I'm 22, and joined my current job as an intern in February 2024. I had my birthday in Feb, a bunch of friends set up a Google Meet call and asked me to join. I didn't have a webcam on my personal laptop so I just joined using my work laptop, not thinking too much about it.

I realized after joining the call that I had joined from my work google account and not my personal one, and again didn't think too much about it.

However, on the call, I started a Jamboard to play some game with my friends, and one of us ended up drawing a cartoonish dick on it.

I panicked, because it was my work laptop, and immediately closed the Jamboard.

Little did I know, Google saves your Jamboard even if you close it :').

I completely forgot about this incident until I joined back full time and my manager emailed me, asking me to delete files from my older Google drive that I didn't need (since the ownership had transferred to him once I finished the internship and my account got deleted).

I checked the drive, and lo and behold, the Jamboard, WITH THE DRAWING is still there.

The anxiety I got was truly something else. I felt like I could melt on the spot and die. It really felt like the end of life for a moment.

I wasn't sure if he'd seen it or not (if he had grid mode set, he might've). Or if he opened the file to check what it was, since there were like 7 files in there.

Or, he might've been busy and not seen it at all, but either way, he chose not to mention it.

I've been dying of embarassment and anxiety since, I've told him he can delete everything but knowing he's the owner of those files and can access them whenever causes me so much anxiousness, since I don't have control over what he's seeing.

At this point, there's literally nothing I can do, if he brings it up, I'll deal with it, if he never sees it, it's not like I'll know anyway. So there's nothing left to do but try and forget about it, which is proving to be extremely difficult.

TL;DR Drew a dick on a Google Jamboard, file got saved, and manager got access to it.

So I took up a part time job at a retailer to help get my wife’s and my debt down, been there for about a month and get along with everyone. I love my wife and we have a son, any chance I get, I mention them; not because I feel like I need to to make sure everyone knows I have a family but it just comes out naturally. Anyway, my wife has come through to drop off food or to buy things when I’m working but today was the first time all 3 of us went together for some Christmas shopping. I said hi and introduced my wife and son to some of the associates and everything was pleasant until we got to the register. The associate that we got said hi and I introduced my wife and son to her, she then said “you have a wife?!? And a son?!? And I looked at my wife with a grin and stupidly said “and this is my girlfriend” SHE WAS NOT AMUSED. I knew I fucked up after seeing her face, in the parking lot she asked how I would feel if it was her joking about having a boyfriend at work and that’s when I realized how bad I messed up.

TL;DR Took my wife shopping where I work and joked that the cashier was my girlfriend.

So for some info, my mom asked me a few years ago if elf on the shelf still came around to teenagers and me being me I said hell yeah! So now I am in my late teens and my mom still does elf on the shelf asking me each year if I still want him to come around and I say yes because genuinely it is the funniest thing ever. I did 30 days of free entertainment and seeing where he’s gonna end up today. Fast forward to today. I was at the doctors office and my mom and the doctor walked out of the room and I can hear them talking in the hallway and my mom asks if I could get an autism evaluation and when my doctor asks why she believes this. She told her it’s because I still believe in the Elf on the shelf. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say and when my mom and doctor walked in, I felt like I couldn’t tell them that I didn’t think that he was real because then they would know I was snooping in on their conversation. I hope that the doctor would talk her out of this but ours after the appointment my mom walked in my room and told me I have an appointment the 15th. Greeat..

TL;DR: my mom told my doctor that she thinks I’m autistic because I still believe in the elf on the shelf.

So this has been happening for over a month now, but the gravity of the situation just hit me today.

So I'm(M31) not in a great place in life right now. I was doing great in my mid 20's, but alcohol and gambling has turned my life into living check-to-check. I work 2 jobs, I'm single, have no kids, but still in a hole of debt. I did save quite a bit of money into retirement funds in my younger years, and perhaps I'll have to take a loan out against it soon to delete other debt, but not yet.

I frequent a bar that's across the street from my apartment. Most the regulars are now friends or at least familiar acquaintances, from as young as 21 to as old as 75.

One of my good friends, Lyn, who's a regular at this bar, is in her 50's, and she's beautiful, especially for her age. Literally any guy at the bar would take her home if she ever let them.

Lyn lives close to me and I've started hanging out with her outside the bar. It's always a fun time when it's just me and her, but some of her friends are.... a bit much. Most of her friends are older, single women who like to drink heavy and live loud. One friend in particular, Barb, CLEARLY took a liking to me the first time Lyn introduced us. She was rather up front about how attracted she is to me, but she's older than my mom and I'm not attracted to her in the least.

Barb apparently also lives close by Lyn and I, and she started to go to the bar and always sat next to me. It was nice at first and she always bought me a drink or two, but she really started to become a buzz kill, especially because I couldn't hang out with Lyn without Barb being there too and I missed it being just Lyn and me.

Now don't get me wrong, Barb is actually pretty hilarious and a fun time, but just knowing how badly she wanted to sleep with me always made me feel a little awkward. Especially because I had a crush on her friend.

So about 3 weeks ago, Barb texted me and asked if I could help hang up Christmas lights in her apartment. She said I could drink and eat anything at her place if I helped her. I was a little drunk at the bar when she texted me, and just gambled away the rest of my cash, so I obliged.

Barb lives in a building that just opened up this year, and I had been in it to visit a friend before. Very upscale apartments, great views, brand new. However, what I didn't know about this place, is that they had some crazy condos in that building. So I got to the top floor and her place is HUGE. Everything was so nice, the ceiling was so high, there were stairs that led up to her bedroom.

So I told her how amazing her place is and she immediately spilled out her life story. This was a bit weird, because for as long as I'd known her, she never really opened up about herself much. Anyway, nasty divorce. Still in court with her ex-husband. One daughter talks to her, the other doesn't. She's sexually starved.... that one hung in the air for a bit.

I listened to her, told her how sorry I felt for her, helped myself to a few beers, and began hanging Christmas lights in her windows. She has tons of tall windows, so it was taking a while, but we were laughing and having a good time..... and getting DRUNK. For 9PM on a Wednesday, I was irresponsibly drunk.

I STILL don't know why I did this, but she asked if I wanted to take a shower with her.... and I did. Didn't even have clean clothes to change into. So anyway, we were showering and I wasn't impressed with her naked body, but for whatever reason I got an erection. And she immediately grabbed my dick and started stroking it. I told her that she can touch it, but I don't want to have sex with her.

We went to lay down in her ENORMOUS bed. Actually, her whole room is huge. Her place is amazing. So we were watching Young Sheldon or something and she flat out asked me.

"What would it take to get you to lick my pussy?"

And for some reason, in my drunken stupor, I immediately responded "200 bucks and a frozen pizza."

She looked at me with a dead-serious face and said, "I'll give you 400 if you make me cum."

Oh shit.

She pulled up her night gown and... yeah... I got $400.

I actually really needed that money, so the disgust was just sitting in the back of my mind and I was able to ignore it for the most part.

A week later, I got a text from Barb asking me to come over. Once again, I was at the bar drunk and broke from gambling, so I walked over.

When I got there she asked if I wanted to have sex. I told her that I don't have sex without condoms, she reassured me that she can't get pregnant. I told her that it didn't matter, I always wear a condom. She respected that, and then asked if I could eat her out in exchange for a blow job. Awkward.

