Male, 38. Stats: 5'10 180lb 15%BF BP: 230, Squat: 255, Deadlift: 305. BJJ Purple Belt. Married 14 years, 2 sons 12 & 10 yo. No big marriage problems.

I wish improving mentally and emotionally was as straightforward as lifting and dieting are for physical improvement. But here I am, stuck in my father’s frame.

This isn’t a victim puke. I’m not looking for sympathy. I want to understand how to deal with the baggage of childhood trauma. If you think trauma doesn’t exist, power to you—but I know it does.

Here’s the background: My father is, without exaggeration, the worst person I’ve ever known. In my culture, parents are untouchable—free to act without accountability. I hate this dynamic. Growing up, my father was violent, abusive (physically and verbally), and manipulative. Even now, he still tries to dominate through rage fits and blackmail.

I thought I’d moved past it, but something triggered me recently. A couple of buddies mentioned how having kids made them grateful for their parents. For me, it was the opposite. Having kids made me realize how much of a bastard my father really was. Instead of gratitude, I feel rage.

I’m working hard to be a better father. I focus on nurturing and guiding my kids. I love teaching my sons practical skills, taking them fishing, and coaching them in BJJ. Criticism, especially from my wife, often makes me feel like I’m being compared to my father, and that’s something I deeply resent but I have yet managed to control.

The problem is: I still live in his frame.

I understand the importance of maintaining my own frame, but the culture I live in complicates things. Cutting contact entirely isn’t an option—my mother protects him, and the cultural taboo against confronting or breaking from a parent is strong. Meanwhile, my anger builds, and when he has one of his rage fits, I just STFU and internalize it. That anger festers for days, bringing back memories I wish I could forget. No bullshit, I sometime remember some childhood scenes and get sleepless. Again not looking for pity, looking for solutions on how to deal with that.

Here’s my question: How do I get out of his frame, knowing that I can’t completely cut contact? How do I mentally reclaim control while living within these constraints?

Happy New Year Gents. Anyone have any resource recommendations on removing the need for validation outside of NMMNG? I've read The Way of The Superior Man, MMSLP, and When I Say No I Feel Guilty.

While overall life is pretty good, I find myself seeking validation way too much both in my relationship with my wife and life in general.

In general life, I am too focused on pleasing others and seeking approval. I have a decent social circle, hobbies, and strong career but all of these could be good be better if I operated from a place of more confidence and less need for validation and approval. Lifting has helped a bit and will continue to be a major emphasis, specifically back to strength training instead of hypertrophy.

In my relationship with my wife, I am way too focused on the quality/type of sex we are having. We have sex ~5x per week and BJs on shark week. I rarely receive hard no's and she initiates often. The sex isn't anything too crazy but it has been slowly improving as I've been lifting and added a bit of dread. I am realizing part of my issue may have stemmed from a porn addiction. About 6 months ago I made an effort to get a hold of this and it greatly diminished and it's been completely gone for a couple months now. I think I will be much happier and able to contribute to our relationship more meaningfully if I am able to stop putting the pussy on the pedestal and judging the relationship on sex acts. I'm having a hard time figuring out how much of kinkier sex is actually what I want vs. scratching my validation needs. Anyone been through something similar and have some advice?

Had this situation not long ago, and I wonder if I understood the situation and the right tools correctly. I want to learn from it so I'll break down my actions.

We're on a trip away from home. I step in a puddle and get her pants dirty by accident, I say sorry babe, give her a little hug. Same way you'll give a little sister with a pat on the head.
She doesn't accept the hug - "don't touch me", and steps aside.
My actions: I'm thinking to myself ok, if that's the case I'll give her some time to relax, and I sit down on a bench nearby and wait for her to calm down.

She tries to walk away "don't follow me".
My actions: I do follow her without getting close, as we're in an unknown spot away from home (so safety reasons), but I don't bother her, just minding my business and enjoying the view. In a familiar location I'd probably go home or continue the activity alone. It's a boundary enforcement - if you say you don't want me there / yell at me, I'll remove myself from the situation.

She yells at me from a distance to go away.
My actions: Ignore. I can stand wherever I want in public.

Then of course come tears.
After some time I walk up to her, she's having a tantrum about me not having any reaction to ruining her day and making her sad.
My actions: Amused Mastery - I ask her if she wants us to cry together now, with a grin.
She's mad that I don't understand what she wants, that I'm unreactive to her being mad, as I'm just standing there with an unbothered look.

Next comes her classic "kindergarten teacher" move - she asks "do you understand what you've done wrong?", "explain to me what you're gonna do different next time".
My actions: I admit this one is a bit more difficult to navigate for me. I refused her request to DEER but did say "I apologized because I didn't intend to ruin your pants. That's all." - maybe shouldn't have said even that.

