I've seen a number of questions about how much live-in caregivers are supposed to earn on average, and complaints that folks don't make enough.... I decided to give my own situation as an example. Sorry this is long.

I'm a live in caregiver for an elderly couple in their 80s, and have been living here for over 10 years. She is a cancer survivor and only semi-mobile, he has stage 4 gastric cancer but is still mobile. At present I do not need to dress them or assist them in anything more personall than nail trimming and hair-cutting (both of which I totally suck at, but as they refuse to leave home for a salon appointment, they have no choice but to accept my sub-par styling.) As they get older, they will of course need more personal care, and I worry constantly about what extra effort that may take.

I am a female in my late 50s with no other income or housing, and no children of my own. I get room and board and storage space for my own car & belongings. I get all the food I can eat, but I have to do all the shopping & cooking myself - plus I have to make only what they like and rarely what I want to eat. I am responsible for all medicatiosn and transportation to doctors appointments, including, at last count, 57 rounds of chemo. Plus tasks around the house.

They pay my health insurance and a small stipend they believe is overly ample for all my needs - it comes to $1200 a month which goes entirely to my own insurance, my always maxed credit card bills ,,and my late night luxury of steaming services and internet games. I run short constantly and have to sell items or do a bit of robbing Peter to pay Pau every month I just don't have time to investigate more lucrative side-hustles, but money is a constant concern.

I have never had a vacation or even a whole day off in these 10 years. If I go more than 20 minutes away, or stay out running errands for more than a couple hours I receive a litany of panicked phone calls and have to rush back. I tend to refer to my position as one of "house-arrest." Occasionally my best friend kidnaps me on her own day off, and we go to an afternoon movie and lunch, but I have to return by 5pm to make dinner.

I'm exhausted, and highly stressed as all of my life takes a backseat to their needs. I have ADHD, and the struggle to keep their lives running smoothly takes all my focus and all my spoons - as a result my personal life and living space is in chaotic shambles and I have developed stress-related health problems.

And as you may have guessed - they are my parents.
Part of the time I feel blessed for getting to spend all this extra time with them. I know my father would have died years ago without my personal attention to his care. I strive to create the best quality of life for them because I love them.

Part of the time I resent the constant list of home/care tasks, and the controlling behavior that makes me feel like a prisoner in my own house (excuse me - my parents' home - Mom is persnickety about reminding me that the house isn't mine.) I wish I could just get away and do something fun on my own - but I have no extra time or money to do that. I find myself longing for the day when they have both passed and I can break free and not be always available. Then I feel guilty for that longing.

Part of me wants them to live as long as possible - but selfishly. because I don't know what will happen to me when they are both gone. I will only inherit a potion of the final sale of the house, and will not have the means to get my own place. I try not to think about it, and avoiding the subject eats away at me. It hurts me that my parents have stated in their will the house be sold "as is" immediately after both are gone, despite my having no where to go and feeling that my inevitable eviction from the only home I have is some sort of punishment for not living up to their expectations. I wonder if they have any comprehension of how desperate the housing crisis is and the sheer overload of stress it will cause me to try to navigate to a place I can call home when I will myself be elderly at that time..

I have no real questions nor do I desire your criticism or sympathy. It's just that everyone has a different story and this is mine - and we are all part of this bizarre club.Maybe I just needed to vent! And maybe my situation and "income" will make someone feel suddenly better about their own story.

Hello, Everyone. I want to work as a caregiver, but I wonder if there is an app to help me find caregiver jobs. I have searched, but I always find myself applying on Indeed or Linkedin. Thank you.

For about 4 months now I’ve been taking care of this elderly lady whose granddaughter takes care of her. She has a very nice home except it is hoarded to the brim and is now just over the borderline of disgusting filth. It’s only ever clean when I or another person who works with the company I’m with is here. So she really only has a clean home 2-3 days out of the week (Nasty sink, kitchen, bedroom is filthy, cat box is overflowing with shit, gnats everywhere, roaches occasionally, etc).

From the sound of it her granddaughter moved back in when the lady got sick and that’s when her granddaughter made the house not so cleanly anymore. I’ve tried my damndest to make sure she gets everything she needs before her granddaughter comes back (I’m only here 2-3 days a week).

As of yesterday, I’ve talked to my boss and she said she would take some sort of action which I’m not sure what would be yet. Hypothetically, if they don’t wind up doing anything, what can I do for this lady to try and get her out of here? My mental health is also going down the drain making sure this woman has more then the minimum. She is the sweetest person I’ve ever met and ADORES me, I just want what’s best for her and right now, this is way way way below the line of what she deserves.

