During the pandemic, I lost my job and had a rough time mentally and I developed some bad habits; I started drinking a lot, then drinking more. There were some incidents but mostly I was able to hide it from my family. Eventually though my wife called me out on it about a year ago and I admitted the problem, and vowed to stop. I got on some medication that helped and have been good during that time. I stayed away from hard liquor which was my tipping point, but in the last few weeks I dropped the medication because I thought I was past the hardest part and could do it on my own. Then I started drinking again - a little wine, a little beer….and then tonight, for some reason I thought a little rum sounded nice. A little turned into a lot. I thought I was able to hide it but I got fall-down drunk in front of wife and kid, and there was no hiding it. Now I’m on the couch feeling terrible about myself, worried about having that conversation when my wife wakes up. I really don’t deserve her or my kid. I want to be better but I feel like sometimes I can’t help myself. Which is a lame excuse because I can help myself. I just don’t.

TL;DR drank booze after being mostly sober for a year, now I’m in the doghouse and worried about what my wife will do in a few hours when she wakes up.a

So as the title implies, my husband (27M) and I (26F) are currently visiting his family for a week. This is the first time I've stayed at their house, and I noticed all three of their toilets happen to have simple bidet attachments. Now I'd never used a bidet before this visit, and with it just being a simple two-setting attachment instead of the much more intimidating luxury bidet units, I figured I'd try it out while getting ready for bed. Ended up enjoying it, except for one problem.

The way this particular bidet works is it has a knob that can turn right or left, with each side having a different setting you can use, and the more you turn it the stronger the water pressure gets. Only thing was, I couldn't quite figure out what the difference between the two settings is supposed to be. They're only labeled with simple icons, and one just looks like a butt getting sprayed while the other has an arrow shaped kinda like an 8, if the bottom half was a triangle. Using both settings felt just fine on myself, but the water streams also felt identical no matter what I picked.

So, I got the bright idea to try turning on the bidet while not sitting on the toilet, to see if I could spot a visual difference. Some of you can probably guess where this is going.

After I did my business and flushed, I reopened the lid and turned the knob to the lowest pressure on one of the settings. This ended up being too low to see anything other than a trickle down the inside of the bowl, so I turned it up to the next pressure level.

Big mistake.

Immediately the water streams shot up and out of the toilet, spraying me directly in the stomach. Quickly I grabbed the knob and yanked it in the other direction to turn it off. However, in my panic I forgot one crucial thing. Remember how I said the two settings were on the left and right of the knob? This puts the off position directly in the center.

So when I yanked the knob the other direction to turn it off, I overcorrected and put the other setting on FULL. BLAST.

At that point I started panicking even more and yanked it back the other direction once again, and over and over and over while unable to figure out why the water wasn't turning the fuck off goddammit, until finally my rational brain caught up and I forced myself to turn the knob slowly until it was squarely in the center, and thankfully that got the water to turn off at last. But not before I had sprayed toilet water all over the bathroom floor and myself.

So now my pajamas are soaked, my husband is laughing his ass off at me, and I'm still no closer to figuring out what the fuck each setting is supposed to be used for. Here's hoping the water I couldn't wipe up with extra toilet paper at least dries up before tomorrow morning.

TL;DR out of curiosity I turned on my in-laws bidet attachment while not sitting on the toilet, panicked when it sprayed outside the toilet bowl and forgot how to turn it off, and soaked the entire bathroom and myself

My boyfriend (25 M) and I (24 F) went to a football game to record content for his social media. He works in sports broadcasting, writing, podcasts, and tik toks. We drove about 3.5-4 hours to get to this game, college game day was there, it was a big game. As he went around interviewing people, I was behind the camera recording… or so I thought. I work with cameras a good amount but usually focus on photography and not videography. We found out while trying to look at the footage after the game that some of the really good and the “best interview he’s ever gotten” had not been recorded due to technical issues/me not catching that I had switched starting and stopping recording when starting or stopping interviews. Out of the about 7 interviews I recorded, intro, outro, b roll, and other footage I thought I had recorded, I only really got some b roll, maybe 2 interviews, and a lot of my feet walking between interviews by accident. He’s obviously upset that most of the recordings were not there, and I was and am very upset with myself about messing it up and ruining this for him. He told me it feels like a big waste of time and money since we don’t have anything he can actually post from the whole event, which I feel is kind of fair. I feel like an absolute POS over it, and I don’t know if there is anything I can say or do to make it up to him or even get him to trust me behind a camera for him ever again. I did apologize but I don’t feel like that even did anything to help him or myself. (Side note: This was someone else’s camera that I have not used before, but I feel I still should not have made a mistake this large) please let me know if you think there is anything I can say or do to help make literally any of this better, I feel so awful about it all.

TL;DR : I accidentally didn’t record interviews for my boyfriend to post on his channels and found out after the game ended. He is quite upset and I am quite upset with myself. Is there anything I can say/do to make this situation suck less?

TIFU I recently applied for a law enforcement position in Texas. While they were doing a background investigation, they checked my social media accounts and found something that could potentially land me in jail. They found a text of me responding to a post of a sex worker on Snapchat. I asked her what her rate was and she responded and the conversation ended there. They said that they were not going to move on with my application and escorted me out of the office (police station). I’m anticipating a criminal charge. What should I do?

