I’m taking on a 78 years old middle stage Alzheimer and wants to go out of the house by 7am in the morning. All she wants is to go out dancing, eats a little bit throughout the day. Very judgmental person, hates waiting and gets jealous every time i talk to her strangers at the restaurants where she dances, she shouts at me when I try to tell her nicely to wait for me when I have duties at the house. She’s been increasingly aggressive to me and maybe to herself and also she does invades my privacy in the morning in the guest room. Her daughter has put a cap on a pay rate of $300 every time I stayed over at the house. My pay rate for the hour is $27, I get paid mileage. I asked her daughter to increase the cap due to the difficulties I faced. She told me she will give it some thought. Her friend’s mother and in-laws have Alzheimer’s. They pay $250 per day for her mom and $300 for the in laws. The caregivers tend to the parents for full care…laundry, driving, medication, cooking, bathing.

Another caregiver said she was paid $5000 for per month and she lived in. My current care expense is $9000 with out having someone 24 hours. She has a neurologist appt on the 16th. I will address her aggression.

All I’m asking is how do continue working with my patient so it’s worth my anxiety, patience and my car’s wear and tear.

This is from a secondary circle but my fiancée has been taking care of her dad for 5 years now. Her dad has had terminal brain cancer for 5 years and has been progressing worse over time. Our lives are on hold because of the stress and financial strain. She is the sole caretaker and lives with her father.

I currently live close by and see her when I can but at this point, it’s not feasible for us to live together since I’m a student living in shared housing and our finances aren’t there right now. It’s hard to watch her put her dreams, hobbies, and career on hold. When her dad was diagnosed, he was given 6 months, and it’s been years now and he needs more and more care.

She barely has time in a day for herself. She works a full time job remotely, drives her dad to his appointments, takes him out for vacations that she pays for, takes care of all his daily needs and is basically at his beck and call. She loves him and doesn’t know how to say no because we don’t know how much longer he has, and I feel like I can’t say anything without hurting her feelings.

She’s stopped yoga and playing piano which she was really passionate for a while, she doesn’t talk to her friends anymore because she doesn’t have time, and she’s not eating or sleeping well. I have limited funds as a student and she knows that and doesn’t mind, but I want to support her the best way I can. She’s lost 20 pounds this year and she was already pretty thin. Worst of all, I’ve advocated for therapy and mental health care but she doesn’t believe in those treatments.

I love her so much and it hurts me to see her like this. We call every day and I see her twice a week, but she can only see me for a few hours at a time. Christmas is coming up too. I’d appreciate any advice, gift suggestions, or commiseration. Thank you all.

(She also has money to take care of personal items and is picky about things like hygiene, cosmetics, clothing or anything related to style)

My partner is the world's lightest sleeper. If I do as much as shift in bed, she will wake up. This is important because, im her full time caregiver and my productivity in the day is absolutely shot. I've tried so hard to build habits between 8am-11am or 10pm-3am where I have time to myself while knowing she is unconscious and doesn't need to be tended to.

This freedom of mind lets me go into myself and either snap myself out of "standby" mode or something, but my mindset shifts during these periods of alone time where im able to do either good work, or take care of my own needs.

However, I cannot form a consistent routine. I cannot use the kitchen to make myself meals because it will wake her up in the morning. I cant even make coffee or open the fridge or something. If I wake her up she cant go back to sleep, and her not getting 9 hours or so, is really detrimental to the quality of our day.

Anyone have any tips for me? This feels like a parental type of advice even lol. I crave routine so much, but I cannot bring myself to have it right now. If I was able to wake up early or stay up late... my universe would change. I'd get so much of my life back.

My partner is the world's lightest sleeper. If I do as much as shift in bed, she will wake up. This is important because, im her full time caregiver and my productivity in the day is absolutely shot. I've tried so hard to build habits between 8am-11am or 10pm-3am where I have time to myself while knowing she is unconscious and doesn't need to be tended to.

