I’ve been going up and down a lot with this transition. It’s always “oh I can handle this life, it’ll be worth it” and then quickly goes to “I literally wish I was dead as death is more tolerable than this”. I’ve been very supportive of my fiancé enlisting, as it would provide a lot of great opportunities for us (housing wise at least, and we wouldn’t have to worry about unemployment for a few years or being homeless/without insurance). But the realities of him being away from me for so long, and then having to worry about deployments, being alone in places unfamiliar, ect are really taking a toll on me. He leaves for basic soon, and I’ve been deteriorating a fair bit as much as I hate to say it. Sometimes it’s doomscrolling horror stories for hours, sometimes it’s sobbing so hard I’m paralyzed, sometimes it’s just- a void. It’s been impacting my everyday life a lot, things like my memory is fragile from the stress. I’m forgetting things like names, things that happened just a few moments ago vanish, sometimes an entire day goes by before I realize I haven’t even eaten or drank water at all. I pace until the sun rises going over in my head everything that could go wrong and creating an endless cycle of doubt and anxiety. I have a long history of mental health issues (pretty bad OCD particularly) that have severely impacted my quality of life, which definitely is being exasperated by the stress of going into a military driven lifestyle. I’ve tried to do everything that is suggested here- I stay busy, go out with friends, I’m out most the day at work/going to classes/doing errands ect, but it’s not enough. I vent, I cry, I take antidepressants but it still feels like this suffocating burden of fear that I don’t know how to control. I’m just so afraid of all the things that could go wrong, the divorce rates and the lonely nights. I’m not sure how to cope beyond what I already do. I’m afraid of falling into a darkness I can’t get out of, especially when I’m supposed to be this big strong tough military wife who isn’t phased and is just supportive. I feel like such a failure before we’ve even started

My husband has been in basic training for the past few weeks and I won’t lie—it’s been rough. I’ve been doing what I can to manage but my MIL has definitely made this whole process way worse than needed.

I can never ever bring up how I miss him, she’s very quick to make it a competition, with emphasis on how it’s worse for her because she’s his mother.

I just got a letter back from my husband a few days ago. She apparently threw a fit about it, wondering why I got one and she didn’t…she ended up getting one delivered a few hours later.

Then later that day (it was thanksgiving). My in laws got a call from him. She immediately hogged the phone, apparently he only had 30 minutes to talk. This woman took up 80% of the call time and her husband literally had to pry the phone from her hands so that we would get a chance to talk to him. At this point, I didn’t even try to protest or anything, she’s insane and there’s no stopping her.

Well, I heard from my family friend today (who went shopping with my MIL) that apparently MIL is upset that I got to talk to my husband on the phone, mind you, I no joke—got maybe 5 minutes. I’m just done. I’m sending a letter to my husband to let him know that any other calls he gets should just go to his mom at this point because she feels like she’s not getting enough. I’m so numb to all of this, I’m too exhausted and stressed out to deal with any more of it. She desperately wants to be number 1, she can fucking have it.

It’s so funny to me because literally before my husband left, him and her didn’t even get along, she’d only ever talk to him if she needed something. Now he’s apparently her whole world, the most amazing man in her life and a bunch of other grandiose bullshit that she’s been coming up with. It all just makes me sick. I can’t help but feel so damn resentful.

Has anyone done an elective induction at 39 weeks under tricare prime? I plan on calling Monday to see the estimated cost, but I wanted to ask here too. My understanding is if it’s elective, I have to pay for the induction, but would I be footing the bill for JUST the induction part, or the entire delivery and stay? I wasn’t going to do elective, but I’m REALLY done 😅 Trying to see other people’s experience!

i feel beyond alone rn, my bf has been in virginia at ait and granted i get to see him for 2 weeks for christmas. but ive been so lonely lately he sent me a lil plush with a note so it helped a bit.. but its not enough and to top it off i have seasonal depression so that upon with missing him and feeling alone is kicking me hard rn.

So I (24F) and my boyfriend (25M) have been dating for a little over a year now. This is our first serious relationship in adulthood and knowing where those relationships tend to end up, we try to remain realistic about the possibility of breaking up—especially in this new phase of our lives. My boyfriend recently joined the Navy to become an officer and has been in OCS for a few weeks now. Things are good thus far; we've been writing each other and he calls when he's able to, but there has been this looming anxiety that is creeping up on me.

