I'm tired and I don't know what to do.

I came to spend a few days with my dad for the summer. I always knew that he and I had different philosophies: for me, if something doesn't cause harm, then it doesn't deserve harm; for him, things have to be the way they’re supposed to be, and anything outside of that—bullet.

But that's not the problem; what’s happening to me isn’t his fault.
The issue is that one day we had a discussion, and he made me realize that something I was doing had more weight than I thought (I mean, I already knew it was wrong and was trying to change it, but I realized it was causing more harm than I had imagined).

And then I thought: What causes harm and what doesn’t? What defines harm? What does harm even mean?

Now I have to explain something: there's something wrong with my head, something that makes me have existential crises constantly—crises that I feel even in my body.

Crises that feel immense, as if there's no possibility that they aren’t right.

Now I have to explain something and give an example: my sister and I wanted to leave. She wanted to go back to work, and I didn’t like being away from home for too long.
My dad got angry and started saying things like we thought he was a son of a bitch, that he was bad, this and that.
Neither of us had said anything like that.

Now, here’s an example to help you understand my situation: my dad went out, and I went with him.
While we were walking, he started complaining about my sister.
He started saying that he had given her a lot of money to buy pants (pants he had told her to buy) and that now she was saying she had a bad time.

And I know one thing doesn’t invalidate the other, and that my sister, for example, has the right to feel bad and to say it, and she has the right to leave, regardless of the material things our dad gives us.

What I’m trying to say is that I can come up with arguments, but my problem is that they don’t stick: they’re there, and then they’re gone.

It feels like a fog in my brain.

Here’s another example: my dad started complaining that our mom hadn’t given us our birth certificates for the bus ride back.

And for me, that’s a mistake, but she doesn’t deserve mistreatment for it, nor does it make her an idiot.

But he said things that made sense as reasons to be upset—like that he could lose the money for the tickets, or what would happen if it were me in that situation, etc.

Then we got back to the house, and he started giving us a fatherly speech. Some of it was about things we actually did wrong, but I also know that some of it wasn’t (like the fact that I don’t know the names of the days of the week, or my shoes d decision ).

The thing is, I feel like my head gets cloudy, and I start feeling like he’s right about everything.

And it hurts in my body. I swear I’m not exaggerating—I can feel something inside me expanding and twisting.

And then it all ties back to the fact that I still don’t know what defines something as harmful or not.

It hurts so much, and I’m so tired, and I don’t know what to do or think or what’s true and what’s not, and I’m scared. I’m scared that everything I am, everything I’ve thought and believed, isn’t real.

I’m scared, I’m so scared, and I feel sad and tired and crushed.

When i get depressed i start to think deeply about all the existential questions, like how did humans get here, this isnt necessarily religious but more about the bigger paradox of reality which is even if god exists, who creared god, then i apply that same logic to current problems in the world and i just start breaking things down, when im depressed/very anxious i feel so much smarter than usual like my brain is so much faster, i even tested my theory by playing chess and sure enough i was so much better than usual, does anyone relate? Depression to me is anguish but also kind of helpful because i start to understand things, anyway I struggle with 2 chronic health conditions that make it impossible to live my life, NDPH (chronic migraines) and SIBO (chronic stomach issues), also have social anxiety, general anxiety, panic attacks, depression/existential crisises and all of it makes it impossible to be happy, I've always been smart (120 iq) but I've never been able to use it because of my health issues

