After all I’ve done for her you’d think maybe she could at least say “hope u feel better soon” but I guess I’m not surprised. I’ve taken her cat to the vet at least 10 times and when my cat was puking everywhere and I had to call out she didn’t give a shit or even pretend to. I think I might quit soon, she’s such a rude diva and I’m done with it. For reference, she’s in her 30s so it’s not like she’s bad at texting or anything.

Please post requests for research, app development, surveys, and any other questions for use in a project, product, or service here.

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Mom finally agreed to assisted living after 8 hospitalizations, 2 major surgeries, one due to a fall. Her community finally said she can’t live in independent living anymore. We just moved her in yesterday and after seeing the space, we realized we packed all wrong. She was trying to fit her whole apartment in there and we had to take half the truck of stuff back.

Anyway, my question is, mom was always very fancy. Her old dining room required a dress code. She does not have any leisure clothes that aren’t sweats ( I bought her for rehab. ) Does anyone have advice how to buy her clothes for assisted living ? Also shoes. She’s been wearing inappropriate shoes for a year.

The hard part is, she has gained weight but I can’t measure her because her recent t fall resulted in a broken arm in two places with an immobilized , so she’s in a wheel chair for now. I’m guessing on her sizes and buying capri length because she’s short lol 😝.

Any tips on how to downsize an apt fast would also be helpful. It happens crazy quick because the made her leave rehab much earlier then expected because she can’t move the arm to rehab it, so we had to move her in 4 days. Yes, I’m losing sleep, and my mind trying to figure all this out. 🤣🤣

She has so much stuff 🙈🙈

I also lost my dad to dementia/ Parkinson’s, in Oct so this year is literally killing me. Now we watch her decline. Getting rid of her stuff is heartbreaking . ❤️‍🩹

I'm a caregiver at 2 different agencies and I do not like this job anymore. (I been a caregiver since 18 and I'm now 24) In my opinion, I love all the clients I've met over the past few months working at these agencies however, the pay is low for the amount of miles I put on the car and backbreaking work that I do. I'm currently about to put my 2 weeks in and work at an assisted living facility. Any other caregivers feel away about being underpaid? How long does a caregiver usually stay with an agency?

I (33) live alone and out of state part-time. The other half of the year I live in my childhood home with my parents helping my dad care for my mother. Her brain cancer is in remission but the chemo made her cognition just as bad and it’s only gotten worse. Especially this past year. She’s a fall risk that has to be told when to use the bathroom and how to use it. I have to cook her breakfast and lunch lest she eat chips and cookies all day. She’s very polite, stubborn, and childlike.

I never wanted to be a parent. But here we are. I’m mad, annoyed, and frustrated by her constantly. But I try very hard not to show her any of this. It’s challenging and it’s not her fault.

Separately, the person I began dating just before leaving for my parents’ this winter is someone I believed I could keep a casual long distance thing going with while gone supporting family. I used to think I would return to them with open arms and we even talked about taking a vacation together when I got back. But now I just dream about being alone.

They keep texting me complaints about every little problem at work. It feels so petty compared to what I’m dealing with. And it’s so hard to stay in a positive mood for my family while this person is pouring all their little complaints into my inbox. But I also know pain is relative. They tell me they miss me all the time and sometimes I really resent it. I feel like I’m their only source of joy and they’re reminding me that me being gone is painful for them. I’m just having a hard time holding space for them.

They give me space to vent but they don’t ask a lot of questions about how I’m feeling. Sometimes they empathize with my parents or try to reason why they do what they do which pisses me off. Or they’ll claim to know the reason behind personal things in my family dynamic that they have no experience with (multicultural household, disability, caregiving etc).

All of this has culminated lately into me fantasizing about self-harming. I’m just so bottled up. I used to cut as a teenager in that angsty dramatic attention-seeking way. But now I just really long for a release. My self worth is not lacking. And I really don’t want any attention. If anything I have too much and just want to be left alone.

