My grandma was in the hospital about a month ago due to a pericardial effusion. She lives in Mexico and I live in the U.S. so I don’t know about everything that went on while she was in the hospital. I’ve been staying with and helping care for her for the past month.

My grandma told me they had her on a liquid diet for the 3 days she was in the hospital and that she hasn’t had an appetite ever since. My grandpa very unexpectedly passed away from a heart attack about a week before she was hospitalized. So she’s definitely severely depressed as she’s stopped doing nearly everything she enjoyed.

She has a lot of other health problems, but she’s always had a good appetite. She complains about feeling nauseous often and when we went to see her doctor he explained to her that a big part of it is because she’s taking a lot of meds, but not eating enough, other than that he wasn’t very helpful, because he said to try not to push her to eat more than she’s willing to, but I’m very concerned.

The only things she’s been eating are a couple cookies with coffee (I found her a chicory root blend that has no caffeine and she really liked it) in the morning with her pills. Some fruit, a scrambled egg or an Ensure around noon, she doesn’t have dinner often but when she does, she’ll ask for a fruit smoothie and she’ll drink a very small amount. She won’t eat anything else no matter what we offer her.

I just ordered her an unflavored plant based protein powder and I’m gonna try to put it in a smoothie and see if I can get her to just sip on it throughout the day. I can’t think of what more to do right now, so any help/ideas are very much appreciated.

I'll try to keep this short. My elderly father, 72, is home bound and needs assistance during the day. My mom, 53, works two jobs to make ends meet and I have two brothers who stay at home. One has a mental health issue and the other has a disability. Long story short, my mom reached out to me today asking if she and my father can live with us because she cannot maintain two jobs as she also has her own mental health struggles. My husband is opposed it (and he doesn't want to help financially either). He thinks they're adults and should have planned for their future a little better instead of using me as their safety net. I agree with him but it's hard for me to be objective. So the question for this group, is there any way I can provide caregiving or reduced housing for my father that won't break the bank? Any advice/tips are welcomed.

I bought my dad a jitterbug smartphone about a year ago because regular phones are way too complicated, but he loves accessing the internet and watching YouTube. Originally I signed him up for the basic plan because I’m a broke college student/cna/aspiring nurse. The day after giving him the phone, I had gotten an overage notification (or call, I can’t remember) saying that the data used so far would cost over $100 oh the next bill. I ended up switching him over to the unlimited plan that day, and he’s been extremely happy with the ease of use with that phone. Going back to the “broke college student” part, sometime ago the monthly bill got raised to $60. I’m living paycheck to paycheck trying to survive myself while still making sure he has access to a phone. Is it possible to switch his jitterbug phone to a different more affordable cell service? Or does anyone have recommendations for smartphones that can be used on any service, that have a similar simple interface like the jitterbug? I feel so disheartened, because I spent all the money I had last Christmas getting him that phone and making sure I have enough in my account every month for the bill, but it’s just too much

My mom had polio as a child. She could use crutches occasionally, then crutches all the time, then wheelchair occasionally, to wheelchair all the time as she lost the ability to stand, then last year to sit up as post polio came back around. She's lost muscles in her digestive system. She is in a hospital bed 24/7. It hurts her to roll or spend longer than an hour out of bed. She's losing the ability to roll.

She uses a catheter but it's been more difficult to have placed each time. She gets urinary tract infections if it's longer than a month when they change her. She just had an awful one last month along with a stomach bug that meant a stay at the center. Along with awful pain.

This time they couldn't even get the catheter in. Two nurses and four catheters later, they said she was too swollen. So we've been waking every three to four hours at night (so she can sleep a tiny bit) to change her diaper and keep her clean. Every two hours during the day....

😭 She got another infection. Having her rest without it didn't work. What am I going to do if they can't get her a bed at the center? They're trying... But also I shouldn't be this tired. I've done the overnight care of three newborns. You get even less sleep and add breastfeeding in and it feels that would be harder...

