My mother seems like she will need to be in assisted living sooner rather than later. My grandfather was in assisted living for a period of time in my state, he had a vape pen (CBD/THC) from a vape shop and one of the nurses confiscated it from him, even though it’s perfectly legal. My mom smokes. Would she be allowed to smoke recreationally in an assisted living facility in a state where marijuana is legalized?

My brother (37 years old) stayed in my house when my mother (70 years old) passed away . My mother had schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, then in her old age she developed dementia. I took care of her when I was young , although she was abusive to me, she yelled at me all day and told me that she despised me.My mother's sisters and my brother were equally abusive. The point is I took care of my mother for most of my life and educated myself on what she had, some things I learned by trial and error. Her family (My brother and my mother's sisters) were good at Demanding and yelling at me to take good care of my mother and keep the house in a good place.But they never educated themselves about my mother's illnesses or cared for her. Now that my mother died, my brother came to stay at the house. Somehow these days he had a seizure that lasted about 10 minutes, then for a couple of days he started acting like a child and at the third day in the hospital he started to get cold and very pale (he was practically on the verge of death), and he survived somehow returning to normal. It was very strange. My mother's sisters and also my brother first accused me of saving my brother because I want his money, and also that I was to blame for what happened to him because I make him worry, and I fight with him daily (I hardly talk to him because I know he can't handle anger. He used to hit me and yell at me when I was young.). Now it turns out that my brother has an unplanned child from one of the girls he's dating, and again my mother's sisters and my brother want me to take care of the little one. They tell me "let go of the past, learn to forgive. From now on you have a clean slate. We're all going to do that" "and besides, it seems your brother has changed, let him stay at your house." He has a lot of money, when he stayed at home before and now it was the same and he didn't lift a finger to clean; and take care of my mother. Now they accuse me of being a liar and selfish

Working as a caregiver, the lines are sooooo fine. Exchanging genuine care and effort for a fast-food-level wage. Working for clients whose mental state and/or related delusions could change at the flip of a dime...and turn on you...

Coping with incessant negativity and overlooking your conscience are the strongest skills you can have in this industry. The reward being-> .getting away from the client.

Mental illness in the elderly sour women is too much, even they themselves know this. I do not want to be like them so I am leaving caregiving (for an agency) to not be around such a negative environment

I just started at a new company for in home caregiving. My manager so far has been good, they come to the first of wash ofu clients so we can work out and issues.

Well one went on maternity leave and the other didn't step up to come to my first meeting. It would have been fine if it was like my others however this one is a lot more.

The woman is old, can't walk, and only speaks Korean, worlds away from what I normally do. They didn't give me any information to look over unlike the other manager.

She threw me in blind to a woman whom I can't communicate with. Google translate doesn't work due to her stutter and such. I called her daughter twice who's on her way but I'm still stuck here.

Anyway, I wanted to know how to politely telly manager I'm upset she didn't come to inteoduce me to such a complex visit, nor did she give me any info until the hour before.

Does anyone know of a skilled nursing facility in southwest Florida that will service an elderly patient with a PEG tube? Desperately seeking a bed for an ailing loved one who is being discharged from the hospital and have not had any luck through standard searches. The case manager at the hospital is helping but wants to send him to a very poorly rated facility in Miami. All the loved ones are in Naples, Florida.

My father who has dementia rants screams at me for eating then starts giggling at me and mocking me when I get upset and crying and talks to me and his imaginary in this creepy baby voice. Saying look at the widdle baby. Better not get the baby mad. He is threatening to call adult protective services . He hired an attorney to file fake abuse charges.. He constantly rags on me every time I eat and gossips with his imaginary friends and says terrible unsettling things about me.likw God I going to end me because I am bad daughter and he hopes I get assaulted in prison. It is giving me PTSD and making me think bad thoughts about myself. I have decided I m burnt out.and I can't do this it's destroying my health. She said I can't just quit or get help. I have to let him treat me bad and if he assaults me just let do it even if get hurt really bad. I have to do this with no help no support and just keep smiling and it my father abuses me it's what I signed up for. I wouldn't want him ending up in a nursing home because she sees nh as kill shelters. I got upset and left she tried to grab me and keep me there.i left. She blew up my phone and left messages crying I have lost all my friends and family caregiving and she tells me to stay because I signed up to be abused . Wtf