TL;DR: During a background check for a law enforcement position in Texas, a message was found on my Snapchat where I inquired about a sex worker’s rate, leading to the termination of my application and my escort out of the station. I’m now worried about possible criminal charges and need guidance on what to do next.

Added: I swear if one more person tries to fix my cat I’m going to delete this post. I’m not going to go over all of the times we’ve been to the vet or the 10,000 things we’ve tried.

I have a super old cat. She’s around 15. She has stopped peeing where she’s supposed to, and instead has adopted a spot on the kitchen floor. Yes, it is gross, but she’s a part of the family and I’m not sure can really help herself. We put a pee pad down and keep paper towels and cleaner right there permanently. I had put a cardboard box nearby for her to play in. I came in and discovered her peeing in it. I thought “Oh I’ll get that out into the garage right now before it leaks all over the floor.” Alas, I came back in from the garage and discovered that the pee had already leaked partway through. I had left a trail of pee that all the way from where the box was to the garage door.

TL;DR I misjudged the absorbency of cardboard and leaked cat pee on the floor.

Added: And here I was just trying to lighten peoples’ days with something stupid but kind of goofy that happened. Thanks for all the concern but yes. We’ve done all the things. She’s been pre-diabetic for years. There’s no blockage. They said it’s behavioral and gave a lot of advice that we tried and didn’t work. Honestly my research has turned up that this tends to happen a lot with old cats. It’s also not “anywhere”. It’s that spot and I was careless by leaving her cardboard box next to it.

NFSW? tifu i (21F) had sex on my (23F) friends couch. context, i was really drunk after a party on saturday night & my friend offered to take me and my sort of boyfriend back to her place. there was 5 of us there including our other friends who are dating. my friend made it a point for us to not sleep together. my “bf” and i fell asleep on the couch and after a few hours (both still drunk) ended up having sex. our friend overheard & told us to leave.

we haven’t spoken since but i have tried to apologise. i don’t know what to say. sober me would never try to disrespect her or her house like that, but i don’t want to make being drunk an excuse. how can i apologise & make it up to her? i feel like an asshole.

EDIT: she and i have been good close friends for 2 years now, with little to no previous arguments or tensions. we have both in the past been really good friends to one another & this is the first time we’ve had an issue. also to add, i can 100% agree i fucked up but i think the situation is also needing to be accounted for, i wasn’t just drunk i was genuinely wasted and didn’t fully grasp the consequences. i would never have done this sober and i think she would know that.

TL;DR i had drunk sex on my friends couch after she asked me not to and she kicked me out.

I volunteered to help set up the 5k. They placed my friend and me at the first water station. They only gave us a drum of water and 2 gallons to refill. But the real problem was the cups. They only gave us 100 cups, and there were 300 participants. When the runners started arriving, we immediately started handing out water to everyone, but it was clear that there wouldn't be enough cups. Once the cups were done, people would just give me their bottles to fill up. One family came up and the dad handed me his bottle. I was in such a rush to give all water that I grabbed his bottle and dunked it in the water tank. One of the other volunteers looked at me, dissapointed and baffled, and told me what little water left now had to be dumped. I realised what I had done, how I dumped my bare hand and this man's bottle into the water tank effectively contaminating it. I then went to sneakily dump the water behind bushes while the other volunteers told the runners that we were out of water.

At least 150 runners did not get water until the next water station. But that water station also had few cups. In the end, there was maybe 50 people that had no drink of water at all until they arrived at the finish line.

TL;DR: I dumped my bare hand and a strangers bottle into the water tank and had to sneakily throw it away while we told the runners there was no more water.

Edit: I feel I should point out that it was a community event, so most people were inexperienced and just wanted to participate. Also, I live in the tropics, it might be a cultural thing to give out water. Especially with the heat

Im still dying here.

My(35f) wife(37f) and i have always had an open relationship when it comes to sex(only sex not romantic) however we have only talked about it never actually went out and found a sexual partner.

Ive been with her 7 years. I REALLY miss sex with a man and for the last few months its been on my mind alot so i discussed it with my wife and she is fine with me finding a friend with benefits or simple hook ups.

I signed up for tinder a week ago havent really seriously looked into anything mostly just seeing what the app is, and casually talking a couple people. Yesterday i matched with this guy and we got to talking, he lives in my town, hes a bit younger, quite attractive. Into stuff i like, smokes weed and cigs and drinks, total win for a friends with benefits imo we talked on and off all day like old friends, next day he asked if we could hang out. (He added that we didnt have to have sex just hang out and chill and that sounded like fun to me)

Well i didn't reply right away, i decided to tell my wife someone wanted to meet me and hang out. I told her this guy (name) wants to hang out later today at his place here in town. She just laughed and asked if i was asking her permission i told her no i was just excited and he is hot and seems nice. She asked to see his picture and this is where it took a turn for the worse.

I show her and and starts laughing like a lunatic, When she finally caught her breath she looks me dead in the fucking eye and says "thats my cousin remember youve met him a few times!"

I didnt know what to say so i laughed awkwardly. She decided to make it worse by giving me permission to hang out with him and do what ever i want with hin because that was the point of me using tinder and she doesnt care if the dick i catch is her cousins.