This freedom of mind lets me go into myself and either snap myself out of "standby" mode or something, but my mindset shifts during these periods of alone time where im able to do either good work, or take care of my own needs.

However, I cannot form a consistent routine. I cannot use the kitchen to make myself meals because it will wake her up in the morning. I cant even make coffee or open the fridge or something. If I wake her up she cant go back to sleep, and her not getting 9 hours or so, is really detrimental to the quality of our day.

Anyone have any tips for me? This feels like a parental type of advice even lol. I crave routine so much, but I cannot bring myself to have it right now. If I was able to wake up early or stay up late... my universe would change. I'd get so much of my life back.

It makes me lose hair every year. And makes her lose hair because she really wants to give gifts but no longer has the capacity to execute the long chain of actions required to think of a recipient, pick a gift, look up an address, place an order. This is our 4th year of Christmas as her caregivers, and I'm determined this one won't end in going into debt, last minute 11pm shopping sprees, a relative having in swoop in at the last minute to save her, or fights.

So three days ago, I made her recipient list with her and she set a budget for each gift. She signed the paper. I told her we'd sit down and decide on presents on Saturday afternoon, so she could think about it in advance if she wanted, but didn't have to.

Yesterday, I bought her a root beer and chocolate bar and put on very soft Christmas music with a fake fireplace on Youtube to set the mood. We brainstormed ideas together with my computer. I tried not to spend more than 10 minutes on any one person. If she had some general ideas, I could take it from there later for the actual order. I gave her a paper of paper to make notes on, but it got pretty convoluted, so I wrote down the real info I'd need in Excel.

After two hours, she started to redecide decisions that were already made, and my shopping tolerance was expended, so we got her on another activity. But the list was made!

Half the presents are already ordered and I'm ordering the rest today.

I am so looking forward to being able to tell her, "Don't worry! Your shopping is done!" when she gets anxious about not being ready for Christmas. I'm going to print out a list of what she bought so she can read it instead of me verbally rattling off a list every time she asks.

Crossing fingers this is the year that we can once again say it is better to give than receive!

We have been getting a few podcasts started around here, and I think this would be a great place to list them, right alongside our playlist recommendations! If you have a podcast you'd like to share, be it your own or someone else's, feel free to share it! Keep us updated with new episodes, too!

Please link playlists or songs! Youtube is great for everyone to access, but all music streaming sites are welcome!

“We can go on a long trip down south when the time comes,” says my friend.

Things I wanted to say back:

“Not with you - all you do is brag about your life to me. You don’t want to hear about my life, despite my supporting you during difficult times.”

“You paying? Because I sure as hell don’t have that kind of money.”

Twelve days ago I woke up and laid in bed for a while, enjoying the quiet and peace that doesn’t come often when you’re a caregiver.  Then I sat upright, and I found that a health problem I’ve dealt with for 20 years, one that no doctor has ever been able to give me an answer on or treat, decided to flare up.  It was the worst pain I’ve had since it first started, leaving me barely able to sit upright, let alone walk; me getting to the bathroom a few dozen feet from my bedroom was a lengthy, painful accomplishment that first day.

Of course, being the sole caregiver for my father, it wasn’t like I could just stay off my feet and rest until I felt better.  And, given my father’s mental and physical state, it’s not like he could try and do more while I recovered.  It didn’t help that he’s vacillated between understanding I have a problem and yelling at me to keep at everything like I always do; full disclosure: He’s always been that way, long before he got to how he is now. 

For about the first week he tried to do some things on his own, which went about as well as you can imagine.  One day I took a nap, and when I woke up I found a box cutter missing, as well as one of the pairs of glasses I own in what I can only describe as a mangled state.  I’m severely visually impaired, with one pair for close-up vision and another for long-distance vision, with “long distance” in my case a few dozen feet.  The latter pair was bent out of shape to the point I could no longer fit them on my head, and when I attempted to straighten them out one of the arms broke.