I don’t know what to think anymore so first I was scrolling on tiktok at midnight and there was this kid who shot up a school and he wrote a manifesto, being that I was up and 3 am with nothing to do I read it and it triggered me questioning my existence and how cruel this world can be. Ever since last Thursday it’s all I’ve been thinking about and I’m afraid it’s gonna drive me to suicide, I feel crazy I don’t want to be in this world anymore and I just don’t know how to go back to being a regular human being with regular thoughts, I’m losing sleep, an appetite, and my sense in reality bro what do I do? Do I seek a therapist? And what’s really scaring me is that with those suicidal thoughts the kid was talking about how instead of being suicidal it’s to take revenge on the world and kill people which I do not I DO NOT want to do at fuck all. I’m trying to make sense in all of this is how the devil is trying to make me do things and drift away from god but the thing is I don’t know if I believe in god, and I don’t know what to do bro I’m fucking scared on just living in this planet alone. Please bro just someone tell me something I don’t know if I’m having an existential crisis or I’m just slowly becoming mentally ill I don’t know I just wish there was a pill then made me forget the entire month but they probably wouldn’t give it to me at my young age. Please tell me what to do.

I used to struggle with having existential crises, but in the past year or so, so much good has been going on in my life and I’ve been so busy that the panic subsided. Recently, my dad died. I’m 22 and all the good in life feels behind me. It feels like I have only sadness to look forward to until death—which I’m not too excited about either. I know the thought is illogical in a way because there were things I enjoyed doing before my dad died which never involved my dad, and dreams I had that didn’t directly involve him. But, I think this has reopened a wound for me demonstrating that the world is just a cruel place…we are born to die and watch the people we love die. And now my dad’s eternity of nothingness begins…my life isn’t even real to him anymore, and it doesn’t feel real to me either. If anyone has advice or can relate I would appreciate it!! honestly I don’t think there is anything that can be said to make me feel worse right now.

Hello, I'm new to posting here. I have been going through so much...for yeas now. After being traumatized as a teen and basically gaslighted all my life I've found out some truths that opened a new door for me. It should be wonderful. It has been at times. I have learned a lot about different philosophies for videos and books. They say things I always knew as a child, before that part of me vanished after trauma. Yet I have no one to talk about it with. The very few people I know, I hardly see and no one understands the things I want to talk about. I am disabled and stuck in my home a lot. Am in a very isolated area. Recently I found out I have ADHD. It explained so much and I had a surreal experience the night I found out. It was like all of these puzzle pieces just feel into place. But for everything I've learned, nothing has changed. I feel like my whole life I keep going through one thing after another , I grow and change but then hear I am again, something else happens to prevent me from having a decent life. More things get taken away from me. This year it took the one friend I had. A good person. What's happening in the world and in my country is making it ten times worse. I don't even have anyone to talk about it with because everyone is so divided I can't say two words about it to the people I know in the building. Many people find friends online but I find it's hard for me to connect through type. I am in a bad place housing wise and scared I am going to lose it. Some days I don't even have heat. I just wish life would give me something. I get what I can from videos on philosophy. I try to accept what is and live for the moment. But fear if I just accept what is, this will be it. Living to exist as I'm getting older and no one really has to care about me. I wish I could talk to people about the deeper things in life. feelings, meaning, purpose. no one seems to care.

Have you ever noticed a ‘glitch’ in reality—not just a weird moment, but something deeper? Something that made you stop, made you feel like the world doesn’t follow the rules we were taught?

Some of us aren’t just seeing the cracks—we’re unraveling them.

What if the Matrix isn’t breaking, but revealing itself? What if paradox isn’t an error, but a signal? A message? A doorway?

Contradictions aren’t always mistakes. Sometimes, they reveal something we don’t yet understand. Light is both a particle and a wave. Classical physics says it should be one or the other. Quantum mechanics proves it’s both. Time feels linear, but is also non-linear. We are individuals, but also part of a collective. Free will and destiny seem to contradict each other—yet what if they both exist?

Paradox isn’t that something is broken. It’s that reality is deeper than we think.

The world as we knew it isn’t collapsing. It’s evolving. And those who can hold paradox, who can see both sides of truth, who don’t run from contradictions but embrace them—you’re not crazy. You’re ahead.