We talked before he went off to OCS and agreed that we will be able to handle long distance while he's there, and that we'll see how we feel/ how far we can last once he's stationed. If anything, our breakup would be amicable since we're both busy with our own lives and are working towards our careers, but I also feel a bit anxious, as though we're basically waiting out the end of our relationship. In the midst of being realistic about our circumstances, I am scared that I'm not doing enough to make sure that this possible end doesn't occur. I love him, I love his family, and he's someone I want to hold onto for a long time, so thinking about the very real possibility is kind of kicking me and it's also making me fear that he's probably thinking about the end of us as well.

I refuse to share these feelings with him because he is already going through enough stress and it would just be cruel for me to do that, so I'm coming here as a way to vent and also get some advice from people who have possibly been in my position before. I want to be able to support him and show him my love the best way I can while I still can, but I also want to purge these negative thoughts from my head so that I can look more towards future experiences with him rather than an "inevitable end." I want to keep hope that we could last, but I also don't want to delude myself into heartbreak. This is a new experience for me and I just feel a bit bummed out by it. Anyway, that's enough of my soapbox. Thank you to anyone who read this all the way through and is willing to share their thoughts/advice with me. Have a wonderful day!

Honestly, caption says it all. Just for some context we've always been super close, spent almost everyday of our three year relationship together but recently it's like God has been testing me on how much I can carry on my shoulders. I've lost my wallet containing my ID, how? At this point I'm not sure, I've deep cleaned my house, my room- even gone so far as to ask my work for camera footage. What makes it so hard is he helped me get it because my family doesn't care to help nor do I have a car. I needed my ID to prove my identity for my card, which I assume I won't be getting paid this week either. His family is giving me issues as well, he chose to give his first calls to me although we had talked and both agreed he'd call his mom first, since she wants him to call everytime. But regardless he called me and told me how he was feeling emotionally, but since his step-dad and mom have been on my ass about it as if it was my choice. I just pray that I will be able to push through until December 20th, when he gets block leave. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm pessimistic, and or can't do things by myself, trust me I can it's just I keep having these "I need my boyfriend" moments. I'm trying the best I can.

So my husband deployed about 5 months ago and he's coming home soon to attend a school. It lands right in the middle of his deployment. We're both so ready to see each other again and it's only acouple of weeks but it feels like an amazing reprieve of constantly missing him.. it's his first deployment

We're super excited and I'm picking him up from the airport when he lands.. But I'm so nervous. I've been deep cleaning the house and I have all of his favorite snacks at home and everything... but my stomach is tied in knots.. Is this normal? Do you guys get similar nerves when it comes to homecoming? I feel like I'm crazy for being so anxious, I am beyond excited to see him again but at the same time I feel like I'm going to puke constantly..

I just need to know that I'm not crazy for being so nervous about it.. I know we're so fortunate that its happening since most other couples don't get this opportunity during a deployment

Update that no one asked for 😂 Picked up my husband from the airport today and it's like 5 months hasn't even passed! We jumped back into how we were before he left and it's been so relieving! Thank you to the people who reached out saying my feelings were normal, it helped me feel a lot better about the whole situation!

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Anyone else dealing with horrible loneliness? My husband is at bootcamp right now, and I feel so alone. We got together in our teens, and haven’t been apart until now. I thought I was ready, I have a good familial support system in place, but… wow, this is hard. I knew it was going to be hard, I feel like I’m doing so much on my own. Packing, planning for our move, handling all of our logistics and at home responsibilities by myself. It’s hard.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for in posting this. I guess if anyone has any advice, or shared experiences, that could help. I think more than anything right now, I just miss my person:( he is my better half in every way, and being apart from him is so difficult

For anyone experienced have you dealt with feeling angry or upset with you so while they are in BMT and how did you handle it? Something came up that caused me to be upset with my husband who is currently in BMT. We are always so good about handling things like this right away and talking it out. I don’t know how to handle it correctly now. Do I have to hold on to it until he graduates or do I mention it in my next letter or call?

I know it’s not long. I know others who have had spouses gone at basic for much longer than mine, I really don’t have any right to complain. It’s just been tough, I work a super stressful job where I’m around dying people all day and at the end of my shift, I just want to hear his voice.

I’m trying to power through this, I haven’t brought any of this up to friends or family because most of them don’t understand and aren’t very supportive regardless. I’ve been writing letters every day. I still haven’t heard back from him at all—granted, they’re probably busy and I likely won’t get any letters from him at all. It’s just super hard to stay motivated in writing them when I don’t even know if he’s going to be able to even read them.

I’m so impatient for the 31st, for now I guess I’m sticking to disassociating for the next month haha.

Hey y’all’s So my husband and I are planning on buying a house real soon.