Of course, my dad claimed no knowledge of missing boxcutter or mangled glasses.  A day later my father found the boxcutter in the pocket of a flannel he swore he hadn’t worn in three days.  Still no confession on the glasses, though I suspect he’d once again misplaced his pair of glasses, found mine, and then got infuriated when “his” glasses didn’t fit.

I’m unemployed, and missed out on a one-day job because of the flare up.  The day before Thanksgiving my pain and stiffness subsided enough that I could walk reasonably normal again.  Since my vision doesn’t allow me to drive, that meant I got to walk down to pick up some milk at a convenience store.  Thanksgiving was me trying to catch up on some of the chores that had been left undone because of my health, and as I prepared to go to bed that night I got a burst of pain that suggested I’d undone all my healing over the previous days.

Two days ago I forced myself to head to the grocery store, a round trip of several miles, despite the weather.  The last time I did a grocery delivery there were a number of items they were out of that my father has come to obsess on since I brought him home.  I used to have a coworker who had a severely autistic son, and she’d share stories of how there were only a few foods he would eat, having a meltdown when they weren’t available.  Thanks to my father I now understand what she goes through firsthand.   Thanks to my trip I found out they no longer carry two of the things he’s latched on to eating, which is now its own set of problems going forward.

A few days ago I was getting an all-new pain where my hip and leg meet, which came and went.  I woke up this morning and the pain is back, and as I type this I feel an all-new tightness where the pain is.  This week I have to escort my father to a doctor’s appointment, and I’m already picturing the Uber driver arriving and staring at us both using canes to get around, assuming this new problem doesn’t right itself by then.

Thank you for reading my rant.

Hello. I’m new to this group and I’ve never posted before… I’m not sure what I’m looking for with this post to be honest? Maybe it’s to vent? Maybe it’s advice. I’m just… so over being a carer. My older sibling has MS and I moved in a few years ago. Their symptoms have gotten progressively worse and they can move around but they’re much slower and are on crutches. So I do all the cooking and cleaning.

Long story short my mother asked if the private clinic I’m seeing can see my sibling (I have an issue with my foot) and I basically broke it down that my sibling’s issue is neurological and mine is just bone. But I can ask.

Long story shorter I’m here googling what private clinics in London can we send them too but I’m a bit pissed as I google because WHY am I the one doing it? I get that I live with them and my mum is far from tech savvy but we have 3 other brothers and sisters. Ontop of that I’m actually the youngest, my sibling is in their late 30s like they can actually use google themselves.

I think I’m annoyed that I’m supposed to want my sibling to get better more than they want it themselves. They’ve been ordering take out a lot more, been eating and drinking items that they probably shouldn’t have, I’m constantly telling them to walk up and down the corridor to at least exercise your legs you can’t sit in front of the computer all day every day.

I’m not a parent of a child but it feels like it 😭 I must sound like a whiny last born but it’s just not fair

I feel so bad, because they’re bedridden, there’s nothing to talk about other than what I do when I’m not there. And that feels cruel. But also, I’ve given up so many of my dreams and life to care for them so I have to stop feeling guilty for the life I do get to live. Also I recognize I’m very lucky in this group to still have some time to myself.

My husband is a 100% disabled veteran. I am his caregiver and I have rheumatoid arthritis myself. Usually I am able to take care of both of us but I’m a bit concerned about this February. I am scheduled to have surgery (my first since being a caregiver). In the past when I’ve been sick things have been really bad and scary for us. He can’t drive and is paralyzed a lot of the time. We have three kids and none of them can drive. We don’t have family in the area and all our friends are fairly busy themselves. The solution that the VA has offered in the past is to put my husband on a facility while I’m recovering but I don’t trust their facilities and my husband would do terribly as far as his PTSD in a facility. I’m wondering if a caregiver has ever been able to get care for themselves after surgery while they recover in their home? This situation is just so complicated. I have a month recovery time.