I have been caregiving for over a year now , with this specific client a year ( progressing memory issues ). I feel guilty and like an asshole for even sharing but i needed to share because realistically its starting to take a toll on my mental health. I feel like there is no boundary between her, her family, and I. I just dont know if its time to call it quits. There is more to it, and i loved caregiving but I just feel like its too the point where she is too dependent? Im not sure if anyone else feels like that.

Starting off with her: It does upset me how she doesn't have anyone there with her except her dog and occasional calls but reastically i wish she would mostly just see me as a worker and not as a grandchild? I understand that i do live fairly close to where if there is an emergency im the first to respond and sometimes the most contact she gets. But whats becoming too much is the constant calls on my days off/after work hours, her being upset if i even take a day to myself, and going as far as coming to the house to knock if i dont reply. I feel guilty leaving because of her memory issues, depending on me, and just realistically being too involved in my life. I understand I have huge part in that but at the end of the day I have my own life aswell. I have vacation hours i cant use because i know she wouldn't even like for me to miss more than a day. I feel like i cant have my outside life without her being in it everyother minute.

Her family: In this job you do create bonds with the family and im assuming do have contact with certain family members but when does it become like weird to yall? Ive only met her niece ( c ) once and we do have each others numbers in case of anything. C gave my number to her son which he had texted me asking about his grandmother ( after trying to convince him to get with me ) , she has added me on facebook , C & her son have added me on tik tok. Now i see her other niece ( G ) has added me on tik tok aswell. I'm unsure if i should just message them explaining that I feel like there is no boundaries. Im twenty whilst the nephews are already in their mid to later 30's. The constantly want me to do this and that aswell , which gets her upset with me if i cant. At first i didn't mind having C on my contacts but it setting weird.

Just more needed to rant I feel like i cant word this as good as I've vocalized it but I just feel extremely stuck and in a position where i just dont know what to do.

Basically, what the title says. For context, I live in California where standard minimum wage is $16/hr. I've been looking to apply to senior living/assisted care homes since I have experience doing similar work. Looking at the homes in my area, I noticed two things. One, there's almost always a job listing for a caregiver. Two, the pay tends to average between $16-$18 per hour in most locations, which I though was pretty low for what was essentially healthcare work. Some were slightly higher ($19-$20 per hour), but it got me wondering what the average pay for this kind of work is normally, if it follows the state's minimum wage or if it's always within this range. If you have any knowledge about this, I'd love to hear your input!

I help out a man in his early 70s 3 hrs 5 times a week . We agreed on 19/hr for giving him his meds cleaning up if he has an accident on the bathroom floor (urine) and laundry a couple times a week and making him breakfast taking him on walks and just reminding him of his routine in morning. And added to those now the daughter asks me to find different recipes to make for him and write up shopping list for the ingredients .. clean toilet and shower once a week and drop him off at senior center after shift on my way home . Is 19/hr enough or should I ask for more ?

My family and I, have been actively caring for my elderly grandmother (81) for the past several years. During that time, she has been constantly having temper tantrums, swearing at us, and constantly throws away or hides our belongings.

A few years ago, I developed Hyperacusis, which is a condition that makes it so I cannot stand any loud sound without extreme pain, and my grandmother knowing this, keeps loudly trying to clean dishes and rearrange the entire kitchen. My grandmother also consistently puts dirty laundry with our clean clothes, and keeps crying when we mention it in the slightest.

My grandmother actively refuses visiting a doctor, and always calls us retarded for bringing it up, but does not show signs of any neurological diseases.

I just went to visit my elderly Mother (89) and her husband (my step-father 95).

They live by themselves in a large, beautiful but cluttered house on a huge, gorgeous lot in the country.