I asked her if I could get paid like the last time and she apologized and claimed she only paid me because she was so drunk and horny. We discussed the previous night for a while and she ultimately offered me $50. I haggled the price up to $75. The whole conversation was so long, uncomfortable and awkward, I can hardly type this brief summary.

I went to the bar that Friday and Lyn was there. It was the first time in a while I had hung out with her without Barb being there, and it was great. I mentioned that I helped Barb hang up Christmas lights and was really impressed by her condo. That is when Lyn revealed something that raised my eyebrows.

Barb is rich. Like multi-million dollar rich. Like her ex-husband was rich. Like she and her brother inherited land from their family that they just sold for an enormous amount of riches. I knew she had to be fairly wealthy based off her place, car, and clothes. Then Lyn showed me pictures of Barb's house that she owns on the other side of the State and holyfuckinshit this woman's loaded.

I went to the bar all night for the next few days waiting for Barb to show up and checking my phone constantly, waiting for Barb to ask me to come over. However, I actually won a hefty amount on the gamble machines and was able to maintain for a while. So when Barb did hit me up to come over, I told her I was busy. Of course, when you gamble, your winnings only last a few days and I was broke, drunk, and high by myself in no time.

Then Barb hit me up again. It had been over a week and she said she wanted to "make a deal with me." So I stumbled over to her place and when I walked into her door, all the lights were off except the Christmas lights and she was naked.

Barb said, "I need you inside of me, what will it take?" And good lord was it cringey as hell.

Now, this may be a good place to mention that I don't know shit about prostitution. I don't know what normal rates are. I don't know what boundaries I'm supposed to have. Completely ignorant. But I knew Barb has millions.

Anyway, I asked for $1500. She laughed. She said I'd have to last a lonnnnng time for 1500. Cringe. She offered me $500 and I wasn't allowed to wear a condom. I didn't understand that part, do women feel that much of a difference if a condom is or isn't being worn? Why did that matter to her?

I got her to agree to $800, with $1500 being the price moving forward. I don't want to talk much about the sex, but she was very satisfied. So much so that she asked me to come over the next day for the agreed price. Then 2 days later she asked for a "full service," with a back massage, oral, and an hour in bed. I asked for $5000 just for shits and giggles but she fucking agreed.

All of a sudden, I've made over 7 grand in the past few days. I paid rent in cash, bought groceries, got my car fixed, and purchased all the Christmas presents. And a welcomed side-effect of the constant hooking up was that I was gambling less and spending less money on booze.

I felt good, really was starting to accept the situation. I went to the bar in a great mood, lots of my friends were there, played some pool, smoked a joint in the alley. Great stuff.

Then Barb came in.

She made her way around the bar saying hi to everyone. Then sat right next to me and kissed me on the cheek. I'm stunned. My friends who I was talking to both dropped their jaws slightly. She joined in our conversation and I felt my face getting red and hot. My heart was blasting through my chest.

After a short while I announced I had to go home and Barb asked, "Will I see you later?"

"I don't know, hit me up." Was my response as I got out of there.

This happened just 4 days ago and I haven't been back to the bar since. I know that my friends know, or at least strongly suspect, that I've been hooking up with Barb. But one comforting thought came into my head: they'll understand when I tell them I only fucked her for her money.

Then a cold realization flooded my brain. It will make it SO MUCH WORSE if they find out that I've been having sex for money. I'm actually a whore. An alcoholic, gambling-addicted whore. Now I think I'm just going to have to pretend I got drunk and hooked up with her for fun. This is the heaviest guilt and most insecure secret I've ever held. I'm actually a piece of shit and I hate myself. I really fucked up. If I just drank less and didn't gamble I would never have gotten myself into this mess, but this is what my life's become.

Tldr; Met an unattractive woman who's older than my mom. Turns out she's rich. Somehow turned into a sex-for-money situation. The realization and social consequences of whoring myself out are consuming my life.

Update: Well you guys have made me feel better about the whoring myself out aspect. I've known for a long time that I'm an alcoholic. The gambling problem is much more recent and infinitely more destructive.

Thank you all for your perspectives.

Today is my 18th birthday and I began the process of dropping out and getting my GED. I talked to my sister (also a dropout w/ her GED), my biological dad & his wife, and my therapist. Where I really fucked up is when I told my mom last.

For some context, I have always struggled in school. I was diagnosed with ADHD and suspected autism at a very young age. I got medicated for it but was never given accommodations or put in environments that would help me thrive in school.

I won’t go into too much detail (that’s a post for another day) but I got covid in my freshman year and never recovered. I was diagnosed with severe asthma and an “underlying lung disease” that hasn’t been determined. My health has only gotten worse, every 4-5 months my lungs get worse, I get hospitalized, pumped full of meds and steroids, feel better for a while and then the cycle repeats.

This has severely affected my education and I fell behind. I was put in an online program in in-person classes to catch up. Currently, I am a senior still finishing my sophomore year and i’m not expected to graduate until December of 2025. This is a major factor in my decision.

Before I go deeper into my fuck-up, I need to give extra context to better understand my mom’s reaction. My mom discovered my dad was having an affair with his high school sweetheart and divorced him. At the time, I was 2 and my sister was 4 and for the past 16 years my mom has raised my sister and I with no support from my dad other than the child support. She worked a full time job while attending college online and raising two kids on her own.

There were a lot of times in my early childhood I would see my mom break down when she thought no one was around. About 8 years ago she met and married my now stepdad. She’s been much happier since then and I haven’t seen her broken up about my dad since. At least until today.

Enough yapping, here’s where I fucked up. I came to my mom’s office during my lunch, after I had already talked to my therapist and began the process with the school counselor. I sat down and told her that i’m dropping out. I expected pushback and even prepared for an argument, she really wanted me to graduate. But before I could start explaining my reasons, she said it was okay and that she would support me. “You’re an adult now, you can make your own decisions and I can’t do anything about it.”There was clear disappointment in her tone but no anger. I was taken aback by this, I truly expected her to be angry and I had only prepared for that outcome. I started explaining my reasons anyways for whatever stupid reason. I told her I had talked to my sister, therapist, and bio dad. That’s when it took a turn.

She got really upset that she was the last person I talked to. She went on a short rant about how my bio dad is only supporting me now that he won’t have to pay child support anymore but not when she needed help raising my sister and I. I haven’t seen my mom like this since I was a child, she was angry but not at me. She’s not over my bio dad and what he did to her.

I didn’t even consider how she would feel about this. How I went to my bio dad and his wife about it first and just poured salt in a wound I assumed was closed. At this point she was barely holding it together, her face was red and her voice was breaking as she was fighting tears.

I started profusely apologizing and trying to tell her why I thought it was the best way to tell her, how she means more to me than anyone else, and how I want to make her proud of me in a stupid desperate attempt to rectify the situation. She told me she doesn’t want my apologies and that I should leave so she could think.

As soon as I got in my car I called my sister and told her everything. She told me it was okay, mom isn’t mad at me and just needs time to think. She helped me put together what I was trying to say in better words for later. I asked her to call mom when she was on break at work and she said she would. My mom works through her emotions best by talking it out and my sister knows us better than anyone and she can calm her down.

P.S. I wrote this while at school and didn’t have time to read it over so i’m sorry if things aren’t worded correctly or weirdly and I will give an update after dinner tonight. If you have any questions or need clarification i’ll do my best to answer and if you have any advice I’d really appreciate it. I really don’t want my mom to hate me.

