My spouse is stage 1V colon cancer. We are young . Ever bad scan , every hiccup. Everytime she grabs her abdomen in pain is so emotionally painful . It’s so hard watching your loved one go through hell and physically change. To watch them cry and all you can offer is a hug and or pain meds. It sucks so damn much . Add on regular life bills appointments work . But we get up and keep going because we have too . Because we love them . Family outside that’s not in this role that only see them on good days , friends ect… have no idea what it’s like will never know what it’s like . But I do and today I tip my hat to you. You are not alone!

Hi again everyone! I hope you’re having a great night (or day, depending on time zones and when you’re reading this)!

We FINALLY got the biopsy results for my fiancé (a very long painful story. It took almost a month to hear back from the hospital. Completely insane, but at least that saga is done). They originally thought he had lymphoma, turns out he actually has advanced stage renal cell carcinoma. Not curable, but they told us it is treatable and remission is certainly possible. We’re focusing on the positive and what we can do to better our odds.

That being said, as caregivers, do you have any helpful tips or tricks that you’ve learned along the way? For instance, I recently bought vomit bags and placed them around the house for him in case he can’t make it to the bathroom. They’ve been REALLY helpful lately, I’m glad I got them.

Are there any items I should look into acquiring to make things easier for him? Circumstances I should consider and plan for ahead of time? Any insight would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance! :)

Genuine question. My husband has stage IV cancer and at some point I will be a widow. Will I lose everything he worked for under project 2025?

Hello, i’m sorry if this isn’t correct page but i’m just looking for some information without using web md. She was just diagnosed today and they have said that it’s in three places. i’m just wondering what this will look like and how i can help her. i’m just very worried and we don’t have much of parental support

Hi - I Wanted some feedback on which hospital was the best for Cancer surgery and/or treatment in Florida - Mayo Clinic Jacksonville or Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa. Since Moffitt is specializes in cancer treatment, would they have more research studies and such? Or not necessarily? Any feedback with positive or negative experiences or pros and cons of either would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much.

Is anyone already anxious about the future of medical care for their loved ones (and perhaps ourselves?)

It is no secret that the ACA is going to be on the chopping block which would get rid of the protections for preexisting conditions, such as cancer. In addition, if your loved one with cancer is on Medicare then I expect there will be some huge changes there as well.

Then there’s the future… hope to find a cure. If vaccines for polio are tossed out the window then I doubt vaccines to cure breast cancer are going to gain very much financial or regulatory support.

Is this just going to be like Covid where the death of hundred of thousands of people is normalized just because they got sick?!

Hi there. My stepmom, whom I am very close with, just got some terrible news about her daughter (my stepsister). The drugs aren’t working, tumors are getting bigger, and my stepmom is going into a state of depression and sort of avoiding my dad and doesn’t want to talk about it with anyone. I want to help, and gift-giving is one of my strengths and love languages, so I’m wondering if you have any ideas for what I could include in a care package for my stepmom? (I’ve already done a care package for my stepsister and I’m going to do another one obviously), but for today I am most concerned about my stepmom’s mental health and wellbeing. I’m also going to help in other ways too, but for now I just want to start with a care package.

Hi everyone,

I'm Natalia, a senior student at the University of Illinois Chicago working on my thesis about patient experiences in hospital waiting rooms, particularly in oncology. I'm reaching out to hear firsthand accounts of what it’s like to wait in these environments, what makes it easier or harder, and any specific details that stand out from your experience.

If you've spent time in a hospital waiting room—whether for a loved one, yourself, or as part of your work—I'd be incredibly grateful if you’d share your story with me. You can help shape my senior thesis and improve waiting rooms for future patients. Feel free to talk about anything you found stressful, comforting, or even just memorable.

Thank you so much for considering this!

Kind regards,

Natalia

My (28F) father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last year and since then has exhausted all forms of treatment except for immunotherapy, which fortunately seems to be keeping his cancer stable. Since his diagnosis, I’ve moved away from my energetic life in the city back to my suburban hometown to support my mom and sister (who is also a working adult). My dad requires around the clock care, and my mom needs either my sister or I to be home with them most of the time mainly in case of any emergencies. They’re immigrants and so English isn’t their first language, which can make emergency hospitalizations intimidating. We also help around the house and with my dad’s care so that my mom doesn’t feel alone.