My Mother has mild dementia (probably vascular according to her neurologist, but definitely still has "capacity"), has some balance and mobility issues (uses a cane) but is otherwise in good health. My stepfather is very hearing and visually impaired, has some mobility issues (uses a cane) an issue with a valve in his heart, but is otherwise in good health.

They are both 100% adamant that they do not want to sell their house and move to assisted living. This is nothing new. My Mother has always insisted upon this and have never wavered. I know her and am fairly sure that she would absolutely hate being in assisted living. She is very controlling, eccentric and independent. My grandmother who had a similar personality insisted on the same. When, at 93, she broke her hip and went into long-term rehab-assisted living, she chose to refuse food and drink and starve herself to death. I can see my Mother doing something similar. I think she would be just so unhappy.

My step-father would probably do well in assisted living, but he is besotted with my Mother and has proclaimed over and over that he will never voluntarily leave her side.

Here is what bothers me. There are quite a few people in my Mother's life that are pushing her to give up her independence, always citing safety issues. When it comes to other people's safety, I am 100% in agreement. After a somewhat protracted fight, my sister (who sees them much more frequently than I do) got my Mother to stop driving a few months ago. So she is no longer a menace to others.

But I have to admit that I am bothered by the push from various parties to get them to leave their beloved house. Most often "safety" is cited. But what is the point of "safety" if you are going to have a life you don't want?

I've been caring for my 95 year old grandmother for about 4 months now. I had to quit my job and the stress of this caused me and my partner to break up. She is bed bound and is incontinent. I've been diagnosed with caregiver depression and have been given meds. I can only get away a couple hours at a time. I can get a friend of hers to sit with her while I go grocery shopping or a coffee. I'm 46 and I have so many goals and with her current state, she could be around for several more months. My mother was taking care of her and I was giving her an overnight break every 3 days so she could go home and sleep in her own bed. But she decided she couldn't take it anymore and refused to come back. I feel like since it's HER mother, she should accept the responsibility and do this. I'm willing to help, but I've lost so much since I've had to be here 24/7. I love my grandmother and we are close. But my mental state is suffering. I can't even concentrate long enough to read any chapters or study my schoolwork. I really don't have a point to any of this, just wondering if there are people out there that feel as trapped and lonely as I do. I have a brother who is estranged from the family, so I have no one who can share the work with me.

As our parents age, their nutritional needs change. Here are some simple, research-backed tips to help them stay healthy:

Nutrient-Dense Foods
Older adults need fewer calories but more nutrients. Focus on fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains to meet their increased nutritional needs.

Protein is Key
Protein helps maintain muscle mass. Studies show that older adults who eat more protein have better muscle strength. Include chicken, fish, eggs, dairy, beans, and nuts in their meals.

Stay Hydrated
Dehydration is common in older adults as they might not feel thirsty often. Encourage regular water intake and hydrating foods like cucumbers and soups. Staying hydrated prevents many health issues.

Fiber for Digestive Health
Fiber helps keep the digestive system running smoothly. High-fiber diets prevent constipation and promote a healthy gut. Include whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and legumes in their diet.

Watch for Vitamin and Mineral Deficiencies
Older adults can be low in vitamins like D and B12, and minerals like calcium and magnesium. These are essential for bone health and overall well-being. Sometimes supplements are necessary, but always consult a doctor first.

Smaller, Frequent Meals
Aging can reduce appetite, making large meals unappealing. Offer smaller, more frequent meals to keep their energy up. Nutritious snacks like yogurt, cheese, nuts, and fruits are great between meals.

Personalized Diet Plans
Everyone’s needs are different. Tailoring a diet plan based on their health conditions and preferences can be very beneficial. Consult a dietitian for a personalized plan.

By following these tips, you can help your older parents stay healthy and happy. Have any other tips or experiences? Share them in the comments!