My 91-year-old mother fell and was placed in skilled nursing. Despite her positive past experiences in some really fabulous SNFs, this one is a grade-A shit-hole.

I live on the other side of the country, and due to circumstances I can't go back for another couple of weeks. The first four days were fine. She liked her roommate, was trying really hard in PT and had a decent attitude. Until she came down with COVID.

They moved her to the isolation wing and started her on Paxlovid, which gave her vomiting and terrible diarrhea. She can't make it to the bathroom in time. This is pissing off the staff. One aide tossed a pack of wipes on the table and told her to clean herself up. PT wanted someone to follow her to the bathroom, but they don't. She lays in her waste for long periods of time. She is calling me five or six times a day, sobbing, begging me to get her out of there. She falls because of her anxiety, which is through the roof. Their answer is to drug her up.

While I was on the phone with her today, one of the nurses came in and told her she could leave any time she wanted; they weren't stopping her. I heard it. I was livid. I have called the charge nurse and the nurse assigned to her, but they just blow smoke up my ass. She is elderly, losing her sight, sick, scared to death, and alone. And they know it.

I am very familiar with Medicare, MAs, etc., but I am at a loss at how to handle this. She has a MA PPO. I am going to call her insurance Monday to see if she was assigned to a case manager. I just don't know if they can do anything.

If anyone has some ideas, I would love to hear them.

i’m an older sister. my little brother is 12 and he is level 1 autistic. i am his favorite person in the household. he loves to talk to me, thinks very highly of me, takes direction from me over our parents. i also understand him better so ive taken on the role of his main caretaker in a way. i’m the one who has to make sure he eats, that he gets his tasks done, be his emotional support. i’d list all the other shit i have to do everyday on top of that but it would be 8 more paragraphs.

today was a long day. it was all going well until he threw up and i had to clean it up. at 11 PM. there is no one else who is willing to do it besides my mom who is hurt right now. i start to do it and then the zipper of the mattress protector breaks and i can’t pry it open. i’m thinking of all the things i have to do tomorrow and the choices i have to make. i feel so anxious and stressed out. i decide i will deal with it all tomorrow (including my mother getting angry with me for not following through).

my brother has to sleep in my bed because his is all puked. he sees this as an opportunity to bond and hangout and im three seconds from biting someone’s head off. after 3 or 4 small conversations/questions i tell him as politely as i can that i am very sensitive and tired right now and that im going to be on my phone until i go to sleep and that i don’t want to talk. my tone was calm but i couldn’t fake being in a good mood. he was hurt clearly but said fine and “forget i said anything” he’s dealing with a lot of depression and anxiety right now. i felt bad for him.

but not that bad. mostly i’m having a mini freak out about all the other things i have to do tomorrow with my other disabled siblings. and i have no one to share this with. so i’m leaving it here!

My aunt lives with my wife and I. We all have dinner together but then after dinner my aunt spends her entire evening watching game shows on TV. We want to spend more time with her in the evening but there's only so many episodes of Family Feud we can stand. We've suggested maybe watching something else, but if we change the channel she spends the entire time saying things like "what the hell is this" or " is this what passes for entertainment these days". Notably she says that even if we're watching retro TV shows like Three's Company. Any suggestions?

This coming Monday the rehabilitation center my dad is at will be coming to his house to assess what changes need too be made to their home to help my Dad be able to continue his care at home. Their house is so cluttered and my Dad now is unable to stand and can only scoot in and out of a wheelchair. He also is having incontinence issues. I don’t think him and my mom are really aware of how difficult it’s going to be to care for him at home. But I think it’s important to try since my dad’s mental health is suffering terribly and they have the financial means to get at home care. But there is going to be so much coordination to be done and it’s going to likely be on me to arrange for things. The unknown feels so scary. So many what ifs. I’m trying to be thinking of all the positive possibilities too, but it’s hard.