I’m so grateful for such a strong family, we’ve really banded together to tackle this disease. But I feel so much anxiety and sadness about missing out on my own life. I’ve lost a lot of freedom essentially having to take turns with my sister staying at home “to watch” our parents. I used to see friends 3-4 times a week and now it’s 3-4 times a month. It feels like my life has been on pause for the past year and a half. I’m nearing 30, single, and stuck living at home which really adds to the existential crisis.

I really struggle with feeling selfish and immature for wanting to move back to the city and just find at home help for my mom and dad. My sister seems to look at me like I’m extremely delusional and selfish when I suggest any other option besides what we have been doing, but we also have different outlooks on how long my dad may have left. I feel like with immunotherapy working, he could still have years, while my sister thinks he’ll be gone much sooner. I know I’m fortunate to be in my position where we have more than one person helping out and supporting, but some days it feels like we are not making use of our resources at hand to live a more balanced life.

Not sure if there are any other adult children of cancer patients who have played the part time caregiver role, but I’d really love to get some perspective and/or encouragement.

I'm sure there are countless posts like mine, and this is going to be a long one, so I apologize. This is so new to me and I don't know how to navigate.

My mom and I have a very strained relationship due to her drug addiction which led her to having multiple strokes. Her last one being August leaving one of her eyes paralyzed and her speech and motor skills severely affected. Fast forward to October, she finally gets a year-old lump checked out and is now diagnosed with stage 2 (or 3 i'm not sure) cancer. We are still waiting on her CT results though, and I am expecting it to actually be stage 4. My mom is facing 5 months of chemo, surgery, then radiation. This is without any physical therapy for her stroke. On top of everything, I know she will be sick from the chemo, and she is scared - she has no other family but my sister and I.

Now my mom has been staying with my sister since her stroke. My sister lives an hour away from me and 30 minutes away from the oncology center. To put it kindly, my sister is... uncooperative at best. I have been messaging her for the past week trying to make a plan for my mom's care, trying to get the ball rolling on getting her signed up for disability and social security, etc. I'm getting nothing back. I've had to take several days off work to drive my mom to her appointments, while my sister refuses to because she thinks she is capable of driving herself. Her treatment hasn't even started yet.

My sister lives in a 4 bedroom house, meaning theres space for my mom there, but my sister seems very unwilling to be a caregiver. I live in a 2 bedroom apartment with my boyfriend (second bedroom is our office). I could make space for her here, but it will be cramped. and I don't know the implications and strain that her living with me will cause.

I don't know what to do, the situation feels very out of my control, and I don't like that. I don't trust her or my sister to do the best job at handling her treatment. I want to help, but its so hard on me physically and mentally to commute the way I have been doing. Should I consider her moving in with me? would assisted living even be an option?

TL;DR: Should I move my mother in with me in a small apartment to be her caregiver

And in an instant it’s over. I’ve been apart of this group. Two weeks ago when she passed I left - so this is a different name. I’ve posted - commented - just read. For one year and 15 days my whole life has been defined by cancer.

I moved my family into her home and became her full time caregiver. In July I closed my business to give her my full attention - because caregiving isn’t something you can do part time. I spent every single day with her. We went for treatments together, we wasted time together, we talked in circles together. She got one really great week. I thought - holy shit - she could really be here for five years. In that week we talked and she said I don’t know why but I’m scared to do the new chemo. I advocated for her not to do it. She did four lines of treatment - everything - any drugs - radiation - chemo. I said you’re doing enough it’s okay to say you don’t want that and you want to keep feeling good. She said - I have to do it - I want to live. My mom did the chemo, six days later we were in the icu with chemo related pneumonia.

During that week she started to have memory issues, she had sinkable(?) episodes causing her to fall, after 12 hours in the hospital she was on 100% high flow life saving oxygen and we were being forced to make a decision. She fought another 6 days despite all odds.