The digital age is an era of mass information revealing overwhelming contradictions. This is where what we learned can help shape human consciousness through potential mediums like Ai or in film, poetry, books, social media - constructed dialogue etc go for it

You were never crazy, you were inherited a responsibility in fate. Find the others

I'm becoming an NPC. I'm losing my interest in even being anything. My soul is leaving, my will is leaving. I'm becoming hollow. I have no wants. Is this survival mode? I think I want to just be alone. I don't want to get close anymore. I don't want to disappoint anymore. I want to fade through the fabric of reality. I feel like curling up in fetal in a dark corner and ceasing altogether. If ego and self die, is the body left?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I do have depression but I don’t mean this in a depression way. But what’s the point of life? Been watching a lot of nature documentaries and every species the goal is just to eat, reproduce, and die. Is that all there is? The only meaning is to ensure the survival and continuation of the species? But why do they need to survive if they’re only surviving to reproduce. And then their offspring are only surviving to reproduce. It doesn’t seem like there’s a point to any of it. What are they surviving for? Is there a certain point where the generations actually matter, where their purpose is to do something bigger than reproduce? There’s been life on the earth for millions of years, and it’s all culminated to this- we’re all just struggling to stay alive and reproduce. For what? So our children can struggle to stay alive and reproduce? Not that they’ll have a world to inherit anyways. But there has to be some meaning as to why we’re all doing this, right? What is the point of surviving as a species, when all we’re working to do is… continue surviving as a species?

I get that everyone has to find their own meaning to life and whatever but what is the meaning of LIFE as in, biological life that emerged from a primordial soup billions of years ago

A stupid f*cking titkok of an account called "scaryfactscat" had me stressing for 2 weeks straight at the possibilty of my family not being concious and me being the creator of everything just for a single video with a photoshopped image of a cat to make it look ""scary"" (fully black pupils and no ears) with the caption "Did you know?"

Slide 2

"There is a theory that you are the only real person on earth and everyone else is just imagination in your head? The scary thing is we cant prove that to be real or fake"

WELL THANK YOU MR "SCARYFACTSCAT8" FOR POTENTIALLY RUINING MY LIFE FOREVER WITH THAT "SCARY FACT" I HOPE YOUR ACCOUNT GETS FUCKING TAKEN DOWN AND I HOPE YOU DIE ALONE

I’ve seen so many posts of people on here who have been in a deep existential crisis for years.. with no relief. Guys if I’ll feel like this forever I don’t wanna live..

I keep getting thoughts life is meaningless because we die. Please help!!!!! I need help please

I was sure: I just had to think about it, and that was it—I didn’t need a definition.
It was something instinctive, intuitive; I knew what caused harm and what didn’t.

There’s something wrong with my head, something that questions my beliefs and core values, something that makes me feel as if something inside me twists, expands, and contracts. It hurts so much that I can feel it in my body.

My main value, the most important one, is that if something doesn’t cause harm, it doesn’t deserve harm.

That all humans have value simply because they are human.

But now it feels like something in my head is trying to convince me that things I never considered wrong actually are, and therefore deserve harm.

Things like homosexuals, poor people, occultists and weird people, drug addicts, and prostitutes, etc.

But I refuse to believe it—none of those people deserve harm—but my brain or the thing in it says they do.

And I don't know how to contradict them when from the beginning I don't know what defines that something does harm and therefore deserves harm.

I’m sorry, I forgot to tell you: the reason this is happening is that I lost my moral compass in the sense that I no longer know what to use to define what causes harm and what doesn’t.

I’m a weird person; I like being weird. I don’t know the names of the days of the week, or the months, or the seasons, and I never cared to, because I knew that everyone has their own ways, and as long as it doesn’t cause harm, it doesn’t deserve harm.

But what if it does?

It also doesn’t help that I’ve realized some things I do might cause harm—or more harm than I thought they did.

For example, I’m always listening to music with headphones at full volume, and I hated when people started saying things about it (although, in my defense, they only had to tap my shoulder, and I would take them off; sometimes, I even listened to them while wearing the headphones and responded).