I love my mom so much. Her dementia isn't her fault.

She moved to be close to me 4 years ago and I've been putting her needs above mine consistently, and while it's not easy, it's been OK. Then a few months ago she started staying with me full time because she was sick. Also not her fault. But the combination of being her medical caregiver + her anxiety over everything I do + forgetfulness + asking me to do everything for her (as small as turning up the TV volume) + me being the only parent of a busy 6 year old + getting my phd + working is starting to turn me into someone I don't like. I'm anxious all the time and constantly trying to mask my frustration with gentleness, patience, and positivity.

But sometimes, I crack. I show my frustration and it hurts her feelings. And I feel TERRIBLE guilt and shame. I feel like I'm a constant cocktail of emotions: sad, worried, loving, frustrated, angry, guilty, and shameful. My life has become a constant rotation of these emotions.

I lived with her anxiety ruling my life growing up. And while she was loving and mostly positive, she could be really harsh and critical of me growing up. So when she gets upset with me when I show my frustration (it's happened 3 times now in the past 2 months), it triggers memories of how she used to be growing up, and I feel angry. Then immediately I chastise myself for feeling angry at her because it's not her fault she needs this much help. I feel absolutely terrible so often, when all I want to feel is love for her and show her friendship and positivity.

Please, if anyone has any advice or tips for how you've gotten through this without hurting the person you love, please tell me. I'm at my wit's end with guilt and shame.

Please post requests for research, app development, surveys, and any other questions for use in a project, product, or service here.

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The sore throat is still there, and I'm even starting to get tonsillitis on my left one which hurts like hell. I already was in pain just swallowing, but it's getting hard to cough. The headache that gets worse everytime I cough is now gone, so is the nausea too. And so was the sore neck.

Grandma's got PT tomorrow, so I hope I can quickly get to an urgent care beforehand, now that my mom is feeling better.

I'm praying that I can get this treated quickly. Everytime I get sick, it is HELL!!! Shaking, nausea, vomiting, sinuses, sore throat, etc. Horrible.

I hate these damn "tips and tricks" they always show you about sore throats and flus. Literally none of them work NONE OF THEM.

Gargling saltwater, drinking tea with honey, covering a tomato with honey, fucking pressing the bone between your thumb and wrist. None of that shit works, and so many medications I take don't do a damn thing.

"Drink warm tea, it will soothe your throat" No it doesn't

"Eat ice cream it will soothe your throat" It fucking doesn't

"Drink plenty of fluids" I can't even swallow my own fucking spit without moaning in pain and damn near crying. I can't even enjoy the Thanksgiving food because of it.

AND COUGH DROPS DONT DO SHIT

I'm praying that i can start feeling better soon, because whenever I get sick it's like a full week of hell. I can deal with nausea, flu, even throwing up. But consistent sore throat, dry sinus and or tonsillitis? I'd rather get smacked in the nuts.

It's worse when grandma tries to do something and I can't talk loud because she's hard of hearing and it hurts so fucking bad that I literally freeze in pain for a second.

I'm not gonna wait a fucking week+ for this to pass.

It's better I get this treated sooner, so that I won't suffer as long, and so I can take care of grandma better. Shit fucking sucks.

Any funny stories for the week/month? Figure we might need a smile or two

Little comedy of errors tonight.

I've worked in assisted living, dad hasn't. Mom's end stage dementia, but mostly mobile. Having to do some bed changes occasionally since she busted her butt last weekend, but not often enough to work well together.

Finally the pants, almost done. Mom's jabberin away, not cooperating but not fighting too much or screaming, win.

Grab thigh, lift hip trying to slide pants up da butt. Leg flops straight. ok.

Me: Grab her foot. (Just like grab hands, we've been here before, dad)

Dad: grabs her other thigh.

Me: that's not her foot.

Dad: grabs thigh I'm holding.

Me: that's still not her foot.

Dad: grabs foot and straightens her leg out, like mom had been doing, leaving me without a hinge.