Now i dont think i can keep talking to him. He is FAMILY, i know he isnt blood related but if it gets out i slept with him dear lord the embarrassment.

(I have really poor memory i met him 6 years ago havent seen him since hes not a close family member like that to my wife, his name didnt raise any flags its a commonish name around here, also i totally forgot she had a cousin with that name till she told me)

Tldr:,matched with wife cousin on tinder not knowing, she tells me who he is and then gives me permission to hang out/sleep with him anyways, making it the most awkward fuck up of my life due to my shitty memory

My older son, a sports fanatic, is a student at a high school with a very successful football program. The school is out of district but he goes there because it offers a unique course selection that suits his interests and strengths. That's the good part; the bad part is that this school is clear across the county, which is a large one by East coast standards. He always wants to go to the football games and we go when we can, but with other things going on and it being so far away, this year we have only been to one. His younger brother who's in middle school sometimes tags along with us.

Yesterday my son's school played its most hated rival. This game is a big deal in this area, and is known to always sell out. It was an away game and the rival school is in the neighboring district to my son's school, so still quite far away from us. Fortunately, we had another event in that part of the county in the morning, so the plan was to hit that event then go to the game in the afternoon. On Halloween night I went on the site our county requires you to use to buy tickets and placed my order for three.

So we do our thing in the morning, then go to the rival high school. We wait 15 minutes to park. Then we wait in a really long line only to find out at the front that if our group includes a non-student minor we have to go to another line, which is not quite as long but still long. We make it almost to the front. Kickoff is about 5 minutes away so despite all the hassle we're still in good shape. The group in front of us is getting its tickets checked and I pull up my confirmation email, click on the link for my tickets and...

There's only one ticket. I frantically search and find my order history, and yep, I only bought and was charged for one. I am flabbergasted as I have used this site plenty of times and i know how to order three goddamned tickets. The lady checking tickets was sympathetic but could do nothing as it was a sellout.

My son was crushed. As we slinked back to our car it dawned on me what happened. The card I initially tried to use to order the tickets wasn't going through for some reason. When I used a different one the website must have reset the form so that the pulldown went back to one ticket instead of staying at three. That was little consolation as I had to ask the police officers to move the cones blocking the now-full parking lot so we could leave.

So to make it up to my kids I took them for BBQ and ice cream while they followed the game on Twitter.

TL;DR I stupidly failed to buy enough tickets to the big game, waited in two long-ass lines to not get in, and exposed myself as a dumbass to my children, the ladies working the ticket line, and some policemen. Credit the assist to the terrible checkout interface at GoFans.com.

Working cross border and getting my salary in another country and currency than were I Iive, I’ve always tried very hard to have an account intended for my bills. It should always contain about the same amount going out every month. Thus ensuring I can pay them even if my salary has not yet been transferred over.

Well. This summer I also got two very cute cats. And I’ve been buying (probably too many) things for them. So my bills account has been lower than normal, as I’ve not been paying everything directly with my card.

Today I checked my account to make sure everything is payed and that the balance is where it should be. Couldn’t figure why it was so low.

As the accounts is for almost only bills, I can get a monthly overview pretty fast when I look it over. I notice this one monthly expense being double booked. On nooo, I must have processed it twice. One of the larger ones too covering both parking and the fee to the owners association in my building. Make a search. Notice I did the same thing last month.

Time to call them I guess. And figure out if they’ll repay me, or if I just don’t have to pay for parking and the fee to the owners association in the building I live in.

Almost $500 a month. 🤦🏼‍♀️

TL;DR : messed up paying my bills, and overpayed by almost $1.000 over 2 months. I just thought I’d bought waaaay too many things for my new cats. Because they’re worth it. 😻

I (M18) work at a tourism agency where we offer visa application services. We help prepare a customer’s case essentially. I’ve been really busy and had this one customer who needed to travel early, so i decided to take his stuff home. Im a pretty responsible person, for example ive never lost a customer’s document, or anything item of my own for that matter. I brought this customer’s documents and passport home with me, so i could finish his application form and get him out of my workload. I’ve been really busy, but also just tired of working so I’ll be honest and say i’ve been slacking off a little. Anyways, I decided to work in the dining room as i had a guest over, and we were just chatting while i worked.

Something came up and i had to go outside, so i closed mt laptop and put the customer’s stuff on the side of the table. I didn’t push my chair in, and quickly left.

I have 3 dogs. You can probably sense how this is going.

When i came back, they had chewed and ripped the passports. His expired passport, was just gnawed on the edges but of course the passport he was gonna apply with (that were full of valid visas might i remind you), was missing half of its back leather side.

His passport wouldn’t be accepted in his application and i had to call my boss. Of course my boss was pissed and told me to call the customer and figure it out. I felt like shit. It took me an hour to muster up the courage to call the customer, and surprisingly he was a bit understanding. Upset of course, but didn’t yell or freak out or anything. My company is gonna cover the costs of his new passport, as well as not take any service charges for his application. I told my boss that any expense regarding this should be cut off my paycheck. I don’t know if Ive been fired or am going to.

TLDR; i left a customer’s passport out in the open and my dogs ate it. Had to call the customer and we’re covering his expenses for his new passport. Don’t leave your passport out in the open.