Right now I run about 60 miles a week (it was about 40-50 before I came home this winter) and part of this is because it helps me feel better and now it is some of my only alone time. But lately I’ve been wondering if it’s become excessive. Is it a good self care regimen with goals or is it a sign of mania that is partially fueled by a desire to hurt myself? Honestly I can’t tell the difference anymore between running at least one half marathon every week, being sore and exhausted afterwards and giving myself a little nick on my thigh.

We talk about bodily autonomy all the time in America. And I logically know where the line is. But my brain is mathing all the ways I deserve to just do what I want to myself.

Hi i’m a 26 year old caregiver based in Toronto, caring on my own for my schizophrenic mother for more than a decade now.

As i get older, i realized how mentally i feel so distant from many people my age due to the responsibilities i hold, mindset, fatigue, anxiety, etc.

I feel many of my friendships can only be so deep since a lot of my friends don’t truly understand my life and the struggles i face. I would love to befriend other younger caregivers for a sense of community and understanding. 🩵

So my dad had a rough patch and my sister decided to come out to help a couple weeks later when the worst was over. Understandable, that's when it was the most easy to come work wise. My problem is she wants to 'bond' which means talking about everything that bothers her.

She told me she wants me to call her if I'm ever stressed or upset. I tell her it wouldn't help because she'd start talking about herself and she'd be emotional...she agreed she can be like that...then just kept talking...we were in public and she was about to cry...I told her that her crying in public definitely wasn't going to help me...

I'm 17F and I'm doing the International Baccalaureate Diploma. I'm about to graduate high school in 3 months. My mom has SLE and a bunch of other autoimmune conditions. I'm all she has. Our dad's not around much and my siblings live abroad. I've been struggling with panic attacks, usually 2-3 a day, and this sense of childish grief that tells me "nothing really matters". I got a conditional offer from Cambridge University yesterday. Everyone says its the universe returning my sacrifices. But, I've reached a point of burnout and grief that I can't quite fathom anymore. She just started her first round of Benlysta. I can't help but think "she's gonna die, isn't she?". Knowing my graduation may be the only important event of my live she may live to see, I just want to do her proud. But, these feelings make it super hard to work the way I used to, I'm scared to fail and not meet the conditions to get into the University I want. I feel I just can't quite get a grip of time, and when I do, I don't have a grip on myself. It sometimes feels like too much, no matter how gratifying caregiving is. So, I guess I'm just wondering if anyone could relate? or help me out :)

Literally first ever post. And idk if I'm in the right place. In part, journaling, talking, and boundary setting help. But sometimes somebody else's perspective can really help. So.... I'm here for validating hurts and all that, as well as ANY wisdom and advice.

Truthfully it has been so long since I've actively sought community that wasn't sort of a happy byproduct of social media. Now social media is... what it is. So. Again. Lmk if this should go someplace else.

-- My folks are in their 70s.

I live nextdoor to them. Literally. I am not their caregiver, but I have always offered my assistance. I'm a SAHM so... I am a resource. And over time I've realized their local family does not check on them often. I think because they presume I've taken on the role due to proximity? Idk.

They, like most average white older Americans with failing health, chose the current socioeconomic climate. In fact very proud of it. And angry when you ever say anything about it. They pretty much do not discuss anything that can't be tied back to it, either. So communicating is REALLY hard.

Problems I'm facing are:

• DM has stage 4 melanoma which appears to be currently in remission, and a dead pancreas from a reaction to mrna vaccine something or other and her immunotherapy drugs not jiving. So she now has an an insulin pump. Also has very specific and unusual condition known as cervical dystonia with tremor, along with degenerative disc disease, COPD.. i think that's it? Or at least relevant?

-DF has TIA, diabetes, and bad heart.

Both of them tend to hide information if they feel they've been "scolded like children" - ie, my expressing concern DM was traveling alone without her emergency pen and actively having dizzy spells in public and my telling her to call me when she needs things instead of going out alone. So now she's stonewalling me. She's also if not a narcissist, got a LOT of the behaviors boy I tell ya what...

