Let me explain, I've been studying Stoicism for while and applying it to my thoughts and actions and I was feeling mentally stable and happy.

But recently I keep having questions about Stoicism alot and I mean alot, and this has been seriously stressing me out, I want them to stop but I don't know how.

Questions are like "Does virtue really secure your happiness?", "You believe externals to be neither good nor bad but are they?"

Basically all the things I learned from Stoicism is questioned and I'm actually really upset and distressed by it, because I feel like where I rely my happiness on is being questioned, also it takes a lot of time to answer them with my little understanding of Stoicism (and sometimes I can't make an answer)

I'm sorry if this sounds dumb but I'm serious, please help me. Thank you.

Hi, I am a teen living in the middle eastern sphere, I am undeniably homosexual and I have distanced myself from the religion on account of what I perceive to be moral flaws, and I don't want to live a slave to an ideology that hates me over something that causes no harm. I am of course, closeted to everyone around me, legal consequences could range from imprisonment, to death at worst. Social consequences are similarly, abuse, shunning, attempts at forced conversion, and sometimes mobs take matters into their own hands.

Stoicism has always remained somewhat close to me, it has saved me from troubles, but at times i struggle to adopt the mindset of letting go of what i cannot control, because of the magnitude of the troubles, it slips from me, and i then overthink and worry, which I do much more often nowadays. I am not content, I do not think I can ever be content in my situation, I am expected to marry a woman one day, I have to hide myself, the fact that if anyone were to know, then the consequences would be harsh, it's all quite troublesome.

I am, of course, trying to get out and move to a more accepting country, working hard, it would take a minimum of waiting 8 years for me to leave the country reliably. Struggle has hardened me and made me mature faster but at times I feel hopeless, stuck, condemned. And when I am in deep stress, my mind sometimes turns to thinking about (merely the concept of) suicide (though, that is less frequent now).

I'll take any advice or kind words I can get

I had about 8000 pictures saved from Messenger and around 5000 screenshots on my phone, and my storage was completely full at 128GB/128GB. I thought I'd quickly delete them, as they could always be restored from the trash, and I needed to download something urgently that evening. But it turned out the trash function was disabled by default, and all those pictures were permanently deleted. I'm dead... I mean, it's true that I almost never went into those folders on my phone to look back at old pictures, but still, this sucks. Though, I don't even understand why I had so many pictures saved from Messenger and screenshots on my phone.

Obviously, most of the pictures can be saved again from Facebook or obtained from others, but unfortunately not the screenshots, though maybe that's for the best. There were several pictures in my gallery that I didn't even know why I had on my phone, and it just made me question myself. What would you advise?

The situation now is that I feel very strange and 'empty,' as if several years' worth of data has been erased from me, I feel like I'm in rumination. I feel like this is the time in my life where I need a 'mental reset' of some sort.

Lately i have noticed that everyone is addicted to some or the other thing. I'm not just saying about the bad habits but even simple ones like binge watching, social media, even watching informational youtube videos for hours (which mostly not useful in day-to-day life). As a generation we don't like to feel ourself bored.

I believe we are doing all this to substitute our emotions and escape the reality.

So, how do we embrace boredom and be ok with doing nothing. And sit there with those thoughts and emotions, which are uncomfortable.

Hello all,

I just thought I would share something I have found useful and thought a lot of you might enjoy.

Like quite a few of you, I am a happy practitioner of Stoicism and feel like it has immensely improved my life. It provides me with an OS my brain runs on and generally keeps me on track.

Recently, I have read some books on therapy (CBT to be precise), and have found it contains lots of useful exercises and information that complement the Stoic way of thinking. I have found that using these modern and structured techniques and incorporating them into my usual journalling sessions has made them even more effective with regards to my well being.

So yeah, just a recommendation for anybody that feels like they hit a plateau in their progress.

The book I have read is this one. Although it is a bit old and I am sure there are some more updated books such as for example this one, it shares a few genuinely helpful techniques, so I would recommend giving it a read.

A kind request.

Recently, I've been exploring Buddhism and meditation while also practicing stoicism. Does anyone meditate and also practice stoicism? Can you do both?

