My mom passed away two weeks ago. She hadbeen on the couch sick with what we thought was the stomach flu for about four days. Shewent to the hospital on a Saturday and they did a scan, told her she had breast cancer with mets to the stomach, sent her home and told her to get an onc appt. She never spoke again, she shut down. She was up and down on the couch all night, over and over. She said nothing, just upand down. In the early morning she startedsaying "help me" over and over. I heard it at least 39 times through the phone. She was rushed to a bigger hospital and diagnosed with primary breast cancer, with widespread nets to bones, kidney and liver. She and my dad are 84...I know he was so confused, because she was the real caretaker. She came home on hospice and we lost her the next day. All of this in 48 hours. I have tried hard to make sense of it and I'm reading that some of this was treatable, even though it all was stage 4. We never knewshe was sick, she never complained or said a thing. I'm spiraling so bad. I don't know what happened to my mom.

I'm both pained but also feel courage reading the accounts in this forum and cancer patients. My heart goes out to everyone, be it patient or their near ones who bring everything to fight.

Got diagnosed with Lymphoma couple of weeks ago, Stage 3. Will start chemo soon.

Reason for me writing here is, perhaps caregivers can point me to the right direction.

Appointments and meds are getting unwieldly. Onco, psycho-onco, vaccines, physio, I'm losing it and so is my significant other. The clinic sends me letters or hands out appointment cards (paper form), same goes for prescriptions. I'm forgetting things 😔and with crushing mental state, it isn't getting better.

How do you stay organised 🙄😢? Shared calendars, what else? I read couple of people stated using Trello etc.

I’m having some mixed emotions… my mom has been undergoing treatment for MBC for about 5 years. At first everything was smooth sailing. She was on Ibrance and something else I can’t remember for a few years, no issues. There was a small bump in the road (lesion on her spine) that was treated with a few rounds of radiation, nothing since then. Then about 6 months ago she was on a different treatment that didn’t really work, so she was switched to Enhertu. After a few months of Enhertu she had some pretty severe side effects that left her in the hospital (fluid in her lungs & around her heart). Though it was a side effect of her treatment there was no progression of the cancer.

After being released from the hospital she was put on Trodelvy. That one has been the pits. She finally lost all her hair, was constantly fatigued, having bone pain and just all around feeling like poop. It’s been a few rounds and she went in today to talk to her oncologist about changing treatments because she’s so miserable. Coincidentally they had done a scan last week which showed a small change in the lesion on her liver. No new metastasis but that small growth, so he’s changing her treatment again (yay, I think?) she’s back on oral chemo Trupaq (?) which I know she’s pretty pumped about since she won’t have to sit for infusions and all that jazz.

My question/concern is: should I be worried she’s burning through lines of treatment so rapidly? I mean no new spread is great but that little growth has me petrified. Is the cancer mutating? Will we run out of treatment options? Any input would be great. I know her oncologist isn’t going to express anxiety or worry, it’s his job to be calm and collected. But I need to know if it’s a bad sign that she’s had to switch treatments so many times in such a short span of time.

There is yet another storm system coming in this evening and weather changes negatively effect his mood. Usually I can handle his weather induced mood swings but I am reaching the end of my patience right now. So my husband is in remission right now. However, his oncologists have always made it clear that his brain cancer will come back. Two years ago he had a tennis ball sized tumor removed from his right frontal lobe followed by radiation and chemo. Now we are in the maintenance phase of regular MRI and oncology follow ups. Needless to say, my his no longer the same and he never will be. I'm not going to get into specifics but his deficiencies become worse with barometric changes. I wish he was able to recognize that this is the case instead he just gets even more upset and says that I am gaslighting him. I am so tired of being screamed at and told that I need to get a job. I already keep the books for our business and work behind him to help out clients as do our employees. Yes I suppose I could get a second job but taking care of him is a job. He is a fall risk. He isn't supposed to drive but does so anyway. He forgets stuff all of the time such as leaving the refrigerator open, leaving the backdoor open, leaving open pocket knives on the floor or couch or bed, losing his phone or tools. He impulsively buys anything that he wants or needs even though he knows said "thing" is somewhere in the house. I don't know how I am going to endure caring for him and I know he can't care for himself. His family is no help. They pretend like everything is fine. The last time I reached out to his mother she said that she tries not to talk with him because he upsets her. I am trying to keep our marital vows of in sickness. I love the person he was but I would never have married the person he is now.

