A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

Your relationship with your kids will suffer more than the average man.

It's been a few years since we've had enough guys come through, take the pill, and transform their lives. This post is for those of you who are considering divorce, or will divorce your current wives as you go through this journey. In particular, u/red-sfpplus and u/tyred_biggums and I have been trading notes on this for a few years.

Your relationship with your kids will suffer way more than the divorce of a non-MRP dude. We have all had varying approaches to handling the ex. Tyred keeps it civil and cordial, I kept it somewhere in between faking being BP, and red went full RP with his ex. (For the record, I am still married to my wife but also have a child and ex with another previously).

In every single scenario, the mothers of our children all have turned our children against us and alienated us from them the best that they could within the legal limits of doing so. Every one of us has been to court, multiple times. Every one of us has seen blatant manipulation and parental alienation. Our children have chosen not to rock the boat and try to maintain a relationship under Mom's eye with us in almost every case.

The common reason I've found why this happens is because there is nothing like a woman scorned. And who is aging, hitting the wall, and sees an ex on the other side killing it in life. They hamster that there must be something *wrong and mean* about this man because he is doing so fucking well. Its no different than the libtards who cry about top income earners being evil men. They are scorned that we nuked things in the long run, and form weird relationships with our children to subvert their own feelings of inadequacy. They become hellbent - consciously or unconsciously - to subvert your relationship with the kids.

Solipsism extends to your children via your wife or ex-wife.

We are still gathering notes, as there are about 6 of us that I know of - and in every single case, this has happened. Good news? I figure in about another 10 years we'll have the other side of the story, but there are also 2-3 guys that already made it that far to rekindle their relationship with their kids. And that's about a 100% success rate from my notes, but it takes about 10 years.

Consider this a warning, and a willing risk you will undertake if you truly absorb the material here, find your path, forge ahead, and become what you want to be.

You must be willing to nuke your nuclear family. This still holds true.

In our cases, and if you read that post and Red's comment, you'll see that they press their own nuke button. That nuke button is your relationship with your children. Don't go into this with rose-colored glasses. I've been here a minute, and cannot recall a situation where this did not happen in the long term.

If you plan on divorcing, the best advice that I can give is that coparenting does not work. Parallel parenting is slightly better. And for god's sake, get a court appointed Parenting Coordinator (PC) if you're in the states. At least with a PC they'll serve as a buffer for the bullshit and it increases your chances slightly that the period of alienation will be shorter.

Strength, mother fuckers.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

EDIT: I've had enough DMs now asking for the original wordy pile of shit version of this post to realize that I was right all along and so I'm restoring it. That's what I get for not just trusting myself like I normally do.

Three and a half years ago, I shut myself into the bathroom for my evening toilet jerk and shower while my stressed and overweight wife went to corral our kids and put them in bed.  We looked like this. I was depressed.  Insecure.  Anxious.  Feeling like I was treading water in life. Acting like the creepy fat guy eyeing every woman he sees.  And all the while wanting nothing more in the world than to feel wanted and desired by my wife. Wanting to have some of that spark and fire we had back before we had kids. Craving her validation.  I spent years seething that she would never just read my mind and initiate sex or give me a blowjob out of the blue.  I was insecure and jealous about her body count vs. mine – and given that my teens and early twenties were spent as a well-behaved Mormon kid, I had a body count of 0 and the game to show for it. I was a whiny, insecure little cunt about it and everything else in the world.  At one point after rejecting me one night, she even gave me the “I love you but I’m not in love with you” speech.

To make it worse, my boys saw this shit example of a man and a father every day.

I was miserable.  Everything in my life just felt off. I was stagnating and swirling the toilet drain, stuck with a woman who wasn’t attracted to me at all and who I didn’t have the frame to handle, inching closer and closer to a dead bedroom.

The thing that was different about that night was that I finally googled “how to make my wife want to fuck me”. Eventually I wound up reading The Rational Male, and reading some Rian Stone articles finally led me here.  I lurked for a couple of months and eventually started posting – and then I almost got permabanned because my dumb ass thought it would be a good idea to start a thread on Jungian Masculinity. As if I actually had something insightful to say that wasn’t just a standard field report about how much of a dipshit I was.