DF evidently has BEEN having TIAs for years but has never told ANYONE until recently he was caught having one. He's been keeping it private. He's also not racist because he's never called a black person he liked the n word to their face. So um...

All of this to paint a picture that DM/F do not willfully communicate important things if they feel it will generate their "freedoms" being taken away. They are unapologetically inflammatory, my mother is downright cruel and never does wrong, and my father has a temper.

All of this, AND they have truly abandoned reality for online politicking and have no friends coming around them. And they are in poor health so they do not often leave their home. They've isolated themselves and have even begun fabricating conspiracies about family members not on social media - toxic narcissistic stuff. But they don't reach out, they just .... I guess they decide people are whoever their TV says they are? If that makes sense at ALL.

I am reaching out locally for support groups and therapy. I may need to start one, I don't know.

I have told my husband that i have never felt so abandoned in my entire life as i do now. I don't know how or where to start looking for help so I'm kinda looking everywhere.

Right now most of all, though, I think what might help me? Is hearing what anyone and everyone is doing to combat this absolute hopeless feeling that comes and goes in waves.

I have always been the “strong” one and I am always the one people depend on in a codependent relationship. I am extremely empathetic and it’s my downfall. I’m getting a lot better at creating boundaries and separating myself, but I’ve recently just been angry at all of the people that took advantage of my kindness. My therapist had a session with me where she basically just called me out and no one’s actually said it to me out loud before. (That I deserve to be loved too) I want to be loved too. I want to depend on someone other than myself. I want to be held and feel safe. I want someone to hold me and tell me I don’t have to be the strong one anymore. It’s all I get told. How people don’t know how I stay so strong. My therapist said something like “You have armor to protect yourself, but you have never taken it off. All those gushy parts on the inside of the armor deserve to breathe. I can see you drowning.” Dude i’m sorry that totally turned into a rant, but anyways. Can’t find songs or books or articles about it and I need an outlet to not feel alone. It’s always a sad one. I want to be angry about it. I deserve to be angry about it. Is anyone else angry about it? Do songs about the anger even exist?

hi y'all, i hope you don't mind me posting here, but i'm frankly at a loss of what to do.

here's the gist: i've lived with my high school best friend for years, who has bpd and a slew of other mental issues, and has recently begun having seizures and being fully disabled. i have lived with him before this, and before he went fully disabled, he destroyed his credit so i started helping out with bills. fast forward a year later, as in right now -- i am paying ALL the bills and have been for months. all of his medical care? i pay for. for the weed he uses to self medicate? i pay for. for the mortgage on the house that's not even in my name? yep, i pay for that, too. he's essentially made comments about me being "his mommy" and being that way indefinitely. it feels like he no longer views me as a person but as his sole caregiver and piggy bank and thinks that i have to live that way forever because my love has no limits. well, a few months ago i may have agreed with that sentiment (even though i am SO burnt out that i couldn't even leave the house for eight months, even going to store was a struggle), but i recently visited my partner for a few weeks, and that brings me to the second part of my caregiving role.

i take care of my elderly grandmother. she's on my mother's side, and my mother overdosed and died about eight years ago now. therefore, i take care of her because her POS son can't be bothered to do it. he wants to put her in a home and frankly, i'm not comfortable with that, so i took on moving her in and taking care of her. originally my roommate agreed to take care of her too, but he's treated her horribly the entire time. he gives her an attitude, treats her like a burden, and has screamed at her in times that i have been away. when i was with my partner last, he backed my grandma into a corner, screamed at her, and threw things. excuse my french, but this was my final fucking straw. my grandma took care of me as a child, and i find that taking care of her is easy for me, and we get along very well. i want her to feel safe, and my roommate has made it clear that this house is not safe for her, as long as he lives here. therefore, my brother and i hatched a plan to move my grandma and i out, and for my to cut financial ties and no longer pay for everything. i feel so guilty, but i also have been living in survival mode for over a year, because part of my trauma IS caregiving because my mother made me take care of her my entire life long. my roommate KNOWS that this is my trauma and still chooses to fully rely on me, and has sat on his butt about applying for disability (as in he didn't apply until jan 1 of THIS YEAR).

