I haven’t been diagnosed, but it’s 3:41am and my thoughts are eating me alive. I need someone to talk too. I’m 7 months postpartum, and sitting on my couch balling while everyone is sleeping. I have terrible intrusive thoughts and anxiety so bad I can hardly leave my house.. I’ve never dealt with this and idk what to do… but it’s almost 4am right now and nothing is open and I just need someone to talk too.

Hey guys, posting here cause well, I guess I just don’t know where else to go. I’m having a really hard time. I’m on a wait list for counselling, but man (excuse my language) this shit is hard. I feel like no one knows how I feel or cares, and I can still smile and laugh and feel happy so I guess I seem fine. But I get frustrated so easily and quickly, I feel angry sometimes for no reason. (My baby is well loved and taken care of and I really try my best, so baby is happy and healthy), but I feel a never ending burn out. No matter what I do or if I even get a bit of time away I still feel so overstimulated and overwhelmed again when I’m alone or the task list seems never ending. Not close with my family, no contact with some. My in laws aren’t a support system for me, and I don’t really have any friends. I feel so lonely and sad and like I wait for everyday to be over. But I also don’t want time to keep passing cause I know I’ll miss my baby being little. I don’t know who I am anymore, I feel completely alone. I’m always taking care of the house and baby and I’m grateful to be able to be at home, but I feel like it never ends. The house gets messy so quick, I’m always doing stuff and feel like I can’t get a real break. I feel like it’s all just building up and building up. Just lonely and frustrated I guess.

I am curious if any individuals in this subreddit have found any relief from their PPD symptoms after stopping breastfeeding? A little backstory, I’ve been breastfeeding for 7 months (we combo feed with formula, but it’s usually mostly breastmilk) and I got my period back a few months ago. It was unexpected, but fairly normal for the first couple cycles. This cycle however, has been a complete nightmare. I’ve always been very sensitive to hormone changes and have struggled with PMS, to the point where I believe it could be PMDD but my doctor refused to diagnose me because I did not have any suicidal thoughts/ideations. At this point, I’ve had severe PMS symptoms for 3 weeks straight on top of postpartum depression and I feel like I’m losing my mind. Pregnancy test negative, and I’ve been informed by multiple sources that hormones while breastfeeding can delay your period. But at this point, there is no end in sight to my PMS so I’m considering ending my breastfeeding journey. I feel like I need to let it out and hear from anyone who may have had a similar experience, did stopping breastfeeding give you any relief whatsoever??

im 4 days postpartum and in the TRENCHES right now. i have never felt like this in my life but today has been the worst. i was sitting on the couch and went into a full blown panic attack out of nowhere, it almost made me throw up i was hyperventilating so much my lips started turning blue and i started to choke and was borderline pulling my hair out (my baby was in another room when this happened) it took me probably around 45 minutes to calm down, the reason i cant tell what it is is because afterwards the only thing that helped keep me calm was my baby.. im getting so sick because of this i can feel it taking the worst physical toll on my body. i was also doing fine healing down there until today i started passing blood clots again idk if thats normal but im just so far from okay. and i have such a good life and everything has gone so well i dont know why this is happening but i just cant take it and idk what to do.

My Ass** on**

My baby is about to be 4 months old and even though I know it takes time to heal from it all, it's so exhausting.

I have good days and I have bad. Days where I don't like myself and days where I don't feel as attached to my baby as I should. Sometimes I stare at her wondering if I really just had a baby?? Like I'm dreaming or something. I love her so much and I'd kill for her but there's times where I've stopped myself from shaking her when she's crying so much.. I feel so guilty about it but when you're not getting much sleep it's hell.

Also, how do you stop yourself from resenting your partner?..and his mother?

I (27M) am worried that my best friend (3m pp) may have PPD.

After her son was born we kept in touch fairly often, messaging pretty much every week, but over the last few weeks she has completely shut off. She will still reply to some messages but has started ignoring any questions asking how she is feeling and how her son is doing. Before the birth she would share a lot of her pregnancy anxieties with me, so this is out of character for her.

She is the first of my friends to get pregnant so I have no experience of how to talk to new mums, and it's tearing me up that I don't know how to be a good friend to her. I started thinking that our friendship could be over, but now realised she could have PPD.