As an artist, and a long term believer in stoic values and philosophy, I’ve often come back to this quote. So much so that I’ve used it for my professional works now, it’s attached to the bottom of my profiles. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD and ADHD, a volatile combination, and often get stuck on little things, and stressing over those little things. Since using this quote more actively, it’s helped to calm down, and focus on what actually matters.

“Dwell On The Beauty Of Life” - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations.

I recently finished watching the Cinderella Man movie starring Russell Crowe. I would definitely recommend it to y'all!

Its about a boxer(don't wanna spoil who), who lost everything he had, went through literal poverty but ended up re-igniting his career. Basically a rags-to-riches story (hence the Cinderella).

Throughout the whole movie the character's actions reminded me of the ideal Stoic.

• Did not resort to stealing even though the family was going through literal poverty.

-Focused on the present situation and did not dwell in the past about how he was filthy rich

-When the family was unable to pay for milk or electricity, the man literally begged for money from the promoters who he was previously associated with, even though it was extremely humiliating. (Basically had full command of his ego)

-spoilers

!When a rival boxer insults his wife and shed throws a drink in the guy's face, the rival questions and mocks our MC'S manhood, but he does not retort with any snide remark or with any anger, he just makes a joke about how 'his wife is a keeper'.!<

This reminded me of Epictetus and Seneca: "He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at."

"No one is laughable who laughs at himself."

There were many other instances where stoicism was displayed by the character, the above ones were just some of the top off my head😅.

An excellent movie which, in my humble opinion, showcases stoic principles at its best and I would definitely recommend it to my fellow philosophers and tbh anyone who's currently going through a tough time.

I was personally going through some stuff and still am 😅 but this movie helped me see even more how helpful Stoicism can really be and I do strive to be as cool as the Cinderella Man someday.😁

Have any of you guys seen the movie? Would love to hear your thoughts on it!

Welcome to the New Agora, a place for you and others to have casual conversations, seek advice and first aid, and hang out together outside of regular posts.

If you have not already, please the READ BEFORE POSTING top-pinned post.

The rules in the New Agora are simple:

1. Above all, keep in mind that our nature is "civilized and affectionate and trustworthy."
2. If you are seeking advice based on users' personal views as people interested in Stoicism, you may leave one top-level comment about your question per day.
3. If you are offering advice, you may offer your own opinions as someone interested in Stoic theory and/or practice--but avoid labeling personal opinions, idiosyncratic experiences, and even thoughtful conjecture as Stoic.
4. If you are promoting something that you have created, such as an article or book you wrote, you may do so only one time per day, but do not post your own YouTube videos.

While this thread is new, the above rules may change in response to things that we notice or that are brought to our attention.

As always, you are encouraged to report activity that you believe should not belong here. Similarly, you are welcome to pose questions, voice concerns, and offer other feedback to us either publicly in threads or privately by messaging the mods.

Wish you well in the New Agora.

Anger is pain, appetite is pleasure. You harm yourself more through appetite/pleasure, because it occurs more often and you hardly ever dismiss it, although it's a lot easier to dismiss than anger/pain.

faults committed through appetite are graver than those committed through anger. For when a person loses his temper, he seems to turn his back on reason with a kind of pain and unconscious wringing of the heart, but when he offends through appetite and is overpowered by pleasure, he somehow seems more licentious and more unmanly in his wrongdoing. Theophrastus was right, then, and was speaking as befits a philosopher, when he maintained that wrongdoing associated with pleasure calls for harsher condemnation than that associated with pain. Generally speaking, in the latter case the offender is more like a person who has first been injured by another and has been driven by pain to lose his temper, while in the former he has been impelled to do wrong as a result of his own inclination, being carried away by appetite to act as he does.—Marcus 2.10

This is probably a frequently asked question but how do I go about not comparing myself or feeling behind in life? I sometimes go on Instagram and see peers of mine on vacations and taking trips here and there and at times it makes me feel inadequate as if I’m missing out life, as if I’m wasting my youth. I want to know how a stoic approach such feelings

..And their deserts are determined in part by their position in the hierarchy"

Well, what is the other part? As in what else determines how people deserve to be treated apart from their position in the hierarchy. I struggle with Justice in Stoicism. Seems unclear. That quote is by Gregory Hays describing Marcus Aurelius' philosophical background.

