I've asked below question in the philosophy reddit, but got no traction. Therefore, I am asking it here, as my interests/study concentrate mostly around stoicism/ancient philosophy/philosophy as way of life (Hadot-based). I hope to get some meaningful answers here.

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To give some context - my job is related to programming, however my educational and hobby-based background is purely human sciences. I spend most of my free time reading/listening to all things philosophy/psychology/spirituality. I enjoy the process itself, getting different perspectives on things, and heavy-lifting for the brain.

The problem I have, and would like to get a feedback on is this - I assume lots of people here also spend considerable amount of time thinking/reading. However, when it comes to philosophy I feel like a cheater. Or more adequate - impostor (yup, impostor syndrome is my disease of choice ;) ). Let me explain, and give some examples.

I've spent significant amount of time once, to create mind-maps of the 5-volumes long "History of ancient philosophy" by Giovanni Reale (I'm Europe based, hence the choice). Ok, it was fun to do (although quite long and exhausting), but the truth is - I vaguely remember any of it. The same applies to lots of other stuff I did for specific philosophers, like reading substantial amount of Plato's works (same goes for stoics), Nietzsche or several others. I read, I think, but after a while, all that is just... gone.

I know I am not a professional, where my philosophical inquiries are rewarded with titles/promotions/money. Or where my ability to present it/lecture/remember is something that I am "paying forward" to others. It's a pure hobby, that I enjoy in my free time. However, I feel like it is all just a lot of hot air. Like I am betraying myself (and philosophy - if that makes sense) by just not being able to recall on demand whatever specific philosopher said in the specific work, or how does it compares to somebody's else.

So to sum up - do you guys feel the same? If yes - how do you cope with this feeling? I know it's just either a matter of constant spaced repetition of notes/ideas, or settling on wikipedia-style short summaries of every philosopher/school (which is blind to all the nuances and specifics). However, if I need to (re)learn/peat things over and over again - there won't be time to get into new things.

Two years ago I was in a very bad position and was the happiest I had ever been, I had recently found meaning in stoicism and proceeded to just simply cut ties from everything I found poisonous and worked on myself until I felt like I was on a really good path and doing everything I could to keep on it, which is all I asked of myself. I knew it was the start of a journey and I felt great about it.

Now.. I’ve moved states and have a lovely boyfriend and I’m much better off, and I’m miserable. Everything frustrates me and drives me to unreasonable levels of anger. I work alone at night and my social skills have plummeted, making me mad at everyone around me for not taking a chance on me even though I try to interact with everyone positively when I can. I make good money which is all I said I’d ever want, enough to sustain myself, but I look around and just feel farther and farther behind my peers as I age. I lack hobbies and any meaningfully spent time, my free time is wasted because I feel stuck inside due to fear of the city and lacking knowing what I can do out here.

My heart aches for the peace I knew and I just can’t find it, I feel as if Ive never even experienced it and I genuinely grieve the feeling. I don’t know when I stopped being content and just wanted More but I feel like I’ve lost everything to it and it’s more then replaced the poisons I cut off because it’s from the inside now.

I just thought of this and it's helping me calm down. If Trump Is elected, it will provide sooooo many opportunities for us to practice virtue in our lives. Especially Courage, Justice. and Wisdom.

I feel like people, generally, are bad at being wrong, and that it’s almost difficult for them that reality doesn’t always align with their own vision or ideas. Often clenching on to it, trynna prove its realness. Even though reality claims otherwise.

What does stoicism say about being wrong? Especially acceptance in being wrong, and grow from it? I know myself sometime struggle when things aren’t like I think they are.

While it's on the logic of being stoic and apply virtue in every move we do, life's not a choreographed dance. Nobody is meant to attain absolute enlightenment in this life, claiming otherwise would be foolish if anything. Life's weight on the shoulders is always present, and regardless of how strong we are by then, we still stumble and fall. Could happen this week, maybe twice this month, who knows. Reality doesn't wait to kick in for us to acknowledge it. Even the oldest trees get swayed by strong winds and storms.

What's hard to consider during these times is the compulsory doubt of "Shouldn't I be more of service to my reason? Shouldn't I stand unshaken by these pressures?"
You shouldn't. Because that would mean being brittle, insensitive to change. Neglecting yourself the truth further separates you from understanding, and the surrounding environment you seek to commune with. That's why when there's any event that's ultimately defining and meaningful in your life, the greatest grace of all is acknowledging it being there and letting it move through you. We do our best to transmit those events and feelings as true and faithful as we can to our closed ones and we long for the mutual understanding in them.

