My girlfriend, who I have been with for two years, is a caregiver to her father, and as time has passed, his deteriorating health has affected our ability to see each other. In the past few months she has been spending everyday in the hospital with her father. We would see each other almost daily for the first year that we started dating, but due to my job requiring me to travel a month at a time and her days being taken up by caring for her father, it's gotten harder to see each other to the point that in two weeks it will be a year since we have seen each other. We would often talk on the phone for hours at a time, but in the past month, as her father's health took a drastic turn for the worse, she's become less and less available to communicate. We've talked about how we both feel like what we have is special, but she feels guilt for not being as emotionally available for me anymore. I have always given her reassurance that it's understandable, given her circumstances, that she's drained both emotionally and physically, and that the issues in our relationship are not rooted in something between us, but in current external circumstances. I often send her flowers and give her reassurance whenever I can. I also often feel like I am self-sufficient enough to not need to, or want to, lean on anyone. Most of the time I'm fine to focus on myself with work, hobbies, and friends, but of course there are times when it can be hard emotionally. My girlfriend and I talked long before we started actually dating about the fact that this could one day be the state of our relationship, and I've been constant in that I can handle it.

What frustrates me and makes me feel a bit of confusion is that when I often talk to friends, it feels like they simply can't relate, and in a way, I don't blame them. One thing that has rubbed me the wrong way is that one of my closest friends asked how long I could go without having sex. That question feels like it undermines my commitment to someone I feel I have something special with. Other questions or comments I've gotten from people make it seem as if I should just find someone else. I am not in this relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship, and I don't doubt my ability to find another girlfriend. It feels as if these people are saying to just replace her, which bothers me. Do they view their partner as someone they can just replace once a relationship reaches a point that isn't convenient for them? Would they not at least try to make it work with their partner? It's gotten to the point that I almost feel like I don't have anyone that can relate/don't want to talk about it with anyone anymore.

I guess what I'm ultimately asking for is if anyone else can relate to this feeling or situation in their relationship and if what I'm doing makes sense.

I am a caregiver for a 100 year old gentleman. I visit his home 3 times a week for 4 hours each. He is non-weight bearing. My client lives with his son and daughter-in-law, who are both in their 70s. I am not able to lift him on my own, nor would I try to; his son has had to help me. They are still waiting on insurance to help with the purchase of a hoyer lift. The issue I am running into is that the past couple visits, I got here with my client soaked and soiled, wearing the same clothes I put him in last time. I know that his family is struggling to care for him on their own, but I’m really concerned about my client’s health. If he gets a UTI, there could be no coming back from that. What am I able to do in my situation?

My 23 year old daughter has a cognitive disability due to a brain malformation in utero, her biological mother using drugs and alcohol, and never doing any prenatal care (she was adopted from social services). She is limited in her ability to have a job or to take care of herself. She reads at about a 4th grade level and can do math at about the same if she has a calculator. She's obese and often sick. She can clean the house, bathe, get dressed, and cook if something is microwaved, can get around by bus by herself, but really, all she wants to do is to watch YouTube all day long. She had a "job" at a place that employed special needs adults but hasn't gone in to work for the past six weeks. They're holding the job for her, but her mom and I know that if it was anywhere else she'd be fired. She currently lives with her mother, my ex, because she didn't like living with me because I pressured her to get a job and to do things outside of the house. But I know that my ex is getting tired of it and doesn't know how to/won't pressure her into getting another job. The deal with my daughter was that she could stay with her mom if she did the cleaning took care of herself and kept her job. If she didn't do that she would come back and live with me and my wife. It's looking more like that's what's going to happen.

My question is, are we expected to have her with us the rest of our lives? She's on a list for assisted housing and receives SSI, but there is little housing available (we live in Colorado we're housing is in short supply and very expensive for everyone), and we all know that SSI covers pretty much nothing. She certainly cannot live on that. She would be homeless if we kicked her out. I can't bear the thought of that but not sure what else I can do other than have her live with us forever and just sitting in her room watching YouTube. We're so frustrated with her and don't know what to do and don't know where to turn. I love her so much, but she's really dragging us down.