My partner has been battling a stage 4 diagnosis for many months and was just given a prognosis of “months”. There are still a few more treatment options to try and I’m holding on to hope, but I’m struggling so hard. We are both only 26 and I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this and prepare for a life “after”. He’s my best friend and the love of my life. Would love support, advice, encouragement, anything..

So my dad had marble size bump appear almost overnight at his temple about 2 months ago. The ER would not/could not needle biopsy so sent him back to his PCP who sent him to a dermatologist who refused to biopsy who sent him to a plastic surgeon who refused to biopsy who sent him to an ENT who did the biopsy which came back neuroendocrine carcinoma of the salivary glands. (At this point the tumor is the size of a crescent roll.) The ENT rushed him into a PET scan because that kind of tumor is usually secondary to something else. Important to note: the ENT sees no sign of nerve damage from the tumor, and the PET scan shows no futher metastes anywhere in his body.

Turns out to be the primary tumor, so ENT does urgent referrals to a surgical oncologist, radiation oncologist and medical oncologist for treatment. The radiation oncologist gets him right in but can't do anything until the surgery to resect the tumor happens. While in this office, the oncologist measures the tumor again, and it is 3 cm larger than it was 10 days earlier during the PET scan. The radiologist sees the beginnings of nerve damage from the tumor.

The university hospital refuses to allow us to schedule an initial consult with the surgical oncologist until the referral is fully processed by the insurance company (not have the appointment, mind you - just schedule it for a reasonable number of days out). The insurance company takes 5 business days to approve a referral marked urgent, and the university referral department takes another 3 days to process the authorization/referral and clear us to make an appointment. Which brings us to this morning:

I call the scheduling office, to find out that they can get us in EIGHT WEEKS FROM NOW. For an urgent referral on a fast-growing tumor that is just starting to cause nerve damage. By the time we have this consult, the tumor, which is now the size of a croissant, is going to be I cannot imagine how large and will pretty much definitely have caused nerve damage which will make the surgery harder, the recovery longer, and my dad's quality of life worse for the rest of his life. I feel like "the system" is just doing it's darndest to see if we can drag our feet until he's Stage 4.

His insurance is very narrow - it will only cover doctors in one hospital system, so we can't pick up and go elsewhere.

TL/DR: my dad has a fast-growing cancer that is still salvageable if we act quickly, but he's trapped in the reality of our convoluted medical bureaucracy, lowering his chances of survival each and every day.

Rant over.

but i'll totally take advice if anyone has any.

My family has recently found ourselves in a challenging healthcare situation and I’m hoping folks with similar experience can provide some guidance or at least help me understand how we’ve gotten here and what our options are, as the healthcare professionals involved have not been very helpful.

Some background- My grandfather is 86 and has been in good health for his entire life. No major medical issues and until very recently was in great physical and cognitive health for his age. He seemed 10-15 years younger than his actual age.

In February he started experiencing some concerning symptoms and in mid April he was hospitalized and diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. By the time he was diagnosed he was in terrible physical condition, severely dehydrated, having not eaten solid foods for over a month, significant weight loss, bedridden, and had lost the ability to control his bowels.

His care team immediately started focusing on recovery and recommended that he be discharged from the hospital and moved to a rehab facility (red flag #1). This decision was made before any prognosis or treatment options were communicated. All we knew at this point was stage 4 liver cancer. Again, he is 86 years old and in severely poor health at this point.