Granted, the nuance lies in really understanding how they affect us. For the better or worse, they're still there, leaving them to fester in ignorance only conditions us for worse, instead of giving them the real kind of attention they need and granting them their merit for being. We always are keeping tabs with reality, one way or another, we get conditioned by some event that still keeps us shaking from time to time. That's why you shouldn't stop yourself from shaking, but start listening to it, listening to yourself think. Due lessons carry the same message every time they get repeated, the real effort is in understanding it.

It's really hard to open yourself to conflicting feelings, some times they're just too much to handle after some time and they become a trance or a mindset for a day, but granted, that's the goal. Giving yourself that day to reconcile. Giving yourself that space to lash out and the means to tackle it. We can't stop ruminating, our thoughts and ideas deserve that space in our minds at all times, but being the arbiter of our lives we can hopefully choose in which way we ruminate about them, how they're conditioned to grow and settle inside our heads.

That's why we, like everyone else, need our own time. We never stopped being human. We can strive to know better, maybe today, if not tomorrow. Only tomorrow's me is able to reflect on what yesterday's me did, a hopefully wiser version, who will make a difference, if not in action, in perspective.

I have GAD (general anxiety disorder) and I wonder how stoicism can help my anxiety, maybe some sentences or exercises? I’m so exhausted of constant dread..

As the title says. I’m just curious if any of you guys have any stoic quotes or mantras to essentially ground themselves back to reality when emotions get crazy. I could use something to repeat in my head/ out loud when I’m feeling overwhelmed or frustrated.

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I'm still new to stoicism and recently I just got 2 weeks medical leave from my psychiatrist for my depression. I'm concerned that once I return back to school what I should answer if others ask me why I was absent for 2 weeks. I'm not comfortable to tell others that I got depression because I live in a country where mental health problems are heavily stigmatised. However, I do realise that the main reason of me not being comfortable to tell the main reason was due to fear of judgement. Should I still lie?

I was in a 3 year relationship with a woman and it ended when she crossed a boundary (she went to another guys place and allowed him to keep his arm around her) even though, after 3 days of the break up I was messaging her that maybe we can get over this since we have been together for 3 years. She did not want to get back together and not even a week after the break up she had sex with the dude twice. However we had unprotected sex 4 weeks prior and it turns out she is pregnant and I know the baby is mine because the weeks match perfectly to me. (We didnt mind having kids since we were in a loyal commited relationship still at this point everything changed quickly)

To me it felt like cheating and now she wants to get back together with me and I am also thinking this for the sake of the baby and I do still have love for her but I do have this resentment and disgust in my head that she did such an act only a week after our break up. If I do not get together with her I have to accept the fact that someday the kid will probably also have a stepdad which I dont get to pick and choose and make sure he is a safe person for my daughter to be around. That or I stay with this woman and try to rebuild trust and sometimes having to worry if she will do something like that again. Both of these choices seem bad to me. With being separate I gotta worry who she brings into the life of my daughter and with being together I gotta cope with the fact that I am with a person who has basically cheated on me and everynow and then having feelings of resentment and sometimes wondering if it will happen again?

What should I as a stoic do in this situation?

Seriously, what's up with these kinds of posts? Ok, I know, dating and relationships are important and Stoicism helps with these aspects too. But lately, there has been a swarm of such posts that are too personal and fit in other subs. Examples include: "I am not able to find a girlfriend", "Someone dumped me. What do I do", "People are having sex whereas I am not", etc? I am all open to read and contribute to philosophy around these things as concepts but can we please ban personal/childish/immature posts?

I am open to hearing from people who think my request is unethical. Open to taking it down.

Thanks.