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

We just lost my dad in April 2024. My mom refuses to move to mine and my husband’s sweet little town, either live with us or an apartment. Ok. I’ve accepted that. My brother lives very close to her and he insists he can take care of her needs such as taking her to the doctor. She’s diagnosed with Parkinson’s and treatment resistant high blood pressure. The problem is about half the the time he doesn’t do what she needs. He is working, and I’m retired, which one would think the obvious choice would be to move close to me. He and I had a huge argument about his neglect for my dad when he was alive and now my mom needs more help than ever. I’m so frustrated. Any encouragement? Suggestions?

Hi, does anyone know of adjustable beds that are low-magnetic and won't interfere with pacemakers? I need to get one for my parents, but my dad is worried one day he'll need a pacemaker. My father has a LOT of health problems, and my mother is in rehab with a broken hip. Thank you!

Hello everyone! I am a dsp at a group home for adults with IDD (intellectual and developmental disabilities). I am good at my job and i love helping these amazing people but after working here for over 3 years I find my self irritable and burnt out and annoyed. I have difficult residents no doubt but lately when they are disrespectful to me, it takes everything in me to not give it back to them. I am considering leaving and getting a job that makes a lot of tips to pay off my student debt. Thoughts, opinions, experiences… HALP 🫶

Well, recently, I was setting up some monitoring apps on my brother's phone to protect him better, and I, unfortunately, noticed how lonely he is—to the point that he doesn't realize he is being taken advantage of financially. It's heartbreaking to see how much he wants a connection at times. It's also unfortunate that I need to file a restraining order against someone he seems to care about in the near future.

A bit about him: He is semi-independent. He can live somewhat on his own but couldnt schedule his own doctor's appointments for example. He can have pretty normal conversations but isn't able to fully grasp nuance, such as hypotheticals or the future.

I want to support him in finding someone in our community who is similar to him. How do you guys go about dating?

Hi everyone,

I’m really struggling to manage my parent’s medications and am not too adept at posting on subreddits so apologies if I do anything wrong.

They’re in their 70s and take over 10 different meds, and it’s mentally draining keeping track of everything—dosages, refills, interactions. My mom can be very stubborn about taking her meds, and I worry that when I’m not around, she won’t take them properly. It’s mentally exhausting trying to stay on top of it all.

I’ve tried using a pill organizer and setting reminders, but I’m looking for something better. Do any of you use apps or other systems that help with managing multiple medications? I’m just feeling a bit lost and could really use some fresh advice.

Hi everyone! i really really need advice because im in a crappy situation. I’m a new HHA (today was literally my first day), and i love my client! Here are the issues…

1. Her sister… She is very abrasive and quite literally told me to jump off a bridge if i don’t like it. I’m the type of person who has a very low tolerance for disrespect, and i was nearing the edge with her on my FIRST DAY. She kept insinuating that i was gonna go in her room and that if i did then i would have to deal with her and some other threats 🫠 As well as telling me she has cameras everywhere so “try it if i want to” and that she has something for my a** if i do.

2. The client report that my agency sent me does not accurately chart her condition, therefore i signed up for more than i agreed to.

The problem is that it’s my first day and i don’t wanna make a horrible first impression with my company by already discontinuing care on the first day. Should I go ahead and speak with someone to discontinue care or suck it up?

Is it normal to not get trained as a caregiver? they gave me a 50 question test and that’s it

I originally posted this is AIO but I think it’s better here, as I need people with an understanding of the nuances of the situation. I’m gonna try to give back story to make this make sense but not write a novel.