What are all the reasons home health agencies and companies ask, or require for caregivers to have auto insurance?? How often are caregivers driving patients around? Last question, is it common that a patient gives a caregiver permission to use his/her car to drive them around??

I apologize for the length of this post. TLDR at the end for those who don’t have time to read the whole thing.

From a very young age, my (24M) younger brother (19M) has been different. He never seemed to be able to think two steps ahead and realize what the consequences of his actions might be.

In middle school, he was caught stealing a few times, and he couldn’t explain why he did it. The items he stole weren’t valuable - a hand vacuum, for instance - but he took it, and didn’t seem to consider what might happen if someone caught him with it.

In high school, he had a few part-time jobs, but was never able to hold one down for too long. He would join at 16 hours a week, and then eventually his bosses would reduce his hours until he was practically off the schedule. My family (mom (55F), dad (55M), brother (17M), and myself) never learned the reasons - he didn’t tell us, and always insisted his bosses had simply over-hired and didn’t need all the employees.

School was a tough time for my brother. The system didn’t understand him or his disability, and punished him mercilessly with bad grades. I’ve always been a good student, and I can’t imagine how it must have made my brother feel to watch me growing up, and then have his parents and teachers and administrators treat him so differently - like he was worthless, like he was the problem, like it was his fault. He had a disability, but no one understood or cared enough to help. Frankly, not even me.

My parents are religious and overbearing. It was a strenuous environment for a teenager to grow up in. The moment I had a chance to get off to college, I was out the door. Free at last. My brother never got that chance. My parents dragged him kicking and screaming through getting his high school diploma, but once high school was over, there was no prospect of college. He applied to work 40 hours a week at a local sandwich shop and the cost of living in my hometown is quite high, so he continued to live with my parents. The sandwich shop hired him full-time, but soon the same mysterious thing that had happened at all his previous jobs was happening again. He was working 3 days a week, then two, and then hardly any at all.

When I was home visiting my parents for the holidays last summer, they showed me a copy of the autism diagnosis my brother had been given when he was 15, and it explained a lot. He was given a score in several categories, and one of the categories - something like “critical thinking and decision-making” - was his lowest score. The report also seemed to indicate that my brother was high-functioning enough in several other areas that society would never fully understand and recognize his disability. In fact, the doctors who wrote the report noted that when they first met my brother, it wasn’t immediately outwardly obvious that he had signs of autism. After briefly looking into the requirements of a legal conservatorship, I wasn’t convinced that my parents would be able to get one if they applied for it (although if anyone in the comments suggests this as something I should look into further, I certainly will).

Recently, concerning signs have developed at an alarming rate. My parents got a notice in the mail two weeks ago stating that my brother was being sued for crashing into someone with a golf cart when he worked at the local country club in high school, and that he would be expected to appear in court in September. This explained why he’d been kicked off the schedule at the country club; we can only imagine why he was kicked off the schedule at his other jobs. When my brother does have an income, he spends the money rapidly on very expensive and frivolous things - a $1,000 gaming chair, an inflatable outdoor bed, etc. - overdrawing his cards at times and eating an occasional $35 overdraft fee in the name of instant gratification. He wants desperately to escape from my parents’ house, but has shown no ability or inclination to save money, hold down a job, or gain independence.

And that’s what brings me to where we are today. I called my mom for Mother’s Day yesterday, and she informed me that my brother had bought a train ticket to run away to Oregon that night. This was the first I’d heard about it, and my parents probably didn’t have much of a heads-up either. My brother told us he planned to hang out with some guy he met on the internet – he claimed he didn’t even know the guy’s name – at a hotel in Medford. Why Medford? Well, my brother claims, “because the town has a reputation online for being a bit run-down, and my friend and I want to explore it and see if the reputation is true.” Uh huh. So as far as I know, that’s where he is right now. He says he plans to return home to my parents’ house on Thursday. I’ve told him that he can call me anytime if he needs help, but I live on the other side of the country, so I’m not sure there’s much I can do if he gets into trouble. My parents could get there within about a day’s drive.