I'm apart of an arts community. There was someone I dated almost two years ago. I'm not proud of how things ended. I had more feelings than he did and I said some unkind things after I felt lead on. Well we both moved on. I was at a party last night and had some drinks. Someone came up to me and asked if we dated. I was so thrown off guard. In my head I thought "lie? Truth? Lie or truth?" I'm a horrible liar and admitted to it and said we just split our ways. She continued to be a bit nosy and all I said was "well a relationship is not a community project". Then I felt weird and asked her to not tell anyone. She said she's a therapist so I'm hoping she stays confidential. I was tipsy and now I feel like an idiot. Both of us moved on. I regret telling someone as it can travel through the community and we don't need to go back in time. It's past...but I do feel dumb. I intend to confront her on this next time I see her. Today I'm ruminating over what happened two years ago. I'm telling myself I'm a different person now. I'm embarrassed by who I was back then...and I'm kicking myself for even saying anything. I should have lied to keep it from spreading. I didn't say anything bad about him, just that I wish him well. I'm telling myself what's done is done and I need to decide how to make changes now.

Can anyone give advice for this situation, becouse I feel very depressed and it is getting deeper every day. I can't focus my mind on the one thing which I must do, there are 100s of disappointments and good thoughts in a day and I don't know how to manage them, and I listen what other people say side, which you must fast find any job, which life is going and you not have anything and other same thing.

Is someone used an interest for their own selfish means participated in a fandom to objectify others, is there a way to redeem his life positively or should it be left behind entirely.

Like an alcoholic who enjoyed making various drinks but harmed himself and people around him through his addiction. Should he walk away from his hobbies entirely or could he find a way to redeem them?

This might sound unimportant for some people but it's actually pretty important for me.

I'm having a hard time finding a girlfriend and this is causing me a lot of distress. My main concern is what if I can't find anybody forever regardless of my efforts? I've tried therapy and meds but they didn't help me that much and obviously they aren't going to find me a girlfriend right?

And here I am to learn and try to benefit from the Stoic wisdom and teachings.

I really need help and guidance overall in my life.

I’ve read Meditations and Epictetus so far. Before reading Seneca I would like to read something that will help me apply the knowledge to my life. I have read on this sub that both books are excellent.

How do you practice Stoicism in your daily life? Are there moments or techniques that have helped you stay grounded?

New to stoicism

I have a fear that I'll never really have true friends, because I've never been socialized to sound like a normal korean person due to spending most of my time studying or using the English internet. My friends say I sound autistic and will never be able to 'survive' when I graduate high school and go to an office, uni etc. I think that I have a sense of humor incomprehensible to the average Korean and due to English expressions seeping in into Korean my Korean sounds weird to other people.

I want to tell myself that this is not true, given that adults seem to like to talk with me and tell me I'm mature for my age, but maybe that's just a rationalization. This is driving me crazy, so I'd like some advice.

Is using the self-confidence as a way to combat insecurities compatible with stoicism? I've been insecure about my perceived social akwardness, and one of the ways I found effective in countering it when insulted about my eccentric talking style was just to tell myself the valuable traits I have such as self-discipline, as well as remind myself that I'm somebody who has a deeper outlook on life. But stoicism is not about vanity or superiority but rather a focus on internal goodness, so idk if this is a strategy I should be using.

Letter 41: On the god within us

41.2:

In truth, no one is a good man without God. Or is there anyone who can rise superior to fortune without God’s aid? It is God who supplies us with noble thoughts, with upright counsels. In each and every good man ‘resides a god: which god, remains unknown.’

41.4-5:

…If you see a person undismayed by peril and untouched by desire, one cheerful in adversity and calm in the face of storms, someone who rises above all humankind and meets the gods at their own level, will you not be overcome with reverence before him? Will you not say, ‘Something is there that is so great, so exalted, that we cannot possibly believe it to be of the same kind as that paltry body it inhabits. A divine power has descended on him. That eminent and disciplined mind, passing through everything as lesser than itself, laughing at all our fears and all our longings, is driven by some celestial force. Such magnitude cannot stand upright without divinity to hold it up.

41.7-8:

No one should glory except in what is his own. We commend the vine only if its branches are laden with grapes, if it bears so heavily that the stakes cannot support it. Would anyone really prefer the vine that is hung with golden fruit and golden leaves? Fruitfulness is the distinctive excellence of the vine; similarly in a human being we should praise that which belongs to him. So what if he has attractive slaves, a lovely home, vast plantations, substantial investments? All these things surround him; they are not in him. Praise in him that which nothing can take away and nothing can confer — that which is distinctive about the human being.

Do you ask what that is? It is the mind, and rationality perfected within the mind. For a human being is a rational animal. Hence his good is complete if he fulfills that for which he is born. But what is it that this rationality requires of him? The easiest thing of all: To love in accordance with his own nature. It is our shared insanity that makes this difficult: we push one another into faults. And how can we be recalled to health, when all people drive us forward and no one holds us back?