 So now I’m writing you this. A real field report of what was the pivotal moment in all of this for me, something that got everything to finally click into place. And I’m not trying to navel gaze here or jack myself off in front of everyone, but honestly my life fucking rocks now and so I’m gonna provide examples. It’s a very abbreviated highlight wheel, it only really barely scratches the surface of how different and better my life is now.

This journey is endless.  This journey is difficult. It took me too long to realize that I’m not competing against the other guys here, I’m really competing against myself.  I fucked up over and over and over. I did and said a ton of dumb shit – but how else was I gonna learn? I had to start putting my ego aside so I could own my fuck-ups and use them to grow.  At times I wanted to throw in the towel.  At times I DID throw in the towel, because I was weak and giving up is weak shit. 

I spent about a year doing OYSes, and was even doing decent here and then one day I just stopped.  I certainly hadn’t “made it” yet, but at that point I felt like I’d acquired enough of the tools to try to strike out and do it all on my own.  Maybe I didn’t want to be as embarrassed of myself in case I reverted to my old ways. 

Things had improved greatly for me at that point. Lifting was a part of my life, my physique was pretty decent. Sex was pretty much on-tap, there was a veneer of stability and in my head I was “making it.” I liked my wife, I loved my wife, and I saw it in my best interest to keep everything together.

However, every few weeks, almost like clock work, she’d stir up some drama and threaten to divorce, and I kept failing that shit test. I kept thinking I had frame when really I had nothing. I still had oneitis when I thought I didn’t. It was frustrating, and entirely self-inflicted. My ego was out of check and I was not at all honest with myself about where I really was at.

 And then one day last summer I had a particularly intense fight with my wife. It wasn’t a fight, it was me failing yet another divorce threat shit test.  I was so angry that I stormed out of  the house and went on a mile walk around town. Fuming. And then I realized something:

I like my wife.  I love my wife. She’s usually a pretty good girl. But, I don’t care if I divorce her. I will be okay.  I’ll be able to get another girl. These threats are bullshit and need to be treated as such.

I understood that my wife is one girl of 4 billion and that if I really didn’t like her, I could always end shit, go live my life and spin plates. It was a thing I’d outwardly said a million times to myself before.  It was the kind of thing half the guys here end up learning when they realize their wife is a drain and they can do better for themselves.  And finally, I’d internalized it.

See ya later, oneitis.

Rian said it best: “You’ve gotta hate your wife, just a little bit.” This is absolutely true. I had to knock her down off of a pedestal I didn’t realize she was still on.

And so that failed shit test turned into a passed shit test.  And from then I came home and laid it out to her: I like my life better with you in it.  We get along together pretty well, but the divorce threat shit is over. Bring it up again, and I’m going to make it happen. And I meant every word. 

It was probably the first time I’d acted like a leader in my marriage.

 It’s never come up ever since. She didn’t want the capitulation or the “I love yous” or any of that pussy shit I’d been doing over and over before.  All along she’d just been wanting me to tell her to shut the fuck up and really mean it. She wanted to be put in her place. All of her cajoling was to get me to a place where I finally would. Women only respect strength. None of my wishing otherwise was ever going to change that.

Around these parts we like to say that “women want to submit to a high-value man.” At least, we used to.  I haven’t been here for a while, I’m not sure if that’s changed since RP really took off into the mainstream and now it’s been aped by hundreds of anonymous twitter accounts run by Indians trying to make a quick buck off retard autists.

I like to phrase it differently: ultimately, women want to be conquered. You have to be indomitable yourself in order to be a conqueror.  The point of MRP isn’t to get you to conquer a woman or “fix your marriage”, it’s ultimately to get you to conquer yourself.  You figure your shit out from there. If what you want is to conquer a woman, that’s not going to happen unless you’ve completed the pre-requisite.  If you want to lead your family, give your kids a good example to look up to, protect them and provide for them and discipline them and love them and have fun with them – how can you expect to do that if you haven’t first conquered yourself?

The real value you get from a woman in a relationship is that she keeps testing you to make sure that you still are that conqueror. That's what makes her feel safe.