So this just happened. We were having one of those insane downpours, and I was just trying to make it home, like only 100 meters away. I could see home. Then I spot this “pond” on the road, and instead of thinking it through, I figured, hey, should be alright.

Spoiler: It was not alright. I drove in, and my car stalls right in the middle. And as my engine died, so did my soul. Cue me sitting there, in the rain, with my heart sinking faster than my E-Class.

Fast-forward to calling the dealer (because obviously, I don’t have comprehensive insurance, because who plans for this???), and after waiting an hour in the rain, they arrive. The good news: I’m safe, no one’s hurt. The bad news: the car...not so much. Now I’m just waiting on a quote, and MB repairs aren’t exactly cheap...

Lessons learned: Don’t assume “ponds” are just puddles. And maybe get that comprehensive insurance after all...

Anyone else here take a big financial hit from a dumb water crossing? Or am I just one of those lucky ones who found out the hard way?

TLDR: Drove through a deceptively deep “pond” on the road 100 meters from home during heavy rain. My car died in the middle. No comprehensive insurance, so now I’m waiting on a likely $$$$ repair quote.

The title more or less says it all, fortunately I made sure to create time stamped documentation of myself double checking their age before doing anything too stupid. I have already alerted my boss and most of my relatives, but this is still embarrassing. I matched with a profile on a dating app, the person claimed to be female and 26. They very quickly switched to texting which I consented to doing(this is probably a warning sign that I missed). Once we started texting they were very sexual which is another warning sign I ignored. They eventually ended up requesting nudes which I did(the biggest fuckup so far). Obviously after they got enough nudes they switched to blackmailing me having looked up my relatives and employer in social media and threatening to send nude images of me that have been edited to make it look like they were knowingly sent to a minor. Fortunately my text messages are saved with time stamps, and I don't normally send nudes of myself on my phone so it is pretty clear that I was sending them to someone I at least thought was an adult(I seriously hope no minors would attempt something like this).

TLDR: don't send nudes to people you don't know or if you do be prepared for everyone to see you nude including your employer and relatives.

So I feel real dumb and embarrassed about this but whatever.

I got my license and car when I was 16 and I honestly can't believe it took me 3 yrs after the fact to get into my first car wreck which was 100% my fault. My dumbass was rushing to somewhere and couldn't slow down in time while making a turn. The turn also ended up being wide so I ran into a stationary car.

The only reason I think I feel extra embarrassed is bc I KNOW better and still decided to be dumb while driving which sucks. No one was hurt, damage wasn't too severe, and the process of exchanging info was fine but I still feel really stupid and just wanted to get this off my chest. I'm still in the process of getting over it bc I'm still a little shook up from it.

TL;DR: I got into my first ever car wreck at 19 that was my fault and feel really bad about it.

I (16F) got my youth black belt in 2022. The dojo I’m apart of has a tradition of doing an October/halloween celebration where one of the black belts dresses up in this mask of an old man and puts a straw hat with a headlamp attached to it and wears a big cloak. It sounds stupid but when we turn all the lights off it’s actually pretty believable. During the event the charecter leads kids in a bunch of fun events and at the end passes out candy. I’ve been going to this event since I was 3 and I only found out it was a costume when I was like 9 it’s super fun and there’s like 60 kids under 10 who go every year. I got chosen to do it this year and was super excited. I wasn’t too worried about it though as I have been super focused on my schoolwork and job. The main instructor gave me the costume two weeks ago and it was in a black trash bag, I put the bag in my car and then somehow I think it got thrown out. I didn’t realize until 12 PM today and the event is at 7PM

I just feel so terrible because there’s nothing i can really do about it at this point- I told my parents who were super pissed (partially because my room and car are both disaster zones that they’ve been telling me to clean for a while) and I’m letting down SO MANY PEOPLE. I’ve screwed up my reputation with the instructors before because I was supposed to water their plants and I didn’t and I’ve been trying to rebuild from that, but I don’t think there’s any coming back from this. It double sucks because I really look up to these people and their respect and my reputation with them means a lot to me. I’m also not the most eloquent right now because I’m typing this in tears inside the wall in cooler at work.

If anyone can share a time they screwed up worse than this and recovered I’d love to hear it.

TL;DR: I lost the integral piece of an event and peoples respect with it.

UPDATE: it actually worked out way better than I was expecting but it was like 80% because my friends and family helped my out in a huge way- I told my mom what was up and she found a similar mask and sewed a beard- and my friend let me borrow their cape. My dad lent me his work gloves and my mother found a couple other pieces when she was getting the mask.

While I was at work I found an exact replica of the original mask (it was super annoying to track down) and ordered it online to replace the original one. After work I bought flowers for both my mother and the instructors- which I think softened the blow a bit. The even went relatively well despite me practically inhaling the beard and losing the headlamp at one point. The instructors weirdly enough didn’t seem that mad. But when I got home BOY did I get an earful from my parents. The lecture was an hour long lol. I’ve been cleaning my room ever since.

This happened yesterday, but I needed a day to recover.

I’m a tech executive at a midsize company. I have a new team member—a younger female who is sharp, talented and professional. She just started, so we haven’t gotten to know each other very well.