Was in rehab facility for a week. Did not participate in rehab because he did not feel up to it. Health declined even more without having supportive fluids, because he was not eating. During the rehab stay the family finally had a meeting with the oncologist who said there wasn’t anything they could really do to treat the cancer, but could maybe treat symptoms. Treatment options were not clearly presented nor was a prognosis given. My mom followed the oncologist out of the room after the meeting to ask him directly what the prognosis was. He told my mom in confidence that my grandfather has “days to weeks to live”. This was not communicated directly to my grandfather or grandmother. Red flag #2.

The rehab facility has now discharged my grandfather and sent him home. Home health care services provided a hospital bed and oxygen tank, but basically my grandfather is now bedridden at home with just my grandmother (83) and mom (58) to take care of him. He is much bigger than them even with the weight loss and has limited mobility, is completely incontinent and has bed sores. They are responsible for his care with the exception of nurse aids that come 3x weekly for an hour or two. It is a tremendous responsibility for my mom and grandmother to care for him and it is honestly dangerous given the difference in his weight and size- he is a fall risk and they cannot support him.

ALSO- he and my grandmother still do not know that he was given “days to weeks” to live! He has not been given any transparency from his healthcare team about his total situation and options. My mom is not in a position emotionally to break the news to him. A daughter should not have to tell her father that he is about to die. And she shouldn’t have to tell her mother either. (Super frustrated with the oncologist and all doctors on the care team for burying this information in their conversations).

My question is- what in the world do we do? Is it normal for an elderly, terminal cancer patient with severe physical symptoms to be sent home with no round the clock or on-call nursing support? If my mom wasn’t in the picture, would my tiny elderly nana be expected to help him to the bathroom and do wound care? It feels like they were left hung out to dry in a hundred different ways. Is this normal?

The nurse at the rehab facility told my mom that if they couldn’t take care of him at home, the only option was a nursing home, and the way to connect him to that care would be to drive him to the emergency room and tell them he is a fall risk and can’t be at home, and then “work him through the system to get assigned to a home”. Is that really the only option? The hospital knows he is an elderly, terminal cancer patient.

What about hospice? What about palliative care? Is it normal for those options not to have been presented or engaged at this stage?

Just needing wisdom to navigate this (and to vent). For anyone who made it this far, thanks for reading, and for any advice you can give.

Saw doctor this morning. Will need a biopsy to confirm but he basically said it was stage 4. Spread to lungs and spine. I knew this was coming, but am still angry, sad, and scared.

I know this board is full of folks fighting cancer, caregivers and those who loved ones succumbed to the disease.

For those of us in the unfortunate loss club…..how fast was their death from the moment of diagnosis to the end?

And was their death peaceful or…painful.

Just coping with my recent loss. Hers was a dramatic death.

I had posted a little over a week ago at a loss how to help my mom manage her cancer (and other) meds. She felt the meds, remembering which to take and when, was overwhelming.

u/aryajazzie came to the rescue, recommending Medisafe.

It's hard to properly explain how much this app completely eliminated the problem. My mom's a smart woman but she was feeling overwhelmed with meds. It took me about a minute to add her meds to it (complete with A PICTURE of the medication!!) and schedule the daily time for her take them. I then added it to me, so it would text me if she misses a med.

She loves this silly little thing. It chirps at her, she gets up, takes the pill it says, and pushes the "I did it button". I literally had labels hand written on the bottles for her before and that's all done. She has been late on some meds and I get texted about it, to which she jokingly says the "app tattled on me" but takes the med.

After a few days of it running, and her very obviously taking her meds, all of them, on time, I got the first full night of sleep I've had in months.

If your loved one has to deal with pills and you can't be next to them, I cannot recommend this app more. It, plus the fact she's doing fantastic on the meds, has allowed me to feel that we're both going to make it.