After some more tantrum-ing about expecting me to know what to do in situations like this and me fogging, she starts explaining herself that she just needed a hug and to see that I care.
My actions: I explain the boundary - I'm not going to go hug a person who's yelling at me in public to walk away, this is called an assault.

She says that's what she expects. If not then tell her again and again and again that I'm sorry, or go buy her a new pants, or even text her that I love her and I'm sorry.
My actions: I find it amusing, I don't have any intention to beg for forgiveness or run to buy some pants , but I do understand she wants comfort now. So I give her a hug, tell her I understand and love her, and from there it was all smiles and kisses. Later that day she apologized for making a scene.

Now all of this went for like 30 minutes, and I wonder where this could've been avoided.
Should I next time give her more comfort right away? How should I navigate an angry person who needs comfort but tells me to go away?
Would love some feedback.

Stats: Mid 20's, 2yr LTR - don't live together, 150lbs, 5'9, fit.
Read Book of Pook, NMMNG, WISNIFG, TMM, TMMSLP.

EDIT: Thanks for finding the time to reply, it has became obvious to me what my next course of action should be. I'll make sure to report back in a few months

Hi, sorry for the wall of text, I really tried to keep it short.

There's this camping trip that my entire social circle goes to each summer. I stopped attending it a few years back as I realized that I fucking hate it. Anyway...

LTR went there this summer. Night gets cold, people get drunk, somebody has a bright idea that if everybody stays super close together, they gonna keep each other warm! Bunch of drunk people in their 30s spend some time being a pile of hamsters - eventually everyone gets tired and fucks off to their sleeping bags. Everyone except this one guy who spends the night cuddled to - you guessed it - my LTR. Do note that both her and him had their own sleeping bags in some other tents somewhere.

I learned this from her a few days after, when she tried to causally mention it. I don't think they did anything more as there were other people in that tent and hopefully somebody would have told me. I pushed back on this a little bit, but possibly I was too soft ("wait - you did what? How would you like it if I did this? You're lucky that this was with this guy - had it been anyone else than this loser I'd get really mad"). I've never mentioned it again since.

Weeks after this, I noticed her getting cranky, bitchy, whiny; like she's never been in the 9 years that I'm dating her. Eventually I realized this was the origin of her newfound bitchy behavior and I finally got a slap of reality in my face.

Since then, I've dusted off old RP materials that I originally used years back to pick her up - and on which I've slacked since as I got comfortable and lazy. Started hitting the gym religiously, spending more time outside the house without her, dressing sharp, all that stuff. GF behavior completely fixed since, she even started having her own workout routine - suddenly, all on her own, unprompted.

Now, to the actual question: let's say I perfectly follow all of the standard RP advice: get six-pack abs, steel-solid frame, bring home fat stacks; become a stellar captain. In half a year from now (next summer), this camping trip is going to take place again. What do?

- Should I try to shrug it off (even though I obviously still keep ruminating about this and it's bothering me?)
- Confront her about this/forbid her from going/throw a fit? If yes, how should I approach that?
- Something else I didn't think of?

Fellas, I joined the MRP and ASKMRP group a bit ago but not had the time/correct mindset/balls to start until today. I'm going to get into reading the sidebar and I joined the gym a month ago. Feeling the benefit from the gym already. My aim is to become a better more secure rounded version of me and hopefully the byproduct of that will be a healthier more balanced relationship and marriage. My marriage and family are incredibly important to me and I want both to be successful. STFU is where I am going to start but this puts me at odds with the following I think. Can you do relationship counselling, couples talking therapy at the same time as MRP or will the two not run successfully side by side?

Never did one of these, so I'm cashing it in now.

Got an opportunity to go through wifes phone a couple of days ago. Went through the messages between her and her drug dealer friend, who I've made it clear I don't like. 95%, sure they've done something sexual. Saw a lot of stuff; flirting, drunk texting, going out behind my back, lies, him being over while I'm not home, her letting him co-babysit with her sister (who he's banging) when I explicitly stated I don't want anyone else over. I work nights, which is when most of this shit goes on. It's not the first time something like this has happened (caught her calling and texting ex a few years back), so I'm not really surprised. Did everything beta thing but leave back then because of a lack of options.

It was only a matter of time before something like this happened, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't still sting. I've been going through a lot of emotions past a couple of days, but right now, I'm floating between anger and apathy. I'm a "good husband" on paper, and everyone tells her so, and it looks like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Well fuck that. I'm not going for that shit. It's time to lean into these stupid feelings and use them to get what I want out of life. I realize how foolish and lazy I've been over these past few months but now there's a fire inside of me that can only be quenched with actions.

I was able to take pictures of all the messages on my phone. She doesn't know I have her passcode and my OPSEC is on point. Only thing to do now is keep my stupid mouth shut and collect any evidence I come across while turning myself into a man who would walk out the door at the first sign of discovering this bullshit.

