Please <3

I struggled with MDD and Anxiety most my life and especially during my pregnancy, which I was medicated and monitored. Post partum I've had some low days but been managing, so I thought.

Today, in a gesture of good will, my sister in law offered some of her BM stash, incase my son gets sick - my son is exclusively formula fed since leaving hospital, which was decided after much debate on the stress involved with EBF and how would I managed once I go back to work in 5 months time. I've had many nights where I've cried and felt like an imposter as I didn't have a natural labour and then chose not to breast feed.

I ended up getting a supply a few days after the delivery, and let it dry, though I will 'leak' in the shower a little and with little stimulation. So I feel even worse, as I am capable or breast feeding but feel like I've taken the easy route out.

We have a 3 month old and although my husband is wonderful and a great dad, but things feel like they’re changing lately I feel really unappreciated and that he just doesn’t understand. And then in turn I feel like I’m nagging or pushing him away.

My husbands life hasn’t changed that dramatically , he works full time in the office- just started to WFH one or two days a week since 2 weeks ago, he plays football once a week, meets friends for lunch at work, gets his hair cut on his breaks, occasionally socialises on the weekends.

My life is completely different, some days I’m lucky to have showered or eaten or even prepared a meal, I’ve lost a lot of weight and I’m exclusively breastfeeding. My son is doing great and is thriving which I’m delighted about. If I’m not caring for him I’m researching online different things for him. My husband doesn’t think to do any of these things, and although my husband does so much for us and I appreciate him working and providing for us. I feel like he doesn’t appreciate what I do. I had a very rare few hours to myself and my husband was with our son- I thanked him because I appreciated it, I know it’s tiring.

I’ve expressed multiple times over the last few weeks that I’m not feeling very well mentally, I’m burnt out and tired and I think I have PPD or PPA. I expressed last night how tough I’m. Finding things at the moment and he said how worried he was about me.

But today from 1pm-9pm he went out drinking with his friends, then next week he has a party to attend, a wedding to attend and then the following week a work Christmas party and on and on. There’s no ‘thanks for watching our son whilst I go out’ - and look I love being a mum and I do it gladly, but I pretty much solo parent all week- the weekend when there’s the two of us is my only semblance of a break and then today was really hard, I’m exhausted and I got my period. And although he told me he would be home for 9pm and he did arrive home for 9pm I knew he wanted to stay out later. I feel like tomorrow he will be hungover.

I’ve realised there are so many small things I’m annoyed at him for, and he said to me this morning ‘is there anything else bad I’ve done?’ In a sarcastic tone. But I’m just so tired of feeling like this. We live in his country and I don’t have a relationship with my family, so I really have no one.

Earlier this week my husbands sister minded our son so we could go for dinner together, but after 20 minutes she called us home because our son was crying. And, although I wanted to get back to our son to comfort him I just felt so disappointed because I felt like I really needed to have something for myself and to have something to reconnect with my husband. He didn’t seem to care though.

I feel like he just does not understand at all. Even the wedding and the party next week, the wedding is child free and no one can mind our son so I’m the one not going, the birthday party is in a pub so also child free - so once again I’m the one not going. He doesn’t think twice.

I have an 8 month old daughter, and we just found out we are expecting our second! They will be 15 months apart.

I have been very sick this first trimester, and am feeling very depressed. My husband is worried because I seem detached even from our daughter. I am just always so tired, and don’t really want to get out of bed or do much. It doesn’t help that our girl isn’t a great sleeper. I know I need to reach out to my doctor. I am still in the window for PPD but am not sure if it is a mix of both.