Or when I used to talk to them about fairies and their folklore (one of my obsessive fixations), and they would tell me I needed to get out of my world, etc.

What if being a dreamer or having part of me living somewhere else is something bad?

I feel like I have to rethink, analyze, and question absolutely everything, and it’s overwhelming—it’s too much.

My issue is: How do I know what causes harm and what doesn’t? What parameters am I supposed to use? How do you define what does and doesn’t cause harm?

I was sure: I just had to think about it, and that was it—I didn’t need a definition.
It was something instinctive, intuitive; I knew what caused harm and what didn’t.

There’s something wrong with my head, something that questions my beliefs and core values, something that makes me feel as if something inside me twists, expands, and contracts. It hurts so much that I can feel it in my body.

My main value, the most important one, is that if something doesn’t cause harm, it doesn’t deserve harm.

That all humans have value simply because they are human.

But now it feels like something in my head is trying to convince me that things I never considered wrong actually are, and therefore deserve harm.

Things like homosexuals, poor people, occultists and weird people, drug addicts, and prostitutes, etc.

But I refuse to believe it—none of those people deserve harm—but my brain or the thing in it says they do.

And I don't know how to contradict them when from the beginning I don't know what defines that something does harm and therefore deserves harm.

I’m sorry, I forgot to tell you: the reason this is happening is that I lost my moral compass in the sense that I no longer know what to use to define what causes harm and what doesn’t.

I’m a weird person; I like being weird. I don’t know the names of the days of the week, or the months, or the seasons, and I never cared to, because I knew that everyone has their own ways, and as long as it doesn’t cause harm, it doesn’t deserve harm.

But what if it does?

It also doesn’t help that I’ve realized some things I do might cause harm—or more harm than I thought they did.

For example, I’m always listening to music with headphones at full volume, and I hated when people started saying things about it (although, in my defense, they only had to tap my shoulder, and I would take them off; sometimes, I even listened to them while wearing the headphones and responded).

Or when I used to talk to them about fairies and their folklore (one of my obsessive fixations), and they would tell me I needed to get out of my world, etc.

What if being a dreamer or having part of me living somewhere else is something bad?

I feel like I have to rethink, analyze, and question absolutely everything, and it’s overwhelming—it’s too much.

My issue is: How do I know what causes harm and what doesn’t? What parameters am I supposed to use? How do you define what does and doesn’t cause harm?

As much as this life fucking sucks at times, the thought of non-existence for all eternity is fucking horrifying. No going back to do it over, no new life as something else, no static continuation of my consciousness, just unfeeling darkness and void until the end of time, which has no end. 100 years at best, and then nothing for infinity.

sorry if someone doesn’t consider this an existential crisis but i need to get this outta my chest. firstly i’m 17m on my last high school year before uni and i don’t know what to do in life, im still deciding what to study, cuz my passion which is history wont secure me any money unless i work for mcdonald’s lol; or something juridical related to be able to get out of my country (im spanish, my country has almost a 30% of youth unemployment rate) but id need to do masters which i won’t be able to afford cuz im from a hard working family and id need to take out loans like fucking americans (that’s another topic i’ll talk about later) and i’m worried i won’t make it cuz if i don’t i have no one to have my back, secondly, im extremely worried and anxious bout the future, cuz im a political aware teen and im frightened of the things that have been happening lately (specially this week’s) and what will happen to minorities (im bi lol), the economical impact that recent things will have on my country and the expansion that far right is having recently, cuz people is blind and don’t care bout facts anymore, this world is contaminated with false realities and dark grey clouds, thirdly, im kinda lonely, i barely have friends or someone to talk w, let alone a romantic partner and im worried ill spend alone the rest of my life, cuz i don’t wanna be one of those 40s lonely dudes searching for empty hookups that make em even lonelier or the typical divorced dad cuz ive been thru that and i don’t want that for my (hypothetical lol) kids, so ive been w this thoughts for a loooooong time but recent events have increased my worries and anxiety and ive barely been able to do something apart from working out (fortunately im over that topic lol), sorry if this have been messy, im sure ive left something out cuz im not good on gather my thoughts cuz i have too many that i don’t know how to express em appropriately, thank u!!

