I am in my mid-30s and have been caring for my mom since I was a child ~9. She has progressive MS. She became bedridden when I was 13 but I helped and sadly watched her decline for years. She is still managing but it has been many years of hard times. I feel guilty when I move away so I tend to move back after a few years. It was easy with my career. But now things have changed. My younger sister who definitely did more of the caregiving when I was in college got married and has a baby now. She is not able to help as much. I met someone and got engaged recently. We plan to move fairly far away. I can't help but feel massive guilt. But also resentment. Before my mom was sick I was taking care of the family. I basically raised my younger brother and sister and paid for groceries when I was just a child at 7 years old. It is frustrating. My dad is horrible. They thankfully got divorced. My brother was no help when we were young but is finally stepping up now.

Is there any advice or help out there? We go through the state and it is trash! My mom had to take out loans for care and does so through private company. She is young (60s) and very against nursing homes. Plus we cannot afford that anyway, estimated 12K/month due to her needs.

Anyway life isnt fair sometimes and you have to make the best of it. What frustrates me the most is her lack of motivation to make her life as best she can. I balance a lot and tend to go out of my way for her all the time but don't feel the respect towards me. I feel she sees me as a caregiver more than a child. I can't imagine being in her position but I feel like our relationship is pretty toxic at times. I know there are others out there going through similar things. Would love to hear your thoughts and stories.

Apologies if this isn’t the right place to post - any suggestions on other subreddits to post to would be greatly appreciated.

To get to the point, I have a father who is mentally ill and his condition has remain undiagnosed because he absolutely refuses to go to a doctor no matter how much we persist (it’s been over 2 years now). He suffers from what we could only describe as intense paranoia and believes that everyone/everything is out to get him, so he thinks going to the doctor is all part of the “scheme”, etc…. This has resulted in him losing his job (he’s been out of work for more than 2 years) and just me and my siblings are supporting him financially as best we can (he doesn’t live with us), but it’s not something sustainable long term. He has also started arguing with neighbors (screaming at them) accusing them of various things.

In talking to others and doing some research, we feel that the only possible way to get him help (in NYC) to diagnose and treat his condition is to get him to the hospital where they would do an emergency psychological evaluation (if that’s the right term) where they would keep him there for 1-3 days to figure out what he has and hopefully get him on the path of medication and treatment.

If we were to go down this route and for anyone who has, would we have to call the police and if so, what should be said to them to ensure they treat the situation appropriately and take him to the hospital? The challenge also is that when my father isn’t having an “episode”, he can appear somewhat normal to people that don’t know about his condition i.e. he isn’t aggressive and argumentative. Is our best chance to wait for when he is having an episode and call then?

My momma is 81, we lost dad to cancer nearly 4 yrs ago. My momma has vascular dementia and it's slowly progressing but she's not happy anywhere she goes. I've let her make the decisions and she just moved for the 6th time. If it was the Taj Mahal, I don't think it would be good enough. She keeps wanting to be independent again. And she is in assisted living. I'm disabled but I try really hard. Healthy boundaries keeps me from going insane.

Hello! My MIL is moving to memory care soon. She is not very good with a walker anymore so I think we need to buy a wheelchair.

Can someone here recommend one that is easy to fold and unfold so my wife can get it into the back of her car (currently a VW Golf Wagon)?

Availabilty from Amazon would be nice, although there is a medical supply house in town also where we could shop.

Thank you!

My 82 year old father keeps turning his phone volume off. He has a flip phone and the volume is on the side so when he holds it he turns the volume off. This is very stressful because he think no one is calling him and I don't know if he is ok. What phone can I buy him that does not do this or should I get him a smart phone? (he might freak out, a techophobe he is) Is there anything I can do to his phone to make the volume stick?