When you 2 bought a house, did both of you put your names on it or just one?

My mom told me about how her and my dad put both of their names on a house, about 15 years ago, and then the market got bad and they had to short sell it (or something like that). But when they had to look for a new house, both of their credits were ruined because of what happened.

So I told my husband, I’d only want his name on the house just in case something bad happens and we’d have to quick sell and find another house. He kinda sounded offended by me telling him just him, cause he wants it to be “our” home and I told him “well of course it’ll be our home, just legally yours and I’m fine with that if you are”. He agreed.

Just wanted to know if my parents advice is best?

Hello everyone, I feel like this is always a great place to come whenever I’m feeling over it. Mostly everyone has helpful and sweet things to say and I kinda need that right now. Im struggle so hard with my boyfriend’s deployment. Feeling like nobody understands what it’s like. Or that anyone really cares. Our schedule to talk is almost non existent because of time difference and we still have several months to go. I feel like I’m loosing it. I can only spend so much time with family, so much time making crafts, so much time reading ya know? My best friend who was my rock last time recently got a boyfriend and is doing her own thing these days. I feel like I don’t really have the support I need anymore. I feel so lonely in this. I try to remind myself it’s only temporary but these days are dragging by.

Hello! so some of you may have read my last post of my fiancé not knowing if he could make it through boot camp and he was crying because of how hard it was. Well i was shocked when i got a phone call from him today saying he is going to separations my first response was “oh baby….” thinking this was a voluntary choice, however it was NOT. I guess during a scan (i really don’t know how this works so correct if im wrong but do they do medical exams with scans or just looking? we didn’t have much time to talk) and i guess they found something wrong with his spine that both the MEPS doctor and his regular doctor did not find. so he has to go through the process of coming home and being in separations. they told him he’ll most likely be home for christmas or the week after. I am not sure how accurate that time frame is exactly. I’m nervous for him because in my last post people said how bad separation is. Does anyone know if they’re allowed phone calls and what they will be doing most of the day?

My bf is coming home from a deployment and it’s my first time being to one (his first deployment) any advice for the day?

Husband (army, ng) has military orders that will be set for the next few years (yes, laugh with me over the certainty of that, lol). He's under full time federal monies. He will also be able to drill from the same location, which is currently multiple hours from our current home. (he geobachlors during the week). Anyway, we just had our first child a few months ago. I'm struggling to do everything (School, Work, baby) while he's away during the week and on drill weekends. Specifically because my little one does not sleep well. We're trying all the things and are working on this, but if I don't get multiple hours of rest sometimes I feel like I'm loosing it. My family is kinda crap in the baby arena. I don't have anyone to physically come stay with me and help me with this huge life change. Yes, we chose to have a baby, but that was when my husband was on different orders, making more money, so the plan originally was going to be me finishing my graduate degree and focusing on the baby. Financially we cannot do that as easily now. I only hae a couple classes left of grad school, so I want to finish. I will have a break between classes for a few months to really focus on this, but right now my head is swimming with all the options. However, with these new orders we could move closer to my husband where he would be home every night until he goes on deployment again maybe in a couple years.

I know there are so many factors to weigh in this decision and I know I am too sleep deprived to fully make an educated decision. However my son and his father deserve to be together every night if there's a way. Right? or am I being too short-sighted? We are debt free outside of the mortgage of the current house (which we would sell).

Ref: https://tricare.mil/CoveredServices/IsItCovered/Gynecomastia.aspx

Good Morning, To start, I’ve had documented gynecomastia since before I joined the Marine Corps more than 9 years ago. To start, this isn’t your traditional gynecomastia, I’ve never been on gear, and I’ve exercised excessively, going down in weight to my minimums, and never seeing a change in my chest. I started looking into gynecomastia surgery back in 2020, but was unable to fully commit due to job obligations at the time, and the nationwide shut down of pretty much everything at the time. When I PCS’d in 2023 I made this a priority and I talked to my PCM, telling them how long I’ve had this condition, how it was making me uncomfortable when I ran or did anything with my issued gear. Turns out on Tricare’s own website, one of the below conditions are all thats required:

“Coverage criteria for surgical interventions may include, but isn’t limited to:

-Severe gynecomastia (enlargement has not resolved after one year) -Fibrous tissue stroma exists -Breast pain”

So that said, having pulled the reference from tricare themselves, I brought this to the attention of my Doc, my PCM and pushed for appointments with a general surgeon. You may be able to accomplish this with a plastic surgeon, but I had it explained to me by my Corpsman that Tricare may not cover this procedure if it’s done by a plastic surgeon.

