I have a few questions.

Is it hypergamy to think about being in a relationship with someone else, generally not specifically, especially if these thoughts aren't intentionally fantasizing?

If so, what amount of this is normal and/or healthy?

When, if ever, is hypergamy a sign of a deeper issue?

Can anything be done to overcome hypergamy, or are women just doomed to live with temptation to go out in search of greener grass when the relationship becomes stressful or her needs aren't being filled?

How do you personally either live with temptation or overcome hypergamy?

The woman is at the heart of the home. Let us pray that we women realize the reason for our existence: to love and be loved and through this love become instruments of peace in the world. - Mother Teresa

Today, we RPWives gather to recognize the power we have over ourselves, our lives, and our families. We have an ability to bring beauty and joy to our homes like no other, and there is no better time to honor what we bring to the table. We acknowledge that the worst moments of a relationship often take two to tango and that the best moments deserve to be celebrated. We are determined to undercover what we can do differently to improve our communication until fights are fizzling out before they occur and our empathy and understanding for each other blossoms.

Ladies, it starts today. It starts here. Own your stuff.

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First post, trying to follow all the rules!

Self: I am 42. Husband is 38. I am not very familiar with RPW but I am not sure where else to ask this. Truthfully I'm coming more from a complementarian Christian perspective but this board seems relevant.

Relationship: My husband and I have been married 7 years, together 9. We share a home and a child. Our bedroom life is less active than we would like, although we believe we have a new babysitter so I hope that will change! (I seem to care more about the issue than he does, but it's hard to tell, he's def a strong-and-silent type.)

Problem: The problem is that I let my husband take on way too much of the childcare and I don't think it's fair to him and it's not consistent with the ways in which I would like to serve him. This issue has been going on almost forever (our child is 6), but I'm only recently acknowledging that it is a problem, rather than just... feeling a mixture of guilt and gratitude that I try to ignore because it's uncomfortable.

My contribution: I think the basic problem is that my husband is just much better self-regulated than I am. So first of all, I get way too impatient with my son. This makes my husband step in when he senses I'm at my limit--but my limit is way too little! My husband is much much more patient with him, almost endlessly patient. Second of all... We both work full time, and it's probably true that my job is more high-stress than his is, but it's also certainly true that I am MUCH less good at handling stress. He just basically doesn't ever seem to feel overwhelmed, truly almost never, whereas it is common for me.

He volunteers to take on so much childcare, or if I ask him he will do it too. But it just ends up feeling as though he's constantly serving me in this way whereas I would like to be serving him! Obviously there are other ways of serving and I do a bunch of other things--a lot of the cleaning (that said he does a big clean every week when I take our kid to a far away French class), a lot of the shopping and social organizing, I make his coffee each morning, I try to clean up after him (that said I'm sure he cleans up after me too), I do the large majority of the cooking, and I just try to do things like... If we're all sitting down and my son wants something, I try to be the one who jumps up and gets it. If we need something from upstairs, again, I try to be the one that gets it. But all of those things end up feeling "little" when he's doing so much of the childcare, I guess especially because I enjoy the childcare less, in most cases, than I enjoy the other domestic work. But a day like today, I really wanted to be the one to volunteer to take LO to a birthday party, but it filled me with anxiety because I needed the time to do so many other things--which I did (thus the Reddit break)--but did I really need all that time, or again was it just anxiety?

I know that if I asked it he would say it was okay, but I kind of suspect he resents it, and in any event I certainly want him to have more time to himself on weekends! To do things he wants instead of things a child wants. I have certainly picked up on the fact that my husband gets irritated if he thinks that I am anxious irrationally. (Which is probably a lot of the time, because anxiety is mostly pretty irrational.)

Thanks. I started writing this thinking the fundamental problem was my job, but now I'm thinking it's more about my lack of coping skills.

This will probably be a long post.

I've been listening to a few podcasts discussing the issue with most Christian marriage advice and how it can be a cover for abusive behavior. Not only overtly abusive behaviors but inequalities in marriage. It's fairly feminist and more progressive.

Where I feel frustrated and confused is that I see a lot of those issues in my own marriage. I am posting here because I believe most "blue pill" advice is to just divorce.

However I can see my own shortcomings and where my husband would also feel frustrated in our marriage because of me. Then I feel like - Ok maybe I am the problem and need to work on myself. I guess I need some perspective?

Things I've contributed to in regards to problems in my marriage:

1. I was very immature for the first 5-6 years in marriage. I would do things like overspend the budget we planned, not clean up after myself (I am a terrible roommate), pout if I didn't get my way (I realize I should make these each their own point but I don't want to make this longer).
2. I have dealt with chronic tiredness fo my adult life and Most of my issues can be traced to me having ADHD (undiagnosed until a couple years ago). That is not excusing my behavior associated with adhd just explaining it and giving more context. This has caused a lot more pressure on my husband and an imbalance of responsibility. My Immaturity contributed because I would think "oh I'm tired I just can't do this" versus "it doesn't matter that I'm tired, this thing needs to be done". I realize how my being tired would put strain on a partner who would like to be doing more active things.
3. I'm not submissive and traditional in the way we both wanted before we were married. I thought that was ideal and I really wanted it. And found that I'm terrible at it. He feels this is a betrayal and manipulation (like I said one thing and didn't live up to it). I used to feel really terrible about this and read all the marriage books on submission and I just couldn't do it - I've since given up and started accepting me for who I am.

As I said the issues above were really heavy during the first 5 years or so of marriage. During which time my husband seemed happy. We had sex all the time, he would bring me gifts and tell me how happy he was, he would kiss and hug me and hold my hand everywhere we went. We were disgustingly "in love" haha. He occasionally brought up different issues and I'll be honest, didn't respond well to them at all. I took it personally like he was calling me a bad wife if he called me out on leaving a really messy kitchen.