---------------------- 

All of this stuff is a self-perpetuating positive feedback loop. My life has basically been an uphill trajectory ever since.  And now my home life is better.  I’m the oak tree in my house.  My kids are all doing better.  I’m a lot more patient and loving to them.  I understand better which of their levers to pull, how to motivate them more, how to make punishments into constructive learning experiences. My middle son is always asking me when our next gym session is.  My youngest son loves it when I pick him up from school now because “you look so strong” (and I do absolutely mog all the other dads at my kids’ school).

The upward trajectory also showed me a lot of other areas in my life where I wasn’t being honest with myself.

At that point I’d had a solid 2 and a half years of lifting in. I’d gotten to the 1000 pound club, but I had a torn rotator cuff and tennis elbow to show for it.  And I’d been going everywhere looking for validation from other people in the form of getting checked out.

 So I started chasing progress again, and found my validation in the form of being in a better place than I had been before.  Right now I’ve got a goal to cut to 12% bodyfat, and I want this for ME.  That’s the only thing that really matters...I'm I happy with my progress?

Lo and behold, the mindset shift happens and then I start noticing that a lot more women are eyeing me for just a split second too long when they’re at the gym with their husbands, or out about in town. One woman, who I'd seen at my local rec center pool and gym several times with her skinny and weird looking husband, asked me if I was single one day when I was hitting the hot tub after a workout.  It’s nice, and I’m definitely having my fun with it – but I’d be perfectly content without it as well. These are certainly Ws, but they're really more icing on the cake than anything else. They're indicators that I'm going in the direction I want to be going. What matters the most to me is that I’m happy with my own efforts.

As a side effect, I realized that I'd still been looking for validation from my wife. So I stopped. Lo and behold, not only is she way more attracted to me because of it but she also piles on complements like never before. And I laugh at myself because I used to crave that so badly.

Be attractive, don’t be unattractive. It's that simple.

My wife has become an absolute slut who is deep in my frame.  I do less for her now than I probably ever have and she loves me more than she ever has.  She is insatiable for my cock – it’s her sleeping pill, her wake-up pill, her anxiety pill, her sad pill, her happy pill – she is an extremely well-fucked woman. She had a major hip replacement surgery last summer and she begged for me to fuck her mouth her first night back home post-surgery. I coached her into anal one night a few months back after years of waffling about it, and now she’s my anal slut. Our sex gets  primal, sometimes the bite marks I leave in her back are still visible days later.  Our roleplaying is shit that would put me in jail. She is on the menu anytime, anywhere. She’s out of town right now, and in a few days she’s going to a baseball game with a remote control vibrator in, and I’ll be here at home 500 miles away making it go off whenever I want. I wanna see if I can make her moan loud enough to get picked up in the crowd noise on the broadcast. Before she went out of town, as a parting gift I fucked her throat so hard that she had a canker deep down in the back of it.  And she loved every second of it, especially the day after when she could barely swallow.  

That hip replacement surgery, and the lengthy recovery process that followed, was an event that I would not have been able to handle at all before MRP. I would have been a selfish, whiny, needy cunt about it the entire time. It probably would have killed my bedroom completely. Instead, I had the frame, OI, Abundance mentality, and general positive vibe to help my wife along in her recovery, keep the house in decent shape, manage the kids during the summer, all while still working remotely at my full-time job.

I went on a rafting/kayaking trip with my brother-in-law and had the greatest time of my entire life.  Down there, I nearly fucked an absolute 10 Instagram model, just because I wanted to see how close I could get the deer to come to the stand. Just for fun. To see if I could.  I'm not going to fuck other women, but having reminders every so often that I absolutely could if I really wanted to does a lot. 

Really I only bring those examples up to say this: this shit is kind of mundane to me now.

------------------- 

If I went back to another lifetime, to that fat me rubbing one out one the toilet, and I showed him that he looks like this now (6’1, 210, 18%bf and I’m aiming to be down to 180 before the summer next year), and that women eye him wherever he goes – and not just because he looks good, but because he absolutely exudes Daddy Energy – I’d have shit a brick.  If I told him that he’d get a promotion because he was willing to bet on himself, I’d have fallen off the toilet.  If I told him that his sex life would become that sex life all the guys who “made it” talk about – sex on demand, your wife molded into your slut, so much fucking that you need Cialis to be able to keep up, acting out every fantasy and scenario you’d been holding in the deepest darkest parts of your mind – I’d have been a sobbing puddle on the floor.  