I don’t know where to start or what I want to say really. I lost my mum in October last year to metastatic lung cancer, I was her carer for 3 years while she battled lung cancer, breast cancer, adrenal cancer and then bone cancer. She was my best friend and she lived with me when diagnosed and then later we moved her in next door for privacy. We would talk about everything. I took her to all her appointments, scans shopping trips. I saw her at her best and her worst. Fast forward to 6 weeks ago and my partner (50m) ended up in the emergency department as he couldn’t breath and they diagnosed him with pneumonia. His chest x-ray showed quite a few lung nodules, with 3 of them spiculated. The largest one being 9.5mm. They sent him home with antibiotics and to follow up for another scan at 6 weeks (which is now) and to be referred to a respiratory physician. My partner has been a lifelong smoker and drinker, but gave up alcohol a little over 3 years ago and is California sober. Every time he smokes he it is pure agony to watch as half the time he coughs so bad and struggles to breathe. I am so scared and it seems my partner just wants to stick his head in the sand. I gently reminded him to go back to the doctor and he literally changed the subject. I don’t want to push cause he will get mad and I know he needs to process it his own way. I think he wants to try and stay ‘normal’ as long as possible which I understand. He has always been on the go, but he has lost weight, very fatigued and has been having a few dizzy spells. He was by my side supporting me, while I supported my mum and it was a rough ride. I don’t feel like I can talk to anybody about it, because as I saw with my mum people only rang for news of the disease and not the person. It was awful. I had to field so many calls for mum that it was exhausting. Once she passed away not one call. Not one! I’m trying so hard to be strong and to try and take one day at a time without breaking down, has anyone else dealt with a stubborn male and how am I going to get him back for a check-up? Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.

A close friend of mine recently got diagnosed with cancer and mentioned that their chemo treatments make their hands go numb from cold. I was going to get them electric hand warmers but then found out the mitts were cold to help prevent peripheral neuropathy. I’d still like to get them something to make them comfy during treatment and was wondering if anyone had any suggestions! (Cuter mitts might be an option- not sure if you can bring your own though?) Thanks so much!

I feel like an asshole, I’m helping take care of my mom, 60, and she has stage 3 breast cancer. Thankfully, the treatment is going well, and after surgery, chemo, and now radiation, it seems as if they have gotten rid of the cancer cell and all scans are showing good news. That being said, the treatment is taking a lot out of her and when she gets tired easily. That’s fully understandable, normal, and hopefully temporary.

The issue is with summer coming is she has FOMO and I feel like an asshole by still living my life. We’ve gone to a lot of shows together and it’s usually our birthday presents to each other since our birthdays are a week apart. There is a big music festival I’m going to and she wants to go and I know even when healthy, a 4 day music festival is a lot. We are going to a show for our birthdays, and I splurged and got great seats to one of our favorite musicians the weekend after my birthday (2 weekends after hers) but that’s one show, there are seats, and a large portion of the show will be after dark so it will cool the July weather down a bit. Honestly I’m even a bit nervous about that, but I’ve been planning and budgeting for extra Ubers and things like that for that show. I just don’t think all that is possible for a festival and I also don’t want to be worrying about her and selfishly I don’t want to have to go home early.

Idk, maybe I just needed to vent a bit but idk what to do because I feel guilty, but I know she’s struggling much more than me and I don’t know how to make her feel better without just a “we’ll go next year” because that feels like it will land flat. We bought the tickets in July as something to look forward to during treatment and while I think it helped a bit, she’s still having a hard time seeing the end of the struggle

Also, if anyone has any tips for limited mobility at stadium/concerts please let me know, everything I try to look up online basically just says wait til you get there and they will help

My wife has had Stage 4 Colon Cancer for 2 years now. She has undergone many treatments such as chemo and surgeries. The latest development is that after having 75% of her liver removed, it grew back, multiple oblations, she had laparoscopic colon surgery radiation on her lung .. everything was good after about 12 rounds. then Last november 6 months after chemo ended something popped up on one of her scans suggesting it was now still on her lung and on the Cervix, she resumed chemo and finished before her surgery In March, they were successful at removing the tumor on the cervix and an additional tumor near it. Now they are focusing on the lung as an ablation. However she has to undergo 4 more rounds of chemo . She just completed round 17 of chemo yesterday and feels quite sick. She’s fought so hard and i just feel helpless. Any advice would be great. Just sucks because after everything she’s achieved it just seems like it’s back to square one. she doesn’t deserve this at all. I can only do so much as a caregiver when i deaccess her port and such. It just feels like it’s never ending battle that gives anxiety and depression along with it. Thanks for reading. Praying there’s light at the end of this .