I recently moved, ans due to financial reasons am looking into caregiving again as I did it for 2-3 years for my grandmother. It’s not a lovely job imo, but it is something I know how to do. The one in question I looked after passed away recently as well as some other loved ones. It’s a grieving process. Frankly I’m having a harder time processing the other ones than her. I worked alongside hospice and it was easy to see it would not be forever. I have an interview in 10 days. It is nerve wracking as an autistic adult with little to no experience beside this. However my grandmother was a.. troublesome woman so I can at least be prepared for that. She spit her medication back into my hand for fuck sake lol. I’m doubtful I will be able to keep this job long term or even a few months but is it that much harder to care for multiple seniors rather than 1:1? I have developed a compassion for these elders. I don’t know where exactly I meant to go writing this but I hope I can actually pass an interview for once in my life (whilst the depression kicks my ass 😅)

I work at a senior home myself and they say the funniest, most unexpected things. I'm in Canada and I'm asian. A senior with dementia came up to me and told me she's worked at a residential school before for people like me.

So a little background, I’m 18 and still in highschool, I live with my mom, stepdad, two little brothers, and my uncle. My sister is 26 and my brother is 20 and in college.

There’s a really long story behind how my sister got the way she is now but it’s going to take too long to explain so I’ll just say what I need to say. My sister has had psychosis and some other mental issues I can’t remember for the past two months. Right away she was taken into the ER and got involuntarily admitted for about two weeks. She had been hallucinating and having serious delusions. For about a week into her admission we had no contact with her while she was in the hospital, and at the one week mark we finally had contact with her and she sounded fine. I called her everyday, morning and night. We all thought she was better and they released her. But when she stayed with us we realized she was better but not fully there yet. She walked to a vape shop and bought mushrooms, she wouldn’t take her meds she went to the store and spent hours just plopping things into her cart, she argued with me and my mom because we kept making her go to the doctors, all whilst having a terrible bacterial infection in her downstairs area and still having serious delusions. She was trying to rush back to her life when she wasn’t fully recovered and we couldn’t legally stop her so we just let her go. When she left she accidentally went to the Canadian border, got her car and license taken away and proceeded to ask everyone for money for a car. We found her at an Airbnb in horrible shape and had her re admitted. During the time she was back in the hospital my mom made sure she had to the right to have her listen to her, stay with her, take her meds, and not use any mushrooms, weed, or THC. At the point it was kinda a blur for me, I was still struggling to believe that my sister is not the same person I knew before. Anyways, she was just released the 13th and my brother has been visiting for the holidays since the 18th. So far she has been stealing everything she sees and wants from our rooms, stealing my money, using my mom’s and my card to buy whatever she wants, ran away multiple times, has been trying to sell our things on Facebook marketplace, got a vape from who knows where, has been leaving a bunch of food mess out, and many more that I can’t bother to type.

My problem is that we don’t want her to go back to the psych ward but we also don’t know how to handle her. So far the only reason why she hasn’t ran away is because my brother has been staying at home with her, but soon I’ll have school and my mom needs to go to work to pay off everything my sister bought and stole.

Hey all, I have a question. As a caregiver of 10 years, I just don’t get this. Okay - so my two uncles have cerebral palsy. They are twins, aged 62 and 58 100% blind and mostly deaf. They have a caregiver that has been with them for about seven years now. For a short period of time, about a year or so I lived with my uncles as I saw how the caregiver treated them. When I was around, the caregiver acted super polite, and like he was doing everything right around them. But I recall a few times when he didn’t know, I was in the hallway, and it sounded like he was verbally undermining, my uncle. Rushing him, and sort of pushing him as he was walking. I found that very odd, and thought maybe the caregiver was just having an off day and maybe this was the only time this happened. I just didn’t really think much into it. Fast-forward five years later, as in today, I get word that this caregiver was in the presence of my uncle while he mysteriously broke his foot. The caregiver claims that my uncle hit a chair while he was walking, looking for something, and fell and hurt his foot. As blind people usually are, my uncle is very, very, very careful and aware of his surroundings for a blind man. He feels everything before he walks up to it. So the story just really does not add up to me. Long story, short, the company is saying that we are not allowed to install cameras because of Privacy reasons? Is this legal or have you guys heard of this before? I actually worked for a company when I first started this field and there were cameras in a home and legally they had to just tell us that cameras were there. But I have never heard until today that no cameras are allowed because it’s an invasion of privacy? Have any of you heard of this or what would you suggest my next step would be? I’ve already spoke to the case manager, and she said she will look into it. My absolute worst fear would be that my uncles are being abused by this caregiver and maybe threatened to not say anything. The case manager kind of finds it hard to believe that the caregiver would hurt them, just because he has been with them for so long. Any advice helps, and before you say I should take over, trust me I would love to, but I get married in a month. So I’m not exactly sure how that would work, knowing how long it takes for this kind of stuff to kick into gear. TIA