If that fat me from a lifetime ago knew that his youngest son would look up to him because “Dad you look so strong” I would have bawled my eyes out.

I’m not saying all of this to brag. This is just normal life now. It isn’t a big deal to me anymore. This is the product of countless fuckups and setbacks and terrible nights that eventually started turning me into someone who could be honest with himself and then learn the kind of lessons that would actually benefit him. It was a grind. 

 And this is just the beginning. My foot is still firmly on the pedal.  I just keep moving forward.  I’m never truly done.  I don't feel as if I “made it”, I just got to the next step up. But now I understand that I will still fuck up – I’ll always fuck up somewhere, somehow.  But I can own it.  I can see fuck-ups for the learning opportunities they are.  At some point I stopped being a total dumbass and graduated to being a plain ol’ dumbass.  Now I’m on the way from being a plain ol’ dumbass to being just kind of a dumbass.

 This shit sucks. It’s fucking hard.  Most of us are all starting from a really bad spot with a lot of really bad mental models and an entire culture that has trained us to always go against our self-interest.  It’s a grind.  But nothing worthwhile is ever free or easy.  

 And on the other side is a better life, the one where you’re getting what you want.  

 Go find your balls and fuck your wife.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

Why would I want to start all over and train some other girl to do all the things you already do so well?

Smile and an ass slap. Walkaway.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

8 years later….

Life is much better without half assed people. It doesn’t get any simpler than that.

pursue things for your own satisfaction and do not to get caught up in someone else’s narrative and chase a title or goal that isn’t your own.

I’ve retired from one career and started another. Im officially a problem solver as I like to think of it.

My team and I come to your emergency (hurricane tornado, your town leveled….whatever) and solve it. I’ve traveled the US several times from California wild fires to Florida hurricanes. To get here I had to become a firefighter with several certifications in technical rescue. A paramedic with licenses in critical care, advanced medic for trench, and HAZMAT/CBRNE certifications.

Time and energy. That’s what it takes. That’s what everything takes.

My sons are living successful lives with bad ass careers.

Last year at the age of 50 I finally achieved elite status (2000 pounds across three lifts) in the powerlifting world. Nearly a decade in the making.

Total 2170 Bench: 565 Squat 680 Deadlift 925

This life I have now was not a straight trajectory. Filled with defeat. Setbacks. Water wears rocks. It’s a process of time not a magic spell. It will be rough. It will be mind numbing.

Sometimes the bad guys win. Sometimes others cheat and get ahead rather than get caught. Sometimes the ranger instructor will not count your push-ups.

You can’t control any of that, but you can always control how you respond. You always own your own attitude and reaction. Stick with it, even if it seems “unfair.”

It probably is, but then again, life is not fair.

Live life like the unmerciful god that you are.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

This is my field report, written by a guy who never seriously entertained the idea that his wife would cheat on him or that he would end up divorced. I'm writing it for myself, and in the hopes that if even one guy reads this early enough in his own troubles he can right the ship and save his kids from enduring a family breakup.

I first brought my problems to MRP two years ago. At that point I had endured around a year of extreme disconnection in my marriage: very little sex, mounting displays of disrespect, and a gnawing feeling that this was more than garden variety marital turbulence. This was made more perplexing by the fact that my career was going very well, and I was often complimented by her family and mine as a model husband and father. I was fit and always had been and was a provider in a HCOL area. At the time I didn't understand the real dynamics of attraction and assumed I could cash the "good husband and father" chips in at the "sex with your woman" table. Wrong.

What lead me to MRP? Around the end of 2020 my wife began to stay out late and get super drunk, often without me. We had both partied a lot early in our relationship but since having 3 kids in quick succession I had assumed those days were behind us. Her excuse for going out was that the pandemic had negatively impacted her and she felt extremely isolated as a SAHM raising our 3 young kids. I acknowledged her need for her own time but privately seethed and began to passive aggressively criticize her partying. Sex slowed to a trickle and like a petulant child, I complained about that too. After a year of this we had a blowup argument in which I accused her of actively seeking the attention of other dudes and she called me insecure. The next morning I woke up and decided I needed to change myself.