My brother’s urge to escape from my parents is not new. He hatched a similar plan a few months ago - at that time, he was planning to buy a plane ticket and move in with a girl he’d met briefly in high school at her parents’ house in Michigan. My family and I had heard him chatting online with this girl, who had bipolar disorder - they said “I love you” to each other about every 30 seconds. When my brother informed us of his plan to elope, we were immediately concerned and asked what his plans were to get a job and support himself. He said he didn’t know, and supposed he would try for a job at the local Home Depot. He knows nothing about hardware. We asked him what this girl’s last name was. He admitted he didn’t know. My family and I tried to pry more information out of him and convince him not to leave - that it could be unsafe, that he didn’t know this girl very well, that she or her family might be abusive or take advantage of him (he is extremely trusting and has often given away his own money freely to my rather manipulative younger brother, 17M) and honestly, we were extremely concerned that drugs or pregnancy could result in the worst case. He didn’t listen to us and seemed determined to go. It was only after this girl revealed her true self and kept demanding that my brother send her free food over DoorDash that he decided not to go. My brother has also had many instances of running away from home for a night and returning to my parents’ house in the morning.

What can I do for my brother? I understand his desperate desire to be free from the restrictive environment of my parents’ house. School, society, his workplaces, and his own family have looked down on him, told him he can’t make it in the real world, judged him on metrics he can’t meet. He’s an adult now, and he’s longing for independence and self-worth. But since he doesn’t feel he can follow my path (college, a stable job, etc.) out of the house, he’s determined to get out in any way he can – even if that means hanging out with a stranger at a hotel in Oregon, moving in with a girl he barely knows in Michigan, etc. If this continues, I’m extremely worried that my brother is going to end up hurt, or homeless, or worse. I’d like to offer him some alternative path to freedom and independence, but honestly, I don’t see what it is. Please help.

~TLDR~: my autistic younger brother is determined to get out from under my parents’ thumb at all costs. He’s engaging in what seem to be increasingly risky plans to escape, and I’m extremely worried that he’s going to get hurt. He doesn’t have good decision-making skills and I’m not sure he can keep himself safe on his own.

im 20 years old and for those years, my life has been miserable. my dad is schizophrenic, so there was always issues here and there growing up. my mom and i had to face a lot of consequences based on his actions, which is not his fault, but it is hard seeing all 3 of you as a family drowning. my mom has been losing it, she’s only 50 yet i can tell she’s lost so much in her. my dad is not capable in taking care of himself, and he’s only 57.

i’m starting to feel like i just don’t want to live this life anymore. i’m so tired. i’ve put up a lot. my dad stopped taking his medication (he would throw them in the trash) and he experienced a crazy amount of manic, paranoia episodes. we had to send him to the mental behavioral facility, and it’s been 3 weeks since he’s been there as they take care of him. he’s getting fed, he has his own room, people got their eyes on him and somewhat i feel so relieved?

i got to spend those 3 weeks to MYSELF. for once, my mom and i got to clean the house and get it to feel like a home. we finally got to change our routine, our lifestyle, and i somewhat feel so normal. ive developed such good habits, im eating better, etc.

now i know he will be discharged soon, and i want him to find peace in his mind and to feel better yet the thought of him coming back home just so we can go back to square 1, I relapse, etc. Makes me want to die literally. i feel like that change will put me through an episode of not eating and staying in bed for at least a bloody year. and what makes it worse is i feel terribly selfish for feeling that way. shouldn’t i be happy he’s coming back? but what if i don’t want to do this anymore.

Okay so long story short my father (53) had a Triple Bypass, he is now recovering and needs someone to cook and clean for him and just socialize. We live in different states (he's in FL). I do not know how to go about finding someone that is willing go periodically throughout the day to tend to his needs.

Edit : Thank you for all your help and responses in advance

Mother is very mentally and physically ill and we need advice on coping, next steps, and medical authority in NJ. As a brief summary, she abused prescribed Xanax for 20+ years until two years ago when she decided to quit cold turkey in a rehab facility, we’ve come to realize that was not the right approach; this damaged her mental state further. She experiences intense anxiety and depression, among physical conditions, i.e., Ramsay Hunt, knee swelling, and more.

She’s been in and out of psych facilities (short term stays), goes to group meetings (or she says she does), and sees a therapist/psychiatrist. NOTHING helps. She gets worse and worse and now she is the worst we’ve ever seen.

She’s also a compulsive liar. At a few of the facilities, they’ve diagnosed her with Borderline Personality Disorder, her mother had Narcissistic Personality Disorder so it makes sense. She lies about everything it seems to get our attention. You can’t trust a word she says about what the doctors said, she lied about losing her job and we caught her, she lies about complying with doctors but she does the opposite, as some examples among many others.