But this is somehow my breaking point. Why? Why am I like this? I feel like I'm going to start cracking apart like brittle sun bleached plastic in the Florida sun... I'm failing her 😭

I'm a caregiver for a man who lives in a group home. He is both deaf and blind as well as in a wheel chair. I am hired through an agency, not employed by the group home. Technically, I'm solely hired to be his "voice" and am there to watch him at all times. The staff at the group home is responsible for everything else (ie feeding, bathing, dressing, transfers, therapy, meds.) The majority of the time, my client is left in the bath tub for hours on end (sometimes 4 or more hours at a time) and they do not check on him. If I say he's done, they argue or ignore me. They do not feed him when he's supposed to be fed, they will wait until he's too tired so they can just put him in bed. None of his physical therapy gets done and I'm not even sure if his meds are getting done most days. Don't even get me started on the OTHER clients that live in the home. I have brought this to my supervisors attention but I don't feel like my concerns were taken seriously at all. Do I get adult protection involved? What do I do now?

I had just finished cleaning up dinner and I went outside to relax on my porch swing. It was after dark and I had a spotlight and a gun(pellet gun) with me. We have been having bobcat attacks on our chickens. I heard something coming out of the treeline behind the chicken coop and rabbitry. I armed myself and grabbed the spotlight. And caught a person coming out of the woods with a bag. I couldn't see who it was. I yelled at them to get leave, then realized how scared I was and ran inside to get a different gun(9mm), but I started having a small seizure. When I got inside everyone who heard me yelling was startled. My husband who got hurt at work a few days before stopped me and grabbed the spotlight and hobbled outside(he was on pain meds so he was able to move around a little). He called the landlord to let them know there was a trespassers and he said "ok" and hung up on my husband. From were we were standing we could see the person running down a blackberry vine filled field before they laid down to hide. Then my husband got a call from the landlords wife saying "it me turn light."(no typos...she doesn't speak very good English, she is south Korean) He asked her what she was doing sneaking around she said "I collect plants for Buddhist blessing over property." My husband was like "I'm Buddhist! You should have asked me I would have helped! Instead you scared my wife! What if she had had another granmaul seizure? " My bedbound stepmom who has PTSD is freaking out! They had all the window shades open. We are backed up against the wood so they don't normally feel worried about getting changed in front of the windows. They are already trying to move out since the landlords wife screamed at my dad when he told her she needs to give us 24hr notice. My mom(whom also lives with us) with dementia was panicking the rest of the night she wore her shoes to bed "incase they bust in to hurt us I can run away".

We were later sent a text from the landlord telling us we are going to be served an eviction soon.

I was going to offer them separate rent money for my mom to move in. But not now!

Please joint if you’re comfortable. It’s called r/askdisabled

The goal is to help people better understand our conditions, life’s, things we are ok with/not okay with by asking questions. I will delete abelist or weird fetish content if people post it.

I want this to be a community where we can help bridge the gap in understanding between the disabled communities and able bodies or able minded communities.

All people are welcome to post and answer questions, disabled individuals, and ppl with chronic diseases that may not be disabling but that still have valuable insights are all welcome!

I hope this helps ppl

We're in California btw, essentially my partner is caring for their father who has cancer. their only stream of income is through caregiving. im not sure of all the details of how the money comes and everything but my partner is extremely worried about being unable to pay for anything after their father passes. they can hardly afford to pay much to begin with. they burn like 3 tanks of gas three times a week just to take their dad for treatment. i had to quit my job because i got kicked out but I'm trying to look for work so i can help them out a little. does anyone have any resources? will my partner continue to get some money from the government even after their father passes? they're also worried that their dad wont be buried because their family wants to cremate him and bury him whenever they feel like they're done with him.

Is anyone here a caregiver for a neurodivergent adult?

My loved one used to live independently, and hopefully will again.

He has autism and it is a challenge to get him to wash his hands. He keeps getting hospitalized with infections.

He also doesn't stay on top of prescriptions or follow up messages from healthcare providers.

How do I determine when to take over, versus letting him have some autonomy? I don't want to treat him like a child, but also can't let him deteriorate.

I’m the primary (only) caregiver for my 87-year-old mother. Fortunately, she still has much of her mobility and memory, although she is getting more forgetful. She has COPD and has a few prescriptions, but she’s pretty healthy.

She takes a multi-vitamin and her doctor also encouraged her to take Omega 3 fish oil and B12. Of course, I went hog wild and added magnesium glycinate, D3, C, Zinc and biotin. And she HATES popping pills. Like I’m pretty sure she’s silently cursing me as she takes them.