See you faggots Tuesday.

I live in a tiny town where everyone knows everyone and many of the married couples knew each other as kids. It feels kind of strange but I like the people.

I'm divorced and a woman in town has a thing for me. I'm curious how it will go. The challenge is that her mother does not stop talking. She's not the useless kind of talker. For example she organized a nice event nearby that I went to.

Here's my strategy. I direct things to the place I want them to go. If I can't talk "I have to close." If I want to talk about something else, I just bring it up. Finally there is the simple planning my own life so that my social life is not eaten up by a family that isn't mine. Going crazy is not going to happen.

Her dad is the quiet type who will just up and build a house. Respect man.

Enjoy the locker room chat.

My wife has been having a lot of childish mood swings and depressive thoughts recently. Storming off. Then telling me shit like I always hurt her. This is all behaviour which I have never had to deal with from anyone before.
After having a go at me for a tiny thing I'd had enough and confronted her.

Her response was to flip absolutely everything back on me. She only did this because I did x and x and maybe I should think x and consider x etc.

Was there even a point in having that conversation? What are you supposed to say when the girl has absolutely no inclination to reflect on her own actions.

The small thing really pissed me off and I felt like a confrontation about the whole mood swings and depressive thoughts was the only way to disperse of how I felt. But it appears to have achieved nothing.

I thought she was acting this way due to her life going a bit shit and her friend group imploding. So I have tried to be kind and compassionate to her, but I have given and inch and she has taken a 10000 miles it seems. Her behaviour became much worse after I started running with one of my female friends if that means anything.

Is there any point in following up on that conversation? She has essentially left thinking she has thrown it all back on me and gotten away with it. She is at her parents for a few days. She used to write me letters reflecting on how she felt and how she will be better etc. So I have debated sending her a text telling her that she didn't take in anything I said and to write me a letter reflecting on the discussion.

Is that a futile endeavor? Would the better route to be Cracking down on her mood swings when they occur in the moment? Removing affection, attention and presence and not engaging in her depressive hamster wheel?

For reference she had Rejection Sensitivity Disorder. If that means anything.

Read:
NMMNG
WISNIFG
WOTSM
PFP

Lean, Gym 4 days a week. Regularly run. Spend time with friends etc.

Should I start with MAP or MMSLP? I’m 37. Not married but been in a relationship for 11 years. Probably should get engaged lol I’ve been reading/listening to red pill stuff off and on for a few years, stumbled upon it randomly at around the age of 30 when my thinking naturally started to become more ‘red pilled’. I’d say that’s a late bloomer but who knows these days.

Anyway, I’ve read NMMNG a couple of times, pretty basic. I’ve read WISNIFG and will revisit. Also pretty basic, I’ve done tonnes of CBT in the past so it’s very similar. I’ve read Book Of Pook and will revisit.

I’m really drawn to the Mindful Action Plan book as a pretty solid framework to base things off. If i choose that book instead, is MMSLP even necessary? And vice versa?

Should I start with MMSLP first? Does it even matter?

I'm on day two of the silent treatment based on something I supposedly said wrong at dinner two nights ago (per my daughter). Anyway it's kind of nice having the peace and quiet and no shit tests, but what is the point of a woman doing this? It's like I'm being rewarded.

Last night my wife brought up finances like she doesn’t feel a part of them. This was brought up after I told her it’s my dream to buy my mom a home and I want to be the one to do it. In a way she wants to be part of it and upset saying that she wants to be a part of it. I said no this is my thing and something I’ve always wanted to do.

Then this leads to her asking if i would consult with her when and if I can do that. I said idk.

This led to a whole thing saying that she thinks it’s a good idea to create a joint bank account. And I mostly stay silent about it or say idk if that’s what I want to do.

Right now I happily take care of the bigger expenses while she pays for smaller bills while she finishes paying off her debt. However, we both share the mortgage and pay equally. She makes good money but not more than me.

She tried giving me a silent treatment so I just did work last night as I was already planning beforehand.

How to approach this? Do you have a joint bank account? What could I have done differently? What should I do going forward?

This morning I’m going to continue as if nothing happened.

WTF? She's threatened divorce if I don't find us a bigger place soon...

Apparently, she's had dreams all her life of living in a big beautiful house with beautiful furniture, and apparently she's been thinking about it the past five years. Now she's mad that I destroyed her dreams.

Also also, she wants to change ALL our furniture here.

Our place is extremely central but relatively small, so any move would be to a less attractive area or if we want it real big, out to the boonies.

I'm not closed to moving, but I'm also tired of her moods because of the housing situation.

Any insights?

