November 9th.

A frozen chicken that’s been in the freezer for over 2 months.

….he didn’t say anything.

Cluck Cluck

one turns to the other clown and says I think we’re doing this joke wrong

Because lions are very strong and dangerous.

She said she doesn’t draw her eyebrows.

Paracetamol

“The seafood diet.” “Lol, so if you see it, you eat it!” “No, I just really like shrimp.”

an atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane. in the middle of reading her book, she turned to the stranger and asked "how did noah fit all the animals on the boat?"

the atheist, somewhat bewildered by the sudden question, replied. "well. i'm not the right person to ask that."

the child, still curious asked "why is that? do you not know too?"

the atheist, wanting to be honest replied:"well. i'm an atheist. which means i don't believe in god. so i don't think that happened at all"

the child thought about this, and then said "can i ask you another question?"
the atheist, starting to appreciate the childs curiosity, replied "of course. you can ask me anything"

the child asked "well, a horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff right? but a deer poops little pellets, a cow poops a flat patty, and a horse poops clumps. why is that?"

the atheist, surprised by the elaborate question, thought for a while and then replied:"well, i'm not exactly an expert, but different animals have different digestive systems, meaning food isn't processed the same way."

unsatisfied with the vague answer, the child asked:"but how are they different?"

the atheist, not having an answer, but still wanting to help replied:"well, i can't answer that right now, but there's many books on biology that can tell you that and more. you should ask for one when you next visit the library"

later, the little girl took the strangers advice and when she visited the library, asked for a book on biology. always remembering the strangers encouragement of her curiosity, she would continue to learn more about the world.

nothing, animals can’t talk

Hey man sorry nah I'm barely holding on rn the wife still isn't better and I'm worried about the kids we never really connect and all I can talk about is work despite getting doing the same shit every day at this point every anemic teenager is a breath of fresh air man I'm pathetic don't even get me started on sickle cell what oh yeah the Petunias are fine where they are thanks

He says "ouch"

A priest is a person with thoughts and feelings, a pizza slice is just a piece of food.

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

The doctor said "it's because you have had both of your arms amputated. "

It's 1985.

As he walked up to the bar he noticed a twelve-inch man playing the piano, so he asked the bartender, "What's that all about?" The bartender told him he that would tell him later. So the guy asked the bartender for a drink. The bartender said, "Before you get your drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make one wish." "Okay," said the guy. He went over to the magic beer bottle and rubbed it. Poof. Out came a genie. The genie, of course, said, "You have one wish." The guy thought about it and then wished for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke filled the room, and then both the genie and the guy disappeared. In a few minutes, the guy reappeared back in the bar with a million ducks all around him. The guy was astounded and said to the bartender, "Hey! I didn't want a million ducks." The bartender replied, "Do you think I wanted a Tesla Cybertruck?"

To complete a long-distance race.

And what really stresses me out, is not having done any meth.

That's $5.99 I'll never see again.

looks around gym

'oh no i forgot my headphones'

walks back to car, drives home

Finds headphones on kitchen counter, drives back to gym

Works out

showers

leaves

sometimes they're at the grocery store

The squirrel says nothing because squirrels can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.

is to be admired by other people like family or friends or even pets if you have any

Never saw the manhole cover again.

(Credit: Mr. K. Dilkington)

As much as I persuaded him to get out because of the crocodiles,he said he was fine and the water was lovely. I guess you could say he was in >!trouble!<

He buys one beer, then another one, then some vodka, some more and more. His misery is his joy. He can't change a thing in his life, he rots here and it's entirely his own fault

I guess the joke is that almost this exact scenario happens to a lot of people in my country.

he asks for a new pair of shoes

bartender says 'this is a bar we dont serve shoes'

man says 'ok'

then he goes to the shirt store because he went to the wrong store

he goes to the shirt store

asks 'can i buy a shirt'

cashier says 'yes'

man says 'ok'

His name is James Remington. He lives down the street from me. I don't know him very well.