This man has a physics degree.

I just keep picturing some acme cartoon with daffy and bugs.

Also Thursday I said 5 more minutes putting a casserole together, so dad wheeled her in where she could see me cooking. She's also pretty dosed to keep her seated and out of pain, so she didn't really react to anything.

But after a few minutes she seemed to wake up a bit, seemed to recognize me and started 'talkin' and reached for me. so that was pretty cool. It's the little things.

Hope holiday people survived the holiday ok, and hope everyone has a peaceful rest of the weekend.

Hello to all my fellow caregivers. I am a working mom with two kids, full time job, and a husband that struggles with a disability.

I take care of my mom who 74 and blind - not legally blind, but blind blind. She has also fallen many times and broken the same hip twice and so she has major mobility issues.

Her retirement is under $40k a year (before taxes). I know in some places that’s decent money but that doesn’t keep her afloat in CA. Right now she pays someone to come in 2 or 3 days a week to clean, get her groceries and medicine etc. I take care of her every night and all weekend as she is completely dependent for meals, laundry, just about everything.

Can anyone tell me if I can get paid to be her caregiver? If so, I would be able to help her out more. Many people have told me I can do this but I’m lost searching online. So, direct links to applications would be amazing if there are any.

I have read about a few different programs. Don’t know the difference between them or if she is eligible. Right now we spend about $1200 a month on outside help just to get through the week and she can’t afford it and I can’t afford to keep paying the bills she can’t…

Anyway, much thanks if you have any info for me. Wishing you a safe and healthy holiday season.

TRIGGER WARNING: Medically assisted dying

I am the disabled person in need of care and here’s my situation:

I am in my thirties. I am mentally competent but physically I am total care as I cannot stand at all. I have had my disability from birth and its only gotten worse as time goes on. Right now, I am at a SNF and I have had a lot of challenges since moving in. I am set to leave the facility soon but the burden of being a full-time caretaker will fall on my only remaining reliable family member.

I do not want that because my family member taking care of me (B) is still young herself. I feel like she is wasting her life and dreams because caring for me is a sacrifice that has never been easy. I try my best to do what I can, but physically I just need so much help to do the most every day task. Cooking, cleaning, etc. I rely heavily on B and I feel so bad because she works on top of everything.

Many days, I feel as if I am a baby – taller, heavier and adult looking but with the same needs and more.

My wish is to pursue medically assisted dying because my condition is a non-curable disability that will only worsen with age. However, I do not qualify for this type of treatment in TX and finding a full-time alternative caretaker has been stressful when salaries start beyond what B makes herself.

I have seen how people are treated in NF type set ups and I honestly wouldn’t wish the experience on anyone. I know that some people live in these set ups until death, but I have seen things that have caused me to believe that medically assisted dying would be preferrable. I know that without B I would be at a facility permanently and its not the life I want to live

 Has anyone ever had a loved one go through with this option? Right now, it's looking like i'll have to travel abroad but I have VERY limited funds to begin with and I need someone that has been through this.

Apologies in advance to everyone who has much more difficult caretaker issues. I know my situation is minor in comparison.

I have the following problem. My 89yr old father had a stroke earlier this year. It mainly affected his ability to walk. He has since recovered really well and is walking independently again. The first 3-4 months after the stroke were hell for me, without going into too much detail I had to go and help him every day despite having carers a couple of times a day, every day I dealt with some new drama, and I had to reduce my hours at work because I wasn't managing. My boss has been very supportive and encouraged me to go part-time so I can figure things out with my dad. I signed him up for nursing homes (he's on a couple of waiting lists). The idea was I work part-time until my dad goes into a home. Now I'm waiting for a call that a space has become available - but my father is almost back to his previous level of independence. Maybe 70%. He's vision impaired and is forgetful with some things. He still has carers helping him to wash etc. Technically he wouldn't need to go into care in his current state. But I'm traumatized and tired. So I'm circling around and around with the question, what do I do? If he goes into a nursing home he might hate it. He will certainly lose some quality of life and indepence. But if he doesn't move in, what happens if he has another stroke, or something else. My life wasn't my own this year, and I was extremely stressed for months. I personally do not want to relive it, and my boss is expecting me to go back to full-time soon, which is also what I want and need to do. But my dad's wellbeing and happiness are also on the line. He's not fighting it, but obviously he would prefer not to go. If we delay it we'll lose the spot for now and I don't know how long it will be until another one opens up. I don't have any siblings that could assist.