I’ve been having good success with RP and my fiancée. We have sex daily, everything is great tbh. I lift 3x a week, she’s respectful, I forgot the dread scale but it’s high.

She’s always had a jealousy problem and she always suspected something was going on between me and my business partner’s sister. Honestly, I considered it a time (before dating my fiancée) but nothing happened.

Fast forward to a couple of years later, I am still in business with that person and my fiancée has daily jealousy crisis - that I red pill by exiting mostly. This happens when I visit my business partner where he lives (different country), and my fiancée knows that his sister is not far, but I obviously don’t see her.

Basically it’s not a problem most of the time but it’s taking a toll on my business trip and… we’re moving there next year so I’m worried it’ll get worse. I would also like to be able to go to a family BBQ and have my fiancée and that woman there.

Since jealousy is both a result of dread and potentially underlying issues, I’m not sure if RP can help but I will take any advice you are kind enough to give me.

Update 1 month later (I doubt anyone cares, just leaving it here for the record)

• The swimming chad thing was all in my mind. Too long to explain, but I'm 99% sure (as much as I've been sure anytime in a relationship) that she hasn't fucked anybody, pure especulation from my side.

I lost my wife already, filing for divorce.

I'm in a situation in which I can decide to give her nothing or something, little or much, because of how we stand legally and how my businesses were setup.

I have been trying to fix the relationship the past 4 months. We came back and split several times. Now I think she's been pursued by the swimming pool teacher of our kids. She started swimming lessons with him 3 months ago and he is calling her. So, probably she was fucking him the past 4 months while we were on and off.

Normally, I would be consumed by anger, but a lot of water went down the bridge already. I knew she could fall for somebody else, it wasn't that different if she did or not. If anything, I feel bad because she lied to me when I asked about other men, but I would have lied also, i.e. minimizing communication of truth to the minimum without necessarily lying.

So, considering all I'm calm and thinking what's the best for my kids.

I don't know Swimming Chad personally, all I know is that he is taller than me, muscular, does jiu jitsu, works as lifeguard, plays the guitar. I think he's 32, so 8 years younger than me and 4 years younger than my ex. He's a complete chad except he's not educated and doesn't have money. He's good with the kids. He was the only teacher who could teach my autistic son to swim, and my two children know him and like him.

So, I have two options:

• Give my ex-wife hell economically. It would be like punishment for not trying enough to avoid falling for chad and giving me a chance.
• Give her what I had planned and agreed with her before finding out about her case with chad. It would allow her to live for years without working, and maintaining him like her gigolo: travel if she wants, etc. I would be giving her about 15% of my net worth, so I'd still have plenty and more than her. Also, my business continue to operate and she doesn't get anything of that new revenue.

What I think: if he's good with the kids perhaps I should eat my pride, fuck my feelings and support her. I'll be the one who did everything to get her wife leaving him for the swimming teacher. Congratulations to me!!!

Pathetic. But now that it's done, I guess I need to do what's best for my kids, who need a happy mother and a mother's boyfriend who is good with them.

But I'd appreciate other men thoughts on this. Any reason I should give her less money and/or control her with money? Anything else I should do about chad?

Been OYS for a good while now. I'm making good progress but feels like I'm hitting a stick in the mud. I've been noticing my wife has these guys in her friend group that seem to be floating around. The ones that I met can't even hold a candle to me in my opinion, nonetheless it still bugs me.

One guy in particular who sells her weed tends to talk with her on the phone pretty often. I made a joke the other day about him calling to tell her about his daily specials and she got defensive, to which I fogged to. Next day she tries to stroke my ego about how they were recently talking about how awesome and cool I've been becoming lately, which I am but that was an odd time to bring it up. I pretended to eat it up anyways. Later on, her sister needs help moving furniture so I suggest they call him for help since I was busy. Wife agreed, but not without commenting about how "jealous" I was but I ignored the obvious shaming tactic. I did end up helping later when he stopped by and right away he tried to stroke my ego the same exact way and again I just went along with it.

Also I've heard a certain name brought up suspiciously between wife and her sister a couple times. Don't know who this is so I pretended not to notice.

I thought about setting a boundary with this but I feel that if it's gotten to the point where I need to make it verbally known that I'm not comfortable with this type of behavior - especially considering her less-than-forthcoming behavior in the past, then that already tells me everything I need to know. I think my best bet is to play dumb and just take mental notes of anything suspicious. I already know there's not much I can do except focus on myself and keep leveling up day-by-day but if anyone here was ever in a similar situation I would appreciate any insight.

Yesterday I (35YO) have initiated in the morning, getting a rejection that she (Wife of 4 years) hurries for work.
So in the evening I got a question, "are you going to shower"? I asked "Why do You ask?"
"You have a leftover BJ from the morning". I showered then of course.