On top of this, when she’s home, she is not taking care of herself or her other son who is mentally disabled. She lays in bed all day, and smokes cigarettes constantly. She recently got pneumonia and a blood infection that caused her to pass out. She was in the hospital for one week now back in the psych ward for 7 days. We fear when she comes home, she will be a danger to herself, and others, because she doesnt take care of herself and she doesn’t understand what she needs to do to get better despite everyone telling her. I am working on becoming her medical authority in NJ because it’s clear she can’t make medical decisions for herself.

We are exhausted. She constantly calls begging for us to do something and visit her but what she doesn’t realize is that’s all we are doing, supporting her, answering every call from her, calling insurance companies, doctors, her former job, organizing finances and managing her other son’s care.

We are thinking she needs a long term stay at a mental hospital (3-6months at least) but she lies so much. Everytime she goes she says she is better after 1 week but NOTHING changes, honestly it seems like she is worse.

Any advice on how to cope, next steps, medical authority in NJ. For example, if we become her medical authority, can we commit her long term? Any advice is helpful. Thank you!

Hi Everyone,

It's fallen to me to take care of my aging father. He lives in a run down mobile home I am doing everything I can to keep up with, I patch the roof myself, my friends and I take care of the outside, and I clean it a few times a week. I have tried to keep it going, but as his health deteriorates, I am unable to bring it up to a standard where he can safely live there. He's not had a shower in 2 months, because he can't get into the bath-tub and is unwilling to accept help. (we do sponge baths, but it's not really sufficient) He sleeps in a chair in the living room. I empty his piss bottles every day when I go over after work because he can't always make it to the bathroom.

We have been greatly blessed that there is a world class assisted care facility he can get into for FREE, but he doesn't want to leave his home, which I understand, but I am unable to support him living at his home much longer. It's not only bankrupting me, it's also eating all of my time and energy.

Any suggestions or help to ease his transition here, and to make things easier for both of us would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Ok, make a long story short... My mothers dad passed in 2020, He stayed in a home that mom bought back in 2014 for him... Fast foward since passing, family members decided to ask mom if they could move in on the day of dads funeral in 2020.. Mom has dementia by the way. Therefore I have been taking care of mom since 2017 due to stroke which caused wheelchair bound dementia etc. Mind you mom ALSO had a 13 year old daughter at the time ( my sister ) . So had to deal with not one situation but TWO at that time while also having two young children at the time as well + marriage. Anywho.. when we talk about it, mom states they kept pressuring and asking day of funeral so she just said yes. ( I WOULD SAY YES TO IF IM TRYING TO FOCUS ON GRIEVING MY DAD) .. So theyve been living in it since 2020.. the SPECIFIC person that asked to move in the home did NOT come see mom when they had the stroke, IDC if you didnt have a way to mom IDC what your excuses are. MOM was on death bed, doc had to cut out skull, and mom was walking around with only half her head for a whole YEAR! IDC IDC like mom states if someone cares enough they will make a WAY not an EXCUSE! AND SINCE 2017 has yet to COME AND VISIT or anything!! Mind you this persons mom (my moms sister) which is this persons mother ALSO was pressuring mom about it.. They all live in the same state, its almost like it was all PRE-meditated as they knew dad was dying or would die eventually because why AS SOON AS THEY DIE, youre asking to move in???? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE! Anywho..... NONE OF MOMS FAMILY HAVE VISITED, yet constantly call here and their and all mom can say is and argue why havent yall come up here , get up here, etc, but its been constant excuses.. all they can really say is US COME TO THEM or WERE OLD we cant travel etc.... YET BEFORE MOM HAD THE STROKE YALL WAS TRAVELING WHEN MOM TOOK YALL ON VACATIONS AND STUFF etc. When stroke happened they ofcourse had to come cause it was moms only direct family.. then finally got in contact with us (moms children) and asked one of us to come deal with it alll, So since i came and took over in 2017 havent seen NOONE since but a damn phone call!! mind you IM MILITARY i cant just leave like that... Yet everyone pressuring me, saying they will handle eveything for me.. lord knows i dont even know if i had a choice in everything back then when i think about it.. I couldnt even process getting out the military the correct way, or even choose, hell i wouldve been close to retirement by now. BUt ofcourse im thinking im doing the right thing by taking care/helping my parent.. because other siblings were like they cant.. So i ended my career... ITS BEEN 6 YEARS GOING ON 7 DAMN YEARS! NO BREAKS NO HELP. MENTAL IS DONE MARRIAGE DONE DAMN DIVORCED LIKE 50 times during this.. Little sis 19 now!!!!!!!!!!! Lord knows if it wasnt for my young kids i dont know i wouldve kept going.. SO MUCH HAS TRANSPIRED i could sit here for days. SORRY LET ME GET BACK TO SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING. I just so passion about this. whole life done did a whole 360.. anyways mom deserves better, ive done all i could. I want mom to have a life again, have activities, get social like assited living, and mom has mentioned multiple times they would like to do it. and their YOUNG!. PLus mom is getting worse, just called my young daughter a bi*** the other day...BUT i just dont want her memories to be watching tv all day you know??? and i also need to focous on my children. and i need and want a break, and im okay with admitting that. I LET THEM LIVE IN THEIR SINCE 2020. IM TIRED OF PUTTING EVERY1 ELSE FIRST WE REFINANCED THE HOME I TRIED EVERYTHING I CARED!