My entire life was defined by cancer for a whole year and 15 days and now it’s defined by loss. I didn’t want to spend more time at radiation, or blood transfusions, chemo or in the city. But now I would rather be any of those places than without her. I left this group because I’m no longer a caregiver but I’m not really sure what I am yet. I still feel like I’m protecting her, caring for her and making sure people know she didn’t die from cancer - she died trying to beat it.

OK so my mom has stage IV TNBC diagnosed in '22. She's done pretty good for the most part except she has this trick gene that means she couldn't metabolize Trodelvy and so then she had insane diarrhea that literally almost killed her. Not to scare people just being honest, she got really hypotensive passed out in front of me. She had a month long hospitalization + rehab and came out of it weaker but okay. Her strength has recovered and her spirit remains but during that time in rehab/recovery she wasn't on treatment and oh man ugh. She now has breast pain and lymphatic congestion. We can't do PT and lymphatic massage simultaneously and most days all she ever talks about is her pain control regimen. This sucks a lot. We just started Doxil, not sure if it is working. The pros this big step back got us/me to get her in-home aide so I wasn't trying to work/caregive/parent/wife all at the same time. Cons: This sucks. No real upside just admitting it aloud.

This is a space for general chat or comments that may not warrant a whole post of their own. Feel free to introduce yourself and let us know how you're doing!

My mom had an unfortunate side effect from one of her treatments and her quality of life is continually decreasing slowly. The treatments have likely extended her life but at the expense of her ability to enjoy it at all. She needs constant care now and cannot seem to find joy in anything.

She spends her days sitting quietly, rejecting any activities suggested. Often when she speaks it’s about how she wants to die/go on hospice/etc. She’s not in physical pain, but her depression is so bad she finds essentially no happiness in life. She’s on antidepressants but it doesn’t really help. It is breaking my heart to hear her say these things and know there is nothing I can do at all. Caring for her is one thing but the psychological aspect is something I was completely unprepared for. I feel so utterly helpless and it’s taking a huge toll on me. Anyone else dealing or dealt with this? What do you do?

Had this weird dream last night that I was the one with cancer and was in my final stages. My wife absolutely wasn't coping, our dog was malnourished and the house a disaster. Weirdly it felt kinda peaceful.

I think it's probably related to the ongoing theme of being the unrecognsised workhorses. I reckon this dream would be true in real life (well except the poor dog lol).

What weird dreams have you had?

Hi everyone,

I’m here to share the news that my mom has passed away. She fought long and hard, but the time finally came. I want to extend a heartfelt thank you to this forum and everyone who contributed valuable information and support. You have no idea how much it helped me, especially during her final days.

I remember someone here advised writing down anything my mom wanted when she developed jaundice and ascites, as the end could come sooner than expected. That advice was so true. She passed away just 3–4 days after her doctors attempted to drain her ascites. When I asked her oncologist if this was indeed the end phase, they confirmed it. I don’t share this to bring fear but to convey the reality we faced. It helped me prepare myself emotionally and make sure we did everything we could.

My mom was diagnosed in 2020 with metastatic breast cancer that had spread to her liver and bones—stage 4. Her doctors even considered the extra 4.5 years she fought as a miracle. It’s now been about three weeks since her passing, and while it’s been incredibly hard, I’m trying to find peace.

For anyone going through something similar, know that you’re not alone, and forums like this make a real difference. Thank you again to everyone here for sharing your insights and kindness.

Going through this now and curious if others have experienced this--it's 30k without insurance ty

Hi everyone, my wife had breast cancer two years ago. It was removed (clear margins!) and she went through radiation treatment. She was on lupron since then. She recently decided to quit because of the side effects. I totally support her decision. I am just looking for information at the side effects/ withdrawals of quitting. I couldn't find any information online. We just want to know how she may be feeling physically AND mentally going forward. Any help or insight is appreciated. Have a blessed day!