I think of my parents, my siblings and my relationships. If I love(with all its complications) some of these people but don't like them, doesn't that factor into what I believe they deserve when I act with justice toward them? I'm misunderstanding something, because a Christian commandment would say honour thy father and mother. But someone counter to Christianity will say, obedience and respect for parents should not be automatic, it should be based on the parents performance, some parents deserve respect, many of them don't. Then the whole thing becomes subjective, turns into, "yes, they are my parents/siblings/partners, but regarding acting justly towards them, that in part depends on how I feel." That's just one example, but It's this feeling of basing(in part) on my subjectivity that makes me feel like regarding Justice, Stoicism has left me to my own devices.

I really I'm not overthinking things, or trying to.

Excerpt XXV, book fourth (this is my translation, I have the Italian version): "Try to figure out if you're able to get used to the life of the honest man, who knows how to settle for the destiny he has been given in the universal order of things (...)"

What if I want to be more? What if I want to do more? What if I know I should do and be more? Is Marcus Aurelius telling me that I have pre-defined limits that I cannot and shall not try to break? I have always wanted to be more, I've always had the feeling that I'm not good enough for my own perception of myself, that I can do more, that I shall be the best. I have never succeded in this attempt of being the number one, and, after all this time, I've come to the conclusion that my destiny might dictate that I shall never be number one, that I will forever be below someone else in anything and everything and never the other way around.

Should I despise this feeling? Should I not seek for excellence? Should I accept the possibility that I might never be the best? Let me know what you think.

Weird question, but i'm going to talk about stoicism in a university paper.

I need to cite Epictetus, specifically the Enichiridion. 2006. P. Hadot.

I need to write the century of the first edition but i've been finding different numbers. Any suggestion, or date? 🥲

This happens far too often then I would like... a simple conversation over anything, and it quickly escalates into "Why do you sound so angry / defensive about this?" - when I don't even feel the slightest bit angered.

My answers to questions are direct and to the point, I express my opinion.. and that's it.

I pause, determine my reply thoughtfully, say it.. and yet again it happens. I am conscience of my body language.. and I don't feel I have a "tell" of anger.

I have a deep voice... I dunno, picture that leader dude from the movie 300, if you want.. it would be appropriate. So how would that guy deal with this issue - people constantly aligning your voice tone - with anger.

I have to say " but I'm not angry..." It's almost like i am being gaslighted.

This, in my opinion is going to be very hard to offer stoic advice on... but I hope anyone here can.

Hi there! I'm new to reddit and in need of some outsiders stoic interpretation of my current situation. First, let me share some backstory/context, if you will.

I (27F) am living a life that doesn't feel very fulfilling. Mainly due to being disabled, I'm financially not able to do much else than pay my bills and save up for my emergency funds. I never was able to go to school, I don't have a relationship (anymore) and I have a small group of friends, seen as making new friends without a proper immune system and no ways to organically meet new people, can be quite hard! I'm generally very cheerful, creative, playful and very much experimenting in life on what things DO work for me. After loosing my house to a house fire last year and my partner running off with another person, I feel overwhelmed with gratefulness on having my own safe, warm and cozy house and the calmth that is returning into my life now that everything is more smooth sailing. However...

The friends that I have, have jobs, large friendgroups, the physical/financial freedom to go out and do what they enjoy, they have loving partners and families that support them. I am genuinely rooting for them and so hyped to hear about their stories when they've come back from their adventures. I feel excitement for their accomplishments and hope along for the outcome of what they want. Only, in the past year and a half, I've noticed this sharp emotional pinch when people do and achieve all these nice things. Especially if they're things I'd also love to one day achieve. Not in a sense of being envious of them, but more in a painful sadness of not being able to ever achieve those things myself. It's also not a 'response desire', where I find myself also wanting that in response to them telling me about their latest accomplishment.