Just looking to see if anyone has experienced this, and if it got better once first trimester passed? I would love to feel less alone/scared. Thank you!

am 7 weeks PP. I was diagnosed with PPD and I am seeing a psychiatrist. Since birth I have been struggling. I have absolutely no joy in anything I do. Absolutely nothing that I've done in the past that has brought me joy brings me joy. I feel like this 24/7, I do not get a relief no matter what I do. I constantly feel this way. Every hour, every minute. It's torture and a nightmare. I am terried to stay this way. I don't wish this upon anyone. I have help with my daughter so my baby is not the reason I feel this. I don't even enjoy being with my daughter. I don't know what's wrong with me. On top of that I am struggling with insomnia. I feel like I am living a constant nightmare. I just want this to end. It's affecting me in every way. And because I feel the way I feel I don't have motivation at all. I force myself to go on walks, exercise, get out of the house, and nothing brings me relief. I feel the exact same way. I have never felt this in my life in the past. Like never. This is all foreign to me. I am scared. I just want this to end.

I am 7 weeks PP. I was diagnosed with PPD and I am seeing a psychiatrist. Since birth I have been struggling. I have absolutely no joy in anything I do. Absolutely nothing that I've done in the past that has brought me joy brings me joy. I feel like this 24/7, I do not get a relief no matter what I do. I constantly feel this way. Every hour, every minute. It's torture and a nightmare. I am terried to stay this way. I don't wish this upon anyone. I have help with my daughter so my baby is not the reason I feel this. I don't even enjoy being with my daughter. I don't know what's wrong with me. On top of that I am struggling with insomnia. I feel like I am living a constant nightmare. I just want this to end. It's affecting me in every way. And because I feel the way I feel I don't have motivation at all. I force myself to go on walks, exercise, get out of the house, and nothing brings me relief. I feel the exact same way. I have never felt this in my life in the past. Like never. This is all foreign to me. I am scared. I just want this to end.

Im 8 weeks postpartum. For the first 6 weeks i was struggling a lot. I had a 3rd degree tear which lead me to have fecal incontinence. I would cry everytime i had to go number 2. I still cannot properly hold in my gas. Also,my pelvic pain is just starting to go away. My tailbone was so painful i couldn't sit or even sleep properly. My husband didn't believe my pain until i showed him stitches and cried after he accidentally touched my back. I am struggling with low supply as well and my baby will only eat goat milk formula which is expensive.

For context i live in central asia. We have this abusive mentality that wives are expected to have a spotless house and obey their in laws. Fortunately they did allow me to rest for a few weeks. But after that i was expected to have food ready on time. Have a dustless house with no laundry. I was expected to rake leaves outside. I still have very weak muscles and its so difficult for me to do. I try my best to clean yet im never appreciated nor do they actually help with the baby. They always complain how they wanted a different meal than the one i prepared.

On top of that my mother in law wont allow me to take walks with my baby. Saying how polluted the air is. So im stuck home.

Yesterday was my 1 year anniversary and my husband didnt take me out nor did he get me any flowers. I even asked him to order food which my in laws liked. But guess what they did. They complained that we had food and shouldn't have ordered.

This whole postpartum journey i have been hating motherhood. Wanting my kid to grow up. Wanting to be able to clean and eat and go to the bathroom. I fight with my husband so much. Cry a lot. Dont get me wrong. I literally love my kid. But i dont want to remember this journey with me crying non stop. I dont know if im just struggling because of the people around me or if im just experiencing ppd.

Trying to survive an abusive relationship while being postpartum is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I have no where to turn. I just want my baby to have a good life.

I’m 4 weeks PP and I’m pretty sure I have PPD. My husband and I have been arguing basically every single day. I cry almost every single day, sometimes multiple times a day.

He’s saying he’s going to leave if I can’t focus on our relationship and the baby but I just don’t know how to balance things. I feel like an awful wife and an awful mother. I’ve been skipping meals and waiting to go to the bathroom to make sure my baby has what he needs first. I can’t even prioritize myself, how can I prioritize my marriage right now?