My question is: am i being over zealous with the vitamin regime? Too many? Wrong ones? Im not asking for medical advice, just more curious what everyone else does to keep their parents as healthy as possible.

Going to be as to the point as possible here. My mother has been in opiate medicating for 25+ years. My whole life, she has had a severe case of crohns disease( the gut pain was original reason to be put on lortabs). In recent years she has developed duodenal cancer( which eventually led to 3/4 of her stomach being cut out, alomg with several feet of both intestine from previous crohns complications). After that she was placed on at home tpn( vein food), she could still eat, but just small amounts. Id say about 4 years ago she started going to the methadone clinic. She recently went on hospice care, and after a short stint at one of their facilities was placed on fentanyl and morphine. And then sent back home which ended up being my home because she can no longer take care of herself where she was at before. She has had a history of overtaking her medicine so I do understand some of their trepidation. But the medicine they're giving her it just isn't enough. The reason she went on hospice mainly, was because she fell and had a hematoma that ended up getting infected and now it won't heal. Her leg is literally necrotizing as her body Withers away in front of me. Even with all the medicine they're giving her she's still clearly in pain. It sucks and it's hard. So she overtakes her medicine to take away the pain because it's there. Today when the nurse came she was one patch past where she was supposed to be, and they ended up taking away the patches completely, and cutting the morphine in 1/4. Now they're saying that her medicine amount will never go up again and basically forcing her into a home where they can monitor her medicine intake more closely. My mother wants to die with someone she loves there, and while it's a burden, I want to be able to do that for her. It's really hurting her to have to go to this facility. And me as well because I feel like I failed her and should have monitored her more closely. But at the same time I feel like the whole point of Hoss's care is to not hurt, so whatever it takes to facilitate that I feel like should happen. She also has short bowel syndrome very bad, so that contributes to the medicine not working very well with for her. Basically I don't know it just it feels wrong and I'm wondering if there's anything I can do or any suggestions. I did talk to text for a lot of this and I really don't have time to proofread it so I'm sorry if there's any errors, I will check it when I have a moment later after I get her in bed for the night. Because of her being on hospice care they will not treat her legs aggressively or what not so they're literally riding away in front of me. It feels very inhumane and doesn't feel like any sort of death with dignity. I feel like if you were not to go to this facility now she will die just from withdrawals because she's already the only probably have a few weeks left. I just don't understand. Especially, because my grandmother was using the same hospice company and they way over prescribed her medicine when she really didn't need it it was short all the time. With my grandmother I do feel like she was chasing a high, with my mother she's very obviously in a lot of pain. Her legs I just can't even, i don't have words, it's very bad.I could dm some pictures if anyone wanted them for context for how bad it is. Again I will edit later this is really kind of a rough draft. I just wanted to get the post out there so there's more time for someone to see it. Because I don't have much time left with her. I feel helpless. And I'm not making this post to bash the doctors cuz I understand liability and how long you know the laws are regarding narcotics. But I just feel like there has to be something to make this work. They also said that regardless of if she's on schedule for medication from here on out that it will never go back up again. I told the nurse that they might as well take her now because you're basically torturing her and me I don't know. I feel like I'm rambling now, so I'll check back later. Thank you.

Hello, you wonderful people. Apologies in advance for an overly long post...the actual question is waaay down there...feel free to skip to it. (Does anyone else find themselves over-explaining things related to caregiving?)

My mom's dementia is still in the earlier stages, but the pace changed after she had a bad fall at her home early this year. She took a blow to the head when she fell (and broke her shoulder) - her short-term memory is just about gone. So, we combined households over the summer.

I work from home, and I'm divorced with two older kids (who also have some issues, but can - and do - help out on their good days). We were able to find a nice new-to-us home that we're all comfortable in for the long haul...and I have enough experience with dementia and elder care that I have a decent idea of what I'm in for. We're very lucky, all things considered.

Now that she's recovered (physically) from her fall, she can still do a lot for herself (showering, toileting, dressing) - just not very well, if you know what I mean. Her mobility is limited, she has arthritis and neuropathy in her hands, she has no real hobbies or interests (aside from reading and TV) and she's got a mild phobia of technology. She's also a little difficult to live with - she always was. She and my older sister hardly have a relationship at all, because they clashed so badly when we were younger. Mom has a whole suite of irritating/gross personal habits (I'll spare you, and her dignity, and just leave it at that). She's stubborn. She fixates on things she's worried about, and can't let them go. She's quick to be offended or wounded, and holds a grudge if she's angry (even now that she can't remember why she's angry).