We moved and my husband had a bit of a break down. He got very overwhelmed with taking care of a house and his OCD acted up big time. For example it got so bad he couldn't touch a clean garbage bag fresh from the box. He also started yelling at the kids and I over most everything or he would totally withdraw. We stopped having sex (unless I begged... it was a trigger for his anxiety). The dynamics of our relationship changed entirely.

He started listening a lot to red pill content and realized his stress was from my behavior. He wasn't being honest with himself or me over how stressed he was with all the things I listed above. That's even how I ended up here because I was striving to become better. It took me a while (6-9 months) to acknowledge that I part of the issue and promised to do better. That's 5 years ago...

Now where we stand is what I feel so confused about. I've made a lot of changes which he will sometimes acknowledge and sometimes tell me he doesn't see any difference.

Essentially I hate my marriage and want to walk away. But then I'm like - wait is it me and I'm doing this to him or is he doing this to me?

Like- I'll bring up something I'm unhappy about. It turns into a big argument which then becomes me apologizing to him about something he is hurt by me doing. I often feel dismissed but then it's like - okay maybe I'm the problem and it isn't a big deal.

The latest thing that happened is that I told him I am angry about a few things ( I emailed this because typically if I tell him I'm upset he gets very defensive and we don't discuss what I'm upset about but rather what he is upset about).

This turned into him telling me that he feels like my caregiver and he's stressed and tired and I should essentially be apologizing to him. He refused to tell me what he meant. The next day I told him it felt demeaning to say that he's my caregiver and that I'm not an equal to him. He goes on to explain how me being tired all the time is so stressful on him and why can't I see that? Once again it's my fault. All the things are my fault. Are they though? Like I feel like my head is spinning.

I keep feeling one thing. Like that I'm unhappy or that he's doing something wrong. He often says that we can't believe our feelings and I need to show proof of what he's doing. But then when I do he brushes it off and says he doesn't mean it or it didn't happen the way I think or that he didn't do anything wrong. Then I start second guessing everything. Maybe I am the one who is wrong (and I am willing to admit that and work on changing).

It all feels so hard and confusing and I don't know how to sort any of this out. Some days I feel crazy.

I'm not sure if I'm looking for validation (which I know you all won't just give haha you can be harsh which is what I'm looking for) or just someone objective who can give me their opinion. I'm trying to be fair about my own shortcomings and I'm happy to expand on them if you want more details. I don't want to just put everything off on him as his fault which is why I'm here and not on relationship advice or something.

The woman is at the heart of the home. Let us pray that we women realize the reason for our existence: to love and be loved and through this love become instruments of peace in the world. - Mother Teresa

Today, we RPWives gather to recognize the power we have over ourselves, our lives, and our families. We have an ability to bring beauty and joy to our homes like no other, and there is no better time to honor what we bring to the table. We acknowledge that the worst moments of a relationship often take two to tango and that the best moments deserve to be celebrated. We are determined to undercover what we can do differently to improve our communication until fights are fizzling out before they occur and our empathy and understanding for each other blossoms.

Ladies, it starts today. It starts here. Own your stuff.

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Hello,

As the title indicates, my husband (29) and I (25) are in a tough spot. We married young (3y ago), he had remained celibate for a few years before we married for religious reasons, and I was a virgin - so this issue was completely unbeknownst to us until after we married.

The issues began immediately after marrying, but at first we assumed we were just figuring out how to be married and how to be fully comfortable with each other and with our sexuality. But the issues never went away. He has always had a lower libido than me, which is not something that's bothered me too much (he seeks me out 2x a week on average I'd say), but it's tough when 1/3 of the times we try to have sex, it doesn't work due to him randomly losing his erection or not being able to produce one to begin with. And the times when he manages, he rushes to the finish line before he loses it again so it's a quick process.

I'm a relatively attractive woman, have always been slim, and I try my best to be appealing to him so it's not a lack of attraction or that he doesn't see me as a sexual being, it's just a deep anxiety, and I'm beyond clueless on what to do to help him since everything I've tried (spontaneity, setting the mood, flirting during the day, creating a relaxing environment before it, etc) hasn't helped.

Lately I've just comformed myself to skipping foreplay entirely and just having sex whenever he manages to get an erection out of the blue, and contenting myself with whatever few minutes that lasts, but it's getting difficult to cope when I see no end in sight and none of my efforts to help him relax have bore any fruit. This means I can't even initiate anything because there's a high chance it won't work and it'll be awkward. This is also very hard on him, needless to say, although I try my best to not make a big deal of it one way or another so he doesn't feel emasculated, and he usually shrughs it off okay and thinks up a "reason" why it didn't work - tired, not in the mood, too stressed, not feeling well etc.

We're not interested in resorting to medication, since he's young and healthy and this is a mental issue, not a physical one.

What can I do to help him get over this hurdle?

Edit: he pleasures me after the fact, I am not being neglected on that end. I just didn't feel the need to mention it because it's irrelevant to the issue at hand. And he is actively working on figuring out what's wrong and fixing it, he just acts casual after these things happen to cope with the embarrassement.

The woman is at the heart of the home. Let us pray that we women realize the reason for our existence: to love and be loved and through this love become instruments of peace in the world. - Mother Teresa

Today, we RPWives gather to recognize the power we have over ourselves, our lives, and our families. We have an ability to bring beauty and joy to our homes like no other, and there is no better time to honor what we bring to the table. We acknowledge that the worst moments of a relationship often take two to tango and that the best moments deserve to be celebrated. We are determined to undercover what we can do differently to improve our communication until fights are fizzling out before they occur and our empathy and understanding for each other blossoms.