ANYWAYS SHOULD I CARE ABOUT THEM FAM MEMB LIVING IN THE HOME OR JUST EVICT AND SELL??? Im ready to (mom has mentioned multiple times they want to do it as well) sell the home to restart ALL OUR lives and put mom in a nice assistd place , IM STILL TAKING CARE OF MOMS CHILD. So YES THIS IS ABOUT ALL OF US. NOT NEGELCTING MY FAM IN THIS

Just in the last two weeks I have suddenly become the main "caretaker" or contact person for an 86-year old woman who has recently been in and out of the hospital. I'm not sure how to describe the situation...I happened to already know her grandson and later her son, but we just really started talking about a month ago. I just know her from a local weekly free meal I sometimes attend. Anyway she's a lovely lady with a large family, but except for one son states away (IL to fla) who's staying in touch by phone but really aware of her care needs, other family members aren't involved in her daily needs.Shes also a hoarder, especially with food, so she's kind of frustrated and alienated her sons and family. I don't want to go on and on here but where I am today is that after just a week of being with her for 6,7,8 hours a day and being there to bring her home from the hospital and realizing that there are a lot of needs-- she has a regular homemaker for a few hours per day, but things are a mess. Her tub is full of clothes- I don't know how she bathes or uses the toilet..etc. Here's two things I could use feedback on:

1. I like her a lot, a lot, and I know her family is very greatful for my help, so is she, but I have my own health issues and I take a sedating medication at night. Today I slept until 4 pm- I'm already physically exhausted after less than two weeks. And I told her I'd be there this morning..I feel terribly guilty and stuck.

2. I've learned that her homemaker has been administering her meds for years while she's not qualified nor allowed to do. I don't know why she's not told anyone.....but I met another who told me she's really concerned.

The hospital case manager just arranged for a home health care agency to start services...and the RN who did her evaluation yesterday told me she suspected that was the case, re the homemaker and I affirmed that. Now I'm worried the woman will lose her beloved caretaker. Ugh sorry this got so long. Today has been a bad one.

I have been abandoned by every child my parents have raised. Mom has passed. Dad has dementia. Siblings are zero help. I hate them. I don’t expend a lot of energy doing so but I truly hate them. I finally was able to get my LOWD into a cash pay facility that is woefully understaffed bordering on negligent which caused as much stress as caregiving at home. My sibs contribute nothing including visits. I get calls at all times of the night that the LO has fallen (short staffed). Nothing serious. It no one at the facility is competent enough to handled the situation. All of the memory care facilities in our region are the same or worse. I’ve tried assessing the issue a dozen times with facility, calling the ombudsman, state health department. To no avail.

I am trapped in a cycle of incompetence and am in living hell.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Hello I just started this job probably 2 weeks ago I thought that it was going to be a steady schedule however it is not I have had multiple clients taken off of my schedule and I am supposed to to get 48 hours but they have only been giving me 12-24 hours which I can not live on so due to that I told they I am quitting and going to a different job and they responded and said that I was going to be reported for client abandonment can I get in trouble for this?

Hi I'm a Caregiver myself going about 5 years now. Thankfully I'm not in this situation but recently I've heard some information on another Caregiver and I'm not 100% on what to do.

This individual doesn't work with my company at all. She takes care of mother, the mother has small issues here and there with her health. The mother does have her own nurse who shows about once a week or so.

The daughter (Caregiver) is never there to help her mother. The daughter might show up for a bit then leaves.