The sex life have been improving steadily for the last year, when I picked up the slack. I am now getting some initiations from her side also, which did not happen for a few years. Started treating gym and healthy eating more serious. Of course I am getting some resistance most of the time for those actions. At first I was getting blamed, "Why do you excercise so much, lets cuddle in front of the tv" and so on... Then I bought a walking pad to get my daily steps when I do remote work meeting or watch tv or youtube. At first she also react, why do You need that. Then she was just ignoring that and so on, now she also walks on this ...

But back to the BJ. I go from the shower to her in the bedroom. And of course I need to get a shit test at this moment.
"Honey can you bring the water please first? I will wear the black overknee socks then!". Of course I treats me like a server that should go and bring her water... But she smiled in such a flirty way. So I responded "Black overknees and the black collar". The smile on her face imidiately changed into sad face. But I went to bring the water, and she was wearing black overknees, black collar and nothing more, sitting on the side of the bed.

I take my hand and point on the ground and say, "I want you kneeling right here". She responds with "Lets go to bed". I sense this as a power dynamic, with the bed position making it less dominating. I pushed through this and said "Babe I prefer this way today", and she obeyed. This was a step up for me because in such situations I would often break and accept her proposal of the position, as a beta bitch that is scared that she would just resign from the sex act.

She then proceeded to give a very good enthusiastic BJ. I tried to go for another thing I had in my mind, a facial (one of the few things I have on my list, that I could not go through at any point of the relationship), but she strongly opposed this again, anyway the very good BJ contiunued.

After finishing, we went to shower, and then we went back to bed.
I kissed her forehead and then got attacked with an argument.
"Woah, finally a nice gesture from you". I was surprised but reacted in a cool manner. I have not been explaining myself or saying sorry, as I would in previous situations. I just put my arm around her, and cuddled her to sleep while watch an us election stream.

But I am still thinking. Was my reaction ok? Was it a shit test or a comfort test? What would You improve in my behaviour?

Good morning red pill first time long time. I have been applying soft dread, and some MRP tactics in my marriage for the last three years now. It brought me from a dead bedroom and the brink of divorce to getting laid a couple times a week. Although my marriage has mostly harmonious ever since there is a weird compliance test that I used to think nothing of and simply just do it.

There is so much information about shit test and comfort tests but I can’t find much about how to navigate her compliance tests. My wife always asks me to put lotion on her feet before bed. I always complied. It never really seemed like a big deal sometimes I use it to initiate kino and it occasionally leads to sex.

One night a few days before shark week she was being particularly flippant, and I refused. I could have complied like I always did and take the safe route, but not this time. I wanted to find out what happens if you press the shiny red button. This time I refused and told her she’d been mean to everybody. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar so do it yourself. She had a complete blowout. I didn’t want to fall into her frame and DEAR instead I fell back on my training and STFU. She responded to my silence with her own and we went to bed angry. The following day she refused to assist with any of the household chores that related to me. Usually, we work together on making dinner doing meal prep for breakfast and lunch the following day. She refused to help prepare any of my shit. I continued to STFU and dutifully completed all tasks as if she wasn’t there. Once I wrapped everything up and plopped it on the couch for the 10 minutes before it was time to put the kids to bed, she shit tested me. She broke her 24 hour silence to say it’s pretty tough doing things without my help huh? I played dumb and asked what do you mean? Everything is fine. The next day shark week arrives she was much nicer, much more helpful and I rewarded good behavior by doing the foot lotion thing.

My question is, how do you respond to a compliance test like this? Did I do the right thing by complying after the attitude stopped? I cannot overtly say, give me a blowy or no foot lotion. Then I will fall out frame and look like an idiot. The foot lotion may be one of the last weapons she has in her arsenal as over the years I have stripped away a lot of her control.

How should I respond to the foot lotion, compliance test? What circumstances should I comply? When should I hold out? If I refuse and she blows up at me is STFU the correct response or could I have done something different? I’m asking the red pill community for ideas so I can experiment and report back with what works. It’s shark week right now and I don’t care if I piss her off because she will be over it by the time I can fuck her again anyway.

I was a skinny nerd in my teens and early 20's, started reading and lifting a few years ago and got to a place where I'm pretty happy with myself.

Today I have a great relationship. Not married, mid 20's, and I love it - I like her, her friends, her city, her cooking, our sex, and it's just been a great 2 years with no sign of stopping.
Sometimes though, I miss the adrenaline. Before getting into my LTR - I was always chasing the biggest social event, hottest girls, wildest adventures and felt the most alive when meeting new women and exploring new people and places. I'm a big extrovert and the rush of talking to some hot chick in a pool party has always been euphoric, and it still is. Looking at my pal who stayed single and is studying abroad, meeting women in foreign countries and going to exotic parties, it seems like those are excitements levels which I forgot. To be fair he is lonely, and I'm sure in his place I'd sometimes wish for a deeper connection, I myself got pretty tired of my plates after some time and decided to upgrade my favorite one to my current LTR, but especially with continuing to get better and fitter the longing for new women and adventures is sometimes there. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like the grass on the other side is greener, how do you deal with that? Especially knowing it probably isn't as great as it looks most of the time

My wife is currently pregnant and yesterday we went to a friend’s house, where they just had a baby.