Ladies, it starts today. It starts here. Own your stuff.

Blank form | Form Explanation | OYS Rules

The woman is at the heart of the home. Let us pray that we women realize the reason for our existence: to love and be loved and through this love become instruments of peace in the world. - Mother Teresa

Today, we RPWives gather to recognize the power we have over ourselves, our lives, and our families. We have an ability to bring beauty and joy to our homes like no other, and there is no better time to honor what we bring to the table. We acknowledge that the worst moments of a relationship often take two to tango and that the best moments deserve to be celebrated. We are determined to undercover what we can do differently to improve our communication until fights are fizzling out before they occur and our empathy and understanding for each other blossoms.

Ladies, it starts today. It starts here. Own your stuff.

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TLDR: How do you response when someone asks about your career, finances, insurance, etc? As a full time or part time SAHM or housewife? I’m listing the questions I’ve been asked below and my answers/thoughts, but I’m just looking for advice on how to answer these things more naturally/gracefully rather than floundering or sounding like I’m a bimbo when I’m put on the spot.

Obviously I would like to surround myself with people who have similar values, but we have friends and family from all different backgrounds and belief systems. I enjoy these relationships even if I disagree with them on some things.

—

My husband and I had our neighbors over for dinner last night. We typically do dinner 1-2x/year with them, but that’s about it, so we don’t have a very close relationship with them.

A few questions came up, thar I struggled to answer:

1. They asked how my business is / how work is / if things are busy / if it’s an 8 hour work day / how I get clients, etc.

I am self employed, and by choice I only work on a handful of projects each month, maybe 5-6 hours a week. I am primarily a stay at home wife and my husband is able to provide for us.

I mentioned that things are slower but they typically are this time of year, that I set my own schedule, and overall enjoy just living a “slow life”

I feel like it’s more acceptable to say I’m a SAHM, but I don’t have kids yet. My husband and I are trying to start a family but are only a few months into TTC, and obviously that journey can be unpredictable. But saying I’m a housewife, idk, I feel like it’s hard to admit that and comes off to others like I’m lazy or not motivated/hard working. I’m just wondering what the best way to respond to questions like this is.

2. They asked about our health insurance

This probably sounds like a rude/invasive question, but they are in a similar situation to ours. The husband is a business owner (like mine) and the wife is retired after being a teacher/mom. I think she was asking because we were discussing the limited options up here as far as doctors, dentists, etc. go because we live in a remote area and she was wondering if any of these are in network.

Honestly, IDK much about our insurance at all. My husband manages this. Obviously he shared the details with me, but I trusted him to pick the right plan with our insurance guy based on both of our medical needs. I know it’s not a typical plan, but rather some type of crowdsourcing/money pooling thing, and that we are planning to move to a more traditional insurance in the new year. This is what I tried to answer but just sort of rambled because I didn’t really know and said my husband knows more about that than me.

These neighbors haven’t asked, but I’ve also had friends or acquaintances ask about our finances/plans for eventually moving and building our “forever home”

My husband is a home builder, and due to the nature of his career, after we build a new house and live in it for a few years, if the market is right, he wants to sell the house, he sees it as an investment opportunity. We’ve been in our current house for 3 years now, and our goal is to buy land with more acreage and potentially build our “forever home” while he moves to building specs. I say “forever home” in quotes, because again, I try not to get too attached to the idea of this because I know we may sell again in the future if there’s a big financial gain.

I’ve talked to friends about this, who don’t really understand why a person would want to sell a brand new house. They ask things like why we would do this, what our plan is, where would we live while building a new house, how we can financially accomplish this, etc. Again this is my husbands area, not mine, obviously he consults me on my wants and needs but I trust him to make these financial decisions for us.

^ And that’s basically the way I answer, I say this is my husbands area of expertise. But again it just makes me feel like they think I’m dumb for not being super involved.

If your husband is autistic: Is there an official diagnosis?

Did he know before you were married or was it a later-in-life diagnosis?

How is he learning to be a good leader and manage his neurodiversity?

Are there concessions or accommodations you've made in your relationship due to the autism?

What strengths do you see in your husband and your marriage because of his neurodiversity? Weaknesses?

If you're the wife with autism: Do you have an official diagnosis?

Did you and your husband know before marriage?

How do you manage your neurodiversity to keep harmony in your relationship?

Strengths/Weaknesses that are specifically due to being neurodiverse?

My husband has recently begun to feel he might be autistic and would like to pursue a diagnosis. He been listening to lots of information on the topic and has been pointing out behaviors of his that are autistic. I could use some perspective from those knowledgeable about autism and who are also redpill. I want him to feel safe around me and in our home.

Greetings ladies!
It’s great to be writing again, as I’ve needed the last couple months to gather my thoughts, since there had been so many changes and I needed to process them.
These realisations and thoughts I’ve come to developed and evolved, so I’ll share them here in their depth and complexities, as different and specific topics. 

Just know, these are my thoughts and so, they reflect my experiences and truths to me - I understand that depending on where you are, your choices and the such, you could see these things differently..

In August I gave birth to our beautiful daughter, she came ahead! My husband and I entered this new chapter with so much joy, trepidation and excitement. Not long before that day, we moved into a new home and just managed to settle. 

A week later, she said she wanted to join us too and so she came.
I can’t even begin to describe those initial days.
Nevertheless, I’ll try to do that here, because from the beginning - honestly? It was all a lot.