I’m starting to feel a lot of resentment and I know I have been short with him and I feel awful for it and I don’t mean to be that way. It’s just so hard to be happy and nice all the time about everything. I know this hurts him and I’ve explained this over and over again but because I keep doing it I know it’s wearing on him. It’s wearing on me too though. It’s so hard to see him as helping me in any way when I haven’t had more than 4 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period in the last 4 weeks. I have to pump around the clock since the baby won’t latch. I’m the one who soothes him when he won’t stop fussing all night, and wakes up at the smallest cry to feed and change him. Meanwhile my husband gets 8 hours of sleep and gets to tell me to go away when I ask for help at 3am because he’s a heavy sleeper.

I’m so incredibly upset and sad anymore. I love my son more than anything, but I feel like having a baby destroyed my relationship.

I (21f) am 4 months postpartum with my first child. Everything seemed to be going great for the first few months, I got decent sleep when my husband or other family would take the baby, I was able to take care of myself and my kiddo, I ate properly for the most part (which is a huge deal for me because I've always struggled to eat enough). But over the last month or so, everything just feels like it's fallen apart and I don't know what to do.

I didn't realize what it was at first. I would just get really angry out of nowhere and have to leave my lo in his crib for a few moments so I could step out of the room to calm down. My husband and I have spent a lot of time arguing over pointless things that have nothing to do with anything. My best friend and I (who happens to be our roommate in whose house we live) have had several arguments over stupid shit.

And then all of a sudden about a week ago it hit me like a freight train. I kinda just sat on my bed, a little dazed at the realization of why I've been so upset. I thought about all the things that might have led up to that moment and realized how blind I'd been to my own emotions...

I've always struggled to keep my space clean but then I'd realized just how dirty my house is. I've never been consistent with scheduling but I realized how late I stay in ben now, and how it feels impossible to get up to do anything. A few weeks ago, I'd been physically ill and kept blaming my lack of motivation on recovery but I don't think that's the case anymore.

And my baby spends significantly more time crying now than he has in the past thanks to sleep regression and what I think might be the onset of teething, maybe?

And then to top it all off, I tried to get help today and it sorta just ended in failure. I'd seen decent reviews on BetterHelp but it wasn't until after I'd payed the $50+ for the week that I'd found out how they don't hold up to their own standards so I canceled it without even thinking about it and now I feel guilty for spending the money to begin with.

Anyways, I guess I just needed to get this out there just in case my mental state decides to completely crash and burn...

Does anyone else feel this way this long after having a baby? I thought postpartum depression was an immediate thing? Everyone has always told me that if you don't get depressed right after birth then you won't experience postpartum depression...

Edit: Thank you to everyone who has responded, it means a lot to know that I'm not in this alone. Personally, I think more people should be informed about the true nature of PPD and how it isn't an immediate thing like the nurses portray it as.

Just wondering if anyone has taken any natural supplements to help with depression and anxiety and have they worked and which ones. I’m scared to take meds

Terribly toxic thoughts of leaving my husband and my 4 week old baby because they are better off without me. I’m a part of an in person post partum group and I have my own therapist but when I’m there I’m usually feeling pretty good and can’t even remember feeling how I am feeling now. I guess I’ve been struggling since day one but more recently I’ve felt like I should just leave. I grew up with a mentally unstable mom and i wish she would had left me before I could remember her as she’s ruined my life

My husband has been tending to the baby mostly because I can’t get it together he’s a great father

He’s about to go back to work and he’s worried because “I can’t even sooth our baby” Like I’m not worried? Ugh

Out of the week I will be great for like 2 days then have 2 bad days. When it’s bad I seem to forget the good and when it’s good I can’t seem to remember the bad.

I planned a natural homebirth, got hypertension and all plans out the window. Breast feeding didn’t work he wouldn’t latch and I’ve been to two lactation consultants and had him checked for ties. I do great to make 1.5 oz breast milk a pumping so not no where near enough. I am not enough.

He cries and dad can fix it, I get over why and cry myself.