I’ve been caring for my Mom since she retired due to medical issues. She was fairly independent but had trouble with anything that required stamina. No long walks, extended periods of time standing, the kind of things that let you do the things you want. She made it work and where she let off I began. Anyway on October 4th we were in a car accident with an ass running a red. Long story short she was diagnosed with COPD in the hospital from that. She was released and went back to the hospital two days later. Went to rehab then on November 1st her left lung collapsed. Found out she had a fungus like valley fever in her lungs. Was told only 2-days before she passed that she wasn’t strong enough to survive. Up until that point the Doctors were saying she was getting better and when I would ask what we should do at home for her they would go over things that would help her. Now she’s gone and I feel like I lost my other half. She was my best friend, the person who understood me better than anyone. How do I not lose my mind. The whole world is a dark cruel place now and I don’t know how to go on without her.

I started as a caregiver a few weeks ago, and so far I like my job. I love caring for people and I'm working towards my certifications.

I see a lot of people talking about how pay is so terrible through agencies, but I don't know any other way? I want to be able to make a living but I also want to do what I love. I'm also eighteen going on nineteen in a few months so I haven't much adult experience. I'm really just looking for someone more experienced to help me understand what its like to live off a caregiving wage. I make $21/hr. Is that enough? I'm just worried that I'm not realistic and won't be able to support a family when the time comes.

Hi everyone,

Over the past two years, my two brothers and I have been sharing the responsibility of taking care of our parents. It all began when my dad was diagnosed with leukemia and underwent chemotherapy, while my mom was already dealing with the progression of Parkinson’s disease. Thankfully, my dad’s health has improved, though he still needs some time to fully regain his strength. Meanwhile, we’re focused on supporting my mom daily, especially as her condition requires more attention.

Recently, I’ve come to realize that caregiving goes beyond meeting basic needs like medication, hygiene, or physical care.

For instance, one of the things that’s always brought my mom joy is arranging flowers and decorating the house. It’s a meaningful activity for her, tied to her sense of self. Supporting her in this—by helping her carry out the movements she can no longer do on her own—has been a way for me to connect with her on a deeper, more personal level.

This experience has made me wonder: Are there ways in your relationships where you go beyond caring for someone’s physical needs to nurture their personality and maintain their sense of self?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences!

My mother seems like she will need to be in assisted living sooner rather than later. My grandfather was in assisted living for a period of time in my state, he had a vape pen (CBD/THC) from a vape shop and one of the nurses confiscated it from him, even though it’s perfectly legal. My mom smokes. Would she be allowed to smoke recreationally in an assisted living facility in a state where marijuana is legalized?