I knew all this going in, of course...she and I have always managed to stay pretty close, even though we occasionally butt heads. I know she'd do everything she could for me if our positions were reversed - just as she did for my dad (who had Alzheimer's). But I'm not sure I realized how the 24/7-ness of living together would magnify the little things, especially when you're exhausted or stressed. The role reversal is so tricky - and she's still in denial about her physical and mental state, much of the time. She's this frustrating mixture of completely helpless and stubbornly independent.

Just now, for example, she came to me to ask what she could do to help around the house. Sounds great, right? We have this conversation every day, and it goes just like this: I have a 1-page list of house chores that she can safely do. It's posted in a couple of places in the house, with a note about where the cleaning supplies can be found. She asks how she can help, and I direct her to the list. She goes to look and comes back and says that those are silly chores, and she wants to do something important. Like mow the grass - which she just can't do. When I try to redirect, or explain how much it would help me if she did the "silly" stuff, she gets snippy and starts to argue.

Normally, I keep my cool and find an exit, but sometimes I snip right back at her. I'm constantly buried in those "silly" chores (plus the big ones!) and my two remote jobs and juggling appointments and financial worries and things my kids need help with and...you know - everything, all on my own. But the moment I snap back at her, I can add guilt to everything else I'm carrying, and everything's immediately 10x worse. I hate guilt...it clings like a bad odor that won't wash off. It's the skunk of emotions.

If she sees me doing the silly chores later (because someone has to do them!) - she'll ask in a hurt tone why I never let her help. Luckily, that part strikes me as hilarious - so I can just smile and hand her a broom. ;)

The chore list is just one of the tender spots - there are several others that come up regularly. It sometimes feels like I'm living in a little emotional minefield...I have to keep tight control of my face and voice when she starts in on one of them (even the slightest show of irritation wounds her). I find myself wanting to avoid spending more than a few minutes around her at a time until evening, so that my nerves aren't frayed while I'm working.

Very long story short - how do you navigate the role reversal minefield with a parent who's in denial about their dementia and their physical disabilities? How do you swallow the frustration on the bad days, or shake the guilt when you snap?

It's amazing to be able to vent like this - even over something so trivial - and know that everyone reading it can relate on some level. There's not a single person in my world who understands what caregiving means...and I think that's where the over-explaining habit started. THANK YOU for your understanding!

Hi everyone,

Since 2013, my 49-year-old wife has been hospitalized three times for major depressive episodes. She has twice attempted to end her life, the most recent attempt occurring in August of this year. She hasn't worked for a couple of years due to severe panic attacks that prevent her from holding a job. Currently, she attends an intensive outpatient program four nights a week to address repressed childhood trauma.

I've taken on the role of her caretaker, managing the seven different medications she needs to prevent another overdose. This has been incredibly challenging, as she consumes 100% of the emotional and mental energy in our relationship, leaving my needs as an afterthought.

We no longer have a sexual relationship because she finds intercourse too painful and has no interest. She doesn’t cook because of an eating disorder; she used to be heavier but lost 80 pounds and is now terrified of gaining it back, often avoiding food until she nearly faints. She also doesn’t clean, so I’ve had to hire a cleaning service to keep our home tidy.

I don’t know how much more I can do this. She is totally dependent on me for everything in her life and it is suffocating me. Our 25th wedding anniversary will happen in July, but I’m not sure I even want that to happen. I’ve tried to tell her how unhappy I’ve been but I’m not getting through. What should I do? Thanks for listening.

Mike

Asking for my dad's wife,

Does anyone have experience with bringing an international caregiving license/certificate to the US? She just moved here from the Philippines and is wanting to use her license but unsure of the direction to go or if it is even valid in the US. We are unsure of where to even start with this. Located in Idaho.

Thanks!

ETA She is a permanent resident and has received her SSN and green card if that makes any difference :)

Hey everyone! I’m looking for some advice on pay rates for caregiving, as I’ve been in this field on and off for about 20 years and want to make sure I’m getting fair compensation. My experience includes working with hospice patients, dementia and Alzheimer’s care, and managing incontinence care. I’ve recently started working again after a break since 2020 and am wondering what pay rates others in similar roles are currently getting.