I (36F) work as an in home caregiver for an 84F patient with early signs of dementia who is a fall risk who doesn’t believe or remember she’s a fall risk. She’s had several bad falls in the last few years and couple since I started this summer (only 1 minor fall in my care). She is a stubborn spitfire of a woman and I adore her. We are highly irreverent together and I’m her favorite caregiver because I read her mind and I don’t sugar coat things.

Anyway she had a bad fall early November which caused a compression fracture in her spine. This is at least the second time this has happened in the last 1.5 years. She was completely unable to move on her own for about 3 weeks and it was rough for everyone. Recovery has been slow but steady with a few hiccups. She has been receiving in home physical therapy (pt) and occupational therapy (ot) since.

We love her pt. He is amazing and gets her. We don’t love her ot. We’ve had a few problems with him, firstly being him coming in and telling her to smile, that she’s so pretty when she smiles and kept on it when she said “I don’t think I need to smile all the time” I could tell she was uncomfortable and chimed in that “not everyone is in a good mood all the time and it’s okay to not always smile” he doubled down and was basically regurgitating toxic positivity. I was able to redirect and move on. But it really bothered my lady. She perseverated on it. The next time he came back I was in a bit of a salty mood already and he said it and I’ll admit my tone was harsher than I meant but I straight up told him (paraphrasing) “don’t do that, don’t tell women to smile. It’s uncomfortable and it’s not actually about whether or not we are happy it’s about the male gaze and how we are supposed to appear for others. Not every day is a good day and it’s okay to not put on a show. Don’t do that.” He kind of doubled down a bit somewhere in the middle but by the end of my rant he said he didn’t realize it was a thing for women and he wouldn’t do it anymore. And he hasn’t.

My lady still doesn’t like him. He holds her hand and she just doesn’t like the way he talks to her or makes her feel. For the most part I can usually deflect and he honestly is a nice guy and means well. He’s older, probably 50’s and a very jovial person. I think it’s how he deals, by being positive but you have to be able to adapt your bedside manner to your clients.

As I mentioned my lady is stubborn and dealing with memory loss so it’s hard to know what drives some of the behavior. Regardless she is prone to getting up and wandering without her walker any time she thinks she can get away with it. And she’s sneaky. A big bone of contention is her bedside commode, she would rather use the toilet. I get it, I really do. But she has fallen so often in the night on the way to the toilet it is just not safe. So we’ve stopped using it unless we are already in the bathroom. It’s also way less safe for us as caregivers to support her in there because it’s small and we can’t be in with her we have to lean in from the door so it puts our bodies in the wrong position for safe support. This gets harder when she has spent time at her kids houses because she uses the toilet, gets back in that habit and we have to readjust to the commode all over.

Which is exactly what happened this weekend. I was off and she was with her daughter and the other caregiver. Other caregiver reported she made it all the way to the bathroom no walker in the night walking right past the commode. This is a safety issue. She can’t fall again especially while her back is still healing from the last break. But also just no more falls.

Fast forward to today. Ot comes, I ask about getting some ideas about how to keep up with brushing teeth without having to go into the bathroom and stand at the sink. He takes her into the bathroom and has her practice getting in and out of toilet room and on/off toilet. We get into a bit of an argument in front of patient because I say (paraphrasing) “this isn’t helpful, the other caregiver and I agree that keeping consistency with the commode is in her best interest for safety. It’s confusing for her to use the toilet because it causes problems in the night and she doesn’t remember not to use the toilet. We are struggling with her making choices to keep herself safe and this isn’t what we need help with.” He tells me “ots don’t work with commodes and this is what he needs to see. That this is the goal and this is important for his assessment” (she has just had assessments from other ots he’s just supposed to follow the plan). We go back and forth a bit as I’m trying to explain to him about her wandering and safety and how I asked about brushing teeth not toileting. I was frustrated and felt like he didn’t listen at all. We were able to redirect and finish the session but he never helped with any solutions around brushing teeth.

I spoke with the other caregiver and pt later this evening because I wasn’t sure if I was overreacting and there was something I was missing. But I’m actually more upset having talked it out with them.