The daughter also doesn't clock in at her mothers house. They are still under the little portable or the small token device that generates the clock in/ our numbers. She'll ask her mother what the token number is to only get her hours.

What's even sadder is the mother is in on this situation too.

I'm not sure if I should report this in or what to exactly do. I feel like they're cheating the system and are being unfair and professional about it.

Ok!!

So this client is ambulatory, exercises, doesn't need help showering etc. He hired me because the other caregiver apparently is only doing housekeeping. He needs me to do some grooming and some computer work for him. That's kinda it. He told me if I committed to 4 hours a day. He could pay me 800 a month + room and board. (I obviously can't live off of 800 a month in LA, but the room helps). And he said I could have an outside job. So I agreed.

Fast forward to I move in...and he takes me upstairs and says. "We need to discuss. I don't want you having an outside job. I can pay you 800 a month + room and board. That room is worth 3k. You just work for me"

I obviously told him I can't live off of that . And I understand rent...but then I would not live here. I told him I'm here because he says he needs someone. I can't be expected to be somewhere for 24 hrs and not be compensated appropriately. He lost his shit. And basically told me to leave at 9pm. I have no where to go. He then called Maria up the other caregiver...and basically told her the same thing "800 a month or get out". She also has no place to go. We agree to something completely different. And now both her and I are kinda stuck pretending to be ok with it because he has given us no other choice. We will leave as soon as we can. But how can he do this?

He pretended to be kind. He apparently told Maria he'd buy her a house if she helped him...and he tried to tell me two houses. I said I don't want that I just want to be paid appropriately today. He keeps trying to financially control us. And he is succeeding for now. It's cruel. Maria is also confounded. She started a week before me. He owes her money for his groceries that he asked her to buy. He said bring receipt and I'll pay you back. She's scared he'll kick her out and owe her money.

Sorry this has just never happened to me. I've had lovely clients (one aggressive Alzheimer's client, but overall super lovely most of the time)

I have worked in a nursing home, assisted living facility w/ mem care, assisted, and independent (very traumatic), and as a PCA who goes to clients' houses. I like old people but it's so hard emotionally. I am in my early 20s and I took care of my grandma when she was ill. I was 10-13 yrs old and learning from the home nurses. It became a passion, I suppose. When I see the old people, I wonder if they miss their lives before. I know they do. I try to feel happy for them that they are happy too (when they are in an Independent Living and have activities and meals and outside time, etc.) Sometimes I cry just thinking of what their lives were like before and how now they are dependent on someone else. People having to sit in their own soil. Because the memory care unit only has two staff on, and we have four residents that are two-person assists. And twelve residents that are one-assist. And the DoN is implanting people that aren't mem care, just two-person assists, because they want the money. The smell of the nursing home is hard. The whole thing is just difficult all around. I used to have caregiver burnout. I couldn't help myself feeling so angry and just unable to keep up the dementia lie. "No, mom and dad are not coming back from the store. You are in ____, __ in an assisted living facility." Since I've left there and moved to PCA work, I've been better (less emotionally unstable and the SI thoughts are better). Sorry for the long post guys, I just finished an overnight shift with a lady with dementia. I listened to the same few stories, played cards, and attempted macrame for 7.5 hrs. Then she went to bed and I went home.

My grandma has c-ptsd and when she’s triggered omg it’s awful. She literally goes psychotic screams at the top of her lungs gets in my face throws things up in my face from 4 yrs ago like it happened today. She even holds her fist to my face and shakes it cuz her hands won’t work enough to actually hit me. She calls me whores man crazy cuz I have a husband I’ve been with for 4 years. She controls everything I do to I can only go to her house or mine I’m never aloud to go anywhere else or she gets pissed off. When I leave her house I just lie and let her think I’m at home and do what I have to do cuz she’s crazy. Anyone else deal with something like this??? Everything is about her she messed up washing clothes last night I wasn’t even at her house and she blamed me said I didn’t check the clothes how could I I wasn’t even here. Please tell me it’s normal with someone with ptsd. I sometimes wander if I have it from her cuz even when we’re not fighting I’ll have nightmares about us fighting and wake up thinking she’s mad when she’s not. She will tell me to get another job and threaten to fire me every other day when she’s like this. I’m not aloud to eat or drink cuz she won’t eat. This is all craziness there has to be away to stop it but she won’t take any meds unless there pain pills. I’m so mentally drained…..

I’ve been helping a gentleman this past year and we’ve had some great days but he’s crossed the line with me multiple times by snapping at me or making things difficult in regards to compensation.