Google brought me to a variety of marriage coaching blogs for men and I even hired one for a month with mixed results. Then I discovered MRP. I devoured the sidebar, diligently reading and rereading the books and blog posts. I started a journal and learned about OODA loops, documenting what worked and didn't. I started to do jiu jtisu, reconnected with old friends, built a social life away from my wife and her family, and travelled for work at every opportunity I could, often internationally. I got promoted. I had always been an involved father but I took this to 11 and loved it, still do. I posted sporadically in OYS but stopped because I realized I was doing it more for the "atta boy" than anything else. Instead I confided in 3 or 4 close friends about what was going on and what I was doing to fix my life. I was very focused on how much sex I was having with my wife - during the first year of changes things got up to about once a week, but never more. If it trailed off I still got irritated, but was getting better at killing the butt-hurt baby stuff, and now I had a life away from my marriage to enjoy.

Nonetheless my marriage was not meeting the standard I wanted. My changes hadn't "fixed" my wife and I began to get frustrated again, and that's when I realized I had been doing the dancing monkey improvement program. Throughout all of this time my wife continued to party more and more and ratcheted the disrespect higher, which you can see if you look at my post history. After one egregious night out I told her it was time for her to explain to me what was going on. She dismissed me and I met with a lawyer the next day.

A month after I met with my attorney to map out the potential divorce I was on a work trip. My phone lit up with a Ring camera notification and I saw that a female friend of my wife's was at the house, which I thought was odd. This was more of a drinking buddy than a real friend, and it was a weekday morning. I went back to doing whatever I was doing but it stuck with me. That Saturday we hosted a large birthday party for our sons and after all the guests left I was cleaning the house while my wife slept off the drinking she had been doing all day. Normal shit for her. As I was wrapping up she came out to the kitchen and asked to talk.

Tearfully and still half drunk, she confessed that 3 years prior she had banged a married dude in our friend group, the husband of her drinking buddy who had stopped by earlier that week. Apparently this information had slowly become known by her family and some of our friends, and finally reached the guy's wife who had come over while I was out of town to confront my wife about it. And now my wife was telling me, last of all, 3 years after the fact. I doubt this affair was an isolated incident, it was simply the one that became known.

The ensuing conversation was replete with "fuck yous" but overall I got that shit out of my system within a few days, and never acted in a way that I am ashamed of considering the circumstances. We made a few feeble attempts at marriage counseling but I knew from the moment I heard the confession that the marriage was over. I've spearheaded the divorce effort which my wife has heavily resisted, insisting that we can remain married and just "do our own thing", kind of like the female version of not buying the cow but getting the milk for free. I filed in the spring and with a little luck I should be moved out and done by Sept 1st.

When I look back at the last 3-4 years of my life one thing sticks with me: I allowed my wife to bring shitty people into my life, and into my kids' lives. I have always believed some version of the phrase "You are the company you keep" - I was raised in a household where character was important and taught to surround myself with people who held your same standards of behavior or suffer negative consequences. When my wife began to set her criteria for friends to "has a pulse and will get drunk", I didn't do anything about it because I didn't want to upset her. I should have held my own standards, and instead I let her set them for me and my kids. I am paying for that mistake which is fine, but so are my kids which is not. That's life.

As a kid you're taught to stand up to bullies, but it's never explained that you must sometimes stand up to the people you love, or who should love you. That's what boundaries are. Without boundaries in a relationship respect erodes and the relationship dies. My marriage has now died but my life in many ways is just getting started.

We have a fairly interesting OYS topic this week.

A new username provided an interesting set of 4 questions.

1. What would you like people to say about you at your funeral?
2. What accomplishments would you be most proud of looking back at the end of your career or life?
3. What stories do you want to tell about the challenges you've overcome and the differences you've made?
4. What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? Corollary: What would you do if you knew you couldn't succeed?

I'm creating this post because I believe our answers to these questions will highlight the fact that we'll all have different approaches an values.

As is typical, randos don't matter and will most likely end up banned.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

I rarely post anything, but I feel indebted to this forum. Most testimonies about ILYBINILWY have bad outcomes, so here's one that's seemingly recovering from this deadly phrase.

This is my case:

Me (40y old), she (36yold). Living together for 10 years, officially married for 7. We have two kids 5, and 3. I'm a successful entrepreneur, she stayed home to raise the kids.