So I’m both looking for advice and trying to see if I’m overreacting being pissed that the ot ignored my question completely, didn’t listen to me at all, and instead reinforced a behavior we are trying to avoid for safety.

i tested false positive for my tuberculosis test and the doctor told me to ask my boss to reimburse me because they’re supposed to be paying for these tests. boss told me n coworkers it’s our responsibility. i had to pay 135 dls!!! i don’t think it’s fair, i reached out and they ignored me.

Hello everyone. I am meeting my clients (90’s), daughter (POA) and hospice at our local hospital this morning. I am going primarily as support and to see my sweet friend/client. I am one of the caregivers staffed in home. While I do have experience with clients passing, and supporting family, my hospice experience has been in a hospice facility where client care was entirely managed. My sweet client will be come home. Those of you that have experience would you please share if you are able what questions you’d ask hospice?

For context my clients family are living out of the area and as involved as possible. Client will have 24 hour care until they pass. What questions do you wish you had asked while beginning this part of the journey? Thank you

Just read here that families can now put up cameras in nursing home rooms. Sounds really cool but what about the staff who work there? How does that even work? What if the staff doesn't consent to it?

Patient age 90. All her forms of personal identification with photos expire over the next couple months: driver license, passport, state ID card. She is not mobile so cannot renew in person. How do frail seniors in similar situations obtain personal photo identification?

So I got a new client that can't stand. Recently I've been putting my arms around her waist with my body close to her, legs bent and doing my best to pick her up and transfer her. It's not easy though since she's only 110lb. and I'm 125lb.

I'm wondering if anyone has any tips that would make this easier? I just got a gait belt today but don't know how to use it with someone who can't stand...

Hello r/caregivers!

I am a CNA with one year of long term care experience and one year of non-CNA home health caregiver.

Currently it seems like an impossible task to go to school and work as a CNA full time in a long term care center to provide my entire living situation because I have been saving up and haven’t even signed up for classes and my body is breaking down from the aggressive nature of LTC work as a CNA.

I am an exceptional caregiver by my facilities standards and would like to privatize my skills. I would be able to be a live in caregiver as I went to school which would be ideal. But I could also be a drop in caregiver.

My question is, where is the best place to find clients?

I live in Knoxville Tn and would like to stay in Knoxville to attend school.

Hello, I’m looking for guidance about how to get help for my mother, who has experienced rapid mental deterioration over the past year with a cycle of repeated hospitalizations and psychiatric decompensation at home. The situation is placing an unsustainable level of strain on my mother, father and the rest of our family. We need help securing a definitive diagnosis and finding longer-term care options before her condition worsens further. Any insights on recommended testing, navigating legal/insurance barriers, or locating a facility that can accommodate her complex needs would be greatly appreciated.

Overview

My 65-year-old mother, living at home in the San Francisco Bay Area with her supportive husband (age 68) and two sons nearby, has suffered a rapid and severe mental decline since returning from a month-long trip to Vietnam and Cambodia in February 2024. Previously, she was high-functioning—working full time, cooking daily, exercising, active with friends, and was deeply caring for and involved with her sons. She had only mild, seasonal depression (1–2 weeks/year), mild insomnia, and urinary retention issues leading to occasional UTIs. In the last few years prior to 2024, family members noticed very subtle signs of cognitive slowdown (occasionally losing track of conversations or movie plots), though it was unnoticeable most of the time. Family history includes Parkinson’s (her father) and probable bipolar disorder (mother/grandmother).