I’m based in Northern California, if that helps, and would love to hear from other caregivers or employers. Here are a few specific questions:

1. What’s a reasonable hourly rate for someone with two decades of experience in caregiving?

2. How do rates change if you’re working in a home vs. a facility setting?

3. Do you find that certain certifications or skills (like dementia care) add to your rate? If so, by how much?

Thanks in advance for any advice or info you can share! I appreciate it!

As the title says my aging parents have refused to have a Power of attorney set up for themselves. My 78-year-old mother is suffering from severe memory issues and I've already had to pay some bills out of my pocket. My 80-year-old father, who was responsible for taking care of the main bills, had a stroke last week and can no longer sign the cheques for the bills. Paying for missing bills isn't my beef. It's the fact that they seem to think the need for Power of attorney is nothing more than a means to control their lives in their " Golden years ". I feel like they see that me paying their bills is why they had me in the first place.

So two months ago I took a job to be a caregiver for my grandma, I left my new home in Colorado with my boyfriend and our dogs back to my home town here in Kansas.

I'm living with her in her house so I can make sure she doesn't fall or have any bad episodes where she things someone is in the house, plus it's a lot cheaper on me for rent.

In the beginning it was fine but I did walk into this thinking that she was in really bad shape from what my mom had told me but she wasn't. She can move around a bit but needs her electric scooter, she can eat, shower, take her meds, sew, and all the stuff perfectly fine by herself.

But then she started getting kind of hostile? Nasty? Towards me, I don't know how to word it.

She'll get snappy for no reason, she'll get mad at me whenever she's taking a shower telling me that I don't understand and it's just a buch of bull that she has to do it. It's an actual struggle to convince her to take a shower because she's an adult and she will use that against me.

For a while in the beginning and even now she wouldn't eat what I would make even if she was asking for something specific, like I homemake meals so I spend a good few hours making stuff just to throw it out a day or two later. But if I don't cook she'll start telling everyone that I don't even try to make food or cook for her.

She targets my dogs. Like a LOT.

I own a two year old Rottweiler and a six year old pitbull, they don't really do much other than sleep in my room or play every now and then like normal dogs.

It's gotten to a point where I can't even let them run around the house or she'll have a fit thinking my pitbull (who is also my service dog) will hurt her cats or worse. But she'll tell me it's inhumane to keep them in my room cooped up..but if I try to let them wander around she'll freak out again.

One day my Rottweiler slipped out from my boyfriend's grip to go say hi to my mom and out of instinct he grabbed around his waist to stop him which ended up scaring my dog so he yelped, but my grandma freaked out thinking he was being "aggressive" towards my mom.

If I try to leave the house while clocked in she'll start me telling me that I can't be gone long or I'll get in trouble if someone shows up to check in on us..it's my job to leave the house and it's literally a part of my tasks I was given when I started working, but it started getting so bad that I couldn't leave the house unless my mom came over and I'd end up going places with her as an excuse to get out of the house.

She's starting putting notes on things telling me we can't eat certain things but if I go by my own groceries she'll get upset telling me I shouldn't do that..what else am I going to do?

Or now she's even starting saying bad things about me and about my apprentice..

For reference I just got my hair cut and then I added bangs, I have a few tattoos and I have my ears gauged at a pretty decent size. I'm also very small and by that I mean I weigh about 97 pounds due to eating problems.

But all this stuff is starting to weigh me down..I'm tired 24/7 and my mental health is starting to get a little bad again to the point where I'm snapping at my boyfriend for absolutely no reason.

I miss my home, my brother, my boyfriends mom, I miss my friends and I miss being able to actually do stuff..I miss Colorado so bad it's not even funny.

I actually don't know what to do..

I work fulltime as a nursing home cook and moved back in with my grandfather (who raised me) to take care of him after a failed hip operation. I am the only person in my family who isn't morbidly obese and it's been a long struggle to watch all my family wreck their bodies and die to overeating. My grandmother died at nearly 700lbs when I was a tween. My mother lives across town and is in poor health because she needs her knees replaced but can't get surgery until she loses weight, and instead she's only gained weight due to losing mobility.