does anyone have any advice for doing this without seeming like i'm abandoning him? it's not because i don't love and care for him, it's just too much for me to view my life as this forever -- i want to live for myself and do my own things, and take care of my grandma knowing she's safe with me and my sibling. am i being cruel doing this to him?

some things that i've already considered:
-he has no close by family that would help.
-he has less of a support network than i do (his mental health makes maintaining relationships hard)
-he's not yet on disability and i was laid off, so i can't afford in-home care. he also has no insurance, so that makes this hard.

does anyone have any advice? can someone just tell me i'm not being heartless here?

Anybody else feel like they're stuck in constant spin cycle, and all you're doing is waiting for elderly parents to die so you can reclaim your life? I don't expect to reclaim mine until I'm well into my 70s. It's over. No friendships no relationships no nothing. You forget how to even socialize with people.

I just need to vent. I feel like Noone else can relate. I made a career out of being a home healthcare aide. I take care of one patient, who is needs a very high level of care. I've taken care of her for 4 years. I also have a non verbal autistic 12yo daughter. Now my mother in law is fresh out of the ICU, due to her drinking. She has been diagnosed with stage 4 cirrhosis. She will need constant help. I also have my husband and two stepsons, whose mothers are both super unstable. I feel like I am going to crumble. I seriously cannot take on anymore than I already am. There is no joy in anything anymore. Just more and more responsibilities. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to cope. I am so fricking tired man.

I've been taking care of my dad for the past 10+ years with no help from his siblings. he has permanent disability unable to walk, feed, go to the bathroom by himself. basically almost 24/7 care. Due to recent events involving inheritance, my dad's siblings have contacted me to follow-up on my dad's signature, but my dad doesn't want me to sign. I'm currently acting guardian of my dad. It's been years of us pushing back because we don't agree with the terms. Now they are threatening to get custody of my dad so they will be the guardians and get me out of the picture by accusing me of negligence. They have been non existent in my dad's life for the past 10+ years and now they accuse me of negligence? The audacity. I've sacrificed my dreams, my career choices, my finances in caring for my dad, not to mention sleepless nights, learning to wipe my dad's poop off his ass and they have the fcking gall to threaten me with sht. I know they have no proof and it's all empty threats. I'm done talking with them. I don't care about the money. We've survived 10+ years without it and we will continue to do so. What a bunch of a-holes. To think that these people live comfortable lives. It's like being a caregiver isn't a huge mental weight already. No empathy whatsoever.

If your client or elderly relative needs medication that is classified as a controlled substance, but you aren't available to pick it up in person when it's needed, how do you handle it?

For example, let's say that your elderly relative needs Clonazepam refilled on Saturday, February 1, and will run out of it then. Let's say that you're out of town that day but are free on Friday, January 31.

Pharmacies can't fill it until Saturday (I am told) or deliver it since it's a controlled substance.

However, major chain pharmacy websites say, "If you need this medication, contact your pharmacy for options." So I was hoping that there would be a way to get the medication a day early, but that's not posssible.

What do you do in this situation? Letting an elderly relative go without a needed medication won't work, but there doesn't seem to be a way to get it early.

Do most people just ask a friend or family to pick up the medication?

Thanks.

Hey yall, I will try and make this conscise as possible.
Recently it seems both of my paretns fell apart at the same time and I feel helpless.
Dad (60) has been in the hospital 6 weeks now due to a perforated bowel. It's uncovered a lot of other issues due to alcholism, including cirrhosis.
Mom (66) just received an alzhemier's diagnosis. I truly didn't realize how bad she's regressed until I see her living on her own.
I am figting for my dad to get into acute physical rehab after this. He is extremely stubborn and can be manipulative. I'm trying to convince the hospital he isn't in a place to consent, he does not realize how sick he is, and my mom can't help him.