I (M57) lost my wife (F61) to late stage esophageal cancer two weeks ago on her birthday. It had metastasized to her lungs, liver and made it into her blood stream. She was diagnosed in May of this year. Basically I had a front row seat to watch her die while I took care of her. She was non-ambulatory (couldn't walk) so I had to do everything for her. Get her to the toilet from the bed and back. I was/am lucky enough to be able to work from home while I took care of her. We have twins, boy (20) girl (20) that live at home while going to school so they were a little help. We also had some relatives come in for a few days at a time to help out, but I almost always had to lift her for everything. I felt so alone while caring for her. Now that she's gone, I feel even more alone. We've had a lot of support from friends and relatives, but that's waining. The hardest part are the evenings. The twins do their own things and I'm left to clean up 5 months of caring for her. I only have the mental strength to do a little at a time, but I'm making progress.

Ok, is this strange? I found myself getting mad at a cancer commercial. It was going on about celebrating the survivors (nothing wrong with that at all). I got mad thinking "What about all of the people that didn't make it through cancer?!?!". "Can't we celebrate them too?!?!"

I hope i didn't offend anyone and I also hope this post was clear enough to follow. I know I'm just rambling, but I need to talk (write) this out. Now I'm overwhelmed trying to take care of closing accounts, changing names, making sure the twins are ok (they are), doing will probate stuff, dealing with life insurance. There's so much to do.

Does anyone else feel see-through at times while looking after your loved one?

I (30f) take care of my husband (35m) with metastatic cancer. Our lives seem out of order experiencing such a heavy illness at this age. Cancer has changed the trajectory of our lives, which only other folks dealing with cancer seem to understand. Life won't be the same for a long time and I grieve what we once had. I find myself envying friends and family who are dealing with "normal" challenges while getting to enjoy the perks of a cancer-free life. This detachment from others is isolating.

My partner might not visibly look sick on a given day, but he's constantly fighting through pain, nausea, and depression. He confides in me and I see how he gives each day everything he's got. I make space to hold his dark. Sometimes, I grow tired of always being the one my partner leans on and find myself missing the feeling of having someone I can lean on. It isn't his fault - cancer is a thief.

Constantly juggling my partner’s needs, our 2.5yr old needs, and my own is exhausting, especially when our needs conflict. I want to prioritize my husband and I need to focus on our son to provide him with a loving childhood. I struggle with guilt most of the time. It’s tricky balancing everything. I was told that I’m focusing too much of my attention on our child and need to give the same amount of care to my partner. It feels like I have to defend the love I give our child, and it really hurts.

I'm not perfect in my caregiving, but I try to be better every day.

Forgive me if this came off as tragic - it isn't. Life gives and takes away. Right now we are in a season of life taking normalcy away. I'll be here for my partner to see this through.

Dear collection of masses that's actively attempting to kill my girlfriend.

Please stop. My limited understanding of your specific make-up may be damping my spirits right now, but I do know I hate you, with every fiber of my soul. When an oncologist describes something as "Super-Agressive" I tend to take notice, and as such, I definitely did, so, you have my full attention. Furthermore, I despise the fact that in order for her to hopefully be rid of you, I have to watch the nurses pump a vast collection of literal poisons into her for days at a time.

Which brings me to my second rant. IV pumps.

IV pump, I know you're just doing your job, and I'm truly, genuinely grateful for the hard work you do. Your constant clicking in the corner of this room however? While it's helpful in the sense that I know you're still chugging away, pumping poison and whatnot into the veins of the beautiful woman sleeping in the bed beside this recliner I'm typing from, also seems to serve as a constant reminder of the situation. I'm not mad at the noise, I work in an oil refinery, and I can sleep while standing up in a compressor building while all of those machines are running, so you aren't preventing me getting any rest. It's just that the circumstances mean I have to loathe you for the perpetual tapping that seems to say "how about a little bit more poison babe!".

With mixed feelings, The lesbian in the recliner in room 3152A at CCI

I just need to vent. I don't need advice, just to yell into the wind.