I'm thinking of sending her a gift, just something to say that I'm thinking of her, I hope she is ok and I'm here if and when she ever needs anything, but I don't know if this is a good idea, what to get her, or even if I'm completely misreading the situation.

I really don't want to lose the friendship because I accidentally came out to her last year and she's still the only person who knows, but I fear this is what's going to happen if I do nothing and I would love to know how to best support her.

I, 23F had my son at 19. My gynecologist and I stopped getting along after I explained to him that I feel like I have postpartum depression. It was after I gave birth, (about 3 months) and I came in the office looking for answers, which I rarely do.

I tend to mask in public, so as he entered the room I smiled and he took a seat. When I came to him about PPD he said, “Well, you don’t really look that depressed.” I could feel the defeat. He then proceeds to ask, “Have you ever been diagnosed with depression?” I said no, and as I tried to explain that I have always been depressed, he cuts me off and says that I have what they call, “baby blues.”

Needless to say, I accepted it and tried to figure out myself. It’s an everyday battle; as I am a single parent and I want to learn to work on myself as well.

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I’m 24 years old, I’m 5’8 and weigh 220 pounds,

I feel like I’m the most disgusting ugly creature that god has ever created.

I feel like I can’t get a control over myself and my weight, I know what I’m supposed to do. I know how to intermittently fast, I know i should go to the gym. But god I’m tired of making excuses for myself

I have two boys under the age of 3, I’m constantly awake , I have almost no help when it comes to them. And I feel like I just can’t stop eating.

When I do eat, I have so much freaking guilt.

It’s like I constantly think about how I should feed my children or husband instead of me then I end up eating more and more and I feel like I can’t stop

Then my father and mother in law start complaining telling me I eat too much. And my father in law wants to show me work out videos.

My husband looks at beautiful small petite Asian women (which I look nothing like.)

And I feel like I don’t belong in this body and I’m so embarrassed and ashamed I let myself get this way, and I’m ashamed that I don’t have the energy to help myself. I looked into GLP-1s and they’re too expensive and I can’t help but hyper focus that they’re a magical drug, when in reality it only works with hard work gym, etc.

I don’t even know what the point of this post is, I feel so alone and I really wish I had someone to talk to about this. All I have is my husband and he just tells me not to worry too much, I feel so gross.

I’m getting more angry by the moment. Yesterday, I went to my counseling session and on the way home almost ran over my 6yo boy. He rode his sled down the driveway and into the bushes at the end. I was worried about if my van would make it up the driveway and was contemplating how much I should accelerate or just ease up into the driveway. I was so mad and scared he had done this. I had specifically told ALL the kids no sleds and no shovels (they leave the snow shovels out in the yard and lose them when it snows). My daughters 15, and 13 were supposed to be watching the kids. The 15 said she had checked on the boys outside every few minutes and didn’t realize he had gotten the sled. I believe her but I was so shaken and sad yesterday and last night.
I’m going to counseling to feel better, not to come home and almost run over my own kid.

So this morning I want to go to the gym and I am scared to leave the kids at the house. I can take 2 small ones to the gym daycare and then at 11 is parent teacher conferences. My husband is working out of town. So he wasn’t here last night to help with kids and he is not here this morning. I texted him and told him I was scared to leave the house with the girls watching the kids. He thought it would be ok if I just took the baby and the 6yo to the gym. But what about the other kids? So I suggested maybe I should stay home and do a home workout instead. The intensity won’t be the same and the kids will interrupt me and pester me while I’m working out. I’m doing a 6 wk workout challenge so I have to work out.
It’s not fair I am left at home to figure this out. This always happens to the SAHM. If I was a man I would have a wife and I could just leave when I wanted and go have my workout and not be bothered to worry about the kids.

Yesterday, we had a long conversation before he left. He asked me if I want to leave or divorce him bc I keep telling him that he deserves someone better than me. I just want to disappear. He asked me what would make me happy. I told him I would like to somehow quietly extricate myself from him and the kids. They don’t need me and he just needs someone different than me. I honestly can’t think of anything good about myself. I feel like I am worse this week than I was last week.

