I'll take any tips I can get!
4. Any advice for the person looking after me?

Thanks!

Anyone have experience with Blue APE? They seem exceptionally strong but I can’t find too much on them on Reddit or the Shroomery besides APE. Thanks in advance.

Found this person by a Google search. We spoke and she seems legit but I couldn't find any other information elsewhere.

Seattletripsitter.com

As above, finished a 3 year taper of a 5 year valium addiction just over 4 years ago, and still get anxious nearly every day in the morning. I have no wish to trip, just heard microdosing can help, and hoping for some advice on strain and amount to help

Okay so I've been on SSRIS for awhile now, and I keep seeing mixed messages about being able to trip while on them, I'm just curious what others experience, as I have tripped just fine since being on them.

So exactly one month ago I bought 3.5 grams of penis envy and I saved about 1 gram wrapped in a plastic bag and put it in a pocket of my backpack which is sitting in my garage. It has been sitting untouched. Are they still safe to consume?

For the first hour or hour and a half I was fine. I experienced a fairly normal trip. Then a sudden spike in sensation in my body followed by intense discomfort. I thought the feelings were not right and that something was wrong. I thought the mushrooms may have been old, may have had mold, may have been the wrong type of mushroom (even though I had the same size trip 3 weeks before with the same batch), it felt wrong and I felt like I was in damger.

I was utterly convinced that I was dying. Something had gone wrong and I was so deeply losing control of my consciousness and my body and so intensely unable to perceive my environment that I felt panicked and overwhelming fear. I have never felt fear like that before. Never. In my life I have had a knife held to my throat, found a family member post-suicide attempt, been in a violent car accident, been in physical fights and been lost barefoot on a mountain with snakes and wildcats. I have never felt fear like this before. I was convinced that I had made a mistake and that Iwas going to die right there and then. I was in the process of dying. I was dying.

I could hardly get myself together enough to dial emergency services. I could not coherently communicate on the phone. I was convinced that I was dying.

Ambulance eventually came just as I was attempting to drive myself to the hospital. Medic parked my car for me as I went inside. He checked my vitals and put me on an ECG for maybe 30min... maybe an hour. Time perception was wrecked. He just kept saying that I am okay, I'm doing okay, this is a safe space etc. A lot of caring reassurance. I'm quite sure that when I saw the ECG my heart rate was at 120ish. I was sitting on a kitchen stool at rest. I am fit and a competent swimmer with a normally resting HR under 60 - just for a quantitative idea of my internal environment at the time.

I was in and out of consciousness. I couldn't navigate my own thoughts and I couldn't perceive verbal communication properly. It felt almost epileptic in nature. My sight was distorted, my perception of speech was distorted, my own speech was delayed and less coherent, my internal sense of safety was shattered, my movement was a little sluggish and incoherent.

I have never experienced that in my life: Soul Crushing Fear.

My trip on the same batch of shrooms prior to this felt very different but also themed upon death just as the prior one to that was themed upon death. In my last three trips; 1) I met a trip character, the woman told me that it is okay if I died, if I wanted to die, it would be okay, it's okay, I can go when I go 2) I felt my consicousness vascillating between merging with the matter of of the universe and being distinct from the universe 3) crippling fear of death and panic.

I've been quite overwhelmed by it all. I'm still figuring it out. I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts on this. I'm quite afraid to go that deep on a large dose again. I did these without a sitter. I believe next time I will need a sitter... I thought I was strong enough, I thought I had the mindfulness practice and the psychological education and experiences of therapy to explore this myself but I was overwhelmed. Some monsters... they tear something open that you didn't know was there. The depths hold unknowns that you dare not underestimate and taunt. It was too much to do alone. I will need a sitter if I try this again.

Please share your thoughts...

Last few times I mushed, I did 1.5G and just visuals for about 2 hours, then I did 2.3g, and about the same, so now for 4.6g tonight. 🤞🏻

FYI: I have been on 20mg lexapro for a couple years but have done significant research that shows it is still possible to trip balls and really blast off 🚀

Hoping tonight is the night for the big show 🙌🏻😜

Do they have real mushrooms? Do they have a shelf life, expiration?
I bought fusion magic gummies and the packaging says it is made with psilocybin mushrooms, can anyone confirm? And is it true you have to wait 3 months to trip again?

Prepping for my first trip ever into psychedelics(cannabis has been the extent). I have been gifted with 4g of penis envy. To be clear, I have come a long way spiritually/mentally in the last few months. That, coupled with the amazing data of the clinical trials, I see the healing that psilocybin’s have to offer. Will complete in a few days.

-Therapeutically speaking-

Monday I will be partaking on my first journey.

Regarding penis envy: -I’ve seen here that this strain typically hits harder. At the minimum. I’m going to start with 2g. But there’s an element of me that feels like i should go 3g (or honest psychonauts… from your first time experience… what would you have done differently?)

-I’ll be going into this with a 12 hour fast prior. While eating only unprocessed foods the day before. Fruits and veggies yada yada

-I’ve opened my mind and its concept of “self” and ego… I want to continue to heal and update the wiring/neuroplasticity.

-going back and forth between lemon tekking vs with yogurt

Any thoughts or advice is welcome and thank you in advance for anything shared.

Will update when the trip is complete and the route I decide to go 😁

I'm going to be on a vacation where I'd like to trip Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday and possibly the preceeding Monday. (Priority on the Fri and Sat).

Do you guys think this is possible? Any advice on dosing? I tripped 2 days back to back a few weeks ago by nearly doubling my dose, but unsure how that work out over the timeline I laid out here.

Any advice, insights, or anecdotes are welcome. Thanks in advance !