TL;DR: I told my biological dad and my mom’s ex husband i’m dropping out before her and I think I triggered a trauma response.

So this happened yesterday, and I still can’t stop cringing. I was messaging a friend about weekend plans while juggling work emails at the same time. Without thinking, I accidentally copied and pasted part of our conversation—something about “finally needing a break from this soul-sucking job”—into an email meant for my boss.

As soon as I hit send, I realized my mistake, but it was too late. My boss replied a few minutes

later with a simple, “Let’s discuss this during our next one-on-one.” I’m absolutely mortified and have no idea how to handle this. I didn’t mean it as a direct dig at them—it was just me venting to a friend—but now I’m worried they’ll think I’m not committed to my role or, worse, start treating me differently.

Funny enough, I recently had a bit of financial luck that gave me a small cushion in case I needed to make a job change, but I wasn’t planning to leave anytime soon. Now I’m wondering if this slip-up has put me on thin ice, or if I’m overthinking it.

For anyone who’s had an awkward moment like this at work, how did you recover? Should I bring it up proactively during our meeting, or just wait and see how they approach it? Any advice would be appreciated—I feel like I’ve nuked my professional image in one careless moment.

tl:dr accidentally sent a message to my boss instead of my friend, hopefully I don't get fired!

So this is an obligatory this happened many years ago I believe in 2016 when I was 11.

I had been limping for a couple of months and it was brushed aside by my doctors saying it was growing pains and by my brain thinking the pain was in my knee and not my hip, flash forward to the fateful night when I was getting the bath because it was a school night. For some reason in my 11 year old head I thought "my knee hurts so I'm going to get in the bath on my knees to avoid slipping" yup I am a certified idiot.

So I get into the bath on my knees just for my right knee to slip and slide up the side of the bath dislocating out of its socket and when I brought my knee back down the hip was lodged above the socket and stuck there. That knee pain I had been experiencing? Months of my hip popping in and out of its socket.

Now here I am 8 years later at 20 healing from a hip replacement.

TL:DR slipped in the bath downward dog style resulting in me breaking my hip.

Obligatory "this was a few days ago" but i am still thinking back to this every now and then and im still cackling. (And recovering) and maybe it'd be fun to talk about it and let other people laugh at my misfortune in way more detail than necessary

So! For context, I travel via public transportation and very often after my shift, I have some free time and my workplace is super close to a fistful of restaurants and convenience stores so I like to grab lunch/dinner when I get the chance. And the bus i take is kind of infamous for running behind quite often

So after my shift, I did just that, went out to eat while I waited for the next bus, shopped around before heading out and walking to the stop. Only to see that the bus was rapidly approaching my exact location and passing multiple stops, and I was on the other side of the road! So i had to book it across the road and get to the other side to the nearest stop, which thankfully was just across the road.

Now here's where I fucked up. The road of the area i was trying to get to is kind of wrecked for lack of better terms. No sidewalk, broken road and just a dip between the stop and the road. And I lack spatial awareness and my eyes were on the bus, not in front of me, and i was sprinting. I was NOT paying basic attention to my surroundings.

And I... was not prepared for both a sudden dip AND ledge in the road, so I went DOWN

I fell! Fell so hard that I skid a few inches across the ground as if I got hit by the MC's special ability and proceeded to just lay there for a couple precious seconds. Because deadass? I didn't even realize i fell until i landed and realized I was suddenly upon the X axis. And while I wish no one was there to see it, there was not only someone already waiting at the bus stop who just watched some dude crater into the ground right in front of them and have to awkwardly limp back up and pretend i didnt just lose my left arm and leg, but like 3 cars passed as well as some biker. I am still sore as FUCK but i did catch the bus!

TL;DR: Sprinted across the road to catch a bus, did not pay attention, tripped over the lack of sidewalk and fell in front of at least 6 people

TIFU (yes, actually this morning) by going through my moms old computer.

My mom has an old laptop that the screen is broken and barely works, and wanted me to go in and get all the photos off of it.

Being the family tech nerd, it was easy enough. Pull the hard drive out, connect it to my PC, and import any photos I could find. Most of the photos were from about 10-15 years ago.

Going through years of pictures, sorting and organizing them, I found the usual Christmas pictures, birthdays, etc.

I also found a series of phone screenshots, pictures of cell phone records, divorce lawyer attorney information, etc, to discover that my dad had been having a multi-year long affair. My dad used to work in the next state over, and instead of driving 500 miles for a commute, he would stay there during the week and come home on the weekends. A bit unusual, but from what I understand he was getting paid pretty good. He bought a new truck, fixing up the house, etc. so figured things were going just fine. Now in those screen shots there are text from my mom to this other lady's husband, pictures of him ( he is a licensed professional so his info is easy to find ) and possibly pictures of the woman, though I don't know for sure.

But that leads to part 2...

not only did I find out my dad was cheating on my mom, I also found several bank statements, and letters from the IRS that my dad hasn't paid taxes in years, and at one point owed the IRS at least $150,000. Which would explain why my dad buys nearly everything with cash, my FASFA student loan applications were denied, and lots of other things that I thought were a bit odd suddenly made perfect sense. I think my dad was working at a contract worker, and simply never claimed income during those years, or at the very least not paying all he owed.

I don't know if any of my other siblings know anything about this. So my current plan is to just pretend I never saw all this, just give my mom pictures with people in them that I know, and will leave the pictures on the old hard drive in my storage to hopefully never be seen by anyone else. ( I thought of simply deleting them, but probably better not to. )

I'm in my mid 30's now, married with my own family, and I've kinda lost all respect for my dad. We were never super close, I moved out at 18 and barely had any contact with them, and only see my parents 2-3x a year, mostly just christmas and thanksgiving.

TL:DR: TIFU finding out my dad had a multi-year long affair, and owes the IRS $150k+

Edit: Further digging found out not only did my dad owe the IRS 150k, they were threatening to seize his assets.

I want to start this off by saying that my boyfriend has a habit of bringing up things to me as if he’s introducing them to me.

Usually this will be a fact I’ve told him, like “oh did you know about xyz” or he’ll bring up a topic in a conversation, but it’s almost always something that I have shown him or told him previously. It doesn’t annoy me, I think it’s endearing because he just wants to share things I’m interested in with me, but I do tease him about it.

But today I finally did it. I was watching a lets play on a game, and I didn’t particularly think it was my boyfriends vibe but I was impressed by the game and thought it was really cool, and it most certainly is my vibe. So I told him about it. His response was “oh yeah I fucking love that game”

That’s when it clicked. This is the game he’s been talking about forever. That I just never checked out. Suddenly I remembered everything he had said about it and it all fell into place. I felt like the worst girlfriend ever because he’s been so excited about this game and I don’t know why I never looked into it more, but he thinks it’s funny.

EDIT: You’re right, I forgot to include the game. It was “No, I am not a human.”

TLDR; Told my boyfriend about a cool game I found only to find out it’s one he’s been telling me about for weeks and I just didn’t pay enough attention.

This is a literally today TIFU. I have been prescribed medication for adult ADHD for almost a year now. On my bathroom countertop, I keep the bottle of those pills and I also have a bottle of sleeping pills. (I can give you a pro tip here: allergy meds that are not non-drowsy have the same active ingredient as over-the-counter sleeping pills at substantially lower cost.)