My grandfather used to be about 350lbs, but since I've been taking care of him and stopped him from drinking liters of soda etc two years ago, he's down to about 235. This is great and his doctors still want him to lose more. I go with him to all his appointments. But my mother truly has the perception that this has happened because I starve him and don't feed him enough.

She keeps calling me and saying that she's "Just going to HAVE to come over and cook something for him" and then goes on a long rant about how bad her health is and how she's basically falling apart and it's going to be soooooo hard for her to come over and cook a lasagna so that her father can eat. She does the same thing about chores, money, etc, and it pisses me off to no end because I'm objectively more mature and skilled in these regards than her.

How this happens is that my grandfather will call her and complain about some minor thing. For instance, one day I was going to wash the sofa cover after work. It wasn't soiled or anything, just had a lot of cat hair. But I ended up having to work an extra few hours, so I just didn't do it that night. The next morning my mom calls and same thing, she goes on for 10 minutes about how bad her knees are, and she'll probably just have to hobble, maybe even crawl on hands and knees, but she's still going to come out and do my laundry, because, you know, "you're just too busy to care."

It is ludicrous that she keeps implying I don't feed him enough, and worst of all, my mother is a terrible cook. I'm so angry that she plans to come over to my house just to complain that I'm a bad caregiver, mess up my kitchen, and imply that a nursing home cook can't cook.

The best part is that my mom fully expects me to take care of HER when her health gets worse, but at the same time she's constantly trying to imply I'm neglectful. Her reason is that she doesn't want me to inherit this house, she wants to sell it for money to pay off her credit card debt, and so she's always been campaigning that "you don't really care, you don't care about him or this house, you hate all of us and want nothing from us" despite anything I ever say or do, nothing will convince her otherwise.

Every time she does this and drives over to complete some random chore, it becomes evidence in her mind of "I was always there and you were neglectful."

I have no idea where to ask about this, so suggestions would be nice if this is not the place for this.
I have a grandmother, she's doing perfectly fine but just in case we are being preemptive, my dad asked me to look for one of those SOS buttons, like a pendant or bracelet she could wear and press in case of an emergency, wether it would call or message my parents or emergency services directly.
From googling I only managed to find ones that basically only work in the US, they have a specific area they work in and they are sold along with a subscription service that comes with their own call centers that handle those emergency button presses. However, I live in Lithuania, and that is certainly not an option here.
I would really appreciate some suggestions if some of you have ever bought something like I am looking for or have looked into it. The perfect thing would be if there is a device like that that doesn't have any sort of subscription. Extras like accelerometer for fall detection would be great too, but not necessary. She walks her dog several times a day, so it would be nice if it had some good working distance, if the button is not entirely self dependant and sends the signal to something like a base station instead
Another option would be taking of the shelf electronics, like a pendant or bracelet with a button, that would send a signal to some sort of base station that is placed at her home, and programming it myself. Has anyone tried something like that? Also I would appreciate if someone could direct me somewhere else where I could ask about buying such of the shelf electronics for this purpose and making it work.

Hi everyone, I used to be a caregiver for a loved one and recently found myself reflecting on the journey — the challenges, the little victories, and the emotional ups and downs. For those who are still actively caregiving, what’s one piece of advice or comfort you wish someone had shared with you when you started? Wishing strength to everyone here.

I (63M) am a year+ into being a 24/7 caregiver for my wife (59F). She suffered a massive stroke, and cannot be left alone for more than 2-3 hours. Of course, she's not working, and since I am caring for her, I am not either.

The state of MS is notoriously slow at getting disability claims approved, and our case is no exception. They are also tight to the chest with details on what a disability approval looks like. What I've gleaned so far is that If approved, the first 5 months after applying are not going to be paid in arrears. She would automatically be enrolled in Medicare, but Medicaid - maybe not? And as her 24/7 caregiver, I might be eligible for a stipend if she's approved for Medicare. What's not clear is how much MS pays for a caregiver, whether it will be paid in arrears, or whether I would qualify.

Does anyone here have actual experience in dealing with Mississippi on matters such as these? Her disability application is over 1 yr old this point, and we are just now being sent to specialists by the office of Disability Determination Services, even though we've been to so many doctors already. Apparently they require 3rd party confirmation on everything, and don't trust the personal doctors.

Thanks in advance for any information you can offer.