I went with my buddy to go pick up a car that he purchased, while the girls stayed home.

Afterwards my wife and I went for a walk with the dog and my wife out of the blue said “I feel like I put out a lot.” Which, is totally not the case; it is probably once every 10 days or so. Since she got pregnant, I haven’t pushed sex, I took a back seat on initiating. My priority is working to save as much money as I can for the baby. To me, it doesn’t matter at this point, I have other things to focus on, but I was a bit caught off guard.

My response “honest answer, this is probably the least amount of sex I’ve had in any relationship ever.” I said it non-confrontational and just stated the fact. She didn’t have anything else to say.

I’m guessing she had a chat with my friend’s wife and sex was probably brought up. My buddy admittedly said he doesn’t have a high sex drive to me before. I have a bit higher sex drive, but like I said, it’s not a priority at the moment.

What would you say in response to that?

So, we are (apparently) having a new dog to add to our other dog and a half (effectively, we babysit one !). This has been discussed as a possibility in the past, but nothing more than that, and more along the lines of when one of the other two has passed on.

Now, apparently, we are getting a dog, he already has a name, and this hasn't been discussed. (Yes, maybe I opened myself up to this).

Now, I don't actually have an issue with this. I love dogs. I pointed out that this was done without even bothering to ask me (which is unusual, to be fair, she usually does with much smaller things) and she asked why do I need to. If she'd actually bloody asked, I'd probably have said yes. I am pissed.

I'm not quite sure though, how to "Oak" this. I've already stated that I think that major decisions (such as taking responsibility for an animal for 10+ years) should be discussed and I think it's disrespectful and not any sort of partnership.

Should I just leave it at that ? There's a feeling of "she's gotten away with it" here which I know is five year old level :)

I have been distant, and maybe sulking a bit (OI... not) since which strikes me as a variant on the no-sex sulking mistake. I'm pretty sure she's got the message.

Having made the point very clearly, should I stomp down if something similar happens again ?

As I said earlier, this is actually unusual for her.

There is one other factor. Like most non mongrel/rescue dogs, there's a purchase cost, which normally would be shared. My inclination is to not share this cost and to make it clear why.

Where did they go? Are they archived somewhere? All deleted.

I noticed that when my wife acts like a spoiled brat or plays games ill find myself still being annoyed even when she eventually decides to come correct.

For example she’ll avoid intimacy for a few days to get a reaction out of me or for power play purposes or if i call her over she’ll pretend to not hear me or will make excuses.

When we are at our own house shes usually cuddling with me and trying to be as near as possible to me at all time, however, Currently we are at my inlaws house with her family for a few days and it seems that she wants to spend as little time with me as possible. I.e she’ll be in the living room chatting with her siblings for hours into the night then she’ll come to our room when shes completely tired and ready to sleep and doesnt want to be anywhere near me. She wont even say good night.

Then i start thinking about redpill sentiments like “would chad tolerate this” or “would she act like this to chad” and then it makes me feel like a beta.

So then on the days that shes on good behaviour ill start thinking about how she was treating me like im worthless just a few days ago and how could i possibly tolerate that and act like everything is cool now all of a sudden.

Ill then bring this up and basically ask her what her issue is and who does she think she is acting all hot and cold.

Im wondering if this is my ego getting ahold of me and if i should just let things go or if these are acts of disrespect that need to be taken seriously

Had one of those (unnecessary-me) situations, you and another car, merging lane, I’m not cutting them off, but I can’t push up anymore, unless I want to be in the other cars boot. I stop on the merge, because I am out of lane and am not having an accident over this. The neighbouring car decides also to stop and make a scene.

Should I have lost my temper No, was it worth the aggravation and back and forth No. I’m not perfect, and the needless confrontation is what gets me every time. I can handle a fuck up, people fuck up. But to go out of your way, to create a scenario, and then carry on with it, just gets me. I am working on it, I used to be a real rage-aholic, I actually was addicted and conditioned to it, even though I hated it.

My wife then proceeds to debate the finer points of my road rage insults, too ok which I handle this gloriously, and in a super attractive manner. I was an emotional loser having a moment, and she chose her moment for me to fuck up perfectly. I gave my daughter the final nail, which she lined up for the coffin, 2yo repeating a word of dad’s swearing monologue. To which the wife, rightfully so, took a final stab. “You see!” (That was fair).