She was in my office for a meeting. I was at my desk wrapping something up, and she was sitting at the small meeting desk in my office, working on something while she waited. She wasn’t looking at me.

I finished and sent an email, then turned to join her at the desk. As I did, I pressed my hands together as if to indicate “ok, on to the next thing.”

Out of my hands comes the beefiest fart noise you can imagine. It literally startled me. She didn’t flinch, but there was definitely a shift in the room.

I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t 100% sure she heard it, so it seemed weird to bring it up. I even tried squeezing my hands together a couple more times to make it happen again, but no such luck. Now I might always be the boss who blasted ass all over the office.

tl;dr: My hands farted and ruined my professional credibility

It was Halloween recently. Me and my friends went bar hopping to celebrate our friend's birthday. It was a group of mostly girls and some guys. Me (23M) and the friend in question "Morticia"(22F) were hanging out with our other friends just having a good time. Me and Morticia are not incredibly close but we get along very well, we are good friends. Whenever we went out clubbing I have a habit of pushing away creeps grinding on and harassing my friends so they've also come to trust me alot.

So the Tagline in question, Morticia was wearing a black dress. It clung close to her body, I noticed it alil bit when we first met and sat down. I ordered one beer, I only had one since I was driving home, but it was enough to get me tipsy for a lil bit. I am very lightweight. I was also sleep deprived, I struggle to get good sleep cause of anxiety so I wasn't in the most mindful state of mind. Thats when I kept noticing Morticia again. The dress was cut in the back at the hips, and on the front it hsd those holes that go along the entire front silhouette to show off more skin... It was a lil distracting, ngl. And I ended up staring for a lil longer than I should've, enough for her to notice atleast. I just looked away. I did notice she got a lil uncomfortable tho.

That group of friends is all in college and Im aware that its normal for college girls to dress that way. I was used to it when I lived at the college dorms, but I have since graduated and started working so Im no longer used to being around that. I believe people are free to dress however they like, people should be free to do as they please so long as they are not hurting anyone. Morticia wearing that dress says nothing about her character, aint an invitation, shouldnt be misconstrued as anything.

I am not into Morticia like that but she isn't an ugly or unnatractive woman either. But like I said, I made her a lil uncomfy. I ended up apologizing for the lingering stare...that is wasn't her fault and that I was a lil tipsy. she hasn't texted back yet

TLDR: Stared at friend wearing tight and very revealing dress longer than I should've while tipsy, made her somewhat uncomfortable. TIFU?

*Update: she responded my text with "Hahaha so you can't stomach alcohol that well"?. So idk. maybe we're good

My husband and I rented a spot (obligatory this was in the spring, not today) at a local Mennonite market for a community yard sale. I was going to put a price sticker on this plastic bucket of dinosaurs, but decided just to hand out dinosaurs to kids that came to our booth. It was a hit and I was having fun.

A Mennonite family came to the booth and I was chatting with them, they had picked up some stuff, super nice. Then I asked their little kids if they wanted a dinosaur and they said no. I kinda doubled down, like really? You don’t want a dinosaur? And they shook their heads and backed up a little. Their parents looked a little stricken and ushered them to the next booth, and it took a minute or two of wondering what just happened that I realized I needed to do some Googling.

Sure enough, Mennonites don’t believe in dinosaurs. I think I actually offended them, because most of the Mennonites steered clear of our booth the rest of the weekend.

TLDR: offended a religious family by offering them dinosaur toys.

Lately I haven’t been wearing my glasses because one of my kids sat of them and now they don’t stay on my face and I guess I’ve gotten used to not seeing very clearly because when I left for the bar I didn’t even consider putting on my contacts. My husband and his friend were set to meet me and my friends at the bar later on since I went for happy hour.

It’s gotten late, it’s dark out, and we’re in the outdoor area, the lights at night always mess with me because I have a severe astigmatism so everything is looking a bit cartoonish between my blindness and the cocktails. I notice my husband alone in a corner sitting on his phone, I KNOW it’s him because he’s wearing thick black glasses and the khaki Nike high tops I bought him a year ago, and he has a short haircut and beard, clearly that man is my husband.

So I wanted to play a little and I started dancing like an absolute little slut, FOR MY HUSBAND. My dress is short and flowy so a little hip dip would swish it and you could totally see my butt when I did. My friends were loving it, thinking I was just dancing for myself, and I can see my husband is laser focused on me, that is until I feel a hand on me, up my dress! I freaked out and was ready to deck someone over the ass grab, only to find my actual husband, sans khaki high tops, greeting me. I’m so confused by the sorcery he performed until I realized that the man I was dancing for was not my husband, and I am, in fact, an idiot. Everyone had a good laugh at my expense though, that was fun…

Later on in the night, my not-husband tried to talk to me and said I was “an incredible dancer,” so I’ll be moving in to the woods and living as a hermit to escape my vast and eternal mortification.

TL;DR: I danced for the wrong man because he vaguely resembled my husband and I am blind.

In classic TIFU fashion this is more of a "FU over time" kind of thing, but it culminated with the end of what I had hoped was my forever relationship.

I've struggled with addictive behaviors throughout my life and over the last year and a half or so I'd fallen back into one of my old vices in smoking pot. Not advocating by any means but it's crazy easy to get it legally in my area which didn't help. The bigger problem is that I hid the fact that I was doing this from my now-ex finance.