(For context, I don't live in the Western Hemisphere)

In 2022 my mum was diagnosed with a poorly differentiated thyroid cancer. She didn't want to end up with a trach, so they went with a partial thyroidectomy and removed the right thyroid. Anyway, they couldn't really remove the left one completely, as it had established itself on both her windpipe and gullet and already made a couple of little holes in it (it also did so on one of the smaller arteries leading upwards). A day later, she had massive bleeding in her throat, which closed off her windpipe, and had to be placed in the ICU. It got so bad, the medical team were reassuring me that in the event they couldn't reestablish an open airway, they had fentanyl on hand to help her stop struggling to breathe. I begged for a couple more days so my second sister could get back from her family holiday in case we needed to say goodbye. Thankfully, when they extubated her, she was able to breathe on her own, and after a couple of months, she came home.

They did 2 rounds of RAI on her, but there was no effect.

Some time last year, they placed her on lenvatinib. And for the first time in a long while, I had hope. The main tumour was shrinking, and so were the nodes on her lungs and spine. Sure, the side effects weren't always pleasant, and we were constantly battling her BP, none of which was made much better by her being on dialysis as well.

And then this year, she gets an NSTEMI. They couldn't operate because she has refused any further invasive medical interventions, and as the cardiologist noted (correctly, as I was to find out last week), it wasn't going to be an angioplasty; it would be open heart surgery as there was likely to be multiple blockages, and she would have a higher chance of dying on the OT table than if they medically managed her. Anyway, they put her on an additional blood thinner, the angina stopped, everything was going back to whatever passed as normal, and I thought everything was going hunky-dory enough that I felt confident enough to go on a work trip, and even started planning a getaway with my partner in January...

...oh how life just loves to throw spanners into the works.

We had a CT scan 2 Fridays ago. At the oncologist's appointment last Friday, I had gone down in between the blood test and the appointment to fill her prescription to save some waiting time. The pharmacist told me that our oncologist wanted to discuss something with me before he filled the prescription.

The left thyroid tumour had grown aggressively. It's poked even more holes in both her windpipe and gullet. The lenvatinib stopped working somewhere in the 4 months between her last scan and the most recent one.

Four. Months.

I've persuaded my mum to try the new medication (pazopanib) for 4 months, and our first appointment with the radiotherapy team will be tomorrow. I'm just smiling and pretending like this is going to solve the problem but inside I'm shrivelling up because I know it's purely palliative at this point.

I don't even know what the point of this post is. Even though my partner and my friends reassure me that I'm doing what's best under the circumstances, I can't help but second-guess everything I am doing now.

What if I'd just listened to her when she'd refused dialysis 5 years ago, and let her go? She was probably a month or two away from dying when I dragged her to the hospital for pneumonia and she got placed on emergency dialysis. She would never have found out about this cancer, or gone through all this.

What if I'd listened to the doctors in the ICU and taken her off 2 days earlier, maybe she would have just gone to sleep in a fentanyl haze and never woken up.

What if I'd not taken her to the hospital when she got the NSTEMI..

The worst part is that my mum actually didn't even want to try the new medication and I just cajoled her like you would a kid who doesn't want to go to piano classes anymore while at the back of my mind I'm just wondering is this yet another mistake I'm making that will cause her to suffer even more on the way out, which is what she wanted to avoid in the first place.

I have so many regrets right now. I don't even know what the hell I'm doing at this point. I don't even know why I'm still hoping somehow that this one works, and the ship is turning around. Why am I so stupid? What the hell am I doing???

Update edit: We saw the radiation therapist. They’re reluctant to do it at the moment because, you guessed it, the holes in her gullet and windpipe. The windpipe ones are relatively easy to deal with by inserting the stent to block up the holes that’ll certainly be left behind, but it doesn’t solve the gullet ones because the second stent won’t have anything to anchor on, and will most likely go slip-sliding down and then they’ll have to go fishing and then re-insert again and again. So it’ll be considered a last-line therapy.

Mum is okay with the meds though the side effects aren’t pleasant. However, she did state that if this medication fails, and the third-line fails, she’s ready to go i.e. no radiation therapy. Fair enough, I guess. We’ve fought long and hard for coming 3 years now, and I guess I’ve bought her a few more memories to take to the other side, so let’s just ride this last train to wherever she wants to get off, for as long as she wants. It might be a few months, a couple of years, we don’t know.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my venting, who offered me comfort and encouragement/advice. Days like last Friday make me feel like I’m trying to slay some sort of monster, and every time I think it’s down for good, it gets back up, heals itself, and charges at me again.