I want to go back to work full time NOW and have him stay home. He always gets mad and quits jobs, I love my career. I can’t do this mom stuff worth a shit. All my dreams turned in to nightmares. I wanted to be a stay at home mom and I’ve changed my mind on that too.

I’ve been crying and laying in the bathroom floor all day while my husband is being fantastic with my perfect baby boy and I can’t appreciate anything

I stress so hard about money and my nice nice savings account is now drained to almost living pay check to pay check and I just can’t seem to shake all my worries.

Husband quit his job even though he did find one and starts monday, he always does this randomly. I don’t want him miserable at work but it’s so stressful for me never feeling security

I’m not going to eat I’m not going to pump and I am not going to take that a blood pressure pill… I feel so done

I'm 7 weeks postpartum and I feel miserable almost everyday There are days when I feel decent but never the happiest like I used to be. I feel my life has been taken away. I miss my freedom, my own self A lot of times I get pissed when the baby is crying. I love him a lot sometimes and there are times when I absolutely dread everything. I'm not even sure if I feel bonded with my baby Baby blues are supposed to get better by 2-3 weeks and I'm still struggling with everything I want to sleep throughout the night. My husband has been supportive but he doesn't get it sometimes I cry often, although it has reduced but I still cry looking back at my life which was free of worries. I don't know what to do anymore

I bought my daughter a Christmas Dress online and it came too small. I went and got my auntie to let it out and it fit my LO. When I was showing my dad the dress, he made a comment that the fun of things is in buying stuff in person and not online. That's what they always did. He was rolling his eyes whilst he said this. I told him that I actually enjoyed picking out my daughters Christmas dress online. Then I said 'I am starting to get irritated with your criticism and comparisons, it's annoying'. He totally brushed off my grievances and told me stop being so daft. If he had done it once or twice then fair enough but he would have small comments about feeding her, sleeping with her, playing with her, Christmas, etc... It was really beginning to ad up.

He tried to shut the conversation down and invalidate my comments but I wouldn't let him. I wanted him to listen to the fact that these little things were starting to become bigger. When I wouldn't let him brush it off he said 'Give over, I'm not your husband who will lie down and take your shit'. I was so hurt because he used something I said in a vulnerable moment and twisted it. You see, We are staying at my family home and I had opened up to my dad about how I'm struggling with postpartum and how I was getting too critical of my husband. I told my dad that I needed to step back and really re-learn to appreciate my husband.

When my dad made that comment, I squared up to him and told him never to speak about my husband or marriage that way. He actually had the audacity to roll his eyes. I called my husband and we agreed that I would leave the next morning.

Come 9am, I gave my mother my child so that I could pack the car. She was surprised as the previous days argument happened after she had went to bed.

I feel absolutely terrible about leaving my parents home, as my mother started to cry. My daughter is their first grandchild and they love her a lot.

The reason I escalated the issue to leaving was because my dad can be selfish when it comes understanding how hurtful he gets. I wanted to nip this behaviour in the butt straight away. With my dad, actions speak louder than words. In doing so, I feel absolutely gutted for my mother. My daughter and I were suppose to stay with them for a week or so more. She was bawling when I left and it really hurt having to choose between letting it go and reinforcing a boundary

Was I in the right?! Or did my hormones lead me to over react?

I just had my second baby girl 5 days ago and she is precious. Absolutely precious and I love her so so much. I had a difficult second pregnancy in that I ywas in much more pain and discomfort and chasing around my toddler made me exhausted and at times even depressed.

With my first born, I noticed days into being home that I was grieving my pregnancy. My first was an easy pregnancy but very difficult baby as I adjusted to her high needs as well as just being a mother in general. She’s now 27 months and we have had so many hills and valleys, tears and joy, and I’ve made it through each sleep regression and transition. I look at her now and she’s so big compared to my newborn. I wonder if I have the strength to go through these early years all over again.