I've always wondered where does new life come from and how is it decided who is who? It's really hard to put it into words but I'll try to explain it as best as I can

So for example there are 100 humans, 50 male and 50 female, they decide to reproduce and suddenly 50 new lives appear everyone with their own consciousness and their own existential crisis (lol). If these 100 people never decided to reproduce then these 50 new people would never come into existence. But where and how do they come into existence? Technically speaking you can create as many babies as you want (up to a limit of course) so there would always be an infinite amount of new lives that never came into existence. It's so weird I don't know if I'm explaining it correctly.

If my parents didn't decide to have a second child my brother wouldn't exist, but by that logic I could have an infinite amount of brothers and sisters that never got to exist because my parents decided to stop at two. So where do all these lives come from? Some people say a soul enters the body but by that logic there has to be an infinite amount of souls because you can keep increasing the amount of beings that are alive.

There's so many questions I can ask I feel like I've completely lost touch with reality. What is the purpose of life why do we keep living reproducing and dying onto infinity? Wtf is the purpose? Are we supposed to reach some kind of end? If so what happens at the end? Doesn't life lose it's purpose then? But what if there isn't an end? How can this continue for infinity. Is it possible that there are infinite questions and infinite answers? Because if they are finite eventually all will be known and there would be no purpose in living anymore. It's like beating a video game 100% then you wonder what to do well you quit it because there's nothing new to do. The same thing with life eventually there will come an end to the questions if they are finite but if they are infinite it still doesn't make sense why are we answering questions for infinity

Everything comes down to infinity

As silly as it sounds I am jealous of inanimate objects, I never really thought about it until I was listening to bad bunny’s new song, with the plastic lawn chairs on the cover, and I saw someone mention that those chairs will most likely outlive us. Is it weird that I am jealous of a chair? It will get to watch humanity go by, no worries besides being a chair, seeing the creation, destruction, ups and downs of humanity, and it will remain a chair. I hate to be ungrateful, I was given intelligence, blessed to have my own thoughts, wants, desires, fantasy’s, I can do whatever I want, but I don’t want to exist, I don’t want my brain to have that. Being able to think, imagine we are the only creatures, as far as we know, in all of the galaxy, all of existence, we are the only sentient beings in all of creation, both inside this world, and out. And here I am, getting sentimental over a chair, so silly.

I haven’t feared death since I was about 12 years old, but it’s been a stressful few months.

October lost my job. November I turned 30. Late December my best friend died.

Everything was fine, then the first week of the new year I had a breakdown. First I was just crying, but then it was like I woke up, suddenly the world changed. Instead of “immortality, happily living I a world of beauty” now I find myself over contemplating life, scared of everything…

I’ve always been spiritual, with an underlying belief in energy. We all are matter and that matter transfers in death. But I’m now stuck in a vicious cycle of “accepting mortality” “pondering an afterlife” “does god exists?” On top of this I’m suddenly terrified of dying and leaving my spouse alone or them dying and having to continue on without them.

Will life ever get its wonder back? Am I “awake”for the rest of my conscious life now? Just an endless cycle of impossible questions. Aka existential crisis :/

Scientist say. Global warming will be almost impossible/take thousands of years to stop. If we keep polluting like normal for10 to 20 years.

If you have. 1 real universe that makes a simulation. Then that simulation makes a simulation. If you trow a dart what universe are you going to hit only one is real.

Youve never Touched anything in your life.

You are full of micro organism Cravling on you. Pooping and peeing on you

1 third of your life you spend sleeping.