She contracted a mild case of COVID on her trip and also reported poor sleep while abroad; upon returning, she developed profound depression, anxiety, and psychosis, plus repeated episodes of inconsolable yelling with “verbal loops” and suicidal ideation lasting for hours. She also sometimes complains of tinnitus (ringing in her ears), and frequently claims not to have slept for several nights in a row—though hospital staff and her husband have observed her sleeping soundly at times when she insists she has not slept. She no longer talks to friends, does not communicate proactively with family, rarely leaves the house, and has completely stopped cooking, driving, and exercising. She’s lost drastic amounts of weight (down to ~90 lbs at 5’8” at one point) due to months of reduced appetite and sometimes flat-out refusing food for days at a time. While she sometimes reports tingling or neuropathy in her limbs, she doesn’t show any motor or gait issues. Between crises of suicidality and agitation, she often appears emotionally flat and is very quiet, with her eyes somewhat glazed over.

Treatment Barriers & Multiple Discharges

Since February 2024, she’s been hospitalized and discharged eight times, ranging from short 2–3 day emergency holds to stays of up to a month in psychiatric facilities. Typically, she’s admitted on a 5150 or 5250 hold for suicidal ideation but is released once the ideation subsides or if a medical complication (often a UTI) forces a transfer out of psych. (Although she had recurrent UTIs for a while, they seem resolved now, yet her psychiatric symptoms persist.) My father has had to call 911 multiple times due to her severe distress and erratic behavior. She has left against medical advice more than once, and insurance or hospital policies often limit longer stays once she appears temporarily stable. Despite ongoing suicidality, agitation, and repeated crises (including attempts to flee facilities and impulsive aggression—she has struck and bitten staff), doctors say she retains decision-making capacity, making a long-term LPS conservatorship difficult to secure. At home, she quickly decompensates—often within weeks—forcing another hospitalization. Multiple psychiatrists have remarked on the unusually rapid pace of her decline (she was fully functional 10 months ago) and said they rarely see cases like hers.

Refusal of Exams & Medications

She frequently refuses diagnostic exams (e.g., lumbar puncture) and has been unwilling to complete inpatient cognitive testing (facilities insist it be done outpatient, but she decompensates before appointments). A wide range of blood tests (CBC, CMP, autoimmune panel) and imaging (MRI, CT) have returned normal, leaving her doctors stumped. She tried multiple psychiatric meds—Ambien, Clonazepam, Propranolol, Effexor, Remeron, Auvelity—yet never stuck with any for more than a few weeks. None of these medications have produced a noticeable improvement. She underwent 12 rounds of ECT, only to abruptly quit claiming it was “frying her brain”. She attempted Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) but also stopped after two sessions. One psychiatrist strongly suspects a dementia process despite normal imaging.

Current State

It’s now January 2025, and there has been no improvement in her condition. She’s once again decompensating at home, and it’s highly likely she’ll need another psychiatric hospitalization very soon. Meanwhile, my father (her primary caregiver) cannot safely manage her alone, and we still can’t secure longer-term placement due to her resistance, frequent discharges, and the lack of a definitive diagnosis.

We desperately need advice on (1) pursuing a clear diagnosis given her repeated refusals and outpatient cancellations, and (2) finding a stable, longer-term care solution that won’t discharge her prematurely. Any ideas on next steps for comprehensive testing, possible diagnoses, or navigating the legal and insurance barriers in California would be immensely appreciated.

Hi all! So I take care of my mom who has ALZ and experiences incontinence. Although I wash her clothes ALL the time, I cannot get the smell or urine out. Any suggestions on products? I use tide detergent. Thanks!

Hi there -

My mom died a couple months ago and left me with a real messy situation. I'll try to keep this brief, but full disclosure I have much to say about it and a lot of very big feelings. Fast forward to the end for the main point.

I suppose the background of how this all happened isn't super important to my query, but my older sister had a stroke a few years ago that left her with total paralysis on the right side of her body (hemiplegia) and almost total aphasia. I convinced my parents that they needed to help her and they did.

[Omitting the detailed backstory and feelings about all the things]

Our dad died unexpectedly in 2021 and my mom subsequently drank herself to death - it's sad, but it also makes me really angry.

[Omitting more details about all the things]

I really want to write a huge thing, but I keep reminding myself that there is a purpose to this post. Maybe I'll tell you the whole shebang later, but right now I need some help. The details and frustration can be written later.