Letter 42: On values

42.2:

If he knew what a good man is, he would not believe himself to be one yet — indeed, he might despair of ever becoming one.

42.2-4:

‘But he despises the wicked!’ Yes, and so do even the wicked themselves. Wrongdoing has no harsher penalty than this: one offends oneself, and also one’s family and friends. ’But he hates all those who use great power capriciously, through lack of power over themselves.’ Yes, and when he has that power himself, he will do just the same. There are many whose faults go undetected only because they are ineffectual: when these grow confident of their strength, they will act no less audaciously than those whose fortunes have already given them opportunity. They lack only the resources to display the full extent of their iniquity. Even a poisonous snake is safe to handle in cold weather, when it is sluggish. Its venom is still there, but inactive. In the same way, there are many people whose cruelty, ambition, or self-indulgence fails to march the most outrageous cases only by the grace of fortune. Just give them the power to do what they want, and you will see: they want the same things as others do.

42.6-8:

This is indeed a point we should keep in view. Those things we compete for — the things to which we devote so much effort — offer us either no advantage, or greater disadvantage. Some or superfluities; others are not worth the trouble, but we don’t realize it. We think things come for free, when in fact their price is very steep. Here is what makes our idiocy quite plan: we think the only things we pay for are those we spend our money on. The things we call free are those on which we spend our very selves. Things we wouldn’t be willing to pay for if it meant giving up our house for them, or some pleasant or productive estate, we are quite ready to obtain at the cost of anxiety, of danger, of losing our freedom, our decency, our time. You see, we treat ourselves as if we were more worthless than anything else.

So let’s act in all situations and all our decisions as we do in the marketplace when a vendor has something we eagerly desire — let’s ask how much it’s going for. Often the price is very high even if you get it for nothing. I can show you many possessions that have cost us our liberty in the moment we acquired them. If those things did not belong to us, we would belong to ourselves.

42.9-10:

‘You’ll never see that again.’ No, but it was only by chance that you got it; you will live without it as easily as you did before. If you had it a long time, you are losing it after you have had enough of it; if not, you are losing it before you get used to it.

’You won’t have as much money.’ No, and you won’t have as much trouble either.

’You won’t have as much influence.’ And neither will you incur as much resentment.

Letter 43: On the relativity of fame

43.3-4:

Since you are now in your province, you are a great man, no matter how little regard you have for yourself. Your activities, your dinner plans, even your sleeping arrangements are matters of interest and indeed of common knowledge.

Hence you must be all the more careful of your mode of life. Count yourself fortunate when you are able to live in a manner open to the public — when walls are there for shelter, not for concealment. For as a rule we think we have walls around us not to protect us but to afford greater privacy to our misdeeds. I will tell you the measure of our degeneracy: you’ll find hardly anyone who can live with his door open. It’s not ostentation that puts a doorman in the vestibule; it’s guilt. The way we live, an unannounced visit means getting caught.

43.5:

A good conscience welcomes a crowd; a bad one is racked with anxiety even in solitude. If your actions are honorable, let everyone know them; if shameful, what does it matter that nobody knows? You know. Alas for you, if you have no concern for that witness!

From the Graver and Long translation, Letters on Ethics by Seneca, UChicago 2017. Read free online, and in Latin.

My value judgements, impulses toward action, desire and aversion are up to me. I should only desire good moral choice, everything else is indifferent. 

The Stoics here have defined a great freedom initially here by giving us an opportunity to judge or see the world beyond us the way we would like, for example by adopting a positive attitude to externals. They then take some of this freedom away by requiring that everything beyond our judgements has to be seen as indifferent. 

Why should we be indifferent to music? A comfortable home? Enjoyable food? Wonderful friends and family? I appreciate it's not up to us whether we keep these things or not. But why can we not relish in the pleasure of having them while they are there? 

Why should we take such a reductive view of the external world?

‘This is some delicious food’, no ‘this is dead animal and vegetable’.

‘This is wonderful music’, no ‘these are just sound waves entering my ear’.

‘This is such a pleasurable experience’ no ‘this is just the expulsion of mucus’. 

Looking at external things so objectively and removing value judgements sucks a lot of the joy out of life.