Everyone keeps telling me just worry about mom first. I have reached out to caregivers, and with the help of friends and neighbors, we have managed to keep her life functioning for now.
But he is eventually going to come home and I am terrified for that. I don't think he will fully be able to grasp my mom's condition. He relied on her so much for everything and I worry those behaviors are going to continue, which in turn will make her mental state even worse.

everything just seems like an absolute mess. I'm only 31, I have a full time job and I live 2 hours away from them. I am already fucking exhuasted and in grief because of the diagnosis. I'm trying to get used to this nightmare life day by day.

If anyone has any advice I would love to hear it <3

My grandmother is letting me toss some of the trash in her house and allowing for pest control to come in. She hasn’t allowed it for so long, I don’t even remember a time she didn’t need it.

It is so bad, a professional caregiver refused to come back after one day.

The only thing is I have to do all the cleaning myself. Which I guess that’s why she agreed. I don’t expect her to really help and her son has no issue with how the home is… You can smell the infestation.

He knows how to clean…just doesn’t bother because his mom picks up after him ( actual quote from him) she’s 77 with double hip surgery and in pain constantly.

She can’t clean. Whenever she washes their dishes I have to wash everything again. They’re covered in grease/dirt and food.So I clean up after everyone.

I tried talking to her about it but she’s a boy mom and will take care of him until she dies.

Nothing he can do will turn her away from him. She is more likely to turn on me.

I am a live in caregiver for my 94 year old grandmother. I've been doing this for 3 years. 24/7 365 days a year without one single day off. I'm so exhausted. My back is shot. My back hurts so bad and I don't think it will ever be the same again. I cannot sleep. She is diabetic, cannot walk or stand on her own. She's blind in one eye. She has complete urine and fecal incontinence. And she's stage 5 kidney disease and currently in kidney failure. I've just recently had to remove all potties and walkers. She has fallen a few times and had gotten hurt recently, so all of those things had to go. She refuses to use the bathroom in her pull ups. So each and everytime she needs to use the bathroom she pushes a button that sends an alarm to my room that has given me ptsd. That thing is so loud and when it's goes off it scares me into a panic. I'm so so tired. I never get to sleep. This family thinks that the 60 dollars a day being paid to me justifies every ounce of her care. 24/7 365. It's Neverending. No one ever offers to help me and asking for more money is out of the question because her son POA wants more for his inheritance. They're literally killing me for 60 dollars a day. My blood pressure before doing this was perfect. Now it stays so high that I have to take multiple blood pressure meds to keep it at a non stroke level. I don't know what to do. I'm burnt out like a burnt piece of bread. I stay so angry all the time lately. I have this feeling of injustice inside of me and it brews and brews daily. I feel used and abused and forgotten. They don't even call her or visit her. I never get a thank you. I feel hopeless. Not being gross but I'm sick and tired of cleaning up urine and poop everywhere. Isn't there some sort of law that says what's being done to me is unethical. I feel like a slave. Like even when I physically can't do something...I have to do it because there is no one else. I'm sitting here crying my eyes out from utter dispare. 😔 😔 😔

Last weekend, one of my supervisors informed me that there was a problem with my training scheduling. I need to complete my training within a certain time frame and get my CNA, but they accidentally set me up for training at the wrong location.

They told me they would let me go temporarily and rehire me in order to fix the issue. Honestly, I don’t fully understand how this will resolve anything, and it’s a bit confusing.

I didn’t think much of it at first, but one of my clients warned me that this happened to another caregiver before. Apparently, they tried to rehire her two months later, but she refused.

Now I’m wondering if I should be concerned. If this is intentional, what would the company gain by doing this? I plan to call my supervisor this evening for clarification, but I wanted to get some advice from you all. Has anyone been in a similar situation or has insight into what might be going on?