Anywho - sorry for all the tangents - it's my way of easing the stress of an insane situation.

The point: Our mom hadn't opened a single piece of mail since our dad passed. I had tried and failed to get her to take care of her responsibilities. She wasn't cashing my sisters benefit checks. I offered to do everything for her, I opened mail, I created a ledger for her accounts to make it easier - I begged her to sign a power of attorney so that if something happened I could easily step in.... ugh I am going off again. [Omit all the other things]

I hired a lawyer and have been working really hard on my sister's behalf. Since October, I have been named representative in the probate, temporary conservator/guardian (trial date set for permanent), and finally received the representative payee approval from social security this week.

She has a special needs trust that was mishandled and our mom didn't transfer the deposit account for social security into her name. I think that is why the disability checks weren't cashed. I have since transferred all the accounts into my name so that is taken care of, at least.

I need to know who to hire for my "team." l I just found out her Social Security was stopped in April because the annual reports hadn't been filed. I have no idea how to get it reinstated. The court wants an updated accounting done before our court date, but the finances are so messed up I don't know where to begin. It's all very overwhelming.

Can anyone tell me if there is a free resource or kind person that can guide me through these steps? I am also willing to pay for a service, but I probably need to pay for a financial advisor, maybe an accountant - and whomever else. Plus if there is any money to be distributed from my parents estate I need to do it in a way that won't adversely impact her benefits once I get them reinstated. I don't want to mess this up.

Sorry for all the words, I hope it wasn't too jumbled and I appreciate any insights you all might be able to provide me.

Im debating in becoming a personal care assistant in a school district for children K thru 8th. Can someone give me some insight on what to expect in that setting?

my mom does not wake up even to be fed. it has been 8 days since she went into hospital. she has been breathing fine without o2 last 2 days. she is 93.

is it exhaustion from covid or is she transitioning end of life?

Hello, I’m not sure how to even begin with my story. My dear friend showed me this community. I’m not a a regular Reddit user. I’ve been wanting to blog about my story with my mom and family. It started back in 2021.

My mom was diagnosed with having ALS. ALS is a terminal illness. It stands for amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. What this means is over time the nerve cells in the brain can’t fire off signals to ur body to function so ur body is essential killing itself from the inside out. There is no stopping. There is no cure. If time prevails, some can live with this disease for a long time. And I used to hold onto that because so many doctors and professionals would pray we would at least get 6 months with her. I now found time as torture for her. For us. Our family, it hasn’t been the same. I haven’t been the same.

I don’t know anyone who is my age (18 when her care continued to change) that understands what I’m going through. Have gone through. I’m a young adult but I feel old, like the life I have left in me is shown to pass by. I’m not a parent but I am. I’m not a kid but I am. I’m very lonely. It’s like everyone sees what I’m doing but they don’t seem to ever get it.

I follow so many communities on Facebook, i talk with my moms hospice team, I share the grief of losing mom with friends and family. But I never feel like I’m known and seen with what I feel day to day. Anyone out there?

I help both of my parents with many duties, including prescriptions. I'm looking for a convenient way to store all of the bottles so they are more organized (currently use a large Ziploc for each parent). Have you found anything that works well for you?

Hello, I am new to DSP (Direct service professional) I was told I would be able to get at least 40 hours, than they had me meet with a client the same day as another DSP to see if we would be a good fit. I was told that it was not a competition.

Right after the meeting I was told that it would be more like 20 hours a week. Turns out is it actually 9 hours a week per DSP since the other person is going to work with them as well. Since She was first appointment, I am letting her make the schedule (am kicking myself right now) When I say make the schedule, I mean pick what days she wants to work since there are some days she is not available, and I have more availability. I was told that there would be more hours down the road due to a certain reason I cannot explain due to HIPPA and that they would more than likely bring in yet another DSP to help cover the hours. Now I am unsure.