As the title states, this is just becoming too much. Dealing with PPD/ PPA is a struggle on its own, but dealing with a partner who just puts you down in the midst of it is just overwhelming. Today I was yelled at and told I don’t clean and am always sleeping. I clean as much as I can, but it gets hard with a velcro baby (he’s out of a job right now so he has all the free time to clean). I nap when the baby naps because I do all the night wakes and frankly, it’s exhausting being so mentally drained. Oh, and on top of that he called me fat. I’ve been struggling with my weight and it’s been impossible to lose any since I’m breastfeeding. I can only imagine how much easier things would be if I had a partner that was loving and supportive during this time. I’m trying my best to keep it together today.

My life has honestly been a complete whirlwind since my second baby was born. Like the day she was born my parents got into a tiff and have been talking about divorce since, we’ve lost several friends (self harm or freak accidents - I’ve literally attended five funerals in six months), my bother and his wife are handling infidelity so I help watch their kids and I changed jobs shortly after returning from maternity leave.

All of that to say, my entire “village” fell apart when my daughter was born and I’ve been struggling silently for 8 months. My partner is the best man I could imagine and is doing everything to help me during this time. I’ve fought postpartum rage, but now I’m starting to think I’m battling PPD too. I don’t know where to turn. Idk if medication would help at this point. I’m breastfeeding so the idea of taking something every day has had me a little concerned. I also don’t know what doctor to talk to. I have seen my OB since my 6 week check up so do I go to my primary care doctor? I have felt burnout, overwhelmed and like I’m a failing mom and spouse. I have a two year old that I’m trying my best to be present and happy for but it’s just becoming so difficult.

i’m sorry if this is a mess i am not in the best headspace. my s/o says he understands how i feel and what i deal with but i feel like he really doesn’t. we got in a fight tonight and instantly he resorts to insults, calling me lazy, saying i dont don’t do anything and that ive been a b*tch all day. it hurts. it’s defeating. i feel like a shell of a woman at this point. i try SO hard to do as much as i can throughout the day. my baby is teething and has been a handful so cleaning and staying on top of the cleaning has been hard. i work from home and watch my son while i work which is soso hard when he’s being fussy esp on a time crunch with deadlines. i’ve been working extra hours this week just so we can at least feel a little load taken off because money has been tight. i feel like ive done so so so well at acknowledging and thanking my s/o when he steps up and helps out so i can take a break but he says i don’t. i told him i was having a hard time with our son but not once was i rude to him and i have people that can attest to that. idek. i’m just exhausted. i’m tired of trying so hard just to get shit on and told i’m not doing good enough. it’s never good enough. i don’t know what more i can do. i communicate, i work hard, i give him as long of a break as he needs, i typically handle dinner, cleaning, it takes up my entire day with maybe 30-40 minutes after we get my son down for me to do basic self care. im stretched thin and it still doesn’t fucking matter. he swears it’s okay but the second we get in a fight suddenly it’s a problem. suddenly i’ve been a cunt all day. suddenly i do nothing for us but sit on my ass. suddenly work isn’t work bc i don’t work outside and i should treat work like a break and enjoy it. it’s like if im anything but happy it’s a problem and im NOT HAPPY so how am i supposed to put on a face like i am??? i feel empty and tired and dead inside. i feel like my body STILL isn’t mine. i feel like i don’t get to be an individual person, im just a mother and a girlfriend otherwise im a horrible person for enjoying anything outside of that and my s/o makes it very apparent that he doesn’t like me exploring interests although he encourages it, when we fight suddenly my hobbies are taking away from spending time with him and talking to him as if he doesn’t sit on his phone the second he gets home or plays video games. im damned if i do and damned if i don’t and i can’t fucking stand it anymore.

My life has been messy this year. My spouse struggled with addiction to the point that I had to leave and stay at my mom and dad’s house for support with my newborn.

My mom loves babies and has looked forward to having a relationship with my newborn since she found out I was pregnant. I have been equally as excited, but, sometimes, I feel like she takes over a little too much and my baby is not bonding with me as much as he should. If he gets fussy, she will take him from me to “help”. I fear that this has caused him to not look to me for comfort. Lately, there have been a few times that when I try to interact with him, he starts crying…. and I mean the hard crying that hurts a momma’s soul. Literally seeing my face causes him to cry. It absolutely crushes me. I know he doesn’t know any better but I’m so upset by it.