Has anyone tried mixing ground up mushroom powder with fruit&yogurt? Looking to do a 5g trip tomorrow and I want to do go into it with a 12 hour fast and as much of an empty stomach as possible (to attempt to help eliminate Nausea & increase effects) I was curious if anyone has tried doing them this way as it seems like a good light, healthy option as opposed to chocolate or peanut butter like I normally do. I am not interested in Lemon Tekking because of the shortened effects (I'm a big fan of long trips)

I'm having a weird time. I eat mushrooms every weekend, why does it seem that I get different experiences from different strains if the chemical I'm consuming is the same. I've only had psilocybin cubensis, averys albino, orissa india, rusty melmac revert, shakti and something my friend gave me I think might have been penis envy. Averys albino was very light and easy going, orissa seems quite quick and aggressive, melmac was good but ordinary and shakti seems quite spiritual. Why do different strains feel different?

Just curious what kind of people out here ascending to a higher plain of existence

Does anybody know about the potency and/or growing details of PES-Hawaiian relative to other varieties of psilocybe mushrooms?

my polka mushrooms melted. want to know if anyone knows the weigh of one piece. so i can dose appropriately. thank you.

hi! So in the past I would take a small amount of chocolate (around 1g) and mix w alcohol before going out and didn’t rly have any problems. I liked the “happy effects” of the shrooms when I went to parties and therefore I usually drank less which was a plus.

But recently when I mix the two, the nausea seems to have gotten worse and makes the whole experience completely unenjoyable, and I just want to come home and throw up. My friends and I are going to a concert this weekend and we’re really excited abt taking some small doses and we’ll probably pregame w/ alcohol as well — but does anyone have any tips to help with the nausea when it comes to using chocolates/gummies? Would drinking alcohol before taking it or vice versa make it easier on the body? Thank you 🙏🏼

I would love to hear which strains people have found the most medicinal, whether for treating depression and/or alleviating pain.

Would also love to know at what dosage your favorite medicinal strains were most effective and what were some short/medium/long term results.

I got bullied in class today over some height insecurities and other stuff. Needless to say my mood is absolutely ruined. I had been planning for a while to trip with a friend tonight since his parents were gone (this is very rare, his parents are rarely gone). I was going to take 3 grams, since I have multiple 2G trips under my belt. Would this be a bad idea? I’m ok if the shrooms make me think about what happened as long as it heals me. I want to feel the love of mushrooms. What do you all think?

make u die...

I cease to exist with a chaotic frenzy to try and understand but that's the thing...

there is no understanding...

it's like a full blissful let go of all understanding cus there is none

shiiiiiitttt

I gooming hard lol

So I'm a 20 year old guy, struggling with nearly every aspect of my life, especially socially. I struggle alot socially, and just never feel good around people most of the time. Which is exactly why I don't have a tripsitter with whom I can feel comfortable around. I have informed myself a lot and Im certain that a therapeutic psilocybin trip could really help me and improve my life as a whole. But as it stands right now, I don't have anyone with whom I could do this trip. I also live in a area, where no professional psilocybin therapy is available. I have tripped a few times, but only a mild - normal dose at max, and I didn't run into any issues. But I have to take higher doses to really get the therapeutic benefits that I am aiming for and as you all probably know, everyone recommends a trip sitter, which isnt possible for me to have. I have my dog, which could be at my side when I trip, but if things go south I don't really think he could be of much help. Is it actually ok if I trip alone? Can anyone give me some tips?

I've been told this isn't for first timers however it's the only strain I have access to. I've tried 'golden teachers' before and it was pretty good, nothing INSANE though. I just want to ask what kind of dosage I should go for and if this is a good strain to try.

I’m trying to come up with original/niche videos on YouTube to watch when tripping with my friends ex: online museums visits, animal/nature documentary and even specific videos like « perfect » and « *** survey results » (by lasagna cat).

Any ideas? Anything really ahahha

so on my friends 18th birthday me and a couple other of my buddys took some mushrooms. penis envy, we had a bonfire and the night was amazing we stayed up until 6:00 watched the sunrise then fell asleep. we were outside the whole night and we were hearing all types of animals even though we were probably just tripping. but me and my friend got a little sick off the mushrooms and endef up throwing up so the night gos on anf the next morning there is a full spawn of mushrooms all over the throwup. what the hell do you guys think happend, do you think they are psilocybin mushrooms? or do you think a regular mushrooms just appeared on the puke?

Need some help I’ve got brf cakes almost completely white the the easiest way to spawn them is to just put them in a tub and mist them ? How long do I wait to open the jars after they turn completely white??? Set them on top of their lids upside down in a tub and missed them or crumble them up to sanitized cow manure or Coco core somebody help me out here I’m looking for easiest and thenpoint me in the direction of cloning and the beginner tek for cloning

As the title states, this is a spiritual journey not a trip for shits and giggles. I recently turned 26 and am experiencing some tough feelings of inadequacy. I am going through a career change, and returning to school. I am someone with a lot of ambition and big goals, but I lack the self confidence to follow through. My intentions for this trip are:

1. Find a deeper understanding and connection with myself, so I can more fully live my life, and be motivated to accomplish the things I want.

2. Find a deeper love for myself and my family.

3. Understand God, and who I am to Him.

4. Let go of the things holding me back. (Bad habits, trauma known and unknown, etc)

I want this to be a turning point in my life where I find a renewed sense of self, and a deeper connection to God. Please give me your thoughts and recommendations to help me make the most out of this.

Edit: I have never done any recreational substances or drank any alcohol.

Hello,
I wanted to know if there is any problems if I take mushrooms (2.5g) and then MDMA within less than a week? (I will take MDMA around 5-7 days after the mushrooms)
I'm asking about tolerance but also if there is any negative effect on my body due to both sustances