I was my mother's caregiver for several years and Constantly her sisters and her son told me that I was doing nothing. Now that my mom died her family are old they ask me if I can be their caregiver and her son ask me if I can be his housekeeper, But for free! I Make it clear that I will not be a caretaker or housekeeper for anyone.But they constantly remind me how much they need someone to help them, I just ignore them or change the subject. Because I know they have a lot of money.

I am caring for my mother who has lost the ability to speak coherently or comprehend well. Recently she fell and as a result is going weekly to a wound care center. The nurse will only dote on her and speak to her in a child like manner and will not even look at the family in the eyes. When we have questions she refuses to comment. My mother cannot speak for herself. The nurse told us that she prefers to hear what the patient has to say or ask, but my mother speaks a plethora of nonsense words along with a jumble of real words that are incoherently strung together. It is so frustrating. We want my mom to have dignity, of course, but we are also her voice. It would be nice if she included my mom by looking at her as she explains things to all of us. Has anyone gone through anything like this? It is maddening.

Hey, was wondering if anyone knew how to get immediate services for caregiving? It’s not really safe for me to be home alone with my baby if I can barely get up and walk and am waiting for surgery.

Hello!

I understand that experienced caregivers have efficient and personalised systems which help them streamline their day-to-day tasks to best take care of their care recipients.

Any seasoned caregivers out there, what are some caregiving hacks/tips/advices yall have picked up over the years and how does it help you and your care recipient?

I would like to compile them into a booklet where we can all share our knowledge !! Thank you :)

I am planning to enroll caregiving in system plus college to get a certificate, so I can apply and work in the US as a caregiver. I just want to make sure before enrolling that it's recognized in the US. Thank you

Hi everyone I'm going to be taking a CNA class at the end of July and I'm wondering what it all entails and how did y'all like it? Thanks

I take care of my elderly father in law. He is in his 80s with several health issues including mobility problems. My partner and i moved in with him a little over a year ago, and since then, my father in law has been an awful dictator around the house. Everything has to be his way or the highway. He’ll scream at us if something is off or not done the way he sees fit. Even if its taking out the trash or some small mundane task. He refuses to talk to us like respectable adults. We are only his employees.

I was wondering if anyone has had experience with this. We have so so much on our plates alrady. We have no social life or time to do anythung because of the neverending tasks he wants us to do. Help? Advice??

He won’t even drink a milkshake when I offer it and he (used to) have the biggest sweet tooth and love his ice cream. I’ve been spiking his coffee and orange juice with unflavored protein powder but that’s still a negligible amount. He is 90 years old and down to 140lbs (was almost 160lbs 3 months ago)

My boyfriend suggested giving him a minuscule amount of thc to maybe increase his appetite. My grandpa LOVES alcohol but he’s never smoked weed or done any drugs in his life so I’m a little nervous. At this point I have to do something because we can’t even get in to see his dr for almost three weeks.

Hello! I’m a new caregiver, I just started a few nights ago. I work third and often don’t have to do cares- but when I do it feels invasive/awkward. I absolutely don’t mind helping them but the gist of this question is: does this go away? Do you get used to seeing people in such a vulnerable state?

Idk what to do, I have one client m-f 8-3 and I’m starting to become desensitized to my job, he is pretty independent just has some dementia issues and is in a wheelchair but he tries to boss me around like I’m “the help” and that’s not my purpose for being here, lately I’m just going to work because it pays well and I hate that, I want to care again and be more compassionate and I know it’s bad that I don’t.

Hello,

I am a caregiver for an individual that has ADHD, Bipolar depression with frequent episodes of mania. I've been a caregiver for 13 years, so I'm well rounded (at least I thought) with most forms of care. Really needing some advice on how to care for my mental state. Almost every day I go home mentally exhausted from having to listen to/care for this individual. They literally go non-stop and are all over the place all the time. Thank you for any advice!