Then proceeds a 20min ride in silence, to the MIL,s, I said I will drop them off and go run some errands, “Yeah no worries”. I then set myself up for the final failure. Still being pissy and in my wife’s frame because I fucked up, I took the final piece of bait. I got into a road rage incident that I couldn’t care about, I then let myself get baited into a verbal with my wife, over the accuracy and nuances of my temper tantrum. In the driveway at the MIL’s, she asked if I was mad at her, and I responded, “No, I’m just not interested in the silent treatment” = I fucked up, and I immediately knew it.

I didn’t need to say a fucking word, I couldn’t have said a million other things, instead I wanted to react and be an idiot. “Where not doing the silent treatment!”, we were. “You wanted me to have a conversation with you after you abused me”, I didn’t. But none of that matters now, I just took all of it, made it real and justified it in her mind.

I understand I completely fucked up, and this was self inflicted, and completely unnecessary. I want to see if there is anything I can take from this, anything others can learn, and to drive it into my memory for next time.

The last few weeks have been getting a few bouts of this. I am not a stranger to her and tests, not claiming that’s what’s this was, clarifying my thoughts. There has been an unusual amount of testing, and shittiness on her behalf, and I have not been going roaringly well. So this was me complicating my life for the sake of it.

Lurked a lot, read a lot watched a lot.

What does the red pill say about your girlfriend joining pageantry, wearing skimpy clothes and prancing around on the stage?

Is it my problem that I don't want her doing it, or am I being controlling and all the rest of the negative shit for an asshole boyfriend?

Other than that she's a great girlfriend. Got her at 18, i'm the only guy she's been with, super feminine.

Hey guys, I need some advice on a situation that's been brewing in my marriage for a while. My wife and I have been together for almost a decade. She used to be a super sweet, loving person who always came up with new ideas for fun things we could do together—whether it was trying new hobbies, planning weekend getaways, or just enjoying each other’s company.

But over the years, her focus has gradually shifted to her career. To be fair, at the time, that was the right move. We started from scratch, didn’t have much, and she needed to get through her practical placements, obtain her job license, and eventually land a solid position. We planned that once she got to a stable place in her career, we’d start trying for a baby.

One of the reasons behind this plan was that in Europe, having a steady, well-paying job means good maternity leave benefits. The idea was that she’d get pregnant while having a secure job, so she’d receive solid maternity payments during her time off. If she resigns now and we end up getting pregnant in, say, four months, she wouldn’t get those benefits and would miss out financially.

About a year and a half ago, we began trying for a baby, but unfortunately, we suffered a miscarriage along the way. Since then, my wife has buried herself even more in work. She’s working 10-hour days on-site, plus taking on remote gigs on the side. She accepted a promotion about six months ago, which I think was a huge mistake—now she’s swamped. She’s managing a team, dealing with clients, handling project budgets—she’s in way over her head.

The thing is, we don’t even need the extra cash. My remote work, plus a second gig I manage, more than covers our expenses. We have a house, car, savings, no debts—it’s not like we’re scraping by anymore. I cook, clean, and manage most of the household stuff during the weekdays, so she doesn’t have to worry about it, but that hasn’t lightened her load much.

I still make time to hit the gym 3-4 times a week, keep up with hobbies, and meet friends regularly. But my wife is just too drained for that. If she makes it to the gym once a week, that’s considered a good week for her. She’s mentioned wanting to step down from the promotion, but that’s easier said than done. She says she’ll ease up on the work, but I think deep down she’s scared of being seen as a failure at her job. Ironically, in other areas of life, she’s okay with taking a more laid-back approach. Her doctor says her physical health is fine, but stress is clearly a major issue.

On the bright side, our sex life is better than it used to be, which might sound strange considering the stress levels. She’s receptive to my advances and rarely turns me down (except during certain times of the month), but she doesn’t initiate often. I’ve been focusing on the gym and self-improvement after finding TRP a few years ago, which has definitely helped my own mindset, but I feel like I’m watching her burn out while I stand on the sidelines.

Anyone been in a similar situation or have advice on how to help her pull back from this career-driven mindset?Z

edit: to add a few more details. I still earn more than twice than her, so there is no excuse that her work is needed in terms of money. I work 2 remote jobs, with a total of around 8-9 hours a day remotely. But of course she has a right to earn 'her own money' so that in any case she would have a salary if something happened (I would do like this if I was a wife). Lack of commuting and more laid back industry means I still have more free time, even after counting in daily cleaning etc.

Retard here. Just reading the MAP and there's a brief chapter on the Elephant in the Room. Mine is I got caught cheating about 10 months ago and it's eradicated any moral high ground I might have had, actually hurt my partner, and made me feel quite guilty, which then puts me in her frame if she wants to pull that card (which she does). I am sure I work the MAP as I would regardless--and plan to--but Kay does dedicate a chapter to it as if to say this might change things, but doesn't expound at all on how. Any insights would be appreciated.