Over the years I have been transitioning from a kind of alpha-male-with-submissive-wife mentality, to an equal marriage. We were in the process of building a very expensive house (something I didn't want to do but ended up accepting for her) and I planned and executed actions to get money out of my company to share with her 50-50, as she had been complaining that if I leave her she has nothing, which made her feel insecure.

Two weeks ago, on a Sunday morning, out of the blue, I got the ILYBINILWY. I made a move to initiate sex, and she couldn't resist telling me how she felt.

She said that for the past few months she had been fighting her lack of "in love" feelings towards me. She tried to solve it alone but couldn't. She had sex with me 2-3 times in which she felt REPULSION during sex, she didn't like my smell, etc, and she even felt raped forcing herself to do it.

She wanted "out" of her life, out of her commitments to take care of the kids all the time, and out of the commimtent to have sex with her husband. She wanted us to split and have the kids 15 days each. She said that just thinking of we living apart and splitting the kids made her horny towards me (this gave me hope).

I initially took it well, knowing something was wrong for months. She had been extremely stressed with the kids. We have a lot of help but STILL, the 3y old is really difficult, and both kids have been going to our bed every night, hugging her in a way that prevented her from sleeping well. We agreed to talk more at night.

That sunday I started to read everything I could about this. I found the ILYBINILWY post and learned that 95% of people in my situation had been cheated on and 5% were in a situation in which she was already attracted to another guy. I started to feel worried and angry.

That Sunday night I asked her if there was another man. She said no, not one specific man. However, she said she started to notice other men. While she was in love they were invisible, but now they weren't. So, she could be talking with a guy and think "he's interesting". She said she doesn't want to be married with the potential of being attracted by another man.

I asked one important question, and the answer felt like an atomic bomb, still haunting me to this day.

"I understand you want to be alone, and we can do that. I can leave the house and we can split the kids, but do you want to do this still married or do you want to be single. Think about it well."

"I want to be single." - she answered.

I took my ring off, handed it to her, and left the bar. I picked my things and moved to an apartment.

I couldn't sleep that night, my stomach hurt so badly. How the fuck was this happening? It felt like a nightmare I couldn't awake from. I always thought if anyone was going to end the marriage it was going to be me, possibly attracted by a younger woman in my 50s. For that reason I was trying to do everything to express my commitment and make me invested in the relationship. But, honestly, even in the case of feeling attracted to somebody I never pictured myself divorcing. I romantized the marriage as something to keep to the death. For example, I watched Peterson Marriage series and made my marriage kind of a priority, and something to fight for no matter of what.

That night I read everything I could. I read big part of the MMSLP, and many posts in the married redpill forum.

Based on insights from these readings plus reflecting on what she said I took three actions:

1- I discarded the idea that keeping the marriage was the only way to live. I don't want to be a Will Smith anyways. I imagined life alone after divorce and made me like it. I would start a new business venture, something I love but I don't anymore because it takes too much time from the family, I would fuck the whole city as a rich and successful 40y old man and, eventually, I would have 2-4 additional kids with one or two women, something I don't do now because of my wife not wanting more kids. My current two kids would suffer a lot, but I realized they wouldn't hate me when they grow up, because I would explain to them how hard I fought to make marriage work to be with them as a nuclear family, and that it just didn't work. I would still be able to have a relatinship with them and have their love.

Suddenly, divorcing my wife started to feel like a good life too, just different.

2- I realized that disciplining my kids to stop bothering my wife had to be my job. She couldn't do it, and the idea of doing everything like an equal marriage was bullshit. I discovered that in this group and the books. I realized a need to play the role of a male in many things, not just providing for the home. I was responsible to discipline the kids so they could let mom sleep well, and for us to have intimacy time.

3- I removed this idea in my mind that she should be in love and love me no matter of what. I had to make time to seduce her, find that time for intimacy, do new things with her, like when we dated. I was under the idea that her interest, love, everything was granted and forever to the death, just because.

On Monday morning we met. I said I was sorry for mean things I may have said in my state of shock, that she was important to me and I wouldn't let her go so easily. She said she would speak with her therapist. I said I booked with the marriage counselor. Also, I said I would take a day off and we would go to the mountains (something I never do). Her eyes lighten up when I said that and it gave me hope.

Tuesday: mountains. All day together. We hug, we talk. Still, she is not in love anymore. But, there's something, there's some closeness.