Company's charge like 30 dollars a hour for that at night and I mean that's way too much for them, they are VA and get the help thru them, and I make 15 a hour and if I charge them that still be too much, let's say I watch for 10 days how much u think I should charge fair price, either for the total or eveyday, I would get there about 8pm and"leave" around 8pm not really cuz I gotta start my other shift for them😂 for my real job, but what do u think u would charge, it might even go for 2 weeks... And I'm just like that's a a long time....

*mod approved*
Hi, this is Ava from the Guardian US. I wanted to share this story we recently published that follows Andrew, 33, who cares full-time for his grandmother Elo, who has vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s. 

Andrew is one of approximately 12 million millennials caring for a family member, a number that will almost certainly increase in coming years. 

The author and photographer, Isadora Kosofsky, spent four years documenting Andrew and Elo’s relationship, and has covered aging for over a decade. You can read the full story here.

A year ago, I caught COVID from work, passed it on to my stay-at-home spouse. I shrugged it off in 3 days, she got stuck with Long Covid - insomnia, fatigue, nasal congestion, lather, rinse, repeat, it’s been a year, no diagnosis, I’m doing what I can to help her while also managing a full-time job.

We don’t have supportive/involved family so I’m all she has. When the symptoms are especially bad, she resents me for getting her sick, for destroying her life. The difference between a bad day and a good one is so thin. Literally from one minute to another, we could be enjoying time with each other, her head feels bad or she can’t sleep and I’m the devil again. So much vitriol, but I take it because deep inside I do feel guilty, and she is the love of my life. I just want her to be better, but I’m tired.

I don’t know what I’m doing here - looking for others in the same boat? Venting? Cry for help? I just know that I’m tired.

I have only just joined this community so I’m not sure if this is a faux pas but has anyone been forced to be a caregiver and struggled with it? I am really struggling right now and I’m not sure if I should try to maintain boundaries or force myself to be more giving. I don’t know who to talk to about this. This will be long, sorry.

My 74 year old mom was diagnosed with bipolar disorder but hasn’t had treatment for decades, says she doesn’t have bipolar etc. She has diabetes and arthritis. She was told she needed her knees and hip replaced years ago but she won’t consider it. She has gradually declined through a combination of arthritis pain and refusal to take care of herself or move around. My dad took care of her, and did all the cooking, housework, and basically everything, like a servant. He died unexpectedly a year and a half ago. At the time, they were dividing their time between their house and staying in an in law suite in my house. They would come here for a few months at a time then go home for a few months at a time. Once dad died, Mom came here and never left.

At the beginning she was grieving and I tried to do as much as I could for her and slowly accustom her to living on her own. It was very difficult. I’ve gradually taught her to order her own groceries, and I pick them up and bring them to her, because taking her to the store was extremely time consuming and stressful. I pick up her prescriptions for her, get her mail for her, get things she asks for, help her with stuff occasionally, take her to appointments. Nothing too heavy duty. But it’s not a situation I ever wanted to be in. I hate spending time with her and feel resentful that I have to take care of her. She’s not a horrible person but she is very manipulative and unpleasant. She was emotionally and verbally abusive to me as a child. She’s spends all her time watching tv and sleeping and expects me, my sisters and my kids to do everything for her. My sisters live far away but when they come visit they will help with shopping and stuff and one sister has been emptying out her house for her and helping her with paperwork etc. My Mom is of sound mind and is reasonably able to move around, but she expects other people to do things for her.

Emotionally, I feel angry at her for the way she treated my Dad, who I loved very much. I know she loved him but she was very abusive to him. I think that’s part of the reason I feel so resentful of her. I also feel frustrated that she refuses to take care of herself or even try. She is diabetic but constantly demands I get her chocolate and sweets. She barely moves out of her chair and her muscles are atrophied she’s so weak. I feel I shouldn’t blame her because she has mental illness and physical problems. I’m not perfect, everyone has issues, but it’s hard to see her put forth zero effort and demand everyone else pick up the slack.