This morning, I was on auto pilot and as I was getting ready for work, before I even realized what I had done, I had grabbed the sleeping pills and took two of them. I then caught myself and took the ADHD med as well.

So now I have diphenhydramine HCL battling it out with amphetamine salts in my bloodstream. And I think the allergy meds might be winning because by the time I pulled into the parking lot at my office (where I am writing this now), I’m already feeling like my eyelids are heavy.

If it weren’t for the fact that I have five meetings today, two of which are with external people so I can’t miss them, I probably would have called out and went back to bed. Today’s gonna be a real interesting day.

TL;DR: I took sleeping pills and ADHD stimulants at the same time today and the drowsiness is winning.

Edit: To answer some of the questions in the comments - I take sleeping pills much more regularly than I should and will be cutting them out for a couple of months at least. Appreciate the folks concerned about the dementia risk. As far as driving goes, the biggest problem with the sleeping pills is that I have developed a tolerance so if that had been the only things I took, I wouldn't have even felt drowsy on the drive.

The combo seems to have done it and now I'm here at my desk in a haze with dry mouth. Lesson firmly learned and I'll be adjusting the locations of these things in my bathroom to help prevent the mixup in the future.

Didn't happen today but last week still dealing with everything from it.

So my grandparents (age 78 and 79) have always been really involved in their grandkids and great grandkids lives. My oldest, who's 11, would spend every weekend at their house up until about 2 years ago when my grandfather began to have issues with his health and was going in and out of the nursing home and my grandmother has been having surgery on her eyes from Graves disease. My youngest who turned 4 on Halloween hasn't gotten to stay with them at all.

About 3 weeks ago my grandmother asked if we could start letting the boys stay at her house because they are getting back in better health. My grandfather is doing a lot better and my grandmother has more or less recovered from her surgeries. My wife and I needed to go do Christmas shopping for the boys for my wife's birthday. (That's what she wanted to do. Idk) So we needed them to stay somewhere and let them stay at my grandparents.

Well next day we go to get them and my grandmother's eye is swollen, red, and has turned gray. She said the youngest and her were playing a beanbag toss game and he threw one at her and hit her in the forehead above her eye and that she was fine.

Monday rolls around and my mom tells me they had to go to the ER. ER sent them to an eye specialist 2 hours away where she finds out that the beanbag had ruptured her cornea, which lead to a Staph infection. She had to get a bunch of injections IN HER EYE to stop the Staph from spreading to her brain. Her experience with the injections was not great: "If anyone tries to tell you that you can't feel when a needle goes in your eye they're full of shit".

She went back on thurs for an emergency, because the Dr told her don't go to a local ER if you feel any pain, just come straight here because you'll just freak out everyone in the ER. She had to get another round of injections in her eye.

Yesterday she had another follow up where they gave her another round of injections, and told her that she will go back tomorrow and see if the antibiotics will work. If not she will be losing her eye tomorrow.

All because of a beanbag.

TL:DR: Let my 4 and 11 year olds stay with thier great grandparents for the first time on their request. 4 year old three a beanbag at my grandmother, hit her in the eye, now she's possibly going to have to have it removed.

Edit: Just so everyone knows, we all know it was just an accident, crappy accident but still one none the less. great-grandma said she'd rather he didn't know it was from the beanbag if she does lose it. She is upset but just at the situation, not at the 4 year old.

So, this happened around 2007-ish. I was renting a room in a shared house in Dublin, Ireland. Back then wifi was a thing but not as widely popular as it is today (at least where I lived), and smartphones were at their infancy.

So we had this unique internet dongle, where you need to plug the ethernet cable into your (bulky) laptop, placed in the living room.

So, one evening I was feeling frisky, as my 3 housemates were away for the weekend, and start beating my monkey in the living room to some porn.

All of a sudden, the main door opens, and my female housemate quickly enters the living room, giving me barely the time to realise what was happening.

She stares at me with my willie in my hand, shocked.

I tried to find the right thing to say, but my brain only scambled together the sentence "Ah ah! I was masturbating!", and she replies with "I can see that."

I quickly closed my laptop, and avoided any social interaction with the other housemates, and left a couple of weeks after.

tl;dr I masturbated in the living room, only to be caught by my shocked female housemate.

Today I accidentally had sex with my boss and his wife at the company Christmas party. I was so drunk and I texted my girlfriend how hot I think she is and I accidentally sent it to my boss instead because he sent me a text about how good we all worked this year.

I didn't even know until my colleague said I had replied to all. I guess I was so drunk I just decided to own it and then my bosses wife was at the bar and the DJ was so loud they were trying to be an aeroplane. And the bosses wife let's call her Sue, she said something and I didn't hear so I leant in closer and then we were kissing and it was so dark I guess no one noticed.

I don't remember much after that but actually I think it's OK to be in love with people you work with I mean we spend so much time with them. Sue and her husband were so kind and in the end I walked the last few stops and I guess I can sleep it off in the morning and get tested and call a lawyer and delete my account.

TLDR: I got drunk at the Christmas party and had too much sex with my wife and his boss.

My friend is wanting to be a veterinarian so she is always going to the Vet’s office. I thought today she just scheduled something because it happens often enough, except I forgot it was her night to work. Looking back, that should’ve been obvious to me…but I didn’t think twice. We finished a test, she finished first and left. I called her to see if she was free and she wasn’t, she said she was heading to the Vet. I made the lame overused joke that gasp how dare she, doesn’t she know I want to hang out with her, because it’s a joke we usually make to each other about various things. She seemed a little off on the phone, but I figured she may have just been busy and let her go. Well, I checked my text messages this evening, turns out her dog needed emergency surgery. She had texted this before that phone call. I’m a A-hole. And I can’t even say I’m sorry because I just realized I didn’t have my contacts synced properly (she texted in a group that is supposed to go through do not disturb, I messed up and didn’t have the settings on right) and I may be going through her do not disturb. I am such a f-ing d-ck.

TL;DR I made a sarcastic joke about how dare a friend not hang out with me to go to the vet (she wants to be a vet), didn’t realize her dog is having emergency surgery.

I really love drawing pornographic images and I take pride in how high quality my work is. I ain't the best, but I sure do like what I do.

Anyways, I was browsing 4chan and downloading hentai to add to my collection so I could better study what makes male and female forms attractive and perfect my work. And I never really put any of the hentai in any folders and just randomly scatter them wherever I feel like. Sometimes I even leave it on my desktop or my download folder cause I don't really care.

Anyways the trouble came when my sister needed my Adobe Software to work on her school projects. I let her go ham and have full access to anything on my PC just so she could get her work done.

But a few days later after she finished her project, I noticed she was a little depressed and quiet. "Man, I wonder what's her problem."

Anyways, I went back to my computer to draw some more porn. But then I saw that her project file was right next to my two Japanese girls jerking each other's penises in a steamy bathhouse.

"Oh... Well alright then!"

"Man, I should really be ashamed of myself" I thought.

But then I remembered I was off my meds and tried to kill myself three times.

And I guess I didn't really care anymore.

And I figured that I'd either live to see 120 yrs old, or I'd off myself by the time I'm in my mid-twenties.

So it was all good I guess. It doesn't really matter at all.

TLDR: Carelessly defaced my computer with hentai, sister traumatized by everything she saw.