The Experience of Labour and Mother’s Experiences Are Not Spoken About Enough

Since I gave birth a month ahead, I didn’t actually get much time to even get anxious about the birth, at that time I was just starting to think about it and I was just a little scared.
The experience as it came itself, was in short, excruciating and terrifying even though it was all worth it.
My waters broke the day before and I was admitted, just waiting for labour to start, I thought to myself I just wanted it to happen NOW so I could finally meet her, get it done.

Then it happened so quickly, one minute I was talking to my Dad on the phone, bored and a little uncomfortable due to minor contractions and then it hit like a wave. I was screaming intermittently and being wheeled into the birthing room.
My labour was about 5 hours but I felt every minute.
I became dilated and progressed through it quickly, I dreaded every contraction and I sucked in that gas like nothing else in my life. I was in so much pain that by the time a nurse cam to me to ask if I wanted an epidural I was already too late, writhing and moaning and my husband had to tell her I couldn’t sit still anymore to be even injected.

Then she came and it…is magic, such a beautiful moment even though I was barely conscious. I couldn’t believe it, this is our daughter, our selves combined!
I cried.

There was family there, they had been waiting outside all those hours and my stepmother, husband and mother-in-law had comforted and encouraged me throughout the labour.
They could hear me scream all that time.

Yet, I’d been so glad to be holding our amazing girl as they all came in to say hi for the first time.

The difficult bit there is the next days, especially being discharged.

It’s like…everyone forgot I even went through labour, barely anyone asked how I was going (especially physically), if I was recovering, after the nurses at the hospital. I understand that everyone is excited for baby (especially us!), but no-one really checked in if I started to feel back to normal again.
Except for my mother-in-law who sat me down and just asked me about me, and I couldn’t keep it in that time, I got teary talking to her. She’s amazing.
She also reminded everyone, my husband and I to check in and maybe see a specialist just to see if my lower body (especially pelvic area) was healing right.
Maybe it’s the fact I had a ‘short’ labour, natural birth and no epidural that everyone assumed it was easy. It could be the hormones and etc.
I wish that everyone checked in on me more, acknowledged the pain and the work I endured in labour. It’s just that emotional affirmation.

It doesn’t mean that I regret it, goodness not at all because all I had to do was look at her and I knew I was witnessing a miracle. I am joyful I gave birth to our daughter, but also traumatised by the birth, they are both true and valid feelings I experienced at the same time.

I gathered myself and some courage to express this to my husband and he’s become such a big emotional support. He said he started to get an idea I’d been struggling but didn’t like to assume til I confirmed it.
Granted, he’s been so helpful and supportive from the beginning, though moreso hands-on in the duties and everything, but after this it also became emotional.

I think it’s not a single person, it’s a societal attitude towards women, labour and the pains. I’m just grateful that my husband and those close to me listen and care, as soon as I’ve began to share.
I also needed to learn how to share such feelings.

Even now I definitely want another child, but I’m terrified of the labour and birthing itself.

The Man You Choose To Be Your Husband Is Going To Determine Your Happiness In Life As A Mother

Now, I’m not saying everything is about men and you start becoming a slave and worshipper - not at all. I’m saying it makes the biggest difference who you choose to be at your side, as this is going to determine how easy/difficult your life is going to be as you become a mother.
To all those single and dating ladies, listen.

These times that you are dating, should be crucial. I know in these circles there’s common sentiments about ‘settling’ and getting ‘Mr. Good Enough’ but I don’t believe in that, never did. The man you choose to be with, marry and have children with, is everything.

I’m telling you, as I stood there before the mirror the night I gave birth, barely able to stand, bleeding and running on 2 hours sleep, seeing my stomach still kinda big…I just felt as if I weren’t myself and I wanted to cry.
The following nights as baby cried and needed diaper changes and I’m so tired and healing and everything…I saw my husband get up to change her, smile and cradle her despite getting no sleep and dark circles - I knew. I just knew.
This is the best person I could go through this journey with. Someone patient, kind and strong. 

Someone that understands all that needs to be done, holding such a great love and bond for his child.

It’s just that.

So many women just settle because someone is nice, ‘rich’ and all that, but god, how could you go through those initial days and the sleepless nights and you’re still weak and emotionally and physically recovering - alongside someone lazy and neglectful, half-assed and even the slight bit lacking in support?

You might as well just shoot yourself in the foot and then run a marathon!

My husband is going to back to work soon but the toughest days are behind us now. I definitely could not make it to now, if he didn’t step to the table. 

Truly.

So ladies, the next time you go for a date and look across to that guy, especially if things are getting serious - think about that. If you want children is this someone who’d go sleepless and bottle-feed a screaming baby?
Is this a guy that still smiles despite being vomited at, eyes twinkling at his baby? 

Someone that’ll dedicate everything to you and your children, knowing everything you’ve been through just to grow and birth your baby into the world?

If not, you ditch them straight away. Save yourself the trouble and don’t doom yourself. 

Because this is going to affect your life for the next 18+ years and even after, the man you choose to call your husband.

The Parenting You See ‘Everywhere’ These Days Is Misguided and Ineffective

Even when I was still pregnant, I already started searching for and reading parenting books, my favourites are normally Catholic-based. I’m someone who likes being ready for something, ahead of time.

I live in Australia so the parenting I normally see is ‘modern’ (except the immigrants). Gentle and all that shebang, daycare is big and normalised, and through the years teaching and nannying, I’ve seen many things that I just don’t like.
In my eyes, I think in developed countries there’s a growing trend against children. There’s a sentiment that parenting is too difficult and especially having several young children - to some extent I do agree, but life has its challenges.

I believe the negativity towards parenting comes from the culture of disrespect among children and teenagers, resulting from lacking in parenting itself. Now I’m not going to claim that I’ve been raised 100% right, since as some of you know, I experienced divorce. But before that, I can say that in many ways, they’ve brought me up greatly and taught me respect and discipline.
Goodness knows I hated it at the time, but I’m going to say it’d been right. 