That being said I am grieving my second pregnancy now too despite how hard it was. Why does this happen? I wanted her here so badly and I was miserable pregnant, but for some reason I also miss those 9 months. I get used to being pregnant and have just a different connection when they are in utero. I thought it was just a first born thing but I’m finding I’m missing my second pregnancy too.

I also like pregnancy hormones over postpartum hormones. PP hormones are the worst. The sadness, the crying, the anxiety, the “doom” feeling. It sucks. I was in much more control of myself when pregnant.

i just had my 2nd baby 4 weeks ago and i really though my mental health is declining and im experiencing ppd. 90% of the time i have little to no energy nor desire to do things. i often find myself having a hard time falling asleep but when i do wanna sleep,i just take my blood pressure medicine. they make me drowsy. my house is a mess,i haven’t touched my hair since i got from the hospital,my appetite is up and down and sometimes i find myself getting agitated when my 15 month of just cry and cry. shes teething right now so it don’t really bother me but sometimes shes just toooo loud and i have sensitive ears🥲i look and feel horrible🥺i feel like their dad just can do whatever because he games,bet on games and workout whenever he wants and he returns back to work this upcoming sunday. whenever my oldest is crying,sometimes i feel like he just ignores her so ill go and get her and just deal with everything. i know this what comes with being a parent,specially a mom but i just feel myself spiraling. i called things off with him after trying numerous times to make things work just for the sake of my kids but im just tired of everything honestly.it gets to the point where i just zone out and picture myself driving off a cliff or me running away but i just can’t imagine life without my kids and im too scared to even do something like that to myself😭😭😭im crying holding my newborn as i type this because i just feel like my life is so terrible man🥹🥹🥺im not looking for no sympathy,i just have no one to talk to.

Anyone else with PPD feel this way?? I am 7 weeks postpartum and I am feeling hopeless. I feel so disconnected from everything and everyone since probably a week after giving birth. It is such a horrible feeling. It's like I'm present but at the same time I'm not. I have never felt this way before. I am struggling. I did see a psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with PPD. I don't enjoy doing the things I used to, I don't feel like doing anything but yet I force myself to stay active. And even then I still feel the same way. I am terrified I will stay like this forever. I just want to feel normal again.

I am 5 days in to motherhood as a FTM. Things have been going ok overall really. Navigating breastfeeding has been a challenge but I think we are getting the hang of it. Nights have gone ok as well. I am so happy our son is here and I love him so much. He's so cute. Over the last couple days I have noticed I start the day feeling pretty good and in good spirits, but as the day goes on some feelings of doom start to creep in. I just already feel like I miss my freedom a little and I miss my husband so much even though he is in the same room as me. I miss our intimacy and being able to go out and do whatever whenever and we are only 5 days into this thing. I miss our slow evenings at home together and making dinner for us. I miss showering together. I know having a child is the biggest life change someone can go through and it will all just take time to adjust, but in the meantime I just feel sad. I don't think this is full on PPD, but I'm still just navigating coping. Any advice on dealing with such emotions?

I have had depression for years now, I take Lexapro which helped pre-pregnancy. I took it throughout my pregnancy and it helped some but not much. I didn’t want to up my dose because I already felt guilt taking medication pregnant. The first week after she was born felt okay. Just getting used to being a FTM and recovering from my c section still. Then it just hit, my depression worsened it felt like overnight. Suicidal thoughts flood my mind but I don’t think I’d ever admit that to someone besides here. I love my baby so much, but she’s the only thing I care about. My boyfriend has been so helpful and caring but I can’t help but slightly hate him. Everytime I talk to him now I just argue with him and that’s not usual for us. I don’t even let him take my baby and walk away from where I’m at. I’m having such a hard time letting anyone hold her or near her even. Is that related to PPD? Or maybe just because I’m a FTM. He has a son that he sees part time here and every little noise he makes instantly sets me off. I try to really remind myself to not be upset over bumps and noise but then I feel like I have less help from my bf because his son is autistic and requires so much attention. I asked my doctor to up my Lexapro dose and she did, but she wants a video visit now and I’m afraid I’ll just cry on the video. I just can’t stop crying and just having these thoughts. Is there anyone who can relate to the rage and clinging to their baby? I’m just really mentally struggling rn. Ugh.