And now about me- I am 36, married with three kids 11, 9 and 3. I have fibromyalgia and chronic migraines, and ADHD. I struggle very much to keep up with a busy family life and household. I am a stay at home mom and responsible for long hours alone with the kids, and most of the cooking and housework. My older kids are both involved in demanding sports and music lessons, plus they have school and social lives, regularly have their friends here. There are doctor appointments, extracurricular games, practices, lessons, social engagements, school events, preschool, etc almost every day of the month. It’s non stop. My house is a wreck because I can barely keep up with everything. A year and a half ago, right before the sudden loss of my father, my husband was diagnosed with incurable cancer. We went through a year of hell with doctor appointments, tests, chemotherapy, a stem cell transplant, and my husband being in horrible pain. My husband is now in remission and hopefully will be for a while but we are not given any reassurances. The doctors told us his cancer could come back at any time or he could be in remission for ten years if he’s lucky.

Overall, I have a lot on my plate. I’m not doing particularly well… tonight my mom called me demanding my 9 year old go bring her garbage out. My 9 yo didn’t want to. I felt conflicted about whether or not I should force my child do it, get myself or my husband do it, we are both not feeling well today, or tell my mom to do it herself. I told my Mom to do it herself, she said but she doesn’t want to get dressed and go outside and she’s an old woman and all this. I said but that’s literally the only thing you would have to do today. Eventually my 9yo just rolled her eyes and went down and did it.

I really don’t even know what I’m even asking. Am I bad person for not doing more for my Mom? Should I be forcing myself to do more things for her? Or should I try to maintain boundaries and encourage her to do things for herself?

I’ll likely delete this, but I’m seeking wisdom or words of comfort from someone who understands.

I’m in my 20s and I knew one day I would have to care for my blind dad but I didn’t think it would be before I got married and started a family. The hardest part for me personally has been coming to terms with my new role as caregiver, especially for a father that was hardly present for half my childhood. Now I am expected to be there for him for the rest of his life. Prior to caregiving, I worked hard to overcome depression and anxiety, to be in a healthy mental state (going to therapy, educating myself on wellness), but having him here for the last 7 months is slowly chipping away at my progress. He is a kind, patient man, but everyone has their faults. His severe lack of emotional maturity is effecting me. It feels like I have to finish raising my father, like I adopted a 60yo child. And because I work from home, we are together all day. I am aware remote work is a privilege, but there are days where I can’t stand being with him all day. I understand if this sounds selfish/immature/ignorant/etc., but I need to let it out. I do have a support system, and I take advantage of whatever resources are available. I truly try my best to prepare delicious meals, take him out, give him a happy home, but I’m tired, and the caregiving just started.

EDIT: Thank you to everyone who engaged with my post. I wasn’t expecting so much support. This situation was feeling very lonely until I found this subreddit today. It’s very comforting to know I’m not alone in this.

My 63 year old mom had been receiving PT through home health since she had a stroke 2.5 years ago. She has mostly been bedridden since her stroke, but at her best was able to walk short distances and transfer from her wheelchair with standby assist while she was doing PT.

She moved into an assisted living facility 6 months ago and continued her PT there for 4 months until they discharged her. The reasons I was given was that she seemed depressed/unengaged and had reached a plateau.

Since then, there was a two week period of quarantine at her facility where they weren’t bringing people out of their rooms, so my mom rarely got out of bed. Then, she dealt with a pressure sore on her heel that also kept her pretty much in bed. After that, she had a seizure and a uti that she’s currently dealing with. Since all of this happened in the last two months, her mobility has tanked. She struggles to transfer and it seems like her core strength is gone. She had a difficult time holding herself straight in her wheelchair or sitting up straight at the edge of her bed without support.

Is there any hope that I can get them to reinstate her home health PT? I’ve already put in a request to her doctor but haven’t heard back yet.

For context, my MIL is bedbound but is able to move her arms and legs (just doesn't have the strength to stand up on them).

She is currently using disposable incontence pads of the highest absorbency that are provided to us for free. She also used fixation pants and knickers.