TL:DR I poured water into my ear thinking it was a good idea and I am sorely mistaken

I gave myself swimmer's ear to try to clean out my right ear canal and ruin my hearing for a bit. My right ear for some reason, always produces a lot of ear wax and I thought "hey, what if I put some water into it this soften it up and get it out" and I did just that by putting some water in my ear. It is fair to say that my mistake here was bad because I just messed with my own hearing. Now I'm just going to have to lay down or sit at desk until I can get this water out or my ear actually kind of corrects itself. I really did f****** my own hearing today by my absolutely non-consequential mistake that was basically the final straw for my ear for the next few days. This sucks

Sorry for bad formatting, I am just using a phone

I (28F) grew up in an isolated Alaskan village. I think my upbringing is significant in leading up to the main course of this post because as I’ve navigated adulthood in the “real world” I’ve realized there are a lot of culturally significant things that have either just gone over my head, I don’t understand, or I’ve never even heard of.

So here it is!

Typically when I try to explain my home to people from the contiguous US, they have a hard time conceptualizing it, so bear with me as I mansplain rural Alaska. It was small, and it was isolated. There were 25 students in my high school. 7 in my graduating class, including me (and we were one of the bigger classes), and half of them I was related to, another good chunk I was distantly related to. Everyone asks how you date and the answer is you either don’t or you wait until strangers come from out of town on their fishing trips. It was basically unheard of for people there to have wifi at home until like 2010. I got my first cell phone when I went to college at 18 because our village didn’t have cell service. We had one radio channel we could pick up for some reason, but nobody listened to it because it was boring af and the reception was in and out anyways.

This is not to say I was never exposed to ANY pop culture, I was just exposed to a pretty watered down version of it. For some comparison, I visited my hometown a couple months ago and asked my cousin (27F) if she liked Chappell Roan and she had never even heard of her. The point is, pop culture goes over my head sometimes. Sometimes I feel like a martian. I watched Fight Club for the first time last month and it was WILD! My friends couldn’t believe I had first: never seen it, and second: hadn’t had it spoiled for me yet. My lack of knowledge around pop culture could, however, also just be a me thing because even compared to my peers growing up, I was a spacey, head in the clouds kind of motherfucker.

Getting back to the point, I hadn’t even heard of Dolly Parton until she appeared on Hannah Montana and even for years after that my understanding of her was basically “well they did that sitcom clap thing when she came on screen so apparently she’s someone”. Even to this day when I hear “Dolly Parton” my brain goes to Dolly Varden, the trout. I’m still not sure whether Dolly Parton named herself after the fish or what. Is that her real name or is it a stage name?

Returning to the subject, I’m pretty sure that I even remember someone in high school asking who Dolly Parton is. I heard my first Dolly song at a karaoke bar in Utah when I was 25. Over the years, after moving out of my hometown, I started to gather that people liked her, but I didn’t know the extent of it. I had heard of Dollywood, but I thought it was a nickname for like Nashville or something. As in Dolly is country, Nashville is like country Hollywood right? It's a good pun. I appreciate the creativity. I think it was like last year or something that I finally learned that Dollywood is a real, totally serious place.

So when I started dating my boyfriend (28M) and saw that he had a Dolly air freshener in his bathroom, a young photo of her saved on his phone, getting excited every time she comes up, saying if he had to be on a deserted island with 100 of one person he would choose Dolly, and saying he used to have a huge crush on her, I started to think he was obsessed with her.

This is what I knew about Dolly: she was famous, she was a feminist, she was glamorous, and she had big boobs.

I thought it was like a Marylin Monroe thing but now I’m even scared to say that, because maybe I don’t understand who Marylin Monroe is either.

I kept to myself how weirded out I was by my boyfriend’s Dolly stuff because I understand that people have celebrity crushes and to a certain extent I knew that people really liked her but again, she wasn’t much different to me than any other celebrity. I thought (because of the boobs) she was considered a sex icon. I started wondering if he was wanking off to her because of the pictures in his phone and in the bathroom (I only recently learned it’s an air freshener because it lost its scent by the time we met so to me it just looked like a picture of Dolly in the bathroom).

I can understand why you would read this and judge the shit out of me. I just didn’t know! If you don’t really understand who Dolly Parton is, it looks weird right?

The other day my boyfriend’s friend called him to tell him about someone his friend’s girlfriend knows going to Dollywood. To me it looked like this: my boyfriend is so obsessed with this celebrity (and I suspect he may wank off to her) that his friends are calling him about anything related to her. I got mad. We had an argument. He didn’t think his Dolly stuff was weird, to me it was. Today he told me he would delete the photo of Dolly in his phone, but he definitely looked like he was judging the shit out of me

I told a couple friends about it (who did grow up in the contiguous US so they understand the Dolly significance in American culture a lot better than I do) and they agreed that my boyfriend’s stuff was a bit much.

After the discussion with my boyfriend today, I went to meet up with my research project group and saw that one of the girls had a Dolly sticker on her water bottle and I remembered she also had one on her laptop so I asked her about it. I told her that I have some understanding that people like Dolly, but I was starting to think that my understanding of it was just scratching the surface. Boy did she fill me in.

Jesus Christ have I been under a rock. There are RELIGIONS?? Multiple?? People are INTO Dolly! Dolly is apparently way bigger than I think I will ever understand. I didn’t know she was an actress. I thought she just made cameos. I didn’t know she had movies. I thought she was considered a sex icon. I feel like a psycho bitch for making a fuss about it with my boyfriend. At the same time though, my friends (whose opinions I very much value and who grew up in a more traditional American environment) told me that my boyfriend did seem obsessed. Personally, I feel like celebrity worship in general is weird regardless of who they are but different strokes for different folks I guess? I don't know! Is it weird or is it normal?

TL;DR I didn’t quite know who Dolly Parton was so when I saw photos of her in my boyfriend’s bathroom and phone I thought he was wanking off to her and it lead to an argument.

Ok so, not today but yesterday morning. I went out for a birthday and went drinking (28m) my parents have always been against drugs and drinking of any kind and even think that paracetamol should be prescription. They are a little too religious in my opinion and very stubborn.

So I was getting ready to go drinking. My parents knowing I am going to drink but I am only to have 1 at the most. Which I promised them I would. Myself and all my friends knowing that is a lie. My father told me just before leaving "If you come home drunk, you can sleep in the snow" being winter here. At night the temperature drops to -20 to -30°c.

Fast forward to me waking up on the porch in the morning absolutely freezing with a blanket covering me. I didn't know what happened at this stage so I banged on the door and asked to be let in. My father opens the door and let's me in. He's furious with me.

I ask why I woke up on the ground and says to me "I slept on the couch (which is right next to the front door basically) and i heard you come home in your taxi. Your friends asked if you wanted them to take you inside and you said you didn't want them to wake your mother and I. So you walked to the door and attempted for quite some time to try and stick your key in the key hole but you were so drunk you couldn't get it. Even if you got it, you wouldn't have been able to unlock that door because while you were getting ready. I swapped your house key on your key ring"

A shortened version of what he said cause i dont remember it all. I now have a cold and feel horrible. The only reason he covered me was cause he didn't want me to die. But I was only asleep for about 1.5 hours.

TL;DR I got drunk and my dad decided to teach me a lesson. I don't think I'll drink for a while.