I saw my PCP today thinking I'd just get a prescription for the PPD, but based on my questionnaire answers she sent me to the ER right away. Anyone who has also gone to the hospital for PPD, what should I expect? No plans for self harm, just thoughts. I am so upset that this is happening and I am nervous and sad to be away from my baby (I didn't want her or my husband to come with me due to the risk of her picking up a transmissible illness in the ER).

I have a question about the terminology of ppd. I understand that depression can be caused by hormonal or brain chemical imbalances and also by situational factors. Obviously it's good and necessary to have the terminology and diagnosis of ppd, but I wonder if it obscures to an extent the possibility thst being a new mother in (american) society today is so unsupported and isolating that it makes people depressed. I feel like by pathologizing it in psych/medical terminology it often is perceived as internal to the person suffering it but undoubtedly as with all depression there are also cases where it's just caused by the situation. Does this make sense and has anyone ever thought abt this?

I have such a full wonderful life with amazing friends, family and husband but I find myself often feeling so alone. This feeling is really awful. Does anyone else deal with this? I have a best friend that is a mom but everything with her is SO NEGATIVE I can’t talk to her about mom things anymore. She’s the only other mom I have that I actually hang out with others are just barely friends and it’s been hard to connect.

I found this post so helpful when I was deciding whether or not to take medication for my postpartum depression, I wanted to add my own experience so other folks looking for help have more information.

TL;DR this medication saved me. I feel like myself again, and the side effects were tolerable. I will shout its praise from the rooftops

Background

I gave birth in September. FTM, mid 30s, I had an easy pregnancy. I've had several bouts of depression over the course of my life and struggle greatly with anxiety. I have always been resistant to taking SSRIs due to a bad experience with Zoloft years ago and being impatient with how long they take to work if you respond badly to one.

I had a rough birth and the first few weeks of postpartum were mostly survival mode, but I started feeling the old ugly feelings of depression getting stronger and stronger around week 4. Absolute feelings of failure, crying a lot, just unable to feel any joy. Feeling way too overwhelmed, weeping when I would look at my beautiful daughter because I felt like I was failing her. Failing at everything . Along with strong feelings of self harm which really scared me because I've never had that before. I got flagged by the depression screen at my 6 week appointment and my doctor suggested Zurzuvae. I was intrigued by the short dosage timeframe (you only have to take it for 14 days) and went and did all my internet research on it. I decided to try to get it.

My insuranced needed a prior authorization, but the process all happened behind the scenes. My regular pharmacy couldn't fill the order so they sent it to a specialty pharmacy. The sticker cost was $16k!!! My copay would have been $60, but the pharmacy was able to apply a manufacturer coupon and it cost me $0.

Administration and side effects

You have to take it at night (my doctor said it was fine to take with dinner like 6-7pm but be prepared to zonk out after, more on that later) and with a lot of fat in a 400+ calorie meal so it absorbs properly. I found this easy to do! I would rotate through some mixture of the following if my dinner wasn't fatty enough: avocado toast, a couple hard boiled eggs and strips of bacon, or a couple spoons of peanut butter and a slice of cheese, a serving of cashews... "girl dinner". I usually took it around 8pm.

It made me SUPER drowsy the first few nights. Like I would fall asleep on the couch within 30-1hr of taking it. For the rest of the course of medication I found I could take it a little earlier in the evening and it didn't affect my sleep at all. It made me sleep SUPER deeply regardless. My husband does overnight baby duty and good thing - I literally would barely wake up to the baby. (I do think if she cried loud enough I would have but it was crazy how hard it was to rouse me). I am lucky to have an incredible partner who was able to support me and allow me to get deep sleep every night so I could focus on healing my mind.