My brother (37 years old) stayed in my house when my mother (70 years old) passed away . My mother had schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, then in her old age she developed dementia. I took care of her when I was young , although she was abusive to me, she yelled at me all day and told me that she despised me.My mother's sisters and my brother were equally abusive. The point is I took care of my mother for most of my life and educated myself on what she had, some things I learned by trial and error. Her family (My brother and my mother's sisters) were good at Demanding and yelling at me to take good care of my mother and keep the house in a good place.But they never educated themselves about my mother's illnesses or cared for her. Now that my mother died, my brother came to stay at the house. Somehow these days he had a seizure that lasted about 10 minutes, then for a couple of days he started acting like a child and at the third day in the hospital he started to get cold and very pale (he was practically on the verge of death), and he survived somehow returning to normal. It was very strange. My mother's sisters and also my brother first accused me of saving my brother because I want his money, and also that I was to blame for what happened to him because I make him worry, and I fight with him daily (I hardly talk to him because I know he can't handle anger. He used to hit me and yell at me when I was young.). Now it turns out that my brother has an unplanned child from one of the girls he's dating, and again my mother's sisters and my brother want me to take care of the little one. They tell me "let go of the past, learn to forgive. From now on you have a clean slate. We're all going to do that" "and besides, it seems your brother has changed, let him stay at your house." He has a lot of money, when he stayed at home before and now it was the same and he didn't lift a finger to clean; and take care of my mother. Now they accuse me of being a liar and selfish

Working as a caregiver, the lines are sooooo fine. Exchanging genuine care and effort for a fast-food-level wage. Working for clients whose mental state and/or related delusions could change at the flip of a dime...and turn on you...

Coping with incessant negativity and overlooking your conscience are the strongest skills you can have in this industry. The reward being-> .getting away from the client.

Mental illness in the elderly sour women is too much, even they themselves know this. I do not want to be like them so I am leaving caregiving (for an agency) to not be around such a negative environment

I just started at a new company for in home caregiving. My manager so far has been good, they come to the first of wash ofu clients so we can work out and issues.

Well one went on maternity leave and the other didn't step up to come to my first meeting. It would have been fine if it was like my others however this one is a lot more.

The woman is old, can't walk, and only speaks Korean, worlds away from what I normally do. They didn't give me any information to look over unlike the other manager.

She threw me in blind to a woman whom I can't communicate with. Google translate doesn't work due to her stutter and such. I called her daughter twice who's on her way but I'm still stuck here.

Anyway, I wanted to know how to politely telly manager I'm upset she didn't come to inteoduce me to such a complex visit, nor did she give me any info until the hour before.

Does anyone know of a skilled nursing facility in southwest Florida that will service an elderly patient with a PEG tube? Desperately seeking a bed for an ailing loved one who is being discharged from the hospital and have not had any luck through standard searches. The case manager at the hospital is helping but wants to send him to a very poorly rated facility in Miami. All the loved ones are in Naples, Florida.

My father who has dementia rants screams at me for eating then starts giggling at me and mocking me when I get upset and crying and talks to me and his imaginary in this creepy baby voice. Saying look at the widdle baby. Better not get the baby mad. He is threatening to call adult protective services . He hired an attorney to file fake abuse charges.. He constantly rags on me every time I eat and gossips with his imaginary friends and says terrible unsettling things about me.likw God I going to end me because I am bad daughter and he hopes I get assaulted in prison. It is giving me PTSD and making me think bad thoughts about myself. I have decided I m burnt out.and I can't do this it's destroying my health. She said I can't just quit or get help. I have to let him treat me bad and if he assaults me just let do it even if get hurt really bad. I have to do this with no help no support and just keep smiling and it my father abuses me it's what I signed up for. I wouldn't want him ending up in a nursing home because she sees nh as kill shelters. I got upset and left she tried to grab me and keep me there.i left. She blew up my phone and left messages crying I have lost all my friends and family caregiving and she tells me to stay because I signed up to be abused . Wtf

I have been caregiving for over a year now , with this specific client a year ( progressing memory issues ). I feel guilty and like an asshole for even sharing but i needed to share because realistically its starting to take a toll on my mental health. I feel like there is no boundary between her, her family, and I. I just dont know if its time to call it quits. There is more to it, and i loved caregiving but I just feel like its too the point where she is too dependent? Im not sure if anyone else feels like that.