Hi all,

This is a bit of a vent, but also a genuine question, so I’m sorry if this gets wordy.

I’ve been lurking on this sub since my fiancée (m59) was diagnosed with kidney cancer last fall.

His situation, as briefly as I can describe it: he had 1 kidney removed with cancer back in 2014. He was regularly screened, and told he was cancer free. However, he never spoke with an oncologist, because his family doc decided not to send him to one. Fast forward to last summer, 2023, he had extreme back pain and other concerning problems that his doctor told him was just because he’s old. Anyways, after a long and complicated process of forcing a doctor to see him by going to the ER, and switching to a much better family doctor, and getting an oncologist… We found out that he has 7 tumors, all kidney cancer. They are in the muscles where his kidney was laparoscopically removed in 2014, in his neck in the submandibular gland, in one of his adrenal glands, a small on in his remaining kidney, and a couple lymph nodes near other tumors.

He has been on immunotherapy infusions every 3 weeks, and he takes targeted chemotherapy pills at home twice a day since November of last year. Next week will be infusion treatment #17.

The doctor has told him that his prognosis is that he is looking at surviving WITH cancer, just managing it for the long term, like years. But the oncologist is very careful to speak only in very vague terms. For example, to my knowledge ( and I have been to every appointment) he has never told us what stage cancer he has. I am finding that I really want more specifics soon though.

We’re getting a new set of CT scans done later this week, and we’re hopeful that they will look like the previous ones, all tumors are shrinking, even if only slowly.

He likes to think of himself as a very tough guy, and that he can take this better than anyone we know could. He’s even still working, just with modified hours and duties. I try to encourage him to stay strong and positive, but some of the day-to-day things are really wearing on me.

Anyways, everything is rolling around in my head today, and our next oncology appointment coming up next week, so it got me thinking:

What do you other cancer caregivers wish you had asked your oncologist/other doctors sooner? I’m referring to questions along the lines of alternate treatment options/plans, finding out what those would be and why we are not choosing to try those right now, navigating the unknown, pushing for something that could really help/change the day-to-day discomforts that come with cancer, etc.

I’m not looking for specific medical advice here, just insight and perspective on the topics and questions other people wish they had explored earlier in their diagnosis/treatment.

I’m marrying this man, cancer and all, and I want more answers, but I’m having a hard time sorting through what would even be helpful to ask.

Thanks for sticking around through my long story. This sub has been very helpful to me, even as a lurker, it’s comforting sometimes to read other people’s stories and see how their feelings and experiences can parallel my own.

Jack’s Friends assigned me a guy who took three days to return a text. Gilda’s Friends said i called too many times trying to get connected and told me i was not allowed to join them. The one man i know at my old church whose wife died of cancer will not return my calls. After nine months of this, i am convinced that there is no legit support for cancer husbands. I hate feeling so bloody disappointed in people.

I (27F) have been dating my current partner (37M) for about 7 months now, and we started dating prior to his diagnosis where we developed a very strong relationship and partnership. At some point in the relationship, he started experiencing a decline in his health at a time when he was also undergoing a lot of changes so he took a step back and asked for some space to get himself back on track because he didn’t feel like he could be the best partner to me. Fast forward about a month later, I randomly called him to check in and he revealed that just a day prior he had received his stage 4 colorectal cancer diagnosis.

It felt like a no brainer to come back into his life and he welcomed the support and the positive energy I was willing to give. There was no real romantic undertone at first but inevitably, we started spending so much time together that in both his eyes and his family’s eyes, I slipped into the role of his girlfriend and my role quickly became one of a caregiver (during weekends/whenever I have free time mostly) alongside some of his family members. I sit with him through chemo and go to doctors appointments with him and I am one of few people that he wants to see and spend time with both during treatment weeks and during off weeks. There is obviously romantic undertones now as much as there can be, though he has said as much as he thinks about me he’s not necessarily thinking about romance in general which is completely understandable and from the jump I’ve always been clear about not wanting to put pressure or expectations on the situation.