My husband had head and neck cancer 2 years ago. After radiation and chemo, he had NED. At his annual PET scan we were shocked that there were lung nodules. Doctor ordered follow up CT scan (the nodules were under 1 cm) in 3 months. Well, the results just dropped into mychart and all his nodules doubled in size and new ones formed, some big, most spiculated. There are areas on his spine and spleen that need follow-up MRI but could be mets and he’s developed an aneurism. He feels absolutely fine physically, so it’s a weird thing to process. His doctor moved up his appointment to tomorrow.

I don’t know what to do. We have two teenagers, which is an incredibly vulnerable time in life. I’ve been a SAHM (homeschooling) so I don’t have an income source. My teens are transitioning to high school and I was supposed to focus on launching a company I’ve been working on. But how can I do that while also caregiving and tending to all the needs of our home and children? I am coming off of a 3 year bout with long Covid that was seriously debilitating. I am much better now, but I understand my limits and cannot push myself to be superhuman.

I’m just so overwhelmed. The first time around, I wanted the kids to know what was happening, but it was Stage 1. Now, I cannot fathom their heartache. We will tell them when we know and have processed it, but thinking of their pain is unbearable. And what about my husband? Right before his first diagnosis, we had a painful conversation about how he hadn’t been there for me during my illness. It was emotionally hard to turn around and give him what he withheld from me. I’ve let go of a lot of that by now, but we both have hurt and disappointment and our connection isn’t what it used to be or what I wished it was. Still, I know this is devastating to him and I don’t really know what he needs or will accept (he’s emotionally avoidant). And there’s me, coming out of a very dark and hard time, ready to make my life happy and now being struck by this….

I am afraid my husband will choose aggressive treatments that will destroy his QOL and not add much time. He did not handle treatment well and became a shell of a man for a time. I don’t want that to be his end. I am afraid I won’t have the ability to focus on rapidly building my career even though it’s a financial necessity. I am afraid my children will be so hurt they act in self-destructive ways that take their lives in a terrible direction (there is no evidence to suggest this, just a fear). I don’t think I’m looking for advice. I know we will get through this one step at a time. But I feel alone and reaching out is to maybe make me feel less so. I don’t know. Does anything actually help?

My mom, mid-eighties, was diagnosed with Stage 3 Non-Small Cell Lung cancer. This is the fourth time she has had cancer (2x breast, 1x bladder). She is also dealing with Parkinson’s. I live 13 hours away.

She will be having daily radiation plus once-a-week low dose chemo for 5 to 6 weeks followed by immunotherapy.

She has a friend that lives with her (not for health reasons/care-taker reasons). My mom is open to me being out there for the first week of treatment but feels her friend can help out the rest of the time. I’ve talked with my wife and have expressed to my wife the need for me to be out there during the duration of treatment to take her to appointments, ensure she improves her nutrition, and help around the house. It would be very hard on my two kids, but I just feel this is needed for my mom. She had a hospital stay recently and I came out to help and I just don’t have a good feeling about the other person’s ability to do everything after the first treatment. It’s nothing against the friend, I just feel neither of them are realistic about how much effort this is going to be. Maybe I’m the one overreacting?