Starting off with her: It does upset me how she doesn't have anyone there with her except her dog and occasional calls but reastically i wish she would mostly just see me as a worker and not as a grandchild? I understand that i do live fairly close to where if there is an emergency im the first to respond and sometimes the most contact she gets. But whats becoming too much is the constant calls on my days off/after work hours, her being upset if i even take a day to myself, and going as far as coming to the house to knock if i dont reply. I feel guilty leaving because of her memory issues, depending on me, and just realistically being too involved in my life. I understand I have huge part in that but at the end of the day I have my own life aswell. I have vacation hours i cant use because i know she wouldn't even like for me to miss more than a day. I feel like i cant have my outside life without her being in it everyother minute.

Her family: In this job you do create bonds with the family and im assuming do have contact with certain family members but when does it become like weird to yall? Ive only met her niece ( c ) once and we do have each others numbers in case of anything. C gave my number to her son which he had texted me asking about his grandmother ( after trying to convince him to get with me ) , she has added me on facebook , C & her son have added me on tik tok. Now i see her other niece ( G ) has added me on tik tok aswell. I'm unsure if i should just message them explaining that I feel like there is no boundaries. Im twenty whilst the nephews are already in their mid to later 30's. The constantly want me to do this and that aswell , which gets her upset with me if i cant. At first i didn't mind having C on my contacts but it setting weird.

Just more needed to rant I feel like i cant word this as good as I've vocalized it but I just feel extremely stuck and in a position where i just dont know what to do.

Basically, what the title says. For context, I live in California where standard minimum wage is $16/hr. I've been looking to apply to senior living/assisted care homes since I have experience doing similar work. Looking at the homes in my area, I noticed two things. One, there's almost always a job listing for a caregiver. Two, the pay tends to average between $16-$18 per hour in most locations, which I though was pretty low for what was essentially healthcare work. Some were slightly higher ($19-$20 per hour), but it got me wondering what the average pay for this kind of work is normally, if it follows the state's minimum wage or if it's always within this range. If you have any knowledge about this, I'd love to hear your input!

I help out a man in his early 70s 3 hrs 5 times a week . We agreed on 19/hr for giving him his meds cleaning up if he has an accident on the bathroom floor (urine) and laundry a couple times a week and making him breakfast taking him on walks and just reminding him of his routine in morning. And added to those now the daughter asks me to find different recipes to make for him and write up shopping list for the ingredients .. clean toilet and shower once a week and drop him off at senior center after shift on my way home . Is 19/hr enough or should I ask for more ?

My family and I, have been actively caring for my elderly grandmother (81) for the past several years. During that time, she has been constantly having temper tantrums, swearing at us, and constantly throws away or hides our belongings.

A few years ago, I developed Hyperacusis, which is a condition that makes it so I cannot stand any loud sound without extreme pain, and my grandmother knowing this, keeps loudly trying to clean dishes and rearrange the entire kitchen. My grandmother also consistently puts dirty laundry with our clean clothes, and keeps crying when we mention it in the slightest.

My grandmother actively refuses visiting a doctor, and always calls us retarded for bringing it up, but does not show signs of any neurological diseases.

I just went to visit my elderly Mother (89) and her husband (my step-father 95).

They live by themselves in a large, beautiful but cluttered house on a huge, gorgeous lot in the country.

My Mother has mild dementia (probably vascular according to her neurologist, but definitely still has "capacity"), has some balance and mobility issues (uses a cane) but is otherwise in good health. My stepfather is very hearing and visually impaired, has some mobility issues (uses a cane) an issue with a valve in his heart, but is otherwise in good health.

They are both 100% adamant that they do not want to sell their house and move to assisted living. This is nothing new. My Mother has always insisted upon this and have never wavered. I know her and am fairly sure that she would absolutely hate being in assisted living. She is very controlling, eccentric and independent. My grandmother who had a similar personality insisted on the same. When, at 93, she broke her hip and went into long-term rehab-assisted living, she chose to refuse food and drink and starve herself to death. I can see my Mother doing something similar. I think she would be just so unhappy.

My step-father would probably do well in assisted living, but he is besotted with my Mother and has proclaimed over and over that he will never voluntarily leave her side.