I tend to be highly sensitive to suggestion, which has lead me to believe that I might be jealous (disclaimer: no one knows I feel this sharp pinch when I hear of their accomplishments). But somehow I'm not aligning with the part where I wish them less. I just wish I was more abled. In the past I've tried to build up to a point where I could also do these things, as to not brute force myself. But it's lead to a burnout before accomplishing the goals. My autism, combined with my body being ill all the time, makes it hard to get up and do the things consistently (and identifying complex emotions). I am very aware of the world around me and my limitations, but it doesn't cut off my desire to live a normal life where I'd have a close group of friends, a few activities a week and maybe at some point live a "normal people life".

My question, could someone help me identify and understand as to what this emotional response even is, and how to remain stoic whilst acknowledging the passing emotion? The more time passes, the stronger the feeling seems te get and I'm concerned it may lead to my responses slowly getting more bitter over the years to come. Thank you in advance!

Epictetus says that our reasoning and our power to assent or not to mental impressions are “up to us.” But he never seems to say that our physical actions are “up to us”. Why is this? Is it implied?

Hi, I’m not a straight A student but I do try. I’m someone who always needs to put in a lot of effort in order to do good and I’ve excepted that, I’m just not academically gifted. However, my strong suit is writing essays and anything English related.

Im taking a seminar class with a relatively strict teacher, and we got our grades back for an assignment that at the time, I believed I put in 100% of my effort. After receiving my grade back (40/100), I do think my teacher was too hard on me.

I also take another class with him this year, a more mathematical class and I started the semester by essentially failing since I don’t have a mathematical bone in my body. I’ve reached out to him and others for help and my grades are becoming steady.

I think he make be reflecting my grades from one class into another and I don’t know how to approach him. I considered talking to another prof instead.

Basically I don’t know how to go about this. I practise stoicism because I know I get hot headed and emotional - I’m a big cryer and get heated very fast.

Any advice on how I can go about this situation? I wanted to doubt how much effort I put in, and albeit my essay wasn’t perfect, I don’t think it deserves such a low grade. Just not sure how to react, I’m scared I’ll blow up.

29/M, i've always been angry, mostly at myself for the horrible stuff that happened to me since i was a kid, some weren't even bad but i can't let go, i hate that i am angry even when i pretend not to be. i know it is not wise nor stoic to be angry, i want to stop being angry. sometimes i feel like the whole world is against me, i get angry even for stupid reasons like my favorite team losing and seeing the winners talking shit, how can i stop being angry?

Sorry for saying that word like 100 times.

I broke up with a girl I truly loved and now I feel empty inside and I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think or how to recover.

Dear fellow Stoics, This is my first post on our subreddit. I find solace in our beautiful community of people on a journey of self-improvement.

I have been obsessed with eclipses since I was 9 years old — I am not exaggerating when I say that as a child, I wrote songs about total solar eclipses and sang them on repeat. In 2017, I caught the partial eclipse from where I lived, and for the past 7 years, I had been planning a trip to see totality. It was like a dream come true to fly to Buffalo, New York to witness this incredible celestial phenomenon. However, on the morning of the eclipse, a thick layer of fog set over the city, and throughout the unique moments of totality, the cloudy sky went pitch black without a single glimpse of the majestic solar spectacle.

I feel crushed, as if my dream of a decade has been trampled on. Some of my friends in other cities called me and sent pictures of a completely clear sky, and it made me so jealous. Another nail in the coffin was that two hours later, as I was flying out of the city, the clouds completely cleared and there was an unobscured view of the ordinary sun.

At the same time as my sadness and envy, I feel like an ungrateful brat: I still got to see some spectacular moments of the partial phase where the crescent sun peeked through the clouds, and I spent time with my amazing father, whom I rarely see due to my studies.

I believe that this outcome from the eclipse was a sign from God to practice more gratitude, as throughout my life, I have been miserable and ungrateful even when everything goes my way. I would appreciate any Stoic advice on how to go about this difficult task of appreciation and finding joy.

Thank you for your time and support. 🌙

Will the stoic drop some wisdom or look at the person with a serious concerned stare or what...

Hello, I am graduating senior highschool soon and I want to confess my feelings to this stoic classmate. (He practices stoicism.)

After reading a bit about stoicism, relationship is not a priority or a goal for stoics. And base on his personality, that sounds just like him.