I went in yesterday with the intention to have a friendly conversation about it and set some boundaries, which is something I’d done in the past. It was payday and he shorted me on purpose and it was kind of the final insult.

I’ve spent a number of days/nights frustrated because of the apparent lack of appreciation. I don’t do this work for praise but so many people take it for granted. I’ve just hit my limit with this as a profession, though I feel I’m quite good at it. It’s a shame.

I also feel bad for leaving him, which is my empathy talking, but in my gut I know I need to stand firm. I’m uncertain about what the future holds but I have faith that my purpose will lead me to good things.

I guess I’m just sort of venting and felt like I needed to share. Thanks for listening.

Is there a free service that can help me to discuss Medicaid and/or what specific government benefits they MIGHT qualify for my parents can qualify for as I am their primary caregiver and they will move in with me. I am lost??

I have an adult son.. disabled, non verbal, who still lives at home with us.. I hired a male aide a few months ago to help out during the week. He works eight hours a day, and is paid very well. About $40 an hour. He is giving free room and board, and he’s got a complete kitchen and stove of his own to use in the private living area we provide him with. Most days he’s done by 4 o’clock, and sometimes earlier. He’s not a young man, he’s in his early 50s. He has his own vehicle. He’s also on a very strict vegetarian diet. My only issue with him is this : he doesn’t buy and stock his fridge with his own food. He sits and waits for me to give him all his meals. If I don’t feed him, even though he gets off at 3 o’clock, he will not leave the house to go by himself food and prepare it and leave it in his own fridge. At first, I didn’t mind, but with the cost of food, feeding one whole extra adult male is costly. Frankly, I’m surprise that he would expect this three times a day. I can understand coming upstairs early and having a couple of eggs. But why can’t he made himself sandwiches or meal prep downstairs. I feel like I’ve gained another child. I realize bringing this up to him will cause some tension, so I’m not sure how to handle this. It’s gotten to the point that if he doesn’t feel well, he will ask me for cold medicine, instead of going to the pharmacy and buying it himself. I’m not good with confrontation, and I know some people are going to tell me to let this slide. When I worked full-time, if my boss treated me to lunch one day, I didn’t expect it every day. Any ideas on how to approach the subject, or just let it go?

Hello. My husband is in end stage heart failure. I was a caregiver for months before I hit a wall and had to take him to the ER to try to get a respite stay. The ER treated him and set him up with in patient hospice. Finally a doc sat me down and explained things in a way I understood that he was way sicker than I thought. We've been in patient for 3 weeks. He's ready to go home and have home hospice. I have a hospital bed, and supplies. I have all his meds ordered. I asked for a lift and a recliner.

I'm thinking about some sort of caregiver pager. Basically if someone is in a different room or outside he can buzz and get attention. He really can't use his phone anymore, so it needs to be much more simple than that. I don't want it to be life alert - where someone else is called. Just something that would either buzz my phone or a pager system like at a restaurant. Does anyone have any suggestions on something like this? Can anyone else think of anything I should ask for or have in place prior to him going home?

Caregiver Survival Kit and Strategies   Hello everyone, new to Reddit here! I've been a caregiver for 3-5 years, navigating hospitals and learning some valuable hacks along the way. Here are 10 tips to share:  

1. Healthy Snacks: Stock up on premade healthy foods like protein shakes, bars, and pre-cut fruits/veggies for hospital visits.

  2. Grab-and-Go Bag: Keep essentials ready for hospital trips—medication list, ID copies, snacks, water, toiletries, and comfy clothes.   3. Fitness: Incorporate quick workouts like bodyweight exercises, plyometrics, walks, or stair climbs into your routine.   4. Electronics and Apps: Carry a phone charger and use entertainment apps like Netflix, YouTube, or Spotify for distraction during hospital stays.   5. Friendships: Stay connected with friends through calls or sharing media; these interactions can reduce stress.   6. Romantic Relationships: Make time for socializing and meeting new people, prioritizing those who understand and support your caregiving role.   7. Comedy: Find time for laughter—watch funny videos or stand-up comedy to lighten the mood for yourself and possibly your loved one.   8. Mindfulness: Practice simple mindfulness exercises to reduce stress and stay present.   9. Support Groups: Join caregiver support groups online or locally for shared experiences and advice. Hence why you are here 10. Sleep: Try to get as much rest as you can as you need to recover. Twenty – Thirty-minute naps are also a great way to recharge your batteries.   These strategies can help maintain well-being while managing caregiver responsibilities. I hope these strategies help. Take care guys and stay strong!  