The morning grogginess was a whole other level. It was beyond grogginess. I was very wobbly and felt drunk most mornings - especially if my sleep was disrupted. If you've ever taken a Benadryl and stayed up afterwards, it felt like that. They are serious about not driving within 12 hours of taking it and I would wholeheartedly echo that recommendation, your reaction time is very off. I also had a weird side effect where my grip felt really weak in the mornings? Like it was hard to grasp things and I was kinda trembly. That went away after an hour or so every morning, and has not persisted since I stopped the medication. I was able to care normally for the baby during the day.

Did it actually work?

YES!!!! By day 2 I already felt it working. I literally felt my spirits lifting day by day. I stopped weeping. I started smiling. By day 4-5 that hateful voice in my head was already silenced, I started speaking to myself with more compassion and feeling like things were funny again. It felt like I was emerging from a deep, black pit and could see the sunlight again. By day 10 I remember distinctly thinking "Wow, I feel so HAPPY" and realizing I hadn't felt that in weeks. The best way to describe it ultimately is I FELT LIKE MYSELF AGAIN. It felt like it was a different person talking to me in the mirror every day while I was in the grips of postpartum depression and now I feel completely back to myself.

Breast milk

I was pumping at the time and ultimately decided to continue feeding my baby milk (we supplement 50/50 with formula). The studies on how much pass into breastmilk and what the effects may be are limited, but my pediatrician said she was comfortable with it and I trust her opinion. No effects noticed on baby, she is happy as can be and eating and sleeping well. I personally believed the benefits of continuing to give her breastmilk outweighed the unknown risks, and I was reassured by my pediatrician's response. I saw no effect on my milk supply negative or positive, but I was able to relax more and stop stressing / spiraling about pumping so much (iykyk).

Other thoughts

Other than the morning grogs, I had no other side effects and the benefits were immense. I will say it hasn't helped much with the anxiety side of things, I am still working through that. My doc warned it might not, so I was not surprised. I am doing talk therapy and starting on Buspar. But I would recommend this to anyone who is struggling with depression, I could not believe how well it worked and I am so thankful my doc recommended it.

I am curious to see how long the effects last (It's only been a few days since I stopped taking it). I can do an update post in a couple weeks if anybody is interested. Let me know if you have any questions, happy to share more.

I know the title sounds bad, and honestly it kind of is. I’m 3 month postpartum, and anxiety and depression have really set in within the last month. I’ve been dealing with postpartum rage as well that has been going on since 4 weeks postpartum. I am on medication and I am in therapy… just trying to be proactive since I have a history of mental illness and severe ppd from my first (5yo).

The past two months have been HARD. But it’s not from the newborn… she’s been a dream baby. She’s been so easy! It’s my 5yo. It seems like everything she does just gets on my nerves. She is rude and sometimes mean. She’s been extra needy, too, which I get she’s a little kid and used to being an only child but it’s the whining I cannot stand. I get so worked up, like my body gets tense, I get filled with rage and it’s like I actually feel my blood pressure rise. I remind myself that she’s not annoying, I’m just annoyed…. But no. She’s annoying and there are times I cannot stand her. Im sick of hearing “mom” and “mama” every 30 fucking seconds. I feel so awful about it and I’m trying to work through it. I love her more than anything, but now I’m finding it hard to balance the baby and her at the same. I snap at times, but I’m working on coping mechanisms to control it, but I always apologize when I do. I try to turn it into a teaching moment and it also helps me to talk through it with her, but now she’s calling me a bad mom. It hurts my heart and a lot of times I feel like I am. Maybe I’m not cut out to be a mom.