About 6 months after starting I got caught, arguments ensued, I went to therapy and things were on the up and up. Until a two months ago when I relapsed and hid it again...until getting caught again today. She's understandably quite unhappy and is beginning the process of moving out for good.

Not looking for a pity party just really sucks and I feel like the biggest idiot ever.

TL;DR: I'm a liar that got caught and ruined a multi-year relationship.

I was leaving work to go on a weekend vacation. Unfortunately I was unable to get Friday off due to low PTO availability. I was able to shift most of the workload off of that day, but I would still have to login from my work laptop to do some work. On my way out from work yesterday I put my laptop into hibernate mode, put it in my backpack, zipped it up, and took it and my other stuff out to the car. I made extra special sure it stayed in a safe place in my car. So I drove home, finalized packing, made sure my laptop backpack was still in the car as this was critical, and headed out, driving a couple hours away. As I was hanging out with friends and decompressing, I get an odd text from one of my coworkers saying they put my laptop somewhere safe. That doesn't make any sense because I packed my laptop with me - unless....... (and the cold pit of dread began to form as I rushed back to my car)..... My backpack was safe in the area I left it. With growing apprehension I open it... and MY LAPTOP IS NOT THERE!!!! Nooooooo!!!!!! I have no idea how it happened, but somehow during doing the steps of putting my laptop to sleep, closing, and packing it, while talking to my coworkers, I didn't actually put my laptop into my backpack like I thought I did. Due to various factors, I really really did not want to call out. Which means I had to drive all the way back today to get it, screwing up my vacation.

TL;DR packed work laptop to do work on vacation since I couldn't get PTO, but somehow forgot the laptop at work and just brought the laptop bag. Had to drive back.

So, technically, this was a life long thing with consequences about a year or two ago, but I'm here as a cautionary tale. Quick notes, I'm currently 20, AFAB.

For most of my life, I've ignored any signals from my body saying I needed to use the bathroom. I'd typically pee like twice a day, the times at most. This was most of my life. If I felt the need, and didn't want to, I'd ignore it, because my bladder was strong, and I didn't care. Last year, this backfired on me. Big. I could no longer ignore that urge. I had a minute tops as warning, and if I didn't make it... well, you can probably figure it out. This lasted about a year. Quick warning, then failure. I went to a doctor finally after probably 4 months, because I'm an American college student. I'm poor. Did tests, all came back negative. Doctor told me it sounded like urinary incontinence. This was a constant threat to me. I cut back fluids out of fear of it happening in class, or outside between classes, or a car trip in the middle of nowhere. That of course lead to dehydration, which was a while range of other issues. This year, I'm no longer struggling, it is gone. I can ignore it. However, I don't, because I do NOT want to relive that experience.

I don't tell this for no reason, I

TL;DR: If you need to use the bathroom, listen to your body. If you don't, it will fuck you over. I tried this, lead to urinary incontinence that lasted a year I get it's weird and gross. But hopefully this story will help someone realize your body gives you warnings to be nice. It can and will stop if you don't listen.

Ok let's set the scene, I work at one of those city fairs and being kind people they are, are always trying to make it more exclusive for people with many different disabilities. This year they added a special sensory trailer for those with sensory issues (Autism, epilepsy, ADD, etc) it was mostly for kids but adults could check it out if they want to.

So the story starts when they put me and one other person to man the trailer, what this means is explaining how it works to people, cleaning the trailer after each use, making sure nobody is hogging or doing drugs in the trailer, that kind of thing.

This particular day was incredibly slow, almost nobody came so we were just sitting there staring at the festivities waiting for something to happen when a family of 4 (a mom and dad and two girls) walk past and ask us about the sensory trailer. I explain how its to help with overstimulation due to sensory overload or physical factors, (I even game them a little sheet explaining it), after I was done explaining the dad explained that his daughter was Autistic so they were familiar with this kind of stuff, then the daughter wanted to check out the trailer, since nobody has used it for the whole day (at least during my shift), my co-worker watched the family's stuff while I went in with them to explain the stuff in the trailer,

Here is where the FU happens, in this trailer, you have to pull a small lever to open the door (kind of like the inside of a car door) sadly I did not notice this so after I was done explaining I simply said "Enjoy, and when you are done just come out" then let them play and while they were, my co-worker left to go to the washroom leaving me alone at the station. I was not too worried but after a little bit, I was bored so I started to zone out, suddenly I hear this aggressive thrashing noise coming from the trailer, since I was zoned out I just stared at it for a few seconds thinking: "what on earth is going on in there?" then it clicked "OH MY GOD! THE FAMILY" so I barged in where I see them, the dad is standing at the front, the daughter is panicking and the mother is trying to calm her down. It turns out, since I didn't tell them about the handle (and they probably didn't notice either) they ended up getting locked in which is bad enough on its own but when you take into account the trailer is outside and black so the sun beating down on it is hell. They were probably freaking out.