Edit: Only due to alot of your comments so far, I do live alone. Me and my parents are in their home country for a holiday they agreed to pay for so we could all go together and agreed to pay for my expenses aswell. I can't believe I forgot to mention that.

So this happened last night, and I’m still mortified (and slightly amused). I recently bought these motion-activated LED lights for my backyard because I thought it would be nice to have some subtle lighting. Little did I know, I was about to transform my backyard into the hottest feline nightclub in town.

The lights arrived yesterday, and I was waiting to set them up. They're these colorful, rotating disco-ball-style LEDs that I thought would make my backyard look whimsical. I didn’t realize just how intense they were until I switched them on after sunset. My backyard suddenly looked like a scene out of a rave—flashing neon blues, greens, and purples bouncing off every surface.

Then, out of nowhere, my neighbor’s cat, Whiskers, jumped the fence and started rolling around in the flashing lights. I thought, “Sweet,” and didn’t think much of it. Five minutes later, another cat showed up. Then another. Within half an hour, I counted at least seven cats in my yard.

They were all going nuts—chasing the lights, pouncing on shadows, and just vibing. I don’t even know where half of them came from; I only know three cats in the neighborhood by name, and there were clearly some randos crashing this party.

At this point, I realized I might be in trouble because the cats were making quite a bit of noise, and my neighbors have toddlers who were probably trying to sleep. So I tried to shoo them away by clapping and waving a broom. Huge mistake. The cats interpreted this as an invitation to play. One of them literally jumped onto the broom like it was some kind of toy, and another climbed onto my patio furniture to get a better view of the chaos.

In a panic, I turned off the lights, hoping they’d lose interest and leave. Instead, they just... sat there. Staring at me. Judging me. One particularly fluffy gray one even started meowing loudly, like it was demanding an encore.

It took two hours for all the cats to finally leave, and I had to lure the last one out with a slice of turkey. I swear I saw Whiskers looking at me through my bedroom window later, probably plotting his next visit.

TLDR: Bought some motion-activated LED lights, turned my backyard into a rave, accidentally attracted a gang of neighborhood cats who partied for hours and refused to leave.

I have a pretty shitty relationship with him, and today, in a rainy day, just some minutes ago, in more one of my anger attacks, I end punching his pc. We started discussing and probably due some meds he is consuming he stayed flat and even jockingly when I was talking. So first I tore up a letter and forwardly I did the pc thing. It all started about food. I was feeling injuriated by the fact that while I was home with nothing to eat, he was in my aunt's restaurant and don't even remember of bringing something to me eat. He even offered me money to bought something at the bakery next home and I refused, because my desire of not wanting to talk with people/avoid social interactions is too strong. Then he got to his job and i'm here alone. He see all my rages like as an atempt to blame him for the divorce that happened last year. I ended talking about how shitty dad he is and complaining that I never had a real patern figure. I also said I would kill my self too.

TL;DR: TIRFU by crushing my dad's PC and he's (again) treatning to spell me from home and to send me to live with my mom and her husband. I regret what I did and I don't know what's gonna happen next when he finish his job and get home.

TL;DR2: Sorry for bad texting and possible linguistical mistakes, I'm 16 y.o from Brazil and i fucked up.

For years I didn’t shave, I would grab some tissue for more grip and rip any extra hairs until they were all gone like a barbarian, It was my getto version of waxing. I did this with my armpits and my pubes to the pain were I feel little pain doing it now. When my Mom realized I was doing this she offered to buy me a razor and I straight up said I didn’t trust myself with a blade so I asked for an electric razor with guards. First week I Essentially shaved a tiny chunk of my ball, You’d think hearing it jam would alert me but it was only when the razor had blood did I realize. Fast forward to several weeks ago, my razor is getting rusty to i give it one last use and throw it away, my hair grows quickly so I started to stink bad even though I was washing heavily. I asked my mother for a new razor and explained what I done, she was livid. It also came out I was using the same razor for my balls and arms (Didn’t do my face because I want a beard thank god)

You see my razor had a compartment that I can detach the blades and i used it only for cleaning, the thought of using it for replacing damaged blades never crossed my mind, instead of having to pay $25 max for a set she has to pay more for a whole new set. I apologized countlessly and said I was an idiot since it was my first razor.

TLDR: Threw away a $40 razor because it was my first one so i genuinely didn’t consider that I could just replace the blades.

So, this all went down last Friday at our company’s holiday party. The vibe was immaculate: fancy venue, open bar, and a DJ that clearly had a personal vendetta against silence. Naturally, I got a little too cozy with the tequila shots.

Fast forward to midnight, I’m deep in conversation with a coworker about the existential importance of nachos, when my phone buzzes. It’s a text from my boss. She was thanking everyone for coming and reminding us to "party responsibly." Drunk-me thought this was the perfect opportunity to reply with a “witty” comment.

I fired back something along the lines of: “lol don’t worry boss, I’m responsibly getting lit AF.”

But, apparently, that wasn’t enough for my tequila-soaked brain. No, I HAD to send a follow-up message: “You’re honestly the best boss ever. Like, I’d totally storm a medieval castle for you.”

Now, sober-me could’ve stopped there. Drunk-me, however, decided to double down. I sent a GIF of a knight bowing. Yeah, I went full renaissance fair in a corporate text thread.

I woke up the next morning to three dots—the dreaded "typing" indicator. My boss’s response? “Glad you’re having fun. Let’s discuss this on Monday.”

Needless to say, I spent the entire weekend spiraling. Monday rolls around, and I’m summoned to her office. Turns out, she wasn’t mad... but now the entire office refers to me as “Sir Party-a-Lot.”

TL;DR: Drunk-texted my boss during a holiday party, pledged medieval loyalty, and now I’m the office knight in shining awkwardness 😐😐

So, yeah. This happened last night, and I’m still dying of secondhand embarrassment.

For context: I live alone in a small apartment, and I had the brilliant idea to “set the mood” after a long, stressful week. Candles, chill playlist, the works. I was vibing and things were going great. But apparently, I forgot a tiny detail: my smoke detector is ridiculously sensitive.

Mid-“session,” I notice a faint burning smell. Turns out, one of the candles was a little too close to a curtain, and I had to do a naked Olympic sprint to blow it out. Crisis averted—or so I thought. I got back to bed, still trying to salvage the moment, when suddenly: BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

The fire alarm starts SCREAMING. I panicked, grabbed a towel (because priorities), and started waving it around like I was signaling a rescue helicopter. Spoiler: it didn’t work. The whole building evacuated, and I had to shuffle outside in a hoodie and boxers while my neighbors gave me the look.

To make matters worse, the fire department showed up. I had to awkwardly explain the “incident” to a very unimpressed firefighter while pretending I totally wasn’t mid-vibe when this happened.

TL;DR: Tried to have a relaxing night, nearly set my apartment on fire, and got publicly humiliated in front of my neighbors. 2/10 experience. Would not recommend.

Okay, it wasn’t today, but just today the bomb has exploded, so I’m only telling it now.

One month ago this girl in my school broke up with her bf over some pretty heavy stuff and they had a fight in the school. My gossipy ass couldn’t not know about what happened so I decided to talk directly to her. We became friends and after two weeks banged and agreed we weren’t telling anyone.

Two days after I’m at a party and my friends says she told people we’d done it but making the story bad for my side, so I tell my side so they know what happened.