I'm 17 now, and I feel bad that I hate my grandmother, but I do. I help her in everyday that I can, but her mood switches are getting worse and I don't know what to do really. She has a really big fixation on cleanliness, but it's only for other peoples rooms. She'll go on tangents about how she can't sleep due to how the families rooms make her feel but the rooms aren't dirty. (Full transparency, they aren't spotless but they're average. The bed isn't made but there aren't clothes on the floor type vibe). I'm wondering if anyone else's older family or patients get like this? Like she will throw mean insults at me and my (adult) Uncle for how our rooms aren't hotel room spotless. It has become almost unbearable, because I have to try and find a job but she'll yell at me that I have dirty clothes in the dirty clothes basket. She wants it to look unloved in, and I don't know what it is. It's not an only me issue, she does it to other family members too but I've never heard of someone getting paranoid about someone else's room before? Like losing sleep, losing weight, etc. She'll genuinely be happy one minute then angry the next.

Does anyone have any advice or has experienced this before? I want to get her help but I don't know what that is. My only guess is anxiety but I think it's deeper than that. Any advice that can be given would be appreciated.

(I've tried to talk to her several times, she'll be understanding then a week later go on about it.)

Hello everyone.

I have a question. I've been a caregiver for many years and never encountered this situation before. I've just started overnight care for an elderly woman and one of her cats is very obviously sick. He's stuck thin and has puss filled eyes. All other cats are very healthy and happy. I will say he doesn't appear in pain and he doesn't act unhappy.

I'm an animal activist and just looking at him breaks my heart. I called my office and apparently all they can do is call the family about it. I want to report it to people who can help this cat, but I'm not sure if it's the right choice as I'm not truly sure of the situation yet. I feel it is morally right but I also need to keep my job and don't want to make quick assumptions. I need advice on how to handle this situation.

UPDATE: The good boy is an old boy: 21 actually. He's nearing the end of life and is doing alright according to the vet the family took him to. I will be keeping him cleaned up and comfortable until his passing.

I’m 22 turning 23 this year, my dad turned 80. He’s had cancer for about 12 years. I’m at the point of my life where I’ve slowly kept watching him decline. He told me about 3 years ago that he has 1 year left and then he’s told my mother who in another country that he’s dying soon and that was about 5 years ago. Then recently when I was living with my husband he said he had 6 months and it’s almost been about that time and around the time I moved back he mentioned right after that “oh well I might be around another 4-5 years.”

I feel so messed up but I feel like I just to start my life and chase my goals, i feel so stuck and then he constantly screams at me and uses his trust as a way to keep me here it seems like. He believes that by me leaving would be “f*** him over and that I would be out of the Will. I got married and me and my husband are starting to fight A LOT. We hate where we live and want to move to another state but I feel like I can’t do that to him.

The past year has been hell and he’s not any nicer to me. He smells horrible and pees in bottles and barely showers. Last week there was poo on the toilet that I had to clean up.

Also I feel myself starting to resent him and get angry when he’s around that I just have to be quiet and not say anything. All we do is watch movies in his room that literally smells horrible because of the pee

I can’t imagine me doing this for the rest of my 20s I feel so selfish and guilty for wishing it would just hurry up. also the fact that me and my husband were fighting so much when we lived together and I couldn’t go back home for a little because my dad rented out my room. He rented the whole house out in fact and then put up a shed for me that has some walls and ac but I can’t live in that full time and he calls me ungrateful for it. I’m tired

i have no siblings to take the load off and his family is not really around or they don’t talk to him my mom thinks he’s being manipulative and selfish and I think so to but at the same time it all just feels horrible I feel like a hostage but I also just feel such a sense of responsibility and I’ve told him I really don’t want to do this and he tells me that’s a horrible thing to say to him

So I’ve been working with just one client for the past few months since I have another job on the weekends and I’ve been thinking about stepping out of my comfort zone in my caregiving role through my agency or another. My issue is that I’m not particularly comfortable with grooming, bathing/dressing, and mobility turns. I’ve noticed this is where most of what the job entails. I’ve always known that I don’t want to work with the elderly in this way but considering I’m going to nursing school soon I figured it would at the very least give me that experience of patient interaction. I guess my question is, how did you become comfortable with that part of the job? For some reason it’s always stirred me away and never motivated me to pursue becoming a CNA, for example.