I've known this guy since grade 1, my impression was that he's a weird and very smart classmate. I never saw him in a romantic light or even as a friend. It wasn't in my plan to be attracted to him and realize this feelings 3 weeks before graduation. I don't even understand it, I just suddenly cannot bear that we might never cross paths again.

Our relationship right now are just classmates, not even a friend. I will tell him my feelings on the day of graduation and emphasize my intention to get closer and know more about him.

He does not need to respond or return my feelings, I only want to keep in touch even after graduation and know he is there somewhere existing. I will not lie, yes I want to be with him, but I know that it will be difficult or might take time, or liking me back is close to impossible.

I want to be with him so much that I will continue to like him even if he rejects me. But of course I will not be a stalker, that's why I'll ask for his permission if it's fine to text and visit him in the university he's going to study. I want to be by his side whenever he's bored, sad, or just need a company.

Will this be too aggressive and only make him ignore me? Please give me an advice. (And tell me honestly if I'm being creepy if I did this)

Hello. I am a teenager and have been trying to use stoicism in my life for about two months now. I've use apps to help me incorporate stoicism ways into my life and have read Ryan Holiday's book The Obstacle is The way. Even though I've spent this much time learning and study stoicism, I feel like I'm missing something. I think its quite hard for me to tell myself how to think. I also feel like I'm glued to the feeling I get when I understand and succeed in something; which happens not a lot with me in stoicism. Because of this, I get very resistant in my feelings and how I should feel. I also get glued to the feeling of achieving something in stoicism. For example incorporating a lesson into my life or having a good and specific mantra in my head. If I can't get this or feel this, I get overwhelmed, depressed, and fixated in trying to make my brain feel good and happy. What am I missing? Should I stop stoicism? Any lessons?

If one asks one of the great Stoic sages...

"How can a person achieve things that will make him loved and respected?"

What would he say?

This is not a trivial question. I really do want it answered. I am simply someone who read Marcus Aurelius's book for general life advice. I know very little about Stoicism. You'd be really helping me out.

Thank you.

Thinking about purchasing the Audiobook of this book. Massimo is an atheist and always puts his views on God in his books. Can anyone recommend this book or tell me if he keeps it about the stoics and not his religious views ?

Welcome to the New Agora, a place for you and others to have casual conversations, seek advice and first aid, and hang out together outside of regular posts.

If you have not already, please the READ BEFORE POSTING top-pinned post.

The rules in the New Agora are simple:

1. Above all, keep in mind that our nature is "civilized and affectionate and trustworthy."
2. If you are seeking advice based on users' personal views as people interested in Stoicism, you may leave one top-level comment about your question per day.
3. If you are offering advice, you may offer your own opinions as someone interested in Stoic theory and/or practice--but avoid labeling personal opinions, idiosyncratic experiences, and even thoughtful conjecture as Stoic.
4. If you are promoting something that you have created, such as an article or book you wrote, you may do so only one time per day, but do not post your own YouTube videos.

While this thread is new, the above rules may change in response to things that we notice or that are brought to our attention.

As always, you are encouraged to report activity that you believe should not belong here. Similarly, you are welcome to pose questions, voice concerns, and offer other feedback to us either publicly in threads or privately by messaging the mods.

Wish you well in the New Agora.

My mom signed me up for golf lessons every Monday with a friend I don’t like, how do I deal with it?

I see these posts all the time. Most of you are in your 20’s.

Advice from a 40 something student of stoicism. You have the whole world ahead of you. Stop focusing on external factors like wealth and status.

Focus on yourself and the relationships you build. Emotional maturity comes with life experience like travelling and meeting people. Money is only a vehicle. It’s within the self that happiness can be found.

You haven’t thrown your life away, focus on what brings you happiness and satisfaction and follow your passion. “Find what you love, and wear yourself down doing it!”

Money and status will never bring happiness, only newer more complex problems. All you have in life is your consciousness and it could be taken away from you at any moment in the blink of an eye. When you realise how short and ridiculous life really is, you can find solice in your mind.

Recommend reading:

Meditations (Marcus Aurelius) Discourses (Epictetus) Ikigai (Ken Mogi) Change your thinking (Sarah Edelman)