I expected the conversation to never leave the room, but apparently one of them spread the story.

After that I continued being friends with her throughout the month and I really liked our friendship, so I opened up to her about some deeply personal matters.

So here am I, relaxed and suddenly this storm of Caps Lock messages come from her absolutely pissed telling I’m as gross as her ex-bf (whom was really creepy and gross) and telling me I should die and that I really fuck everything up (with was something I told her yesterday that is a real insecurity of mine) and that she hates me because I told them. So I tell her that she’d told someone first and she says she didn’t and that I only told my friends bc I honestly thought she had told someone.

Anyways, now she’s rightfully pissed at me, idk what to do since she doesn’t want to talk to me understandably so.

The thing is: I really didn’t do it with any ill intent yk? I was just trying to clarify something and didn’t think any of my friends were gonna spread it. I didn’t want no harm or stuff. From the bottom of my heart.

I’ll give an update on my situation if you guys want it. Or if I want to update. Anyways, that’s it.

TL;DR About a month ago I lost my V card with this girl, some days later I hear from some friends she told people about it so I tell them and they spread it around without my knowledge and now the girl’s mad af with me and she’s in the right.

I posted around seven hours ago or so explaining my losing battle against sugar free wintogreen mints. Well I woke up about 30 minutes ago and the war has resumed like it had never stopped. I awoke to my stomach making the most god awful gurgling growls I didn't think my stomach was even capable of. I then ran to the bathroom making it just in time. But I thought hey maybe my stomach Is just a bit upset it was more then a little upset. I am now sat upon my throne once again. Just wishing for the day it releases me. I don't believe I've ever felt so empty. And every time I feel my stomach roar I know I'm in for another good 30 minutes of this. So if anyone takes anything from this please read ingredients before downing whole bags of sugar free candy. TL;DR I ate entire bag of sugar free mints and 7 hours later I'm still stuck in the restroom.

Made an absolutely stupid mistake and withdrew £200 from a cash machine to get some early Christmas shopping and walked into the shop next to the cash machine to get a drink taking my card but leaving the cash. was in the queue at the shop suddenly remembered I forgot the money ran out but no one was there and the money was gone. absolutely brilliant way to start the most expensive month of the year lol. Already financially ruined this month so this will make it a much much longer month that it needs to be. Other than reddit this will be going to grave with me. I Can at least hope the person that picked it up either really needed the money or goes on to spend it on something nice!

TL;DR: Left 200 quid in a cash machine because I wanted a Pepsi Max

I've used this hair remover product many many times to remove unwanted hair down there as me and my partner both like short / no hair. I really really fucked up, if it was any other circumstance you would assume it was intentional as: -I left it on for 25 mins instead of 3 -I massively overapplied the cream -I was severely inaccurate and applied to the thin skin Now I have justification for the length of time as I had a friend who urgently needed to mention something to me (which will remain private) but the over generous use in the wrong place was a genuine mistake that I will ensure never happens again.

This was an UNFOUNDED level of fucked up, the burning sensation is unmatched by any other level of pain I have felt in my life, I have suffered 8 broken bones, hundreds of fractures, staves and moments of internal bleeding all of which I would happily take again at this moment to save me from my current suffering. My balls are literally burgundy red and any physical contact that surrounds them instantly ignites a hotter more intense flame, this includes the air, my legs, and my dick above it. In the last 20 minutes I have done more research than an autistic kid on Adderall and I have come to the following conclusions: -There shouldn't be any lasting effects so long as I don't bleed or tear the skin -My personal case doesn't need a hospital visit (I'll be okay 😃) -This pain will continue for the next several hours unfortunately -People saying cornstarch works are liars -USE COLD WATER TO RELIEVE THE PAIN, hot water worked for me too but the cold water has a long lasting soothing effect.

I have been in the shower for the last hour and a half using the showerhead and switch it to "beam mode" (I'm unfamiliar with the proper term so this is what you get) I've sprayed the nozzle at my balls to relieve the pain for what feels like an eternity, But it only seems to get worse and worse over time, like some kind of cruel joke.

"I'm longing for death to end my eternal damnation but it did a great job of removing my ball hair." 3/5 ⭐

TL:DR I fucked up by recieving a chemical burn on my balls by over applying a name brand intimate hair remover for the 'downstairs area'.

Obligatory not today, but a few years ago.

To preface, I’m certainly not an expert on tattoos but I’m not exactly a noob either. I have a half sleeve on each arm, my traps and shoulders, my upper back, my chest, and a few others. I’m very big on cleanliness. Making sure it’s a reputable artist and shop, watching to make sure they use proper sterile equipment when necessary, etc.

Anyway, I have a cousin (let’s call her Nancy) who for lack of a better term is a… fucking idiot. We all have them right? One day Nancy decides she wants a tattoo. Cool. She knows a friend of a friend who has some equipment and will do it in the comfort of their house. Wow how neat is that /s?!

So the tattoo is done and big surprise, it looks like shit. If you have a tattoo you probably know what I mean when I say the artist clearly didn’t go deep enough. The tattoo looked like it was 20 years old after the first day.

Fast forward a year or two and I’m at my other cousin’s baseball game (Nancy did not attend) The subject of tattoos comes up and I’m brought into the conversation. I was dreading it, but we get on the subject of Nancy’s tattoo. At some point there’s an obvious cue that I’m supposed to give my opinion on the tattoo.

“Oh ya it’s terrible.”

Ladies and gentlemen we present to you: Awkward Silence.

Random baseball mom: “I did it.”

“Oh.”

“Well you know, she moved way too much while I was doing it.”

“I’m sure that’s it then.”

Now, this woman who gave Nancy a tattoo of a turtle on her living room couch is a registered nurse and has a few tattoos of her own, but at no point in the few months I’ve known her did she ever let on that she bangs out some sweet ink in her spare time. Anyway, I’ve seen her a few times since this awesome chat and she barely speaks to me. Sorry we both fucked up Nurse Ink Master.

TL;DR - My cousin got a shitty tattoo from a baseball mom/nurse and I said it was terrible right in front of the “artist”.

I now know my(f39) boyfriend(m36) and cannabis do not mix. I have his permission to tell the story of how we learned this.

Setup: We have been together for 12 years. This incident happened about 7 years ago, so I will do my best to recount it as accurately as possible. For context, cannabis is legal in my country, and, although it wasn't at the time, the local attitude has been very relaxed towards pot for as long as I can remember. Before legalization, grey market edibles were easy to get, but rather wild west as far as dosing and consistency. I have been a regular weed smoker/consumer since my early twenties, but my boyfriend is inexperienced.

With that out of the way, on to the story: My boyfriend and I have birthdays within a few days of each other and it was a long-standing tradition to go to this small, boutique resort on a nearby island to celebrate together. One year, we were relaxing there and I decided to have some brownie that my friend had given me for my birthday. I offered my boyfriend a bite, and though usually disinterested, he surprisingly took one. It was a bigger bite than I expected him to take, but still smaller than the one I took, probably only slightly larger than a grape. I didn't say anything to him about his bite size because I didn't want to start him down a path of getting freaked out. At some point after this, we took a bath. As we were soaking, he started to feel sick and got out. I thought he was just nauseous from the heat of the water, which can sometimes affect me too. We went down to hang out on the pool deck and get some cool night air, but he ended up throwing up in the garden. At this point he was confused and it was clear he was having a bad trip, so we spent the rest of the night watching familiar and happy sitcoms in bed, and then he slept it off.