He has always expressed gratitude for my presence and we have lots of fun together; he says often how my presence makes him feel better and how we both easily forget about his diagnosis. His prognosis is extremely positive and it’s hard not to have a lot of optimism. However, the give and take in the relationship has proven to be a little challenging as time has gone on. It’s been about a month and a half since his diagnosis and there will be moments when I feel like the caregiving, the affection, the energy can be one sided, even on his off weeks when he’s feeling strong and healthy. I knew this going into it but it’s hard not to feel like I also am deserving of receiving more verbal affirmation/reassurance from him given the intensity and intimacy of the situation.

This is my first time being involved in any sort of caretaking in this capacity for anyone, let alone a romantic partner but I do see a future with him and ultimately in the worst case scenario, feel comfortable with knowledge that I was able to spend as much time with him as possible through this. I’m really just looking for some more context into what everyone else’s experience is like taking care of a partner through this and how they navigate not receiving the same level of affection/intimacy/love that they may otherwise.

It’s been a tough season for me, and I can’t help but feel lots of sadness seeing my peers celebrating milestones while life feels so heavy for me right now. I turn 30 next week, and instead of the plans I had—like a trip to Europe—my husband and I are in the hospital and it’s been a long couple of months.

It’s hard watching friends have amazing birthday and Halloween parties, and it feels like every week there’s a new pregnancy announcement in my college group. My husband and I were trying before his diagnosis, but everything’s on hold now, which I know is the right thing to do… but it’s still really hard to see those posts and not feel sad.

I’m genuinely happy for everyone, but it’s tough not to wish I could be living those moments too. Just feeling a little down today.

My (32f) husband(36m) and I got married 2 months ago. He recently was diagnosed with AML with multiple and complex chromosome abnormalities. He was previously healthy and always made sure to stay on top of doctor visits(hypochondriac). He started the day 1 of his regimen( FLAG-IDA venetoclax) today. Also received GCSF injection which seemed to have immediately caused a side effect of extreme lower back pain. In the 2 years I’ve known him I have never seen him react to pain so much, it was terrifying.

I’m so lost and overwhelmed with not the only diagnosis but also the high uncertainty of it all. Not getting a proper prognosis from his doctors has been extremely frustrating for me. I’m was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety a few months ago but I have not started any medication because I felt like I could somehow manage it. But I’m afraid that won’t be the case anymore.

I’m truly afraid. I’m afraid for him. I’m afraid for me. I’m afraid we won’t have the future we were hoping for and looking forward to when we got married because everything feels like it’s changed. I didn’t imagine that I’d be a caregiver just 2 months in my marriage. We didn’t even get to go on our honeymoon. We barely just got started and it’s so unfair that we didn’t get a chance to enjoy our marriage.

Learning about not just AML but complexity of his case that likely requires SCT and all the long term side effects and long term risks is terrifying. Will we ever lead a normal life? How long is this journey.

I’m a highly sensitive person. Even the slightest change in tone affects me deeply. This last week (diagnosed and started treatment) has been so horrible. While I understand he’s the center of it all, it has affected me as well. I’m taking care of everything so he has nothing to think about. We have some serious logistical issues in terms of housing. While he is in the hospital I have no place to stay except hop from one Airbnb to another which is extremely expensive in the Bay Area. He does not want to move to Texas for treatment where I have a home. He does not want to be bothered about finances regarding Airbnb or a short term rental. Which means it fully comes out of my pocket. This affects my finances because I have my own payments in Texas. I’m scared to ask him to help me with the situation because he might think I’m making do this when he’s sick ( he’s already said this to me once). His sharp words and tone is truly affecting me. And the logistics are giving me anxiety. His parents want to come and stay with us and there is no roof I can provide over their heads. I feel so lonely already and we are just one day 1 of treatment.

I don’t know what to do. I feel guilty when taking a break to eat or even talk to people because it means I’m not doing something actively for him. Meanwhile he’s just on his phone scrolling and doesn’t even engage with me.

Is this it for me now? Also, AITHA for thinking this way?