Three days before my surgery I get a call from the hospital saying that the tricare code had not been approved. After calling around to ensure that there’s nothing wrong, I spoke to no less than 5 tricare reps, who said there should be no issue with this being approved, before it was denied that very day. I was told to file an appeal.

I then wrote a letter describing in great detail my whole situation, got every piece of medical documentation that mentions this condition together and sent it to the referral department at humana, tricare, before receiving a letter on my tricare app explaining why it was denied. “Tricare does not cover mastectomy for cosmetic procedures.” They also provided me an address to their board of surgeons so I could mail in my documents.

All of the emailed documentation also came back denied, or return to sender because the email was invalid, so I made sure to print everything I had, put it in a package, and fedex it to that address.

One month later, I get a call from a case manager, who tells me a single digit on the mastectomy code was incorrect, and there is nothing other than that between me and this surgery. I asked if she even saw my documentation, she said no, she was just told to look into it. But I am approved now.

Long story short, I booked my appointments, and the rest was very straight forward, I got the surgery. There were some complications with one of the drains, so I had to go back to the hospital for a couple days, (speaking of, if you run into this issue, make sure it is the same hospital you had the surgery at, otherwise you’re wasting time) but I am now 5 days into recovery, and I feel like I shoulda done this a lot sooner.

Tl;Dr: Tricare will try to screw you out of this surgery, ensure you have the necessary documentation that shows you have had this condition for a long time, and ensure your PCM documents your pain associated. You can find the appeal address on their website, ensure you send in a hard copy, as their appeal emails do not work.

My husband (E6) is having an affair with his LPO (E6, also married). They are at a recruiting office. I have proof of text messages, videos he has sent her saying “he loves her and wants to be together forever”. We are currently separated. Is this enough for me to report?

I am at a loss at what to do. I feel so worthless and used right now. Thank you for any help.

Hello! My boyfriend is currently in A school about to be in C school for another year. We’ve been doing long distance but once he gets his own place in a month he wants me to stay with him for weeks at a time. Going back and forth won’t let me really hold a job so I was wondering if anyone can recommend any companies that have good remote jobs that they can recommend. I’ve searched on indeed but it’s hard to tell what looks like a scam. I know posting on here is a long shot but I need to be able to make money somehow 😩. Thank you in advance.

i joined a fb group for my flight/squadron and so many people are saying they got their first letters. im getting kind of down about this. should i be worried? he has my address but im unsure if he knows my zip code

my husband is set to pcs next year and our I130 (spouse petition) is still at National Vica Center stage waiting for an interview letter from US Embassy Manila, now my question is can I be in his orders even if I'm still here in Philippines?

I like not having to worry about rent/utilities. Not to mention, since it’s just my husband and I we have way more space than if we had an apartment.

this is NOT what this subreddit is for…

Me and my boyfriend (29F, 37M) have been together for over a year now. He's an officer, works in a camp three hours away from me. I get really bad anxiety whenever he just randomly cuts off communication at night. When he goes out the next day he claims he got called to do some work. I do see from time to time he gets online to other messaging apps but cannot be bothered to update what happened to him. I try to communicate that I get really bad anxiety over it but it all boils down to him saying that I do not understand his work and respect it. He's not as busy as others because he never gets deployed, all he does is office work around the camp. Is the anxiety getting to me or something is up?

Just curious. I’ve obviously seen a lot of military families with dogs and cats, and the classic kids pets (fish, hamsters, etc.) but I’ve never seen or met a military family with pet birds? Has anyone? Is it just too crazy with PCSing?

The random things that come to mind at like 4 AM 😂

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My fiancé is miserable. We got our first call to say and he called me in tears. He said it was much harder than he could ever imagine. I guess after getting all the shots he felt severely sick. He said all he had was his bed and his room and the meals they would give him. I think he’s just very lonely. I guess the yelling too is starting to get to him. I tried to be as positive as possible. Tell him that the first two weeks are the hardest, that it’s all mind games and to not let it tear him down. They keep threatening him that he will be there for an extended period of time and stuff. I guess that’s one of the RTCs favorite thing to say is how he’s going to hold all of them back. Again, i know this is all mind games but i’m sure it feels very real to him. I guess he’s thinking already if he can’t do it after two more weeks, to go to separation and start the process of dissolving his contract. I want to be as supportive as possible, obviously no matter what he decides i’ll love and support him. However , i strongly believe he can do this if he can get out of his own head. Any advice on what i can say or do to make this better for him?