Here is what bothers me. There are quite a few people in my Mother's life that are pushing her to give up her independence, always citing safety issues. When it comes to other people's safety, I am 100% in agreement. After a somewhat protracted fight, my sister (who sees them much more frequently than I do) got my Mother to stop driving a few months ago. So she is no longer a menace to others.

But I have to admit that I am bothered by the push from various parties to get them to leave their beloved house. Most often "safety" is cited. But what is the point of "safety" if you are going to have a life you don't want?

I've been caring for my 95 year old grandmother for about 4 months now. I had to quit my job and the stress of this caused me and my partner to break up. She is bed bound and is incontinent. I've been diagnosed with caregiver depression and have been given meds. I can only get away a couple hours at a time. I can get a friend of hers to sit with her while I go grocery shopping or a coffee. I'm 46 and I have so many goals and with her current state, she could be around for several more months. My mother was taking care of her and I was giving her an overnight break every 3 days so she could go home and sleep in her own bed. But she decided she couldn't take it anymore and refused to come back. I feel like since it's HER mother, she should accept the responsibility and do this. I'm willing to help, but I've lost so much since I've had to be here 24/7. I love my grandmother and we are close. But my mental state is suffering. I can't even concentrate long enough to read any chapters or study my schoolwork. I really don't have a point to any of this, just wondering if there are people out there that feel as trapped and lonely as I do. I have a brother who is estranged from the family, so I have no one who can share the work with me.

As our parents age, their nutritional needs change. Here are some simple, research-backed tips to help them stay healthy:

Nutrient-Dense Foods
Older adults need fewer calories but more nutrients. Focus on fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains to meet their increased nutritional needs.

Protein is Key
Protein helps maintain muscle mass. Studies show that older adults who eat more protein have better muscle strength. Include chicken, fish, eggs, dairy, beans, and nuts in their meals.

Stay Hydrated
Dehydration is common in older adults as they might not feel thirsty often. Encourage regular water intake and hydrating foods like cucumbers and soups. Staying hydrated prevents many health issues.

Fiber for Digestive Health
Fiber helps keep the digestive system running smoothly. High-fiber diets prevent constipation and promote a healthy gut. Include whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and legumes in their diet.

Watch for Vitamin and Mineral Deficiencies
Older adults can be low in vitamins like D and B12, and minerals like calcium and magnesium. These are essential for bone health and overall well-being. Sometimes supplements are necessary, but always consult a doctor first.

Smaller, Frequent Meals
Aging can reduce appetite, making large meals unappealing. Offer smaller, more frequent meals to keep their energy up. Nutritious snacks like yogurt, cheese, nuts, and fruits are great between meals.

Personalized Diet Plans
Everyone’s needs are different. Tailoring a diet plan based on their health conditions and preferences can be very beneficial. Consult a dietitian for a personalized plan.

By following these tips, you can help your older parents stay healthy and happy. Have any other tips or experiences? Share them in the comments!

I was my mother's caregiver for several years and Constantly her sisters and her son told me that I was doing nothing. Now that my mom died her family are old they ask me if I can be their caregiver and her son ask me if I can be his housekeeper, But for free! I Make it clear that I will not be a caretaker or housekeeper for anyone.But they constantly remind me how much they need someone to help them, I just ignore them or change the subject. Because I know they have a lot of money.

I am caring for my mother who has lost the ability to speak coherently or comprehend well. Recently she fell and as a result is going weekly to a wound care center. The nurse will only dote on her and speak to her in a child like manner and will not even look at the family in the eyes. When we have questions she refuses to comment. My mother cannot speak for herself. The nurse told us that she prefers to hear what the patient has to say or ask, but my mother speaks a plethora of nonsense words along with a jumble of real words that are incoherently strung together. It is so frustrating. We want my mom to have dignity, of course, but we are also her voice. It would be nice if she included my mom by looking at her as she explains things to all of us. Has anyone gone through anything like this? It is maddening.

Hey, was wondering if anyone knew how to get immediate services for caregiving? It’s not really safe for me to be home alone with my baby if I can barely get up and walk and am waiting for surgery.