Sidenote I was not told this hour info of exactly how many hours the client had until orientation which was at the end and I had already accepted the client.

Is this an industry standard?

My grandmother has dementia that is accelerating. She lives alone in an apartment and has care from 9 am-9 pm. Recently she was found outside by her building manager in the middle of the night so my mom had cameras installed to make sure she is going to and staying in bed. However, we realized that we likely need to put an alarm on the front door that could be set on a timer to alert my mom if the front door is opened after the last aide leaves at 9 pm. We would like this to be able to be checked via app or at least trigger some kind of alarm on my mom’s phone. If it has a camera feature that’s fine but also not necessary since she will have the camera app already going. Does anyone have suggestions on some sort of system that would alert you when the front door is opened but not make noise in the home itself?

Why are care homes so expensive? Last time I looked, it was anything between 1.5 and 2k pounds a week.

Are expenses really that high, or is it just because there's so much demand? Genuinely curious here.

So, I recently got hired on as a caregiver (I have no prior experience to my current job in this field but I'm doing online training and working with a mentor) and am working with a client in a facility. I'm struggling emotionally a little bit because I'm there solely for my client (I work for a 3rd party) and I'm frustrated a bit with somethings.

Sometimes I need assistance with my client at times since it is a two-person task and while I understand they have other clients; I had to wander around basically going from person to person to help me and continuously badger them until I finally got someone.

And mind you, the two-person assistance needs to be done within certain timeframes, so I don't feel comfortable waiting. (One told me they'd be back at X time and showed up an hour and a half later, which at that point I had already found someone) And I don't mean to come off rude but, in my opinion, some of them weren't that gentle with my client, and I had to tell one of them not to do X thing with my client and they were like "oh yea you're probably right"

I got off my second ever shift (first one I was for training), and I just cried.

I got into this because I care and want to help and I'm not sure if I'm just being too soft or what, but I just really need some advice on how to manage my emotions (I didn't let it affect me until I got off my shift) and other tips but it was a little overwhelming to say the least.

EDIT: The offer to move in with my best friend and his girlfriend has seemingly fell through due to the Landlords “maximum occupancy rule”. Not entirely sure where to go from here as I’m not exactly in a state of financial stability.

I’m (19M) a full-time carer for my parents (49M + 49F). And I need to move out. (burner account for obvious reasons)

I have been looking after them since I was 17 and in college. I got kicked out due to my mental health which I’m happy to say has improved greatly since then. My mother was recently discharged from a psychiatric hospital after multiple suicide attempts. She still isn’t herself and is very anxious which in turn makes me anxious to the point where I’ve been prescribed beta blockers. She is diabetic, and at the end of her breast cancer treatment and has a vast medical history too. My father on the other hand had a stroke a few years back and now has Multiple Sclerosis. Taking care of them takes up the majority of my time and I get nervous to leave the house in case anything happens to them like my dad falling over and me not being there to help and I’ve been on carer’s allowance for a while to cover my bills. I’m finally in an apprenticeship program in my career path of choice. My best friend and his long-term girlfriend have just landed a 3 bedroom house and have offered me to move in with them rent free. I’m dying to say yes or even just get my own 1 bedroom apartment. But the problem is that I feel like my parents and my family expect me to keep caring for my parents indefinitely. And I just can’t do that as it’s now starting to take its toll on my mental wellbeing. All I want is to start my own life, independent of my parents. I feel so guilty and horrible for thinking all of this, but I have 4 older siblings who haven’t lived at home for years. Why should I be the one to bear this burden. I’m just a kid. Any advice at all would be appreciated so much.

My apologies for the long post.

I just had to spend almost everything I had on getting my care repaired and I recently started working as a caregiver with a company called nightingale services.

Today is Saturday and my 1st shift was last Friday. We get paid every other Friday. Do these companies typically withhold a week or two's pay like lots of places seem to do these days?

When should I expect to get paid?