Well, today I tried to talk to my mom about being able to talk openly with her regarding my little one as the past few times I brought up issues, she took offense to anything I say and would snap comments, such as, “Well if you don’t like how I am, then I guess you’ll need to find someone else to watch the baby” (just in time for my maternity leave to end this week).

Well, shit hit the fan and it resulted in both of my parents screaming at me that I’m trying to change them and they are going to be how they’re going to be.

Later, I tried to work things out again but… it resulted in me shutting down again. I will be honest in that my mental health isn’t where it should be. I have been so heartbroken about my situation with my husband and that I don’t feel like my baby’s comfort person. I am aware that I am not as happy as I should be around him even though I try my best. I give him kisses, cuddle him, take him for walks outside, feed and bathe him, sing to him, play with him, etc. I just am sad and I know he probably senses it and I’m sure it does impact him in some way.

As a result of how crappy my night has been, I cried out that I am a bad mom. I was hoping my mom would be supportive and say something encouraging but she hit me back with “then be a good mom”. When I asked her if she thought I was a bad mom, she said, “You’re the one who said it”. She’s right. I did say it. She then told me I am throwing myself a pity party and that I need to snap out of it.

Do I have postpartum depression or am I really just a bad mom for being sad about my current situation? Why can’t I snap out of it? Help….

What is emotional attachment

I heard not having this to your freshly newborn child is normal and takes months, what happens when it gets to a year of the child’s life and there’s no emotional attachment

I feel love for my partner and unborn child and my one year old I don’t feel it

When o was pregnant with him I didn’t feel excitement or love like I do for my second unborn son and my partner

Do I not love my son?

I’m currently 10 months pp and been struggling with ppd/ppa since 3 months pp. I’ve been in a maternal mental health program and have been on lexapro and Zoloft and have been unsuccessful with both. My psychiatrist recently had me do gene sight testing and it showed that I’m genetically predisposed to not tolerate many medications, only 3 to be exact. I’m currently tapering off of Zoloft and will be starting Viibryd soon. I’m wondering if anyone else has been on this medication and can share their experience! I’m fully aware that everyone responds differently but I just want to hear from someone! Thanks 🫶🏻

I am 4 months postpartum and have 3 older kids (5, 8, 9.5) from a previous marriage as well. I’m hitting a wall and feel like I don’t love my husband or kids anymore. My baby feels like someone else’s baby that I’m going through the motions with and taking care of. My big kids don’t listen, struggle with respect, and generally are hard to parent. I want out of my life and to have a re-do starting before I had kids. I don’t know what to do. Me struggling is met mostly with anger and my husband makes it all about himself.

My fiancé works away up north every other week for a week. I am on Mat leave so I am home alone with baby every week he is gone. I have Anxiety and PPD but I aside from that, I’m not sure if this is normal.

I am madly in love with my fiancé, obviously. He loves me and our new baby (7months) so incredibly much and take such great care of us. I literally cannot say enough good things about this man. So I’m not sure if this is my fight or flight response but especially when he goes to work I have full on panic attacks (had one today before taking him to the airport) and I just have this horrible intrusive irrational I know, thoughts that he will find someone better at work or not miss me or just not want to be with me and leave me. I cannot stop thinking about him 24/7 and it’s almost impossible being alone every week with baby when he’s gone. I have no family here, friends that are available to visit (as they work), and I live outside the city so it’s a bit of a drive for some.

It’s so bad, that I have a hard time going for walks the same way we go for walks when he’s home because it reminds me of him and I miss him more, or I don’t step foot downstairs because that’s where we always have our movies nights, I have to take his stuff off the counter in the bathroom because seeing it makes me miss him more. I also ruminate on the hours and days he’ll be gone still. I’ll count and work myself up and just get sad. It’s like an obsession, but I’m not crazy in that way. Lol.