I dread picking her up from school every single day because it’s just the baby, her, and me for at least 3 hours until my husband gets home. I love her smile and how excited she gets when she sees me in car line, but then we get home and it’s like she purposely pushes all of my buttons and tries to make me mad. She thinks it’s hilarious. I will ask her what she wants for snack, something to drink, what she wants to do, but she never wants anything until I sit down to nurse the baby and now I’m stuck. I tell her she has to wait because I already asked her at least 3 times, but then she will throw a tantrum. Some days are really good, but others make me want to drive away and not come back. I love her soooooooo much, but why can’t I stand her a lot of the time?

Will be starting this medication tonight for PPD. 6 weeks postpartum and just not feeling any joy with caring for my baby or living life. Dr strongly recommended this medicatioon which was difficult to get. Insurance did not approve it at 1st, it needed a prior authorization. It took a couple weeks for all that to come together but it's being delivered today. After everything I've read, a little nervous to start. The fall risk is what scares me. Just wondering for anyone else who's been on this, how it was for you?

I found out I was pregnant when I missed my period by 3 days, i have endometriosis and havnt been on birth control in 7 years and have never had a scare untill I fell pregnant, I immediately was panicked and wanted to terminate the pregnancy, I’ve never wanted kids and I still stand by that statement, I don’t want children.

I took a pregnancy test on October 30th, my period was 3 days late, it was positive so on the 31st I called my GP and got referred to a woman’s clinic, I set up an appointment for an ultrasound with plans to terminate the pregnancy the following week (Nov 7th was my appointment date), on nov 5th I had light spotting that continued into period like flow untill my appointment. At the ultrasound, the doctor said she saw a lot of blood and clotting and presumed I was miscarrying. Later that evening I had heavy bleeding and was passing large clots, by Nov 10th I had stopped bleeding I then had a follow up exam on Nov 14th and they said my cervix had gone back to regular size and they had deemed it an early miscarriage. I had a negative pregnancy test on Nov 11th

It’s now Nov 26th and I’m still so emotional, I’m depressed, I’m distraught, I was watching a show last week and character in the show said “you are going to be an amazing mother” and I lost it, hysterically crying, I have mood swings, I will stare at the wall for hours after I get out of the shower, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I didn’t want this pregnancy, I didn’t want a child so why am I feeling like this? I’m also upset that it wasn’t really my choice, like I didn’t want the pregnancy so I should be happy I miscarried? But I’m not I’m so lost. My husband has been an amazing supporter for me but he’s having trouble understanding my feelings because ultimately we didn’t want this. We are both on the same page of not wanting children and he’s even on the waitlist for a vasectomy, we had talked about getting one in the past but we both assumed I couldn’t get pregnant because of my endo. I just feel so lost right now. I’m 25F and my partner is 29M

I am not sure what’s wrong with me. I am a first time mom and whenever my baby cries or she doesn’t listen or just I simply don’t know what she wants it overwhelms me and sorta over stimulates me to the point where I want to lose my shit and I just hand her over to my partner or my mother. I hate that feeling. I am the only child so I never had to deal with sibling crying all the time or any noise in the house which makes me wonder if it’s just a feeling I am not used to (my baby crying). I try to be patient but i sometimes can’t and rather have someone else deal with it. Is there any ways you guys have found that have helped you? I want to be better for my baby and be able to have patience with her and be there for her.

4 weeks PP, and I still haven't fully processed my birth - it wasn't the most traumatic in comparison, but I feel robbed and grieving the fact I didn't get a natural birth, or be able to hold my son properly after he was delivered because I was on the operating table and had tremors afterwards and couldn't hold him without support. I have no concerns or issues about bonding, I am absolutely smitten with my baby boy.

As I move forward, I am now already thinking about when I have to go back to work in March 2025 and put him into care, though I am able to work part time and flexible, I am already grieving about what I will miss since he will be in care. Every single thing he does now, makes my heart swell and I just am mesmerised by him.

Does it ever get any easier?