I profusely apologized and explained it was my first time at the trailer and did not know it was a two way handle. Luckily they were understanding but I felt so bad seeing them walk off to comfort the girl. She was probably scared out of her mind,

TL;DR I manned a sensory trailer for neurodivergent inclusion. I ended up accidentally locking a family with an autistic kid inside a black trailer on a hot day causing a girl to have a panic attack

Obligatory this happened yesterday, not today. I'm sorry in advance for this story, but I have been so scarred by it that I need to tell somebody, and I definitely can't tell my mom.

So I'm a 20 something student home from university for the semester, and yesterday I was finally able to celebrate Halloween with my parents for the first time in years. I spent hours doing SFX makeup, and I was super excited to go and hand out candy with my neighbours at a spot we had set up in our complex. I got to spend about an hour with everyone before I got cold and decided to come inside for a bit. My dad, who hadn't seen my makeup yet, was super excited to see what I had done when I came in and insisted on taking a picture with his phone. I agreed, and I posed for about six pictures.

Here is where I need to add some context so you understand how this happened. My dad is an older boomer who had owned a cell phone for only about a tenth of his lifetime and is not very tech savvy at all. He regularly confuses the difference between a text message and an email and has repeatedly turned on airplane mode by accident and had to call me and ask me why his wifi isn't working. Literally he is like one of the people memed on r/oldpeoplefacebook .

So anyway, he lets me click on one of the pictures he took of me, and I'm enjoying my poses and swiping away, while not counting how many pictures I've seen, and I end up swiping one picture too far. Normally this would be fine, I've done this literally dozens of times even when showing pictures on my own phone. But in this case, it definitely was NOT ok. The picture I swiped onto was a close up, side profile, extremely detailed photo of his junk. Literally nothing left to the imagination.

My dad reaches up and immediately swipes back to a picture of me and I back away, while he says something to the effect of, "I liked your last pose." We both pretend like nothing happened, and he leaves pretty quickly to watch game shows with my mom, who is blissfully unaware of the trauma I have just endured. This goes on for about 15 minutes before he jumps up from his chair and almost runs back to me, saying that he needs to show me the rest of his Halloween pictures from that day. I try to say no, but he insists and proceeds to show me his entire camera roll from the day which has now be scrubbed of any offending images. I guess he was trying to gaslight me into believing that I had not seen anything? I'm not sure.

TL;DR: I tried to see the pictures my dad took of my Halloween costume on his phone, swiped one photo too far, and saw his 🍆 .

Edit: I removed a paragraph that made it sound more dramatic of a situation than it actually was. My makeup was getting itchy, and I felt uncomfortable with everything that happened (plus I have a lot of school stress) so I just called it an early night. I should clarify that everything is normal between us, it's just me that felt weird today because it was unexpected. I just wanted to rant so that I could put it all behind me and not make it a big deal, which this post has let me do. Y'all are right to call me out for making a big deal on this post though, but I promise you IRL I'm not making a big deal.

I’m currently in the process of adopting my daughter(stepdaughter but I’ve raised her). The court has been sending me through the loops to get paperwork done rightfully so. Today I went to the sheriffs office to get a background check done. This place in particular is very empty like a lunch room it echos like crazy. So I walked to the window and told the lady I needed a background check done. She took a call in between all this and was saying something to the lady on the phone and I was distracted on what she was talking about. So she asked me what the background check was for while showing me the paperwork. I was completely zoned out and stumbled over my words and for some reason my soft spoken self yelled “abortion!” I swear as soon as the words rolled out my mouth I froze and the lady just stared at me and was like do you mean adoption I just shook my head and busted out laughing so did she. The thought that the other 4 offices heard it and probably do not know the context makes it so much funnier. I filled out most of the paperwork and forgot what to put on one of the lines so I went back up and she said I put my name and don’t put abortion. As soon as I got my paperwork back I had to call the wife and tell her that apparently we are having an abortion instead of an adoption.

TLDR I went to get a background check done for an adoption and ended up telling it was for an abortion instead

For reference, the name of the vendor in question will be left anonymous, as well as my workplace. Just thought I'd mention that.

So I (M31) work at a food court at my local mall. During my time working here, this one place that's here has been letting me have free drinks as well as free refills.

Well, today, I managed to fuck it all up. The owner of the vendor was at the till, and when I asked for a soda, he rang me up for $3. Now, me thinking he must've forgotten about my free drinks, I got confused. He said that's how much they always were, and that's when I mentioned the free soda I'd get. Big mistake...

He gets angry and starts demanding which one of his workers is doing that so he can fire them. One thing to know about me is that I am NOT good with confrontation, so I got flustered and started stumbling over my words while this guy is screaming at me to tell him. One of the workers there somehow gets him to chill, and tells me to just come back later. I felt SO horrible throughout my shift, but DID end up getting a soda somewhere else.

Never did hear from those guys for the rest of the day as they would end up getting closed down for the day (or maybe permanently, I dunno) and I have no idea why. Going forward, I'm just gonna pay the $3 there (if they ever open back up). It ain't no big loss, plus I'll still get free refills! :D

TL;DR: I thought the owner of a food court vendor knew I got free drinks, he didn't and got angry, I got my soda somewhere else, they closed up shop for unknown reasons

UPDATE

The vendor was open and nobody was fired. Turns out it was a small roach infestation that made them close down, but it's all taken care of, and everything is cool. The owner did apologize for how he got yesterday, but did tell me it would be best to just pay for my drinks from now on, which I will. So, it all works out.