I love him so much and I know I am co dependant but this is so incredibly hard and I know I am in the wrong. How do I get over these feelings? It’s like my brain thinks when life is so amazing and I have someone who loves me so much it’s too good to be true…

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This is their website Prosperamhw

Hey, so I've experienced this multiple times before I had a baby, but I think postpartum is triggering this to happen again. I have moments where real people don't 'feel real' to me anymore, typically people who have hurt me. I'm starting to feel like that with my baby daddy. I was thinking of him not too long ago, and suddenly every memory I have of him feels more like a dream. Like it never actually happened. I can barely remember what he looks like in person. I can't remember any other sense, like touch, smell, etc (I used to be able to). I'm not quite sure how to explain it further than that.

I have experienced this with small things here and there, too. Like I'll text someone, then forget I did, then think about it later in the day except I'm not sure if I actually texted them or if I dreamt that I did. I'd say about half the time it was a dream, half the time reality.

At first I wasn't too worried, because I just figured it was a side effect and the immense stress I'm in and sleep deprivation. But feeling like my baby daddy is not real is putting me through even more stress. I'm not sure if this would be considered derealization, or something else. So if this sounds familiar to you, please let me know! I'm not in a stable enough situation financially to afford therapy.

I am just over 4 months postpartum. At my 6 week checkup I was diagnosed with PPD. I have since been on daily antidepressants. Lately, I think I am starting to get postpartum anxiety. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. I have this irrational fear that someone is going to SA my 4 month old. I don’t trust any one. I think it might have been triggered by seeing TikTok videos and Facebook stories. I am just absolutely terrified someone is going to hurt her. I don’t know how to handle this. I feel like I’m going crazy constantly thinking of this. On top of this I feel like I’m constantly being watched. I have the urge to run up my stairs at night as if someone is going to get me or her.

I don’t know if I need my antidepressants adjusted or if I need to see a therapist. I feel like I’m going crazy.

I’ve been struggling with postpartum depression. My son is 9 weeks. And sometimes all I can think about is going into the bathroom and just ending everything. I won’t. There’s no reason for me to I have a good life. A loving husband. But that thought is just there.

I have friends. Or at least thought I did. Everyone likes to use me as a therapist but whenever I call them to talk or send them a message I get left on read or ignored when I really need someone because I’m having a hard day. It’s so hard feeling like I’m alone even though I know I’m not.

I love my son I really do and I want to get over this but Zoloft makes me feel sick everytime I take it. I don’t know what’s wrong to do anymore.

It hurts my head. I’ve been trying my best and one mistakes gets you to the rock bottom. I’m tired. I can’t do this anymore.

TRIGGER WARNING: mention of loss

My marriage feels like it’s sinking. I’m 2 months post partum today. I have 4 daughters, ages 5, 3, 2, and the 2 month old. I have had postpartum depression with all of my pregnancies, including my first pregnancy where I had a stillbirth at 38 weeks. I have noticed symptoms I dealt with previously making an appearance again. I feel like when my house is a mess I can’t breathe. I feel like I can’t do anything without my newborn. I really wanted to be able to breastfeed this time. With my first, I could never get her to latch and didn’t have any idea how to pump at the time. With my second, I breastfed her and bottle fed her breastmilk until 8 months when my supply disappeared because I was pregnant with our third. With my third, I don’t even know how long I tried breastfeeding her before I gave up for my mental health. She was my only delivery without an epidural, and unfortunately I think because it was so traumatic for me, I didn’t bond with her as much and that affected my breastfeeding journey with her. My newest has been difficult to even try to get her to take a bottle with breastmilk in it. She only wants boob. She won’t take a pacifier. I’m not against formula at all, but it breaks my heart to even think about stopping. But I also feel relief when I think about stopping. I feel worthless. My husband has always treated me wonderfully. He’s always there for me when I need him. But I know I’ve been nasty to him lately, but I feel like it’s not me talking. I feel like my family would be better off without me. I don’t want to take antidepressants because I dont believe in medications. I know there’s people who believe that’s the only way to get through things, but I know there has to be another option for me? I feel like I’m single handedly tearing my family apart. My 5 year old went to school and was best friends with a little girl whose parents were divorced and she told me today that she doesn’t want our family to end up like that girls family. 😭 I broke down right then and there. We try so hard to not have arguments in front of our daughters but she was listening when we didn’t know she was. I just feel like all I feel lately is rage or guilt. I don’t know how to feel happy.