I (f63) have been with my partner (m68) for 16 years. Six years ago he was diagnosed with a terminal neurological disease. I have provided 100% of his care for the last six years. About two weeks ago he told me he didn’t love me anymore because things have changed. I accepted that because things HAVE changed. How can they not ..given the circumstances. Today he tells me he’s in love with his 29 year old caregiver..WTF? I am completely beside myself. Anyone else gone through this?

my ode to the selfless caregiver who suffers in ways we do not

I'm a 24hr live in caregiver but I am only paid for 8 of the 24hrs and I work third shift. My client is quadriplegic and in his early 40's and has a son in his mid teens. I met my patient 8 years ago through his brother who is in his early 30s.

My patients last live in died in Febuary and I was the only option he had so last minute. Since Febuary I have been doing everything for him and around the house with no help except for other caregiver that comes in for 4hrs and sit and do nothing.

I do all the cooking for the family, all the cleaning, clean up every accident, go to every doctors appointment, listen to every complaint, and help take care of his son.

My client is not a nice person. He has seen me depressed lately when we all went to dinner and asked what was wrong. I explained I am depressed and my medication didn't seem to be helping. He told me that was life and to get over it. I got upset and said nothing for the rest of dinner.

He has his brother living with him and one day I was eating and he had an accident. At this time we had a third shift caregiver so I was able to sleep at night so I was okay in the mornings. This woman was new and needed some training on how to transfer him when he has an accident. His brother volunteered so I could eat and he had an issue with that. He told me that I was the only one to train and that I could wait to eat. I explained that I would not be able to eat after as I have a weak stomach. He said that he would just sit in his own feces then. I got mad and said fuck it. I got him transferred and explained how to clean him. I didn't eat after that.

He has told me that I am to ask before I leave the house and that I can't be gone for more than an hour. I feel so trapped and emotionally drained and donr know how to proceed. Talking to him doesn't help and honestly makes it worse.

Any advice would be nice.

Hey fellow caregivers. 92 yr old mom is FINALLY willing to wear a call button after a recent fall where we couldn't hear her.

I'm looking for something she can carry on her (watch or necklace) that will buzz a receiver upstairs.

I've looked through the thousands of Amazon listings for caregiver pagers, and like so many Amazon listings, they all look like really low quality products and seem full of fake reviews. Heck, most of them are just re-purposed wireless doorbells. I've yet to find what seems a legitimate caregiver or health focused vendor.

I'm hoping some folks out here might have some personal experiences with these products (that have lasted more than 3-6 months).

Thanks!

Hello, My mother had an ischemic stroke in May. She’s been bed ridden since then. She’s been having rashes caused by adult diapers. Rest assured I’ve been investing in the high quality expensive ones. However, they still aren’t the best. I’ve been using Giggles & Dr. comfort. She continues to suffer from rashes. My question is, does anyone have any positive experience with other brands? Or even reusable cotton diapers? Any recommendations would help.

Update: thank you all for the incredible tips ♥️ it’s been overwhelmingly comforting to realize that I’m not alone and that so many people out there feel the same way I do. So, thank you for the tips and thank you for comforting me 🙏. Sending everyone thoughts and prayers.

So I am either looking for any device or any suggestions on ways to help dress a person who primarily sits in a chair for most their day. The problem I am running into is that when it comes to changing clothes their pants become a challenge because they are heavy set and immobile. This is not made easier regardless if they are on the bed on they are on a chair. I do have a hoyer lift but the hoyer lift is only good for transfering from the chair to bed and vice versa. The family member is also unwilling to assist in any capacity which renders a lot of things such as canes, walkers and more useless.

This question is for caregivers. My grandmother lived in a board & care care home for five years before she passed away last month. Her caregivers were so good to her. They even sat with me when she passed away and cried also with me so I know they cared for her deeply.

I would like to send some sort of appreciation gift to the home because I appreciate all they’ve done for my grandma. Looking for suggestions on what would be a nice gift to receive or appropriate? Some kind of basket with things in it? Or gift certificates? I’m just not sure. I didn’t want to send any food or catering because I know they make food there.

Thank you in advance!

Question 🙋‍♀️ I’m a full time caregiver for my fully paralyzed son (28) So I recently received a notice about a violations because they say i claimed more hours than im supposed to . I get 236 hours a month should they not be used how the recipient wants or do we have to stick to a certain amount every week thank you in advance for any information you can help me undestand this.