So what do I mean exactly?

It’s avoiding ‘gentleness’.

It’s parenting that actually focuses around establishing respect, parents as leaders and not allowing their life to revolve around their children. 

To love and cherish your child, but not allowing them to be the centre, your marriage and partnership is the driver.

Creating good boundaries and establishing order so that you can care for and guide them at the same time. To this day, I give credit that I’ve been taught this. Good morals. Values.

Even from the beginning I worried about my daughter. In today’s culture there is such a disrespect for women (and celebrities are even proud to be sexualised!), social media and the culture does not encourage children to take responsibility and be an integral part in their family. They do not encourage those family strengths, they promote consuming, instant gratification and in girls, ‘grace-lessness.’ 

The reason so many don’t see parenting in a good light anymore is because they see it as years being spent running after toddlers and screaming and unruliness.

It’s simple, if you raise your children to have structure, respect and love you can avoid that. Yes, not every child is the same so it’s not an ideal guarantee, but it’s your strongest bet.

I aim to be different.
I’m going to teach my daughter all these lessons I also learned in these years about grace, discernment and self-awareness. Femininity.
I’m going to teach her about responsibility, through creating routines and delegated chores and accountability.
I'm reading books, listening to episodes and talking to my grandmother about this, she's already given amazing advice.

So that by the time her sibling comes, she can be a great and loving elder sister - but also a tiny helper (to an appropriate extent) to Mum.

I say this but I know it’ll be tough, considering the culture and even myself, as right now I’m all too used to cooing and spoiling her! 

But I know I need to do the best I can as the time comes, since it’ll be a key determinant to her joy and contentment in life.

Conclusion

As I sit now typing this, baby girl is sitting in her bassinet gurgling and looking up with those bright eyes. 

All the sleeplessness, sore chest and crazy schedule cycles disappear every time she begins to smile and…I could just grab those chubby, bubby cheeks! 
Just there, my groggy husband is at the couch, chuckling as he notices the cute little sounds, glancing at her...

...I know it’s all alright and I'm so blessed.

The woman is at the heart of the home. Let us pray that we women realize the reason for our existence: to love and be loved and through this love become instruments of peace in the world. - Mother Teresa

Today, we RPWives gather to recognize the power we have over ourselves, our lives, and our families. We have an ability to bring beauty and joy to our homes like no other, and there is no better time to honor what we bring to the table. We acknowledge that the worst moments of a relationship often take two to tango and that the best moments deserve to be celebrated. We are determined to undercover what we can do differently to improve our communication until fights are fizzling out before they occur and our empathy and understanding for each other blossoms.

Ladies, it starts today. It starts here. Own your stuff.

Blank form | Form Explanation | OYS Rules

The woman is at the heart of the home. Let us pray that we women realize the reason for our existence: to love and be loved and through this love become instruments of peace in the world. - Mother Teresa

Today, we RPWives gather to recognize the power we have over ourselves, our lives, and our families. We have an ability to bring beauty and joy to our homes like no other, and there is no better time to honor what we bring to the table. We acknowledge that the worst moments of a relationship often take two to tango and that the best moments deserve to be celebrated. We are determined to undercover what we can do differently to improve our communication until fights are fizzling out before they occur and our empathy and understanding for each other blossoms.

Ladies, it starts today. It starts here. Own your stuff.

Blank form | Form Explanation | OYS Rules

The woman is at the heart of the home. Let us pray that we women realize the reason for our existence: to love and be loved and through this love become instruments of peace in the world. - Mother Teresa

Today, we RPWives gather to recognize the power we have over ourselves, our lives, and our families. We have an ability to bring beauty and joy to our homes like no other, and there is no better time to honor what we bring to the table. We acknowledge that the worst moments of a relationship often take two to tango and that the best moments deserve to be celebrated. We are determined to undercover what we can do differently to improve our communication until fights are fizzling out before they occur and our empathy and understanding for each other blossoms.

Ladies, it starts today. It starts here. Own your stuff.

Blank form | Form Explanation | OYS Rules

Husband asked me to get some outside opinions so we can compare and adapt what we're thinking. I'm a sahm whose kids are getting older but not flown the nest yet.

6 kids, ages

25M (not living at home)

19F (working and traveling on her own dime)

18M (working full time)

16F (10th grade in public school)

13F (homeschool with virtual school)

11F (homeschool with virtual school)

On average, what does your responsibilities list (to-do list, chore list, however you refer to it) look like? How do you and your husband split things up between the two of you, assuming it's just a normal week? Husband works 50-ish hours a week outside the home.

The woman is at the heart of the home. Let us pray that we women realize the reason for our existence: to love and be loved and through this love become instruments of peace in the world. - Mother Teresa

Today, we RPWives gather to recognize the power we have over ourselves, our lives, and our families. We have an ability to bring beauty and joy to our homes like no other, and there is no better time to honor what we bring to the table. We acknowledge that the worst moments of a relationship often take two to tango and that the best moments deserve to be celebrated. We are determined to undercover what we can do differently to improve our communication until fights are fizzling out before they occur and our empathy and understanding for each other blossoms.

Ladies, it starts today. It starts here. Own your stuff.

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The woman is at the heart of the home. Let us pray that we women realize the reason for our existence: to love and be loved and through this love become instruments of peace in the world. - Mother Teresa

Today, we RPWives gather to recognize the power we have over ourselves, our lives, and our families. We have an ability to bring beauty and joy to our homes like no other, and there is no better time to honor what we bring to the table. We acknowledge that the worst moments of a relationship often take two to tango and that the best moments deserve to be celebrated. We are determined to undercover what we can do differently to improve our communication until fights are fizzling out before they occur and our empathy and understanding for each other blossoms.