I'll be 3 months postpartum on 11/3. This is our 3rd baby after a long hiatus, our other 2 are 9 and 7, so it's been a while since battling these feelings. We also live on our own in another state with very disconnected families, so there is no help outside of my husband coming home from work. I don't know why, but since having our daughter, I immediately jump to thoughts of divorce when I start feeling alone and down and I don't know what to do to stop it. I'm waiting on my next therapy appointment but I always feel gaslit when talking about postpartum depression symptoms. My husband is a wonderful guy, it seems like he's trying his best, but his best doesn't feel like enough right now, and I hate that I feel this way. I work a full time job from home and I have the baby with me, we don't have a sitter or daycare. I feel like I'm working 2 jobs when he's gone, then my older kids come home from school and I juggle all of the kids and dogs and cat and try figuring out food, homework, cleaning, etc. It's a lot. When he comes home I try passing the baby to him as she's like velcro to me, I can't put her down unless she's napping, and I end up with her repeatedly for the rest of the evening, even when I'm not breastfeeding. I'm so emotionally drained and feel like I'm pulling all of the weight with the baby, which I know isn't 100% true, but God it feels like it. And it just makes me want to pack up and leave. I almost did once... Does anyone else do this or did you have this feeling? How do I stop it?

im 22/FTM with a 4-month old (6 months actual) preemie, living with my family. i have deep rooted family issues that’s been difficult to reserve. whenever they hold or interact with my baby, i feel tremendously emotionally and physically tense. i feel like i have to protect him even though I KNOW he’s safe. i can’t help but to project my own childhood experiences with my family onto my baby. and they haven’t changed since. i feel so much pressure to take my son and LEAVE!

I had a baby 7 years ago. I had some depression before that, and anxiety, and definitely trauma. I developed PPD and spiraled and ended up hospitalized, I was diagnosed bipolar as brought on by the PPD, and I have never been the same since. On lots of meds ever since. I want to get off these meds. Is it possible? Will it ever be? I wasn’t on meds before PPD. I’m just hoping I’m not alone.

I’m 20, a FTM & 7 months PP. I don’t know if I have PPD, but it’s like whenever I get sad i get really sad and i feel like i wanna be away from everyone, but then i feel guilty because why would i want to be away from my son? like yesterday, my fiance and i were on a date and he was so annoyed wi th the long line at the haunted house and was complaining that we could’ve been with the baby but i was so relieved to have that break from him. It made me realize like maybe it is PPD? since i might be more detached than my partner? Idk. I’m just scared to go see a doctor and i guess i just wanna be told that the feelings im having are normal and it isn’t PPD so i dont have to make an appointment.

Hey everyone FTM here,

My vaginal stitches become undone next day after my delivery and it was very painful previously I was not able to sit on toilet seat but On 6th day I sat on the toilet seat and I felt like my stitches got completely open after that I was able to seat but peeing and bowel moment is still very much painful as it feels like my cut is opening every time I try to pee and doing bowel movement and it’s been 10 days but as I can see it’s feels like it’s healing on it’s own but still it’s very painful and I just want to hear positive stories on this please. It will give me relief and also wanted to know what you have done to get your healing process faster, I would like to tell you that I am doing sitz bath 3 times a day and taking 2 times painkillers a day but today is the last day of my painkiller dose as doc has only given me medicine for 10 days and I am applying soframycine on the cut.

Your positive stories will encourage me thank you.

I am currently 4 weeks postpartum and I’m really struggling with ppd. My baby was born at 34 weeks and I still haven’t been able to take him home yet. It’s so hard being an hour away from him all the time. Sometimes I stay with him but only for a few days at a time and then I head home for a few days. He has svt and his heart rate keeps going crazy out of nowhere and they are trying to get it under control before he gets sent home. I know I’m not the only one who is going through this. Are there any good support groups out there? My doctor wants me to start therapy but my boyfriend has to drive my car to work so I can’t drive to therapy all the time. I just need advice or support.