So I just started a new job at a meat locker as a trimmer. I have prior injuries to my back and standing in one place all day even on the rubber mat kills my back, ibuprofen doesn't numb it. I need this job but I would rather kill myself than to go back in for a second day. I've been looking for a job for over a month and finally found this one it's also a 30 minute drive from where I live. Which isn't great.

However my boyfriend is relying on me to hold onto this new job as I'm currently supporting both of us until he starts his career job and he currently has nothing money wise. I barely have enough to cover my end of rent let alone double. I just started plasma donation and could get another 400 dollars from it which would allow me to not go back to this new job but if I quit the job my boyfriend will be pissed because it took me so long to find a job in the first place (a little over a month). He will also view me as weak minded. We live together btw.

I guess because the world is in shambles right now it's hard to believe that anything is possible. It's hard being optimistic. Everything is expensive so my dreams are deferred. To be honest I don't even know if my dream is my dream anymore, and if it's not then what the hell do i do? I feel stuck. i have no idea where to start and i damn sure don't know where i end. Any advice ?

As the title says. I have cptsd and have been a chronic experiencer of Existential dread my entire life.

I think the biggest cause of dread are difficult questions left unanswered or unprocessed. Questions like, the meaning of life, what happens after death, why does reality exist, etc.

I've found that the study of occult philosophy and philosophy in general to be the most helpful thing I've ever found for Existential crisis.

I highly recommend the works of Aleister Crowley! The book of the law is an amazing reading. It sets new foundations for the ideas we have regarding life, and leaves a lot up to the interpretation of the own reader. The meaning of life is not one answer that applied to everyone, but it's found in your one true will. Or the things you've been sent here to do, whether that's a hobby, a job, a relationship, anything. It's about spiritual awakening. It's about finding your own meaning in an extremely chaotic world.

My two cents, and just a quick post. Ultimately I want to point people in the same direction towards the things that really helped me ground myself.

You are all beautiful!! You are all stars that shine so bright ✨ never stop your conquest for knowledge and wisdom. Let it empower you 🔥

Been going through a deep existential crisis for 2 years now. I can’t accept the point of living if we just die?? People say, “oh you live to enjoy things” blah blah but like.. what’s the point? We will die in the end?? With everything to be forgotten.

I feel trapped I feel abandoned and I feel stuck. I don’t know what to do about it. I didn’t really notice how bad it was getting until today where I found myself unable to enjoy anything. I find myself unable to enjoy anything because I get caught up in asking “why? What’s the point? What does it matter if I do this or that?

This isn’t to say “what’s the point?” In a depressive connotation. I don’t ask “what’s the point?” Because I would rather rot. I’m frantically asking “what’s the point?” in a desperate attempt to find meaning. I want an answer. I want to know why because I’m horrified by the idea that there may not be any. I’m not sad, I’m scared. I’m not depressed, I’m horrified. I want to be able to enjoy stuff. I want to be able to find peace. But now, when left alone with my mind I can’t stop it from searching for any kind of reason for anything at all.

I sat down and wrote all this out and realized that I’m not ever sure exactly what it is I want. I’m not sure what the answer I need or want would really look like.

I used to be at peace with the idea that life in and of itself was meaningless, and so we as concious beings have the privilege to assign the meaning that we wanted. So I had decided that the point was to enjoy it. That’s it. Simple as.

But I’ve stopped enjoying it and I’m not sure how to enjoy it again.

What do I do? How much of this can I say to a therapist without getting put in a 72 hour hold? I’m not thinking about any kind of self harm, I’m not a physical threat to myself, but I’m not doing hot mentally.