I just don’t know what to do knowing my mom is going to say no to me being out there longer than a week. Any advice would be appreciated.

my mom has pancreatic cancer (currently stage 1b) and it feels like this may or may not be my last one with her. we don’t have a timeframe for her and don’t want one, and at the end of the day, no cancer is truly predictable.

point being - it’s so hard to know if this is the last mother’s day i’ll have with her, and in my caregiving brain fog, i didn’t ask off work (food service, so it’s also kinda frowned upon to ask off bigger business days like this) and it’s too late to take it now, so i’ll be working the entire day in a physically exhausting job where i will just want to come home and crash.

i know i will feel so guilty about not spending the day with her, even though she’s currently living with me. it’s just a day. we can celebrate it on monday, even though i don’t know what she’d be up for being in the middle of chemo plus careful regarding low wbc. i guess i need either encouragement about missing it or how to make up for it otherwise. this is so tough.

So my mom has done well w/ her Stage 4 TNBC but I pop over on Sunday to bring groceries, I do weekly check-ins because she was doing vinorelbine(sp) every other week and had been doing pretty good on her off week. The week of the infusion was fatigue and her in bed for days. I walk in and I'm like WTF I can see obvious swelling over her affected side, and now we're back on the roller coaster. STAT imaging now what was only on the L, now is in R axilla and lungs and now we are back to weekly Trodelvy. Literally I am just having like flashbacks to when this started in 2022, which I am thankful for the good we have had in the middle but DAMN this shit SUCKS! Thats all.

Caretaker of partner with GBM Grade 4 here.

Today, wow. Like he is fine-ish?

But other caretaking friend with partner w/GBM Grade 4 reports her partner is actively dying.

And my other caretaking friend (partner GBM Grade 3) reports her partner is dropping chemo because he is too sick to continue.

Like crap.

I’m not sure what to do next. My FIL was diagnosed with terminal cancer just before Thanksgiving. He did one round of palliative chemo in January and it kicked his tail. He didn’t want more chemo.

He has, as expected, deteriorated over these months. He’s likely having a colostomy surgery this week. He would like to be moved into skilled nursing following his surgery, but I do not think it’s a guarantee that he will qualify for skilled.

He does need help. He lives alone. Far enough away from us that we can’t go check on him every day. And we have a lot of young kids and we can’t just neglect them. We are already navigating surgical appointments, oncology, we got one meeting with a palliative care doctor. We just don’t have the ability to be his day to day caregivers. And he cannot move in with us because the kids are too much for him.

I don’t even know where to start. I don’t have access to his finances or insurances or retirement plans- so I have no idea what he has to work with. And he never set up accounts online anywhere and isn’t in a position to do so now. But he needs me to figure out his care and living situations. I thought he might qualify for an Aid & Attendance benefit through the VA, but their site says it takes 9 months on average to get the benefit active and he does not have 9 months. He needs care now.

Where do you even start?

She was originally told her colostomy bag was just temporary.

Now, she is being told that it's permanent, and that she really is at the fucking end stage of cancer...

This is all just so fucked up man 😭

No surgery to remove it because it has already attached and spread to her uterus and liver so much.

No radiation for some fucking reason I don't understand tbh, they say they would have to pinpoint it...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that what they just did when they found all this???

Like... You just pinpointed it... Fucking do something now..

Wtf man 😭

We finished our first infusion of Cetuximab 400 about 8 hours back. The doc mentioned one side effect is a rash that is often an indication that it is working.

Does anyone have experience with this targeted therapy? When do the side effects kick in? Asking for my husband 52/M with stage IV CRC with mets to the liver. The first round of chemo was suspended because of an infection caused by a bowe perf in late March. Had to downgrade from Folfox to oral chemo and this targeted drug. So we don't have prior experience with chemo.