Ladies, it starts today. It starts here. Own your stuff.

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This is more out of curiosity. I know I can't change my husband and I'm not trying to "diagnose" him. But this is a pattern I've noticed. I mentioned it to him once but he vehemently denied he was doing it on purpose.

Anytime I say I like something, he stops doing it. We were having twice a month breakfast dates. For like almost a year. It developed naturally and one weeks it was just like "we are going today, right?" And it was just our thing.

I texted him one day (trying to be sweet and vulnerable) and just say "I really like our Saturday morning dates. I like spending that time with you". Next time I asked "hey are we going to breakfast tomorrow?" His response was "nope" no explanation or anything. I was very heavy into following Laura Doyle's advice and just didn't really push or say anything. Then he started either going to work or planning breakfasts with our pastor. When I asked him he gave me a ton of excuses like he just didn't think it was a big deal. He sometimes had to work, etc.

Recently we'd be in bed and because of my cpap I tend to lay facing away from him. He started spooning me regularly l. Just putting him arm around me. I happened to mention one night how safe it made me feel and I loved his arm around me... yup he hasn't anymore. I thought maybe he was tired of being the one to initiate that so I started taking a minute before getting comfortable to cuddle him. But when I go back to my spot it's a huge gap between us again.

I've noticed if I thank him for things he gets resentful and will put it back on me. I've been taking care of my mom and I'll say "thanks for making dinner I appreciate you handling all of that for me". He won't say anything but later on it'll be like, "see I handled all this you even said I did". Or"I had to make dinner this many times". And he'll be very distant for like a week.

He blames me and says the problems I cause in our early marriage are coming back and I don't like the consequences but it's my fault (reap what you sow). Early marriage was me being messy, tired frequently so made excuses to not do certain things (like cleaning mostly), overspent out planned budget, ate unhealthy so gained weight.

I guess I just don't understand the way he behaves and it makes me hesitant to ever be open with him.

The woman is at the heart of the home. Let us pray that we women realize the reason for our existence: to love and be loved and through this love become instruments of peace in the world. - Mother Teresa

Today, we RPWives gather to recognize the power we have over ourselves, our lives, and our families. We have an ability to bring beauty and joy to our homes like no other, and there is no better time to honor what we bring to the table. We acknowledge that the worst moments of a relationship often take two to tango and that the best moments deserve to be celebrated. We are determined to undercover what we can do differently to improve our communication until fights are fizzling out before they occur and our empathy and understanding for each other blossoms.

Ladies, it starts today. It starts here. Own your stuff.

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Some background, I'm 23, he is 27. We have been together 6 months, and i've only known about red pill for a few days since we talked about it. We have an active bedroom, I consider myself high libido, but his is higher than mine . It's really making me question if he's with me for genuine affection? Or if I just meet this red pill checklist

I'm sorry for a bit of a ramble but I'm trying to get some thoughts out of my head and hoping you guys can shed some light on it for me?

He asked me to come over to talk which I thought was going to be him asking me to move in with him since we've discussed it a little and about how much money I would save on rent. When I got there he didn't want to talk until after we had intimacy, which I don't feel great about in hindsight.

When we did sit down he started talking about Red pill That it is just a way of saying how the genders relate to each other that he believes in it, and that he thinks I do too if I just take the time to learn about it . He told me his history in trying to find a partner that was compatible with it. I asked him what that meant and he essentially gave me a list of traits, some of which I thought was a reasonable relationship stuff but other stuff seemed kind of offensive/ shallow, like reasonable to have preferences for I guess, but why say it out loud?

On a couple things I asked him if he would have not been with me if I wasn't that way, like having a low body count, and he confirmed that yes, he didn't want to be with somebody who had had a lot of partners.

He told me that he's telling me all of this because He believes this is the real thing and he wants me to know where he's coming from I think he could see I wasn't comfortable and he started praising me a lot but I felt pretty defensive by now and I'm not even really sure why? I asked him if he expected me to cut off on my male friends and stay inside and cook and clean, and he assured me that it's not like that that I don't have to change anything and he wants us to grow together

Since then I have had other life stuff keeping me busy so I've had my space, but it's left me feeling super insecure which I think is the opposite effect that he meant to have. I admit that I tend to get anxious about stuff sometimes and I have the tendency to spiral when I get in my head, but am I really being unreasonable? Is this normal Red pill stuff? It's hard to sift through red pill information online. I see some truly misogynistic stuff and some truly reasonable stuff and a lot of it is contradictory. Do you have any advice for me?

Recently, I've been trying to make a move on my partner, but whenever he's playing game, I don't know if it's the right time to approach him for secxy time or should I wait until he finishes playing. But by the time he finished gaming, both of us are already drained out for the day. Any advice for this?

For context: I have 4 kids 7 - 16; 14 year old just started high school I homeschool the others. I've been splitting caretaking tasks with my sister for our mom. I work a few days a week.

I am expected to manage the house. So even if my husband is doing the house work he expects that I tell him what needs to be done. I manage the budget, meals, etc. I don't always do those well which is a "sticky" point in our marriage. My high schooler needs a ride & pickup from school. I've looked into carpool options but no one in our area is going to the same school.

We just transitioned from summer schedule to our school year. Monday went amazing. Everything worked out wonderfully. My mom lives with my sister. However my sister is on vacation with her family. The plan was for me to go check in a few times since she is mostly independent.