It's doing my head in. I'm grateful for any opinions or ideas.

Trying to poop and suddenly hear an intense ruffling? It's dad trying to put the recycling away by taking the recycling out of the recycling bin and then being unable to find the recycling bin.

Trying to cook and hear an intense crackling? It's the cat trying to kill the Christmas tree.

Something falls in the kitchen? It's dad trying to feed the cat.

Life is many things but dull isn't one of them.

Edit: typo

My grandmother is 81 and has been recently diagnosed with a slew of issues that are really preventing her from walking up and down the stairs properly. She has nerve and vein issues and arthritis. In a lot of places now.

She constantly complains to the family that she can’t manage the stairs, but she lives in a small home, that only has a bathroom on the 2nd floor or basement. She spends 95% of her time on the ground floor including sleeping but she’s having trouble reaching the toilet now. My uncle is an architect, but he said that he probably isn’t worth building an addition. Also, I know my grandmother would not want to be displaced because of the construction. She has also refused to let us put in a stair lift either.

Due to circumstances she is unable to move in with either of her two children but to be honest, both of their homes have more stairs than hers. She has expressed that she wouldn’t mind moving in with me, but I am 31 and single and honestly I don’t know how realistic it would be for me to make like a permanent choice with like buying a place with her or moving in to be a full time caregiver also just due to like lifestyle differences like it wouldn’t really work either.

Realistically, she would need to move into our there like an assisted living or a retirement community, or move into a bungalow. She is very against moving as she has lived there for over 40 years, but I don’t see a way where she can remain much longer without causing serious time to herself. I visit and sleep over often. I can definitely see that she’s been deteriorating and it’s a bit scary to watch her manage the stairs. Any advice, she knows the risks of a fall in the past few years, at least two family friends have died from falling to be honest so I don’t know. I don’t know how to convince her that she needs to move for her safety.

My wife has a lung disease and often has scares and wakes up not being able to breathe. It is scary. She sleeps in the recliner and I sleep on the couch. I am a sound sleeper. This is not helpful because I don't hear her gasping, and she is in a panic state that she struggles to even throw something at me to wake me. It is very difficult to even move or think straight to use her phone. Secondary to this is that I snore, so she struggles to sleep through my noise. How to I make myself not such a sound sleeper? I don't want her to feel alone and scared.

Any caregivers ever have to help a client order stuff online and make the mistake of accidentally using your name? Every since then, this happened a few months ago been feeling like a bad person or a fraud which I've never been? How do you handle people who want you to maybe do stuff you shouldn't, how do you hold boundaries

Im sorry this is a long one.

My grandma passed three weeks ago and I don't know how or what to feel honestly. The night she passed I never once cried..maybe I'm feeling a little guilty that I'm not reacting more upset? Or that I have cried more over my bonded cat that passed in October. Maybe I'm just cried out. Everything feels so unreal right now.

I can't go into her room without being weirded out. I randomly keep thinking about how she looked and how cold she felt after she died. It all feels so surreal. I hate it. I quit going through her things for now. I just, dont want to. Maybe I'm just horrendously slow at processing, emotions are not my strong point. I've never been good at expressing them or telling anyone how I feel. Maybe I compartmentalized so much while she was still alive and while I had a "duty" that now she's gone I'm just lost? I dont know. When does this stop? Does it ever stop?