Any help would be welcome. I'm on tenterhooks wondering what to expect.

first time posting here so idk how this really works, i’m just scared and need answers if anyone has them my mom is 50, she was diagnosed with lukemia 3 years ago, went into remission and it came back this year, it’s been hard. we were optimistic, she’s a lively woman, always on the positive side but she collapsed 4 days ago, she vomited and defecated all over herself, and wouldn’t move from what i was told (i work 8 hours away so i wasn’t there) paramedics and fire trucks came to the farm between 4-6am for her, her blood pressure was 55/20 when the paramedics got there, they gave her blood and now she feels better, but we’ve done the chemo and the transplant already and they haven’t worked, is this her bodies way of giving up? they asked her to sign a DNR today.. am i losing my mum? please if anyone has answers or has had a similar experience i’d appreciate to hear it, i feel like my family isn’t telling me the whole story due to my past as an addict, i don’t want to lose my mum but i want to know what to prepare for.. please help

Husband has recurrent stage IV mbc. We just found out about it a couple of months ago. The first time I didn’t ask for help and it left me broken. I have definitely had help this time but with work, family visits, organizing appointments, and planning a last minute trip to Disneyworld (it’s a bucket lister for him. He’s never been and we just don’t know home much time there is) plus my car decided now was the time to have the brakes go. Even with all the help I’m still overwhelmed. We moved several months ago and there’s still things to be organized and boxes to unpack. I feel behind. Our friends were so very kind to set up a go fund me for this trip and I’m so, so touched by the support. I just feel like I’ve held it together for several months now and I’m just getting to the point where is going to come crashing in on me. I do have a therapist and I’ve always been someone to try to do everything, but even with “letting go” I’m still getting to the tipping point. My husband and I are pretty open and we do talk to each other about some of this stuff but I also don’t want him to have to worry about things or me. I feel like I’m screaming into the void. Damn it. Vent over.

My husband 52/M with stage 4 CRC with mets to the liver and possibly the lungs starts on Cetuximab 400, Tegoyes 15 mg and Oxaliplatin 100mg tomorrow. We had started folfox in late march but had to stop in <24 hours since he developed a bowel perf that caused an ecoli infection (Laparotomy and transverse colostomy done).

As a caregiver, what are the side effects I should be alert about and what precautions should I take?

Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.

My partner is struggling with intense anxiety (understandably) and has asked me to find resources to help him shift his mindset.

Can you recommend a website, a podcast story, a book - anything where someone who faced life threatening cancer and survived shares their learnings and offers advice for a more positive mindset.

I get that it’s effective for the pain, I can tell it’s effective for pain! I love that it helps my wife get through the night without pain! But even a 2.5 mg dose of oxycodone is robbing her of alterness during the day, and the drifting in and out of awakeness mid conversation, especially with doctors, is causing her confusion and frustration!

When we ask the doctors and her palliative care team what else they might be able to provide, I swear every time they dodge the question and talk only about obvious surface level shit we already know (ex: no tylenol because of liver metastasis), or answer very direct questions (ex: what about steroids? boom, suddenly she’s getting dexamethasone in addition to the oxy!) - but we don’t know what we don’t know, so why won’t they tell us about all the things we don’t know that could help in the day without the drowsiness!

It still hasn't manifested but I'm sure it will. It's the weekend and I doubt she'll resist a trip to the ER. What should I do? I absolutely do not trust the local doctors, since they've taken very stupid decisions plenty of times.

We're seeing an oncologist on Monday, but I don't know if he'll be able to help with that.

I'd appreciate advice from anyone who has gone through the same. 😢

A previous post got me back on this train of thought- I’m pretty young (27), and am the primary caregiver for my girlfriend (29) who has stage iv breast cancer and has stopped working since her diagnosis. I’m not worried about caring for her - fully intending to do this for the rest of her life. However, I’m a grad student. I work full time for a university, benefits are good, but the pay sucks. I’ll graduate within the year and before her diagnosis we had talks about me moving for work. It was always something on the horizon. That’s on hold indefinitely now. Her family is here, so is mine, we have a stable living situation, all good things. I’m not opposed to staying put, but job prospects in our town are not great (especially for my degree). My current job is not sustainable long-term because of the pay, and I’m wondering if anyone can share experiences with experiencing a job or career change while caring for a partner. Insurance is my biggest worry as we wait for her to qualify for medicare. Maybe I’m locked in for that 2 year waiting period, but I’m wondering what awaits me 5, 10, 15 years from now if she remains stable. Y’all are strong and I appreciate all advice!