Wednesday and Thursday: I don't remember the details, but we fucked one time, still she was not in love, or just a very little bit. I excecute points 1 and 2 above. She believes me when I explain I'm not disliking my potential life as a single man. She knows I admire Elon Musk and she thinks that living a little bit like him (workaholic with many kids from many women) would be enticing to me. She also believes I would have lots of women pursuing me.

Friday: we go to a motel, we fuck 2-3 times like in the old days. We also have a deep talk in the jacuzzi, like in the old days too. I explain how I felt dissapointed with she wanting to be single again instead of fighting for the marriage, that I don't understand that kind of living that is so fragile. What about the votes? the promises?

She said she never saw marriage like me. She doesn't care about any promises. She was always with me because she wanted to be, because the way I made her feel. She wants to be happy first of all, preferably with me for the kids, but if not possible, then alone and eventually somebody else. She said she needs to feel in love to be happy.

I said I'll try to see the marriage going forward as she does. I see advantages, like I will stay more fit and date her more. I also see disadvantages, like I won't build an expensive home for something that can end at anytime. She is OK with that. We decide to cancel the construction of the home.

I also say I want to setup everything for a potential breakup, a postnup. She has said that she doesn't want anything from me but, at the same time, she has said that it's unfair that during our time together I developed and grew a business while she stagnated professionally. I propose to give her money now to compensate for the years she lost professionally raising the kids, so she can invest and expand her venture. Also, in case of a breakup, she will keep a house (we'll buy one, just not as expensive as the one we were about to build) plus good money to maintain her standard of spending for a few years. She accepts.

It's been 6 days since that Friday. I cancelled the construction of the house and initiated work with a family lawyer to write the postnup.

In the meantime, I have been fighting feelings of hate and sadness because I lost the romantic notion of the marriage. I have been reading things related to Tomassi Rule #6, trying to just accept that's they way it is with any woman.

She continues to be super in love, reminds me of the first months together. She is afraid that she destroyed our marriage with what she said about being single. Her excuse is that she said that but did the opposite, and that she always says things and then does the contrary, that I know she is irrational and stupid like that.

In a way I am optimist this can turn out well. I'm excited at the idea of seeing her as a lover and not a second mother. It's sexy, it makes me feel more horny and wanting to enjoy her. On the other hand, I will no more put myself inside a cage, protecting me from outside temptations. I mean, if I am going to be fit and dressing well to attract her, I will also be attracting other women. I hope I will not be tempted but if I am and I go nuts for another spectacular bubble butt (my weakness) then that will be a threat to the relationship. So be it. If it ends it ends, and it will be a fair ending with a postnup agreement mutually agreed upon.

That is for now.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

Dear Diary -

Busted. Caught red handed. It didn’t matter I am still the prize.

Recently I had to boot up an old iPhone 11 to look for a file. I pulled it out of my phone graveyard and did exactly that.

I then proceeded to leave this phone on my desk for a few days for no particular reason. One morning Fitchick discovers the phone and unlocks it. She then proceeds to read through all my text messages from 3+ years ago. We have been together for 5 years.

Lucky for me, the only text messages on this phone, for whatever reason are from my ex.

About 2.5 years ago my ex had a court date with her ex. I was aware of the situation and was going to be her witness for something specific. I ended up never being a witness but at the time Fitchick was pissing me off so while texting about court it got sexual for 2-3 messages.

So back to being lucky, these were the text messages that somehow were saved. Luck right?

I get a call while at work, I honestly didn’t remember so she sent me screen shots and I was like, oh yeah, I do remember.

I remember we were not living together, you had pissed me off and if I were you I wouldn’t piss current state red-sfpplus off again about something from nearly 3 years ago.

The next 24 hours were interesting. She applied for an apartment, got approved, had a moving van ready to come.

I told her that I will help her move and I never apologized. I spoke to a couple of the guys here about it.

Long story, long - it 100% blew over by the next morning. In fact she came into my office the next morning and half apologized for her reaction. She said something remarkable. She said "I understand this happened 3 years ago, but it just happened to me today. I never thought that another women would be talking to you."

It took everything I had to STFU, but I did and just kissed her on the forehead then gave her duty sex.

That’s all.