A friend of mine always gets comments praising her accent. We have had many a discussions about how often she gets these comments and how she feels it gets a little old. Yesterday someone did it again, and then turned to me and said "it's really cool right?", I thought 'this again' and for some reason thought it would be amusing to respond "No, I hate British accents", not realizing I was the only one in on the joke. She responded "that was rude". The other person said "he's just a hater."

Despite this, it took me a little while to realize I was the only person in on the joke.

I cleared it up with her the next day, explaining what happened in my head, and she laughed heartily about it as soon as I mentioned it, but I spent the night going over the interaction.

tl;dr I jokingly told my friend I hated British accents not realizing I was the only one in on the joke.

Edit: Clarified that it's her that feels it gets old.

So I started my day off getting ready and smoking a little. I leave for a while come back start relaxing and smoke more. I had just gotten a bong from on of my friends and i was hitting it while watching some youtube. My room started smelling alot like weed and i didnt have febreeze yo make it smell better. BUT I DID HAVE COLOGNE. Worst mistake ever. I spray like a quarter of the bottle of this cheap bath and body works cologne all over my room. My bed, my chair, my clothes, my door, me. All the stuff that i didnt want reeking like weed. I get done spraying it everywhere and i go to bed. I wake up with the side of my face swollen and itchy and broken out in hives. I still didnt think of the cologne and thought I mightve just gotten bit by something over night and it was nothing to really worry about and that it would go away on its own in a few hours maybe a day. Well cut to 2 days later and my face ears and chest are all coverd in hives and really itchy. My face looks like I picked a fight with a world class boxer and my right eye is swollen almost completely shut. Its still swollen and im still broken out in hives hoping this doesent last much longer because this sucks. Spraying so much of that cologne on my clothes and bed made me allergic to that cologne and now i cant even put a little bit of it on my wrist to spread it around without my wrist breaking out in hives aswell. My ears are coverd in blisters cause the cologne dried them out and i itched them while they were dry so i scratched away some of the skin between my ear loab/canal. My neck is covered in bumps and is a tomato red. My face looks like i got boiling oil thrown it on and let it heal for about 2 months. My nose is so dry peices of skin are FLAKING OFF IN CLUMPS like i got the worst sunburn ever. I went to the doctors and they said i got contact dermititas from it.

Definitely one of the most stupid things ive ever done and ive definitely learned my lesson. I hope none of you make the same mistake as me because this SUCKS.

Tl:DR: Sprayed a shitload of cologne around my room and ended up becoming allergic to it leaving my face neck/chest in hives and my ears/nose skin falking off.

I 26f, dated a guy 21m, let's call him Joe, earlier this year for a few months before we broke up due to his anger and stress management issues. I struggled a lot throughout our relationship with my mental health drastically declining due to his outbursts and eventually couldn't take it anymore. However we're still friends, although not close, and he is working on himself to be a better person.

Over the last month or so I've been branching out and talking to more of my friends, including some of our mutual friends, and this led to me spending time with this guy, let's call him Al, whom we both know and he was once close with. Al is known to be flirtatious in social settings, not exclusively with females but just in general. He is kind, caring, funny, and kinda charming but obviously since he's Joe's friend I'd never actually go there.

Al's never taken it too far with me directly, only making a few flirty jokes here and there, but Joe has been present for some of these and expressed his discomfort with me spending time around Al, despite previously saying he trusted him around me and also saying he understands he has no right to be upset or bothered.

This brings us to the last two days, which have really messed with me because I've been present for Al getting very sexual in conversations, which I've always been very shy about. Yet hearing some of the things Al said, especially since he has a very soothing voice, affected me. Last night I ended up telling him that what he said effected me because I could picture it and it confused and bothered me as I've never been affected in that way unless I had some level of attraction for the person, though I didn't say the last part directly. He laughed about it and teased me, but hasn't really talked to me since, and I feel really bad because I think I'm becoming attracted to him but he's my ex's friend.

TL:DR I accidentally admitted to my ex's friend that him being sexual was attractive, though not directly, and may have messed up our friendship.

Edit: To clarify since commenters seem confused, aside from the ADHD word vomit, I have never reciprocated his flirtation. I have no intention of dating him or anyone in the foreseeable future as I am focusing on healing, my family, and my career and realized throughout my most recent relationships that I am incredibly bad at setting healthy boundaries with people I care about and a massive push over, as well as realizing that I needed to focus on healing from past trauma.

It was about 10 years ago. I was 19 or so at the time. I was driving while drinking some delicious boba. A boba pearl got stuck at the bottom of the straw, the pointy end that stabs through the seal. I proceed to flip the straw over and start sucking to get the pearl out. Car in front of me randomly brakes, causing me to also hit the brakes…. Straw goes down my throat and when I take it out there is a chunk of flesh attached to it.

Went to urgent care and got it looked at. They said it would likely heal with no issues and gave me antibiotics to be safe. Everything ended up being fine. Healed after a while but it hurt like hell to swallow for a couple weeks.

TLDR; Don’t drink from pointy straws and drive, kids. Even though I still admittedly drink from a straw while driving… just not the pointy end of a boba straw.