I feel like such an idiot for not understanding that there were better-quality versions of these. My mother has been using a rollator since a 2017 hospitalization. Back then I bought her a standard model for 60 bucks or so from Amazon and have just been tightening knobs and fixing the brakes over the years.

I tried a few different ones in thrift shops and they all seemed the same. I also ordered a highly rated one (about 80 bucks, though I was ready to spend more) and ended up returning it--mostly because it began falling apart in my hands when I tried to adjust the brakes to make them easier to set.

And of course I scrolled through page after page of Amazon listings and reviews. Amazon is NOT good for researching rollators--at least not for the initial search. It did not do a good job of surfacing high-quality rollators.

I just bought one that I learned about elsewhere, and it's like night and day. It is so much sturdier, and the wheels are so much better. Mom took to it instantly even though as a rule she resists change. That's how much better it is.

I could kick myself for not making this effort sooner.

Anyway, I'll assume there's some rule against promotion in this sub and won't post a link here (though of course folks can message me). I'll just mention that it's an established brand, and the model I bought comes in four different sizes and has 8-inch grippy wheels. It cost $200-something (USD). That's real money, I know, but it's not like mom can get out and spend money on much else these days. Thriftiness at this point would just mean securing an inheritance for my do-nothing sibling. Screw that.

(37/m )Recently finished caregiving and CPR training, based in South Africa, any agency that you can recommend that sponsor or recruits international caregivers, willing to relocate anywhere else as long as it's not my continent, thank you in advance..

Hi all, who knew that caregiving for loved ones would be so hard? How do nurses do this? I guess it's because it's their job, so they're not as emotionally attached as we are with our loved ones. For everyone on here caring for a loved one, I feel for you. It's harder than hard isn't it? Some days I have no time to even catch a shower. Praying for all of us going through this.

I have a client (I'm with an agency)who's only family members (nephew and wife) wants me to stretch the truth on her care plan so that it will be covered by insurance. I'm only with the client for 4 hours one day a week. Client prepares her own meals and bathes during the week when I'm not there. Dresses herself fine. She does have incontinence issues but manages it herself. Nephews wife tells her she smells bad all the time. I don't smell anything . They keep insisting that I get her showered while I'm there . She doesn't wash her hair as often as they think she should (once a week). Client refuses showers because she takes them when I'm not there. They are upset because Insurance denied claim for coverage. They contested it with outright lies saying she sits in a urine soaked pad all day because she can't bath or care for herself or change her clothes. Client is upset because this is insulting to her. I feel so bad for her. I do help her with ambulating around the house and getting in and out of the car as she has a walker. I also help with laundry as she can't get clothes out of the washer into the dryer as they are too heavy. Other than that I don't do any other ADL's. Apparently the agency is ok with this all as well . I'm not sure what to do. I really adore this client and the fact that her only fily member tells her that she SMELLS and needs showered is horrible. They are not very nice people as the wife told me I need to make sure she's showering and changing her pads when I'm there. Am I supposed to force this on her ?

Any caregivers in the Denver area looking to connect? We have too many clients and I would love to share some hours… I personally am working 60+ a week and can’t work any more a week without burning out. Let me know and we can get in touch!

Hi,

My wife found a great caregiver for her elderly mother via an online caregivers website. Interviewed her etc and loved her to come for a few hours a few times a week in the afternoon/evening to tend to MIL's needs (bathe, fix a meal etc, put her to bed - she has mobility issues). She is at the part where she wants to confirm to hire her.

What is the best solution to pay the caregiver? Is it just a matter of writing a check/Zelleing her payment to the caregiver outside of the online caregivers website on the side? Is this acceptable? Is there any tax ramifications etc for my MIL ? - or is it very advisable to do it via the online caregivers website itself and their HomePay system they have. Its about $59 a month for this service.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Hello! I (31f) am a caregiver to a (also 31f) beautiful client who is completely, 100% dependent on others. Lately her mother and I have been struggling with dry, cracked lips on my client. Sometimes they crack to the point of bleeding. We try to keep them protected with chap sticks or Vaseline but we’re still having trouble protecting her lips. She breathes through her mouth which probably exacerbates the issue.

Any tips on keeping her lips from drying out, cracking, and bleeding? Are the products we’re using not strong enough, or making things worse? Or maybe when we’re not looking she somehow licks it off?