We have carers come to change her 3 X per day. She won't let us change her outside of these times, despite us offering whenever needed.

In the mornings, she is always completely soaked through, but given the large amount of time between the evening carers and the morning carers that's not that surprising. But this often happens between morning and lunchtime, and lunchtime and evening too. Urine seems to be leaking from the top of her thigh at the groin.

I spoke with an incontinence nurse who said that everything in that area has to be pulled up very tight and close to the skin. I'm not sure whether the carers are doing this, but I'm also not sure whether there is just too much urine to stay in the pad

Does anyone have any tips or guidance with this? It's really getting her down and I hate seeing her uncomfortable, without her letting us help her. Thanks x

My children joined our family when they were a bit older and all have physical and dev disabilities. We adopted out of foster care. Our oldest is almost 18 and he resides in a group home due to his high level of needs.

I'm trying to be there for everyone. My parents are getting older. I try to see them weekly to make sure they are ok.I work fulltime. I get my kiddos to all their appts.

My sister was in a car accident last year and had a spinal cord injury from her chest down. So I help her out with care and appts as much as I can.

I feel like I've normalized this. And I've stopped caring about myself and aged a lot in one year.

Hi everyone, so once again I've taken over the responsibility of making payments for my dad since he no longer wishes to drive and mail bills etc... so my question is how do I keep track of it all?

I was initially just keeping the bills and writing confirmation numbers on everything but now I have a stack of bills and it's getting out of hand.

I pay everything over the phone or online and I go every few weeks to check his PO box and there are at least half a dozen bills per month along with a few random here and there. Any advice?

TIA

Dad fell last week. I was recovering from some kind of bug and my brother had a few days off to take over the basics for Dad who at the moment really just needed help getting dressed, set up for meds and food, intermittent help if he had an incontinent episode (but he could ambulate to the bathroom) then a bath at night. It wasn't perfect but him being able to do independent transfers and ambulate with his quad cane was a huge help in the low effort care.

We just lost Mom in December and we've been navigating the void after her complex health issues and hospice death. I hadn't quite gotten my bearings as a newly load-lightened caregiver. Then.... Dad's fall happened. He had a traumatic subarachnoid hemorrhage in his frontal lobes and went unresponsive for a few minutes. While we didn't witness the fall, we heard it and were at his side within seconds. He was in the ER within half an hour. Then we hit.... a wall. Dad has been comfort care after his original strokes 7 years ago. He doesn't want extraordinary measures or CPR or feeding tubes (even temporarily) and when the staff at the hospital reviewed his wishes he listed himself as a DNR. Which is all good and well but...

He's not sick enough to just die. He may want to go be with Mom with all his heart but the worst thing he has going for him is heart failure with reduced ejection fraction and the hemiplegia which has worsened his mobility in the last year. He maybe averaged 100ft a day and at great effort. Still, he could get around and that made it doable at home for me.

He gets discharged from the hospital late at night and without much instruction beyond staying off the blood thinner for 2 weeks and following up with his physician. They gave us a referral to a home health company that didn't take his insurance so I'm chasing a new referral from the PCP visit this week. But now he's home and he's not able to ambulate and he's still a bit confused by his computer and his remotes which were the ways he'd self-entertain. Now I'm doing bed changes for bathroom care and slowly realizing what was doable is probably not going to remain doable if things remain as they are right now.

I already knew this was the last year for me to caregive, though. The last 2 decades have really taken it out of me between my grandmother, my mother, and my father. Now I'm scouring for information on how to either (1) bring help into his home for 12 hour shifts during the day that will show up without fail or (2) look into a facility that maybe he can swing with his income until he has to transition to state aid.

But the big looming question in my head is - if Dad is starting to give up and really only wants comfort care... should we seek deprescription of the few meds he takes? Should I call the ambulance ever again? Should I worry this much about rehabbing him? So many things that I'm trying to take into consideration right now because everything feels uncertain.