PS - have male friends so when you do something stupid you to can experience what an Eiffel tower feels like.

Our forefathers maintained frame in an overt and sometimes callused way and this was effective for a time but it left too many niggling chinks that women could sink their nails into.  Today a man has a plethora of tools that he can use to build and maintain the framework of his relationship that do not necessarily require overt means.  Here are a few of the things that have worked well for me:

• Have an office that locks with a keyed lock and a policy of non-interruption when you are in your office.  Before ever moving a woman in or even considering marriage this needs to be in the plans.  My general rule for the wife and kids is that there is no knocking on my door unless I need to answer the front door or there is a true emergency.  

• Do not work from home as a rule.  Maintaining the frame is far easier when you leave every day and do not return home until it suits you.  Change up your arrival times from the beginning and I recommend at least once a month you stay out late for whatever reason after work with a short text or at most a one minute call.  If you start this process early in the relationship and keep it up then you can expand it or reduce it as needed to suit your mission.  But, if you are Mr. reliable from day one and leaving and showing back up at the same time everyday then you probably do not have much going on in life.

• Install cameras outside of your home and control the router and internet.  There will be far less drama and a much lower likelihood of cheating if your woman knows that you know without a doubt when she is coming and going and what she is wearing when she does so.  You are increasing the effort she will have to put into cheating if she does decide to go down that road.  Do not give her access to the administrative side of either of these, ever. 

• Set a frame of leaving when you want to and with little or no expectation and also of always asking her where she is going.  A motorcycle habit is a great way to both establish and maintain this dynamic.  “I am going to ride” is all I have to say when I am leaving for hours.  I can ride across town to my side chick's house or I can volunteer for hours at the homeless shelter and it is all covered by the habit of motorcycling glory.

• Have a few places and/or people you workout with or do martial arts with.  I usually work out at home but about once a week I like to train with a buddy or at a different gym just to break up the monotony of training.  I really love hot yoga because nothing seems to help both my energy and overall vitality than this practice.  There are always solid tens in my classes but I am not there for them and truly love the training.  Not too long ago FO joined me for a class and was a row behind me in class.  There was a group of twenty something girls that came up to me after class to ask me how I got so good at yoga.  How effectively do you think this creates dread?

• After you have your shit handled at home and your place is running smoothly it is time to start joining organizations that other men of influence are a part of and volunteering to build your community.  I won’t list the organizations here because I do not want to dox myself but this is pretty self- explanatory.  Understand, there will always be shit to overcome when you are the new guy in the group and are obviously more fit, with better game, and are in charge of your life.  This is not the average guy's experience and they will initially test you hard to see if you can stand the heat, treat it just like any other shit test.  Bonus: this will be the masculine initiation that most of you have missed out on since your youth and desperately need so hang in there until you are a functional part of the group at a minimum.  This can take six months to two years depending on the culture of the group and you can significantly speed up this process by finding out who the leaders are before joining and befriending them outside of the group prior to exposure to the group. The other way to speed this up is to take on the tasks that serve the group that are less desirable like making venue arrangements or ordering food for an event in advance or getting permits, etc.  

All of these assume that you have your shit together at home and will not fall apart in your absence.  This is too tall an order for most of you now but use it as motivation for what is achievable if you stay with the sidebar for a few years and continue building value. If you find that more and more problems are magically appearing when you are not at home then you should suspect sabotage and there are a couple of easy ways to handle this.  If you are married then hire the most attractive women that you can to take care of the problems that are popping up in your absence.  When I was married to a woman that would consistently sabotage my Saturday networking events by creating problems out of thin air this was a great tactic to remind her that she was replaceable.  I did end up replacing her with one of the women that would help me with her bullshit and I have zero regrets.  My housekeepers are always beautiful and for some reason I find that I only ever need their services for a couple of weeks before my FO figures out how to incorporate the added cleaning into her routine, stay on mission.  The beautiful thing about all of this is now that I am a commodity in many circles it is much more difficult to fuck with my status and so my current FO fully supports everything I do and eagerly fucks the springs out of the mattress every time I am home for an evening without me applying ANY effort to her.  

So, class, pop quiz: How do you establish an office for yourself in the home if you are already married and on the beta for life plan? Answer in the comments.  Do you have not so obvious tools that you use to maintain your frame? Discuss below.