On me: lifting good, looking great, reading a lot and getting better but I am far from natural and having a hard time implementing the tools correctly. 

LTR: both mid 20’s, not living together yet, the relationship is good, no problems with sex or intimacy or other areas really, just the occasional good ol’ shit tests or little tantrums. This story made me wonder about how I’ve dealt with it so I’ll appreciate feedback.   

Read: NMMNG, WISNIFG, TMM, TMMSLP, Book of Pook. 

Yesterday she cancelled our evening together last minute. Something emotional about having an argument with her sister and not really wanting to get ready to see me and not being in the mood, I said ok then, we don’t have to. I went out with co-workers instead and had fun instead. 

She later called crying about disappointing me and missing me etc.  
This is situation 1 – it’s a call for comfort, but she indeed disappointed me with cancelling last minute. I didn’t feel like providing comfort, so just said that I am disappointed because I wanted to see her but its ok and basically stfu from there. 

Next day it gets funny - she calls asking about another day to meet me, but my free time to meet her was the day before, I already plan to go lift the day she wants to see me. I don’t think it’s right to cancel my workout because she had a craze yesterday, maybe unless she’s really nice and makes up for it, so I told her I don’t know yet if I’ll give up on the workout. Here began a tantrum about her being less important than a workout for me and me not missing her like she misses me. I’ve tried not to deer, so I just said those are my boundaries, I respect my time and plans, and me moving them depends on how I feel. She kept going so I told her I’m not interested to keep talking about this on the phone and I’ll hang up if she keeps going. She started crying saying she can’t let this go, she doesn’t understand her place in my life and she’ll cry all night until we talk. 
So here again I don’t feel like giving comfort and definitely not like keeping this convo, so was this the right call? I don’t plan to move my plans currently after this tantrum despite her being “depressed until we’ll meet”, seems like cheap manipulation. At the end she literally begged me crying to talk about it tomorrow and explain myself, but I feel like she will try to argue anything I say anyway.

I love spending time with her but this feels like an opportunity to enforce boundaries correctly.  Any feedback about those situations?

I'm dealing with a woman who is particularly unruly, disrespectful, self-absorbed, and incredibly entitled. Her behavior is actually quite perplexing and counterintuitive in light of the fact that she brings nothing to the table in this relationship; we've had plenty of arguments regarding her not cleaning or contributing in any significant manner. Yet somehow she still finds herself able to be wildly disrespectful.

It's clear to me that this person does not understand her place in the world and in this relationship. Direct conversations do not have the desired effect, so I am trying to develop an approach that's a bit more subtle. I need her to feel dread, as close as possible to the real feeling she will have to confront when I walk out the door. I need her to have a taste of the reality that awaits her when she is on her own. I have (wrongly) enveloped her in a protective fantasy and I need to subtly begin to remove that. Can anyone offer some advice? I appreciate your insight.

I’ve been a classic beta most of my life (a function of my natural introversion, exacerbated by the way I was raised—to be deferential and low confidence) and recently realized that life is much more fulfilling when I behave in the classically alpha ways. I know alpha typically means the behaviors that make women want to have sex with you, but I’m really more interested in developing it for reasons beyond sexual strategy.

The thing is I have all the reason to be confident/alpha—I’m in good shape, have a good marriage, make good money, etc. But the beta programming is still there.

TLDR: I want to be supremely self-confident, undaunted by conflict, comfortable being center of attention, and ambitious. How can I develop these traits so they come naturally?

41yo 182cm 90kgb bench 110kg squat 120kg deadlift 175kg

Is it keto ? Low carb ? High carb ? Paleo ? Intermittent fasting? OMAD? 5 meals a day ?

Too many information out there, the only thing I'm sure about is:

• High protein always
• Gain weight: calorie surplus
• Lose weight: calorie deficit

I used to be a swimmer, competitively. I was eating a ton of food and never gained weight.

Fast forward a few years a I can't swim because of shoulder problems. Strangely tho I can bench and OHP, but swimming more than 5 minutes is killing me.

Getting into powerlifting and still eating like before, I am gaining muscle yes but also way too much fat. My appetite is too big.

I'm reading articles and watching videos and even asking chatGPT but everyone and his mother seems to have a different idea about which diet is the best and most sustainable long term.

I tried keto for 3 weeks but felt weak. I had insane libido tho I can't explain why. With carbs I feel way stronger but I realized I eat way more. I tried intermittent fasting tho and it bored me.

I meal prep but even if I calculate everything what should last 5 days last 3 days max.

Also family isn't eating like me they eat lots of sweets and other unhealthy stuf.

Need advices.