This is where things fall apart... my mom got severely dehydrated from a sinus infection & meds she was taking. Now she's in the hospital. Her cancer could possibly be back but we are waiting on scan results and the doctor to come talk to us.

I am so tired. I'm trying to arrange pick ups for my son while my mom is being discharged and I have to figure out who will stay with her until my sister gets back.

The bigger picture is that yes I have adhd and it's important that I build structures and routines. But every single time I do, it falls apart. Something happens. I'm trying to not have a "woe is me" moment but it's so hard not to.

This summer was hard. And in the process I've gained 20 pounds back that I lost. I feel like I can't get my feet under me. I've lost almost all motivation to keep trying to keep things together because it's like anything I do seems to unravel. And I'm stress eating as a result.

I don't know how to get a handle on everything and I'm so exhausted trying to keep all the plates spinning. I'd love for some input on this from you ladies. I'm at a loss right now.

The woman is at the heart of the home. Let us pray that we women realize the reason for our existence: to love and be loved and through this love become instruments of peace in the world. - Mother Teresa

Today, we RPWives gather to recognize the power we have over ourselves, our lives, and our families. We have an ability to bring beauty and joy to our homes like no other, and there is no better time to honor what we bring to the table. We acknowledge that the worst moments of a relationship often take two to tango and that the best moments deserve to be celebrated. We are determined to undercover what we can do differently to improve our communication until fights are fizzling out before they occur and our empathy and understanding for each other blossoms.

Ladies, it starts today. It starts here. Own your stuff.

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Crossposted to r/RedPillWomen

Seeking advice but not marriage advice, so I don't think the form applies. If so, I'll add it.

I'm doing a lot of reflecting on my past to decide how I want to move forward in my life. One thing I'm thinking about is the kind of friend I want to be. I highly value personal growth, and want friends who also do so we can support each other in our growth. In the past, I have picked people who seem like the value this on the surface, but in reality blame life and everyone else for their circumstances. Clearly I need to vet friends better. I value considerate directness coming from a place of care. It helps to have people willing to point out my blindspots or warn me when I'm about to make a bad decision. Not everyone is looking for that in a friend, even if they say they are, and it's occured to me there might be a more feminine way to approach this. I'll give two case examples, one where I think I may have been too direct and one where I think I should have spoken up more.

Scenario 1:

At a restaurant with two friends. They're discussing a classmate of ours who said she was "going through a traumatic event" at the moment. Friend 2 knows the details of the situation but is keeping them private per classmate's request.

Friend 1: I want to get her a gift card. What grocery store do you think she goes to most?

Friend 2: From what she told me, she doesn't really want money or gift cards but needs emotional support.

Friend 1: Well I don't like her so I don't want to talk to her, but I have to do something.

Me: It's sounds like the support that you are willing and able to give isn't the support she needs, so maybe the best thing you can do is give her space.

Friend 1: But I have to do something for her, but I don't like her and I don't want to talk to her. I just want to give her something.

Me: (after thinking for a second, in a gentle voice) But do you need to do something to support her, or do you need to do something to make yourself feel better?

Friend 1 made a face at me and didn't say anything. Conflict avoidant Friend 3 changed the subject.

Scenario 3:

This isn't really one particular scenario, but a recurring conversation. A different person from the friend group and I were placed in the same internship. It was something that friend didn't want to do and didn't feel confident doing. She wanted an internship that she already knew how to do (which is the opposite purpose of internship) and didn't ask for help or support in the role. She took a fixed "I can't do this." mindset and didn't let anyone know how much she was struggling until she had an angry/anxious breakdown and walked out.

Meanwhile, this was my first choice for internship. It was in a field I had been passionate about a long time. I was receiving a lot of training and support, asking questions, felt confident saying what I needed to do well, and I was excelling. I still had a lot to learn of course, but my supervisors and coworkers were happy with the job I was doing.

This made things in the friend group awkward, because the ex internship partner friend was EXTREMELY angry with my placement. I felt that a lot of this was unwarranted and she was blaming others when there was a lot that she could have done to improve her chances. I didn't share this with her because she clearly wasn't open to it, and I didn't talk with our other friends about it because that would be talking behind her back. But she was badmouthing the placement to anyone who would listen. Some of it was her opinion, but she also threw in lies about the placement, which I know we're lies because I was there in the room. I think she believed it though, be abuse she would say it in front of me.

I think maybe I should have said something though. Soon the rest of the friend group kept coming to me and telling me that I shouldn't be doing the work that I was doing and I needed to "set boundaries". Though we were all in the same program, I was studying in the different field that them in the program, and had been for years before the program. None of them were studying to do what I was doing. I explained to them that the training I received for my role was standard in the field, training was continuous, I had multiple people I could lean on for guidance, and that when I was in over my head, I could say so and receive backup or move the case to someone more qualified. Their response was just to repeat that I was being "unethical" by filling the role I was trained to fill and doing well in it.

Overall, I feel that my problems with this friend group was that I didn't get them well before getting involved with them, and then didn't extract myself later. I'm open to advice on getting friends. Also, if my communication style was also creating an issue here, I'd like to see that so I can resolve it as I move into future relationships.

How do you vet friends? Can one be direct and feminine, or are those two communication styles incompatible?

The woman is at the heart of the home. Let us pray that we women realize the reason for our existence: to love and be loved and through this love become instruments of peace in the world. - Mother Teresa

Today, we RPWives gather to recognize the power we have over ourselves, our lives, and our families. We have an ability to bring beauty and joy to our homes like no other, and there is no better time to honor what we bring to the table. We acknowledge that the worst moments of a relationship often take two to tango and that the best moments deserve to be celebrated. We are determined to undercover what we can do differently to improve our communication until fights are fizzling out before they occur and our empathy and understanding for each other blossoms.

