That's it. Please post! Here's mine, BLPPB.

My mums boss sounds like a tool and apparently enjoys sayings such as “knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad”

I need a stupid saying like that for her to insult him with without him realising it’s an insult

Once my stepfather and i where in the car. he pointed at his dog, and said, 'that's an assjack.' (dog's name is jack.) he then pointed at me and said, 'and you're a jackass. I asked, 'what are you', and he replied, 'I'm me.' I instantly responded with, 'Oh. for melodramatic egomaniac.'

so what are yours?

Gotta wake up at 6 tomorrow and start working out and actually start studying seriously. If it helps I'm a Russian white guy living in germany. I've got vacation the next week so I've got some prep time before having to face school again. If it's something reddit would delete then just dm it to me. Nothing's off grounds, doesn't even have to be clever, just mean. Thanks in advance

This woman (my neighbor) who is constantly screaming and swearing at me whenever she sees me decided to start once again today. Usually I just ignore her, but today I said " Go eat a d*ck!"... she said "at least I can".

LOL WHAT!?

So, this is technically for my friend. So, this kid (who i'm gonna call juice) lives next to my best friend, and he made the mistake of coming out to him. Now whenever my friend goes outside while juice is out, juice will say "Hey gay boi!" in a condescending tone. Recently, he shaved his head and bleached it. For clarification, I was in juice's classes for many years, I know he's kind of an asshole. Me and my friend were giggling because of how funny it looked, which was when my friend brought up the first situation, and asked for insults and comebacks. So far, we've got 'overly rotund cantaloupe.' Any other comebacks/insults are highly appreciated. Thank you in advance!

So I'm going up to the sacrament of confirmation this year but my religion teacher(who's also a pastor at the local church) decided to make us gather these bullshit signatures for every requirement, the stupid thing is: some churches don't give signatures and I have to drive to the next city over to get one and while that's not exactly pleasant I could get over it if on top of that there wasn't random dates on the paper requiring that I have to go to church through the school week when I have additional classes like my volleyball practice or English tutoring to 6/8pm, so I need this community to give me the best insults they have so I can break them over their utter bullshit

It works pretty well and everyone knows what you mean without you getting in trouble for saying it. Now go head and try it out and tell me how yall like it. Let me know if I can help at all

Give me a great insult about ugly, saggy, old ballsacks please

Give me your worst

please insult me :3

So I thought I’d try to craft one in the spirit…

You are the densest, dullest, most idiotic meat muppet ever spawned upon this poor Earth. Your IQ couldn’t be measured because the number was unbelievably small so they had to compare your intelligence with that of dying plankton in order to get a vague idea of the depths of your vapid stupidity.

You are an ass-gravy-shedding ball of rancid kitchen scrapings. Think of the lowest life form possible, and then think of one 20 levels below that. You aspire to rise to that level of degradation. I would offer you a mercy killing but no one can kill a lifeless, rotting corpse.

May fire somehow consume your decaying putrid essence so that the average value of a human life may increase 100 fold across the Earth.

I'm into insults from girl. If a girl call me bitch/slut I get aroused. For any girl wanting to insult me feel free to dm me.

Had an intrusive thought sitting at my favorite bar with people i like. "You use eye liner on your pussy to define that sloppy mess."

Any thoughts? Savage enough or suggestions to make it a better insult?

I hope you get sent to the void and rot. That the worms and the maggots and spawn of dead and the dying crawl behind your eye sockets. and underneath your eyelids, and through every ridge and crevice and groove and rift in the pitiful thing you call a brain. That you feel no joy but no anger, no agony but no euphoria, no bliss but no torture. Spending time alone with you could be considered a new ring of hell. God is dead, and the sight of you is what killed him. You deserve to feel your bones dry and wither and turn to dust, to feel your muscles and tendons dissolve into nothing, to feel the ANGUISH as your nerves make one final cry of the damned before disappearing into non existence. I wish that you feel pain and anguish in every fiber and neuron and cell and molecule and atom of your wretched existence. I wish upon you a fate those who consist of pure evil and hatred would not smite their worst enemy with. I purely and utterly despise you.

Backstory: My sister’s Ex who cheated on her many, many times messaged her out of the blue without an apology to “see how things were going” and she had opened it (read receipts bc insta sucks) wrote a million different hateful monologue ahh responses to send him for an hour and a half and then came to our mutual friend and I about it to get opinions. We had to explain to her that he would know how long it took her to respond because he saw when she opened the message, and the only way to win the interaction was to leave him on read or block him. She really wanted to say something, so this is what we came up with.

Message: Sorry for the late response, I was doing some research: Niko, Coral, Ashley, Nicole, Sophie, JESSICA, your girlfriend in Chile, Maria, Trinidad, and BRANDON, Fuck off and get aids

Context: … yup. Also JESSICA was in caps because she was MY GF AT THE TIME. Brandon was in caps because it’s out of place in the list, even for him.
Also she didn’t know until after the relationship, when it all came out, she wasn’t just giving him chances. And he’s from Chile, he didn’t just have a gf there for some random reason. (All names are changed except a few that don’t matter)

Question: Send it or block him?

Little brother is still playing roblox in high school and the best he could come up with is that I play crash bandicoot.

Went to grab a bite and some guy in a McDonalds was absolutely livid because they messed up his order.He was screaming and all. At one point another customer opened a straw and said “oh, they changed the color of the straws.” This guy angrily says “maybe if they’d change the color of the employees they’d get my shit right.” Needless to say this guy almost got into a fight and was kicked out with the quickness. 💀

You are a combination between a cow, a condom and a local whore. Fuck off and mind your own business, as cows such as yourself only live for 22 years. When you go outside in rains with cum on your head. Every orifice and place of your body is used for men to rub their dicks on. You're a combination between a whore and a suicidal alcoholic, you were left without a father and your mother threw you in the garbage. Child of the curbs, when you take out the trash, you return to where you spent most of your life, i.e. in a garbage can. Now you are even more vile and suck the dicks of drug addicts in the canals so that you don't get beaten to death, and have an infected place to sleep in. Take my balls and dick in your mouth simultaneously, you unsuccessful twat. You got plastic surgery to have two mouths to suck more dicks at a time.

...the other end is jealous.

Is that haircut supposed to be some kind of commentary on beauty standards or are you just trying to distract people from the way you smell?

Your entire personality is outsourced from apps where bitter queers post opinions that are too annoying to be said out loud. Please just shut the fuck up.

You ridiculous, effete, limp penised Che Guevara larper.

If your apologies were half as detailed as your gender identity… (they didn’t get to finish this one)

What is this absolute piece of modern art? (Directed at some one)

I need a mermaid related insult quickly