In the morning, he was better and sober again, and we talked about his bad trip over breakfast, both satisfied that it was in the past. After breakfast, we had a couples massage. I noticed in the middle of the massage, he excused himself to go to the washroom, which I thought was weird because they don't stop the clock and he usually can hold it. After the massage, I realized that he was tripping out again. He laid down for a bit, but nothing too eventful happened the rest of the day, except that he was having time lapses and could only remember a few minutes into the past. I stayed calm because I knew if I acted differently, it would just make it worse.

The next day, repeat the exact same scenario: back to normal, then confused and unable to remember much after breakfast. I'm thinking, wow, he really isn't metabolizing this THC. But I knew there's also nothing you can do but ride it out.

It was time to leave and he managed to fake his way through the check out process on auto pilot. I drove us back to our home town and took him up to his apartment. He didn't remember who he was or where he lived. When we got to his place, he was like, "I live here??" but also waltzed right in, took his guitar off the wall and started riffing. He was impressed by his place, liked his stuff, but couldn't remember how to get his TV setup to work. Acutely aware that the clock was ticking on getting him sobered up in time for work the next day, I started researching. We spent the rest of the day doing everything I could think of/every old wives' tale I found on the internet to get him to sweat it out/sober up -- doing a workout, detox shakes, wheat grass, healthy food, tons of water, everything. Throughout all of this, he behaved like a normal human being, but was kinda simple and couldn't remember what was said from one moment to the next. He told me later that he was stuck in this reality where he thought he was a terminally ill patient, and these were just the things he had to do as part of his health regime.

The next morning, he's back to his self, and remembers things clearly. We laugh about the situation. I think he's finally back. That has to be it, surely. He drives me home and we both head off to work. Then towards the end of the day, I get a text from him saying that he is confused and he can't remember how he got home. I was like, "Are you fucking with me??" He was not.

I went over to his place, and again he could only remember a short time, but he was also able to do a lot on auto pilot. He couldn't remember if he went to work. So between digging around in his phone and the Starbucks cup in the kitchen, we were able to piece together that he had gone to work, but in the early afternoon he had said he was sick and walked home.

So at this point, I'm thinking this is so fucked up that maybe it's not the THC. Maybe something is really wrong with him and it just so happened to have come up now. So I took him to a walk-in clinic and told the doctor the whole story. I wanted to know if I was overreacting and just needed to wait for the THC to pass. The doctor listened to all the weird details, like how much water my boyfriend had been drinking and I called out when my boyfriend gave incorrect answers to the doctor's questions, and the doctor said, nope, you're not overreacting. He sent us to the ER with a note. I stayed calm, cheery, and normal through all of this because, again, I didn't want to scare him, but inside I was freaking the fuck out, thinking he had a brain tumour or something.

In the ER, they asked my boyfriend more questions and he clearly revealed his confusion, got the year wrong, etc. They were quite concerned as there's a lot of potential sources for this sort of issue, like virus, bacteria, I'm assuming stroke or some situation where not enough oxygen is reaching the brain? I don't know much about medical stuff, but they started him on antibiotics and then did every test and scan imaginable, and a spinal tap. I held him still and kept his attention while they put the needle into his spine and got the sample of fluid and it was such a gross process I almost puked.

I asked one of the doctors what the chance was that this was all just from the THC, and she said there's only a 1% chance. That freaked me out a lot. But over the hours, my boyfriend passed every test they threw at his body and his reflexes were deemed good. A neurologist even had a look at his brain scan and said it looked perfectly normal. They kept him in the hospital for observation. After about 1 am, I had to head home because I had work in the morning. My boyfriend and I used his phone to craft a vague email to his boss saying that he was in the hospital but not to worry, but he was going to be off sick for a few days.

The next day, during work, I received a call from the new dayshift doctor. They must not have written down what I said because she told me that now he seemed perfectly lucid. I said, don't be fooled because each day, he's fine in the morning and is then later confused and back to goldfish brain. The doctor admitted that this was all likely the result of the THC (1% chance, hah!), and sure enough, he got confused again later in the day and so they kept him for a couple of days (I can't remember the exact timeline now, as this was 7 years ago).

I visited him each night and brought him gifts and entertainment. Our lovely, overloaded medical system meant that he was in a bed in the hallway of or near the ER the entire time. Lucky he even had a bed, really. My boyfriend's phone had died (I brought the charger the second day) and I asked how he wasn't bored out of his mind with no entertainment. He said it was actually pretty stimulating being there. And after hanging out for a bit, I totally got it. Ambulances kept bringing in all kinds of characters, some handcuffed to their wheelchairs because they were tripping out on harder substances and had tried to punch their rescuers, etc.

The experience of having Dory for a boyfriend for most of the week gave me even more empathy for people who have dedicated themselves to caring for loved ones with Alzheimer's or dementia. (I only dealt with this brief taste. My grandpa endured that caregiver role for years.) It's terrible being in that person's presence when they're not really all there. You basically feel alone and have to make unilateral decisions that you hope are the right ones. On top of the scary medical aspect, that person can barely keep up a conversation, and you need to keep your cool after being asked the same question 100x a day, every 10 minutes. But, unlike those suffering from disease, each day my boyfriend's periods of lucidity would last a while longer.

At the end of the week, we were meant to go on a big camping trip with our whole friend group, some of whom were flying in from other parts of the country and were people we would only get to see a couple of times a year. This had been on the calendar for half a year. I was racked with indecision and whether I should start preparing or not. It was now proven that there was nothing medically wrong with my boyfriend. He told me I should go, but I wasn't sure what to do.

He was released from the hospital with really no cautions other than don't consume any cannabis ever again. I asked the doctor about the camping trip and she said that company was good, but don't go crazy. (For context, our camping trips are pretty chill anyways.) My boyfriend was waffling on whether or not to go. If I stayed, it would just be us sitting on the couch, not doing anything, so he convinced me to go. But I wanted him to have supervision either way, so I gave him a choice: he could come and be supervised by 12 close friends, one of whom was an EMR and a trained lifeguard, and several of whom have advanced first aid training. (We specifically go to this spot because we can all share one big site, so we knew he would always be supervised.) Or he needed to stay with his mum, his only nearby relative. There really wasn't anyone else who could watch him. His mom would have flipped her shit about the pot, but he probably could have made up another excuse to stay for the weekend (not really something he would normally do). But staying on his own was out of the question.

At the 11th hour, I went to his place to pick up some camping gear, and he suddenly decided he wanted to come. So we packed him up, and went up to the lake, all in all just an hour or two later than intended. By that weekend, he was back to his usual self, and we both had a blast.

I think they have learned a lot more about the different types of reactions to cannabis since legalization, but as far as we have since been able to figure, he would wake up "sober" and then the fat in whatever he ate for breakfast would reactivate the remaining THC in his system. I think he can't metabolize it very well because he has thyroid issues? We never did get an answer from a medical professional, but this is what we figure. But no more pot for him. We are never going through that again.

TLDR - My boyfriend had a bite of pot brownie and for 6 days he would wake up sober, but then get confused and forgetful later in the day. After demonstrating he couldn't remember who he was, he was admitted to the hospital for several days because doctors thought there was something more seriously wrong with him.