Ladies, it starts today. It starts here. Own your stuff.

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I find I am constantly walking on eggshells. Not necessarily with my husband's anger or annoyance (although that is a little part of it), but more so with this wall he puts up. I have stopped trying to reach out toward him because I don't know who/what I'm going to receive.

For example, I could lean in to kiss him before he leaves for work. Somedays it's totally fine and he will kiss me. Many days it's like - turn his face so I kind of kiss his cheek or air kiss almost. I stopped trying for a while but when I brought it up he said well that I need to keep trying. Essentially it's my fault for not trying to be affectionate anymore. This goes for hugs, sex, etc.

I have been frustrated about sex for years. I stopped initiating. Then our lack of sex became my fault because I wasn't initiating. But if I get shot down nearly every time why do I want to keep trying? So he tells me it's because I'm not doing what he wants. He likes when I wear lingerie. Okay - then I have to gauge when he might be receptive and then put something on.

I guess there's a dishonesty to it? He feels bad for not wanting those things and wants to make me happy. So he tries. But it's like - I can see right through this, can you just tell me what's bothering you or just a simple, not tonight?

Two nights ago I put on lingerie because it seemed like maybe he'd be into it. His response is - you are trying to start something right? Which right off the bat I'm like - okay he isn't into this. Because otherwise he jump right in with touching and kissing, etc. I'd rather just be told upfront like, "hey I'm just not there would you mind if we do this tomorrow (or another night)." Instead it's like 3 minutes of awkwardness where he doesn't want to kiss, he doesn't want me to touch him - he just dives in to trying to rub me. And it ends up being on me to end it and just be like, "oh I guess I'm a little sore down there, can we do this another day?" I haven't said much about it because in the past he says I should be grateful that he tried and I'm the one who ended it not him.

Sorry this feels like it's gone off the rails. I'm trying to sum it up. My husband won't be affectionate or intimate (physically or emotionally) with me. It's up to me to make the moves. But only when he's receptive otherwise he just puts up this massive wall. So I'm left feeling like I'm always on the alert to his emotions and moods to see what he wants. Anytime I bring this up he pulls out excuse after excuse and blames me for it. Like that I'm not making an effort (essentially the times he is being distant I am not still making efforts).

It's very similar to the whole John Gottman idea of "bids". Like when you make an attempt to connect you are bidding for someone's attention. And there's only so many times before that gets ignored or reacted to negatively that you stop trying. And that's where I've been vacillating for years. Stop trying - well I'm married so I guess I should make an attempt but then it ends up the same way constantly- okay I give up again.

I feel so tired and honestly a little crazy sometimes. I am not sure how to proceed with any of this.

Hello ladies - I’m new to this community and I hope you don’t think my question is coming from the wrong place, but so many posts have me asking myself, why do so many of you do everything on your own?

Some context - I’m not from America but I moved here 10 years ago and initially I thought this lifestyle was closest to how I grew up back home. My mother stayed with us and my father worked. However the expectation was that she “oversees” household management, childcare, and everyone’s health, wellbeing and social activities. She was in charge of the household budget (had a separate one for herself) and was free to outsource anything that made sense within it, although she chose to take on many tasks herself. When she felt burned out or when both my parents decided that something was “out of scope” he either found a way to make more money or stepped up to support with the task itself. Sacrifices to make ends meet were not only made by her.

I understand that outsourcing things like cleaning or cooking are much much more expensive in America, my husband and I are not rich by any means and we rarely have the luxury to outsource anything. But it sounds like a lot of your husbands just tell you “No, there’s no money” or “those are the tasks of a wife” and leave you with raw hands and broken backs. Cooking, meal prepping, laundry, shopping, budgeting, cleaning, tidying up, childcare, school and activity pick-ups, health management, social management and so much more… I have a hard time imagining how EVERYTHING outside of a job can be carried by one person without sacrificing your mental health and personal time.

If he can’t provide properly (yet, hopefully), is it out of the question for you to expect more activity from him outside of his job? As I understand it, a husband’s role is to primarily bring peace to his family - it is deeper than working hard at his job and making all the money.

Maybe there is a fundamental thought process I’m missing here, I sincerely welcome you to share your thoughts. Again I mean no harm by asking this, just hoping to gain a deeper understanding.

The woman is at the heart of the home. Let us pray that we women realize the reason for our existence: to love and be loved and through this love become instruments of peace in the world. - Mother Teresa

Today, we RPWives gather to recognize the power we have over ourselves, our lives, and our families. We have an ability to bring beauty and joy to our homes like no other, and there is no better time to honor what we bring to the table. We acknowledge that the worst moments of a relationship often take two to tango and that the best moments deserve to be celebrated. We are determined to undercover what we can do differently to improve our communication until fights are fizzling out before they occur and our empathy and understanding for each other blossoms.

Ladies, it starts today. It starts here. Own your stuff.

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What books are you ladies reading (or have read) on homemaking, homesteading, marriage, or womanhood and femininity in general? In need of some inspiration and a good book to read.

The woman is at the heart of the home. Let us pray that we women realize the reason for our existence: to love and be loved and through this love become instruments of peace in the world. - Mother Teresa

Today, we RPWives gather to recognize the power we have over ourselves, our lives, and our families. We have an ability to bring beauty and joy to our homes like no other, and there is no better time to honor what we bring to the table. We acknowledge that the worst moments of a relationship often take two to tango and that the best moments deserve to be celebrated. We are determined to undercover what we can do differently to improve our communication until fights are fizzling out before they occur and our empathy and understanding for each other blossoms.

Ladies, it starts today. It starts here. Own your stuff.

Blank form | Form Explanation | OYS Rules