I was advised to lie to my teacher by my groupmates as I'm in a group that decided to break a rule where the rule if broken means the disqualification of the group which means the loss of grades as it is a mandatory task. So if I tell the truth, everybody will probably distance themselves away from me, create rumors, don't consider and include me in future group tasks and so forth. In exchange for that, I'll be able to embody my ideals that I've always failed to upheld due to cowardice. I need advice.

You can't really implicit the philosophy of stoicism unto people who don't really know their self. Being stoic is accepting that you are fully in control of yourself and not the external surroundings, go out the way and you'll be imbalanced.

Once you understand that, you'll take success and failures as a norm, because life has to be balanced, one side has to be good and the other side has to be bad. The rule of stoicism is to be yourself, during whichever moment, take courage and you'll gain strength. Embrace your weaknesses by being real, let whoever come, come, and whoever to leave, leave. Self awareness leads to a new discovery.

I feel like I've studied Stoicism for a while now but I'm really struggling in understanding the logical/philosophical/scientific connection, whatever you want to call it, between the knowledge of the three disciplines of what's in our control (assent, desire, and impulse to act) with what are the common Stoic virtues and how we should conduct ourselves in the world. Saying we should strive for virtue or to live in accordance with nature just doesn't cut it, because "why," what's the basis for it? Where is there any tangible proof that we should act one way over another when we can simply eliminate so much of our mental anguish by just focusing on only what's in our control, then doing whatever the heck we please thereafter?

Take an extreme example like Jeffrey Dahmer. Pretend he was a practicing Stoic and only concerned himself with his assent, desire, and impulse to act, thus his state of mind was relaxed and free of worries because he saw all externals as indifferent. In this way of thinking he achieved the psychological state of flow and felt pretty good as far as emotional states went. He might even have whistled while he worked though his nature told him to abduct, kill, and eat people. He saw nothing wrong with this and that it was his natural state. Why should he then do what you consider "good" and "virtuous?" Because your moral compass says he should? That's like just your opinion, man. And what does he care about some greater societal good that you posit. He can just kill you and eat you and say to heck with your quaint little notion of morality.

My point is I'm 100% convinced that only our assent, desire, and impulse to act are within our control. But I'm not convinced that we can "prove" then that we should use this knowledge in any particular way for how to live. The best I can say is it's preferable, maybe for me, or others, to behave this way or that in a given circumstance, but I can't philosophically ground it in anything of substance as something approaching a universal law.

Where's the philosophical proof to connect these important Stoic concepts together?

I have been living a lie

But how about atrocities done to other like torture murder and rape. Are we supposed to be fine with that? It doesn't like Stockholm syndrome right?

Suppose a man is very handsome and after each month exchanges one girlfriend for another girlfriend. He does so without receiving any consequence.

Or a woman purchases a new handbag or shoes once every week instead of being content with the shoes and handbags she already owns. But she is wealthy so she can afford it.

Or a man likes cake so he eats some cake every day rather than once a month. He is young and exercises everyday, so he remains healthy and thin.

It's easy to convince a poor person to not be greedy, but how to convince someone who can afford it that a frugal life (a virtuous life, as the Romans would call it) is actually more satisfying?

Edit: I think some people may be misinterpreting my question, so I will make it clear. I think the most ideal, virtuous man is a man who is incredibly wealthy, but feels no desire to spend it on anything more than the daily necessities and charity. He is very good looking, but the only woman he desires is his wife, even though he regularly attracts more beautiful women who offer to spend a night with him with no chance of his wife finding out, he has no trouble remaining faithful. He desires neither high status nor power, though all can be given to him in an instant with no consequences (think of the parable of jesus in the desert).

I think most ascetics are ascetics because they use it to cope and find meaning with being poor. But if one day their fortunes change, they become wealthy and beautiful women start chasing them, then their adherence to asceticism suddenly disappears. Most philosophies and religions don't provide a good enough reason for a man to be the ideal and virtuous man I wrote about above, beyond 'god will like it', which is not a good enough reason for most. Can ascetics and those who follow a virtuous life truly and sincerely say they would reject a life of pleasure if Heaven was totally willing to bestow them the good looks and wealth to make it into a reality? If so, I want to know their reason so I can also attain this life of virtue and moderation.

This book was previously available at https://theartofimprovement.gumroad.com/l/Stoicism/launch

It's not for sale anymore

Anyway I still can get it?...