She had been suffering from dementia and aphasia caused by a stroke from several years back, amoung various other health issues. The 2 weeks prior to her passing were awful. Constantly ill, unable to eat, constantly vomiting and in pain. By week 2 she had had another stroke that took her speech away almost entirely. She didn't want to let go of my hand the weekend she had the stroke. She said she was scared. I couldn't do anything for her but stand there and try to comfort her but what do you say? Due to how her mind was I dont even know what was going on in there. If she knew she was dying? Maybe? Or maybe just afraid she wasnt feeling better and if the pain. She was very very childlike at the end. I feel this last stroke was almost a blessing in that it expedited everything so her pain ended quicker, but I hate saying that too.

Regardless, I no longer recognized the woman I knew as my grandmother as far back as 3 years ago, and it, obviously, only got worse. I mourned the loss of the woman she was when it started getting bad, the ability to converse with her, take her out, watch movies together etc. It was all gone. I know she was miserable and I truly believe I was the only reason she didn't give up entirely. I was her caregiver for 8 years, 6 of those after the 1st major stroke.

Now that she's gone, its weird, the house is way more quiet, I'm not constantly on watch and listen mode. Its been nice in that regard, because my anxiety and stress are so much better but i just feel numb to everything thats gone on. Everything feels foreign to me. I can leave the house whenever I want, I dont have to constantly check up on her, worry she'll get a bloody nose that won't stop, or clean up piss on the bathroom floor cause she always missed the seat. Worry that she'll fall or have a panic attack. Or make sure she's not trying to open something with a large kitchen knife. I still hear what sounds like her getting out of bed sometimes at night, then have to remind myself.

I guess Im trying to adapt but gawd, its hard and I don't know how to talk about it with anyone in person or if I'd even get my words out. I'm not good at that. Maybe getting this out here in this sub will help.

Has anyone felt similar after a long term care has ended? I guess I want to know if anyone else has felt like this...

I just bought myself a new blood pressure monitor, as it’s currently on sale & has a feature I’ve long dreamed about having: the ability to synch with an app.

After 20 years of having to log my readings by hand, it’s all captured with the push of a button & I am really overjoyed. (It’s exportable too, but I haven’t tried that yet.)

I was thinking about how great it’s going to be a my next doctor appt and it occurred to me that I would’ve loved having one like this for my dad & my uncle when I was providing care for them.

So I decided to run here to share with y’all.

I hope this doesn’t break any rules or ruffle any feathers. The one I found is called iHealth Track. Bought in the US via major online retailer that starts with “A” & ends with “zon”

I'm a 46 guy that is taking care of his 79 mom. My dad passed away a few weeks ago.

My mom and dad were the opposites when it came to their issues. My dad was mentally sharp and he had a lot of mobility issues. My mom is having memory issues and isn't fully there. She can move around the house.

Unfortunately, I have extended family that continues to set up events with my mom without my input. It's a pain because I didn't really make plans for that. I'm debating about what to do in the future.

Caregivers: tell me about ur most cherished alone times of the day. i’ll start. in the morning while my mother is eating her fruit and having her first glass of water, i will have coffee and journal and meditate and pray and stretch, and just fiddle faddle around for what often turns into greater than 90 minutes. i must do better and cut this time down 😬 yikes! then at night around 11:00 pm i get my Mom ready for bed and once she’s in bed IT IS MY TIME!! yippee!!! sometimes i watch tv, sometimes i write, sometimes i just trick off on reddit or spoutible. i am a night owl and used to stay up until 3 or 4 but now i’ve gotten that down to 1:30ish-2. back in 2016 when my brother came home for 3 weeks from the vent hospital, he had to be turned every 2 hours and that shot my already poor sleep habits to hell. i am much better now but not perfect. i try, in my life, to not make good the enemy of perfect, so we soldier on and try to get a good 5 or 6 hours before she wakes up for the bathroom. tell me what times u cherish.