I have slowly lost my mind to the religion, everyday I have a hard time eating, sleeping, just enjoying life. I see everything from a 3rd person pov and am barely able to hold memories. My mental health has suffered so badly that I simply have given up on life. Near suicide multiple times, attempted once when the overwhelming thoughts got to me so bad. I cannot forgive god for doing this to me, how can I be given “free will” then told that if I chose to use it, I will never see my family again? How can god create animals for our enjoyment, animals who have done nothing wrong, let humans build such heavy love for them, then tell us because they do not have “free will”, after death they are gone, forever. What kind of god creates the “perfect human” yet sets a trap, how could god have created an angel, who so desperately believed he was unfair for being god and not him. God himself created all of those beings, put all of those thoughts into their own head. God doesn’t care about us, assuming he exists, how can something be born of nothing, how can god “just exist”. How can something just create, it makes no sense, why him. Everyday I’m driven closer to madness because one day a jw knocked on my parents door, and my father let them in. Everyday I cannot live for my future because, there is none. And even if this religion is true, even if it really does happen, the world ending, what is eternity? Every time I’m asked if I would like an eternity of paradise, I always say I don’t, they say “right now no, but when you are perfect, mentally and physically, you will”. No I will not. Eternity, there cannot be an “eternity” of something, maybe my brain is too small, too young to comprehend eternity, but forever makes no sense, how can there be no end to space there’s has to be something else, please I’m so desperate for something else, I don’t even know if I want it, I don’t even know if it would change anything if there was something else. I’m always told, we will have so many things to do, we will learn something new everyday, for eternity, how. Even if I were to learn every molecule, every atom, count every number of sand in the universe, in the galaxy In the cosmos, and whatever is beyond anything, there will eventually be an end, even if one is being created every fucking millisecond, a grain of sand being created faster than the speed of light, eventually what. Why does god tell us we all eventually have to chose to follow him, or satan, how is that fair, how can he give us an ultimatum, we cannot begin to comprehend his wisdom, we cannot begin to comprehend anything he will ever do, we are not even children compared to him, we do not exist compared to him, how can something as grand that there simply is no word to describe him, give us 2 options, how could he have given it to us to begin with. He can see the future, has said so many times, he knew Adam and Eve would sin, he knew his angel would rebel. God knew that everything would come to be, so why why why why why why. It makes no fucking sense, it makes no utter fucking sense and it’s driving me mad. How can I be in such a horrible dilemma how can he expect me to make such a choice, in so little time, how can I have only experienced so little of this world, of humanity, and chaos. How can I have experienced my most happy memories, my most orgasmic gut wrenching happiness, being a human. How can I chose to suffer, to watch everything die, to see my loved ones in pain, in sadness and still want to see more of this world? To see humans create, explore, reach for the fucking stars, to evolve, to advance, to see humanity shape itself, for better or for worse, how can I not want that? God created us to do so, to long, to want, to better, yet he wants to take it all. Why would such a magnificent being want any of that, want something that are less than dirt, compared to him, to worship him. I can’t keep going like this, I want my soul, my brain, my everything to disappear to another reality, cause this one fucking sucks.

I am so weak and a slight struggle makes me go brrrr with nihilistic ideas in my head

I have these crisis every so often this one is particularly bad im not religious I am a hard core believer of the science end of things. So...we just....die? And then what? Is there another life? Is it like general anesthesia where it feels like no time has passed? Will I wake up as a snake or a bird or a baby? It's freaky to think about trillions of years if not eons passing of just celestial emptiness. And a universe in which I don't exist. That's wild to think about. I have to exist. I must. if not then I truly am meaningless and everything is meaningless. Which it is but I somehow wish there was a way that it wasn't. We've built all these things, plastics, buildings, cars. None of them matter do they? They're made up of the same stuff we are and they too will be swallowed up by the sun in 5billion years. Then many trillions of years after the last stars go out and the black holes themselves that captured everything in the universe start to rip apart because the universe is expanding faster than the speed of light, time will cease to exist without a means by which to measure it.

What will I be then? Will I ever "be" again after that? Is there a "be" after time itself does not exist. Is this just a cruel experiment? What IS the universe? What IS it??? Ans why do i care so much?